A Collection of My Thoughts Vol. 1
By: Maisen Hill
Warrior
I like to think back to a lesson my father taught me. He sat me and my brother down and asked us both “Are you going to be a soldier or a warrior?”. Puzzled both me and my brother asked the same question...what is the Difference? First he asked us could we obey orders, still blank looks remind on our faces. He stood up from his chair and paced around the room. Finally he said, “it is a soldier’s duty to carry out the orders he has been given”. He asked us again “Are you a soldier or a warrior?”. I had no answer. My father roared with his thundering voice. “Warrior fights for what he believes, not because someone told him too.” At the time of that conversation I was 13 my brother was 12. Since that day I started my journey to fully understand what a warrior is and to form myself to become a great one. We started with the basics we learned from our father. He showed more than just the physical needs of a warrior. More than just your basic combat. He allowed us to be ourselves. My father knew that a warrior’s beliefs could not be forced into us if we were going to be great. He did something that most people’s parents I knew didn’t, he allowed us to grow ourselves. Yet I found myself not having something to believe in. I was young and naive to think that because someone would call me a warrior, that’s what I am. After living in a new city by myself for three years while I attended college I felt empty and lost. I wasted three good years of my life thinking I was doing the right thing. Hating myself because I was too weak to leave college because I knew that path was not for me. I packed my bags at the end of that semester and never looked back. That is the day I actually became a warrior. I did something for me, for a while I felt I was selfish for that decision. It was not until the day I sat down and wrote these words that I fully realized I did nothing wrong. I didn’t make a mistake. I made a choice as a warrior. Bruce Lee once wrote “Art is an expression of life and transcends both time and space. We must employ our own souls through art to give new form and a new meaning to nature or the world’. I am a warrior. I am a Artist. I am a warrior of art.
Painful Realizations Is pain a necessary evil? Is it considered evil if you learn a lesson from it? Pain is a fundamental part of the growing experience in life. It's only in pain do we learn the most about ourselves. The battle of fighting against that pain and pushing to see yourself on the other side standing even stronger than when you started, that's pain’s power. It’s a power that shows ourselves what we are truly made of on the inside, though that is only true if you choose to stand up and fight it. All too common we see our loved one’s consumed and even changed by the pains they are going through. More times often than not leading to paths of addiction, abuse, and desperation. They begin to look for anything that can ease their worries, even if it's for a few hours. As time moves on and they continue to learn how to cope in the ways they do, we on the other side stop looking at it as pain stricken habits. Instead we label it as, “Actions speaking louder than words”. Ask yourself, how many times has this person who has come to your mind asked you for your ear? To long have cries of young boys fallen on the deaf ears of men. For far too long have young girls been told to hush and stay in their place. children being told to, hush all that crying the world isn’t fair. Allow me to give you a different perspective on the world. God created everything we see, think, and know in seven days. Then he created man, and told him everything he created we have dominion over and ordered us to watch over it. One could say, the world is what you make it. So, men and women. Fathers and sons, mothers and daughters. Remember we are responsible for the world today, it's our duty to make it better for the next generation who inherits it. If you choose to not listen to the cries of the night, the morning will only be filled with more pain. Pain is pain. Let it be physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual pain. Getting rid of it all has the same remedies. Time, empathy, and the will to fight back.
