Blue book by Mason Duling

DEAR QUASI-SON, IN ANSWER TO YOUR LETTER BASIC LIVING FOR BACHELORS

Writen by: Louis Duling

First Draft 1978 First Printing 1983

INTRODUCTION So many of us want to know our responsibilities, and discover the joys that come from fulfilling them: self-respect, a feeling of accomplishment, parental approval, the absence of depression, and the satisfaction of having our lives in order so that we can reach out to others. From having three older brothers, ten nephews, and a resilient son, who possesses a generous sense of humor, I have learned many practical steps for basic living which I want to share with you. It all began when one of the young men we know came to dinner with a camera. We were used to unusual guests, but this was something new. After the main course, I said, “By the way, is there some special reason you brought a camera with you?” (It was by now pitch dark outside!) “Well, I wanted to take some pictures of your house,” he said. “I need some ideas for decorating my apartment, so I thought taking pictures of some of your rooms might give me a start.” I volunteered to visit this 3 room and bath ‘shelter’ the following Saturday morning. He agreed, so off I went. One comment he made caused me to take my vacuum cleaner with me, as I estimated that a full morning of straightening up was necessary before we could begin decorating. EIGHT SATURDAYS LATER, we had a new start underway. How, you ask, did it take us that long to organize three rooms and a bath? It was several visits before I realized there was a rug on the living room floor! (Papers, clothes, projects, sporting-equipment, other things covered the rug.) I would rather not guess when the last “picking up” or “cleaning” was done, but I ended up making a chart of “Daily”, “Weekly”, and “Monthly” responsibilities to hang on the wall. Our God is a God or order*, so “pick up” is daily; vacuuming, washing and food shopping are weekly and finances are monthly. Friends like to enter a neat room; a “neat room” being one with nothing on the floor except rugs and appropriate furniture. I asked the young man how much money we had to use for decorating. “Six hundred dollars,” he answered. I was thrilled! What fun this would be! Checking carefully his preferences for color, we made a list and went shopping for a few items to coordinate the kitchen and bathroom. On the way to the apartment the second week, I picked up a few of the items on the list. After a normal greeting, I said, “You owe me $30 for the things I just purchased.” He looked at me, distress written all over his face.

“Do you realize how much of my money you have spent?” he said. For a moment I thought – oh dear! – Until I realized I had spent a total of $60 the week before, and $30 that day. “Yes, I spent $60 last week and $30 this week for a total of $90. You said I had $600 to work with.” “Well,” he said, “this week I had to pay my rent and car payments, etc. and I don’t have any money in the bank right now.” Then I really thought – Oh dear! – “Don’t you have a budget?” “No,” he said, - thus came Chapter One! As we continued straightening the apartment, we checked his clothes, (needed mending, inappropriate for his job), his diet (unbalanced) and, of course, informally talked about dates (nonexistent). I forgot to mention that this young man is the son of two college educated parents, has two college degrees himself and is now holding a responsible position in industry! Usually, when one young person comes to my husband or me with a problem, it is a symptom of a problem commonly experienced by others in his situation. It was not long before another college graduate came to us. His primary problems were proper diet and lack of appropriate clothing. So, we found ourselves going over these same principles again. I began to share the idea of a book with my friends. One mother of four sons, (three married), said, “Hurry up; I want all my boys to have a copy.” So, if you are beyond these basics, great! Pass them on – there are a lot of young people who have missed out somewhere along the way the basics of learning how to live. In the interest of time, however, I have given up the idea of a book and simply offer this as letters from a Quasi-mother to her Quasi-sons, on budget, nutrition, housing, dating, and the most important relationship of all. “…and may our ordered lives confess the beauty of Thy peace.”

Quasi = “like a”

TABLE OF CONTENTS 3

INTRODUCTION

CHAPTER 1 – ABOUT FINANCES

CHAPTER 2 – ABOUT FOOD

CHAPTER 3 – ABOUT SHELTER

CHAPTER 4 – ABOUT CLOTHING

CHAPTER 5 – ABOUT GODLY WOMEN

CHAPTER 6 - ABOUT FAITH

APPENDIX 1 – EVERYDAY CHECKLIST

CHAPTER 1 – FINANCES “If you cannot handle earthly money, how will the Lord entrust you with my heavenly riches?” Luke 16:11 Living Bible One day I was teaching a Naval Academy grad this basic budget, when in walked a young wife asking what we were doing. I explained that I was sharing financial principles with him. She said, “Oh great! Do I need this! My husband just put our whole budget into my hands!” It turned out she had “zero” money in the bank; some food left and payday was in two days! (Her husband made $20,000 a year, I came to learn, and they had no children!) I asked her if she could “eat light” until payday (which, by God’s grace, came at the end of the calendar month!) She said, “Absolutely!” Five hours later, she walked out happy as could be with a plan covering all her expenses and enough for tithing and savings. However, the Naval Academy grad went on his way saying it was all right that I had not taught him the budget – he had plenty of money anyway. Then two weeks later I received a long-distance phone call: “Mrs. D! What will I do, I couldn’t get into the inexpensive Bachelor’s Officer’s Quarters and I have to live off-post in an apartment. My entire surplus is gone.” I really felt I let him down. So I hope having the information written down will help you to avoid any similar situation! To get a proper perspective on food, clothing, and shelter, we must start with our basic income. May I suggest the following plan, one my husband and I have used all our married lives (30 years)? The percentages given are guidelines to allow one to live without feeling “strapped”; to save some for future needs and to recognize that one tenth of our gross income should be set aside for church or charity to show our gratefulness to the Lord for any income at all – recognizing, in fact, all we have and are belongs to Him. The ideal way to begin this budget is to live at home long enough to save up one month’s salary so you can begin living on your own drawing upon money saved from the previous month’s income. Each paycheck goes into your bank account without cashing any of it, (unless you are paid once a week – then withdraw for your cash needs the “weekly money” figure shown below.) If you are already in your own place, use the category “savings” to build up a reserve equal to one month’s salary and then begin your “savings” program. You will need a four column budget book . Write the categories of expenses at the left with the percentage figure next to it. Then title it every other column by the first of the month: (see back of this document, Appendix 2) The Bible teaches to pledge some of your tithe and, “save some for Tithing means church or charitable giving to help others.

