eMothers-At-Home www.emothersathome.com
IN THIS ISSUE Networking Yourself Online Is A MUST! Character in Business The IT Factor: True Beauty Starts Within I’m Afraid to Tell You What I am Thinking! Struggling with the Vision? Careful Consideration Determination: What it Takes to Publish a Book Fitness Requires Commitment Eat And Lose Weight! Food For The Soul
YOUR GUIDE TO BECOMING A TRUE “PROVERBS 31 WOMAN” - MAR 2010
FEATURED COLUMNIST OF THE MONTH - Spiritual Growth Corner Struggling With The Vision By Sonja G. Smith, Ed.D., J.D.. Then the LORD answered me and said: “Write the vision and make it plain on tablets, that he may run who reads it. -Habakkuk 2:2- NKJV Life without a vision is an agonizingly slow death. I am constantly wowed by the Proverbs 31 woman/wife. When you read about her, thoughts of Superwoman come to bear. However, one of the keen observations that you can take from Proverbs 31 is that this awesome woman had a “vision.” The vision was for her family, community, business, and self. The fulfillment of this powerful living vision resulted in her whole household being blessed and blessings flowing to other people.
and women. For instance, she is very methodical in all that she does as a wife, mother, servant, and in the marketplace. Chapter 31 says that she “willingly works with her hands, provides food for her household, considers a field and buys it, plants a vineyard from her profits, extends her hand to the poor, her children call her blessed, and her husband praises her.” The Proverbs 31 woman clearly had a spiritually defined strategic plan or mission for each area of her life. She definitely had a vision!
necessarily to others, and chastising myself for not living up to an ideal that the media and world have created for modern women.
Although the wrong standard, I am convinced that these comparisons are the root of much of the spiritual, emotional, and physical exhaustion that I experience. Yes, I admit that I want to look like the sexy healthy toned fit women in the magazines, be at the top of my game professionally, be “Super Sista” Spiritual, and a Superwoman caregiver to my loved ones. The world around us is so busy and But, at these times of exhaustion, I loud! Our hearts, therefore, thirst and know that I must retreat to God, and long for quiet moments with our Heav- settle into His word. The Word reenly Father. Jesus, as our example, minds me to take of [His] yoke [and it] Yet, where did the Proverb 31 often would hide away to be alone is easy, and [His] burden is light” woman’s vision and the strength to with the Father. In my quiet time with (Matthew 11:30) and to “be not conbirth the vision come from? In the God, He constantly speaks to me formed to this world: but be transdaily grind of life, we often lose sight about pushing myself to exhaustion, formed by the renewing of [my] mind, of the vision that God has for our lives. being busy just to be busy, giving so that [I] may prove what is that good, Financial concerns, soccer games, much to others that I have nothing left and acceptable, and perfect, will of date night with our husband or partGod” (Roman 12: 2). Often, I hear ner, care for children and elderly par- to give myself, comparing myself unHis voice, in a gentle whisper, ask, ents, work obligations, and church “Sonya, is this the vision”? He next responsibilities crowd out the vision. speaks, “Abide! Remain in Me!” (John This is no accident; for one of the 15:5). many tactics of the enemy is to crowd our lives so we do not have time to The Bible says, “For in him we live, focus on who God has called us to be. and move, and have our being” (Acts The Bible says, “The thief does not 17:28). Therefore, it is only natural come except to steal, and to kill, and that the vision for our lives must flow to destroy. I have come that they may from our movement and from being in have life, and that they may have it Him. Thus, we must be very diligent more abundantly” (John 10:10). The each day to protect our quiet time with crowding of our lives is one way that God. Whether early mornings, lunch the enemy steals God’s callings and time, or in the hush of the night, we gifts. The result is that we struggle must guard our moments of prayer with the vision, or we allow the world and in which we read the word! to steal, kill, and destroy it! In looking at the Proverbs 31 woman, there is much to be learned from her spiritual vantage point for both men
Webster’s Dictionary defines the word, “vision” as 1: something seen otherwise than by ordinary sight (as in a dream or trance) 2: a vivid picture
created by the imagination, 3: the act or power of imagination, and 4: unusual wisdom in foreseeing what is going to happen. Placing vision within a biblical context, vision is the living vivid portrait of God’s call and destiny for our lives. It is a creation of the Creator, the very real imagination of God, and it is birthed by faith and the power of the Holy Spirit. So, what is your vision? Have you written it down, that it may be plain? Habakkuk 2:2 tells us to spell it out, and research shows that we are more likely to accomplish the goals and objectives that we literally commit to paper!
ing this time, you are to seek God about your vision and the mission He has for your life. Ask Him for a “fresh vision” and to “make your vision plain.” Take your Bible, pen/paper or laptop, and your favorite praise music! Pray and celebrate Him and be open with Him about your heart’s desires, old dreams, broken dreams, and new ones. Be prepared to see where He takes you!!!
