Life Skills Magazine by matthew jeffery

VOLUME 1 ISSUE 1

CONTRIBUTORS

THE LIFESKILLS MAGAZINE

AYO OLANIYAN LSM EDITOR

Ayo Olaniyan is a certified Unitive Life Coach. He is also an Accredited Professional Counsellor with the Counselling Society United Kingdom. He writes on how you can discover purpose through personal development and self awareness.

PUBLISHER MATT JEFFERY matthew.jeffery@live.co.uk EDITORIAL AYO OLANIYAN discoveringpurpose.co.uk

MATT JEFFERY LSM PUBLISHER & DESIGNER

Matt Jeffery is a multi qualified lead designer working on behalf of several London based clients. He works alongside Ayo Olaniyan to turn Ayo’s creative thinking into a creative magazine for you all to enjoy. ROBERT TWOMEY LSM CONTRIBUTOR

CONTRIBUTORS ROBERT TWOMEY EVAN PATRICIA BECHTOLD STEVE AITCHISON ART MATT JEFFERY matthew.jeffery@live.co.uk ADVERTISING AYO OLANIYAN discoveringpurpose.co.uk HOW TO REACH US Ayo Olaniyan discoveringpurpose.co.uk twitter.com/discoverpurpose facebook.com/discoverpurpose ayo@discoveringpurpose.co.uk

Cordial and positive to an almost delinquent degree, he finds peace within through the forms of listening to music and creating elemental prose. However, his demeanour is one of outgoing vibrancy with a passion for achieving, regardless of boundaries, and ensuring the well-being of those around him. EVAN HADKINS LSM CONTRIBUTOR

A blog for passionate, eclectic, intuitive types who believe that the world is too complex to be put in a box and wouldn’t have it any other way. He has a free report (living with authenticity called It’s Not About Success) and a free newsletter on personality and relationships. He would love to hear from you. PATRICIA BECHTOLD LSM CONTRIBUTOR

Patricia is a Life Coach, Life Transitions Counselor, and Relationship Coach in Sacramento, CA. She works with people who are tired of the status quo, and yearning for more meaning and adventure in their lives. With a master’s degree in counseling and training in life coaching and depth psychology, she is passionate about helping clients dive deep to claim their true stories.You can visit her at her website, bechtoldlifework. com, or stop by her blog, whynotstartnow.wordpress.com.

STEVE AITCHISON LSM CONTRIBUTOR

Steve was born and raised in Scotland, UK and stays in the west of Scotland with his wife and two sons. He works as an addiction worker, counseling clients with alcohol and drug addictions. He is also a blogger as well as the author of 100 Ways To Develop Your Mind. 2 magazine February 2010

tent con VOLUME 1 ISSUE 1

FEBRUARY 2010

the beginning P.04

WELCOME

P.10

BOOST YOUR SELF ESTEEM

P.16

the end P.22

ITS HOT! HOT! HOT!

50 tips to help you on your way to boosting your confidenec and self esteem

P.28

5 STORIES

IMPROVE YOURSELF

P.30

An introduction to Life Skills magazine

A self improvement manifesto even to help you

take initiative and be positive.

P.20

Enjoy the contents of this very first edition of Life Skills Magazine and discover your purpose today.

Some fantastic tips on how to be hot- thats happy, optimistic and thankful

Time to re-invent yourself with Partricia Bectold

PLANT YOUT THOUGH SEEDS Think big and believe in youself

HEARTFELT IN LIFE

An inspirational poem from our very own Robert Twomey

06 30 REASONS YOU NEED FRIENDS

‘Friends are true team players and stand by you through the good or bad times.’

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LIFE SKILLS

VOLUME 1 ISSUE 1

IWELCOME

Welcome Welcome to the very first edition of The Life Skills Magazine. It is a collection of personal development and life style articles from various personal development bloggers. This magazine will cover various topics centred on promoting and increasing the level of your self awareness as well as enhancing your life skills. It creates an avenue for discovering purpose in various life activities or experiences. It also attempts to break down into simple units, nuggets for daily living and increase your level of self awareness/discovery.

It is my belief you would find this constructive. Happy Reading.

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MAGAZINE

February 2010 magazine 5

FRIENDS

FEATURE

30 REASONS

YOU

NEED FRIENDS

I used this picture, because true friendship at its best involves purity, innocence and sharing. Look at the picture again!!!.