the treasury.” Some people may disagree, but I understand this is to mean we make some definite pledges to a church or Christian organizations for a once a month payment on a regular basis with part of our tithe and we save some cash in the “tithe” category to help others in need or pay our fees for a Christian conference. This fulfills the Scriptural injunction, “Don’t muzzle the ox that grinds out the grain,” – teachers who give us spiritual food.”4 Now you are ready to start. It is Monday, the first week of the month, and you get out $33.00 for the week marking a small -$33.00 on the weekly money line in the column under January 1. The weekly money figure is computed by taking your monthly percentage figure of $145 and multiplying by 12, then, divide by 52 weeks = 23 (rounded out). Buy your food. The amount left is, “fun money.” (Not much on this income, is there?) This is why having two young men or more, sharing the cost of housing, makes life easier. (However, a word of caution: Do NOT marry a young lady with the idea you will live on two salaries for your BASIC budget. More on that subject in Cha Let us look at the “car” category. Are you making payments? How much do you spend on gas each month? Will 14% of your gross income cover it? Do you need a car for work? If you do and the 14% will not cover your expenses, you will have to some percentage points from the “vacation” or “surplus” budget categories. Some of you will have to start a budget with your definite obligations: debts for school or, “time payments” and erase some of the goodies on this list. (See previous paragraph). Regarding car insurance payments, (if it is not set up on a “per month” basis) let us say it is due in two months, March 1. It is payable every six months. Divide the figure you will owe by two (drawing on the other categories to make up the total amount needed) until you pay the bill. Then divide your semi-annual payment by six and save that amount each month. Each time you pay any bill, cash a check for weekly money, or write a check to purchase something, go to your budget book as soon as possible, and subtract the amount from the appropriate category. You can see in this budget no car is affordable, unless monthly payments are $15.00 (because there is also $50 for gas plus $30 for Insurance per month for a car.) If you must have a car, choose a used one with low payments, or (this is PREFERRED) save up in the “car” category until you can buy a good, used car for cash. If you own no car, you can save $95 minus transportation to work costs, per month towards the purchase of one on this budget. As you consider any purchase, look at your budget book – not An excel spreadsheet for those of you computer inclined works great for budgeting. Philippians 4:16-18; 2 Corinthians 8:10-11

your bank balance to determine how much you have available to spend. Remember, the money in the bank is already reserved for next month’s rent, food money and other expenses. If you are making a large sum of money, so that 1/3 of your net salary would be more than you need for “housing,” choose the home you want, add up the taxes, insurance and mortgage, and call that figure 1/3. Multiply that amount, say $800, by 3 = $2400. Use that as your “adjusted net.” Then take 25% of $2400, 14% of it etc and figure how much of your actual adjusted net you have more than the total of all of the categories using $2400 as a basis. The “adjusted net” can be used for investments. Using investments wisely enables you to give more to the Lord; as in the story of the talents. Please remember the principles for lending money! If someone asks to borrow money for a one time emergency, some circumstance outside their basic need budget, all right. However, if when you look into the matter you find this is a repeated need or pattern, the person may be living above his means and needs to change his living standard. You can help him by giving him this budget framework as a guide. Avoid borrowing money for depreciating items (cars, washers, etc., which lose value with time). Every so often on the first of the month, add up the current figures in your budget book and see if the total matches your bank balance making sure you have accounted for any outstanding checks and have subtracted them from the total. May you find the joy that comes from seeing this guide in action and from realizing you may have more money then you thought! I remember one girl saying, “I finally found the joy of a budget: I had $35 in my clothing category and saw a pair of slacks I liked for $15.” Perhaps you don’t have enough income available to set up the percentages in the chart, if so, start with your set or fixed expenses (same dollar amount each month):

Talents as mentioned in Matthew 25:14-29

BUDGET CATEGORY Rent Utilities Food Debt Payment Insurance Total

Month’s pay

As you receive raises, begin to fill your checking account until you have one month’s net salary in the bank. Then, fill in “tithing” until you are giving 10% to the Lord’s work or helping people through donations to charitable organizations. Then fill in other categories and finally “savings”. Buy clothes out of savings as you must have them. Ask God to help you learn “wants” from “needs” before you buy. I have put an insert for you to begin your money management effort. Good luck – get help if you are stuck!

I recommend these books by Larry Burkett:

The Financial Planning Workbook How to Manage Your Money

CHAPTER 2 – FOOD One day a new college graduate came to visit us. After dinner, he said, “Boy, that tasted great! I haven’t eaten anything but ham and cheese sandwiches for the last six weeks!” Another graduate living with us caught cold every other week for the first month. I finally insisted that he eat according to the following suggested pattern and he stayed well, and had more energy. Finally, a phone call brought our attention to one young person just released from the hospital. “What happened to you?” I asked. “I fainted and fell down the stairs in my apartment.” After some more questions, the story came out – no money for food after two weeks into the month; fainted from lack of eating. Now, the medical bills would be far more than the food to prevent them, but if she evenly divided her monthly money for food evenly each week, she would not have spent it all the first two weeks. Before giving specifics for daily eating, let me share some basic health tips: 1. A daily routine of breakfast at 8:00am, lunch at noon and dinner at 6pm with an average of 8 hours sleep at night is a standard good health schedule. Obviously, there are times when this varies, but it is a good basis for checking your living habits. If you should become fatigued, 10 hours of sleep will make it up. Too much sleep will make you sluggish. 2. Are you getting colds regularly? Check your daily schedule and eating habits. 3. There is much debate on the value of this next procedure, but it works for me. I highly recommend taking one 500 mg vitamin C time-release capsule each morning with your fruit juice. If you feel the symptoms of a cold coming on, take 3 at each meal until the symptoms disappear. Generally, the symptoms will be gone in a day or two. 4. Don’t forget a basic home medicine chest: one bottle of Emetrol for nausea; bufferin or ibuprofen for headaches or swelling, one bottle of Kaopectate for diarrhea; Band-Aids; Disinfectant spray (Bactine) or Methiolate for cuts; Rubbing Alcohol; Cotton and Tweezers (for splinters). Now to the food! There are several basic foods you should eat every day. The following is one week’s list of menus which include these foods, and the recipes were contributed by various members of our local fellowship, many of whom have lived alone or with other singles.

