15.16 The Treasure Of Maps, October 6, 2011, Volume 15, Issue 16, MauiTime

OCTOBER 6, 2011 + VOLUME 15 + ISSUE 16 + FREE

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OCTOBER 6, 2011

Contents VOLUME 15

THIS WEEK’S QUESTION: What would you protest?

Editor: Anthony Pignataro (808) 283-1308 / anthony@mauitime.com @apignataro on Twitter Hypocrisy Associate Editor: Anu Yagi (808) 264-8039 / calendar@mauitime.com @anuheayagi on Twitter I’d fight for your right to party Proofreader: Dina Wilson The TEA Party Contributors: Jason Castle, Caeriel Crestin, Mick E. Finn, Jory John, Avery Monsen, Ron Pitts, Chuck Shepherd, Sara Tekula, Ynez Tongson, Barry Wurst II Intern: Natasha-Lyn P. Mendoza Photographer: Sean Michael Hower mauiweddingmedias.com / howerphotography.com Art Director & Production Manager: Scrappers scrapperstown.com Tariffs on farting in Anthony’s office Graphic Designers: Amy Mendolia, Christina Tarleton Advertising Executive: Brad Chambers (808) 283-3260 / brad@mauitime.com Octopi Wall Street

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ISSUE 16

COVER: R: R:

By Scrappers ers scrapperstown.com

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NEWS & VIEWS FEATURE STORY DINING THIS WEEK’S PICKS DA KINE CALENDAR THE GRID FILM CRITIQUE FILM TIMES KULA KID HOROSCOPE CLASSIFIED MIND, BODY & SPIRIT

General Manager: Jennifer Russo (808) 280-3286 / jen@mauitime.com @jenrusso on Twitter

Web Design: Linear Publishing Publisher: Tommy Russo (808) 283-0512 / tommy@mauitime.com @tommyrusso on Twitter Wall Street

661.9005 1087 LIMAHANA PL. LAHAINA

YOUR SCION NO HAGGLE, NO HASSLE. THE 2011 SCION xD

Admin. Executives: Keo Eaton, Kellie R. Holliday (808) 244-0777 Admin. Assistant: Jennifer Brown

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MauiTime is published every Thursday by MauiTime Productions, Inc. Its contents are Copyright Š 2011 by MauiTime Productions, Inc. All rights reserved. Subscriptions are available at $70 per year.

Reproduction or use without permission is strictly prohibited. MauiTime may be distributed only by MauiTime’s authorized independent contractor. MauiTime is valued at $.50 per copy and permits one complimentary copy per person. No person may, without written permission of MauiTime, take more than one copy of each weekly issue. All opinions expressed throughout MauiTime are those of the authors and not necessarily the same opinions as MauiTime Productions, Inc. and MauiTime.

MauiTime 33 N. Market St., Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 office (808) 244-0777 • fax (808) 244-0446 www.mauitime.com @mauitime on Twitter Deadlines: Display Advertising: Friday Noon Classified: Monday 4pm Calendar: Monday Noon Circulation: 18,000 copies of MauiTime

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NEWS&VIEWS

OCCUPY AMERICA!

BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO

A

couple weeks ago approximately a dozen Native Hawaiians lined up in Wailuku along High Street in Wailuku. Their backs to the Kalana O Maui building, they faced the road holding signs saying “Respect the Kupuna” and calling on residents to oppose Mayor Alan Arakawa’s efforts to return Halloween festivities to Lahaina Town. They claimed that Arakawa overstepped his authority in bringing the Halloween festivities back to Lahaina, as well as the fact that the county shouldn’t be approving such an event because it isn’t Hawaiian. Everyone was quiet and polite, no one became violent, though they apparently did discuss their grievances with county officials.

Amonthearlier,UniversityofHawaiistudentsJamieandTess Meier(thelattergrewupinKihei)werearrestedinWaikikiwhile advocating“genderequity”–specifically,therightofbothsexes to go topless in public. Both were stripped to the waist during their protest, though Honolulu Police said they were busting them because they failed to secure a city permit (the Prosecuting Attorney’s office dismissed the matter on Sept. 30 after the

2 1 for

AmericanCivilLibertiesUnionsteppedforwardtorepresentthe couple).

I mention these two acts of civil disobedience because of their similarities. Though the two protests involve relatively small groups of people, they both pivot on easily definable and explainable grievances. Each group found what they perceived as a single injustice (government support for a non-Hawaiian event/government prohibition against public nudity) and then took action in exactly the same way by standing in public and holding up signs expressing outrage (further, similar protests are planned for Oct. 7 in front of the State Office Building to oppose the war in Afghanistan, and later on Oct. 16 at Monsanto’s Kihei operation to oppose the further development of genetically modified foods).

The result is that both protests received media attention (though the Meiers’ activism got a lot more, um, exposure, for obvious reasons). I thought about all this because of the so-called “Occupy Wall Street” protests currently going on in New York City.

There, hundreds of people have been camped out in Lower Manhattan to virtually no mainstream media attention. In fact, it wasn’t until dozens of protesters were mass-arrested on the Brooklyn Bridge last week that the protests rose to the level of “story” at the New York Times/NBC Nightly News level.

Part of the reason, the protesters are saying, is that they’re denouncing corporate injustice in front of reporters who work for newspapers, magazines and television networks owned by billion-dollar multi-national corporations. But there is more truth in the media argument that the protesters lack leadership, organization and even a coherent message.

Here’sthething:newsstoriesareshortthings,really.Theybasically have a single message that can be summed up in a few words (the headline). A few hundred people of all walks of life refusing to leave Wall Street while holding up signs denouncingthewarsinIraqandAfghanistan,taxpayer-fundedbailoutof banks,corporatecrimeandeventheSupremeCourtrulingthat a corporation is legally a “person” doesn’t translate into a single story with a single headline.

See, protests only really work when they’re about one thing: denouncing a dictator, for instance. This can lead to revolution (Egypt), civil war (Libya), massacres (Syria) or just continuing malaise (pretty much the rest of the

middle east). What the Wall Street crowd seems so upset about aren’t really specific policies or even individuals, but the era we live in–which would be a very difficult, timeconsuming story to write.

This is actually kind of scary when you think about it.

What if all their demands for justice and an end to greed are actually just a backlash against the ultimate failure of capitalism? Communism collapsed in the late 1980s and early 1990s because it couldn’t ultimately provide a rising standard of living for the people living under it–what if the same thing is happening here, just at a much slower rate?

Economists tell us that since the Great Depression, each succeeding economic recovery has been shallower and shorter than the previous one. Thus, it’s not surprising that the phrase “worst recession since the Great Depression,”

What if all their demands for justice and an end to greed are actually just a backlash against the ultimate failure of capitalism? which is often used today to describe the global economic catastrophe that occurred in 2008, is hardly a new phrase.

In fact, I found it recently in Mansel Blackford’s Fragile Paradise: The Impact of Tourism on Maui, 1959-2000.

“Even as many of Maui’s residents embraced tourism, some questioned its role in economic development,” Blackford wrote. “An economic recession that hurt much of the world in the early 1980s, the worst downturn since the Great Depression of the 1930s, spurred questioning.”

If this is in fact what’s happening, then protests like the one in Wall Street will continue elsewhere, and even grow in intensity. Of course, if I’m wrong, then soon the crowds will disperse, and we can all get back to our regularly scheduled economic catastrophe, which still seems to going full blast. ■ anthony@mauitime.com + @apignataro To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1516n1

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A. The county simply doesn’t have the $4 million to $5 million the upgrade will cost.

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week Cecilio Rodriguez, half the popular Hawaiian music duo Cecilio & Kapono (that would be Henry Kapono), was arrested in Los Angeles on charges of sexually assaulting two women years ago when they were minors. This was not Rodriguez’s first run-in with the law. Back in 1994 he pleaded no contest to what charge?

A. Attempted sexual assault.

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NEWS&VIEWS

Coconut Wireless

Talk of the Island

BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO

GMO LABELING BILL BACK? I always laugh whenever I hear someone call President Barack Obama a “socialist.”

Or even just a “liberal.” Ha! If he were a liberal or even a godless socialist, Obama would never have adopted agribusiness’ opposition to labeling all food products that contain genetically modified organisms (GMOs) as though it were his very own. He would never have appointed former Monsanto officials to the Department of Agriculture, and he never would have directed his functionaries in the federal government to approve every new GMO fruit or vegetable or fish or cat or whatever that comes out of the laboratory.

Since Obama isn’t a socialist, it’s up to the state and even local governments–to say nothing of regular citizens–to pass laws aimed at bringing some measure of truth in advertising to grocery store shelves. An attempt during the last session of Hawaii’s state Legislature failed to move a bill mandating GMO labeling (HB 1534), but there’s a new move afoot locally to try again.

