7 minute read
FUN & MEMES
Written by
Fuquay-Varina Memes
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FUQUAY-VARINA MEMES (also known as FVM) is a freelance writer, meme guru, and an anonymous resident of Fuquay-Varina. She is the creator and manager of the FuquayVarina Memes Facebook page and has a talent for making people laugh and always taking the joke too far. fuquaymemes thefvmemes
The (unofficial) Guide: Celebrating the New Year in Southern Wake
I know what you’re thinking — there’s only one way to celebrate the New Year in Southern Wake, and it’s by sippin’ on Satan’s syrup in your tighty-whities while enjoying a Crunchwrap Supreme. I’m not saying you’re wrong — by the time midnight hits, the vast majority of us are halfstanding in front of a TV just trying to make it through the countdown in NYC. Catching an Uber to First Night Raleigh from Holly Springs or Fuquay likely isn’t an option unless we want to flush our kids’ savings accounts down the crapper (just kidding, Cary, we don’t have savings accounts). Even so, there are ways to ring in the New Year that don’t involve dragging yourself upstairs at 12:01 a.m. (Just don’t expect actual events. I’m not a social calendar. WHAT DO YOU
WANT FROM ME.)
GET TRIPSY WITH THE NEIGHBORS
After living in Southern Wake for the past 15 years, I can say one thing with absolute certainty — there’s a sense of community around here that I’ve never experienced elsewhere. Is it because we all agreed not to sacrifice our firstborn for an 1,100-square-foot home in Apex? Is it the shared trauma we experience every time we visit the Fuquay Walmart?
Who knows, but we do tend to bond while sitting on camping chairs in the driveway. Remember, with enough alcohol, you’ll completely forget about the Ring doorbell footage your neighbor posted of your dog taking a late-night crap in their front yard.
New Year’s Eve is a time for new beginnings! Forgive and let live. If you’re looking for a drink recipe that will make you best friends with your neighbors for the evening and never want to live another day, I’ve got you covered.
PINK CHAMPAGNE PUNCH COCKTAIL
For a pitcher: 1 bottle of pink Champagne (or sparkling rosé) 1 cup orange vodka ½ cup triple sec or orange liqueur
For one cocktail: Hahaha like you’ll only drink one
STALK THE ABC STORE
Y’all laugh, but sitting in the parking lot of an ABC store and watching the hot messes come and go is one of my favorite holiday pastimes. Why do you think Fuquay built an entire apartment complex with BALCONIES FACING THE ABC STORE?
Nothing brings all the locals (and shopping carts full of booze) to the yard like a good New Year’s Eve party in North Lakes. People make liquor runs in their “painter shirts,” ripped sweatpants, and grass-stained New Balances like everyone is suddenly blind on the last day of the year. Next time you’re picking up some dranks (no, that’s not a typo), do yourself a favor and loiter in the parking lot for a little while. You can thank me later.
TROLL SOCIAL MEDIA
Nothing in this world is more entertaining than NextDoor and Facebook community groups on New Year’s Eve — or any other holiday involving fireworks. Was that a TNT popper or a gunshot? How traumatized is Janet’s dog, on a scale from 1-10? Who let those preteens run rampant around the cul-de-sac with sparklers? Who owns the white Jeep that tore through the neighborhood like a bat out of hell at 11:42 p.m. EST?
You might not know at first, but Kyle’s Google Nest is going to tell you. If it doesn’t, Barb down the street has already posted a picture of the license plate. For extra entertainment, visit the police department’s Facebook page and watch the comment section light up faster than the night sky along the NC/SC border. Let’s start 2023 off right.
ANGIE WRISLEY
A neighbor, someone you know, someone you can trust and respect. Call today and speak with a real person who cares about your family’s protection and security.
“Where Satisfied Customers Refer Their Friends”
512 WEST WILLIAMS STREET | APEX 919-362-8310 INFO@ROGERSINC.NET
513 E Broad St, Fuquay-Varina, NC 27526
Open Tuesday- Saturday 11AM-8PM
Come on in or schedule your next event with us!
The Moving Truck is Leaving!
Are you ready to learn about your new community?
