Madriverunion03 28 18edition by Mad River Union

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WEDNESDAY, M A R C H 28, 2018 (CLOSE ENOUGH) V OL . 5, N O 27 E ST . 2013 18 P AGES $1

ARCATA, APRIL 1 – An unlikely sequence of events resulted in severe damage downtown last Thursday morning as a Godzilla-sized Sofia Pereira went on a cross-Plaza rampage. The mayor had been walking past Jacoby’s Storehouse sipping a quantum energy smoothie from Co-op when she was struck by a bolt of energy leakage from a particularly intense Reiki session going on inside. Not directly though – the plasma-like power bolt first blew across the south Plaza lawn, directly into the McKinley Reality Distortion Field. There, it struck a large kettle of Groundscore Stew being served by Food Not Bombs. The chunky gruel was immediately vaporized, according to witnesses, with the energy charge passing through the acrid, ionized stew-vapors and changing color as it ascended to envelope the head of William McKinley. Some say that distant, eerily giddy laughter was heard as the shapeshifting energy orb seemed to linger about the bronze president’s knurled cranium,

Manila CSD purchases nuclear centrifuges Mad RiveR Union

MANILA, APRIL 1 – Federal and local officials were alarmed to learn that the Manila Community Services District has acquired nuclear centrifuges, but a district spokesman contends that the devices are being used only for peaceful purposes. The February purchase of two Zippe-type gas centrifuges came to light after a resident of the sandy outpost found the centrifuge purchases buried in the Sewer Improvements budget. The $8 billion centrifuges, and a Venti-sized box of uranium yellow cake, are being kept

at an undisclosed location in the Manila Community Center. District Manager Chris Drop was mum about the centrifuges, saying only that “using the centrifuges is an enriching experience. All options are on the table.” A boardmember, who asked to remain anonymous, said “This is part of our visioning process. We’ve visioned and visioned and visioned. Now it’s time for some healing enrichment.” In other news, the district has agreed to sponsor a Little League team called the U-238s. “Should be lots of fun,” Drop MCSD

‘SOFZILLA’ ON DOWNTOWN

RAMPAGE

JUST IN TIME The Ninth and H streets “Corner Intentions” circle was repurposed as an energy siphon to draw off the bad juju, then neutralize and rightsize the gigantified Mayor Sofia Pereira. KLH | Minion

50-year bongwater buildup brings city-wide THC sludge upwelling Flora Glack Mad RiveR Union

ARCATA, APRIL 1 – Despite their powers of absorbency, Arcata’s couches have historically proven unable to soak up all the spilled bong juice unleashed on them daily since the 1960s. Much of this precious, THC-laden graywater resource is simply poured into drains or flushed with pride down toilets. Now, Arcata’s plumbing has be-

come so encrusted with bong deposits that the gooey material is forming up and fighting back – almost with a will of its own. All over town last week, those with indoor plumbing suffered eruptions of bongly miasma oozing out of their sinks, toilets and storm drains. As the hash-like goo flowed free of charge into Arcata homes, not everyone was complaining. SLUDGE

POT CLOT This massive mound of molten bong sludge will reguire a block-long, seven-ton bent paper clip to clear up. KLH | Minion

Who to BeLIeve anyMore?

‘We Know Better’ group here to help

Just say no to drugs.

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DUELING DUALITY Against the backdrop of the newly refashioned Plaza, cardboard philosophers Brent and Brent pose a brain-breaking logical paradox with their latest signs – but at least no one is yelling. Once you figure this out, please let us know who’s right. KLH | Minion

ARCATA, APRIL 1 – A new organization called We Know Better (WKB) has opened an office in downtown Arcata to better serve the citizens of the community. WKB intervenes in various proposed developments and projects and advocates on the public’s and its behalf. For example, recently Mrs. Betty Bangle, 73, applied for a building permit to build her dream Fred Friebus home on a vacant residential lot on California Avenue. Fortunately, WKB was able to intervene and put the project on hold while it developed alternative plans for the property. WKB

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ARCATA, APRIL 1 – Multiple classroom coloring projects, civic scoping sessions and virtually all meat-wrapping slowed to a halt last week as part of the sudden nationwide shortage of butcher paper. The rolls of heavy white paper – designed to contain meat juices, to record marking pen scrawls and even withstand the scribbles of elementary school students – recently fell into short supply across the na-

JUST DUCKY After decades of acrimonious debate, the Arcata City Council replaced the detested statue of William McKinley at the center of the Plaza with an effigy of David elley oodworking’s beloved mascot, Space Duck. The Mc inley statue will be relocated to the top of the Mc inleyville Totem Pole. Comments can be directed to David elley oodworking at . dkcustomdesign.com

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‘Monopoly Days’

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DO NOT PASS GO Customer Jonathan Patton IV and Murphy’s Sunny Brae checker Angela Carr in a prolonged standoff that will determine whether he gets his groceries for free. KLH | Minion

ARCATA, APRIL 1 – Not content to let grocery mega-chain Safeway monopolize Monopoly in the checkout line, the local Murphy’s Markets are rolling the dice on their own version of the classic board game. “Murphy’s Monopoly Days,” which began Monday, is already filling the stores’ aisles with customers. Even if they aren’t moving through them at traditional velocity. Under the rules, customers reaching the checkstand play the game against the checker. If the customer wins, the contents of their shopping cart are free. Shoppers at the Sunny Brae store seem to enjoy playing Monopoly in line. “Shut up,” said customer Jonathan Patton IV, his gaze trained on Park Place. The premier property had just gained a hotel, and as checker Angela Carr rolled her dice, Patton was focused on charging exorbitant rent and driving her to financial ruin so he and his Doritos could go home. As the game dragged on, customers farther back in the line made the most of the multi-hour delay. Two warring neighbors from Panorama Drive who normally communicate by flinging dogshit into each others’ yards found themselves awkwardly waiting next to each other. The tense silence was broken when one dropped a packet of Hostess Twinkies,

and the other picked it up for them, breaking the ice. They started chatting, and before long the two were fast friends, agreeing to join forces in launching dog waste into the yard of the neighbor with the loud band who lives behind their backyards. Behind them, several shoppers had formed an ad hoc support group. “I’ve been here for three days,” said Jerry Jitters, pointing at his hand basket. It contained a soggy wrapper, all that remained of the ice cream sandwich he’d planned on buying back during those halcyon days of Monday. “I miss my family,” Jitters said. “Can you get word to them that I’m all right?” Others in his vicinity were getting some exercise, using the floor tiles as squares in an aisle-wide chessboard. For chess pieces, one player used bottles of olive oil and the other various brands of mayonnaise and mustard. Even farther back in line, customer Mary Feinseld had made a fort of toilet paper 12-packs. Inside, she seemed to be reverting to childhood, dressing up jars of spaghetti sauce and marinara as dolls. “This is Binky,” she said, cuddling a jar of Ragu dressed in a washcloth. “She doesn’t like Newman’s Sockarooni. Do you, little Binkums?” Feinseld made a face at the offending jar, then, mimicking a child’s voice, she taunted Binky’s saucy rival. “Newman!” she blurted scornfully.

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THIMBLE! Location: Bret Harte Alley, within spitting distance of that guy who never stops yelling. Just follow the spit. Cuisine: Minimalist (707) 555-2846 Thimble!Arcata.com

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ARCATA, APRIL 1 – Those looking for an edgy, upscale dining experience in Arcata have a new option – a tiny restaurant with a name to match: Thimble! Located off Bret Harte Alley in the heart of downtown yelling district, Thimble! offers hungry diners their first taste of an innovative new style of fare. “We call it ‘microcuisine’,” said Thimble! Owner Zig Florpsnod. “Everything from soup to nuts, entrees to desserts, can fit in a thimble, hence our name.” Florpsnod pointed with pride to some freshly-plated dinners headed from the kitchen to a waiting table. At each plate’s center was a minute portion about the size of a dime, if that. “Ah, there goes another heaping helping of meatloaf parmesan,” Florpsnod said. “I see they got the grain of fresh ground pepper with it.” Drinks are similarly Lilliputian, and are inserted directly into patron’s mouths (or eyes, if they wish) by wait staff, using an eye dropper. The theory of microcuisine is that the tiny portions compel diners to savor each mini-morsel, the minute servings proportion-

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GEARING UP FOR GLUTTONY Thimble! chef Stephan Eaton shovels up a heaping helping as he plates the restaurant’s signature Family-Pleasin’ Feed Trough. KLH | Minion

ately magnifying interest in every aspect of the gustatory experience. Florpsnod said he knows it works, since diners just want to keep eating, even after gorging themselves on Thimble!’s Thumbelina-sized dinners. “We’ve had to rope off the potted plants, because of nibbling damage,” he said. “They just don’t want their night at Thimble! to end.” Indeed, some of the eatery’s wallpaper and table legs also bore visible teeth marks. One diner was so debilitated with sheer pleasure that she crawled across the carpet to clutch at Florpsnod’s ankle, pleading weakly, “Food… please… something to eat…” she said faintly. The successful restaurateur smiled. “They just can’t get enough,” Florpsnod said with a satisfied grin, shaking the woman off his leg.

PENGUIN PURGE Quick thinking Union Ad Manager Jada Brotman, above right, performs the Heimlich Maneuver on an Emperor Penguin after the Antarctic avian began choking on a herring while dining at Salt Fish House. The unidentified penguin, here on vacation from its ice cap home, later flapped its 8-ounce wings with glee and referred to Brotman as “a true hero, eep eep.” KLH | Minion

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GO-TO GAL Stephanie Pfeifer. KLH | Minion

JACOBY’S STOREHOUSE, APRIL 1 – The demands of today’s busy world can leave you with vital tasks unfinished, or not even tackled. So many details! Now, a new business in historic Jacoby’s Storehouse can help you with some of those tedious chores that eat away at your precious time. Stephanie Pfeiffer has started up her new Stephie’s Service Shack, offering a limited but useful range of services to help ease your busy day. Can’t find your roll of Scotch tape? Don’t waste time looking. Stephie’s Service Shack offers artisanally pre-cut strips of tape in length of one, two and three inches. The pricing is easy to remem-

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ber as well – $1 per inch. (Custom lengths are available for a $9 surcharge, but must be ordered six weeks in advance.) What about postage stamps? Stephie can help. She doesn’t sell them, but if you bring her your stamps and envelopes, she’ll be glad to stick them on for you. (Stephie’s Crescent City Service Shack recently closed, so she’s offering Del Norte County residents who drive down to Arcata a 2 percent discount on all tape strips and stamp-affixing services.) And who can keep track of those little plastic bread bag closures? Well, Stephie can. C’mon down and pick up a dozen for just $20. Stephie’s Service Shack is open from 3 to 4 a.m. on alternate Thursdays for your convenience.

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Moonstone Crossing Wines The Mad River Union, (ISSN 1091-1510), is published weekly (Wednesdays) by Kevin L. Hoover and Jack Durham, 791 Eighth St. (Jacoby’s Storehouse), Suite 8, Arcata, CA 95521. Periodicals Postage Paid at Arcata, CA. Subscriptions: $40/year POSTMASTER: Send address changes to the Mad River Union, 791 Eighth St., Suite 8, Arcata, CA 95521

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Egg scandal parboils newspaper Blooge Verminton Mad RiveR Union

ARCATA, APRIL 1 – A lapse in journalistic standards has engulfed NoHum’s weekly newspaper in scandal. The matter came to light when the Union published photos of 2nd graders from Mrs. Toynbee’s class at McKinleyville Elementary school who won the class’s annual Easter Egg Decorating Contest. In a shocking revelation, it turned out that the photographer, Union staffmember Nelda Venkmann, has a granddaughter in the class. Worse, Venkmann may have influenced the outcome of the contest by remarking, “That’s pretty,” about an egg a boy had decorated with glitter glue during a classroom visit. While Venkmann’s grandchild, Tessie, didn’t participate in the contest, and the egg her grandmother had remarked

about didn’t win, the reckless compliment could be perceived as a possible attempt to manipulate the outcome of the contest and manufacture news. “We’re shocked and disappointed,” said Union Editor Jack Durham. “Nelda should have known better.” While he couldn’t comment on personnel matters, Durham said that Venkmann is no longer with the newspaper. All of her work has been expunged from the Union’s website while an investigation into other potential lapses proceeds. Another series of lengthy, self-flagellating mea culpa columns are in the works, in which the Union will admit the error, take ownership of it and detail the steps it is taking to prevent a recurrence. The scandal has hit the paper hard, with scores of readers cancelling their subscriptions. Angry notes slipped under the

newspaper’s door have included copies of the damning photo cut out from the newspaper, some with “FAKE NEWS!” scrawled across it. On learning of the controversy, activist Fhyre Phoenix immediately set up a protest outside Jacoby’s Storehouse, waving a placard that exclaimed, “Scramble the eggs of corruption!” The scandal even rattled City Hall, where several citizens excoriated the council during Oral Communications at last week’s meeting. “The City Council has failed to set the proper ethical tone, and that’s what made this kind of atrocity possible,” raged citizen Splenda Splenard. “All of you must resign immediately!” Pereira later said that after considerable thought, she intended to soldier on in office, with improved focus on moral DESKSIDE DISSIDENT Minion Editor-In-Chief Jack Durham tries to write up the latest leadership in all matters relat- Manila Community Services District firestorm while under militant protest by aced to hard-boiled eggs. tivist Fhyre Phoenix, who also brought some nice oranges for the staff. KLH | Minion

Corrections

Area man survives shark attack at Arcata City Hall Shunka Fourwinds Mad RiveR Union

Brian Kang, on the mend.

Minion fiLe pHoto

ARCATA, APRIL 1 – Recent efforts to re-introduce indigenous animal species locally may have backfired. The trend began not in eco-groovy Arcata, but McKinleyville, where the Friends of Widow White Creek were able to re-establish a colony of Eye-Sucking Lampreys, an aquatic species able to propel themselves out of the water for distances of up to 50 feet, where they suck the eyeballs out of passersby. The lamprey’s return has had many positive benefits, creek activists report, pointing to the swelling membership in McKinleyville’s Low Vision Support Group. Arcata jumps the shark Not to be outdone, Arcata picked up on the idea and re-introduced Grizzly bears to the Arcata Community Forest. Arcata Main Street did its part by releasing wolves on the Plaza during the Farmers’ Market. While scaring off human users, the return of the wild predators the municipally-owned woodland sparked a resurgence of other wildlife there, from opossums to skunks. That, in turn, has led oceangoing creatures – some whose food supply has been disrupted by ocean acidification

and climate change – to come ashore in search of the tasty delights now scampering about the landscape. An unintended consequence of the abundant fauna befell City of Arcata GIS Specialist Brian Kang last week, when he suffered a shark attack at his City Hall desk. “I was updating a topo map when I felt teeth sinking into my leg,” Kang said from his bed at Mad River Community Hospital. “At first I thought it might be a particularly aggressive panhandler, so I reached for some pocket change.” But when he looked down, Kang couldn’t help but notice that a nine-foot Great White shark had clamped its jaws on his left leg. Unfortunately, while staggering around to his various co-workers’ offices to show off the “new sidekick” affixed to him, the proud GIS specialist reached down to pet his new aquatic appendage when the surly shark took another chunk out of his right hand. After a while, Kang began to feel weak from blood loss and went to the hospital. All stitched up but bed-bound for the time being, Kang was restless, and eager to get away from landbound shark danger and return to the safety of the ocean on his surfboard. “This bites,” he said. “Get it?” MOSQUITO FEST The ninth annual Mosquito Festival will be held May 1 at a variety of venues on the Samoa Peninsula. The event is clothing optional. Come celebrate this spring’s bumper crop of Culex spp., the area’s beloved little insect.

Decision time

Mad RiveR Union

ARCATA, APRIL 1 – The City Council held a marathon special meeting last Wednesday night to settle once and for all its conroversial proposal to outlaw vaping on stilts during a tsunami drill. The Arcata Community Center was filled to near-capacity as citizens braved a rainy night to have their say on the proposed ordinance. City Manager Karen Diemer read a staff report which indicated that the new policy, if implemented, will have little to no effect on the city’s budget, or much of anything else for that matter. “Costs are expected to be commensurate with the relevance of this measure,” Diemer said, rolling her eyes. With a lengthy, rambling statement, Councilmember Susan Ornelas introduced the draft ordinance. As fellow councilmembers and staff took on a glazed look and snores began to emanate from the audience, Ornelas’s stream-of-consciousness harangue suggested that it was time to “change the energy” around stilt-vaping. “I’m of two minds on this,” she said although it wasn’t immediately clear which of the minds had seized control of her speech mechanism. “You have to understand that this is all part of a process.” Councilmember Paul Pitino objected to

the new policy, saying it had been developed by a deep state “clique.” “This sounds like just another scheme to keep me from being the mayor,” an embittered Pitino said. “What about my legacy?”

‘TWAS EVER THUS The Arcata City Council. Councilmember and tall drink o’ water Michael Winkler said he often sees eye to eye with stilt walkers, and literally so. “But I still don’t want that mob vaping on or over the Plaza,” he said. Councilmember Brett Watson said the policy wasn’t inclusive, and could complicate the city’s efforts to ensure equity for all regardless of altitude or leg accessories. Mayor Sofia Pereira said that even during her recent deranged rampage on the Plaza (see page A1), she took care not to topple any Stilted-Americans.

BRAIN FART The From the Publisher column in last week’s paper titled “I’ve got a high I.Q. Do you?” incorrectly stated that the Union’s publisher had been admitted into the local MENSA club after he inadvertently read the results of his IQ test upside down, which indicated a substantially different result. The Union egrets the aura. A COMMON MISTAKE Everything on last week’s Calendar of Events page on B2 was incorrect, as the Union inadvertently published the calendar page from the March 13, 2009 edition of Fréttatíminn, a weekly newspaper in Raykoveck, Iceland. The Union regrets the error. RECIPE FOR REGRET Due to an editing error, the recipe for “Aunt Betty’s Super Rich, Chocolately Delicious Fudge Brownies” printed in the Union’s Women’s Section three weeks ago mistakenly called for immediately garnishing the brownies straight out of the oven, before they had an opportunity to cool down, with 35 pounds of riced penguin bladders. The recipe should have stated “let the brownies cool, then shake half a cup of sugar sprinkles over the top.” Our apologies to Norma Hastings, who followed the recipe as instructed, as well as members of the Trinidad Civic Club. Get well soon. The Union regrets the error. BIRTH PATROL Due to a typograhpical error, a baby born March 19 at Mad River Community Hospital was erroneously listed as Zibbernabula DuFrenunculum Überdrelb III. Her actual name is Mary Sue Wilson. The Union regrets the error.

What’s your favorite thing about the Mad River Union?

A TOWN TURNS OUT An engaged citizenry packed the Community Center to help make choices that will change Arcata forever. KLH | Minion Ogilvie Humdiddle

COSTLY COCK-UP A front page typo last week inadvertently stated that the price of the May 21 edition was $10,000, not the actual cost of $1. The Union regrets the error, but not enough to issue refunds.

No two people like exactly the same things about the Mad River Union. Velma enjoys Janine Volkmar’s entertainment pieces, while Ernie is a big fan of the legal notices (he’s weird). Otto dives for the Arcata Police Log, which makes his belly jiggle like a big bowl of Jell-O, while Fiona goes straight to the Letters to the Editor and gets all het up over politics. Subscribe and find your own favorites!

