UPSKIRT! by MadRad Davis

ONE PART DYKE DIARY, TWO PARTS SOCIAL STUDIES.

FORMERLY BRASH AND WIPE FROM FRONT TO BACK

inappropriate behaviors

I HAVEN’T FUCKED ANYONE IN A YEAR.

FUCK CUNT LICK TITS I masturbate two times, three times, four times, and still, I want you inside me.

Rebecca

AGAIN I SAY... I don’t give a fuck at this point. I don’t care if you’re into bondage, spanking... if you want me to dress up as a school girl and call you daddy. I’ll dress in head to toe pearls, bend

I HAVEN’T HAD SEX IN A MOTHERFUCKING YEAR. over and drop pencils, do it in public, do it

raw.I’ll do it dirty, I’ll do it slow. Whatever it takes to get laid, my vagina is at stake here.

I feel like my vagina has boycotted sex. Perhaps

she is currently taking real estate classes. She’s learning how to bake and is an avid baseball card collector. I don’t know what the fuck she’s doing. Maybe she is vacationing in Aspen, but it sure as fuck ain’t fucking.

F g s a k a b f I s l p a c o m i m c

From the first time i saw you on Grindr i knew this was going to be unhealthy. I knew i was going to be too chicken shit to actually meet you, but adding you to my favorites was simple enough. Knowing your approximate distance was a good way to know if you were around. Talking to you every so often made me jittery. Finding out later that a few friends knew who you were made you a little more real. Finding your facebook page and looking at your pictures made me feel like the creepy girl with no friends. I also found your old blog, an article you wrote with your friend Zana and her blog which you were constantly featured in. I know, i got a little obsessed, i think i noticed it when i decided to google you. I'm not quite sure why im telling you this, or writing this all down as a list of my neurotic stalking. I just wanted to let you know that i have a little crush on you. I might have been a little to excited when you talked to me last sat though a different profile, with a different profile pic. Im not going to lie i use to check my phone all the time to see if you were around. That was with your other profile, with this new one i find myself constantly checking it. I dont know why im so obsessed and i don't know what you've done. I hope one of these days I'll see you, like the time i told you i saw you jogging down the street, my heart stopped, too bad i was in a car. I also saw you walking down in the Mission once, i was in a car then too. Anyway, i hope this letter finds its way to you. I would like nothing more then to sit down with you, have some coffee and stare at your perfectly chiseled chin. : )

BY LUIS

Did my phone just vibrate? Aw yes, new text! Okay. It’s probably just my friend asking when we should go to Panera. I’m going to be completely rational. Just another text. Probably not from you. Definitely not from you. Well, I mean, it could be from you, but I’m not going down that path because if it’s not you, then there’s that little letdown. Oh shit. It’s actually from you. What could it possibly even say? It’s you. You are the one that I want. You’re so cute and charming. I want to take you on this romantic bike ride which will end in a beautiful park where we will discuss the finer things in life but mostly make out until the sun sets. No! What am I doing?! I’ll just check it. How’s it going? Okay, acceptable. You still know I exist. That’s a good thing, right? Ugh. I hate you heart for nearly falling out of my chest after seeing his name on the stupid phone. It is completely beyond me as to why, oh why, you’re still on my mind. I just don’t understand it. Yeah, you’re pretty adorable. You were basically everything I was looking for when I met you. You made me so incredibly nervous. That whole inhale, exhale thing we’re supposed to do on the regular? I could barely manage that around you. “Ask” by The Smiths always plays in the back of my mind when I think about you. I mean, c’mon! This is ridiculous. I just want to sit you down and say absolutely everything I have ever wanted to say to you. I know we’re not going to see each other for a while, but I want you to know. I have no idea what’s to be of us, if there will even be an us, but I hope that we do stay connected. I’d really enjoy that bike ride sometime.

by s. gokey

What sucks is that I had to meet you just a week before I moved back to Texas. Honestly I didn't think anything was going to happen between us. My first impression of you- oh what a cute hipster; I like his white plugs. You did look hot in your tight pants, hipster mullet, blue eyes, and leather jacket. I didn't pay attention to your name until after we started talking and I had to wait on someone to call your name. Ha. But you remembered mine, and that's all that mattered. Chatting with you was so natural, fun, you totally got my humor and followed my stories easily; I hadn't met someone like you in the five years I've been in Wisco. Speaking of, I hate the accent I have now and you made fun of me for it. Ya know? I decided to Emily's birthday party. I knew you where awesome when you sang along to Demi Lovato. But then I was confused I didn't know if you liked boys, girls, or both. I didn't like you like that just yet. I think I became interested only after you kept making sure if I was having fun or when you offered to share your beer cup with me or when you kept coming to look for me whenever I left the room. Oh and when they suggested a game of beer pong and you claimed me as your partner. One of my favorite moments of the night was when the band members and their gals all went upstairs to the “private” party. You playfully slapped my booty. In the room you asked for my phone. I got defensive and asked, “Why?” Your response, “So you can have my number.” Oh. ha. Shortly after my friend was outside to come get me. I made you walk me out. We hugged goodbye said the nice to meet you and that was it. You texted me the next night. I said “It's really hard to dance, drink, and text at the same time!” You said, “Deal with it!” My friends kept asking me why I was all smiles and giggles. I knew I liked

