Women of Lawrence Film - Winter 2020 by KS Women's Lifestyle

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January 2020

Writers MANAGING EDITOR Ann Niccum

SHANNON CARRIGER Poet / Teacher / Word-Nerd

LONITA COOK Film Critic

DESIGNER / ART DIRECTOR Stephen Rau DIRECTOR OF PHOTOGRAPHY Trenton Bush CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Shannon Carriger Lonita Cook Julie Dunlap Tracey English Cathy Hamilton Sharita Hutton Heather Perry Sydney Shrimpton Megan Stuke

JULIE DUNLAP

TRACEY ENGLISH

CATHY HAMILTON

SHARITA HUTTON

HEATHER PERRY

SYDNEY SHRIMPTON

Storyteller

Old Journalist / New Grandma

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SOCIAL MEDIA Christy Little Schock EMAIL COMMENTS TO editor@LWomensLifestyle.com ADVERTISING INQUIRIES Meredithe McCormick VP of Business Development Meredithe@LWomensLifestyle.com

Fashion Blogger

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SUBSCRIPTIONS LWomensLifestyle.com/subscriptions PUBLISHER Kern Marketing Group L Magazine is published quarterly by the Kern Marketing Group Inc. It is distributed via US Postal Service mail to households in Topeka, Lawrence, Eudora, Baldwin, De Soto, Lenexa and Shawnee, Kansas. All rights reserved. No portion of this magazine may be reprinted or reproduced without written consent from the publisher. Articles and advertisements do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Kern Marketing Group. The Kern Marketing Group does not assume responsibility for statements made by advertisers or editorial contributors. Information in L Magazine is gathered from sources considered to be reliable, but the accuracy of all information cannot be guaranteed.

MEGAN STUKE

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To learn more about our writers, visit LWomensLifestyle.com/writers

INSIDE

JANUARY 2020

10 | On Not Letting Go Channeling Anger Into Something Productive

13 | Deep-Dive into Organizing Who Are You?

16 | Non-Profit Highlight: Positive Bright Start & Lawrence Schools Foundation Sponsored by Edmonds-Duncan

20 | Fat Girl Flow Dismantling New Year’s Resolutions

23 | Movies in Bloom Top Ten Female-Driven Films of the Past Decade

32 | The Chill of Winter is No Match for These Hot Style Tips Fashion Experts Reveal How to Stay Chic in Cold Weather

35 | Just Go! Five Tips for Traveling Abroad with Confidence

50 | Tracey Tries Buti Yoga 58 | The Last Word

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COVER

features 26 | W.O.L.F. Women of Lawrence Film find Creative Camaradarie

38 | DV Domestic Violence: How to Help

44 | Restaurateur Roundtable Dishing About Risks, Multitasking and Shoes

52 | Let’s Talk Podcasting Connects Listeners in a Variety of Ways

Melissa McIntire

Cassie Myers

On Not Letting Go: Channeling Anger Into Something Productive Story by Shannon Carriger Photography by Trenton Bush

Everywhere I look, I’m bombarded with mantras about staying calm. Let it Go. Just Breathe. Keep Calm and Carry On. This time of year, especially, the messaging can be overwhelming. It’s a new year, so it seems like the perfect time to start over. To be more Zen. To follow your bliss. To be less angry. Or maybe not. It’s hard for me to imagine being a less angry person; it’s a core part of who I am. At age 10, fed up with bullying older boys on the way home from school, I hurled the most devastating blow I could think of: a line from “Pretty in Pink.” To paraphrase, I told them they were jerks, and deep down they knew I was right. It wasn’t my first run-in with rage. Two years earlier, in third grade, I’d had to see an anger management counselor for calling my third-grade teacher a bitch. She had an expectation, I hadn’t met it, and I was too young and too angry to know how to handle it. Now, 35 years later, I’m thankful I’ve learned how to take the things that make me angry and turn them into something powerful. In 2014, alongside some amazing students, I co-founded and sponsored a Young Feminists Club at Lawrence High School. We ran an anti-catcalling initiative in our building, partnered with the community to raise awareness about the gender wage gap and teen dating violence, and ran a nationally recognized campaign that brought all people together under the banner of saying No More to

sexual assault and domestic violence. I am angry every day that we have to fight these battles, but I believe my anger can be made into something useful and powerful. Two other women, Melissa McIntire and Cassie Myers, have similar stories. Each found herself confronted with a situation that angered her, and each chose to make something meaningful from that anger. For McIntire, the coordinator of student support services at Gardner Edgerton High School and a former high school counselor, the teen mental health crisis pushed her to create change. “I care about kids,” she told me. “I feel passionate that if we don’t help fix that or help them manage it, then nothing else can move forward for them.” McIntire seeks and works to develop programs to “empower the people who help students” and to “remove the barriers that prohibit us from being able to help our students.” She strives to make sure her district is on the same page as other, larger districts by attending workshops and networking. A partnership she developed with Johnson County Mental Health led to GEHS receiving a grant to pilot the Teen Mental Health First Aid program, making it one of only 35 schools in the country to do so. The program involves mental health professionals teaching sophomores to “recognize signs and symptoms of concern and how to find a trusted adult.” What pushed McIntire toward this issue was the hurt CONTINUED P. 12 »

12 and sadness she felt watching students and staff suffering after her school went through a series of tragedies in a short period of time. At first, all she thought the building could provide was comfort, but then she got angry with herself for thinking there wasn’t more to do. She vowed to keep trying no matter how exhausting or how much it hurts because, for her, the anger isn’t the end of how she felt in the face of this crisis; it was the beginning of real change that will help hundreds of people. Myers saw a similar need in her community. In June of 2019, she co-founded PLUS, an educational and advocacy group for the LGBTQIA+ members in Franklin County, KS. She saw the need for the group in experiences she witnessed and heard about from members of her community. Her own strict religious upbringing, which she rebelled against and has since moved away from, led her to question what life is like for those seen as “unacceptable” by their family or peer groups. PLUS is the first step in creating safe spaces and safe experiences for people who have been marginalized or

ostracized, as she says, “simply for being who they are.” Having worked in human services in some capacity for her whole professional career, Myers was perfectly situated to be a touchstone for PLUS. She’s lived in Franklin County most of her life and recognizes the difficulty of being someone “unwilling to stay silent in the face of oppression.” So far, PLUS has hosted a few small social events, provided safe spaces for LGBTQIA+ members and partnered with members of the community to provide education and resources. Their work is far from over, but the anger she feels at the injustices witnessed isn’t something she feels she should “let go” or tamp down. It’s the heart of her activism, and it’s a powerful reminder there is always work to do. So, this year, as you hear the call to find more peace, I encourage you to instead find a way to give a piece of yourself – the angriest piece – a place to go. Be angry. Be mind-numbingly, tear-jerkingly, movie-quotingly angry. And then, get to work.

Deep-Dive into

Organizing Who Are You? Story by Julie Dunlap

When looking to take the first step in tackling any New Year’s resolution, the best place to start is often at home. “Our (belongings) take up space in our heads, our hearts and our time,” says Kristen Christian, co-founder/owner of Bee Organized, a professional home-organizing service. This subconscious invasion can increase anxiety, making any New Year’s resolution more challenging. To help ring in 2020 with greater focus and clarity, Christian and co-founder/owner Lisa Foley offer the latest buzz on how any queen bee can create order in her own hive. “People think organizing is about containers and fun labels, but it’s not,” Christian explains. “It’s about who you are with your relationship with your stuff.” Over the years, Christian and Foley have identified seven profiles characterizing the different ways people commune with their belongings:

CONTINUED P. 14 »

14 Disorganization decreases efficiency, productivity focus, performance, socializing and the ability to relax and increases stress, guilt, anxiety, shame and depression.

