Phobiaphobic? Leave Roald Dahl alone

CHRIS LIPPIATT

Comedy Chris

As a writer, the recent changes to the classic works of Roald Dahl is kinda sad.

Sadder still is the reasoning. One of them is the notion that his work is ‘fatphobic’. What an odd word we have invented.

It seems in the modern age if you don’t like someone’s line of thinking, you take the topic, put ‘phobe’ at the end and use this portmanteau as a weapon to namecall them into submission.

But in most cases they don’t have a phobia.

A phobia is an irrational fear. When I was a chubby child and the kids called me ‘fatty fatty boomalatty’ I’m pretty sure that these kids weren’t afraid of me. But I can’t be 100% certain on that, I mean these kids might have been laughing out of fear, though I not sure that that’s a thing.

I got told off for saying I was fat recently by two skinny kids.

I asked why.

They said I was fat shaming and that was fatphobic. All I said was that I’m fat. A fact.

I never said ‘I’m fat and that’s a damn shame’.

Also, if I was fatphobic, I would have to look much different than I do now, or walk around with a blindfold on to protect myself from catching a glimpse of my reflection somewhere and giving myself a heart attack.

If Roald Dahl truly had a fatphobia, then it wouldn’t be shown through him using the word fat to describe a fat kid. Instead it would be along the lines of a portly gentleman entering his home and Roald climbing up on a chair and screaming until poor Mrs Dahl came in with a giant glass and an A0 size piece of card to trap the portly man and then use a hoist to carry him out of the house where she would release him on the hedges.

Back in nature where he belongs.

Then she would go back in and tell Roald that he is safe now.

But Roald would be rocking back and forth in his chair because he heard that if you find a fat person in your house, there’s a 90 per cent chance that the fat person has never existed outside of your house.

He then commences to have trouble sleeping for the next week.

That is a phobia of fat people.

The reverse is also true.

Could you imagine treating a traditional phobia the way we treat the modern ‘Phobia’? Imagine Steven King waiting out- side a public restroom.

‘Are you waiting to go in Mr King?’

‘Well I was but the lightbulb blew and I’m afraid of the dark’

‘Oh so you’re one of those nyctophobes’ and then socie ty commences to boycott his books and ban him on social media in an attempt to eventu ally bankrupt him, just to teach him a lesson.

I think there’s a difference between being afraid of something and being a jerk toward something. Perhaps we need to find a better word than Phobia to describe it.

I have several suggestions on words we could use. But I don’t think the paper would print any of them.

I think a big contributor to the changes that are happening to works like Roald Dahl are those altruistic, selfless crusaders of social justice who take countless hours out of their lives to be offended on others behalf. In any case I was never offended by the works of Roald Dahl and his descriptions of fat and ugly people back when I was a chubby child.

I think the beauty in it was that they were all so fat and ugly to such a degree that everyone reading is thin and attractive by comparison.

Just a Thought