Five Basic Food Groups 1.

Milk, cheese and yogurt

Meats, poultry, fish, eggs, nuts, dried beans and peas, peanut butter

3. Vegetables and fruits â&#x20AC;&#x201C; citrus fruits, salads, spinach, carrots, bananas, apples 4.

Breads (whole grain or enriched), cereals and pasta

Butter and olive oil

MONDAY MENU BREAKFAST 1 Nature’s Bounty Time Released Vitamin C-500mg tablet 6 oz. Fruit Juice Cereal with milk & sugar Toast with butter & jam Coffee, tea or milk LUNCH 1 Meat & Cheese Sandwich with Lettuce See: note , note 1 Peanut Butter/Jelly Sandwich Apple Milk Cupcake or Cookies DINNER Meatloaf – see: note Boiled Potatoes (add butter at table) Peas 2 Slices of Bread Lettuce and Tomato Salad, Ice Cream for dessert.

TUESDAY MENU BREAKFAST 1 Natureâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Bounty Time Released Vitamin C-500mg Tablet Fruit Juice Oatmeal, Milk & Brown Sugar Coffee, Tea or Milk LUNCH Meatloaf Sandwich (leftover from last night dinner) 1 Peanut Butter/Jelly Sandwich Raw Fruit or Carrot Sticks Package Pie Milk DINNER Fried Ham Slice Canned Sweet Potatoes (heat to boil) String Beans Applesauce Ice Cream & Cookies

WEDNESDAY MENU BREAKFAST 1 Nature’s Bounty Time Released Vitamin C-500mg Tablet ½ Grapefruit or Juice Dry Cereal, Milk & Sugar 2 Eggs Toast, Butter, Jam Coffee, Tea, or Milk LUNCH Lunchmeat & Cheese Sandwich Peanut Butter/Jelly Sandwich Box of Raisins (small) Milk DINNER Steak – see: note Peas Bread Cranberry Sauce Instant Chocolate Pudding Cool Whip for Topping

Steak: One of the best buys is flank steak to make a London broil. Heat your frying pan, and add some butter (1 pat) to the pan. Be careful not to burn the butter. Put meat into pan to brown quickly on each side (about ½ minute). Then cook 4 minutes on each side on low flame. Salt and pepper to taste. Slice at an angle vertically and at the ends.

THURSDAY MENU BREAKFAST 1 Nature’s Bounty Time Released Vitamin C-500mg Tablet Juice Cereal, Milk & Sugar Toast & Jam Coffee, Tea, or Milk LUNCH 1 Tuna fish Sandwich – see: note 1 Peanut Butter/Jelly Sandwich Apple Cake Milk DINNER Leftover Meatloaf Rice, (instant, 2 cups) Lima Beans and Lettuce wedge Bread & Butter Leftover Chocolate Pudding. Coffee, Tea or milk

Tuna Fish Sandwich (or salad): For a sandwich or to eat on a lettuce leaf. one 4-6oz can of Tuna packed in water (less greasy than oil) drained ½ cup salad dressing or mayo ½ chopped celery (wash, remove leaves, cutoff & throw out any brown spots, cut into ¼ inch slices Mix together. Spread bread with salad dressing, then tuna mixture. Add one leaf of lettuce and a slice of tomato if you like.

FRIDAY MENU BREAKFAST 1 C Nature’s Bounty Time Released Vitamin C-500mg Tablet Juice Oatmeal Coffee, Tea or Milk LUNCH Tuna fish Sandwich Peanut Butter/Jelly Sandwich Apple Fruit Pie Beverage

DINNER

Fish Sticks w/Tarter Sauce Leftover Rice Peas or Carrots Applesauce Baked Potato Coffee, Tea or Milk

Baked Potatoes: Clean the potato by removing any “roots” with your thumb nail while rinsing the potato under the faucet. Rinse and scrub potato to remove dirt and dry with a paper towel. Microwave: Poke holes in the potato skin with a fork, three “pokes” on each side of the potato. Conventional oven: Place potato(s) on a cookie sheet or aluminum foil pan and put in pre-heated oven at 400 degrees. Bake for one hour. Test potatoes by sticking fork in them to see if they are done, if the fork slides easily in, it’s done. After taking them out of oven, take a sharp knife and make an “X” in the top of each potato gently from both sides, the “X” will open up. This makes a good place to put butter.

SATURDAY MENU BREAKFAST 1 Natureâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Bounty Time Released Vitamin C-500mg Tablet Whole-Wheat Pancakes Syrup & Butter Bacon (Turkey or Beef) Coffee, Tea or Milk LUNCH Chunky Soup Grilled Cheese Sandwich â&#x20AC;&#x201C; note: Fruit Cake Milk DINNER Lasagna (Frozen) Lettuce Wedge Ice Cream and Cookies Beverage

Grilled Cheese Sandwich: Spread bread with salad dressing. Add a light yellow American cheese slice or two, cover with 2nd slice of bread. Spread butter on the outside bread surface, place sandwich on pan, heat on stove low until bottom side is browning, turn, and cook until cheese melts. Note: Use a non metallic spatula to slide under the sandwich and lift it off the pan. Metal utensils can scratch pans and ruin them. Lettuce Wedge: Take a head of lettuce and cut it in half. Cut off and throw away the core and cut one of the halves into thirds or just cut off the number of wedges you need, one per serving. Then use dressing of your choice on the wedges.