The Space Giver The Space Giver usually puts others before herself, typically contributing her space to other people’s items. The Memory Keeper The Memory Keeper hangs on to sentimental items, often out of fear of losing the memory itself. The Money-Minded The Money-Minded collector will hold on to items due monetary value rather than usefulness. The Just-In-Caser Ever the planner, the Just-In-Caser will store items for yet-to-be-determined events or needs. The Acquirer The Acquirer derives more joy from the thrill of the hunt than the actual possession. The Crammer Jammer Stacker The Crammer Jammer Stacker (CJS) typically has an aesthetically pleasing home, though cabinets and closets are jam-packed. The Dreamer The Dreamer holds on to items that relate more to who she dreams of being in the future than who she is in the present.

New houses in the United States were 61% larger in 2015 than in 1975, despite having fewer people per household on average.

Christian emphasizes that none of these profiles are negative, adding, “We’re all a part of all of them.” After taking the time to determine which profile or profiles they most closely match and the challenges they might present, hive-keepers can more effectively create and manage an organizational system by following two basic rules:

15 #1 Perform the Power Purge When taking stock of items in a room, ask yourself if it currently brings you happiness. For the Space Giver, this might mean letting go of items that only brought happiness to the original owner, while the Acquirer should look at the initial happiness gained from the purchase versus the happiness owning it brings. Dreamers should weigh whether their belongings happily reflect who they are or pressure them to be something they are not. Next ask if the item is useful now or in the near future? Christian and Foley define “future” as a 12-month period, a guideline especially helpful for the Just-In-Caser and the CJS. If an item is going to sit unused, it may be best to sell or donate it now and rent or borrow one down the road, should the need arise. “Store it at the store!,” Christian says. Finally, ask if the item is truly valuable or irreplaceable. The Money-Minded profile may need reminding that keeping an unusable item of monetary value is not the same thing as having the money that was spent on it. The Memory Keeper faced with purging items of sentimental value may want to consider ways to honor a special memory without holding on to physical items. People of every profile can purge more peacefully by asking these questions and remembering their belongings could bring greater happiness, be more useful or generate higher value somewhere else. After completing a thorough purge, it’s time to shift focus to managing the items that stay by following the next rule...

#2 Assign a Home for Everything This is often easier said than done, so to keep your hive humming, Christian and Foley have some quick tips to help you achieve and keep order: • Set an appointment with yourself to organize, and ask for help if you think you will need it. • Think about the “primary real estate” in your space, placing most-used items where you can easily access them. • Put like items together, such as extra supplies, seasonal decor, etc. • Keep everything visible in storage so you know what inventory you have. • Keep your horizontal surfaces – counters, tables and floors – clear of clutter. • Be a ruthless gatekeeper regarding what enters your home. • Keep daily maintenance. • Give yourself grace to be imperfect. “We believe organization is a journey, not a destination,” Christian adds with a smile. Bee Organized has locations serving the Kansas City area as well as San Francisco, Oklahoma City and Dallas. For more information on how their bees can help your own hive or how you can open your own franchise, please visit: www.BeeOrganizedKC. com.

12% of the world’s population lives in North America and Western Europe and accounts for 60% of private consumption spending. 33% of the world’s population lives in Asia and Africa yet accounts for only 3.2% of private consumption spending.

MADE POSSIBLE BY

he Lawrence Schools Foundation provides resources that inspire learning, enrich teaching and enhance opportunities for all students, educators and staff in Lawrence Public Schools. By fostering and enhancing the partnerships between our community and the school district, we can help support educational programs that would otherwise not be funded. We strive to close the gap between budgetary challenges and the needs of our students in an increasingly competitive world. Through the generation and management of gifts, we seek to promote and enhance a strong relationship between our community and the Lawrence Public Schools. The Foundation provides innovative teaching-learning opportunities, recognition of teachers, and development of staff, effective early childCONTINUED P. 18 »

very day, children in our community face challenges that compromise their healthy development and ability to thrive. For more than 40 years, Positive Bright Start has served our youngest, most vulnerable and life-affected children because we believe every child deserves a brighter tomorrow. Positive Bright Start offers preschool facilities, trauma-sensitive mental and behavioral health therapy for children, and resources to support families and child care providers in Douglas County. Critical Community Need • Preschool Positive Bright Start serves 22 children in two preschool classrooms for ages 2½ to kindergarten. We accept children no one else will – children who have been unsuccessful in CONTINUED P. 18 »

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Don Duncan, Pat Brown, Zak Bolick, and Jason Edmunds of Edmonds Duncan visit Kennedy Elementary School

CONTINUED FROM P. 16 »

hood programs and recognition and encouragement of student achievement. Our efforts positively impact every student in the district. We assist in providing equitable school experiences and provide funds to students and families that have the greatest need. Together, our goal is to close achievement gaps and level the playing field in terms of equity for all students both now and well into the future. This project will allow us to take steps to open doors and offer equal academic opportunities to enable all students to reach their potential and positively impact our community. We want students to be prepared to learn, so they can grow and develop into responsible productive citizens. We hope that by providing the resources for students to be successful, they will have the tools to build the next generation of leaders in this community. Last year, your donations, in-kind gifts and volunteer service through the Lawrence Schools Foundation and

Lawrence Education Achievement Partners (LEAP) enabled us to provide more than $1.5 Million in direct support for academics, technology, athletics, arts and other student, staff and school needs. Upcoming Events: The Lawrence Schools Foundation and Lied Center of Kansas are proud to announce the fourth annual district-wide talent show for middle and high school students at 7 p.m. Sunday, February 9. Past events have included dancers, contortionists, trapeze artists, instrumentalists, singers and more. Students participating in Ovation! are selected through an audition process and will share their amazing talents on the main stage of the Lied Center with full production. Ovation! proceeds benefit the Lawrence Schools Foundation and help support our students, educators and classrooms within Lawrence Public Schools.

CONTINUED FROM P. 16 »

other child care centers due to challenging behavior. Research shows preschool children are expelled three times more often than children in kindergarten through grade 12. Children who fail elsewhere thrive at PBS because our teachers are trained to integrate early childhood education with social-emotional skill development. Since opening our preschool classrooms, the first in 2014, the second in 2017, Positive Bright Start has served 13 children who were expelled from other programs. In just the past six months, we accepted five such children – nearly a quarter of current enrollment. Both preschool classrooms are currently full, with waiting lists. The number of children referred to Positive Bright Start hints at the magnitude of the community’s need for the proactive, integrated, trauma-sensitive practices we offer . • Therapy Positive Bright Start provides therapeutic services to young children and their families using a holistic, family-centered approach. Our Play Therapists specialize in

working with children birth to age six. Our Family Advocate provides support, parenting education and advocacy to parents and caregivers of young children. Most of our clients have experienced some kind of trauma. We provide therapy to about 30 children and their families at a time, approximately 100 per year. That number drastically underrepresents the community need. Nationally, one in four children suffers a traumatic experience by age four. This statistic indicates there are at least 2,140 children in Douglas County who have had at least one traumatic experience in their young lives. These experiences do not occur in isolation and are usually grouped. Traumatic experiences have a lifelong impact on a person’s physical, mental and social health. Positive Bright Start is a 2020 St. Patrick’s Day Parade recipient. You can support Positive Bright Start by attending and supporting the St. Patrick’s Day events. Lawrencestpatricksdayparade.com

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Fat Girl Flow Dismantling New Year’s Resolutions Story by Heather Perry Photography by Trenton Bush

With a flurry of confetti and the drop of a glorified disco ball, society’s obsession with perfection starts over for another year. About half of Americans torment themselves each January by setting objectives that, according to a University of Scranton study, only 8 percent of people accomplish for a prolonged period of time. Logic begs the question: Why are New Year’s resolutions still a thing? Lawrence blogger Corissa Enneking has a theory: “It’s keeping industries alive.” The entrepreneur behind the website Fat Girl Flow has appeared in national publications Huffington Post, Cosmopolitan and The Daily Mail because of her willingness to talk about issues that are underrepresented in society. “We know that diets don’t work, and yet people continue to do them, and the reason is because it’s making someone money,” she says. With $30 billion in annual revenue, it’s no doubt the U.S. fitness industry profits off of insecurities. And with 210,000 Instagram followers and 75,000 YouTube subscribers, Enneking is a sought-out ambassador for promoting fitness products in the new year, even though she never aspired to be a style influencer. “The truth is, I’m not that fashionable,” she claims. “My blog is a resource specifically for plus-sized people to figure out where to shop because those resources are so limited.”