you when I ignored the boy I was crushing on when he tried to take me home. We texted everyday for hours at a time and I loved it. When I was getting my Wisconsin tattoo y o u texted,

“sending your ankle a kiss from here.” Swoon. What pain? A week later you where back in Milwaukee. Kitty, Paul, and I went to get you. Right away you grabbed my hand and we walked to the car. I felt like I was in middle school or something because we kept stealing kisses in the backseat while “mum and dad” upfront shared a Miller Lite. Classy. Paul dropped us off at my apartment. Small talk was cut short. wham, bam, thank you mam. Thanks for the best sex ever. Seriously, no joke. Thanks for making it all about making me happy; you pulled some awesome tricks. And on top of all that, you wanted to cuddle after. Hot damn. You also said I was a great kisser, so thanks. I loved falling asleep in your arms. And waking up to “Good Morning” and being smothered in kisses wasn't bad either. Just so you know, I was thinking about how pale you are and for a second or five I thought of Robert Pattinson. HAHA. Thanks for the vampire marks on my neck and inner thighs. Well you did say, “Sorry I was hungry.” And thanks for the additional rounds of fun in the morning. I'm glad we found your shirt and my panties after a half hour search. I'm sad I'm not in Milwaukee anymore, it would have been great, but at least we still text. Well yeah, thanks for the great sex. See Y

you v

May o

14th, n

disclaimer: there is a lot of intense shit in here. shit about me that you probably didn’t care to know MAYBE don’t want to knOw. if you want to be able to keep looking at me the same as you always have, then shit, do us a favor and don’t read this.

A poem to make me feel better So you traveled across the country To a place where you know no one And everything, everyday is a new So you are gay And you’ve known for a while Right? And so you’re hiding it But she doesn’t need to know yet And \when she does It will be fine She loves you no matter what; a bank couldn’t even change that So you hate the school It’s not for you And you want to leave And never come back Except maybe to vacation Or to see the sights Its only 8 weeks And you’ll be back home Where you can’t smoke nearly as often And the food is cheaper But you wont fall back into old habits You will be beyond that by then So what if the deadline has passed Maybe still? What’s the worst that could happen? You could stay for the whole year, maybe Maybe You could go to smith, maybe It’s all uphill from here baby, You are amazing You have friends already People genuinely like you And you \are better off than you were than 3 months ago So what if she won’t ever like you like that Someone will I can see it now She’s not waiting; you’ll meet someday And you’ll be smart From not watching the picture tube And from not being in the closet

I HOPE YOU ARE DOING WELL, AND I SEE YOU AGAIN SOMEDAY.

I want to shout to the world I’M HERE I’M HERE GET READY TO LET ME IN.

S T H BODY THOUGHTS G U O H T Y D O B S T H G U O H T Y D BO

DIGITAL LOVE LETTER TO MY TRUE LOVELY FRIEND, MAGGIE: You dont make me nervous. I dont hope its your name i see on that new text. I don’t pace around for hours before our date, nervous with excitement. We dont have much in common. You dont make me nervous, but im glad i met you. You are the most genuine person i have ever gotten the chance to know, and you deserve someone as equally wonderful as you are. You are far too polite and delicate with my concerns and feelings. I mean, thats how it should be, and i thank you for being someone who treated me so damn well. I appreciate you. I really really do. When i look back at out time together, there was not a single moment that i regret. I’m not sure if you realize this, but you set a new standard for all future partners. I never really expected much out of other people. If someone met me halfway, then they would be golden. But now i know that people do go farther than that for people they care about. You are an incredible person with spectacular manners and respect. I hope we can go out for coffee one day, and you’ll tell me how happy you are because you found that certain someone. I wish you all the best because you truly deserve it. -xtine

I AM ONE OF THE FUNNIEST BITCHES ON THE PLANET.

I’M JUST GOING TO SAY IT.