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The Magazine MAY 11 2012/19 IYAR 5772

A PUBLICATION OF

| Index |

............................................. page 5 Torah and Hashkafa

............................................. page 13 Daily Living

Page 3: LightPosts

Page 13: Making Life Easier

....................................... Advice and Opinion Page 4: Dear Dr. Yael

............................................. Teens & Twenties Talk page 8

Page 5: On Our Own

....................................... Puzzles and Games

Page 6: The Person Behind The Chair... And Beyond

....................................... Features Page 7: Nei Hou From Jewish Hong Kong

Page 15: Fun With Gadi And Gali

............................................. page 18 Kid's Corner

page 12

Page 16: Family Fun

Page 8: Jewish Arts

Page 17: Midrash And Talmud

Page 10: You're Asking Me?

Page 18: From Klutz To Wiz Chelm

Page 12: The True Meaning Of Motherhood

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Dear Rachel, I had to laugh over your recent article ‘Sugar and Eggs Do Not A Cake Make’ (Over Coffee, May 4). I can well remember my mother telling me a similar story - and I’m going back maybe 65 years when all the women did their own baking. She told me that some women are very possessive of their recipes and word had gotten around to never ask them for a recipe! Too bad your mother didn’t tell you that! Didn’t you think for a moment about the quantities of the ingredients needed? Especially when you are a baker yourself? At any rate, I’m sorry for all the trouble and expense you went through for this endeavor, but at least you learned a lesson. I enjoy your articles and look forward to reading more. Just please, know who your friends are. Sincerely, Z. Schuman Dear Readers, Rachel Bluth’s Over Coffee columns always seem to generate a lot of comment. As the letter above shows, her recent article on the cheesecake recipe that wasn’t, is a prime example. We even received an e-mail from a male reader reminding us that acting this way is a form of geneivah. Honestly, I had never thought of this type of behavior as stealing, but I have also never quite understood it. First, why not share? If you get a great deal on something, if you find a fantastic recipe, why not share it with others? And second, if you haven’t done something, why take credit for it – especially if someone asks you for the recipe? We are in the period of time called “sefirah,” when we remember the students of Rabi Akiva who did not treat each other with the proper respect. While Rachel’s story makes us laugh, isn’t the way she was treated by the “hostess with the mostest” a clear sign of disrespect? Before wishing you a good Shabbos, I’d like to remind you about our two contests: Our Shavuos contest is open to kids and teens, and we love reading the essays and poems and looking at the drawings. Our From Klutz to Wiz contest is open to children of all ages (even those of you who are biologically older) and we so enjoy reading how the column has changed your lives. Have a wonderful Shabbos, Chumi May 11, 2012

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Page 14: The Five Commandments

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To submit articles for publication, contact our columnists or submit a letter to the editor, e-mail magazine@jewishpress.com To submit articles for Teens and Twenties Talk, e-mail: teens@jewishpress.com

| Torah

and Hashkafa |

LightPosts

Rabbi Baruch Twersky

Getting The Message

secular Jew who, after attending Torah classes began practicing some aspects of Judaism that he learned, found he wasn’t yet prepared to keep Shabbos. Does Hashem really care whether I keep Shabbos or not, he wondered. Will it really bother Hashem if I turn on the television on Shabbos, for example? While thinking these thoughts one Friday night, habit took over, and he turned on the television set and began watching “The David Letterman Show.” Providence arranged it that one of the guests on the show was a professional actor who had played the role of a religious Jew in a recent, popular film. To learn how to act as a religious Jew, this actor spent a Shabbos together with Jewish people. “It was actually quite nice,” he was saying. “In particular, I enjoyed the comradery. After the prayers, as they are walking the streets to their homes (because they are not allowed to drive), they greeted each other with a warm Shabbat greeting, even if they never knew each other previously.” “Really?” David Letterman asked. “How does it go?” “I’ll show you how!” said the actor. “In fact, tonight is Friday night, so it is the right time.” With a big smile upon his face, the professional actor said: “Good Shabbos, David!” The host and the actor had a good time sharing this new greeting with each other. Now, the name of the Jewish man who was watching the show was also David. When the television screen showed a closeup view of the actor saying, “Good Shabbos, David,” he felt that he was receiving a message from Hashem. He felt Hashem was telling him: “A moment ago, you were wondering whether I am interested in your Shabbos observance. Well, Good Shabbos, David! I do want your Shabbos.” Before explaining the deep messages buried in the previous story, I want to share another true story, which incidentally (by Divine Providence) also involves another episode of the David Letterman

show. A teenager from the religious community of Monsey, New York, raised in the standard chassidic secluded lifestyle, had never seen a television show in his life. But during a spiritually low period, he decided that he wanted to watch television. He turned on the television and happened to tune in to The David Letterman show. David was interviewing his second cousin, a Jewish girl whose parnassah came from being a fashion model – definitely not a job for a good Jewish girl. The chassidic youth found himself confused. On the one

Monsey, as most of us know, is home to thousands of Torah observant Jews. This young woman, whose lifestyle was in many ways as far from Torah as a person could get, felt proud that she could associate herself, in some way, with Torah observant Jews, who keep the Torah in the tradition of millenniums. The young man turned off the set. He had seen enough. He realized, in a most powerful way, how brilliantly the spark of Judaism shines through even the most impenetrable darkness. Regardless of what a person does, the fire of the soul

hand, the woman’s Jewish identity gave him a certain feeling of familiarity with what he was watching. On the other hand, the conversations and topic matter were very distant from his upbringing, giving him a strong feeling that he shouldn’t be watching it. Nevertheless, as I wrote, he was then in a spiritual low, so he watched the show to the end. But an amazing thing happened at the end of the show. Being cousins, David and the young woman began talking about their family. David asked her where one of their shared cousins lived. “In Monsey!” she proclaimed, with obvious pride. “Where’s that?” David asked. She told him that it is a town in upstate New York.

never extinguishes. He realized that despite the present spiritual low that he was experiencing, he could still return to Hashem. The Jewish spark that is within him (and within every Jew) was still very strong. These stories illustrate an amazing and fundamental lesson, which is brought in the Sichos HaRan (52), “Everything in the world is proclaiming and announcing Hashem’s Honor, because Hashem is everywhere. Even the stories of the nations of the world also announce Hashem’s Honor. As it is written (Tehillim 96, 3) ‘Sapru bagoyim k’vodo – the stories of the goyim [nonJews] reveal His honor.’ Hashem is always calling, sending hints to return to His service…”

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Hashem wants everyone to come close to Him, and therefore He plants messages for them, wherever they are. If they are watching television, Hashem places messages there. If they are reading a novel, Hashem will place messages there, calling everyone back to Him. The Gemara (Avodah Zarah 17) teaches: “It was said about Eliezer ben Dordiya that there wasn’t a zonah in the world who he didn’t visit. Once he heard of a zonah from a distant country who charged a full bag of coins for her services. Eliezer took the money and traveled the long distance to visit her. [At some point], she let out gas and said: “Just as the gas will never return to its origin, Eliezer ben Dordiya will never be accepted in teshuvah… [These words inspired Eliezer to do teshuvah.] He placed his head between his knees and cried and cried until he died. A bas kol [heavenly voice] announced: Reb Eliezer ben Dordiya will be brought to Olam Haba…” This time, Hashem’s message came through the zonah. When she told him that he could never return to Hashem, it was really Hashem’s message, reminding him of how far he had strayed, and showing him that if he wouldn’t repent now, he was on the verge of becoming totally disconnected from Hashem. This lesson demonstrates the extent of Hashem’s love. Regardless of one’s spiritual level, Hashem will conceal Himself in the most unexpected areas to call a person back to His service. This doesn’t mean that one should read and watch everything available to receive Hashem’s messages, because often there are many other (negative) messages there, which may, G-d forbid, distance him from Hashem. Rather, the lesson is a reminder of Hashem’s strong love for every Jew. When we keep our eyes and ears open to hear Hashem’s calling, we will also return to Him, and He will accept our teshuvah with mercy. The author can be reached at magazine@jewishpress.com May 11, 2012

4 |Advice and Opinion| Dear Dr. Yael By Yael Respler, Ph.D. with Orit Respler-Herman, Psy.D.