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David Dennison Mad RiveR Union

RumoRs fly about mcKinley payoff to postcaRd staR

ARCATA, APRIL 1 – Voted off his granite island by the City Council, anti-Confederacy war hero and genocidal maniac William McKinley is now having his stolid bronze flanks stressed by sensational scandal. The grimacing effigy was spotted in a local tavern, exchanging heated words with a woman from out of town. Witnesses to the argument overheard talk of a “non-disclosure agreement” and $130,000 cash payment. Meanwhile, an interview with Plaza statue’s alleged former romantic interest, reportedly a New York harbor-area resident of some renown, was set to air on Access THE PLAQUE’S BACK IS BACK Someone will believe this. KLH | Minion Humboldt this Sunday night. was returned to its Eighth and H ment wording, the calcified back of In related news, the recently streets rock, but with its offensive the plaque was seen as representeliminated Jacoby’s Storehouse 1963-vintage wording facing the ing pre-biological proto-Earth, the plaque made an innocuous return rock in permanent shame. last period of natural history in to the town square. The plaque With no consensus on replace- which no one was arguing.

Town divided, accusations fly over controversial Plaza monument Ray Rumsey Mad RiveR Union

ARCATA, APRIL 1 – One of the Plaza’s most venerable fixtures, next to Sunflower, is the Temperance League Fountain on the square’s west side. The 1912-vintage fountain is also one of the town’s most divisive landmarks, with advocates for removal doing rhetorical battle with fountain loyalists online and in public meetings. “Get that thing off our Peace Plaza!” howled Polly Patchouli, a downtown reform activist. “It forces the public to bend over to drink, bowing down to the Humboldt Bay Municipal Water District and their liquid oppression. Who made them God?” She called it the “fuhrer fountain.”

The anti-fountain forces found favor up the hill, where Humboldt State University Chemistry Professor Egbert Z. D. Poindexter objected to the fountain on public safety grounds. “Dihydrogen monoxide is one of the most potent solvents there is, and kills thousands every year,” he said. “Why would eco-conscious Arcata tolerate a fountain that spews this chemical right on its town square?” The fountain has its defenders, though. Molly Mendacia remembered the fountain’s original purpose, and warned of consequences if it’s removed. “Remember why the Temperance League installed it,” she said. “If there’s no water fountain, thirsty people will charge over to

WATER AND FHYRE Activist Fhyre Phoenix could no longer be silent on the fountain controversy, weighing in on DHMO dangers. KLH | Minion

the bars and start chugging highballs. A parched throat is demon alcohol’s plaything.” Activist Fhyre Phoenix got wind of the controversy, and joined in the “Flush the Fountain” movement. Sunday afternoon, he was positioned next to the fixture, trying to educate the public of the dangers of water. “Enjoy a sip of slaughter sauce,” one side of his sign read. The other side bore just a symbol – that of the DHMO Awareness organization. As with virtually everything else these days, the issue triggered bitter debates on social media. Advocates on both sides found the character and morals of those with the opposing view severely lacking and worthy of expatria-

tion. “You meddling minnies are always trying to wreck the Plaza – leave it alone, or leave!” grumped Arcata old-timer Gorn Glumber in a Facebook post. “Get a life!” “Plug your geyser of patriarchal poison and get out of town, and take that fascist fountain with you,” flamed Zelda Zealotrine. “Get a life!” The City Council’s creative solution was to assign staff to come up with a table listing the relative moral weight of pejorative terms commonly used in online arguments such as idiot, imbecile, libturd, fascist, snowflake and douchecanoe. Once that is determined, highest-scoring insulters will then be deputized to finally decide the matter.

Watson’s crisp attire sparks clean shirt, washed face revival Develops second career as free-lance ghostbuster Angus Podgorny Mad RiveR Union

ARCATA, APRIL 1 – Clean-cut Arcata Coun-

cilmember Brett Watson’s natty duds have sparked a city-wide fashion shift. The era of earth-toned gar-

SIDE HUSTLE Above, the sometime-supernatural Sherlock (clad in one of his new signature leisure suits) tracks down a particularly troublesome infestation of faeries in a downtown building after notification by the Faerie Investigation Society. KLH | Minion FIELDBROOK SCHOOL PLAY The students of the Happy Little Cage-Free Learners Montessori Free Range PreSchool in Fieldbrook invite the community to attend its production of Quentin Tarantino’s Reservoir Dogs Saturday at 8 p.m. at the Grange. Students, ranging in age from four to five years old, will tell the lively tale of a jewelry heist gone bad, and the resulting conflicts that occur when those involved

ments, in effect since the 1970s, may have passed. With his monochromatic 1961 tax accountant look, the vice mayor’s crisp, wrinkle-free shirts and ties have set a new tone for the rest of the council, now pressured by his example to wear freshly laundered clothing to meetings. The elevated couture standard fell hardest on Councilmember Michael Winkler, forced to locate a shirt devoid of embedded Cheez-It crumbs. The trend swiftly spread beyond City Hall to a public park located just north of Eighth Street between G and H streets known as “the Plaza.” There, volunteers with Food Not Bombs (FNB) now serve their signature Groundscore Stew whilst clad in formalwear rented from Arcata Tuxedo in near-

in the heist suspect that one of them is an informant. All roles are performed by the students, ages four to five, of the school, except for special guest star Chris Hartley, county school superintendent, who will reprise the role of Joe Cabot. Joey Palooka, 5, will star as Mr. Blonde, a role he has mastered over the last nine months by immersing himself in the role, staying in character both during and after school.

by Jacoby’s Storehouse. “What were you expecting, Burger King outfits?” said FNB server Grunion as he tugged at the corners of his black bow tie. Over at Ninth and H streets, a formerly motley group of millabouts now exchanged the usual hugs, nugs and low-grade infections wearing suitcoats, slacks and shined shoes. The hangarounders quickly scattered at the appearance of APD Sgt. Brian Hoffman, who approached them with his ticket book out and pen in hand. This was understandable, since at least one of the corner crew sported mismatched cufflinks, a new Arcata Municipal Code infraction. Second career Fresh on the heels of his identifying an elusive and naughtily-named Wi-Fi

POINT & SHOOT The Arcata chapter of the Faerie Investigation Society held its first meeting last week. “Faeiries cannot be captured through traditional photography or video recordings,” explained Bill Chino, chapter president, as he and his cohorts pointed to their faerie familiars. Freethinking individuals are invited to the Storehouse’s fourth floor utility closet from 1 to 2 p.m. on the third Tuesday of each month to share their paranormal experiences and research. Individuals interested in establishing communication with Arcata Marsh elves are also welcome to attend. Andrew Jones | Minion router in Jacoby’s Storehouse, Watson last weekbegan receiving requests to apply his skills to paranor-

The play features extreme language, profanity, violence and is not recommended for audience members ages 17 and under. Attendees seated in the first five rows will be issued rain ponchos to protect their garments from stage blood. STRAWSURGENCE Patriotic Arcata Citizens for Plastic Straws meets next Tuesday at the home of the Union’s publisher

mal phenomena. His first job was squashing pestilential faeries like gnats in Jacoby’s Storehouse.

to develop a strategy to fight the anti-plastic straw lobby. Among the ideas that will be discussed is an ordinance that would require restaurants to provide diners with disposable plastic crazy straws, at least three per beverage. The straw enthusiasts will also get an update on an effort to bring back styrofoam coffee cups, pagers, telephone answering machines and mylar balloons and to restore rail service.

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M ARCH 28, 2018 BIG EXCITEMENT IN TINY TYEE The Mad River Union’s Tyee City Bureau Chief Tiney Rikkets reports that on Monday morning, March 23, a fat tabby cat known locally as Cheeto was seen scaling a wooden fence located about 30 feet from the Mad River. The feisty feline then jumped down on the other side, scratched at a patch of sand, squatted and took care of business. The cat then meandered back around the fence and found a sunny spot on the porch, where it wallowed most of the day alternately napping, licking its paws and, with a disgusted and condemning look on its face, watching the neighbor’s yappy cockapoo traipsed around the yard. Tyee City officials declined comment on the event, dismissing it as “fake news.”

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THAT PRINCE OF FOODS

The muffin remnant that captured a small city’s heart Gizbo Replicart Mad RiveR Union

ARCATA, APRIL 1 – A small altar marks the spot at 12th and L streets where, for a brief, shining moment in Arcata history, a pastry remnant braved the elements, passing dogs and area ants to offer a tale of hope for all. First noticed two weeks ago, the plum-sized chunk of oatmeal-bran muffin lie atop a semi-translucent napkin on the sidewalk. Downtowners soon began comparing notes on their muffin sightings, and adding candles and other offerings to an altar that sprung up around it. The city had to cone off a portion of L Street due to the teeming hordes of selfie-takers wanting to share a photo with the increasingly iconic chunk of chewy goodness. But last Wednesday, March 21 – coincidentally, National Lick Toothpaste Off A Sponge Day – the muffin came to its end, accidentally washed down the storm drain by the city’s Tymco 600 Regenerative Air Street Sweeper. The mishap was immediately seized upon by a group calling themselves “Muffin Truthers,” who linked the Tymco to a cabal of renegade trillionaires hell-bent on expunging all traces of baked goods from the world’s sidewalks.

MUFFIN SUMMIT A range of citizen, city and state representatives gathered at Arcata’s Minor Theatre to reflect on the half-eaten muffin, how we can learn from it and what it portends in years to come. KLH | Minion

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ECLECTIC COALITION The Plaza should be a far more agreeable place from now on, now that all major stakeholders have signed a peace treaty. Titled as the “Contract for Arcata,” the agreement dictates standards for courteous behavior on the town square. In a Friday morning ceremony, above, the “Stop being a Poopy Head Pact,” as it is informally known, was signed by representatives of all known stakeholders: Arcata Main Street, both Rotary Clubs, the Knights of Pythias, CommUnity Pride & Peace, Food Not Bombs, Drunk and Drunker, They Who Yell, the NoHum Nug-Slingers, Brent, Sunflower, The Arcata Coalition of Irresponsible Pet Owners, Slumpabouts for Peace or Whatever, The Way of the Tunic, Trimmigrants International, the Revolving Confederation of Petty Criminals, That One Guy Who Won’t Shut Up, the Insufferable Do-Gooders Guild, the Yaksmen’s Mobile Debating Society, Halitosis Humboldt, Dipshits Without Borders, Penny Popcorn Theatre (not pictured) and the Occupy Arcata Remembrance Society. pHoto Courtesy rotAry CLiub of ArCAtA

Arcata’s new Navy confronts sea level rise Ecky Patang UNDER CONSTRUCTION Arcata’s new evacuation vessel, the USS Breskin, now under construction at the Corp Yard. City of ArCAtA pHoto

Mad RiveR Union

ARCATA, APRIL 1 – The City of Arcata’s newly formed Department of Naval Engineering is continuing construction on a state-of-the-art ark at the Corp Yard in response to the latest concerning models of sea level rise. Community Development Director David Loya optimistically interpolates the latest models and projections to read “…impending doom.” At a special meeting scheduled for April 1, 2018, the Arcata City Council will discuss whether or not to include a gazebo on the Ark’s main deck. “The Plaza originally had a gazebo on it so I think it’s a fitting amenity for the ark,” said City Manager Karen Diemer. There are still many other considerations to be made about which additional amenities should be included while under construction. After an all-night study session where, due to the butcher paper shortage, participants were forced to write directly on Council Chamber walls, the council decided to form a special committee to suggest which amenities should take priority. The committee will consist of just 40 members so as to not become un-

wieldy, and will be selected by throwing darts at pages randomly torn out of a phone book. “Time is of the essence so we thought forming a small committee would be the most efficient,” Commented Arks and Evacuation Director Mark Andre. An old-timey sailor has frequented council meetings and insists that as the ark grows in size and weight, the draft of the vessel will exceed the 40 foot depth of Humboldt Bay leaving it unable to reach open sea. “Aargh, mateys” the grizzled sea-

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man said as he manipulated a slide rule while at the public podium. “By my calculations, this here ark will be sittin’ over 50 foot deep in the water!” He added that the sea, she is a fickle mistress. Senior Shipwright Doby Class says construction is coming along as scheduled and anticipates the ark to come in far over budget. A ButchCo Industries representative at the council meeting said that the vessel would best be used to store hoards of paper rolls, calling them essential to human survival.

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We’re not letting the best and mosy pettable people be persons It’s been eight years since the U.S. Supreme Court granted corporations a personhood that allowed such entities to spend freely in local, state and federal elections and roughly three years since corporations could practice “religious freedom” to sidestep federal regulations that allegedly ran counter to their faith – as in, no birth control insurance coverage for Hobby Lobby employees. It’s past time for similar – or even expanded – personhood to be granted to the canine population. I’m sure my Maltese Myron would happily contribute a portion of his treat fund to support a candidate that promises to bring a dog to the White House. It’s also important to note his “free to run” religion includes a strongly held belief in untethered access to beaches, parks, open space and other public places. If we can grant personhood to the likes of Eli Lilly Pharmaceutical, the Roman Catholic Church and Exxon Mobil, why not Myron, Exeter, Polly and the many other furry persons who daily demonstrate the heart of being a person – love, loyalty, devotion? It seems only fair. Sincerely, Kush Cabaret Redwood Valley

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LETTERS

The City of Eureka recently surveyed North Coast residents about the nature of digital signs. Many business owners likely support the ability to freely use these changeevery-few-minutes eye-catchers in hope of attracting new customers. Rather than using more electricity and heightening what some would define as urban blight, why not create elevated stages where newly hired employees could act out the businesses’ messages. Fast food restaurants could set up a “Last Supper” tableau where the Prince of Princes and his co-horts were enjoying a wide sample of the restauranter’s offerings or clothing companies could have a constantly changing runway of their recently acquired togs. Such a concept would not only increase jobs on the North Coast, but would draw in customers and certainly be a creative outlet for forward-thinking enterprises. Thank you, Godwit Gahoonie Blue Lake

McK muni advisory group slated to mull policy Bimbo Goyo Mad RiveR Union

H atman MAYO LID Taking a cue from Arcata’s Tom Conlon, who is enjoying his post-retirement years as an actor and erectile dysfunction TV commercial star, former McKinleyville mucky-much Dennis Mayo has launched a lucrative second career as a hat model. Above, Mayo sports a bespoke 55-gallon cowboy hat woven from the finest Snowy Plover hides. KLh | minion

McKINLEYVILLE, APRIL 1 – The McKinleyville Municipal Advisory Committee (McKMAC) will hold a meeting next Wednesday night to discuss whether to have a special planning meeting in advance of its regular monthly meeting, during which it will set the format for a future public hearing. Committeemember Craig Tucker had requested that an item be placed on the agenda, but Committee Chair Ben Shepherd said the item was outside the committee’s purview. That led to a series of meetings about whether it was appropriate to put the item on the agenda.

McK CSD rescues ’hood with thoughts & prayers Nilchy Bilchy Mad RiveR Union

MCKINKEYVILLE, APRIL 1 – The McKinkeyville Community Services District voted 4-1 last week to send its ”thoughts and prayers” to the Heartwood Subdivision after a sewer main failed, showering the neighborhood with raw sewage. To the horror of local residents, on March 20 a massive sinkhole suddenly opened on Heartwood Drive, revealing a sewer main, which then burst open, sending a shit geiser 162 feet into the air. The spray has continued on daily since the catostrophic failure of the district’s new experimental 400 psi pressurized sewer system. According to district officials, repairing the sewer main would be costly and inconvenient. Numerous roadways would have to be closed, limiting mobility in the popular neighborhood. “Residents might need to take Cotton or Lime avenues to Holly Drive to get to Central Avenue,” explained the man-

ager. The possibility of such an inconvenience has stymied a solutio. to the crisis. MCSD Director John Wheel-Mustard made a motion at last week’s meeting to authorize repairing the sewer main, but was unable to get a second. “Now is not the time to politicize the issue,” said Director Dennis Couch. Instead, the board voted 4-1, with Wheel-Mustard dissenting, to send its thoughts and prayers to the residents of the Heartwood Subdivision. “I’m grateful for the board’s action,” said resident Hymie Gautier as he stood knee-deep in raw sewage. “Those prayers mean so much.” His wife Grizelda disagreed. “Sewage is natural and GMO free,” she said. Who knows what impact these man-made ‘thoughts and prayers’ might have?” She advised consulting with a local astrologer to ascertain optimal times for the thoughts and prayers to be issued so as to “minimize impacts on Gaia.”

Sludge | Blakeslee Ave. to get deluxe repair center FROM A1

“This tastes like that ’Lumbo I used to score,” said Colt Seavers, longtime Plaza hangabout. He and other Plazoids rushed to the intersection of Seventh and I streets, where a massive glob of hashlike bong sludge was welling up. Piling up like brains-craving zombies, the THC-crazed ’Zoids began shaving off rinds of the concentrated cannabis and stuffing them into their pockets. Activist Fhyre Phoenix heard the tumult all the way over on the Plaza, where he was protesting the Temperance League water fountain. Rushing over, Phoenix hastily scrawled a new slogan over his anti-DHMO sign reading, “Don’t Bogart That Sludge, My Friends!” The bong residue backed up all the way out to Blakeslee Avenue, where the gutters flowed with the lava-like goo. Responding to the crisis, the City Council moved with dispatch to set up a series of Community Dialogue on Bong Buildup scoping sessions, but had to cancel them because of the butcher paper shortage. Instead, the council moved to set up a temporary command post on Blakeslee from which to direct

Rampage | Mayor goes Brobdingnagian FROM A1

growing in intensity. It then shot back from whence it came, striking Pereira’s smartphone. The mayor had been listening to a podcast about the growing number of empowered women being elected to local public offices, when the power surge took hold. Momentarily stunned, Pereira sparked like a Tesla coil, muttering, “...women… growing… power… growing… GROWING” With a thunderous KA-BOOM!, Pereira suddenly exploded to about 100 times her regular size, towering over the square as McKinley tossed his head back, letting out a horrifying, mewling cry of glee. The Brobdingnagian mayor then set to lumbering about the square, flattening cars and snapping off the trees like they was bonzai’d ornaments on a dry-wobble landscape. Stubbing her toe on McKinley’s base, the Gorgo-scaled Pereira became enraged, roaring, “I move to waive reading of the ordinance, and proceed to a vote on total world domination!” At this, downtown activist Fhyre Phoe-

The committee formed a subcommittee to study the topic, which ultimately decided to be careful and judicious, and carefully consider meeting agendas before the meetings are scheduled. At Wednesday’s meeting, the committee may approve the format for the planning meeting, which will begin with the Pledge of Allegiance and end with an adjournment. While committeemembers appear to have reached consensus on the meeting format, both Tucker and Shepherd agree that something has been lost in the process. “For the life of me, I can’t remember what it was we were orginally planning to talk about,” Tucker said.

TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE BORE The People’s Coalition for a Plutocratic Representative Democracy will hold a workshop Saturday in McKinleyville on “Using Jazz Hands to Influence Elected Officials at Public Hearings.” The coalition, made up of three individuals from the wildly enthusiastic Mike Huckabee For President Campaign of 2016, strives to counteract the use of “twinkle” hands by audience members at recent Arcata City Council meetings. “Societal change and/or stagnation comes about with straight arms, splayed fingers and rapidly shaking hands,” said Bob Fosse-protege Margaret Stanford, who will lead the workshop. Stanford worked on Broadway productions in the late 1970s before attending Humboldt State, where she made a name for herself producing utterly humorless, Talibanesque productions detailing her tedious insights into social justice issues. Admission to the 15-hour workshop is on a sliding scale, from $1,250 to $3,780. Attendees MUST preregister at least 10 days before yesterday.

nix quickly assembled a small handbook titled The Massive Mayors’ Guide to Relaxation and Smashing Plutocracy, reading it aloud from atop McKinley’s shoulders, with the president’s squirming head in Phoenix’s leg lock. At Ninth and H streets, a hastily assembled energy circle organized by Councilmember Susan Ornelas began to have an effect. As the giant Pereira towered above them, the circle began to draw away the energy field that had enveloped the massive mayor. In a blinding flash, the pulsing energy spiraled groundward in a spectral vortex, singeing the umbrellas of energy circle participants. When the smoke cleared, Pereira was restored to her normal proportions, and the energy circle particpants rushed to her side on the Plaza lawn. As she came to, the de-energizing supporters surrounding her burst into applause and whoops of joy. At this, the dazed mayor waved a scolding finger. “I’m going to have to ask again that no one applaud or cheer at this time,” Pereira said.