I have come across articles on different blogs highlighting several reasons why you shouldn’t have friends. This is a very touchy subject and you may have been let down in the past with several friendships established (I was), but the truth is you can’t exist in isolation. There is so much friendship can do for us, whether it’s hanging out with colleagues after work or going shopping with your girlfriends, playing the Xbox/wii, discussing different topics, watching games….. It is so vital in our daily lives. There is a need to develop different levels of friendship at work, college, in different social circles etc. Please note: In building friendship, you’ve got to be very careful, selective, define your relationship and know your values. According to Stanford Encyclopaedia of Philosophy, friendship is a cooperative and supportive relationship between two or more people. It is centred on support, cooperation, mutual esteem, knowledge, affection and respect.

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February 2010 magazine 7

FEATURE

FRIENDS

You could develop friendship through: Going out: The very first step to making friends is to go out and meet people. There are many avenues to meet people; it could be at work, social engagements, the community, neighbours, school etc. Find people that share your common interests, people you can easily relate with, feel comfortable communicating with and see a bond developing after some time. Talking: Talk to people, engage in healthy discussions, create opportunities for conversations, it could be sports, politics, work, family, etc. Conversation is key in any relationship. Ideas are shared/discussed and you could pick up things that aid your personal development. Listening: Learn to pay attention to details. Be a good listener. Friendship involves every aspect of being a good listener. Listen carefully, get names properly, birthdays, events, holidays, likes/dislikes etc. In difficult times, true friends listen to problems, stand, comfort, encourage and offer advice based on their knowledge/ experience. The aim of this post is to point out several reasons why building friendships is an important factor in your daily lives.

IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER HERE ARE 30 REASONS

YOU NEED FRIENDS. 1. You are acce

cted for who pted and respe

You are hardly

judged by your

you are.

actions. are.

. Friends always provide a listening ear

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4. Friends are true team players and stand by you through the good or bad times.

5. 6.

You are told the truth even when it

8. 9.

Friends value yo

ur relationship .

Friends boost your self esteem.

ithfulness.

and fa ou loyalty nds show y

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10. 11.

r friends

r count on you

You can rely o

hurts.

You could poss ess a cordial re lationship with your frien ds. ith

w municate easily m co to le ab e You ar your friends.

12. True friends would display honesty and display no form of betrayal.

13. You share several things in common and most times are of similar mindsets.

14. 15.

You could rece ive comfort fro m friends whe you are faced w n ith difficult tim es or struggles. friends.

24. 25.

You can share a laugh or shed a tear around your friendshurts. lf confidence.

your se Friends boost

26. 16. Friends tea ch you new thi ngs. 17. 27. They reduce the level of stress you experience. 18. s of help from

sort You receive all

You feel safe h

anging around

your friends.

Friends enhance your life.

They liven up yo

ur hearts.

19.

l of network-

ve mprove your le They increase/i

20. Friends create/provide opportunities to meet new people and expose you to different social circles.

21.

and give advice

ir opinions They share the

22.

23.

28. 29.

Friends provide emotional and spiri-

ncerned about Friends are co

30.

your well being.

Friends get involved in your personal and self development.

There are other reasons to develop friendships. Can you think of anymore?

Some friends co

Ayosâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Profile

uld become po

tential

Friends provide encouragement.

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LIFE SKILLS

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SELF ESTEEM

50 Ways To Boost Your Self Esteem By Ayo Olaniyan.

I tracked the most popular post on my blog using google analytics and discovered it was 6 Ways To Break Out Of Prison. Coincidentally my study in the past few days has been the reports of Branden and Baumeister on self-esteem. I have decided to take a step further by blogging on 50 Ways To Boost Your Self Esteem.