SUNDAY MENU BREAKFAST 1 Nature’s Bounty Time Released Vitamin C-500mg Tablet Juice Cereal Sweet Buns Coffee, Tea or Milk LUNCH Invite Friends for Potluck Steak Baked Potato Broccoli (Hollandaise Sauce) Tossed Salad Ice Cream DINNER Cheese Omelet Cooked Carrots Toast and Butter Coffee, Tea or Milk

Hollandaise sauce – an imitation hollandaise sauce for broccoli can be the Ranch style salad dressing you get in the grocery. A little dab to test might be tried first. Tossed salad – cut up some lettuce. Cut the end blossoms out of some tomatoes. Slice through the tomatoes vertically and cut in chunks. Put lettuce and tomatoes in large bowl. Add sliced raw, but rinsed and scrubbed under water, carrots, sliced celery (rinsed first), and croutons if you want. Toss (mix) together. Sprinkle with salad herbs and use your favorite dressing on it.

Are you a Jello fan? It is easy to make and store in the refrigerator. Use plastic dishes with lids or cover containers with plastic wrap to keep food fresh. Generally, left-overs should not be kept more than 3 or 4 days – especially if milk or eggs are part of the recipe. If you buy unfrozen meat, (beef, pork and chicken) it can be kept 3 days, but fish should be used quickly (1 or 2 days). Be sure to boil any canned soup or vegetables at least 5 minutes to avoid problems of food poisoning. If the can opens with a burst of pressure (sounds like a soda when opened), don’t eat it. For those of you who are feeling a bit more confident, try substituting one of these recipes, in your basic menu. Or some recommended cookbooks (also “Google” recipes for bachelors, see what you get!): RECOMMENDED COOKBOOKS

Betty Crocker’s Boys & Girls Betty Crocker’s Regular Cookbook 60 minute Gourmet by Pierre Franey

RECIPE - SHARON’S MEATZA PIE 1 pound Hamburger ½ small (6 oz) can of evaporated milk 1 tsp Garlic salt (not powder) Mix all above together, spread in a pie pan. On top spread a layer of ketchup (1/2 cup or so). ½ can of mushrooms and ½ tsp oregano (more if you like things spicy). Sprinkle on Parmesan cheese. Bake at 375 degrees for 40 minutes in a conventional oven.

RECIPE- TERRI’S TUNA FISH SALAD 1 can (6 ½ oz or 7 oz) Tuna Fish (in water) ¼ tsp salt 1/8 tsp pepper ½ cup chopped celery (cut in cubes after rinsed and cleaned in water) 1 tsp minced onion 1 tsp lemon juice (real Lemon) 2 sweet pickles, quartered then cut in cubes 2 tbls mayonnaise (mayo), more or less to taste Drain oil/water from can of tuna. Place tuna into small mixing bowl and break up the tuna into tiny flakes using a fork. Add the salt, celery, minced onion, lemon juice and pickles and mix ingredients. Add the mayo and stir until blended evenly and moist. Serve with bread in a sandwich, in lettuce cups or in stuffed tomatoes. Add pepper to taste. RECIPE - PAM’S GROUND BEEF STROGANOFF One pound Ground Beef 1 cup chopped onion 1 tsp salt ½ tsp pepper 1 can mushrooms, sliced 1 can cream of mushroom soup (undiluted) 1 cup sour cream Fry beef until brown in a frying pan. Pour off fat that collects. Add salt, pepper, onions, mushrooms and soup. Cook over low heat (250 – 275 degrees) conventional oven for 1 hour (stir often so it doesn’t stick to the bottom of pan). Just before serving, stir in sour cream. Cook until hot but do not boil. Serve with rice or noodles.

ADDITIONAL RECIPES COURTESY OF SUE ASH Lemon chicken — Dust with flour, sauté in butter/olive oil, lemon, salt and pepper 2 Veg’s (asparagus and beets), salad Fish (Tuna) 2 Veg’s (peas and spinach), salad Beef burger (6-8oz), seasonings Broccoli and spinach sautéed in butter, sprinkled with lemon, salad Spaghetti with Zucchini noodles - Homemade sauce over noodles - sauté onions in olive oil, add chopped carrots, parsley, basil, 2 cans tomatoes and mushrooms if desired. Then slice zuccini and quickly sauté in olive oil till al dente. Salad Stew - London Broil or chicken, onions, carrots, and turnips. Add 2 bay leaves, dried mustard, parsley, and arrow root for desired thickness. Spinach salad with sliced apples and pecans Chicken encrusted with pecans - Grind pecans in processor. Coat chicken with nut flour, sauté in olive oil or coconut oil, add salt, pepper, and lemon if desired. Broccoli, Asparagus, salad Chicken Veg Soup - Add lots of Vegetables Sauté onions in olive oil. 1 can burned tomatoes, peas, green beans if desired, carrots, broccoli, spinach, cauliflower, and water chestnuts. Add salt and pepper, grated ginger, 1 box Pacific Organic chicken broth. (Whole Foods) Cooks in 1 hour or slowly on the AGA Filet Mignon Asparagus, snap peas, salad Veg’s can be exchanged. Sweet potatoes are great for the kids and twice a week for us. Fries, baked w coconut oil, boiled, mashed or baked with butter and cinnamon, are really good!