As yet the proposed bill has no number, but it stipulates that “no food or raw agricultural commodity shall be sold in the State if it contains a genetically engineered material, or was produced with a genetically engineered material, unless it bears a label that provides the following disclosure notice in bold-face print and not less than ten-point type: ‘THIS PRODUCT CONTAINS A GENETICALLY ENGINEERED MATERIAL, OR WAS PRODUCED WITH A GENETICALLY ENGINEERED MATERIAL.’” Labeling of GMO products is mandatory and widespread in Europe, but unknown in the U.S. Given the political contributions that GMO producers like Monsanto dole out to Republicans and Democrats, it’s a solid bet a national GMO labeling bill will be a tough sell.

The push on Maui for such a law is coming mainly from two people: Ramoda Anand, a private citizen most known for his work with Maui Dance Advocates, and Maui County Council member Elle Cochrane, who has introduced a resolution asking the county council to include the above bill in its 2012 Hawaii State Association of Counties Legislative Package.

“There are laws put in place that require the labeling of ingredients and nutritional information on every item that is purchased in a grocery store, to protect people from having allergic reactions to food,” Cochrane wrote in the Sept. 29, 2011 issue of the Lahaina News. “Organic foods label their products; I do not feel that GMO products should be handled any differently. No matter where you stand on the issue of how our food is produced, it is indisputable that the freedom of choice should be available to every consumer.”

Given the power that agribusiness holds in Hawaii (Monsanto grows GMO seed corn in Kihei, for instance), it’s not likely a new GMO labeling bill will get further than last

Seriously: this image is related to both of these news stories.

year’s effort. Still, the whole matter comes up for discussion at the Oct. 7 Maui County Council meeting.

And those who want some action a little more interesting than a county council meeting can just meet up at Monsanto’s Kihei operation for an old fashioned protest.

At about 9am on Oct. 16 (Yes, it’s a Sunday), anti-GMO activists will rally at at the intersection of Kanani Road. and Piilani Highway in Kihei as part of World Food Day. They will, according to a statement put out moments ago by Brian Lehman, support a GMO food labeling bill as well as “call on Monsanto to end the illusion of GMOs feeding the world; to end open field testing of GMOs; and to stop its use of arable lands for

seed crops with which to exploit farmers worldwide with patented seeds.”

Sounds fun!

ABERCROMBIE’S FISH FARM FLIP-FLOP FILES FOUND! And now for an update to a story we reported on a few months ago. On July 12, Hawaii Governor Neil Abercrombie signed SB 1511 into law. The signing did two things: first, it expanded leases for factory fish farms in Hawaiian waters from an already too-long 35 years to an unprecedented 65 years; second, it outraged activist groups (who hate factory-scale fish farming because it expos-

Overheard “Um, those orchids with the blue ribbons look dead. Are they dead?”

-Woman talking to man at the Maui Fair, Sept. 30

es sea life to disease and uses vast quantities of pesticides and other toxins) which had been convinced (by Abercrombie, no less) just a couple weeks earlier that he would veto the bill (see Mauitime’s “Fish Tale” in our July 21, 2011 issue for more info).

Why Abercrombie reversed himself has been somewhat of a mystery. When I asked Donalyn Dela Cruz, his spokesperson, why the flip-flop, she reacted somewhat coldly. “He took a closer look at it,” she said. “There were more discussions and he had some meetings.”

There the tale would have ended were it not for Washington DC-based Food & Water Watch. Last week the activist group released a PDF of notes, letters and other documents related to SB 1511 that the group obtained from Abercrombie’s office through the state’s open records act. While the documents lack any sort of “smoking gun” that would explain Abercrombie’s reversal, they do provide fascinating context to the fight over SB 1511.

“We were shocked when Governor Abercrombie publicly denounced factory fish farming only to come out in support of it weeks later,” said Food & Water Watch executive director Wenonah Hauter in a Sept.

29 email. “Now we know that industry influence played no small part.”

The most interesting item unearthed is a July 4, 2011 letter from aquaculture advocate John S. Corbin to Abercrombie supporting SB 1511 and bashing Food & Water Watch.

“They use misinformation and pseudo-science, as well as internet activism techniques like mass form e-mails usually from persons who don’t study the issue, to manipulate rather than inform public opinion,” Corbin wrote. “Food and Water Watch supports small scale aquaculture and Hawaiian fishponds, which while worthwhile, will contribute little to Hawaii’s seafood deficit.”

Meeting notes unearthed by FWW include vague but still disturbing information. During a June 28, 2011 meeting, one unnamed participantnotedthat,“DLNRcanpull[the]leasefrom bad actors,” but then added the caveat “assuming we have resources.” At a July 7, 2011 meeting, someone noted that “Once you go to private financing, other considerations like quick profit take over.”

For FWW’s Hauter, the notes, letters and other documents show the power and influence of factory-scale aquaculture.

“It is clear from the factory fish farming industry’s meetings with Governor Abercrombie that the industry was pushing for longer leases to obtain more public financing, meaning that taxpayers would have to finance these private ventures which have failed to prove their economic viability time and again,” Hauter said in her Sept.

29 email. “That the governor caved to pressure from offshore fish farming corporations in the face of such strong public opposition is reprehensible.”■ anthony@mauitime.com + @apignataro To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1516n2

OCTOBER 6, 2011

7

NEWS&VIEWS

MauiSphere

LOCAL PLUGS

BY JEN RUSSO

SURFING NOW HIGH SCHOOL SPORT PHOTO BY RICKY LI

School students will be getting wet under a new plan being developed by the Hawaii State Board and Department of Education (DOE), Governor Neil Abercrombie and professional surfer Carissa Moore. Despite the 2004 approval by the Board of Education establishing surfing as an official school sport, surfing never took off in the schools. But this year school officials hope to incorporate the water sport into school athletics with help from local officials, surfing organizations and the community.

“Hawaii is the birthplace of surfing,” says Abercrombie. “From Duke Kahanamoku to the thousands of residents and visitors who surf both recreationally and competitively, the sport is rooted in our culture and way of life. Bringing surfing to our students is another step in our collective goal to transform public education and provide our children with rich and diverse educational opportunities.”

The goal is to have students in surf breaks by spring 2013. The safety of the surfers, funding and getting students to share the waves with everyone else are just some of the challenges the initiative faces.

Raymond Fujino, Acting Educational Specialist says, “Budget reductions in the past several years have been a major challenge, as well as drafting necessary safety guidelines. The Department will finalize regulations and look for outside funding sources. Guidelines and regulations are done at the club level. The same guidelines and regulations would be adopted for interscholastic surfing.” Fujino adds that surfing will not impact other school sports.

Interscholastic surfing has a lot of support from parents and students, and the DOE intends to support the sport with outside funding sources and bring in community partners and city officials to ensure that surf breaks are shared equitably and safely. But Keith Amemiya, a former executive director of the Hawaii High School Athletic Association who now sits on the Board of Education, supports surfing for another reason: student development.

Surf's up Gov!

“Surfing is a unique sport that often attracts athletes that may not necessarily be interested in more traditional sports such as football, basketball, baseball, and soccer,” Amemiya says. “Therefore, we’re confident that surfing will increase athletics participation numbers. In our view, the more students that engage in athletics and other after school activities, the higher our student achievement rates will become.”

Fujino says the school athletic directors will have the responsibility of overseeing g the implementation of interscholastic surfing at the school level. He says the biggest funding issues are in-

terisland travel expenses for outer island students to participate in state competitions.

“Each neighbor island would host its own meets,” Fujino says. “Budgets become a challenge when there is a state tournament requiring the leagues to travel to the state tournament location but we are hopeful that with partnerships and community support the department will be able to minimize this challenge.”

During this summer’s surf circuits Hawaii’s Carissa Moore, 18, became the youngest surfer ever to win a professional surfing world title. She says surfing taught her perseverance, time management and organizational skills.

MAUI’S 58TH HEALTHY BABY CONTEST WINNER Maui’s longest standing keiki competition, the Healthy Baby Contest, has chosen Kelsey K. Quinabo as the winner (there were 71 other contestants). The contest has been held since 1953 and this year marks the 12th year Meadow Gold has been the headye line sponsor. This little tot had to parade on stage while Alaka‘i Paleka read aloud the answers to her con-

TWEET of the WEEK “‘Sometimes you have to be the comedian, the punchline, the audience and the peanut gallery, all at once.’ -Thespian” -@HoloholoGirl (freelance writer Samantha Campos), Oct. 4, 2011

testant questions that had earlier been filled out by her parents.

Kelsey and her proud parents Ramona Fernandez and Kanoa Quinabo will receive two nights at the Westin Ka‘anapali Ocean Resort Villas as well as other special prizes from NPAC Maui (the Nutrition and Physical Activity Coalition), GEICO and Maui Ocean Center (a family pass). They also receive a $500 U.S.savings bond, a year’s supply of milk, logo items and POG and ice cream certificates from Meadow Gold Dairies.

Here are the rest of the winners: • First Runner Up: Jadene D. Mateo of Pukalani and her mom, Sarita Tranilla • Second Runner Up: Kylie Lorraine Haleakala of Wailuku and her mom, Ashley Haleakala • Third Runner Up: Loea Luapa Asuega-Stark of Kihei and her mom, Noe Asuega-Stark • Fourth Runner Up: Ariyanna K. Kekiwi of Haiku and her mom,Krystal K. Cabiles.

