How scary is too scary?

how scary is too scary? It can be hard to know what shows may be considered too scary for our children.

By Stacie Gaetz

As parents, we are part of a generation that has had a television in our home for our whole life. As such, we have been exposed to many things - good and bad - on television screens for years and are perhaps desensitized to violence and gore as adults, so it can be hard to know what shows may be considered too scary for our children.

Our kids are part of the generation that have easy access to screens of different forms, including computers, tablets, and phones. It has never been easier for kids to access entertainment in any form, from TV shows to movies to video games, and it can be difficult to know what and how much our kids are watching on a regular basis.

Even if you can keep up with your children’s electronic use and monitor it regularly, do you know exactly what they should and should not be watching according to their age and personality? What is too scary for a fiveyear-old to watch? What about your middle schooler? You may think that your teenager can handle more, but should they be watching that zombie movie? Read on for expert advice from Dr. Soraya Lakhani, a registered psychologist and the director of Yellow Kite Child Psychology in Calgary.

"You may think that your teenager can handle more, but should they be watching that zombie movie?"

Young children (ages five to 10)

Lakhani advises that the most important part of determining what is appropriate for your children to watch is to know their personal tolerances and thresholds for fear. “Having that insight into your children’s preferences and personality is perhaps the most critical part of making these determinations.”

“That said, starting out with animated movies involving a clear and obvious cartoon villain (who is ultimately defeated) is usually wise, and helps to reinforce the boundary between ‘real’ and ‘pretend.’”

You can best navigate what is appropriate for younger children to watch when you preview the show or movie and compare that to what you know about your children’s specific traits. There are also many valuable online resources where movies are reviewed and can give you further information into what may or may not work for your kids. A good place to start is Media Smarts, Canada’s Centre for Digital and Media Literacy, mediasmarts.ca.

What to do if they are scared

If a child is frightened and calls out to you during a movie, there are a number of things you can do to calm them, the most important of which is to tell them they don’t have to keep watching the movie.

“Provide them with the reassurance and the opportunity to opt out [of watching the movie],” suggests Lakhani. “Make sure they know that they can turn off the movie, cover their eyes, or leave the room at any point.”

It’s also important to help your kids understand that movies are the product of other people’s imaginations - a group of people in a room who came up with an idea and a set of drawings and costumes to bring the movie to life.

Simple gestures of comfort, such as offering your child a glass of water, cuddling them, or holding an honest conversation, acknowledging and discussing their fear or employing a distraction technique, such as playing a fun game or going for a walk, can be helpful, adds Lakhani.

“Acknowledge your children’s fears, ask questions, empathize with the fact that they saw something scary, and answer your children’s questions,” she says. “This helps reinforce to kids that they can talk about their fears and it creates an open channel of communication with you.”

According to Lakhani, kids under the age of seven or eight have the ability to start to differentiate between what is real and what is fiction, but they can still be emotional or afraid after watching a scary movie.

Alberta movie ratings - what do they mean?

Dr. Lakhani says these guidelines can be helpful and offer a place to start, but these guidelines aren’t going to work for every child and every family. You know your children better than anyone and you should use your knowledge of each child’s personality, preview a movie, and read reviews to determine what is appropriate for each child to watch.

G - General, suitable for viewing by all ages. PG - Parental guidance is advised. Theme or content may not be suitable for all children. 14A - Suitable for viewing by persons 14 years of age or older. Persons under 14 must be accompanied by an adult. May contain violence, coarse language, and/or sexually suggestive scenes. 18A - Suitable for viewing by persons 18 years of age or older. Persons under 18 must be accompanied by an adult. May contain explicit violence, frequent coarse language, sexual activity and/or horror. R - Admittance restricted to persons 18 years of age or older. Content not suitable for minors. Contains frequent sexual activity, brutal/graphic violence, intense horror and/or other disturbing content. Adult - Admittance restricted to persons 18 years of age or older. Content not suitable for minors. Contains predominantly sexually explicit activity.

How do you know if your child was scared by a movie, but didn’t tell you?

Lakhani says anxieties from age-appropriate scary movies might present as difficulties: • falling asleep • going to the bathroom alone • being alone on a given floor of the house • frequently wanting to know where you are located in the house • having fears of the dark

Older youth (ages 11 to 18)

Lakhani advises that for older children, reinforce that it is okay not to enjoy thrillers/horror movies and it is okay to decline watching them. “Watching certain scary movies can be perceived as a ‘badge of honor’ and often, tweens and teens will feel pressured into watching movies they just don’t want to watch,” she says.

However, as your kids get older, it’s easier for you to have reasoned conversations with your kids about appropriate and inappropriate viewing. For example, you can say to your middle-schooler, “I think this movie might be a bit intense for you right now” and explain why you feel that way. Talk to them about why they may want to watch or are curious about a particular movie but then come up with healthier alternatives.

With your older kids, if you’re on the fence, try watching the movie together and check in with them at intervals and make sure they still feel comfortable watching the movie. “This is an important part of guiding kids to independently understand their own boundaries and comfort zones,” says Lakhani.

Stacie is a freelance writer, editor, and mother of a delightful daughter, five, and silly son, two. CCM

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