There will be family commitments and other conflicts that will fight for this time. I say this playfully but seriously; unless London Bridge is tumbling down, DO NOT yield to them! As with the Proverbs 31 woman, your family 30 DAY CHALLENGE and other relationships will be strengthened and blessed by your My challenge to you this month is to commitment to a spiritual vision quest. sion are inspired by the Holy Spirit, commune with God that you may write they are based on and line up with your vision. Once a year, I spend a Basically, I have written down the vibiblical principles. The legacy portion weekend in which I shutdown all outsion that God has given me for my life is simply one or two sentences about side communication to talk with God in approximately two sentences. This what I want to leave the world! about my life’s mission and vision. is followed by a mission statement Years ago, I was led by the Holy Spirit and what I want my legacy to be. The Are you ready to write your vision and to commit my vision and mission mission statement portion consists of make it plain? I know you are! Restatement to paper. During my brief paragraphs that address the fol- member the Bible says, “Write the “Spiritual Vision Quest,” I still away in lowing areas: spiritual, family and rela- vision and make it plain on tablets, the quiet of my home or a hotel for a that he may run who reads it” tionships, financial, (Habakkuk 2:2). weekend and seek God’s wisdom re- professional/marketplace, physical garding His direction for my life. and emotional health, and I am excited for you and cannot wait community/service. I simply have writ- to hear how and what the Lord speaks It is a time of fasting, prayer, praise, ten what the vision is for my life in to you! Commit to the challenge! and tears! He prunes me and prunes each of these domains. In other Commit to prayerfully developing or my mission. Because I am open, raw, words, my mission statement is what reviewing your vision and mission and transparent with my Father, it is at God wants me to accomplish in each statements! He is your Father and times painful but joyous! He often of these areas. loves you! Despite the busy world adds new dimensions to my mission, snips away the weeds within my soul, During my spiritual vision quest week- around you, He desires to share His vision with you! It’s time for you to and rips away the hidden snares. end, I have noticed that God usually “run with it!” Most of all, I come away renewed, clarifies my vision and gives me crestrengthened, humbled, and awed by ativity and wisdom regarding how to Until, next month, I celebrate each of the love and grace that God, my Fafulfill my mission. The vision portion you as God’s Beloved Visionaries! ther, consistently demonstrates toand each section of my mission stateward me! By Featured Spiritual Growth Columment read more like spiritual bullet I am very much into verbalizing and writing one’s commitments. Therefore, I challenge you to commit to a time away in the next month, a minimum of 48 hours, with just you and God. Dur-
nist, Sonya G. Smith, Ed.D., J.D. points or objectives. Also, what the Holy Spirit has inspired me to write is sonyagsmith@hotmail.com not comprised of a bunch of fancy words, and I rarely quote scripture. However, because the vision and mis-
Fitness Corner Fitness Requires Commitment by Toyia Brown It is my firm belief that by encouraging and equipping you with what it takes to allow sometime for yourself and to make a commitment to your personal health and fitness, that it will make a tremendous difference for your entire family.
30 DAY CHALLENGE Over the years, I have found that most people have some idea of what it would take for them to lose weight or maintain the level of fitness they desire. Yet despite the old adage, “knowing is half the battle,” in most cases that knowledge is not enough.
So let’s start from the beginning: over the next 30 days, focus on loving and appreciating yourself. Begin to experience just how great it feels to accept everything about yourself and to love and appreciate all the wonderful things about you while being excited about your new commitment to becoming your best you!
I was very moved, inspired and excited when offered this awesome opportunity. I jumped at the chance to By Featured Fitness make a difference in the lives of Toyia Brown women across the nation, to share my training and the ideas and concepts b.toyia@gmail.com that I’ve come to believe in with regard to health and fitness. It’s my desire and intent to bring to you each month some component of fitness that will be the difference between Knowing and Doing! I believe that fitness comes from within before becoming physical, and most importantly, it requires commitment. Over time and with much effort, it becomes a way of life. Where most people fall short is with the commitment. So often for women and particularly mothers, most of your commitment goes to your family first. I'm reminded of a scripture that demonstrates the very selfless nature women. In the Book of Ruth, chapter 1 verses 16-17, Ruth displays the true character of love and commitment as she refuses to leave her desolate mother-in-law. Just as the Proverbs 31 woman sacrifices and works tirelessly always putting the needs of her family first.
Columnist,
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I believe that fitness comes from within before becoming physical, and most importantly, it requires commitment.
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Gourmet Cooking Food For The Soul by Angie Kardashian - “America’s Chef” Here is my story about BELIEVING, OBEYING, PERSISTING, ANNOUNCING, GIVING, THANKING, AND TRUSTING.
“How could I spread your name in the midst of such a tragedy?” What could I one person do all the way on the other side of the country? As I prayed… God spoke to me. The answer that was in my heart I already knew when As always when I attend church every the firemen said, “You can cook can’t Sunday I feel like whichever pastor is you.” The answer came tome so giving the sermon I feel he is speak- clearly that night. You could do this ing directly to me and this weekend you could go to NY and cook and with a pastor Rick was no differspread the name of Jesus into the fireent……. houses a place where so many firemen were suffering such a deep loss!! I owned an Italian restaurant in Tustin, If could “save one more for Jesus.” CA for 23 years. It was a great restaurant everyone knew everyone! My BELIEVING : chef and main dining room manager were with me for 18 years and still are I believed that I could do it. With the Lord’s help I could!! So I went into the at the restaurant since I have sold it. While I owned the restaurant I was on restaurant the next day and I told my the board of directors for the chamber employees that I was selling the resof commerce, then became president taurant to go and cook in NY for the of the chamber, received three procla- firemen to try and bring some cheer in the Lord’s name to them. They mations for contributions to the city, thought I was absolutely crazy and so became woman of the year, received did my family and friends. I sold my the meritorious public service medal from the Marine Corps (only 200 given restaurant in six weeks. If you know anything about restaurants you will out in the 275 years of the Marine know it is almost impossible to sell a Corps.) I tell you this not to brag but restaurant in six weeks. So I knew that to let you know that when God called upon me to be obedient I left all of this God’s hand was definitely on this mission. So I got some people to move behind. Here is my story. I never got married, never had kids, that is how involved I was in the community and city never had time for a family. Then that horrific day that we all remember happened. 9-11. I will never forget the evening one of the local firemen from Tustin who came into my restaurant and after he ordered his pizza and we spoke of how sad this all was how many innocent people had lost their lives. I mentioned to him that I really wanted to go and do something like so many other Americans were and I said, “But what could I do?” He quipped, “You can cook can’t you”? We laughed he left. I got busy and forgot we even had that conversation until I got home and went to bed. That night in prayer I asked the Lord to show me the way.
