Parent Tip Sheet
Common Sense on Cell Phones Cell phones aren’t just for talking anymore
Parents have to teach responsible cell phone use
You rarely see young people these days without a cell phone in their hands. But they’re probably not talking on it. More likely, they’re texting, surfing the Web, updating their Facebook pages, playing games, downloading apps, playing with ring tones, taking pictures, recording video, and more.
Cell phones give kids access to a world that’s both portable and private. Unlike when they talk on the phone at home, with a cell phone you’re not there to monitor what they’re saying or sending, or whom they’re talking to.
When you hand your children cell phones, you’re giving them powerful communications and media production tools. They can create text, images, and videos that can be widely distributed and uploaded to Web sites instantly. If you think your kids’ technological savvy is greater than their ability to use it wisely, pay attention to the gap. We’re still the parents. And it’s our job to say, “No, not yet.”
Some facts Cell phones are the #1 form of communication for teens (Pew, 2010). More kids have cell phones than ever before, including 31% of 8- to 10-year-olds, 69% of 11- to 14-year-olds and 85% of 15- to 18-year-olds (Kaiser, 2010). Teens text more than they talk — averaging 3,146 text messages a month, compared with 203 calls (Neilsen, 2010). 1 in 3 teens use their phones to browse the Web (Harris Interactive, 2009).
Unfortunately, this access means that kids can use these powerful communication tools irresponsibly. They may text when they should be paying attention to what’s going on around them. They may engage in sexting, by sending or receiving inappropriate pictures or messages. Embarrassing texts, photos, and videos captured on phones can be sent instantly or uploaded easily to Web sites. This form of cyberbullying can happen swiftly and anonymously. A few other things to be aware of: Texting has also led to cheating in class, as kids noiselessly text answers to one another. Your children may text late into the night because you won’t hear them. Cell phones can distract kids from what’s going on around them and can be expensive. Mobile phones, and the monthly plans that support texting and Web access, can cost a small fortune.
What’s the right age for your child to have a cell phone? Cell phones have become a must-have for kids, and the ways kids use them are not always obvious to parents. If you answer “yes” to most of the following questions, it may be time to get a cell phone for your children. » Are your kids pretty independent? » Do your children need to be in touch for safety
reasons? » Would having easy access to friends benefit them
for social reasons? » Do you think they’ll use a cell phone responsibly —
for example, not texting during class or disturbing others with their phone conversations? » Can they adhere to limits you set for minutes talked
and apps downloaded? » Will they use the text, photo, and video functions
responsibly and not to embarrass or harass others?
Parent tips for elementary school kids
Parent tips for teens
» Ask yourself: Do they really need a phone? If you
» No texting or talking while driving. Never. Distracted
decide that they do, ask yourself what kind of phone they need. For very young children, there are phones that you can program with just a few important phone numbers. For older elementary school kids, you might want to choose a phone that allows for calls but not texting or instant messaging (IM). » Make sure young kids understand the rules. If your
kids have phones, make sure you have programmed everyone’s numbers into the phones so that the phones display the names of who is calling. Tell your kids not to answer calls from numbers they don’t know. Make rules for time spent talking, what phones are used for, and when the phones should be off. You may want to check the time of calls to make sure they are made within your established boundaries.
Parent tips for preteens » Make sure you have the right plan for calls or
texts. Phone plans range in minutes and texts allowed. If you allow your preteens to text, get a plan with unlimited texting or you’ll face huge bills.
driving is how kids get into traffic accidents — the #1 killer of teens. It’s also illegal in a growing number of states. » Make sure they pick up your call. Many teens treat
incoming calls from Mom and Dad as a nuisance. As long as you are paying the bills, make a rule: They have to answer when you call — unless they’re behind the wheel. » Have them review each month’s bill. Let them see
precisely how many minutes they are spending on the phone or texting. » Make sure you anticipate increased phone use.
By the time your children get to high school, the phone is ringing all the time. Make sure their phone plan allows for this extra time, and establish limits so they get a break from being “always on.” » Draw boundaries. No phones at the dinner table.
In the car. In a restaurant. Remind your teens that they have only a couple of years left at home to have annoying conversations with you face to face!
» Explain that cell phone are expensive and that
“extras” cost money. You may be billed for ring tones, sports updates, or Web access. » Work out guidelines for use with your kids. No
phones in class, phones turned off at night, and no phones at the dinner table are a few common ones. » Make sure your kids are using phones appropriately.