Boundless Miracles Available For The Taking Dear Dr. Respler: The holidays are a great time to learn about ourselves – the good, the bad and the ugly – and then try to make lemonade from the lemons, turn the positive into building blocks, and generally create good things from the lessons learned. The Yamim Tovim are saturated with kedushah, leading to beautifully crafted creations from what one learned and experienced during these holy, spiritual days. While some believe that it is only through an actual object that building blocks can be formed, a Torah-based experience can lead to the same result. This Pesach I came to believe that the seemingly impossible is possible and that miracles can happen. No, I didn’t see Eliyahu HaNavi. No, a large sum of money was not mysteriously placed into my family’s bank account. This is not how I saw yad Hashem. This Yom Tov made me believe that I had, and continue to have, the koach to enrich people’s lives. I like to think I was born with a good heart, always willing to care for and stand by those who were easy prey. But issues got in the way, making me cynical and angry – putting the aforementioned characteristic on hold. But, Baruch Hashem, a beautiful marriage to a wonderful guy has reconnected me with this good trait, and over Pesach I clearly saw people’s contentment as a result of my heartfelt goodness toward them. To me, that was a miracle. Prior to our Erev Pesach trek to family for the sedarim, on the way to the garage, my husband and I met up with a woman in our building. A few weeks before, she started to confide in me about difficulties in her life. She is Jewish but not frum, and I realized that she was disconnected from HaKadosh Baruch Hu in a great way. She said that family members were taking advantage of her in a business-related matter and she couldn’t understand why Hashem would allow this to happen. I told her that although it seemed as if these people had the upper hand and that there was no way justice could be meted out, Hashem had wondrous ways of righting things. I then introduced her to a book about emunah that was written for frum and non-frum people alike. So before we left to celebrate Pesach, the holiMay 11, 2012

day that strengthens emunah, she came to me with book in hand, telling me how it was helping her deal with everything going on in her life. She called me her little messenger from God. Thus Pesach started off on the right foot. Hashem was allowing me to see that I, who had grown cynical about the beauty of helping others, was again able to reach out and touch someone. What a beautiful present.

Watching her unwind and become able to see positive results from her pre-Pesach exertions was miraculous indeed. Prior to Pesach I heard a beautiful, positive thought. Pesach is a time of nissim geluyim (open miracles). Purim was all about hidden miracles, as yad Hashem was revealed through what appeared to be coincidences. Pesach, though, is a holiday of holy days since Hashem saved us with open miracles – the Ten Plagues, the Splitting of the

Hashem always takes good care of all of His children. It’s almost tangible. Can you feel it? And on Pesach itself, I was able to continue easing people’s pain. My husband and I visited friends who were struggling spiritually. They were questioning basic tenets of Jewish faith. We were able to say a few things to them that hopefully served as food for thought, leading them in the right direction. We also came into contact with an elderly frum woman who had complications in dealings with close family and friends. She was tired from preparing for Pesach and bemoaned the fact that they did not truly appreciate her hard work. We made her laugh and helped her to just enjoy the beautiful weather, good food and zemiros that, Baruch Hashem, this holiday was filled with.

Sea, etc. Therefore, we need to recognize that this holiday (and, as I later learned, the entire month of Nissan) is a time when the very thing that one believes to be impossible can often come true – through prayer. There is a spiritual energy during these holy days and we would be remiss not to avail ourselves of this spiritual uplifting. Here’s how I think of it: Hashem built into these auspicious days proverbial treasure chests full of pearls, diamonds, emeralds, gold and silver that are ours for the taking. It would be silly not to partake in this opportunity. I did not know of this phenomenon until this year; perhaps there are others who also did not know of this. But I want them to know that I made sure to pray for every-

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one, and I am sure that what klal Yisrael may have believed was beyond possible may indeed happen. Miracles occurred this Pesach; they continue to happen for my husband and me. Several involved financial matters, as we met with a helpful, caring family member about our finances. We realized we were underemployed and resolved to work extra hours at existing jobs while looking for additional opportunities. Thereafter, seemingly out of the blue, my husband was offered a summer job that we needed because his usual work does not encompass the summer. I was and am able to schedule extra hours into my workday. And then one night, b’chatzos halaylah, my husband was wondering aloud how he could find a job where he could earn money while working on the computer. A few minutes later he received a call from a rabbi who asked for his help in a spiritual business endeavor, for which he would need to use his computer. Without much effort on our part, we gained additional income. Hashem always takes good care of all of His children. It’s almost tangible. Can you feel it? Anonymous Dear Anonymous: Thank you for your inspiring letter. The most beneficial thing for people to do when they feel upset is to give, as you have, and to try helping others. May we all be zocheh to nissim geluyim and the coming of Mashiach. Hatzlachah! Dr. Yael Respler is a psychotherapist in private practice who provides marital, dating, and family counseling, and deals with problems in the intimate marital relationship. She can be reached at 718-259-4965 or at DearDrYael@aol.com. Dr. Orit Respler-Herman, a child psychologist, co-authors this column and is now in private practice providing complete psychological evaluations as well as child and adolescent therapy. She can be reached at 917-679-1612. Previous columns can be viewed at www.jewishpress.com

| Advice

and Opinion |

On Our Own

By Cheryl Kupfer

Is It Time To Cry Out Again?

“I

n every generation they try to kill us, and the Holy One, Blessed Be He, rescues us from their hands.” Every year, for centuries, Jews the world over say these words at the Seder. I paid particular attention this year as this phrase was sung by the golden-voiced Dudu Fisher, a chazzan and Broadway star, who led sedarim at Kutsher’s Hotel in the Catskill Mountains. The niggun was beautiful, but like I do every year, I shake my head in bewildered disagreement. As a child of Holocaust survivors, raised bereft of grandparents, uncles and aunts and too many cousins and relatives to count (I will never know how many were murdered), I know that not all are saved. And a week later, on Shabbat, the last day of Pesach, while davening with a small minyan in Texas, I found myself paying attention again during Yizkor, when another man with a beautiful voice chanted the Kel Maleh Rachamim prayer in memory of the millions upon millions of Jews, young and old, devout or assimilated, rich or poor, who were murdered in Nazi occupied Europe. The chazzan repeated the same haunting dirge for the young men and women of the Israeli Defense Forces who sacrificed their lives on behalf of their fellow citizens during the too many wars launched against the tiny State of Israel during its short existence. But he didn’t stop there. He also included the men, women and children in Israel and elsewhere whose lives were prematurely snuffed out by vile acts of terror as they went about their daily lives. This year, somehow more than previous ones, I had a very, very difficult time reconciling the V’He she’amada declaration, that Hashem saves us from our enemies, with the Yizkor prayers detailing the horrendous loss of life that occurred in my parents’ lifetime – and that continues to this day. The hatred that can lead to another mass annihilation of the Jewish people has not abated; in fact it is a malignant social cancer that is metastasizing There are those in authority who would tell us that our role is to accept what Hashem has bestowed on us, both the good and the bad. That the proper attitude is to say, “gam zu le’tova – even this is for the

good” – and embrace it. The rationale behind this: as mortal human beings we are limited in our ability to even remotely comprehend or decipher G-d’s running of our personal and national existence and the world in general. Yet this puzzles me – and I am sure many others as well. This insistence that we cannot second guess G-d sadly does not stop some indignant, arguably arrogant voices, from attributing our woes as Divine punishment for certain behaviors, such as not dressing with proper modesty or speaking lashon harah. These individuals sadly, and rather erroneously, I think, engage in selective finger pointing. Rarely do unethical business practices, such as price gouging, knowingly selling defective (treif) goods,

pain is overwhelming – it would seem that is not the only way to react to Hashem’s harsh decrees. Crying out, screaming and shrieking just might be another option. After all, it is one that was utilized by Bnai Yaakov – with great success. As the Haggadah tells us, “And we cried out to the L-rd, the G-d of our fathers,” as it is said: During that long period, the king of Egypt died; and the children of Israel groaned because of the servitude, and they cried out. And their cry for help from their servitude rose up to G-d.” “And the L-rd heard our voice” as it is said: “ And G-d heard their groaning, and G-d remembered His covenant with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.”

verbal and physical abuse, and blatantly ignoring the biblical command to not put a stumbling block in front of a blind person – i.e. withholding deal breaking information about a shidduch – seem to carry the same weight in raising G-d’s ire, as does the visibility of a girl’s elbows. At least according to those who claim to be in the know. In the minds of those who presumptuously interpret every tragedy as a punitive gezarah, as well as in the minds of those – who with great bitachon and emunah – accept whatever afflictions or setbacks or loss they or Klal Yisrael experience as being Hashem’s will, complaining or being bitter and angry at G-d amounts to apikorsus – apostasy. However, while we should humbly and with humility welcome Hashem’s Will and do teshuva – to repent and work on improving ourselves, and while our holy mandate is to trust in our Creator, even if we are greatly suffering, even if the physical or emotional

“And he saw our suffering,” this refers to the separation of husband and wife, as it is said: “G-d saw the children of Israel and G-d took note.” “Our labor,” this refers to the “children,” as it is said: “Every boy that is born, you shall throw into the river and every girl you shall keep alive.” “And our oppression,” this refers to the pressure, as it is said: “I have seen the oppression with which the Egyptians oppress them.” And the result of their cries – “The L-rd took us out of Egypt.” Please note that the people cried out to Hashem – it does not say they accepted. Should we not emulate their precedent, they who were just a few scant generations removed from our illustrious and pious ancestors, Avraham, Yitzchok and Yaakov? For some time, they must have taken their intense suffering in stride, as they were enslaved for centuries, but at some

