Taking a coffee to your neighbour is good for your mental health – and the neighbour’s too

BY: ANGELA LOVELL

Stress isn’t something any of us can avoid. It’s something we all deal with in our daily lives to some degree, but for cattle producers across Manitoba, drought is the final brick on the load of the pandemic and usual seasonal worries that come with farming.

Which is why it’s especially important, as producers head into the next season, to take care of their mental as well as their physical health. And now that we are free to pop over to the neighbour’s for a coffee and a chat again, that might be one of the best ways to ensure our mental well-being.

“When we are in community with each other we have each other to talk to or come over for dinner, but in these last months – we haven’t done that, the disconnection hasn’t allowed for that to happen, and now that we can do that again, don’t miss that opportunity because it’s critical to stay healthy and, in some cases maybe even to stay alive,” says psychologist, Dr. Jody Carrington.

Trying to be more conscious about staying connected to people doesn’t mean making big changes or doing things a lot different.

“It’s about making sure we send that extra text, or make eye contact at the end of a really long day, taking the meals out to the field instead of just sending a lunch,” says Carrington. “Just those little things because we are all biologically wired to be connected.”

Having a normalized conversation about everyday things or your own farming situation is a good way to provide people with the opportunity to share their struggles and relieve some of their stress, says Adelle Stewart, Executive Director of Do More Agriculture.

“Just a text or a call to say I was thinking about you because we’ve been baling over here and only getting half a bale an acre, and I wondered what about you?” she says. “It can be just general conversation to give people an opening to share their thoughts in a like-minded community.”

In response to the current drought, Do More Agriculture has increased its weekly Peer to Peer online chats to weekly from bi-weekly to give producers the opportunity to chat with each other. The chats are also moderated by a mental health professional who is also a farmer. (See resources sidebar).

Reaching in

The trouble is, often when we are dealing with high levels of stress, we tend to do the opposite and retreat or pull away from others, which is why it’s important not to put the onus on a person needing help to reach out for it, but rather for us to reach in, says Carrington.

“Many of us, even if we are at a stage where we are at our worst, part of our biggest job is what can we do for other people,” she says. “If I say to my partner, why don’t you just call Jim and check on him, or stop by with a coffee, I know that suggesting to do that – checking on other people – is much more fortuitous to be able to help them, because when you go to help other people, it fills your soul more than it does theirs.”

It’s often hard for us to identify the signs in ourselves that we may need some help coping with our stress, which is why educating ourselves more about some of the signs and indicators that someone may be struggling with their mental health is important.

Stewart says that generally indicators that someone is struggling with their mental health are prolonged and progressive changes from someone’s normal behaviour, habits, maybe even appearance.

“It can be very subtle things over a period of usually 10 to 14 days of this ‘new normal’ occurring from their typical behaviours,” Stewart says. “It could be something like drinking more cups of coffee than normal for example, small indications of stress, but the sooner we can have those conversations the easier it is to correct.”

In the farming community there are also some signs that perhaps don’t exist in other industries and a common one is noticing that someone who has always done a good job making sure the herd is healthy, their equipment and fences are maintained, is now neglecting the herd, and what used to be a well-maintained yard is no longer being maintained.

“That’s a visible outward sign that something is going on for the person,” says Cynthia Beck, a cattle producer from Milestone, Saskatchewan, who is also a Masters student in the Clinical Psychology program at the University of Regina and a research assistant with the Online Therapy Unit.

Another evident sign is substance use. “If someone who is a social drinker is suddenly in the store every second day picking up more alcohol that may be a sign they are dealing with some significant challenges or are trying to work through something,” says Beck.

The University of Regina’s Online Therapy Unit, (the country’s first), offers an online Alcohol Change Course for those using alcohol as a coping mechanism for stress. (See resources).

What happens if we don’t have good mental health?