That means no rude or sexy texts, no embarrassing photos or videos. Monitoring messages sent and received is not a terrible idea (although your children will probably think it is). » Talk about cyberbullying. Tell your kids to come
to you if anything like that happens. » Tell your children that sexual talk of any kind is not
allowed. Kids often jokingly use sexual language and sexually aggressive speech. Yet, on a cell phone, a message can be instantly forwarded out of context to anyone, and kids can get into all kinds of trouble. » Establish real consequences for violations of your
rules. Like taking away the phones for a week!
© 2010 www.commonsense.org
Common Sense Media, an independent nonprofit, is dedicated to improving the lives of kids and families by providing the trustworthy information, education, and independent voice they need to thrive in a world of media and technology.
Parent Tip Sheet
Common Sense on Cyberbullying Hurting someone with a simple click
What is cyberbullying?
Spreading rumors and bullying is nothing new. Kids have always found ways to be cruel to one another. But today’s kids are dealing with something much more sinister: cyberbullying. Kids are now using their cell phones and computers to hurt, humiliate, and harass each other. And it’s reaching epidemic proportions. They’re not just receiving nasty comments, but also getting demeaning text messages, embarrassing photos, and snide opinion polls. This type of bullying is especially disturbing because it is constant, pervasive, and very, very public.
Whether it’s creating a fake Facebook or MySpace page to impersonate a fellow student, repeatedly sending hurt- ful text messages and images, or posting cruel comments on the Internet, cyberbullying can have a devastating effect. Nasty comments, lies, embarrassing photos and videos, and snide polls can be spread widely through instant messaging (IM) or phone texting, and by posts on social networking sites. It can happen anytime — at school or home — and can involve large groups of kids. The combination of the boldness created by being anonymous and the desire to be seen as “cool” can cause a kid who normally wouldn’t say anything mean face-to- face to show off for other kids. Because it’s happening in cyberspace, it can be completely undetectable by parents and teachers.
Some facts The most commonly experienced form of cyber- bullying is when someone takes a private email, IM, or text message and forwards it to someone else or posts the communication publicly. 38% of girls online report being bullied, compared with 26% of online boys. Nearly 4 in 10 social network users (39%) have been cyberbullied, compared with 22% of online teens who do not use social networks (all from Pew, 2007).
Why it matters Nothing crushes kids’ self-confidence faster than humiliation. And just imagine a public humiliation sent instantly to everyone they know. Sadly, hurtful infor- mation posted on the Internet is extremely difficult to prevent or remove, and millions of people can see it. Most cyberbullying happens when adults aren’t around, so parents and teachers often see only the depression or anxiety that results from being hurt or bullied. This emotional damage can last a lifetime.
Parent tips for all kids
Parent tips for middle school kids
» Give them a code of conduct. Tell them that if
» Monitor their use. See what they’re posting, check
they wouldn’t say something to someone’s face, they shouldn’t text it, IM it, or post it. » Ask your kids if they know someone who has
been cyberbullied. Sometimes they will open up about others’ pain before admitting their own. » Establish consequences for bullying behavior. If
your children contribute to degrading and humiliating people, tell them their phone and computer privileges will be taken away.
Parent tips for elementary school kids » Keep online socializing to a minimum. Let your
kids use sites like Webkinz or Club Penguin where chat is pre-scripted or pre-screened. » Explain the basics of correct cyber behavior.
Tell your kids that things like lying, telling secrets, and being mean still hurt in cyberspace. » Tell your kids not to share passwords with their
friends. A common form of cyberbullying is when kids log in to another child’s email or social networking account and send fake messages or post embarrassing comments. Kids can protect themselves from this by learning early on that passwords are private and should only be shared with their parents.
their mobile messages, and let them know you’re keeping an eye on their activities. » Tell your kids what to do if they’re harassed.
They shouldn’t respond or retaliate, they should block bullies immediately, and they should tell you or an adult they trust. They shouldn’t delete the messages because in persistent cases, the content should be reported to a cell or Internet Service Provider. » If your kid is doing the bullying, establish strict
consequences and stick to them. That goes for cruel or sexual comments about teachers, friends, and relatives. » Remind them that all private information can be
made public. Posts on friends’ walls, private IMs, intimate photos, little in-jokes can all be cut, pasted, and sent around. If they don’t want the world to see it, they’d better not post or send it. » Don’t start what you don’t want to finish. Chat in
online games and virtual worlds can get ugly fast. Make sure your kids are respectful because hurtful retaliation happens all the time.