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point it must have been too overwhelming and they cried out. And then there is Amram, a grandson of Levi, who decided that the husbands of Israel should divorce their wives in order to prevent the birth of a new generation of Jews. Conditions were so horrendous and unbearable in Egypt that Amram, the gadol of his generation – who must have known that the primary mitzvah in the yet to be given Torah was pru u’revu – be fruitful and multiply – planned on exhorting the Israelites to not bring children into the horrific existence they found themselves in. He himself set an example by divorcing his wife. One would think that as a pious, G-d fearing Yid, Amram would have just unquestionably accepted Hashem’s will, declaring that all Hashem does is for the best – and would have encouraged the nation to have bitachon in Hashem, and keep on building families. But Amram did not meekly accept what seemingly was Hashem’s will. His attitude was, “Let’s not bring vulnerable, innocent children into a world where they likely will be brutalized or annihilated (the boys). His mindset was not blind obedience, but rather dayenu – enough. And to my knowledge, Amram was never regarded as an apikorus for wanting to defy the status quo, as opposed to saying, “Gam zu le’tova!” The descendants of Yaakov also had enough – and they had what some in our community would consider the temerity and audacity to cry out to G-d; they would be labeled chuzpadik for questioning their lot in life and complaining and screaming. As it says, “vayizaku.” From the words of the Haggadah, there is a potential lesson to be learned. Perhaps Hashem wants us to call out to Him when we are suffering. He may not want us to stoically and silently absorb the blows. Perhaps crying out and shrieking and ranting against what we humans consider evil and tragic and excruciating is as potent an indicator of true faith, as is praising Him and His many chasadim. Cheryl Kupfer can be reached at magazine@jewishpress.com May 11, 2012

6 |Advice and Opinion|

The Person Behind The Chair... And Beyond By Ann Novick

Being Our Own Worst Enemy Part II: Making Changes

ast week I talked about Nina, a well spouse who was “stuck.” Nina found change frightening and difficult. She focused on everything around her, blamed everyone around her and just couldn’t seem to make the small changes that might make her happier. Every offer of help was rejected; it was all just too hard, not her way, required too much of her, etc. One idea I shared last week was exploring our resistance to change. What are we gaining by standing still? Is it comfort with what is familiar or fear of the unknown that is keeping us from initiating change? Is there a payoff for us in the attention or pity our difficult life gets us from others and/or our self? Is it some distorted sense of punishment we consciously or unconsciously feel we deserve? Though we may not be able to answer these questions without professional help, just challenging ourselves with these questions can nudge us into making small changes that may vastly improve our life. Change requires small steps. Just as a baby takes that tentative first step, we too are in the baby stage and must try our first steps of change with caution. It is important to acknowledge the trepidation and set small realistic goals. If we need to socialize, have we tried to allow ourselves to get out just once a month? If that works well for us, we can then advance to twice a month, moving slowly, but always in a positive direction, keeping our goal constantly in mind. Have we explored all the assistance that will help us achieve this small goal? Have we asked family, chesed organizations and/ or friends for help? Have we said “No” to every offer of assistance and need to re-

examine our decision? I do not minimize how much effort this takes but only we can decide if it is worth it. We put a great deal of effort into care giving our loved ones. Do we not deserve of a bit of that effort in our own lives? Is it taking more effort to stay still, than to move on?

One of Nina’s big mistakes was not evaluating what retirement would mean for her, both financially and emotionally, before she applied for it. Any major event in our life must be carefully thought through. Will our finances change and can we survive that? Will our life style change

During this process, it’s important to remember that other people have a life and are coping with their own challenges. When offered help by her well spouse support group members, Nina set up conditions that didn’t take their life into consideration. As difficult as it is, if you want to make changes, you must be a participant and cannot expect others to do it for you. Making changes in your life is not something you can do as an observer. Even a tiny degree of participation, baby steps that succeed, will make it easier the next time.

and will it be for the better? If Nina had thought about no longer having the money for an aid for her sick husband and what it would be like for her to take on those tasks, she may have made a much different decision in regards to retiring. Had she evaluated what the loss of socializing with her work peers would mean, she may have stayed employed. Things are rarely written in stone. Decisions can be changed or altered. Nina’s resistance to trying to find new employment, or even discussing with her boss the possibility of returning to her old job

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in a limited way, cut off her options. We never know what the answer will be until we ask the question. To assume a negative response and use that as an excuse to do nothing gets us nowhere. You are the only person you will live with for the rest of your life. Blaming everyone else for who we are and the decisions we make is a cop out. Yes, we are influenced greatly by the circumstances in our life. How we were treated as a child and by a spouse does affect how we act, the decisions we make and who we are. But, we are not robots. We all possess the power to change. Even if events have left us with little or no self-confidence, we can change that. The change will be slow but not impossible. If our “inner child” is hurting and holding us back, we can parent ourselves and comfort that “inner child” so that he begins to build some self-esteem. If our spouse mistreated us, we can treat ourselves better than what we are used to. It takes effort; a great deal of effort, but things that are worth it, often do. Playing the blame game only keeps us where we are, stuck in unhappiness. Knowing the difference between what is changeable and what is not is vital. As I said last week, we cannot make the illness go away and fighting what is impossible to change just exhausts you. Acceptance of what is here to stay is freeing. It helps you cope better and leaves you energy to deal with what you can change. In the end, if you don’t like your life, change it! Only you can. It is hard, it is scary but isn’t it worth the task? You can contact me at annnovick@ hotmail.com

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| Features | Nei Hou From Jewish Hong Kong

By Erica Lyons

On Matzah & Mohels

esach means bite-sized sweet kidney mangos and the return of the longon. Shavuot brings back the pomelo. Chanukah means miniature Mandarin oranges. And its always starfruit for Rosh Hashanah. While our palates might have changed, along with our knowledge of Southeast Asian fruit, when it comes to Pesach it’s really all Osem and Yehuda Matzot for us. I have worked hard to develop a neatly refined talent at being able to rid our apartment of chametz pre-Pesach. Nothing is left and little is wasted. I calculate and know just when to stop buying, what to purchase in smaller quantities and what we can do without for a day or so. Where my shortcoming lies is in my ability to predict how much matzah we will need. I am always grossly short. The kids always seem to eat ten times the amount they did the year before. It is day three, a few years ago, and my supply is already running critically low. I work out, based on our current rate of consumption, what our needs will be. It is still early. I am confident there will be an ample supply in the Koshermart, our small but well-stocked market in the Jewish Community Center. The market opens at 10. I am there at 10:15. The parking lot is crowded. This can’t bode well. “Matzah!” I simply exclaim to the clerk. “No more. Maybe you choose something else. Some gefilte fishes? Potato chip?”

she responds. “No matzah?” I confirm. I let out a frustrated and exasperated long sigh. Then Grace the cashier approaches. She leans close to me and whispers “meet me in the parking garage at 7pm tonight.” I nod my head twice. Once in agreement. The second time to add effect. It was very cloak and dagger. We met in the parking garage at the aforementioned time and she approached my car with four boxes in hand. Constantly looking over her shoulder. “I thought the Koshermart was sold out,” I offer hesitantly. “Yes, all sold out but restaurant upstairs have enough for whole Chinese army. I charged your account.” And so I was to bring my matzah home with a clear conscious. And while the excitement of this episode might perhaps have been slightly enhanced, it is not altogether overstated. We are not in New York, Los Angeles or Jerusalem. Our supplies are limited. Living somewhat off the radar clearly requires more careful planning. As the story above shows, by day three of Pesach, the store is stripped of its supply, save for perhaps a random sampling of Egg Matzah, Gluten Free Matzah, Onion Matzah and the new High Fiber Matzah. And since I continue to grossly under-buy, the same family has had to bail us out nearly every year for the past few years, passing their extra boxes of matzah to us. This has now become almost part of our Pesach tradition. By day five, our Synagogue will typically e-mail an announcement asking all those who know they will have extra boxes to please drop them off at the JCC and they are redistributed accordingly to the families that are running low. It is a comfort to know I am not the only one who can’t seem to get it right and that the demand for matzah is never unmet with a bit of communal cooperation. When I think matzah, I of course also naturally think mohel. This association, for me, was forged because my eldest son’s brit milah was on the first day of Pesach 11 years ago. This was hardly an accident though. Having worked in the legal medicine field, I was perhaps a bit controlling when it came to things medi-

cal. When I realized I could, if left to natural processes, potentially give birth on Pesach and miss my sedarim, I explained to my doctor in New York that as 38 weeks is full term, I could induce early and we both could have stress free chagim. Dr Goldman, also intent on making it to a family bar mitzvah around the same time, was quite amenable to the plan. And when it came to finding a mohel who would be able to walk to us, it was again not an issue.

