The first chapter inspirational ebook, motivation by markperkine

The First Chapter

KERRY GIRLING

I want to dedicate this book to my most recent nephew whom was born today at 1:55 am. I know that heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s going to lead an amazing life and create amazing things. It was his strength that allowed me to finish writing my last word today, no more than twelve hours after he came to life on this planet. I look forward to meeting you at the top Grayson ď &#x160;

“Each of us has a first chapter in our lives. It’s generally the point in which you experience the most profound things and the time when you make the most mistakes. In the midst of it all, we experience pain and trauma from the experiences within it. For us to move towards happiness we need to first reflect back on our experiences within the first chapter of our lives and eliminate the hardship, anger, frustration, remorse and sadness. From there, we can create a new level of thinking that will allow us to create powerful and positive results.”

KG Productions – Calgary Alberta, Canada – 2012www.kerrygirling.com

Table of Contents Introduction ..................................................................................... 1 Getting to know me ......................................................................... 5 The day I started writing this ........................................................ 10 The First Chapter .......................................................................... 13 Why I chose my career as a Motivator ......................................... 41 Life in Los Angeles ....................................................................... 51 A lesson Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve learned .................................................................... 57 Life with Melanie .......................................................................... 71 Life as an Actor ............................................................................. 96 Moving on ................................................................................... 105 About the Author ........................................................................ 111

The First Chapter

Introduction I first want to thank everyone that found a copy of this book. I really think it will help you in some of the most profound ways. When I wrote it, I wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t sure if it was something that I wanted to express to others; however, after making a few adjustments and reading it a few hundred times, I was finally content with what I had written. This book was written as a memoire or a biography of my own personal experiences within my first chapter of life. I wrote this shortly after I went through an early life crisis. I had recently separated from my wife, no more than fifty days after our marriage began. I believe the divorce triggered the crisis initially but it was my own self-limiting thoughts that defeated me through the process. It was one of the most difficult phases Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve dealt with in my life but in the end, my inner crisis was a blessing in disguise. Writing these pages started out as a mechanism to get through the tough times and emotional struggles I faced during my divorce. Scribbling down my thoughts to memories that had previously weighed me down did a great job at relieving the tension that I harnessed for years. After I finished writing it, I had no intentions of releasing it to the public until I read it two years 1

Kerry Girling later. At that point, I realized that I wanted to share my struggles and my knowledge to other divorcees that were going through similar experiences. I felt my story could help them deal with their own personal struggles. Heck, the divorce rate is well over fifty percent by now. Unfortunately, along with millions of other trashed couples, I am now a part of this morbid statistic. I'm about to share with you my most personal and heartfelt experiences that I've gone through in my life. These are the types of stories that the average person would be embarrassed to tell their best friend but I will share them with you in hopes that you’ll learn something valuable. Perhaps one of my stories will inspire you to move forward and eliminate the negativity from your own first chapter. Living from experience I can guarantee that you’ll enjoy The Next Chapter of your life. Within these pages, I’ll explain many stories that prove me unique as a person and genuine as a motivator. Even though I’ve contributed many positive things to society within my life, there’s a much darker and mischievous past that I’ll reveal to you.In fact, many of my experiences relate to failure, harsh mistakes and just plain negativity. In reading this, I hope you’ll bring positive from my negative experiences and learn something from each of them. No matter what experiences you’ve dealt with in your own first chapter I believe you'll learn something very valuable from this 2

The First Chapter book. If you’ve dealt with divorce or are currently going through one then I’m sure you can understand the magnitude of emotional breakdowns and inner struggles that can occur from time to time. Even if you haven’t gone through one, I’m sure you’ve gone through other experiences that are as harsh as divorce; perhaps the loss of a loved one. During these times, heavy emotional feelings weigh in on our minds. Unfortunately we can’t move forward with more positive things until we let go of our negative feelings. By writing The First Chapter, I’ve learned the answer to the question that everyone asks themselves when their mind serves nothing but negativity, “How do I get through these difficult times, and how do I get my mind grounded again from these negative emotions?” The answer is; when you finally let go of your thoughts of hatred, sadness, remorse, frustration, anger and every other negative emotion, you will find happiness and contentment. In fact, I found happiness and I embraced contentment while writing these pages. While growing up, my mother pretty much-forced motivation upon us. She always had motivational cassettes playing in the car while she drove us to school. In fact, there were very few times when she'd tune into a radio station while on our commutes. She would play them over and over again. It was like she was trying to engrain their messages or scribe their techniques into our minds. 3

Kerry Girling Even though it wasn’t my choice to listen, I learned their coaching methods and listened to their words of wisdom, all of which, most likely contributed to my passion as a motivational speaker today. I’ve learned a lot of knowledge from various motivators and inspirational leaders throughout my life. They all have great messages and they all seem to feed inspiration, however, what completely turned me off from listening to typical motivators is; about ninety percent of them fail to share their personal mistakes and hardship with you. They refrain from delving into their personal lives during their pursuit to success. They seem to fear being looked at as vulnerable or weak. The truth is; we've all experienced trauma in our lives. We've all been hurt before by other human beings. Each of us has made plenty of mistakes. It's all part of being human. Let’s set one thing straight – I intend on sharing many of my own personal tragedies, mistakes and embarrassing moments with you. I have absolutely nothing to hide. Besides, I find that the best lessons are learned through experiencing hardship, trauma or making huge mistakes. I’m excited to share some of mine with you. You will soon discover that I don't shy away from sharing my mistakes. I can guarantee that I've made plenty of them, more so than any of my friends or family members.Let's get started.

The First Chapter

Getting to know me I started professionally speaking to schools at the age of eighteen after experiencing a close friend of mine die in a drinking and driving car accident. At that time, I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I had no passions and I had no direction of any lifelong goals. Heck, I didn't even know what a goal was back then, other than something that was referred to in hockey. I couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t even get up in front of my grade twelve class to do a presentation. I was too scared. Meanwhile, three months after I graduated, I stood up in front of fourteen hundred students during my first motivational speech. That speech led to hundreds more. Even though speaking in front of my classmates was fearful, it's now something that brings me great happiness. I kept at throughout the years because I know that I make a small difference with each speech that I deliver. Come to think of it, my friendâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s death was a blessing in disguise. His actions taught me a life lesson. Within the lesson there was a message that told me to use the experience as leverage to inspire teenagers. Since then I havenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t turned back. I guess everything does happen for a reason. The reality is; I chose the positive route from a rather negative experience. I learned a serious lesson from his actions and I 5

Kerry Girling wanted to share it with everyone. His actions inspired me to make a positive difference in society. Taking action led me to speak to over one million students across North America and I can tell you that I’ve enjoyed every minute of it. As time has passed, it’s interesting to see how everything fell into place for me when I was ready to take action. Since a young age I've always wanted to help people maximize their potential. Coaching the youth to set attainable and measurable goals has become a passion of mine. It makes me happy to see a child, friend or family member latch onto my words of wisdom and apply them to their lives. I know everyone has a passion to fulfill. The problem is; most people aren't shown how to find theirs. I've been coaching students, grades five through twelve, for more than a decade on what it takes to achieve happiness. In the midst of my lessons, I've come across two kinds of teenagers; there are the focused and driven teenagers – the ones that already have a few goals they’re working on. They seem to have a good idea what type of career they wish to choose after graduation, and post-secondary education is in their sights. These types of teenagers are brought up with healthy values and beliefs. They generally have at least one positive role model and they’re usually active in sports or extra-curricular activities in school. They also 6

The First Chapter have very strong friendship bonds with many close peers and their skills increase with each day. Then there’s the exact opposite type of teenager – the dissatisfied and complaining type. This type of teenager dislikes many parts of his or her life. They generally have a negative outlook and don’t really have anything positive to say, ever. Waking up each morning seems to be a hindrance rather than a glorious experience. Even though they harness great qualities, they choose to limit themselves and defeat themselves with negative beliefs and thoughts. They don’t have a clear vision of what the world has to offer and they definitely don’t know what type of career they wish to choose when they graduate. In fact, no type of formal education is appealing to them. In talks with these types of teenagers, I’ve realized that they usually don’t have healthy relationships with others. They seem to lack personality skills and general leadership qualities that are frequent among the rest. Their confidence is below average; they have no passion for anything and their friendship circles are polluted with similar types of negative thinking mindsets. Life to them seems to deplete each day rather than progress. I have found that these types of teenagers don’t have proper leadership at home during adolescence. The funny thing is; it’s no different in adulthood. I see the same types of dissatisfied people among the rest. 7

Kerry Girling

For teenagers, it’s clear to me that the ones that were focused, the ones that had visions for a positive future and the ones that were eager to succeed; they were the ones that had positive role models in their lives. They were inspired at a young age. They are frequently surrounded by positive influences. In fact, the majority of teenagers today aren’t learning their beliefs and values at home; they’re learning them from their teachers and friends at school. This is generally due to the fact that parents have taken on more vigorous roles at work and communication has been slashed to bare-minimal. Another interesting thing that I learned from teenagers over the years is this; the teenagers that had future success in their sights, they were the ones that wrote their goals down on paper. They were taught the power of writing. When you write something down on paper, it's almost like burning an image in your mind. It's much more than just a picture in your imagination. It's taking that image to the next level by scripting it on paper. The power of writing can go a long way. Many successful athletes, musicians and public leaders have confided in the power of writing their goals down on paper. It’s worked for me in the past many times, and I wish to show you how you too can move forward and eliminate the harsh negativity

The First Chapter within your own first chapter of life, simply by writing your thoughts.

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Think your thoughts and they'll come true someday, write your thoughts down on paper and they'll come true instantly. The power of writing is tremendous.â&#x20AC;?

Kerry Girling

The day I started writing this While I wrote this, in the midst of a display from a turning wheel of thoughts that had frequently come and gone, my life suddenly flashed in front of me. Every image that I had gone through over the past twenty-eight years was shown to me, just like a film projector plays movies. With each sight I saw, I simply relived them again, as though I was actually a part of the experiences, however, this time I was able to look at each experience with a different perspective and bring out the positives rather than dwelling upon the negatives. While I relived each experience, I was able to fully come to terms with my negative emotions relating to each experience. As the thoughts came to me, I simply wrote them on paper. This exercise somehow allowed me to be at complete ease with my past. The aggressive thoughts that I hosted towards it slowly faded every time I relived more of my past. All of my negative thoughts, like anger, hatred and remorse were being eliminated one by one. All of the experiences that were in the back of my mind bothering the hell out of me were now being eliminated from my conscious mind. All of the hurt that I caused to others; all the mistakes that I had made, and all of the nasty negative images that used to play in my mind, over and over again, were slowly being eliminated. It felt like a spiritual 10

The First Chapter awakening. In doing so, I realized who I truly was as a person. I developed new beliefs and values for myself and I developed new passions at the same time. For days, I searched inside my inner core and embraced all of my past experiences. I generated scenarios with alternate endings to a variety of events that had happened in my past, and I finally came to terms with myself. I was able to appreciate who I had become, despite the mistakes that I had made. Meanwhile, I realized that I had never previously gotten to know myself this well before. It was truly a liberating feeling. As I wrote this book, I searched for true acceptance. Not acceptance from others but acceptance from myself. I was finally able to take complete and total responsibility for the mistakes and hurt that I had caused to others over the years. I gained the ability to turn the page in my life and eliminate the first chapter for good. Even though it was a difficult experience to go through, mentally and emotionally, it was well worth the experience. I was finally able to move forward and walk towards a more fulfilling and brighter future â&#x20AC;&#x201C; one without limitations. After my divorce, for two years, I barely talked to my friends and only on rare occasions did I talk to my family. I had completely shut out the "real world" and I lost most of my confidence in the process. I had gone from a confident motivational speaker, 11

Kerry Girling speaking to thousands of kids per day to someone that barely talked to anyone. Going through this stage of my life was difficult, demoralizing and something that I never want to go through again, however, it was an experience that woke me up and made me want more. It revived me to make positive change for my future. While I relived each story, I was able to fully come to terms with my past. I don't mean just the past year or two; I'm talking about the complete first chapter of my lifeâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;the last thirty years. I saw both negative and positive scenarios to each mistake that I had made. While I erased the bad from my conscious mind, I embraced the good. I finally forgave those who stood in my way; those who wronged me and those who tarnished relationship. Prior to writing this, I felt very alone, extremely desperate and I felt like I was the only one suffering such a defeat, however, after I completed writing it, I started to speak to more and more people that suffered from similar experiences. In speaking to these people I realized that my wisdom could make an incredible impact on them if they just read my book.

The First Chapter

The First Chapter I am in the kitchen sitting on a chair. It’s just me inside my girlfriend’s lonely house in Calgary's Southwest. It’s a cold wintery evening in January and snow is falling lightly. My head is in a daze, as though I was in deep thought. There is complete silence in the dark lit room. Anticipation arises within my youthful twenty eight year old body, yet I feel so aged within. With each thought that enters my mind, it feels as though I relive its every detail. My body language reacts with an unsteady motion while I start having quivering frowns that were triggered by the various images entering my head. My eyes glance over at the clock; it reads 5:29 pm. As I shift my body,my eyes glance over at a package of cigarettes on the tabletop which belong to my girlfriend Melanie. They were the Export ‘A’ type. I immediately opened the package, grabbed a cigarette and lit it. It was as though I had been a smoker for years although the last time I remembered smoking was fifteen years ago. As I put the dry tasting cigarette to my lips, an image from when I was thirteen years old flashed in my mind. Instantly my world got sucked into the moment like it was happening right in front of me.

Kerry Girling It was a vision of me. I was sitting on the floor of my older brother Shaine’s bedroom. He was four years older than I was. I remember seeing an American flag that covered his window which blocked out all natural sources of light. His bedroom reminded me of an abandoned house and the cleanliness reminded me of a hoarder. While Shaine sat on his bed, smoking a cigarette, he seemed as though he had been a smoker for years. He looked so cool and sophisticated while he smoked. As I sat there, curiosity led me to ask him, “Why do you smoke?” He looked at me and responded with the typical teenage response, “Because… It’s cool!” Not knowing how to respond and having absolutely no idea what he was talking about, I just shrugged it off. He looked over at me and said with excitement, “Hey, do you want to try this?”In less than a fraction of a second he forcefully handed me the pre-lit cigarette and repeated with conviction, “Everyone’ll think you’re cool!” At first, I felt nervous to take the smoke; however, after some swift encouragement from him I grabbed the cigarette and smoked it as though I knew what I was doing. I immediately felt sophisticated and cool, like he promised it would. It was the first time where the commercials didn’t lie in their advertisements about the effects of smoking. It was like taking the first bite out of a delicious burger at your favorite burger joint. In fact, it felt better than advertised. The 14

The First Chapter cigarette smoke sent an intense rush to my head; something like I had never felt before. I sat there and basked in the feeling. Mostly, I was enjoying the connection that my brother and I had. Being cool to others wasn’t what I was truly searching for; any connection with my older brother was what I really wanted.