into my house and watch my cat. And I was off. OBEYING: In my prayers that night I was asked to give up something that I had worked so hard for 23 years to accomplish. But it was as though the Lord spoke to me and asked me to go and I obeyed without question or reservation. How could I say “NO” to the Lord? I did not understand WHY? PERSISTING; Did I feel like selling my restaurant? Not only no but heck no.. This is really all I knew, it was my life, it was my income, it was my entertainment, and it was all I had! I had really nothing else and knew nothing else. ANNOUNCING IT: I got to NY did not know what to do or where to go. After about six weeks I could not find a place to stay! I emailed to my prayer group back in Ca that I was coming home!! I felt the Lord was not providing a place to stay and I was giving up even thought I had only cooked for one firehouse! I received dozens of emails not to give up everyone was praying for me. The next evening I found an apartment of a women going to Korea and she was going for three months. I was set. I had lost faith but he provided just when I was giving up! Well, I ended up moving 13 times in the two years that I was there but he always provided a roof over my head. And as long as I was cooking in his name I did not mind moving. When I cooked for the firehouses I would tell them my story of how God had answered my prayers. I always prayed before the meal and announced that I was there representing so many people from California that could not be there. I always mentioned that I attended Saddleback church. They could not
out knowing the subway systems? I had heard such horrible scary stories bout NY!! How would one person do this? There is not a day that goes by that I do not thank him for an opportunity to serve and give back at such a dark period in our history. I never could have even thought about doing this on my own. Trusting:
believe that someone would sell there livelihood to come and cook and I always explained to them it was with relationship the Jesus and obeying him that gave me the strength and encouragement to do it.
I still to this day do not know why I was called to do what I call my “cooking ministry” and I probably never will?, I just know that I believed, I obeyed, I persisted, I announced my faith, I gave, I thanked, and still am and I trust in him that now that I don’t have a thriving business anymore that he will once again show me where I need to be and he will provide in his time. But for now I am a flight attendant for jetblue waiting for my next assignment. In His Name Angie Kardashian 714.744.9114 That is my story and I am sticking to it.
30 DAY CHALLENGE GIVING: I cooked for 103 fire Companies in all five boroughs of NY. Donated all the food to feed the firefighters and all of my time for the two years. Many times I did not know where the money or food would come from but he always provided. I spent the proceeds from my restaurant sale and in addition I refinanced my house twice to help pay for my cooking ministry and gave a 5 figure donation to the church out of that money before I left on this mission. THANKING: Before I left for New York I was baptized right here at Saddleback Church with my best friend and thanked the Lord for this opportunity to serve him in a way that I did not feel worthy or that I could accomplish. The fear some days over whelmed me. How would I know where to live, where to go, where to get the food from, how would I get around with no car? with-
30 Day Challenge: Over the next 30 days, I want you to think how you can BELIEVE, OBEY, PERSIST, ANNOUNCE, GIVE, THANK, AND TRUST in the area of your cooking ministry. It’s more than just using food to feed your family physically, it’s about feeding them spiritually as well. You should have some powerful testimonies so let me know all about them By Featured Gourmet Cooking Columnist, Angie Kardashian www.acalltoserve.com
Children’s Corner Careful Consideration by Tiffany Smith Proverbs 31:16a
have trouble carrying on a conversation with my three year old, much less “She considers a field and buys it…” talking with and spending time with my older two kids or my husband. I have to admit, I am not always my best for my family, and while they understand, When I was first asked to write this they deserve better! I also find myself monthly column called the “Children’s too exhausted to work on my relationCorner”, I have to admit, I really did ship with God. I am the first to admit not want to do it. My plate is already that I do not always conduct myself in too full. I am not only a Mom, wife, and line with the model set forth in ProvSunday School teacher, I am a busierbs 31. ness owner. I run a daycare from my home. Also, I am not so sure I have All the things I have just told you any advice worth giving to other moth- brings me to what is weighing heavily ers. I do not feel qualified AT ALL to on my heart for this month. In Provtry and help anyone become a better erbs 31: 16 (New King James VerMom when I struggle with this myself. sion), we are told that the Noble wife
and my family is. Before opening my daycare, I never stopped to “consider this new field” before “buying” it. Don’t get me wrong. I love what I do, and my family reaps the benefits of having extra income, but I did not think it all the way through before I changed our lives so drastically.
This month is the launch for our eMothers-at-home website, and each of you has chosen to visit my little corner of the web. You may have stopped by looking for ways to improve your mothering skills. For your time, I am truly grateful. I pray that when you come here you leave feeling refreshed, or you at least have a “considers a field and buys it; from her sense that you are not alone in what As an owner and operator of a small profits, she plants a vineyard.” Lookyou are going through. Being a pardaycare, my job requires a lot of time. ing at this verse’s literal meaning, it My workday begins at 4:30a.m and my tells us that the Proverbs 31 woman is last daycare child leaves around 6:00 a smart business woman. She not p.m. Oh, have I mentioned my dayonly considers the field, she buys it, care is on a military installation? If you and she then takes some of her know anything about the military, you money and reinvests it in a vineyard know that there are rules and regulathat will bring additional profit for her tions for absolutely everything. I mean family. Wow! This was part of the reaEVERYTHING. When you take care of son I opened my own business. I the children of soldiers, you better bewanted to “hold my own” and help my lieve that each “I” must be dotted and husband provide for my family. I every “T” must be crossed. My busiwanted to be like that Proverbs 31 ness requires that I am available to woman. soldiers when they need to drop off their children for 5 o’clock Physical However, I would like to propose an- ent is the most important thing that Training, and that I be available for other look at this verse. In the AmpliGod asks us to do. So, when looking the soldier who needs me to keep fied Bible verse 16 says this: “She at the verse above, I want to offer you their children for weeks at a time beconsiders a (new) field before she some advice. Before committing to cause they have field missions. This buys or accepts it (expanding pruanything else, consider your children. job of mine is tough. I am not saying dently and not courting neglect of her Consider your family, and consider any of this for you to feel sorry for me. present duties by assuming other duGod. Talk to Him about every new Opening a daycare was my choice ties); with her savings (of times and opportunity that comes about, and talk and with each job, there are positives strength) she plants fruitful vines in to your family. and negatives. her vineyard”. Hmmmm, this makes Although I am blessed to be able to work from my home, my family suffers the consequences. I am not always available to them when they need me. Although I am here in the same house, my focus is on my daycare children and the tasks that are required in caring for these kids. By the end of the day, I am so tired that I
me think!