The runners-up won prize packages from Photography by Irvin, merchandise certificates from Minit Stop and HFM Maui Petroleum, Takamiya Market, Ah Fooks Supermarket, Maui Ocean Center, Round Table Pizza, Meadow Gold Dairies, other logo items and a U.S. savings bond.

During the competition, Meadow Gold hosted ice cream and POG drinking contests for the audience. There were also special guest appearances from “Cartoon Characters!” and Artie Partie balloon magic.

The judges included Jocelyn Victorino, well known for being Philadelphia Phillies star Shane Victorino’s mom, but also a long time community member involved in sharing her love for children; model Doug DeCambra who has extensive pageant experience; Maui Memorial Medical Center Chief of Staff Dr. Coleen Inouye, who has delivered over 6000 Maui born babies; Lehua Huddleston-Hafoka, Executive Director of Kihei Youth Center; Nani Watanabe, a mother and foster care giver; and Maui Memorial Medical Center Foundation’s Lisa Varde.

The contest was free to enter and held as part of the Maui Fair. ■ jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1516n3

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OCTOBER 6, 2011

NEWS&VIEWS

NEWS OF THE WEIRD

BY CHUCK SHEPARD

DON’T TRIM THE FAT! Orlando-area cosmetic surgeon Jeffrey Hartog inaugurated Liquid Gold, a storehouse for patients’ frozen liposuctioned fat, charging $900 to safekeep a coffee-cup-sized portion and $200 per year storage (in case the fat is needed later, as for smoothing facial wrinkles). A Massachusetts General Hospital physician shook his head, telling the Orlando Sentinel, “[F]rozen fat doesn’t hold up as well as fresh fat.”

WILD THINGS Motorist Clyde White of Corbin, Ky., was charged with attempted murder in August after police finally collared him following a roadrage chase that reached speeds of over 100 mph. White, who had repeatedly rammed his two siblings in their vehicle, is 78 years old, and in that other vehicle were his brother, 82, and his sister, 83.

UTOPIA! According to a recent report from Britain’s Office of National Statistics, there are 297,000 households in the country in which no adult has ever held any kind of job. The number of individuals who thus may never have developed the “habit of work,” and who instead have grown accustomed to the country’s generous welfare payments, might total 700,000. In an example cited by the Daily Mail, one such couple in their late 30s, and their children, “earn” the equivalent of almost $1,100 per week in income support and disability payments.

ATTORNEY-CLIENT PRIVILEGE? Chicago massage therapist Liudmyla Ksenych, testifying for the prosecution in August in a sex-trafficking trial, happened to notice from the witness stand that the defense lawyer, Douglas Rathe, was formerly a client of hers. The judge immediately declared a mistrial. Rathe later said he visited Ksenych four times in 2009 but that “nothing inappropriate” happened.

WHAT YEAR IS THIS? In August in Lubbock, Texas, Carl Wade Curry, 44, was sentenced to 99 years in prison for cattle rustling. Said one of the victims, Curry tried to be a smooth-talking, handshake-dealing cattle seller, but “he wasn’t capable.” And in Jackson, Minn., in March, Andrew Espey was sentenced to 90 days in jail for improperly shingling the roof of his house. Complained Espey, “[A] drunk can drive down the highway and get a lot less [of a sentence].” He had affixed new shingles without first removing the old ones.

OOPS! Larry Stone, jailed on property crimes in Tavares, Fla., because he could not make the $1,250 bail, posted the bond in July by earning $1,300 in telephone-company money after discovering a management error that credited his jail account $46 for every international call

he pretended to make. The company figured out the problem a day later and recovered all the payouts from the accounts of Stone and 250 other prisoners who had learned of the glitch. Stone’s bond was revoked, of course, and he was returned to lockup.

NEWS OF THE SELF-INDULGENT While too many children in Third World countries die from starvation or lack of basic medicines, the preschoolers of the TLC TV channel’s “Outrageous Kid Parties” reality show celebrate birthdays and “graduation” (from or to kindergarten) with spectacular events that may cost their parents $30,000 or more. Typical features, according to an August ABC News report, included a Ferris wheel, a roller coaster, a dunking booth, animal rides and a cotton candy machine, as well as the obligatory live music and limo or horseback (for grand entrances).

Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations, 200 words or less (which we reserve the right to edit), changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent, to “Eh Brah!” c/o MauiTime, 33 N. Market St, Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 or send an e-mail to

ehbrah@mauitime.com

S

o your little dog thinks its scary when big dogs approach it?! How about me being at the park when you (being the only other person there) let your little dog run right up to my large dog ( who is actually on his leash) and continue to jump and yap right in his face. Obviously he’s on his leash for a reason and you continue to not notice as my dog tries not to take a bite of your dog. He doesn’t because he’s a good by but be far warned other dogs may not be so nice. ■

BRIGHT IDEAS Alicia Bouchard, 41, was arrested in Jackson County, Fla., in August, accused of hatching a plot with her husband to impregnate a 12-year-old girl for the purpose of producing a baby that would eventually earn an additional welfare check. And in August, the Japanese construction firm Maeda Corp. ordered its 2,700 employees to adopt standard, short hairstyles (a “bob” for women with a longer fringe that could be swept to the side, and a routine short-back-and-sides cut for men with a slightly longer cut on top). Maeda said it was responding to the government’s plea to reduce energy usage (less water, less hair dryer time).

Illustration by Ron Pitts mauiartistronpitts.com

REDNECK CHRONICLES Lon Groves, 40, was arrested in Fort Walton Beach, Fla., after a brief standoff with police in July following an incident in which he allegedly held a handgun to the head of his wife in an argument over which of their granddaughters was the wife’s favorite. And Pastor Daryl Riley of the New Welcome Baptist Church in St. Elmo, Ala., was tased, allegedly by the church’s music minister, whom Riley had just fired in August (which led another parishioner to pull a knife and begin stabbing wildly in a melee). Said the music minister’s mother, “He done cut [me] before anything started.”

PEOPLE DIFFERENT FROM US Travis Keen, 28, was arrested in Ouachita Parish, La., in August and charged with indecent exposure while driving around the parking lot at a Walmart. According to the police report, Keen explained that, based on experience, “when he comes to Walmart, he gets aroused.” ■ chuck@mauitime.com To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1515n4

OCTOBER 6, 2011

9

The

Treasure of

Maps Inside the new Mapping of Hawaii exhibit at the Bailey House Museum

By Anthony Pignataro

T

he name of the island is spelled “MOWEE,” though that’s not even close to the most unusual feature of the map laid out before me.

The shape of the island is distorted–West Maui is too small, South Maui too small and Hana is too pointy. This isn’t too surprising, considing that the map, drawn in 1798, is based on an earlier 1784 map used by Captain Cook (Hawaii’s pre-contact lack of a written language meant early explorers spelled things out phonetically–hence island names like “Mowee,” “Woahoo” and Owhyhee”).

Though the 1798 map is a product of the Italian cartographer Cassini, Cook himself appears in the lower left hand corner. Dressed as an Italian naval officer, Cook is about to meet a rather painful demise at the hands of Hawaiians, clad in garb more suitable to Native American tribes than the natives of “Le Isole Di Sandwich.”

There is something undeniably sublime–and yet fascinating–that comes from staring at Cassini’s map. Drawn when Hawaii was something new and alien to European explorers and the royals who funded them, the map exudes adventure and wonder. Don’t all maps, really? Maps are for explorers looking for treasure chests and hoping to evade monsters.

We should remember that there were great dangers in Hawaii to the men who crewed the sailing ships that found their way here back then. Partly the threat came from the Hawaiians, as the illustration of Cook shows, who weren’t too happy about newcomers bringing trouble, but it was equally risky for any navigator to think the craggy lines on the old maps represented a realistic portrayal of the island’s actual shorelines.

This map, along with dozens of others of equally important historical and cultural importance, are now on display at the Bailey House Museum in Wailuku. They’re there as part of the traveling Mapping of Hawaii exhibit that runs from Oct. 1-15.

“EventheBishopMuseumdoesn’thaveallthesemapsondisplay,”saidexhibitcuratorBryantNeal,whowithhispartnerRichardMickelsenrunsGalleryOceanicaonFrontStreetinLahaina (WailukuresidentandactivistSusanHalasalsohelpedpromote the exhibit).

Bailey House Museum executive director Nicole McMullen agreed. “This is a really interesting topic,” she said. “It’s exactly the kind of program we’d like to have. We have a nice collection of historic maps that we’d like to have people take more advantage of.”

For Neal, producing the exhibit is the culmination of 20 years selling maps as a partner in Lahaina Printsellers.

“To sell maps, you have to educate people,” Neal said. “The maps I found were a great storyboard to the story of Hawaii. I found that a lot of native people were interested in Polynesians, where they came from when they first came

10

OCTOBER 6, 2011

to Hawaii, while transplants were interested in the Europeans who first came here. But no one had done the complete thing. With this, from school kids on up, people will get a big picture grasp of [Hawaiian history]. I hope it’ll be a catalyst to spark their own intellectual pursuit.”