What Is Self Esteem? Self Esteem refers to the overall beliefs, opinions you have about yourself; the value you place on yourself as an individual, your ability to cope and derive pleasures (happiness) from the basic challenges of life. In no particular order here are 50 Ways To Boost Your Self Esteem. Accept Who You Are: You are a human with feelings, emotions and is expected to make mistakes at times. Always feel good about who you are (positively), where you are now and display confidence about what to look forward to in the future Be Creative: There are several ways we could show our creativity by putting the skills, talents or abilities we have, into practice. These activities range from being a good administrator, wedding planner,

organiser, good cook etc. Identify what you are good at: This involves finding out what you are good at, noting things you do with so much ease and being very comfortable in your abilities. This helps to boost your level of self confidence. Recognise The Need For Improvement: Learn to accept change. The world is constantly evolving, people/things are constantly changing, so you should always be open any form of positive improvement in order to boost your self esteem. Promote good character: Learn to promote or be associated with good character. It is important you identify your likeable qualities and utilize them in order to boost your self esteem. Keep Learning: Get as much information as you can. Expose yourself to different medias, read the paper, watch television, listen to the news and current affairs, read books, establish network with different people and have a decent social life. Ask questions, make discoveries, be challenged, and explore areas of interest. Whatever you do, make sure you GET INFORMED.

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LIFE SKILLS

SELF ESTEEM

I Accept you are weak in certain areas: Understand you can’t be experts at everything and you have flaws as humans. Your weaknesses aren’t meant to reduce who you are, rather they are meant to be worked on in order to boost your self esteem. Celebrate Your Progress: Be happy when you make progress/ changes in any sphere of your life using it as a stimulus to propel further quests for personal growth and development. Rest: The body requires rest after stressful bouts of hard work. Once rejuvenated, you are able to think clearly and be composed. This is important in building a healthy level of self esteem. Don’t be too hard on yourself: Go on, see some good in you. Don’t be hard on yourself. This is a negative trait which over time, develops into low self esteem. Stop flogging yourself over mistakes over the past. Interact with positive and supportive people: Interacting with positive and supportive people tends to reduce of several bouts of low self esteem by impacting your life, making you feel loved, wanted, happy, constructively challenging you to positive growth…. Acknowledge compliments and constructive criticisms: Be gracious when receiving compliments or criticisms because they make you better person. It creates a sense of value and allows you contribute positively to the life of others. Find out your purpose: Lay down in specific terms what you want to achieve in your life. Never aspire to have unrealistic

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expectations because its end result is low self esteem, depression, disenchantment. Be Proactive: Be moderately proactive and plan carefully for what you want to achieve. Note the areas for self development: Knowing the areas for development and making changes one at a time. Monitoring your progress is another useful way to boost your self esteem. Exercise Patience: Being patient prepares you for the appointed time, it allows you handle various situations with confidence and assurance knowing a solution definitely exists in any circumstance. Work Hard: Working hard on your job, building relationships, rectifying mistakes. only shows that you got an interest in positive development Be Determined: Showing determination to succeed in every phase of your life propels your self esteem. Know What You Want: Being very clear about your goals and aspirations is very important. You need to be proactive, decisive and realistic about what you want Dress smartly: Dress the way you want to be addressed. Recruiters always make use of that statement, but it’s important to look sharp, dress smartly and decently. It has a way of giving you the necessary confidence to boost your self esteem. Exercise: It is important you stay in good shape by exercising as often as you can. Apart from the healthy benefits, a lot of people feel unattractive, insecure and less confident

when they are out of shape. Be Thankful: Be thankful for things you have, people who love you and have spent time impacting your life. Pay attention to what you eat: Remember this, YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT!!!. Be confident: Be confident in your skills, talents and abilities knowing you are equipped to face any sort of challenges and move in a positive direction. Being strong requires determination, decisiveness and the will power to keep your focus which projects your level of self esteem. Value Experience: Every positive or negative event is a learning process in your life. The sole purpose of every experience gained, is to make you a better person who can confidently face whatever life has to offer. In order to boost your self esteem you must value all kinds of experiences and events you go through. Be secured: Be secured in who, what and whom you are. Learn to deal with all your insecurities. Set Goals: Break down your big goals into smaller goals which can be achieved easily. Starting with easier goals could give you the momentum needed to tackle harder goals and achieve them. Share your fears: Through building positive relationships, learn to share your fears with friends and family. It could boost your self esteem through learning from the experiences of others.

