Card Ordering Catalog
www.patentpressgreetingcards.com
1
Cards 001-320 are B&W cards; inside greetings appear below the front image of the cards in the catalog. The cards may also be ordered blank by having a “B” precede the card number (i.e. CARD#001 ordered blank is: CARD#B001).
CARD # 001
CARD # 002
You rock.
CARD # 006
Congratulations on your new baby!
CARD # 010
IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY! Have more fun than a barrel of monkeys.
CARD # 014
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the Bat-mobile? “Get in the Bat-mobile Robin.”
CARD # 004
You are rich, sexy and famous; Every birthday you get a year younger… Then the alarm clock goes off. Happy Birthday!
CARD # 007
I’m not much of a foodie. I’m more of a drinkie.
CARD # 008
Even when they suck, babies are great. CONGRATULATIONS!
CARD # 011
Life without ballet is Pointe-less.
CARD # 012
It’s your birthday, have a ball. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
CARD # 015
Swishing you a happy birthday!
CARD # 016
- IronicSuddenly science geeks are popular
School can’t start up soon enough! Now take the boomerang, go out in the backyard, and play catch with yourself.
www.patentpressgreetingcards.com
Card Ordering Catalog
CARD # 005
Classically trained.
CARD # 009
Mommy, does Barbie come with Ken? No dear, she comes with G.I. Joe. She just fakes it with Ken.
CARD # 013
Hey, if I have to wear a face mask, I’m going to do it in style.
CARD # 017
There is no I in “Team”, or “Beer”, or “Keg”, or “Brew”. The letter I is kind of a buzzkill. Fuck the letter I.
2
Card Ordering Catalog
CARD # 018
Part of me says, “I have to stop drinking like this”. Then I remind myself – “Don’t listen to drunks.”
CARD # 023
Love an accountant, it’s less taxing.
CARD # 028
SMILE! It’s your birthday.
CARD # 032
Instead of going to Starbucks, I make my own coffee at home, mispronounce my own name loudly, and light a $5.00 bill on fire.
CARD # 019
CARD # 020
The difference between beer and your opinion is that I actually asked for beer.
CARD # 024
Happy Birthday Tool You.
CARD # 025
I did a lot of drugs in the 60’s, now I do them at room temperature.
CARD # 029
Friends are like bras, close to your heart and there for support.
CARD # 030
Tick-tock already! It’s been great bonding and all, but you are heading back to work soon?.
CARD # 033
Time to change your Facebook status from “Drunken Slut”, to “Drunken Birthday Slut”.
CARD # 034
Sorry but your password must contain:
• an uppercase letter, • a number, • a haiku, • a gang sign, • a hieroglyph • and the blood of a virgin.
A day without wine is like… just kidding, I have no idea.
www.patentpressgreetingcards.com
CARD # 022
Have a wheely good Birthday.
CARD # 027
Life is like a camera; focus on what’s important and capture the good times.
CARD # 031
What do you mean I should be more productive? This cocktail didn’t make itself.
CARD # 035
I just rescued some wine. It was trapped in a bottle.
3
Card Ordering Catalog
CARD # 036
Congratulations on your mid-life crisis.
CARD # 040
Love, honor and chair-ish.
CARD # 044
Weapons of mass percussion.
CARD # 048
You make my world go round.
CARD # 037
CARD # 038
On the advice of the dentist I am now rinsing with whiskey each morning. Oh, I am also referring to myself as “The Dentist” now.
CARD # 041
CARD # 039
Four out of Five hygienists agree that lying through your teeth does not count as flossing.
CARD # 042
I love you deeply.
CARD # 045
CARD # 043
So you went on vacation and all I got was this lousy sweatshirt?
CARD # 046
You’re not old, you’re mid-century modern.
CARD # 049
I love you enough to invest in non-Craigslist furniture with you.
CARD # 047
GREAT IDEA!
CARD # 050
I knew I was hungover after I tried to log onto my nephew’s Etcha-Sketch for 20 minutes.
