Megan Conley

notes from the other world

Megan Conley

i.

in the world where everything is possible, I listen to the ghost of Carlos Bulosan and write a screenplay. America is in the Heart becomes the greatest 10-part historical fiction series HBO has ever produced: gritty, violent, filled with the underrepresented invisible minority.

I put together the single only all Filipino-American production in U.S. history.

Crazy Rich Asians quakes in its boots.

I win several Emmys— Carlos Bulosan leaves me alone for now. I ride the wave of fame to publish an equally successful series of novels, the protagonist a dashing, young, five foot five, Filipino man who is never called too short or boyish.

several Asian girls date him: all of them have dated Asian guys before, and they all wear high heels.

ii.

in the world where everything is possible, I tell Duterte to go fuck a carabao on international television, and my mother still chucks her shoe at me because putang ina, your dress is too low cut!

when I go to the Philippines, I know Tagalog, Visayan, Ilocano, all 170 languages of the islands scrawled in thin black paint along my teeth. When I smile, every Filipino who looks at me can see this.

I build my family a new house the finest residence in Pasig rooms enough for all my titos and titas. Despite this, my cousins still sleep in one room, out of habit.

iii.

in this world where everything is possible, I grow my hair long and then longer until the ends brush the backs of my ankles skimming the floor while I walk.

in the world where everything is possible, I carry a bucket to the hospital where my mother is a nurse. I walk past incubators, antiseptic acute familiar on her scrubs. in a rocking chair, at 3am, she nudges a bottle into a baby’s weak mouth.

I kneel in front of her with my thick, long hair and wash her feet.

½ asian girl sends the same risky text

Megan Conley

boy i like looks straight at me and says / he likes Asian Girls / but just not me, and i know / what that means. boy i like / could be any color / any background / he’d still say the same thing / still say this body isn’t Asian. / that it does not fit / his Asian Girl: / this brown, off-color skin and / these chafing thighs do not fit in his hand. / i am too big to curl around / hair too short / can’t be cuffed around a wrist. / Asian Girl means ownable / shameable / means he wants to touch my thigh & watch me shrink / wants a waist thin & / pale wants to feel me / breakable. / so when my body reaches back, he calls me / Not His Type, which is to say / Not Asian, so / i spend hours in the dark on instagram / follow too many ABGs & k-pop models / wish myself more almond-eyed / lighter-skinned / wish my tongue a mother / wish more trips homeland / wish more titas & lumpia & adobo / wish more tagalog / wish more fingers dipped in suka dipped fish / scroll until i / wish myself / whole.

Megan Conley holds a degree in English language and literature from the University of Maryland. Her work has appeared in Anak Sastra and the D.C. creative magazine, The Vibe Room. She currently works as an assistant editor outside Washington, D.C. You can find her ranting on Twitter about books at @fatorangecat_.