She Is Not Your Rehab

The global movement birthed from a barbershop

By Michaela Pointon

A humble barber shop on the corner of Riccarton Road, Christchurch, has subtle nuances of hip-hop culture imagined in the barber shops of New York. My Fathers Barbers is ambient and fresh, with a vibrant masculine-like energy. There’s gentle chatter, soft music in the background and the air smells of familiar aftershave products.

Owner of My Father’s Barbers, Matt Brown –(36), was born in Tamaki Makaurau and raised in Otautahi, Christchurch. He wears many caps respectfully, including being an anti-violence activist, barber, author, speaker, husband, and loving father.

He is also a survivor of family violence and childhood sexual assault, often sharing his story with men who visit his barbering chair.

It’s clear Matt leads all conversations authentically with kindness. He encourages vulnerability and openness from men to speak out about personal experiences. His down-to-earth approach to healing from generational trauma, can only be admired.

Sharing his story of growing up in a house of violence and poverty, Matt says, “My story is not unique in Aotearoa”.

He’s done the self-work to help break this cycle, showing others change is possible. Matt released his first book ‘She Is Not Your Rehab’ in 2021, co-written with his wife Sarah. It is a work designed to change the narrative about men being vulnerable, discussing emotions, as well as healing from generational cycles.

His core message focuses on breaking the cycle of family violence and unhealthy ideals of masculinity. Experiencing this throughout his childhood, he is an advocate for men taking responsibility to do their own healing.

“Your childhood trauma is not your fault, but healing is your responsibility,” he says.

Matt has received many awards recognising the work he does. Both Matt and Sarah were in the last cohort to receive an Order of Merit from Her Late Majesty the Queen in September 2022.

As Head of the Commonwealth in March, Her Late Majesty the Queen recognised both Matt and Sarah as the 218th Commonwealth Points of Light Award recipients. This was received for founding the She Is Not Your Rehab movement, specifically in honour for their voluntary contributions.

Other recognitions include winning Westfield Local Hero of the Year Award 2020 and being publicly recognised by Dwayne Johnson ‘The Rock’ on social media for the She Is Not Your Rehab Annual White Ribbon Day campaign.

Sarah took time out in a remote location to write their book. She would send Matt drafts of the manuscript and they would edit it together.

“I really wanted to do justice to Matt's story. We wanted a collaborative story highlighting hope and redemption.

“We took all the work we did in real life such as brainstorms, notes and presentations. I would do the physical writing, then he would critique it.

“He was very much part of the writing process. It had to authentically be his voice.”

Both Matt and Sarah said at the core, the book had to resonate with men, as well as being direct and solution based.

He says it's surreal to see his book now in shops such as Whitcoulls.

“It's humbling, knowing where I come from, but the sad reality is my story is not unique. There are so many kids in our backyard who are still in the same cycle of violence and abuse.”

Learning to own his story in its entirety, the good and the ugly, was part of the journey of writing the book.

He says healing is not all rainbows and unicorns. “Healing is uncomfortable and men have to be willing to put in the work to change. For me, my children are my greatest invitation to do the work of healing.

“I had to remind myself of my ‘why’. I was speaking on behalf of kids like me who grew up in homes of violence, kids in state care and kids who would go to school without lunch.”

The couple thoughtfully considered making this healing tool easily accessible to everyone, with an audiobook version available online.

The couple approached their publisher Penguin early on, asking what the cost was to have their book gifted to every prisoner across Aotearoa.

At the time of publishing in 2021 there were 9350 people who were incarcerated in New Zealand prisons.

Matt says, “Sadly, more than half of our prison population is indigenous with Māori and Pasifika making up a large majority.

“That's where my heart really lay, so we reached out to friends, organisations and businesses and raised over $100,000 to get the book printed.”

By Christmas 2021, every person in prison received a copy of She Is Not Your Rehab.

If you want to see how deeply Matt’s influence impacts men and other people around him, while sitting in the cafe discussing his story for this interview, a man from the public walks up to Matt.

“Are you Matt Brown, Brother?” says the man.

“Yes, I am Brother,” says Matt.

“I watched your TED talk, and I just want to say thank you.”

