THIS FIRE HAS TO STAY BURNING LUNA RIO vol. 1
LUNA RIO ZINE IS ABOUT CREATIVE POWER AND FIRE. WE FEEL IT ALL, AND WE FIGURE OUT WAYS. WE’RE HERE, WE’RE FELT. IN THIS FIRST ISSUE WE LAY OUT OUR CREATIVE FEELS AND PROCESS. THIS ZINE IS EDITED BY MARGOT TERC, AND IT IS DEDICATED TO RENA MARIE TERC. LOVE YOU SIS.
contributors ADRIANA MONSALVE ANA MARIA HOFFMAN ANDREA VILLAMIL BRIA WINFREE DEREK WENG DIO MOUNTAIN DONAT DE LA CRUZ HAISU QU JADE MITCHELL JANUARY EVERWEATHER KRISTIANA DUDLEY LAUREN HOLM LAUREN R.D FOX LUNA GOD MARGOT TERC OSLA XOIHA OYINDA YEMI-OMOWUMI TAMMY LOPEZ VERONICA PULIDO YEIRY GUEVARA
august 3, 2017 -----do you ever realize how much creativity rules the life? you give and give and give all this thought, like you waste so much air and so much time on it, only to get scared and graveyard all the ideas. making stuff saved the life, can't you just actually bring something to fruition? practice makes perfect and i never want to stop creating, its purposeful and makes everything seem better. but actually creating feels exhausting, once you start making it's hard to stop, like sleeping and eating don't matter because this watercolor has to come out or this zine needs to be printed NOW, but its all that matters to you and we're all painfully aware. words by bria winfree briannawinfree@gmail.com art by janeth davalos (osla xoiha) instagram.com/oslaxoiha
WHAT IS CREATING TO YOU? Summer lights a fire inside my heart and Winter pulls me into a grey fog; each elicit feelings and memories that I don’t want to forget, so I let my thoughts spill out unto memo pads and word documents – creating is like bloodletting. It is a process of emptying out and in return I am at ease. The days I spend locked inside my head, untangling knots and overgrown vines of elephant-in-the-room silences and dreams that makes me dizzy, my writing becomes cathartic. Creativity exists as a room I can run to and unburden my swollen heart, or sometimes a jar I store wept tears. It is guttural, it is harsh and dirty, roll around in the mud and shed the days lived and lost until you feel the weight of your youth diminish. It is baptism, ablution at its very heart. I find it is easier to hide in bad feelings than good feelings, that it is easier to write about heartbreak than being in love, but being in love is maddening and primitive, it tugs at your soul begging to let that someone climb inside your heart and make a home out of whatever is left. I wrote something for my girlfriend and she cried. I took my words and built her a prism, and she gave me syrupy kisses – it was incandescent. I use writing to peel my hurt away but it feels better when I walk around my mind and capture what is wonderful about living; to give a sense of physicality, something I can return to and caress. Creating, for me, is an expression of everything your being has to offer. It is an external vessel bound by an umbilical cord. It is an untamed forest fire begging to stay wild, free and fed. photo by haisu qu haisuqu.com words by oyinda yemi-omowumi instagram.com/99oshun
Life is temporary I am time in a body Replaying seconds of infinite memory The Future, Past and Present are the same Winners write fairy tales for legacy Living with Regret is the highest level of torture Desire is a wild fire never satisfied until she is consumed by her own flame Forgiveness is a tsunami that washes away the pain Negative thoughts are dead branches Over thinking is a virus Unconditional love is contagious The enemy outside is powerless against us When the fear of death disappears within us This Universal is a shared consciousness experiences An idea is a seed that grows into a tree Continuum to spread bigger than galaxies We have the power to change reality
photo by haisu qu haisuqu.com words by dio mountain
It was silent Indian style sitting In a pitch black room The braille on my tongue And the fire flickering in the candle across the room The two loudest things And my wanting to be loud too :MEDITATION
photo by yeiry guevara yeiry.com words by tammy lopez instagram.com/poe.it
Creating has always been my most genuine form of self expression. It allows me to creatively communicate without saying a single word. It allows for both my heart and my mind to cohesively work. Writing — it allows my heart to feel deeply, whether it be love, loss, or lust. But it also let's my mind to be spontaneous, throwing words at me while I quickly try to assemble, and suddenly, there's a poem. Visuals — by capturing what grasps the eye, in angles and in colors with a lense; by bringing into existence the most imperfect masterpieces with my fidgety fingers. Anything and everything that I create is part of me; it's a form of who I am, what I feel, what I think, what I envision.