You’re getting married, it’s nothing to lose your head over.
Thanks for always delivering, no matter what.
www.patentpressgreetingcards.com
I never said I hated you. I said, “If you were on fire I might consider roasting marshmallows.”
CARD # 051
If I start talking about getting a new hair style, cut me off, I’m wasted.
4
Card Ordering Catalog
CARD # 052
Behind every successful man is a surprised mother-in-law.
CARD # 056
The way to a man’s heart is through his fly.
CARD # 060
I get it, you’re home, you’re bored. But seriously, I need some alone time.
CARD # 064
G.I. Joe had difficulty with his gender identity, as he lacked any genitalia. “I’m an action figure, not a doll”
CARD # 053
CARD # 054
World’s most AWESOME FIREFIGHTER!
CARD # 057
CARD # 055
Knit happens!
CARD # 058
Keep it reel. Congratulations on your retirement.
CARD # 061
We all love your “Creative” ideas; however, some may not translate well on a resume′. This degree may fill that gap. Congratulations on graduating!
CARD # 062
You’re the greatest thing since sliced bread.
CARD # 065
I like my coffee the same way I like my men. I don’t like coffee.
CARD # 066
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Make sure you get your daily dose of iron.
5
There is no one I would rather have cabin fever with.
www.patentpressgreetingcards.com
I’d walk through fire for you, well not fire because that’s dangerous. But a super humid room, not too humid though because of my hair. BUT I DO LOVE YOU!
CARD # 059
Most of us are really going to miss you… others just signed the card. Bon-Voyage!
CARD # 063
You don’t pray to God for a nice, new car; religion doesn’t work that way. You steal the car first, then ask for forgiveness.
CARD # 068
It’s your birthday get hammered. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Card Ordering Catalog
CARD # 070
You are my partner in crime.
CARD # 074
When it says that 4 out of 5 people, “Suffer from diarrhea.” Does that mean that 1 actually enjoys it?
CARD # 078
Your job is so much more than just a paycheck; it’s also a place where you go to cry in the bathroom stall.
CARD # 083
I’ll never “Lego” of you.
CARD # 071
CARD # 072
Your only goal should be getting better. GET WELL SOON.
CARD # 075
Just what the doctor ordered.
CARD # 076
I love you more than my phone.
CARD # 079
Sometimes I dream of having a fuel efficient car, then I remember that I have a Jeep and I can drive over shit.
CARD # 081
I see a number, a very large number. Nonetheless a truthful number. I see a much smaller number, not really a plausible number, some would call it a lie. I see it is your birthday, you may use the second number – Happy Birthday!
CARD # 084
My wife’s super-power is realizing when I am having a good time and then shutting that shit down.
CARD # 085
You’re a life saver. THANKS!
Congratulations on your new home.
www.patentpressgreetingcards.com
CARD # 073
BE MY HONEY?
CARD # 077
I’m one drink away from bringing up shit from three years ago.
CARD # 082
I think I have found the perfect man.
CARD # 087
Guns don’t kill people, your boring stories do.
6
Card Ordering Catalog
CARD # 088
Draw your own fucking card HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
CARD # 095
Thank you for taking a stand for music education.
CARD # 099
Men are like pantyhose… some run, some cling, and some just don’t fit right in the crotch.
CARD # 105
Anything men can do, you can do while breastfeeding.
CARD # 090
CARD # 092
Good moms let you lick the beaters, great moms turn them off first.
CARD # 096
You look sad. Do you want to drink about it?
CARD # 097
CONGRATULATIONS! You nailed it.
CARD # 100
Video games are the answer. Why waste technology on science and medicine?
CARD # 101
You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not pizza.
CARD # 106
Screw it! Have a Happy Birthday!
CARD # 094
You say potato… I say vodka.
CARD # 098
Shopping for antiques doesn’t make you gay, it just makes you buy curios.
CARD # 102
You are my father, or at least that’s what mom always told me.