Matt humbly moves the conversation on quickly, despite this short interaction reflecting the respect men have for the work he does in the community.

He says listening is more important than speaking. “Stories are taonga and they are a gift. People's mana and pain is a gift.

“I see my barbering chair as a Fala (Samoan mat) where we sit, talk, break bread and share our pain, but it stays on the chair.

“I know when I go home it's not fair to take the store home to my wife and kids.”

Matt is launching a brand-new campaign opening up the She Is Not Your Rehab art gallery on White Ribbon Day (25th November).

The campaign is an art exhibition in collaboration with world renowned Māori artist, Mr G and will be on display for a year from their brand-new Christchurch central gallery.

“It’s the evolution of our message and the first of its kind in the world, as we exist solely to inspire respectful relationships and domestic violence prevention.”

All 100 paintings were part of a global submission process that asked men all over the world the question; “If she is not your rehab then who is she?”.

Men online would submit a word they felt best described who “she” is along with an accompanying 100 words about why she is that word to him. My word for my wife is ‘prolific’, he says.

“The exhibition of these words will hopefully tour the world after our Christchurch exhibition finishes.”

The She Is Not Your Rehab organisation hopes to host free creative group therapy sessions held at the gallery, where men, women and young people can interact themselves with the message.

“I believe this is how we really influence culture. When we model the way men should be, other men respond and think oh yes this how it should be,” says Matt.

The gallery opens on White Ribbon Day, November the 25th at their gallery in the Guthrey Centre. The exhibition is open to the public for one year.

Joiner by trade, Matt wanted to change careers in 2011 to become a barber. “I have always cut my own brothers’ hair, but it wasn't until I cut my brothers’ (friends) hair in my neighbourhood where they encouraged me and said ‘Bro! You should do this for a living’.”

He started cutting hair in his garage at the time, which eventually turned into Matt purchasing a small tin shed. My Fathers Barbers grew from there.

My Fathers Barbers previously opened another barber shop in Palmerston North, which has since been sold.

However, despite Matt once wanting to open more barbershops around the country, he says his goal right now is continuing to work on the She Is Not Your Rehab movement. Matt has also recently founded a new mental health service named iconnect.nz.

His wife, Sarah Brown, was working for a non-profit organisation fighting against child poverty and human trafficking, when the couple first met in 2011.

The couple connected when Sarah invited Matt’s band (at the time) to speak on her national tour. The tour was centred around stories from people who had grown up in trauma and poverty in New Zealand.

The couple now have three children together; Oceana, 19, Angelou, 7 and Frida, 4.

Sarah says, “The kids absolutely adore him, he is the favourite! He's very present, hands on, soft-ball-of-love for them.

“The kids always want to be with him. He’s beautiful to watch and to witness him being the dad he always longed for”.

Matt says, “When I’m around my children I'm dry. Well - my children think I’m funny, my wife thinks I'm dry!” he jokes.

“I’m goofy, playful and my ‘cool’ hat comes off when I’m around them.”

Sarah says vulnerability has always been welcomed in their relationship.

“Vulnerability is a gift, when he wants to share things with me, I want to be a soft place, where he can be open and he doesn't have to wear masks anymore.”

Matt was first recognised on social media when his hair portrait of Tupac Shakur went viral on Facebook.

“That's kind of how my social media started. No one was really putting hair art on socials ten years ago,” he says.

“People still ask me how I have so many followers, but I have been in the social media game for a long time, before anyone in the industry was really using it how they are now.”

Matt now has collectively over 129,000 followers on Facebook pages ‘She Is Not Your Rehab’ and ‘My Fathers Barbers’ alone.

He says he is grateful for barbering taking him around the world and the industry giving him a platform to meet many people.

To find out more about the She Is Not Your Rehab organisation, check out sheisnotyourrehab.com. Or follow Matt and Sarah on socials by following She Is Not Your Rehab on Facebook and Instagram.

PC1: Matt and his family. From left; Oceana, Sarah, Frida, Matt, Angelou. Photo supplied by Matt Brown.

PC2: Matt and Sarah. Photo supplied by Matt Brown.

PC3: Matt and Sarah. Photo supplied by Matt Brown.