Take Action: Learn to take action in any situation you find yourself. Sitting down folding your arms wouldn’t bring any results. Take positive steps to bring about the desired outcome. Be Optimistic: Be optimistic that all life’s events would create an experience which becomes very useful in the learning process of life. Adopt a positive attitude to life. Keep Your Ego In Check: Some times your ego comes in conflict with who you really are. It is very difficult keeping it in check, but the end result is developing good and long lasting relationships. Care for people: Caring for people and being nice to them makes them happy. Their happiness is also a source of joy to you which aids in boosting your self esteem. Make eye contact: Looking away from people while talking to them signifies a lack of self confidence. Constant practice of looking at people while talking to them will improve your level of communication and boost your self esteem. Good Posture: Walking uprightly, not slouching creates an air of confidence around you. Stand up for what you believe in: Learn to defend the cause for what you believe in, not swaying around on different ideologies. Avoid the victim’s mentality: Avoid living in self pity and self denial. It’s important you learn to be and act responsibly. Stop the blame game. Believe in your dreams: Believe that you can achieve your realistic

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LIFE SKILLS

SELF ESTEEM

dreams.

risks.

Stop comparing yourself to others: It’s very important you carve out your identity, style and avoid comparing your life to those around you.

Seek Profession Help: Where/When necessary, the services of a counsellor, psychotherapist, may be employed.

Positive affirmations: While I have a few reservations on positive affirmations because of the way the concept is being peddled, it’s important to focus on the positive outcomes of any event/your life.

Get Motivated: Be motivated to do things and over come obstacles.

Be A Positive Influence: Being a positive influence to your children, friends, colleagues can boost your self esteem as well as theirs. Take Risks: Taking risks when appropriate is another source of boosting your self esteem. Engage in serving: The act of serving the community, volunteering, mentoring people, contributing to the well being of people is another tip to boosting your esteem. It gives you a sense of fulfillment knowing you are involved in the lives of people. Be Financially Literate: Planning/Budgeting your finances knowing what, when and how to spend is another important factor to consider. Build Your Self Image: This involves you being secured in who you are, projecting yourself as a person of high regards and self respect. Handle Failure Properly: Do not focus on your failures. If the thoughts of failing linger on your mind, your actions, strategies, plans, geared towards being successful would be hampered because your level of confidence, motivation is reduced. Remember your normal reaction is to feel miserable BUT this shouldn’t stop you from taking future

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Benefit from the media: Watch or listen to motivational speakers, sermons, music that would uplift your spirits. Read motivational books, articles, blogs e.t.c. Stand up for yourself: Learn to say no, when necessary. Stand up for what is right and what you believe in. Be assertive and not afraid of any decisions you’ve made. Be consistent: Be firm and consistent in all your decisions and way of life. Get rid of all self doubts, discouragement and the habit of procrastinating important things that will shape your life’s purpose.

Ayosâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Profile Ayo Olaniyan is a certified Unitive Life Coach. He is also an Accredited Professional Counsellor with the Counselling Society United Kingdom. He writes on how you can discover purpose through personal development and self awareness.

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LIFE SKILLS

SELF-IMPROVEMENT

Self-Improvement

for

dummies By Evan

16 magazine february 2010

The usual approach to self-improvement encourages us to be heroic, independant, take initiative and be positive. All of which are admirable. But I have a confession (or series of confessions) to make. I think that I feel pretty weak and easily influenced much of the time.When people around me are happy, I tend to be happy too. When they are sad or angry then I also tend to feel sad or angry. My independance from others and their moods is far from stable and reliable. And when I feel weak then taking initiative to alter my life doesnt’ seem like it is worth the effort. Sometimes I feel positive, other times I don’t. Sometimes it is easy to figure out why, other times it is lots harder. Which leads me to a question:What about those times when I don’t feel positive, and taking initiative just feels like too much effort? Does the self-improvement approach have anything to say to me then? Or does it just want to condemn and judge me for not feeling positive and assertive? Does it just want to tell me that I should be different to the way I am? Even if this were true, this isn’t exactly a positive and motivating message that will help me change. I, for one, am willing to come out as a weak and easily lead person. And I have developed an approach to life over the years that emphasises ease and small steps. I think of it as a kind of Self-Improvement for the Dummies (a guide for the rest of us – those of us who don’t feel always positive, independant and assertive).