photo by haisu qu haisuqu.com words by veronica pulido
IT IS MORE THAN A BEGINNING: IT IS A CONTINUING. I pick out the splinters from my skin: try to build them into something better, something you would’ve been proud of. But it’s always the same damn funeral pyre, the same smoke we blind ourselves with. Sometimes, I get tired of it, the war I make of myself. I carry different names for the same thing: survival, perseverance, bravery. It’s all the same story. It’s all the same fight. I still drag my body from the river but I haven’t made peace with the water. I still bite my tongue to stop myself from flooding. I’m still figuring out which parts of myself aren’t dragged under by your current: meaning, I’m still breathing deeply, treading carefully, learning how not to be swallowed so easily. But it’s not always going to be this heavy. The wound is still a wound, even if it’s a window we refuse to look back through. I still pick out the splinters. I keep myself clean. I swallow the sting of the salt with a smile. Even if it hurts. Even if it never helps. Even if it heals. I still hope.
jade mitchell vagabondly.tumblr.com
MY PEAK RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN WITH CREATING There have been many.. they end, they begin, and they are always preferred, but they are not permanent. I can’t be without for very long, or I don’t recognize myself. I cant be with forever, or I displace myself. They are long term because it is within mit to this space to cile, to examine, to come.
2yrs last time. They usually are, this season that I stretch. I comlisten, to be, to fight, to recondoubt, to move, to build, to be-
They end in a rush of blood that borders glory.. but the journey was better.. Cuz it was there that I felt endless and quiet with answers that turn to mystery.. and I held their hand for a while before they passed through me. I am creating.. Whatever that means.. Because I thought I knew but these days the space in between reveals more to me than the hints of me they're next to. Because I am creating, and I always am. I am wide, past shadow and light. They surround me until I expand more still.. and yet more loudly.. and deafeningly clear... The me that is creating; the creating of me; the me that creates; and the creator that is me; keeps hiding things I’ve finished.. continues mixing things that I am making, and is forever leaving parts of pieces much larger than myself where others can find them. I keep creating. The fire is everywhere.. I am flushed in it. It can burn, it can save.. but it is always near me.
words by adriana monsalve www.adrianastories.com adriana monsalve www.adrianastories.com photo by andrea villamil instagram.com/ibugabuga
I AM WHERE I AM WORDS BY DONAT DE LA CRUZ
What progress have I made (however small) on a goal or intention of mine? I suffer from a need to isolate. Or rather from a fear to be anywhere, or anything in any space, without knowing whether I would be enough to fill it. That trickles down to missing a whole lot of magic and a whole lot of living. And so my intention is to change that. If it wasn’t for a moment of complete abandon and surrender, I would have never found acceptance in realizing that I was and had been always, exactly where and what I needed to be. If I would just have faith, and show up, that is where I’ve come to find the magic happens. The slight of hand. When something changes, inside of me, in ways I my self could not perceive. Because Whatever the distance traveled, in the abundance of fear, I have not done alone. Each friend and each moment I take to listen, to witness and be present for, has provided me a step towards forgiveness. Towards building a stronger spiritual foundation. Something like a well to feed my lonely type thirst. And yet I still struggle to be consistent, to remain spiritual even when things are not as I want them to be, because it has become abundantly easy to label not getting what I want or loosing what I have as”bad”. So when present, by choice, willingly and honestly, I speak to someone and find they too have traveled the distance measured in fear, they too sometimes feel unhinged and powerless to space. So far, I see that the joy in gripping sand is not how hard we squeeze, but rather watching the grace of falling. How it returns vague shapeless. Willing to be molded by the nature of the things around it.