The maps that are part of the exhibit were drawn by very different people for very different reasons. Those used by Cook and Cassini were for Europeans traveling to Hawaii for exploration (which often, if not always, led to commercial exploitation and military plunder).

“The first maps were used by foreign explorers who just wanted to know safe anchorages,” said Riley Moffat, senior librarian at BYU-Hawaii in Laie. “The creators were all pretty much self-taught, both in terms of surveying and cartography. They are great historical documents: you see the landscape through the eyes of the creators.”

THE MAPPING OF HAWAII EXHIBIT runs at the Bailey House Museum (2375-A Main St., Wailuku) through Oct. 15. Museum hours are MonSat, 10am-4pm. Museum admission is $7, though the exhibit during October’s First Friday is free.

CELEBRATION (Oct. 7, 5:30-8pm) will be FREE. The Mapping of Maui event featuring Riley Moffat takes place at the Bailey House on Saturday, Oct. 8 at 4pm. The talk is free to Maui Historical Society members, $10 for non-members.

THOSE WANTING MORE INFORMATION or information on special tours for classes or groups should contact the Bailey House at 244-3326 or visit mauimuseum.org.

Of course, the Hawaiian government drew up its own maps. One very distinctive world map–the Palapala Honua map, printed at Lahainaluna in 1839–shows the world splayed out with two major differences from other such maps: the Hawaiian archipelago appears in the center, and all place names are written in Hawaiian.

The 1876 map of the Hawaiian Kingdom, which was exhibited in Philadelphia at that year’s American Centennial, is even more impressive. Stretching six feet across and four feet wide, the map shows the islands with stunning clarity and even includes volcanic craters and other topographical features.

“Everyone’s favorite map of Maui is the Alexander map,” said Neal, referring to the 1885 Hawaii government survey

W.D. Alexander’s map of maui, 1885 map drawn up by W.D. Alexander. Drawn a few decades after the Mahele, which ended the old semi-feudal ahupua‘a system of dividing up lands in favor of more Western allocation, the map shows Maui as a surrealist collage of pastel pink, green, yellow and orange.

The first true cartographer was probably the ancient Greek Claudius Ptolemy, though his Geographia most likely contained no true maps until its 1453 printing. “Ptolemy systematized cartography by insisting that maps be drawn to scale and that they be oriented to the north,” wrote historian Miles Harvey in his 2000 book The Island of Lost Maps: A True Story of Cartographic Crime. “He was one of the first to offer a projection by which a spherical earth could be rendered on a flat surface.”

Maps were some of the earliest works published on Guttenberg’s first printing press. This, according to Harvey, ushered in a true Information Age: “For the first time the whole world is able to see the world as a whole.”

The word “map” dates to the Middle Ages Latin term mappa mundi, though with some clarification. “[I]t does not mean ‘map of the world,” wrote Harvey. “It more accurately translates as ‘napkin of the world,’ a reference to the fact that mappae mundi were often painted on cloth.”

According to Harvey, the first maps drawn used during the Middle Ages served very different purposes than those found today. “The mappae mundi were intended more to diagram history and anthropology, myth and scripture, dreams and nightmares, than to provide geometrically precise representations of the physical world,” Harvey wrote.

“Not surprisingly, they can look bizarre to modern eyes.”

The earliest maps were full of vibrant color and startling imagery–aspects that continue to this day. Indeed, true map-making is an art.

“Maps are visually fascinated,” said Moffat. “They are objects of art. Look at a map: we should ask if it is accurate, but also if it is visually a piece of art. Some maps are like photos, while others are drawn with lines and shapes.”

Indeed, the act of map-making is actually quite difficult, and depends on a lot more than simply getting accurate topographical features and coordinates.

“It may take you months, even years, to draft a single map,” Harvey wrote. “It’s not just the continents, oceans, mountains, lakes, rivers, and political borders you have to worry about. There’s also the cartouche (a decorative box containing printed information, such as the title and the cartographer’s name) and an array of other adornments–distance scales, compass roses, wind-heads, ships, sea monsters, important personages, characters from the Scriptures, quaint natives, menacing cannibal natives, sexy topless natives, planets, wonders of the ancient world, flora, fauna, rainbows, whirlpools, sphinxes, sirens, cherubs, heraldic emblems, strapwork, rollwork, and/or clusters of fruit.”

Dole Pineapple Company’s map of the Hawaiian Islands, 1937 That artwork is by no means limited to maps printed during the Renaissance and Age of Exploration.

Maps of Hawaii produced by the Dole Pineapple Company in 1937 and 1950– both of which are part of the Mapping of Hawaii exhibit–are lavishly illustrated with bright and colorful Matson liners, Pan Am clippers, whales, steaming volcanoes, voyaging canoes, reef fish, drift net fishermen and, of course, pineapples.

Old maps are also very valuable– some worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. So much so that collectors have taken to slicing them out of centuriesold Atlases found in libraries (a practice known as “book-breaking”) and selling them to underground dealers. It’s a practice as disturbing as it is lucrative.

But book-breaking is hardly universal among map enthusiasts. One of those who doesn’t go in for it at all is Riley Moffat.

It’s hard to imagine anyone knows more about Maui maps than Moffat. The highest ranking librarian at BYU-Hawaii, Moffat co-authored (with Gary L. Fitzpatrick) the Palapala‘aina series of books: The Early Mapping of Hawaii (1986), Surveying the Mahele (1995) and Mapping the Lands and Waters of Hawaii (2004). To put it mildly, Moffat knows maps.

“It’s always been an interest since I was a little kid,” Moffat said. “I’ve been fortunate to have had a career as a map librarian, going on 40 years. I just like to know where I am, where others have been and where I’ve been.”

On Oct. 8, the soft-spoken Moffat will present a special “The Mapping of Maui” exhibit at the Bailey House, a special presentation–complete with maps–on how cartographers viewed the Valley Isle over the past few centuries.

“I hope people will appreciate the

“Le Isole Di Sandwich” by Italian cartographer Cassini, 1798 historical development of Maui, and the role maps played in that,” Moffat said of his up-coming talk. “Not just the problems that were caused, but also the problems that were solved.” ■ anthony@mauitime.com + @apignataro To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1516L

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OCTOBER 6, 2011

11

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here’s no getting around the fact that we don’t have much Indian cuisine in Hawaii. It’s almost Chef Ram Verma out of our comfort zone, a surprising fact given the melting pot of Asian, Polynesian and fusion available. Thankfully, Saffron Indian Cafe and Grill is giving us a chance to redeem and expand our food palates with their fresh and authentic dishes served at reasonable prices.

Saffron opened on the first of August in the old Maui Masala location in Kihei’s Dolphin tangy and spicy sauce, slightly reminiscent Plaza. But the place resembles nothing of its of sweet Thai chili over cauliflower and other former self. New paint, tables and a whole veggies. Other pupus that caught my attention new set-up have completely transformed the were samosas (savory pockets of spiced potaplace into an inviting little sit-down service toes and peas) and pakoras (veggies dipped in cafe. Owner RJ Dhillon has been a willing chick pea flour and lightly fried). And there ambassador for his Northern Indian cuisine are seven different chutneys to pair with your created by Chef Ram Verma for casual service pupus. Of those, the tamaand take-out. Don’t be rind, mango and avocado/ afraid to ask questions, INDIAN FOOD TERMS cilantro added amazing for RJ is not offended • PAKORAS: The ultimate Indian snack, similar flavors to the samosas. by the fact we know to our tempura but lighter. Veggies are dredged Their curry is a southin garbanzo bean flour and fried–even veggies nothing of his food. ern-inspired dish, infuslike spinach leaves.

India is huge and ing fresh ground tur• TIKKA: Barbecued chicken usually served in there have been many meric with other spices, sauce.

There are many different kinds a Masala interactions with and you can get it mild of masala, but Saffron describes the Tikka maneighboring Mohgul, to medium. Vindaloo sala as creamy.

Persian and Asian originates from Bombay • DAL MAKHANI: Dal means lentils, a staple cultures. The yellow ingredient in the Indian diet. Makhani means as a rich meat and poturmeric and saffron butter. These are slow-cooked lentils genertatoes dish, served with colors instantly give ously flavored with butter. Saffron’s version feaa gravy sauce. Kormas tures tomatoes and cream. away iconic Indian are creamier, with coco• NAAN: Fresh, clay-baked bread, which dishes, as do their use nut milk and yogurt, a comes in round shapes. There are seven flavors of their spice mixnorthern specialty. Saag on Saffron’s menu. tures. At Saffron, the is a pureed spinach• PANEER: Cheese. Saffron makes their own spices come direct based sauce. All of these cheese from scratch. It’s similar to mozzarella and from India, and Chef are available in chicken, just as delicious. Find it in the Saag and Shahi Verma mixes and paneer, and some of the other dishes and wraps. lamb, fish or tiger prawn grinds his own special versions and all are blends so the flavors of served with field green their dishes are authentic and unique. salads and basmati rice.