Enneking uses the idea of body representation to challenge societal norms. She has openly discussed her struggle and treatment with disordered eating and encourages others to ask questions like: Why do we moralize health? and Why does being healthy make us a good or bad person? “There’s still this idea that you can be fat until, or you can be this until,” she explains. “What I really want to focus on is looking at the power structures and the dynamics of why we think those things and dismantle those from the inside out.” The notion that a seemingly simple New Year’s resolution centered on health is rooted in oppression can be a tough concept to grasp, but the reality is that diet culture has proved to be damaging. A survey conducted by SELF magazine and the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill found that 75 percent of American women reported they eat, think and behave abnormally around food. Actions ranged from purging to taking laxatives to habits that many women consider normal – like skipping meals and avoiding carbs. With entire industries eager to capitalize on our collective self-hate, how do we take back autonomy? Enneking suggests turning the channel. “It is so easy to compare ourselves to people,” she says. “Changing your media so that you see people who are different from CONTINUED P. 22 »

Corissa Enneking

22 you and seeing people who have bodies that maybe you haven’t seen as ideal most of your life ... that’s a really good place to start.” Society also drops the ball on self-love in January. You’ve seen it in your news feeds, on Pinterest boards and in all the hashtags. The concept of loving yourself is its own profitable business – featuring product lines of books and T-shirts stamped with inspirational quotes in similar cursive fonts. The overarching idea that loving yourself is the final destination before achieving happiness can be a harmful aspiration. As Enneking says, “It’s really just a new way of telling women that they’re not doing enough.” Enneking asserts that you cannot love yourself simply by stating that you do, or even by starting with yourself. She says that to learn how to love yourself, you must first question your beliefs about other people. This can be an uncomfortable thing to do. You’re going against manufactured ideas backed by millions of dollars in advertising and merchandise. You’re going against friends, family,

influencers and that damaging little voice in your head scolding you to just be better. But if you can grasp onto the idea that change can be made at any time of year, without added pressure, it has the potential to last. “Ultimately our culture around this New Year thing has to change,” Enneking says. “If there’s something you care that much about and it’s within your values, you’re going to work on it throughout the year.” To discover more about Corissa Enneking, visit FatGirlFlow.com. There, she details her journey “to unlearn a lot of bullshit” that society has taught her about her body. She writes, “My purpose is not to ask for acceptance, it’s not to sit around and hope that people will see me as someone worthy of a voice. I know my worth, and I know the worth of other’s. My purpose is to celebrate our lives and our bodies as we are right now. Without caveats, without explanation. I am a perfect expression of myself in this moment, and so are you.”

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Movies in Bloom Top Ten Female-Driven Films of the Past Decade Story by Lonita Cook

“Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that makes flowers grow, not thunder.” This is the remarkable precis that enlivens “The Breadwinner.” A woman-helmed animated feature, "The Breadwinner" positions storytelling as the life force fueling endurance, unity and movement. This last decade has been devoted to a blossoming gender-equal film industry that emphasizes pay parity and creative inclusivity. As we move into the dawn of a new decade, L Women’s Lifestyle shuffles through the garden of sturdy, sharp and vital silver-screen stories led by women. We’ve plucked just a few to illuminate an innovated and ever-evolving artistic landscape.

10. Lady Bird | Directed by Greta Gerwig (2017) “Lady Bird” brings Saoirse Ronan’s young career squarely into a mature limelight in this quirky coming-to-self, mother/daughter tugo-war tale. 9. Pitch Perfect | Directed by Jason Moore (2012) This irreverent lady ensemble has something “Bridesmaids” doesn’t. Tunes! Stars Anna Kendrick, Rebel Wilson and Brittany Snow cluster a struggling a capella team together and turn rocky college experiences into showstoppers for this band of misfit rabbles. 8. A Quiet Place | Directed by John Krasinski (2018) Aliens don’t trek in for intergalactic companionship like in “Arrival.” These beasts devour human meats, striking at the speed of sound. “A Quiet Place” stars the indelible Emily Blunt and newcomer Millicent Simmonds in this tale of a family trapped in a terrible, tense and deafening silence. CONTINUED P. 24 »

7. Always Be My Maybe | Directed by Nahnatchka Khan (2019) Superstar comic Ali Wong brings those killer yarns to slay in “Always Be My Maybe.” Wong’s Sasha Tran is a restauranteur living the fantasy: the expanding business, the hunky husband-to-be and a wardrobe to die for. Until she loses it all. “Always Be My Maybe” isn’t your everyday romantic comedy, but rather a soulful and hilarious nod to going home. 6. The Breadwinner | Directed by Nora Twomey (2017) Disney’s got the lock on gutsy girls living animated lives like the beloved Elsa and Anna in “Frozen.” But there is no girl more etched in courage than Parvana in “The Breadwinner.” After her wounded father is imprisoned for refusing to join the Taliban, 11-year old Parvana (voiced by Saara Chaudry) must ensure the safety of her family, an act of defiance and danger for a girl who only tastes freedom when posing as a boy. With striking animation, Twomey delivers a handsomely colored tome de-shrouding those who are meant to remain invisible.

5. Pariah | Directed by Dee Rees (2011) Adepero Aduye surrenders in this arresting performance as a lesbian high schooler named Alike. Under the pressure of bickering parents and moments of desire, Alike finds the sweetness of self-actualization and turns it to poetry. 4. Abominable | Directed by Jill Culton and Todd Wilderman (2019) When drowning in the loss of her father, Yi (voiced by Chloe Bennet) finds herself journeying to return a Yeti to his home. On this adventure she learns that even when it seems the whole world is conspiring against her, there is something so grand and beautiful conspiring on her behalf. 3. Girls Trip | Directed by Malcolm D Lee (2017) Regina Hall, Queen Latifah, Jada Pinkett-Smith and the breakout Tiffany Haddish deliver the party of the year. The Flossy Posse gets down on this trip. But only after addressing the ways career, marriage and fame have compromised their bond in this ode to true friendship.

“Girls Trip” / Universal Pictures

“Abominable” / Universal Pictures

“The Breadwinner” / Studio Canal

2. The Favourite | Directed by Yorgos Lanthimos (2018) Olivia Colman wins the Academy Award for her role as Queen Anne. She leads an assemblage of dark characters in this biting period comedy. Look for history, usurping, bunnies, romance, more Oscar-worthy performances and ambition. Murderous ambition. 1. Wonder Woman | Directed by Patty Jenkins (2017) Shk, shk. That is the infamous chime of Diana, Princess of Themyscira deflecting gunfire with her golden, god-possessed arm cuffs. In this long-awaited adaption, the baton is effectively passed from Lynda Carter to Gal Gadot. She seamlessly embodies the heroine who is strikingly gorgeous, extraordinarily heart-pure and, yet, so vicious in battle. Girl-power is not Wonder Woman’s draw. Man’s greed pushes us to the hilt of destruction. We deserve Diana’s wrath, but in its place find her compassion. Wonder Woman has the ability and temptation to destroy us. But because she believes so innocently in man’s good, she defends us instead. This movie stands as a reminder that even in these times that are so violent, so polarizing and feel like we are lost to self-ruin, love can save us. Love can save us.