I felt good at that moment. Our connection was something enlightening. In one brief moment, it all came to an end. During a second attempt to inhale, a large amount of smoke quickly filled my lungs and I coughed profusely whichled to an intense coughing attack. Shaine rushed over to me and grabbed the cigarette out of my hand as though he was concerned and brushed the smoke ashes away from the carpet while saying, “QUIET! Mom is going to hear you!” He totally disregarded my coughing attack. After gaining my composure, I got up from the floor and sat on the edge of his bed. I was embarrassed by the scene that I had made, so I just sat there in silence. Meanwhile, Shaine was rustling though some papers on his dresser as though he was looking for something important. His actions reminded me of a drug addict looking for his next fix – almost like a non-medicated child with ADD. After some intense rustling, he found a squashed half-empty package of Export ‘A’ cigarettes. They looked well aged. In fact, the packaging looked 15

Kerry Girling like it was from previous decades. He took out a few smokes for himself and then handed me the package. I slowly reached out and grabbed the pack from him and settled right back to my spot on the floor. With confusion I asked him, “What do you want me to do with these?” He sat up straight and said with confidence, “Just think, you’ll be one of the cool kids in school!” He acted as though he was Einstein explaining his next great vision. He even went into the actions of properly lighting a cigarette. He had so much conviction in his voice as he persuaded me to spark up early in my life. Before we move on, lets' set a few things straight. I want to tell you something about my older brother Shaine. He’s one of the world's best salesmen—he could sell anything to anyone. He's always looking to find money somewhere and fortunate for him I always had it. My parents would give us money for chores that we did around the house each week and I was the only one that was motivated to do them. Needless to say, I was the only one with a pocket full of cash. My goal back then was to save for something big, like rollerblades (Okay, bad example but you get the point). Shaine was a little different. He had his money spent before he made it but for some strange reason my money would always end up in his pocket.

The First Chapter At that time, I didn’t have any mentors or adults that I looked up to other than him. I took his word for everything and listened to what he had to say, hoping he would never steer me wrong. That was until he realized how great of a financial saver I was. At a young age I saved every penny that I earned. I never seemed to find anything that was worth trading my cash for. Materialistic items never really excited me. Needless to say, I'm sure you can imagine how many brotherly transactions my brother and I have had over the years. Shaine knew that I was a great saver, which is most likely the reason why he took advantage of me. "Give me the twenty dollars you got from Christmas and I’ll give you this pack of cigarettes,” he said. I looked at the near half pack and then I looked at him as though he was crazy. I was always vulnerable when dealing with him. Without any hesitation I tossed him the twenty, knowing that I would make it back next week from chores. As the transaction was completed, I was now the proud owner of a substance that should not have been introduced to me in the first place. The funny thing was; although, we had made many of these brotherly transactions in the past, this time he felt some sort of compassion towards me and I could feel it. I think he felt bad that he was ripping me off. As I handed him the cash, he reached into his pocket and said, in a lower and more discreet voice, “Here, I’ll 17

Kerry Girling give you this too. It’s a mini Zippo lighter!” He tossed the lighter to me. I took a look at it and responded, “Sure that sounds fair!” I was actually delighted to get the lighter. As I admired my new mini Zippo, I took another deep puff from the cigarette and instantly I snapped back into reality and I was sitting in the kitchen of Melanie’s house. As I sat there, my mind started jumping in and out of a daze. I lit yet another cigarette and then glanced behind me to read the clock on the oven. It read 5:34 pm. A look of disgust immediately filled my face and an unhealthy feeling overwhelmed me as I took another drag from the cancer stick. I immediately put out the cigarette and tossed it into the trash. In an instant, my mouth felt dry and I felt like I needed a drink to wash the taste out of my mouth. I went to the kitchen cupboard, grabbed a glass, filled it to the brim with ice-cold water and drank it till it was completely gone. I placed the cup in the sink.As I stood there, I glanced over at a stack of old newspapers that were thrown aside from a recent move. I walked over to them and grabbed one from the top of the unsteady pile and read it. As I read the contents of the front page, a burst of fulfilling happiness flowed through my body. It was exactly what I needed after the disgusting cigarette that had dried my mouth. I saw a picture of me with ten other students who were closely knit 18

The First Chapter members of the school’s S.A.D.D. chapter (Students against drinking and driving).I had just ended a speech in their school about the harmful effects of drinking and driving. Underneath the picture was an article that read: This is a story of a young twenty eight-year-old man. He has lived a life that no other has. He's motivated over one million youth on positive lifestyles, he’s traveled every square inch of North America and he lives with passion every day. When it comes to accomplishments nobody of his age can compete. He doesn’t have any superpowers; he’s just a man with incredible drive, determination and motivation. He is Kerry Girling.

“If they could only see me now,” I thought out loud. I barely had any confidence in myself; I hadn't worked out in months and the only civilization I had seen lately was through the windows of my girlfriend’s house. I hadn't gone outside in days. The divorce was something that my soul wasn't ready for. I smiled as I put the newspaper back in its place. As I rustled through the remaining newspapers, I grabbed every article that looked interesting. There were clippings from various places that I had traveled over the years. The images and words within each story refreshed my feelings of self-worth. It was exactly what I needed at that moment. 19

Kerry Girling For the past three months, I hadn't spoken to any friends or family members. The separation took a lot out of me. I went from interacting with thousands of students each day, to barely speaking to a single soul. During this time I had lost confidence in myself.Reading the newspaper articles helped me get back on track.I started thinking positive thoughts about myself again. It felt like I had read for hours before I placed the last newspaper back on the pile. Inside the pile of newspapers was a picture of my ex-wife which instantly brought a tear to my eye. Immediately, random thoughts by the hundreds surfaced my mind. Again, like a turning wheel of thoughts, my mind generated various images and videos of my past. These random images created both positive and negative emotions. Some thoughts delved deep into my spiritual side while others projected hurtful images of dissatisfaction and hatred.I tried to escape back into reality because the emotions were too strong, however, the random thoughts and images rapidly continued, forcing me to relive their every existence. One particular image instantly put me into a state of relaxation and I continued the re-enactment with pleasure. At that moment, my mind zoned out again and sent my thoughts into the distant past.

The First Chapter It was an image seven and half years prior and I was with my then girlfriend Sarah.She was beautiful and young. She had gorgeous blonde hair, a nice dark tan and had an aura that shone as bright as the sun. Together, she and I went on our first date to Moxie’s in Saskatoon, Canada. It was a sunny day in February and we were listening to The Wallflowers – One Headlight which felt like a perfect moment. After I pulled the massive junk mobile that I was driving into a parking stall of the restaurant, I looked at her and said, “Are you hungry, because I sure am!” She responded “Yes, let’s go!” so we went inside to eat. We ordered various finger foods from the restaurant’s menu, not knowing they were going to be a disaster to eat. We sat nervously at the table,not knowing what say to each other. I’m sure both of our emotions were skyrocketing. It was only a few days earlier we had met. After a long period of complete silence I asked her, “What do you want to be?” She looked at me so surprised, yet so intrigued. She responded, “I was wondering the same thing, I really want to be your girlfriend!” Without hesitation I responded, “No, I was wondering what you wanted to do with your life. You know, what drives you? What career choices do you have? What direction in life do you want to take?” After I said that, I realized that I embarrassed her. We both continued to eat in silence thereafter. Even though we didn’t say a word to each other for 21

Kerry Girling the rest of the date, there was a connection that we shared that day. Instantly the image faded and I escaped back into reality. I was once again back in the kitchen of Melanie’s house. This time I was sitting on the hardwood floor. After I shook my head from the daze I was in, I got up from the floor and walked upstairs. As I walked down the hallway, I noticed a picture collage that was nicely formatted on the wall. Inside the collage were various pictures of Melanie and I. I took some time to glance at each of them.They were random pictures from the past two months of our dating experience. I just stood there and smiled, and then after a few moments, I continued on my journey. As I proceeded down the hallway, I accidentally kicked over a small box and emptied its contents onto the floor. Now, scattered all over the floor were various trinkets; t-shirts, coffee mugs, thank-you cards, buttons and pins, and a ton of other gadgets that were given to me from various schools that I had visited over the past decade. All of which were evidence of my previous accomplishments. I reached down and picked up a pin and read the words that were scribed on it;“Bringing excellence through educated students - Hammarskjold High school”. Instantly my mind served me a memory that brought me back ten years prior. I went back into a daydream while reliving every emotion. Immediately I started reliving the moment like it was yesterday. 22

The First Chapter I was in a small bedroom of a household in Thunder Bay, Ontario. I was on my first tour as a youth motivator and I was eighteen. Our six-week trek took my boss Norbert and I through almost every square inch of Canada, mostly to small towns. Our tight schedule led us to speak to over eighty-four schools that semester. We just happened to be staying with a friend of Norbert's that evening and I hadn't even met him yet due to a late arrival. Fast-forwarding a bit, Norberteagerly awoke me from a deep sleep at six in the morning. He was in a rush. Apparently, we had slept in and we were late for our first presentation. After jumping out of bed and quickly showering I got ready for the day. As we arrived at the first school on our list, I found myself setting up equipment in a gymnasium of a large inner city school called Hammarskjold High school. I was excited. Today was a totally different day. My mind was racing because only a few months ago I couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t even get up in front of my own grade twelve class and speak; today I was given the opportunity to speak to an entire school. I was petrified of speaking to large groups but, for some strange reason, I was excited today.

As I continued to set up the equipment for the early presentation, a small group of boys walked into the gymnasium. They seemed 23

Kerry Girling as though they were the “Jocks or tough guys” of their school. They rudely walked past me, almost stepping on my fingers. One of them rudely asked,“Hey, what are you guys doing here?” I politely responded, “Were doing a motivational speech this morning on bullying and positive lifestyle choices...” and before I had a chance to fully respond, they interrupted with laughter while yelling, “Pffft, bullying doesn’t happen to us,” referring to his group of friends. “It looks like we have spare today boys!” They exited the premises while continuing to laugh. At first, I was upset.I felt disrespected but I soon let it go and continued to set up for the early presentation. My boss walked in shortly after and he was ready to present. My boss was a mentor of mine. He was a thirty-five-year-old man with a lot of experience in speaking to high school students. He delivered a very powerful presentation on drinking and driving.He found his passion early in life as a former paramedic,and while pursuing his passion he landed the self-employed role as a youth motivator. I randomly met him a few weeks prior at a fitness facility that I worked at.He took interest in me and took me under his wing after I told him my own story about the loss of my friend. He was confident that my story could help inspire teenagers.After a few discussion she asked me to speak with him on tour. Needless to say I took the opportunity with open arms. 24

The First Chapter Previous to that day I had no direction in my life. I didn't have any goals. I wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t sure what my passions were and I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have a lot of life experience. As I look back, I realize that it was a blessing to receive the opportunity to speak with him because it soon developed into a passion. As my boss presented to the fourteen hundred students that morning, in the largest gymnasium that I had ever seen, I stood outside of the packed gymnasium doors and listened to his words of wisdom. I scoured the stands with my eyes and noticed how unique of a situation it was; only few months ago I was the one sitting in the bleachers. The students were riveted to their seats. In fact, their anticipation grew with each story he told. I have to admit, I was quite impressed with how great of a speaker he was and how much courage he had while he stood on the stage. His audience respected him while he spoke. I had never seen that many high school students being as quiet as they were that day. It was truly inspiring. After listening to a few of his heartfelt stories I took a seat in an empty chair near the sidelines. His words filled my mind with motivation. As I scanned the audience a second time, he started to wrap up his lesson on leadership. While glancing at a few spectators in the stands, my mind completely shut out his words and I just stared at random people seated in the first row. I was 25

Kerry Girling amazed how intrigued they were while they watched the presentation. There was a brief pause in his words which made the gymnasium completely silent. At that moment, my mind went completely blank. I sat there in complete silence. Moments later the crowd started to cheer. In fact, the noise grew louder and louder. I immediately shook my head from the daze that my mind was in and I leaped to my feet to see what was happening. The audience sounded like a roaring crowd from an NFL football game. When I got to the front of the bleachers I heard my name being mentioned through the p.a. system. Then a picture of me was projected on the huge twelve by twenty-foot screen for the whole school to see. The noise continued to grow louder and louder.I started becoming very nervous. A spotlight then shined directly on me as I stood in the aisle between the fourteen hundred student bodies. While I stood there, Norbert introduced me.It all happened so quickly. At that moment I slowly walked towards the stage. Massive anxiety ran through my body.As I approached the front of the stage Norbert handed me the microphone and walked away. I stood there motionless.

As I stood there, I realized that I had never been that nervous in my entire life. Not fully knowing what to do and not being overly

The First Chapter prepared to present, I introduced myself, “Hi, I’m Kerry Ggggirling.” It was the most awkward experience. As I stood on a pre-built stage in the largest gymnasium I had ever seen, I was at a loss for words.There were 2800 eyes looking at me all at once. It felt like I was up there for forty-five minutes although I’m sure I had only been standing there for forty-five seconds.My eyes scrolled the audience a third time. This time I was looking for some moral support. I didn’t know what to say or what to do. A wave of embarrassment ran through my mind and body as I continued to stand there motionless. I had never experienced so many emotions running through my body at once. It was something almost indescribable. I soon looked to my mentor for some guidance. He said with a smile, “Tell us the story of your friend from high school!” At that moment, it was like somebody had snapped their fingers in my ear. It awoke me.From what started as a cloudy and petrified mindset a few seconds ago, my mind soon turned to be an integrated and controlled state that was fearless and invigorating. I instantly became confident with myself because I knew the story about my friend's death by heart. As the words flowed evenly from my mouth, I realized that I had never experienced so much joy, so much happiness and such credibility before. It felt good. I stood there and took it all in like I was never going to experience 27

Kerry Girling it again.An incredible amount of energy went through my body as I stood there. Just the thought that everyone in the audience was there to listen to me was truly amazing. I had never previously felt like I had actually been truly heard before. All of my life, I was inferior and had such a low self-esteem, where "people pleasing" became the norm but today it was totally different. Today was the day that I received an opportunity to show the world who I was. As I concluded my message that day, I placed the microphone on the podium and started to walk off the stage. As I paced a few steps, I saw the magnificent sight of fourteen hundred students rising to their feet for a standing ovation. Their applause was even louder than my introduction. Apparently, they liked my presentation. Being welcomed with such energy was empowering. It was a warm and intense feeling. I instantly became addicted to it and have since then never turned back. It was the first time that I stepped out of my comfort zone and did something that I truly feared. At that moment, I realized that my passion for helping teenagers outweighed my fear of public speaking. It was truly a magnificent experience.

