C e l e b r a t i n g
o u r
u n i q u e
e x p e r i e n c e s
Ksh250 | Ush6,250 | Tsh4,250
W W W. E V O N Y M A G A Z I N E . C O M
ISSUE 1 | May 2009
A date with the chef
Easy 4-course meal
Dar dELIGHTS
Travel insights
FITNESS & BEAUTY Eating and dressing for success
home decor: Light up your life & home
WIN!
Njoki Ndung’u Making Magic
Tough talking and smart she makes things happen
Men we love
Tribute to testosterone
A TRIP TO MAURITIUS AND MAKE THAT DREAM VACATION COME TRUE » TURN TO PAGE 50
6 000234 237894
contents May 2009
COVER READS
18
Rediscover your strenth and love yourself
D E PA R T M E N T S 7
13
33
6 Me to You - Editorial EVONY: FIRST THINGS FIRST 8 Meet our Contributors 9 Talk back 10 First word 11 Top Brands 12 What I have learnt 13 Strictly for Laughs EVONY: THE HEART OF THE MATTER 14-19 Cover story 22 Personal Journey 24 Business Acumen 27 Finance 28 Career 30 Legal 31 Men We love
43 44 47 49 52 54 56
59
EVONY: FASHION, HAIR & ETIQUETTE 60 Fashion Spread 72 Image & Etiquette
73
EVONY: ENTERTAINMENT & TRAVEL 74 Local Celebrity 78 International celebrity 79 TV 82 Travel 85 Bookshelf 86 Motoring 87 Short fiction
89
EVONY: FEATURES 90 Asian Speak 96 Special feature
EVONY: LIFE
34 Date with a chef
Fitness & Beauty Parenting Marriage Relationships Sex Shopping essentials Home Décor: Beautiful homes
22
The etiquette guru shares her tips on personal success
56
Light up with style with these beautiful lights
e v o n y • M a y 2009 • 1
contents May 2009
Celebrating our unique experiences PUBLISHER: Liberty Media Publications Ltd MANAGING EDITOR: Nelly N. Kuria CONSULTING EDITOR: FASHION CONSULTANT: Anisa Njeri SUB EDITOR Felix Kingori STAFF WRITER: Catherine Ndioo CONTRIBUTORS: Manpreet Rehal, Arnold Mambo, Joseph Karungani Lunani, Rose Kamau, Christine Mweeteli, Wanjiku Kahiu, Bob Muchina, Hubert Des Marais, Wangeci Kanyeki, Alison Caroline N’gethe,Jane Waikenda, Mwikali Matata, John Muchiri, Nduta Kuria PRODUCTION MANAGER: DESIGN & LAYOUT: DESIGN CO-ORDINATION: OUTPUT CO-ORDINATION: PHOTOGRAPHY: David Beatty, Reflex Images, Sam Mwangi, Joseph Mathenge ILLUSTRATOR: Fred Odhiambo ADVERTISING DIRECTOR: ADVERTISING SALES TEAM: Christopher Mugo, Samuel Munene, Robert Waiganjo, Linet, Peninah
101
ON THE COVER
African Fashion at African Heritage
101 105 Cover: Njoki Ndungu Photography: Duncan Willets Wardrobe: Njoki’s own Makeup: Christian Hair: Christian
2 • May 2009 • e v o n y
EVONY: MEN’S WORLD 102 Men of Substance 104 The Locker Room EVONY: LAST WORD 105 Spiritual Wise 106 Memorable Photo
SUBSCRIPTIONS: editor@evonymag.com DISTRBUTION: Publishers Distribution Services (PDS) PRINTING: Liberty Media Publications Ltd All correspondence should be sent to: The Editor, Evony Magazine, P.O. Box 101493-00101 Tel: 020 2213012,2213013 Email editor@evonymag.com Website: www.evonymag.com Views expressed in this publication or in the adverts herein are those of the authors and do not reflect the position of the publishers. Material submitted for publication is sent at the owner’s risk and while every care is taken, Evony accepts no liability for loss or damage. The publishers cannot accept responsibility for errors in adverts or articles, or for unsolicited manuscripts, photographs or illustrations, which, to be returned must be accompanied by a stamped, self-addressed envelope
Copyright@2009 LIBERTY MEDIA PUBLICATIONS LTD
what i’ve learnt
the heart of the matter
e v o n y • M a y 2009 • 3
metoyou
S
oul-searching. Self-discovery. Renewal. That’s where we wish to begin our journey with you. You have a life. You work hard. You aspire to be successful. You want to love. You want to play. You have a family. You have friends. You want to live a full life. And through it all, you want to have fun. Evony is about life and how you can create a joyous, fun-filled life for yourself and your spouse and family. Welcome, girlfriend, have fun in life. You are entitled to it. Life, as they say, is what you make of it. You know, like kids playing on the beach, supple sand streaming through their gentle fingers, and building castles, creating their dreams. That’s what life is all about: imagining and creating your dreams, where you want to go, and having all the fun you desire in the process. Our first issue of Evony is about self-discovery and renewal. I know you haven’t heard of us before and that’s why we say, it’s time for a new start in life. Start life again. We bring you stories of people who at one time in their lives, chose to start again. But something else is quite striking about them: they keep starting all over again, each day, in the way they deal with the challenges of life. They recreate their dreams, their lives and in the process re-discover themselves. And they have fun doing just that. Jennifer Barasa is one such person. We got an exclusive interview with her. Becoming pregnant in college is enough to shatter a bright, ambitious young woman’s life but to Jennifer that was a turning point, a moment to know who she really was and what she stood for. She discovered herself. Thirty years down the line, she is still living and recreating that dream and
Our first issue of Evony is about
self-discovery and renewal
24% 4 • May 2009 • e v o n y
having fun in life and in building a successful business empire. We also bring you the inspiring story of Gayna Jefferson, a young African-American woman who had a rare once-in-a lifetime opportunity to meet Michelle Obama. She interacted and shared her personal story at a women’s roundtable panel. Gayna a single mother, who was an employee of an automotive electronics supplier, lost her job, as the company was having troubles coupled with the decline of the economy and auto industry. She met Mrs Obama in Indiana (where she lived) and served with the campaign to help turn out the vote for Mr Obama and she and her team did a wonderful job. Gayna, who was destined for a life of obscurity after being laid off, has since rediscovered herself and she keeps going on, renewing herself and living her dream of inspiring thousands of American women into realizing their dreams. In life, it’s the small things that matter. You could begin again by renewing yourself in those little things we take for granted like what we eat, how we keep healthy, how we dress, how we work, and how we relate to those around us. You will discover that when you begin to pay attention to “those little details”, you become imbued with a sense of renewal and above all, a new purpose for living and all the fun that comes with it. You have a family and we believe that sometimes finding yourself again begins with reaching out to your spouse and children and those who share in your dream. Life is not just about work. And so have we packed for you glimpses into the fun-filled, lighter side of life because we believe strongly to live happily, one must have fun, enjoy themselves. That’s where we aspire to take you. Evony is not just a magazine but an experience. We are about inspiration, driving you to selffulfilment and accomplishment. Evony is also about having fun in everything we do and aspire to accomplish. That’s why we are different. We want you to be different, to stand out. Rediscover and renew yourself. Have fun. Good reading!
98
page NUMBER OF WOMEN WHO HAVE BEEN VACCINATED FOR CERVICAL CANCER IN KENYA
e v o n y • M a y 2009 • 5
C e l e b r a t i n g
o u r
mission and objectives
E
W W W. E V O N Y M A G A Z
u n i q u e
INE.COM
Ksh25 0 | Ush6,2 50 | Tsh4,2 50
iSSUe 1 | MAY 2009
vony is a newly launched lifestyle and business magazine in Kenya. Evony’s primary goal and continuing mandate will be to highlight and share with its readers and target audiences the growing number of accomplishments and success stories by women in Kenya. The team at Evony recognizes that success is generally an outcome of hard work, dedication to a cause, collective energy, and many a time conscious sacrifices. This notwithstanding, the women in Kenya continue to achieve success in key areas of professional enterprise, small and medium business ventures, education, health, politics and community service. This in turn, continues to improve and uplift the living standards in families and communities all around, Kenya with special emphasis to many underprivileged mothers and the girl child. The launching of Evony lifestyle and business magazine comes therefore as a timely and dedicated platform and forum for highlighting and recognizing contributions of women in various professional, business, economic and social sub sectors. The magazine will also serve as an effective platform for migrating best practices, sharing and learning from one another as well as providing additional features that point to the all important aspects of health and fitness, beauty and fashion, rest and relaxation, entertainment, personal and family relationships. The magazine will also highlight important social and professional calendars from and on behalf of the target audiences. Unique recognition and inclusiveness will be key assets of Evony’s business and editorial philosophy. The initial focus and target audience will be the Kenya market. Recognizing however that Kenya is increasingly a growing partner in the Global Arena, Evony will also seek opportunities to highlight the success of Kenya women in the appropriate forums of the Global Arena and will also facilitate and seek forums for women from elsewhere to use the magazine to showcase their contributions and success stories in their communities. Thus Evony, initially a domestic player has a vision to become a premier women’s world magazine,
A dAte w it h th e ch ef
Eas y 4-c our se me al
dA r de li Gh tS
Tra vel ins igh ts
fi tn eS S & Be AU tY
Eat ing and dre ssin g for suc ces s
ho M e de co r:
Lig ht up you r life & hom e
winEVONY !
N jo k i N d u N g ’u M a k iN g M a g ic Tou gh talk ing ing and sm art she ma kes thin gs hap pen
M en w e lo ve Trib ute to tes
A triP to MAUritiUS And MAKe thAt dreAM vAcAtion coM e trUe » TURN TO PAGE 50
MISSION AND OBJECTIVES
6 • May 2009 • e v o n y
e x p e r i e n C e s
enjoying an enviable position in forums where women’s business success stories and contributions are shared both locally, regionally and eventually internationally. Evony will target to show case and recognize women across age and income groups, recognizing that success is not always measured in the number of years, or income bracket but rather sharing in the belief that true success and contribution is a combination of youth and maturity, age and wisdom, monetary success, participation in capacity building, uplifting of the underprivileged and continually striving to raise the bar. Every issue of Evony will bring a unique mix of information exclusively to the people who are on top of their game and also to those aspiring to get there. Defining the finer things and values in life, Evony will become an essential guide for the aspiring many to keep abreast of the latest developments in leadership philosophies, corporate, professional, community-based, social and cultural spheres. Personality profiles, travel and leisure reports, gastronomy and art reviews, as well as
tos terone
6 000234 237894
Every issue of Evony will bring a unique mix of information exclusively to the people who are on top of their game and also to those aspiring to get there
First things first
Our first issue of Evony is about self-
discovery and renewal
editor’s letter • meet our writers • feedback • top brands • first word • humour
We bring you stories of people who at one time in their lives, chose to start again. But something else is quite striking about them: they keep starting all over again, each day, in the way they deal with the challenges of life
7
TOP BRANDS | PAGE Samchi Electronics showcase
e v o n y • M a y 2009 • 7
first things first
welcome
contributors
Meet our
CATHERINE NDIOO
MANPREET REHAL
CHRISTINE MWEETELI
JANE W. WAIKENDA
Catherine Ndioo is a journalist with a knack for business writing. She interviewed Jennifer Barassa for our coverstory this month. Catherine has written extensively for the mainstream newspapers and rungs an online business magazine SmartbizAfrica.com
Is a free-lance journalist with almost ten years of experience in research and writing about women’s issues, gender relations, personal health, grooming and childcare. She has contributed several articles on various topics to the Standard, Living and Saturday magazines (The Nation) as well as writing parenting features for the Eve magazine for more than five years. She holds a Bachelors degree in History and English (with Honours) from the University of Eastern Africa at Baraton and is completing her diploma in journalism with the Writers Bureau College of Journalism, UK. She has previously served as a teacher at the Shah Lalji Nangpar Academy in Nakuru.
Christine Mweeteli, one of our very own success stories. Christine is a motivational speaker and writer whose inspirational columns have been carried in various publications notably The Sunday Standard and The Business Woman Magazine. She’s also the Author of Blossom – Recipe for Success which has received rave reviews.
is an Etiquette and Image Consultant, with over 10 years experience in training. Jane has extensive experience in Protocol and Diplomacy, having been in Protocol at State House, Nairobi for 12 years. She has led many seminars and trainings on Image, Etiquette and Protocol for both the public and private sectors. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in Sociology from the University of Nairobi, a Post Graduate Diploma in Diplomacy and International Relations as well as a Master of Arts in International Studies both from the University of Nairobi. She has been a Personnel Officer, District Officer Head of State Protocol, District Commissioner and a Deputy Provincial Commissioner. She has trained the Nairobi Hospital staff, Scanad ,Equity Bank, Barclays Bank, Kenya Wildlife Service, Newly appointed Ambassadors, District Commissioners, Deputy Secretaries and District Officers. She is also a facilitator at the Kenya Institute of Administration and is a leading authority in Public Relations.
ALISON NGETHE Alison Ngethe-Kariuki is a Director of the Alison Caroline Institute, an Internationally accredited professional training centre for courses in Beauty, Fitness and Holistic Therapies; and also AKA Spa Dynamics, a Consulting and Management Company focusing on the design, set-up and management of Spa’s and Fitness Centers. She has 18 years of experience in this field and enjoys sharing her knowledge and expertise by way of lectures, writing articles and seminars. Married with two children, she is fully aware of the challenges women of today face with being an entrepreneur, wife and mother and trying to be fit and healthy all at the same time.”
DR. WANJIKU KAHIU
Dr. Wanjiku Kahiu is a well-known paediatrician with many years experience in the medical profession. She will be writing on health issues.
8 • May 2009 • e v o n y
top brands
first things first
We would love to hear from you
W
e would like to hear from you as much as possible, for Evony magazine is yours. Perhaps you have an interesting story to tell. You know of a woman who has an interesting story in her life to tell, it may be in business, parenting or relationships or in any other aspect of life and feel her story is worth sharing with other women. Please write to us about this. You may be the one with an interesting inspiring story to tell. So don’t hesitate, lift up your telephone, go ahead and call us. OR send us an email or SMS. Probably you have a business or consultancy, let us know about it and let others share your experience and feelings. For the women, maybe you have been promoted, changed office, or opened a new business. Perhaps you are an artist about to run an exhibition or produce a new DVD video, send us these announcements. Have you bought a new car or house. Tell us about it. Are you being sponsored for a course, are you presenting a paper somewhere? Let us know. At the same time you may feel strongly about an issue and feel the need to share your view on the subject. It could be a differing view or opinion, probably totally new. These are the days of greater self-expression; you are doubtlessly, welcome to express yourself. You are also welcome to give a feedback on stories you have read; it could be a differing view on a subject. Please write to us and share this. You may be an expert on beauty, fashion, cooking, relationships or any other area and want to share with us your expertise. Or there is something to be included in the magazine that you value. Let us know about it. For the man who occasionally come across Evony magazine you are also free to speak out on all those areas where women are stepping on our toes or write to celebrate the women’s unique contribution to our lives.
TOP BRANDS with < Samchi Electronics >
A
new brand of car, the Lifan 520, has entered the Kenyan market. The model is expected to inject competition in the 1300 -1600 cc class of saloon cars where pricing is crucial. Retailing at Sh995,000, it has a two-year warranty and is being launched by Auto Mart Ltd, a member of the Associated Motors Group. Kenya joins the league of 50 countries to which the Lifan has been exported. The car has also been marketed in France, Germany, Algeria, Nigeria, Spain, Brazil, Colombia, Russia, Ukraine, Vietnam and Iran among others. It boasts of 18-20 km per litre to the fuel. Other features include front airbags, ABS braking and power steering.
e v o n y • M a y 2009 • 9
first things first
first word
Rediscover your strength, love yourself By Christine Mweeteli
S
ome of my earliest and happiest memories in childhood were school holidays when we would get together with my cousins and make up a huge (and extremely noisy) family. On one such occasion, I remember my aunt walking into the room just as we were finishing up our lunch and saying something roughly translated as, ‘is ever yone quite satisfied before I waste this food?’ This may have been a joke but that is a typical mother for you. Deep down she thought the goodies were wasted on her. Women tend to be the world’s burden bearers. We are the nurturers. We give of ourselves, we give to our parents, our spouses, our siblings, our children but how often do we think of ourselves? Do you vote for you? We sometimes have faith in ever yone except ourselves. We are often more in touch with our failures than we are with our successes. “What would you change if you had to live your life over again?” world renowned motivational speaker and writer, Zig Zigler, was asked in an inter view. Nothing, he responded – ever ything that has happened in my life has been preparation to make me who I am today”. I thought that was profound. Mr. Zigler realizes that there is a divine reason for ever ything in our past and present circumstances. “ To ever y pain there is a great purpose,” said a
10 • May 2009 • e v o n y
“You smile effortlessly through your conclusion and slide into the chair of honour, as your host thanks you profusely and the room nods in appreciation.” Rwanda-genocide sur vivor. So what is it about your past that you are ashamed of ? Were you born to a broken home? Were your parents’ morals less than the ideal? Or do you have a physical flaw you have to live with? Maybe it is time you change the way you look at yourself, and learn to love yourself – the whole package. Obama has shown us that no background is so bad as to stop you going to the ver y top. You deser ve to live to your full potential – and you will as soon as you become your own best friend. Your best friend is often someone you love unconditionally. This is someone who knows ever ything about
you and loves you all the same. She keeps your deepest secrets and offers a shoulder to cr y on when you need it. This is the one person you give all the help they need, no favour is too much to ask. I suggest you have this kind of attitude to yourself. Embrace your past. Most of us have done something in the past we are not proud of – or been victims of certain injustices. Talk show queen Oprah Winfrey was a victim of abuse as a child. She isn’ t ashamed of this – she takes advantage of it to help countless others by giving them a platform to talk about it. She is uniquely placed to understand their pain. Cancer victims have been known to set up foundations and raised huge sums to help cancer research to help the world. Whatever your ‘disadvantage’ is, it puts you in a unique position to help others who may be face similar challenges. Here is a true stor y that happened about 63 years ago in Dallas Texas, in a low income neighborhood known as Liberty City. A lady known
what i’ve learnt
first things first
roundtable participant and their chosen family members for small-talk and pictures. She was very relaxed and personable; friendly and genuine. She made you feel like you knew her, and for me she made me feel like there was no difference between her and I. It was almost a mirror moment that I won’t soon forget. There were no airs or assumed haughtiness; nothing pompous; just welcoming Hellos Hugs and Smiles. She took time to talk to my five year old daughter on her level....literally and figuratively. She mentioned her daughters, Sasha & Malia and of course my daughter, Jessica, knew those names and asked where were they! Mrs Obama and Jessica took the greatest photo! It looks as if they had already known each other, or as if Mrs Obama was a close relative of ours. It was such an unforced moment!!! After the individual family meetings, we, the participants, met with her and a few staffers. Mrs. Obama continued to display her warm genuine nature, and I could also see the business or structural side of her surfacing......one is not far from the other, but we were there for a reason. This event was geared toward women, highlighting our own personal issues and sharing our stories as supporters of Presidential candidate Barack Obama, her husband; while extending ourselves to possible undecided women voters. Therefore, if sharing our stories would allow us to reach other women who might have similar issues or parallel lives, showing them and offering them that “Hey I am in this particular situation and I see hope, progress, structure, possibility, and a new path, in this candidate and in his proposals; and maybe you too can lend yourself to the new direction, the new vision offered through this candidate.” If we could bring awareness of Barack Obama and his proposals for a new America to women who had not yet aligned themselves with a candidate to support in the upcoming election, then we could leave our gathering know that we have served double duty. One: strengthening the communal sense of women, and Two: increasing the voter base turnout for (at the time) Senator Barack Obama......probably not in that order!!!! Nevertheless, Mrs. Obama encouraged
The Day I Met Michelle Obama
As told to Nelly Kuria by Gayna Jefferson
I
f there is one thing I will always remember from Mrs. Michelle Obama is “Set an even-toned pace.” While those are my words, her words were more like “Well, I try not to get too high with the highs nor too low with the lows...... just stay focused and on message.” This is a concept that I picked up from her on one of the early morning news shows as she was being interviewed, and the reporter asked how she felt about a certain cartoon/pictorial that was printed about her and her husband at that point on the campaign trail. Fortunately, I was able to meet her a few months later......and got a chance to understand her grace under pressure first hand. I was asked to speak on a Women’s Roundtable panel with Mrs. Obama and nearly screamed my head off on the inside, but I held my composure as I continued to write down the details from one of her staffers (the caller on the other end of the phone). I had to ask.....”did you say Mr. or Mrs. ?” At that point I really didn’t
care because I had been involved with campaign efforts via my local community, and I was a true supporter of them both! It was explained to me that it would be the Mrs! Then I asked, “is this live and in-person or will she be on a teleconference line or what?” After the staffer explained (again) what the setting would be (and Mrs Obama had held one of these previously in another state, but now coming to my area to hold one more) I know I smiled so brightly that I probably blocked the sunshine in Kenya! WOW. I was thrilled!!! My actual experience with her was phenomenal!!!! She met with each
“I know I smiled so brightly that I probably blocked the sunshine in Kenya!”
