New Zealand’s most famous dyslexic writer

CHRIS LIPPIATT Comedy Chris

I have been writing professionally for a while now and for the first time in my life I have a dream, a life goal and that is to become New Zealands most famous dyslexic writer.

Because I know that if you want to be famous, then the most efficient way is to find something so niche that there will be little to no competition.

Sort of like Oscar Pistorious when he went out to be the world’s most famous legless runner or, Jacinda Ardern who went out to be the New Zealand’s most famous prime minister to get pregnant while in office, or Oscar Pistorious who went out to be the world’s most famous white disabled OJ Simpson I think the hardest aspect of Dyslexia is the fact that they called it Dyslexia.

Could you imagine the guy who discovered it Adlof Kussmaul, was his name. ‘Hey I just discovered a new disorder. I dub it word blindness.’ Because that’s what it is.

And his contemporary, Rudolf Berlin, who was subsequently the winner of the worlds most German name, says ‘Yeah nah let’s call it Dyslexia just to mess with them. What are they gonna do if they don’t like it? Write a letter?’

Congratulations Rudolf, you are the second biggest jerk Germany has to offer. So in my quest I needed to see who my competition is, I googled famous New Zealand dyslexic writers and nothing showed up, but we did find the Dyslexia Foundation of New Zealand. The first thing I realised was that the Dyslexia Foundation of New Zealand has no idea what dyslexia is. The website describes Dyslexia as ‘an alternative way of thinking’. Come again?

Did they think that we weren’t going to read it because we are dyslexic? A boomer texting a local paper and saying that the younger generation is doing the best they can and face real struggles, is an alternative way of thinking. No, Dyslexia is a neurological disorder where reading and writing is bloody hard because the letters and numbers keep moving and for the life of me I no idea which way the number 3 faces. Even their interviews with Notable Kiwis like the Mad Butcher start with ‘when did you discover that you thought differently to other people?’ What sort of question was that?! I kind of expect him to say ‘Well it was when I realized my prices are so low I must be a communist.’

No, it’s a disability. I have it and I’m OK with it.

Just a thought