The Limiting Beliefs of 17 Men by Matthew Marchesi

The Limiting Beliefs of 17 Men

The Limiting Beliefs Of 17 Men Written by: Matt Adams, a.k.a. Serendipitous www.SocialSerendip.com Disclaimer: This eBook is copyright Matt Adams, 2008-2011. For all intents and purposes, this book is meant to inform and educate. It is for your own personal use. Do not sell or trade this book, but feel free to pass it on to any man that you think may benefit from it. Thank you for you cooperation. Copyright © 2008-‐2011 Matt Adams -‐ All Rights Reserved.

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

Introduction.................................................... 5 The Limiting Beliefs of 17 Men ........................ 7 Student Student Student Student Student Student Student Student Student Student Student Student Student Student Student Student Student

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1 ............................................................. 8 2 ............................................................. 9 3 ........................................................... 10 4 ........................................................... 11 5 ........................................................... 12 6 ........................................................... 13 7 ........................................................... 14 8 ........................................................... 15 9 ........................................................... 16 10 ......................................................... 17 11 ......................................................... 18 12 ......................................................... 19 13 ......................................................... 20 14 ......................................................... 21 15 ......................................................... 22 16 ......................................................... 23 17 ......................................................... 24

What Ties All of These Reasons Together? .... 25 Matt Adams: Redefining Coaching ................. 26

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Social Serendip Presents:

The Limiting Beliefs Of 17 Men

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INTRODUCTION There are many factors that contribute to our failure to get what we want, but they all start upstairs. The thoughts we have about dating… Well, let’s not even start there because that isn’t the main problem. Let’s start with what we think about ourselves, which is the deeper, more pertinent underlying issue. What we think about ourselves is the most important thing that determines the results that we produce in our lives. If we aren’t getting the results we want then we have to trace it back to what and how we’re thinking about ourselves. Our negative thoughts and beliefs are called Limiting Beliefs. They limit the results that we get. For instance, people who go on a diet typically fail because all they are thinking about is eating. They think things like “I can’t eat that or I’ll get fat.” “I can’t eat this or I’ll get fat.” “I’m so hungry!” or “I wish I could eat that!”. All of these thoughts are still focused on what they DON’T want to do; EAT! If they just made subtle shifts in their thinking, they would produce better results. For example: “Eating carrots will help me lose weight.” “Eating oranges will help me lose weight.” “I’m full now.” or “Eating that won’t make me skinny.” So what can we do to fix this? Here's a great quote that comes to mind: Man's mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions.

Oliver Wendell Holmes US author & physician (1809 – 1894) In order to fix our problems with dating and relationships, we need to adopt new ways of thinking about ourselves. What ways? Well before we can choose what new thoughts we want to adopt, Copyright © 2008-‐2011 Matt Adams -‐ All Rights Reserved.

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we need to figure out what out bad thoughts about dating and relationships are. To do this, you have to write down what you currently think about dating and relationships. For some people it may be “I don’t think I’m attractive enough.” “Who would want to date ME?” or “I don’t know how to find someone”. All of those thoughts are focused on what you DON’T want. After we have a good idea what our negative thoughts, aka our Limiting Beliefs, are, we need to create more options for our minds to think. Often times we get stuck thinking the bad thoughts because those thoughts are the only options we think we have. But we’re wrong. There’s always more than one way to think and there’s always more than two ways to think, etc. For example, if someone didn’t think they were attractive enough, I would ask them “What can you do to improve your attractiveness to others?” This question forces them to start thinking about being more attractive. If someone thought no one wanted to date them, I would ask them “Who WOULD want to date you?”. It’s a very subtle shift in thinking, but again, it forces the person to start thinking in a new direction. And lastly, if someone thought they didn’t know where to find someone to date, I’d ask them where they’d like to go if they weren’t looking to find a date. Then they start thinking about where they would like to go and what they’d like to do. And then they start thinking about meeting someone who likes to do what they are interested in doing. Once we realize we have more than one way to think about something, we can start thinking down new paths and start creating new realities and possibilities for ourselves. Warmest wishes, ~Matt Adams

