Wag More

By Helane Fronek, MD, FACP, FASVLM, FAMWA

in negative thoughts. Even after being alerted to the possibility of a happier moment, I hold fast to my worry, irritation, or pain. Looking at Charlie, I wondered how I could learn to more easily allow both joy and sorrow to coexist.

“My Joy is Heavy,” a beautiful video by Abigail and Sean Bengson, provides clear evidence that this is possible. Their vulnerable and courageous approach to life, concomitantly feeling the grief of pregnancy losses, the suffering of mental health challenges, and the great joy of playing with their son, proves that wholehearted living awaits us all — if we are willing to allow the full range of emotions and experiences that life offers.

rify suffering, and medical training instills an alertness for negative outcomes and complications.

But there are many healthier and compelling reasons to allow happiness alongside the sadness.

WHEN OUR DAUGHTER IS AWAY, WE GLADLY care for her dog. Charlie is a happy rescue dog, delighted by any fun activity or expression of care. Her tail is a happiness meter, wagging anytime you speak to her, give her a treat, or play with her. The day after our daughter left on vacation, Charlie began to limp, with a newly sore and swollen paw. At the urgent care, as Charlie limped painfully onto the scale, the receptionist exclaimed, “Look at her — still wagging!” It was true — Charlie’s tail was wagging as if waiting for a ball to be thrown.

It reminded me how I tend to ignore the happy moments of my life when I am worried, preoccupied, or in discomfort. Sadly, I’ve missed many opportunities to share someone’s joy, feel the awe of a beautiful sunset or landscape, or be charmed by the smile or antics of a baby because I was lost

There are plenty of reasons to push away happy feelings when we are experiencing sadness, anger, or grief. Some of mine include not feeling I deserve to be happy when bad things are happening, fear of trivializing someone’s difficulties if I don’t focus on them, and an unwillingness to shift my feeling state or internal narrative. Our culture — secular, religious and medical — tends to glo-

First, life is full of both sadness and happiness. If we want to be fully present in our lives, we must acknowledge both. Moments of happiness connect us to others and the world around us, offering strength, wisdom, and support to help us get through our difficulties. Feeling awe fills our spirits with resourcefulness and possibility, and makes us nicer, kinder people. It also helps put our problems into perspective — rather than allowing them to dominate our awareness, we recognize them as just part of our lives. And by appreciating happy moments, we balance our lives and help to protect against burnout and the many disease processes triggered by chronic stress.

Even, and perhaps especially amid our challenging times, can we pause (no pun intended) and wag our tails more in appreciation of the good fortune, love, beauty, and caring that also exist in our lives?

Dr. Fronek is an assistant professor of clinical medicine at UC San Diego School of Medicine and a Certified Physician Development Coach, CPCC, PCC.