As I stood there, their applause brought the same wave of anxiety that I felt before my speech, however, this time; it was more of a positive experience. I took advantage of the glory and stood there 28

The First Chapter with a grin on my face. The grin soon turned into a smile from ear to ear. Then the Image faded from my mind and I was back in the hallway of Melanie’s house. While I stood in the lonely hallway, I had a smile from ear to ear. It was enlightening. As I sat there and absorbed the remaining glory from an experience I went through many years prior, the doorbell rang. I shook my head, once again from the daze that my mind was in and I ran downstairs to see who was at the door. As I opened the door, Melanie walked in with a smile – similar to the one I had upstairs. As she walked through the front door, I greeted her with a kiss. She kissed me back with passion and was genuinely excited to see me. I couldn't remember a time when I was loved so much by someone else. I grabbed a few grocery bags that she was holding and I helped her bring in the remaining bags from the car. As I helped her put the groceries away in the kitchen, I asked how her day was. She responded, “Everything’s great babe, I had a wonderful day!" I started snooping through the grocery bags to see what I could find and I came across some Nibs candy, so I reached my hand into the bag and grabbed them. As Melanie walked into the kitchen she said, while laughing, “I got you a present sweetie. Looks like you've found it!” I returned the smile while opening the

Kerry Girling bag of candy. As I ate the liquorice treat, immediately a scenario from seven years previous played in my mind. My Ex and I were watching television in the living room of a house that I was renting.It was the beginning of our relationship. It was our second date and we were watching a comedy starring John Candy – The Great Outdoors. I can remember it like it was yesterday. Sarah was so beautiful and youthful. We had met a few weeks prior to mutual friends and I was excited that we had grown an attraction to each other already. I remember staring at her quite a few times during the movie. Her smile was contagious – every time she smiled she made me smile too. Fast forwarding to the end of the date – we stood at the front door together. I'm sure we stood there for damn near ten minutes before I built the confidence to kiss her. I was nervous and I'm sure she could sense it. It all contributed to an evening that I’ll never forget. I finally built my inner confidence and kissed her. Shortly after, she got in her vehicle and drove away. At that moment, my memory faded and I snapped back to reality back in Melanie’s kitchen.

As I stood therewith a blank stare on my face, Melanie said with concern, “Kerry, Kerry, hello?! Are you okay? What were you thinking about?” My blank stare showed my confusion. Without 30

The First Chapter further delay, I shook my head once again from the daze my mind was in and I continued emptying the shopping bags while assuring her that I was alright. Even though Melanie and I had already developed a happy relationship, my mind was forcing me to deal with the fact that I was going through a divorce. When we finished putting all the groceries away, we made dinner together, watched a movie and went to bed. The next day I awoke early because I had an early presentation booked a few hours North of Calgary. As I got out of bed, Melanie was already getting herself ready for work. I snuck beside her and grabbed my toothbrush. While brushing my teeth, I paced the bedroom. I was in deep thought, making sure I wasn’t forgetting anything for my presentation. While pacing the bedroom, I stubbed my toe on the bedpost which instantly sent excruciating pain through my body. At that moment my mind went back six and a half years prior. It was summer and my Ex and I were in the kitchen of her parent’s house. I had just stubbed my toe on the island of their kitchen. I yelled, “Ouch! Why do you always do this? Why does everything always have to be such a game with you?” After shouting a bunch of words that made no sense and blaming her for no apparent reason, I briskly exited the kitchen and walked over to the front door. I threw my shoes on and proceeded to leave the house. 31

Kerry Girling Meanwhile, Sarah ran over to me and grabbed my arm, keeping me from leaving. I turned towards her and screamed, “Look, I just need some time to be alone.Let me go for a walk or something!” She refused and continued to pull my arm. As I stood there with her hanging off of me, tears began to flow from her eyes. At this point, seeing her tears seemed all too common. As I struggled to open the door, she latched onto it, forcing it in the opposite direction and faster towards her. In a split second, the door swung back and hit her in the face. As I turned to walk outside, I noticed that her eyebrow started to bleed. Even though I was angry at the time, I genuinely felt compassion towards her because I knew that I was the one responsible for the cut above her eye.Yet, I continued to walk away. Although the cut was a lasting reminder of my actions, hurting her emotionally was far worse than any physical damage that I had caused. At that moment the image faded. As I look back at this specific experience, I feel guilty, ashamed and upset with myself for doing this to her. As I've grown, I've seen abuse all over the place; in school, at home, in my friend’s homes, on the street, basically everywhere. I've heard thousands of stories from troubled teenagers after my motivational presentations. Their stories elaborate on the types of abuse that they’ve dealt with, and it bothers me that I had been a part of it. 32

The First Chapter Although this wasn't the only experience where I have been a part of the abuse, I realize how inappropriate my actions were that day. The image soon faded and my mind went back to reality. As I drove up North that morning to deliver a high school presentation, I reflected on my past and the experiences within it. For what seemed like an eternity, I sat in the driver’s seat while reminiscing about my entire first chapter of life – the past twentyeight years. The thoughts continued to flow one after another. As I drove, I paid close attention to my emotions and how they changed with each new image. I noticed sudden changes in my breathing as the new images were replaced. Even though my moods changed drastically with each new image, I was intrigued to realize that my emotions neutralized when I reflected back upon an experience that I already dealt with.It was as though I no longer harnessed any negative emotions from parts of my past anymore. Often times it isn't easy talking to someone about our personal experiences. At times, we feel responsible, guilty or ashamed of our actions. When we make mistakes, the last thing that we want to do is tell another person. Many times, we feel weak, inferior or self-conscious; however, if we come to terms with each new experiences whether negative or positive in nature and look at it as a life lesson and nothing more than that then you’ll start to 33

Kerry Girling appreciate the fruits of life. Nobody wants to dwell in their own self-pity forever. Reminiscing about my past experiences enabled me to eliminate any negative emotions associated with them.After eliminating just a few, I was able to see life from an entirely new perspective. As I sat there, I realized how important it was for me to eliminate the negativity in my life so I could move onto more positive things. I`ve learned that we all have a few things in common; we all want to achieve happiness and neither of us wants to suffer.In the end, weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re all looking for a more rewarding life. Succumbing to fear, regret and negative emotions on an on-going basis will only make matters worse.It creates limitations. When you confront your shortcomings, you'll start forgiving yourself, enabling you to move towards a more prosperous and fulfilling lifestyle. Later that day, I was in the gymnasium of a smaller Junior high school and setting up equipment for the fourth-period presentation. After fumbling with some equipment pieces, I realized that I had done this routine over five hundred times through my career. In fact, over the past decade, as a youth motivator, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve spoken in over four hundred communities and to over five hundred schools. Doing the math, I realized that I had driven over two million kilometers, went through nine vehicles, fueled up over fifteen hundred times, inspired 1.2 million students 34

The First Chapter and stayed in over four hundred hotels over the course of my career. As I paced around the small gymnasium I asked myself, “What is this ONE presentation going to accomplish?” I had been to so many schools over the past ten years; I was wondering how ONE school could make any more of a difference. Without further thought, I continued to set up for the afternoon presentation. As I thought about my comment later, I realized that I had totally contradicted everything that I believed in. I’ve always believed that it didn’t matter the size of the school that I spoke in, as long as I could inspire a few students – that’s what was important to me. While I delivered my presentation on leadership to about fifty students that morning, my mind started reflecting back in time again. This time my thoughts served me happiness. The images that came to my mind were of me, a teenager and running my own business. Various images of my career started to project in my mind again like a turning wheel of thoughts. Even though I knew I had to maintain a certain amount of attention for the presentation, I reminisced while I spoke to the small group of kids.

My memory served me thoughts that I had totally forgotten about. These thoughts helped bring me confidence. Come to think

Kerry Girling of it, I’m sure the students noticed drastic changes in my moods while I presented. It must have been a funny image for them. Over the course of the past ten years, I had not only found my passion as a youth motivator but I had cultivated it into something that I loved and I became a professional at it. Countless thoughts of being a positive role model to teenagers surfaced my mind frequently. I loved the fact that I got paid to do something I loved doing. It was empowering. As I stood there, random thoughts of failure surfaced but something inside of me didn’t allow the negative emotions to surface. Maybe my mind was too positive to let in any negativity. As I look back, I realize that I’ve probably made ten times the mistakes that my friends and family have but without risk comes zero reward. Even to this day, I say, “If you make a mistake, make it a BIG one because you’ll learn so much more from it.” My career for the past decade was just like how a drug addict needs his fix, I was addicted. I had a pretty strict daily regimen and I was always busy doing something to heighten my credibility as a motivator. My workday took me from 6 am until 10 pm. For the first few years, I didn't have time for dating. Just the very thought of managing a girlfriend while I was on tour hadn’t even crossed my mind. It just didn't seem possible. Yet, each day, I always found at least an hour of time for my friends. They were the ones 36

The First Chapter that created a relaxing atmosphere. We played video games, listened to music, worked on our cars and everything else that was as far from “reality” as possible. It wasn’t until I started dating Sarah that I realized it was possible to also have someone romantically in my life while touring. Since I was eighteen I always started each year by setting goals. It became a ritual after my boss engrained the importance of writing them. I would start with a look back at my previous year’s accomplishments; I called it a positive focus. It helped increase my self-esteem before I thought of my goals. My personal goals were a synch but the business side of the regimen was more difficult—I had to think of something attainable; something that was virtually out of my reach but if I worked hard enough I would be able to achieve it.The determination I had was incredible; by the time I hit twenty I had read over three hundred books, joined the Commerce and City committees, spoken to over one hundred and fifty schools and produced my own product line. By twenty-six I produced two films, three documentaries and created a concept for a reality series. This ignited a spark inside me that was filled with the type of determination I cannot begin to explain.

Kerry Girling All of these magnificent thoughts were magnifying my glory. I was in a state of complete satisfaction. At that moment, my mind went back to an experience that I went through a few years ago. It was the beginning of the year and I had just finished writing my goals for the yearly quarter. My business goal for that semester was to speak at one hundred schools before the Christmas Break.I had seventy days to achieve this goal. In order to accomplish it, it meant that I had to book two schools virtually every business day while leaving enough time for travel in between. To top it all, I hadn’t even started the process. Even though I hadn’t previously accomplished such a feat, the numbers didn’t scare me. I knew that if I was determined enough I could achieve this goal, just like all of my previously completed desires. I made a daily goal to contact one hundred schools. Even though some days consisted of more telephone messages than conversations, I kept motivated and let nothing stand in my way. After six short weeks, I reached my goal and booked one hundred schools. It was an accomplishment that I’ll never forget. Hopefully one day I’ll smash that record. Often times, we look at our goals and we cringe at the thought of trying to accomplish them. We may feel inferior, scared or just plain lazy. For some, we let their inner negativity surface which only brings the chances of completion to nil, while for others they 38

The First Chapter excel at each of their goals with ease. I believe that the people who link joy, happiness and satisfaction to their goals; they are the ones that will achieve greatness in their lives. For those that can only see negativity and frustration when accomplishing something of worth, they will continue to procrastinate and accomplishing nothing. These types of people fail many times while learning very little. They also seem to live miserable lives in the process. I’ve always tried my best to link positive attributes to negative situations. It makes the process a lot more enjoyable. While I booked my tour that I described earlier, I had picked up a couple of schools that were in the Toronto area which was way out of my booking region— a thirty-hour drive away, thinking they would add to the long list of schools that I had spoken to. Mainly, I thought it would be fun to travel to the “Big City," although, I hadn’t done any legwork to see if the travel for these two schools would even be feasible. When I booked the two presentations I forgot to ask if the schools were in the same city; I just assumed they were, however, one was in Toronto and the other in Ottawa – a four-hour drive in the opposite direction. After the panic subsided, I booked a rental car and drove the 3200 kilometers straight through to Toronto. I drove hours without sleep; come to think of it, I had too much energy for sleep. Anytime I had the chance to tour I was happy. Before the mini-tour was complete, I 39

Kerry Girling had fuelled up at twenty-three gas stations, driven over ninety hours, eaten at Subway fifteen times and put on over 8500 kilometers in less than a week â&#x20AC;&#x201C; all in my rental vehicle. I slept for three consecutive days when I got home. The car rental company said nothing about the unlimited kilometer agreement. Needless to say, I was extremely satisfied with their service.

The First Chapter

Why I chose my career as a Motivator As a mentor, I speak to teenagers of all ages and ethnicities. Each presentation comes with new experiences, new stories and insight. There have been countless times that I’ve witnessed tears fall from the cheeks of youngsters, ranging from the fourth grade to the twelfth, with each one describing the same thing yet in different ways –it’s all abuse. In the last ten years, I’ve heard far too many stories from abused students, thousands in fact. Some were stories of thrown nasty comments while others were tales of thrown fists or even an unwanted sexual encounter. In the end, it’s all abuse. We’ve been led to believe that sometimes it’s okay and at times it’s not. We’ve been programmed by our peers that it’s normal to go through. For most, we go through our entire lives without dealing with the hurt that it has caused. The truth is; each and every one of us has lived through some type of abuse, whether it was verbal, sexual or physical. Only a few of us realize the mental damage that it can cause. Some have experienced it lightly while others have gone through far worse. If you’ve ever been a victim, it’s important to understand that there is help for those who ask. In many cases, you don’t need to ask for help, you can help yourself. I became a motivator to help people see their potential. I’ve seen dissatisfaction roam the eyes of so many people. I’ve felt an obligation to assist them. I believe that motivation is a key to unlock happiness, especially when dealing with abuse. I am honored to be a part of increasing such happiness in this troubled world. In the midst of my travels, as I roam the hallways and speak to various teenagers, I see the damage in their eyes; I hear their pain 41

Kerry Girling when they share their stories of abuse and failure. I have physically lived as a victim of abuse, yet I’ve also been on the other side as a bully. I’ve felt the hurt from abuse, yet I’ve also seen the tears that I had caused as well. We are ALL a big part of the problem, yet we’re also a big part of the solution. I believe that abuse is brought on by feelings and emotions of sadness, regret, remorse or anger, and if it’s left unchecked for too long, it will get much worse. Too many of us fail to realize that we can put a stop to abuse if we gain full control of our emotions. Doing so will inspire compassion towards others. By relieving our mental aggression we can become more positive and eliminate abuse altogether.

“We’re here to help and encourage those around us, not to laugh at each other and push each other around.”