CLOG CENTRAL The new $3.3 million Blakeslee Avenue Recovery Center. Submitted photo repairs from close by, rather than from distant City Hall. On a unanimous vote, the council authorized construction of a $3.3 million recovery center where equipment and personnel will be staged. The new building will use lumber harvested from the Arcata Community Forest. It will include three equipment bays, a conference room, employee lounge, and a small gym with sauna and hot tubs for sewer workers. The exterior will be clad in stained redwood. A large skylight will allow natural illumination inside, symbolizing Arcata’s commitment to renewable energy. An interpretive center open to the public will display maps show-

ing Arcata’s sewer lines and other infrastructure. An interactive display for children will allow them to push “Tommy Potplug” with magnets through a small channel representing a sewer pipeline as the wad of goo slowly congeals into a city-wide clog. At the insistence of Councilmember Susan Ornelas, a $40,000 mural on the building’s street-facing side will depict proper, eco-safe methods of cannabis processing and disposal. “This shouldn’t be a best-kept secret,” she said. As an artistic addition, the controversial bicycle boulevard “wheel” at 10th and I streets will be rolled over and repainted as an energy-focusing mandala. Landscaping will include an array of native plants, plus a nature trail with interpretive signs. That will be co-located with a parcourse for eco-infused fitness. After an architect is selected and plans finalized, construction is expected to begin within six months. The facility should be ready to receive equipment and workers by next February. Once everything’s in place, the sewer repairs should take no more than three days, after which the center will be demolished.

WKB | Offers a second unsolicited opinion FROM A1

After conducting a scoping session, WKB learned that neighbors, particularly the ones on either side of the lot, would prefer that the property remained undeveloped. “It’s a popular place for people to poop their dogs,” said Fred Friebus, president of WKB. “After much discussion, we’re recommending that Ms. Bangle develop the property into a multi-use facility, with one half being a dog park and the other a futsal court.” A similar situation played out last month in Sunny Brae, where Bob Rodster applied for a permit to build a detached garage on his property to house his restored 1965 Mustang. WKB stepped in, held a series of scoping

sessions and came up with what it considers a better use of Rodster’s land and money – an infinity pool. “But I don’t even know how to swim,” said Rodster, protesting the change of plans. ‘The public has spoken. Rodster will build a pool. Case closed,” declared Friebus, giddy on the heels of his latest victory. WKB is also helping ease the town-and-gown divide. When WKB learned that an HSU student was planning to put a second-hand minifridge in his dorm room and hang a Guns & Roses poster on the wall, WKB was there to intervene and come up with an alternative plan. The student was forced to ditch the fridge and the poster. Instead, WKB had him install a four-foot-tall

resin relief of the Eiffel Tower from Target on the wall and a retro-style dry bar with matching martini glasses and a shaker shaped like a Zeppelin. WKB seized the student’s iPhone, deleted his Guns & Roses and Bruno Mars albums, and replaced them with a recording of Frank Sinatra singing “The Girl from Ipanema” set to play on a non-stop loop. “We were happy to help this student out and transform his dorm room with this hip Mad Men-style decor,” said Friebus, as the defeated, sullen student stewed nearby. If you’re planning a project or vacation or even just a mid-day snack, you can contact WKB, which is available 24/7 to get all up in your shit.

M ARCH 28, 2018

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Starving student starts Neighborhood Watch inside refrigerator Splang Squizzbiz Mad RiveR Union

SUNNY BRAE, APRIL 1 – Fighting both household crime and undernourishment, visibly famished Humboldt State student Alvin Simon has established a Neighborhood Watch unit in his roommate-house refrigerator. “I’m dying,” the enfeebled Simon said, trembling with hunger. “Any food – well, almost any – that I put in the fridge disappears within an hour or so. By mysterious forces!” The prime suspects: Simon’s roommates. The victim fingered those with whom he shares the vintage Spiering home on Virginia Way, based on the results of a forensic examination after the most recent disappearance of his groceries. The in-depth inquiry consisted of looking at his housemates, all zonked in front of the TV in the living room. Each bore key characteristics linking them to his missing dinner. These include an empty IPA bottle and the remains of Simon’s hard-won burrito dinner. “I stood in line for two days at Murphy’s and finally won my Monopoly game, only to have these slackers chomp all my noms,” Simon said, motioning to the body-littered living room.

Out in the kitchen, the aged Frigidaire listed to one side, emitting a loud 60 cycle hum as it strained to keep chilled some week-old clam dip, a curled-up slice of pizza from a shop that closed last summer and an assortment of Saran-wrapped biological experiments. “I guess my burritos and IPAs sorta stood out,” Simon lamented. “But that’s no excuse.” On learning of the grocery atrocity, activist Fhyre Phoenix turned up at the front door with a cardboard sign lambasting “refrigerator brigands” who pirate food items. The warring roommates were briefly united in a housewide effort to barricade the front door to prevent Phoenix from entering and involving himself in the dispute. Eventually Simon compromised, accepting a small doll dressed as Phoenix bearing a tiny sign warning against thefts. This was placed in the door rack near some newly issued Neigborhood Watch signs inside the crime-riddled icebox. The whole matter became moot when Simon finally figured out places to hide his eats where they’d never be found by his no-account housemates – underneath the stack of overdue phone and PG&E bills and behind the lawn mower.

SCENE OF THE GRIME Sunny Brae’s newest and smallest Neighborhood Watch, a Virginia Way roommate refrigerator. SubMitted pHoto

Down to last supplies, disc golfer finds way back to civilization Ritchie Retch Mad RiveR Union

MANILA, APRIL 1 – An Arcata man says the new lighthouse in Manila saved him from certain death after he got lost at the town’s disc golf course and spent eight days trying to find his way back to the parking lot. Tony Growbro’s harrowing and inspiring tale of survival began on March 15 when he and a couple buddies met up at the park and made their way down the first fairway, chugging IPAs and smoking some fatty doobs, as required by the International Society of Disc Golfers (See rules, section. 43.2065 (a) and (b). By the third fairway, Growbro was giggling, forgot where he had just tossed his disc 30 seconds prior, and decided to take in the view of the bay. Growbro said he’s not sure how much time passed – it could have been two minutes or an hour – but next thing he knew the fog had rolled in and he was all alone. “Off in the distance, I could hear someone laughing and yelling ‘Tony! See ya later bro,” Growbro recalled. “But all I could see was fog and the faint outline of a tree.” Growbro said he wandered up and down the fairways, crossed over a softball field, followed a

WELCOME SIGHT Welcome back to the real world? Jd | Minfence line, went through some trees, and found himself back where he had started. He tried again, found the tennis courts, but was then back in the softball field and then returned to the trees. As darkness fell, Growbro found himself in a vacant children’s playground and decided to bunk down there for the night. “Fortunately, I had some sweet dabs, some Humboldt GMO-free organic IPA and half a packet of organic American Spirit cigarettes, so I was able to make it

through the night.” “Early in the morning, before the sun came up, it dawned on me that the only way I was going to survive is if I saved myself,” Growbro recalled. So he walked east in search of the parking lot. “The land was flat and I could see lights way off in the distance, so I started walking.” But when he found himself knee deep in the mud, he realized he was probably in Humboldt Bay. So he walked back in the other direction as the sun went down. “Every once in awhile I’d see a person way off in the distance, and start to run towards them, but they disappeared like a mirage,” Growbro said. Days went by, and he started to grow increasingly concerned. “I was rich in dabs and consumed them frequently, but I had to ration the IPA, the cigs and my big bag of Annie’s Organic, GMO Free Pirate Booty Cheese Puffs. Each day, the search for the parking lot grew more frantic. On day 7, death stared him in the eye. “I smoked my last dab. The Pirate Booty was gone. There was nothing but a backwash swallow of IPA, and I was down to my second to last cigarette,” Growbro said.

The next day, Growbro braced himself for death. “I was out of dabs and extremely hungry,” he said. “I smoked my last cigarette, chugged down the IPA, then I saw it.” Off in the distance, across the street, he saw, through the fog, a light coming from atop the lighthouse at Lighthouse Plaza. “I think it was the Dos Equis sign,” Growbro said. “I walked toward it and, whoa, went right by my car in the parking lot. I once was lost, but now I’m found.” Growbro passed his car and stumbled into Lighthouse Plaza, where he purchased a hot dog and a can of artificially sweetened Yerba mate grown by GMO-free, virgin, spiritually advanced Paraguayan elders.

“Quenching!” Growbro said before he ordered six more microwaved hot dogs. Growbro said he doesn’t plan to return to the disc golf course, but he would consider entering Manila’s miniature golf course. “Yeah, I would do that, but only with lots of friends and a GPS device,” he said. The Humboldt County Office of Emergency Services had applied for a $1.2 million state grant to map the miniature golf course and the Manila Disc Golf Course to prevent potential tragedies. “Growbro was lucky to get out of there alive,” said Sheriff William Honsal. “When you have a Bay on one side, the ocean on the other, and only a couple roads runnning north and south, anything’s possible.”

TSUNAMI SIREN The community of Kneeland will celebrate the completion of its new $1.5 million Tsunami Alert Siren on Friday. Located at the former Post Office location, the state-of-the-art siren is connected at an automated NOAA internet system via satellites and various redundant communication systems, guaranteeing that the mountaintop town will receive up-to-date information regarding tsunami hazards. Meanwhile, the town’s of Samoa and Manila recently received rolls of duct tape, baling wire and World War II war ration stamps to help improve their 75-year-old sirens, which OES officials are praying will work in an upcoming test, although their faith is admittedly weak. “Hope is on the way,” one official said, admitting that her statement means that there is no actual hope, being that technically it has not yet arrived. Hope is merely in transit. When hope finally arrives, then the peninsula sirens may work, although that’s unlikely.

ButchCo | Shortage of butcher paper alleviated with emergency shipments of precious rolls “Consider us your community partner,” said Butchco CEO Blight Bluster. “Our mills tomers to transport their meat home by balare at your service in helping restore order to A Public Service of ancing it on top of their heads. Local facilitayour troubled town square.” tors have had to record ideas for Plaza reform City officials said that Butchco was offering by scratching a scorched shovel blade with a the emergency supplies at a discounted rate, stick – or writing directly on Council Chambut was charging a $300,000 “courtesy fee” Provider of Butcher PaPer to the World ber walls. for the delivery. Let ButchCo Paper Over Your Problems Elementary school children who would have Meanwhile, layoffs of paper-deprived been painting murals during art period have butchers had forced creation of a waiting list instead been heavily sedated and stacked in BUTCHER BANNER Expect the end of littering as we know it, thanks to our for area cattle ranchers, creating a beef backwell-ventilated school storerooms. friends at ButchCo. KLH | Minion up. The cattlemen complained that their pasWith fresh rolls unavailable at any price, tures were overflowing with cows and other dustries business card bearing the name Harry Hoptobler some meat vendors resorted to wrapping their barnyard animals. “It’s a population explosion,” lamented and the title, Field Instigator. cuts in previously loved, that is, used butcher paper. Arcata Bottom rancher Ned Funston. “Ignore that,” he told the officer. “I’m actually a freeCustomers at Safeway were surprised to get home and The complaints were borne out in catastrophic fashunwrap their beef to find the inside of the paper embla- lance cheese polisher.” ion Monday as a renegade herd of cattle burst from their Further investigation indicated that multiple Plazoids zoned with ideas for downtown improvement scribbled in crowded, overgrazed pasture and flooded Bottoms neighcaught making mischief had received funds from Hoptobler. colorful marking pen. borhoods, gobbling up front lawns. Still another person, identified as Penny Dime, was seen Some of the ink had transferred to the moist meat, imOnce the suburban yards were denuded, the newly-emleaving a trail of Susan B. Anthony dollars leading from the printing the slogans in reverse on the cuts. powered cattle charged towards the Plaza. There, in a stir“If I hold my rump steak up to the mirror, it says, ‘Detox Portland Loo into the fenced-off recovering foliage in the ring re-enactment of an era past, they set about grazing. the Plaza’,” complained Westwood resident Mabel Fletch- nearby Veterans Memorial Park, all of which was quickly The pastoral downtown scene was comforting to many re-squashed by the swarming sitabouts. er. “My ground round says, ‘Build a bandshell’.” until things took a nasty turn. A Plaza habitue muttering Asked why she was doing that, Dime adjusted her The appearance of used butcher paper coincided with a something about “earning my pay” tried to tip over one of wave of burglaries at offices of conflict resolution media- Butchco-branded baseball cap and said she was but an un- the massive cows, which triggered a stampede. tors and related fields around town, gutting them of every employed cloud counter trying to bring bored street folk Two out-of-towners were trampled in the bovine melee. “closer to nature.” trace of butcher paper. Police said that before being flattened, one had identified Downtown, the surge in petty crime was inspiring fresh The thefts, coupled with the appearance of used paper himself as a spaghetti farmer, and the other a cricket groomer. at area meat markets, has only exacerbated tensions be- demands for a facilitated town hall meeting intended to gather ideas for solutions. City officials said no such meeting SATURDAY EQUESTRIAN DISCOUNT 10% OFF tween local facilitators and butchers. could be held without emergency supplies of butcher paper. One local facilitation center was the site of a protest by the In a stroke of luck, ButchCo Industries agreed to fly in Meat Cutters Union Local No. 327. Clad in bloody smocks, a dozen of the precious paper rolls in time for the Plaza the meatworkers paraded outside with a butcher paper banscoping session. ner that said, in bold red letters, “Facilitate This!” On learning of the crisis, activist Fhyre Phoenix joined in, extolling the use of cardboard rather than the precious NOW IN McKINLEYVILLE WHERE HORSES HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY! paper. Marching with the meat cutters, his sign read, “Conflict Resolution Through Corrugation!” Finally! A store that Meanwhile, police are investigating potential chicanery on the Plaza. One of the leisure specialists who hangs out welcomes your there every day, street name Splunge, was asked to leash trusty steed! his romping pit bull by an APD officer. Now with specially“Awww,” he cringed. “Do I have to give the $10 back?” designed saddlebaskets for Splunge said he’d been offered the 10-spot by another your shopping convenience. man whom he pointed out lingering at Ninth and H streets. Approached by police, the man quickly pocketed a wad of Helping you and the bills he’d been passing out to a small passel of Plazagoers. horse you rode in “Thanks, mister,” said one urchin as he strolled off up G on live well and be Street. “I’ll carve my tag into that new store window right away.” healthy... naturally. “Yeah,” said another. 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MAD RIVER V O L . 5, N O . 27

W E D N E S D AY , M A R C H 28, 2018

Kevin L. Hoover

Power to the PeoPle

Daniel Mintz HUMBOLDT – The Board of Supervisors has declared March as Prescription Drug Abuse Awareness Month in Humboldt County and will consider whether to join other counties in suing a group of large pharmaceutical companies for their marketing of prescription opioids. What’s been described as an “opioid crisis” was the focus of the proclamation, which was approved at the board’s March 20 meeting. And as the county’s worrisome rate of opioid overdose deaths was discussed, County Counsel Jeffrey Blanck announced that legal action against the companies that manufacture opioid painkillers will be considered at this week’s board meeting, on March 27. Blanck said the agenda includes a request to “join the litigation of various counties across the country going after at least six of the large opioid producers.” Sponsored by Supervisor Virginia Bass, the proclamation approved last week describes prescription drug abuse as “the nation’s fastest-growing drug problem” and adds that “Humboldt County is deeply affected, losing many residents each year to unintentional drug overdoses.”

Mad RiveR Union

ARCATA – After a massively attended hearing at the Community Center last week, the Arcata City Council made no change to its Feb. 21 decision to remove the statue of William McKinley from the Plaza. A March 7 “suggestion” from Councilmember Susan Ornelas to consider destinations for the Plaza-expelled statue – a measure considered by some, including Mayor Sofia Pereira to be a “Trojan Horse” scheme to retain the statue on the town square – was, after considerable public testimony, withdrawn. The removal decision triggered an environmental review process to assess impacts associated with the statue’s relocation. A staff report indicated that staff was working to identify a voting process, but the Humboldt County Elections Office told the city that Ornelas’s multiple-choice draft ballot proposal was unworkable, and that any ballot proposition must be answerable with a yes or no. Speaking before an audience of hundreds at the Arcata Community Center, Ornelas explained that she wanted to get citizens involved in the Environmental Impact Report, which always includes a no-project alternative, in other words and in this case, leaving the statue where it is. Ornelas said that the educational process she’s undergone have led her to believe that “it is an offensive statue” and that “he

CROWDSOURCING The people’s voice came through loud and clear last week in Arcata, as citizens processed difficult and controversial matters in public fora. Top, the City Council met at the Arcata Community Center to take testimony on Councilmember Susan Ornelas’s suggestion that the McKinley question be put to a vote. After considerable comment, she withdrew the idea. Above, Paula Jones was among those who spoke at the Community Dialogue on Race at the D Street Neighborhood Center, where speakers discussed life in Arcata for persons of color and mourned the loss of David Josiah Lawson, whose killing remains unsolved. Right, the March for Our Lives Humboldt saw gun reform advocates, organized and led by local high school students, fill Arcata’s streets in a march around the Plaza, culminating in a rally at the Arcata Playhouse.

Top phoTos by KLh | Union; righT phoTo coUrTesy JeweLs Johnson

McKINLEY

Arrest after horrific discovery Mad RiveR Union

ARCATA BOTTOM – Hundreds of dead cows, some stacked in 10-foot tall piles, malnourished livestock and penned-up dogs without access to water were among the horrors discovered by law enforcement officers last week when they raided an ArcaRay Christie ta Bottom ranch near State Route 255 and Jackson Ranch Road. Multiple law enforcement agencies on Monday, March 19 descended on several properties owned or associated with local

GREEN RUSH

‘Tougher’ regs demanded Daniel Mintz Mad RiveR Union

MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE RANCH HCSO deputies carry out what appears to be an animal carrier or cage. KLh | Union rancher Raymond Frank Christie, who was arrested on suspicion of animal cruelty and multiple oth-

er related charges. His bail was set at $25,000, which he posted CHRISTIE

HUMBOLDT – As Humboldt County’s Board of Supervisors prepares to approve a new commercial cannabis production ordinance, the Friends of the Eel River watershed protection group, the Yurok tribe and the California Department of Fish and Wildlife have called for holding off on further permitting. The extent of county permitting was debated as supervisors considered the ordinance and its Environmental Impact Report (EIR) at an all-day hearing on March 19. An advocacy collaboration between the Yurok tribe and Friends of the Eel River (FOER) covers large areas of northern and southern Humboldt. The group and the tribe issued a joint press release the day of the hearing headlined “Tribe, conservationists demand tougher cannabis regulations.” During a public comment session at the hearing, Frankie Myers, the Yurok tribal heritage preservation officer, referred to ceremonial sites in the tribe’s ancestral territory as “our churches” and added, “Our church is very large and encompasses many watersheds and we need to be respectful of that – we need to preserve and protect those areas.”

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Ornelas pulls ballot suggestion after genocide joke falls flat; statue to go

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M AD R IVER U NION

POTLUCK DINNER

‘Home Away From Home’ Sunday VCoR/RSVP

ARCATA – The City of Arcata and Volunteer Center of the Redwoods/RSVP are hosting their fourth and final community potluck for the year. This community-building effort continues to bring together local college students with non-student community members, helping to bridge the gap between campus and community. The event takes place on Sunday, April 1 between 5 and 7 p.m. at the D Street Neighborhood Center in Arcata. Non-student community members are asked to bring a potluck dish enough to serve eight people along with a serving utensil and hot pad if needed. The food theme for this potluck is Latin-American cuisine. There will also be a “Free Stuff” table to help students as they try to make it to the end of the semester on limited budgets. Community members are asked to donate basic food items.

