My Abnormal Horror Story By Juan Espinoza

My Abnormal HorrorStory

By Juan Espinoza

Growing up, I never really had much to talk about with my friends in elementary school. All everyone really talked about were cartoons/animated films that were popular at the time, for example “Ben-Ten”, “Brave”, and “Total Drama Island.” While all I knew were films about killers, creatures, and more spooky stuff, that little to no one had ever seen.

I only really grew up watching horror films like “Tenebre” (1982), “Dawn of the Dead” (1978), “Ginger Snaps” (2000) which really taught me valuable lessons, they actually gave me a lot of advice and commentary about how life really is. What I mean is “Ginger Snaps”, “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” (2003), “It Follows” (2014) and “Student Bodies” (1981), to name a few, were horror films that taught me always to practice safe sex. Not in the way “Friday the 13th” (1980), and “Halloween” (1978) did by murdering those who had sexual intercourse, but in the way of learning and educating us about diseases and telling us how to always practice safe sex.

Horror films also were my biggest best friend growing up; they never strayed away from me nor made me feel left out/ feel a bit different from everyone else. These films were an escape from my reality. I didn’t have to stick with the problems I faced at home or the problems I thought about.

My family was a big part of making me feel different. They always were disgusted by the fact that I liked watching these types of films. Although I did also judge the type of films they watched, which were films of shootouts with no plot or cringe modernized romantic films of old folklore, but never once did I ever insult them in a way they did when I talked about or was watching horror. I never let them take away the love and happiness I had with the horror genre, little me always kept watching till the endings that i either fantasized or terrorized me.

Whenever I watched the movies, everything else just faded away and all that really mattered were me and the tv screen across from me playing a horror film about teenagers getting slashed. Watching these types of films gives me a feeling I never felt before, a feeling I can’t explain much though sometimes I’m left happy crying over them and it’s not because of happy endings or characters living, I tear over them by the fact that I, for once, was feeling happy.

For instance, a month ago a film named “X” was released. I’ve been waiting to see this slasher film that’s set in the 70’s ever since it was announced in 2021. I went to watch “X” a day before its initial release with my dad and my stepmom because it was rated R. From the beginning to the end of the film I was watching it with a big smile on my face. That smile never went away even as my stepmom kept trying to ruin

“Horror was my only real constant in a world filled with variables, and for many years, these films, characters, and creatures were my way of connecting to myself.”

my film experience by using her phone or commenting on how the film was “trash” every 10 minutes. That didn’t change the fact that I cried at the end knowing I had experienced one of my favorite films in theaters; it’s something others may never experience in their lives.

Having a father who had different views and a family who would shame same-sex relationships it was hard not to hate myself or hate the fact that I would be a shame to my family. Horror helped me not be ashamed of my true self. I didn’t see a lot of LGBTQ representation in horror growing up so that’s why I strongly connect to these films—”A Nightmare On Elm Street 2” (1985), “The Fear Street Trilogy” (2021), “Freaky” (2020) and “Pitchfork” (2017), just to name a few— which all had main characters who are queer; Queer and major to the plot not just side characters for diversity. Not only did these horror films entertain me, but they showed teenagers who were just like me. Queer and often fending for themselves who could prevail against the odds.

Watching the first ‘scream king’ put a temporary end to Freddy Kruger, Deena and her girlfriend Sam ending the devil’s curse their town had suffured from since 1666, Josh helping her best friend Millie switch out of the murderer’s body and back into her’s before time runs out, and Hunter Killian desperately trying to kill the picthfork murderer that’s after him for being gay. The Silence (2019) as bad and trashy the film is, it has a special place in my heart, since it was the film playing while I came out to my mom in my freshman year. I don’t remember exactly how everything went down, but what I do remember was the tears slowly rolling down, as I sat down on the couch feeling comfort as the film in front of me kept progressing.

Horror films sparked a little light in me when I was about three years into my obsession, ever since then I knew that I wanted to pursue a career in directing and writing horror has been my dream job.

My biggest inspirations to be a director/writer are horror legends George A Romero, James Wan, Dairo Argento, Wes Craven, and Amy-Holden Jones. Who all have a big place in my heart, I want to be known and represent my background as one of the future Latino horror directors. Not only will my films have big representation, they will be made to please future generations of horror fans, but to also make them feel included.

From millions of films and plenty of their subgenres, I have not ever seen a person of color as a main character unless they are the typical side stereotype character. Most importantly I have seen a few POC final girls in horror. Emily - “Leprechaun back 2 Tha Hood” (2003), Deena - “Fear Street 1994” (2021), and Abernathy and Kim - “Death Proof” (2009) are just some of the few to little POC final girls I’ve seen watching horror all my 16 years of living.

This brings shame to me, never once did I ever see myself get represented in horror. Never once did I ever see a Latina final girl to be empowered by, all I ever saw were characters like

Maria - “Home Sweet Home” (1981) who no one understood because they didn’t speak Spanish and just stood in the background until the screen looks writers were ready to murder her character in a mean sexualized way to add to the body count. Characters like Maria are why I want to show representation in horror. I want future watchers of every ethnicity to see themselves on the big screen defeating or surviving whatever is haunting/ slashing them.

I’m grateful that I could count on horror films when I was growing up. I’m grateful that I grew up with lovable idols. Heather Langenkamp, Felissa Rose, Katharine Isabelle, and Robert England who were all an improvement on getting back to a good mental health. I’m honored that horror was introduced to me at an early age. I’ll be forever grateful to scare and inspire many future horror fans.