CHAPTER 3 – SHELTER¬ “…Let’s make a little room for him on the roof; we can put in a bed, a table, a chair and a lamp, and he will have a place to stay whenever he comes by.” II Kings 4:10 Living Bible Assuming that you can afford at least a studio apartment, we will start with decorating. In traditional decorating, there are a few basic principles. 1. Use one “neutral” color and two contrasting colors per room. 2. Neutral colors are beige and gray. Black and White may be added depending on the neutral color you choose. 3. Generally your floor covering should be slightly darker than the wall. 4. Note the direction the room faces – North, East, South or West. In the north rooms use warm colors: yellow, orange, red and tan. In the south rooms use cool colors: blue, green, gray or white. Your paint dealer, Home Depot, or Lowes is a good source of advice of color or call a friend whose home you admire. Most people consider it a compliment to be asked for advice in this area. Invite the person over to your apartment, tell them your favorite color, and give them an idea of how much you have to spend (the amount in your budget, not your bank account balance at the moment!) Remember, second-hand stores, discount stores and “Grandma’s attic” is good, inexpensive sources for rugs, lamps, and bedspreads. Simple curtains and window shades can be purchased inexpensively at department stores. Now that you know what colors you need, keep those in mind when you purchase the “furnishings.” Make a list of needs for each room including color: Blue paper towels, blue or brown tablecloth. Your curtains should contain colors which match your basic color scheme. Take a piece of material or a sample of the colors you want to match with you when you go shopping. The curtains may be neutral, too. The following is a suggested list of basic furnishing needs, you may want to have more, or work ways to use more than these: Living Area: you will need several chairs or cushions; 2 lamps, a desk or table of some sort with a matching chair, and a phone if you aren’t relying on a cell phone alone. Bookshelves can be made of bricks and boards. A box suited for 8 ½ x 11 folders, and kept under desk can be used for a filing cabinet. Bathroom: you need a shower curtain, bathroom rug, waste basket, toilet paper, tissues, towel rack and a mirror for shaving. If there is no closet, it is helpful if some small shelves can be fit somewhere to hold two sets of towels (each set includes one bath towel, one hand towel and one wash cloth), toiletries and toilet brush, scouring powder (Ajax), and an old washcloth

A studio apartment has one main room that has a kitchen area, bedroom, living room combined with a separate bathroom. It is often the least expensive apartment option in an apartment complex.

to be used only for cleaning. You will need soap, body wash, toothpaste, toothbrush, deodorant, shampoo, conditioner, a comb, brush, and fingernail clippers. If you don’t have an electric razor, you will need shaving cream and razor with blades (Shick, Gillette). Razors last a couple of months; it may be cheaper to get a new razor with blades then the replacement blades alone which can be expensive. This is an area to compare prices. Bedroom: 2 fitted bottom sheets and 2 top sheets, one blanket, one quilt and one bedspread (preferred), waste basket, (or trash bag), and a laundry bag with a hook to hang behind the bathroom door or sleeping area. Shoe shine kit made up of brushes, old tee shirt and polishes suitable to color of dress shoes, a suede brush if needed, all kept in a shoe box. An inexpensive full length mirror for some spot on door or wall, plus a shelf or stand near the bed for clock and glasses (if you wear them!) Kitchen area: large wastebasket, table and chair, paper towels and rack, dishtowel and rack, hot pads, dishes, cereal bowls, dinner plates, sandwich plates, cups and saucers or mugs, 8 oz glasses, 6 oz glass or juice glass. (It’s nice to have a set of 4 each but paper plates and cups are great for groups). Stainless steel knife, fork and spoon and soup spoon. Toaster (optional). Crockpot is helpful. Measuring cups, measuring spoons, spatula, small paring knife, bread knife (with serrated edge), 3-prong cooking forks, serving spoons, mixing bowl, eggbeater (whisk). Small sauce pan, large saucepan, and frying pan, all with lids. Cake pan, cookie tray, pie plate, tea kettle, salt and pepper shakers, butter dish, spices, sugar, flour, tea, coffee, olive oil, vinegar, balsamic vinegar. Hot food tile (for placing a hot cooking plate on), paper napkins, matches or fireplace lighter, liquid detergent, stain remover spray (spray & wash), Top Job and cleaning bucket. Clorox wipes are good to disinfect counters in kitchen and bathroom. Iron and Ironing board, replacement light bulbs of the same type that are used in your apartment, sweeper or vacuum cleaner, dust pan and brush and a fire extinguishers. Kitchen trash bags (13 gallon). Sewing Kit: scissors, needles, brown, black and white thread, straight pins, dental floss for sewing on buttons.

Dental floss is surprisingly strong and makes for good “thread” for reattaching buttons

Basic tool kit for maintenance: screw driver (Phillips head and regular), hammer, box of assorted nails, screws, needle nose pliers, regular pliers, thumb tacks, pen knife, tape measure, level (for hanging pictures), picture hanging anchors (hooks), adjustable 8â&#x20AC;? wrench, electrical tape, string, wire, extension tape, rule, pencil, saw (if necessary) and work gloves . Allen wrench. If you are working steadily to clean your apartment or working hard during a move, be sure to stop at 4pm for a break. Clear the kitchen table; put a decoration in the center: sit down and enjoy a gracious break. Recommended books on shelter: Furniture Stores catalogs and sales leaflets Car Care: sponge, ice-scraper (if weather indicates), first aid kit, flashlight, windshield defrost fluid, brush and trash bucket, tissues, paper towels, 1 can of oil that is recommended for your car, fire extinguisher. Optional: portable car battery jumper cables

Work gloves that are able to be used with smart phones All about Allen wrenches or hex keys Various portable car battery charging systems available