e v o n y • M a y 2 009 • 11
first things first
just to humour you
The Ogre gods of the Internet
U
By Mukumu Na Muchina ntil we learn from the children, we will always be like the proverbial rats fondling like an elephant. No parent, no matter how smart they think they are have the vaguest idea about the power of the internet to transform an innocent ten-year old from a babe into a celebrity. At least for the American parent, the dot com generation ser ves as a reference to this reality. For a parent in Africa, ever ything starts with a meal; progressing into clothing and housing. Wireless communication comes in as the tail-ender. It is true, believe it or perish, that the teachers ogres speaking to us through the internet are unforgiving demons; ready to turn the Arthurs and the Tina’s in our lives into Wizards of Oz or worse. The first teacher of the internet is called SPAM Mail - simply translated into unsolicited mail. Spam mail is like the forbidden fruit. The dirtier it becomes the more alluring. Until the morning that you lose sleep, pander to the study room to browse a spam site and your husbandor teenage son sneaks up behind you. There, in 18 point font will be your damnation: “HOW TO GROW BIGGER, BET TER BREASTS AND AT TRACT OTHER MAN.” Or the day your husband glees against the site from hell, unaware that the daughter he dismissed ten minutes ago is glued to the words on the screen: “STOP DREAMING OF BELLES WITH PERKIER BREASTS. GET THEM NOW.” If you are the humorous type,
12 • May 2009 • e v o n y
“You will be put into shame by the brazen nudity of idle minds that blog the world” you will delight in the absurdity of spam mail. If you are the amorous type, you will be put into shame by the sheer brazen nudity of idle minds purporting to express independence on the internet. Who stayed up when the rest of us were blissfully asleep? Answer: The bloggers.The Hackers. They do not sleep. They die hard. The internet is faced with a dilemma. To start all over again or to allow unobtrusive access to sites traditionally considered sensitive. This would remove the motivation to hack and to blog. A system called CLICK is being taunted as the last resort in the war against electronically engineered fraud in which counter attacking software kills off the hacker’s platform is under construction. But hackers thrive on negative creativity. They will come around
any defense system thrown at it. And junk mailers and hackers are the epitome of viruses. It is this categor y of ogres who dwell in the darkest corner of the universe that do not see the damage visited on our preferred hypocrisy by their lucid graphics. It is this, our ver y own reflections of dark private thoughts that visit hallowing excitement in the undeveloped minds. Our children are at the ver y danger of becoming adults even before they are children. And tr y as we will, the forces of calc ulating spirits are set to snatch the innocence from our children. One of them is abroad right here in Kenya – the child pornographer. Close your eyes and grimace if you will. The truth is that before you finish that cup of tea, some twisted brain will assault a 3-year old baby girl and still grin at the thought of the pain this will cause the mother. Oh, I know your daughter is right by your side. What
Heart Matter The
of the
Our first issue of Evony is about self-
discovery and renewal
cover story • inspiration • business acumen • finance • career • legal • men we love
Read Njoki Ndung’u’s story —Page 12 e v o n y • M a y 2 009 • 13
the heart of the matter
cover story
Njoki Ndung’u
—Making Magi
Tough talking and hard-working, she gets things done
W By Nelly Kuria
hat are the qualities which make a woman extraordinary? A singular sense of destiny? A God given talent that separates her from her contemporaries? The determination to rise above her circumstances and prove herself in the face of adversity? Or the drive of a personal demon, some intangible quality which even the individual herself may not comprehend but by which she is swept in regardless of whatever destiny hold? Probably a combination of them all. This is what we sought to find out recently when we embarked on an interview with nominated member of parliament Njoki Ndungu. Njoki was hard put to explain the whys and wherefores of her mercurial life. It might help to know that we’ve actually had to postpone this interview a couple times to a point where we almost gave up – yes, that’s just how demanding her work schedule is! Duty calls notwithstanding though, Njoki had earlier on (on the same day that she introduced the Sexual offences Bill) managed to squeeze us into her tight schedule of things, to carry out part one of the interview. It’s a cool breezy Wednesday evening outside the opulent and serene surroundings of the National Assembly. We (photographer Carol and I) have somehow just managed to pass a summoning note (courtesy of a waitress) to Njoki who is holding 14 • May 2009 • e v o n y
ic
e v o n y • M a y 2 009 • 15
16 • May 2009 • e v o n y
cover story
court with two other Members of parliament at the cafeteria’s lounge. She comes out all warm and bubbly in her characteristic charming mood and ushers us to an outside veranda, away from the hustle and bustle of the house. One thing about Njoki is that she has a way about her that fills a room – not in the physical sense. Seeing her in person for the first time, I feel her presence even at that distance. I notice that one of her great qualities is her capacity to listen, not just with that casual appearance of listening, but so that you know she hears you. Her intelligent and bright eyes are completely steady, her head nods occasionally and with her Frenchmanicured fingernails circling a pen all the while - she listens to you. Part two of the interview was carried out at Palacina Hotel. I am seated at the hotel lobby waiting for the rest of the team to arrive, just when Njoki makes her entrance and gives me a warm hug and we hit it off like old friends. It is a furore of activities as our team comprising a photographer (Duncan Willets) and his assistant, make-up artist (Christian) and I get down to the business of the day.
Sponsoring Legislation of the Sexual Offences Bill Flashback to Wednesday April 27th : Inside the National assembly the stage is set. The Seconder of the motion is Abdi Tari Sasura, the Member of Parliament for Marsabit. “I choose him because he is a man, muslim and from the opposition. However after the approval of the bill, Njoki has identified Honourable Mutula Kilonzo as the Bill’s next Seconder. Moving the motion, Njoki is in her true element as she moves the house to a resounding applause. Listening to her move the Bill it becomes increasingly clear why she is one of outspoken and affable politician. “ Men find it hard to comprehend the pain of rape because of their male status. When they say what will happen if a man is raped by 5 women, this is sexual fantasy not rape. I say that if men want to understand the pain and helplessness surrounding rape, then they need to imagine a man being raped by 5 men. Only then will they understand invasion of privacy, penetration and pain.” Njoki says. Njoki has time and again, moved us from apathy to an understanding of responsibility and possibility beyond our living rooms. Last year, at Nairobi Women’s Hospital we saw Njoki break down and weep for a 4-year-old girl (SAM THENYA)whose uterus had been torn apart following a harrowing rape ordeal. Njoki blames the existing attitude on sexual crimes and the leniency of the current laws for increasing cases of rape, paedophilia and
One thing about Njoki is that she has a way about her that fills a room – not in the physical sense. Seeing her in person for the first time, I feel her presence even at that distance. I notice that one of her great qualities is her capacity to listen incest. “Rape is misunderstood because it is mistaken as a case of sex yet, it has nothing to do with sex. It is a about power and violence.” she says. What follows for the next two hours, as the debate gains full momentum is a riveting drama. The motion is anonymously and fully supported by all the MPs, who tirelessly jostle for the speaker’s attention in an effort to contribute to the debate. Most of them vote allowing introduction of a Bill imposing harsh penalties - including castration - on sexual offenders. Njoki and other advocates of chemical “treatment” argue that global studies show hormonal imbalances and excessive libido plays a large part in repeat offences, otherwise known as recidivism. Supporting the motion Health Minister Charity Ngilu recommends that the castration be carried out in Public hospitals. Says Ngilu “the Bible says if any part of your body causes you to sin, it should be removed, I want to support that this part of the body can be removed in hospitals.” Attorney-General Amos Wako supports the move and even pledges government support to bring it soonest possible. The biggest test however will be the final voting and whether or not the Bill will be amended before its enactment.
Winner of Gender & Human Rights Award There are three stages to every event, be
the heart of the matter
it a wedding or a kid’s birthdays do. The anticipation and planning lulls you into thinking everything will be a cakewalk. Then the actual event gets underway. Its like riding a proverbial roller-coaster, one minute you are smiling benignly at everything and everyone, the next minute you are screaming and tearing your hair out, wondering if the madness will ever end. Then suddenly just as you begin to get into the mood of things and decide you will flow with the tide and let things work themselves out, it is over. There are only the leftovers and the empties staring at you. And the noise and clatter have been replaced by a quiet you never thought could exist. The warm glow of knowing that it went well eventually surrounds you, but there is a sense of sudden letdown. You realize you are actually missing the adrenaline that pumped through you while things were happening. This was the sense of mixed reaction and excitement that hit Njoki after being declared as the Winner of the Eve Woman of the Year Award in The Gender and Human Rights Category in March this year. She says, “The event humbled me. It had never occurred to me that I could be a winner because there were so many other deserving women. I was totally overwhelmed.” Njoki who had to attend another function in Mombasa on the same day to raise money for an orphanage was forced to sent someone to receive the award on her behalf which she describes as “a beautiful trophy that means the world to her.”
Master of the game We have watched Njoki in party action too - as she intermediates between stormy inter-party wrangling sessions and calms down resolute party members. How does she manage to bring intractable foes to the negotiating table, and get them to start talking. “You must strive to gain the parties trust” Njoki says. “Personally I listen a lot( remember what I told you about her listening capacity earlier on) and try to show my respect for various positions. You also need to be above partisan and entrenched interests.” It is this shrewd manipulation, jigsaw theory politics in which only she knows where all the pieces are and how they fit together that has gained her a reputation that far precedes her. This compartmentalizing of people is a core feature of Njoki’s forceful personality. She focuses on her work totally and just has to be in charge. She runs her business and she likes to run people. One way to do this is to keep them guessing. “All politicians want something leading to power and its control and this must be appreciated by anyone in search of unity. But you know, politics attracts strange bedfellows. Nothing is an impossible e v o n y • M a y 2 009 • 17
I have Xhosa, British, Kamba, Maasai, Asian and Kikuyu blood. I am a “Mkosa Kabila” (without tribe).
deal.” she says. T hose who have tried to classify Njoki along tribal lines have discovered it is no easy task. Fo r s o m e o n e who lives most of her life in the glare of publicity she is remarkably reticent about her background, and like many who have made their mark upon the world, has little time for self-examination. Njoki’s mother is of mixed blood and heritage. Njoki says she has a host of these blood samples cruising through her veins. “ I have Xhosa, British, Kamba, Maasai, Asian and Kikuyu blood. I am a “Mkosa Kabila” (without tribe). Though many people think I have my origins in Central province , you cannot fairly label me a Kikuyu. I am really free of ethnicity. It is something even my enemies acknowledge” she admits. She understands Kikuyu but cannot talk a word of the vernacular. In political lingua she is what you would call “rainbow politician” She says “I don’t fit anywhere as far as tribal affiliations go.” That she is a “thorough town-bred devoid of ethnic ties” 18 • May 2009 • e v o n y
makes it easy for her to wear the neutrality gown. I don’t belong to the GEMA or the NON-GEMA groups. Njoki says she represents the new generation of Kenyans who suffer from an identity crisis, whom she strongly believes are the future of this country. “Tribalism must stop as it doesn’t reflect the current generation.” In the world of alliances and coalition-building, Njoki presents herself as an honest broker. It is an asset she cherises. Njoki’s approach to issues is straightforward . She admits she lacks raw and boundless energy political ambition – the requisite drive in the search and consolidat of political power. She finds elective politics too dirty and grueling for her taste, and is unlikely to offer herself up for any election. It is such rigorous attention to detail and self-discipline that has seen Njoki rise from obscurity to a position as one of the most trustworthy woman Member of Parliament. She has built a reputation for being well guarded in her public pronouncements and says “discretion in politics is my second nature.” Such enterprise is Njoki’s hallmark. She always seems to be able to make a triumph out of adversity. Faced with impossible situations, she simply makes them possible. Rather in the manner of a magician performing a trick, Njoki leaves onlookers – often her rivals- wondering “How did she do that?” And like a wily conjurer, the answer is usually quite simply painstaking
cover story
preparation and meticulous attention to detail, allied to unsurpassed powerful contacts and a God-given talent often referred to as ‘Njoki’s luck’. But “luck” is not an accurate assessment of what has made Njoki successful, though it is a theme which runs through her life. Although her family is close to the first family, she shies away from peddling any influence on them. Their association dates back to Makerere University, Uganda, where, her father, Henry Ndung’u was Kibaki’s student. At Nairobi Loreto Convent Msongari , Njoki was one year behind Kibaki’s daughter, Judy. The two remain good friends – but Njoki is quick to assert that she has not sought the Kibaki’s or state house patronage. Nor has she pulled rank to climb the political ladder. To casual observers it often appears to be just a matter of being in the right place at the right time more often than her colleagues. “Dismiss the element of coincidence and you begin to see a method to work.” Njoki says. Njoki explains it thus:“ In any profession there are few substitutes for hard work and dedication. I believe in both and quite a bit more. A good politician needs forward planning, intuition, contact and a lot of luck. The life is never dull. Ask any of my colleagues and they will tell you that a sense of danger is part of the lure, the catalyst which makes the adrenaline pump up into overdrive when the heat is on.” she states.
House of Men An interesting thing happens this morning: Honourable Charity Ngilu confidently strides into the chambers, oblivious to the attention that her handbag has drawn. Immediately protests from male colleagues who thrive on petty points of order are raised – the alarm being about an “offensive weapon” in the House. Ngilu eventually obliges to summons from the Speaker to take her handbag outside. Since the carrying of handbags is banned in the House, under the speaker’s rules, women MPs rightfully feel discriminated against by the archaic law - considering men can easily hide, say, a gun in any of their numerous suit pockets. Like any other woman, an MP feels incomplete, nay, naked without it. An incensed Njoki says “ We are the only commonwealth country that has banned women MPs from carrying their handbags into the chambers. We are literally forced to surrender our handbags inside the chambers on the floor. Why not simply tell women to open their handbags for inspection instead of forcing them to abandon their valued accompaniment at the floor away from them?” Fr o m t h e p r o m i n e n t l y – d i s p l a y e d inscription of “For the just welfare and just
society of men” to the house opening prayer asking God to gift men requisite legislation sagacity, parliament envelopes women in a sense of unwelcome intrusion into the male kingdom. Referring to the infamous Honourable Kiraitu Mirungi quote where he equated the withdrawal of donor aid by Britain to “raping a woman who is already too willing,” Njoki says such foul language, sexual connotations and downright sexual harassment by some male MPS had become the order of the day until the women MPs resorted to compiling “a list of shame” which has since deterred the practice. Perhaps the clearest indication that parliament never contemplated women’s presence in its precints is the lack of maternity policy and a space for nursing mothers to attend their babies between sessions “Over the years, this house has never had a woman in the reproductive age and nobody thought there would ever be one until now. Parliament is a very unfriendly place to have a baby.” she emphatically states. Njoki wants to make sure she is comfortable first before she answers to her maternal instincts and with her biological clock ticking very fast that should be seen as the perfect promise. The edifice has other glaring gender inequities that border on plain cruelty for women. The chamber for instance lacks a single toilet for women – forcing them to “travel” out for nature needs. In comparison the chambers boasts of two urinals and several toilets for men. The speaker’s argument has been that the facility is actually unisex. But women claim it lacks sanitary disposal facilities and that by design, it is plainly intended for phallic relief. They are further incensed that the women’s toilets are only two with 18 women MPs and several female auxiliary staff, toilet queues they claim are a standard embarrassment they could do without.
Growing up and her parent’s divorce On the family front, Njoki who turns 40 in September comes across as largely lonely. Her mother moved to United States after a painful divorce in 1995. The divorce left an indelible scar in Njoki’s memory and has affected her outlook on life and relationships. “If my parents had divorced much sooner than the 31 years they stayed married, things would have been much easier for everyone (us). I have learnt a lot of bitter lessons from my parents divorce.” Njoki says she is now more cautious, and careful about her relationships because she realizes what marriage entails and its the pitfalls. “People go into marriage with stars in their eyes forgetting it is not a bed of roses . There is this mistaken believe that people stay in a marriage because of the
the heart of the matter
children. That is a myth of the greatest order – in actual sense it does more harm than good to the children”. Is that why she has avoided marriage like a plague? “ Um,er, probably yes…I prod further and inquire on that whether there is a special love in her life. At first she says she would rather leave her private life just so, but not being one to abandon some juicy gossip Njoki eventually yields to my coercion. “ The man in my life is ten years my senior. We’ve been seeing each other for the last three years. He is a financially independent intellectual and we are both comfortable with our lifestyles which are compartable.” N j o k i s ay s t h a t s i n c e s h e b e c a m e anominated MP proposals have come in by the dozen- “I even have a file where I kept them” – some serious, others jokers. This admiration has come with its flipside. “I have experienced a few incidences with stalkers during the Bomas draft where she received threatening phone calls. “I’ve even had to report the last to the police.” Njoki was scared stiff of stalkers after moving the Sexual Offences Bill, but it was non-incidental. Born and raised in the exclusive and prestigious Karen surburbs, Njoki had a modern upbringing. Her father, Henry Ndungu worked in the Multi-national sector and was a senior manager for a long time. After his retirement he established himself into a self-made businessman to this day. Her mother is now retired. She was a secretary and a farmer and “she showed Njoki how to milk cows” . Mother and daughter only get to see one another, at most, twice a year. The same goes for a brother Tony, 33, who is an Auditor and a Financial Analyst in the United States. (Showing us anold family photograph Njoki cracks a joke and says “You know he looks like Will Smith, ears and all”- apparently it is true, there is a striking resemblance). Her sister, Angie,30, is an HIV/AIDS Advisor and a Specialist in the United States. She holds a masters degree in Public Health. Both her siblings are supposedly tying the matrimonial knot this year - Tony in December and Angie in September. “ I maintain very close ties with my family and will be attending both their weddings later in the year.” Njoki says of her brother and sister. Njoki’s parents were very strict and never allowed them to go out partying and all. One particular incident still stands out vividly in her mind however. Soon after her A-levels exams her parents relaxed the house rules a little and allowed her to go “henging” because “ I had passed my exams so well”. However this would be under certain conditions. First ,her father would drop her at 9.00am and pick her up at 11.00pm. “Imagine going for a heng and being picked up that early! Njoki e v o n y • M a y 2 009 • 19
the heart of the matter
20 • May 2009 • e v o n y
what i’ve learnt
what i’ve learnt
the heart of the matter
e v o n y • M a y 2 009 • 21
the heart of the matter
personal journey
Protocol Chief ’ s lessons on success An etiquette guru, that is what her friends and those who know her call her
By Catherine Ndioo
S
he talks and behaves so humbly, you are drawn to her in an instant, but it is her ordered way of doing things that grabs your attention most. Even than the fact that she is a senior government officer, and in her long circles in civil service, served for 12 years as the country’s most senior etiquette officer; Head of Protocol in the Office of the President, and served two heads of state. Elegant, smart and charming, every moment I spend with Jane Waikenda counts as memorable. An etiquette guru, that is what her friends and those who know her call her. It is a title that befits a dedicated lady who has pursued her life dream so diligently to suckle every excitement of it.
22 • May 2009 • e v o n y
Lesson in humility Pursuit is the key that unlocks all possibilities she says; a line that well mirrors her long and adventurous journey through life. “You have to pursue your dream, and be resilient, because it will not happen in a day or two,” she tells me. Jane has in her various capacities in the civil service, and now an entrepreneur, learnt many precious values, but one stands out; that of humility. It is a value she learnt in the most unlikely of places – from the former President Moi – when he was her boss as she served in State Protocol. “I remember the first time I went to his office (Moi) and he stood up to greet me. I looked behind thinking there was a minister who had followed me in, because I
could not imagine that a head of state could stand to greet such a junior officer. I felt very humbled,” says Jane. “This is one example I use in my etiquette sessions, because I believe that greatness is not known by how we treat our peers, but those people who are below us in rank.” But you can only understand Jane if I start from the beginning. And this is her story; a thrilling one. Presently 53, and a deputy secretary in the Ministry of State for Immigration and Registration of Persons, Jane has travelled far and wide. She is also a champion of etiquette, image and diplomacy and runs a company that trains in it.