M ARCH 28, 2018

Oh SNAP! collecting meal points to help students with food security Humboldt State

SOUL FOOD Humboldt State students attended the February Home Away from Home potluck in Arcata and shared a meal with local community members. Photo by Maureen McGarry Those who can contribute can look in their pantry for items they can donate, or swing by a store

and pick up some packaged food basics (preferably nothing that needs refrigeration).

HUMBOLDT STATE – At the end of each semester, some students find they have extra meal plan points that they haven’t used to purchase food on campus. Now, those points can be put to good use: helping other students. Staff and volunteers from Humboldt State University’s student-led Oh SNAP! Student Food Programs will collect point donations in the J Cafeteria at the end of this semester. Donated points will be distributed in $30 increments to students who have been referred by various departments across campus. The $2,500 in J Points already collected is from student donations and partially supported by grant funding from the California State University. “It’s wonderful to see students helping each other and to see different departments working together to address food insecurity,” says Dining Services Director Ron Rudebock. Donating points isn’t new for HSU. Over the last five years, funds from donated points have helped Oh SNAP! purchase items for its campus food pantry. What’s new this year is that points will be transferred to students and are intended to provide short-term assistance. “A J-Point donation program like this is a way to formalize the efforts of student activists,” says Health Educator Ravin Craig. “Many students currently use their extra points to buy food for friends and roommates. This gives us a way to reach

more people.” To qualify for donated points, students must have applied to CalFresh, or intend to apply within five business days, of the J Point request and they do not need to have a meal plan. Calfresh eligibility does not determine eligibility for the J-Point program. The meal program adds to the University’s growing efforts to address food and housing insecurity through programs and research. Oh SNAP! has provided a food pantry and workshops, as well as CalFresh application assistance for the last few years. In 2016, Humboldt State became one of the country’s first universities to accept Electronic Benefit Transfer (EBT) cards from the federal Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP). At the same time, Social Work Professor Jen Maguire has been researching food and housing insecurity. Just recently, she and Rashida Crutchfield, a professor of Social Work at Cal State Long Beach, authored a major study on food insecurity and homelessness affecting students in the 23-campus California State University system. More details about the study and systemwide efforts are at the CSU Basic Needs website. “We’re excited to push the J-Point program to a new stage,” says Dave Nakamura, executive director of the University Center, which will help administer the donated points. “It meshes well with helping to address student needs and is in step with the state and the CSU’s emphasis on basic needs.”

McKinley | Ornelas’s genocide joke didn’t prove persuasive, at least not in the way she intended FROM B1

shouldn’t be in our living room, as we’ve termed it.” Ornelas, whose wordy explanations from the council dais of late have not won her many allies on any side of the controversy, further stepped in it with an offhand “joke” involving the historic decimation of indigenous people locally. Referring to the statue educational process, which might have included public lectures as have been offered on other subjects, Ornelas said, “The joke is, ‘My Favorite Lecture’ – genocide.” As a murmur of outrage rose from the

crowd, Ornelas stumbled on, then tried to walk it back. “But, um... it’s just, um, something that... I apologize. That was terrible. That was a terrible thing to say, I realize. I apologize.” But the die was cast, and later speakers were to call out Ornelas for the reckless utterance. Community Development Director David Loya said the statue can’t be removed while the CEQA process is underway. City Manager Karen Diemer said it would take several months to develop alternatives for the statue that will mitigate environmental impacts. City Attorney Nancy Diamond said the CEQA document will involve some type of polling or

Cannabis| Watershed impacts FROM B1

Scott Greacen, Friends of the Eel’s conservation director, said the new ordinance’s EIR needs to be redone or at least recirculated before the county lifts a moratorium on cannabis permit applications. Small-scale grows have been described as being preferable but Greacen said sedimentation and water diversions from tributaries of the South Fork Eel River are particularly impactful and need further analysis. “Just because a producer is relatively small-scale, that

Believe you can and you’re halfway there. – Theodore Roosevelt

survey to incorporate the will of the public. Numerous speakers urged the council to stick with their Feb. 21 decision, and that any reversal would be historically resonant with the broken promises made to Native Americans by the federal government. Many of the speakers stated that “this is Wiyot country,” many thanking the descendants of the area’s original inhabitants for allowing their residence in present-day Arcata. Other speakers, fewer in number, defended the statue as an Arcata tradition and William McKinley the president as a war hero who had battled slavery in the form of the Confederacy.

doesn’t mean their watershed impacts are de minimis,” he added. “Small is not necessarily more sustainable – that’s why we need to do the analytic work to figure out what the impacts of the permits we’ve already issued are before we go issuing a bunch of new permits in watersheds where we’ve got salmon and steelhead going extinct.” Those concerns were also highlighted by Scott Bauer of the California Department of Fish and Wildlife (CDFW) Watershed Enforcement Team. He told supervisors that the EIR “does not provide a thorough analysis of cumulative effects, including significant impacts to watershed resources.” At issue is a proposal to set the county’s maximum number of additional permits under the ordinance at 5,000. An adaptive management approach would include monitoring of the county’s 12 main watersheds for impacts. About 2,300 permit applications were submitted under the county’s current ordinance. No further applications have been accepted past a December 31, 2016 deadline but approval of the new ordinance would lift that. The advocacy of the tribe, FOER and the CDFW suggests that the present level of cultivation in sensitive watershed areas shouldn’t be affirmed through permitting. But homestead-scale cultivators challenged that. Southern Humboldt grower Mark Richard acknowledged the presence of irresponsible operations but said “most of the farmers are doing really good stuff – they’re not trying to bash the environment.” Another resident described well-run outdoor grows as Humboldt’s specialty.

The Mad River Union, (ISSN 1091-1510), is published weekly (Wednesdays) by Kevin L. Hoover and Jack Durham, 791 Eighth St. (Jacoby’s Storehouse), Suite 8, Arcata, CA 95521. Periodicals Postage Paid at Arcata, CA. Subscriptions: $40/year POSTMASTER: Send address changes to the Mad River Union, 791 Eighth St., Suite 8, Arcata, CA 95521

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A letter from the Eureka branch of the NAACP urged the council to censure Michael Winkler for his statement about the Feb. 21 meeting “likening the atmosphere of the council meeting to that of a ‘lynch mob/vigilante’” situation, terming it “racially inflammatory.” Another speaker praised Winkler for his “courage in speaking out,” but ultimately, the council took no action to discipline him. After hours of public testimony and more lengthy explanations by Ornelas, she withdrew her multiple-choice ballot suggestion. The March 21 council meeting may be viewed on Access Humboldt at archive. org/details/AH-acc_3-21-18.

“I would like to see a little bit of consideration to the small family growers,” she continued. “All of the ones I personally know live on their parcels, raise their families and we are not interested in polluting the water or degrading the land that we own and hopefully will own for generations.” Supervisor Rex Bohn said issuing more permits will limit watershed impacts, not add to them. “We have to understand, the environmental degradation on a permitted grow is very little if anything because they have water storage, they don’t have illegal water diversion and if they’re going to sell it on the market we obviously don’t have pesticides,” he continued. “I like all the people that have recently gotten concerned -- because we don’t have a timber industry and we’re losing the railroad so they’ve got to jump on the next popular bandwagon -but I think we’re all cognizant of what we need to do with our watersheds.” Southern Humboldt Supervisor Estelle Fennell suggested the county’s small-scale growers deserve the opportunity to participate in a new, regulated market. “I heard people talking about not lifting the moratorium, not moving forward with more applications,” she said. “I absolutely think that’s unconscionable, to exclude legacy farmers because they didn’t have the money or the wherewithal to come in before the moratorium.” She added, “We heard a lot about bringing small farmers in and I do think we need to commit to that so I really do want to see us going forward.” Due to the volume of written material associated with the ordinance and its EIR, supervisors held off on approvals and set April 10 as the next hearing date. Other proposals of the new ordinance include removal of a 600-foot school bus stop setback requirement, a fouracre per person cultivation permit limit and 1,000-foot setbacks from the borders of city spheres of influence, tribal areas and community planning areas.

M ARCH 28, 2018

M AD R IVER U NION

Christie | Dead cows, bones found in waterway FROM B1

the next day, March 21. According to jail records, he was released. The raid came after a fivemonth investigation into largescale animal cruelty complaints, according to a press release from the Humboldt County Sheriff’s Office. Search warrants were issued for four different Northern Humboldt County properties associated with Christie. “Humboldt County Sheriff’s deputies observed bovine bones and carcasses in/near waterways, as well as areas on the properties where cattle were being contained with little to no feed or grass,” states the press release. “These observations validated community complaints that serious violations were taking place on the properties.” “During the service of the warrants, personnel located approximately 250 to 300 deceased cows, some of which Christie had heaped into large piles approximately 10 feet high near an excavator; others were located laying in/near waterways,” states the press release. “Personnel also found a large number of cows contained in small or insufficient corrals and many malnourished

animals.” Other alleged violations found by law enforcement include moving dairy cattle without official ID tags; removal of Brucellosis tags; removal of state livestock back tags; bringing cattle into California without veterinary inspection certificates or ID tags; improper disposal/storage/removal of solid waste; improper animal keeping; illegal development within a streamside management area; cannabis permit violations; improper/illegal disposal of biohazard waste; and building code violations. The California Department of Fish & Wildlife, another agency on scene, discovered the following alleged violation: 21 violations of disposal of a carcass within 150 feet of a state waterway; seven violations of discharging sediment into state waterways; five violations of placement of refuse within 150 feet of a state waterway; one violation of abandoned motor vehicle in a state waterway; eight violations of substantial alteration of bed and banks of a stream without a permit; and three unpermitted stream crossings. Humboldt County Animal

Control was also part of the raid and found the following alleged violations: Eight violations of dogs without water; five violations of inadequate space for dogs to move freely; and four violations of primarily housing a dog on wire flooring. Violations found by the Humboldt County Animal Control were corrected on scene and the dogs were left in the care of a responsible party. The California Department of Food and Agriculture has placed 179 head of cattle on hold for repossession pending further investigation. A plan to care for the remaining livestock owned by Christie was still being developed as of early last week. Christie was booked into the Humboldt County Correction Facility on suspicion of animal cruelty, causing an animal to be cruelly killed, failure to provide proper care to an animal and disposal of a carcass within 150 feet of a state waterway. The California Department of Fish and Wildlife as well as other involved state agencies will be requesting additional charges as this investigation continues, according to a press release.

Opioids | Town fall forum set for Thursday FROM B1

Rosemary Den Ouden chairs the RX Safe Humboldt Coalition, which is made up of health care provider organizations and has worked to reduce opioid prescription excesses. Describing the scale of the situation, she said that the county “is still facing a deep burden of opioid-related overdose,” with half of the unintentional drug overdoses between 2005 and 2017 being opioid-related. Den Ouden added that her interest in the issue has a personal element, as her daughter graduated from Arcata High School in 2013 and since then, has “lost five friends to opioid-related overdoses.” The proclamation states that Humboldt’s rate of opioid overdose deaths is five times higher than the rest of the state. The rate of opioid prescribing decreased in 2016, according to the proclamation, but it was still about twice the state’s rate. Bass said that she often encounters people who tell her that their families have been affected by opioid addiction. McKinleyville resident Lisa Dugan, who is the director of the North Coast Regional Department of Child Support Services, related how her daughter became addicted after being given prescription opioids by a co-worker. “So many of us are angry because we see the needle litter on the ground and it makes us angry because of what is happening in our community and the poor choices that are being made, and I’m here to say that I don’t think addiction is necessarily a choice,” Dugan said. “Watching what’s happened to my daughter, I think that it’s not some-

thing she ever intended.” She believes pharmaceutical companies are culpable. “I have a lot of anger over seeing needle litter too but its directed more at drug companies that have sold us a bill of goods about how non-addictive prescription opioids are and that has been one of the reasons that we’re in the situation that we’re in.” RX Safe Humboldt aims to reduce the county’s high prescription rate but Den Ouden acknowledged that opioids provide “very effective pain management for certain situations.” They are not an effective way to deal with chronic pain, she added. “So we’ve been working with our providers not only to reduce the number of new starts but also to reduce unsafe prescribing levels,” she said. The reduction is measured in Morphine Milligram Equivalents (MMEs) and Den Ouden reported that from 2015 to 2016 there was a 12 percent re-

duction in Humboldt’s MMEs. But the county is still double the state in the number of opioid prescriptions and the number of prescribed doses. “We’re working hard to bring our levels into a more safe range,” Den Ouden said. Bass announced that she and Senator Mike McGuire will host the county’s second opioid crisis town hall forum on March 29 at 6:30 p.m. at the Sequoia Conference Center in Eureka. The meeting was adjourned in memory of Herrmann Spetzler, who co-founded and led the Open Door Community Health Centers network. Spetzler died “unexpectedly and peacefully” on March 11, according to an Open Door press release. Supervisor Mike Wilson described the work of Spetzler and his wife, Cheyenne, as “visionary,” adding that “he saw the challenge coming, which is really the collapse of private practice.”

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B3 During the raid, the Humboldt County Sheriff’s Office was assisted by Humboldt County District Attorney’s Office, United States Bureau of Land Management, United States Department of Ag-

“The scene described at Mr. Christie’s property is horrific and disturbing. Animal abuse in all circumstances is indefensible and should never be tolerated.” – Todd Phelps riculture, California Department of Food and Agriculture, California Department of Fish and Wildlife, Humboldt County Code Enforcement, Humboldt County Department of Health and Human Services Hazardous Materials Division, Humboldt County Animal Control and Humboldt County Drug Task Force. In response to news about conditions on Christie properties, Todd Phelps, president of

the Humboldt Del Norte Cattlemen’s Association, issued the following statement: “The scene described at Mr. Christie’s property is horrific and disturbing. Animal abuse in all circumstances is indefensible and should never be tolerated. If the alleged accusations are accurate it is clear a crime was committed. Anyone convicted of these crimes or any animal abuse should be punished to the greatest extent possible. While some may try to use this isolated incident to condemn all ranchers I assure you this is not reflective of how myself or hundreds of other ranchers throughout Humboldt County raise and care for our animals. We will continue to use our collective voice to condemn all animal cruelty and continue to promote the highest standards of animal care.” Christie is not a member of our Humboldt & Del Norte Cattlemen’s Association, according to Phelps. Anyone with information for the Sheriff’s Office regarding these cases or related criminal activity is encouraged to call the Sheriff’s Office at (707) 445- 7251 or the Sheriff’s Office Crime Tip line at (707) 268-2539.

Spetzler “set up the infrastructure both physically and administratively to receive these, what I will call, orphan doctors and medical providers because they could not survive under the new paradigm,” Wilson continued. Because Spetzler set up such an effective system, Open Door remains a “resilient and growing organization,” Wilson said.

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EFFECTIVE JULY 1, 2018, REDWOOD TRANSIT SERVICE (RTS) FARES WILL BE: A partir del 1 de Julio de 2018, el servicio de Redwood Transit (RTS) tendra nuevas tarifas: REDWOOD TRANSIT SYSTEM

OLD NEW RATES RATES

REDWOOD TRANSIT SYSTEM

TARIFA TARIFAS NUEVAS

31 Day Regular

$59.00

$62.00

Pase Mensual para Viajes Ilimitados

$59.00

$62.00

31 Day Reduced

$54.00

$57.00

Pase Mensual para Viajes Ilimitados Reducido

$54.00

$57.00

Week Pass Regular

$15.00

$15.75

Pase Semanal

$15.00

$15.75

Week Pass Reduced

$13.00

$13.75

Pase Semanal Reducido

$13.00

$13.75

Cash Fare Regular

$3.00

$3.50

Tarifa Regular en Efectivo

$3.00

$3.50

Cash Fare Reduced

$2.75

$3.15

Tarifa Reducida en Efectivo

$2.75

$3.15

Day Pass Regular

$4.90

$5.25

Pase Diario para Viajes Ilimitados

$4.90

$5.25

Card Fare Regular

$1.90

$2.10

Tarifa con Tarjeta

$1.90

$2.10

Card Fare Reduced

$1.65

$1.80

Tarifa con Tarjeta reducida

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In-Town Cash Fare

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Tarifa en efectivo en la cuidad

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(707) 443-0826 • Fax (707) 443-2032 • 133 V St., Eureka

M AD R IVER U NION

M ARCH 28, 2018

PUBLIC SAFETY You call this a coplog? (Note: replacement jollies are available in the A section) • Monday, March 12 Valley West shopping cen5:43 a.m. A man chose ter/post-apocalyptic Blade the front of a bongo-belea- Runner-esque dystopia beguered Plaza hotel to yell gan to take a toll on the sevabout having lice all over en beggars outside a Valhis body. ley West business, as one 5:44 a.m. A Valley West passed out in the corner. motel guest who had let a 8:21 p.m. What a man in strange woman an Alliance Road into his room the v ARCATA apartment comprevious night plex parking lot POLICE didn’t expect lacked in charm, her to rummage he made up for through his stuff in boxed wine. and steal his Toting just such Kevin L. cash. a rectangular Hoover 12:48 p.m. reservoir of red Central casting sent a goodness, he both tried the fop-doodle duo to the Post door and knocked on the Office, outside of which the window of a car. But the man in a purple hat and his person inside refused to let sadversary with a cultural- him in. ly misapproprated hairdo, 9:14 p.m. A black-shirted a curly-Mohawked piece man treated passersby to a of work, got into a shoving running narrative, one posmatch. sibly inspired by the bottle 4:36 p.m. Two cows, pos- of cinnamon bark and ginsibly on their first online ger root-based German lidating hookup, enjoyed a queur he was clutching. long walk on Mad River 10:03 p.m. Once again, Beach. you aren’t welcome here 5:04 p.m. The rigors of and mom says she doesn’t panhandling in the bleak, need you “getting in touch” windblown desolation of a with her daughter.

Humboldt County SHeriff’S offiCe

INDIANOLA – On Monday, March 19 at about 1 p.m., a pedestrian in the area of northbound U.S. Highway 101 and the Indianola Cutoff located a male body in the brush along the highway. The male is believed to have been in his early 60s. Foul play is not suspected. The male’s identity is still under investigation. An autopsy was scheduled for Friday, March 23.

CROSSWORD 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 19. 21. 24. 25. 26.

ACROSS 1. Chicken’s sound 5. Unit of capacitance 10. Bridal veil material 14. Jai __ 15. ’60s skirt style 16. Alda or Rachins 17. Prehistoric home 18. Forbidden goods 20. Traveler’s dir. 21. Buttonlike ornament 22. Musical symbols 23. Hairnet 25. Up to, for short 26. Like Superdome games 28. Peaks 31. Stupid one 32. Other name 34. Farm femme 36. Cosmetics producer 37. Grave sites 38. Garfield, once: abbr. 39. Siesta 40. Pee Wee __ 41. Heavy volumes 42. Real __ 44. Rock salt 45. “__ Maria” 46. Alexander’s dueling foe 47. Lustrous fabric 50. Common contraction 51. Largest club 54. Constitutional changes 57. Hang around 58. Regal address of old 59. Numerical comparison 60. Descartes or Coty 61. Reason to bathe 62. Weather forecast 63. Summer quenchers

25 28 32

45 48

35. 37. 38. 40. 41. 43. 44.

21 23

46. 47. 48. 49. 50. 52. 53. 55. 56. 57.