CARD # 107
Be honest. Does my ass look big in this?
www.patentpressgreetingcards.com
7
Good Luck!
CARD # 109
Some people are like Slinkys, not really good for anything, but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.
Card Ordering Catalog
CARD # 110
I asked for a necklace, not a collar.
CARD # 114
Houston, we have a problem… No one showed me how to use the bathroom.
CARD # 118
You R2 good to me.
CARD # 122
I can’t thank you enough
CARD # 111
CARD # 113
CARD # 112
On a scale of 1 to soccer mom, how crazy are we talking?
CARD # 115
- SORRY -
CARD # 116
Not to brag, but I’m really good at champagne.
CARD # 119
Live long and prosper. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
CARD # 120
May the force be with you.
CARD # 123
It’s your birthday. Celebrate you must!
CARD # 124
The good news is I did a thorough internal exam and everything looks okay. What’s the bad news? I’m not a doctor. GET WELL SOON!
I’ve been looking for someone like you. (Not in a stalker way though)
www.patentpressgreetingcards.com
I love you to the moon and back.
CARD # 117
You are my Droid in shining armor.
CARD # 121
There were no “Good old days.”
CARD # 125
The best part of life is sharing it with someone else.
8
Card Ordering Catalog
CARD # 126
You only live once, but you get to serve twice.
CARD # 130
You won’t be punching this anymore. Good luck with your retirement.
CARD # 134
Dentists do it twice a day.
CARD # 138
Dance like no one is watching; email like it may one day be read aloud in a deposition.
CARD # 127
CARD # 128
Do I make my car payments or get a tattoo? A new tattoo would look cool riding on the bus. New tattoo it is.
CARD # 131
I think we have great chemistry.
CARD # 132
Okay, even I give a shit once in a while. GET WELL SOON.
CARD # 135
Honey, you have to trust me, changing the toilet paper roll will not cause brain damage.
CARD # 136
Be decisive! Right or wrong, make a decision. The road of life is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t make a decision.
CARD # 139
There is no one I would rather go through life’s journey with. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!
CARD # 140
Don’t take this wrong, but I think I found the perfect car for you.
I’m having fruit salad for lunch, well it’s mostly grapes; actually it’s all grapes, fermented grapes. Okay, I’m having wine for lunch.
www.patentpressgreetingcards.com
9
CARD # 129
Your stupid illness is taking attention away from me. GET WELL SOON.
CARD # 133
Newton’s Law of Motion states, “What goes up must go down.” Toilet seats are not exempt from the laws of physics.
CARD # 137
You’re just my type.
CARD # 141
Sit back and relax. IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY!
Card Ordering Catalog
CARD # 142
I don’t want to brag or make anyone jealous but… I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.
CARD # 146
Yo… Yo… Hey you… HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
CARD # 150
If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck… You’re drunk; ducks don’t talk.
CARD # 154
Have a magical birthday.
CARD # 143
CARD # 144
Enjoy your trip.
CARD # 147
I love this new watch; it tells me when it’s time to start humping my owner’s leg.
CARD # 148
Thanks for being there when we needed you.
CARD # 151
A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are made for.
CARD # 152
ROLLER COASTER LOVE: Ups = Being with you. Downs = Being away from you.
CARD # 155
You make me a happy camper.
CARD # 156
Don’t grow up. It’s a trap.
Deepest thanks.
www.patentpressgreetingcards.com
10
CARD # 145
My new fitness goal is to lift an unconscious adult male, approximately the size and weight of my husband, into the trunk of a car.
CARD # 149
Sorry I’ve been difficult.
CARD # 153
Beer before liquor, never been sicker. Liquor before social interactions, actually, quite helpful.
CARD # 157
A good man can make you feel strong, full of energy and ready to take on the world! No sorry, that’s coffee. Coffee does that.
Card Ordering Catalog
CARD # 158
CARD # 159
I heard you’ve been catching a lot of crap lately.