One discovery while back in the kitchen RJ says that if you don’t enjoy curry dishwas their homemade dough, and the unique es, then try the Chicken Tikka Masala. He way they bake bread in the clay oven. Naan consideres the grilled barbecue nature of is an absolutely divine bread–crisp and the Tikka a safe dish for anyone new to the smoky on the outside, fluffed and delicate cuisine. Its juicy grilled meat is a contrast to inside. You can get it in roasted garlic, the other braised and softer meats. cheese, pesto and Kashmiri flavors. You What I really respect about this menu is will also find roti, kulcha and paratha as RJ has not dumbed it down. Yes, at first I well in Saffron’s bread department. had to ask questions, since I didn’t know At lunch they serve wraps from 11am to the terminology or the dishes. But now I’ve 2pm, and these are a coveted dish. Saffron learned the menu is good enough to come makes the wrap bread by hand and grills back for more. For the month of October it to order. The remarkable combination of you can expect daily chef’s specials on orvegetables, meat and sauce roll into a handganic vegan items, daily lunch specials and held lunch is like no other on Maui. kama‘aina discounts. Just ask! ■Cruising through the pupu menu I chanced on the Gobi Manchuria, which is one of their To share or save this article, type: fusion dishes inspired by Asian cuisine. It’s a mt.hy.pr/1516d

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Taking the Maui Country Farm Tour

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aui Country Farm Tours has entered the eco-tourism industry with a fun multi-farm and nature tour developed by food and nature enthusiast Marilyn Jansen Lopes. Using a reclaimed Maui Land & Pineapple Co. eightpassenger, air-conditioned van with giant windows, the tour starts at Whole Foods Market in Kahului at 9am. The Deluxe Up-County Photo Farm Tour adventure begins by driving towards the North Shore, but they offer lots of tour options like their newest Sugar Express, morning or afternoon Upcountry farm tours, or private tours as well.

Driver Rick Lopes (Marilynâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s husband) was born and raised in Haliâ&#x20AC;&#x2DC;imaile and his colorful stories about the history of the region are priceless. Your first destination is the Hoâ&#x20AC;&#x2DC;okipa Beach Park, one of the North Shoreâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s most pristine and visited locations that attracts many windsurfers, surfers and other ocean sports enthusiasts.

Even though Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d travelled these roads before, letting someone else do the driving was fantastic. When coupled with the nostalgic guidance of the Lopesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;, the scenery was even more spectacular.

Our next stop was Ulupalakuaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Tedeschi Winery and Ulupalakua Ranch. Impressive botany is well documented in the history of the land, which is now operated by the Sumner family. There you can encounter rare trees and artifacts on the property as you take a short foot journey narrated by a winery expert. Wine tasting at the winery demonstrates how Mauiâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s niche wine market developed decades ago. They grow grapes in a vineyard along the slopes of Haleakala, make sparkling wine in the traditional method and offer their famous pineapple wine as well.

Now all this touring will stimulate your appetite, which is good because around this time the Lopes serve a picnic lunch under the Tedeschiâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s trees. You can munch your pre-ordered sandwiches with fresh fruits, fresh baked goodies and cool beverages in the pleasant Ulupalakua breeze. You choose your gourmet sandwiches when you book; thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s turkey, avocado and bacon, an Italian sub or veggie on ciabatta. All the sandwiches are made at Whole Foods Market, and the menu changes seasonally.

Once your hunger is satiated, its off to Kula Country Farms. With more than 180 acres, this agricultural spot includes a stand where you can buy flowers, fruits and vegetables. Chauncy Monden and his family operate the farm and stand, and theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re well known during strawberry season, where

you can pick your own ripe, delicious berries on the farm. Amazing Kula views are everywhere, and you can take photos on the flatbed truck adorned by bailed hay.

Once youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve scooped plenty of tuberose stems, its off to Aliâ&#x20AC;&#x2DC;i Kula Lavender Farm for a walking a look at their crops and agricultural products. The farm requires little additional watering since it was developed with sustainability in mind by Aliâ&#x20AC;&#x2DC;i Chang.

Though Chang passed earlier this year, the farm still operates with his philosophy and continues to perpetuate his ideas of sustainability for the island and its modern agricultural endeavors. You will marvel over the diverse types of lavender grown here, as well as plenty of other plants to smell and touch, as your guide describes and cuts pieces for you to enjoy.

The last stop on the way back to Kahului is the Surfing Goat Dairy. The goats and their owners Thomas and Eva Kafsak have some of the most amazing chocolates and cheeses on the island, and after your walking tour you get a chance to sample and purchase these treats. Your tour here always starts by feeding hay to a few mid-size goats.

The gobble it happily from your hands while they let their personalities shine. Later you will learn about their milking procedures and how they make their cheese and choco-

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After this wide snapshot of Mauiâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s diverse agriculture, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be happy to pile back in the van and enjoy your descent into the valley floor. In the deluxe tour you will receive copies of Marilynâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s autographed books. She has authored three: Amaryllis of Hawaii Drawings of Hawaii to Color, Amaryllis of Hawaii Loves To Cook Recipes For Life, and Amaryllis, Amaryllis How Does Your Garden Grow? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Organically, of Course!â&#x20AC;? (you can find them at AmaryllisofHawaii.com).

Comfortable shoes are important on this tour, as you cover a lot of ground, but keep in mind that you will come away with one of the most unique experiences on Maui. â&#x2013;

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OCTOBER 6, 2011

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25% of sales from our “Betty’s Luscious Libations” Cocktail list ;memdYlan] ^gj l`] egfl`! *All proceeds will be donated to the Maui Memorial Medical Center Foundation ALSO DON’T FORGET:

SEAN MICHAEL HOWER

808.250.1788 HOWER PHOTO.COM

CHECK OUT WEDDING PHOTOS & VIDEOS PLES HER SAMPLES HERE

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The Best Champagne Brunch on the Island k]jnaf_ 0Ye%*he ]n]jq Kmf\Yq KYlmj\Yq Live Kona Lobsters $13.95 O]\f]k\Yqk klYjlaf_ Yl ,he $2 Margaritas During Happy Hour *%-he 1%))HE -(- ^ l l l -(- ^jgfl klj]]l Ý 0(0&..*&(+(( ÝZ]llqkZ]Y[`[Y^]&[ge Ý^Y[]Zggc&[ge'Z]llqkZ]Y[`[Y^]

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OCTOBER 6, 2011

PICKS

This Week's Picks

DIVERSIONS, NS, DALLIANCES & DATES

BY ANU YAGI

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 6 DOMO ARIG ARIGATO, MR. ROBOTO - A fundraising event for the King Kekaulike Robotics R team, highlighted by a live robotics demonstration. Foremost, Foremo the event features a four-sided Color Box screening of the acclaimed doco d Bots High (awarded Best Documentary at both the Geek Film Festival and an Independents’ Film Festival), which follows three high school teams of brainy brain rock ‘em sock ‘em enthusiasts who build and battle their way to a national robotics ro competition. Comfort-conscious moviegoers are encouraged to bring bri blankets and beach chairs. Tickets available at the door or in advance vvia mauimakers.com/blog/botshigh. $5. 6pm. King Kekaulike High School, 121 Kula Hwy., Pukalani; 573-8707

WIGGIN’ OUT - Wear a wig, take a swig and do oa jig at Ambrosia’s second anniversary affair. Put on a postiche to duck the cover, then stuff your purse rse with party favors while enjoying free food (6-9pm), ), a champagne toast (10pm) and $2-off shots all night—all —all to live music by Jamie Gallo (7-10pm) and MauiTime’s me’s Best of Maui 2011 winner DJ Del Sol (10pm-close). se).

No cover if wearing a wig. 6pm-close. Ambrosia sia Martini Lounge, 1913 S. Kihei Rd.; 891-1011; 11; ambrosiamaui.com om

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 7 BLOW BY BLOW - Acclaimed trumpeter and composer Terence Blanchard–who’s heralded h as being “central to the resurgence of jazz composition iin film”–performs live at the MACC. Blanchard’s scored nearly 50 films, in including every Spike Lee movie since 1991’s Jungle Fever, and for more than a decade he’s served as artistic director of the Thelonious Monk Institute of Jazz. As you can imagine, the accolades go on (stuff like a handful of Grammys and even more nods from NARA, Emmys and Golden Globes). Go early to indulge in a pre-show dinner by Three’s Bar & Grill. $35 advance / $40 day-of. 7:30pm.

