Chapter II LANGUAGE OFTHE

Introduction

Body

We have seen that human beings, as persons, are made to be in relation with one another, and it is in and through our bodies that we relate to one another in various ways. The body expresses the person. Our bodies, then, are capable of a certain "language." They communicate a message. We have already seen that our bodies naturally tell us that we are called to form a communion of persons. We are persons made for other persons.

We have also seen that the body is capable of communicating a message to another especially when we act sexually. What is the truth the body is meant to express in the natural message conveyed by the sexual act? Is it possible to distort this message; that is, can we use our bodies to “tell a lie”? Is there necessarily anything wrong with doing that?

Answering such questions is the aim of this present chapter.

Vocabulary

marriageprocreativeunitive monogamypolygamypolyandry

The Natural Meaning of Sexual Intercourse

From what we have already learned about the nuptial meaning of the body, we know that the act of sexual intercourse between a man and woman is an act that is designed to express love. In this act (called the sexual act or marital act), the male and female persons go out of themselves to each other. They mutually give themselves to one another and simultaneously receive the gift of the other. The two of them, with their sexually incomplete bodies, unite as one, forming a sexual whole. In so doing, their bodies speak the language of total self-giving love, expressing physically the vows they spoke when they married: "I am totally yours, forever!"

Notes

“Sexual actions symbolize marital love.”

Paul Quay

“Intercourse is meant to become a type of language by which husband and wife are able to express to each other all that they wish to say in the way of love and spiritual union.”

Paul Quay

“You cannot partly give yourself, because your Self is indivisible; the only way to give yourself is to give yourself entirely. Because the gift is total, it has to exclude all others, and if it doesn’t do that, then it hasn’t taken place.”

J. Budziszewski

From this perspective of natural law, that is, from the viewpoint of any human being who thinks seriously about our human nature, we can understand the natural meaning of sexual intercourse. Thus we can know our moral responsibility regarding this act.

Because husband and wife are human persons -- beings composed of physical body and spiritual (rational) soul -- their act of sexual intercourse must involve more than their bodies alone. Their giving themselves and receiving each other physically is meant to have a parallel giving and receiving on the spiritual or psychological level.

What type of spiritual union appropriately parallels the bodily sexual union? Consider the fact that the bodily union of the sexual act is naturally one in which the two persons hold nothing back from each other. Their exterior bodily nakedness symbolizes this total openness and transparency to one another. The interior spiritual union that is a necessary parallel to this bodily union, then, must involve a totality in the mutual giving of the two persons. Thus, sexual intercourse requires that the two persons freely choose to give themselves only to this one person and to no one else. They must also freely choose to give themselves for the whole time of their lives. In other words, they must intend their union to be both exclusive and lifelong. Otherwise, it is not a total giving of oneself. If this is not the case, then they are “saying” something with their bodies which they do not really mean.

Conjugal love -- from Latin conjugium (yoked together); the love of a man and woman involved in a marital relationship.

“Conjugal love involves a totality, in which all the elements of the person enter -- appeal to the body and instinct, power of feeling and affectivity, aspiration of the spirit and of will. It aims at a deeply personal unity, the unity that, beyond union in one flesh, leads to forming one heart and soul; it demands indissolubility and faithfulness in definitive mutual giving; and it is open to fertility.”

Pope Paul VI, Humanae Vitae

Sexual intercourse between man and woman, then, is designed to express and to foster conjugal love. By conjugal love we mean the commitment of spouses to make a total gift of themselves to each other. Aperson can enter into many different kinds of loving relationships, but conjugal love is unique in that there are no limitations to the extent of the sharing and giving and union. The friendship of spouses is total. Conjugal love is the mutual commitment to share all of oneself with the other. And the sexual act is meant to express this total selfgiving. In other words, the conjugal act (marital act) is the way the spouses say with their bodies what they said in their marriage vow, “I give myself totally to you, forever.”

Another way we have of knowing about what is necessary in the spiritual dimension of a couple’s union is by investigating the natural purpose of the sexual act. The sexual act has two purposes:

(a) for a man and woman to express a profound self-giving love such that the two persons become one, both bodily and spiritually;

(b) for this union to bear fruit in the conception of new life.