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THE LIMITING BELIEFS OF 17 MEN In the summer of 2010, I decided to figure out what thoughts keep men from getting the results they want with women, so I asked a bunch of my students to write out at least 20 reasons that come to mind. Some of them wrote more than 20, a few of them wrote less than 20, but most of them came up with exactly 20 limiting thoughts. It took the guys about a week to come up with their lists, as I had instructed them to write them down when they were out trying to meet women they didn’t know. In fact, the assignment didn’t even ask them to talk to a single woman. It was just to write down what they thought of when they either thought about approaching women or they actually went to approach a woman. The next thing was that they needed to type up their lists and share them with the group. Most guys were petrified to do this. The thought of revealing their weaknesses to other men was horrifying to them. But as one student revealed his list, another one felt inspired to share his list too. Then the most amazing thing happened and around they went, sharing their limiting beliefs to the group. What happened? When they each heard everyone else’s limiting beliefs, they realized that some of the reasons they had were exactly the same! The more they shared with the group the more they realized that they weren’t alone, that every other guy there was thinking many of the same things! Well, after they did this exercise they felt like a huge weight had been lifted from their shoulders! There was a huge emotional release from the guys. Afterwards, they started talking with each other and laughing with each other about how stupid some of their limiting beliefs were! It was really something to watch. The rest of this report is comprised of the exact limiting beliefs of the students in that group. Everything you will read is in their own words. Their names have been withheld or privacy reasons. Enjoy… J Copyright © 2008-‐2011 Matt Adams -‐ All Rights Reserved.

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STUDENT # 1: 1. She looks like she’s with that guy. 2. It’s so loud in here, I can’t run game. 3. They look occupied, if I interrupt, it will not go well. 4. (walking opposite directions) It’s too hard to get a girl to stop when she’s walking. 5. People around me who can hear will laugh if I get rejected or if they know I’m trying to hit on her. 6. (Day Game) she looks like she’s very busy. 7. (Day Game) I can’t interrupt her while she’s reading. 8. She probably gets hit on constantly…I shouldn’t bother her. 9. I can’t open a set of girls sitting down at a restaurant because it will be rude to interrupt their meal. 10. Those guys aren’t their bf’s but they will be too hard to disarm to get to their girls. 11. If I walk over to the women’s clothing side, it will be obvious that I am trying to hit on her and she wont respond well. 12. She looks like she’s with her parents, I can’t approach. 13. If I hit on her and get rejected, then it will be weird when I see her later. 14. I’m in a different city, if she finds out I’m leaving soon, she will not be interested in a one-night stand. 15. Her boyfriend probably just left to go to the restroom. 16. What if I get rejected? 17. She will think I’m a loser if my opener is lame. 18. This place is too crowded to have a conversation worth having. 19. She probably has a bf. 20. She’s gotta be 15 years older than me. There’s no way I could pull that one. Copyright © 2008-‐2011 Matt Adams -‐ All Rights Reserved.

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STUDENT # 2: 1. I'm too old for her. 2. She's too young for me. 3. She might be married / She could be married...better check. 4. She probably doesn't want to talk to me. 5. I'm not warmed up. 6. I'm not looking my best. 7. She looks too old. 8. (two set) They might laugh at me. 9. She looks disinterested. 10. She doesn't look very friendly. 11. Ah shit, she's with her mom. 12. She lives too far away. 13. I can't be bothered. 14. I have nothing to say to her (that's real). 15. I don't know what to say. 16. I'll look stupid. 17. There are too many people around. 18. I'm not in a talkative mood. 19. I'm not warmed up. 20. She's too far away.

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STUDENT # 3: 1. She's in a hurry. 2. She's out of my league. 3. She probably has a Boyfriend. 4. The set probably wouldn't go anywhere. 5. My clothes are shitty. 6. My hair is a mess. 7. I'm not in state. 8. She doesn't look like I'd be her type. 9. I am too tired to approach. 10. I feel some girls look a bit too easy to get. 11. The laws of inertia dictate i don't want to move after perching somewhere. 12. She's too old for me. 13. Getting blown out is not worth the embarrassment. 14. For some obscure reason the circumstances are not right. 15. I feel that even if I do approach that the conversation would fizzle and be boring after 2 minutes. 16. I have an underlying lack of deserving for my goals. 17. I am a little afraid to become vulnerable in front of her. 18. I probably don't have the personality she is seeking. 19. I haven't had my coffee yet. 20. She's in a set of 2. 21. What's the point of approaching if the set won't work. 22. I might have to go through the embarrassment of seeing her later. Copyright © 2008-‐2011 Matt Adams -‐ All Rights Reserved.