CARD # 162
Hang in there.
CARD # 163
When you said, “Hiking”, I just assumed you meant wandering around in the woods smoking weed.
CARD # 166
Congratulations on your new arrival.
CARD # 171
Now for our feature presentation: YOU!
CARD # 160
Sorry to hear about your injury. I assumed you knew that the ball washer was for your golf balls.
CARD # 164
I dig you.
CARD # 167
People who say you are hard to shop for don’t know where to buy beer.
CARD # 169
I try to act nonchalant, but on the inside I’m actually chalant A. F.
CARD # 172
It was this or a hand up my butt. I went with the strings.
CARD # 173
You can never lose a homing pigeon; if it doesn’t come back, what you’ve got is a regular pigeon.
My friend gave me his EpiPen as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it.
www.patentpressgreetingcards.com
11
CARD # 161
Canoe believe it’s your birthday?
CARD # 165
When I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself, “This changes everything.”
CARD # 170
Forget about the past, you can’t change it; forget about the future, you can’t predict it; forget about the present, I didn’t get you one.
CARD # 175
I only have eyes for you.
Card Ordering Catalog
CARD # 176
I was at the ATM and an old lady asked me to help her check her balance, so I pushed her over.
CARD # 180
Enjoy your new home.
CARD # 184
I’m not saying you hang out at bars too much, but if you go missing we’re going to put your picture on beer bottles instead of milk cartons.
CARD # 188
I hope you don’t find a simplistic card that demonstrates how a swing works to be condescending. Oh, sorry, condescending means talking down to someone.
CARD # 177
CARD # 178
Maybe having some ice cream isn’t cheating on my diet; maybe going on a diet was cheating on my ice cream.
CARD # 181
I’m a spoon, but I identify as a fork.
CARD # 182
Whatever you do in life always give it your all, unless you are donating blood.
CARD # 185
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs; Perhaps you haven’t grasped the severity of the situation.
CARD # 186
Dad, thanks for always cooking up a good time. HAPPY FATHER’s DAY!
CARD # 189
Your head (and everything else) must still be spinning after all I’ve put you through. HAPPY MOTHER’s DAY!
CARD # 190
If offered the choice to have sex with one celebrity, living or dead, I would probably choose living.
Good News: We cleared you of any crimes. Bad News: You owe us a new machine; it blew up when we asked your age.
www.patentpressgreetingcards.com
12
CARD # 179
You know the moment when you smell a steak on the grill and your mouth waters, do vegans get the same feeling when they mow the grass?
CARD # 183
If alcohol influences short term memory, what does alcohol do?
CARD # 187
I wish my life had background music so I could understand what the hell is going on.
CARD # 193
I love you more than a serial killer loves a non-descript van.
Card Ordering Catalog
CARD # 194
You have been doing so many good things we had to buy a High Five machine. Thanks!
CARD # 198
You may be a year older, but you still have that spring in your step.
CARD # 202
I’m a big fan!
CARD # 206
I bought you the cheesiest birthday card I could find. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
CARD # 195
CARD # 196
Have a kick ass day!
CARD # 199
What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale
CARD # 200
I would climb the highest mountain for you.
Congratulations Graduate!
CARD # 204
CARD # 203
I lay in bed and told myself, “Relax, you’re not the first doctor to sleep with a patient.” Then another voice said, “But you’re a veterinarian.”
I really cherish all of the wisdom that grandpa shared with us. I’ll never forget his last words to me, “Hey, get off your phone and hold the ladder.”
CARD # 208
CARD # 207
My housemate threatened to kill me for stealing his clothes. I was so scared I almost shit his pants.
George Washington was the last president who didn’t blame the previous administration.
www.patentpressgreetingcards.com
13
CARD # 197
I was just fired from my job as a chef. I’ve always been a whisk taker.
CARD # 201
Hope you’re feline better soon.
CARD # 205
Maybe one less selfie, with the fire in the background, and he could have used the stairs..…like everyone else.
