Different perspectives on

When a baby arrives home, life for their mother is never quite the same again. While it is a joyful and exciting time, it can also be overwhelming and exhausting. This is particularly the case if mothers don’t have the support of an extended family.

For more than a century, new mothers in Aotearoa have had the Plunket service to help them navigate the early weeks and months of motherhood, but what about mothers in other countries?

Mahurangi Matters asked four local women, who were born in other countries – Kiribati, Argentina, Norway and the Netherlands – to tell us something about child raising in their country of birth. We thank them for taking the time to share these memories with us …

Nadia Costa

I grew up in Buenos Aires, Argentina, and I have a younger brother. I migrated to NZ in 2011, originally for a one-year OE but I fell in love with the country and decided to make NZ my home. I now have a fiveyear-old son whose name is Zahir.

My mother was a stay-at-home mum for most of my childhood. Back then, mums were the heart of the home – busy with everything from planning meals to helping with homework and so much more. Not too different from now, except now most mums work outside the home as well.

My mum taught me many things, but budgeting skills were top of the list. She also taught me kindness and patience, although the latter is a skill I am yet to truly master. She taught me that everyone deserves a chance, and that no-one knows better what’s best for you and your family than yourself. On a more practical note, my Mum taught me to make stews, colourful popcorn and iron shirts. continued page 26

I am the confident, driven, compassionate woman I am today because she led by example. I had the courage to venture to the other side of the world because I knew she would always be my haven to go back to if things didn’t work out. Her best advice was to always follow my dreams.

My parenting is highly influenced by my mother’s tenderness and care.

I admire my mother for her strength and drive. I am so honoured to be her daughter.

Anna Scott

I grew up on the outskirts of Oslo in Norway, where we had a big garden with lots of fruit trees, and there were lots of other kids to play with in the street. I was the oldest of three; with a younger brother and a younger sister.

I met and married a Kiwi shearer who was working in Norway, and after six years he wanted to go home as his own mother was unwell, so we moved here in 1994. We have four children who were all born in Norway. The youngest was only three months old when we came to New Zealand.

What was your mother’s role in the family?

My mother was a stay-at-home mother, so she was basically responsible for all housework. She never enjoyed housework that much, but she wanted to bring up her kids herself, not sending us to childcare, which was the norm in those days. When my youngest sister started school my mother went to university to become a teacher. How was child raising/motherhood different in Norway?

When I grew up it was getting more common for women to work outside the home, and today it would be very hard to find a Norwegian mother who doesn’t work outside the home. In Norway today poster on my wall that said: “I don’t know what I’m seeking, and I don’t expect to find anything definite. The important thing for me is to keep moving”. I have one son Max, who is 21. you get a year of maternity leave (which is shared between the parents) but after that most kids will be going to childcare while the parents are working full time. Today, it is the norm that both parents share everything that needs to be done at home, including caring for the children. How has your mother shaped the way you have raised your children?

What was your mother’s role in the family?

She was a fulltime housewife and mother. How was child raising/motherhood different in your country of birth?

To a great degree. The values she tried to give us are the same that I have been trying to give my own kids. But I have been giving my kids a bit more freedom than I got myself. My mother was quite strict, especially with me being the oldest. She used to tell me I had to be a good example for my younger siblings, which I hated. I made sure I never said that to my oldest! What skills did you learn from your mother? We all had to take part in the weekly house cleaning, and when my mother started her studies, we also learned some basic his white horse, dropping presents through the chimney. Both my parents had known tough times during World War II which would have played a significant part in their growing up. They knew hunger. We always felt loved, safe and well cared for, perhaps my parents made extra efforts to ensure our childhood was more carefree than theirs had been. cooking. But what I most appreciate of what she taught me was to trust God and ask for His guidance in every situation. My mother has a very strong and downto-earth faith which I am very grateful that she managed to pass on to us children. She also taught me to love books. She read a lot for us, and she actually taught me to read when I was four years old. From then on, I have always had a book on the go! What was the best advice your mother gave you? difference you can make with kindness. What was the best advice your mother gave you?

What skills did you learn from your mother?

To marry a man that you have enough in common with so that you still have things to talk about after 50 years together! And for the parents never to disagree about “home rules” in front of the children.

I am very grateful for the upbringing I had. I had a mother who saw it as her most important role in life to care for and teach her children, and she has been my number one role model in bringing up my own children. Thank you Mother, I love you!

Don’t smoke and only drink red wine. I’m joking. My mum taught me to believe in myself no matter what anybody else said. Because of what I learned from her, I know life isn’t a competition, it’s a journey. To be the best you can be.