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STUDENT # 4: 1. She is going to blow me off. 2. Everyone will see her reject me and I’ll be humiliated. 3. Everyone is watching me when I approach a woman. 4. I should be ashamed for trying to hook up with her. 5. Everyone is going to see me as some type of horny pervert. 6. Women don’t want to meet a man in some random scenario. 7. When I walk away she is going to think I was creepy. 8. Her friends are going to tell her that I’m creepy. 9. She probably here with a family member who is going to try to rescue them from me. 10. She’s probably here with a boyfriend who’s somewhere around the corner. 11. The emotion pain of people seeing me get rejected will be too much to bear. 12. She is going to be afraid and intimidated if I just walk up and start talking to her. 13. They are going to call me out for being a pickup artist. 14. The alpha men in the group are going to tool me. 15. My friends are going to see me get blown out. 16. The other people in the bar are going to see me get rejected. 17. The other women in the bar won’t want to talk to me once they see me get rejected. 18. The girls are going to think I’m weird or creepy. 19. Everyone that works in the bar is going to label me the pickup guy and try to ruin my sets. 20. I’m going to become tongue tied and have nothing to say. 21. Hot groups of girl won’t want to talk to me. Copyright © 2008-‐2011 Matt Adams -‐ All Rights Reserved.

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STUDENT # 5: 1. I think that chasing after a girl to talk to her ruins my value. 2. I think girls will reject me if I think they appear to be in a hurry. 3. I don't think it's possible to close hot girls in my class at some point away from class. 4. I'm worried about what others around me will think if I talk to a girl in a social setting. 5. I think that I must obey some unwritten rule about not talking to strangers. 6. I don't want to be a bother to girls. 7. I don't think I fit in with Asian culture. 8. I do not think I have enough experience to handle mixed sets. 9. I think I will be rejected by a girls friends. 10. I don’t think I have enough experience to handle mixed sets. 11. I do not think I can handle hired guns yet. 12. There is no value to come from talking to girls I am not attracted to. 13. I think people who talk to strangers are creepy. or I think that other people think that talking to strangers is creepy. 14. I think that she will not value me from the start because I am Asian. 15. I think I am not interesting enough for her. 16. I think if I do not dress nice enough, she will not value me. 17. I think if I dress too nice, she'll think I'm gay. 18. I think if she looks at me, and I don't approach for any reason, I lost my shot. 19. I think that if she thinks I'm a PUA, she'll write me off. 20. I think if she's really hot, she'll have a boyfriend. 21. I think that she won't value me because I am currently unemployed. 22. I think that she won't value me because she looks better than me. Copyright © 2008-‐2011 Matt Adams -‐ All Rights Reserved.

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STUDENT # 6: 1. She will think I'm too young. 2. I'm too skinny. 3. My fashion isn't good enough. 4. She probably doesn't want to go out with someone in college. 5. Laziness (She is across the street, don't want to cross). 6. She doesn't want to be bothered by me. 7. I don't know what to say when I first approach her. 8. I don't know what to say after I say my approach. 9. She is too good looking to want to go out with me. 10. She probably already has a boyfriend. 11. If I'm with her, my friends might think she isn't good looking and give me shit. 12. Fear of rejection. 13. If I mess it up, she might tell her friends (other college girls). 14. I'm afraid of the success I could have. 15. Still feel like a geeky guy who girls don't want. 16. Only have a job at Starbucks, not an interesting job. 17. I don't have enough experience with girls. 18. She is with someone else and they are busy. 19. She won't want to talk to me. 20. My friends will think I'm an idiot if they see me get shot out. Copyright © 2008-‐2011 Matt Adams -‐ All Rights Reserved.