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LIFE SKILLS

SELF-IMPROVEMENT

So here is my Self-Improvement for Dummies (a guide for the rest of us). 1. Hang around the kind of people you want to be like. If you feel weak (don’t have a strong self-idea) you will pick up stuff just by being around people. 2. Don’t go to those places or hang around people that lead you to do what you will regret later. That way you don’t have to fight off their influence. 3. Pick your fights. Disagreement can be a hassle and usually takes energy to do and recover from.You can just let most things go. Save your energy for the things that matter. 4. Focus on doing what you want and let the other stuff look after itself. Only do the other stuff when you need to. 5. Discipline is for emergencies. Beyond this it is largely being unkind to ourselves, and should be stopped as soon as possible. Find out what you want to do; then find easy ways to learn and improve. This is the path to a life of delight. 6. Being adaptable is fine. When a great opportunity comes along then sticking to your goals is just stupid. (Knowing the difference between folly and a great opportunity is detailed information on the area concerned. It is usually best to avoid ‘great opportunities’ in areas we don’t know about.) 7. Build the alternative below the radar. Big initiatives can get a lot of attention. If the initiative threatens those already involved, it may get the wrong kind of attention; and you may end up using lots of energy fighting off threats that could be better

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spent building the alternative. If you can do something worthwhile that doesn’t attract opposition then you have all your energy available to put in to the initiative. In this way we can get on with building a better world with all the energy we have. 8. Accept the inevitable. At the moment I am who I am. I can criticise myself for it and plan to change it. But for now this is what I have to work with. And if the plans for change are going to work then they need to work for me now. There are some values that we can’t surrender, that just are part of who we are. There is no point fighting these. Perhaps they are irrational, perhaps they will be different tomorrow. But for now they are part of who we are. Sometimes, we just can’t do or be otherwise. At the moment the world is the way it is. And this is frightening and in some places appalling beyond easy belief. But it is better to take one small step to make it better than get stuck with how frightful it is. (If you do feel in this stuck place there are ways to process despair and rage.) 9. Wisdom means finding the biggest impact for the least effort expended (a kind of positive ruthlessness). If you find a way to live a life you are happy with that requires little of no effort, this means you are a wise person – and you may need to develop a way to ignore the jealous criticism from others who make their lives more of a hassle. So that’s it. My self-improvement guide for the weak and easily lead among us. Let me know what you think of it. All comments (critical or complimentary) are most welcome.

Evan Hadkins Profile Evan’s blog is www.wellbeingandhealth.net A blog for passionate, eclectic, intuitive types who believe that the world is too complex to be put in a box and wouldn’t have it any other way. He has a free report (on living with authenticity called It’s Not About Success) and a free newsletter on personality and relationships. He

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LIFE SKILLS

POETRY FOR LIFE

Heartfelt in Life Today people contemplate many a thought, For at this time of year we are frequently taught, To venture forth and seek a partner for our soul, Yet for some, for this reason, it is merely a time to mull. As bird song carries on the breeze and red roses bloom brightly, Those already with partner hold on to each other tightly, Eyes gaze at reflections of each others smiling visage, Thoughts of loneliness like an oasis desert mirage. Tending their thoughts as the day passes slowly by, Those without partner choose to look down or at the sky, As the ones with clouds in their view search around, Choices present and someone to cherish can be found. For those who seek not a partnership this particular day, Their reasons vary from seeking solace to spiritual affray, It may not mean they desire a lack of affectionate consideration, But merely they wish to avoid a truly romantic confrontation. Regardless of reasons for whichever decision has been chosen, This day is still for all as it signals the end of the winter frozen, Leading in to spring our thawing hearts beat awakening our passion, With looking forward not back, the seasonal spiritual fashion. So to one an all, who read the words I have written on this page, Male, female, tall or short, tender of year or gracefully moving in age, Whether you show love to a friend, family member, partner, husband or wife, Always remember, on Valentines Day, love most the gift we were all given, the one of life.

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Roberts Profile Cordial and positive to an almost delinquent degree, he finds peace within through the forms of listening to music and creating elemental prose. However, his demeanour is one of outgoing vibrancy with a passion for achieving, regardless of boundaries, and ensuring the well-being of those around him.

