Elsa Valmidiano

GRAND

Elsa Valmidiano

A lazy summer afternoon when kindergarten was over and afternoons were eternal I’d sit on the sofa with Lilang, her soft endless wrinkles chasing each other around the tips of her eyes and the drop of her cheeks.

The whistle of the breeze, the angin against the avocado tree in the backyard would echo shadow breezes against banana trees in the land we left behind.

The weight of her eyelids would focus on the end of a thread which she would effortlessly push through the hole of a pin while singing Ilokano love songs under her breath.

I’d play with the soft flap of her skin swinging gently from her arms and she’d push me away laughing while trying to sew.

When she saw I was bored she’d pretend to fail at pushing the thread through the hole of the pin and ask for my help. My soft little hands would push the end of that almost invisible thread effortlessly through and she would be full of awe as if I had granted her salvation.

Lilong would be watering his eggplants outside with his baseball cap, flannel shirt, jeans and K-Swiss tennis shoes. The shoes were a hand-me-up from my brother who tired of shoes easily while Lilong fished them out of our closet, saw their unfulfilled potential and adopted them as his own.

Lilong wouldn’t slip his entire heel in, not because they didn’t fit, but because he couldn’t be bothered. After several years the heel would be worn out, bent and flattened more an open-heel moccasin. He’d step casually on the muddy ground tanned by many yesterday suns.

When I’d leave and say goodbye I’d embrace them with arms outstretched as far as they could go sometimes wondering who I embraced in my arms as their title of my father’s parents who raised him under strict instruction meant nothing except they had been two old people whom I loved and lived in a home where the afternoon sun would creep through their blinds etching little streams of light forever on their faces.

DEVELOPMENT WITH MOTHER

Elsa Valmidiano

We talk. No matter how awkward the subject. We talk some more.

We no longer talk about her bellybuttons— the first tying her to her mother’s memory

and the second ending the possibility of more.

But, we talk

. . . about the decisions to end the origins of life before they can even begin

. . . about fists and words that leave battered women to eat dog food off the floor

. . . about men and men and women and women falling in love ’til death do they part.

And we go shopping while I tell her it’s okay to show some curves.

We had lost the ability to speak about our bodies somewhere along the way.

When the Spanish came?

When the Church told us our bodies were dirty and tempting?

The silence was suffocating. And I’m sure my mother

EDEN

Elsa Valmidiano

When the serpent cord was cut my Mother almost bled to death. Like Eve, I had been Her more difficult creation whose innocent beginning cursed Her with swollen ankles and swollen feet when I didn’t know, never knew our cord was making Her ill but like my forgiving God She did not cast down thunderbolts and lightning but held me instead naming me in Her likeness naming me after Herself. My first home had never been from Adam’s rib but Her womb and She was my God.

Was God when I finally emerged.

Elsa Valmidiano is a Filipina-American writer and poet. She is the author of We Are No Longer Babaylan, her debut essay collection from New Rivers Press. She is a recipient of their Editors’ Choice selection from their 2018 Many Voices Project competition in Prose. Elsa’s work has appeared in journals such as Mud Season Review, Yes Poetry, Cosmonauts Avenue, Anomaly, Cherry Tree, Canthius, Poetry Northwest, and many others, as well as anthologies such as Walang Hiya, Loon Magic and Other Night Sounds, and What God Is Honored Here. Elsa is an alum of the DISQUIET International Literary Program in Lisbon and Summer Literary Seminars hosted in Tbilisi. She holds an MFA in Creative Writing from Mills College and has performed numerous readings. She is a Best of the Net and Pushcart Prize nominee. On her website, slicingtomatoes.com, Elsa showcases a directory of Filipina artists of the Philippine diaspora alongside her poetry. Her Instagram handle is @ElsaValmidiano.