Spirited self-assurance Listens secretly Pumpkin’s destination 2 or 7, to 14 Orally Part of an orange Crawling creature German article Tags Lamentation Hasn’t the ability to Purposes Zodiac sign Before long AM/PM divider Singing syllables “__ old cowhand from the Rio Grande...” Variable stars Refer to Fired Very pleasant Away from the wind Start of some California city names Being: Lat. Rose, for one “Sport of Kings” Was delirious Bitter Leather worker Good-looking 19thcentury carriage? Moving El __ In the center of Pianist Peter One __ one is one Wooden stick Watches carefully See 57 Down Consume Madrileña’s title: abbr.

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scenes

old vessel

from a

rescued

drug lab

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100-year-

57 60

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RADIANT RESCUE A Coast Guard Station Humboldt Bay 47-foot Motor Lifeboat crew assists the 40-foot commercial fishing vessel Radiant after the vessel experienced propulsion problems five miles off the coast of Trinidad. U.S. CoaSt GUard photo u.S. CoaSt Guard

MCKINLEYVILLE — The Coast Guard assisted two Dungeness crab fishermen aboard a 40-foot commercial fishing vessel approximately five miles west of Trinidad, Monday night. The crew aboard the 100-year-old vessel Radiant contacted Coast Guard Sector Humboldt Bay watchstanders via VHF-FM channel 16 around 11 p.m., reporting that their vessel was experiencing electrical and propulsion issues. Sector Humboldt Bay personnel dispatched a Coast Guard Station Humboldt Bay 47-foot Motor Lifeboat crew to the scene to assist the vessel. The Coast Guard crew placed the Radiant in a side tow around 1 a.m., Tuesday, and embarked on the three-hour transit to Woodley Island Marina in Eureka. The Radiant was moored at the marina at approximately 5:30 a.m., Tuesday, with no reports of injuries.

Coast Guard MH-65 returns from drug interdiction mission u.S. CoaSt Guard

MCKINLEYVILLE — A Coast Guard Sector Humboldt Bay MH-65 Dolphin helicopter and crew returned home Thursday following a 77-day counterdrug patrol in the Eastern Pacific Ocean aboard the Coast Guard Cutter Bertholf. A maintenance team of three Sector Humboldt Bay flight mechanics deployed with the helicopter to the cutter in January to support the Coast Guard Helicopter Interdiction Tactical Squadron (HITRON). “This was definitely a unique opportunity for us, to have a Humboldt aircraft and crew with HITRON pilots and a gunner,” said Cmdr. Brendan Hilleary, the Coast Guard Sector Humboldt Bay operations officer. “It’s something that’s not normally done, but they worked together, and it turned out really well.” While deployed, the Humboldt Bay crew kept the helicopter operation-

al for the HITRON team, who flew it to search for vessels suspected of smuggling narcotics. The Bertholf crew completed four law-enforcement boardings that resulted in the seizure of 5,045 pounds of cocaine and seven gallons of liquid cocaine with an estimated street value of more than $78 million wholesale. The crew completed the patrol Tuesday with a 36,000-pound bulk cocaine offload, worth more than $539 million wholesale, in San Diego. The offload represented 17 separate interdictions made by the Coast Guard cutters Bertholf, Diligence, Harriet Lane, Venturous and Bear since Feb. 8. “The patrol is a great example of how Coast Guard men and women from different units work together to support this important mission,” said Hilleary. “I’m proud we were able to be part of an operation that can ultimately help keep our country and community’s streets safer.”

HIGH TECH Inside the unpermitted lab. hCSo photoS

HCSO takes out Orick BHO lab Humboldt County SHeriff’S offiCe

ORICK – On Tuesday, March 20, Humboldt County Sheriff’s Office (HCSO) deputies were in the Orick area serving a search warrant that was unrelated to controlled substances or cannabis. During the service of the warrant, deputies discovered a large concentrated cannabis manufacturing facility contained within a barn. The property did not have a conditional use permit for manufacturing concentrated cannabis utilizing volatile chemical extraction methods. Deputies from the HCSO Drug Enforcement Unit obtained a search warrant to investigate the manufacturing facility. The Drug Enforcement Unit was assisted in this investigation by the following agencies: Humboldt County Drug Task Force, California Department of Fish and Wildlife, Humboldt Bay Fire HAZMAT, Humboldt County Environmental Health HAZMAT and Humboldt County Code Enforcement. After rendering the facility and the manufacturing equipment safe, deputies located nine concentrated cannabis extractors that were utilizing butane and propane, as well as two extractors that were utilizing carbon dioxide in the extraction pro-

cess. Deputies also located a facility that was utilizing ethanol to refine the concentrated cannabis. Deputies seized 586 pounds of concentrated cannabis and 4,726 pounds of cannabis shake/ trim from the site. Manufacturing concentrated cannabis utilizing volatile chemical extraction methods without a county and state commercial cannabis permit is a felony under Health & Safety Code 11379.6(a). This case is still under investigation. All criminal violations stemming from this investigation will be forwarded to the District Attorney’s office for review. The Humboldt County Sheriff’s Office maintains a cooperative relationship with all agencies that participated in this investigation and all future investigations into non-compliant commercial cannabis operations will continue to be investigated in this manner. Anyone with information regarding this case or related criminal activity is encouraged to call (707) 445-7251 or (707) 2682539.

M ARCH 28, 2018

M AD R IVER U NION

v No matter how frequently we implore you to sign letters to the Union with a real name and include a city of origin, plus a phone number (which won’t be published) for identity verification, we continue to get letters lacking the basic necessities for publication, which results in a bunch of unnecessary phone calls, emails, frustration and delays. Try and keep your letter to 300 words or so, maybe 500 max. If you need more

OPINION

5B words than that, contact us about writing a Guest Opinion. Deadline for letters and opinions is noon Friday. Email letters to opinion@madriverunion.com. Additional pointers: • Make paragraphs every once in a while. • Use your spell checker. • Use normal punctuation. • Apostrophes aren’t quotation marks (except in headlines).

The Village: ‘Density’s Child’ is a destiny of many circulatory consequences

ou may be aware that a proposal for an unusually dense, multi-story, 800-bed housing compound is currently under consideration in Arcata. You might know that it is – specifically – dormitories, intended for Humboldt State students, referred to as “The Village,” and that it would displace the old Craftsmans Mall. Perhaps you’ve even heard that there is rising opposition to this particular, proposed development. But ... it really isn’t in your sky, much less your own backyard. Besides, struggling students are currently in need of affordable housing, right? Yes indeed, many do. If only this optimistically perceived solution were actually that simple. The “Village” would not be on the HSU campus – which is across the 101, and south of its proposed site. Is HSU attached, or even involved, in this dorm-specific development? Not directly. Would any students be required to live there? Apparently not. Would enough of them choose to live there? Unknown. And the question of whether or not struggling (much less homeless) students could even afford the Village option has not been addressed. Currently, many students opt

to rent area homes together. It’s a cost in excess of three million dolsensitive issue for neighborhoods lars. Mostly, our dollars. where residents prefer single-famAnother idealistic envisioning ily occupation. So Village propo- holds that if driving becomes more nents claim their dorms will free difficult, people will walk/cycle/ up home rentals – but the sug- ride public transport. The pregestion that more dorm sumption is that “Vilavailability would signifilage” students would cantly alleviate group stusimply choose to forego dent rentals seems strikkeeping cars. In fact, ingly unrealistic. After all, less than half of them student choice of housing would get parking spacis not always just about es on the “Village” propaffordability. Dorms v GUEST erty – but would lack of (even privately managed on-property parking dorms) impose limitaprevent anyone (particJudith C. tions and rules. Autonoularly students far from Williamson my remains attractive. home) from keeping City planners envision their cars off-site? After Village students walking to class- all, school is only one aspect of stues. Which means crossing Sunset dent life. And even if all Villagers Avenue and L.K. Wood Boule- dutifully walked to their classes, vard – at intersections which are many of their cars would sit, taking already acknowledged as ill-de- up space on neighborhood streets. signed, problematic and danger- Already, street parking is at a preous. Infrastructure improvements mium in central Arcata neighborto these intersections would not hoods, with residents often unable be required prior to Village build- to park near their homes – even out, and the developer’s potential- blocked from their own driveways. ly required share of such expenses Villagers who do drive (anywould be fractional. A pedestrian where) would have only one way overpass? Might work. Who pays? in and out of the compound, via Even one roundabout (which St Louis Road. Regular streams would not alleviate the pedestri- of HSU-bound drivers would ceran impact) could not happen for tainly bottleneck neighborhood as much as 10 years – and would intersections along north L.K.

Profit over people at Lazy J

I am a resident of Lazy J Mobile Home Park in Arcata. Recently the Arcata City Council received grant money that is to be used to help local low-income people in the area pay their rents. It works very much like Section 8. This grant money will pay a certain percentage of the income qualified person’s rent and they will pay the rest. The City of Arcata will oversee the program. To me, it’s a very worthwhile and extremely helpful program for those of us who are low income and struggling to pay rent and also pay for other basic necessities. The problem for the low-income seniors who live here in the Lazy J Park is that the owners of our park, Sun Communities, Inc. are refusing to accept this program. They have refused to sign any of the necessary paperwork. They haven’t really given any reason why, just that they don’t want to. Shame on you Sun Communities, Inc. for having no compassion for your low income senior tenants! I don’t understand why you are so dead set against participating in this wonderful program that would benefit so many deserving low-income seniors. The City of Arcata will administer the program, and your staff wouldn’t have to do any extra paper work. I guess you are only concerned with your profit margin and have no respect for your tenants or their needs. Valorie McIntosh Arcata

Check the historical record

In their letter of last week Ms. Ryerson and Mr. Paniak do not refute a single assertion I made in my guest column. Instead, they deflect to “why does he not mention…” on two issues. With regards to American imperialism/expansion overseas, I did not mention the great Senate debate about the issue. That is because there was no mention of it in the Feb. 21 meeting. The vast majority of the meeting involved how McKinley allegedly participated in Native American genocide and so my only comments about the Philippines were in response to what Mr. Phoenix had said on the 21st. But even on this matter, Ryerson and Paniak unfairly stack the deck by selectively citing some of the fine people like Twain and Carnegie who opposed McKinley”s policies. Why didn’t they tell you about other cohorts who opposed the policies like Pitchfork Ben Tillman and his ilk, clearly the truly vile racists of the era who wanted to make sure America wasn’t “infected” by native Philippinos? I won’t retell their disgusting racist statements here but you can google them if you doubt me. At last week’s City Council meeting I was booed and heckled when I said McKinley did not participate in an Indian genocide and did nothing in his time of office to purposefully do harm to the Indian people. I stand by that statement. Councilmember Ornelas and Ryerson/Paniak point to the Curtis Amendment of 1898 which resulted in negative effects to five tribes in the then territory of Oklahoma. The clear implication is that McKinley, who merely signed the bill, is responsible for this contribution to genocide. What a blatant display of white patriarchy! Oh, wait, historical truth unfortunately does not fit with their ideological narrative. You see, the bill’s author, Charles Curtis, was the only Native American in Congress at the time. His mother had three tribal affiliations; Mr. Curtis always identified as a member of the Kaw tribe, on whose reservation he spent the early years of his life. His aim, which sadly did not eventuate, was to endorse policies of assimilation which he had navigated so successfully, eventually being elected to the vice presidency of the U.S. Now I don’t know of any Native American organizations in all of our country that would even begin to suggest that Charles Curtis was trying to betray his own people in authoring such a bill. And yet this is the only “evidence” that

OPINION

Wood, which are neither signed nor signaled for streaming traffic. Ensnared traffic is where the rubber may meet the road for Arcatans in general – whether or not your own neighborhood is overshadowed by the encroachment of looming, four-story towers. Imagine lines of cars, backed up onto the 101, trying to emerge at the Sunset exit, awaiting the passage of hundreds of pedestrians who just got out of classes. That’s one scenario. Unlikely? You decide. But traffic is just one issue. What about HSU enrollment? Reportedly, it is down. Significantly. Also, there is talk of the University building new dorms of their own, on campus. Which sounds perfect! Except, what then happens to the Village, after it’s built and the students don’t come? What is the repurposing potential for a huge dormitory compound? Zoning change is another concern. The Craftsmans Mall property is zoned as light industrial, which would require rezoning to allow the Village usage. As Arcata looks toward growth, light industrial may be seen as undesirable in this (now) more central location, but that zoning status is in short supply – and once it’s gone, it’s gone. Those who deplore the cur-

v LETTERS Ornelas and Ryerson/Paniak can cite during McKinley’s term of office that was “anti-Indian.” So, please, remove your ideological glasses and take a hard look at what you are saying: McKinley demonstrated his racist patriarchy by signing a bill introduced by a Native American! Bless us and save us! I know many individuals of minority or marginalized groups feel the council’s action was a blow against white supremacy; while I believe they are wrong on historical grounds I can very much appreciate their feelings. I fervently hope we can achieve substantive gains to ameliorate the justifiable hurt that still besets us in 2018: Justice for Josiah, an end to the fear of deportation of the undocumented, tough policies to end the gun madness, a path to citizenship for DACA recipients, support for tribes’ pursuit of equitable water and fishing rights. Peace and Justice, Bob Holcomb Fieldbrook

Join in Steve’s campaign

Dear McKinleyville Community, In these difficult political times, it’s easy to slip into feeling hopeless. But we don’t have to feel that way! We can do local things, right now, that will really matter. One of those things is coming up at noon this Saturday, March 31. A group of us are gathering together to canvass for Steve Madrone, who is running to become our next county supervisor in the 5th District, which includes McKinleyville. Steve was one of the key people who helped us build the Hammond Trail. Now he wants to ensure we have clean, safe drinking water. He wants to help develop new parks. He supports full sheriff’s deputy staffing, a Town Center for McKinleyville, and much more. Steve is committed to listening to our ideas and concerns and will advocate for all of us in the 5th District. Please join me and many others at Pierson Park, 1608 Pickett Road in McKinleyville, this Saturday at noon to canvass for Steve. We’ll have a brief training session at the park, and then we’ll carry Steve’s campaign materials and answer questions as we knock on doors in McKinleyville neighborhoods. Our journey to a better Humboldt County Board of Supervisors starts with one step. Come walk with us on March 31. You can learn more at votemadrone.com. Kate McClain McKinleyville

Rational gun control guidelines

Following my recent letter (Feb. 28) in the Mad River Union, I have gained a variety of insights from others and the wide variety of viewpoints they have expressed. Gun ownership and use of guns are viewed by many as an accepted and important part of their lives, including many people who live in rural areas of the U.S. (See Leonard, 2018, nytimes.com/2018/03/16/opinion/guns-gun-control-america.html). Leonard also notes that gun advocates grieve just as much as gun opponents do when there are mass killings and other forms of gun violence; however, gun owners tend to emphasize that such violent events in our society are not the fault of the guns themselves, but rather the fault of people using guns for bad purposes. As Pinker (2011, The Better Angels of our Nature) states, anyone who can hunt, harvest crops, chop firewood, or prepare a salad also conceivably could carry out murderous acts toward others with their home-related implements. Yet there are, of course, no efforts to ban or abolish those implements.

rently less than lovely conditions at the Mall might pause to consider that small business entrepreneurs are significant economic drivers in our locale, who often require light industrial zoned accommodations with cheap rents. We can force such zoning out to the town’s periphery, but at what cost? Moving to newer accommodations is pricey. Many creative people will simply leave. Start-ups won’t start here. Our loss. Well, no one is feeling sorry for the unfortunate residents in the old neighborhoods that abut the proposed Village compound. These are modest, mostly single-family neighborhoods, filled with professors and others possessing the wherewithal to invest in a small town lifestyle that is now imminently threatened. Face it, we’re told – change is upon us. Density is destiny. And destiny cannot wait for appropriate infrastructure changes, nor will it accommodate livable, diverse neighborhood planning. Do you believe that? Do you accept it? Do you agree? Judith chose Arcata, 21 years ago, for our diverse neighborhood character, and has recently joined Arcata Citizens for Responsible Housing (ACRH.

If we view the current controversy about gun possession and use primarily as a human problem, with guns bearing relatively little direct significance, proponents readily can promote wider availability of guns in order to increase overall public safety without increasing rates of violent use of guns in society. This latter position frequently is endorsed by the National Rifle Association (NRA), which regularly cites data supporting this view (e.g., Lott & Mustard, 1997, Journal of Legal Studies). However, there also are other studies that conflict with the NRA perspective and report that households with more guns tend to have higher mortalities through suicides or murders (See Kaplan, 2018, nytimes.com/2018/03/12/ health/gun-violence-research-cdc.html?smid=nytcore-ipad-share&smprod=nytcore-ipad). Of course, many of these differences of opinion relate to factual data that can be tested and verified. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) had conducted research on issues related to gun violence in the U.S. for a number of years. But NRA leaders argued that “research highlighting the danger of weapons is part of a gun-control agenda to confiscate firearms” (Moyer, Scientific American, October 2017) and, following strong pressures from the NRA, Congress has withheld funds for research on gun violence by CDC since 1995. Coincidentally, since Congress curtailed CDC gun research, over 600,000 people have been shot (Kaplan 2018). As recently as 2012, Congress refused to appropriate the funds requested by President Obama for gun violence research after the shootings in Newtown, Connecticut. Yet, I continue to believe that it will be very difficult to develop effective societal norms and values until we have the research needed to reach consensus on the factors that increase or reduce the likelihood of gun violence, and of how we can most effectively reduce gun violence, while still having firearms available for acceptable and appropriate purposes. Thus, I strongly advocate congressional allocations for the CDC to study gun violence to gain a more objective assessment of the causes related gun violence and the relationship of access to guns to suicides, murders, accidental deaths, and mass killings. I fully recognize that ready access to guns is a deeply-embedded value for many Americans. Yet, in the past, other deeply-embedded values have been changed by clear majorities in our society, following religious, moral, socio-economic, psychological, and political assessments. These changed values include societal attitudes toward corporal punishment of children, slavery, persecution of homosexuals, inequitable treatment of ethnic, gender, and cultural minorities, and sexual harassment. All of these past societal values have been embedded in American society just as deeply as the current attitudes concerning access to firearms. I firmly believe that our society can and should enact revised ethical (and legislative) guidelines for gun ownership and use. Besides funding the CDC, I propose that, as a nation, we carefully and consciously define the appropriate and acceptable uses of guns in our society. We also must ask ourselves what types of firearms are appropriate and acceptable (or not appropriate and acceptable) for each of the different acceptable uses of firearms. It is inconceivable to me that an assault-style weapon would be seen as appropriate for hunting or as a protective gun in one’s home. Guns are tools for specific purposes. I predict that large gun collections, when viewed like knick-knacks or toys to show off, eventually will be seen by most Americans as morally questionable and, even, ridiculous I warmly welcome readers to share divergent viewpoints on this controversial and highly-charged topic so that our local community can build consensus worth sharing with state and national leaders. Richard G. Botzler McKinleyville

M AD R IVER U NION

M ARCH 28, 2018

McK Chamber’s Members Choice Awards in Sapphire Palace Mad RiveR Union

COMMERCIAL POTENTIAL Top, the Chamber Awards Dinner at Blue Lake’s Sapphire Palace. Above, the McKinleyville Chamber of Commerce Board of Directors is photographed by Stephen Lewis. Above right, Jesse and Rhonda Andriessen of Grocery Outlet were honored as New Business of the Year. Arrivals at the event had their picture taken by McKinleyville High School photographers, below. Below right, the hard-working staff kept everyone well fed. Phoyos by KLh | Union

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McKMAC to discuss shooting Mad RiveR Union

McKINLEYVILLE – Shooting guns along the banks of the Mad River and the safety of pedestrians walking to school will be among the topics discussed today, March 28 at a meeting of the McKinleyville Municipal Advisory Committee (McKMAC). The meeting begins at 6 p.m. at the Middle School Conference Center, 2285 Central Ave. in McKinleyville. The conference center is located behind the school. Areli Cupp of the Department of Health & Human Services will give a presentation on the Safe Routes to Schools program. The county has grant funding for a pedestrian and motorist education program and Cupp will be discussing various proposals. According to the McKMAC agenda, prepared by Chair Ben Shepherd, numerous complaints have been received regarding shooting along the Mad River in the McKinleyville area. A county representative will be on hand to discuss the issue. The McKinleyville Alliance for Racial Equity may give an update on its efforts to address race issues in town. The committee will also discuss a letter it has received regarding its duties and may elect new officers.