The journey Jane Waikenda was brought up in Muranga town where her parents were businessmen with her mother Dorcas Wanjiru being a nominated councillor. The first born in a family of five, Jane describes her late mother as very conscious about image, classy and fashionable. She insisted that her daughters behave like ladies, and Jane got her first handbag in class six. “You’d actually seek advice from others about what to wear when going to meet my mother, because the first thing she’d ask is whether you’ve been to the salon, and are taking care of your skin and clothes. I think that is what made me very conscious even up to now, about what I wear,” says Jane. It also sparked on her a passion for etiquette, something she came to pursue later in life. Ja n e w e n t t o N a i v a s h a Secondar y School and later Kangaru High School for her A-levels before moving to the University of Nairobi for her Undergraduates and later a Postgraduate in Diplomacy and International Relations. She also in 2006 did a Masters in International Studies from the National Defense College. She started her career as a personnel officer in the Ministry of Lands, and thereafter became a District Officer (DO) in Kilifi between 1989 and 1992. The decision to go into provincial administration was inspired by her uncle, a paramount chief. “He made me admire people in uniform, and authority. He was very organized and every time we had a function at home, he stood out because he’d be the one to mobilize people. And I thought that is what I wanted to be in life.” Jane salutes social skills as key in life progression. Newly recruited as a DO, President Moi came to visit her station. “I had not gone to the paramilitary training school but from my colleagues, had learnt how to salute. When I saluted the president I stood there, and was so afraid I’d done a mistake. Little did I know that by looking at him confidently, notwithstanding that I’d not been in the field for long, he saw the potential in me, and I was promoted two grades up.” She says in a life where most of us have similar
Etiquette is about values,” she says, “and if you do not practice finesse and decorum in the way you do things, you devalue the essence of your humanity
credentials (even in job interviews), standing out should be your goal. That is why social skills and the image (you portray) are very important.
Entering state protocol
Entering state protocol was a big milestone. While still a D.O, Jane would interact and work closely with staff in state protocol whenever the president visited. She did not get intimidated like most of her colleagues. And it happened that one of them was retiring, and having identified her skills, the office recruited her as replacement. She was later to take on as Head of State Protocol when her predecessor, Ruth Kiptui died in a road accident. “I was very excited and felt honoured to be recruited from so many Kenyan ladies, and working in that office helped me to be who I am today. There were many challenges but working for such a humble person (President Moi) also taught me a lot about life,” she says. Head of state protocol’s work is implementation of presidential programs. He/she prepares the presidential brief for use when interacting in functions and events, a sitting plan for the program, and ensures security with other security personnel. One has to be good at reading body language to sense the mood of the people close to the e v o n y • M a y 2 009 • 23
the heart of the matter
business acumen
Baking to live If being a perfectionist is a weakness or advantage, it has helped Beatrice Kagondu thrive in business B y Wa y u a N d i o o
I
f being a perfectionist is a weakness or advantage, it has helped Beatrice Kagondu thrive in business. She confesses of not being able to let go of the character even if it requires a great deal of commitment. This is why she has to personally approve every product coming out of her pastry company, Sweet Inspirations Ltd. When she decided to go it alone, it was after a long time of contemplation and calculations. She for long harbored a great passion for baking and even trained as a chef at the Norfolk hotel, but had gone to work in a wedding fashion shop.
Fear of the unknown “What kept me from leaving my job to venture into business for a long time even though I wanted to, was fear – of the unknown. You usually think, ‘what if I go and fail.’ But it’s not always a success story at the beginning. It is a learning process,” she advises. The decision only clicked when on maternity leave, and eager to spend more time with her baby, a friend made a decision to close her business as she was leaving the country. “I basically told my friend instead of closing it down, to sell the business to me,” says Ms Kagondu. Buying it as a going concern, she retained some of their clients, and now three years down the line has build a vibrant and growing list of her own clientele. Sweet Inspirations located at Nairobi’s Hurlingham neighborhood, is now a brand in making of cakes for birthdays, weddings and
One of the things we have done is go in a group name, and we find this way it’s easier to acquire credit than when you approach the financier alone. Women in business should not work in a vacuum
24 • May 2009 • e v o n y
what i’ve learnt finance & career
the heart of the matter the heart of the matter
e v o n y • M a y 2 009 • 25
the heart of the matter
corporates, chocolates as well as training in cake baking. They also import and sell sugar craft equipment and supplies to other bakers. “I have trained countless people, mostly women, for both long and short-term courses. Some are already in the business and come to polish their skills while others are first time bakers,” said Ms Kagondu. Training ranges right from basic skills as how to read a recipe, to storage of the cakes, decoration and sugar craft, cake finishing, sugar flowers, presentation and set-up. Many of their former trainees are now running successful businesses while others have a profitable and enjoyable hobby. In future, plans are to have a training centre that is more spacious. “The cake business requires one to have passion. This is not negotiable,” says Ms Kagondu. “Some of the people we have trained have been pushed either by parents or spouses to train because the business ‘looks like it has money’. However upon realising how much time is required, some do not even complete their training.”
Marketing strategy To succeed in the business that is highly competitive and with many players, she focuses on delivering high quality that translates to positive clients’ feedback. This is her main marketing strategy. “I also set a good relationship with other people in the industry especially in weddings. We liaise, such that they send me clients and I do the same. That has worked for me,” she said. 26 • May 2009 • e v o n y
business acumen
She advises people making the decision of establishing their own business to network a lot. There are many network bodies that also offer advantages as free training and support. “I get to network with women in various fields especially in my membership at the Organisation of Women in International Trade (OWIT), exchange ideas, learn from others and even get contacts and business from them,” she says. Meeting others in similar ventures also help in building confidence. Right now, the government is more supportive of women getting into business and banks are more willing to help out with funding. Ms Kagondu says one only needs to hook up with the right body and they will get directed to the right channels on how to go about it. “Do not shy away. If you have a passion for a certain business, go for it,” she says advising others even employed to nurture a business on the side. Finance is a big deal for most entrepreneurs, more so for women. Ms Kagondu has developed a good networking system with other women in business and they organise training and seminars. “One of the things we have done is go in a group name, and we find this way it’s easier to acquire credit than when you approach the financier alone. Women in business should not work in a vacuum. There is power in numbers and working in a group is often easier when it comes to things like purchasing powers and access to credit.”
To stand out from competition, Ms Kagondu ensures that Sweet Inspirations incorporates into their cakes, designs and tastes that are selling well abroad. She works closely with wedding planners to deliver in weddings, as well as corporate who get cakes with customized designs complete with their logos. Weddings are seasonal, but birthdays are not, so they keep the business going throughout the year. Chocolates move fast especially during Valentine’s Day and Christmas, but individuals also buy them as personal gifts and favours. “Lack of creativity is the reason for the mediocre cakes we see all over,” says Ms Kagondu. “If you are not a creative person, consider the mass market for cakes like queencakes and block cakes.” Some of the new things in the industry include edible photos and sugar flowers, and to keep herself updated Mr Kagondu reads a lot of literature online and has a well designed website. She also advertises a lot in bridal magazines, places displays in popular walkways and distributes her business cards in supermarkets and other business premises.
Personal touch While she employs two fulltime staff, she is able to get extra hands from casuals as per demand. “I have learnt that some businesses like cakes require a personal touch. It took a long time for people to be convinced that we could do the same quality of work as the
finance & career
the heart of the matter
Are you really in the
right vocation? More than 90 per cent do not take up the challenge to find out what they can achieve with one single step of faith By Rose Kamau
H
ow does one really know they are in the right career? Career decisions made in the midthirties are quite different from those made while one is starting out. During your early twenties, the choices you make are much easier and change is often viewed as a new and thrilling challenge. This has to be experienced before you settle down for your dream job. While the choices you make when you have entered your thirties are taken after you have carried out a lot of research, done some soul searching and most of all, whether the career will fit in with the chosen lifestyle or aspirations before “old age” sets in. Also, during this time, one often has to think about their families and what kind of pay the new career will bring in or not. So why then is it more difficult at this particular time when you have experience,
confidence, self knowledge and focus that the simple choice becomes the singlemost difficult step to take? A lot of procrastination, self doubt and delays become the norm at this time. At this particular time, one often hears one lamenting that life was easier and simpler in the old days. These are the questions that majority of young men and women are battling with on a daily basis. More than 90 per cent do not take up the challenge to find out what they can achieve with one single step of faith. Have you ever thought what life is all about
and what life could be about? Often times one becomes discontented with the choice of career one has chosen for the same old reasons especially when one feels or realizes that they are limited or may not have the heart to carry out their dreams. In fact, many prefer to leave their dream careers as just that, dreams. These are some of the reasons why a career change or lack of fulfillment burdens most people; • I need to put bread on the table; • I need a place to go; • I do not want to fail, etc.
e v o n y • M a y 2 009 • 27
finance & career
the heart of the matter
Are you really in the
right vocation? The world was not created with set careers; these were formed by people like you and I with the passage of time and a need was created Many books written about careers and career choices have tended to cloud many a persons’ mind because one discovers that there are numerous careers out there. Remember though when making these choices that you only have to choose what you want to do especially if the choice is about moving from a career that is not fulfilling to one that may not pay well but is totally rewarding. By Rose Kamau As you make the single most important choice remember, combine all the skills that you have learnt, use all the inborn talents Most interviewers form that God has given and make a decision to do their opinion of you in something that you love. Yes, you have to love the first few minutes of and enjoy what you do in order to succeed. If a meeting. Here’s how to you are one of the few who can comfortably do make a good impression: several things at the same time, that is you are a multi-tasker then why not do something that combines all your favorite skills? Many young Step1 people today are very skilled at this. For example In the days before your in the entertainment industry we have musicians, interview, talk to people who double as actors, directors script writers you who have worked at the name it. company. If it’s practical, So what do you want to venture into? What has hang around outside the been the burning desire of your dreams? The world building while employees was not created with set careers; these were formed are arriving and note how by people like you and I with the passage of time and they dress and behave. a need was created. Be the ground breaker into a new and exciting career and enjoy every minute of it. Step2 Before you begin your new journey, be sure you Learn the name and title know the direction you want to go, what is the reason of the person you’ll be you want to change your career, talk to many people meeting with. Arrive at who may be in the field you would want to venture least 10 minutes early to into. If there is no one you know, then do a lot of collect your thoughts. research, read widely do a bit of traveling and keep your eyes pealed out for opportunities. Step3 Finally, remember that just like the farmer all Take time to greet things take seed, time and harvest. Plant with faith, and acknowledge
HOW TO NAIL THAT JOB INTERVIEW
28 • May 2009 • e v o n y
the secretary or administrative assistant; it’s old-fashioned courtesy, and besides, this person may have a lot of influence.
Step4 Bring along an extra résumé and letters of recommendation in case the interviewer doesn’t have them handy.
Step5 Be open and upbeat. Face your interviewer with arms and legs uncrossed, head up, and hands and face at ease. Smile and look the interviewer in the eye.
Step6 Know the company’s business, target clients, market and direction cold.
Step7 Walk in prepared with a
few relevant questions and listen carefully.
Step8 Subtly give the impression that you’re already part of the team by using “we” when asking how something is done. For example, say, “How do we deal with the press?”
Step9 Conclude with a positive statement and a quick, firm handshake. Ask when you might follow up, and get a business card from the interviewer.
Step10 Send a thank-you note.
Tips & Warning Avoid asking about money at the start of the interview.
finance & career
the heart of the matter
the heart of the matter
legal
Pre-nuptials: Reasons to be
careful
Planning for the divorce before you get married is, for many, unthinkable By Evony Correspondent
30 • May 2009 • e v o n y
I
t’s not exactly romantic, but a pre-nuptial agreement could save a lot of heartbreak in the long-term Planning for the divorce before you get married is, for many, unthinkable. Safeguarding against financial loss is regarded as the preserve of the stinking rich. However, with two in five marriages ending in divorce in this country it might be wise to take precautions. Although pre-nuptial agreements are not yet legally binding in Britain there are proposals to change the law. Some judges already take pre-nuptial agreements into account when ruling on divorce settlements. It’s often the dividing up of spoils that causes most conflict in a break-up. What most couples, and women in particular, do not realise is that, if a break up turns sour, they have much more to lose than they think. That favourite armchair or chipped mug can become a bone of contention
in an acrimonious split. A pre-nuptial agreement allows both parties to agree on a fair and acceptable division of property, personal possessions and financial assets. Celebrities have quickly wised up to the benefits of signing on the dotted line: Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones agreed on a private settlement after she was rumoured to have asked for $3 million for every year they are married plus a free home. Douglas was naturally reluctant having reportedly paid out $40 million to his ex-wife. Scary Spice Melanie Brown ignored her mother’s advice and resolutely refused to sign a pre-nuptial agreement before her marriage to dancer Jimmy Gulzar. He later wanted a reputed £3 million of her estimated £20 million fortune. But celebrities have megabucks to lose. Is it really worth sacrificing trust and romance for the CD collection and the family dog – especially as there is
men we love
the heart of the matter
Living it up the R ICT Way By Abyssinia Lati
onald Meru is a young executive in his late-twenties with the ambition to be one of the youngest authorities when it comes to phone-based premium rate solutions and web content in the Information Communication Technology (ICT) sector. Already the General Manager of Adtel Phone Company, he is well on his way to achieve this goal e v o n y â&#x20AC;˘ M a y 2 009 â&#x20AC;˘ 31
the heart of the matter
and hopes to retire early. He joined in 2005 as the product manager to make the premium rate solutions, short messaging service and interactive voice response (IVR), the company’s core business instead of Simu ya Jamii (share community phone) which has been losing market as mobile handsets gets cheaper and low scratch card denominations. Mr Meru’s first project as a team leader was working with Kenya Power and Lighting Company (KPLC) to come with a SMS solution for the parastatal’s customers to check their bills via their mobile phones. Soon, the Teachers’ Service Commission (TSC) and High Education Loans Board (HELB) will be launching a similar service which his company handled. The ICT sector has always been his passion. After high school at Mangu High School, he joined Jomo Kenyatta University of Agriculture and Technology (JKUAT) for a one year diploma in IT. Trained as a web developer, his internship was working at the website desk at the Nation Media Group (NMG). Working at the media house gave him the chance to continue with his schooling. With his shift starting at two until midnight, he was able enrolled for class at the USIU and still able to keep his day job. Three years later, he graduated with a degree in Information Systems in Technology. During the campus days, he took part in the Mr and Miss USIU competition. Although, he did not win the Mr USIU title he was runners up, and he also got two awards as Mr Popularity and Mr. Photogenic in 2003. He left the media group to work for a security company as a product development which was his last employer before moving to Adtel. Still pursuing higher education, he joined the University of Nairobi for MBA in strategic management in 2006. As works on his final project, he recently joined a six-month course to get a post graduate diploma in marketing from Chartered Institute of Marketing. He has managed to stay focused on his goal although he admits it is a lot of work. “But it is possible to have a social life, it just takes a management of time,” he says. However, the thing that taken a back seat is his golf. Once a keen golfer even part of the NMG staff team, the game has been relegates to Saturdays at the Thika Sports Club, his home town. Playing golf has given him an opportunity to be around older businessmen and chief executive offices who give and mentor him. “I am lucky enough to interact with the young and old,” he says. Although, he is not an avid reader of books he
men we love
A marketing idea can be taken away from you, modified and implemented by someone else and you get no credit for it, which is why I decided to deal with a real product
32 • May 2009 • e v o n y
Life
Our first issue of Evony is about self-
discovery and renewal
health & wellness • the gym • date with the chef • eating out • parenting • marriage • relationships • sex • shopping essentials • home decor
4
-course five-star meal
you can prepare at home
Choosing your gym e v o n y • M a y 2 009 • 33
life
health & wellness
A Healthy Pregnancy
Why It’s Wise — To Watch Out
By Manpreet Rehal
P
REGNANCY is one of the most important periods of a woman’s life, a time of joy, anticipation, and often overindulgence. Since a woman’s body undergoes various changes during the three trimesters of the gestation period, it is important to take note of the following aspects that must be considered carefully to allow for proper growth of the unborn and better postpartum recovery for the mother. Clinics and obstetricians usually give an expectant mother a fairly good idea about what kinds of foods she should eat during pregnancy, but the traditional idea that fatty foods give us ‘energy’ seems to persist. A growing foetus consumes carbohydrates rapidly, but it is healthy to supply them by eating complex carbohydrates such as whole grain cereals and cereal products, than fatty or sugary foods. Increase your intake of pulses and legumes, milk, nuts, lean meat, poultry, fresh fish as well as plenty of fruits and vegetables. Soak the legumes overnight, especially beans in water with a couple of tablespoons of vinegar. This will counter the flatulence induced by the legumes that can be extremely uncomfortable during pregnancy. 34 • May 2009 • e v o n y
Your Diet:
First and foremost, eating for two people, doesn’t denote the amount of food you eat, but rather, what you eat that is beneficial for both you and your baby. A foetus siphons out a steady supply of essential nutrients needed for his growth from its mother. This means that your food intake should have enough calories, proteins, iron, calcium and other vitamins and minerals necessary for a foetus’ growth as well as your own bodily needs. Although requirements may vary from one individual to another, an expectant mother needs roughly these amounts of nutrients daily to maintain a healthy pregnancy: Calories - 2500 Proteins - 55-60gm Iron - 30-60mg Calcium - 1000-1500mg Folic acid - 0.5-1.0mg
Avoid uncooked or partially cooked meat or eggs, as there is a possibility of transmitting toxic infections to your baby. Limit your intake of coffee, tea and aerated drinks and abstain from alcoholic drinks and nicotine. Cravings come naturally during pregnancy, and there is no harm in indulging them because they give an expectant mother a strong sense of well being which is important for the harmonious growth of a child. During the first three months of pregnancy, there is little weight gain, but an average woman normally gains about half a kilogram per week during the second trimester and about one kilogram per week during the third. Weight gain during pregnancy also varies from person to person, but an average of 12 kg is normal. Allowing yourself to let go and not take care of your weight gain may prove to be unpleasant after the baby is born.
Medication: Every substance that you ingest is inevitable delivered to your baby through the placenta, so beware of taking any medications, even over-the-counter drugs before consulting you doctor. Even medications that may not
be harmful to your self may damage a foetus’ delicate organs and rate of growth and development.
Immunization during pregnancy: Immunization in an expectant mother should only be done in certain well-defined and necessary situations. Preferably, vaccinations ought to be given before pregnancy. Tetanus vaccinations are the only ones recommended during pregnancy to protect from the risk of infection during delivery, especially if it might be handled in a rural area or emergency situation. Immunization may become essential incase of the breaking out of an epidemic such as cholera or typhoid; exposure to an infectious disease like measles or hepatitis; travel through an endemic area such as places where yellow fever is common or in case of a dog bite. As far as possible live viral or bacterial vaccines are better avoided as they have the same potential as an infection to harm a foetus.