Yokouchi Y Pavilion, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org

PASS THE PEACE (GIMME SOME MORE!) - The Wa W Warr in Afghanistan enters its 11th year today, and Maui Peace eace Action, UH Maui College Peace Club and Maui MoveOn Council invite the public to a peaceful (duh!) occupation of the e State Building’s courtyard (beginning at 1pm). Early afternoon on activ activiiviiv ties include keiki coloring projects and peace poetry, p plus lus information tables and memorial displays. The event culminates minates with a rally augmented by the music of Steve Grimes (4-5pm), 5pm), followed by a sign-waving march (bring a sign that speaks aks your mind) through Market Street during Wailuku First Friday a ay festivities. Free. 1-6pm. Meet at the corner of Main St.. and S. High St., Wailuku; mauipeace.org

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 8 MAP METTLE - If you looked at the cover image and said, “awesome” but looked at the cover story (page 10) and thought “too long,” this event may not be for you. Astute folks, however, have at this point in their paper-perusing already read the cover story and know all about the special Mapping of Maui event with Riley Moffat, noted map historian. $10. 4pm. Bailey House Museum (2375-A Main St., Wailuku); 244-3326, mauimuseum.org

THEY WILL ROAR YOU AS GENTLY AS ANY SUCKING DOVE E d- Seabury Hall Performing Arts presents Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream (Fridays, Saturdays & Sundays, Oct. 7-9 & 14-16). From their pastureland promontory academy, Seabury’s showss are always done in style. $11 adults/$9 seniors/$5 students (Sun.,., cOct. 9 is “pay what you will night”). 7pm. Cooper House Reflec7 tion Pond, Seabury Hall (480 Olinda Rd., Makawao); 573-1257

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 9 LOVE ME, LOVE MY DOG - ProArts presents A. R. Gurney’s Sylvia ylvia (Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays Oct. 7 & 8, 13-16, and 20-23).

23).

A pair of empty-nesters find their new dog’s a bone of contention. Starring ng Jackie Shea (Sylvia), Scott Newman (Greg), Marilynn Hirashima (Kate), and nd Kalani Whitford (three roles: Tom, Phyllis and Leslie). $20 adults/$15 stuudents 18-years-old and younger/$15 kama‘aina nights (Oct. 8, 13 & 20). 7:30pm Thu-Sat/3pm Sun. ProArts Playhouse, Azeka (Makai) Shopping Center (1280 S. Kihei Rd.); 463-6550; proartspacific.com

FOLK CORPS - Spirited Israeli folk dancing every Thursday and Sunday. Classes are free and begin with classic, simple dances then progress to more contemporary ones—perfect for beginners and advanced dancers alike.

6-8pm Thu / 4-6pm Sun. Grace Church (55 Makaena Pl., Pukalani); 280-1051

MONDAY, OCTOBER 10 ALL MY ROWDY FRIENDS ARE COMIN’ OVER TONIGHT - Dude, hang in there. Daylight Savings is on Nov. 6. You know what that means: Hawaii’s 7am Sunday kickoff time will spring forward to the slightly less-ungodly hour of 8am; never mind we won’t have to wait an hour for beer/Bloody Mary service. Until then, revel in the sane hours of Monday Night (that is, um, afternoon) Football.

If you couldn’t afford the NFL Sunday Ticket (who can?), no worries beef curries.

Football-friendly watering holes abound, including Green Leaf Sports Bar & Grill G (1088 L. Main St., Wailuku), Kahului Ale House (355 E. Kamehameha Ave., Kahului), Oceans Bar & Grill (1819 S. Kihei Rd.), Mulligan’s on the Blue (100 Kaukahi St., S Wailea), Haui’s Life’s A Beach (1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei), Stopwatch Sports Bar (1127 Makawao Ave.) and Charley’s Restaurant & Saloon (142 Hana Hwy., Paia).

BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL! L! - Mulligan’s on the Blue’s Rockin’ the ‘80s 0s Party.

“Where’s the beef?” There’s no beef, brah!

But there is beer! Lots o’ it! And, totally ally tubular tunes from back in the Day Glo era–just a–just the stuff to help you “get into the groove” ove” this “blue Monday. y.”

10pm-12am. Mulligan’s on the e Blue (100 Kaukahi St., Wailea); ); 874-1131 131

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 11 SEA-HUGGERS - The Hawaiian Islands Humpback Whale National ational Marine Sanctuary launches another three-week series off lectures (Tuesdays) to help us properly educate visitors (and d ourselves) about Hawaii’s unique marine environment.

6-8pm. Lahaina Civic Center (1840 Honoapiilani Hwy.,., Lahaina); register online (oceanawarehawaii.org) hawaii.org) or call 879-2818 2818 ext. 22

MONEY CAN’T BUY HAPPINESS - Ed Gazmen lectures on “How To Be Joyfully Jobless: Creating Work That You Love.” Gazmen is the founder/publisher of Kayumanggi, a news pub for Filipinos, and was the founder/pastor of New Life Community Church. Free. 12-1pm. Maui County Business Resource Center, Maui Mall (70 E. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului); 873-8247

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 12 PICK UP THE SLACK - Cooler-than-cool Uncle George Kahumoku Jr. hosts his Grammy Award-winning ki ho‘alu concert series every Wednesday.

Dinner packages available through Sea House Restaurant (adjacent to the concert hall; 5:30pm seating). $39.99. 5:30-7:30pm.

Napili Kai Beach Resort Pavilion (5900 L. Honoapiilani Rd., Napili); 669-5838; slackkey.com/napilikai.com

LAUD TZU - David Doyle hosts an open discussion of ye ol’ master Lao Tzu’s Chinese classic, Tao Te Ching.

6:30-8pm. Soul Space Maui Renewal Center (16. S. Market St., Wailuku); 284-0655; soulspacemaui.com

OCTOBER 6, 2011

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PICKS

BY ANU YAGI

Firstest with the Mostest

Wailuku First Friday Friday (Oct. 7), 6-9pm, Wailuku Town (Main, Market, Vineyard and S. High Streets); free Contrary to popular belief, I’m a bit of a lightweight when it comes to intoxicants; just a wee pupa among barflies. That’s not to say I’m not working hard to wriggle into my wrings–therefore I’m totally stoked to be a bug about the beer garden at Wailuku First Friday (WFF). Just a year ago, the space was a derelict Market Street eyesore-turned-oasis of soft sod, native plants and a stunningly symbolic mural. Since then the whole to do has really been at the heart of transforming the entire WFF event into the bright and bustling block party it is today. Though five bucks for a small cup of Stella (or whatever) might seem a little steep, it’s after all always for a good cause. This week, the beer garden proceeds benefits Na Leo Kako‘o Hawaiian immersion. (Speaking of good causes, every canned good or greenback donation to the Maui

Food Bank booth earns you entry into a door prize drawing. Oh, and for more intoxicating Hawaiian goodness, check out Native Intelligence’s ‘awa bar, plus ono local grinds and fresh kulolo–i.e. a kalo-based dessert that’s heaven on Earth–just one of the myriad exciting edibles available throughout the event.) Sweet as all that is, WFF’s enthralling entertainment lineup means that you can fill up on ear-and eye candy alone. Here’s a taste: If you remember the last time metalicious MOTHxp played WFF (for MauiTime’s own bar mitzvah meets quinceanera bash this past January), you already know they draw a street-thronging crowd with their eachunique-as-fingerprints act (their last WFF show boasted dark carnie chicks on stilts and stuff; and at their last few concerts, they’ve been costumed in everything from couture purple velvet cloaks to intricate neon war paint). Ooh, ooh–and two, count ‘em, two magicians–Timothy Wenk and the famed Brenton Keith–will rove the street proffering illusion. Plus, Benny Uyetake and students from the SEKIS ‘Ukulele Band (of which I’m a proud alumnus) strum and serenade at Banyan Tree Park. ■ To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1516p2

Get lost in the crowd!

BY YNEZ TONGSON

Fil-Am Dunk Maui Fil-Am Heritage Festival MONDAYS 8-11PM

TUESDAYS 7:30-10PM

BLUES SPIRIT ALL AGES NO COVER

WEDNESDAYS 7:30-10PM ALL AGES NO COVER

THURSDAYS 9-CLOSE

JESSICA RABBIT DAMON PARILLO OPEN MIC

ALL AGES NO COVER

GOT TALENT? SIGN UPS AT 9PM

FRIDAYS 8PM-CLOSE

SOUNDS OF ADDICTION

SATURDAYS

LUCKY TONGUE

900 FRONT ST. +1-808-667-7400 18

OCTOBER 6, 2011

Saturday (Oct. 8), 10am-3pm, Maui Mall (70 E. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului); free I can say a lot about the Philippines. There’s the intimate-with-strangers population density; the so-hot-you-can’t-breathe heat; the whatthe-hell-is-this-but-it’s-awesome food. But even that doesn’t begin to convey all the rich culture the island nation has to offer. Instead, here’s a recent conversation my kasinsin/pinsan/ig-agaw (cousin) and I had at the dining room table of (one of) my aunt’s house, in San Fernando, PI: Me: How does the whole “courting” thing work?

Her: Usually mutual friends introduce you.

Then, he’ll ask if he may call on you. He introduces himself to your family. You may go on group dates or with a chaperone, then later, on your own. Traditionally, he’ll serenade you, outside your window. (Me: What, John Cusack style? Her: No.) In modern times, it’s acceptable to text poetry... What about you, ate?

Me: Usually we’re drunk. Or trying to get drunk. Sometimes there’s Facebook or Google stalking.

There you have it. One culture of tradition and romantic ideals versus another that’s straight to the point with better plumbing. I won’t say if one’s better than the other,

but I will say that after coming home to Maui– viciously sick with some exotic virus or food poisoning–I damn-appreciate toilets that flush.