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STUDENT # 7: 1. Not good enough - not worth it. 2. Need approval talk to her (her's, the people's around). 3. She may not be interested. I'll feel rejected. Public humiliation. People might laugh. 4. She's on the phone. 5. I'll put her in an uncomfortable situation. 6. She might feel judged by the people passing by. 7. She looks like she's in a hurry. 8. She looks like she doesn't want to be bothered. 9. I am in an open area with few people around - afraid of getting attention on us. 10. Other people are close by and might hear our conversation they might laugh. 11. She is about to enter her house, she might be concerned with neighbors or people she lives with seeing us. 12. Don't know what the next steps are - so won't be able to lead her. 13. She's too hot. she'll think "How can he think he has a chance?"she's somewhere too high. it's going to be embarrassing. 14. She'll throw something at me (especially hot ones) that I won't know how to handle. 15. Afraid of success - what do i do if it goes well. 16. I'm not good at conversation with hot women. what do i do after approach?. 17. I won't know how to handle her/her friend. 18. She'll ask "what do you want from me?", or "are you here just to talk to women?" 19. I don't know how to keep her interest. 20. I don't know how to spike emotions. Copyright © 2008-‐2011 Matt Adams -‐ All Rights Reserved.

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STUDENT # 8: 1. You’ll never see her again… why do I care. 2. What do I say? 3. Wish those butterflies would go. 4. I can say hi, but after that what? 5. What if she thinks I'm boring? 6. I don’t like my voice, why would she? 7. Don’t speak to fast. 8. Get calmer. 9. Smile… It doesn’t feel right. 10. Do I walk weird? 11. I still don’t know what to say. 12. Pull my pants up a lil bit. 13. Pull my pants down a lil bit. 14. Why am I doing this? 15. Butterflies feel a lot worse now. 16. She's a lot prettier up close. 17. She's got to be used to game, what makes me different? 18. I need to stand out, what do I say? 19. Just do it. 20. Do it. 21. She sees you can’t pull back now. 22. Did she see my body move to that thought? 23. Smile. 24. Don’t be quiet. 25. Try not to stutter. 26. What the fuck do I say?!!?!?! Copyright © 2008-‐2011 Matt Adams -‐ All Rights Reserved.

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STUDENT # 9: 1. I am not attractive. 2. Don’t know what to say. 3. I will run out of things to talk about. 4. She is too attractive for me. 5. She is out of my league. 6. I’m not worthy enough for a girl like that. 7. She will not like me. 8. I don’t have confidence. 9. She is busy with shopping, on her way to something… etc. 10. I have nothing to talk her to about. 11. I’m not the cool guy. 12. My life is boring. 13. I’m not rich. 14. I’m out of shape.

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STUDENT # 10: 1. She doesn’t like Asian guys. 2. I do not give her any value or any value about me. 3. She is busy or in a rush going somewhere. 4. I am not her type (her reference, nationality, taste). 5. She probably has a BF or married. 6. She is out of my league. 7. She deserves better than me. 8. She doesn’t want to be bother or talk to her. 9. I am so nervous approaching her. 10. I am getting approach anxiety. 11. I don’t know what to say or start a conversation. 12. I don’t know how to keep the conversation going. 13. I am too young or old for her. 14. She is not friendly and doesn’t want to be approach. 15. She is not attracted to me. 16. I am not in the mood to talk to her such I am not dress decent or prepared. 17. She is not interested in me. 18. I am not confident to go and talk to her. 19. She thinks why is this guy talking to me, I don’t know even know him. 20. I am afraid to escalate or take it further. Copyright © 2008-‐2011 Matt Adams -‐ All Rights Reserved.

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STUDENT # 11: 1. She won't be into an Indian guy. 2. I'm kind of short for her. 3. Her friends won't approve of me. 4. I am really into her. 5. She probably has a boyfriend. 6. She's with that guy. 7. I am not dressed well. 8. I forgot to do my hair. 9. I forgot my peacocking stuff. 10. My shoes suck. 11. I look fat. 12. I don't have any value to give to her or her group. 13. She won't get my jokes. 14. I'm not her type. 15. I just got off of work time to go home. 16. My mind is blank. 17. She's a little too hot. 18. She's drunk. 19. My wing is gonna ruin it for me. 20. She won't be able to hear me.

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STUDENT # 12: 1. I'm not her type. 2. She would never talk to a guy my size. 3. My smile looks fake. 4. I'm good enough to talk to her. 5. If we did talk we would only end up as friends. 6. She's probably freaked out by my tattoos. 7. She'll notice my lisp. 8. I look stupid. 9. I hope she doesn’t call the cops. 10. What the hell am I wearing I look like a bum. 11. I smell like smoke. 12. I talk to fast. 13. Oh yeah she's a bitch. 14. My god she's must be in a rush. 15. Her friends are in the way and wont let me talk to her. 16. She's to young. 17. She'll call me out as a player for sure. 18. My shoes are dirty. 19. I know I'm matching but this isn't flashy enough. 20. I sound like a hick.