Exercise: Walking and swimming are the best exercises recommended for expectant women.
the gym
life
Incorporating fitness in the busy life of a
Business Woman
By Alison Caroline
L
adies, lets be honest our schedules are tight, in particular, those with families as trying to balance out every aspect of your life and give each the required attention can prove at times to be rather challenging. A typical day for most will entail an early morning start either to get the kids up and ready for school or to beat the morning traffic to get to a meeting on time etc.. The day carries on with meetings or whatever takes your time in your business and then it all starts again once we leave to go home. The shopping, the kids, the husband, the dinner and still trying to be a superwoman.. Well that’s where the phrase “bring sexy back….” comes in. Ladies, we all need to bring sexy back at times, and when you’ve dealt with a day like I’ve just mentioned, it’s hard!!! The greatest thing about any form of exercise is that it releases hormones called “endorphins” these are also known as “feel good hormones” they automatically make you feel happier which is why after exercise one always feels better, more alert, cheerful.. the list goes on but it’s all good. Exercise keeps health disorders at bay, meaning that with regular exercise, you can prevent most of the disorders that can lead to illnesses such as High Blood pressure, Diabetes, Arthritis, Osteoporosis to name but a few. Exercise as you know combined with the right eating habits also helps you reduce on any bulges that’s if you have any, and generally excess weight can cause fatigued and lethargy, lets be honest, if your clothes fit you perfectly you auto-
Choosing your gym I have rated my opinion on the following health clubs; The Areana, The Stanley health Club, Muscle and Motion, Zarnash Gym in Lavignton and Maisha Health Club at the Serena There are plenty of other health facilities, so do your homework. You must however look out for the following: • Good working machines • Pleasant and qualified training staff • Variety of options for exercise • Cleanliness • Timings of the health facility
matically feel more confident giving you the extra Vavooom into your step which automatically makes you feel better all round. I know you understand all that, but may still justify to me that you “just don’t have the time…”, so my role now is to help you make that time. The hardest thing to do is to change a habit and try and factor in another habit, which to you may be less of a priority. Firstly, you’ve got to believe that exercise (the new habit) is a great habit, just like getting the number of hours you need for sleep, once you focus your mind on the positives of what it can do for you, you start to view it as a necessity just like sleep is. If your mind is not in tune to the positives you will view exercise as an added chore and thus the chances of you sticking to it will be slim and this ladies is a habit I’d like you take on as part of your daily existence. So, now that you’ve got your
head around that…, look out for some health clubs that are either in your residential area or on your way to work, somewhere that is convenient to you. ¶ The next thing you have to do is to look in your diary and decide what times suit you best, if you have your own business then you can be more flexible with your timings, I.e opt for mid morning as opposed to early morning or evening when the family need you most, if you can’t, then you need to let your family know of the importance about this new habit and therefore if it means sacrificing an hour when they were used to you being around, then so be it. A happier, healthier more dynamic you will in turn bring a happier, healthier all round family unit. A good Trainer will advise you appropriately but take it from me, if your time spent doing this new habit is an issue, then remember you don’t have to slog away at it for hours a e v o n y • M a y 2 009 • 35
date with the chef
life
Scrumptious 4-course meal
Recipes from The Norfolk Hotel Appetizer
Feta Cheese and Capsicum Salad Local lettuce, cucumber & lemon honey dressing
Soup
Tomato Gazpacho Fresh basil and croutons
Main Course
Herb Roast Chicken Garden vegetables and potatoes
Dessert
Spiced Pineapple Vanilla Ice Cream and Strawberries
Hubert Des Marais is the Group, Executive chef, East Africa for the Fairmont Group of Hotels
e v o n y â&#x20AC;˘ M a y 2 009 â&#x20AC;˘ 37
life
date with the chef
Appetizer Feta cheese and capsicum salad Cucumber, tomato and lemon honey dressing Serves four portions Ingredients 200 g Feta cheese medium dice 100 g Capsicum mixed colors medium dice 50 g Red Onion medium dice 20 slices Cucumber ½ cm thickness 20 slices Tomato ½ cm thickness 10 ea Fresh basil and oregano leafs Salt & Pepper Lemon honey Vinaigrette 50 ml Lemon Juice 15 ml Honey 38 • May 2009 • e v o n y
5 g Dijon Mustard 1 clove Garlic minced 20 g Onion minced 150 ml Olive Oil 8 leafs Fresh Basil Salt & Pepper Equipment Needed Knife Cutting Board Medium size Bowl Spoon Blender Preparation Method 1. In a small bowl crumble the feta cheese into small chunks and set aside. 2. Using a knife and a cutting board cut the
capsicum and the red onion into medium size dice. Add this to the bowl of reserved feta cheese. 3. Slice the cucumber and tomatoes ½ cm thickness and reserve. 4. To make the honey lemon vinaigrette. Combine all the ingredients in a blender and puree until smooth. 5. Toss the Feta cheese, Capsicum and herbs with 30ml vinaigrette. Season with salt and pepper. Cover and reserve in the refrigerator.
Serving Instructions 1. Lay out four plates on a counter top for building your salads. 2. Alternate slices of cucumber and tomato in a circle (5 slices of each vegetable) 3. Remove cheese and vegetable mixture from the refrigerator. Place a serving of this mixture in the middle of each circle. 4. Drizzle each salad with a little vinaigrette and season with salt and pepper as desired. 5. Garnish with fresh herbs and serve.
date with the chef
life
Soup
Ruby Tomato Gazpacho Garden basil and croutons Serves four portions Ingredients 480 g Ripe Tomatoes 100 g Cucumber peeled and rough chopped 100 g Red Peppers seeded and rough chopped 50g Onion large dice 60 g Olive Oil 5 g Garlic minced 10 g Celery small dice
5 g Carrot small dice ½ cup Croutons small size 40 g Sour Cream 1 sprig Basil 4 ea Celery tops as garnish Salt & Pepper Equipment Needed Blender Mixing bowl Spoon
Knife Cutting board Preparation Method 1. Using a blender add tomatoes, cucumber, red peppers, onion, garlic and blend until smooth. 2. Add olive, basil and season with salt and pepper. Blend again and taste.
Serving Instructions 1. Spoon gazpacho into each bowl and drizzle with olive oil. Sprinkle with diced celery and carrot. 2. Garnish with a dollop of sour cream, croutons and celery tops.
e v o n y • M a y 2 009 • 39
life
date with the chef
Main course Herb Roast Chicken
Garden vegetables and potatoes Serves Four portions Ingredients 4 ea Half Chickens bone in or boneless 1 L Citrus herb marinade 1 L Assorted Vegetables (pumpkin, taro, tomato etc) 60 ml Olive Oil 4 ea Garlic Cloves 2 sprigs Rosemary 2 sprigs Thyme 1 L Potatoes Salt & Pepper
40 • May 2009 • e v o n y
Equipment Needed Knife Cutting Board Roasting Pan Sauté Pan Tongs Preparation Method 1. Have your butcher debone two whole chickens or split the chickens in halves. The de-boned chickens will cook much faster than the bone in birds. 2. Marinate the chickens
as long as possible prior to cooking. Season the birds with salt, pepper, rosemary, and thyme. 3. Pre heat oven to 180c for roasting the chickens. 4. In a sauté pan on medium high heat add olive oil and sear the chickens until golden brown. 5. Cut vegetables in large pieces. Toss vegetables and potatoes with garlic, olive oil and season with salt and pepper. 6. Pour vegetables on the
roasting pan place seared chickens on top of the vegetables and roast until chickens are done. Serving Instructions 1. Spoon roasted vegetables in the middle of each plate. 2. Top with chicken and garnish with an herb sprig. Pour remaining juices from the roasting pan over the chickens.
date with the chef
life
Dessert
Spiced Pineapple
Vanilla Ice Cream & Strawberries Serves four portion Ingredients 1 ea Large Pineapple ½ L Water ½ L Sugar 2 sticks Cinnamon 4 ea Whole Cloves 1 ea Chili Pepper 10 g Fresh Ginger 5 ml Vanilla Essence 8 ea large Strawberries Salt & Pepper Equipment Needed Saucepot Spoon Slicing Knife
Small Knife Cutting Board Ice Cream Scoop Medium Size Bowl Preparation Method 1. Remove top and bottom of the pineapple using the slicing knife. Stand the pineapple up right and slice off the skin and the eyelets. 2. Turn the pineapple on its side and cut very thin slices 1cm.using the slicing knife. 3. In a sauce pan over medium high heat add water, sugar, cloves, cinnamon, ½ of the chili
and ginger. Bring spice mixture to a simmer for 5 minutes dissolving the sugar and infusing the spices. 4. Add pineapple and vanilla to the hot spice liquid. 5. Pour into a bowl and cool in the refrigerator until ready to serve. This will keep for a week. Serving Instructions 1. Select plates that have a deep well in the middle. 2. Place 4 slices of pineapple shingled in a circle in the middle of each
plate. 3. Top and quarter strawberries lengthwise and reserve. 4. Place a scoop of vanilla ice cream in the middle of each plate and decorate with the strawberry quarters. 5. Finely slice some chili and sprinkle on each plate. 6. Drizzle with some of the remaining syrup. 7. Season with course salt and freshly ground black pepper.
e v o n y • M a y 2 009 • 41
life
health & wellness
42 • May 2009 • e v o n y
eating out
life
Tired of buffet meals, our small group escaped into the city to enjoy a meal of slightly higher caliber By Bobby Kumar
A touch of home in inland city
W
hen
travelling outside of Nairobi it is pretty much the norm to compare restaurants and the eating out scene to those I consider to be part of the home front, rarely however do I find them to match. It was therefore almost comforting to find a branch of one of the more popular Nairobi Italian restaurants well entrenched within the less urbanized city of Kampala, a city which I found to my greatest of discomforts to have one of the slowest service standards I have come across in Africa. Tired of buffet meals, our small group escaped into the city to enjoy a meal of slightly higher caliber. After battling through an hours traffic at 9.00PM on a Saturday night (yes, Kampala traffic can be worse than Nairobi’s) we eventually wandered through the entrance
of this Italian eatery. For a major city it is extremely discomforting to find that every major restaurant closes its kitchen by 10.00 pm, leaving late diners like our group stuck with little or no choice. Fortunately the Mediterraneo here follows a more Nairobian edict, and despite arriving after 10.00 took our orders at a leisurely pace, at no point giving us the impression that we were delaying them. I was glad to see several familiar faces from Nairobi amongst the wait staff, which probably went a long way in explaining the quality of service which we received, far better than any other I had seen in Uganda and definitely of a caliber that would put several Nairobi restaurants to shame, including their sister branches at both the Junction and in Westlands. Ambience is also far more comfortable than the cramped interiors of the Nairobi branches and being outdoors added to this. Tables were well spaced and
Main course dishes Main course choices included prawn risotto, delicious but extremely filling and slightly on the sweet side. Classic tagliatelle pomodoro was a guaranteed dish, however fresh parmesan would have helped jazz it up. Pizza’s, a Mediterraneo trademark, were delicious, still slightly smoky from the brick oven, and well covered with toppings.
with enough room on them to be able to handle the various condiments and seasonings. The menu is very similar to the Nairobi branches, with a few minor changes to accommodate the greater difficulty in obtaining certain products so far inland. Standard selections of pasta, pizza, warm and cold starters, soup, main courses and breads. Fresh herbs were in short supply so we found several dishes missing the added punch provided by fresh basil and rucola. Being extremely hungry we opted for a quick set of shared starters followed by main courses. Of these the bruschetta went down treat, crispy and rubbed with fresh garlic, although less flavourful than expected due to the lack of green herbs. Main course choices included prawn risotto, delicious but extremely filling and slightly on the sweet side. Classic tagliatelle pomodoro was a guaranteed dish, however fresh parmesan would have helped jazz it up. Pizza’s, a Mediterraneo trademark, were delicious, still slightly smoky from the brick oven, and well covered e v o n y • M a y 2 009 • 43
life
parenting
Overcoming teen trouble
By Manpreet Rehal
C
hildren are a gift from God, they add meaning to our existence. But you’re probably not saying the same if they have reached adolescence. Incidentally, it is during these turbulent years that the course of your relationship with your child is determined. This is because your demeanor towards him or her will be fresher in his mind than the affection you showered him with when he was younger. Puberty is an enigma to both parents and children. Most parents agree that they have a tougher time with their firstborn children than with the rest, because they are treading on unfamiliar ground,
44 • May 2009 • e v o n y
During these ‘rebel’ years, a teenager sees an authoritarian parent as his worst enemy
and are often at loss when dealing with certain situations. Most of us tend to compare our own teen years with those of our children without considering that times have changed. And this attitude is what teenagers absolutely abhor! During these ‘rebel’ years, a teenager sees an authoritarian parent as his worst enemy. In his mind, it’s like a movie; you are the antagonist and he or she, the hero who is fighting for ‘his rights’ and ‘justice’ – because he isn’t a baby anymore, and does not like to be chaperoned constantly. Margaret, a mother of two teenage daughters, professes that she is on the verge of a mental breakdown. “We can never agree over anything at all,” she
complains, “ my girls just don’t want to listen and arguments always end with me feeing like I am the one in the wrong”. Margaret isn’t alone, most teenagers think that they know better, and since they are not ‘kids’ anymore, they have the right to make their own decisions. This self-righteousness stops them from giving what you say an ear or a thought, ending up in arguments with their parents. Unfortunately, yelling at your child and forcing him to do things your way will only make him more aggressive and stubborn. And he will begin to make small deliberate blunders just to annoy you more. In their book Adolescence – The survival Guide for Parents and Teenagers,
authors Elizabeth Fenwick and Dr. Tony Smith, believe that worrying about what you’ve done wrong is a waste of time. It is more positive to see what you can or can’t do that is right. They assert that often, modifying your own behaviour is probably the most effective way of altering your teen’s, and easing your mutual relationship. The first step towards armistice is: give your teen some space. Next time your teenager shuts his bedroom door, don’t blow your top. Perhaps for reasons that you can’t fathom, teens value their privacy, so the sooner you learn how to respect that, you’ll be closer to peace. Although it hurts to feel shut out, seeking privacy is not just a normal process; it’s a necessary one. As one child counselor puts it, “an adolescent’s desire for both physical and psychological space is an important step towards becoming self-sufficient and independent. It is a child’s way of taking charge and preparing himself to move away from parental control.” However, this is no easy task, and we have to keep reminding ourselves that after a certain age we just can’t barge in on our kids when they are in the bathroom, changing their clothes or sleeping. We need to respect their privacy to gain their reverence. Allowing children some privacy helps them to develop their own sense of right and wrong. Through this they will develop self-discipline. Though it is natural for us to want to protect them, the fact is that they only learn by making mistakes. When that happens, we should be there to guide them, and
Bridging the gap after an argument Negotiation after an argument with a teenager is often very tricky. If conflict has already risen around a certain issue, and you and your teen have verbally battled it out without reaching a consensus, just quit the argument and give each other time to cool off. You can achieve truce through: • Making the first move to communicate. • Being the first to apologize (for blowing your top). • Encouraging him to channel out his negative feelings about
not to tell them, ‘I told you so’ or to judge them harshly – it drives a child to become defensive and unyielding. This doesn’t mean that parents should adopt a ‘hands off ’ policy. Because at this precarious time our children are still very prone to making errors in their judgment, we have to remain closely involved in their lives to keep them out of trouble. You may be disappointed that you are not your child’s best friend, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t lookout for him. Letting your child know his or her restrictions in a congenial manner is amore effective way of making sure that they listen to you and don’t get involved in risky behaviour. Allow your child to spend time alone in his room, but insist on having family meals together, and watching TV together, as a family. When they have their friends over, don’t hover around, but check in to see what they are up to when you ask if you need anything. Basically you can snoop around just a little, but do not be obvious or you’ll have a mutiny at hand! Check what they’re up to on the Internet, and always know the crowd they are moving around with. Allow your child to use the phone, but restrict the time, and remember you do have the right to ask whom they are talking to. If, you suspect that your child is involved in dangerous pursuits, like drugs, then you may have to spy on him to verify the facts. But approach such a situation carefully, and let him or her know that you’re doing so out of genuine concern. The worst mistake we make as parents, is that we rarely listen to what
something you said or did. • Analyzing the problem together in an objective, unthreatening manner, and listening to his opinion. • Calmly defending your nonnegotiable rules and values and clearly spelling out the consequences of not complying. • Demonstrating how to make an apology for a mistake and backing down when you realize you’re wrong. • Drawing the negotiation to a positive end when either of you is too emotional or tired, and try the whole process again if necessary.
e v o n y • M a y 2 009 • 45
marriage
life
Turning revo a new leaf ?
How to renew your bonds with your family By Manpreet Rehal
‘A
s within, so without’ That your mind is the creator of your life is an awesome reality. The ancient philosophy cited above means that your thoughts and feelings practically determine what your life and your relationships are going to be like. This simple theory is a spiritual law that has been beautifully expounded by Rhonda Byrne in her bestseller, The Secret Understanding, and applying it to one of the most volatile areas of our lives, our relationships, can significantly alter the way they unfold.
According to this philosophy, our own attitude in any given relationship is pivotal to how it will blossom forth. If you brace yourself for the worst by entertaining your fears about a certain relationship scenario within your mind, that is precisely what will manifest in the outer reality. “A relationship is an interactive mode that essentially begins with you,” asserts Anastasia Thiong’o, a counselor at Needs Response Consultants. “Whenever we try to take the progression of a relationship into perspective about whether or not it’s working out for us, we often forget that our own beliefs and expectations are the factors that shape our experiences.” In an increasingly hectic existence,
it isn’t surprising at all that the quality of personal relationships is becoming stale and superficial. We must however be partial to the fact that with everyone on the run these days, family members hardly spend enough time together to develop the empathy, compassion and concern that are needed to ensure that relationships remain cohesive enough. “The lack of time is a clichéd excuse,” dismisses Anastasia, “it is not the amount of time that is important, but rather the quality we impart. Conscious time management is vital, coupled with positive changes in our personal thinking, values, beliefs and attitudes. We have to take responsibility for what we do for ourselves and family members instead of giving in to the ‘blame’ game and continuing the vicious circle,” she adds. To be fair, there is inherent goodness in every human being, that’s why we feel guilty and bad when we inflict harm on others; but many of us are bewildered when asked if we really bring our personal virtues to bear on our relationships. So, not surprisingly, we put a lid on our emotions and effect a ‘don’t care attitude’ that inevitably does more harm than good. The only way to conquer this turmoil is make an honest assessment about the way your own mode of interaction can make a difference in the behaviour and attitude you elicit from your family. Good relationships thrive on five universal ethical principles. First and foremost, keep in mind that you must respect individual autonomy and freedom of thought. You may not always agree with what your parents, spouse or children say, but respect their opinions and refrain from passing judgment. Secondly, avoid inflicting physical and verbal harm knowingly. Sometimes, we say and do things to others and the damage is irreparable. Make it your personal responsibility to improve and enhance not just your own interests, but those of your family. When you do so, guard against being taken for granted e v o n y • M a y 2 009 • 47
life
marriage
because this will only increase mistrust. To be just and fair towards all is vital because favoritism and partiality foster suspicion, jealousy and intrigue within the family. Finally, ensure that faithfulness and integrity are the core of your dealings. Keeping promises, offering honest opinions, showing loyalty and respect strengthens all relationships. In every relationship, there is a determining factor, or a theme which decides how your relationship is unfolding. In essence, this is the psychology or thought process that influences your demeanor, actions and reactions in a given relationship. Although we cannot control how others behave, it is in our power to control our own compulsiveness and handle every situation with dignity. Here’s how you can work to enhance your role in every relationship, no matter what personal emotions determine them.
something, the fear of becoming the butt of jokes prevails. Lighten up, and look at the humour in a situation. In this way, the heaviest of moments can evaporate into thin air.