In regard to the first purpose, we know that entrusting oneself completely to another person requires that the other be a person who will truly receive and treasure the gift given. Agenuine entrusting of oneself to another cannot be one-sided. There must be a mutual giving and receiving. In the language of the marital act, there is a “giving in a receiving way” and a “receiving in a giving way.” There is, in other words, reciprocity in the entrusting of self. Such an act of mutual entrusting implies that the gift will not be taken back someday nor will it be received for a time, only to be rejected later. Love, if it is true, is forever!

With regard to the second purpose, we know that the sexual act can, if conditions are right, result in the conception of a child. The two persons engaging in the sexual act are speaking a language with their bodies which says, "I'm willing to be a parent with you." Since their bodies are engaged in an act which says this, their spirits need to be in accord with their act. This means that, in this act of sexual union, they must be willing to conceive and bring to birth; to love, nurture, educate and morally form the child who may be the fruit of this act. This entails a commitment requiring years of prolonged and devoted care until the child reaches maturity. In other words, they must be willing to widen the sphere of their love to form a family. This is a willingness to extend their self-giving beyond themselves, to embrace the life and growth of the child who is the fruit of their act of love. This is no small commitment! Raising children, nurturing their physical, spiritual and emotional growth, and sharing in their lives requires time and patience. Above all, it implies readiness to make sacrifices so that the children can grow as persons. This is the love of a lifetime.

“In order to make the bodily union between a man and woman an expression of an even deeper personal union of love, one key ingredient is needed: a willingness to accept the possibility that through the sexual act, ‘I may become a father’ or ‘I may become a mother.’”

Saint John Paul II, Love and Responsibility

“Openness to the possibility of parenthood represents one of the most profound expressions of love and total acceptance of the other person in marriage.”

Edward Sri

“So that life could be shared, because it is such a surpassing gift, Adam and Eve together were given by the Lord the power to co-create with Him. Sexual intimacy, according to the story of our origin, our identity, is integrally bound with fertility.“

Father Paul Check, Executive Director of Courage International

Family -- a fundamental social group in society typically consisting of a man and woman and their offspring. American Heritage Dictionary 167.

“There is an unbreakable connection between the unitive meaning and the procreative meaning, and both are inherent in the conjugal act. And if both essential meanings are preserved, that of union and procreation, the conjugal act fully maintains its capacity for true mutual love and its ordination to the highest mission of parenthood, to which man is called.”

Humanae Vitae

Natural law tells us, then, that sexual intercourse is a bodily act which has an inherent meaning that requires our respect. The act has an objective truth to which we must conform our behavior. Part of that inherent meaning is that it is to be an act expressing total self-giving love, an act of the most complete union possible between two human persons. We refer to this as the unitive meaning of the act.

The very act which unites the couple in mutual self-giving bears within itself the possibility of bearing fruit in the conception of a child. This is so by the very nature of the act. In and through the act of mutual self-giving of spouses, the husband and wife become so “one-in-flesh” that through their union new human life can come into existence. God is creating new life through the unitive act of the husband and wife. We refer to this as the procreative meaning of the act.

Unitive (love)

Procreative (life)

“The procreative and unitive meanings of sexuality are joined by nature; they cannot be severed without distorting or diminishing them both.”

J. Budziszewski

It is important to note that the two meanings of the sexual act, the unitive and procreative, are inherently bound together: the spouses are able to unite in such a way through their mutual self-gift that their “oneness” bears fruit in a person, one who has a life of his or her own, one who can be given a person’s name. The oneness of the spouses, then, is more than just a fleeting emotion or a physical sensation; it becomes a real fact, a metaphysical reality. The new human person who may be created in his parents’act of total self-giving actually embodies the oneness that his parents become. The child is himself a gift, the fruit of their love for each other.

Similarly, the bringing into existence of a new human being requires not only the momentary uniting of male and female bodies. It also requires their enduring partnership. As one author explains:

Aparent of each sex is necessary to make the child, to raise the child, and to teach the child. To make him, both are needed because the female provides the egg, the male fertilizes it, and the female incubates the resulting zygote. To raise him, both are needed because the male is better designed for protection, the female for nurture. To teach him, both are needed because he needs a model of his own sex, a model of the other, and a model of the relationship between them. Mom and Dad are jointly irreplaceable. Their partnership in procreation continues even after