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LIFE SKILLS

BECOME HOT

TIPS TO BECOME

HOT

Did I really get your attention??? Lol!!! What was the first thing which came to your mind? Hmm!!! Forgive me if this isn’t what you were expecting, but there’s absolutely nothing wrong in being HOT!!!! I also suggest you feel good about it. Please Note: This article is strictly for personal development and the word HOT is an acronym for H-Happy O-Optimistic and T-Thankful. The topic should now be read as ‘Tips to become Happy, Optimistic and Thankful ‘. You’ve known what the word HOT in this context means and the aim of this post is to suggest a few ways or reasons for becoming happy, optimistic and thankful. We could do with a little bit of each attribute for the year 2010 and I am positive of the tremendous impacts it would have on your personal development. The post in context:

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LIFE SKILLS

BECOME HOT

Happiness

• Build yourself physically, mentally and spiritually.

These are emotions experienced when one is a state of well being. It is characterized by contentment, intense joy, a state of tranquility free from anxiety and disturbance. Here are a few ways to experience happiness:

• Be yourself. You are unique in your own way and you’ve got to appreciate who you are (a human being with emotions, feelings, imperfections etc).

• Believe in yourself i.e. your ability to succeed, make choices, accept change etc.

• Promote your strengths and work around them not forgetting your weakness and finding suitable ways of handling them.

• Learn to count your blessings each day. • Be thankful each day for your friends, family, colleagues, life …….

• Smile and laugh a lot using a bit of common sense and when necessary.

• Make other people happy. Several researches carried out show that you can be happy by making others happy.

• Deal with your worries and anxieties believing you would see some light at the end of the tunnel.

• Develop positive relationships and friendships, families, colleagues…. This helps to build useful social networks, provide support and you can always depend on true friends in difficult times.

• Form a habit of celebrating your successes

• Spend quality time with your children. • Develop a lovely sense of humor.

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• Spoil yourself and make sure you enjoy doing so. Go on vacations, get a mas sage, eat out……..

• Do things you’ve never done before. • Give people the compliments and respect they deserve.

Optimism Optimism is looking at a more favorable side of events and simply anticipating the best possible outcome in any situation. A few months ago, I filled out the VIA Survey of Character Strengths by Martin Seligman (Positive Psychology) and the results showed I was moderately optimistic. Although I have a few reservations on extreme optimism, but one can’t deny the role optimism plays in enhancing our personal growth. In no particular order here are a few ways of building optimism:

• Be realistic about your expectations. • Accept the past, manage the present and work hard towards the future.

• Seek for a ray of light/hope in a negative situation. It’s a bit difficult considering all you are going through, but there’s always an opportunity lurking somewhere in the dark.

• Be authentic, be yourself and stop hiding behind the MASK of pretence.

• Get infected by being in a network or company of constructive people, because optimism is positively contagious.

• Have a dream, believe in it and do everything possible under the sun to run with it.

• Be selective of what you read, hear or watch from the media. Excessive media influence could dampen your spirits.

• Develop the habit of using positive af firmations constructively.

• Exercise regularly. Taking care of your body mind and soul builds courage and resilience to face the pressures of the world.

• Avoid living in self denial. • Try as much as you can to stay calm when overwhelmed with the issues of life.

• Create a positive attitude. • Don’t harbor any form of resentment particularly with issues from the past.

• Know when to call it quits. Some things aren’t just worth the effort and time you put into it

Thankful Being thankful is a feeling or an expression of gratitude and appreciation. It is consciously acknowledging a form of kindness received. Alfred North Whitehead says, ‘No one who achieves success does so without the help of others. The wise and confident acknowledge this help with gratitude and thanks.’ There are so many things to be thankful for and Brian Tracy also states you should ‘Develop an attitude of gratitude, give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation’. These quotes reflect on the importance and benefits of being thankful. In no particular order here are a few things

to be thankful for:

• Be thankful for who you are. • Be thankful for the constructive events that evolve around you.

• Be thankful for the gift of life. • Be thankful for a new year, day, month, hour…..

• Be thankful for the love you’ve experienced.

• Be thankful for precious moments that brings a smile to your lips/face and warmth to your heart.

• Be thankful for your family, close relatives, friends and the positive relationships established over time.

• Be thankful for those who have shown so much care and interest in who you are and what you do.

• Be thankful for those crazy or odd moments you’ve experienced.

• Be thankful for your ability to learn new things.