“Wonder Woman” / Warner Bros. Entertainment

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Women of Lawrence Film Find Creative Camaraderie Story by Julie Dunlap Photography by Trenton Bush

Meet the founding Women of Lawrence Flim:

Laura Kirk

Marlo Angell

Christie Dobson

Misti Boland

• KU department of theatre

• founder, director of the

• Drama therapist, doctoral

• RedBirdSeries.com

Free State Film Festival

student in special educa-

• SquareRootSeries.com

tion at KU

• writer, director

and dance assistant teaching professor • KU faculty advisor, screenplay and improv

• Lawrence Arts Center director of new media

• actor, singer, filmmaker

• writer, director, producer

• actor, producer, writer Notable Mentors:

Notable Inspirations:

Notable Inspiration:

Notable Inspiration-

Mira Sorvino & Dolly Hall

Agnes Varda & Ida Lupino

Dr. Rosemarie Trujillo

Turned-Mentor: Laura Kirk

CONTINUED P. 28 »

awrence may not have a 45-foot-tall, white-lettered sign beaming over the Kaw Valley, but the magic of Hollywood is alive and well during a crisp autumn day on the playground of Cordley Elementary School as local filmmaker Nicole Hodges Persley directs a scene for her upcoming film “Untitled.” Actors hold their positions while crew members work to harness the ever-moving sun and minimize the ever-blowing wind in an effort to capture the perfect shot. Hodges Persley reassures the waiting cast, “These artists are working to make you beautiful.”

To any Midwestern art lover, this thoughtfully choreographed slice of filmmaking 1,500 miles away from the Big Six major motion picture studios is beautiful indeed. And that snap of the clapboard and roll of the tape – er, high-tech digital cameras – are thanks, in large part, to the vision and dedication of Marlo Angell, Misti Boland, Christie Dobson and Laura Kirk, co-founders of Women Of Lawrence Film (WOLF). This local mentoring organization for female filmmakers has a mission of collaborating, supporting and educating women in the art and craft of filmmaking.

TOP MIDDLE PHOTO: Nicole Hodges Persley, left, directs a student actor while Christie Dobson observes.

Angell, Boland, Dobson and Kirk – all longtime film industry professionals with a wide variety of experiences in all parts of the country – founded WOLF in 2012, shortly after wrapping up their work on KU film and media studies professor and Academy Award winner Kevin Willmott’s film “Jayhawkers” (2013). The four women were attending a summer barbeque when their conversation about film production revealed a shared experience. “We all often found ourselves as the only females on a production team,” Boland says. Though they all agreed they usually felt well-supported by their male co-workers, they also felt this lack of women working on film productions left a gap in the production process that limited the fullness of storytelling. “We saw national trends where women weren’t represented behind the camera and stories on screen,” Angell recalls, “and we thought a good way to make a difference is to start groundwork at stage one and do the work on the local level to try to boost production.” According to the Motion Picture Association of America, women account for 51 percent of moviegoers. However, San Diego State University’s Center for the Study of Women in Television and Film found that women only account for eight percent of directors, four percent of cinematographers, 26 percent of producers and 16 percent of editors for the top 250 grossing films of 2018. The motion picture industry in the United States wasn’t always male-dominated. Kirk, an assistant teaching

professor with the University of Kansas department of theatre and dance and an accomplished actor, writer and producer, notes that early filmmaking, especially during the silent film era, saw a much higher number of females. “In the 1920s, it was 50 percent female directors,” Kirk says. During this period, independent studios used to solicit story ideas from women, advertising on the backs of canned goods. “You might see a label on a can of peas saying, ‘Do you have a great idea for a movie? Send in your idea, and your movie will get made,’” she says, laughing. Kirk, who researched and contributed to the historical book “When Women Wrote Hollywood,” shares that women were also enlisted for technical jobs. She says, “Women were thought of as editors because that was cutting and sewing; typing was writing.” All of that changed as large movie studios began to grow and the balance of power shifted, leading to a maleheavy industry. “People tend to help their friends,” she explains. “So if all the people in power are a certain demographic, then that demographic will continue.” It is this exact phenomenon of helping out one’s friends which once pushed women away from careers in the film industry that inspired Angell, Boland, Dobson and Kirk to engage females back to pursuing them. CONTINUED P. 30 »

30 Shortly after that fateful summer barbeque, and with the mission to collaborate, support and educate at the forefront of their minds, the WOLF founders went straight to work on their first project. “Threads,” a short film featuring several stories woven together to tell one complete tale, played at the 2013 Free State Film Festival. Each founding member mentored women in front of, behind and away from the camera to create her own segment in the film. The short film not only had a successful showing but fulfilled WOLF’s mission as well, fueling momentum for the future. Over the next six years, WOLF mentored women of all ages through work on projects ranging from short films to fulllength feature films. It helped produce Jennifer Nelson’s fulllength feature film “What We’ve Become” (2016), Angell’s short film “The Wishing Bench” (2019) and Hodges Persley’s upcoming “Untitled.” “They made all the difference for me,” Hodges Persley says. “Untitled” is written by Hodges Persley’s frequent collaborator and co-worker at KC MeltingPot Theatre, Lewis J. Morrow. Hodges Persley, who also serves as a professor with the KU Theater Department, pitched the idea for the screenplay to Morrow after directing his stage play, “Ain’t No Such Thing as Midnight Black,” in Kansas City. “He is a gifted writer who writes from an intersectional standpoint,” she says. The moving film follows a young African American girl in an ethnically and gender diverse classroom dealing with the aftermath of a fight at school, telling a broader

story along the way. After Morrow completed the screenplay, Hodges Persley asked Dobson if WOLF would be willing to assist with the production. Without hesitation, Dobson not only agreed but enlisted Angell’s help as well, providing Hodges Persley with a network of resources to shoot within her limited budget. “The magic of that set (at the Cordley playground) is the reach and perspective Christie (Dobson) has,” Hodges Persley reveals. She is quick to note that Angell’s full trust in Dobson’s judgement is key to WOLF’s success, adding, “to me, that’s how dreams are made.” “What We’ve Become” writer and director Jennifer Nelson agrees. “I was fortunate enough to work with a small, supportive group of wonderful local people like Christie (Dobson) and (local film production company) Through a Glass, who believed in the script. And because of this, I was able to call most, if not all of the shots while holding creative control,” Nelson says. “I am really lucky that I had the chance to do my first film the way I did with that wonderful group of people.” Supporting local female film professionals is a vital arm and ultimate goal of WOLF’s mission, but the four founders also know this objective cannot be met or sustained without a deep degree of cultivation. “You can’t just hire someone because they’re female,” Kirk explains. “They have to be able to do the job.” The WOLF founders and members work to fill this need from the ground up, mentoring aspiring filmmakers at every phase of the projects they take on and helping them spread their wings as they build their careers both locally and nationally. Between the four founders, they have guided, supported and trained dozens of young women who continue to work in film all over the country including local high school students, KU the-

ater and film students, and those who have simply come to Lawrence with a passion for the arts. “Women often need a little more encouragement to put their foot in the water,” Boland explains, noting that many times she was the only woman in her film production classes at KU. “You’ve got to start young and get them experience,” Kirk adds. “I think it’s our job as mentors, educators, to seek them out.” This dedication to outreach and training is already making a difference. “Laura has really changed the local film industry,” Angell says. “Her students know what they are doing (and) how to present themselves.” Former WOLF mentees now work coast to coast and everywhere in between, with the founders and members all lending ongoing national networking and professional opportunities. “I try to connect people when I go to New York and L.A., even to just keep saying, ‘Hang in there. Keep going,’” Kirk says. While the primary focus is on engaging and training females, WOLF enthusiastically mentors all underrepresented voices and men as well, under the philosophy that collaborative allies elevate the craft of storytelling. Boland, a graduate of the KU department of film and media studies, gives special credit to Willmott and his fellow film and media studies professor Matt Jacobson for fostering this same inclusive environment for all students

and in all projects, adding, “They are so supportive of everybody, regardless of who they are, and are very open to collaborating with the cast and production team.” “(Willmott) is a huge force for productivity and helping each other out,” Dobson agrees, remarking at how smoothly this kind of environment cultivates well-trained professionals. “He’s shown us the way in so many respects. You jump in and you learn.” “One thing unique to the Lawrence community: There is no competition,” Angell says of the cooperative nature of these area creators. Hodges Persley agrees, saying, “As a woman, I can do more here than I could do in 15 years in Los Angeles. I went into directing because I am a smart woman who loves creating beautiful things, and I didn’t want to wait for other people’s permission to do it.” As dedicated as the members of WOLF are to their mission, they are quick to credit the people of Lawrence with their success. “We make movies here,” Dobson says, “and this town supports the effort. That’s just how Lawrence is.” For more information about WOLF, including information about their monthly meetings, visit www.WomenOfLawrenceFilm.com or connect on Facebook @WomenOfLawrenceFilm For more information about Nicole Hodges Persley and her upcoming film, visit: www.HodgesPersley.com.

