WEIGHING UP APPETITE

Remember being taught to finish everything on your plate?

This advice teaches children to ignore natural hunger and appetite cues. Teach your children to tune into their hunger. Explain that hunger is a way of telling us when we are ready to eat and fullness is our body’s smart way of telling us it’s time to stop eating.

If they aren’t hungry, don’t force them. If they want food, ask them if they are hungry or bored or tired or something else? If they are hungry, let them fill up on as much healthy, everyday foods until they feel full, while not restricting them from less healthy options either.

It might mean one day they graze on next to nothing and the next eat for the world, but our appetite is the key to feeling normal around food. Your appetite’s purpose is to provide energy for your body, which is unique and different from others.

I quite like the phrase, ‘Oh, you’re having a hungry day’ when I’m speaking to my son, said in a neutral tone. It feels like I’m helping him to understand that some days he will naturally be more hungry, and other days, less hungry. The tone really matters, and so does the age of your child. The opposite, ‘It seems you’re just not as hungry today’, comes along with it so that there is balance showing the natural ebb and flow of appetite during growth spurts, teething, busy daycare or school days and whatever else.

However, I can see how saying, ‘Oh, you’re having a hungry day’ to a tween or teenager is going to hit them quite differently! Sounds confusing? That’s a fair assessment. As children become more aware that thin is the idealised body state, accusations that they are eating too much or too hungry (no matter how you phrase it) may teach them that there is something wrong with their appetite.

Just one more bite!

Dinner time with kids. You used at least three different vegies (hello colour!), dressed them up with some delicious cheesy sauce and are about to start your own home-cooking channel, you’re so pleased with yourself. That’s until your kids turn their nose up at what you’ve served. What is this rainbow dinner when all they want is a beige buffet? Frustration sets in. You believed this was one meal your kids would enjoy. Why did you waste your time– and food? But while it’s tempting to start a dinner-table power struggle, threatening that they must eat it or at least have one more bite, it’s not a good idea.

‘Please. Just have one more bite’ is a plea uttered by many desperate parents at meal time.

As a parent of a toddler, I understand it’s easy to feel worried when your child isn’t eating well or concerned they’ll go to bed hungry. So what harm is asking them to have just ‘one more bite’ when it’s encouraging more variety in their diet?

As parents, we just want what’s best for our kids– and with 95 per cent of Australian children not getting the recommended amount of vegetables a day, it’s easy to fear they’re not filling up on the healthy stuff.16 The big problem with the ‘one bite’ rule is that it’s a rule, and associating rules with food is never healthy. It moralises food and can lead to guilt and shame. Encouraging a child to eat more or less than their appetite says they need can disrupt their internal feelings of hunger and fullness. It’s a big problem we see today with so many of us eating by the clock, or a meal plan, rather than by appetite.

Bottom line is that the eating habits you start as a kid go with you into adulthood. Creating pressure around food can lead to children ignoring their natural cues. Of course, we need to remember kids have very little control in their lives. Where they go, what they wear, what they are going to eat is largely determined by us, so they often flex their independence in terms of what options they choose to eat.

Strategies to encourage picky eaters

Ask yourself, would I actually eat this? When it comes to kids we can sometimes go too purist or ‘clean’ with food. Plain can also mean devoid of flavour and fun. If what you’re serving your child seems unappetising even to you, then it’s time to rejig your thinking and try out some different recipes. Shameless plug: finding new, kid-friendly recipes doesn’t have to be tricky. My app Back to Basics is designed for busy parents and people who just want a yummy, easy and healthy dinner sorted.

Play dress-ups. This isn’t about adding sugars and salts, but adding flavour to food. Olive oil and cheese are two versatile options, while I like to add peanut butter to broccoli so it’s not so sad and doubles as an allergen exposure.

Try up to ten times. We want our kids to eat variety, so while it’s easy to feel despondent, don’t give up. Research shows children often need at least ten times of seeing a new food before they’ll even try it, whereas we as parents tend to give up after three to five exposures. Given the effort and waste– it’s understandable– but persevere if you can. Simply place the food on your child’s plate (a small amount to start). Even if they don’t touch it, this small interaction with the food counts as an exposure.

Combine with familiar foods. Introduce a novel food along with a food they already accept. If pasta is much loved but zucchini isn’t in favour just yet, use a peeler to create zucchini ribbons. Or add zucchini to some pasta sauce. Or try grating just a touch on top.

Role model. Sit with your child and eat bits of the same food you served to them. It’s not about tricking them, but showing you enjoy carrots too. And if you don’t? Find another healthy option you do enjoy.

Batch cook and freeze. Use ice-cube trays to make small portion sizes so you can continue exposing new foods to your kids without huge waste. This also gives you the option to keep changing things up and present new food without making it the whole meal. By giving small amounts, kids still have their familiar favourites, while not getting overwhelmed by the unknown.

The way you speak to your child now will inform how they will eventually speak to themselves. You’re helping to shape their own inner critic, to hopefully be, well, a lot less critical. A gift every kid deserves to unwrap. An inner voice that speaks kindly and gently.

Text from Your Weight is Not the Problem by Lyndi Cohen. Murdoch Books RRP $32.99.