Think of this: it is only AFTER you have carefully considered “a new When looking at this verse in the spiri- field” prayed about it, and you have tual realm, I see clearly into my own peace in your soul, that you can make situation. When I am overcommitted to a decision that will be right for your things outside of caring for my family, I family. Your children are your most neglect the very blessings God has important investment, think of them as bestowed upon me. Money isn’t evyour vineyards. If you want to plant erything, but my relationship with God good things in your vineyards, spend
time with your children. Teach them about God; show them His love and His wisdom. God will honor you in your commitment to Honor Him.
30 DAY CHALLENGE Now here is the challenge: For the next 30 days, I want you to make a list of each new opportunity that presents itself to you. After you write it down, take it to the Lord in prayer. After praying about it, put the piece of paper under your pillow and sleep on it. Give each new request 48 hours before committing to it. You may find that you don’t have God’s peace, and without God’s peace, you will know that this opportunity was not for you.
I pray you all are blessed in this coming month; I look forward to meeting with you here each month. Take care of yourself, and take care of your family! By Featured Children’s Corner Columnist, Tiffany Smith tiffanydsmith75@yahoo.com
Author’s Corner Determination: What It Takes To Publish A Book by Trice Hickman Firm. Resolute. Decided and resolved. These words describe the components we all need to make it through the storms that will undoubtedly surge in our lives at one point or another. Putting these words into action is what will keep us going when we feel like giving up. Determination. It’s what God gives us to make it through…that, and our faith. I remember when I finished the manuscript for my first novel, and how excited and happy I was about my accomplishment. Writing a book was something I’d dreamed about for many years, but had not been able to do because each time I picked up my
pen I experienced writer’s block, which held me in its grip. So, I’d put down my pen, pick up a book (I’ve always been an avid reader), and wait until the mood hit me again. Ironically, it wasn’t until I embarked upon dark days did the light shine in. At the time, I’d been laid off from my job, I was still recovering from a major surgery, and I was at a crossroads about my next move in life. Those were some rough times. But it was during those moments when I was stripped bare that I was able to lay down all my fears, allowing me to approach writing in a different way.
One morning, instead of getting on the computer and searching for a job as I’d been doing, I sat down and started writing. To my surprise and delight, all those years of writer’s block melted away. I sat in awe as my fingers clicked against the keyboard, producing words that flowed like sweet water onto the page. I wrote all day and all night—from 8:00a.m. that morning, until 1:00a.m. the next morning, and when I finally rose from my chair thirty pages later, the first chapter of Unexpected Interruptions was born! Firm. Resolute. Decided and resolved. I was determined to finish my novel and accomplish my dream.
Four and a half months later, my novel was complete. I soon landed a job and the next phase of things began— finding a way to get my book published! During the months that I’d been writing and searching for a job, I had also researched the steps it would take to publish a book. I’d heard horror stories about how hard it was to self-publish your own work, and equally daunting accounts of the difficulties involved in securing a book deal from a traditional publisher. But I decided to go the traditional route because self-publishing seemed like too much of an uphill battle. I started submitting my manuscript to agents, publishers, and editors at large and small publishing houses. Then, one by one the rejections letters rolled in. Every agent, publisher, and editor I’d sent my work to turned me down. Some said the story wasn’t good enough, some said no one would want to buy or read it, while others simply said it just wasn’t their taste. Whatever the reason, the end result was always no. Rejection hurts. But I had something inside me that wouldn’t accept defeat. I couldn’t accept no. I knew that God had not brought me that far for nothing. I believed in the characters I’d created and the story that I’d crafted. I believed that if I could get my book on a bookstore shelf that someone would buy it, and if they read it they’d like it, and if they liked it they’d recommend it to someone else, and if that person liked it too, it would take off from there. I was determined not to let anyone decide the fate of something I’d worked so hard for. Firm. Resolute. Decided and resolved.
Bestsellers List for Black Expressions. The book that no one said was any good won two literary awards for outstanding fiction. And the very same book that no one thought anyone would be interested in is now in the hands of a screen play writer, to be considered for a motion picture movie. Now, a little over two years later, I will release my third book this summer. You can’t tell me that God ain’t good! Vs. 17. “She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.” The Proverbs 31 Woman must not give up. She is a strong fighter who will not surrender. She is firm, resolute, decided and resolved. She is determined!