On the mental health continuum there are green, yellow and red zones explains Stewart, and it’s important to try and make sure we aren’t always living in the yellow zone of stress but give ourselves some kind of reprieve so we can move to the green zone of mental wellness as well and avoid ending up in the red zone which signifies mental illness requiring treatment.

“The biggest thing to understand is that coping strategies or self-care is very individualized so it’s important to find what works for you that gives you some reprieve,” says Stewart. “The goal is every day or two days to make sure that, whatever it means for you, that you are encompassing a healthy coping strategy that gives you a reprieve or helps you gain some perspective on the day or the troubles you are facing.”

“Good mental wellness gives us the ability to think clearly, and regulate our emotions so we can make good business decisions that are in the best interest of our farming operation long-term,” says Beck.

When people are in a state of constant stress that goes unchecked, after a while it will have serious implications long term on their mental and physical health.

“When we are constantly responding to stress, our body thinks that we are in danger, so our nervous system kicks into high gear and starts responding,” Beck says. “Our body produces adrenalin and pumps all kids of hormones and neurotransmitters to try and help us survive.”

As an example, too much of the hormone cortisol in the body for an extended period of time can have adverse effects on the nervous system, heart, lungs and digestive system. Studies have linked long-term stress to increased rates of cancer and greater risk of heart attack and stroke, and lack of sleep to dementia and Alzheimer’s.

Tips to maintain mental health With thanks to Cynthia Beck, University of Regina.

1. Check in with yourself.

Take a moment and ask yourself how am I doing?

When was the last time I went to the doctor or dentist? Am I eating properly and drinking enough water? Am I getting enough sleep? Make yourself a priority as much as the farm.

2. Step outside your own world sometimes.

We are often isolated on the farm and even if we farm with others, we may only have conversations about business. Text a neighbour or call a friend. It’s important to hear perspectives outside of our own environment. In times of stress it’s natural to narrow our focus to our own problems and lose sight of the things going on around us. The problems seem to grow bigger until they become the mountain in front of our face that prevents us from finding possible solutions.

3. Fuel yourself.

Make sure you are taking time to eat and to drink enough water.

4. Make time for sleep.

Make sure you are getting some sleep, and to do that it is important to take time to disengage. Shut down the electronics at least an hour before bed and if you can, go for a walk, play cards with somebody, sit outside, visit a neighbour. Take at least 15 to 30 minutes to completely disengage from what is happening in your world so you can get some sleep and have a fresher perspective, so that when you wake up it’s a new day.

5. Stop the toxic comparisons.

We compare ourselves to others, for example to our neighbours, or other producers and it’s rarely possible to make those comparisons in a way that is beneficial to us. No two farm situations are the same, and we make comparisons to others without knowing their full story. Taking a break, disengaging from social media, the news, TV etc. will also help you to disengage from toxic comparisons.

6. Try to recognize where your thoughts take you.

When times are tough, the predominant way of thinking is negative, and that is human, but focusing on only the negative makes it incredibly difficult to switch into solution-focused coping, which is what we need to get us through stressful times.

7. Be proactive and speak with someone that you trust.

There are options and avenues to receive support if you are not comfortable with talking to friends, family or others close to you. (See sidebar: resources).

Be proactive in taking charge of your health, and if the first person you speak to is not helpful, try again.

Finding a mental health care provider who is a good fit for you is a little like finding the right herd sire –sometimes they work for you and sometimes they don’t, but you still keep trying to find the right one.

Mental Health Resources:

Canadian Mental Health Association https://cmha.ca/

Manitoba Farm, Rural and Northern Support Services https:// supportline.ca/

Online Therapy Unit at the University of Regina

Lots of online resources including an online Alcohol Change Course for those using alcohol. www.onlinetherapyuser.ca

Do More Agriculture

Incredible online mental health resources including half-day “Talk, Ask, Listen” mental health workshops developed with input from the farming community that are offered to communities and groups across Canada through its Community Fund. They also have weekly Peer to Peer online chats. https://www.domore.ag/