a charity. Potential complications to brit milah planning include, though a source of joy, the festivals. Mohalim must be willing to forgo celebration with their own communities for a lengthy stay in the Far East. As my second son’s due date coincided with Shavuot, I again (as with my first son) tried to take control of the situation. Explaining the need to induce pre-Pesach to my Jewish doctor on the Upper East Side of Manhattan was considerably easier

When it came to the birth of my second son in Hong Kong, five years later, I learned that while matzah is sometimes hard to come by, a mohel always is. Though as a community we have a fairly high birth rate and our demographics are disproportionately young, we are small. And though we are rich in many Jewish institutions, we are without a mohel. We must import our mohalim from the UK, Australia, Israel or the US. And like with our matzah, this is a communal effort and we share when we are able. Many “shidduchim” are made between expecting mothers. It is always welcome news to hear that another family is expecting a boy within days of yours. Flights, hotels and other mohalim-associated costs can then be split. Some also require money to replace their salaries while they are away, some insist on business class seats, while others simply request a donation to

than explaining Shavuot and the potential difficulty in arranging for a mohel to the local receptionist at my doctor in Hong Kong. In the end, I either charmed or frightened them, as I unleashed a bit of the New Yorker in me, into inducing eleven days before my due date. And fortuitously, just two doors down from my hospital room, another Jewish mother delivered a boy the next day. We were able to arrange for our mohel together and we had our kumquat-adorned cheesecake too.

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Erica Lyons, a Hong Kong-based freelance writer and editor, is the founder of Asian Jewish Life– a journal of spirit, society and culture for and about Jews in the Far East. She welcomes comments at erica@ asianjewishlife.org. May 11, 2012

| Features | Jewish Arts Richard McBee

Christie’s Mahzor: Christie’s Paris Auction: Importants Livres Anciens, Livres d’Artistes et Manuscrits Viewing: May 4 – 10, 2012 Auction: May 11: 2pm 9 Avenue Matignon 75008 Paris, France

he auction at Christie’s in Paris this May 11 of a Tuscan Mahzor, created and illuminated in the 1490’s, will be an extraordinary event. This rare example of illuminated Jewish art has not been seen publicly in over 500 years and, aside from tantalizing internal suggestions, lacks conclusive identification of the scribe and illuminators. Because the gold-tooled goatskin binding was made about 50 years after the manuscript and has a different coat of arms than those found in the machzor, it is assumed that this prayerbook may have quickly changed hands. Aside from the 17th century censor’s notations, all that is known is that the manuscript was sold sometime before 1908 in Frankfort and then noted in Elkan

following 68 of 422 folios (pages front and back) are said to be characteristic of the noted Christian illuminator Boccardino il vecchio (1460 – 1529). His patrons included the Medici, rulers of Florence at the time, and Giorgio Vasari in Lives of the Artists noted him as a master miniaturist. For a Florentine Jewish family to employ an artist of such renown is not surprising since the community was very close to the Medici family, so much so that Lorenzo il Magnifico (1449 – 1492), whose humanistic agenda supported Jewish scholarship, was considered a protector. The frontispiece, “Yis’barach,” apparently the beginning a compilation of verses, is notable for the delicate floral decoration framing medallions of animals in landscapes and

Mahzor; “Matzah & Maror” illuminated manuscript (ca. 1490s) Courtesy Christie’s Images Ltd, 2012

Nathan Adler’s important Jewish Travellers in 1930. One thing that is certain, from both the style and content of the illuminations, is that the Jewish family who commissioned it were very comfortable in Renaissance Florence where they probably lived. Or were they? The style of the frontispiece and the May 11, 2012

cameo heads. In another of the eight pages that feature significant decoration (including 4 full page illuminations), a liturgical poem is framed by a similar motif of floral decorations typical of Florentine Renaissance manuscripts. One can make out a snail creeping up the foliage as well as a delicate butterfly

at the top of the left border. The portrait cameo features a noble profile with an armillary sphere and the name Dovid in Hebrew on the right. The armillary sphere was a model of celestial objects orbiting the earth and was frequently used as a symbol of knowledge and wisdom that probably referred to the manuscript’s first owner, possibly named David. The equally elaborate initial word panel, “V’atah Hashem,” in gold leaf against a deep red ground, features an unusual Magen Dovid that may also allude to the first owner’s name. Additionally the fleur de lys above the name of God seems to refer Mahzor; “Kol Nidarim” illuminated manuscript (ca. 1490s) Courtesy Christie’s Images Ltd, 2012 to the city-state of Florence itself, notably identified by fleur de lys with the unique (Kingship is a typical Sephardic designation spikes between its pedals. of this section) announces that we effecKay Sutton, Christie’s director of Medieval tively crown Hashem with the words of the and Renaissance Manuscripts and Ilana Kedushah. The word panel “Moses rejoiced” is Tahan, head of the British Library’s Hebrew a charming image of a blond Moses, rays of collections, have examined this manuscript light emanating from his head, kneeling and and feel that the illuminations after 68v wearing a sumptuous red robe as he receives were done by followers or the workshop of two tablets from the unseen Divine Presence Boccardino. Additionally some images may in the upper right corner. Set in a pristine actually be from an untrained Jewish hand, landscape the entire scene radiates optimism most notably the page in the Haggadah sec- and joy that beautifully reflects the emotion depicting Matzah and Maror. It is clear tions expressed in this Shabbos prayer. the scribe left space for illustrations and all In these images, almost certainly done three works here exhibit an inexperienced by non-Jewish artists, the imagery can preshand distinct from the sophisticated images ent iconographical problems. The fully illuon the earlier pages. Both “matzah zoh” and minated Kol Nidarim page (notice the Italian “maror zeh” feature seated figures literally “Minhag bnei Roma” Hebrew version of the presenting the item at hand. The man with prayer) introducing the Yom Kippur evening the maror is completely out of scale with service is bordered by two medallions with the object that the maror is resting on. Both stock Renaissance portraits, two classical the chairs and the stand feature prominent nude putti presenting a roundel with a sevMagen Davids at their base and the fantasti- en-branched plant and finally one medallion cal chair also sports a fleur de lys at its top. with a peacock. The intended meanings, if The page featuring the Kedushah for any, are not clear. Above the gold leaf word Shabbos Shemoneh Esrei is typical of the more panel “Kol” is an image of a scarlet robed indirefined illuminations; the image of a crown vidual, without tallis, head uncovered, point-

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| Features |

At Home In Florence? ing to the open Aron displaying an open, but blank, book. The idea in general is understood but without the specifics of a Jewish service. In its way the illuminated initial word “Hashkiveinu (Lay us down to sleep)” is clearer and more to the point. The homebound prayer of the bedtime Shema is here illustrated with a scene in a canopied bed. The husband is on the far side of the bed, his red kippah identifying him as he faces towards the rear wall ostensibly saying the bedtime Shema. His wife is seen on the near side of the bed, holding the covers up over her body and facing us with a startled and concerned expression. Piety and modesty in action. Perhaps another cross-cultural expression is to be found in the full-page illumination of “Order of Rosh Chodesh and Blessing the Moon.” The scene is set with a Renaissance nobleman, alone and elegantly dressed with cape and hands lifted in an approximation of prayer. He gazes piously, again bare headed, at the moon and the stars in a paradoxically daytime scene. The crescent moon is filled in by a face of a smiling

”man in the moon.” The religiosity shown in this simple image is but an approximation of Jewish ritual since both the rites of Rosh Chodesh and Blessing the Moon are notably done in the presence of a minyan. On the more familial level the Passover Seder is notably illustrated by a depiction of the lifting of the Seder plate during the recitation of Ha Lachma Anya; “This is the bread of our affliction…” The table is laden with various loaves, implements and foods. What is being raised, though, is not an actual plate but rather a basket, a white cloth covering what appears to be various kinds of fruit. In the prominent foreground is a white dog gnawing on a bone. Much seems to have been lost in the translation. This manuscript presents many intriguing questions. Because many of the later illuminations indicate other artists and even non-expert hands, is this an example of a commission in which funding simply ran out and was patched together as best as possible in succeeding generations? Do the conceptual disconnects between the textual

Mahzor; “Blessing the Moon” illuminated manuscript (ca. 1490s) Courtesy Christie’s Images Ltd, 2012

ritual and some of the illuminations point to a failure of communication between the non-Jewish artist and the patron? Perhaps most importantly, was the Jewish patron satisfied with the final product? Was the comfort level perhaps more of an illusion on the Jewish side than the reality of the Renaissance Christian/humanist consciousness? Much further study is needed to uncover some of this manuscript’s mysteries. It should be noted that while I only had 20 minutes to examine the machzor while it was in New York, the preliminary scholarship of Kay Sutton of Christie’s and Ilana Tahan of the British Library provided an invaluable foundation for many of my observations. I believe that this machzor provides a complex and fascinating example of Jewish/Gentile relations in Renaissance Italy and sincerely hope that the next owner will provide ample opportunity for future scholarly study. Richard McBee is a painter and writer on Jewish Art. Contact him at rmcbee@nyc.rr.com