The publishing industry is a hard and cut throat business, and there are a plethora of barriers to entry. But I’m 30 DAY CHALLENGE living proof that if there is a story inside you that you want to tell, there is Over the next two years I racked up a a way to do it! The best advice I can pile of rejection letters while working give to any aspiring writer is to not my 9 to 5, and diligently researching give up! Be determined and you will the publishing industry. After careful accomplish your goal. The second though and planning, I quit my job, best advice I can give to anyone who formed my own publishing company wants to publish a book is to do your (Platinum Books), and published my research. Whether you go the tradibook myself! Unexpected Interruptions tional route or the self-publishing was released November 2007. The route, you must know the industry. Do book that no one thought readers your homework, attend literary events, would buy became a bestseller at sev- network with other writers and industry eral bookstores and made the Top 20 professionals, and make yourself
knowledgeable about best practices and trends. Have a plan and produce the best possible work that you can, and above all be determined! For more information about the author, please visit her at www.tricehickman.com Trice Hickman © February 2010
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Love & Relationship Corner I’m Afraid To Tell You What I Am Thinking! by Melody Brooke, MA, LPC, LMFT
Proverbs 30:11The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
where it was coming from. When we finally talked he let me know that he trusted my decisions and both of us knowing where we are financially Most of us learn to hold back on some would help us both make wise deciof our truths when we first start dating. sions about spending. It was an enorWe might not tell him about our crazy mous relief. old boyfriend who used to pull our chair out from under us on the first Other things are hard sometimes too, date. We might not tell him that the like telling him certain things I don’t way he says the world “Insurance” like that he does, or how I would prewith the inflection in the wrong place fer him to touch me. Yet keeping drives you crazy. So we learn to hold those things to myself keeps him from back truths in the service of getting to really knowing me and understanding know each other and not running her who I am. off before we have had a chance to Sometimes the ways we hold back are find out if there is more. little and don’t seem important, but even there they can make a huge difOver time, if we have any skill at intiference in our sense of closeness. mate connection, we are able to start Speaking up when we want things in disclosing more and more information our house a certain way, or what we about our past and our likes and disdo or don’t like about what our partner likes. But some of us find speaking our is wearing helps them to know how to truths to our partners a real challenge. please us. It doesn’t mean they are We may have a hard time letting them required to concede to our desires, know when they don’t shave it but it helps them know who we are scratches our skin raw. We might and what we like and don’t like. That struggle with telling them when we translates to intimacy. have made a huge mistake that we are embarrassed about. Our fear of The word intimacy has its roots in Italbeing seen for who we really are can ian. It literally means, “In to me see”. be overwhelming. The more you can let your partner in to see you for who you are, the more What if I tell him and he leaves me? she can see and know of you, the What if it makes him angry? How do more intimacy you will actually have. we tell our truth and stay in connection? The reality is that if we don’t speak our truth our connection is already starting to deteriorate. When I first married I had a hard time telling my husband when I had spent money on things for myself. I was fearful that, like my first husband, he would be upset with me and it would start a fight. So I didn’t always tell him when I spent money I was not sure he would approve of my spending. But eventually I learned that keeping secrets builds a wall between us. Over time I began to feel separate from him and he knew something was going on, he could feel the shift, but didn’t know
Increased intimacy means a deeper sense of trust between you. Care. Remember, “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear...” John 4:18. The opposite of fear, is trust. Trust breeds a better relationship. The more trust we have in our partner the less we fear their reactions to our thoughts and feelings. The more trust we have the easier it is to resolve conflicts. Trust allows us to drop our boundaries and let the other person see our weakness and our flaws and still love us. That is the risk we take when we speak our truths. If we don’t yet know that our truths will be accepted it’s a scary thing. But the reality is that if we don’t speak our truths, we are just two people living in the same space together, not intimate partners.
30 DAY CHALLENGE For the next 30 days, see if you can let yourself speak more openly to your husband about your true thoughts and feelings. Discover how much you have edited out of your communications and invite disclosure from him. You will be amazed at how much more emotional intimacy will result. By Featured Love & Relationship Columnist, Melody Brooke, MA, LPC, LMFT
www.melodybrooke.com
Business Corner Character In Business by Linda Lord So what is the character that we are working to develop for our businesses? I have had the privilege of working with self-employed people in my practice and they often ask me what characteristics are consistent with success. I have compiled a list of the traits of successful entrepreneurs. I have also cross-referenced them with a set of principles and values and will be sharing those over time.
When I work with individuals I ask them to start on the inside; to determine their personality type. This is a valuable piece of information for business owners. It assists them in making decisions about marketing, sales strategies, time management, and how they are likely to organize themselves.
Then I ask individuals to identify their core values. These are those things However, I want to begin the same that they hold as important and are way I start with individual clients. I ask willing to make business decisions them to get to know themselves bet(and life decisions) to honour. I want ter. Character counts. Who we are, to be very clear. My business is not I have read and re-read Proverbs 31 what matters most to us, and what we my top value. It is third. Meaningful and on the face of it being a virtuous work falls in line behind my family and woman is an unrealistic expectation. I do when no one is watching defines my relationship with God. By knowing am a mother, wife, daughter, business us and the choices we make. For many people it is the first time they the order of my values, it makes deciwoman, and Christian. I read the rehave really looked at the person in the sion making much easier. When my quirements of a virtuous woman and I just get tired thinking about how much mirror. Until we know who that person children were young, I would not take is, the businesses we build are built evening engagements. It was non-nemore there is to be and do. But my on sand. gotiable. Now that they are older and understanding of God isn’t too crush understand how money works, they me under the weight of an unachievGod has created each of us in His are willing to put themselves to bed if able expectation. So, unsatisfied with own image. Because He is all things, it means a little more cash coming in my superficial reading, I researched, then we must accept that the varieties the door. To this day, if my children prayerfully asked for clarity, and am that we come in are all aspects of want me to attend a function at their slowly seeing the need to raise my Him. We need to explore for ourselves school or chaperone a field trip, I will personal and professional standards. what aspects of God we are displaydo everything possible to rearrange It isn’t that I expect to be able to meet ing. Are we introverts or extraverts? my day to accommodate their request. all aspects of that woman immediateAre we organized or untidy? Do we I realize that the number of opportunily, but there is definitely an opportunity trust only sensory data or can we trust ties I have to participate in these types for improvement. The one thing that our instincts? Do we know who and of activities with them is dwindling. I leaps out at me, every time I reflect on matters most to us? am truly blessed that by working on a it, is that character counts. None of the business from home, I have the flexiidentified behaviours or traits would be I believe in Proverbs 31, the virtuous bility to be a mom before a mogul. achievable without a strong character. woman knows who she is. She has When I focus on the entrepreneurial spent time in prayer and devotion, The next piece of the self-discovery woman of this passage, I realize how connecting with God and figuring out puzzle that I seek is to identify what critical character is in business. It is who she is in Him. She knows her people need in their internal and exsomething that virtuous women can strengths. She focuses on the things ternal environments to function at their bring to the market place. In the New in which she excels. She spends time very best. I know that I need time to International Version it appears as fol- on the people and things that really connect with God; first thing in the lows: “A wife of noble character who make a difference. She has her house morning, last thing at night, and sevcan find?” in order; from the inside out. eral times throughout the day. I can
wonder off, thinking I know how to run a business, only to remember after the fact, that I am trying to consult with God before making any decisions. I love listening to Joyce Meier. She says, and I’m loosely paraphrasing now, that we expect God to get us out of the messes we get ourselves in. I can think of a few times when that has been true for me. I have to remember that I NEED to seek his council constantly if I am to be a better business woman; a virtuous business woman of noble character. My other needs include peace, financial stability, and options.