CARD # 209
You know what they say, Big feet… Big shoes.
Card Ordering Catalog
CARD # 210
Accordion to a recent survey 90% of people don’t notice when you replace words with the names of musical instruments.
CARD # 214
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember the fire department usually uses water.
CARD # 218
Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy a motorcycle. (And that’s sort of the same thing)
CARD # 222
I hope you don’t view this card as some cheap pickup attempt.
CARD # 211
CARD # 212
Camping with you is in-tents.
CARD # 215
I have an unnatural fear of speed bumps, but I am slowly getting over it.
CARD # 216
No officer my speech isn’t slurred, I’m just talking in cursive.
Sex in an elevator, wrong on so many levels.
CARD # 220
CARD # 219
Check out my package.
Remember in elementary school, when sharpening your pencil was the equivalent of taking a cigarette break.
CARD # 224
CARD # 223
Well, well, well if it isn’t the consequences of my own actions… How are you old friend?
If you don’t have anything good to say… have a seat next to me, we’ll get along great.
www.patentpressgreetingcards.com
14
CARD # 213
Stop waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel. Light that bitch up yourself!
CARD # 217
My mom told me if I don’t get off the computer she’d smash my head into the keyboard. Ha ha, does she think I b#Jpf@!m&D{+HvxjkdjexnmMNKG)%
CARD # 221
I wish the Academy Awards Orchestra would start playing music whenever someone in this meeting is talking too long.
CARD # 225
~A POEM~ Coffee, coffee, coffee - Coffee, coffee Shut the Hell up until I’ve had my coffee - Coffee
Card Ordering Catalog
CARD # 226
Sometimes I amaze myself, other times I pull on the door that says “Push”.
CARD # 231
CONGRATULATIONS! It’s your moment in the spotlight.
CARD # 235
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! YOU RULE!
CARD # 239
STOP THE PRESSES! STOP THE PRESSES! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
CARD # 227
CARD # 228
Golf is a thinking man’s game… Everyman thinks he can golf.
CARD # 232
Dentists get to the root of the problem.
CARD # 233
CONGRATULATIONS!
CARD # 236
Nobody wants to hear about your diet. Now go eat your salad and be sad.
CARD # 237
If I give you a straw will you go suck the joy out of someone else’s life?
CARD # 240
No one measures up to you dad. HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!
CARD # 241
Thanks for hosting the Open Bar. Oh, and the wedding was fun too.
I told you that that guy came with a lot of excess baggage.
www.patentpressgreetingcards.com
15
CARD # 229
You’re a Baller! On the field and off..
CARD # 234
My love for you is beyond measure.
CARD # 238
ALERT! ALERT! ALERT! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I REPEAT; THIS IS NOT A DRILL! (actually it’s a wrench) HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
CARD # 242
Eat, Sleep, Code, Repeat
Card Ordering Catalog
CARD # 243
Thanks for giving me a hand.
CARD # 247
I think I’d be more excited about your birthday, if it was my birthday.
CARD # 251
CARD # 244
When I have a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children. Just like it says on the bottle.
CARD # 248
To all my classmates in high school, who tormented me for being a studious nerd……. I need you to work overtime this weekend. Sincerely ,Your Boss
Bottle service just took on a whole new meaning. Congrats on your new baby!
CARD # 249
“It was the breast of times; It was the worst of times.” But really, mostly good stuff. CONGRATULATIONS!
CARD # 252
I’ll be at the barre.
CARD # 255
CARD # 245
Getting older is not always the most uplifting experience.
CARD # 253
Bite Me.
CARD # 257
Make America Rational Again!
CARD # 258
At 25 men play basketball. At 40 they play tennis. At 60 they play golf.Have you noticed that as men get older their balls get smaller.
You may have misunderstood when they said 99% of the game is using your head.
www.patentpressgreetingcards.com
16
CARD # 246
You know you are getting older when you go to the barber and he asks, “Should I count them, or cut them?”