Mahzor; “Lifting Seder Plate” illuminated manuscript (ca. 1490s) Courtesy Christie’s Images Ltd, 2012

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May 11, 2012

10 |Features|

You’re Asking Me? By Mordechai Schmutter

Big, Hairy Problems

elcome once again to “You’re Asking Me?” – a humorous advice column that is pretty much like any other advice column, except in terms of helpfulness. Like all other advice columns, we try to answer your questions, but if you stump us, we say, “That’s beyond the scope of this article,” and we move on with our lives. That’s a nice way of saying, “We have no idea. There are people you can pay by the hour for this sort of thing.” This week, we begin with a question sent in by every father ever. Dear Mordechai, I’m a father, and I’m eating pretty much the same foods I was eating as a teenager, but now all of a sudden I find myself gaining all kinds of weight. What’s happening to my body? And is it just me? C.K., Far Rockaway Dear C., It’s definitely not just you. Why do you think I don’t use an actual picture of myself at the top of this column? Join the club. Literally. There’s a club. Granted, it’s a health club, but you get to hang out with other people who are in the same shape as you (pear-shaped). The only downside is that most of the space is taken up by exercise equipment. The truth is, you might think that you have basically the same habits you always did, but that’s probably not true. For example, now that you run your own household, you arrange your life primarily around making sure you have to get up as little as possible. So you should probably eat a little healthier to compensate, but eating healthy is a lot of work. With most unhealthy foods, part of what makes it unhealthy is the preservatives that allow you to buy a ton of it and then come back to the closet several months later and say, “Hey! We have cookies!” It’s a nice surprise. Of course, this never happens, because you usually eat them as soon as you get home. Who forgets they have cookies? But sometimes, I do forget that I have vegetables, because they’re all the way at the bottom of the fridge, in a drawer that is almost always stuck, and when I do find them, months later, it’s never like, “Hey! We have

May 11, 2012

vegetables!” It’s more like, “Oh. We had… What was this?” “The drawer says “vegetables.” It’s a good thing it’s labeled. No one ever has to label their nosh closet(s). Veggies go bad, so you have to keep buying new ones every week. Plus you have to wash them and peel them and cut them and check them for bugs. Cookies never have bugs. So eating healthy is a lot of work, and if we wanted to do that much work – we’d exercise. But exercise also seems like a lot of needless work. You pick up a weight and then put it down in the same exact place you got it from. What are you accomplishing? If I ran a health club, I would make my members feel like they were accomplishing something. They’d come in the morning, and I’d say, “Okay, today we’re moving all these exercise machines into the other room.” And the next day, I’d say, “Okay, today we’re moving all the machines into the first room.” No one ever goes in two days in a row, especially when I’m constantly asking them to help me rearrange my furniture, so no one would be the wiser. Dear Mordechai, I want to shave my beard for Lag Ba’Omer, but my wife wants me to keep it. What should I do? M.P., Passaic Dear M., You think I’m going to get in the middle of this? Actually, I am. Marriage is all about compromise. So I would say you should shave about half your beard, and then walk around like that for a while. Before long, she’ll be begging you to just shave the rest. The truth is that beards come highly recommended by at least nine out of

ten rabbis. Sure, if you’re not used to a beard, it can be very uncomfortable and scratchy. But they say that if you keep it long enough, it will start to grow on you. And beards do have their advantages. For example, you can stroke it while you think about stuff. Also, people with beards tend to look smarter. Probably because they spend more time thinking. My guess, though, is that she’s doing this for your own good. In my experience, when your wife says you look good in a beard, that’s code for, “You’ve put on a few pounds.” Beards are slimming, because when you see a fat guy with a beard, you can pretend that he’s really skinny, and that half the width of his face is actually just layers and layers of beard. That’s why Santa has a beard. You didn’t realize he was fat, did you? Also, it’s possible that she sees what’s happening to the hair on top of your head, and she figures that you should have some hair somewhere, so you don’t freeze to death. Ultimately, though, it’s your decision, not hers. If you want to shave, but she likes the way your beard looks, there are a lot of fake beards you can buy in Purim Supply stores that you can wear for occasions where you’re going to be in pictures, such as weddings. Talk about scratchy. Dear Mordechai, With the amount of money I’m paying for tuition, I can barely pay my mortgage and bills and buy groceries and other basics. What should I do? Mendy Hecht, Monsey Dear Mendy, I’ll admit that I do not have what you’d call “a solid understanding of economics,” defined as “any understanding of econom-

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ics.” People with a solid understanding of how finances work do not become writers. But it would seem that a decent idea would be for you to become homeless, chas v’shalom. Think of the money you’d save! Half your expenses go into maintaining your house, and buying things to fill it, and replacing those things when your kid colors on them or uses them as a stepstool. In the old days, homelessness was a legitimate lifestyle choice. The Jews spent 40 years in the desert being homeless. They had money; they could have stayed in hotels. Homelessness would solve everything. No home repairs, no laundry – you’d just wear the same thing every day. Plus the beard would come in handy, so that would make your wife happy. Occasionally you’d have some shopping cart maintenance issues, but you can always replace the cart. I think they’re like $75. Or free. It happens to be that homelessness gets a pretty bad rap, because everyone always focuses on the negative, which is the lack of homes. But how often do we compliment someone by saying that he’s from the streets? Are homeless people not from the streets? Also, if a lot of people would agree to be homeless, the price of homes would go down, and that would benefit those of us who are… Homeful? Homed? Homely? I don’t know. Of course, there might be some downsides. It’s very easy for me to suggest this during the spring, I’ll admit it. So maybe we’ll revisit this question at a later date. Don’t do anything drastic until then. Because frankly, this question is beyond the scope of this article. Have any questions for “You’re Asking Me?” Send them in. I have a drawer for that sort of thing. It’s marked, “vegetables.” Mordechai Schmutter is a monthly humorous-advice columnist for The Jewish Press and the author of three books, all published by Israel Book Shop. He also does freelance writing for hire. You can send any questions, comments, or ideas to MSchmutter@gmail.com or post them on his Facebook page.

| Features | Perspectives

Prof. Sara Reguer

From ‘Charity’ To Philanthropy

he annual Frances Haidt lecture took place at Brooklyn College on May 1. The speaker this year was Professor Jonathan Helfand, the senior professor of the Department of Judaic Studies at Brooklyn College, who is an expert in the history of French Jewry. His topic was “Jewish Philanthropy in an Age of Assimilation: the [French] Rothschilds.” In his opening statement, Professor Helfand clarified the difference between “charity” and tzeddakah. The former is voluntary, while the latter is a hallmark of Jewish life and Jewish history, and is an obligation to support the poor, the weak, the widow and the stranger. As Jews entered the modern era, the Jewish community structure fell apart and the emancipated Jews tried, at the same time, to acculturate. This led to a new form of giving, namely philan-

thropy, which stresses addressing the causes of poverty, while trying also to achieve social acceptance on the part of the donor. In other words, the goal was to “improve” the lower classes, and to help them modernize. This is both altruistic and self-serving. Philanthropy in France is personified by the Rothschild family. Baron James, his wife Betty and their sons, Alphonse, Gustave and Edmond, were deeply involved in helping their fellow Jews. James began in the traditional way of giving tzeddakah as his wealth grew. Once the word spread that this was the place to go, his office in Paris was overrun with requests for money. He had three clerks whose job it was to check up on the requests for help. James also became involved in another traditional Jewish charity, namely supporting poor Jews living in Jerusalem. He even-

tually became the conduit for the transfer of money collected in Europe to Eretz Yisrael, a costly venture, for which he charged no fees. He then helped with the relief of the Jews of Safed after the riots of 1837, and acted to protect the Jewish community of Damascus in 1840 during the infamous Blood Libel accusation that took place there. Yet James de Rothschild was also rapidly assimilating into French culture. So while he acted to preserve Jewish identity and was proud of being a Jew, he also acted as a French citizen, reflecting modernity. The endowing of the Rothschild hospital in Paris in 1852 marks his role as philanthropist. This was for the Jewish poor, but not exclusively so. He also acted as a French patriot in his activities during and after the Crimean War (1853– 1856), when his tzeddakah to the Jews of the Yishuv changed to philanthropy, which

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– through the schools, hospitals, and charitable establishments – were geared to “regenerate” the Jews and spread French culture. The philanthropic activities of the father were then continued by the sons, and the next generations, until the fabulous wealth of the family petered out. [Professor Helfand will be retiring at the end of this semester, and his plans include the completion of a book entitled Paris and Jerusalem: Jewish Identity in Nineteenth Century France, another on religious responses to the Holocaust, and one on Jewish minhagim.] Sara Reguer is Professor of Jewish History and Chair of the Department of Judaic Studies at Brooklyn College, CUNY and can be reached at magazine@jewishpress.com

May 11, 2012

12 |Features| The True Meaning Of Motherhood By Debby Flancbaum

his past December 5, I became a Savta again. My mother always told me not to count my grandchildren, so I won’t.