donat de la cruz instagram.com/onelovehustle
CREATIVE FIRE WORDS BY KRISTIANA DUDLEY
I hate it. I hate that this fire that I didn’t start is burning in me and sometimes burns me too I hate that I didn’t choose this and now I can’t choose “what are you going to do with your life?” passion or practicality? interest or investment? living or making a living? I hate that I can’t be cool and calculating why couldn’t I have been an accountant? lots of people are lots of people don’t live like this I hate that I can’t let it die extinguish it with breaks and neglect and time away or douse it with floods of tears I hate it I hate it I hate it but the fire keeps burning and I need to keep fuelling it or it will burn me up.
kristiana dudley apodemusalpicola.tumblr.com
IT’S ABOUT THE DAY BY DAY, REMEMBER THAT INTERVIEW BY MARGOT TERC Caleb Talbert, aka LUNA GOD, is a music producer, dj, composer, and dear friend. He’s also one of the most focused people I know. We were brought together by the grace of Tumblr, and having a creative buddy to check in on process stuff has been very helpful to me. I asked him questions on his process and craft, and we sorta went in. Read and feel with us. MARGOT: Tell me your favorite part of making. CALEB: My favorite part of creating is the process, I think. Having something in my brain or heart and then trying to get it out into the world we live in. Sometimes the finished product isn’t even my favorite part haha. Or sometimes I don’t even have an idea. MARGOT: What about that process exactly? CALEB: I love that when I’m creating I feel like I’m moving and flowing within something that doesnt fully exist and its constantly shifting and changing and I feel like I’m steering it but also its steering meMARGOT: What is it about
you that goes in it? Are you able to pick the *you part? CALEB:I think there’s levels to how much of me there is in what I create. But there’s always me in it. I studied too much and worked too much on my craft for there not to be me in everything I do. Sometimes looking back I see more of myself in it or less of myself. Especially when I was creating early on there was for sure less of me and more of my influences in my work. But I suppose that’s still me. MARGOT:How did it become more you? CALEB: I think with practice we’re able to shed the
layers that arent us or push thru them easier. At least for me it all takes practice. Both the music and being myself. I guess im shy lol MARGOT: Do you remember the first song you made? CALEB: I feel like I’ve had a first couple songs. When I first learned to play guitar I would write songs in Microsoft Word. I dont remember any of them or what they were called and they were all written in tabs for guitar and I’m pretty sure they were all written on one string of the guitar. And then my next first song was on Garage Band. I would use the preset loops. But I think in my mind the first song I wrote was sometime in high school. Its called “Portland”. I was really lonely and wanting to be anywhere but where I was. There are many places called Portland. So i think that kinda appealed to me, ya know? But I just had gotten a microphone and a lil 8 track recorder thing. And I had started writing lyrics and singing them myself. I remember watching a movie on tv in my lil basement and someone was talking bout Portland in it and thats what started the song. Did I ever tell you how I got “discovered” by some movie person of MySpace? MARGOT: Omg please tell me about this. CALEB: That was the song he wanted to “use” in his “movie”. So after I did that first song, I started going crazy and pretty soon had a whole “album”. And this was MySpace era, so I put it there and “Portland” was my main song. Anyways, I got contacted by this guy who really liked my music and said he wanted to put it in a movie. We talked on the phone and he was very official and told me all this shit and we talked for like 2 hours. He told me all this info about the movie and what he did and his company. And it freaked me out in all the best ways, ya know? After I get done he emails me this contract, and I’m looking at it and I tell my parents. I’m like 16/17 I think. And I was also like this is a scam in my head. I did research on his company and googled him and couldn’t find anything about him or the company. Then I had like 1 or maybe 2 more phone calls with him and then nothing. But I really truly believe he was an angel. Cuz I never saw music as a possibility. I was gonna join the military at that time. MARGOT: I think it was for to you take it more seriously n maybe actually see it as a possibility. How does it feel when it’s flowing, and when it’s not? Do you
still make? CALEB: I don’t think I realize it’s happening in the moment, ya know? It’s hindsight. But it does feel really free. I’m aware how free it feels in the moment but not aware that it opens up myself for more than just that one moment. It all comes in phases, I know now. U can’t always be cooking. U gotta eat too. MARGOT: You’re mad disciplined! But you also seem to genuinely want to be making often. How do you keep that? CALEB: I really need to be making shit. Even before music I made my own toys. Or would pretend to throw concerts. I would be making shit even if I was all alonnnee. I always wanted toys that didn’t exist or parents never really could afford toys lol so I just made em. Out of cardboard and tape n glue n paint. Just like lil cars or buildings. MARGOT: I think creativity is essentially that. Using and making with what you got. CALEB: MAGIC. Make the possible seem impossible. MARGOT: Make it Movie! CALEB: Exxactly! This was fun. CANNOT DUXKING WAIT FOR ALL THE LUNA RIOS. Bless u and your work Thank u so much for having me do this. MARGOT: Process talk 4ever! Thank you for this! And me too!!! Cant wait for it be!