The Truth in the Circle Neil Degrasse Tyson said “The difference between a scientist and a great scientist is, the one who is considered great just asked the right question.” I pondered on that thought for a few hours and asked myself this simple question, “Am I working hard enough?” As I allowed this to process through my mind, I was compelled to open an old highschool year book from my sophomore year. On the inside of the front cover reads a message from an old friend. “Maisen - It was awesome getting to know you this year. Marching band was fun! I know that you will be a great sax player one day! I loved our talks in band (and all the pot jokes). I hope high school is good to you. You deserve it! Love you always- E” Before I had the idea to commit pen to paper, I had another dream. I wanted to be the greatest jazz sax player ever. A huge dream I know right. It was something I wanted so bad my senior year of high school I ended up taking three band classes. Wind ensemble second period, orchestra fourth period, and jazz band sixth period. Now without a doubt my favorite time of the day was that sixth period jazz band, but it was my fourth period class that lead me to answer my question. The typical day in orchestra class was, come in, grab your instruments, and prepare for warm ups. Though because I was blessed with an understanding and encouraging teacher my class was different from the other five people in it with me. I was allowed to practice sax and study theory and composition, something I took great joy in. there I was in my little side room, my sax, a music stand, a theory book, and a piano. I worked there every day expanding my skill and knowledge of the subject. As it was senior year, that meant for jazz band it was time for the senior features. Meaning I was allowed to choose a song of my choice and perform a solo with it for the last concert of the year. Let me tell you, I knew the exact song I wanted to play for it. In the midst of my fourth period studies I stumbled upon a group known as, The Pat Metheny Group. Then I heard the sweetest composition ever, The First Circle. With its syncopated rhythms, unusual time signatures and keys it was the ultimate self test I wanted to take to see if my long hours of practice have paid off. The day finally came when submission for your song choices were to be placed. The basket was passed to each senior and when I got my little slip of paper and I quickly wrote down my choice and placed it in. The basket landed back to my teacher and he began to read them out loud. Most of what was picked he had no issues with. Until I saw my crubbled little slip of paper in my hand. He looked at it, looked at me, then uproared in a deep belly laugh. After he calmed down, he quickly said, “No”. Being the stubborn student I am, I started my arguments. Each one he shot down in a matter of seconds. As the weeks passed I still subliminally sent my messages to him, clapping the notorious intro rhythm the song starts out with. Each time he heard it he smiled and chuckled to himself. Reminding me with our usual banter now, “It’s not you, it’s the band”. So I did what I could and
tried to convince my band mates we could pull this song off. Still days went by and the idea started to look as if was not going to come to light, it sadden me. Until the day I gave up on hope, walking in to my sixth period jazz class. My teacher walks in front and hands out new music. Giving me a death stare he said, “We are going to give this a try. No promises.” My face grew the biggest grin once I saw “The First Circle” written on the top. The waves of his hand we were all waiting to hear what we would make of the piece. The first swing was a miss, but we continued for a couple weeks before the teacher realized it wasn’t possible for our band’s skill level. I felt defeated. Eventually I was able to play an equal piece for the concert that I thoroughly enjoyed. All that work does pay off, sometimes it just won’t go the way you wish it to be. Nine years have passed since then and I’ve learned the true meaning behind The First Circle in my life. It wasn’t supposed to be played then, it was meant to be a memory so I can craft a story from it. Lesson being if you don’t learn from your defeated moments, why are you working so hard?
Standing Still: Act 1 Dissonance: Love, love, love, love, love The melody that plays in my heart My scars, my scars, my scars, my scars The beat in my head Clashing in the song of my life
Wonder: As she sits, I wonder what’s on your mind I’m not the kind of guy to speak mine I rather place them hidden within my rhymes Here we are again, just a quarter past nine The silence interests me most I would like to have a drink and then toast New hairstyles and shoes Everything you do, beautiful The flow of conversation, musical The way you tease, whimsical You've caught my eye, can I have it back? Boots to the knee, dressed in black I enjoyed myself, that’s a fact Mixing two sauces, I never heard of that. I bet you can hit a home run without a bat Your smile has seared its way into my dreams It’s so bright, I must be the luckiest being Even for the moment I caught you dreaming I still wonder, just what are you thinking.
The First Snow of Spring: A cold night A single snowflake floats down to your shoulder It falls gently I was falling harder Our shoes leaving their marks in this spring snow A step leads to your door Your keys jingling are the only thing we hear In the silence of the storm Our embrace became lips caressing each other The warmth of the moment made us forget The blizzard that engulfed us. It’s not too soon I’ve realized you’ve become part of the inspiration I didn’t know I needed A voice of encouragement After I told myself I was defeated I’d like to think what this is Isn’t as fickle as Indiana’s seasons.
An Unknowing Climb: I was once numb, unknowing if I could feel again I was once trusting, worrying if I would be hurt again I was once tempted, knowing I would sin again I’ve fallen in love I’ve fallen out of love I once pictured flying doves I once laid in bed to watch the sun rise I stayed until it set I’ve placed my bets on you, never to win the jackpot I’ve been lost Hurt Sad Mad Depressed Stressed Frustrated I’ve contemplated I chose a demonstration of Strength Love Wisdom Courage Here I am, at the end of my rope Only to realize I had elevated.