THE CHILL OF WINTER

IS NO MATCH FOR THESE

HOT STYLE TIPS.

Fashion experts reveal how to stay chic in cold weather Story by Heather Perry Photography by Trenton Bush

Dull winter weather can result in some bleh-worthy outfits. But instead of leaving the house in your comforter, take note of these style tips from boutique owners who know how to brighten up a look! Eccentricity | 716 Massachusetts St., Lawrence At Eccentricity, Morgan Fellers strives to sell items that are unique from what you can find online. She says a popular trend in the sweater section centers around the bold colors of the 1980s and suggests mixing patterns and prints to keep an outfit fresh. Fellers proposes statement earrings to give your look an edge. Because all of Eccentricity’s earrings are priced at $16, the add-on doesn’t have to break the bank. “If what I’m wearing makes me happy, I feel like that’s brightening my day,” Fellers says. Twill Trade | 704 Main St., Eudora Twill Trade is a hidden gem in Eudora that carries a variety of eclectic fashion items for women and children. Boutique owner Elizabeth Knispel says that it’s important to avoid the “black and gray rut” in winter by adding textures, vibrant colors and metallics so that you shine brightly in gloomy weather. “Don’t forget the accessories,” she adds. “You can take a classic black top or a turtleneck and turn it into something really fun with a hair barrette.” KB & Co | 825 Massachusetts St. Suite A, Lawrence Kristie Bowen from KB & Co says adding a touch of sparkle can invigorate a winter look. Her collective boutique of 15 individual shops is the exclusive Lawrence carrier of Kendra Scott, which makes for an array of accessories to consider. Bowen suggests layering jewels like you would with clothes. “I love oversized jackets that can be accessorized different ways with different looks,” she says. “Go from dressy over a great jumpsuit or take it over distressed jeans to intermingle those styles.”

When you’re kind of feeling drab, just put on that bold lip color or go a little brighter with your blush,” says Morgan Fellers, owner of Eccentricity. “Have fun with your eyeshadows. Those rose golds are really big right now, so doing a little bit of that on the eyes just makes them pop.”

33 KB & Co founder Kristie Bowen describes the “red hot” jumpsuit that model Lexee Cruz is wearing as the perfect date look for Valentine’s Day. “We layered the jackets,” she says. “One of them being the animal print and the more basic neutral fur jacket that’s very trendy right now.”

“I love the textures of tweed,” says Elizabeth Knispel, owner of Twill Trade, about a winter look that model Carlee Norris is wearing. “Sequin is fun because it has a texture and a shiny little bling to it.”

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Just Go!

Five tips for traveling abroad with confidence Story by Sydney Shrimpton

We make up too many excuses when it comes to traveling. “I’d love to, I just don’t have the time.” “No, I really can’t. I’m saving for a new car." “I don't even have a passport." The excuses range from passable to extraordinary. The one thing they have in common is they lead you further and further from your dreams of travel. Whether you’re committed to travel and don’t know where to begin or you’re too scared to let the dream materialize, we’ve compiled a list to help get you on the road to becoming a well-traveled, frequent flier. These tips come from Melissa Stallbaumer, who is a seasoned-traveler and has nearly perfected her travel routine.

1. Do your research All too often, travel seems inaccessible and mysterious. Understanding cultural customs and making expectations to match can often lead to concrete plans. Before her trip to Thailand, Stallbaumer made sure to research the pitfalls tourists often fall into, such as negotiations with the cab drivers. “I had heard things like the locals trying to rip off foreigners … anywhere we went, my phone was essential because I would Google how far it was to this next place. When we would meet with the taxi driver, you would have to negotiate the price before we even started the trip,” she says. Traveling takes much trial and error, so learn from others’ mistakes and read up on the country’s nuances. CONTINUED P. 36 »

Melissa Stallbaumer

36 2. Set a goal and make a plan All too often, our dreams of travel never materialize – we keep them vague and unreachable. Instead of daydreaming, make a plan. Decide where you want to go and start watching for plane tickets, while researching different websites to calculate the cost. The plane ticket generally provides the highest cost. To offset this, Stallbaumer recommends checking websites such as Expedia and Kayak. She also highly recommends an airline credit card, which provides free travel miles with credit purchases. “I put away a specific dollar amount based on how many days I want to go and where I’m going – generally, just a dollar amount per paycheck or per month leading up to the trip,” Stallbaumer says. By setting a calculated goal and understanding how much money needs to be set aside, you make your travel dreams that much more obtainable. 3. Stay in hostels Let’s clear this up right now: Hostels are not only for youthful, single travelers, and they are not all the same. They are affordable and convenient. A hostel is sort of like an international dorm room, where travelers can opt to pay for a bed and a bathroom with extremely low prices. “I always go for the ones that have free breakfasts,” Stallbaumer says. Don’t pay more than you need to find a place to stay. Most hostels are clean and comfortable and can be found simply by Googling the area you’re planning on staying in.

4. Pack light You don’t need to take your entire closet on the adventure. “I pack as light as possible. Generally, I don’t do a checked bag. I just carry on with me,” Stallbaumer says. This is where your research comes in because understanding the climate of your destination helps during the packing process. Packing light minimizes your cost and assists in ease of travel. 5. Believe that you can Travel is intimidating. There are plans to be made, costs to be included, research to be had – and that doesn’t even include the whole passport, currency trading and airport process. When you look at it altogether, this might seem unattainable. Just remember, it’s not. “Go for it,” Stallbaumer says. “Don’t waste your time. Save your money; traveling’s worth it.” You don’t need much more than a smartphone, a bit of self-control and a well-defined plan to get you on your way. Resources for travel exist everywhere. There are travel guides and manuals and all kinds of websites that can help you in your quest. For a compiled list of all things related to travel gear, airfare and insurance, check out the Savvy Backpacker’s list of resources at www.thesavvybackpacker.com/ best-online-travel-resources/. There is no better way to quiet those doubting voices than showing yourself that you can travel. Take the initiative to open up worlds of possibilities with just a few simple steps.

In this age of connection, the world is open to you. With technology at your disposal, exploration and travel are even possible from your home. If you’re passionate about different cultures, but aren’t interested in international traveling, check out Karen Dean’s Passport500 community. Dean, originally from Lawrence, founded Passport500 in hopes of forming a supportive, worldwide community. This subscription service sports a philosophy of travel, storytelling and connection. “I started Passport500 because I have a passion for learning about other cultures and travel, and want women around the world to realize that we are all more alike than we are different,” Dean says. “The goal is to meet 500 women around the world, hence, the 500 in the company name.” The team travels to a foreign country every quarter to immerse themselves within the culture. There they gather local items to include in destination boxes, along with the stories of women they’ve met. For a quarterly subscription members receive boxes. “Each box contains full-size, high-quality items crafted or sold by women from the country – and are carefully curated to appeal to subscribers,” Dean says. Destinations so far include Vietnam, Morocco, Ecuador and Australia. This is a phenomenal way to connect with cultures and women all over the world without setting foot in an airport. Their next destination is Kenya, so keep an eye out for news of Passport500’s travels. You can learn more at www.passport500.com.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE:

HOW TO HELP Story by Megan Stuke

It all started three years ago. Rob and Carly met through a mutual friend. He swept her off her feet with his easy smile and protectiveness. She’d needed a little more protecting in life. Her single mom tried hard but was gone a lot. Carly had mostly raised herself, and she’d had a few scrapes with people who didn’t watch out for her safety. Now she was working, going to school, tired and lonely in a town with only a few friends. Rob told her he’d help her finish college. She didn’t need to work so hard. So she moved in, quit her job and focused on school – and on him. Rob was happy when Carly was home. He liked having a person taking care of the place and giving it a “woman’s touch.” He liked it when she cooked and complimented her often. She liked being needed and attended to, so she didn’t notice when her small group of friends started to melt away. The few times she’d gone out with the girls since they got together, he’d texted her frantically while she was gone, worried someone would touch her or hurt her. She chalked it up to his deep love for her, ignoring her friends when they acted annoyed by it. CONTINUED P. 40 »