Loving your spouse Your rapport with your partner is the very basis of a happy and satisfying life, so it must be nurtured in a special way. Anastasia cautions against taking your partner’s affections and attentions for granted; no matter how long or intimate your relationship has been. In as much as we want to believe in fate and destiny, a successful relationship doesn’t just ‘happen’, it takes effort to keep the wheels rolling. We have to vigilantly gauge our own expectations, our partners’ abilities and potential; loving them for what they are. Our expectations have to be
realistic. In many marriages, feelings of unfulfilled expectations create conflict and resentment. It is unreasonable to expect a person to be completely malleable to make you happy in every way. Learn how to make allowance for your spouse’s individual traits and limitations. We all want to change certain things about our partners, but we need to be fair. If you are not happy, take a look at yourself; are you rubbing your partner the wrong way? Whereas you must beware of divisive tactics employed by some in –laws to gain an upper hand, do not fall into the habit of criticizing yours all the time. Get clear about how much influence you will allow in your home and talk out issues clearly and ungrudgingly. By standing united there are less chances of any conflict between you being exploited. You shouldn’t become submissive and compliant, but sometimes a little compromise goes
Self- respect “Treat yourself as the ‘base’ by learning how to like who you are before you begin to decide whether or not others are likeable,” advises Anastasia. Take a hard and honest look at yourself. List down both your positive and negative traits and what you would like to do to improve on your setbacks. With effective inner dialogue, and changing the way you communicate with yourself, you can avoid sabotaging your happiness because deep down, you begin to believe that you deserve the best. When you convince yourself that you are undeserving of being heard out, your family will treat you as such. Some of us can’t see beyond our failings, so we remain stuck in guilt; mistakes ought to be viewed as a learning experience and by moving past them, we open new avenues for ourselves. Affirm to yourself that you are lovable and that despite your shortcomings, you command respect. Pamper yourself. Doing what you like doesn’t have to make you guilty for being ‘selfish’. There is a marked difference between being self-centered and self-respectful. And don’t forget that a little selfishness is necessary to achieve personal objectives and happiness. Focus on your strengths, by recognizing your best traits and utilizing them. If you are compassionate, give to charity or to the needy. Identify your real talents and develop them instead of fretting about failure. Acknowledging your individuality and treating yourself with healthy self-love will reflect positively as your kin relate back with integrity. When you are at the centre of 48 • May 2009 • e v o n y
Poems on Marriage ACTION Pure words are honey They taste sweet Sound very incredible Secure all doubts Sting harder than bees Hey look closely How unarmed poets Would be without them Stories amaze But it’s actual movies That win awards Lyrics enrich music’s haven Dance makes it heaven Scripts won’t play the harp Actors pack Grammies up Please brother talk Auntie I hear you May what is done Be louder Than what you said Architectural designs maybe splendid But their erections stand as wonders Ideas are just blueprints Their worth is more when real
We count blessings Never unseen miracles HEED MY VOICE! You are attentive Only you need be Friendship is okay with me I need compassion and understanding Friends … live their own lives yet help us live Haven’t you noticed friends are friends’ acquaintances or our own? Often fake friends stay, though they’ve nothing? They are always there in fights and at parties Though you seldom call them they find you Though they find you, you take them for granted or even send them away on flimsy excuses Though they love relentlessly, you offer no pea nut care That’s why friendship is fine with me for companionship which I need to find I know concern, it’s shame, and the unrewarding face of love gone bad
Flesh and spirit My true being yearns for your consideration and approval Yeah it’s a fact I’ve knelt by my bed and fearful, said a prayer for our hearts. Occasionally when stars shine with bright, look heaven ward ashamedly wishing for your return on the brightest Yet you know and have witnessed these pains Coz maybe your playing someone’s script not your own It makes me full of words Yet in the deepest of myself I’m void of words Pardon me … I shouldn’t’ be bubbling this And yet it’s late, or is it not? My being yearns for your change of attitude And a windful wisp at our cooling ashes Heed my advice oh sweet one! With hope to love me again!
relationships
life
Break-ups (demystified)
Moving on is as delicate as the breakup By Joseph Karungani Lunani
T
here are moments that are revered in life, there are other times that are treasured while there still others that are dreaded. How do we take breakups? When we either get dumped or do the dumping? It astonishes the issues that cause such scenarios. From the trivial or otherwise considered trivial to deep incompatibility issues are factors that come into play. How to breakup is another game all together given the attraction and the sweet moments couples once shared. Most people agree that there are people you meet and when you finally disagree and have to go your respective ways, it is quite simple. In some cases there is no hatred and actually you can still be friends. In many a case the situation is reverse. Once you breakup, a person you once cherished becomes more than an enemy. You don’t want to ever see them and when you do you want to show them that you are doing better than them. Whereas the truth might be you are still hurting and actually doing worse than when you were together. Ladies I talked to seem to agree that it is some kind of competition. If they find out that the guy they broke up with has a cute girlfriend and successful, they will go out of their way to outdo them by
eyeing if not directly wooing men who are far much better than their Ex. Others may go out and try sabotage the Ex’s seemingly rosy new found relationship. These are the likes that go about snooping on their Ex’s causing drama by creating
doubt and even fear in the Ex’s lover. Moving on is as delicate as the breakup. The vestiges of what was come alive and makes life unbearable. Life as we know it is as regular as set schedules so it is taxing to abruptly change shared friends, places you frequented and stop what was your niche of activities. That is why many find themselves lost after breaking up. Which ever the angle either dumped or otherwise, gracefulness is pre-requisite to finding another love or making amends e v o n y • M a y 2 009 • 49
life
relationships
and getting back together. Mary Jason, a Relationship Consultant attributes many breakups to the fact that many people do not actually give themselves time to refresh and grow from what was. She insists on a transition period that does not necessarily have to be binding oneself to another relationship that will be short-lived. She says one should find something to totally wash out the pain and hurting. Join a cause, read books or write one, join a dance class, or any other class for that matter. Fill your time with worthwhile things to do or else be content with thinking about him/her and meaningless comparisons that leave you empty and low esteemed. It is true before we love we should do our homework. Analyzed critically our feelings and ascertain that they will hold. We have to have the compromise of allowing ourselves to test the friendship and emotions. The book of Songs of Solomon is blunt and states “Do not provoke love until it so desires”. Miriam, a mother of ten and married for 50years attributes her successful marriage to constant self-checks and making herself lovable. She stresses the fact that for any relationship to succeed the two persons should be willing to work together. She also attests to the fact that truly it is hard to fully be compatible therefore there things one has to accept to live with. Times as demanding as they are today,
She would leave anyone who has a very tight schedule since she wants attention and loves a man who is at her side not elsewhere most of the time we might find one out of ten of successful relationships o f Miriam’s kind. We always want to be in control, to go in when we like it and walk out when we feel it does not answer to our desires. Susan, a teacher is quick to say that she would walk out of a man who is not a performer in bed without considerations whatsoever. She says the first time she will give room for improvement, the second time she will give the benefit of doubt but alas! The third time…that will be it. She would also
leave a man with a big ego, she says men should be more accommodating not purely alpha males. Patra, a drama trainer would not leave a guy who is all caring and just has enough. She would leave anyone who has a very tight schedule since she wants attention and loves a man who is at her side not elsewhere most of the time. Both agree that after breakup they would get a man as soon as possible. They say this helps them easily forget and live life. If they are dumped they say they would love to have a post-mortem of the relationship so as to grow from it. Patra would want to know what made the man leave her so that she can work on it and be better. Susan on the other hand will be keen to know what is it that she has that he truly like about her so that she would keep it up. Relationships can be very unpredictable therefore it s prudent to create cushioning when getting into one. For starters broach the subject of dealing with one as a couple. Talk to each other what you like about each other openly that gives you a sense of loving with reasons. Ask what the other partner would love to see different in your relationship. Seize every opportunity to make memorable quality moments. After the breakup, give yourself time to rediscover yourself. Make yourself better hit the jog, dance, read, get a makeover. Be civil when breaking up, whereas the reasonable thing is to go your own way, keep the
Generators for special needs! 7.5 KVA welder generators 7.5 3 - phase generators available Guaranteed Quality Reliable After-sales Service
limited stocks!
Genuine Spare Parts
50 • May 2009 • e v o n y
Nairobi Tel : +254-20-554500/08/15, Email:cgtrade@cargen.com Mombasa Tel: +254-41-2312944/6, 2312045, Email: cgmsa@cargen.com Kisumu Tel: +254-57-2024397/4404/1379, Email:cgksmsales@cargen.com Nakuru Tel: +254- 51-2210651/687/658/660, Email:cgnku@cargen.com Email: Sales.enquiries@cargen.com www.cargen.com
relationships
life
e v o n y • M a y 2 009 • 51
life
sex
3 Steps to re-ignite
your sexual life R The techniques of rekindling a couple’s sexual relationship are readily available for anyone willing to take a moment to think about it
hoda ,33, remembers it as vividly as if it were yesterday. It was one of those lazy Saturday afternoons, and she had just stepped out of the shower, her white towel draped around her body, and her hair tied in a bun. She heard a knock on the front door and was a bit surprised to see it was Jim, her husband of three years. Rhoda remembers frowning, thinking it was a bit early for him to be home. She quietly let him in with a quick peck on the lips. He threw himself on his favorite couch in the living-room and switched on the TV. The couple engaged in some chatter as she did her hair. When she was done, Rhoda pulled up a stool in the living-room and proceeded to paint her nails, all the while chatting away. Then she noticed that Jim was unusually quiet. She looked up to see him staring at her towel-clad body, his breathing unusually laboured, and then realized that the towel had slid high up her thighs. She sat up, demurely pulling the towel down to her knees. “That afternoon we had the most passionate sex we have ever had,” Rhoda recalls. “I don’t know if it was the sight of my legs or what, but he was so turned on it was incredible.” Rhoda’s story is remarkable in that, according to Helen Fischer, an anthropologist, most couples are usually at risk of separation after three to four years into the relationship. It is would seem that the diminished passion in the bedroom may have something to do with it. But in 52 • May 2009 • e v o n y
By Arnold Mambo
The Hindu god of meditation, yoga and magic, Shiva, and his lovely wife, Palvathy, locked themselves in their palace, and made non-stop love for 10,000 years
Rhoda’s case, the sexual spark is still there. Diminished passion is perhaps inevitable, given the myriad factors that come into the life of the couple. Suddenly, where there were previously only the two people, come children, the pressure of job deadlines, in-laws, and financial strain. The couple’s sex life invariably suffers. The luxurious, postcoital, Saturday afternoons spent lying in each other’s arms become history. Sex becomes a perfunctory affair done either surreptitiously after the children have gone to bed, or hurriedly after dinner, because “I need to wake up early tomorrow.” Faith, 38, a mother of three and a media consultant confesses: “Nowadays, I can never let my children watch any of those scary movies.” Reason? “As sure as sunset, my little son will come running to our bedroom door that night, saying he has had a nightmare,” she muses; adding “Amazingly enough, he has this peculiar habit of suffering nightmares just when his father and I are having sex. So you can imagine what it is like, trying to convince him not to try and share our bed!” For most couples, lively conversation gradually dies down. The short love texts that were at one time exchanged furiously, come to a stop. That is unless, of course, the texts are about who will pick Johnny up from school. The couple grows distant and sooner than later, it becomes easier to talk to a colleague at work than it is to talk to your spouse. If the colleague is of the opposite sex, then the ingredients for an affair are ripe and ready to be plucked. The techniques of rekindling a couple’s
sex
sexual relationship are readily available for anyone willing to take a moment to think about it. According to experts, the trick lies in emulating the behaviour of new couples. Few sexual liaisons can compare to sex between two people who have just met. “No sex is like new sex”. The sensations enjoyed by the two new lovers are much keener. The rushing of blood to the ears; the rapid beating of hearts; the throaty moans, accompany their lovemaking. A couple used to each other will carefully unbutton and remove each item of clothing; the new couple ravenously tears them off, literally. Where the former will savour each moment of foreplay, the new couple will plunge into lovemaking with gusto. Each act of love-making can be described in terms of the age-old three-
step formula: fore-play, sex and afterplay. This formula stays true even for “quickies” – those rapid, all-out encounters that are over before you know they have began. Skipping any one of those stages is putting the cart before the horse. Foreplay, to most couples, is often about kissing and caressing. For the bolder couples it sometimes includes fellatio and cunnilingus The whole intention of foreplay is to titillate each other’s senses to the point breaking – an attempt to make your lover either totally lose control or just enough to get the two of you in the mood for sex. The second stage - sex - is usually about penetration –frontal, from behind and from the sides. The couple engages in vaginal sex until orgasm is attained.
Post-coital caresses
life
The third stage is after-play, an often ignored phase of sex, which is about gently calming down your lover with gentle, post-coital caresses, kisses and hugging until their heavily shaken, idyllic post-orgasmic selves are calm enough to go into a light, recuperative sleep. Just as all the complexities of language are based on a simple alphabet, so is great sex based as it is on different combinations of the three stages. With the judicious addition of a few enhancers here and there, sex is so rich a treasure that it should take several lifetimes to entirely exhaust what it has to offer. For instance according to the Kamasutra, the book written by the Indian sage, Vatsayana, and considered the most famous book on the art of love and sex, the Hindu god of meditation, yoga and e v o n y • M a y 2 009 • 53
life
shopping essentials
Impulsive shopper? Here is how to
tame yourself
Every shilling that you use or lose without having planned for it is very critical to your financial well being By Catherine Ndioo
I
t is quite easy to toss a candy bar, magazine, or any sale item into your shopping cart. But is it right? Just buying an item on sale can drastically impact your wallet. Ponder this: every shilling that you use or lose without having planned for it is very critical to your financial well being. One shilling today is worth Ksh720 in 20 years (applying the power of compounding wealth). Actually, if you over-run your budget every month by one or two thousand, this ends up being quite an amount by the end of the year.
Sudden driving force Impulse buying is the sudden driving force that tells you to buy something, just like that. 54 â&#x20AC;˘ May 2009 â&#x20AC;˘ e v o n y
According to research, impulse or non-impulse behaviors in shoppers can be identified in less than a minute by sharp salesmen, indicating to them who is most likely to listen to their sales advice and who is not. It takes discipline to walk past items that have flashy red clearance sticker screaming for you to buy it. But not to worry, financial experts say that you can repel these impulsive buying tendencies. According to Joewatson Gakuo, a financial advisor with Suntra Investment Bank Ltd, a proper plan (budget) and discipline is all you need to avoid the habit. Stores, shops and businesses all prey upon shoppers who lack the discipline to shop from a list and use it diligently. People likely to be impulse shoppers exhibit certain characteristics. â&#x20AC;&#x153;They are emotional, passionate and seek instant pleasures/
shopping essentials
life
wise to not invest their time with customers who are highly self-restrained. They are not enticed by sales or salespeople. They may browse extensively and compare prices in different shops, but will leave the store empty handed if they don’t find exactly what they want.
Breaking the pattern
People likely to be impulse shoppers exhibit certain characteristics. “They are emotional, passionate and seek instant pleasures/ gratification. They are also poor planners,” says Mr Gakuo
gratification. They are also poor planners,” says Mr Gakuo. A study conducted by students at the University of New Hampshire in America around the Christmas season of 2007 and titled “Observable Cognitive Function in the Purchasing Process: A Study of Quickly Identifying Impulse Buying Behaviors in Consumers”, showed distinct personalities of impulse shoppers. People who have a lot of self-restraint have the ability to think before they act, the study says. They can resist the urge to say or do something to allow time to evaluate the situation and how a behavior might affect it. The students however found that highly flexible customers browse extensively and tend to walk around the store. They are not loyal to any one brand. They are open to suggestions from sales associates and easily persuaded to purchase the generic, less-costly version of the item or even to trade up. If the customers can’t find the product they want to purchase, they tend to purchase another similar product. C o n s u m e r s w i t h l o w - s e l f r e s t ra i n t randomly look at products and walk through the aisles grabbing different items. They appear distracted or scattered, picking up items without a pattern. Sometimes they will pick up an item, put it back, then go back and get it for purchase. Sales are very attractive to these consumers, whether or not they planned to purchase the item – they are the true impulse buyers. On the other hand, salespeople would be
To break the pattern of impulse buying, Mr Gakuo says the most important thing is to have a budget – make a list before you go shopping and stick to it. It is also important to take time before buying something. Wait a day or two before making the purchase decision. By doing this, you make clearer and better purchases. “Keep all the receipts of purchases,” says Mr Gakuo. This helps you compare your budget, and revise over-expenditure. “Don’t go shopping with friends who might influence you,” he adds. Other big don’ts, he says, are getting excited over prices of a product if you had not planned for it, and carrying excess cash when going shopping – you could easily be tempted to use it. Being able to delay gratification becomes a lot easier when you address the emotional roots that drive us to make most purchases, some psychologists say. In short, we buy things because we think they’ll make us happy. A good way to break the impulse-buying pattern is to challenge it right when it occurs, by asking yourself, “Do I truly need this in order to be happy and complete?” In most cases you will see that you don’t and you will immediately feel more in control of your impulse to buy something that you will later regret. The greatest danger in impulse buying, Mr Gakuo says, is that it can lead you into a financial crisis. This shows how critical it is to control the tendency, especially in these hard economic times. Other ways of putting a stop to impulse buying is by being ‘stubborn’, that is, avoid shopping until you have to. Other people avoid carrying their credit cards which tempt them to buy more than they need. When going ‘window’ shopping, consider not carrying even cash, as you might be tempted to buy attractive items you don’t need. If this is a temptation, you can also consider putting only enough money in your checking account to purchase the necessary items or pay bills, and depositing the reminder into a savings account. This will keep you from spending money on items you don’t need. Some married couples also make joint agreements when purchasing high cost items. It is not a crime to indulge in going to clearance sales as a hobby, but to keep spending e v o n y • M a y 2 009 • 55
life
home décor
BEAUTIFUL HOMES
Creative lighting to enliven your home By Wangeci Kanyeki
1.
Function
Lights set the mood in a room, from the romantic lights at a dinner table, to dim lights at a discotheque where you can hardly see the person next to you. In our houses, we use lighting for functionality as well as aesthetics. With modern technology, you can now have walk over lights from your gate, right through the driveway to your entrance hall aquarium. With the existing vast array of options, selecting lighting fixtures can be a daunting task especially if you are doing it for the first time. Below are 7 points to consider before investing in illuminating gadgets.
The best place to start is on the function of the light. Where will it be used? Do you need a reading light or floor lamp? Table lamp or bathroom light? Decorative or crystal? Once you know where you want to position the light, then you can always get the best deal out of your vendor.
2.
Height of the room
Consider the height of your ceiling and give good clearance for human traffic. Placing a long chandelier on a low ceiling might cause it to sweep the floor. You also do not want to spend so much on a crystal chandelier only to have somebody’s head ram into it.
56 • May 2009 • e v o n y
3.
Home type Choose a light that matches your type of house. While chrome light with crystal dressing set might be more suitable in a modern contemporary house, bronze and wooden finishes will be more appropriate in a rustic countryside house. There are vast arrays and series of lanterns, pendants and wall lights in antique brass, satin silver and black finishes. Whatever your type of house, you will find something that suits
home décor
life
6.
5.
Wattage With the escalating cost of electricity, you might want to check the wattage required for the bulb. Find fittings that accommodate energy saving bulbs or at least low wattage bulbs. Due to new developments in efficacy (lumens per watt) LEDS are now a realistic alternative to other light sources and have a much lower running cost. There are LED
Just as jewellery adds a touch of class to your dressing and makes it complete, accessorizing your light features gives your home a personalized sense of style. Dimmer stitches, mood lights or pear drop crystals will create a sophisticated ambience. Look for an elegant range of ceiling fittings and wall lights with glass bead detail and watch how they
7.
Vendor Look for a vendor who offers your value added service by being knowledgeable about their products. Your local supermarket and lighting retail shops will have a variety of lamps and lighting fixtures. Alibhai Shariff’s one-stop shop on Mombasa Road offers a one-on-one lighting solutions and fitting services to its clients. Other than using
4.
Match textures Look for a light fitting that matches the textures in your room. While a room decorated using an African theme will look excellent with ‘ethnic’ light fittings that blend with the room, a bathroom with opaque windows will look stunning with opaque wall brackets and ceiling lights. You could also find novelty collections for children’s rooms like a helicopter adjustable pendant light that will cheer up any boy.
e v o n y • M a y 2 009 • 57
Interviews with of Alibhai Shariff Photos courtesy Alibhai Shariff Lighting features available at Alibhai Shariff, Builders Solution Centre on Mombasa Road.
Accessories
the first lifeheart things health of first the matter & wellness welcome what i’ve learnt
58 • May 2009 • e v o n y
Fashion & hairetiquette
Our first issue of Evony is about self-
discovery and renewal
fashion • hair and beauty • image and etiquette
Lights, camera, runway...
Africanwear showcased Pages 58-68
e v o n y • M a y 2 009 • 59
African Heritage Murumbi Peace Memorial Celebrations African Heritage celebrated its fourth anniversary on Sunday 29th March at the Nairobi Intercontinental Hotel. U.S. Ambassador to Kenya, Mr. Michael Ranneberger was the chief guest of the evening while the General Motors CEO Bill Lay was the Master of Ceremonies assisted by Harriet Hala. Mr. Ranneberger praised the late and former Vice President Joseph Murumbi for his love for African culture and Heritage . Murumbi Peace Memorial and the
60 • May 2009 • e v o n y
African Heritage celebrations was organized by Allan Donovan and hosted by the Intercontinental Hotel . Collections from African communities’, costumes and fashions like Ghana, Cameroon, Nigeria and Niger, Congo and Mali, Madagascar, Sierra-Leone, Ethiopia, Egypt and South Africa were among others were showcased.
african fashion
Former Miss Kenya runnersup Nelly Gathi e v o n y â&#x20AC;˘ M a y 2 009 â&#x20AC;˘ 61
african fashion
62 • May 2009 • e v o n y
Former Miss Kenya, Cecilia Mwangi (left) and an African Heritage model e v o n y â&#x20AC;˘ M a y 2 009 â&#x20AC;˘ 63
african fashion
Parisbased model Agnes Omondi 64 • May 2009 • e v o n y
Poet Caroline Nderitu in an Ethiopian outfit e v o n y • M a y 2 009 • 65
african fashion
Former Miss Kenya Cecilia Mwangi
66 • May 2009 • e v o n y
African Heritage Model Fake and poet Caroline Nderitu
e v o n y â&#x20AC;˘ M a y 2 009 â&#x20AC;˘ 67
african fashion
Former Mr. Kenya Mickey Ragos and his son fake
68 • May 2009 • e v o n y
An African Heritage model wears an ancient Nigerian outfit
e v o n y • M a y 2 009 • 69
african fashion
Former Miss Kenya runnersup Nelly Gathi 70 • May 2009 • e v o n y
fashion, hair & etiquette
image & etiquette
BUSINESS DINING ETIQUETTE (LUNCH)
Image W
and etiquette
aikenda’s interest i n Im a g e a n d Etiquette is propelled by the believe that impressions and consideration for others is very important in human interaction. As our world becomes a smaller place and our economy becomes increasingly global in scope, it is becoming increasingly clear how important good manners are in all cultures. In today’s increasingly global society, technical knowledge alone is no longer enough to ensure success. Sophistication is more the catchword. Given a choice between two equally talented individuals, corporations will choose the candidate with the greater interpersonal skills to represent them.