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STUDENT # 13: 1. I'm too skinny. 2. I'm not cool enough. 3. Will not like me. 4. Out of my league. 5. I’m not her type. 6. I will run out of things to say. 7. She will blow me out. 8. Fear for no reason at all? 9. She won’t speak English. 10. I look terrible today. 11. I don’t know how to transition smooth enough. 12. Her friends won’t like me. 13. I'm too short. 14. She is way cooler than me. 15. She is way too hot. 16. I’ll get better with women tomorrow. 17. What if I freeze up? 18. She will reject me. 19. She will already know who I am and laugh at me. 20. I smell bad.

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STUDENT # 14: 1. She looks like a bitch 2. She doesn't look interested 3. She is out of my league 4. I'm not in the mood to approach 5. I have nothing to say 6. I'm too shy 7. I'm not good looking 8. She is probably busy 9. She might have a boyfriend 10. What if she slaps me? 11. What if she knows I am trying to pick her up? 12. What if I make a fool of myself? 13. I'm not funny enough 14. I need more practice with people before I can try for her 15. What if it's awkward? 16. I feel tired 17. I'm too stressed 18. She will just blow me off 17. Even if I got her number she would probably flake on me. 18. What if she thinks I'm a creep?

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STUDENT # 15: 1. People are going to think I’m weird because I’m here by myself. 2. I have a funny walk and people can tell. 3. They don’t have time to talk to me. 4. She won’t be interested in me because I don’t fit into the black guy stereotype she’s expecting. 5. They’ll know that I’m not really cool and quickly lose interest. 6. They’ll be able to tell that I’m nervous. 7. I don’t know what to say. They’ll blame the awkward silence on me. 8. I’m not interesting. 9. My clothes don’t look as good or fit as good as I thought they did when I left the apartment. 10. That girl is with her boyfriend. 11. They all just saw me walk the entire venue and they’ll know I have nowhere to go and no one to talk to. 12. My reflection looks ridiculous. I’m misshapen. 13. There aren’t enough girls here. 14. She’s busy. 15. This is hard. (approaching random strangers.) 16. Those girls are only here to dance. Any guy that talks to them will get shot down. 17. Those girls are sitting down. It will look strange to just walk up and talk to a table of people. 18. The other guys in that group do not want another guy in their group. 19. I’m not really drinking. I’m in everybody’s way by taking up space at the bar. 20. They’re not playing the type of music I like. It’s hard for me to act like I’m into the scene when I’m really not. Copyright © 2008-‐2011 Matt Adams -‐ All Rights Reserved.

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STUDENT # 16: 1. I’d afraid the conversation will die out. 2. She’s walking into work, it would be creepy if I followed her. 3. She is walking fast with her iPod on. 4. I don’t want to come across as needy. 5. I don’t want to make mistakes. 6. Heart beating fast and nervous. 7. Writing notes so I hesitated. 8. She is with a guy. 9. I’m nervous and sensitive to my surroundings. 10. I care what others think. 11. I’m afraid of rejection by not being heard over iPod. 12. She’s talking on phone. 13. I give eye contact with slight smile but didn’t get it in return. 14. I’m intimidated by her eye contact. 15. I’m in close proximity to the lady behind me. 16. I’m too comfortable not talking. 17. I’m too scared. 18. There’s a loud leaf blower and she won’t hear me. 19. My body language is off. 18. I’m in the middle of the crosswalk. 19. Everyone is looking at her. 20. She looked at me then away. 21. My heart sank and I hesitated. 22. I walked right by and didn’t notice till she passed me. Copyright © 2008-‐2011 Matt Adams -‐ All Rights Reserved.