creative entrepreneur, I will be utilizing story to illustrate the material I share with you and then I will be providing a 30 day challenge so you can incorporate these thoughts in your own business lives.
These really are the foundational pieces of our business character. From here, there are many directions for us to consider. In Proverbs 31, I believe the virtuous woman knows these, and more, about herself. A woman like this doesn’t just appear out of nowhere. She has been quietly building her character over years. It is like a movie star who gets ‘discovered’ after years of trying to break into the business. There is no such thing as instant character. It takes effort to become a woman like this. It takes focus, patience, determination, courage, persistence, passion, ambition, and many other of the characteristics that we will be examining here as they relate to running our businesses. We will spend lots of time reflecting on who we have to be in God to be the successful business women we want to be.
“I can’t do it anymore.”
Carmen’s Story Carmen sat across the table from me. She looked exhausted. Her toddler was playing quietly on the floor with some books and blocks. When she glanced down at her daughter, Carmen burst into tears. “What’s up?” I asked.
“Can’t do what?” “Any of it. I’m tired all the time. Just when I think I’m getting it together – someone moves it!” Carmen and I had been friends since third grade. I admired how she always tried to use humour to deflect serious conversations; but I was on to her. “Is it the kids?” “The kids. Bruce. Work. I wanted it all. Well, I have it.”
Carmen had always known what she wanted. I, on the other hand, had floated through school, grabbed a couple of jobs and hadn’t really found myself, yet. Carmen and Bruce had been married for seven years. The children were 5, 3, and 18 months. She had her hands full, for sure. I was I believe in the power of stories. I the wacky friend who came to visit, know that Jesus was a phenomenal story teller. He knew that people could take the kids to the park, and somehow make their mother smile for a few connect with stories better than lectures. Stories have a way of teaching minutes. Now, don’t misunderstand, without telling. Most business owners I Carmen loved her husband and her know, myself included, don’t like to be children. She had faithfully prayed and patiently waited for Bruce. God had told how to run their businesses, but they will listen to a good story. To that handpicked him for her; that was obvious. And after Meagan, the third child, end, I want to share several stories was born, Carmen had left her corpowith you as we grow together. As a
rate job to stay home with the children. But after the second child had started school, she grew restless and wanted something for herself. She decided to open her own business. She didn’t really know much about running a business, but she assumed it couldn’t be that hard and she could figure it out on the fly. Now if that had been me, I would have understood, but for Carmen, that seemed a little impulsive and ill-conceived. So, here I was, witnessing her meltdown. “I thought it would be easier than this.” “I don’t mean to be all negative or anything, but Carmen, was this business your idea, or God’s?” “What?” “Well, I know you and you always seek the Lord before you make any decisions like this. Did you do that this time? About the business.” Carmen puckered up her mouth as she considered my question. “Do you even know if you have the personality for running a business? Not everyone is cut out to be a business person, you know.” Carmen’s eyes narrowed. Was she thinking about my question or trying to squeeze the tears back inside? “No,” she whispered. “No, what?” “I didn’t ask and I’m not sure.” “I’ve been reading about starting a business, lately and I’ve learned that most people don’t really knowing what they’re getting themselves into. But they’re not necessarily believers, so they’re out there trying to do it alone. You don’t have to. God gave you certain abilities and gifts. Maybe you should have started by figuring out
who you are in God, before you took this on for yourself.” “Where was this advice a year ago?” “I’m here now,” I grinned. “Does it mean everything I’ve been doing is wrong?” she asked. I could only shrug. I was the friend bringing questions, not answers; but I knew Carmen and she would figure it out.
30 DAY CHALLENGE 30 Day Challenge Identify your personality type using a free online assessment or contact me for a brief quiz.