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BLUE LAKE – The McKinleyville Chamber of Commerce held its annual Members Choice Awards at the Blue Lake Casino Hotel’s elegant Sapphire Palace last Friday night. The event featured silent and Dutch auctions and music by Adamas. A number of Mack Town businesses were honored at the event. This year’s winners: New Business of the Year: Grocery Outlet Small Business of the Year: two way tie: Lube Central and The Parlour Large Business of the Year: Eureka Natural Foods Home Based Business of the Year: Diane’s Sweet Heat Non-Profit of the Year: McKinleyville Lions Club Best Customer Service: Coast Central Credit Union Azalea Award: Kenny and Cathy Richards

TOWN HALL MEETING ON OPIOID CRISIS Senator Mike McGuire and County Supervisor Virginia Bass have announced a Town Hall meeting to discuss the opioid crisis impacting Humboldt County and communities nationwide on Thursday, March 29, at 6:30 p.m. Access Humboldt will simulcast the event live on Suddenlink channel 10 for people who are unable to attend in person. Last November, hundreds of local residents attended an initial meeting about the opioid epidemic, and the upcoming event will be a chance for the community to discuss how the situation is evolving and to ask for input on potential solutions. Humboldt County has the second highest rate of opioid overdoses in the state per capita, a situation that puts tremendous pressure on local medical facilities as well as paramedics, doctors, nurses, police officers, county case workers and the community as a whole. In 2016, the opioid overdose rate for the state as a whole was 4.6 per 100,000 residents. The Humboldt County rate was nearly five times higher at 22.35 per 100,000. “When we last met in November, neighbors, community and healthcare leaders advanced their concerns and initial solutions related to the opioid crisis,” Senator McGuire said. “Now, as promised, Supervisor Bass and I are bringing local and statewide leaders back together to hear about the progress that is being made with this ongoing crisis and update the community on the issues they advanced last fall.” The meeting will feature statewide experts, health professionals, local leaders and addiction specialists. County and city officials will discuss strategies being implemented at the local level, with progress reports from North Coast treatment providers including Open Door Community Health Center, Aegis Treatment and Waterfront Recovery Center. The community will also about harm reduction efforts including needle exchange and syringe management programs being implemented at the county and city level, as well as receiving a report from the California Department of AIDS on statewide efforts in harm reduction. sd02.senate.ca.gov. HUFFMAN ENDORSES SUNDERBG Congressman Jared Huffman has announced that he is endorsing Ryan Sundberg for re-election as Humboldt County’s Fifth District Supervisor. Huffman (D-San Rafael) was elected to congress in 2012 to represent California’s second district, which encompasses six counties including Marin, Mendocino, Humboldt, Trinity, Del Norte, and much of Sonoma County. “Supervisor Ryan Sundberg works closely with me on many issues vital to the North Coast including Klamath Dam Removal, Trinity River restoration, and securing federal support for transportation projects, dredging, rural schools, tribal needs, and much more,” Huffman said. “He is dedicated and knowledgeable, and I support his reelection.”

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MARCH 28, 2018

The Real Sarahs are really all named Sarah Janine Volkmar MAd RiveR union HUMBOLDT – I heard

The Real Sarahs share their acoustic vocal harmonies two years ago at The Mateel and I'm so glad they are coming back to Humboldt County. We'll have two chances to hear them on this visit; they're playing both Om Shala Yoga in Arcata and Phatsy Kline's in Eureka. The group, based in Mendocino County, was born at the Anderson Valley Variety Show in Philo seven years ago. At that time, there were only two Sarahs, Sarah Larkin and Sarah Ryan. "I was working on a variety act with a friend who knew Sarah (Ryan)," Larkin

THE REAL SARAHS will play two upcoming shows in Humboldt County. Submitted photo said. "We met again during a nine month herbal apprenticeship in Willits. It was once a month, all ladies, and we stayed up singing for half the night in the bunkhouse," she explained. Out of that a band, the Motherland Family Band

was born. That first group lasted until The Real Sarahs was born. "In 2013, Sarah and I decided to do our own thing. We recorded a demo and decided to get serious." Their first album was called simply, The Real Sa-

rahs. Now, two albums later, the group has grown to three Sarahs with the addition of Sarah Rose McMahon, who brings serious musical chops in the form of a cello and a background of family string quartets with her mother and sisters. And, yes, really, they are each named Sarah. To keep things straight, though, McMahon goes by Rosie and Larkin goes by Songbird. Everything in harmony. Harmonies are their strength and their signature, something that permeates their music and their lives. "We sing harmonies by ear and by heart," Larkin SARAHS

Joanne Rand & her powerhouse band in Arcata SiSkiyou LAnd conSeRvAncy

CREAMERY DISTRICT – Siskiyou Land Conservancy, dedicated to preserving North Coast wild lands, presents its benefit concert and springtime celebration, an evening of music Saturday, March 31, with singer-songwriter Joanne Rand’s powerhouse band: pianist Tim Randles, violinist Rob Diggins, and electric guitarist Piet Dalmolen. The event takes place at the Arcata Playhouse, 1251 Ninth St. in Arcata, A visual presentation of North Coast wild lands starts at 7:30 p.m., music is at 8 p.m. Tickets are $10-20 on a sliding scale, available at Wildberries, at brownpapertickets.com or at the door. Rand has toured nationally for 30plus years playing original “Psychedelic-Folk-Revival” music, and has just released her 16th indie CD of original songs. Rob Diggins has toured internationally with John Malkovich, is a principal violinist with the Portland Baroque Orchestra, Musica Angelica Baroque Orchestra , the Corona Del Mar Baroque Festival and Jazz trio RLA as well as performing kirtan and sound healing. Electric guitarist, Piet Dalmolen is owner-operator and recording wizard at Universal Balance Studios in Arcata. He is a founding member of the longlived Rock/Funk/Psychedelic Jam band Nucleus and currently plays in multiple touring bands, including Dynasty One, as well as solo. Tim Randles began his piano studies at the age of nine. He was drawn into jazz during the birth of jazz-fusion era in the ‘70s. He has been musical director for shows at Dell’arte and HSU, has performed with Jane Siberry, Joe Craven (of David Grisman Quintet), Danish saxophonist John Tchicai, Afro-Cuban band Ponche, and toured Senegal with Djlaly Kunda Kouyate. He currently hosts the jazz series at Westhaven Center for the Arts with his band RLA.

Roadhouse swing dance KENNY RAY & THE MIGHTY ROVERS The Bayside Community Hall and Kenny Ray & the Mighty Rovers, above, invite you to join them for an all ages Roadhouse Swing Dance on Saturday, March 31, at the Bayside Community Hall, corner of Jacoby Creek and Old Arcata roads. Doors open at 6 p.m. with dinner and drinks available for purchase all night. At 6:30 p.m. Brad Morin and his wife Cathy will teach the triple step swing and the Hesitation Fox Trot. Live music starts at 7 p.m. Admission is $8, $5 for students, kids under 12 years of age free. It's a benefit for the Bayside Community Hall. (707) 822-9998, baysidecommunityhall@gmail.com. Submiited photo COMING TO ARCATA PLAYHOUSE The Bee Eaters will perform at the Arcata Playhouse at 1251 Ninth St. in Arcata on Friday, March 30 at 7:30 p.m. Band members, from left, Tristan Clarridge (cello), Tashina Clarridge (5-string fiddle) and Simon Chrisman (hammer dulcimer), weave together the common threads of their roots – a grounding in OldTime, Irish, and bluegrass, a love of jazz and chamber music, and a passion for innovation – into a musical vocabulary that feels like walking through a familiar door and finding yourself in a new place. As the Boston Globe puts it, “[The Bee Eaters] combine chamber music’s finely calibrated arrangements with bluegrass’s playful virtuosity and pop music’s melodic resourcefulness.” Tickets are available at Wildwood Music (Arcata), Wildberries Marketplace, and BrownPaperTickets.com. Adult tickets are $20 advance/$24 at the door. Youth 25 and under are half-price and age 12 and under are free. Submitted photo

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INSIDE THE BOOK Beautiful photos like this one of a Green Heron by Leslie Scopes Anderson are inside A Birding Guide to Humboldt County.

Birding guide to be unveiled Redwood Region Audubon Society

ARCATA – The Redwood Region Audubon Society (RRAS) is proud to announce the imminent publication of A Birding Guide to Humboldt County. This invaluable guidebook was written by local ornithologist and birding guide Kenneth Burton, and designed by Arcata-based graphic designer and photographer Leslie Scopes Anderson. It links well-known and obscure birding sites, some of them only recently opened to the public, into 25 routes spanning the entire county. The book features gorgeous photographs by Anderson, Burton and others as well as detailed maps and directions and aids for navigating by GPS. Nearly 500 species of birds have been found in Humboldt County; this number exceeds that recorded in many entire states. The county is home to a large, vibrant, and accomplished birding community, but until now there has been no comprehensive birding guide to the area. This book fills that gap and is aimed at local and visiting birders alike. It should appeal to non-birders as well since the routes it describes offer superb sightseeing and walking and mention little-known public-access opportunities. The book is based heavily on data derived from eBird, a website hosted by the Cornell Laboratory of Ornithology that has revolutionized birding over the last decade. It covers the vast majority of eBird “hotspots” in the county. The route descriptions include suggestions for finding the county’s less-common bird species and when they may be expected along each route. The book also features a table showing the route(s) on which each species is likely to be found and graphs illustrating overall species diversity by month for each route. Burton and Anderson have collaborated on two previous books: Common Birds of the Arcata Marsh & Wildlife Sanctuary (published by Friends of the Arcata Marsh) and Common Birds of Northwest California (published by RRAS). Burton is also the author of Hiking Humboldt, volume 1 (published by Backcountry Press). A Birding Guide to Humboldt County will be released April 21-22 at Godwit Days. It will be for sale at the Godwit Café in the Arcata Community Center, 321 Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Parkway. After that, look for it at bookstores and visitor centers throughout the county. Proceeds from sales of the book will benefit RRAS’ conservation and education programs.

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ADULTS WITH AUTISM Families Advocating Autism Now and the Humboldt County Library are teaming together to host their second of a two-part event focusing on adults with autism in Humboldt County. The event, to be held today, March 28 from 6 to 7:30 p.m. will be a community forum to allow individuals with autism, their families and care providers to discuss services that are needed in Humboldt County. The goal of this event is to work towards solutions. The Humboldt County Library is located at 1313 Third St. in Eureka. CHOIR CONCERT Please join the HSU Department of Music and choral director Rachel Samet for a special Thursday night concert featuring performances by all four HSU choirs on March 29 at 8 p.m. in Fulkerson Recital Hall. This is a great opportunity to hear the full range of musical styles being explored by the student and community singers on the HSU campus. Tickets are $10 general, $5 for seniors and children and free for HSU students with ID. “I’m especially excited about the March 29 concert because it is going to be a wonderful opportunity for all four of the choirs (Humboldt Chorale, Madrigal Singers, Mad River Transit Singers and University Singers) to perform for each other and the public,” says HSU choral director Dr. Rachel Samet. “Each choir will have a chance to perform pieces on their own, and at the end they will come together – 120 singers altogether – to perform a South African hymn called Siyahamba. Siyahamba became popular during the time of apartheid as a form of resistance and action toward peace. Leading up to it, the four choirs’ program will include sacred music from the Renaissance, Mozart, folk tunes from Scotland and Venezuela, and range of American music, including a traditional Shaker tune and a beautiful a cappella version of “What a Wonderful World” by the Mad River Transit Singers. It will be an exciting chance to see so many of our talented student musicians embracing a wide variety of music and coming together through song.” CRESTED HENS People who love Irish/Celtic music are enthusiastically invited to enjoy the trio Crested Hens with Seabury Gould on guitar, bouzouki, flute and vocals, Liz Thompson on cello, and Brae Lewis on banjo & mandolin. This exhilarating Irish music celebration of tunes and songs happens Saturday, March 31 from 5:30 to 8:30 p.m. at Gallagher’s Irish Pub in Old Town Eureka at Second and C streets. Admission is free. Crested Hens perform traditional music of Ireland and other Celtic lands as well as original “Visionary songs.” seaburygould.com JOIN TOASTMASTERS Toastmasters meets the second and fourth Thursdays each month at noon at the Forest Service Lab conference room, 1700 Bayview St. in Arcata. Visitors are welcome.

Firefighter honored

probably should have something super witty to say for this April Fool’s edition, but alas, I only have the happenings of my favorite little town. Recently, the Fire Department had their Ladies Night and Awards ceremony, where the firefighter of the year was presented to Daniel Komins. The Blue Lake School 8th grade class helped serve the meal at la-

dies night, and it was announced that the fabulous Tony Kimura, 8th grade teacher at Blue Lake School for the past several years, is retiring. Blue Lake Parks and Recreation will be having a free egg hunt on the Saturday, March 31 at Perigot Park. Last year, 1,000 eggs were hidden, and there were not enough to go around! This year, over 4,000 eggs will be hidden full of wonderful little treasures, so come on out! I think even the weather may cooperate. Baseball season is beginning… soon Iorge field will be filled with little league games. Come on out and cheer on the teams! More on that in the next column. As always, have a wonderful week, and come enjoy our little city!

M ARCH 28, 2018

Easter service in Trinidad; lighthouse tour April 7

ts. Martha and Mary Episcopal Mission, on Trinity Street next to Trinidad School, will hold its Easter Sunday, April 1 Holy Eucharist service at 9 a.m. Mts. Lesley McCloghrie will lead the celebration, to which all are welcome. Lighthouse open April 7 The regular first Saturday of the month open house at Trinidad Head Lighthouse is set for Saturday, April 7 from 10 a.m. to noon. Docents from Trinidad Museum and the Bureau of Land Management will greet visitors. Walking tours only. No vehicles allowed. Dogs on leashes permitted on Trinidad Head. Learn About North Coast Soils, Flora, Fungi and Animals “Natural Systems of the North Coast,” an Osher Lifelong Learning (OLLI) class led by Sean Craig, Elliott Dabill and James Webb, will take place on three successive Sundays, April 8, 15 and 22 at Trinidad Library from 11 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. Explore the basic biological systems that under

life on the North Coast from fundamentals of life in soils and oceans to flora and fungi, to marine and terrestrial animals. Each Class includes a walking field trip to discover the basics of living systems found locally. Tuition for class is $90 for OLLI members. Others pay an additional $25 and can be enrolled as space allows. Register by calling (707) 826-5880 or go to humboldt.edu/olli and refer to class number 27074. Geology of Trinidad State Beach The California Coastal National Monument Ambassador Training Program together with the Trinidad Coastal Land Trust will present “Geology of Trinidad State Beach” on Sunday, April 8 from 1 to 3 p.m. The tour will be led by Danny O’Shea. Meet at Trinidad State Beach at the base of Trinidad Head, but you must reserve a place by calling (707) 6772501 or email carol@trinidadcoastallandtrust.org.

History of Trinidad Rancheria Presentation Shirley Laos will present a History of the Trinidad Rancheria on Tuesday, April 10 from 6:30 to 7:30 p.m. Location to be determined. Call (707) 677-2501 or email carol@trinidadcoastallandtrust.org for details and reservations. This program also is part of the CCNM-TCLT Ambassador Training Program. Guest Speaker at Trinidad Civic Club Big Lagoon School Superintendent-Principal Jennifer Glueck will be guest speaker at the Trinidad Civic Club potluck on Thursday, April 5. A business meeting begins at 10 a.m. in the Club Room, Town Hall, followed by Jennifer’s remarks at about 11:15 a.m. Dana Hope will preside. Hostesses will be Lena Macy and Betty Ferniz. Members and guests welcome. Email tcc@trinidadcivicclub.org for information on the Club or the program. Email Patti at baycity@sonic.net.

Thousands expected at Seed & Plant Exchange Humboldt Permaculture Guild

ARCATA – The Humboldt Permaculture Guild holds this year’s Seed & Plant Exchange On Saturday, March 31 from 11 a.m. until 4 p.m., at the Arcata Community Center, 321 Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Parkway in Arcata. This will be the 20th year of this premier local event, which provides free resources and education to gardeners, farmers and the public. Nearly 2,000 people have attended the event in each of the last several years. Participants bring seeds or live plants to share if they have any, and take whatever they reasonably expect to use regardless of what they bring. Seeds or other materials from locally invasive plant species are prohibited. This year, the guild is especially encouraging participants to walk, bicycle, ride the bus or carpool to the event if they can. The guild promotes responsible transportation as part of community-scale permaculture. Additionally, parking is limited when most participants drive themselves to the event. In addition to the free exchange, local companies will be on hand at the event to sell seeds, plants, and garden-related services, and a number of local non-profit organizations will offer educational materials on topics ranging from native plants to healthcare. Free workshops taught by local experts will be offered, covering an introduction to permaculture, urban permaculture, and worm composting, and a kids permaculture area will be available.

Live entertainment will be provided by local musicians Lyndsey Battle & Cory Goldman, Jan Bramlett, and the Striped Pig String Band. Raffle tickets will be for sale at a reasonable price to help cover the costs of the event. A locally sourced lunch will be served by the nonprofit Locally Delicious, with proceeds going to a program that helps local farmers grow food for Food for People. Anyone interested in bringing seeds or plants to the event is encouraged to provide detailed labels which include species name, variety name, and for seeds the year and location the seed was produced. Participants are also encouraged to bring locally appropriate species and varieties, and to focus on seeds and plants which have been produced using organic or other sustainable methods. Anyone interested in taking home seeds or plants is encouraged to bring old seed envelopes, bags and boxes for re-use, although some will be provided for those who do not bring their own. Participants are also reminded to take care not to bring or take home invasive plants or weeds. Permaculture is a set of principles and practices for designing human landscapes with the diversity and resilience of natural ecosystems. The Humboldt Permaculture Guild is a group of local residents with the goal of promoting permaculture-related practices and ideas in Humboldt County and surrounding areas. humboldtpermaculture.com

The annual Easter breakfast that time forgot ARCATA –The community is warmly invited to the Lutheran Church of Arcata’s “Legendary Easter Breakfast,” a meal that has doggedly resisted change for some six decades, proudly showcasing a menu and method of service that harkens back to the first Lutheran Easter celebrations in Arcata, circa. 1952. A truly steadfast Arcata tradition, the Lutheran Church of Arcata’s Easter Breakfast features a menu seemingly unaffected by the passing of time. The vintage offerings include succulent home-roasted, bone-in ham, carved to order; freshly scrambled eggs done to glistening perfection in large electric skillets; golden-crispy hash browns, served hot off the griddle; tender-tothe-crunch toast, popped from electric toasters and copiously buttered; as well Barbara Ranstrom celebrated her birthday Sunday with friends and family, who enjoyed a delicious breakfast followed by cake at the AA in Eureka

as a wide array of exclusively scratchmade pastries, danishes, coffee cakes, muffins, and breakfast breads. Fresh fruits round out the breakfast spread, and, to drink, freshly-swirled orange juice (from concentrate) and authentic Church Coffee are offered, as well as hot tea and cold water. As the sign above the Church Kitchen reads each and every year: “Lutheran Cuisine At Its Finest!” As always, the Lutheran Church of Arcata‘s Easter Breakfast will be served to order, tableside, by congregational youth and volunteers, based on menu selections made by the guests. In an approach which may have been a more novel break with convention in eras past, only men will cook. Some of the gentlemen-chefs on the kitchen crew have been perfecting

their techniques at this breakfast literally for decades, and their well-honed skills at egg-cracking, toasting, scrambling, carving, and other complex kitchen work will be on full, spectacular display. Just as every year, this year’s Easter Breakfast will be served from 7:30 to 9:15 a.m. only – on Easter Sunday morning (April 1) at the Lutheran Church of Arcata, 151 East 16th St. While there is no set charge for the breakfast, diners will be encouraged to give as much financial support as they are able through free-will donations. Proceeds, beyond expenses, gathered at the Easter Breakfast will be used by the congregation in service to the poor and hungry in our community, as well as to help students with food needs on the neighboring HSU.