• Be thankful for the problems you’ve faced and conquered and be assured those outstanding will be conquered.

• Be thankful for the opportunities that have come your way.

• Be thankful for the right to exercise your freedom at all times.

• Be thankful for your successes and achievements, no matter how insignificant they may appear to be.

• Be thankful for the failures you’ve experienced because you have another opportunity to turn it around for the better.

• Show your appreciation by saying the words thank you, giving gifts, offering to help……

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LIFE SKILLS

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BECOME HOT

A quick reminder: The aim of this post is to highlight a few ways to develop happiness, optimism and be thankful. There are other examples; it would be great to hear from you.

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LIFE SKILLS

REINVENT YOURSELF

Five Stories We Tell Ourselves About Self-Reinvention By Patricia Bechtold

As far as I’m concerned, there’s never been a better time to reinvent yourself. Partly that’s due to the self-reinvention that’s going on inside of me, but mostly it comes from the collective place at which we’ve arrived. We’re poised on the edge of new territory and many of us are hoping our world is on the brink of reinventing itself. All of which makes us much more willing to ask: Why not start now with my own personal self-reinvention? Of course it feels especially risky during uncertain times. But perhaps that means there’s no better time to go for it, because the proverbial decks have already been cleared: we’ve been mutually foreclosed, furloughed, laid off, 401K-depleted, and salary-reduced, so what have we got to lose? Rather than battening down the hatches, maybe it’s time to hoist our sails and proclaim the Coast is clear. As I write this I realize it sounds a little like I’m talking about some kind of nautical fresh start. Self-reinvention is more complex, though. At first glance, it appears to be about the call of the “new” and “different.” When you scratch beneath the surface, however, self-reinvention is truly about discovering something old and ancient within, which requires us to dive deep to claim the parts of us that are unlived and yearning to be expressed.

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And that’s the tricky part, my friends. Because in that transition from here to there, you (and me) will encounter thunderous internal and external static. Red flags will abound. So be prepared! I tell myself (and others) that among the best ways to prepare are to know your story, patterns, and history, and how they will show up during your transition. So here are five common stories that may trip you up on the way to self-reinvention, and some suggestions to begin to deal with them:

• The Responsibility Story: “I’m responsible for so many things/people/situations that I don’t have time to reinvent myself.” Flip this story by recognizing that true responsibility starts with you, and works outward. If ever there was a time to embrace this, it’s now. Give some of that responsibility back to others, and for once put yourself first.

•The Scarcity Story:“Nothing ever works out so why bother trying?” Flip this story by connecting with others who are committed to reinvention. You will be pulled along by their enthusiasm, and begin to cultivate your own.

•The Perfection Story: “If I can’t be the best I won’t even consider it.” Flip this story by recognizing that human beings have to make mistakes before they get really good at something. Making mistakes makes you better at what you do,

because you learn and grow from them.

•The Magic Story: “If it doesn’t come easily/fast then it’s not meant to be.” Flip this story by recognizing that magic happens when you take an active role in creating it yourself. And if you fully embrace the process of reinvention, rather than waiting for magic, you may be surprised by how fast things actually do start to click into place.

•The I Just Want to Have Fun Story: “It’s too hard, too much work – it will cut into my time for the rest of my life.” Flip this story by recognizing that reinvention can be fun too, and that if you are pursuing something you truly value, you are fully capable of creating joy in the doing of it. In fact, it will actually give you more energy for the rest of your life. How about you? Do you have a story about self-reinvention? If so, I’d love to hear it!

Patricia’s Profile Patricia Bechtold, M.S., is a Life Coach, Life Transitions Counselor, and Relationship Coach in Sacramento, CA. She works with people who are tired of the status quo, and yearning for more meaning and adventure in their lives. With a master’s degree in counseling and training in life coaching and depth psychology, she is passionate about helping clients dive deep to claim their true stories.You can visit her at her website, bechtoldlifework.com, or stop by her blog, whynotstartnow.wordpress.com.