But Jessica had other ideas. She said that her husband would be home for two weeks to help her and that she was sure the

Jessica with Isaiah and Elijah

Suffice to say, Baruch Hashem, our little tribe has expanded greatly since our first granddaughter, Aleeza, was born eight years ago. And since they all came on the scene, my husband Lou and I have spent countless hours enjoying them. I am a hands-on Savta; always available to babysit or help out in any way I possibly can. They are my pride and greatest joy. My grandma Bessie, z”l, used to tell each grandchild that they were her favorite and I do the same. Each child has such a sweet deliciousness. I could not possibly love them more. Yet, sometimes I get more tired than I used to. I love to be in the thick of things with all of the babies, but quiet time with Saba is welcome sometimes too. This year, my pregnant younger daughter, Jessica and her husband, Ezekiel, moved two hours away from us, where he has begun his residency at a large medical center. Therefore, I assumed that because I wasn’t around to help them on a daily basis, she would want or need me to stay with them for a week or two while they settled in with the new baby. May 11, 2012

changing at warp speed. When we arrived in Jessica’s room, I helped Isaiah climb up on Mommy’s bed so that he and the baby could be together. Then the moment came that I will remember for as long as I live. My little girl, a grown woman and mother of two looked up at me and said, “Mommy, now I am in heaven.” I realized at that moment that it wasn’t that my daughter didn’t love me or want me to be involved. But she is really okay without me. She’s happy and she’s coping well and she is relying on her husband, her partner, for what she needs right now. And that is how it should be. More changes. So, out of respect for my daughter and the new family, I removed myself from the action and went home. I resisted the urge to call every two minutes, so they could get their rest without a blaring phone. I cooked and froze and cooked and froze and made them meals for the foreseeable future. I shopped for a layette and visited and helped when I was invited. She thanked me profusely. How am I feeling about my new role? I guess just like anything else, it has taken me a little while to get used to it. But overwhelmingly, I am proud. Jessica is an amazing mother to Isaiah and Elijah. She runs

She and I can be friends now – not just mother and daughter. We share a very basic and primal bond – motherhood. two of them would do fine. I was holding out hope that she would change her mind. Then, her little dark haired dimpled guy came into the world. My daughter had an easy delivery, was back to her fighting weight within hours and was raring to go home to be with her two year old and her husband. While she was in the hospital (for 24 hours), Saba and I babysat for our grandson, Isaiah. We spent a lovely morning blockbuilding and dancing before we packed him up to go visit his Mommy and new baby brother. On our walk down the long hospital corridor, he put his tiny hand in mine and announced to anyone who would listen, that his baby was out of Mommy’s tummy. Suddenly, he looked so big--less like a baby and more like a little boy. Things seemed be

The author and baby Elijah

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her home and family in a loving and structured manner. She and I can be friends now – not just mother and daughter. We share a very basic and primal bond – motherhood. When she nurses her baby, I understand how she feels. When she has sleepless nights or a sick toddler, she can call me to complain and I can commiserate because I have been there. I am sure that there are things she hopes to do better than I. And I have noticed that there are other things that she says and does that are exactly like me. The other day a friend of mine said that there is nothing he would like better than having his children stay under his roof and live at home forever. I understand the sentiment. But realistically I know that if children don’t strike out on their own then something is really amiss. Thus, I count my blessings. I don’t have to work as hard (yes, I do enjoy a full night of sleep), and I can sit back and shep nachas that my daughter is caring, confident and self-sufficient. Jessica is working hard to build a Jewish home and imbue meaning in her children’s lives. When Isaiah builds with his blocks, he builds a shul, an aron kodesh and cannot fall asleep without his stuffed Torah. He loves to drink wine on Shabbat and can already make the bracha. Each Friday morning he bakes challah with Jessica. In every sense, my daughter is doing her job. In the end, things have indeed changed – but sometimes change is good. My relationship with my daughter has evolved and matured. So I am going to follow her lead and enjoy the ride. There is something to be said for coming to visit with gifts and candy and leaving the hard work and the nitty gritty to someone else. And, no matter how many children Jessica has, and no matter how much time passes, for as long as I am on this earth, I will be her Mom. Some things change...but others...no matter what...stay the same. The author can be reached at magazine@ jewishpress.com

| Daily Making Life Easier

Living |

By Pnina Baim

A Daily Dose Of Glam To Keep The Blahs Away

t’s tough to catch some glam in an otherwise pretty non-glamorous life. In the 21st century, who isn’t overstressed, overwhelmed and overbooked? The role of today’s woman has multiplied to the point where even the strongest of us has stretched her limits, leaving her without any time or energy for herself. Which woman hasn’t been guilty of eating

her children’s leftover cereal and calling it breakfast? Who hasn’t thrown the nearest shmatta over her head and a long coat to cover the old clothes she’s wearing on a trip to the store? I’ve experienced this syndrome myself, saying I’m too tired to dress nicely or too busy to sit down to a balanced meal. The end result was that I was tired, lethargic,

lost patience with my kids, was sloppy with my work…take it from me, it was a bad day. The truth is, no one can run on full throttle, all the time, without something giving. Without investing a few moments during the day for ourselves, we will run out of speed too soon, and have nothing left over to give all the other important people in our lives. So, in the interest of working not just harder but also smarter, I resolve to: 1. Stand up straight. It doesn’t take any extra time, makes me look ten pounds thinner, saves my back and helps me breathe better. 2. Enjoy my clothing. It takes just as much time to put on a nice skirt and fitted top as it does to put on the same long jean skirt and black t-shirt I’ve been wearing since 2001. And really, what am I saving my expensive dresses for? While I’m at it, I will invest in a few nice pairs of pajamas instead of wearing my husband’s old t-shirts. 3. I will moisturize everyday. I will also use makeup daily, taking a few seconds to apply some quick dabs of concealer, bronzer and mascara for the days that I’m just doing errands on the avenue. For insta-glam, I will utilize a pair of big sunglasses (my favorites are aviators) that I can just plop on my face to hide the effects of last night’s all-nighter with the baby. 4. I’ll admit, I love getting manicures, but being a working mom with three children, I tend to use my hands a lot, and the

manicures don’t last. Therefore, I will limit my manicures. However, I will have my eyebrows professionally shaped. This is a cheaper option, as it’s only needed every three weeks or so, and does a tremendous amount in defining the face. 5. I will eat at the table. Mealtimes will be a break from the hustle and bustle of the day, a time to eat meditatively and focus on the delicious tastes and textures of the food. So I will sit at the table, with a real plate and utensils, and drink with a straw to prevent discoloration of my teeth. I will avoid overeating to prevent feeling lethargic and sluggish, though indulging in a delectable piece of chocolate in moderation is an easy way to get some endorphins to the brain. 6. My bedroom will be a sanctuary. I will banish all toys and children from my room every night, prepare a delicious cup of tea or a soothing glass of wine, light some candles, dim the lights and just relax!

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7. I will pay attention to and remark on the beautiful things around me. I will open the shades in my home and office to let in the natural light. I will have flowers on the table so that our dinners can be brightened by their vibrant colors. I will kiss and caress my children’s beautiful faces and thank G-d for giving them to me. By incorporating those few simple tactics, my day will be more joyful, pleasurable and glamorous. I owe this not just to myself, but also to all those around me. I can only give as much as I have, and when I run out of steam, it affects all my relationships. So in the interest of being the best me I can be, I’ll also be the best maintained me I can be. Pnina Baim holds a B.S. in Health and Nutrition from Brooklyn College and a MS.edu from Yeshiva University’s Azrieli Program. She works as a nutritionist and a freelance writer. Contact Pnina at pninabaim@gmail.com. May 11, 2012

14 |Teens & Twenties Talk|

We love to hear your comments and thoughts. E-mail us at: teens@jewishpress.com

Thought for the Week “Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.”