Sarahs |Singing harmony FROM B1

said. “We’ve grown up singing harmony, each in our own path. When we work with other musicians, they’ll ask if we have charts. We arrange, we negotiate, we hone in, but we don’t have charts.” Larkin sings and plays guitar; Ryan sings and plays both guitar and ukulele; McMahon plays cello and ukulele; they all play kazoo. Of course they do. In keeping with the old timey feel of their harmonies and instruments they use an oversized vintage

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microphone, reminiscent of Nashville recording studios. “She’s called Josephine and we’re taking her on the road with us,” Larkin said. They’ve recorded with six musicians on one microphone, for that “live sound in the moment,” rather than being divided by equipment. “It’s what we’re best known for,” Larkin explained, “being close to each other.” The Real Sarahs see music as a gift. “When we play music, it’s about giving that gift away,” she said. “The way people respond to what we do has been an inspiration to go further,” she added. Further is what looms for The Real Sarahs. This will be their first road tour and they are excited to be out on the road. The tour includes dates in Oregon and Washington and will end up in Arcata and Eureka, after playing a dozen

shows in 16 days. They’ll share the stage along the way with such artists as Jessica Malone, Caitlin Jemma, Caroline Cotter, Betty and The Babes, and, in Eureka, local fiddler Meghan Graham. “We’re not flash or bling,” Larkin said. “It’s taken a long time for me to realize that that’s enough. We’ll keep it heart centered and true and honest.” Don’t miss these women or you’ll have to wait until the Roll on The Mattole in July. They’ll play a free gig at Phatsy Kline’s Parlour Lounge, Thursday, April 5 at 8 p.m. That’s during the Redwood Coast Music Festival so Eureka will be the place to be. Phatsy’s is in The Eagle House, 139 Second Street. If Arcata is more your style, you can hear them as part of the Om Shala Concert Series on Saturday, April 7 from 7 to 9 p.m. Sliding scale at the door is $20-$10. Om Shala is at 858 10th Street. therealsarahs.com

M ARCH 28, 2018 SHOREBIRD WORKSHOP Join Redwood Region Audubon Society on Sunday, April 1 for Shorebird Workshop, Part I. This is the first of a series of three workshops on one of Humboldt Bay’s greatest treasures, our shorebirds. All will be led by Alexa DeJoannis, formerly of HSU’s Shorebird Ecology Lab. (You may attend as many of the three sessions as you like). Are you still wondering which is a whimbrel and which a willet? Meet at 11 a.m. at the foot of I St (Klopp Lake in the Arcata Marsh) as the tide rises, bringing in dowitchers, curlews, godwits, willets, peeps, yellowlegs and perhaps avocets. The trip will end around 2 p.m. (202) 288-5174 LANPHERE DUNES Join Friends of the Dunes nat-

M AD R IVER U NION

uralist Lisa Hoover for a free guided tour of the Lanphere Dunes Unit of the Humboldt Bay National Wildlife Refuge on Saturday, April 7 from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. The Lanphere Dunes Unit is home to diverse coastal ecosystems including coastal dune forest, seasonal wetlands, and large moving sand dunes. Meet at Pacific Union School, 3001 Janes Road in Arcata to carpool to the protected site. For more information and to CROSSWORD SOLUTION P A C E

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reserve a spot, please contact Friends of the Dunes at (707) 444-1397 or info@ friendsofthedunes.org. MARSH TOUR Friends of the Arcata Marsh (FOAM) is sponsoring a free tour of the Arcata Marsh & Wildlife Sanctuary on Saturday, April 7 at 2 p.m. Meet leader Elliott Dabill at the Interpretive Center on South G Street for a 90-minute walk focusing on the ecology of the Marsh. Loaner binoculars available with photo ID. For more information, call (707) 8262359.

Big Trees, poetry reading at library ArcAtA LibrAry

ARCATA – Movie Night on Thursday, April 5 at 6 p.m. at the Arcata Library features Big Trees (1952), a movie starring Kirk Douglas and Eve Miller filmed at locations in Orick and Eureka. The movie tells the story of a Quaker colony trying trying to save the trees from a timber baron. The Arcata Library is located at 500

Seventh St. in Arcata. Poetry reading At 7 p.m. that evening at the library, there will be a poetry reading by local poet Ed Munn in honor of National Poetry Month. Munn will read New, Less New and Very Old Work. Munn has lived in various parts of Humboldt County for over 40 years, committing poetry sporadical-

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L EGAL N OTICES FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT 18-00150 The following person(s) is (are) doing business as: FAMILY TREE MEDICINALS 1300 BLACK CREEK LANE KORBELL, CA 95550 COUNTY OF HUMBOLDT JESSE W. CARNES 1300 BLACK CREEK LANE KORBELL, CA 95550 This business is conducted by: AN INDIVIDUAL S/ JESSE CARNES /OWNER This statement was filed with the Humboldt County Clerk on MARCH 16, 2018 KELLY E. SANDERS SE DEPUTY CLERK 3/28, 4/4, 4/11, 4/18

FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT 18-00155 The following person(s) is (are) doing business as: ATLAS ENGINEERING 252 G STREET ARCATA, CA 95521 COUNTY OF HUMBOLDT MICHAEL A. TAYLOR 252 G STREET ARCATA, CA 95521 This business is conducted by: AN INDIVIDUAL S/ MICHAEL A. TAYLOR /PRINCIPAL ENGINEER This statement was filed with the Humboldt County Clerk on MARCH 19, 2018 KELLY E. SANDERS SE DEPUTY CLERK 3/28, 4/4, 4/11, 4/18

FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT 18-00137 The following person(s) is (are) doing business as: COMMUNITY REALTY – HANNAH WINANS 2355 CENTRAL AVE. STE. D MCKINLEYVILLE, CA 95519 COUNTY OF HUMBOLDT HANNAH L. WINANS 1751 WILD CANARY STREET MCKINLEYVILLE, CA 95519 This business is conducted by: AN INDIVIDUAL S/ HANNAH WINANS /OWNER This statement was filed with the Humboldt County Clerk on MARCH 12, 2018 KELLY E. SANDERS SE DEPUTY CLERK 3/28, 4/4, 4/11, 4/18

ABANDONMENT OF FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT 17-00676 COUNTY OF ORIGINAL FILING: HUMBOLDT DATE OF ORIGINAL FILING: DEC.26, 2017 The following person(s) was (were) doing business as: EMERALD GENETICS 4751 WEST END RD. ARCATA, CA 95521 P.O. BOX 4561 ARCATA, CA 95518 COUNTY OF HUMBOLDT RIGHTEOUS INNOVATIONS LLC CALIFORNIA 201734810253 1203 LINCOLN AVE. ARCATA, CA 95521 This business is conducted by: A LIMITED LIABILITY COMPANY S /MATTHEW SMITH LAGGIANO , OWNER This statement was filed with the Humboldt County Clerk on MARCH. 14, 2018 KELLY E. SANDERS KL DEPUTY CLERK

KELLY E. SANDERS SM DEPUTY CLERK

KELLY E. SANDERS SC DEPUTY CLERK , 3/21, 3/28, 4/4, 4/11

3/7, 3/14, 3/21, 3/28

FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT 18-00139 The following person(s) is (are) doing business as: THELCON 825 EVANS ROAD FIELDBROOK, CA 95519 COUNTY OF HUMBOLDT EDWARD G.LAIDLAW 825 EVANS ROAD FIELDBROOK, CA 95519 This business is conducted by: AN INDIVIDUAL S /EDWARD LAIDLAW /OWNER This statement was filed with the Humboldt County Clerk on MARCH 13, 2018 KELLY E. SANDERS SM DEPUTY CLERK

FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT 18-00121 The following person(s) is (are) doing business as: WOLFE PROPERTY MANAGEMENT 5460 ERICSON WAY ARCATA, CA 95521 COUNTY OF HUMBOLDT APRIL L. SCHNEIDER 5460 ERICSON WAY ARCATA, CA 95521 This business is conducted by: AN INDIVIDUAL S /APRIL SCHNEIDER, BROKER This statement was filed with the Humboldt County Clerk on MARCH. 1, 2018 KELLY E. SANDERS SC DEPUTY CLERK

, 3/21, 3/28, 4/4, 4/11

3/7, 3/14, 3/21, 3/28

FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT 18-00141 The following person(s) is (are) doing business as: JACOBY CREEK FLOWERS 45 FELLOWSHIP WAY BAYSIDE, CA 95524 COUNTY OF HUMBOLDT VIRGINIA L. RYDER 1930 BIRD AVE. MCKINLEYVILLE, CA 95519 This business is conducted by: AN INDIVIDUAL S /VIRGINIA L. RYDER /OWNER This statement was filed with the Humboldt County Clerk on MARCH 13, 2018 KELLY E. SANDERS SC DEPUTY CLERK

FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT 18-00096 The following person(s) is (are) doing business as: LEFT COAST PAINTING 130 MONROE LANE EUREKA, CA 95503 COUNTY OF HUMBOLDT PAUL J. BASTON 130 MONROE LANE EUREKA, CA 95503 This business is conducted by: AN INDIVIDUAL S /PAUL BASTON, OWNER This statement was filed with the Humboldt County Clerk on FEB. 20, 2018 KELLY E. SANDERS SC DEPUTY CLERK

, 3/21, 3/28, 4/4, 4/11

3/7, 3/14, 3/21, 3/28

FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT 18-00109 The following person(s) is (are) doing business as: SAUNA SURROUND YOU SURROUND YOU SURROUNDU HOME SURROUND YOU CARPENTRY 13013 WEST END ROAD ARCATA, CA 95521 COUNTY OF HUMBOLDT JEREMY M. CHAPMAN 13013 WEST END ROAD ARCATA, CA 95521 This business is conducted by: AN INDIVIDUAL S /JEREMY M.CHAPMAN, OWNER This statement was filed with the Humboldt County Clerk on FEB.. 26, 2018 KELLY E. SANDERS SM DEPUTY CLERK

FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT 18-00080 The following person(s) is (are) doing business as: NORTH COAST FISHERIES 1 COMMERCIAL STREET EUREKA, CA 95501 COUNTY OF HUMBOLDT PACIFIC CHOICE SEAFOOD COMPANY 16797 SE 130TH AVENUE CLACKAMASS, OR 97015 OREGON 058782-85 This business is conducted by: A CORPORATION S /LORI BROWNING, CONTROLLER This statement was filed with the Humboldt County Clerk on FEB. 13, 2018 KELLY E. SANDERS SM DEPUTY CLERK

3/14, 3/21, 3/28, 4/4

FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT 18-00134 The following person(s) is (are) doing business as: REDWOOD DENTAL LAB 2339 HARRISON AVE. EUREKA, CA 95501 COUNTY OF HUMBOLDT DARRELL FURTADO 1304 WEST AVENUE EUREKA, CA 95501 This business is conducted by: AN INDIVIDUAL S /DARRELL FURTADO, SOLE PROPRIETOR This statement was filed with the Humboldt County Clerk on MARCH. 8, 2018 KELLY E. SANDERS SC DEPUTY CLERK 3/14, 3/21, 3/28, 4/4

3/21, 3/28, 4/4, 4/11

FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT 18-00145 The following person(s) is (are) doing business as: EMERALD GENETICS 4751 WEST END ROAD ARCATA, CA 95521 COUNTY OF HUMBOLDT PURE HUMBOLDT EXTRACTIONS, LLC CALIFORNIA 201718810180 4751 WEST END ROAD ARCATA, CA 95521 This business is conducted by: A LIMITED LIABILITY COMPANY S /TIM CROWLEY /OWNER This statement was filed with the Humboldt County Clerk on MARCH 13, 2018

ABANDONMENT OF FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT 15-00515 COUNTY OF ORIGINAL FILING: HUMBOLDT DATE OF ORIGINAL FILING: SEPT. 1, 2015 The following person(s) was (were) doing business as: WOLFE PROPERTY MANAGEMENT 5460 ERICSON WAY ARCATA, CA 95521 COUNTY OF HUMBOLDT MARK V. NELSON 830 BAYIDE RD. ARCATA, CA 95521 This business is conducted by: AN INDIVIDUAL S /MARK V NELSON, BROKER This statement was filed with the Humboldt County Clerk on MARCH. 1, 2018

2/28, 3/7, 3/14, 3/21

NOTICE OF PETITION TO ADMINISTER ESTATE OF JOSE C. SILVEIRA CASE NO.: PR180059 To all heirs, beneficiaries, creditors, contingent creditors, and persons who may otherwise be interested in the will or estate, or both, of: JOSE C. SILVEIRA. Petition for Probate has been filed by: LUIS VALADAO in the Superior Court of California, County of HUMBOLDT. The Petition for Probate requests that: LUIS VALADAO be appointed as personal representative to administer the estate of the decedent. The petition requests authority to administer the estate under the Independent Administration of Estates Act. (This authority will allow the personal representative to take any actions without obtaining court approval. Before taking certain very important actions, however, the personal representative will be required to give notice to interested persons unless they have waived notice or consented to the proposed action.) The independent administration authority will be granted unless an interested person files an objection to the petition and shows good cause why the court should not grant the authority. A hearing on the petition will be held in this court as follows: Date: APRIL 19, 2018 Time: 2:00 PM Dept.: 6 Address of court: Superior Court of California, County of Humboldt, 825 Fifth Street, Eureka, CA, 95501. If you object to the granting of the petition, you should appear at the hearing and state your objections or file written objections with

the court before the hearing. Your appearance may be in person or by your attorney. If you are a creditor or a contingent creditor of the decedent, you must file your claim with the court and mail a copy to the personal representative appointed by the court within the later of either (1) four months from the date of first issuance of letters to a general personal representative, as defined in section 58(b) of the California Probate Code, or (2) 60 days from the date of mailing or personal delivery to you of a notice under section 9052 of the California Probate Code. Other California statutes and legal authority may affect your rights as a creditor. You may want to consult with an attorney knowledgeable in California law. You may examine the file kept by the court. If you are a person interested in the estate, you may file with the court a formal Request for Special Notice (form DE-154) of the filing of an inventory and appraisal of estate assets or of any petittion or account as provided in Probate Code section 1250. A Request for Special Notice form is available from the court clerk. Attorney for the petitioner: STEPHEN G. WATSON LAW OFFICE OF W.G. WATSON JR. 715 I STREET P.O. BOX 1021 EUREKA, CA 95502 (707) 444-3071 3/28, 4/4, 4/11 NOTICE OF PETITION TO ADMINISTER ESTATE OF EDWARD KEITH GILBERT CASE NO.: PR180062 To all heirs, beneficiaries, creditors, contingent creditors, and persons who may otherwise be interested in the will or estate, or both, of: EDWARD KEITH GILBERT. Petition for Probate has been filed by: JACQUELINE SUE GILBERT in the Superior Court of California, County of HUMBOLDT. The Petition for Probate requests that: JACQUELINE SUE GILBERT be appointed as personal representative to administer the estate of the decedent. The petition requests authority to administer the estate under the Independent Administration of Estates Act. (This authority will allow the personal representative to take any actions without obtaining court approval. Before taking certain very important actions, however, the personal representative will be required to give notice to interested persons unless they have waived notice or consented to the proposed action.) The independent administration authority will be granted unless an interested person files an objection to the petition and shows good cause why the court should not grant the authority. A hearing on the petition will be held in this court as follows: Date: APRIL 26, 2018 Time: 2:00 PM Dept.: 4 Address of court: Superior Court of California, County of Humboldt, 825 Fifth Street, Eureka, CA, 95501. If you object to the granting of the petition, you should appear at the hearing and state your objections or file written objections with the court before the hearing. Your appearance may be in person or by your attorney. If you are a creditor or a contingent creditor of the decedent, you must file your claim with the court and mail a copy to the personal representative appointed by the court within the later of either (1) four months from the date of first issuance of letters to a general personal representative, as defined in section 58(b) of the California Probate Code, or (2) 60 days from the date of mailing or personal delivery to you of a notice under section 9052 of the California Probate Code. Other California statutes and legal authority may affect your rights as a creditor. You may want to consult with an attorney knowledgeable in California law. You may examine the file kept by the court. If you are a person interested in the estate, you may file with the court a formal Request for Special Notice (form DE-154) of the filing of an inventory and appraisal of estate assets or of any petittion or account as provided in Probate Code section 1250. A

Request for Special Notice form is available from the court clerk. Attorney for the petitioner: LAURENCE S. ROSS OWENS & ROSS 310 THIRD ST. STE. D EUREKA, CA 95501 (707) 441-1185 3/28, 4/4, 4/11 ORDER TO SHOW CAUSE FOR CHANGE OF NAME NGOC THI NGUYEN-BRADY \SUPERIOR COURT OF CALIFORNIA COUNTY OF HUMBOLDT CASE NO. CV180205 TO ALL INTERESTED PERSONS: 1. Petitioner has filed a petition with this court for a decree changing names as follows: Present name: NGOC THI NGUYEN-BRADY to Proposed name JADE NGUYEN BRADY 2. THE COURT ORDERS that all persons interested in this matter appear before this court, located at 825 5th Street, Eureka, California, at the hearing indicated below to show cause, if any, why the application should not be granted. Any person objecting to the name changes described above must file a written objection that includes the reasons for the objection at least two court days before the matter is scheduled to be heard and must appear at the hearing to show cause why the petition should not be granted. If no written objection is timely filed, the court may grant the petition without a hearing. Date:MAY 8, 2018 Time: 1:45 p.m. Dept.: 4 3. A copy of this Order to Show Cause shall be published at least once a week for four successive weeks prior to the date set for hearing on the petition in the following newspaper of general circulation, printed in this county: Mad River Union. Date: 3/13/18 JOYCE D. HINRICHS Judge of the Superior 3/28, 4/4/, 4/11,4/18