Parent tips for high school kids » Tell kids to think before they reveal. At this age, kids
experiment with all sorts of activities, many of which should not be made public. Remind your teens that anything they post can be misused by someone else. » Remind them they aren’t too old to ask for your
help. There are things some kids can handle on their own, but sometimes, they just need help. Coming to their parents isn’t baby-ish; it’s safe.
© 2010 www.commonsense.org
Common Sense Media, an independent nonprofit, is dedicated to improving the lives of kids and families by providing the trustworthy information, education, and independent voice they need to thrive in a world of media and technology.
Parent Tip Sheet
Common Sense on Internet Safety for Elementary School Kids Keep your kids safe online When elementary-aged children first start exploring the Internet, most parents are concerned about “stranger danger” — the chance kids will meet a dangerous adult. While parents do have to be aware of online strangers — and teach kids how to avoid them — keeping kids safe online is a lot more than watching out for strangers. Staying safe is about a child’s entire online experience. Beginning at the age when kids start to interact on the Internet — playing games, watching YouTube videos, socializing in virtual worlds, getting homework help, and searching on Google — parents need to be actively involved in their kids’ online lives.
Some facts In May 2009, children aged 2-11 made up nearly 10% of the active online universe (Nielsen, 2010). 18% of 8- to 10-year-olds spend time on some kind of social networking site daily (Kaiser, 2010). 71% of parents report having experienced one or more Internet-related issues with their children within the past year (Harris Interactive poll, 2007). 3 out of 4 parents think it’s just as important to know how to use digital media as it is to learn traditional skills like reading and writing (Harris Interactive Poll, 2007).
Teaching Internet safety includes reminding your kids not to give out private information online, to behave responsibly and respectfully toward others, and to under- stand the difference between ads and content. Being responsible about online life also means limiting the amount of time kids spend online and teaching them to balance online activities with other activities. Start by visiting the sites your elementary-aged kids enjoy. Ask them to show you what they like and why.
Why Internet safety matters Keeping your kids safe requires active parental engagement and real conversations about online life. In today’s world, where kids turn to the Internet for just about all of their interests, education is a parent’s first line of defense in keeping children safe. It’s harder than ever for parents to keep track of what their kids are doing online. Kids today can go online from so many different sources, including video game consoles, iPhones and smart phones, and even handheld gaming devices. Young people are increasingly living their lives online, and their digital devices are some of their favorite toys and tools. Shouldn’t this new play- ground be a safe and nice place? With your guidance, it can be. Teaching Internet safety in the elementary years will have lasting rewards for you and your kids.
Internet Safety Basics Help your kids understand that they should: » Never share their names, schools, ages, phone
numbers, or addresses; » Never send pictures to strangers; » Keep passwords private (except to parents); » Never open email from strangers — it may contain
viruses that can harm a computer; and » Immediately tell an adult if something mean or
creepy happens.
Strategies for a responsible — and safer — online life » Visit only age-appropriate sites. Check out the site
before your kids visit it. Know what features and what content exist and make sure they’re good for your kids. » Search safely. Use safe search settings for young
kids or think about applying filtering software to limit inappropriate exposure. » Avoid strangers. Tell your kids that people aren’t
always who they say they are in cyberspace. Explain that if someone they don’t know talks to them, they shouldn’t respond but should let you know. » Be a good cyber citizen! Remind kids that an
Internet playground is still a playground and they need to play nicely. A good rule of thumb: If they wouldn’t do something in real life, they shouldn’t do it online. Find out how your children can report mean behavior or unkind content on their favorite sites and teach them how to do it. » Online cheating? It’s still cheating and it’s a no-no —
pure and simple. » Keep the computer in a central place. So you can
see what’s going on. » Establish expectations and limits about the amount
of time your children spend online and what they do. Check out our family media agreement for a helpful place to start. » View your own habits carefully. You are their role
models. » But, mostly, be involved and have fun with them!
Keeping kids safe and teaching them how to use digital technology responsibly is all about staying involved. Start by showing interest in the sites they visit and the games they play and your job will be a lot easier when they start exploring these technologies more independently.
© 2010 www.commonsense.org
Common Sense Media, an independent nonprofit, is dedicated to improving the lives of kids and families by providing the trustworthy information, education, and independent voice they need to thrive in a world of media and technology.