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STUDENT # 17: 1. She will feel bothered by me. 2. She will feel threatened by me. 3. I don't want to disturb her day. 4. I will make her feel creeped out. 5. She will be unwilling to engage in a conversation with a stranger. 6. I’m afraid of bringing her mood down. 7. I will embarrass myself. 8. I’m afraid of looking like a desperate looser. 9. I'm afraid she's not interested. 10. She'll think I'm playing her. 11. Coming off too aggressive 12. Coming off negative. 13. Afraid to fail. 14. She won't know what to say. 15. She will laugh at me not with me. 16. I keep identifying myself with past failures. 17. She will challenge me. 18. She will have a boyfriend. 19. I won’t know what to say next. 20. She will think I'm just another guy trying to pick her up. 21. I won’t be able to stand my ground. Copyright © 2008-‐2011 Matt Adams -‐ All Rights Reserved.

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WHAT TIES ALL OF THESE REASONS TOGETHER? One word: FEAR. Specifically, fear of the unknown. If you went through each and every list, you’d be able to turn 90-95% of these reasons into fear statements. Let’s take the last reason from Student 17 for example: I’m afraid I won’t be able to stand my ground. If you were to go back through the report, I’m willing to bet you could take just about statement and turn it into an I’m afraid question. Another factor that ties some of these reasons together is PROCRASTINATION. Some guys either consciously wanted to put approaching women off until another time or they unconsciously invented reasons to put it off until another time. But the thing is, why would they put it off? What is the underlying reason? That goes back to reason number one: FEAR. They want to put it off because they are afraid. The fact is that most people who start trying anything new are going to experience some kind of fear about it, and it doesn’t really matter what it is. You think the first time someone goes skydiving they aren’t afraid? Of course they are! Ok, that’s kind of an extreme example. But what about the guy who wants to quit his job and start his own business? He’s afraid too. And so is the guy who holds his newborn child for the first time. The point is, are you going to let that fear control you and the results you make for yourself in your own life, or are you going to control the fear and take control of your life and your results? It’s a choice only you can make. Which brings up my final point. You have to DECIDE that you want to do something. And I mean REALLY DECIDE to do it. Make the COMMITMENT to do whatever it takes to get what you really want in your life. And I hope you do. Thanks for reading. Warmest wishes, ~Matt Adams

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MATT ADAMS: REDEFINING DATING COACHING Even though this book is a great resource and there’s no doubt that you’ve learned many lessons about what’s possible with women, nothing can replace the feeling of actually doing it yourself. My training will have you out meeting beautiful women, following up and going on dates with them in as short an amount of time as possible. No matter how I work with you, I take our coaching very seriously and our time together is completely focused on getting you fast results. With me by your side, you can be confident in yourself and you can rest assured that success is on your side. WEEKEND BOOT CAMP My Weekend Boot Camp includes: • Comprehensive personal assessment of what you’ve done, where you are, a detailed breakdown of the areas you need to improve and a clear and easy roadmap to move forward. • Comprehensive live demonstration & training in a variety of environments such as bars and clubs, malls and shopping centers, bookstores and coffee shops, grocery stores, in parks and on the street, anywhere you can think of! I’ll walk you through the process of meeting and dating beautiful women so you can see that it’s possible to create your own new reality, right before your eyes. • Structured seminar time with detailed lessons, proven techniques, writing exercises, and a detailed view of the process you have to go through from before you meet a woman until you get her in the relationship of your choosing.

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• COMPLETE ACCESS to every tip, technique, tactic and secret I have. Our time together is about giving you everything you need to get the results you want with women.

PERSONAL LIVE TRAINING

Whether you’ve read your fair share of theory or not, and you need live, personal help, then Personal Live Training with me is the way to go. Personal Live Training consists of a complete diagnostic of your current situation, demonstration of what you need to integrate, structured and monitored practice and realtime feedback. PHONE COACHING I provide phone coaching if distance is a problem. We will identify your sticking points, whatever they are, and provide you with a clear set of goals to get you the results you desire. 3 MONTH CORE TRAINING If you require long-term assistance, I have a very detailed course available which is designed to assist you through the entire process in as little as three months. The course provides you with every tool you’ll ever need to get the results you desire. I understand that you have your own, unique situation in life and that’s why I spent a year and a half of my life dedicated to designing my extensive program, which helps you make drastic, permanent changes in your life. If you’re the kind of person who is tired of being lonely and you’re ready for the life you’ve always dreamed about, get in touch with me. I’m waiting to work with you. To find out more about my current availability or just to speak with me about how I can help you, email me at matt@socialserendip.com. All the best, ~Matt Adams Copyright © 2008-‐2011 Matt Adams -‐ All Rights Reserved.

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