Carly eventually stopped going to her mother’s for weekends and holidays because Rob said he could tell her mom didn’t like him. “She’s jealous of me,” he’d say. “She wants to be the only person you love.” Her relationship with her mom was on thin ice. Her mom had told her not to let a man have control like this. Her financial life and home depended solely on him. Rob was angry when she told him her mom had encouraged her to have money of her own, or at least access to his bank account. “I take good care of you, don’t I?” He’d rage about injustice and her ungratefulness for all he’d done. “I pay your tuition, but I don’t know why! You don’t need to go to school. I make enough money for us both.” At school, Carly had a few friends. She’d sit with them during breaks and lunch and try to cram study time in between classes. She couldn’t take a full load of courses because she knew once she got home that the books had to be put away so she could spend time with Rob. There was no way she could study enough while she was on campus, so she could only take two or three classes at a time. She felt like she’d never finish college. Her friends couldn’t relate to her life. For them, now was a time for parties, dating around and thinking about a career. Still, they sometimes invited her out, though she rarely went. Once, she admitted to a trusted friend that Rob scared her. “Not all the time,” she’d be quick to say. “But sometimes. He gets so angry. I know it’s just because he’s tired and frustrated.” She said she knew girls had betrayed him before. She understood he had his own damage. She tried to avoid things she knew triggered him. And truly, wasn’t she grateful for all he did for her? Eventually, Carly appeared with some bruises. At this point, she’d been with Rob for more than three years. She was indignant when friends and teachers asked if her boyfriend might have hurt her. “I know he has anger problems, but it’s really not that bad!” The bruises were an accident. It was an isolated event. Really, she said, it had been her fault for pushing so hard about wanting to visit her mom. She could help him. She’d love him harder. Maybe if she had his baby he’d find his gentle side again.

Many people have been at the other end of the line, begging a friend or loved one to leave, to stop seeing someone we know to be abusive, to take control back. Helpers feel hopeless. It’s painful, scary and exhausting to try to help someone who doesn’t seem to really want help. In Carly’s case, her friends answered the phone but still her abuse worsened. She’d call, but didn’t leave him. She didn’t want to contact police or social workers or advocates. Friends grew weary of her calls, frustrated with what they saw as inaction on her part, and began to withdraw. Some gave ultimatums like, “Next time don’t call me unless you are willing to call the police” or “If you don’t leave him I can’t take your calls anymore.” These are the words of folks who are desperate and powerless. They are understandable, but ultimately, they are not helpful. Most of what folks think they know about domestic violence is wrong. Conventional wisdom asks questions like, “Why doesn’t she just leave?” It infers motives like co-dependence or places blame on victims for being provocative to their abusers. However, this kind of thinking ends up leaving victims feeling more isolated, and ultimately leaves them more vulnerable than ever. Here are some ways to help, to support and to intervene skillfully when a friend, neighbor or family member is experiencing domestic violence.

BELIEVE

the victim. It is never helpful to second-guess a person’s story or assume it “takes two to tango.” Victim blaming is very dangerous, as it implies that the victim has some culpability in the violence that is done to her.

UNDERSTAND

domestic violence. • DV is about power and control. It is not about addiction, poverty, genetics, anger management or a love of drama. While we know that substance abuse acts like gas on a fire of interpersonal violence, it is not the cause. The cause is, always, a need for power and control over another person. It is about imposing one’s will upon another. It is about entitlement. Once we understand DV as a system of power and control, we can start to help survivors see that system and begin to find ways to unravel it. • DV is a crime, and it is a community matter. It is not a personal matter between two people. It affects every level of every community. Abusers come from all walks of life, as do victim/survivors. • Not all DV is physical. Verbal, emotional and financial abuse can be equally as devastating. Keeping a survivor emotionally or financially dependent is a common tactic used by abusers to ensure they are unable to leave, even if they wish to.

CONTINUED P. 42 »

DON’T ASK

survivors to “just leave.” No one is an expert on their own situation better than the survivor. People stay for many reasons. Among them are children, money, fear, religion and lack of resources. Also, many times we cannot discount the power of love. Statistically, victims of DV are at the most vulnerable within the first three months of leaving. During that time, they are seven times more likely to be murdered by their partners. Survivors often know that leaving presents more risk to them, their families and children than staying does.

LISTEN.

It is important to validate survivors, not interrogate them. They need to be heard and be given time and space to work out their own plans, solutions and goals. Offer support but not advice.

CREATE

boundaries. If the problem is becoming too persistent for one support person, it’s okay to create boundaries. Telling a survivor, “You can call me but please if it’s after 10, try the hotline and call me in the morning. Here’s the number to the local DV Hotline. It’s free and confidential” is fine. Support networks can be very strained by these situations and limits are healthy.

REFER

to good resources. Often survivors do not want police. Sometimes a visit from law enforcement only makes the situation more dangerous after the officers are gone or when the abuser emerges from a short jail stay. Many populations are distrustful of police. If a survivor is reluctant to call police, it is important to respect that. Couples counseling is also often ineffective in abusive relationships. Because there is a power dynamic that may not be evident to the counselor, many times abusers are emboldened by counseling. This relies on a notion that a relationship has two parties who need to work to change, but abuse is one-sided. Instead, find out the number to the local domestic violence hotline. They are there to answer questions from survivors as well as concerned friends and relatives. They can help everyone involved make a safety plan, set goals and make decisions.

HOLD SPACE.

According to Michelle McCormick, Program Director of the Center for Safety and Empowerment in Topeka, Kansas, it is important that helpers not always be in a “fix” mentality. She says, “We talk with advocates and volunteers about the true benefit of ‘holding space’ for victims and survivors. When we see someone in pain, when we hear our friends and family talk to us about difficult things, we care. We want nothing more than to erase that pain, or make it smaller, or more manageable. It’s a good and caring thing that we want to do this, but this will not always be the best thing we can do. Something possibly even more valuable than fixing or solving is to hold space for someone. Holding space for a survivor allows them to sit in the pain and the grief they are experiencing without jumping to solutions or judgements.” Domestic violence is an epidemic. It is urgent. It is a national crisis. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, the number of American troops killed in Afghanistan and Iraq between 2001 and 2012 was 6,488. The number of American women who were murdered by current or ex male partners during that same time was 11,766. One in three women and one in seven men will experience domestic violence within their lifetimes. Additionally, three women a day in the United States are murdered by their partners. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233. They can help or refer to local resources. There is also an online chat function there for those who are not able to talk on the phone. Being ready and able to support and intervene skillfully is key, as few people will live untouched by this crisis.

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e thought it would be delicious to round up some passionate women running local, independent restaurants to dish on what it’s like to put food on everyone’s table, not just their own. Fueled by strong coffee and a sense of hospitable sisterhood, what ensued was equal parts therapy session and master class with a heaping helping of candor keeping things honest.

RESTAURATEUR Story by Cathy Hamilton Photography by Trenton Bush

Angelina Cruz

Mary Holt

Nancy Renfro

Burrito King & Mama’s Tamale Shop

Levee Café

J Wilson’s & Johnny’s Tavern

L: Thanks for coming this morning. We wanted to assemble a sampling of women who were “running the show” – with or without a husband or partner – with different experience levels in the restaurant business. So, to get started, let’s do the around-the-table introduction thing.

I’ve owned Burrito King for 10 years and Mama’s Tamale shop for 3 months. I’m from the Bay Area of California and have been in Lawrence for 15 years. I worked for the original Burrito King when the property went up for sale for tax reasons. My husband (Maximo) and I snatched it up with our life savings and whatever we could borrow. ANGELINA CRUZ:

MARY HOLT: I was born and raised in Lawrence and have owned the Levee Café for three years now. My husband was in the Marine Corps, so I followed him around the world for 23 years. When he retired, we came back home and I opened the café. NANCY RENFRO: I have J. Wilson’s restaurant and Johnny’s Taverns. My husband, Rick, and I have been doing this for 40 years. I once ran the Shop-Vac at Johnny’s when we were dating. My instincts told me to run, but I still married him!