CHAPTER 4 – CLOTHING Now that your finances, food and living quarters are in order, let’s take a look at you! Good grooming starts from the skin out. Shower every day. Start with soaping your face, neck, ears and work down, using body wash. Be sure you wash ears clean. If you use shaving cream, be sure to rinse your face carefully in order to remove any cream from ears, otherwise it can dry leaving white bits inside your ears. Some men prefer to shave in the shower, if so, buy a shower shaving mirror. Having this “well scrubbed” look is an honor to the Lord, a joy to others and makes you feel confident about yourself. After you dry yourself, apply deodorant under your arms. If one brand doesn’t last a day try another one. Effectiveness depends on your unique body chemistry, and deodorants differ in strength and make up. Rarely will people let you know if you have bad body odor, and even those who like you may feel uncomfortable or unwilling to mention it to you for fear of embarrassing you. Be on top of this as you don’t want to put your friends in the uncomfortable position of debating whether to point this out to you. If you have a close friend that you trust ask him if you have concerns about your odor. Women are sensitive to smell, have this area be a positive for you not a negative. Your hair should be shampooed at a maximum of once a day, minimum twice a week. If you do a lot of physical exercise it is essential to shower every day. Wet your hair, then apply shampoo, scrub well especially the back of your head. Rinse well, then apply conditioner, massage scalp, then rinse thoroughly. Get a haircut once every three weeks, remembering others have to look at you and that women notice well cared for hair! Clean your fingernails daily, clip your nails and toenails as needed. Clean your teeth by flossing and brushing after breakfast, before going out after the evening meal, and before going to bed at a minimum. If you are away from facilities, rinse your mouth with water. If you have eaten onions or suspect your breath has an odor or you have a bad taste in your mouth, eat a mint or chew some gum briefly. If you must use a mouthwash, Listerine is the all time best for killing germs that can cause bad breath; they have a no alcohol brand that is less intense. In the toothbrush area of the store there are “toothpick/flossing” combinations that are easier for some than flossing and “tongue scrapers” which allow you to “clean” your tongue which can build up bacteria that can cause bad breath. Dentists say that food stuck between teeth that isn’t dislodged by brushing is a cause of bad breath, but bacteria on your tongue causes 90% of bad breath! Having fresh breath is a confidence booster.

Your body is in a sense your “vehicle”, you would take care of maintaining your car, how much more important is your body? Before you go out to purchase clothes, look at catalogues for prices and for styles. Notice what looks good on your friends and your business associates, especially those in upper level jobs. Whose clothes look good? Ask yourself when looking at clothes “Is this me?” try things on to stretch yourself. Carefully consider your own coloring! When you go into a store, notice what color eyes and hair your salesperson has. Are you a blond with blue eyes or a redhead? Why is this important? A salesperson tends to pick colors that look good on a person with their same coloring, and the colors that look good on an olive skinned brunette, will not look good on a fair-skinned persons. If you are “colored challenged” seek out someone in your life that has your similar coloring and seek their advice. A word about sizes: If you are average height 5’8” to 6’ with sleeve length 32-34, waist of 31-34 and wear “medium” width shoes (C-D), then you may be able to go to any store, discount house or whatever. If you are taller or shorter, in order to look decent you will have to buy your clothes and shoes in a specialty store that caters to those with your body type. Think of clothes as an investment. Own few items, but buy the best at a moderate to high price. It is worth it in the long run for your own confidence to have clothes that look good on you, are of high quality that will last. Dressing well to look good for others is different than being self absorbed, clothes can boost your confidence and how others view you. Remember, the same principle applies as with furnishings. If you know someone who dresses in a style you like, or a “quasi-mother” is nearby who has tastes you like, ask for help and read Dress for Success, by John Molloy. There are various clothing needs for men in their twenties. Obviously your occupation may alter some details on this list, but generally this is the minimum you will want to work toward: 8 pairs of undershorts 8 tee shirts 6 pairs of dress socks, 2 black, 2 brown, 2 navy 1 pair of brown dress shoes – Oxfords 1 pair of black dress shoes – Oxfords 1 pair of bedroom slippers or the equivalent 2 pairs of pajamas 1 bathrobe 2 suits ; one dark and one light with vests (work up to 5) 1 sport jacket

Be aware that a large percentage of men are dark blue/black color blind. If you fall into that category or if it is at times tough to see if your socks “match”, then be sure to get different types of socks for black and navy so that apart from color you can tell them apart.

8 long sleeve dress shirts 6 ties 2 pairs of athletic socks 1 pair bathing trunks (I do mean “trunks”) 1 pair cargo shorts 1 pair of blue jeans 1 sweat shirt 1 pair of tennis shoes (make sure reputable brand – cost more but last longer or favorite brand) 1 pair of hiking or other waterproof boots 2 knitted polo shirts 1 long sleeve sweater 1 ski jacket 1 zip-in line rain coat for dress (light tan color) trench coat 1 pair ski gloves or driving gloves If you have more than the above basic list, you are fortunate.

If you don’t have a requirement for suits at work, at least one special occasion suit is needed.

CHAPTER 5 – DATING Since you have turned to this chapter first, go back to Chapter 1 – without your finances in order, you won’t have the money to take a young lady out, much less marry her, if your relationship develops that way. Then check Chapter 3 on good grooming. The young woman who properly recognizes the position of a man in her life was made to respond to you. If you are poorly groomed and don’t know how to behave yourself, how can she “respond” to you other than negatively? Now we are ready to begin the subject of how to relate to girls: what do you look for; what is important to her; how to plan a date and how to ask her out. You may not agree with the following principles, but they are a result of hours of counseling plus brainstorming with some young men very successful in this area of life. Have you accepted yourself? Psalm 139 tells you that you are wonderfully and perfectly made, Zephaniah 3:17 talks about God rejoicing over you. Get your vocation settled. Where does God want you? Are you growing toward being His man? Have you worked out your spiritual goals? Until this step is taken you are not ready to have the girl respond to you. What will she respond to? How will she know what she will have to adapt to, if your vocation is not settled? Be careful not to attach yourself to the girl’s goals. Some fellows today lean on girls. Underneath the girl doesn’t appreciate a situation like this. She wants someone she can support, not a leaning post, someone to be a teammate. She wants to fulfill the role of helping you become successful. What do you look for? First, a woman who knows the Lord and is developing character qualities that brings her closer to Him. Secondly, note her attitudes and behavior towards older people (respectfulness, willingness to accept their authority), her parents (obedient, harmonious relationship) and toward children (patient, appreciative). Her attitude toward the above will eventually be her attitude toward you. Remember, there IS a girl who will respond to you the way God reaches out to you: with genuine love as described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. Look for inner qualities as described in 1 Peter 3:3-4. Assuming you are clean and as well-dressed as possible on your budget, let’s talk about manners. To open a car door for the girls shows respect for her position as a woman. If she jumps out ahead of you, tell her you would appreciate her giving you the opportunity next time. One man said he gives his date two opportunities after speaking to her; then he doesn’t try to open the door again. At the same time, he doesn’t continue thinking in a serious way toward this young lady. Harsh? Not really, it shows her inward rebellion