CARD # 250
Why yes I love fixing all of your mistakes, making you look capable of doing your job.
CARD # 254
To be honest I’m just winging it: My Life, My Work, My Relationships, My Eye‐Liner, Everything.
CARD # 260
What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bike? -Attire-
Card Ordering Catalog
CARD # 261
I wanted to send you something amazing but the postman told me to get out of the mailbox.
CARD # 265
261 CARD # 262
CARD CARD# # 262 263
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Let the party Be-Gin
Pick out something special for your birthday.
CARD # 264
And you call me lazy if I don’t jump up and fetch your slippers when you walk in the door.
CARD # 269
CARD # 267
CARD # 270
Upon finding a rectal thermometer in her pocket the nurse said, “Great, some asshole has my pen.”
You light up my life.
You’re like a scarecrow.... outstanding in your field.
You’re busy; let the smoke alarm tell you when dinner’s done.
CARD # 274 CARD # 271
If it makes you feel better, why don’t we just call it a jacket with arms that hug you tight.
CARD # 275
If you are going to fight, fight like you are the third monkey on the ramp to Noah’s Ark, and it’s starting to rain.
CARD # 272
CARD # 273
Let’s taco-bout How awesome you are.
CARD # 276
I’m stuck on you.
CARD # 277
It may not be as easy as we wish it could be, but it’s worth the work. CONGRATULATIONS!
Let’s drink until bagpipe music sounds good.
www.patentpressgreetingcards.com
Sometimes I like to stand in front of the toaster and try not to flinch when the toast pops up.
CARD # 278
Happiness is like an orgasm, if you think about it too much it just goes away.
17
Card Ordering Catalog
CARD # 280
Muttering “WTF”, to myself, is part of my personal brand.
CARD # 284
Your thighs touching just proves that you are that much closer to being a mermaid.
CARD # 288
The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
CARD # 281
CARD # 282
You are always on my mind
CARD # 285
I liked drinking in college, so I stayed for grad school. I may have misunderstood, “Joining the bar.” Anyways, now I’m an attorney.
CARD # 286
Last year on his birthday my dad decided to get in shape. He started walking 5 miles a day. It’s a year later now, and we don’t know where the hell he is.
CARD # 289
Always keep a list of 100 books to read before you die… and one for after.
CARD # 290
I’m not saying you are full of hot air, but these were pictures from your family album.
CARD # 292
CARD # 293
In kindergarten they used to line us up, according to height, to exit the school for fire drills. Do taller kids burn slower?
I didn’t like the bedside manner of that new veterinarian. After examining my dog for five minutes he came out to the waiting room and announced, “That dog sucks!”
So this is what they mean by “Committed Relationship”.
CARD # 294
Just so everyone knows, we will be using thumb-wrestling to determine the next round of layoffs.
www.patentpressgreetingcards.com
CARD # 283
My drinking club has a book problem.
CARD # 287
You can lead a horse to water, but I would rather ride it to the liquor store.
CARD # 291
I did get you the recliner you asked for, but holding hands is out of the question.
CARD # 295
Father of the God Damn Year! At least on Tuesday evenings and every other weekend.
18
Card Ordering Catalog
CARD # 296
Keep your chin up.
CARD # 300
You’ve really left an impression on us.
CARD # 304
As a child, my parents warned me that people would try to offer me free drugs. Unfortunately, it turns out this almost never happens.
CARD # 308
You are awesome! Seriously, keep that shit up.
CARD # 297
CARD # 298
What? You’re the one who said you were interested in a threesome.
Look I’m going to be honest; I took this seat for the leg room; I was still on my phone when they went over the instructions.
CARD # 302
CARD # 301
Congrats on the new apartment; remember I advised, “Nothing above the second floor.”
CARD # 305
Great Job! But don’t get a big head.
CARD # 306
What part of “Social Distancing” do you not understand?
CARD # 309
Our concern was, when we showed you the charts, your question was… Is it pronounced Data or Data?