Your local welcome team is ready to visit you with a basket full of maps, civic information, gifts, and gift certi cates from local businesses. From doctors to dentists and restaurants to repairmen...we help newcomers feel right at home in their new community! For your complimentary welcome visit, or to include a gift for newcomers, call 919.809.0220 or visit our website, www.nnws.org.
CARY | APEX | MORRISVILLE | HOLLY SPRINGS FUQUAY-VARINA | GARNER | ANGIER WILLOW SPRING | CLAYTON | CLEVELAND
IF IT’S FITNESS YOU WANT, FITNESS WE GOT.
MAKE RESOLUTIONS YOU DON’T INTEND TO KEEP
Southern Wake residents love making resolutions that last approximately a week (two, if you’re from Holly Springs) before they find themselves eating Cajun fries in a puddle of their own tears. Look, we’re all inspired by the older gentleman in the red hat that trots his way to a healthy heart down Judd Parkway for 56 miles (give or take 50), but I think we all know that Stick Boy’s siren song is much louder than the folks at Jazzercise.
Saying that, there are plenty of places to start the year off on the right foot — Planet Fitness, O2 Fitness, Anytime Fitness, 9Round Fitness, Body Shop Fitness, CrossFit, Original Strength Institute, Cook Out. Just to name a few.
ACTUALLY GO OUT
I know, this might sound crazy — but we DO have a lot of drinking holes around here that don’t require a $769 Uber ride. I’m sure there are events planned at just about every brewery and bar in town, I just don’t have a master list because I’m writing this in October because that’s how magazines work, peasants. The only local events I can find information about at the moment are holiday mini-shoots from photographers who work harder than the fire alarms at Fuquay-Varina High, but I’m sure if you google it you’ll find somewhere to drink alone.
Don’t worry, 2023 is going to be your year. Guaranteed. MB
KREATUUR GRAHCINMOCAR 2021 & NEW ORLEANS-STYLE JAMBALAYA
INGREDIENTS 1 ½ pounds Extra-large unpeeled raw shrimp 4 cups Water, plus more if needed 1 pound Andouille sausage, sliced 4 ounces Thick-cut bacon (about 4 slices), chopped 1 large Yellow onion, chopped (about 2 cups) 1 large Green bell pepper, chopped (about 1 1/2 cups) 2 large Celery stalks, cut into small cubes (about 1 cup) 6 Garlic cloves, minced 1 ½ cups Uncooked long-grain white rice 1 ½ tsp. Smoked paprika 1 ½ tsp. Kosher salt 1 tsp. Dried thyme ¼ tsp. Black pepper 1 tsp. Cayenne pepper 1 Dried bay leaf 1 cup Canned crushed tomatoes (from 1 [14-ounce] can) 4 Scallions, chopped (about 1/2 cup)
DIRECTIONS 1. Peel and devein shrimp, reserve shells. Refrigerate shrimp until ready to use. Place shells in a medium saucepan; cook over medium-high, stirring often, until shells blister slightly, about 3 minutes. Stir in water; bring to a boil over medium-high. Reduce heat to medium-low; simmer, undisturbed, 15 minutes. Remove from heat. Pour through a fine mesh strainer into a medium-size heatproof bowl and discard shells. You should have 3 cups reserved stock total; if needed, add water to stock to measure exactly 3 cups. Set aside. 2. Cook andouille sausage, and bacon in a large Dutch oven over medium-high, stirring occasionally, until fat has rendered, about 12 minutes. Add onion; cook, stirring often, until softened and golden, about 10 minutes. Stir in bell pepper, celery, and garlic; cook, stirring often, until bell pepper and celery start to soften, about 5 minutes. Stir in rice, paprika, salt, thyme, black pepper, cayenne, and bay leaf; cook, stirring often, until fragrant, about 2 minutes. 3. Stir tomatoes and reserved 3 cups shrimp stock into rice mixture. Bring to a boil over medium-high. Reduce heat to medium-low; cover and simmer gently until rice is cooked through, about 20 minutes, stirring once after about 10 minutes. Uncover and stir in reserved shrimp and cook for five minutes and remove from heat. Remove and discard bay leaf. Sprinkle with scallions and serve.