72 • May 2009 • e v o n y
Most successful business is built on a foundation of rapport. People prefer doing business with those people who mirror their own values and reflect a universally accepted standard of quality behavior. Etiquette is about understanding and doing what is socially and culturally accepted in the process of doing business. Protocol is the set of rules which prescribe the conduct or behavior that is accepted by G overnment officials, diplomats, dignitaries and business leaders around the world. Diplomacy is the art of negotiations, and requires having tact and being nonconfrontational. This knowledge ensures respect, refinement and consistency in communication and empowers people with critical soft skills to succeed in today’s global society.
There is a very subtle prejudice against people who do not exercise proper dining etiquette and the most unfortunate thing about it is that no one can ever tell you that they prefer to give you a wide berth because you are not equipped with dining skills. In business dining, the first general rule to remember is that food is not the central issue. The main purpose for the business lunch is business, which is best discussed when everybody has placed their order. It is appropriate to spread the napkin across your lap as soon as you sit down at the table. Do not tuck it on top of your shirt. While discussing business, ensure that you do not speak too loudly that those at the other table can hear what is being discussed. Do not appear over eager to discuss business. Allow everyone to have a chance to look at the menu and order so as not to delay the meal. To indicate to the waiter that you are ready to order, close your menu and place it on the table. Do not order food that will interfere with the discussion such as corn on the cob or lobster. As a guest, one should never order for the most expensive item on the menu. You can get your host to diplomatically guide you by requesting him or her to recommend items on the menu. Guests should also avoid ordering for a first course unless others do. Alcoholic drinks are not often part of a business lunch. If the host orders for alcohol it should be consumed in moderation (not more than two drinks). If one is trying to close a sale or deal, alcoholic drinks should be totally avoided. If the lunch is in buffet form, do not pile
Travel and
entertainment
Our first issue of Evony is about self-
discovery and renewal
Q+A: local celebrity • celeb watch • events • diarise this • music, theatre, art, movies reviews • bookshelf • travel • motoring • short fiction
Dar awaits find out what this sleepy East African city has to offer e v o n y • M a y 2 009 • 73
74 • May 2009 • e v o n y
entertainment profile
travel & entertainment
You may have more money, more power, more women than I, but we are all mortal
Confident
to ay efault, t so SIMPLE “T By Nelly Kuria
he graveyard is full of people who thought they were invincible. Intimidation is used by the weak to strengthen their inadequacy; I am impervious to it”, goes the treatise from Eddy kimani. Eddy reckons that he is just a simple, plain man. But upon learning about his youth and experiences while growing up, it is apparent that Eddy Mbugua, one of the trio of Kenyans who participated in the Apprentice Africa version of the US reality show, is not quite that simple. “I did both my middle school and high school in Leeds, UK. Which was unfortunate because I had to embrace others’ history before mine. .but
what pertinence does that hold to my country?” Eddy reveres the lessons his mum imparted in him, and attributes this to the person he has become today, confident to a fault and somewhat dare devilish. “I come from a single family. Some believe that children from single parents don’t amount to much. My Mum is a single parent who has done a wonderful job raising my brother and myself. I would like to be seen as an ambassador for single parent children; if I can do it, so can you! No one cares where you came from, but what you have to offer.” When Eddy saw the advert in the newspaper in November 2007 requesting interested participants go for auditions. He wasn’t sure that he would make it, given, he says, the huge number of well educated and intelligent young Kenyans who would perhaps be gunning for the same position. “I was e v o n y • M a y 2 009 • 75
travel & entertainment
afraid I wouldn’t be selected as we have such intelligent minds in this country. I think they wanted intelligent, educated (there is a difference), eloquent, somewhat insane candidates who were not afraid to be themselves in front of camera. Many people adopt a different persona when on camera. They wanted ‘real and yet sort of eccentric, daredevil candidates, is the way he puts it. We were a total of 80,000 applicants with 3000 from Kenya.” But make it he did which says a lot for the person Eddy is, a true go getter Kenyan with a broad minded approach to life and possibly a great future ahead of him. However, the Apprentice Africa Guru, Biodun Shobanjo, did fire Eddy and so he never got to become the Apprentice. Does he feel that his firing was justified? Does he think that some one else should have been fired instead? Eddy is philosophical about it, and takes responsibility for his team, in a way that could teach our politicians a thing or two about principle, and hopefully, the Kenyan youth are listening. “I wish to highlight that how you win is equally as important as winning itself. I was not going to point fingers or get into petty debates just to stay in the competition. A competition does not define you, it challenges you. My team lost, we all worked hard so I took responsibility even though I was not the weakest player, but there is a consequence attached to leadership and I capitulated to it. I felt that I had let myself, my family and my country down but I knew that they would understand why I chose the selected path and forgive me.” The Apprentice Africa show is awash with highly capable young men and women and stands testament to the continent’s human resource potential. Eddy mingled with them, and singles out two of them as the most outstanding, and then two he would most like to start a venture with if the opportunity presented itself. He mentions Anthony, who, according to him, is a financial genius and a people person, and Tunde, who he feels is very hardworking and gives his all in whatever he does. But he declines to opine about who he thinks will be the eventual winner.“I cannot answer that right now because they are almost at the final stage. My guess would reveal who is in the final...pole” It has been said that the young Kenyan shares some qualities with show guru Shobanjo. What does Eddy think about this? “If Shobanjo shared his wealth with me I would be very happy. I think we share mutual respect for each other, even after he fired me off camera he shook my 76 • May 2009 • e v o n y
entertainment profile
hand and told me that I have a future in business and had I not been ‘sentimental’ I would have made been his apprentice, to which I said ‘Sir, I am sentimental because I have a heart, who wants a beast as an apprentice?’ He smiled and walked away.” It was apparent that Eddy was never intimidated by the CEO, and openly challenged some of his opinions in the boardroom, exposing yourself to his blazing gun. Why did he adopt this strategy, which sometimes looked like self destruction? This question elicited a gem of wisdom. “I am never intimidated by anyone. My Mother taught us self-worth from an early age. I was born into this Earth, shall breed in it, die, be buried in it; it belongs to no one, so why should I fear anyone who is in it, yet we all got here the same way. You may have more money, more power, more women than I, but we are all mortal. My mother says ‘The graveyard is full of people who thought they were invincible.’ Intimidation is used by the weak to strengthen their inadequacy; I am impervious to it.” Eddy thinks that there is no realistic formula to compare US version and the African version of the show. “How would you rate The Standard with an American newspaper? Forget Americans, they do their thing we do ours, for how for how long shall they be the yardstick to how we do things? “ He displays his sensitive side as he answers about his plans now that the show is over. “I am going to be a Daddy in August ; I cannot wait. Many want to change the world; be billionaires, I just want to be a good Dad; inspire my son into knowing that there is nothing he cannot do. Our children are our success.” Eddy cautions the media about giving politics too much space at the expense of other facets of life, and at the expense of the rest of Kenyans who work hard
to make a difference in their lives. “I was rather disappointed by the type of publicity TAA got from our media. They need to learn that politics is not the backbone of society, there are others facets that contribute to news; the talent of a nation is one. So rather than regurgitating what politicians say, daily, why not focus on what Kenyans are doing and achieving?” Kenyan lady trailblazer at Apprentice Africa We talked to Joyce Mbaya, the only lady Kenyan participant of the Apprentice Africa program. The intelligent Kenyan contestant studied at some of the best schools in the country and crowned it with a computer science and mathematics degree from the United States. Her choice of career in a field many girls are wont to avoid, perhaps even fear, says a lot for her abilities and places her on the screen as a person to watch in corporate Kenya in future. Maybe even beyond our borders. “I went to Alliance Girls’ High School and I finished in 2000. I left Kenya in 2002 for the US where I studied Bachelor of Science in Computer Science and Mathematics at the University of Central Missouri. Once I graduated, I interviewed with Safaricom while still in the US and they recruited me for their Graduate Management Engineering Program. I left Safaricom in December last year to participate in Apprentice Africa.” “While in college I was an apartment manager and was very involved in various organizations as well as Student Govt. I received certificates for being an outstanding student leader.” Joyce is at a loss to rank the other contestants, saying that they all were outstanding and talented. She discloses that a joint project with all the participants is in the cards….”All the contestants selected for this first season were very remarkable young professionals. I was very proud and humbled to be a part of such a
travel & entertainment
entertainment profile
BRITNEY SPEARS MAKES A COMEBACK
T
wo years ago, like Britain’s Amy Winehouse, across the Atlantic Britney Spears was in the media limelight for all the wrong reasons. The American pop singer got married for 55 hours before it was annulled, got married again, checked into a rehab facility for 24-hours and spent the better part of 2007 year in and out of courts fighting to keep her two children and a hit-and-run charge. When the world first met Ms Spears when she was a teenager dancing in a little school uniform in a music video of her hit song “Baby, hit one more time” released 1998, nobody knew that when she came crashing down 78 • May 2009 • e v o n y
with a nervous breakdown it was going to be this bad. According to psychologists at the time, they described the behaviour like a three-year old throwing a tantrum. Many were interviewed to shade some light into this “tantrum” and one said that “Spears is rebelling against her the people who handled and molded her, just as she was in November [1997] when she repeatedly flashed her private parts to the paparazzi.” Even after that one year, she was able to pick herself up and win two awards MTV Europe Music Awards 2008, “Album of The Year” for Blackout and “Act of 2008” in a ceremony held in November, 2008. Then her single “Circus” debuted at number one on the Billboard 200 selling 505,000 copies in its first week. This became Ms Spears’ fifth number one album,
the follow up single to the number-one hit “womanizer”, debuted at number three on the Hot 100, making it her highest debut on the chart as well as her seventh top ten hit. So, how did she end up at the bottom of the barrel? Born in 1981, at age eight she auditioned for Disney’s series The New Mickey Mouse Club, the producers felt that she was too young but one of them introduced to an agent and was able to appear in some off-Broadway productions while attending the New York City’s Professional Performing Arts School. She was able to join the show at age 11 and stayed until she was 13. After high school, Ms Spears then aged 16 briefly joined the all-female pop group before going solo and toured the US before becoming
an opening act for ‘N Sync and Backstreet Boys which propelled to the spotlight. A year later, the hit single “Baby, hit me one more time” was release. In just three years, Forbes magazine, ranked her as the world’s most powerful celebrity. By the time, she was 20 years old (2001), Ms Spears had sold more than 35 million albums worldwide. Recently, according to Yahoo! data, she was the most popular searched celebrity for the last four years and named as Most Searched Person in the Guinness World Records book edition 2007 (this was not for a good thing) and 2009. As if to shade off the innocent persona painted by the media, during a performance at the 2003 MTV Video Music Awards (VMA)
TV
travel & entertainment
T H E CA S E F O R
LOCAL
NT E CONT
ON TELEVISION
ce rn , as a wh if f of co n Wit h ou t as mu ch g wh at cu lt u re , in cl u di n n ow r ou h as tr e w an ge fo r an ot h er ch ex in it in od is go re ly co m pr eh en d cu lt u re th at we ba Ku ria By Ne lly
I
t is not a new story. It has been said before. Like most societies which only recently joined the larger world community in embracing globalization, Kenya risks loosing its identity under the onslaught of products and services from those economies which are ahead, especially those from the West. Even an emerging super power will not escape, notwithstanding her strictly government controlled economy, if the recent article we read in The Sunday Standard about an emerging pub culture in Beijing is anything to go by. The area of communication is affected the most, what with the contemporary cutting edge technologies like mobile phones, Ipods, satellite beaming, domestic
satellite dishes and every home having radio and television for entertainment. While this globalization cannot be controlled by legislation, a few countries may try to use protectionist legislation, which may work to some extent for physical products, but it will not work on the deluge of information in the entertainment industry. This is very evident in the kind of programming we see on our television channels, which are full of western productions. On certain days, for those who are couch addicts attached to their remote controls, one gets very frustrated to find the ubiquitous Mexican soap operas dominating every channel. Why the programmers opt to air them on all channels at the same time is difficult to understand. On another day it
will be the American hip hop fellows, interspersed with our very own clones of the same. If its not the soaps or the foul mouthed African Americans, it will be some form of survivor series, most of them taking the extreme ends of American comforts pitted against African backwardness in a bizarre attempt to entertain.. Without as much as a whiff of concern, we trash our own culture, including what is good in it in exchange for another culture that we barely comprehend. Only when things start to go horribly wrong, such as when our little daughters discover swing clubs and all manner of debauchery, do we take notice and blame the uncensored media as reprehensible. Wikipedia defines culture as the total sum of what a society
is. Derived from a latin word which means “ to cultivate”, the description points to what we as a society are loosing from eons of cultivation, while harvesting from another society’s cultivation. Put succinctly, we are raiding another society’s shamba. Put another way, the weeds from another society’s shamba have raided ours. Culture (from the Latin word cultura , meaning “to cultivate”) generally refers to patterns of human activity and the symbolic structures that give such activities significance and importance. Cultures can be “understood as systems of symbols and meanings that even their creators contest, that lack fixed boundaries, that are constantly in flux, and that interact and compete with one another” Culture can be defined as e v o n y • M a y 2 009 • 79
travel & entertainment
the ways of life including arts, beliefs and institutions of a population that are passed down from generation to generation. Culture has been called “the way of life for an entire society.” It includes codes of manners, dress, language, religion, rituals, norms of behavior such as law and morality, and systems of belief as well as the art. Cultural anthropologists most commonly use the term “culture” to refer to the universal human capacity and activities to classify, codify and communicate their experiences materially and symbolically. Scholars have long viewed this capacity as a defining feature of humans. From the above, it is clear that we are at risk of selling our very essence, our collective soul and spirit, if we do not adopt some methods to stem this bombardment of foreign cultures and values. Our government has in the past used taxation as a means of controlling what products are imported into the country, for a wide range of reasons, mainly to protect local industries and jobs. For information, the one and only way open to us is to implement the local content requirement for television stations. Many countries have 80 • May 2009 • e v o n y
TV
legislated this requirement, some punitively so, like the Arab countries do. South Africa has a law that requires that television stations air local content at a minimum of 30%. The relevant ministry has auditors continuously checking that the law is followed to the letter, and deviation has consequences for the offending station. We have seen some productions from South Africa that puts that country at a higher level of cultural conciousness than ours. A few voices have raised the issue in Kenya, but such voices have gone unheeded. For Assistant Minister Koigi
Wa Wamwere immediately comes to mind. But given what we see on television, this has really not caught the attention of the right people. Some media owners and management may arguer that there is a dearth of local content to air. They will also argue that they are limited in terms of equipment and human resource to create such productions. But Evans Kinyua of Global Media & PR Limited, an independent television production house, disagrees. “ In Kenya there are numerous independent production houses, some fairly large and numerous small
ones, that would provide local content of they were assured of a market. A requirement like this one would create that market,” he says. “In addition, this would create a conducive environment for our own artists to develop their own creativity and bloom. This would, in addition, create jobs for people in the creative industry, such as actors, writers, photo-journalists, soundmen, producers, and many others”, Evans avers. Some efforts have been made to encourage local productions, but such initiatives have been mainly from projects funded by the donors and multi-lateral donors, sometimes by private companies, rather than government initiative. Such initiatives have borne fruit, and many families today are enjoying Tahidi High, Inspecta Mwala, Papa Shirandula and even Can u dance? Each of the local television stations seems to have at least one locally produced program running, some more than others, but it is a step in
travel & entertainment
travel
Don’t go to Tanzania without checking out Dar-es-Salaam, says Nelly Kuria. The city’s eclectic mix of Swahili, German, Asian and British culture makes it a fascinating port of call
M
y Kenya Airways flight lands in Dar-esSalaam at nightfall. It was a quiet, relaxing flight but my serenity is shattered when I discover that my beach hotel, which advertised itself as “close to town”, was actually over an hour’s drive away. It’s going to cost me $30(Ksh2400) to get there. I am not prepared to pay this so I ask the taxi driver to take me to a reasonably-priced place downtown. Falling
82 • May 2009 • e v o n y
down on my usual traveling habits, I decide that “if it ain’t dirty or buggy then I can deal with it.” We end up at the Econolodge – not the American company but a five-storey plain Jane – a cross between a backpackers’ lodge and an East African businessman’s hotel. The room has a good hot shower and powerful fan. And even comes with a toast and tea in the morning thrown in for only $15(Ksh1010) a night. Obviously the guests are not expected to be on high-budget expenses! I am really excited to be in this vibrant city. To most
travelers, it’s just a convenient port of call on the way to the more exotic destinations of Zanzibar, the game parks , Pemba or Mafia Islands. This is a great pity, because “Dar”, as it is affectionately called by aficionados of the city, is a fascinating rabbit warren of a tropical port – often surprisingly the unwary wanderer with scenes of breathtaking beauty. People often think that Dar (rather than Dodoma) is the true capital of Tanzania in every sense: a hustling, bustling seaport that straddles some of the most important
sea routes on earth. It is Tanzania’s financial and political hub, despite having lost its capital status to Dodoma in 1996. Tanzania’s national assembly relocated to Dodoma but many government offices remain in Dar. In the morning, keen to explore, I bargain a taxi driver down two American dollars to take me five blocks to a local tourist information centre. There I get a photocopied map of downtown Dar, which has numbers superimposed on sites but no key to tell what the numbers mean. Luckily, a woman at the
DAR –
Dreaming
counter tells me to “just keep walking down the road and in 10 minutes you will arrive at the national museum.” Dar turns out to be a very doable town: things are generally inexpensive compared to other East African countries I’ve been to, and ATM’s are accessible and widely available. Walking around central Dar is an easy way to see the city and probably the best way to get around. In general people will leave you alone, except for the occasional greeting, as they are generally too polite to harass local tourists. Even the many crippled beggars on
the sidewalks speak in a fairly quiet tone. They are curious, but will only snatch a quick glance rather than stare. There aren’t many sidewalks in Dar and I soon realize that you have to exercise caution when walking along busy roads. However, , almost everything I want to see is within a short walking distance. There is a really good barbeque –or, rather, “barbecue Village, Msasani, off Kimweri road in town. The city, like the rest of the country, contains a great variety of people: the many tribes of East Africa are represented,
as are the Swahili people who are a mix of African and Arab , going back 1000 years to Omani and Persian ancestry. Tanzania is the home of over 120 culturally diverse tribes who share the official language, Swahili. The African population includes the Sukuma, Haya, Nyakyusa, Nyamwezi and Chagga, numbering more than one million members. One of Tanzania;s major tribes, the Maasai, dominates the northern portion of Tanzania, and there’s also a tribe called the Ngoni, who moved from South Africa in 1840s
and settled in Tanzania. The history includes traders from China and Greece, invaders from Arabia and Portugal, and colonialists from Germany and Britain. I learn all this from my visit to the museum. The Tanzanian establishment, unlike the newly upgraded Kenyan one, is humble but well designed, educational without being daunting, and, above all, downright accessible. There is an excellent Evolution of Mankind area, where you can view some of the actual hominis skulls found in Olduvai by the Leakey family, as e v o n y • M a y 2 009 • 83
travel & entertainment
Take time to look at some of the numerous clay carvings which say things like” “No doing your sister because you will make a monster baby”
84 • May 2009 • e v o n y
travel
well as a wonderful family tree of humans and apes. Upstairs, which I have all to myself, is the history of Tanzania. It tells a story that goes back to original references made by Greek traders, and includes artifacts such as the bed of the Sultan of Zanzibar, Sayyid Khalifa Bin Harub Al-Busaod, who ruled Zanzibar from 1911 to 1960; the pipe and rifle of the last German governor; and the presidential desk of Julius Nyerere, who is the father figure of the nation. I’m surprised hat I can wander around these national treasures – including priceless objects from great
chieftains of the past and even a piece of moon rock given to Tanzania by the US in 1972 – without an attendant in sight. A natural history museum is the nest building. There I see a stuffed dugong ( a large grey mammal that spends its entire life in the sea) and he dinosaur of fish, a Coelacanth – It’s huge and skeletal. Coelacanths were once thought to be extinct. Finding one was said to be akin to discovering a live dinosaur roaming the earth. Since then, there have been several discoveries of live Coelacanths living in shallower depths of the East African coast than originally thought. The museum also houses various tribal artifacts including ancient drums and bead work. Take time to look at some of the numerous clay carvings which say things like” “No doing your sister because you will make a monster baby” and: “Be careful of white people. They can see further because they have binoculars.” Between the two museum buildings sits a
simple memorial to the US embassy bombing of 1998. Placed in a cement base are the remains of a bicycle and other fragments, as well as a sculpted figure of a woman with no arms representing a real victim who lost her arms and her husband in the blast. Continuing my stroll through town, I walk into another building. I have found my way into City Hall, which originally housed Tanzania’s national assembly. A fellow working there asks me if I know anybody who can finance his education in “my” country ( I guess I looked like a Jamaican with my dreadlocks). I tell him no, and he says: “Okay, thank you for visiting Tanzania,” before going about his business. I walk into a nearby Holiday Inn, where the “Baraza” bar is the place to be seen in Dar. However, we all know that when an African woman strolls into a five star hotel unaccompanied, nobody bothers with the niceties, the usual conclusion is that you are on a fishing(read “soliciting”) mission. This phenomenon is not peculiar to Kenya – it’s also rife in TZ. I stroll in wearing a plain white T-shirt, baggy Khaki pants and a pair of knee-length boots. Not one staff member, and there were three just idly lined up by the door) takes any notice. I’m expecting the usual, “May I help you?”
