f hyperventilate When ashion makes me
A short shopping story by maisie coulbert Illustration by tom chadwick
“It’s like, oh my god, well it’s Alexander Wang. Why would you even ask that? Oh my god!” I think those were her exact words. I’m talking about a fellow queue member here who I can only presume had zero sleep the night before and was buzzing from a major intake of coffee. I could see the empty Starbucks cups by her feet. Her name was Kate and she was a fashion student at Manchester Met and also way too excited for what was about to go down. Loads of sentences spilled out all at once. “I love these launches and I love H&M and I LOVE Alexander Wang. He’s like my favourite designer ever! Is that why you’re here? Do you like him to?” No Kate, no, it is not, but I replied with a polite smile.
But, yes I admit it: I got up at 5am to queue for the launch of the Alexander Wang and H&M collaboration and it seemed like the rest of Manchester had the same idea. This was my very first experience of a clothing launch and it may well have been my last. I’m not sure my blood pressure could take another round. Upon arrival, I was issued with a coloured wristband and a time slot to shop. My band read 11:50am. Brilliant, I had another four hours to kill. I sparked up a conversation with the girl nextdoor. You’ve already read her response. “Why are you here?” was the question her facial expression was shouting at me because it was clear I wasn’t familiar with queue etiquette.
The truth? Well, I attended because I wanted to be sucked into the lifestyle of confessions of a shopaholic. I wanted the experience of grabbing a wedding dress with Monica with a whistle round my neck and I wanted to witness the catfights at the rails. Ok, so I may have been a bit dramatic but I thought I had mentally prepared myself for what was about to happen. I was wrong.
It all kicked off at 9am and by 9:30am the menswear had sold out and the stocks were dwindling for women to. It was so unfair. People were coming out the shop with huge bags full of stuff and we had to sit by and watch. One girl came out with five bags and turned to announce to the rest of the queue “You might as well go home because all the good stuff has gone.” I glanced at Kate. Bad idea as she looked like her dreams had been shattered right there on Market Street. “It will be ok, I’m sure there is more to come out from the back.” I tried to reassure her but to no avail. Her face went blank and she sat down and waited. I didn’t hear another word from her until we got to the front of the queue. There it was. In my head angels began to sing and the clothes glowed and chanted, “Buy me Maisie. Buy me.” Sure I can afford all this stuff. I work hard I should buy what I want. No one will mind is what I tried to tell myself. I’d done my research and planned to snag myself some of the leggings whilst I was there. Wrong again. How could I have been so naïve? A vicious looking girl with Wang in her eyes snatched the last pair out from under me. I was shocked to find life really was dangerous out there, I was up against Wang Warriors here and I was outnumbered. I brushed that one off and thought to the next item I was after. Yes, that knit dress. Oh my days, there’s one over there. I looked around and could see a guy the other side of the shop had clocked it to. No I thought. I really really wanted this. I’d already justified the spending in my head and so it was all systems go. I stormed over to the rail but tripped over a girl fumbling on the floor for a peep toe. Damn I hate heals. I looked up and he’d got it. We locked eyes for a split second and I knew the disappointment slapped across my face gave me away. He pranced past like the queen of Wang and mumbled, “Better luck next time babes.” That’s it I thought. There is literally no point in carrying on. Everything I wanted to buy was gone so I might as well admit defeat. I haven’t got it in me. I was a mere beginner in a pool of advanced level designer ninjas. And so with a heavy heart and a light basket I went to the cashier to pay for my measly vest top that I’d managed to grab. After all I couldn’t leave with nothing. Just when I thought the day couldn’t get any worse the sales girl stuffed my top in a small draw sting sack. “What!?” I sobbed. “Can’t I have one of the nice bags?” I must have looked like the most pathetic girl. “We are saving those for the coats and we only have seven left” she replied. “Please please please.” It worked but only because people were starting to stare. She grabbed me a big beautiful Alexander Wang cardboard bag and put my tiny vest top in it and off I went. I hopped, skipped and jumped my way to the train station because unlike the rabble still queuing outside, I had still come out with a vest top and a carrier bag. Winner.
Cosmopolitan October 2014 75