CARD # 310
Science doesn’t give a fuck what you “believe”.
You are a breath of fresh air.
www.patentpressgreetingcards.com
19
CARD # 299
I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.
CARD # 303
I scream, You scream, We all screamWhen you’re lactose intolerant.
CARD # 307
Honey, I’m heading out to the grocery store… need anything?
CARD # 311
Some of the greatest heroes in this world are hidden behind masks.
Card Ordering Catalog
CARD # 312
I don’t have a square to spare. I can’t spare a square.
CARD # 316
I know you’re attracted to me, but try to contain yourself.
CARD # 313
CARD # 314
Is that hand sanitizer in your pocket or are you just happy to be within six feet of me?
I heard you like naughty girls; I only washed my hands for 19 seconds before I put these gloves on.
CARD # 318
CARD # 317
After seeing this game, the president wondered, “Do you think we could have the Navy work from home?”
I think it is admirable that, due to the pandemic quarantine, some of the premium pay channels have offered free service. Just wondering what about subscribers that already paid? Asking for a friend; I mean I’m totally cool with it.
20
CARD # 315
Without you my life is as empty as the supermarket shelves.
CARD # 319
Kids, go upstairs; daddy is teaching today’s home-school science lesson.
CARD # 320
It’s a pandemic! Give me a N-95 mask, N-96, whatever it takes.
Patent Press® Greeting Cards is a unique and creative line of greeting cards in which all of the images are derived from the original drawings that accompanied iconic patents filed with the USPTO (United States Patent & Trademark Office). The greetings are cleverly linked to the images and range from sweet to hilarious (cards may also be ordered blank). Our cards are impossible to walk by, they appeal to people who are curious and want to take a closer look at how some of the more iconic items in our world came to be. With well over 300 different cards there is something that appeals to everyone, from sports enthusiasts to musicians, and everything in between; there is a patent image that appeals to everyone’s passion or profession. The bulk of the line consists of original Patent art that has been re-mastered to its original quality, paired with clever greetings (although any card can be ordered blank). Additionally there is a curated collection of cards that consist of the original re-mastered drawing, which has been further enhanced by being colorized. This is a timeconsuming process where every pixel is individually colorized. All the colorized cards are blank inside.
www.patentpressgreetingcards.com
Horizontal B&W Cards
CARD # 003
Social distancing and staying home, maybe it is better than the alternative.
CARD # 067
CARD # 021
CARD # 086
CARD # 069
CARD # 103
You came, you saw, you fixed. THANKS!
CARD #
191
Whenever I see that your email has a typo, I look at the keyboard to see if the two keys are close to each other. If they’re not, that’s when I judge you.
I love you more than craft beer! There you have it on paper. Are you happy now?
CARD # 080
You’re not old, you’re classic. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
CARD # 089
No NFL, no NBA, no MLB, no NHL. There’s always Professional Ping Pong. #Pandemic2020 #Social Distancing
21
CARD # 026
Some people ride the crazy train, I consider you the Engineer.
Life is full of endless struggles, frustrations and heartbreak, then you find a great hairdresser. Plus, you can’t hear screaming kids under the hair drier. HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!
Card Ordering Catalog
William liked everything about The military except for the phrase, “FIRE AT WILL!”
CARD # 091
Left foot blue; right hand COVID-19. Social Distancing – it’s not a game.
CARD # 104
I am not going anywhere without you. I LOVE YOU!
CARD # 168
Life is like riding a bicycle, to keep your balance you must keep moving.
CARD # 230
If you want to be strong, learn to fight alone.
www.patentpressgreetingcards.com
Teamwork makes the dream work.
CARD # 279
Even your proctologist says you are the biggest asshole they have ever seen.