Back in reality after my presentation to the junior high that afternoon, I answered questions and talked to a few students that were lined up at a table on the sidelines. As the various students patiently awaited their turn, I listened to their stories; mostly relating to bullying. They explained the effects that it caused to them and how they’ve dealt with it since. Even though it felt like I had heard their stories a million times before, I listened with respect because most of the time all teens want is for someone to

The First Chapter listen. After encouraging them with some motivating wisdom, I packed up my equipment and was ready to leave. While I exited the facility, a young teacher entered the gymnasium. She thanked me for the speech that I had made and then handed me a small gift. During that moment she said, “I want to tell you, Kerry, I remember seeing your presentation back when I was in high school.” I laughed and proceeded to shake her hand. Then, something strange happened—a tear flowed from her eye. She continued saying, “Kerry, you have no idea what you have done for us. Not us as a school, however, us as a family. My younger brother was suicidal in Junior high, and after seeing your presentation that day, he told me that you had given him hope again and you were his inspiration to keep going!” I stood there silently in awe, amazed by the impact of my words years ago. She shook my hand a second time, smiled and walked away. I continued to stand in my tracks, motionless for a few moments and then I grabbed my equipment and left the premises. As I drove home through the hills in the country that day, an image raced through my mind over and over again but I didn’t know what had inspired it. This thought brought me back eight years. While reminiscing, I realized that I was one of the biggest bullies of all. It was the summer of the early 2000’s and I was mowing the lawn of a complex that my dad managed. I liked cutting lawns; the sound of the mower blades cutting the grass, even the smell was relaxing. While I cut the grass my cell phone rang, it was Sarah. She said “Happy Birthday babe. I booked us in for paintball tonight. I want everything to be perfect.” Before I hung up the 43

Kerry Girling phone, I thanked her and assured her that I would be home on time and everything would be fine. Five minutes later, I received another telephone call from a business partner of mine. He spoke with the same type of excitement that Sarah had; he wished me Happy Birthday and invited me to go out for drinks after work. All I could think of were the plans that I had with Sarah later that evening; however, he quickly persuaded me to go out with him that evening. I never called Sarah to let her know.

That night, every telephone call was ignored, including Sarah`s calls. While she patiently waited for me at home, I was out partying without her. Three hours went by with another fifteen calls ignored. I continued to drink my face off that night, with friends that mean nothing to me now. In hindsight, I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know why I made that choice, although, I was probably trying to impress my new business associates. Finally, a couple hours later, I decided to return her telephone calls. As she heard my voice on the other end of the telephone line, all she could do was cry. She was deeply hurt. Just thinking about this image builds irritation and anger towards how irresponsible I was at times back then. I can still feel the emotional pain that I put her through when I told her I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to spend my birthday with her. It broke her heart. To make matters even worse, I never went home that night. As I look back at these images, the ones that left Sarah feeling worthless, and the ones that broke us apart for good; it makes me feel sick to realize that I had hurt somebody so close, so special

The First Chapter and important to me. It made me realize why I was going through a divorce. The image soon faded. Later that evening, back inside Melanie’s kitchen, I sat there silently, thinking of random thoughts of my past. With each experience that entered my mind I let it all soak in. Each occurrence seemed to bring a new lesson which allowed me to grow. It didn’t matter whether it was a good or a bad thought; each story allowed me to come to full terms with myself, accept the past and move on. It was like a “get out of jail free card” and I liked it! So, at that moment, I took advantage of the situation by thinking of all of the negative and nasty experiences from my past. This way I could learn to accept them and then throw them away for good. I no longer wanted to feel trapped like a victim. As the images ran through my mind, I started to lose the shame, remorse, anger and sadness that I once felt before. All of the hurt and the frustration that I had previously felt were no longer a problem. I finally started taking responsibility for my own actions and it felt great. As I sat in the kitchen, an idea came to my mind. While the deep thoughts of random images continued in my mind, I got up from my seat and leaped towards the living room. I grabbed the laptop and turned it on. While the computer was in the start-up mode, I took the time to analyze my body and its current physical state. I then glanced over at the coffee table and saw the multiple bags of candy and chips, all of which had been recently opened and half eaten. I realized that in the past four months, since the separation, I hadn’t gone to the gym once. My physical state and personal hygiene concerned me. I realized that my lifestyle had 45

Kerry Girling changed drastically, all in a short period of time. What used to be a strict and healthy diet, now consisted of fatty foods and candy, and I had gained almost twenty pounds of fat. I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t recognize myself. My work ethic had gone from a strict and motivated regimen to a schedule that had me sitting on the couch for hours while I watched television reruns. I had no goals, no money and the thought of doing anything constructive didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t exist. At this point, nothing was important to me. My rent was overdue, there were no groceries in the refrigerator and bills were not being paid on time. I just sailed through life as though nothing was wrong, avoiding the inevitable. I started sleeping into the afternoon, procrastinating and constantly putting the important, unfinished tasks to the side. I kept my responsibilities at a low. Things that were important to me before meant nothing to me now; I had no joy of waking up anymore. I looked at life with a negative perspective each day and I blocked almost every emotion, in fear of feeling any further pain. I then realized that I was in the first stage of an early life crisis. I sat there for a while and wallowed in my own self-pity. Thoughts of my recent separation and future divorce subsided which brought anxiety to my mind. During that moment, my cell phone rang; it was a friend whom I hadnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t talked to since the separation. I ignored it like I did with all of the other calls that I received over the past four months. I wanted to snap out of the trance and go back to at least the person that I was before the separation occurred but no matter what I tried, nothing worked. The anxiety I felt that day triggered a new level of thinking, something completely different than anything I was used to. At that moment, I questioned life and my own existence. Here were my thoughts: 46

The First Chapter I realized that modern society has brought more stress, anxiety and inferiority than ever before. In addition to the huge responsibilities we face each day, we’ve begun to add misery to our previously peaceful and accommodating lives. We no longer take the time out of our days for friends and family like we used to. The simple task of teaching our children about proper morals and values are not being taught at home. Our children are learning these important life lessons at school. It is not uncommon for adults to work two jobs to keep up with today’s standard of living. Technology has disconnected us from our personal relationships too. A simple telephone call that was once treasured and the primary means of communication has now been replaced with an impersonal text message. Society has taught us that we always need bigger and better. There may be nothing wrong with what we have, except for the fact that it is an older model, making us feel the need for the newest technology out there. This then carries over to our relationships. What this is teaching us is that if something becomes too difficult, we feel that we don’t have the time or patience to work on fixing any small imperfections, when we could just replace it with something new. We don’t take the time to fix our relationships anymore. People are quick to disregard the time spent with someone because things got too tough. Instead, we are throwing it all away, thinking we will find something better around the corner. Marriage is now being taken very lightly rather than traditionally. These thoughts made me quiver with negativity. Finally, the computer booted up and I was ready to start writing. I sat in the empty living room and I started to write all of my thoughts. I wrote as much detail as possible because I knew that 47

Kerry Girling with each story I wrote, it would relieve much of the anxiety, anger, remorse and frustration I had been bottling up for years and never dealt with. I first started writing the thoughts I had throughout the week, all of which were memories of my first chapter. As I continued writing everything that came to my mind, about twenty minutes later, I started to get chest pains. At first, the pain was minimal but then soon grew to a more aggressive feeling, much like I was having an anxiety attack. Nasty thoughts of past experiences only contributed to the pain. While I gasped for a breath of fresh air, I relived a situation that occurred six years ago. I was in my bedroom, lying on my bed and I couldn’t shake the feeling of anxiety that took over my body. Large overbearing images of previous obstacles that I faced shadowed in my head and I felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown. It didn’t matter how much I tried mustering up something positive, the ugly and scary images of failure and disappointment overruled my happy thoughts. As I lay there, another thought of abandonment from my distant past surfaced which only added to the anxiety I was feeling that day. I didn’t know how to snap out of it. For the next few hours, I was forced to lay there and wallow in my own self-pity. Images of a failed event I had planned earlier brought a feeling of embarrassment. All I could think of was how I had failed. Over the next few days, my Ex Sarah tried a variety of encouraging tactics to help snap me back into reality but the morbid image of my depleting soul didn’t allow me to escape the thoughts. At first, I sought medical help to see if there was a cure, although, I soon 48

The First Chapter realized that taking a pill three times a day just acted as a bandaid and wouldn’t fix the problem altogether. I just laid there for days. The only time I got out of bed was for a glass of water and the odd meal. I was in rough shape. Thoughts of suicide developed, although I obviously never acted on them. My mental and emotional state had slowly depleted and all I could think of were negative thoughts. I desperately wanted answers to the questions that surfaced my mind. I wanted to know why I had fallen so far down from an experience that meant so little to me. I knew that I had experienced much more trauma in the past but the answers were nowhere to be found. I slowly started to hate life. Everything felt bland to me. Meals didn’t taste nearly as good as they used to, colors didn’t look as vibrant and I couldn’t even be around friends or family without feeling the need to cry. I hated it. It seemed like I changed my career path every two weeks. I would start with one project and before I was finished I moved onto the next, meanwhile completing nothing. I didn’t have the same contentment and it didn’t feel like I was going to regain it either. Projects that I worked on didn’t hold the same stature like they had before. Not only had I lost track of my goals, dreams and desires, everything that was valid and had meaning to me previously didn’t mean the same to me. I had lost track of who I was and I felt empty. I felt as though I was trapped in somebody else’s body with a completely different mindset – a rather negative mindset. I felt like my life was out of control. It was right at that moment that I felt the need for positive change. All I wanted to do was get away; somewhere far and warm where I could regain even the slightest bit of courage. Somewhere I didn’t 49

Kerry Girling know anyone. Somewhere I felt respected and where I could make new friends, so I packed my suitcase and headed to Los Angeles.

The First Chapter

Life in Los Angeles I arrived at the gates of LAX from an International flight that flew me non-stop from Calgary. I stood at the entrance waiting for a friend of mine to pick me up. I had met him a few years ago through my friend Quillan and was he happy to assist my stay in L.A. When I stepped outside the doors of the airport that afternoon, immediately the aroma of pure Los Angeles smog hit me. It was a scent that woke me up and made me feel alive. The scent that I inhaled so ravishingly instantly changed my way of thinking. It was like I had been hit with a wave of medicine that cured me in seconds. From that moment, I felt that I had already regained what I was looking for, although, I knew I needed more than LAsmog therapy to regain my sanity. As I left the airport, for some strange reason, I no longer instilled the cloudy images of abandonment and sadness. I felt accepted again and I had no plans of returning home. As I settled into my friendâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s house that evening, various thoughts came to my mind. Images of both positive and negative experiences were shadowing one another. Nasty images of my Ex and me fighting came to my mind which made me feel horrible. Those types of thoughts mixed with happy images of my new life in LA. My moods changed considerably throughout the evening, 51

Kerry Girling however, with the intense mental transformation that I already felt while arriving in California, it quickly eliminated all thoughts of sadness. Later that evening, my friend and I went sightseeing around some of the most beautiful areas of the city and I instantly started forming a refreshing mindset. Images of happiness and joy came back to me. Finally, I felt like a person again, rather than a zombie living a life with no passion. With each new sight I saw, my mindset grew more positive in nature. Each new person I met seemed to add to the priceless mood I was in. It was almost unexplainable. My Los Angeles friend is a Nightclub owner of three Hollywood establishments. He moved from Taiwan at the age of eighteen while searching for a better life which later proved to be successful. In the midst of it all, he created an empire that most people would be inspired by. He was exactly the type of person I needed to be around. Just the very thought of how he had made himself a success, a multi-millionaire, with the few tools he had as an International foreigner, motivated me again. I started regaining clarity of my own life. In fact, my desires, dreams, goals, ambitions and passions were being gathered inside my mind once again. My Los Angeles experience was something that Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll never forget. To be able to experience your own life transform during a time 52

The First Chapter when you need it the most; that the most amazing and exhilarating experience that one could ask for. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s always a good feeling to be able to see positive changes in others but to feel an abundance of change within yourself is incredible. I felt so alive! As my Los Angeles friend continued to show me sights I had never seen before, like his beautiful ten thousand square foot home in Hollywood Hills or the fast sports cars that he had gained within his career, I started developing hope for myself. I chose to take advantage of my new found inspiration that I received in L.A to refuel the fire I once had inside of me. It was a truly unique feeling. The images then soon faded. Back in Melanieâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s living room, I sat there, scribing my thoughts into the computer. Even though my experience in LA had brought warm feelings, the abundance of images that scrolled through my mind thereafter brought me anxiety. While I sat there, an overwhelming feeling came to me. It was a mixed feeling of anxiety with a hint of sadness. At that moment, I knew I was in the initial process of grieving the loss of my first chapter of my life, and it was all being eliminated from my conscience completely. My fingers continued typing every thought that came to my mind. All of the stories and emotions that I had relived were all being typed into the computer one at a time. While I typed each 53

Kerry Girling scenario, I realized that I no longer held the same type of anger or aggression that I previously harnessed. I no longer felt limited from the negativity in each situation. As I typed, it felt like each story was fictional, like I wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t a part of the experience in the first place. I didn't have the same emotional connection with each experience anymore. Reliving each experience allowed me to come to terms with any aggression and anger that I held towards myself. It was like a weight of bricks had broken away from my shoulders. It felt like I was eighty pounds lighter. It was liberating, relaxing and satisfying. As the thoughts kept coming, I kept writing them down. After writing for about an hour, I sat back in my seat and stared at the ceiling for a while. At that moment, my mind swept me into a scenario that brought me back three years earlier. I had just arrived in Saskatoon, after a long five-week tour in the United States and I was tired. I had just driven over 20,000 miles and I wanted to sleep in my own bed. Even though I was eager to get home and relax after living in hotels for the past month, I wanted to get Sarah a gift before I got home because I forgot to buy her one while I was on tour. As I briskly walked through the hallway of a local mall, I tried to find her a decent gift. It was Christmastime and the mall was packed with people. It was rather difficult to manoeuvre my way through the frantic shoppers. 54

The First Chapter Frustrated and tired, I stopped at the food court with no idea of what to get her. While I stood there, I noticed a Jewellery store and instantly the thought of an engagement came to my mind – Sarah’s and mine. At the time, the very thought of us being engaged felt improper because we weren’t getting along. We had been dating for six years and the passion had faded to none. I felt like I owed it to her to take her hand in marriage because she had been a huge support in my life through the difficult times. Even though we had experienced so many negative things together, there was still love behind my motive in asking her to marry me. Realizing my motives, I took a peek in a Jewellery store for an engagement ring. As I walked into to the store, instantly I became inferior and my confidence dropped. It felt like I was doing something that I shouldn’t have been doing. I took a quick glance at the assortment of rings behind the counter and picked out the one that resembled the most beauty. I bought it with the cash I recently made on tour and walked out of the store. I was in the jewellery store for literally five minutes. It all happened so quickly. Again, it just didn't seem right. Seeing Sarah’s car in the driveway as I pulled up to the house that afternoon brought happiness and smile to my face. I was excited to enter the house and be greeted with her famous greeting; 55

Kerry Girling massive hugs and kisses, like she did every time I came home from a long tour. As I walked into the house, it was dead silent and not a peep was heard. At first, I thought she was going to jump out and scare me but there was no sign of her as I walked through the house. It was a completely opposite experience, compared to her usual greetings. As I opened the bedroom door, she was sitting on the bed and just thinking to herself. She greeted me with a mediocre smile and then got up and walked past me like I was a figment of her imagination. As she walked past me, I felt rather unloved. I tried to liven up the mood because I wanted her to be in good spirits when I asked her the big question. In hindsight, I think I should have waited for a more appropriate time; everything seemed so rushed. I followed her into the living room and as she seated herself on the couch and turned on the television, I asked for her attention. As I went to one knee and asked her, “Will you marry me?” She froze in her tracks and didn’t say anything. After what felt like an eternity, although, it was probably actually only about a minute, she responded, “Are you serious? Do you think it’s a good idea?” In the end, it took her about ten minutes to finally say YES after questioning the marriage in her mind. From what should have been very romantic, I was extremely embarrassed. Even though we both knew it was

The First Chapter wrong from the very beginning, we still went through with the marriage.