Pray about your values and needs. Ask the Lord to clearly show you what matters most to you and what you most need to be a virtuous business woman. Contact me for a list of values and needs to stimulate your prayers. Determine how you can structure a business to support your values and needs. Let the business work for you. Scripture to reflect on: Psalm 119:73 – Your hands made me and fashioned me; Give me understanding, that I may learn your commandments. By Featured Business Columnist, Linda Lord www.thepitchbusinessbook.com
Beauty & Image The IT Factor: True Beauty Starts Within by Mechelet Bickerstaff
It’s not too late for 2010 to be your best year yet. This is a great time to be a woman. The world is more accepting of our uniqueness as women and even celebrates non-stereotypical beauty like never before. Question is… are YOU accepting of who you are and do you celebrate your OWN unique qualities? Women who can answer YES to the question are usually the ones who walk in a room and all eyes are on them. They have the IT factor. The IT factor is that mesmerizing persona of confidence, love, kindness, compassion, joy and charisma that makes a woman truly beautiful. It’s not always the model-like gorgeous woman that gets all the attention. Understand that we all have value in the world beyond the way we look. Our real value comes from the life we create; the person we are, the friends and family members whose
lives we touch, and the way we live You have to think you are our lives. Do YOU have the IT Factor? worthy; act like you are worthy then others will treat you like you are worThe Proverbs 31 woman is thy. A lot of celebrities are self proone biblical example of a woman with claimed Kings or Queens of this or IT all. She was a great wife and moth- that and we eventually believe this er. She ran her own business, was about them. Self-esteem and confikind, attractive, and dressed in the dence gives an aura that gets you nofinest clothes. She even exercised. ticed. A fabulous pair of leopard print And… she did it all with joy. She knew platform shoes will too but not quite who she was and believed she dethe same way as when people stare served all her blessings. People were because you have a confident stature drawn to this woman, her husband with a look that says you are about and her family. The Proverbs 31 more than just your shoes. See, woman is not given a name. I believe when you truly believe you are a rethat is so because God wants every markable woman, you will behave like woman to aspire to be her. At any one, dress like one and others will point in your lifetime, you can choose perceive this about you and be drawn to be named this phenomenal woman. to you like a magnet. Understand the If you’re not her today, it’s ok…One power you possess to be IT, begins day you can be, and it starts with state with your thoughts. of mind!
5. Look in the Mirror: Really look at yourself, front, back, side, in clothes and out of clothes, up close and from a distance. Say ‘I look good because This month the focus is on God made me this way and EVERYclearing out your negative mental clut- THING He makes, IS GOOD.’ Thank ter and making room for self esteem, Him and admire how beautiful He self worth, confidence, joy, and charis- made you. ma. Start believing you are fabulous 6. Be gentle, kind and patient: Be and complete in this moment, right gentle with yourself. Be kind to yournow. Here are the steps: self. Be patient with yourself as you learn the new ways of thinking and 1. LOVE YOURSELF - DO IT NOW! treating yourself. Take it one day at a Don't wait until you lose weight, have time and don’t give up even if you money to buy new clothes, get a new have a challenging day. job, or find the new relationship. Just Genuine inner goodness is the core decide to begin NOW! element of true beauty and having the 2. Stop all criticism: Refuse to critiIT Factor. Take a moment to meditate cize yourself. Criticism breaks the inon the image of an awesome God ner spirit. Accept yourself exactly as making and shaping you to be exactly you are today. as you are. Write down five character3. Praise yourself: Praise builds istics, features, or emotions that God the inner spirit. Praise yourself often made unique to you. and for as much as you can. Identify things about yourself and your life that “I will praise thee; for I am fearfully you are proud of. and wonderfully made: marvelous are 4. Take care of your body: Learn thy works and that my soul knoweth what your body needs to have optimum energy and vitality. Cherish and right well.” Psalm 139:14
30 DAY CHALLENGE
revere the temple God gave you. When you feel good you want to look good.
www.imageconsultingexcellence.com
By Featured Beauty & Image Columnist, Mechellet Bickerstaff
Networking Corner Networking Yourself Online Is A MUST! by Denai Vaughn As you expand your network some choose to do so online, others focus on off-line opportunities instead. Today, I want to share with you ideas to expand your online network. We will spend some time focusing on Facebook. Many people use this online social media site to expand their brand, grow their business, and to create new leads or clients. One of the keys to using Facebook is to first be sure your profile includes your face. Does your profile page have a picture of you? If not, you can easily fix that. Find a picture of yourself, your family, or a group where you are present. Do not use pictures of products, buildings,
or the family’s pet. The reason for Facebook is so that people see your face and get to know YOU. This builds trust, reliability, and shows people that you are someone they want to know. People buy from those they know, like, and trust. If they never see your face, how do they know if they like you or not?
for groups where you are like-minded or share common interests. Think of “Special Interest Groups” (SIGs) and you will understand why and how Groups are created. This includes your family, neighborhood, school organization, and a long list of other groups you are already associated with.
If you are focused on growing your business online, Facebook also offers a fan page. This may be the better solution for you and your business whereas a profile page shares the ins and outs of you from day to day. There is also a group page. This is ideal for businesses, for networks, and
Consider which of these is most valuable to you and your goal for being online. Is it to share the whole kitand-caboodle? Thus you would want to focus on a Profile Page. Is it to expand your brand? Then be sure a Fan Page is used. Is it to connect with like-minded individuals? Then a
Group Page is ideal.
pace, Twitter, LinkedIn, YouTube, or a long list of other social media platOn a fan page and group page you forms that are available via the Intercan have limitless connections. On a net. Again, the choice is yours, but profile page, you are limited to 5000 the rules are consistent in every platfriends. When you look at how many form. If you want to be a Master of people you know, how many business Social Media, then focus on CONcards you have, how many names are NECT, RELATE, and REFER (more in your address book, and how many on that in a future column). friends and family you are connected to, which of these options is better for If you use Twitter, you are building a you? cold market. You can convert your ? Linking all them on a Profile cold market to a warm market by tranPage to read anything and everysitioning them or linking them to your thing? Facebook, MySpace, LinkedIn, or ? Linking all of them on a Fan YouTube pages. Page where you are promoting your business, your company, and/or your On LinkedIn, which is a professional brand? platform, you may select to allow ? Or a Group Page that shares someone into your social life by cona specific focus? necting them with you on MySpace, Facebook, or even your YouTube The choice is yours…and you can channel. choose all three. Since MySpace is more of a social These are just a few basic steps when platform, it may be that you want to getting started on Facebook, and with link people to your professional site any other social media site. You may and therefore connecting them with also choose to be involved on MySyour LinkedIn profile.
