4 minute read
Self-care for new mums
Postpartum wellness is essential for all mums, and this can be a time to form new habits and rituals to take with you on a lifelong journey. A baby relies on their mother so much in those first few months, and it is an incredibly special time of bonding as a parent and as a family. This profound transition can create an opportunity to reconsider and promote your own wellbeing, just when you may need it most. Because, as a new mother, you need just as much nurturing as your new baby. Self-care is taking the time to support yourself holistically. This can be in a physical, psychological or social way, depending on the needs of your mind and your body. Self-care can allow you to take a breather and connect with how you feel and what you need. It may help you to feel more energetic, patient and present. And when life becomes overwhelming and chaotic, as it can be in those early days, self-care gives you the tools and strength to help you through. Self-care isn’t selfish, nor is it a luxury. It is a fundamental component of our health and wellbeing, and it shouldn’t be left behind after you have had a baby. You don’t need to selfsacrifice. You can have time with your baby and time for yourself. Sometimes, self-care may be in small snippets or bursts, but as time passes and your child changes and you evolve as a mother, your self-care regime will adapt too.
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When deciding what kind of self-care will be best for you, think about what is important to you, what you love and what makes you feel empowered and recentred. There is no doubt motherhood is hard. It can challenge us; it can be emotional and often in the midst of sleep deprivation and exhaustion, we can feel fragile, covered in a cloud of fog. What I didn’t realise during these first days and weeks was that I was becoming more resilient and stronger than I ever thought was possible. I hope this book will help you to create your own self-care rituals, to support you in early parenthood and beyond. Welcome to motherhood and to your self-care guidebook.
My journey
During my first year of motherhood, finding even small moments of self-care felt impossible. I didn’t have a ‘village’ to help me fill up my cup after those long days and sleepless nights. Once my second child came along, I realised that to be the best mother, partner, daughter and friend I wanted to be, I needed to make some changes. This included making time to nurture myself and do the things that I enjoyed. I knew that research shows that a mother’s wellness and emotional health can correlate with and affect the baby’s wellbeing. If I didn’t feel I could prioritise self-care for my own sake, I had to do it for my child. Nothing was more important than my health and my family, so I set out to find a way to reclaim those little things that had dissipated from my life. It was like rediscovering who I
was all over again. As I got better at making the time for self-care, even if it was just 15 minutes a day, I soon felt less guilty and far more resilient. Part of my self-care journey included redefining success in motherhood, and finding a way to let go of the unrealistic expectations I had placed on myself, and the guilt that came with inevitable failure. I realised that the more I practised my role as a mother, the more I grew, and the stronger I became. These past five years have been the hardest, most transformative years of my life – and my best yet. Yes, I am a mum. But I am also so much more.
The mental load
The mental load of motherhood is the invisible work, intangible tasks and everyday duties that we carry on our shoulders. You are not alone. All mothers will share this experience at some point in their parenting journey. This load will inevitably wear us down if we don’t make the space and time to pause and enjoy moments of solitude, as well as togetherness as a family.
As parents, we are presented with daily challenges, from home maintenance, financial responsibilities and meal planning to managing our career, our intimate relationship and our extended family. It is a lot to juggle. Some days it can feel allencompassing. When you’re feeling overwhelmed by the mental load, remind yourself of the times you feel full of hope and excitement for the future and all you have achieved, even in exhaustion! We tend to be hard on ourselves and not give ourselves credit when it is deserved. Remember the joy and laughter that still flourishes in the chaos, and the beauty of creating a family and watching your children grow. Most importantly, take intentional time to offer yourself care in any way you can. This will help you to acknowledge and reduce your mental load – and also find ways to redistribute it.
This is an edited extract from Self-Care for New Mums by Ruby Matley, published by Macmillan Australia, RRP $29.99.
Many women find first-time parenting both rewarding and challenging, joyful and exhausting. In this warm, wise and practical guide, author and podcaster Ruby Matley shares expert words of advice, simple strategies for tough times and a host of ideas for women seeking out moments of self-care every day. Whether it’s enjoying a favourite meal, taking a guilt-free nap, connecting with friends or sharing the mental load, these rituals and recipes will help you to unwind, recharge and be present for this special time.