A lesson I’ve learned As I look back at some of the mistakes I’ve made, I realize that the ones that caused hurt to people closest to me, like Sarah and other friends and family; those were the ones that brought the most emotional pain. Making a mistake in business doesn’t even compare to the types of mistakes that leave a dear friend emotionally battered. I realize that I never gave Sarah the attention that she needed and deserved. She always came a distant second in my life. My business was always my number one priority. In looking back, I feel like I didn’t spend the time to make her feel important or beautiful. She was emotionally neglected which eventually led to our separation. Back in reality, images of various scenarios played through my mind like a turning wheel of thoughts. Random images of Sarah and I were projected. There were days when Sarah and I would get along perfectly fine, while others reeked of sadness and frustration. Even though the joyous and happy times that we spent together were more of backburner thoughts, the idea of our new separation and future divorce stood there on my face, 57

Kerry Girling taunting me. I sat there for a while reminiscing about previous times that I had with her. These images started to weigh on my mind and now all I could think of were negative, nasty and powerless experiences, so I placed the laptop on the coffee table and tended to more affirming duties. Later that night, after Melanie had gone to sleep, I sat in bed anxiously. There was a fixed energy that continuously ran through my entire body. It was the type of energy that wanted me to do something proactive and creative. After fighting the urge to stay in bed, I went downstairs to see what I could get up to. As I grabbed a glass of milk from the refrigerator, I noticed the laptop sitting on the coffee table. I then walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. As I sat there, I started reading through some of the stories I had written earlier that day. It was interesting to see that the stories didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t hold the same emotional stature like they had before I wrote them. I couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t believe that it only took a few hours to relieve some of my biggest and most painful emotions from my mind. I was intrigued so I started writing more. With every thought that came to my mind, the negative emotions that were associated with each experience were soon erased for good, and they were never to be felt again. I was energized. It was such a liberating feeling to know that I had made some 58

The First Chapter considerable progress towards a steady mind and grievance. In fact, something had triggered a switch inside of me that turned on the flame I had longed for months. With the computer in front of me, I continued typing all of the thoughts that entered my mind. It didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t matter if they were good or bad thoughts â&#x20AC;&#x201C; thoughts from the near or distant past, as long as they had an image I would write it. I sat there and wrote for hours. I couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t believe how well my memory had served me. I was on a tear trying to write down as much detail to as many of my past experiences that I could. Every time I typed an image on the computer the memory faded for good and the emotional attachment was never felt again. I felt like I had finally come to terms with each situation and I genuinely forgave myself for each mistake that I had made. I was now fully capable of leaving my memories in the past, for good. After a short period of time, I realized that I had written over twelve pages of memories. After writing a few more stories I finally went to bed. The next day I awoke early in the morning because I had to deliver a presentation to a small school in the far Northern part of the Province which meant I had to leave before the busy traffic. My actions felt like more of a routine than the previous day. I was again on the highway in a daze when curious thoughts started to 59

Kerry Girling roam my mind. Random thoughts from the previous week reappeared in my head and I started asking questions aloud to myself. With each thought I needed answers. I asked myself questions like, “Where did I get my goal setting attitude from, and why did I choose Motivational Speaking as a career in the first place?” Just like the previous day, for every thought that I had, I wrote them down. My questions led to many others and throughout the day it didn’t stop. The questions just kept coming. Clarity started unfolding for me, and the life that I had always longed for was slowly approaching, I could feel it. As I continuously erased the history of what had made me who I was, I started to unfold a new personal image – an image that allowed me peace and happiness; one that’s built in the confines of my own values and beliefs. As the image unfolded, it helped me gain everything that I had previously lost. I started to truly understand who I was as a spiritual being. I started to understand what life was all about – creating happiness. I started to get to know myself, and really understand what my personality was. As my mind answered the random questions that entered my mind, my future started unfolding right in front of my own eyes. As the thoughts continued, I was curious about other questions like, “What are my new goals, ambitions, desires and future passions?” Although it took some time, my questions were soon 60

The First Chapter answered. Halfway through my Northern drive, out of nowhere, my mind went completely blank. My memory had gone from processing around sixty thoughts per minute to serving me absolutely nothing. I sat there and enjoyed the silence. As I drove the Northern Alberta highways that morning, feelings of peace and tranquility absorbed my body and mind. As my blank thoughtless mind served me nothing, I was finally in a relaxed state and content in the moment. Later that morning I tried forcing thoughts through my head but my mind wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t accept them. At times, I searched for some energy within, awaiting some excitement but nothing came, so I kept driving in silence with a blank mind. While I presented a hard-hitting anti-bullying presentation to a group of youngsters that morning, I felt like a completely different person. By relieving the anxiety, frustration, remorse and all other negative emotions from my past, it enabled me to become a truly better person inside. Compassion for others now serves my mind rather than the self-absorbed person I had become. While I spoke to the junior school, I realized that I had flushed over thirty negative images from my first chapter of life, and those experiences would never be seen with the same perspective ever again. It was a liberating feeling knowing that I had finally got rid of the weight that was dragging me down. The emotions that 61

Kerry Girling went through my body was abundant. I had never really understood myself on a personal level, the kind which I had felt today. I had never really taken the time to analyze myself or understand myself in a spiritual sense like I did today. It was the first time that I had taken full responsibility for my own life and the experiences within it. I realized that it was me who was the one responsible for everything that I had manifested in my life and it felt good to understand it all. On my drive back home that afternoon, as I sat in the driverâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s seat, hundreds of new images spawned my mind. Various happy images of my past also projected into my mind. One thought that kept reoccurring was on my wedding day. My mind followed its every movement. It was a gorgeous day in mid-July, two and half years ago. I was conversing with my two older brothers outside of the wedding facility and we were laughing together. The energy that filled the air that day was electrifying. The weather was a perfect twentyfive degrees Celsius and the light wind brushed through the leaves of the trees while the flowers swayed with perfection. As we anxiously gathered near the chapel, I remember standing in front of the patrons with the wedding party as we awaited the bride. The seats were filled with friends and family and they were all excited to see us unite. As Sarah walked down the aisle, she was 62

The First Chapter the absolute most beautiful thing that Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d ever witnessed. I had never seen her dressed up to perfection like she was that day. It was a beautiful sight. As she approached me, my mind fast forwarded to the near end of the wedding. It was time for the kiss but before I had a chance to continue the daydream, more random thoughts interrupted my mind which meant the experience was now slowly being eliminated from my conscious. My mind started jumping in and out of various thoughts. Some were thoughts from last week while others filled my head with memories of my distant childhood. As the thoughts rapidly shuffled through my head, the image of an experience that I had gone through fourteen years previous surfaced; I was playing baseball with my dad in the backyard. It was June eighteenth â&#x20AC;&#x201C; my birthday, on a Friday afternoon in mid-June. I had just turned fourteen years old. My friends and I were rough housing outside of our school. I was waiting for my Dad to pick me up for the weekend. My parents divorced when I was a baby which meant weekend visits with my dad during my youth. All week long, I looked forward to visiting him. He was the type of father who really cared about his sons and would go out of his way to do anything for them. Even though I had two older brothers, it was Dad and I who had a connection that the others

Kerry Girling didn’t. For the two of us, we treasured every moment. It was like we were best friends.

As we drove to his mobile home, in a trailer park outside of the city limits that Friday afternoon, I asked if we could play baseball together. He responded, “Yeah, for sure!” I was excited to hear his response. As we played baseball together between two trailers that were separated by three lots, I hit a home run off a pitch that he had thrown. The problem was; we were the only two playing which meant I had to retrieve the ball myself. Even though it was annoying to retrieve the ball every time a home run was hit, I kept at it because, back then, baseball was my passion. We continued playing for hours that day and throughout the whole weekend. Come to think of it, I don’t ever remember putting my baseball glove down while I was there. It was exactly what I wanted. As I look back, I realize that the bond that my father and I had created was something special. He always made sure that I had a good time during our weekend visits. Back then, he had two passions in life; one was sports and the other was his kids. It felt good to be a part of such a warm welcoming family. Every weekend consisted of something different. It usually started out with us going to the local Legion, a place where we would go for a game of billiards and a pop, and when we were finished, we 64

The First Chapter would drive out to his trailer park to see what kind of mischievous things the two of us could muster up. Even though we experienced so many different things together, the image of us playing baseball kept with me. The image soon faded and I was back in reality. As I snuck back into reality, I realized that I was driving in the opposing lane against fast-paced highway traffic and almost collided with a farm truck head-on. It all happened so quickly. I slammed on the brakes and stopped on the shoulder of the highway, meanwhile, gasping for a breath of fresh air. I sat there, trying to gain back my composure but I was genuinely shaken up by the near head-on collision. As I sat there, I looked around and all I could see were fields for miles and miles. There was no sign of any other civilization. While I sat there, I took another few deep breaths, and, in that moment, my mind went back to another deep thought that brought me way back. It was winter and Sarah and I was sitting together in a vehicle repair shop in a small town in southern Saskatchewan. I had brought her on a work-related trip so we could spend some time together, hoping we could rekindle our relationship â&#x20AC;&#x201C; little did I know it was going to be a disaster. It was early on a Saturday morning and we were waiting for the repairmen to fix the water pump of my work vehicle which, at the time, was an ugly and 65

Kerry Girling beaten up Econoline van that I was embarrassed to drive. The van had broken down the previous evening on our journey to the high school that I was speaking at which caused a major delay in our schedule, however, after a tow truck driver towed our vehicle to the school’s gymnasium doors, and after rescheduling with the school’s principal, I successfully delivered my speech. We were forced to stay the night so we could get the van fixed. It seemed like everything was falling out of place. Not only did we have vehicle troubles, Sarah and I weren’t getting along. It was a disaster in the making. Sitting in the repair shop was like watching paint dry – it felt tedious. At one point, Sarah had become so anxious, she started pacing the floor. Her mind was filled with anxiety, realizing that the longer we waited in the repair shop the later she was going to be for her curling bonspiel that she was scheduled to skip that evening. To top it all, we had a long five-hour drive ahead of us and the roads were in terrible condition. There was no way we were going to make decent driving progress. After waiting for about three hours at the repair shop that morning, we were finally given the keys to the vehicle. The entire drive home it was snowing to the point of a near blizzard. The highways were narrow and icy and I was driving roughly one hundred and twenty kilometers per hour, trying to 66

The First Chapter make up some lost travel time. The thought that continuously ran through my mind while I drove was, “If there hadn’t been a reason to be home so quickly, I wouldn’t have been driving so fast,” However, I didn’t let that thought interject with the fast pace that I was making. I noticed a few other vehicles in the ditch but it didn’t raise any more tension than I already had – I basically white-knuckled it the entire way, in fear of losing control of the vehicle on the icy roads. Around the three hour mark of our journey, out of nowhere, our vehicle shifted on the highway’s ice and I was completely out of control of the vehicle. We slid sideways into the ditch at over a hundred kilometers per hour. As our tires hit the snow-packed ditch, our van rolled onto its side, leaving scattered presentation equipment around us. We were stranded in the middle of nowhere. After making sure we were both physically okay, we regained our composure and scrambled through the broken driver’s side window and walked towards the highway’s shoulder for safety. As a few slow moving vehicles passed with caution, I flagged down a driver who was travelling in the same direction. He stopped and offered to give us a ride. As we entered the mid-sized Buick, Sarah sat in the back while I sat in the front, just in case the drive didn't have the best intentions. He drove us the remainder of the way 67

Kerry Girling back home which was roughly forty-five minutes. I am still grateful for his help that day. As we arrived at home safely, later that evening, all I could think about was how I would have felt if Sarah had been injured in the accident. My thoughts started to bother me. I knew that I was the one responsible for the accident because I made the choice to drive too fast. Sarah didn’t make it in time for her curling bonspiel either, however, she wasn’t too upset because she knew we had done the best we could. Even though there weren’t very many positive attributes to our journey, I think the accident helped both of us look at life with a new perspective. Since that day I’ve taken a different approach when in a rush; I make sure that safety comes first. For some strange reason, we got along famously that night. It was like the accident triggered compassion inside us for each other. The image soon faded to none. Back in reality, I sat in my vehicle on the shoulder of the highway. While quietly seated, my cell phone rang. It was Melanie and she said, “Hi Babe, I just wanted to make sure that you’re going to be home for supper.” I totally disregarded my near accident and responded, “Yeah, the presentation goes until two thirty and I should be home by five, so I’ll see you then!” As I ended the telephone call and pulled back onto the highway, I continued my pursuit. I started slowly eliminating the fear resulting from the 68

The First Chapter recent mishap. In fact, a smile soon came to my face. At that moment, for some strange reason, I started to gather happy feelings inside. I don’t know where they came from but I truly felt happy and content. Thoughts on my new relationship with Melanie surfaced. It was enlightening knowing that we were perfect for each other. I hadn’t felt so content with someone like I felt then. It was truly a refreshing feeling. However, not too long into the drive, my mood changed for the worse. My previous thoughts had triggered uneasy feelings inside of me. My mind went back into a deep thought that took place just a few months before my separation from Sarah. Sarah and I were sitting in the living room of our rented house in the Southeast of Calgary. It was only four and half months after we had gotten back together from our first separation and she had just finished crying. I remember like it was yesterday. She told me that she was leaving for good. She said that she had put a lot of thought into our marriage and realized that her independence was more important to her and she wanted to leave. I remember the emotions that went through my body when she told me that she and I were breaking up for good – it was heartbreaking. It was tough to deal with but I knew that she was unhappy and I couldn’t bear to see her sad and miserable any longer. I believe it was the best choice in the end. 69