Of course, we Fil-Ams in Hawaii have the best of both worlds: all the deliciously sketchy foods, and the leisure to eat them; all while being surrounded by bright, smiling people and glorious, glorious personal space. The Maui Fil-Am Heritage Festival is the perfect place to celebrate being karbakada, balikbayan or anything else. And when everything is done, we can all go home to hot showers. Perfection. *It’s the same as manang. ■ To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1516p3

Maui Fil-Am Heritage Festival

OCTOBER 6, 2011

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CALENDAR

RESTAURANT

LIVE MUSIC ON THE NORTHSHORE!

THURSDAY OCTOBER 6th

WAVETRAIN

FEATURING GRAMMY AWARD NOMINEE MARK JOHNSTONE 10PM

FRIDAY OCTOBER 7th

LUCKY TONGUE 10PM SATURDAY OCTOBER 8th DOCUMENTARY SCREENING & FUNDRAISER

VOICE OF THE XINGU FEATURING MAUI’S OWN ALFREDO VILLAS-BOAS #/.42)"54)/. s 0- 3(/74)-%

ERIN SMITH & FRIENDS 11PM

SUNDAY OCTOBER 9th

CHARLEY’S GAMEDAY

NFL SUNDAY TICKET

BREAKFAST & GAMES START AT 7AM BAR OPENS AT 8AM ENJOY OUR NEW BLOODY MARY BAR $5 MIMOSAS & BLOODYS BOOKING INFO: BOOKINGS@CHARLEYSMAUI.COM

142 HANA HWY, PAIA

808-573-8085

www.charleysmaui.com

“home of the $1 mai tai” Kihei’s BEST Sunset Cocktail Spot!

AUTHENTIC MEXICAN FOOD BURGERS SALADS Live Music Daily Sunset Happy Hour 3-7 Nightly Entertainment

THURSDAY 6 9pm

RAMPAGE

KIHEI’S LEGENDARY WEEKLY REGGAE DANCE PARTY

FRIDAY 7 9pm

DAT GUYZ KEOLA AND BAND PLAYING ALL THE ISLAND FAVORITES

SATURDAY 8 AMANDA,CODY 9pm & PATRICK CLASSIC ROCK SUNDAY 9 KARAOKE INDUSTRY NIGHT 8pm

NFL FOOTBALL DAY

MONDAY 10 8pm

KARAOKE

HAPPY HOUR PRICES ALL DAY!!

JUNIOR LACUESTA

TUESDAY 11

SMOOTH ISLAND MUSIC 9pm $1 TACOS: 5pm - midnight $3 CORONAS, $3 CUERVO SHOTS: All day

OPEN MIC

WEDNESDAY 12 9pm

GET UP & JAM OR WATCH THE RISING STARS

1913 S Kihei Rd 808.891.8010 ACROSS FROM FOODLAND

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OCTOBER 6, 2011

Da Kine Calendar

BY ANU YAGI

BIG SHOWS MOONLIGHT SERIES FEAT. JOAN SORIANO - Thu, Oct 6. Known as “The Duke of Bachata” (with “bachata” being a brand of guitar-based music birthed from impoverished Dominican Republic communities), Joan Soriano is the genre’s biggest star. His work even augments the critically acclaimed doco, “Santo Domingo Blues.” Of the style of Caribbean music Soriano is helping make famous, NPR’s Banning Eyre explains that “Dominicans call it ‘amargue,’ literally bitterness, but there’s an element of cathartic sweetness there, too.” $28/$33. 7:30pm. A&B Amphitheater / Yokouchi Pavilion, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org MOONLIGHT SERIES FEAT. TERENCE BLANCHARD - Fri, Oct 7. Wiki may say it best when it describes Terence Blanchard as being “known as a straight-ahead artist in the hard bop tradition [who] has recently utilized an African-fusion style of playing that makes him unique from other trumpeters on the performance circuit.” See This Week’s Picks for more. $35/$40. 7:30pm. A&B Amphitheater / Yokouchi Pavilion, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org DUBAPALOOZA - Fri, Oct 7. Origins Music International & Beats Bazaar present Dubapalooza featuring Mad Professor and (his son) Joe Ariwa--direct form London town, celebrating their 30th anniversary tour. Plus, special guests Marty Dread, DJ Boogiemeister and VJ Douglas Deboer.Ten percent of profit goes to Community Work Day Program.

Come early before this amazing show sells out! $20 at door. 9:30pm. Casanova, 1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao; 572-0220; casanovamaui.com

STAGE AN EVENING WITH LEE CATALUNA - Thu, Oct 6. Award-winning author and playwright Lee Cataluna reads from her poignant new novel “Three Years on Doreen’s Sofa,” as well as from her best-seller, “Folks You Meet In Longs.” A Maui-born journalist beloved across Hawaii Nei, Cataluna’s also famous for her work on local television, radio and print. $20.

6:30pm. McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org PROARTS PRESENTS “SYLVIA” - Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays Oct. 7 & 8, 13-16 and 20-23. A pair of empty-nesters find their new dog’s a bone of contention.

See This Week’s Picks for more. 7:30pm Thu-Sat/3pm Sun. $20 adults/$15 students 18-years-old and younger/$15 kama‘aina nights (Oct. 8, 13 & 20). ProArts Playhouse, Azeka (Makai) Shopping Center, 1280 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 463-6550; proartspacific.com

SEABURY HALL PERFORMING ARTS PRESENTS SHAKESPEARE’S “A MIDSUMMER NIGHT’S DREAM” - Fridays, Saturdays & Sundays, Oct. 7-9 and 14-16.

These young thespians will roar you as gently as any sucking dove. See This Week’s Picks for more. $11 adults/$9 seniors/$5 students (Sun., Oct. 9 is “pay what you will night”). 7pm.

Cooper House Reflection Pond, Seabury Hall, 480 Olinda Rd., Makawao; 572-1257 CIRQUE POLYNESIA - Mon-Sat. It’s Cirque du Soleil-esque with a uniquely Polynesian twist. Enjoy amazing high-wire acts, aerial acrobatics, illusions, and mind-boggling contortionists. Starting at $62 (ask about deals for keiki and kama’aina). 6pm. Hyatt Regency Maui Resort & Spa, 200 Nohea Kai Dr., Kaanapali; 667-4540; maui.hyatt.com / cirquepolynesia.com

FOODIE BRIGIT & BERNARD’S 14TH ANNUAL OKTOBERFEST - Every Fri & Sat. Maui’s best and most authentic celebration of Oktoberfest, every Fri & Sat in Oct. Features entertainment by oompah band Dorfmisikanten.

Call for reservations. 6-11pm. Oktoberfest celebration at Brigit & Bernard’s Gardencafe, 335 Hoohana Street, Kahului; 877-6000 FREE VEGETARIAN COOKING CLASSES - Tue, Oct 11. See (and sample!) how Chef Devin Kintop uses local, organic and wholesome ingredients to make healthy and delicious entrées, soups, breakfasts, and deserts.

No registration required. Free. 5:30-6:30pm.

Down To Earth, 305 Dairy Rd., Kahului; 8772661; downtoearth.org LEARN HOW TO GROW YOUR OWN CLEAN, NUTRIENT DENSE FOOD - Wed, Oct 12. Instructor Mike Zelko has been an agriculturist in Hawaii for over 30 years, and this week continues a five-class course (Wednesdays, Sept. 28 - Oct. 26) in growing your own food. Mike brings farm humor to each class with his practical and entertaining approach, and this week’s lesson focuses on how to plant in order of harvest to maximize resources and tips for natural pest and disease control. Bring your specific questions and have them answered about your land or crop. $20 per class / $30 per couple. 4-6pm. Hali’imaile Community Garden, Aoiki St., Hali’imaile; 270-3123; haliimailegarden.weebly.com

TASK FORCE NAME & LOGO CONTES Calling all Maui County high school students: the Prevent Suicide Maui County Task Force needs your help in creating a new name and designing a logo. The mission of the Prevent Suicide Maui County Task Force is to prevent suicide by raising awareness, eliminating stigma, and those at risk of or affected by suicide. Artwork must be original, not too busy or crowded, created on a white 8 1/2 x 11, unlined paper, contain the student’s contact information and include an artist statement.

Winners will receive a gift certificate to Queen Ka’ahumanu Center (1st prize = $250; 2nd prize = $100; 3rd prize = $50). Deadline for submittals: Oct. 24, 2011 (postmarked by 4:30pm). Mail entries to: Kamehameha Schools Maui, High School Office, Attention: Suicide Prevention Logo, 270 ‘A’apueo Parkway, Pukalani, HI 96768. For more information, e-mail suicidepreventionmaui@hotmail.com.