FOLLOW LUNAGOD: instagram.com/lunag0d soundcloud.com/lunag0d
LET’S DO THIS OUR WAY WORDS BY LAUREN R.D FOX
A
fter falling in love with New Orleans in 2015, journalist and short story writer Lauren R.D. Fox knew it was time to develop roots in the Big Easy, even if she didn’t physically live there. As the Universe would have it, she met Megan Braden-Perry who is nothing short of a celebrity in NOLA, after reading Megan’s Jezebel article, Who Owns Twerking, Who Owns the Bounce? New Orleans Originators Have a Roundtable. In true millennial fashion, Lauren decided to connect with Megan on Instagram and the two developed an instantaneous friendship fueled on (Creole) Jesus, Caribbean men and trading secrets on how to survive all-nighters. Since then, Megan has become a mentor and sister to Lauren; so it’s no surprise that Lauren decided to pick Megan’s brain on the important questions creatives never ask but want the answers to: How does your medium empower you? What does creative power look like to you? In what ways do you use your chosen art forms to communicate your truth? And, how do you cultivate your fire? Megan, who has been previously published in Essence, NOLA.com-The Times-Picayune, The Gambit Weekly, Where Magazine and authored a children’s book, Allen The Alligator Counts Through New Orleans dropped some serious gems in their convo as she prepares for her latest book, Crescent City Snow to be released to the public. LRD Fox: Writing has faithfully been a refuge and source of guidance for me. Whether it’s reporting on women surviving heinous acts, diseases or bad dates, writing as a journalist and non-fiction writer has really helped me put or create language around situations family members, friends or our cultures choose to remain mum about. What about you Meg?
M.BRADEN-PERRY: My mediums, print and online journalism and social media, empower me by allowing me to share our stories and culture almost instantly. If someone needs to know where a POCowned place of business is, I can refer them to something I’ve written or I can ask my own network and trust they will know the answer. My fellow people of color trust me to guide them to the right places, and that means so much to me. LRD FOX: I totally agree. Working in the journalism industry has pushed me to become more honest, soft and compassionate towards myself, family and peers because when you share personal narratives with readers, you may feel a sense of camaraderie. But it also made me develop thick skin because sometimes as an artist you can and will be trolled for what you produce to the public. Because of the latter, how do you own your creative power without losing a sense of self? M.BRADEN-PERRY: Creative power looks like being able to share your thoughts and feelings without someone shutting you down for sharing your truth. If all you’re doing is writing what other people want you to write, you’re unfortunately being used as a tool to continue silencing us. LRD Fox: YAS Deaconess! M.BRADEN-PERRY: I share stories and don’t care who they offend. And I encourage my friends to do the same, by posting encouraging comments and helping keep the conversation going in the right direction when they share their stories. A POC friend recently shared a story of being discriminated against at a divey restaurant. The POC listened and commiserated, and were ready to strike if needed. Of course, a white man thought it was wise to say the employees may have been having a bad day and “used her as an example.” No, sir. This is why so many of us don’t tell our stories and is why we need to overtly support our people when they do. Be it fellow people of color, fellow women, fellow Muslims, fellow LGBT brothers, and sisters, etc. LRD FOX: Everything you’re saying totally resonates with me. It’s also completely suffocating to not share your story because of the rampant shame cultures push out. Growing up as a first-generation Guyanese woman, I was taught to never expose my own or family’s business, and I understand why to an extent. However, some unspoken things puzzle me; like why can’t I speak on how so and so got me fucked up? Or how disre-