Kerry Girling

As we sat there together, I saw the continuous flow of tears fall from her eyes. It was an awkward situation, one the most awkward I’ve ever been in actually. We both knew that we had made mistakes throughout our relationship; however, we also knew that breaking up would be beneficial for both rather than living unsatisfied. At this point, she didn’t feel confident that we could recreate a lasting and powerful relationship, especially not like it had been before. We just didn’t have the same type of respect for each other. As our short discussion came to an end, she finally said the words that broke us apart for good – I want to leave you. The image then faded. As I write about my marriage that ended in divorce, feelings of relief fill my conscious. With every word that I write, more and more relief is present within my mind. I no longer look at our relationship as tarnished or diseased. I am now able to include the divorce in my memory catalogue – the one that I’m slowly relieving each day. I have chosen to look at my past experiences as positive enforcement for my future, rather than looking at them as mistakes and failure. I’ve realized that my mistakes have led to many important life lessons, and the lessons that I learned have led to knowledge that I will use to fulfill my next relationship. Four days after Sarah and I separated I met Melanie. 70

The First Chapter

Life with Melanie Melanie is my wonderful Greek girlfriend. We met on an online dating site and soon realized that we were perfect for each other. She and I have an interesting connection and, in many ways, she is very similar to me. We also have matching characteristics like humour and perspective on life which contributes to the healthy relationship that we’ve already created. Not too long after we met, we created an unbreakable bond. Through our relationship, I’ve already applied quite a few lessons that I`ve learned within my first relationship, all of which are proving successful. We have respect for each other and we cherish our moments together. We spend time with each other and genuinely care for each other. It’s the type of relationship that doesn’t need a lot of work because in many ways we’re perfect for each other. She was exactly what I was looking for. Even though I was still grieving my recent separation from Sarah, Melanie assisted me in finding myself again and encourage me everyday. That’s what I believe the definition of true friendship is. Back in reality, I continued my trek towards the junior high school. By now, I had been travelling on the highway for a few hours and I started to get drowsy. I had just received a telephone call from my brother whom mentioned my Dad’s medical status regarding his 71

Kerry Girling recent heart attack. Anxiety started to grow as the following thought bounced around my mind. It was Christmastime and Melanie and I were walking through a pub in Saskatoon. We were looking for my father. He had just gotten out of the hospital after a severe heart attack. Come to think of it, I had no idea why we were meeting him in an establishment that primarily served alcohol. It just didn’t seem right, after all, alcohol was the primary reason why he had the heart attack in the first place. As we approached him, he was sitting at the lonely booth in the corner with a bottle of beer in his hand. As I greeted him with a hug, I sensed sadness that overwhelmed him. He continued to sit in silence without a word to say. When I asked him questions, he responded with one word answers. It was as though he was trying to hide something from me, although, maybe he was ashamed of his binge drinking lifestyle that led to his recent heart attack. As we spoke, it seemed like I hadn’t talked to him in over year. Come to think of it, I hadn’t. The three of us sat for the next couple of hours talking about random funny occurrences from the past which made the laughter flow but no matter what we talked about, my dad still couldn’t escape the thoughts that were weighing him down that day. 72

The First Chapter My Dad liked to keep things private most of time and he didn’t like talking about negative subjects; even the slightest disagreement with another individual brought anxiety to his mind. I had heard about his recent separation that he was going through but I wasn’t sure if I should have said anything, in fear that the news wasn’t supposed to reach me, so we just sat there and reminisced about the ‘good ole days. About an hour into our conversation, I glanced at the empty beer bottles that scattered the table. I couldn’t believe how far my Dad had fallen, emotionally, mentally and physically, and now it was clear to me that he was an alcoholic. Although his slurred words starting to weigh in on my anger towards his alcohol abusing lifestyle, after his seventh beer, he was finally ready to discuss the subject of his divorce, so Melanie and I listened with respect to what he had to say. As he spoke about his separation from his wife of eleven years, his facial expressions started to show uneasiness. I could tell that he was uncomfortable speaking about it. It was as though he was ashamed of the divorce too. Nothing seemed to rid his mind of the terrifying feelings of being alone. My Dad was generally in a good mood when I visited him; however, as he sat across from me that day, I saw the hurt behind his eyes. All I could think of was how I could encourage him, bring his spirits up and make him feel 73

Kerry Girling better again. At that moment, Melanie left for the washroom which gave us a chance to reconnect. As we continued our conversation, I shared a few of my own struggles with him which allowed him to realize that he wasn’t the only one with relationship troubles. As he sat there, drinking his eighth bottle of beer, I looked at him and said “Dad, I know you’re going through a lot right now. You’ve dealt with some pretty difficult issues over the past few months. I know you’re hurting.” As I spoke, I could see his eyes welling up with tears of sadness. I continued, “I want you to know that you’re not alone. In fact, I’ve put a lot of thought into our past as friends. I’ve seen the way that you’ve brought us up – my brothers and me and the way you’ve treated us with respect.” By this time, he had brushed away about six or seven tears. I then continued, “If I could be just half the father that you’ve become I would be happy. You’ve become an amazing father and a wonderful friend and I want you to know that.” As I finished speaking, Melanie had returned and took her seat in the booth. As my Dad sat there silently, I knew what I had said to him was exactly what he needed to hear. The moment was priceless. As I look back at that day, I realize that I had been a source of encouragement to my father, much like he had done for me many times. It wasn’t as though I was trying to return the favour; I 74

The First Chapter merely saw an opportunity to help and I took advantage of the situation. I’m not sure if my Dad took the words that I said as positive re-enforcement for his own battle with life, however, just feeling a connection with him was enough. All too often we go through our lives without telling our loved ones the feelings that we have for them. Maybe it’s because as we have grown we’ve been moulded to hide our feelings to ourselves, in fear of being judged, rejected and laughed at. The experience I had with my Dad that day helped me regain clarity and it allowed me to be myself again. As I think about the words that I said to him, feelings of contentment come to me. As I move on from this day forward, I’ll always have that satisfying feeling of contentment knowing that I said what I needed to say to him that day. Back in reality, I had ended another successful presentation. I immediately started taking down the equipment. I was in a rush because I knew that I had another long drive ahead of me. As the students exited the gymnasium, the principal walked towards me while saying, “I’m grateful you were able to come to our school today Kerry. I’m sure that your message will stick in the minds of our students for a long time.” After I thanked him for the opportunity to speak to his youth, I packed up the rest of the equipment and left the school. 75

Kerry Girling On my drive home that day, I began having the psychedelic image of a never ending road. It instantly brought an image of an experience that I was a part of five years ago. The thought soon pulled me into the experience. It was New Year’s Eve and I was twenty. I was sitting on a chair in my best friend Derek’s bedroom. We were excited for an event that we had purchased tickets for. While we got ready that evening, we talked about various subjects. Even though I don’t remember the conversation that we had that night, I do remember something that I did while I was at his house. It was something that brought feelings of shame and it happened to be something that changed our friendship forever. During our conversation that evening, I had seen sixty dollars sitting on his dresser. At first, I thought nothing of it, however, after more thought, I realized that I was low on cash myself and the thought of having an extra sixty dollars to spend came to my mind. It seemed very tempting. As we got ready to leave, we rushed out the door and walked towards his car. Half way to his vehicle I said, “I forgot something inside, I’ll be right back.” As I reentered his house, I rushed over to his dresser, picked up the sixty dollars and pocketed the cash. It was as simple as that.

The First Chapter I continuously ran the thoughts of the consequences I would challenge because I was now a thief.My thoughts bothered me to the point that I didn’t enjoy myself that evening. I remember buying my friend a few drinks throughout the night. It was my only way of saying, “I’m Sorry” without telling him I had broken his trust. The following morning I was awoken by a telephone call; it was my friend Derek. He immediately started accusing me of stealing the sixty dollars. In a few short words I assured him that I hadn’t stolen the money and that I was a trustworthy individual. He soon apologized for accusing me and we ended our conversation. As I look back at the situation, I realize that if I had have confessed right then and there while I was on the telephone with him that day, he would have forgiven me and forgotten about it altogether, however, the thought of confession felt uneasy, so I kept quiet after lying to him. As the days went by, I had other accusations from other friends about other random thefts that had occurred which I never had any part of. I understand now that my actions had affected the way others looked at me – as a thief. In the end, my friend and I never did reunite. From what was once an incredible friendship, it soon turned into something less than that of an acquaintance. Even though a few years later, I 77

Kerry Girling apologized for my behaviour and I repaid him the sixty dollars, things between us just weren’t the same. As I look back at the situation, I realize that I ended a perfectly good relationship all over a measly sixty dollars. It definitely wasn’t worth it. Since then, it has bothered me but as I relive the moment, just like the others over the past week, any negative emotions were soon released. Again, back in reality, and after a long drive, I arrived at Melanie’s house. Melanie was finishing preparing dinner for the two of us. I walked into the kitchen and gave her a kiss. As I stood there, I noticed a big brown package on the countertop. As I reached for the package, Melanie said, “Oh yeah, those came for you today.” I opened it up and reached inside the large brown envelope, pulling out the bundle of stacked papers. All of a sudden, as I glanced at the documents, I got an uneasy and overwhelming feeling inside, so I grabbed the package and left for another room while searching for privacy. I paced around the bedroom with concern. I knew these documents weren’t good news. In fact, I knew they were relating to my divorce. As my worry and anxious feelings grew, I had reoccurring thoughts of how my mother had already gone through three divorces already. It was an image that scared me and something that I didn’t want to be a part of. Without any 78

The First Chapter hesitation, I broke out of the trance that I was in and tossed the envelope of papers on the nightstand to be dealt with at a later date. When I went to bed that night, my mind didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t feel as clear as it had been throughout the rest of the week. It took me forever to fall asleep. When I woke up the following morning, I sat up in bed and took some time to think. Simple thoughts of things that I had to do that day, mixed with deep thoughts of my divorce surfaced my mind. Soon, all of my thoughts turned to be morbid. All I could think of was failure. As I sat on the edge of the bed, I came to realize that the presentation I had scheduled later that day was going to be one of the last presentations my speaking career. No longer was I going to tour nationally; I had made a conscious decision to eliminate tour life to have a fulfilling relationship. It was the end of the semester and I felt like I couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t do it anymore. Plus, I knew that I had to balance my passions of speaking with my relationship with Melanie. I couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t bear the thought of another failed attempt at marriage. I glanced at the brown package on the nightstand and shook my head in shame. At that moment, more memories flooded back to me, however, this time they seemed to come much faster than before. Hundreds of images from the past ten years were being fired at me at a rapid pace. I could barely follow. I had never 79

Kerry Girling experienced so many thoughts at one time. My mind showered me with thoughts of previous happy and exhilarating moments while others of fear and sadness followed. As the thoughts continued, I walked into the bathroom and started getting ready for work. While brushing my teeth, a longer lasting thought grabbed my attention. It was an image that took place a few years ago. It was wintertime and I was travelling through Manitoba. I had scheduled three junior high schools with the first stop in the far North. Come to think of it, why the heck are all my presentations in the North? Nothing against the North, I just like a little variety now and then. Anyway, I had just broken up with Sarah two weeks prior and I wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t quite mentally or emotionally stable enough for travel. The first school was located roughly fifteen hours away from home which meant I would have to fill my gas tank quite a few times to get there. I stocked up on a couple of Jeri cans because there was a slim possibility there were any fuel stations along the way. While the thoughts of my short-lived marriage filled my head, the feeling of anxiety ran through my body. The last thing I wanted to do at that time was travel because after the break up all I wanted to do was be alone in my own silence. As the thirteenth hour of travel came around, after vigorously analyzing my short-lived marriage, my car abruptly 80

The First Chapter stopped on the highway and I was in a panic. From what seemed to be working completely fine, my car had a complete power loss and stalled on the shoulder of the abandoned highway. All I could think of while I sat on the side of the road were the stresses that I recently put my vehicle during my last tour. I had put on over 24,000 kilometers in less than a month and I doubt I changed the oil once during that time. I finally realized the power and importance of maintaining my vehicle. I sat there hoping that something miraculous would allow me to make it on time for my presentation that morning but nothing happened. I filled the gas tank with gas from the Jeri cans but the engine still wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t fire up. I popped the hood and tried to fix the problem myself but nothing seemed to work, so I called a tow truck. After waiting for over an hour and a half on the side of a highway, in minus twentydegree weather, the tow attendant arrived and loaded my broken car onto the flat deck trailer. Even though I knew that I was already late for the presentation, we headed toward the small community that I was scheduled to speak in. Luckily, I was able to reschedule the presentation for later that afternoon while my car got fixed by the local mechanic. I didn't feel like presenting that day. All I wanted I do was sit at home and be alone. The only reason why I scheduled the Manitoba mini-tour was that I needed to pay some overdue bills. I 81

Kerry Girling didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t even have the same compassion towards my students as I used to. After delivering the presentation that afternoon, while driving my recently fixed Honda Civic, I drove along a highway heading south for Winnipeg which was five hours away. No more than eighty kilometers on my trek, again, to my dismay, my vehicle once again lost its power. As the car finished coasting and came to a complete stop on the side of the abandoned road, I angrily popped the hood. I basically re-enacted the same movements that I had made earlier that day during my first breakdown. After failing to repair the car a second time, I angrily slammed the hood and was now in a panic, sitting, yet again, on a lonely Manitoban highway with no other fellow travelers. As I looked around, all I could see were trees and rows of them. There wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t anything else in sight and definitely not another vehicle to come to my rescue. As I sat there, on the lonely snow-covered highway in December, thoughts of anxiety, frustration, disappointment and anger filled my head. Not only had I recently gone through a devastating separation with my freshly wedded wife but now I was sitting on the side of an unfamiliar highway in Northern Manitoba with no cellular service.