ALL COLORIZED CARDS ARE BLANK ONLY
Card Ordering Catalog
CARD # C901
CARD # C902
CARD # C903
CARD # C904
CARD # C905
CARD # C906
CARD # C907
CARD # C908
CARD # C909
CARD # C910
CARD # C911
CARD # C912
CARD # C913
CARD # C914
CARD # C915
CARD # C916
www.patentpressgreetingcards.com
22
Card Ordering Catalog
CARD # C917
CARD # C918
CARD # C919
CARD # C920
CARD # C921
CARD # C922
CARD # C923
CARD # C924
CARD # C925
CARD # C926
CARD # C927
CARD # C928
CARD # C929
CARD # C930
CARD # C931
CARD # C932
www.patentpressgreetingcards.com
23
Card Ordering Catalog
CARD # C933
CARD # C934
CARD # C935
CARD # C936
CARD # C937
CARD # C938
CARD # C939
CARD # C940
CARD # C941
CARD # C942
CARD # C943
CARD # C944
CARD # C945
CARD # C946
CARD # C947
CARD # C948
www.patentpressgreetingcards.com
24
Card Ordering Catalog
CARD # C949
CARD # C950
CARD # C951
CARD # C952
CARD # C953
CARD # C954
CARD # C955
CARD # C956
CARD # C957
CARD # C958
CARD # C959
CARD # C960
CARD # C961
CARD # C962
CARD # C963
CARD # C964
www.patentpressgreetingcards.com
25
Card Ordering Catalog
CARD # C965
CARD # C966
CARD # C967
CARD # C968
CARD # C969
CARD # C970
CARD # C971
CARD # C972
CARD # C973
CARD # C974
CARD # C975
CARD # C976
CARD # C977
CARD # C978
CARD # C979
CARD # C980
www.patentpressgreetingcards.com
26
Card Ordering Catalog
CARD # C981
CARD # C982
CARD # C983
CARD # C984
CARD # C985
CARD # C986
CARD # C987
CARD # C988
CARD # C990
CARD # C991
CARD # C992
CARD # C993
CARD # C994
CARD # C995
CARD # C996
CARD # C997
www.patentpressgreetingcards.com
27
Card Ordering Catalog
CARD # C998
28
CARD # C999 CARD # C989
Each year the Greeting Card Association (GCA) comes together to recognize and celebrate the best that the industry has to offer in the form of the LOUIE Awards. For the greeting card industry, the LOUIE Awards would be viewed similarly as the OSCARS are to the film industry. From thousands of greeting card submissions GCA judges face the difficult task of selecting 3 finalists in each category. PATENT PRESS is honored to have been selected as a finalist, in five categories for the 2020 LOUIE Awards. In addition to having several cards chosen in specific categories, PATENT PRESS has also been selected as a finalist in the Rising Star Category; the award recognizes a card line that has been in operation for 3 years or less and has distinguished themselves in the industry in terms of creativity and execution.
While our cards are initially bought for their interesting images, and certainly the witty greetings, they are intended to continue to be enjoyed as artwork. With this in mind all cards are large format (5” x 7”) and printed on acid free, archival card stock. They can be placed directly into a 5” x 7” frame or matted and placed in a larger frame.
F.A.Q.’s • • • • • • • • • •
All cards are 5x7, printed on 80# premium (recycled paper) cover stock, with matching 60ct opaque natural vellum envelopes. Cards can easily be placed in standard 5x7 frames or in matted 8x10 frame. Cards are sold in a minimum of ½ dozen per design at 50% off retail - $3.95 ea. ($11.85/½ dz.). Cards may be ordered greeted or blank. Minimum opening orders are $150.00; minimum reorders are $100. All orders ship F.O.B. Rochester, New York. All initial customers must complete a wholesale application (with tax I.D. #) and be approved to start placing orders. All cards are UPC coded and pre-priced with the retail price of $3.95 retail. All of our cards are proudly designed and printed in Rochester, New York, USA. And yes, believe it or not, all of the artwork is actually derived from patents filed with the USPTO (hard as that may be to believe for some). The entire collection may be viewed on line at: www.patentpressgreetingcards.com
www.patentpressgreetingcards.com