February 2010 magazine 29

LIFE SKILLS

SEEDS FOR LIFE

Planting

thought

seeds for a better life by Steven Aitchison

Many people don’t allow themselves the luxury of thinking big. I think this may be due to the fact that they don’t believe in themselves enough to allow themselves to think big. In this article I wanted to give you a technique to start the process of thinking big and I wanted to tell you why it is important to think big. Planting a thought seed Planting a thought seed is a fantastic way for you to begin thinking about the life you want and getting it. Simply put a thought seed is a tiny thought that lets you momentarily dream about what your life could be like if you could have anything. Thought seeds start like: “What if I were rich, what would it be like” and you allow yourself to daydream about what it would be like being rich.

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February 2010 magazine 31

LIFE SKILLS

SEEDS FOR LIFE

“What would I feel like if I had the job I really wanted?” and allow yourself to daydream about having the job you really want and what it would feel like and how you would change as a person because of it. “what if I could start my own business?” and so on Lots of ‘what if’ statements are examples of thought seeds. Probably the biggest thought seed a lot of people have is ‘what if I won the lottery?’. We’ve actually had conversations at work on this very topic. Why plant a thought seed Planting thought seeds are your key to gaining a better life. Everything you do begins with a thought seed. That includes having a shower in the morning to get ready for work, having your breakfast, starting a business, starting a relationship etc. The kind of thought seeds I am talking about are life changing thought seeds not your run of the mill ones which most people have an act on. Here are some famous thought seeds throughout history: ‘I wonder what it would be like if we had a black president…..’ ‘What if it were possible to connect every computer in the world to share information….’ ‘I wonder if it would be possible to build a computer that we could use in our homes….’ ‘’What if we could explore space and put a machine on the moon….’ ‘wouldn’t it be great if we could communicate with anyone using a wire and a handset….’ ‘Would it be possible to make light with the flick of a switch….’ ‘Wouldn’t it be great to fly like a bird in

32 magazine February 2010

the skies…………’ There are literally millions of examples of life changing events that start with a thought seed, a tiny little ‘what if’ statement is usually all it takes. However most people don’t act on these thought seeds and dismiss them for various reasons, mainly because we think we could never do it. Well I think it’s time we started acting on these thought seeds and nurturing them to grow and be fully realised. Growing your thought seeds Not everyone is going to have world changing ideas and that’s okay, but we can affect the world in a small way by changing our own lives for the better. To change your life you first have to know what you want and what you would love to change about your life. So the first thing to think about is what would you change about your life if you could. No need for writing this down just have the thought, think of something right now that you would love to change about your life. When you have thought about something you would love to change, imagine what it would be like if you had already changed that aspect of your life. Go into detail here, think about how you would act, think about how your friends and family would act toward you, dream about how it would feel, try and imagine every aspect of the change as if it had already happened. You can do this for several days or several weeks before going onto the next step. The next step is to ask yourself what kind of things you would need to do to allow this change to happen. Start with the very basics. For example if you wished you could have a better job you could think the first thing you would have to do is where you could get some training to

better your chances of getting your ideal job, or you could think about looking at internet job sites to get an idea of what the employers are looking for. Think about every aspect of the process it would take to make the change you desire. Again take as much time as you want to do this, several weeks if necessary but make sure you think about it often and every day. This way your mind will keep on working for you and help you spot opportunities to make the change you desire. Let your thought seeds flourish The only thing you have to do here is keep thinking about your desires and thinking about the kinds of things you would have to o to make your desires a reality. There is absolutely no pressure on yourself to do anything or take any action other than thinking about your desires often.

that could bring your desire closer to you. You will start to see strange coincidences in your life that relates to your desire and a lot of people will take action on these coincidences. So, just by thinking about your desires with no pressure on your part you may be a step closer to gaining the life you want. Taking action Of course there is a need, eventually, to take action, as you will never get anything in life unless you take action. However, as this process of planting thought seeds brings the action closer to you it is much easier to realise your desires.

Why do all of this? A lot of people donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t take the time to think about the things they really want in life. When you have the initial thought of your desire that may be as far as it goes, but now you have gone a step further and actually thought about the steps that you would have to take to make it happen. When you do this your brain goes into overdrive and starts noticing things in your life

Steveâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Profile Steve was born and raised in Scotland, UK and stays in the west of Scotland with his wife and two sons. He works as an addiction worker, counseling clients with alcohol and drug addictions. He is also a blogger as well as the author of 100 Ways To Develop Your Mind.

February 2010 magazine 33

THE LIFESKILLS MAGAZINE