The First Chapter At that moment I hated life. It felt like the weight of my shoulders was so heavy that I couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t move on, so I just sat there. Tears fell from my eyes as I sat in silence. I looked at the fresh snow that covered the narrow highway between the two ditches which didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t look like there had been any travel for days. I sat there for the next forty-five minutes before anybody came to my rescue. By that time I was frozen. I managed to flag down a Doritos cube van that slowly passed by. The driver came to a stop and invited me into his vehicle to warm up. Luckily, he had a Satellite cellular telephone that worked anywhere in the World, so I called the tow company a second time. We waited together on the side of the road. The driver of the Doritos van was a nice older gentleman who had a lot of interesting things to say. We hit it off right away. He was driving from Northern Manitoba and making a run to Winnipeg which later came to be a convenience for me. We waited for the tow truck for over an hour. In the meantime, we had a lasting conversation about various subjects. As we sat there, I sensed that he needed to get going, so I suggested that I ride with him to Winnipeg. He agreed. We quickly transferred my presentation equipment from my car to the cube van and we soon abandoned my vehicle on the side of the road and headed to Winnipeg. During our four-hour trek, he 83

Kerry Girling and I conversed on a variety of topics – it was very random. Conversation with another person seemed to be exactly what I needed. At the two hour mark of our commute, the man asked if I was married which instantly triggered a sore spot inside of me. I responded, “Yeah, I was married. I actually got married this past summer.” He looked at me with concern and asked, “What do you mean WAS married?” At first, I thought I would just try and eliminate the conversation altogether but something inside of me made me talk. In fact, over the remaining two and a half hours of the drive, we had generated conversation only relating only to my short-lived marriage. As I talked about my failed marriage, the tears started to flow from my eyes, although, I tried hiding the fact I was crying throughout the entire trip. We discussed some of the most interesting relationship topics like how the modern relationship doesn’t last anymore. He then talked about his earlier years and how he’d been married to a wonderful lady for the last thirty-two years. Hearing him speak of a successful marriage felt nice inside. It was great to see there was a marriage out there that lasted more than a few months. As I look back, I realize how important our conversation was for me. It came at a time when I needed it the most. It helped me grieve the loss of my wife and it gave me an ounce of hope again. It was enlightening. 84

The First Chapter

As we safely arrived in Winnipeg, the driver dropped me off at the first hotel in sight. At first, I thought that he was trying to get rid of me (maybe I had talked too much?), although, I later realized that he had another stop to make which was not too far from the hotel. He and I once again transferred my presentation equipment from the cube van, however, this time we transferred it into a shopping cart – it was the only thing that we could find. I felt like a homeless person. As he drove away, I walked into the hotel and got a room for the night. As I entered the hotel room, I recall it being a dive and definitely not a place that I should have been visiting. The carpets were stained with blood and dirt and there were prostitutes throughout the hallways. It looked like a crack house. I didn’t want to touch anything, so I threw my bags and presentation equipment on the counter, set my alarm and went to sleep. As I woke up the following morning, in the shady hotel room, I contacted a local taxi company which sent a cab my way for pickup. Later that day, after my presentations were complete, I found myself in the waiting room of the Honda dealer, anxiously awaiting my vehicle’s second fix for that week. I had the tow truck driver bring my vehicle from Northern Manitoba to Winnipeg

Kerry Girling overnight. I needed to get it fixed so I could make the remaining fourteen-hour drive back home. As I sat in the waiting room of the Honda dealer, I was financially concerned because I had already spent a hundred and fifty dollars fixing my car the day before and there was also the five hundred dollar tow from last night, plus I was facing another large bill from Winnipeg Honda. I really hadnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t made much money from the schools I spoke at, and on top it all, I had major anxiety from my recent breakup. During my long wait at the dealership, a mechanic finally approached me in the waiting room and handed me the keys to my ride while saying that my car was fixed. A smile instantly came to my face. After paying the large sum of another four hundred dollars, I began my fourteen-hour trek back to Calgary. As I hit the highway, I cranked the tunes and fled for home. I was excited to get home and be in my own house again. I was excited to finally sleep in my own bed again and I was eager to spend some quality time with my friends. As I listened to one of my favorite tunes â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Nothing Else Matters by Metallica, life seemed perfect compared to what it was like the past twenty-four hours. I sang aloud to the song. I let my aggression out and I coasted the highway at a pace much higher than the speed limit. And, all of a sudden, midway through the song, everything cut out, again. The 86

The First Chapter speakers didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t play, there was no dashboard lights and even the car had stopped working. My car had, yet again, broken down, a third time, in two days, no more than eighty kilometers after leaving the dealership. I was, once again, sitting back on the side of the road with a car that refused to work and I was devastated. It felt like every emotion went through my body at once. Not only was I frustrated about how I hadnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t made any money but I felt like I had wasted three days of my life. I had major anxiety still from my failed marriage and I once again had no cell coverage. By this time, I hated Manitoba. I waited a third time, yet again, on a desolate Manitoba highway, waiting for a nearby traveler but there was nobody in sight. I sat there with no hope, no determination, not even a single ounce of energy. All I could do was cry and I couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t stop. I just let it all out. It was the kind of cry that makes you feel like a totally different person and the kind of cry that brings emotions that you never had before. I sulked and wept in the seat of my vehicle for over half an hour on the side of the road. While I waited for a third highway rescue, I continuously ran scenarios through my mind about my recent breakup. More than a thousand times I played the images of previous fights and arguments that my Ex and I had during our relationship and with

Kerry Girling each nasty comment I remembered I fell deeper and deeper into depression. I wanted to be home. I wanted to be with somebody that I knew and I needed the support of somebody that cared. I was lonely, homesick and I wanted to give up. Finally, after another hour and a half wait on the shoulder of the highway, I waved down yet another traveler, hoping for a rescue but they kept driving. A second traveler came by about ten minutes later but he too kept driving past with no concern. Finally, a third vehicle approached. This time I walked out in the middle of the highway to make sure he stopped. I couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t stand the blistering cold of Manitoba anymore. Luckily he stopped for me and was nice enough to let me use his cellular phone, so I called my brother. By this time, it was roughly six thirty on a Friday evening. After telling my brother Brock the story of my Manitoba disaster, I asked him if he could come and pick me up, he agreed. I told him that I was fine leaving my car on the side of the road. Frankly, I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t care to see the car ever again; however, he attached his flat deck trailer to his truck and drove the seven-hour drive to Brandon, Manitoba. I will forever be grateful for his rescue. As I look back at some of the experiences that I have faced in my life, I realize now that everything does happen for a reason. Even though I went through the experience of my multi-vehicle 88

The First Chapter breakdown; how it had left me penniless with a car that no longer worked and a mindset that was mentally drained, I realized that my experience was actually a blessing in disguise. It was exactly what I needed at that time. The emotions that I dealt with over the past three days helped me heal the wounds that I felt from my recent breakup. In fact, on the way back home with my brother, on that Friday evening in December, I realized the powerful connection that he and I had as we talked. It was yet another priceless moment lived. Life comes with many surprises. It’s as though we're being tested daily to see how far we can go before we break down – how much we can take before we give in. Even though we may seem strong in the eyes of other people, we harness weakness inside. Although we’ve been built with the emotional capability of tremendous strength, there’s really only so much we can take before we must surrender. The truth is; we all go through troubles and fight our battles in life but it’s the tough times that make us stronger. Even though we all serve time in detention for our mistakes that we make and we all soak in our bath of emotions, it’s the mistakes and hardship that generates the motivation to move forward. We all experience different things in life. The ones that are faced with the most adversity are generally the ones that make the most improvements in their lives. 89

Kerry Girling When I got home from my Manitoba mini-tour, I could have looked at the events that I had recently gone through as negative, however, I chose to use the experience as a mental boost â&#x20AC;&#x201C; a tool to move forward and I chose to laugh rather than cry. From that day on, I realized that I can get through anything if I got through all of the emotional pain while in Manitoba. Back in reality, I pulled up to the Junior High that I was scheduled to speak at and parked my vehicle in the teacherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s parking lot. As I opened the door and got out of the vehicle, a teacher passing waved and greeted me with enthusiasm. As I entered the school, I walked towards the General office to page the principal. After leaving the office, I headed towards the gymnasium. I was eager to set up my equipment. While walking the hallways of the junior school that morning, an unfamiliar feeling came to me. It was as though it was my first time visiting a junior high school, even though I had previously visited hundreds in my career. As I walked down the silent well lit hallway that morning, I paid attention to the multicolored lockers that surrounded me. The experience brought me back in time. It was like I was walking down the hallway of my own junior high school, over a decade ago. As I approached the gymnasium, a trophy case filled the space between the two large entrance doors and I took some time to glance inside. There were trophies of all 90

The First Chapter types. Some displayed accomplishments of school sports while other achievements of academics displayed the talents of the alumni. As I viewed the many ribbons and awards in the trophy case, the principal walked up from behind me and greeted me with a handshake which then led to a short gymnasium tour. As we entered the gymnasium, he showed me around the facility. While we paced the sidelines, he told me the sad story of an adolescent experience. His words spoke with intelligence, yet his emotions showed sadness as he told me a heartfelt story of the loss of three high school friends due to a drinking and driving accident. This instantly put me back into an image of my grade twelve graduation party. It was an early summer morning in my hometown of Saskatoon, Saskatchewan and my friendâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s and I had been partying for the past six or seven hours. We were playing a variety of drinking games at the kitchen table of a friendâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s house that hosted our high school graduation party. All of the other party-goers were celebrating too and were having a great time. The environment of the get together served quite well as we laughed and reminisced about previous high school experiences, all of which would soon be forgotten. Our Grad party was chaperoned by a few parents, so we never really had any worries about anything bad happening, or so we thought. 91

Kerry Girling

Later that evening, as we continued playing our drinking games, we were abruptly interrupted by a rather loud banging at the front door. My friend got out of his seat and answered the door. As the door opened, he stood in front of two police officers who told him they had recently been on the scene of a fatal car accident that claimed the life of one of our dear friends and they assumed he had been partying at my friend’s house prior to his death. My friend stood at the door in shock. He was completely silent. I overheard their discussion and leaped from my seat to tend to the police officers. At first, I didn’t believe it. I thought it was a prank. I couldn’t believe that something so horrifying would happen to a dear friend of ours, especially at our graduation party – a time when celebration is on the menu. The last thing we thought we’d experience was a death from one of our own alumni. Instantly, the party came to a halt. I’ll never forget the moment when I closed the door. I saw my friend’s saddened, fearful and concerned looks on their faces. It was a moment that changed my life forever and a moment that inspired my trek as a youth motivator. Back in the gymnasium, the principal continued to show me around. After the gymnasium tour was complete, he left me to take care of other obligations. I immediately brought in my 92

The First Chapter presentation equipment and started to set up for the early presentation. As I brought in the last piece of equipment, I slowly paced the freshly waxed gymnasium floors. As I walked around the sidelines, I noticed a basketball lying on the floor next to the bleachers. I picked it up and started to shoot some hoops. At first, it was comical how I had missed the net four out of five consecutive throws. After a few more tosses, I realized that I wasn’t athletically skilled like I was in high school, so I placed the ball back on the courtside and started pacing slowly around the perimeter of the facility. As I walked around the gymnasium, I looked up at the many banners that were hanging from the walls; each one displayed the hard works and accomplishments of the teams had produced through the school’s twenty-three years of production. Meanwhile, halfway through my slowly walked lap of the perimeter, I sat in the large bleachers. These bleachers were soon going to be filled by fifteen hundred bodies. While I sat there, images of the previous ten years of speeches that I had made over the years ran through my mind. The thoughts just kept coming like rapid fire. While the intense thoughts generated, I realized that I wasn’t a kid anymore and it scared me. Thoughts of how I had grown up so quick brought fear to my mind. I didn`t feel youthful anymore. It brought a slight feeling of anxiety. After sitting there for about ten minutes, I searched for some positive 93

Kerry Girling memories. Instantly, the feeling of contentment started to grow and I was put right back into the happy state that I was in when I first entered the facility. Today was like no other day I remembered. While seated on the bleachers, the memories of my dedication and passion throughout my career came to my mind. I realized that in my twenty-eight years of life on this earth, I had accomplished more than most forty-year-olds had. The only problem was; I didn’t feel youthful anymore. I felt weathered and old. My knees hurt, my skin showed wrinkles, I was close to fifteen pounds heavier than I was in my prime and I didn’t quite feel like myself, however, just like I had done a thousand times before, I didn’t allow the mood to ruin the moment, so I took a deep breath and inhaled the aroma of the typical gymnasium air which instantly gave me warm feelings of achievement. My negative thoughts instantly came to an end. As I look back at all of the incredible experiences that my life has brought thus far, like the many speeches I’ve delivered to youth and other opportunities within my career, I realize that life is a blessing and it’s something that far too many people underestimate and take for granted. When I was eighteen years old, after graduating from high school, I didn’t have a clue what I wanted to do with my life. I didn’t have any goals, I had zero 94

The First Chapter direction and I barely had any ambition. It wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t until a mentor of mine led me to believe that I could have anything in the world if I just put my mind to it and took action. As I look back at the initial skeptic that I was initially, I realize that what he said to me is true; we can have whatever we want if we just focus and believe. As I continued to set up my equipment for the nine-thirty presentation that morning, I unfolded the large 10x14 foot screen that I use for the multimedia. As I unfolded every corner and snapped all forty-eight snaps, I realized that I had gone through the same motions over a thousand times in my career. Over five hundred schools had experienced my message prior to that day. I had set up and taken down the same equipment over five hundred times in my life. At that moment, I was amazed at my accomplishments. As I ran these numbers through my head, the feeling that wore through my body was comforting. After the screen was erected, I connected the cables into the mixer and ran a few last microphone tests. At that moment, another thought from my past surfaced.

Kerry Girling

Life as an Actor My mind scrolls through footage of a situation that occurred eight years ago. As the Hollywood lights and sounds fill the background of a movie set in Burbank, California, my friend Quillan and I are standing on a sidewalk filled with hundreds of background performers. All of us were awaiting camera presence of the Hollywood motion picture, entitled Charlie’s Angel’s 2. By that time, we had been standing on the same spot for the past three consecutive days and the camera hadn’t even remotely seen our faces. The 80 million dollar film production had everyone in Hollywood talking. Even being a small part of the production as extras were exciting. I had just recently moved to California on a whim the week previous and I was in the glory of all the spectacles that I had already seen. Now, I was a part of a major Hollywood film production. Even though our faces never made it to film, the experience was something that I’ll never forget. Prior to our twenty-eight hour drive to Hollywood, from Saskatoon, I had written a few personal goals for when I was there. Even though I didn’t know what to expect, there were a few actors that I wanted to meet—Josh Hartnett was one of them. He is a well-driven actor and I respected his work. I wanted to talk to him and learn his secrets to success. I had learned about the Law of attraction in a documentary that I had recently watched and I thought I would use the knowledge I learned to reach my goal of meeting him. As I arrived in LA I only thought about positive things. In fact, the warm temperature and new 96

The First Chapter sights had instantly eliminated all negative thoughts in general. I didn`t have any expectations of meeting Josh, it was merely a thought in my imagination. I didn`t think much more of it while I was there. After living in California for about a week I had found a job working on a construction site in Hollywood. We were renovating a new aged nightclub. During a lunch break, I was socializing with the owner at the bar. We talked about his new establishment and a few goals that he had. While we spoke, a Location Manager of a prestigious Hollywood film production company entered the club. As he briskly walked towards the bar, my friend asked him if he could help him. The fellow said “Yes, you can help me. I would like to use your facility for a filming shoot over the next couple of days. Is that possible?” I couldn’t help but eavesdrop on their conversation. Their production team wanted to use his facility to film a scene of a Hollywood Blockbuster. Within short discussion, the owner agreed. They briefly discussed a few other details pertaining to the project and then the gentleman got up from his seat and proceeded towards the doorway. On his way out the owner asked, “What type of production is it?” The gentleman shouted back, “The production is called Hollywood Homicide and it is starring Harrison Ford and Josh Hartnett.”At that moment my mind was lifted into a frenzy of excitement. A few days later I met Josh Hartnett. The law of attraction is something that has helped countless amounts of people. It helps businessman become professionals. It helps athletes become their physical best. It has even excelled people towards optimal health. The problem is; very few people 97