spectful or shady some male family members are? Are we not going to ignore the weight women in our culture carry by performing acts of perfection to save their marriages? For me, writing about these hard things is powerful because it births a space for those who remain silent about their pain, to see, there are people who aren’t afraid to be forthright about their lives despite the societal repercussions they may endure. Creative power is supposed to be raw and should force artists to be honest about whether or not they’ll write, draw, photograph or sculpt in the lines or unearth and expose what is occurring in their environments. We’ve touched upon discrimination and how we navigate cultural norms, topics that can be enlightening but yet extremely exhausting. So tell me, how do you cultivate your fire? M.BRADEN-PERRY: I just see every day that the world isn’t where I want it to be. If one day we are all seen as equal and discrimination and profiling and all disappear, I guess I can chill for a bit. But until then, I’m working to share our businesses, support our people when we share our truths and share my own truths. LRD FOX: Straight like that…I couldn’t agree more! Megan Braden-Perry is a native New Orleanian and mother of two-year-old Franklin. She’s highly motivated by food and drink and, according to her friend Jenny, “will talk to the devil for a sandwich.” She’s been published in Essence, NY Daily News, Jezebel, NOLA.com | The Times-Picayune, Gambit and Where Magazine; has written a children’s book, Allen the Alligator Counts Through New Orleans; and is the author and photographer of a book about snowballs called Crescent City Snow (UL Press). Follow her @MeganDoesNola. Lauren R.D. Fox is an NYC native and became a journalist after graduating from SUNY Geneseo with a dual concentration in American and Black Studies. Lauren has appeared on several “Huffington Post Live” segments and interviewed countless celebrities and culture curators. Her expertise lies in entertainment, business and life style news, however she loves to tell people where to go eat and drink @TongueDownTheCity on Instagram. She’s been published in MadameNoire, Her Agenda, Zora Magazine, B.Couleur Magazine, Mayvenn Hair’s Real Beautiful Blog and her short story, 523, was featured at the 2015 CHAS Women of Color Conference. Find her winding her waist at a Caribbean fete or follow her @LOLOTHEFOX.
lauren holm instagram.com/lauren_h.mp3
margot terc margot-terc.com instagram.com/margot.terc
AND JUST LIKE THIS, IT BEGINS. THE TAPPING OF THE KEYS AND THE PAUSES IN BETWEEN. A THOUGHT SO PRECIOUS IT WILL DISSIPATE IF LEFT UNWRITTEN.
A DROP COLLECTS IN A POOL, DARK IS ITS DEPTH, HE PEERED AT THE REFLECTION OLDER BUT NOT WISER. HELD BACK WAS HIS BREATH, EXHALED THROUGH THE SIGHS. MARKED BY THE PASSING DAYS AND THE PATTERNS THAT CONFINE. WHAT MAKES THIS ANY DIFFERENT? ALL BECAUSE IT WAS DECIDED THAT THIS DAY HE SHALL NOT BE. AN OCEAN OF FEARS AND HOPES SPILLING OUT OF SILENCE.
derek weng instagram.com/diegoyamigos
andrea villamil vimeo.com/villamil
ana maria hoffman instagram.com/wings_of_birch
As above So below-they said La Luna y el Rio one ceremony Tied by the light of fire The fire within The calling that you can’t ignore The arrows Pointing to the same direction Guidance guiDance Guy dance Put on the shoes Put on the pants & play the role Let me listen I want to listen I am listening To the voice The calling La Luna y el Rio I am yours BY ANA MARIA HOFFMAN
YOU MAKE THIS YOURS AND FOR THAT I LOVE YOU
THANK YOU FOR MAKING THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE
LUNA RIO ZINE INSTAGRAM.COM/LUNARIOZINE MARGOT@LUNARIO.ORG