“On my wedding day 25 years ago and earlier this year in front of the city Tiel, when mum turned 80.”

Marja Lubeck

I was born in Tiel, in the Netherlands, the eldest of four children and I arrived in New Zealand in 1989, aged 24. My desire to come here was fuelled by my curiosity about life on the other side of the world, a country with the reputation of being clean, green and nuclear free. In my teens, I had a

Growing up in the seventies and eighties, the traditional family structure was still most common with the mother home fulltime to do the housework and childcare, while the father worked a paid job. As kids we biked to school and came home to eat lunch. The family would always sit down together at the table for dinner. At birthdays we would start the day standing on a chair with everyone singing happy birthday. Balloons and decorations would be put up all through the house. December was wintertime so we didn’t have Christmas at the beach, but would play outside in the snow. We didn’t have presents for Christmas but celebrated on December 5 when Sinterklaas arrived on

My mother was always there for us. When we came home for lunch, she would have the sandwiches on the table. She would always cook a nutritious dinner, making sure we ate healthy. We never had to help out with cooking or dishes; I remember my mum telling me she wanted her children to be able to be kids, to have time to play, do their homework. My mum had to leave school at 15 (despite being super smart) to get a job and help the family make a living as times after the war were tough. She wanted us to be able to do what she wasn’t able to. I learned unconditional love from my mum. The importance of being a family, to be thoughtful and care for others, and the

Heron’s

How has your mother shaped the way you have been a mother?

I wanted my son to grow up feeling loved, safe and carefree. Knowing that he had a safe home with parents who would do anything to make sure he was happy. To grow into a caring, compassionate person who thinks of others, respects their feelings and wants to make a positive difference. The importance of family time, and family traditions, creating memories to last a lifetime. My mum started out as my mother but ended up being my friend. She is a beautiful, caring person and I love spending time with her. I see so much of her in me and it makes me proud.

Karibwe Tekanene

I grew up in a small island called Washington Island/Teeraina. It is a coral atoll in the central Pacific Ocean, part of the northern line islands, which belong to Kiribati. There are six of us in the family –five girls and one brother – and I am the oldest. I moved to NZ to join my ex-fiancé in 2016. I have two beautiful girls – Sophia is six years old and Grace is four years old. They are the centre of my world and I love being their mother.

What was your mother’s role in the family?

My mother did a lot for me and my siblings. She cooked yummy food, created a clean home, provided clean clothing and she would always make sure that me and my siblings felt supported and loved. She was the rock of our family.

How was child raising/motherhood different in Kiribati?

Motherhood in Kiribati is very different compared to New Zealand. It definitely not easy but it is very simple. After a woman gives birth, she is not allowed to expose herself to heat or go out under the sun as it will affect her breast milk

Where I grew up, there was no bed time for kids but children were expected to be quiet and always respect their elders. There was no such thing as sleep training because mothers and children shared the same bed. It would be very unusual for a baby to be sleeping alone. What skills did you learn from your mother?

My mom is a good cook and a good dancer so I was lucky enough to have her dancing skills.

What was the best advice your mother gave you?

It is never too late to go after what you want in life.

How has your mother shaped the way you have raised your children?

I have truly realised just how much my mother has shaped me into who I am today. She made many sacrifices. She showed true selflessness and courage, and always encouraged me to be who I wanted to be. She would always go above and beyond to make me, my siblings and everyone around her feel special. My mom had a really big influence on how I raised my children. Even though I don’t have her anymore, as she passed away 10 years ago, I treasure the wisdom she shared with me and I cherish the memories we had together. Now that I’m a mom, I have learned that motherhood is hard and it can be messy, but the important thing is that I show up for my children, no matter what. And this is a trait that I got from my mom and I’m always grateful to her for that. I know how lucky I was to have been raised by a loving, caring and strong mom.

If you are a mama/parent and you are going through a tough time don’t be afraid to ask for help and support from all those around you. It is okay to ask for help. I just want to wish all the mothers out there the happiest Mother’s Day and “whatever you are up to this coming Mother’s Day, I hope it’s a good one”.

Shoe Boutique Flames Barbers

Achange of ownership at Imelda’s Shoe Boutique in Warkworth has come with a promise from the new owner, Lorraine Thompson, that the shop’s core values will be maintained, along with some fresh ideas and new inventory.

Lorraine, who has worked at Imelda’s for a number of years already, says she is excited to take on this new venture.

“I’ve always loved shoes and fashion, and I love helping women find the right shoe that fits well and suits them,” she says.

“Job satisfaction for me is seeing a customer leaving the store feeling good about their purchase.”