Kerry Girling are aware that it exists, and even less believes in the magnifying power that it holds. I have personally seen the law of attraction work for many of my own friends and family. As you’ve read, it has worked for me in my own life many times. Beliefs are based on experience and knowledge. Without the basis of proper knowledge and experience, we just laze around while accomplishing nothing. Having a true belief in something that you’re passionate about will bring success, as long as you take action. The law of attraction will help you get there. It works incredibly well if you let it work for you. It’s amazing what you can achieve if you focus your thoughts and believe in it. (Explore a lot more in-depth regarding the law of attraction in The Next Chapter). Back in the gymnasium, I presented to the schools fifteen hundred junior high students. As they sat there in complete silence, I concluded my message on leadership. Shortly after my presentation came to an end, the students rose to their feet for a standing ovation. All fifteen hundred students stood and clapped with appreciation. As I stood there, a rush of excitement ran through my body. It reminded me of my very first presentation, ten years earlier. I basked in the moment for one last time. At that moment, I had genuine respect for myself and my accomplishments. While the students exited the gymnasium, a few teenagers gathered around the table and waited to speak with me. After taking down some of my presentation equipment, I greeted the three grade ten girls with excitement. Two of them smiled and responded with cheer while the other girl just stood there with 98

The First Chapter sadness. I waited patiently for them to start talking but they didn’t know how to start the conversation. After some encouragement the saddened teenager was finally ready to speak. Her friend’s stood on the opposite side of the table, offering moral support. The troubled teenager started telling me a story that related to a recent suicide attempt. During mid-conversation she showed me some fresh cut marks she had made on her wrist and arms earlier that week. I asked what had driven her to the point of suicide. She said, “The negative comments that people say. Every day I have to live through it. Every day that I come to school I receive the same treatment. Even at home – it’s all the same. I’ve been verbally and physically abused over the past nine years. There’s no hope.” Just like the hundreds of students that I’ve previously counselled over the past decade, I genuinely felt compassion for her. Later, I provided some encouragement and grabbed her email so I could talk to her in private about the situation. I assured her I would help her find a solution. Shortly after, she left the gymnasium grateful and a little happier. Even though I may not have gotten my message out to all fifteen hundred students, I left the school feeling enlightened like I had made a positive difference of some kind. Over the past decade, I’ve received over five thousand emails and counselled over three thousand young teenagers, ranging from grades four and upon a variety of different topics. The conversations generally correlate to the themes of bullying and self-esteem. I couldn’t keep track of the number of times that I’ve seen tears fall from the eyes of students while they share their stories. It seemed all too often that I would hear stories of abuse. Some kids fought for a more fulfilling lifestyle while others told 99

Kerry Girling me stories of suicidal attempts. It didn’t matter if I was speaking in a large inner-city school or a small town, I kept getting the same feedback and it broke my heart. With each story I heard, my passion to help them grew stronger. As I reflect on my past as a youth motivator, I ask myself why I started speaking in the first place. I’ve come to realize that we, as human beings, are given life to accomplish certain things – things that will help make Earth a better place. Life is meant to have its ups and downs, trials and triumphs. It even has its pros and cons but it works the same for everyone. The same system is in place for every living being. For many, life seems as though it’s a never ending cycle of negative outcomes and emotions. We’ve come to expect the worst because we’ve seen the worst. This is built on the foundation of negative thoughts. Many of us have been led to believe that we’re not good enough and we’ve even set limitations for ourselves because we don’t feel like we deserve to have a joyous and fulfilling life. We have been trained to follow others rather than to lead in our own direction. We’ve stayed inside the box and lived life by the book rather than choosing what we really want and deserve. We’ve even set mental boundaries of what is possible and forgot about the incredible imaginations that we used to have when we were children. We visualize negativity because we've gone through so many negative experiences. It seems as though we’ve forgotten about the positive qualities in life. We’ve looked at society as dangerous and despite everything that we’ve accomplished, we feel alone and afraid. We’ve been trained to believe that we’re inferior to others 100

The First Chapter and that we aren’t as important as those around us. Comparing ourselves to others has led a depleted mindset and we feel like we come a distant second to those that seem to glide through life easier, even though we share similar obstacles. We’ve looked at our futures and assumed that we’re going to experience the same negativity that we’ve already gone through because that’s what we're used to. For some, we look at obstacles and immediately blame those around us for our shortcomings. We blame our childhood for our mistakes and, as we wake up each morning, we hold our spouses accountable for our bad moods. Some see roadblocks as a negative hindrance rather than an opportunity to learn and grow. It is my job, my passion and my honor to share with you this; YOU are the one that gets to choose a lifestyle that fits your characteristics. You are the one that gets to govern your own experiences and YOU are the one that runs your life, nobody else. You are the creator of your experiences on Earth and YOU are the one that gets to choose the outcome. Every dream, every goal and ambition that has or hasn’t been accomplished is due to your faith in your own abilities. Every negative thing that you’ve experienced was led to you and only you. YOU are the one in charge. YOU are the one in the driver’s seat. It’s time for YOU to take action! As I look back at all of the experiences that I’ve lived through, I feel like I finally get it. I feel like I finally have clarity in my life. As I’ve relived every moment, both the good and the bad, I feel content with the life that I was handed. I don’t see the negatives as being negative anymore; I see them as future opportunities to learn. I don’t feel the hurt, frustration or sadness that used to exist from each experience. I now look at them as experiences 101

Kerry Girling that I’ve lived and nothing more. They don’t hold the same emotional validity anymore, nor do they count towards the next chapter of my life. I no longer look at life with the anger that I used to, nor do I blame anyone for my shortcomings. I realize that I am the one responsible for everything that I’ve gone through and I will be responsible for what I go through in the future. I’ve started to look at my life strictly as an opportunity to move forward.

From this moment, I have made the conscious decision to truly forgive and forget my past experiences; to move on and to accept my past completely. Today is the day that I have chosen to turn the page and close the first chapter of my life – the past twentyeight years. Nothing from my previous existence will bother me any longer. I can now move onto the next chapter as a free spirit where I will choose to treat those around me with the consideration and respect that they deserve while creating the future that appeals to me. No longer will I hold any grudges or blame those for what I’ve experienced. I will move onto the next chapter that has never been lived by anyone else—and something totally different than what I’m used to. It excites me to look at each situation as a learning experience rather than continuously dwelling on them. In doing so, I have been able to harness the joys and the fruits of my past while moving towards a new beginning. Every day, for the past ten years, I had been preaching a message to high school students all across the continent. It was a message that encouraged the youth to live enjoyable lives. It was a 102

The First Chapter message that provided an escape for those who had experienced abuse and it held a message that helped increase self-esteem; however, it wasn’t till now that I fully understood my own words of wisdom. It wasn’t until I had written my own mistakes and finally dealt with the skeletons in my own closet; that’s when I decided that I needed to change my life altogether. When I was able to take a look at my own life and examine all of the contents within, it all started to make sense.

As I drove home that afternoon, I thought about everything – all of my thoughts from the past week and a half. The interesting thing was; I could barely remember the experiences. They were being projected to me with a lot more vagueness and simplicity. Any negative associations had already been erased from my conscious. I didn’t hold the same emotional value towards the experiences anymore. At that time, I realized that I had deleted a good portion of my first chapter. Even though I’ll always remember the fun times and the good people from my memories, I’ve taken the opportunity to erase the negative from my conscious and harness only the positive. As I pulled into the driveway of Melanie’s house, I finally felt like a free spirit, ready to turn a new leaf and willing to grasp onto new experiences. As I sat in silence, a tear of joy fell down my cheek, and for the first time, I had a clear mind. The rampage of thoughts no longer existed. A smile came to my face. I then realized that I was now a part of my own new beginning and it felt great.

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Kerry Girling As I walked inside the house, Melanie immediately greeted me with a hug and a kiss. It felt like the perfect moment. I felt loved. I couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t remember the last time when I received a joyous greeting like the one she gave me that day. When I walked into the bedroom, I noticed the same brown envelope that had been sitting there for days. I stood there for a moment and let out a sigh of relief. I then opened the envelope, took out the papers and signed my name on every page of the divorce documents. Even though the previous thoughts of divorce had brought ill feelings to my mind, I was now able to accept the fact that I was going through it. As I wrote my signature on every page of the documents, Melanie entered the bedroom. She saw what I was doing. Instantly, a smile came to her face. I smiled back at her. I then realized that she was going to be a big part of my life from now on. It was exciting to realize that we were going to begin a new life together.

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Moving on When I was younger, I would ask myself, “When I’m eighty yearsold sitting in my rocking chair at home is there anything that I missed out on?” Now, I sit here, in the kitchen of Melanie’s house, at the age of thirty and ask myself the same question. Even though I haven’t yet lived to be eighty, I can surely say that I am content with the life that I’ve lived. I look forward to the new experiences that are yet to come. As the contentment grew, new images started to unfold. In fact, I had manifested a completely new outlook on life. I was ready to move onto the next chapter of my life – my new beginning. I was able to recapture the important memories and let go of the ones that dragged me down. The largest change at first was with my self-esteem. I no longer felt inferior to those in my surroundings. In fact, I felt like I had no limitations at all. From a mind that used to be tarnished and beaten down, it was now completely transformed into a positive realm. I loved it and embraced it. Even though the road for you may look difficult at times, where you feel like there isn’t an escape and it feels like everyone is against you, it’s important to understand and realize that YOU have a choice. YOU are the creator of your own destiny and YOU have complete control. You too can harness the power to 105

Kerry Girling eliminate the first chapter from your past. You can create a completely different lifestyle and move onto a more enjoyable chapter. You can choose to eliminate all of your previous existence; eliminating the worry, the mistakes and hardship. It’s your choice to move towards a better life, a life that YOU want. For all of the negative images that are held in your mind, think of them as learning experiences. They have been weighing you down for far too long. It’s time to take control of your life and lead it towards a fulfilling, prosperous and enjoyable future. Think of the things that will delightfully create new and positive experiences and take hold of the opportunities. Think of all of the things that you’ve given up on; the dreams that were eliminated and the goals that were taken away over the years and take this time to harness the ability to create those dreams again. It’s time to muster up all of the negativity in your life and let go of it. As you’re completing this process, I want you to fully believe that you can change. I want you to know that you can move forward, despite any weaknesses, or despite your previous life patterns. Your life is worth celebrating, so rethink of everything that made you who you are today, accept it and move forward. Do a mental defragmentation and sort through the random pile of your past, eliminating (but learning from) the bad while putting the good into a folder of its own for future reference. Accept the fact that 106

The First Chapter you have made mistakes and that you’re probably going to continue making them through your life. Remember, you are the master of your own life and you can choose to change or believe in whatever you want. Even though I have worn soles on my shoes, from now on, every step I take in life feels like a new foot replacing the old. I’m full of inner satisfaction and relief. I feel like I’ve been given a complete mental detox. If I ever suffer from a negative image from my past, I don’t worry about it or get upset, I just brush it off and keep going. I don’t get the anxiety that I used to, nor do I carry the same weight on my shoulders from the emotional pain that I had gone through. In addition, I don’t look at any of the experiences that I’ve lived as a negative anymore, nor do I regret anything I’ve done. I will look at every future experience as a new opportunity in life; opportunities that are worth living. I know that there are many things that I’ve done that were wrong, misleading, unacceptable and rude but I believe that I can look at every experience as a something to learn from. I know that every experience in life is meant to be lived, whether it makes you feel bad, sad, happy or any other emotion. I know that each and every one of us was meant to live life for a reason and the direction in which we choose to carry out our lives is your own choice. It doesn’t matter what religion or race you are, or whether you’re 107

Kerry Girling spiritual or not, you are the owner of your soul and you can do whatever you want with it. So take the time to rediscover what you can become – the sky’s the limit. You can become one of the greatest athletes of all time; you can drive the fastest car on the road. You can travel the World and choose a spot you like, any spot, and choose to move there spontaneously. I’ve done it, it feels amazing. However, if you’re a person that likes where you live but may not like some of the characteristics you’ve latched onto, then take this opportunity to fully grasp onto this concept and move to the music that guides you to the place where you want to be, spiritually, emotionally, financially and mentally. If you’re a person that has been wronged in any manner, taken advantage of or have been taken for granted, I hope that you too can let go all of the hurt and frustration that each of those hurtful events has caused. If you are someone who wants the same as I want – to live with an abundance of assorted pleasures and to start fresh with a new beginning, then take advantage of the opportunity right now. Let go of the putrid, annoying, horrible, messy, disgusting past and move towards the light that the new future holds for you. I’m not saying that everyone needs a complete mental transformation; what I am saying is; we need to start living life by our own terms. We need to grasp onto the joys and the flavourful areas of our lives. We need not take for granted 108

The First Chapter any small bit of our existence on this earth. With my last few words, I wish you the best on your journey to enlightenment and may your happiness be fulfilled through positive reasoning. From this day on, I will look at each and every day as a new experience. Life for me is much like the colors of Nature, very vibrant and warm and something that I will treasure forever. I no longer play the mind games with myself that I used to, nor do I carry the weight from the ill past that I had created. I happily look towards the future with joy and excitement because the joy in life is not knowing where it is going to lead you. I look forward to seeing what I can create for myself and for my family during the next chapter. I hope that you’ve enjoyed the read and I hope that you have learned enough to keep going. I hope that you too will have the strength to eliminate the past and forge the life that you want. My suggestion is to complete the process by writing in your own journal. You don’t have to write a full book, just write down everything that you’re angry about, upset with or anything that causes tension in your life. Simply write it down and eliminate it from your conscience just like I did. For those of you who are at a place where you’d rather not be, I hope I have inspired you. There really is no secret to the process. There aren’t any hidden tactics or blind intersections involved; 109

Kerry Girling just complete contentment. Remember, there aren’t any racial or gender biases here. It doesn’t matter if you’re a male or female, whether you’re from Chicago, Montreal or Australia, each and every one of us possesses the necessary tools to complete the process –it’s all up to you.

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About the Author Kerry Girling is a man of many motivating words. He grew up in central Canada with the mindset that he could achieve anything. His belief system was built on the foundation â&#x20AC;&#x201C; anything is possible.After being mentored by an International public speaker, he chose to pursue a lifelong career as a youth motivator. While searching for his own passions in life, he remained committed as a public speaker,geared to enhance the quality of lives of youth across North America. Spoken to over one million students, in over five hundred communities,on bullying, goal setting and finding passion, his ultimate goal is to continue his inspiration to teens, parents and adults Worldwide.

For further details, please visitâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;kerrygirling.com

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