Work Vibes

I keep wondering where energy comes from, and how to get more of it for myself. I want energy to pursue more jobs and send more messages, and to go events, and to find and participate in collaborative projects. I’ve been going to bed earlier and it’s made a difference in the learning/making process. I am much more focused in the mornings, and I get to make more. Now I want to grow in the area of working for the sake of it. I want to make work more objective, while still looking out for skills and experiences that could add to my life. And when they don’t, I want to remember that sometimes I need to work just to work, because travel and prints don’t come for free. I’ve been working enough to make rent and get by, but I want more. So I need to work more. Smarter and better.

My new mantra has been ‘I’m showing up’. For about two months I have based my days on showing up, and supporting my goal of developing a creative tool. Every day I have found a way to engage with the process. I’ve been making pages, and I’ve been learning concepts and theories and elements. It’s helped to keep a progress bar, and so far I’m just a bit over fifty hours. Sometimes I forget to clock the time, but I like that I’ve been putting extra time, and that I’m so genuinely commited to this process. I made peace with the fact that it is a life-long commitment, and that it will take time to learn everything that I want to learn. But if I get to put so much of my energy and effort into something, I want it to be my creative outlet. I am really here for that.

Now that I know how focused I can get, and how it feels to make progress in something, I want to channel some of that energy to adulting and making money for travel and projects and materials. I’m not getting to travel to Peru with my friends, and I haven’t felt this dissapointed in a long time. I didn’t get to go because I didn’t save money, and because I didn’t push hard enough to get more classes. I could have found ways, but I expected it to just work out on it’s own. And now that I know how crappy it feels to not be able to travel when I want to, I want to make sure that I am focusing more of my energy onto working for the sake of providing for myself and my goals. I want to make myself proud. I want to give that to myself.

I WILL LET MYSELF FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE.

I WILL GROW, AND I WILL PUSH MYSELF.

GROWING UPA LIL MORE