Lorraine describes Imelda’s shoes as “stylish, comfortable and fashionable”. Some of her more popular brands include Rieker, Josef Seibel, Bresley, Alfie and Evie, and she recently added Minx including the Minx lace sockets. The store also stocks shoe care products, handbags and wallets, and slippers.

“Imelda’s has been a staple in the retail community of Warkworth for many years and has provided high quality footwear and accessories to customers of all ages.”

Former owner Carolyn Thompson will continue to work at the shop part-time.

“We want to make sure that Imelda’s stays competitive and continues to be a destination for shoe lovers,” Lorraine says.

Prior to joining Imelda’s, Lorraine ran the commercial cleaning company Quality Clean in Warkworth. During two-and-ahalf years living in Sydney, she worked at Peter Sheppard Shoes.

Mother and daughter barbers, Deborah Bellis and Kayla Olsen, are combining their skills and experience in a new shop called Flames Barbers, under Storage & More, in Hamatana Road, Snells Beach. Deborah says she is proud her daughter is following in her footsteps, but not surprised.

“She’s been watching me cut hair for most of her life,” Deborah says. “When she was old enough, she used to sweep the floor and then she started tending the counter and making appointments.”

After leaving school, Kayla did a nine month course with the Cut Above Academy in Auckland. She then spent three months training with the same barber who taught her mother in Lancaster, in the United Kingdom.

“The haircut a man will get from a barber is quite different from the one he would get from a hairdresser,” Kayla says. “Barbers are trained to get the sharp edges that men like and know how to work specifically with short hair. Clippers and razors are our tools of trade.

“I just love the fact that a man can completely change his look after 15 to 20 minutes in a barber’s chair.”

Prior to training as a barber, Deborah worked in aged care and then spent 13 years working with children with special needs.

“This background has always been an asset and we make a point of going the extra mile to make sure all our clients feel comfortable and relaxed. This can mean turning the lights and music off for an autistic child or providing extra distractions to keep a Downs Syndrome child happy while he is in the chair.”

Mahu Pelvic Physiotherapy Jane Crook Homeopath

Aphysio with expert training in an area that people don’t generally like to talk about has opened a clinic at the Mahurangi Health Collective in Warkworth.

Rebekah Davidson runs Mahu Pelvic Physiotherapy, which, as its name suggests, focuses on the muscles below the tummy and between the hips, including the bladder, bowel and reproductive areas. She says healthy pelvic floor muscles are vital for good health and problems with them are often the cause of a range of symptoms, from better known issues such as incontinence through to being a source of back pain.

The good news is that treatment is often swift and simple, which Rebekah says makes her job very rewarding.

“With pelvic physio I often see people once and it’s enough to give them major changes in their life,” she says.

Things she can help with include issues arising from pregnancy and birth, bladder and bowel control, lumbar pain, postprostate surgery, caesarean or hysterectomy scars, prolapses, painful sex, menopause muscle changes and heavy lifting injuries.

“People are often very self-conscious when they arrive, but we can help with a range of guided exercises,” she says.

A consultation will usually entail a brief internal examination, as well external checking of the affected area, but Rebekah says it’s all quick and straightforward.

“It’s not like a gynaecological exam, there’s no speculum. People are amazed how stress-free it is,” she says.

“These are issues we don’t talk about, but things can be done and we’re here to help.”

Hawkes Bay homeopath Jane Crook is the latest practitioner to join the team at Warkworth Natural Therapies, after recently moving north to live off-grid at Ariki Estate on Kaipara Harbour. She had a practice in Napier for more than a decade after four years of training. Her interest in what homeopathy could achieve was first piqued when she saw what it did for herself and her three children.

“When my children were young, they were constantly ill with ear infections, coughs and colds, tonsillitis, things like that, and I used to get strep throat all the time,” she says. “As soon as we found a homeopath, it all cleared up and we never went back to a doctor.”

The basis of homeopathy is that the body is able to heal itself using tiny amounts of a natural substance that matches the problem, such as rhus tox, made from poison ivy, curing a rash. There are more than 4000 different homeopathic remedies obtained from a wide range of plants, animals and minerals.

“The fundamental principle is treating like with like, and finding something in nature that matches our symptoms,” Jane says. “People know about arnica, but there are so many layers to it. It’s totally holistic, we’re not just treating physical symptoms, but treating people individually so we can target healing more effectively without doing more harm.

“It’s about building on your own immune system and finding what will trigger a response for your own body to heal itself.”

We must turn to nature itself, to the observations of the body in health and disease to learn the truth. Hippocrates