Vocation is a particular occupation, business, or profession; calling, or a divine call to God’s service or to the Christian life. A function or station in life to which one is called by God.

or thoughtlessness toward his position. Learn to introduce your date to your friends and others. Don’t leave her and run off to talk to people you know. Hold her chair when seating her. Get a good book on manners. Emily Post , Amy Vanderbilt or one of the Service Academy handbooks for cadets or midshipmen. These latter handbooks cover international etiquette and are excellent guides. It is important to know good table manners. After all, the girl you marry may have to eat with you at least 2 meals per day for the rest of your lives together! How do you plan a date? Most dates are 4 hours long. Plan an activity for the first two hours or so, and then have a bite to eat in order to talk so that you can get to know one another better. By having the activity first, you have something to fall back on in conversation and you reduce awkwardness and nervousness of conversation by doing a fun activity together. We are getting ahead of ourselves. How do you meet girls, anyway? Find a good church. Check out Inter-varsity Christian fellowship in your area, Campus Crusade, Officers Christian Fellowship, or Fellowship of Christian Athletes. Become involved in Christian outreach. Go to Christian conferences. (Do not date non-Christians. The chances of running into temptations you can’t handle are 90% greater if you do. Besides, if it leads to marriage, we are not to be unequally yoked). Seek to grow as a Christian. Consider a vacation with a Christian group. The Lord loves you too much to allow you to miss the one He has for you to marry. Knowing that, enjoy group activities first. Double dates are great. Call up another guy and plan a double date together. If you really want to proceed to a serious dating relationship, the best way is to phone the girl’s father and ask if you may date his daughter, or write if you are too far away. When you go to pick her up, pause long enough to meet her parents and ask what time they would like you to have their daughter home. This will impress the girl with your seriousness and establish a good rapport with her parents. Chances are they never had one of their daughter’s boyfriends ask permission before. Some parents have given up long ago counseling their children, so set standards for you. Perhaps she lives away from home. A good guideline for returning her home is 12 midnight or a ½ hour after the event is over, if it’s later. Eleven is a thoughtful time on weeknights; it makes sense to be rested for work or school. If you and your date are houseguests, go to separate rooms 15 minutes after your host and hostess retire for the night. Sound silly? It cuts out temptation and helps your host and hostess rest knowing the household is settled, (unless you are with a group and have checked with your host or hostess about staying up later).

2 Corinthians 6:14

When you ask for a date, state the time, place and event – after you give your full name (she may know other guys with your first name). If she turns you down, try again. Faint heart never won fair maid…however, if she says, “I am already committed to another guy,” she is not God’s best for you! Move on. If you find yourself becoming more interested, visit her home and be sure to invite her to yours. Try to see her in different areas of her life. How does she keep her room? What is the atmosphere in her home? By all means guard your heart! If you feel you have found the perfect girl consider what you have to offer. How can you benefit her life? Is your Christian outreach to others going to be expanded by dating her or does she eclipse your outreach to others by monopolizing your time? Lastly, your physical standards! Set them at a very high level. If you are seeing a girl that tries to pull them down, drop her immediately. Be careful what you say or write to the girl lest you lead her to believe you are more serious than you are. As a physical standard, I prefer the recommendations in Essays on Love by I-V press: Hold hands the first year and add a goodnight kiss (short) the second year. By this time you should know whether she is God’s best and you can proceed with engagement. You should have established a relationship with her parents so that proceeding toward marriage will be in everyone’s best interests. At the same time if you do not allow physical boundaries to be broken, you will avoid the blocks that come when trying to develop a spiritual relationship. Remember, regardless of our culture’s attitudes, God’s principles remain. His Word says that you are the protector, the planner, the strong one. Girls are the ones who need to be protected as the “weaker vessel”. Remember to seek “much counsel” in this area from those who are “spiritual” among you: men to older men and women to older women, parents, pastor and friends. There are many good books on this subject. The above mentioned Essays on Love plus: I Married You , and I Loved a Girl by Walter Trobisch; Letters to Phillip by Charlie Shedd; When Can I Say I Love You? , by Max Rice. Never say “I love you” to a girl until you are also ready to say “Will you marry me.” Otherwise, “I love you,” has no meaning or certainly greatly reduced meaning in a serious relationship. And if you aren’t serious you shouldn’t be saying it.

Proverbs 4:23

There are eight areas you should examine about yourself when considering marriage. If it is not possible to discuss these with your intended spouse’s father, find a man spiritually mature who will discuss them with you. 1. Your personal relationship with Jesus Christ 2. Knowing and accepting yourself (see Psalm 139) 3. Being a man under authority – willing to accept counsel. 4. Clear conscience – no unresolved conflicts 5. Know how to yield your “rights” 6. Moral Freedom – physical desires under control 7. Purpose in Life – where are you going? 8. Finances in order – do you have a budget?

For your interest and consideration, I have attached, suggestions written by the Rev. Stewart Dinnen, Box 21, St. Leonards, Tasmania 7250.