ROUNDTABLE

Dishing about Risks, Multitasking and Shoes

Deb Tagtalianidis

Codi Bates

Emily Peterson

Shantel Grace

Mad Greek & Traveling Taverna

Burger Stand, Bon Bon & Cider Gallery

Merchants Pub & Plate

Ramen Bowls

DEB TAGTALIANIDIS: My husband (Theo) and I have the Mad Greek and Traveling Taverna food truck. We bought the restaurant six years ago from George and Peggy Kritos. I worked many years as a creative director in advertising before retiring to do this.

EMILY PETERSON: I’ve owned Merchants with my husband, T.K., for about six years. Before that, I was also in advertising on the account services side at Callahan Creek. I left my position about five years ago to help at the restaurant and have been there ever since.

CODY BATES: My husband (Simon) and I own the Burger Stand, Bon Bon and Cider Gallery. I was 22 when we started, so this is the first and only job I’ll probably ever have. I was born in Topeka, grew up in Overland Park and completed my degree at KU in 2015.

SHANTEL GRACE: I’ve owned Ramen Bowls Noodle Shop (with husband Tim) for six years now. We had Luckyberry, which recently closed, and I also own a cotton candy company called Moonfluf. I’m from Western Kansas and worked in the music business until I started my first restaurant in my mid-30s.

CONTINUED P. 46 »

L: Let’s jump into the fire and talk about risk tolerance in terms of taking the leap to start a restaurant from scratch or buy it from somebody else. Seems to me an iron gut is a prerequisite. Do you consider yourselves risk-takers? GRACE: When we opened Ramen Bowls, there was no other mentality than we’re all in. We had no experience. I don’t recommend that to anyone. It was far more pressure than I ever dreamed. Luckyberry was an even bigger risk, as far as taking on partnerships. It was very difficult, and I learned huge lessons. I now wonder if it’s better to grow or stay small and feel comfortable. I don’t know the answer yet, but I’ll probably jump in again at some point. CRUZ: We started selling tamales out of our front yard, then catering weddings. When we bought Burrito King, I had just reversed my (tubal ligation) so I could have another child with my (then-new) husband. Soon, I had a two-month old in a playpen at Burrito King, and I’m on the grill. There wasn’t any time to think about the risk. I guess I like it. I mean, I love carnival rides. HOLT: We had moved every three years, picking up our whole life, having to make new friends. So, yeah, risks – I’m all in. Let’s go!

We were in an awful position with a partner who left on bad terms shortly after we opened. The choice was I leave my job and figure it out or we close the PETERSON:

restaurant. It was a huge risk and scary for a long while. TK is a smart and savvy chef, but he had never run the front of the house before. It wasn’t until I turned the restaurant around financially that I knew I had the business sense to succeed. It’s been just in the last 12 months that I’ve felt confident again. RENFRO: We went out to dinner one night and had a bottle of wine. Rick started talking about Marisco’s, where we had a partner we were ready to separate from. He asked if I wanted to go in and straighten things out. My response was, “Yes, but I need to be the boss, and you need to do your own thing.” My eyes were wide open, but I didn’t realize how many people you rely on to keep all the gears in line. L: Some say women are great multitaskers but not great delegators. Who has experienced that moment when you realize you can’t do it all by yourself? BATES: I’m in that moment right now. I jumped back in as general manager of Bon Bon, and I’m also a new mom. My attitude was, “Yeah, I can do this by myself.” That’s kind of my blindness because it’s easier for me to just make it happen. HOLT: I come from a big family, so my mom was always, “You’re doing this, you’re doing that …” and I also think I read people very well. So, when I delegate, I say, “You’re really good at this, you should try it out.”

RENFRO: When I delegate, that person realizes, “Hey, she used to do this and now she trusts me to do it.” People do rise to the occasion. GRACE: It gives people ownership of the business, and they want it to do better.

I used to have my fingers in it all. But we brought our daughter into the business a year ago, so now everyone has to adjust and know their role. When we stay in our lane, it’s good. TAGTALIANIDIS:

L: What should people understand about hospitality beyond having a nice clean restaurant, good service and delicious food?

What exists in Lawrence – and in these restaurants especially – is something coined by Danny Meyer, a famous restaurateur, who calls it enlightened hospitality. It’s the circle of camaraderie and support with local vendors, our kitchen and service staff … and then, most importantly, our guests. It’s this enormous, interconnected relationship that fails nine times out of 10 if we want to reach the whole circle. But every once in a while we do, and that’s when it’s all worth it. GRACE:

CRUZ: For me, it’s constantly listening to the customers, trying to fix whatever that one out of 10 person wants

you to fix. Nowadays with social media, that person can smash you for the smallest thing. I can’t please everybody, but I do my best and try hard not to show frustration when it doesn’t all come together. Maybe that’s what hospitality is. PETERSON: When you’re trying to make every single experience for every single guest the best you can make it and something happens outside of your control – like a reservation comes in 20 minutes late and now all the reservations for the evening are backed up – people don’t have context so they feel personally offended. That’s really hard in hospitality because you’re there to make them feel great. BATES: I think the heart of hospitality is a place where people can come together over food for any occasion – in sadness or happiness, to celebrate or mourn, to be angry or debate over issues. We can provide that comfort when they come to our table. RENFRO: I feel like I walk into my own dining room every day and make friends with people. People don’t come out to eat just for food and drink. They come because they want to know what the bartender’s up to, what the server’s majoring in… we are community for so many people.

CONTINUED P. 48 »

L: Restaurant owners are like dairy farmers in that, as long as your doors are open, you have to be working day and night. When you do have that rare time off, what do you do? EVERYBODY:

Travel. Getaways are great!

HOLT: The first year I opened, I thought, “I’m never going to get away or do anything for myself ever again.” Then I ran into Emily that winter, and she’d just gotten back from vacation, looking great. She said, “This is the time you go, when business is slow. Get a great staff in place and go.” The next February, I got to go to Mexico. CRUZ: You give everybody a good vacation so everybody’s happy, then tell them it’s my turn, so no calling in!

L: Finally, as a service to our readers, what are the most comfortable shoes you’ve found to wear on your feet all day? HOLT: Definitely Dansko’s, but I also like my Birkenstock boots from Footprints. PETERSON: I think the key is to have two or three reliable pairs of shoes and keep changing them during the day. RENFRO: I have worn through a few pairs of AGL ballet-style shoes. They expand and contract and feel like butter even after a full night of running around. Bottom line, no heels ever!

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TRACEY

TRIES...

Bethany Hess, left, and Tracey English

Buti Yoga with Bethany Hess

Story by Tracey English Photography by Trenton Bush

The prospect of being the student instead of the instructor is both invigorating and frightening for me. As someone who has taught group fitness for more than 20 years, I am used to being at the front of the class. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m used to knowing what is coming. I am used to demonstrating and being able to do everything in class with my participants. So I wanted to take the opportunity to challenge myself and get out of that comfort zone. Each issue I will share my experience with a new-to-me workout/activity in an effort to share what I know and maybe encourage readers to get out of their comfort zones, too. For this issue, I joined forces with other strong women, and we had the support of each other as we tried Buti Yoga with Bethany Hess. This is a little glimpse of what I experienced in her class, which she teaches at Kondition Haus, 4910 Wakarusa Court, on Mondays at 9 a.m., Tuesdays at 5 p.m., Wednesdays at 6 a.m. and Saturdays at 9 a.m.

