DEMON CHILD.

Trigger Warning: Assault/Abuse

FRANKLYN HERASME '23

Master Thorley

His wrinkled and rough hands walked all over my body. Between desperate movements trying to free myself, I saw his yellowish-crooked smile, the only thing that stood out in total darkness. His breathless and raspy voice saying the most horrendous things possible. His words felt like dry blows in my chest. With each word, the less desire to fight I had. This was what I experienced yesterday night. Why? Because I look different? Others have told me how people like me can roam free up north. I want to be there. I want to be free. I am not the only one who experiences the abuses of Master Thorley. But something happened to me that had never happened before. He is inside of me. I carry the demon child of Master Thorley.

"What are you going to do?" Said Betty worried when I told her my situation. "He's going to kill you!" She added.

I looked at Betty with tears in my eyes. "I do not know. Master Thorley will not want anyone to find out. He's going to kill me."

"You'll know what to do, Jane," Betty said as she hugged me. "Do you want to have it?"

"Of course not!" I exclaimed. "I feel disgusted by that man. I could never take care of a child who carries the same blood as him."

“Then sell the baby. See, if you do not want to take care of him, you should sell your future baby to one of those important white men. Then you can pay for your freedom and move to the north with no baby,” said Betty while combing my hair with her fingers.

“But Betty I-”

“Shhh... do not say anything sweetly. Just think about it, please. It’s your best option.”

I’ve really been thinking about what Betty said to me. Is it an option? Well, this is the only one. I do not know how long it will take until Master Thorley notices the changes in me. I notice them already. Constant puking and dizziness. Starting to hate myself and my body. I wish I could pull it out myself and let the river take it away. I wish I could do so many things I can’t.

Mr. Warwick

I decided to do what Betty advised me. It hurts so bad. I had envisioned what my first birth would be like. I had envisioned having a nice house in the woods. Watch the sunrise, revealing the shapes of mountains and tall trees. See the stars illuminate the sky above us. I envisioned holding her in my hands, my beautiful child. My baby who drew blood from me and my dream husband. I envisioned many things. I guess people like me aren’t allowed to have those things. Now I carry a demon child which could kill me.

The man buying the baby is named Aster Warwick. Mr. Warwick would come from time to time and make deals with Master Thorley. Mr. Warwick always showed great interest in me. From asking me how I'm doing to trying to buy me from Master Thorley. He would always say no. Either way, I knew he could help me. I managed to slip a note in his coat before he left. This note explained my situation and my plan. The note said:

I will forever be grateful for the amount of kindness you have always shown towards me. This is why I feel confident in begging for your help in moments of desperation. See, I am pregnant with the seed of Master Thorley. I do not want to be the mother of this child. If you buy my liberty, you can have my child. According to the wise old women, my child will be a girl of my resemblance, a girl that can be yours in exchange for my liberty.”

I spent the next few days waiting for Mr. Warwick, the man who had my life in his hands. I was losing hope each day. Each day I accepted more and more my fate. One day he came, he saved me. He told me to wait for the night and to sit by the rich apple tree next to the canal and so I did. That night, he took me with him.

He took me closer to freedom; he gave me a room at his house, and we waited nine months until the baby was born. I was amazed at the pain there is for a woman surrounding giving birth. When you are a mother, you do it for the love of your baby. Me? I did it for self-love. The wise old women were right, the demon baby was a she. She looked just like me, as if I had been impregnated by myself. Her curly hair, her big round eyes, dark as morning coffee. Her cinnamon skin, soft as the wool of a sheep. Once it was all set and done, I parted away. Without ever saying goodbye to the demon child.

I am Demon Woman

It’s been two months since I got my freedom. I live free now. But I am not happy. I wake up in cold sweats every night seeing the faces of crying babies. Millions. “Why did you leave me?” They ask. “Demon Woman!” They scream. Headaches, vomiting, weakness, anxiety. I still suffer the symptoms of a pregnancy, but this time, I am pregnant with pain and regret. That little cabin in the woods is for myself. No perfect husband for me. Alone. I am alone. I deserve to be alone; I am a demon woman, they are right. Why did I sell my child? How could I? I am no different from Master Thorley. I am a monster. It was my child and I sold it. I treated her the same way I was treated.

Now

I am where I started. Even worse. I am a demon woman, a lonely woman. I deal with the loss of my baby, a baby that I did not lose, but that I sold to the hands of another white man. I am not free, and my baby is not with me. The pain stabs my chest like daggers. Harder than the dry punches coming from Master Thorley’s words. Now I sit in the night looking at the stars from a small window thinking about everything I have; thinking about everything I ever wanted. I sat and thought about what I had and, above all, what I could have had.

UNTITLED REBECCA LAMARCHE '24