Why I Chose SELF-HEALING FOR MY MOTHER'S WOUND

By Monika Carless

"We dance with mother wounded to find our worth and purpose. Mother may never actualize into the person we think we need her to be, and yet, we can become our own center. The fact is, we have exactly the right mother to launch us on our wisdom path. She is the portal for our empowerment. Mother is our awakening."

“You must write your story” is something I heard from those close to me who knew my Mother Wound journey.

“No one would believe it,” I’d reply, sure that reading my story would either be triggering, depressing or seem farfetched… it did to me!

The truth is, my personality was shaped by many factors that pre-disposed me toward keeping it all in.

I was born with a stellium in Scorpio – Sun, Moon, and Mercury. My sun and moon influence made me notoriously wary of sharing intimate emotions, while Mercury - very careful with words because they hold so much power - further silenced me; that is until I knew it was time. I lived in my shadowlands, internally exploring my trauma with quite a bit of curiosity, reticent to find traditional types of support but building up a cache of shareable wisdom.

I wonder how many of us are raised with the idea that airing one’s dirty laundry is shameful? I remember feeling shame whenever someone asked me about my childhood as if the abuse was my fault. Interestingly, it never occurred to me to lie and say that it had been a good experience, I always said it as it was when confronted with the question. I was a contradiction of intentions – to be forthright and, to be silent.

By the time I was ready to lead others through their shadows, I was years into my witch’s practice, having studied myself extensively, nurtured by the one energy which embraced me unconditionally – Earth Mother.

There is another influence in my astrology that directly points to my lifelong relationship with the mother archetype; the asteroid Ceres (Great Mother) – in my eighth house of birth, death, and resurrection. All these elements distilled down to the major theme my life would revolve around – sifting, processing, and teaching about the dance with Mother Wound. It’s interesting how the stars reflect our life path so that we may know our direction and be confident in it.

Healing Mother Wound is What the Whole Village Needs

Self-healing, for me, was such a nourishing and healing path that I began to wonder how it would work for others. I mused how I could come full circle and be of service to those who could not speak their trauma or for whom Earth Mother was the only energy they could trust their emotions and wounding to.

Urged by the folks who read my articles or found me on social media, I created an online course. Teaching how to connect with nature, the universal mother, practicing rituals, and journaling to transform mother wounds was truly my heart song.

“I’m not able to talk about it with another person”

“Talking about my past and revisiting trauma triggers PTSD. I want to heal, but that’s not a way I can get there”

“I’ve had a bad experience with a therapist, and I don’t trust that process now”

“I’ve been to all kinds of therapy and been diagnosed as (insert trauma-related diagnoses), and am no further along years later”

These are some of the varied reasons my clients didn’t go to or didn’t return to traditional therapy. I don’t offer therapy, but I’m still ‘another person.’ Clients were arriving who didn’t want to share their stories with me at all but who wanted to do the work of finding peace around their core wounds. Could I teach them some practices that would allow them to understand and help themselves, was a common question. I had to respect that they knew what they wanted at the time, witness them in that, and validate their journey.

Over the years, I had worked out a pathway for myself; through rituals, self-study, understanding what trauma is, how it manifests within the body, and researching what evidence I may experience once healing took place.

Finding information in books had always been a safe way for me to learn while I was working on feeling safe with other teachers. Remembering this, and seeing how even a course could be a barrier for someone doing recovery work, birthed my desire to turn my course into a book. Accessibility became very important.

My journey took years. I was releasing generational trauma before I had a name for it. My witch’s practice was grounding me so completely that parts of me were healing at exponential speed. From many, many journal entries, I saw a pattern emerging of how I had nurtured myself into remembering my wholeness.

Here is an excerpt from my book, Transforming the Mother Wound – Practices for Healing Your Inner Wise Woman Using Rituals and Grounded Spirituality, available through Hay House Publishers in Spring of 2024. The chapters of the book delve deeper into each step. Using ritual and grounded spirituality practices, anyone can connect with their story in a new way and work towards the transformation process.

The Sacred Pathway to Healing Core Wounds

We find our own way, don’t we? Our way is as unique as we are, and there is no time limit set for transformation. And yet, there are certain tangible steps we can choose in order to find acceptance and peace, surrender and empowerment.

Understand That None of it Was Your Fault

Practice compassion, loving-kindness, and forgiveness towards yourself

Know Yourself

When you understand your own mystery, your purpose, and your soul mission, you can step bravely into your empowerment with your story as fuel for wisdom

Accept Mother for Who she is, Instead of the Woman You’d Like Her to Be

Mother is a complex archetype and thought form. Let go of expectations and see mother as a woman first, systemically programmed within a patriarchal world

Grieve the Absent Mother and the Wounded Child

Allow space for grief and the release of big emotions. Support your inner child

Witness and be Present to Your Wounding, Emotions, and Experiences

Look at what happened honestly and with presence. Witness the pain, and it will witness itself; fear and anger have a place to express themselves and dissipate

Find Your Inner Mother, Self-Soothe

Taking responsibility for our own life experiences, finding ways to nurture ourselves and shed the skin of wounding helps us to manifest the life that we want, release the mother from her role as the perpetrator, and seek ‘rescuer’ relationships. Moving from co-dependence to cocreation. Moving from co-dependence to co-creation.

Build Strong Boundaries

Healthy and strong boundaries with others and with yourself protect you from repeating the cycles of abuse, abandonment, and neglect

Find Support

Seek out supportive relationships with positive people. Find therapy as needed. Avoid drama. Nurture your relationship with Great Mother not a destination; it is a journey of self-discovery and is like any natural cycle… we return to time and again to learn deeper truths, surrender to the process and grow in wisdom.

At the beginning of our journey to healing, we awaken to our conditioned self, the one who moves in comfortable and predictable patterns and reactions. We witness this conditioned self with a desire for change. To meet ourselves in this way is challenging. At first, like during stages of grief, we may experience shock and shame.

In the next stage of healing, we become conscious of how we actually co-create our life, that we are not victims of some mysterious fate, but that we can consciously create our own reality. The conditioned self dissolves some more and takes intentional steps.

Later, we meet with grief and the Inner Child whose life experiences are those of the individual and the collective.

Through the process, we meet surrender to what was, what is, what we are creating. As we love ourselves more deeply, with grounded compassion and grace, acceptance is born.

We live on a deeper level, in a more authentic dimension, where the trauma or wound becomes the gift, serving us and others.

Evidence of Healing

Feeling at home and safe in your body and in the world

Holding memories with courage, love, and compassion instead of fearing them

Accepting your mind and thoughts as allies

Consistently living in the present moment

Know That Healing is a Spiral

Healing from a mother wound is

I hope this is of benefit, from my heart to yours.

Monika Carless is a globally published writer and mentor to Earthkeepers, Creatives and Witches.

She lives a quiet life on Vancouver Island, focused on simple pleasures with her partner of many moons. Especially interested in archetypes, myths, and life mastery through self-healing practices, Monika mines wisdom from Cronedom and the healing powers of words.

She is the author of several books and over three hundred articles.

Her titles include Transforming Mother Wound –originally self-published. The Dark Pool Trilogy, a delicious fairy tale of unashamed erotica and pagan mysticism, and Tessa and the Faeries, tales of one child’s connection to the unseen realm of the Fey. Learn more at monikacarless.com