A Better Way to Start the New Year

By Helane Fronek, MD, FACP, FASVLM, FAMWA

AMONG NEW-YEAR TRADITIONS — FIREWORKS, champagne, and yes, the polar bear plunge — is the declaration of resolutions. Many focus on healthier behaviors or establish a higher bar for learning or accomplishment. This year, I’ll learn to speak Spanish, read a book every month, get a promotion. Donna Ashworth, in her poem “Let It Be So,” offers another perspective to begin our year.

After I shared this with a dear friend, among the kindest and most generous people I know, she replied that perhaps it would help her not be so hard on herself. There is something awry with a culture that promotes feelings of unworthiness. Making people feel bad about themselves may instill fear that can shape particular behaviors, but it has never been the way to bring out our best.

Let It Be So

Why do we start a new year with promises to improve?

Who began this tradition of never-ending pressure?

I say, the end of a year should be filled with congratulation for all we survived. And I say a new year should start with promises to be kinder to ourselves, to understand better just how much we bear, as humans on this exhausting treadmill of life. And if we are to promise more, let’s pledge to rest, before our bodies force us.

Let’s pledge to stop, and drink in life as it happens.

Let’s pledge to strip away a layer of perfection to reveal the flawed and wondrous humanity we truly are inside.

Some worry that self-compassion leads to laziness and condones bad behavior. In fact, data prove this is a false concern. Selfcompassion is not indulgence, but an acknowledgment that we are human, make mistakes, and can hurt others. It provides a safe route to admit our mistakes, feel remorse for their impact, and begin to find other ways of acting that leave more positive effects in our world.

Why start another year, gifted to us on this earth, with demands on our already over-strained humanity, when we could be learning to accept that we were always supposed to be imperfect? And that is where the beauty lives, actually.

And if we can only find that beauty, we would also find peace.

So, congratulations to you for all you have survived in 2022! We’ve certainly had a lot to contend with. What are you most proud of having survived? What strengths or outside resources helped you do that?

As physicians, we will continue our lifelong commitment to learning and caring. But, in what ways can you begin to be kinder to yourself? Can you find even a bit of time in your busy life to gift your only body with rest, so it can support you in finding enjoyment in 2023? Can you set a reminder on your phone to pause and notice the beauty around you? Can you begin to treasure “imperfections” in yourself and others as the only true ways we find intimacy and love in this world? Greater peace — and a truly happier new year — will follow.

Dr. Fronek is an assistant professor of clinical medicine at UC San Diego School of Medicine and a Certified Physician Development Coach, CPCC, PCC.