bookshelf
travel & entertainment
GREAT READS
BOOK: Note to Self: 30 Women on Hardship, Humiliation, Heartbreak, and Overcoming It All AUTHOR: Andrea Buchanan AVAILABLE: Bookpoint REVIEWER: Nelly Kuria Thirty inspiring women share the enduring lessons they have learned from the defining moments of their lives. Life rarely works out exactly as we plan. Rejection by a cherished friend, the onset of an unexpected illness, struggle with body image and self-perception -these experiences may challenge us, but our triumphs come to define us. We find comfort, joy, tears, and laughter in the wisdom, insight, and empathy we gain. In Note to Self, thirty dynamic women share their inspirational stories with writer, director, and television and film producer Andrea Buchanan. Celebrities such as Grammy Award-winning rock star Sheryl Crow and Emmy Award-winning actress Camryn Manheim join stuntwoman Stacy Courtney, football player Katie Hnida, seventy- year-old HIV-positive grandmother Beverly London, and alcoholic-turnedinterventionist Candy Finnigan to reflect on their unforgettable stories of redemption. Punctuated by tears and laughter, these poignant tales are full of incredible strength, invaluable knowledge, insurmountable odds, helpful survival instincts, amazing willpower, humiliation -- sometimes on a national level -- and a hefty dose of humor. These unstoppable women emerged stronger, wiser, and more successful from the often painful and humbling turning points in their lives. While none of their
TITLE: Act like a lady, Think like a Man AUTHOR: Steve Harvey AVAILABLE: Books First REVIEWER: Nelly Kuria
Steve Harvey, the host of the nationally syndicated Steve Harvey Morning Show, can’t count the number of impressive women he’s met over the years, whether it’s through the “Strawberry Letters” segment of his program or while on tour for his comedy shows. These are women who can run a small business, keep a household with three kids in tiptop shape, and chair a church group all at the same time. Yet when it comes to relationships, they can’t figure out what makes men tick. Why? According to Steve it’s because they’re asking other women for advice when no one but another man can tell them how to find and keep a man. In Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, Steve lets women inside the mindset of a man and sheds lights on concepts and questions such as: • The Ninety Day Rule: Ford requires it of its employees. Should you require it of your man? • How to spot a mama’s boy and what if anything you can do about it. • When to introduce the kids. And what to read into the first interaction between your date and your kids. • The five questions every woman should ask a man to determine how serious he is. • And more... Sometimes funny, sometimes direct, but always truthful, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man is a book you must
TITLE: The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie AUTHOR: Alan Bradley AVAILABLE: Books First REVIEWER: Nelly Kuria
In his wickedly brilliant first novel, Debut Dagger Award winner Alan Bradley introduces one of the most singular and engaging heroines in recent fiction: elevenyear-old Flavia de Luce, an aspiring chemist with a passion for poison. It is the summer of 1950—and a series of inexplicable events has struck Buckshaw, the decaying English mansion that Flavia’s family calls home. A dead bird is found on the doorstep, a postage stamp bizarrely pinned to its beak. Hours later, Flavia finds a man lying in the cucumber patch and watches him as he takes his dying breath. For Flavia, who is both appalled and delighted, life begins in earnest when murder comes to Buckshaw. “I wish I could say I was afraid, but I wasn’t. Quite the contrary. This was by far the most interesting thing that had ever happened to me in my entire life.” To Flavia the investigation is the stuff of science: full of possibilities, contradictions, and connections. Soon her father, a man raising his three daughters alone, is seized, accused of murder. And in a police cell, during a violent thunderstorm, Colonel de Luce tells his daughter an astounding story—of a schoolboy friendship turned ugly, of a priceless object that vanished in a bizarre and brazen act of thievery, of a Latin teacher who flung himself to his death from the school’s tower thirty years before. Now Flavia is armed with more
e v o n y • M a y 2 009 • 85
travel & entertainment
motoring
Truly Kenyan this
A good driver is mindful of the inconvenience that their erratic behavior causes others
By Mukumu Na Muchina
I
often wonder why the Kenyan lady fails to notice that if they really wish to pester their hussies to death, the easiest route to take is the motoring nag: Wife: “Have you noticed the new car that the Kengas are driving. My, that is the car.” Day Two – as both of you drive on Thika Road, wife remarks: “Did you hear that kuru kuru noise coming from the engine? I think you should stop.” If you are married to a truly Kenya motoring fanatic or to someone who knows the social value that a jalopy bestows on a man, then you will end up in hospital. Times were when a man tolerated ridicule about the state of his car. Then the mitumba – and all of us who will kill a wife so that we can keep the car will attest to this – came along. Everyone is to be seen with “new”. Never mind the age of the moze. The number plate will have to be new. I know a man who held on to the Dubai plates of a ten year–old car for two years so that it would register as KBB – Kamaa Bado ni Bunda. By the 86 • May 2009 • e v o n y
time KBB chanced on the scene, the rattletrap was a relic fit only for the demolish ward. Motoring truth be told. There are good drivers and supreme drivers out there. A good driver is mindful of the inconvenience that their erratic behavior causes others. A supreme driver is fast, does not want to spend too much time on the road and attempts to teach bad drivers a lesson by overlapping the inconsiderately slow drivers. The moment the traffic cops realize that overlapping is an apt response to highway mental affront, the wiser they will be. But none of these outnumber the owner driver. The guys that do not give hoots, about crawling early models. This breed is responsible for 11/10 outrages on our roads! They show off heaps of metal as if these were medals of honour. They fight in bars over which wreck races faster or costs more cents than the other. Once they realize that they have bored everyone to death, they go home to visit motoring troubles on their wives. These guys are incredibly dim witted. But they are also the men we married! The story about men and cars, men and
short fiction
travel & entertainment
Escapemy forlife
By Bob Mukungi Muchemi
I
came in through the gushing blizzard along the twenty odd miles from the bus terminus. From the arch of the roofless shelter, the road run North between the twin hills onto the distant horizon. There were no trees along the path. The short thistle bush that grew where corn had been harvested the last season clung to my corduroy slacks. When I could, I turned to see how far I had come only to see a brood of jack rabbits scurrying across the path. I laboured up the short slippery climb to the homestead that nestled in the crook of a wooded hill.
I felt, rather than saw, the blizzard disappear behind me as I stepped into the tin roofed roundavel in the middle of the crowded compound. I was home. And already, I felt miserable. For a long moment, I watched the water drip down my clothes onto the rugged cake of cow dung that made the floor. A small pool swirled into a lazy circular motion before breaking its bubbles and flowing into the cold hearth at the bottom of three large stones in the centre of the room. My eyes wandered to the form of an adult sleeping on a bunk between two huge wooden pillars, the
breathing reaching me in uneven grunts, the body heaving in rhythmic spurts. I stepped out of the pool and slumped into the wooden stool beneath the central arch that rose from the floor to the thatched roof. Across the doorway, the rain spluttered on bare earth on which stood the lone goat tethered in the compound, its body arched into a hideous form of bones. Then I remembered. There had always been one goat in our lives. In the beginning, it was a spotted billy upon which I had ridden in careless pranks as a boy. Waka, as my mother had named the goat, had e v o n y â&#x20AC;˘ M a y 2 009 â&#x20AC;˘ 87
travel & entertainment
died in a wretched tangle at the end of the rope trying to mount the tree stump to which he was tethered for the night. By some miracle, stray dogs had spared the carcass and the feast that followed was without a tinge of sorrow for no one knew wither comes another goat. Sitting in this cold bundle of wretchedness, I remembered that my father had chewed forlornly on a leg bone, keeping his mind fixed on a vague spot in the misery of his life as if in full realization that he had only a few months to live. Now, the last words that he had shared with me came back like a loud burst of blood into my brain: “Son, we lose something so that someone else can find it. If I succumb to this painful affliction, it is because you need to find your own life to take my place.” I had wondered then at the callousness of wisdom. At the age of 38 when I was born, my father carried a frail body full of searing wisdom. He had lost his life to diabetes at 54; not quite as painlessly as I had long imagined, but at the end of a rough sisal twine. At the funeral, I had held the irony of the similarity of a goat and a man suffering similar ends. I reached into the depths of my
88 • May 2009 • e v o n y
short fiction
Still blinded by the anger of the insipid description by my wife of my inability to take her out to dinner, I had tossed the crisp paper on the floor as I blurted back that she was a pitiful egocentric who would die peddling her body for the price of lingerie pocket looking for the crumpled telex at the same time as the body on the bunk stirred then lay still again. The telex had arrived in middle of a domestic row, the four words on it cue-jumping
my eyes as I digested the contents. Required Home. Urgent. Mother. Still blinded by the anger of the insipid description by my wife of my inability to take her out to dinner, I had tossed the crisp paper on the floor as I blurted back that she was a pitiful egocentric who would die peddling her body for the price of lingerie. My eyes scanned nearly illegible script on the paper as the gentlest touch on my hunched shoulder capered my brain. There stood my mother in her glorious misery of tattered cloth and cardigan, a state that made her appear more dignified. But she was very frail. In two short bursts of labored words, my mother managed to pile untold pain on my misery. “We are all going to perish. There is no escape.” I stared at the vague swirl of rain water as the downpour swelled into the hut, cascading in a lazy rivulet over the wooden plank and the pile of rags laid across the doorway. The words were so damning that only a woman who had lost all hope in the knowledge that the capsule that held all meaning of life had burst open could utter. Her face reflected a gloom that only fate
features
Our first issue of Evony is about self-
discovery and renewal
lifting the veil • asian speak • special feature • second feature
One young woman’s quest to keep her mother’s memory alive. We bring you the inspirational story of Simi Bhogal
» page 92 e v o n y • M a y 2 009 • 89
features
asian speak
A PENNY FOR HER THOUGHTS...
One young woman’s quest to keep her mother’s memory alive By Manpreet Rehal
90 • May 2009 • e v o n y
“T
he mere sight of a solitary penny lying on the pavement would seem ordinary to most people, but for me, it is a heavenly find,” says Simi Bhogal. “It sets me aglow, reminding me of the very essence of my mother and the values she stood for her whole life.” Walking through the streets of London, on her way to hospital for numerous appointments and shopping trips, Simi’s mum, Harbhajan Bhogal never returned home empty-handed. She would gradually fill jam-jars full of pennies that eventually
went to fund one charitable cause or another. Despite her decadelong fight against the devastatingly painful oral cancer, her love and compassion never stopped flowing, her tenacity and optimism never ceased to amaze her family and friends. Hailing from a large extended family in Nakuru, and growing up with her three siblings and numerous cousins since childhood, Simi remembers her mother as a hardworking and dedicated woman who often went out of her way to help others. As a devout Sikh, Harbhajan would also spend time praying and helping in the community kitchen at the Sikh Temple. Simi was studying in England at Sheffield University when her mother was first diagnosed with oral cancer, medically known as squamous cell carcinoma in 1994. “Back then, we were not aware of the severity of the disease,” recalls Simi, “we shrugged it off as an ulcer on her tongue.” Harbhajan had a minor laser surgery for it and was out of hospital within a day. Life went on pretty normally, with Simi graduating and coming back to live with her parents in Nakuru. Simi enjoyed doing communal work with her mother. They would visit the children’s orphanage
in Nakuru with food and clothing. From 1998, Harbhajan had begun to sponsor the education and upkeep of one child every year through the World Vision programme, in different parts of the world. “Mum firmly believed that no matter how small or large a contribution was, it began with an individual’s empathy for the less fortunate,” reminisces Simi. “For mum, ‘little’ was as abundant as it could be when one did it with an open and compassionate heart.” In June 2004 however, the cancer was back to haunt them. A small growth on the tongue prompted Harbhajan’s husband, Gurbaksh Singh, to rush her to England for a check-up. Upon investigation by Professor John Crean at the Barts and the London Dental Institute in Whitechapel, the growth was found to be malignant. The Bhogal family found themselves precariously awaiting the outcome of the 13-hour surgery that Harbhajan had to undergo to have the tumour removed and part of her tongue had to be reconstructed using a flap of skin grafting from her left arm. Moreover, painstaking microsurgery had to be performed to join the blood vessels of the flap to the tongue. Chemotherapy and radiotherapy were to be administered after the surgery. “In tongue reconstruction surgery, there are high chances of the flap failing which meant that Harbhajan needed constant monitoring using a Doppler machine,” explains Simi. “She also had to be fed a special feed via
a PEG feeding tube inserted in her stomach. Despite feeling much weaker, mum recovered well from this and we returned to Kenya after a few months”.
Throbbing swelling But the ordeal wasn’t over. Just as Mr. Bhogal and his children breathed a sigh of relief, within a few months Harbhajan developed a throbbing swelling on the left side of her chin. Tests in Nairobi showed nothing concrete, so the family’s best option was to take her back to Professor Crean in UK. Having performed several tests but still unable to establish what was happening, the professor performed a minor surgery to remove the ‘liquid’ that has collected in the chin area. This went well until the diagnostic results of the ‘liquid’ confirmed the Bhogals’ worst fears. The cancer was back. The only two options were chemotherapy and radiotherapy. Simi was especially devastated. Being the youngest and incidentally the closest to her mother, she found it hard to be optimistic despite Harbhajan’s tolerance and the tenacity with which she underwent the intensive six-week course of radiotherapy and chemotherapy. “When I look back, I can’t help feeling amazed at how cheery mum was, for our sakes. She loved to spend time with her grandchildren and faithfully kept filling her jam jars with pennies for charity,” Simi remembers. “It was like her unshakable faith in God and all the compassion she had
for others gave her the will to fight on regardless of the lack of energy, nausea, sickness and excruciating pain.” It was a relief to return home to Kenya after a few months and although Harbhajan was weak, the change of environment lifted her spirits considerably. She still couldn’t talk much, but she made the effort to go and help at the Sikh temple. The small, leaking ulcer beneath her chin was regarded as a common side effect of radiotherapy, but when it began to increase in size, there was cause for alarm. With her two older brothers and sister living in the UK, Simi and her father were Harbhajan’s constant companions. Simi had kept in constant touch with Professor Crean who suggested that they ought to return to England for further investigation. “We were referred to a head and neck specialist Dr. Dilkes at St. Bartholomew’s Hospital who confirmed that it was indeed another recurrence,” says Simi. “We felt stuck between a rock and a hard place. Mum was tired of the surgeries and treatment, but on our side, we just couldn’t give up on her. We were told that another surgery could prolong her life because the tumour was still operable.” Once again, the Bhogals braced themselves for the 23-hour surgery. Following the removal of the recurrent tumour, the reconstruction of the jaw and the covering of the hole on the side of the neck was a cosmetic procedure, and done by a plastic surgeon using bone and skin grafts from Harbhajan’s leg and thighs. She recovered in the ICU for two weeks, but the skin and flap was infected and not holding well. “High doses of antibiotics, special care and several surgeries to re-cover the hole did not alleviate mum’s suffering,” says Simi, who by now practically lived at the hospital to be with her mother. “The infections got worse and she even suffered her carotid artery bursting, from which she miraculously survived.” This was an especially trying period for Simi. She clung to her mother’s side and kept up with her progress. She spent hours praying and talking to the staff at the hospital who were very sympathetic and supportive. By now Harbhajan couldn’t talk, she had a tracheotomy, but she could communicate through writing what she wanted to say. “Mum’s eyes spoke to me, and I knew she was holding on for me,” says Simi, “never once complaining about the trauma she was going through. Soon afterwards, she developed pneumonia. The day before she left us, mum’s gaze e v o n y • M a y 2 009 • 91
features
asian speak
unblinkingly communicated with me. I told her that it was okay for her to go, because I know it was sheer torture for her to watch me witness her suffering. It went against the whole grain of nurturance that my mother’s life had been. On the 28th August 2006, Simi’s ailing mother passed on in the early hours of the morning.
Hardest hit It is not surprising that Simi was the hardest hit by her mother’s death, even though it been apparent and inevitable during those last days at hospital. Simi’s father, who had done everything he could to alleviate his wife’s suffering was weary and numb with the loss. Her two brothers and sister were also devastated but, they had their own jobs and family lives to divert their attention to, keep preoccupied and help them to deal with the grief. The fact that Simi and Harbhajan had always shared a deeper, intuitive understanding and that her mother has been the centre of her life since the cancer had resurfaced, rendered the loss agonizing for the girl. “On the day of the funeral in England, as the hearse made its way through the crematorium gates, I silently asked mum to show me that she was still with me,” she recalls. “Sure enough, I found two shiny new copper pennies on the lawn just as I stepped out of the car! I just cried; the joy of feeling that she was at peace and with me at that moment mingled with the agony of her physical absence.” Later in the day, as the family crossed a street on their way to the temple for prayers, Simi found more coins. A few days later, the Bhogal family went to the Southend Pier to scatter Harbhajan’s ashes. Even there, Simi found more pennies. “It was nothing short of a miracle for me,” says Simi. “I had never seen lost pennies like this before…they just kept coming. I would find them almost everywhere I looked – trains, streets, bags, drawers and odd corners. And as I picked each one up to add to mum’s jam jar collection, it was a poignant reminder of my mother giving me reassurance that she continues to watch over me.” Counting all those pennies is quite a task but every penny is worth it. Continuing in her mother’s tradition, Simi uses the money she collects to support the annual sponsorship of a child through the World Vision programme. This year, she is sponsoring a child in Myanmar, having sponsored others in Zambia, Angola and Uganda in previous years. Simi also continues to visit the 92 • May 2009 • e v o n y
children’s orphanage to donate food and clothing whenever she can, with her mother’s birthday being the most important day marked in this way. Today, as Simi finally sheds the depression that her mother’s suffering and death put her through, she feels strong and inspired to do something to honour the amazing woman that Harbhajan was. In a way, Simi’s determination to help start a Trust Fund to facilitate research about oral cancer and better treatment and management of its victims, is her way of coping with the loss and moving on positively. Simi believes that this will help to alleviate the suffering of thousands of people who are diagnosed with the
disease every year and eventually die painful and often humiliating deaths. Adhering to her mother’s lesson of working consistently to make big things grow from little ones, Simi has also started hand-decorating small tins to give out to wellwishers who wish to collect pennies that will then go charity and to the oral cancer research fund. She is aware that it is a small start, but she clings firmly to what Harbhajan taught her–that every penny counts. This is the culmination of a befitting tribute to her mother - the woman who gave her life, inspiration and purpose. Get in touch with Simi, email: simi@everydayedens.com
ORAL CANCER – A SILENT KILLER As industrialization strides across the world’s surface, ever increasing numbers of its citizens place themselves at risk of developing life threatening diseases such as oral cancer. Over 95 per cent of those diagnosed with this devastating disease, have at some time admitted to a significant period of consumption of alcohol and smoking. Diagnosis through biopsy remains easy albeit usually at a more advanced stage that clinicians would prefer. Once made, this result alerts us to the two great threats that people suffering from oral cancer are highly susceptible to; namely the spread of the cancer out of the mouth via lymphatic channels and the pervasive ability to recur despite all the evidence that it has been removed. Surgeons and oncologists usually combine therapeutic options for patients. Most opt for the surgical removal of affected tissues from the primary cancer site along with
the potential nearby regions for metastatic spread, that is, the neck glands. Removal of parts of the oral cavity can have huge deleterious effects on a patient’s quality of life, significantly altering speech and swallowing. These effects are lifelong and go beyond the purely physical, affecting the psyche perhaps to a greater degree. Contemporary reconstruction can mean transferring other parts of the body onto the oral cavity to make up for the physical defect. The most common of these are part of the forearm, skin and vasculature, ideally suited for oral reconstruction of areas such as the cheek and the tongue. Thus the effects of this disease reach far beyond the original site of affliction. Most patients then undergo six weeks of radiotherapy to address any occult cancer cells hidden from the nonmicroscopic eyes of the surgeon. Further side effects that inevitably develop are dry
mouth, sore gums and disturbances in taste. All these are life-long in tenure, frustrating in their persistence and resistant to all known treatments. Survival from this disease has remained for the past three decades, at about 30 per cent at five years. Why then, one would ask, does this disease have such poor prognosis despite huge surgical advances? The case of Mrs. Harbhajan Bhogal demonstrates all that is challenging about oral cancer. Despite being a non-smoker and a non-drinker, undergoing surgical clearance for obvious cancerous tissue twice during her lifetime, it recurred for a third time. The last episode, challenging her bravery and dignity eventually claimed her life. Her and her family’s experience crystallize the essence of clinical ignorance regarding this dreadful problem and thus drives academic clinicians to reassess how to improve future clinical care. Research now focuses on identifying inheritable
e v o n y • M a y 2 009 • 93
features
special
Cremation To Bury
or to Burn?
