How to support your teen’s friendships when you have phone boundaries

By Chantal Côté, R. Psych.

Obsessed, pushing boundaries, aggressive, and even violent outbursts. As a parent, is enforcing phone limitations on your teen exhausting? Your teen is telling you they want their phone because it’s how they connect with their friends and they are trapped at home without much else to do. You notice late nights and loads of screen time changes your teen’s mood and attitude. What do you do?

Here are five steps to follow when balancing boundaries and teen friendships:

1. Know your kid’s phone is your old hangout.

It’s their place to be with their friends, even more so when they can’t hang out with their friends in person.

2. Know there is bad but a lot of good that

can happen in digital spaces. There are great platforms for reading, learning, exercise, connections, creativity, advocacy. When used for these purposes, screens can be good. 3 . Ask yourself: ‘Are others suffering?’ Is your teen still doing (interested in) things other than screens? For example, my kiddo works out, has a

4 .

5.

chunk of tech-free time, walks the dog, hangs out with me, and completes chores. Keep usage public or semi-public. As a general rule for your teen, ‘no technology behind closed doors’ can help you have a pulse on what’s going on and help your teen learn to manage their usage. Use a technology contract. This is a contract that you create or co-create clearly agreeing on how the privilege of technology is used in your family. You can find a good example of a technology contract on the kid stuff website, uppervalleykidstuff.com/a-technology-contractfor-tweens-and-teens-and-parents.

Now, three steps for your teen: 1. Privilege in relation to responsibility. The more responsibility you take on, the more you earn the privilege of screen time. 2. Set a reasonable daily limit of screen time. Yes, I said it, you set your own daily limit. Try the daily limit you have set for yourself for a week and then with a parent, review what worked and what didn’t and adjust accordingly.

3 .

Review your time online. Is your time spent gaming, watching, learning, chatting? Strive to find balance that connects you to your friends and feeds your brain, too!

Chantal Côté, R. Psych., is the owner of Pyramid Psychology in Calgary. Chantal has over 14 years’ experience with non-profits and works with older children, teens, and their families. For more information on her counselling services, including online appointments, visit pyramidpsychology.com. CCM

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