21 QUESTIONS ABOUT THAT FRIENDSHIP A CHECKLIST FOR THAT FRIENDSHIP PRELIMINARY This sheet does not purport to be a fool-proof mechanism for establishing the right or wrongs about a possible friendship. It offers areas for consideration and guidelines for serious Christian single people. If you can give a clear “yes” to MOST of the questions, you are LIKELY to be on the right track, but if you have too many “maybes” and quite a few “no’s,” or if you find yourself trying hard to give the “right” answer but knowing in your heart that isn’t accurate, beware! A. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8.

SPIRTUAL FACTORS Does X evidence a degree of spiritual maturity similar to yours? Does X have a degree of spiritual intensity similar to your own? (Keenness for souls; fervency in prayer; talks easily about spiritual truths.) Does X have a call similar to yours? (To a place or Christian organization) Does X have a commission similar to yours? (To a type of service) Do you have complimentary abilities and gifts so that together you are likely to make a balanced team? Do you really agree on primary and secondary matters of doctrine? Are other mature Christians who know of the friendship happy about it? Do you have a steady continuing peace of mind – the witness of the spirit – about the friendship?

B. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13.

PERSONAL FACTORS Has the feeling been sustained over a period of 4 to 6 months, and is it deepening? Is there a compatibility of temperaments? (Not necessarily the same, but complementary.) Is there equality in strength of character? Is there a genuine mutual admiration factor? Is there a similarity of intellectual qualities?

C. PRACTICAL FACTORS 14. Is there compatibility in age? (Within 5 years if both under 30.) 15. Is there mutuality of interests? (Music, art, politics, reading, games.) 16. Do similar levels of self-discipline exist? (Food, sleep, use of time, etc.) 17. Is there a sense of relaxedness – being at ease – in each other’s company? 18. Is there a similar degree of involvement in Christian activities? 19. Is there compatibility in physique and capacity for physical exertion? 20. Does the one feel at ease in the social circle of the other? 21. Is there agreement (on broad principle) on how to settle priorities of work or business, Christian service, and family? 22. Is there agreement on the “whether” and “how” of family planning? Other recommendations: If He Only Knew and For Better or Best by Gary Smalley.

CHAPTER 6 - THE CORNERSTONE OF SUCCESS There is one part of life that undergirds all of the other areas. Without a healthy spirit (conscience) the first five principles of living cannot survive over the long haul. For those of you who have not considered the importance of your spirit, check out Psalm 73 in the Bible. Essentially it states that even if you succeed during most of your life in the world and neglect the development of your spirit, you will have nothing of eternal value to pass on to your heirs. The first nine chapters of Proverbs are written as a father would write to his son. There is much wisdom and guidance there for every area of life. Read it; test it for applicability. It is important to be “plugged in” to the right source. Jesus Christ of the Bible is the Person to know. In his second letter to the Corinthian Church in the New Testament, Paul says in Chapter 14, the last verse, that our God is a God of order. We are His creation. It stands to reason that we are happiest when we live orderly lives. The job of fulfilling our responsibilities is easier, as we stay alert to the principles of life He has outlined for us in His Book. If you consider yourself an intellectual, then it is a matter of integrity to examine the claims Jesus makes. Where do you fit into all of this? He promises an abundant life here and eternal life when our body dies. Part of the life He gave me included working, laughing, aching, crying, rejoicing, listening, and sharing in the lives of young adults, passing on His principles to them, helping them lay foundations for their lives with Jesus Christ as the Cornerstone. He is the way to a harmonious family life, steady job, creative leisure times and most important: release from guilt for the wrongs we have committed, with the promise of eternal life with Him. If you are searching for “truth” – Jesus says He is the Truth. When we see life from His point of view, we have discernment useful for evaluating our circumstances and for making decisions. If you want abundant life, He is that Life making ours worthwhile and fulfilling. Above all, He loves us! For me, He is the only way to go. How you learn of Him is up to you, but don’t miss Him. Perhaps you are already committed to Him, but continue to struggle as you face the repetitious calling from our society to live life another way other than what God calls us. I used to consider at times whether or not I was on the right path – spending time trying to work with young people holding up God’s standards as best I saw them, receiving lots of criticism. As the years went

Quasi = “like a”

by, I saw the reality of Psalm 73; the other lifestyle brings temporary prosperity, but also brings a life of agony through drugs, alcohol, divorce, isolation, alienation among family members, etc. The last – disharmony at home – is the very worst. A life with Christ in charge brings “love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, meekness and self control” . “Choose this day that you will serve. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” . Much love in Him, Quasi-Mom

See Galatians 5:22-23 See Joshua 24:15

APPENDIX 1 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; EVERYDAY CHECKLIST MORNING 1. Make Bed 2. Pick up clothes & read Proverb Chapter for day. 3. Take shower AM or PM 4. Straighten Kitchen (clear & wipe table) (Clorox cleanup spray) 5. Do dishes ONCE OR TWICE PER WEEK: 1. Do laundry; fold and put away 2. Wash hair during shower (twice/week minimum, every day if you are physically active) ONCE A WEEK: 1. Vacuum apartment 2. Scrub tub, sink and toilet (Ajax powder for toilet, Clorox wipes for other) 3. Put out trash 4. Check refrigerator & grocery shop if needed 5. Change sheets & pillow cases, put dirty linens in laundry ONCE A MONTH: 1. Invite someone in for a meal! This tends to ensure your apartment will be in order. 2. Write checks, pay bills, review budget and make changes where needed.

APPENDIX 2 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; SAMPLE BUDGET % of Adj Net

Budget Category

33%

Housing 225 Rent

Jan

Jan Activity

Feb

Feb Activity

165

Heating Electricity

Water Insurance Taxes 25%

14%

Food:170 mo Food (33/week)

-165

125

-165

Phone

Auto 95

Insurance

Gas/Repairs 11%

Clothes

118

Medical 34

Vacation

Surplus/Misc 48

100%

Adjusted Net Gross

10%

Less Tithe

100

10%

Less Savings

100

Witholding tax etc

120

Adj. Net 680