W
By Manpreet Rehal
ith shock and apprehension writ large on her face, she watched the flames from the red-hot inferno lick the opening of the incinerator. She was even more horrified when her brother-in-law’s body was pushed and shut in. “I was absolutely mortified,” recounts Dr. Wanjiku Kahiu, “nothing in my decades of experience as a medical doctor had prepared me for the reality of attending a cremation.” Having endured a long illness, her husband’s cousin had requested for a cremation instead of a Christian burial. He sincerely believed that his family had suffered for long enough and didn’t want to prolong the torture of mourning. To fulfill his wishes, his family had arranged for his cremation at the Hindu Crematorium in Nairobi. In traditional African religions, Christianity, Judaism and Islam, burial is the favoured form of laying the dead to rest. In total contrast, in the Eastern religions like Hinduism and Buddhism, cremation is believed to be the best way. It was also practiced in Ancient Greece and other PreChristian European cultures. The Romans cremated their dead, a tradition that continued up to the reign of Charlemagne. Like Wanjiku, many Christians find the act of lighting up a funeral pyre both shocking and heartless. “How can you just burn someone you loved and cared for, knowing that you will never have somewhere to go to when you think of them and miss them?” a friend once asked me referring perhaps to the 96 • May 2009 • e v o n y
— A new perspective on the last rites
I was absolutely mortified ... nothing in my decades of experience as a medical doctor had prepared me for the reality of attending a cremation
special
common Christian and Islamic practice of visiting a loved one’s grave on special days or when they come to mind. An African acquaintance who would rather not be named readily admits that although he has many Asian friends and associates, he usually absconds attending the funerals. “Just the thought of seeing a body set alight and the smell of burning flesh sends shivers down my spine. Those flames are symbolic of the fires of hell.” “It is taboo for a corpse to be burnt in our culture,” says Elder Nahashon Miheso, protesting the growing popularity of cremation. “In the Luhya culture, it was considered abominable if your corpse
had to be burnt. Only the bodies of those dead people who were believed to harass the living were exhumed and burnt. This was done to ensure that their evil spirits did not keep coming back to haunt others. Otherwise it was most respectful to be laid to rest in the soil of your ancestral land.” Although some Christian denominations are more open to the idea of cremation, some Catholic traditions dismiss it as a pagan act that resurfaced with the emergence of the Freemasons
during the late 19th Century. When the Masonic societies finally secured official recognition for cremation of members of their sect, there was much furore within the Catholic Church. According to the Canon laws effected soon after, anyone who chose cremation over burial would be denied an ecclesiastical burial and
excommunicated from the Church. Strongly advocating burial as the best way to lay faithful deceased to rest, the Holy Catholic Church condemned cremation as a barbaric custom opposed to the respect and piety that one must naturally show for the dead. More importantly, in the eyes of the faith, through burial, the body is laid under the earth to await resurrection. Cremation was only allowed in exceptional cases like in times of epidemics or war. But in a new twist, a Canon law promulgated in 1983 lifted the prohibition on cremation and was only frowned upon when done for reasons opposing to Catholic doctrines, more so, denial of the dogma of resurrection. In striking similarity to preChristian religious beliefs, adherents of Eastern religions are brought up with very different beliefs from modern Christianity. In general, the soul was regarded as being more important than the body. For one, rebirth and reincarnation are the underlying tenets of religions like Hinduism, Buddhism and their offshoots. Followers are raised to believe that death is merely the shedding of one body before the soul enters another to be reborn. Resurrection does not feature anywhere in this belief system. ‘Heaven’ is not a place; it is the merging of the soul with the Source Light and only attained when a soul has learnt all the lessons about
features
life, love and relationships. According to Hindu belief, this doesn’t usually happen in one lifetime, thus the necessity for the soul to be born several times. “People from different backgrounds have diverse beliefs about how to handle their dead, and with due respect, everybody is right in their own way,” says Bhai Gurmukh Singh Ji Bairagi, a high priest at the Nakuru Sikh Temple. “In the real sense, the last rites make no difference to the departed soul. We believe that once a soul leaves a body it doesn’t hover around to watch what happens to the body it has shed. “The soul is eternal, and according to the Law of self-will, it shall choose when and where to be reborn again. However, when death occurs, it becomes vital to dispose off the body in a respectful manner for the peace of mind of those who are still living.” The priest further explains that a human being’s greatest fear is death. The fact that he is perishable haunts him throughout his life. Funerals are a painful reminder of the reality of death, so the shorter they are, the better. Human beings need reassurance that the bodies, which we obviously want to cling to, will be treated with reverence. Hence, funerals tend to be elaborate affairs regardless of culture.
Spiritual awakening For the people who practice it out of religious drilling or out of personal preference, cremation has its benefits. With the increasing spiritual awakening in the Eastern sense and a growing number of people in the Western World adopting the teachings of Eastern religions like Buddhism and the Hare Krishna philosophies, going for the modern incinerator, is becoming more sensible, economical and environmentally wise. According to the Sikh priest, cremation is the best way because it totally effaces the physical aspect of the dead person, lessens the suffering of the living relatives and friends by cutting short the period of mourning for the departed and paves the way for them to get on with their own lives. Despite prevalent misconceptions, Christianity itself is not totally averse to e v o n y • M a y 2 009 • 97
features
lifting the veil
cremation. In Christian rites of death, one of the often repeated intonations is: ‘dust to dust, ashes to ashes. “There is no strict taboo on cremation in the Christian religion,” professes Father Paul Miring’u of the Trinity Catholic Parish of Milimani, Nakuru. “Burial is favoured among Christians because it is the known way–it is familiar ground and the done thing. The tradition attached to the practice of burying the deceased is entrenched in the symbolism of the burial of Jesus Christ, as well as the philosophy behind going back to where we came from. We believe that the Lord created us from dust and thence should we return to. But these days, when an individual makes the decision to opt for cremation, then his or her last wishes are honoured without much ado”, adds Father Miring’u. In the Hindu tradition, after cremation, the ashes of the deceased are put in a small urn and poured into a water body like a river, lake or ocean. This elicits a lot of criticism, because people generally believe that the ashes of dead people are polluting their waterways. An overwhelming number of people fear that the ashes of cremated people are dirty and toxic. “We need to educate the general public more about why cremation is the favourable option for our future generations,” says Dr. Wanjiku, who after her initial skepticism has finally realized the benefits of cremation. “Ashes are non-toxic, completely sterile and cannot pollute the environment.” Fire, in the Eastern religions is revered as the purifying force. “We believe that the body is made up of earth, fire, water, air and ether”, elaborates Bhai Gurmukh Singh Ji. “When we cremate our dead, all these five elements return to their respective places in the universe; just as the soul goes towards Light.” However, the issue that we may seek further elucidation to is: why are more Europeans and Africans in favour of cremation? In most cases, , but it is also a matter of practicality. Every year, we lose so much land to cemeteries, it is a personal choice land that is fast becoming scarce and could be put to other productive use. But once we bury our dead on a spot of land, that place becomes revered and sacred and is highly unlikely to be used to farm or build upon.
Ancestral land In the African tradition, large extended families own parcels of land that are usually divided amongst the offspring, which 98 • May 2009 • e v o n y
FACTFILE: CREMATION Since cremation is new and unfamiliar for a majority of us, we might at times find it difficult to arrange for the cremation of a loved one due to lack of proper guidance. We spoke to Mr. Mohinder Vohra, head of the Sarova Group of Hotels, who has been supervising cremations at the Hindu Crematorium in Nairobi for the past eleven years, as part of his family’s tradition of communal service. “A steadily increasing number from Christian backgrounds prefer to be cremated,” says
Mr. Vohra. “In view of this growing demand, we have introduced an electric incinerator in favour of the traditional wooden funeral pyre. This does away with a lot of the unpleasantness often associated with cremation. As this is part of our service to humanity, we are most willing to provide help and advice in any capacity to people who are not familiar with cremation rites.” According to Mr. Vohra, the only requirements for a cremation are that the deceased be covered
means that the cultivatable land available becomes less with every generation. To add to this, people are usually buried on ancestral land, meaning that the addition of graves also reduces the utility of the land. “I was very surprised at the expenses involved in cremation”, adds Dr. Kahiu, “the total amount was a mere fraction of what a burial normally costs. All we needed was a set of clothes and a sheet. Dr Kahiu adds: “Basically, no dead person takes anything with them when they die, and it simply makes sense to refrain from spending on lavish burials because the same money can be used to benefit posterity instead. A lot of people find themselves heavily in debt after catering for the burial
in a set of clothing and wrapped in a plain sheet. Once the body had been placed in the incinerator, the mourners usually disperse. The whole procedure takes about 2 to 3 hours, after which family members may collect the ashes; if necessary they are advised on how and where to scatter the ashes. Transport to the crematorium can also be arranged, if required. A basic cremation costs between Kshs. 20,000 to 25,000.
and transport expenses of a loved one.” Cremation would also retain respect for the dead. From time to time, we hear about vandals exhuming the dead to relieve them of the expensive things they were buried with. This is even more painful and humiliating for the family and friends of the deceased,” she reflects. Some things about our lives have remained constant since time immemorial; others have changed drastically in recent times. This change in thought processes is part of the great spiritual awakening predicted by many spiritual leaders and clairvoyants during this millennium. Keeping in mind that we all want to consciously contribute towards a better
e v o n y • M a y 2 009 • 99
Generators for special needs! 7.5 KVA welder generators 7.5 3 - phase generators available Guaranteed Quality Reliable After-sales Service
limited stocks!
Genuine Spare Parts Nairobi Tel : +254-20-554500/08/15, Email:cgtrade@cargen.com Mombasa Tel: +254-41-2312944/6, 2312045, Email: cgmsa@cargen.com Kisumu Tel: +254-57-2024397/4404/1379, Email:cgksmsales@cargen.com Nakuru Tel: +254- 51-2210651/687/658/660, Email:cgnku@cargen.com Email: Sales.enquiries@cargen.com www.cargen.com
100 â&#x20AC;˘ May 2009 â&#x20AC;˘ e v o n y Microflex Ad HPFC.indd 1
27/2/09 10:43:18
Men’s
World
Our first issue of Evony is about self-
discovery and renewal
men of substance • the locker room
Mwendia Nyagah
A man of substance revealed
» turn to next page e v o n y • M a y 2 0 09 • 101
men’s world
men of substance
ONof TOP his GAME
“For those who dare there is no place like far away. If you think it makes sense, just get on with it. But it needs to make sense.”
M
wendia Nyaga has always had a passion for excellence and will not let anything, not even his current position as Managing Director of the stateowned National Oil Corporation of Kenya (Nock), dampen this spirit. Living his motto everyday, he professes the words: “For those who dare there is no place like far away. If you think it makes sense, just get on with it. But it needs to make sense.”
Taking The Leap So, when taking on this assignment some two years ago, he says he thought about it before taking the leap. “I wouldn’t say I am a risk-taker. I try to calculate as much as possible before I take big risks. I revel in the adrenaline surges when I am involved with big projects. Without the surges, life would be quite boring – those adrenaline moments are sometimes quite intensive,” he says. And this is his biggest project yet bringing order back into the oil industry, where companies have oligopolistic tendencies when it comes to pricing. In bringing back order, he will be ensuring stable supply of fuel which in the long run, will raise the living standards of Kenyans. Having changed employers three times in total, from the consulting firm Deloitte & Touche immediately after graduating 102 • May 2009 • e v o n y
By Nelly Kuria in 1992, to miller Unga Group and finally to Nock, he says that each company he worked for was a learning experience. He is a qualified accountant who has learnt to think beyond numbers and instead focus on the business management.
CLEAR THINKER Mwendia’s eye opening moment from a professional perspective was working with Mary Mukindia, his former boss at Nock. “She is a completely different type of human being from anyone I ever knew in my professional life,” he says. To him, she is a very clear thinker, able to visualize things without being interrupted by a lot of noise, able to pursue her vision despite the distractions around her especially the political pressure and baggage that comes with managing and running a state-owned company. Although Mary left Nock at the end of 2007, they still keep in touch. Two years later, the corporation is now operating 68 stations around the country with a plan to buy more from an existing marketer which is planning to exit the country. Before Mwendia joined in 2004, the twenty-eight-year-old corporation was operating like any other stateowned corporation and had for a long time accumulated losses. Mary had already spent one year trying to figure out what she could do with the dismally performing corporation, that had hit rock bottom operating only six petrol stations. Worse still, it had a
history of bad debts with banks, six years of non-reporting or preparing annual financial statements and the culture of its large workforce was not result oriented. Mwendia had joined Nock as the Head of Finance in 2004, and joined a team that was tasked to bring the corporation back to its former glory and to fulfill its mission. However, the hardest part was changing the culture of the people who would get to work in the morning, leave in the evening and get paid their salaries at the end of the month. He says getting people back to work was not easy. There was resistance. However, that changed with the help of performance contracts and with better pay offered to people like him, the team was able to
men of substance
attract even more professionals. Those who could not cope with the pressure were offered an attractive redundancy package, to create room for a more versatile team that had the requisite work ethics and corporate culture.
STRATEGIC PLAN In 2005, the new team rolled out a new three year strategic plan focused on rebuilding the corporation’s image as well as rebuilding the key systems that would enable recovery and controls of business operations. The plan focused on basic business control objectives such as reporting by the 30th of September (the company’s year ends on 30th
June), conducting three customer open days per year, and holding staff meeting every quarter among others. Through these changes, the company hoped to regain the trust of customers, suppliers, bankers, employees and other oil companies in the industry. The last category was important, because although they are competitors, at the end of the day oil firms still need each other. “We borrow products from each other when things are not working well, so if you don’t have the trust of all the stakeholders and the government, things can be tough,” says Mwendia, remembering last year’s high oil prices and admits that he talks to the heads of
men’s world
the competing companies regularly. The hard process began, first by talking to the banks This.was not easy because the corporation did not have previous balance sheets to show the banks to access credit facilities expected for that year. In 2004, with Mary at the head, Nock started in-house restructuring activities which included getting in people with the proper business and results-oriented work culture with the help of management consultants like Pricewaterhouse Coopers; the main goal was to inject some discipline into Nock’s operations and procedures while at the same time building customers’ confidence. After such a successful run, Mary left e v o n y • M a y 2 0 09 • 103
men’s world
the locker room
Of dinks Real men do not defend any short-comings that they may have in bed. They make ecstatic amends
and men
By Mukumu Na Muchina
I
n basketball parlance, the dink dunk refers to a high voltage score. That is as far as the semblance of decency goes Real men, (another tag to the infertile catalogue of male stereotypes will do no harm), does not brag about their potency. when the same terms are used by men while discussing their sexuality. Men exploit womenfolk for the latter’s volunteered ignorance of men’s penchant for raw talk....I tell you, it was a dink…means he sexually overpowered his partner or had maximum penetration. While this may be an expression of physical sexual dominance, it certainly may not be a pass mark for quality sex. …Oh, the guy has quite a dinker… is mere locker room referral to size rather than to virility. Is it possible then that men think that women equate sexual presence, such as a prominent crouch, with sexual prowess? Or do men know that women have a fixation on a sexual stimulant that is imagined rather than experienced? I know of a man whose opening remark on entering a circle of male friends at the bar counter is how sexually starved he has been. His closing remark, after hours of hair-raising dinker stories is on how he is going out there and sink a dunk. And, ooh, you would think they would leave a trail of female corpses in their wake! And yet, if this behaviour is a shameless attempt at covering up for male impotence, it underscores the female psyche that spurs men to blatantly develop displaced macho behavior. That is the task for the female partner. 104 • May 2009 • e v o n y
Only a daft village Casanova does not know the difference between quality sex and the crude fix performed in the dark in the name of love making. Real men do not conceal their organs – even the ones disfigured by years of overuse-- from their partners. Real men do not defend any short-comings that they may have in bed. They make ecstatic amends, So it is quite a revelation to hear men declare how dinky their dinks can dink. It sounds so mechanical, so defensive and, oh, yes, so cheap. It has nothing to do with the strength of a man but
has everything to do with the dim view some men have of women. True, great sex partners may not be great lovers. A good many men we all know prefer to be branded great sex partners if only poor lovers in the same breath. This is logical, seeing that sex is physical and loving is spiritual. I doubt there is a lady out there who does not prefer the opposite. The mistake some ladies make is to expect their men to be wholesome, all the time. A wholesome man is, like a good communist, a mixture of fantasy--the prince who comes by to show us
Last Word
Our first issue of Evony is about self-
discovery and renewal
spiritual wise With Wangeci Kanyeki
Your words –
I
healing balm or piercing sword?
grew up in a home where we could verbally express our true feelings. Some sort of ‘freedom of speech’. If I was upset with my sister, I would tell her exactly what I felt and thought. The amazing part is that our family members could handle it. Once we had unleashed our thoughts, life would go on as though nothing had happened and we would once again be friends..... the past forgotten.....or so we hoped. As adults we are a product of our family backgrounds and I took this strategy with me to the work place and with my friends. With slight provocation I would use the conflict resolution style we practiced at home. Using as many adjectives as I could. I would say is as it is, giving the poor recipient a piece of my mind, or is it a chunk of my mind. But alas, unlike my family members, the status quo was not re-established with my colleagues and friends. Some would hold grudges and behave very distant from me. Others would keep off all together. “What’s the big deal? Can’t you handle the truth?” Looking back, I realize that my strategy of giving everyone a piece
Tongue Rules 1. To use my tongue to give edify others; husband, children, househelp and colleagues. 2. Speak gently. Use words with love, sympathy and compassion. 3. Listen fully before answering 4. Speak the truth with grace (no deceit even on sms) 5. Be slow to anger, not to retaliate by unleashing cutting remarks of your mind does not work. It rips marriages apart, lowers self esteem in children , colleagues, househelps and friends. And you dare not try it out on fellow drivers in the Nairobi traffic jam. The words of our mouth are irretrievable. The alarming part is that once they are out it is impossible to take them back, like an email, you cannot quite recall it. I recently watched a story on children’s cartoon series Adventure from the Book of Virtues by William Bennette. This is how the story was. Once there lived a
mean, disagreeable, impolite woman who had two daughters. The older one was a replica of her mother, rude, impolite and disagreeable and the younger one was kind, sweet and good tempered. For our purposes we shall call the older one, Grumpy and the younger one, Smiley. The woman sent Smiley to the river to fetch some water. As was her nature she cheerfully and eagerly ran to the river. As she bent down to draw the water, an old woman walked by and requested for some water to drink. In her generosity, Smiley graciously offered it to her. Immediately she drank the water the old woman turned into a fairy and gave Smiley a gift for being so kind and respectful. ‘From now on’ the fairy said, ‘flowers and diamonds will fall from your mouth whenever you speak’. When Smiley returned home, the mean mother scolded her for taking so long at the river. Instead of replying rudely the daughter answered kindly and immediately flowers and diamonds fell from her mouth. Upon seeing this the mother commanded grumpy to go to the river so that she too could get the gift. Grumpy, mumbled and complained all the way to the river. On arrival the fairy, disguised as a peasant lady, came by to ask for water. However, grumpy refused to give the lady water and told her to get it herself. For this the fairy gave the mean girl a gift. ‘From now on toads and snakes will come out from your mean mouth whenever you speak’, the fairy said. Are the words of your mouth full of flowers and diamonds or toads and snakes. The book of proverbs has plenty to say about the words we use “It says that reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing’ e v o n y • M a y 2 0 09 • 105
memorable photo
Oprah Winfrey — American media mogul
106 • May 2009 • e v o n y
what i’ve learnt
the heart of the matter
e v o n y • M a y 2 0 09 • 107