The Five Commandments By Elke Weiss

henever I got praised for an achievement, I feel like I should say that half the praise goes to my parents. Although they can get on my nerves, I am really blessed with a mother and father who have molded and shaped me (by any means necessary) to become a successful human being. I am a stubborn person and I know it would have been easier if they had let me make silly mistakes and learn from them. But they were determined to impart to me their shared accumulation of wisdom so that I would make my own mistakes, but be saved from committing their mistakes. Though for the most part I am living on my own, I still find myself relying on them for advice and using them as a model for my own behavior. Although I still gripe at their nagging, I know the lessons they have imparted have given me a leg up. So in tribute to them, I thought I would share some of their greatest hits. 1. Networking is something that can be done in creative ways. Many people seem to think that work place mixers are the only places where they can meet new contacts. This is not only wrong, but it is destructive to your career goals. You don’t want to follow the herd; you want to find your niche. It’s not hard to network. You need to know how to be polite and show interest in others. It’s not about what they can do for you, but what you can do for them. People love to talk about themselves and nothing can prime the information pump more than the simple, “How did you become…(whatever their position is).” One of the best ways to network is to look around at the people you know and see who they know. You would be shocked at how many people you know with tremendous value in career advice, as well as a network of their own. Ask your parents for assistance, they may have more information about who they know as well. Another way is to get involved in activities and charity work that you believe in. Some of my most valuable contacts have come from the Hasbara movement, and I am still very in-

May 11, 2012

debted to many of them for helping me. In fact, in the last two weeks, I have met with many of them for advice in furthering my career. In fact, advice can often come from some of the most unlikely people. I met an Urban studies professor at a Chanukah party and now I am doing my masters in Urban affairs. I never thought that going around and introducing myself could yield so much fruit. 2. Never take no as a final answer, only as an indication that a new direction must be

one, your teacher will be so relieved to have a break from the same topic, he or she will likely grade your paper with a bit more kindness. 4. Get to recognize and know gatekeepers. Most of us think of the most powerful person in an organization as the one who can get things done. While that is somewhat true, make sure you notice those who may be lower down on the ladder, but have power of their own. My parents always made sure I said hello to guards, secretaries and

sought. Many times, I would tell my parents that a certain idea was impossible and I was always told that was giving up. That particular way may have been impossible, but for every locked door, one could find an open window. Many times, it means going the road less traveled but that is a major asset. The path less sojourned is uncharted territory where many resources have gone untapped. Why not be the one to discover and utilize them? 3. Always distinguish yourself. Although there is some wisdom in “the nail that sticks up gets hammered down,” it’s also true that the squeaky wheel will get the grease. If everyone is doing one set of topics in a class, look for a way to take a different path. For

pretty much anyone who we could speak to in an organization. Not only are those people often shamefully ignored, they often have immense amounts of information and power. For instance, saying hello to a guard at school every morning might not be a major mitzvah, but if you forget your ID and you have ten seconds to get to class, a guard who knows you might be inclined to let you in this once (don’t abuse this) rather than send you home. A secretary might know of positions in the company that are available but haven’t been widely disclosed. An adjunct in the department may tell you that a certain class is a nightmare of work, and would suggest an

| The Magazine |

alternative one to fill the requirement. Be polite, respectful and attentive and you will get information that can mean the difference between failure and success. 5. Following your dreams means paying a price, and you have to know if it’s worth paying. Many people go into majors and careers, with their eyes closed. They don’t know the downsides of their choices and they make no effort to seek it out. Many English majors are shocked to find out that the publishing world is extremely competitive and not always well paid. Many history majors, who think they will be Indiana Jones, realize that they are raiders of the lost archives in the sense that they are organizing records for libraries. If that is the career you want, the sacrifices will be worth it, but the media often gives a false picture of what the career is like. I had always dreamed of working as a historian, but when I got an internship, I found I wasn’t suited for a life of painfully cataloging endless paperwork and the strong competition for professor jobs. Going to law school, I imagined I would be the next Clarence Darrow. I found out that I much preferred tax law and am hoping to take my career in that direction. In fact, criminal law is now the last job I would ever want to take. I followed my dreams, but I had the wisdom of knowing that making dreams a reality means learning the reality in the dreams. I could go on discussing all the lessons my parents have lovingly nagged into me, but I imagine that would fill an entire newspaper. I can only say that I will be forever grateful to them and hope that sharing these tolls with you will give you some helpful tools for your path. I have been immeasurably blessed. In a few months, I’ll have finished both a law degree and a masters’ degree, and I will stand up on a stage and get my diplomas. I know I’ll look down at the audience and see my parents, and I will know that I have flown to this place on the wings of my eagles, who only henpeck me out of love. Thank you.

| Puzzles

and Games |

Crossword Puzzle Solution to last week's puzzle

C H R O M E

B A

E D

K E V

A N

E N T

K E D A V

T W

44 48

C E 36

S P A

S P O O F

D E

E A S E

R O D C A R E W

U N

K N O X

S E E

A S

N S

N O G O

R E

R O N

N Y O U K

A Y E S

S A T

U S E S

A S P

W O O

O N S

B R A E

H A N K G R E E N B E R G

G O B

E M

M E T

E R R

R E D

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A R C A D E

The Trivia Quiz Answers to last week's questions

May/Iyar 1. Which state was admitted to the union in May 1858? Minnesota. 2. Why are infants born in May unique? They are an average of 200 grams heavier at birth than children born in any other month 3 Which high-profile American court case began on May 5th, 1925, with the arrest of the defendant(s)? The Scopes â&#x20AC;&#x153;monkey trialâ&#x20AC;? 4. On the 14th day of Iyar which one of our enemies was captured? Eichmann. 5. The Six Day War was launched on which day? The 26th.

| The Magazine |

May 11, 2012

16 |Family Fun| FUN WITH WORDS

FunnyBones At what time of day was Adam born?

Submitted by Ira P. Antin of Succasunna, N. J. A little before Eve.

More Name the Baby Animals Tzvia Ehrlich-Klein, Jerusalem Baby animals sometimes have special names. Do you know the name of the baby for the following animals? 1. What is a baby swan called? 2. What is a baby wolf called? 3. What is a baby goose called? 4. What is a baby horse called?

New information: Parents and Kids! Send YOUR jokes, riddles, parsha and Torah questions, recipes, pictures and more to magazine@jewishpress.com with FunPage in the subject line. Don’t forget to include the answers, and your name, address, age and school if appropriate!! Or send directly to Happy Klein, Arzei HaBira 49, Apt. 32, Jerusalem, Israel.

Answers: 1. A baby swan is called a cygnet. 2. A baby wolf is called a whelp. 3. A baby goose is called a gosling. 4. A baby horse is called a colt.

Thoughts to Think About “For Hashem’s sake – let us be quiet in the Beis HaKnesses. Our reverent silence during the tefillah will speak very loudly to Him Who holds our fate in His hands. Communicating with Hashem is our only recourse in this era of trial and tribulations. There is too much ugly noise in our world today. Let us find peace and tranquility while we stand before Hashem in prayer!” -– HaRav Shimon Schwab, zt”l

May 11, 2012

Question: Why was William Shakespeare able to write so well? Answer: Because where there’s a Will, there’s a way,

| The Magazine |

| Kid’s

Corner |

By Rabbi Sholom Klass, z”l

The Story of Rabi Shimon Bar Yochai

ag B’Omer is the yahrzeit (anniversa-

Rabi Yosi remained silent. But Rabi

it came time to daven, they put on their

“In honor of Shabbos,” was the answer.

ry of the death) of Rabi Shimon bar

Shimon bar Yochai vehemently denounced

clothes and afterwards removed them. In

“Wouldn’t one branch have been suffi-

Yochai. Thousands visit his grave in

this. “What they have built was for their

this way they managed to preserve their

Meron to pay homage to this tzaddik and

own selfish purposes,” he exclaimed. “They

clothes.

leader in Israel.

created market places and bath houses for

For 12 years they remained in the cave

ment of Zachor, Remember Shabbos, and the

immodest socialization and the bridges so

until one day, Eliyahu HaNavi came to the

other branch represents the commandment,

as to charge tolls.”

entrance of the cave and exclaimed, “Know

Shamor, Observe the commandment,” he an-

you that the Roman king has died and all of

swered.

Rabi Shimon was well-known as a man who performed miracles. As a disciple of the great Rabi Akiva, he carried on the tradition of Torah. In his earlier years, Rabi Shimon and his father advocated cooperating with

Rabi Shimon Condemned To death

cient?” One branch represents the command-

his decrees have become void.” They went out of the cave and saw

“See how our people love the mitzvos of the Torah!” said Rabi Shimon to his son. The

the Roman government. They did not par-

Yehuda ben Geirim repeated this con-

people ploughing and tilling their lands.

ticipate in the revolt of Bar Kochba and they

versation to some important officials and

“Look,” they exclaimed, “these fools leave

Rabi Pinchus ben Ya’ir, son-in-law of

adhered to the policy of Rabi Yehoshua, who

it soon reached the ears of the Roman gov-

aside the true world and occupy themselves

Rabi Shimon, heard of their arrival and

was opposed to the use of force.

ernment. A decree was immediately issued

with the foolishness of this world.” They

rushed to greet them. He bathed them and

However, following the revolt, the

honoring Rabi Yehuda for his kind words on

cast an evil spell upon them and the men

administered to them. Seeing the sores on

Roman government began a vicious cam-

behalf of the government. Rabi Yosi, who

died.