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Throw me into a bootcamp and I’m comfortable. Tell me to do some burpees, and I will crank them out without a problem. But the mere mention of yoga makes my palms sweaty. I have struggled for a long time to be successful with yoga despite many attempts. So when I met Hess at a women’s networking event and she told me about Buti yoga, I was a little bit skeptical. But she has such a presence about her that I felt it would be a wonderful challenge to take her class. She is a very motivating and engaging instructor, who shows modifications as needed. Buti yoga combines traditional yoga poses with primal movements and plyometrics. (What that means is, it was a little bit of stuff that I love and a lot of stuff I’m scared of.) According to butiyoga.com, “Each of the movement formats incorporate spiral structure technique to build long, lean muscle

tone while bringing balance to your body’s energetic and emotional systems.” The goal of Buti yoga is to “shift your mindset from workout to movement and from punishment to celebration.” Mirrors, which many women shy away from, were front and center, and they enabled us to really see how our bodies were moving. Hess’ focus is on encouraging her class to love how they move, to be as real as possible and to let go and just have fun. I left feeling energized, pretty proud of myself, sweaty and tired. I very quickly realized (again) that my lack of flexibility is something I need to work on. But Hess offered participants alternatives, and these enabled me to push myself, which resulted in a very challenging, but doable, workout. I will definitely be back! Anyone care to join me? Shoot me a message – we can go together.

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Let’s Talk.

Podcasting Connects Listeners in a Variety of Ways

Story by Sharita Hutton Photography by Trenton Bush

Kristen Eargle

The year 2004 was when Facebook launched, fans of the hit show “Friends” said goodbye and that oh-so-famous Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction happened at the Super Bowl. It was also the year when America got their first exposure to a podcast. Podcast: A digital audio file made available on the Internet for downloading to a computer or mobile device, typically available as a series, new installments of which can be received by subscribers automatically. The term Podcast is actually a portmanteau of iPod and Broadcast (thank you Google).

So, if you read the definition and are thinking, “Is this author insulting my intellect?” The answer of course, is no – but the definition is needed. You will understand why later. Over the past 16 years, podcasts have grown to an amazing number of those not only producing them but also listeners. Covering everything from sports to comedy to stories of “Guys I’ve Slept With” (actual title of a podcast). There are also “Two Midlife Mommas” and “Coach’s Wife Life,” two podcasts by two local women working to make a difference.

CONTINUED P. 54 »

Jen Mann

Podcast: Two Midlife Mommas

Jen Mann is a mother of two teenage boys, an amazing public speaker, blogger, superwoman and now add podcaster to her resume. “I do a lot of public speaking, and for years the attendees asked me if I had a podcast. I was interested in starting a podcast, but it seemed overwhelming. I’m not a very technical person, and I didn’t want to learn something new,” Mann says. “But over the summer I started doing stand-up comedy and was looking for other local ladies to join me on stage, so I asked a vague question on Facebook. My friend Denise Grover Swank saw it and sent me a message asking if I was starting a podcast. When I told her I wasn’t, she said, ‘We should do one together!’” So, the journey started– first to figure out what to talk about and more importantly what to call the podcast. “Around the time we were brainstorming for an idea, I signed a book deal to write a book called ‘Midlife Bites,’ Mann says. “I started a Facebook group for middle-aged women thinking I’d use the group as testing ground for some of the content. I was shocked by how popular the group became. The group started in August and now has more than 12,500 members. She says, “We decided since we’re both middle-aged mothers, why not make that our topic? No matter what I do, I tend to keep my topic broad so it can encompass

a lot and ‘Two Midlife Mommas’ is no different. So far, we’ve covered everything from making friends to parenting teens to sex to aging gracefully. Whenever we run out of ideas, our listeners give us ideas.” But it’s not just the podcast that keeps people gravitating to Mann; it’s also her honesty and humor. Before the podcast, Mann was blogging under the title, “People I Want to Punch in the Throat.” “In 2011, I was a work-at-home mom with two small kids, and my husband as my only co-worker. I was kind of going crazy, and my husband suggested I start a blog,” Mann says. “I have a degree in creative writing, and he thought I needed a creative outlet where I could vent. He came up with the title because it’s something that I say all of the time.” With a title like that, who does she most want to punch in the throat? “The list changes daily. Sometimes it’s people I know – and love – sometimes it’s co-workers, sometimes it’s celebrities or politicians and sometimes it’s me,” she reveals. But finding the balance between life and work is not easy. “I don’t work a standard 9 to 5 job,” she says. “I can make my own schedule, but at the same time, I must be self-motivated. I carve out writing time whenever and wherever I can. I have an office, but I also write on the sidelines of soccer games or I edit while I’m waiting in a doctor’s office. I always have my laptop and my phone with me because I can get a lot done in 15 minutes.”

Also finding the balance between motherhood and podcasting is Kristen Eargle, host of “A Coach’s Wife.” Like many people who start anything, there are questions: Can I pull this off? What will make it unique? But for Kristen it’s what is a podcast? “I remember my husband and I were taking a road trip, and the kids were all in the backseat sleeping,” Eargle recalls. “All I could start thinking is that I don’t want anyone to be in the position that we are right now: financially and emotionally drained. I kept thinking I would love for there to be a way that we could help families like ours, whose children are critically or chronically ill, with assistance and be able to help fund research.” Eargle is a mother of three. Very early on in a pregnancy with her third child, she got word something was wrong. After weeks of waiting and wondering, the news turned into the fact that their daughter would be born with medical issues leading to surgeries and hospitalization. But the family was not prepared mentally, emotionally or financially for what would come next. Their daughter Landrey battles from myoclonic epilepsy, intellectual disability, a congenital heart defect and immunodeficiency. She spent the first 73 days of her life critically ill on life support enduring major open-heart surgery. But Landrey continues to fight just like so many other children with illnesses, and that is what keeps Eargle going.

So when her husband brought up doing a podcast, Eargle of course had to do research on what the word even meant – at which time she quickly realized her journalism background would be beneficial, and this was going to be more than just talking. It turned into a way to fund something bigger, Ruler of Hope, a 501c3 started by Eargle and her husband. “There was a way we could financially help people, help fund research,” Eargle says. “People can just listen to the podcast and money could be coming in to help others.” The funding from advertisers is nowhere near what Eargle would like it to be, but that does not stop her from having the conversation with others, for others. “I want to continue to tell people that they are not alone,” she says. “The stories of triumph, hearing people do not have super powers, that we are all weak at times – there is some sort of validation that comes when someone can hear that everyone has to find strength when going through the things and that is what my podcast is about.” She says there is one tough question she asks everyone on the podcast: “What is the toughest adversity you have faced and how did you get through it?” CONTINUED P. 56 »

Kristen Eargle Podcast: A Coach’s Wife

Thinking about starting a podcast? Advice from the experts: Kristen Eargle: “Prepare ahead of time researching what you would need to pull it off and realize it’s going to take a significant amount of time. For that reason, make sure it’s a topic that you’re passionate about. For me, my hope is that it encourages my fellow coaches’ wives, and through that makes a significant impact on the lives that our nonprofit touches, which are medically fragile children and families. That drives me on days I feel too tired to keep going. I think about my mission and that passion gives me wings.” Jen Mann: Go for it. It’s not as hard as you’d think – especially if you have an idea and an audience.

Ironically, the technical stuff was what held me back, and there’s so much helpful information out there about which products are best, and how and where to upload them. The hardest part is coming up with the content and finding the audience. Luckily, Denise and I have a built-in audience, but it’s still been a learning curve for us. Our readers are READERS, not PODCAST LISTENERS, so we’ve had to do some tutorials about what a podcast is and where to find them. You can find “Two Midlife Mommas” on Apple, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, Podbean Blog: www.peopleiwanttopunchinthethroat.com “Coach’s Wife Life” can be found on Apple and iHeart Radio. You can also find more about Ruler of Hope by visiting: www. rulerofhope.org

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THE

WORD Story by Sharita Hutton

In “The Last Word,” Sharita Hutton asks area women questions about “L” words. The question this issue:

What is the true meaning of living life?

“Love God and others and keep on learning His will for your life. Be happy in all situations.”

Peggy Murrow “Don't be so focused on the destination that you forget to enjoy and appreciate the journey every day. Everyone's journey will be easier if we respect each other and Mother Nature.”

Sherry Thacker “Truly living life to me means being aware. Being aware of my thoughts, my actions and how I interact with others helps me be more in control of my life.”

Noemi Sanchez

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