As you can see the options are endless, the possibilities are numerous, and guess what? The choice is yours!
30 DAY CHALLENGE This weeks challenge: Over the next 30 days, build an online presence utilizing one or several of the social media platforms mentioned above. Be creative and have fun. For those of you who already have a presence on a social media platform, think of ways to enhance your site and take it to the next level. I can’t wait to see what you come up with, so please make sure you add me as “A Friend.” Much success in Networking! By Featured Networking Corner Columnist, Denai Vaughn www.thenetworkingqueen.net
Health Corner Eat & Lose Weight by Stephanie Tucker
A lot of people think....."If I just don't eat..I will LOSE WEIGHT." WRONG... It is really just the opposite... You have to eat to lose weight... If you don't eat, your body thinks it has to hold on to every bit of fat that you have stored or that you consume.... So the more you eat....the more you lose.... With that said, you have to eat HEALTHY and SMALL portions. BREAKFAST is the most important meal of the day. It gets your body on the right track. It lets your body know that you are not starving and it can start burning and not holding on
to what you already have. It gets your metabolism started up. AND IT GIVES you ENERGY for the rest of the day, and for your exercise you have planned...
For those that DON'T have time or always use that EXCUSE, try a protein shake (a little secret of mine is… USE FRESH OR FROZEN FRUIT with a little ice to make a healthy “smoothie or milkshake” PROTEIN BARS - I love the ISAGENIX, ZONE and LUNA bars Scramble you an egg or two – Studies say that an egg along with a sliced orange makes the perfect balanced meal OATMEAL - try organic oatmeal – add some FRESH or FROZEN FRUIT WHOLE GRAIN TOAST with HONEY and/or organic PEANUT BUTTER – DO NOT trust the labeling to ensure
the “whole grain” content, look at the list of ingredients – THAT IS WHAT MATTERS – Great marketing doesn’t equal GREAT NUTRITION MY TIP TO YOU: If you eat 2 smaller meals and a couple of LIGHT snacks.... You should be able to have 1 bigger meal a day... My husband and I chose to have our light meals earlier in the day...and then we get to SIT DOWN and have a meal together as a family at night. If you eat a big meal at lunch or so....TRY NOT TO HAVE THAT MUCH AT THE OTHER MEALS. ANOTHER TIP TO YOU: DO NOT eat past 6:30 pm if possible....if you do....try not to have a big meal and very little portions and number of carbs.
30 DAY CHALLENGE
ideas so I can pass along to fellow subscribers. For those of you that do eat breakfast, I want you to make a conscious effort of not eating past 6:30 pm. Make these simple adjustments….. The changes will astound you and your family. These simple changes will make a great amount of difference and not take a lot of your time as for it says in Proverbs 31:15 “She rises while it is still night, and distributes food for her household.” Your family and your body will love you for it. Please email me at funfamilyfitness@yahoo.com with results and comments and I will report on progress and challenges that you faced! We all want to know!!! ………because FITNESS should be FUN!
CHALLENGE for the UPCOMING MONTH –
By Featured Health Columnist Stephanie Tucker
For the hundreds of you that don’t eat BREAKFAST….EAT SOMETHING
www.funfamilyfitness@yahoo.com
NO DONUTS! It means something worth substance. Use some of the examples above or use your own. Email me some of your
eMAHs Moment A Word From eMAHs Founder, Lynesa L. Williams, D.E. Does Your I.Q. equal success? In 2010, you must have a low “I How many times have you’ve heard Quit” level to be successful. You that one’s Intelligence Quotient must not quit on your dreams or (I.Q.) has a lot to do with their abil- goals. You must be willing to stay ity to be successful? However, I be- laser focused on whatever you want lieve the real question should be, “Is out of life and be determined not to your success really based on your quit. See, the only people in life that I.Q. level?” Well, if you were to ask fail are those people that quit too me, I would say absolutely yes! soon. Now, I can hear you saying, “Lynesa, come on. I know of or have at least heard of individuals whose I.Q. level may not be at all that great but they are very successful people.” And guess what? I would agree with that statement. The most successful people in this world I guarantee have a low I.Q. level. Yes, I said “Low” I.Q. level. Now, I know I really have you thinking I’m crazy; but, please just hear me out. When you think of I.Q., you’re thinking of one’s intelligence level; however, when I thinking of one’s I.Q. level, it has nothing to do with their intelligence. See, I.Q. means one’s “I Quit” level to me.
Times will get hard. People will turn their back on you. And at times, you may even feel alone on your journey to success; however, you can’t quit. Your I.Q. level must be low to make it in 2010. I’ll leave you with one last thought. Even Jesus had to have a low I.Q. level. He understood that there is always a wilderness period before you make it to the Promise Land; however, it make it to the Promise Land, you can’t quit during your wilderness period. Peace, Love, Happiness and Most Definitely Prosperity, Lynesa L. Williams, DE
eMothers-At-Home Mission
The best example of the ultimate woman is the Proverbs 31 Woman. Her characteristics made her loved and favored by her family, her community and more importantly the Lord. eMothers-At-Home mission is to educate and inspire Women to develop all the necessary traits that make-up the True Proverbs 31 Woman. And we do this through our Training Portal. Each month, you will receive am eMAHs Training Newsletter that will motivate, educate and train you into becoming the Woman that God ordained you to be from birth.
Plant The Seed, Reap The Harvest Business Opportunity eMothers-at-Home (eMAHs) is more than just a Training Portal. This is a business about Showing and Telling, not Selling. Marketing eMAHs is about helping Women just like you, and showing them how they can build a better future. eMAHs offers a business opportunity that can give you the freedom that you've been looking for. If you're looking for a fulfilling career that can give you flexibility, time, and the financial freedom you've been dreaming of eMAHs may be the opportunity for you! Go to www.emothersathome.com for more information.
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