Rabi Shimon’s skin, tears streamed from his

paign against the Jews, making every effort

remained silent, was sent into exile and

to annihilate them and to prohibit them

Rabi Shimon, who dared to talk against the

from practicing their religion. When they

government, was condemned to death.

They Return To The Cave

two were then filled with contentment.

eyes. “Woe is to me that I see you in such a state,” he cried out.

Rabi Shimon and his son hid in the beis

A voice rang out from heaven. “Return

“On the contrary,” answered Rabi

medrash. Every day his wife brought food to

to your cave. I did not allow you to leave to

Shimon, “happy are you that you see me

Two years following Rabi Akiva’s death

his hiding place. When the government be-

destroy My world.”

thus, for if I were not in such a state you

(126 C.E.), the Sages of Israel gathered in

gan to seek him out, Rabi Shimon decided

They returned to the cave and remained

the garden of Yavneh to discuss the decrees

not to jeopardize his wife, who would be

there for another 12 months. At the end of

Originally, when Rabi Shimon raised a

of the Romans. Among the sages were Rabi

tortured into revealing his hiding place. So,

that time they prayed to G-d. “The pun-

question, Rabi Pinchus would give him 13

Yehuda ben Ilai, Rabi Yosi and Rabi Shimon

he and his son escaped out of town and hid

ishment for evil-doers in Gehinom is 12

answers, whereas now when Rabi Pinchus

bar Yochai. Seated within the group was

in a cave.

months; why must we suffer more?” Then

raised a question, Rabi Shimon bar Yochai

G-d commanded them to leave the cave.

would give him 24 answers.

murdered Rabi Akiva, Rabi Shimon turned bitterly against them.

Yehuda ben Geirim.

A miracle occurred in the cave. A stream

would not have found me so learned.”

Rabi Yehuda opened the conference by

of water bubbled forth and a carob tree be-

It was erev Shabbos, and as they were

Rabi Shimon went out into the street

lauding the greatness of the Roman em-

gan to grow. The fruit of the tree sustained

coming home, they saw a man running with

and saw Rabi Yehuda ben Geirim “This man

pire. “Look how beautiful are the deeds of

them while they learned Torah together.

two myrtle branches.

is still in the world!” he exclaimed. He cast

the Romans,” he said. “They build market

During the day, they removed their clothes

places, bridges and bath houses.”

and sat in the sand up to their necks. When

“Why do you carry two branches?” they asked.

| The Magazine |

his eye upon him and turned him into a heap of bones. May 11, 2012

18 |Kid’s Corner|

From Klutz to Wiz with Tips for Kids By Tova Younger magazine@jewishpress.com

Gregarious Games

regarious may be a new word for you. It means friendly, social or outgoing. Doesn’t it sound nice with the word games? And it makes a statement about games that we sometimes forget when playing. We play games to have fun and enjoy ourselves. Not to win. Not to make others feel bad. After all, who wants to feel like a loser? And who wants to have friends who are losers? Why not look for games to play that don’t focus on who won, but rather on how to pass the time in a pleasant manner? Here are some games that can be played with a few friends. Although some may seem rather simple and more suited for younger children, people of any age can play and surprise – you will keep boredom far away. And sometimes it is fun to play with the younger crowd, whether you are babysitting, entertaining little siblings or even nieces and nephews! Some games have winners, but winning is not the focus. If everyone is having fun, no need to stop when someone wins; the game can simply continue. Or another can be played. As you model this non-competitive mindset in a friendly manner, your friends will hopefully join in. Remember! Sure it’s annoying when others do not play fairly, or try to take advantage. But if the others take it easy, throw in a bit of humor – without putting

anyone down – and basically relax, everyone can usually have a good time. Try not to make a fuss, decide to ignore unkind or inappropriate remarks, and see if you can help everyone remember their goal! To have a good time. You might learn something as well – and improve your memory and thinking skills! These games come in especially handy when traveling, sitting around Shabbos afternoon, on vacation days, waiting in the doctor’s office, at a party… Especially when someone is in a bad mood or the conversation is taking a bad turn, just whip out a gregarious game idea! Alphabet – This game has endless variations. Pick a category, such as food or animals, and just start going through the alphabet – English or Hebrew. Within the category, each player must think of an item that begins with the next letter in sequence. Or ends with it. Or has the sound of the letter in the word. You can use only pictures from a book or only something that is seen. Outdoors? Use signs or anything with lettering; players either have to find the letter in print or something beginning with that letter. Sounds too easy? Consider reverse order! You can make it more challenging by having each player name all the items used so far, in addition to their new

contribution. Some examples: apple, banana, carrot, deviled eggs… airplane, bus, car, dog… Or zebra, yak, (let’s skip x!) whale, vulture… artik, bamba, gezer, dalarit… Bingo – Begin by giving each player a card or paper with 16 squares, 4 x 4. That can easily be prepared – just use a ruler or straight edge and draw three lines across each card, then three lines down. You have 16 squares! Next, fill each square with a number. These numbers can be chosen in a couple of ways. Players can call them out, or the person running the game can choose them all. You can offer many numbers so that players do not all have the same numbers, or just 16 – players will simply have their numbers in a different order. Each player can place the number as they choose on their card. When short on time or dealing with younger children, hand out cards complete with numbers. Next, more choices. The clue-giver can be given a list of questions or, armed with the list of numbers used, make up questions to fit each number! Or players can take turns calling out questions. Either way can be loads of fun! As each question is asked, players must figure out the answer, and then cover the appropriate number on their cards with a button, bean or even a chocolate chip! A clue could be a part of someone’s age,

phone number or even a formula such as, “the number of key chains owned by Penina, divided by two.” Preparing the clues is a big part of the fun and so is comparing the answers! Lots of laughs for all ages. This game can be enjoyed without a winner or apply Bingo-style rules; first to fill in a row in any direction or first to fill their card wins. It’s in the Book! – This is a game for anyone, not only readers! Prepare a list of questions; one person can do this, or everyone can throw in a few! You may want to pick a certain topic, could be related to the purpose of the gathering. Or just allow any questions at all. Then, each player gets a book – any will do. Players must find a quote from the book that answers the question. This can be very interesting and lots of fun. You might even learn a thing or two! Readers, I have really enjoyed sharing all kinds of ideas with you for the past six months. Now we want to hear from you! The Jewish Press is running a contest. Which was the most helpful or interesting topic? What did you try – were you successful? Tell us about an idea that you had after reading the column! Or an idea for a future column! See the advertisement on page 16 for info on how to enter. I can’t wait to hear from you! Tova Younger – author of Hands-on How-to’s for the Home and Heart – an encyclopedia of tips for adults, with over 50 recipes! To see a sample change to e-mail ytovay@gmail.com

The Silly World of Chelm By Shepsel Avraham

Watching The Stranger

nce upon a time a stranger came to the village of Chelm, and everyone was concerned. “Maybe he is a thief!” one of the wise men commented. “Indeed!” another added, “or worse, a kidnapper of children.” “What can we do?” they wondered. So they went to the old Sage of Chelm to solve their problem. “It is so simple!” the old Sage said. “All we have to do is hire someone to watch the stranger as long as he is in town.” “How brilliant!” one said. “Indeed!” another joined in.

May 11, 2012

And so the oldest man in Chelm was chosen for this honor. “Now, what must I do?” the old man questioned. “You will stand under the street light every night and watch the house where the stranger is staying. When he comes out, you will follow him. If you see him stealing, you will call the police. If you see him kidnap someone, you will call us immediately.” The first night the old man stood under the lightpost and watched the stranger’s house. But, as the evening wore on, he became sleepy and fell to the ground. “This is no good!” shouted the wise men

of Chelm. “You must stand erect all night to watch the stranger,” they told their watchman. “But my legs are weak,” he exclaimed. “You should have told us. We know how to solve that,” they all agreed. They quickly took some rope and tied the old man tightly to the light post. “Since I will be in this position all night long,” exclaimed the old man, “the light from the street light will be in my eyes and hurt my vision.” So they quickly got a piece of black cloth and placed it over his eyes. “Ah, that is much better,” the old watch-

| The Magazine |

man declared. The old watchman was now tied to the light post all night long so that he would remain erect, even if he fell asleep. And with the blindfold over his eyes, the light would not disturb him. Now they were confident the stranger would be watched all night long. In a few days, the stranger left the village of Chelm. When the wise men met at their next council meeting they unanimously agreed that their wisdom was unmatched because their plan had worked. The stranger, knowing someone was watching him all night long, did not steal or kidnap anyone. And so, from that day on – whenever a stranger came into the village of Chelm – a watchman was tied to the light post and a black cloth placed over his eyes.

May 31, 2012.

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