Loan No.: Title Order No.: Trustee’s Sale No.: 17-100274 ATTENTION RECORDER: THE FOLLOWING REFERENCE TO AN ATTACHED SUMMARY IS ONLY APPLICABLE TO NOTICE(S) MAILED TO THE TRUSTOR. NOTE: THERE IS A SUMMARY OF THE INFORMATION IN THIS DOCUMENT ATTACHED. NOTICE OF TRUSTEE’S SALE YOU ARE IN DEFAULT UNDER A DEED OF TRUST DATED 1/6/2015. UNLESS YOU TAKE ACTION TO PROTECT YOUR PROPERTY, IT MAY BE SOLD AT A PUBLIC SALE. IF YOU NEED AN EXPLANATION OF THE NATURE OF THE PROCEEDINGS AGAINST YOU, YOU SHOULD CONTACT A LAWYER. On April 13, 2018, at 10:00 AM, C&H TRUST DEED SERVICE, as duly appointed or substituted Trustee, under the certain Deed of Trust executed by Anton Karamifilov, a married man as his sole and separate property as Trustor, to secure obligations in favor of Tim Lee Clark as Beneficiary, recorded on 1/26/2015, as Instrument No. 2015-001946-10, in Book xxx, Page xxx of Official Records in the office of the County Recorder of Humboldt County, California. WILL SELL AT PUBLIC AUCTION TO THE HIGHEST BIDDER for cash, or cashier’s check, (payable at the time of sale in lawful money of the United States by cash, a cashier’s check drawn by a state or national bank, a state or federal credit union, or a state or federal savings and loan association, or savings bank specified in section 5102 of the Financial Code and authorized to business in this state) (TRUSTEE REQUESTS THAT CASHIER’S CHECKS BE MADE PAYABLE TO “C&H TRUST DEED SERVICE” DIRECTLY) AT THE FRONT ENTRANCE TO THE COUNTY COURTHOUSE LOCATED AT 825 5TH STREET, EUREKA, CA all right, title and interest conveyed to and now held by it under said Deed of Trust in and to the following described real property situated in the aforesaid County and State, to wit: AS MORE FULLY DESCRIBED IN SAID DEED OF TRUST. The street address or other common designation of the above-described property is purported to be: THE PROPERTY BEING SOLD IS VACANT LAND CONTAINING NO COMMON DESCRIPTION OR ADDRESS. All that certain real property situated in the County of Humboldt, State of California, described as follows: TRACT A PARCEL ONE The Northeast Quarter of the Southeast Quarter of Section 12 in Township 3 South of Range 5 East, Humboldt Meridian. PARCEL TWO A non-exclusive easement for ingress

and egress for all purposes over a strip of land, 50 feet in width, the center line of which is described as follows: BEGINNING at a point 2089.45 feet North and 591.33 feet East of the corner to Sections 11, 12, 13, and 14, Township 3 South, Range 5 East, Humboldt Base and Meridian, which point falls in the center of a County Road traveling Easterly through said Section 11; and running thence South 75 degrees 10 minutes 00 seconds East 109.09 feet; North 67 degrees 19 minutes 30 seconds East 240.03 feet; North 77 degrees 55 minutes 15 seconds East 75.90 feet; South 69 degrees 33 minutes 15 seconds East 94.50 feet; South 87 degrees 53 minutes 45 seconds East 78.10 feet; North 46 degrees 06 minutes 45 seconds East 152.34 feet; North 66 degrees 49 minutes 30 seconds East 230.47 feet; North 38 degrees 31 minutes 30 seconds East 217.15 feet; North 72 degrees 07 minutes 30 seconds East 80.60 feet; South 77 degrees 09 minutes 45 seconds East 124.39 feet; North 76 degrees 32 minutes 45 seconds East 78.06 feet; North 51 degrees 59 minutes 45 seconds East 126.20 feet; North 35 degrees 55 minutes 45 seconds East 137 .47 feet; North 49 degrees 48 minutes 45 seconds East 88.56 feet; North 74 degrees 00 minutes 45 seconds East 242.02 feet; North 89 degrees 46 minutes 00 seconds East 145.50 feet; South 62 degrees 18 minutes 30 seconds East, an undetermined distance to enter the Southwest Quarter of the Northeast Quarter of said Section 12, Township 3 South, Range 5 East, Humboldt Base and Meridian. EXCEPTING THEREFROM that portion thereof lying within the Southeast Quarter of the Northwest Quarter of said Section 12. PARCEL THREE A non-exclusive easement for ingress, egress and utilities over a strip of land, the center line of which is the same as that portion reserved and described under (B) in the Grant Deed from Humboldt Land and Cattle, LLC, a Limited Liability Company, to Tim Lee Clark, a married man as his separate property, recorded June 14, 2013 as Instrument No. 2013-013778-4, Humboldt County Records, together with a non-exclusive easement for ingress egress and utilities over any road constructed pursuant to the rights last reserved in said Grant Deed. TRACT B PARCEL ONE Lot 1 and Lot 2 of Section 7 in Township 3 South of Range 6 East, Humboldt Meridian. PARCEL TWO A non-exclusive easement for ingress and egress for all purposes over a strip of land, 50 feet in width, the center line of which is described as follows: BEGINNING at a point 2089.45 feet North and 591.33 feet East of the corner to Sections 11, 12, 13, and 14, Township 3 South, Range 5 East, Humboldt Base and Meridian, which point falls in the center of a County Road traveling Easterly through said Section 11; and running thence South 75 degrees 10 minutes 00 seconds East 109.09 feet; North 67 degrees 19 minutes 30 seconds East 240.03 feet; North 77 degrees 55 minutes 15 seconds East 75.90 feet; South 69 degrees 33 minutes 15 seconds East 94.50 feet; South 87 degrees 53 minutes 45 seconds East 78 10 feet; North 46 degrees 06 minutes 45 seconds East 152.34 feet; North 66 degrees 49 minutes 30 seconds East 230.47 feet; North 38 degrees 31 minutes 30 seconds East 217.15 feet; North 72 degrees 07 minutes 30 seconds East 80.60 feet; South 77 degrees 09 minutes 45 seconds East 124.39 feet; North 76 degrees 32 minutes 45 seconds East 78.06 feet; North 51 degrees 59 minutes 45 seconds East 126.20 feet; North 35 degrees 55 minutes 45 seconds East 137.47 feet; North 49 degrees 48 minutes 45 seconds East 88.56 feet; North 74 degrees 00 minutes 45 seconds East 242.02 feet; North 89 degrees 46 minutes 00 seconds East 145.50 feet; South 62 degrees 18 minutes 30 seconds East, an undetermined distance to enter the Southwest Quarter of the Northeast Quarter of said Sectio·n 12, Township 3 South, Range 5 East, Humboldt Base and Meridian. EXCEPTING THEREFROM that portion thereof lying within the Southeast Quarter of the Northwest Quarter of said Section 12. PARCEL THREE Non-exclusive easements 40 feet in width for ingress, egress, and utilities, the center lines of which are more specifically described and shown on the Record of Survey for Humboldt Land and Cattle, LLC, recorded in

Book 70 of Surveys, Pages· 85, 86 and 87, Humboldt County Records, as Easement 13, and Easement 14. PARCEL FOUR A non-exclusive easement for ingress, egress and utilities over any road constructed pursuant to the following: (1) Rights reserved in the last paragraph under PARCEL ONE in Grant Deed from Humboldt Land and Cattle, LLC, a California Limited Liability Company, to Bairn M, Niemela, a single man, recorded June 14th, 2013 as Instrument No. 2013-13774, Humboldt County Records. (2) Rights reserved in the last paragraph of the description in Grant Deed from Humboldt Land and Cattle, LLC, a Limited Liability Company, to Tim Lee Clark, a married man as his separate property, .recorded June 14, 2013 as Instrument No. 2013-013778-4, Humboldt County Records. TRACT C A non-exclusive easement for ingress and egress, together with the right to construct and maintain a road traversing the north half of the northwest quarter ofthe southeast quarter of said Section 12. SALE IS BEING CONDUCTED AT THE REQUEST OF THE ABOVE DESIGNATED BENEFICIARY(IES) WHO MAY BE CONTACTED THROUGH C&H TRUST DEED SERVICE AT THE ABOVE REFERENCED ADDRESS. DIRECTIONS TO THE SUBJECT PROPERTY MAY BE OBTAINED PURSUANT TO A WRITTEN REQUEST SUBMITTED TO C&H TRUST DEED SERVICE WITHIN 10 DAYS FROM THE FIRST PUBLICATION OF THIS NOTICE. APN 216-206-004. The undersigned Trustee disclaims any liability for any incorrectness of the street address and/or other common designation, if any, shown hereinabove. Said sale will be made, but” without covenant or warranty, express or implied, regarding title, possession, or encumbrances, to pay the remaining principal sum of the note(s) secured by said Deed of Trust, with interest thereon, as provided in said note(s), advances, if any, under the terms of the Deed of Trust, estimated fees, charges and expenses of the trustee and of the trusts created by said Deed of Trust, to wit: Said property is being sold for the express purpose of paying the obligations secured by said Deed of Trust, including fees and expenses of sale. The total amount of the unpaid principal balance, interest thereon, together with reasonable estimated costs, expenses and advances at the time of the initial publication of the Notice of Trustee’s Sale is estimated to be $224,710.74. The beneficiary under said Deed of Trust heretofore executed and delivered to the undersigned a written Declaration of Default and Demand for Sale, and a written Notice of Default and Election to Sell. The undersigned Trustee, or predecessor Trustee, has caused said Notice of Default and Election to Sell to be recorded in the county where the real property is located and more than three months have elapsed since such recordation. NOTICE TO POTENTIAL BIDDERS: If you are considering bidding on this property lien, you should understand that there are risks involved in bidding at a trustee auction. You will be bidding on a lien, not on the property itself. Placing the highest bid at a trustee auction does not automatically entitle you to free and clear ownership of the property. You should also be aware that the lien being auctioned off may be a junior lien. If you are the highest bidder at the auction, you are or may be responsible for paying off all liens senior to the lien being auctioned off, before you can receive clear title to the property. You are encouraged to investigate the existence, priority, and size of outstanding liens that may exist on this property by contacting the county recorder’s office or a title insurance company, either of which may charge you a fee for this information. If you consult either of these resources, you should be aware that the same lender may hold more than one mortgage or deed of trust on the property. NOTICE TO PROPERTY OWNER: The sale date shown on this notice of sale may be postponed one or more times by the mortgagee, beneficiary, trustee, or a court, pursuant to Section 2924g of the California Civil Code. The law requires that information about trustee sale postponements be made available to you and to the public, as a courtesy to those not present at the sale. If you wish to learn whether your sale

date has been postponed, and, if applicable, the rescheduled time and date for the sale of this property, you may call (949) 860-9155 for information regarding the trustee’s sale or visit www.innovativefieldservices.com for information regarding the trustee’s sale using the file number assigned to this case, which is 17-100274. Information about postponements that are very short in duration or that occur close in time to the scheduled sale may not immediately be reflected in the telephone information or on the Internet Web site. The best way to verify postponement information is to attend the scheduled sale. PLEASE TAKE NOTICE THAT if the Trustee is unable to convey title for any reason, the successful bidder’s sole and exclusive remedy shall be return of monies paid to the Trustee, and the successful bidder shall have no further recourse. Further, if the foreclosure sale is set aside for any reason, the Purchaser at the sale shall be entitled only to a return of the deposit paid and shall have no further recourse or remedy against the Mortgagor, Mortgagee, or Trustee herein. If you have previously been discharged in bankruptcy, you may have been released of personal liability for this loan in which case this notice is intended to exercise the note holders rights against the real property only. As required by law, you are notified that a negative credit reporting may be submitted to a credit report agency if you fail to fulfill the terms of your credit obligation. FOR TRUSTEE’S SALE DATES, BIDS AND POSTPONEMENT INFORMATION, PLEASE CALL (949) 860-9155 OR VISIT www.chtrustdeed.com FOR ANY OTHER INQUIRIES, INCLUDING LITIGATION OR BANKRUPTCY MATTERS, PLEASE CALL (949) 305-8901 OR FAX (949) 3058406 Dated: 03/13/2018 C&H Trust Deed Service, as Successor Trustee By: Coby Halavais, Trustee Sale Officer (IFS# 6290 03/22/18, 03/29/18, 04/05/18) 3/28, 4/4/, 4/11 CITY OF ARCATA NOTICE OF REQUEST FOR PROPOSALS (RFP) OLD ARCATA ROAD I MPROVEMENTS: ENGINEERING AND ENVIRONMENTAL STUDIES The City of Arcata’s Engineering Department is seeking a qualified consulting firm to provide engineering services and environmental studies for the Old Arcata Road Improvement Project. Work includes preparing California Environmental Quality Act (CEQA) and National Environmental Policy Act (NEPA) supporting documents and completion of final plans, specifications, and estimates (PS&E). The Old Arcata Road Improvements project is located between the Buttermilk Lane roundabout and the Jacoby Creek Road intersection in Bayside, California, and will be funded with Local, State and Federal dollars requiring the Consultant to follow all pertinent local, State, and Federal laws and regulations. Total amount payable to the Consultant shall not exceed $200,000.00 with a performance period/contract from the date approved by the Arcata City Council in 2018 through July 2019. The DBE goal for this project is 5 %. Sealed proposals for this work will be received at the City Manager’s Office, 736 F Street, Arcata, California, until 4:00 p.m. on Tuesday April 24, 2018. The proposals submitted in response to this RFP will be used as a basis for selecting the Consultant for this project. The Request for Proposals Package for this work can be obtained on the City’s website, www.cityofarcata. org, on or after Friday, March 24, 2018. 3/28, 4/4

The Union publishes obituaries up to 250 words free of charge. Photos are welcome. Email with photos attached separately, to editor@madriverunion.com by 5 p.m. Friday.

M AD R IVER U NION

M ARCH 28, 2018

Spice up your spring with gentle epper

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Send your name, address and $20 to Mad River Union, 791 Eighth St. No. 8, Arcata, CA 95521 and we’ll sign you up for a 6 month subscription. That’s cheap!

Spring is in the air...

WELLNESS WEDNESDAY

April 4

Enjoy 10% off our entire Wellness Department!

appy Spring everyone! It’s no joke that nicer weather is coming to Humboldt County and it’s time to get out and explore this beautiful place that we call home. What better time to find a canine companion to join you on your adventures? We have some wonderful dogs that are ready to put their kennel days behind them and get going out on the trail. For those humans who prefer an afternoon working in the garden, we also have dogs who would be more than happy to lie in the sun and cheer you on. One of my absolute favorites could be either your adventure buddy or your chill companion. He is that eager to please! Pepper has been in the paper before but merits another mention. This dog defies all stereotypes about Pit Bull Terriers. He is gentle, quiet and loves other dogs. He met 10 people from a marketing group last week who came to take photos for National Puppy Day. Pepper was a great ambassador for shelter dogs and Pit Bulls. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do (actually none of us were) but soon he got brave and sat on the dog bed set up for him and posed for photos and selfies with a crowd of people he’d never met before. He was very cooperative and gave the reknowned “Kiss-a-Bull” pittie kiss to everyone who leaned in for their photo op. Pepper is gentle on the leash, does well around other dogs, knows a variety of obedience commands including sit and stay and is a good rider in the car. This 2-year-old male is neutered, microchipped and up to date on vaccinations. He has been at the shelter since

Gabriel could use some help recovering from injury Gabriel

Humboldt Back & Neck Pain Center 839-6300

1585 Heartwood Dr., Ste. B, McKinleyville

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Gideon

abriel and Gideon need your help! Both sweet pups were hit by a car in Hoopa on March 16. Gideon had his front leg stitched up and will soon be on the road to recovery, but Gabriel received multiple fractures and is going to need a femoral head ostectomy or possibly amputation surgery within a month.

6 months $20 2 years: $70

Read onlin it e!

1 year: $40 3 years: $90

Get in online and in your mailbox! Name:________________________________ Address:_______________________________ City/State:___________________ Zip:_______ Email:________________________________ Clip & send to: Mad River Union, 791 8th St., Ste. 8, Arcata, CA 95521 Or subscribe online at madriverunion.com.

The minimum cost of his surgery will be $1,500. Would you be one of 100 people willing to spare $15 to help us cover the cost of Gabriel's surgery? Any donations that exceed the cost of the surgery will be used to assist both dogs with any additional medical fees. If you are able to help, please visit us in person or send a check to Companion Animal Foundation (88 Sunny Brae Center, Arcata, CA 95521). You can even visit our Donor Box at cafanimals.org and note "Gabriel's surgery" as your donation comment. Thank you for your consideration and kindness!

Take precautions to protect snowy plovers U.S FiSh & WildliFe Service

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November and, though every volunteer would miss his sweet presence if he were adopted, he really deserves a chance to be someone’s special buddy. Come meet Pepper at the Humboldt County Animal Shelter at 980 Lycoming Ave. in Mckinleyville. More information can be found at petharbor.com or by calling (707) 840-9132. Redwood Pals is looking to help this other young dog, Shadae (aka Shasta). Shadae was in the adoptable wing at the shelter where she was quickly adopted. She met the family’s resident dog at the KISS A BULL Pepper and Mara. Submitted photo shelter’s meet and greet and did fine but problems arose once for dogs when they are adopted and they went home, with jealousies and are trying to figure out their place. I misbehavior. It is sometimes a little have lost count of how many people difficult for us to tell where the pro- I know wanted to return their new cess went wrong when a dog has been dogs in the first weeks or months of adopted and returned. This friendly having them and now can’t imagine young dog may need some stricter their lives without those same furry rules to integrate into the next home. friends. There are a few dogs who can Or she may do better in a single dog just walk right into a new life and be home. Redwood Pals works with a perfect, but most require some effort trainer to help get our placements on the part of the humans while the off to a good start, especially if an dust settles. undesirable behavior has been obShadae is a spayed female German served. As mentioned previously, Shepherd mix on the smaller side, there is often a period of adjustment housebroken, good on the leash, affectionate and apparently loves to be brushed. If you would like to meet this playful, happy youngster, please contact us at redwoodpalsrescue@ gmail.com or call (707) 839-9692. As a side note, I will be on the radio today (Wednesday) and Friday at 2:30 speaking with the folks at the Point Radio regarding their Food for Felix and Fido Food Drive and RedShadea wood Pals. I may have Pepper in tow for the interviews!

ARCATA – Breeding season is here. For the Pacific coast population of western snowy plovers, March until September is the most important time of year: time to find a mate, lay and incubate eggs, then teach the young how to survive on their own. This past season was a season of firsts for the federally threatened western snowy plover. New nesting sites were found on Pacific Coast beaches, including along California’s North Coast. This is a sign that, against all odds, western snowy plovers are making a comeback and the continued cooperation of beachgoers is needed to help give them the space they need to nest and raise their young.

To ensure the eggs and future chicks have the best possible chance of survival, beach visitors can help by following a few simple guidelines: • Respect all areas posted or ropedoff for the protection of wildlife. • When walking on the beach, stay on the wet hard-packed sand. Do not approach birds or nests. • Avoid prolonged picnicking or sunbathing near plover-nesting habitat. • Light fires or camp only in designated areas. • If dogs are permitted, don’t allow your dog to play in the dry sand areas where birds are more prone to nest. Never allow your dog to chase birds. • Do not leave or bury trash or food scraps on the beach. Garbage attracts

predators such as gulls, crows, ravens and skunks. Please dispose of all trash properly and do not inadvertently (or intentionally) feed wildlife. • If you’re on a beach that allows vehicles, drive low and slow, staying on the hard-packed sand below or near the high tide line. • Avoid flying kites or other hovering objects near plover-nesting habitat. Beach activities may be restricted to certain areas during this critical nesting time, March 15 through mid-September along the North Coast, to balance recreational opportunities and wildlife protection. You can do your part by knowing and adhering to location-specific rules and regulations.

Mr. Bill Chino enjoyed his weekly haircut and conversation at Arcata’s Studio 3 salon on Monday.

Pauli-Harbour Insurance & Anderson Robinson Starkey Insurance

New name and new location

Pauli-Shaw Insurance Agency 627 7th St., Arcata (formerly Spotlight Video)

Same friendly faces, same great service! Opening March 19, 2018 New Location:

627 7th St., Arcata

Formerly Anderson Robinson Starkey & Pauli-Harbour

Pauli-Shaw

INSURANCE AGENCY

We’ve got you covered

Dispensaring

with formalities

NEW MCKINLEYVILLE DISPENSARY Members of the community gathered for a ribbon cutting to welcome new business, Satori Wellness to McKinleyville on Saturday, March 3. The retail cannabis store’s inventory includes clothing, accessories and a wide variety of skateboard equipment. They are located at 1551 Nursery Way in McKinleyville behind McKinleyville Chevrolet.