Stretching Your Food Dollar: A How-to Guide

I’m going to start this article off with some stonecold facts.

We all moved to Southern Wake for the lower price point (don’t argue with me, Steve. No one likes being 25-35 minutes away from work).

Food prices are out of control and eggs can arguably be counted as dependents on your taxes.

Kids aren’t selling lemonade on the corners anymore because none of us can afford to launch a business right now.

A party pack of Crumbl cookies is roughly equivalent to in-state tuition.

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We’re making salads with the wild green onions growing in our backyards.

No one is coming to save us.

(I could go on, but psychiatrists in the area have roughly a 4-to-6-week wait time and I want to be mindful of that.)

What I’m trying to say is, times are tough — but the good news is, there are ways to get around it, particularly in Southern Wake. Ready to save some money and eat like a king? Read on, poor people, read on.

IT’S COOK OUT TIME

Feed the whole family with junior trays from Cook Out for less than $5 a meal — from burgers to chicken strips to corn dogs to whatever your fat heart desires. Even better, this place is open until 3:30 a.m. on the weekends, for all your late night (early morning?) binge-eating needs. Honestly, this is one of the cheapest (and most iconic) places to get a meal in Southern Wake, so don’t sleep on it.

Tread Carefully At Popshelf

Fuquay’s new pOpshelf, weirdly, has a food section. A cheap one. Bear in mind, pOpshelf is also full of a million decor options that you 100% don’t need, so DO NOT walk into this store for food without a trusted handler who can lead you to the six-pack of frozen White Castle sliders without being distracted by the faux palm plant, orchid car freshener, or leopard salt and pepper shakers. Stick to your goal. In and out.

VISIT THE FUQUAY-VARINA MEAT MARKET

Also known (by me) as the Horned Jesus Store, this local treasure sits at 112 W. Vance Street in downtown Fuquay. In addition to having an insanely cheap selection of meat (pick five and mix and match for $19.99), this place has fresh produce, the biggest (and cheapest) packs of Capri Suns you’ve ever seen, bath tissue, cowboy hats and boots, pinatas, and a LIFE-SIZED VIRGIN MARY AND HORNED JESUS.

Disclaimer: I am not Catholic. I’ve been told that this horned Jesus is actually a saint, but it totally looks like a horned Jesus to me. If you’re feeling like a smaller saint or Virgin Mary statue, they’ve got those too, as well as ceramic jars, unicorns, and pigs — the magic never ends. If you’re in downtown, Do. Not. Delay.

ENJOY A “STRUGGLE MEAL”

I’m going to assume that if you’ve gotten this far into the article, you probably need this. No shame, friends. We’ve all grown up with struggle meals, and some of them are pretty freaking good. ALDI — either in Holly Springs or Fuquay — is the perfect place to pick up ingredients

BROOKS R. BARBEE

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