Parent Tip Sheet
Common Sense on Social Networking It’s all about hanging with friends — online. It’s 8:30 on a school night — do you know where your child is? Sure, he’s at his computer, but if he’s like most kids, he’s on a social networking site. Do you know what he’s doing? It’s a whole other world and we’ll help you understand (instead of worry) where your kids are hanging out.
Some facts Sites like Facebook and MySpace have privacy controls. Some sites require kids to be older than 13 to have a profile, but younger kids set up accounts anyway. Social networks keep kids connected to friends and provide a space for self-expression. There are no guarantees of privacy (even with settings) — anything can be cut, pasted, and sent. Inappropriate pictures, posts, or messages can result in damage to a kid’s reputation. Kids can “tag” (or identify) their friends; this can violate their friends’ privacy.
What are social networks? Social networks are places where kids can hang out together online. These networks range from Club Penguin and Webkinz (for young kids) to MySpace and Facebook. The sites work pretty simply: people who sign up get a profile to post pictures, artwork, and links to songs; write about what they enjoy; and connect with friends. Social networks have become extensions of kids’ social lives and wonderful places for self-expression. Social network sites are major communication hubs providing ways for kids to use instant messaging, “friend” one another, and “write on walls” to share public and private thoughts and comments. Social networks also have games, quizzes, and applications that let you do everything from give a virtual hug to buy a friend a virtual beer.
Why social networking matters Young people today feel a lot of social pressure to use social networking sites. Connecting with friends, creating and sharing photos and videos, and playing games on these sites have all become important parts of kids’ lives. Unless your child uses privacy controls, everything he says about himself in pictures or words will be available for all the world to see. And people do see these pages — strangers, college admissions officers, even potential employers. Kids are savvy enough to post things, but not always mature enough to understand the consequences of doing it. Even if your kids think they have figured out their privacy controls, there are different ways to get into people’s pages. That’s why revealing personal infor- mation is worrisome.
Parent tips for young kids
Parent tips for high school kids
» Stick with age-appropriate sites. For kids 5-8,
» Talk about the nature of their digital world. Remind
there are sites with strong safety features that help kids play without risking inappropriate content or contact.
Parent tips for middle school kids » Facebook and MySpace won’t let kids have sites
if they are under 13. That said, kids simply do the math to figure out what year to put so they’ll seem 13 — or older. Check your computer browser histories. If you see either site, then assume your kids have an account. » Tell your kids to think before they post. Remind
them that everything can be seen by a vast, invisible audience (otherwise known as friends of friends of friends). Each family is different, but for middle school kids it’s a good idea for parents to have access to their kids’ pages, at least at first, to be sure that what is being posted is appropriate. Parents can help keep their children from doing something they will regret later. » Make sure they set their privacy settings. Privacy
settings aren’t foolproof, but they’re important. Take the time to learn how privacy settings work on your kids’ favorite sites, and teach your kids how to control their privacy. » Remind them of the golden rule. If your children
wouldn’t want someone saying it to them, they shouldn’t say it to anyone else.
them that anyone can see what’s on their pages — even if they think no one will. Potential employers and college admissions people often surf these sites. Ask your teens to think about who might see their pages and how they might interpret the posts or photos. » Set some rules for what is and isn’t appropriate
for your kids to communicate, play, and post online. Posts with photos or comments about youthful misbehavior may come back to haunt them. » Let them know that anything they create or
communicate can be cut, altered, pasted, and sent around. Once they put something on their pages, it’s out of their control and can be taken out of context and used to hurt your teens or someone else. This includes talk and photos of sex, drugs, and alcohol. Tell them that online stuff can last forever. If they wouldn’t put something on the hallway in school, they shouldn’t post it on their pages. » If they meet someone, it had better be in a public
place, preferably with a friend. We would all like to think that kids wouldn’t meet strangers — but sometimes they do. If your kids want to meet an online friend, let them know that you want to meet that friend, too. » Watch the clock. Social network sites can be real time
suckers. Hours and hours can go by — which isn’t great for getting homework done.
» Kindness counts. Lots of sites have anonymous
applications like “bathroom wall” or “honesty boxes” that allow users to tell their friends what they think of them. Rule of thumb: If your children wouldn’t say it to someone’s face, they shouldn’t post it. » Go online. Get an account for yourself. See what kids
can and can’t do.
© 2010 www.commonsense.org
Common Sense Media, an independent nonprofit, is dedicated to improving the lives of kids and families by providing the trustworthy information, education, and independent voice they need to thrive in a world of media and technology.