TICKETS ON SALE TAJ MAHAl - Fri, Oct 14. This legendary composer, multi-instrumentalist and vocalist has been a driving and defining force in late 20th century blues and roots music. But you knew that! He’ll be joied by The Hula Blues Band, which formed after Taj Mahal moved to Kauai in 1981—and has been together ever since. $40/$50$/60. 7:30pm. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului, 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org SAVE THE DATE: “GET THE DRIFT AND BAG IT” MARINE DEBRIS CLEANUP Sun, Oct 16. Come one, come all to Community Work Day Program’s annual “Get the Drift and Bag it” cleanup event! The event is an opportunity for residents to join together in a global effort to remove litter and debris from our coastal environment. All cleanup supplies and data cards are provided for volunteers. Carpooling, walking and bicycling to the event are suggested. If you would like to volunteer, suggest a site for litter removal or simply need more information, please contact CWD at 877-2524 or info@cwdhawaii.org.

9am-1pm. Baldwin Beach Park, 877-2524

ANNOUNCEMENTS

FOURTH ANNUAL HALLOWBALOO MUSIC & ARTS FESTIVAL (HONOLULU) - Oct 27-30. Four nights of spirited sounds and masquerade mayhem at the best costume party in the Pacific and Hawaii’s largest live music showcase. Bands include Warpaint, Paper Diamond, Baths, Man Man, The New Mastersounds, and Gaudi with an additional 35+ bands, DJ’s and theatrical groups and 15,000+ costumed crazies--including Maui’s own Freeradicals Projekt, DJ Boomshot, and MOTHxp, plus local favorites Hell Caminos, Mike Love, Kings of Spade and the Cherry Blossom Cabaret. Enter to win a fly-away vacation (plus view line-up or purchase tickets) by visiting hallowbaloo.com.

PREVENT SUICICIDE MAUI COUNTY

MOONLIGHT

LIVING FOODS COOKING DEMO - Wed, Oct 12. Chef Alikat, a local raw food educator and healer, teaches you how to preparedishes full of raw energy. Free. 6pm. Whole Foods Market, 70 Kaahumanu Ave #B,, Kahului; 872-3310; wholefoodsmarket.com/maui

SERIES

FEAT.

JAKE

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

10/6

10/7

10/8

10/8

10/9 - 10/12

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

ALE HOUSE

Clay Mortensen 5-8pm / Nightclub w/ DJ Jamn J 9pm; no cover

Braddah Francis 4-8pm / Nightclub w/ DJ LX & Emcee Jay-J, 10pm; $10

UFC 136: Edgar vs.

Maynard III / Rock & Roll Night w/ DJ Diesel Dave 9pm; no cover

NFL / Simma Down Nightclub w/ DJ JamnJ & DJ Iggy, 10pm; no cover

MON - NFL / Open Mic Jam Sesh w/ host Terri Garrison, 9pm; no cover / TUE Braddah Francis, 4-7pm / WED - Free Karaoke Night w/ Braddah Francis, 8pm

AMBROSIA

Ambrosia’s “Wig Out” 2nd Anniversary Party feat.

Jamie Gallo and DJ Del Sol

Whatever You Want w/ DJ AstroRaph, 10pm

Sunrise Saturdaze w/ DJ Decka, 10pm

ULTRA w/ DJ CIA, 10pm

MON – Cocktails For A Cause / Super Nova feat. Indio & Gibran / TUE – Dirty House Tuesdays w/ DJ La Rage / WED – Red Carpet Movie Night , 7:30pm; Maui’s HI-5 Night (S.I.N.) w/ DJs Del Sol & CIA, 10pm

Live Music

Live Music

Dubapalooza feat. Mad Professor & Joe Ariwa plus Marty Dread, DJ Boomshot & DJ Boogiemeister, 10pm; $20

Native 92.5FM, C.N.A. Ent. & Budlight present the 2011 Rushouze AllstarsTour 10pm; $10

355 E. Kamehameha, Kahului - 877-9001

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-1011

CARY & EDDIE’S HIDEAWAY 500 N. Puunene Ave., Kahului - 873-6555

CASANOVA

1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-0220

TUE - Maui Tribe presents Willie K and The Warehouse Blues Band, 9pm; $10 / WED - Wild Wahine Wednesday w/ DJ Blast & Chilltown, 10pm; $10

CHARLEY’S

Wavetrain feat.

Mark Johnstone, 9pm

Lucky Tongue 10pm

Erin Smith & Friends 10pm

NFL Sunday Ticket

COOL CAT CAFE

Barefoot Minded 7:30-10pm; no cover

Dave Caroll 7:30-10pm; no cover

Dave Caroll 7:30-10pm; no cover

Erin Smith 7:30-10pm; no cover

MON - Peter D, 7:30-10pm / TUE - Live Jazz, 7-10pm / WED - Jordan Cuddy, 7:30-10pm

142 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-8085

Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina - 667-0908

CeLIBRAtion w/ DJ N8 Castro, DJ Toben & special guests 8pm-2am; no cover

DAVID PAUL’S ISLAND GRILL 900 Front St., Lahaina - 662-3000

The Kihei Cowboys 10pm; no cover

DJ Kamikaze 10pm; no cover

Mango Pickers 10pm; no cover

Live Music 10pm; no cover

MON - Gomega / TUE - Rampage / WED Juke Box Party (all sets 10pm; no cover)

DOG & DUCK IRISH PUB

Quiz Night 8pm; no cover

Big John & Daniel from Off Tomorrow 10pm; no cover

Junior Lacuesta 10pm; no cover

Sebrina Barron 10pm; no cover

MON – Daniel / TUE - Live Music / WED - Jessica & Kanoa (all sets 10pm; no cover)

GREEN LEAF SPORTS BAR

Karoke / Free Pool Night

Karaoke / Darts

College Football / Karaoke & Darts

NFL / Karaoke / Darts

MON - NFL / WED - Go Go Dancers & DJ Music, 10pm-close; no cover

Rampage 9pm-close; no cover

Dat Guyz 9pm-close; no cover

Amanda, Cody & Patrick 9pm-close; no cover

NFL / Karaoke Industry Night 8pm-close; no cover

MON - NFL / Karaoke, 8pm-close / TUE - Junior Lacuesta WED - Jordan Cudworth & Open Mic Night

DIAMONDS ICE BAR 1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-9299

1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 875-9669

1088 Lower Main St., Wailuku - 244-4888

HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-8010

HARD ROCK CAFE 900 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7400

Open Mic Night, 7:3010pm; no cover (all ages)

SHIMABUKURO - Wed, Nov 2. This ‘ukulele super hero has got faster-than-the speed-oflight chops which have earned him international renown. $30/$45. 7:30pm. A&B Amphitheater / Yokouchi Pavilion, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org

Comic Standing” fame, he also recently finished shooting a new movie titled “The Best and Brightest” which also stars Neil Patrick Harris and Amy Sedaris. 8pm. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 2427469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org

ONE NIGHT ONLY: AN INTIMATE EVENING WITH BRIAN MCKNIGHT - Fri, Nov 4. Multi-platinum singer-songwriter, arranger, producer and R&B musician Brian McKnight performs live. Brian’s making this a family affair, and is joined by his brother Claude McKnight (of Take 6) and his sons BJ and Niko, (aka BRKN ROBTZ). $45 / $55 / $65. 7:30pm. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org

POINT PANIC MUSIC FESTIVAL: FEATURING SUBLIME WITH ROME, PEPPER, IRATION, AND DUB TRIO - Sun, Nov 20. An all-ages show! Hawaii’s BAMP Project partners with California’s Guerilla Union to present the Point Panic Music Festival. Featuring the return of Sublime with Rome to the Valley Isle, plus Hawaii’s own Pepper (currently on the Vans Warped Tour) and Iration, as well as—for the first time in Hawaii—the Brooklyn-based band, Dub Trio (which doubles as Matisyahu’s backup).

Tickets available through the MACC box office. 3pm doors / 4pm show. $45. 3pm. A&B Amphitheater / Yokouchi Pavilion, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org

MOVIE PREMIERE: “WHEN THE MOUNTAIN CALLS” - Sat, Nov 5. Check out the debut of a fantastic new film directed by Maui filmmaker Tom Vendetti. For more information, visit whenthemontaincalls.com and annmorfitee.com/in-love-with-the-mystery. $25. 7-9pm.

Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469 (SHOW); whenthemountaincalls.com ONE WORLD FESTIVAL - Sun, Nov 6. It’s Q103 FM’s third annual Maui Massive One World Festival, featuring two reggae legends: Third World and Inner Circle. Tickets available via the MACC box office or luckymanhawaii. com. 3pm gates / 4pm show. A&B Amphitheater / Yokouchi Pavilion, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org RALPHIE MAY - Sat, Nov 19. Male comedienne Ralphie May is one of the biggest comics in the country—literally. Of NBC’s “Last

REO SPEEDWAGON - Sun, Nov 27. This temples-tautened band of highly peroxided Midwesterners have been rockin’ since 1967. Beyond their multi-platinum albums, one interesting fact includes their 2009 release of “Find Your Own Way Home,” the “first ‘downloadable casual game’ produced by a rock band.” 7pm doors/8pm show. $65-$85. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org MOONLIGHT SERIES FEAT. MACEO PARKER - Sat, Jan 14. The one and only Maceo Parker--the funk saxophonist famed for his work with Parliament Funkadelic and James Brown--is coming to Maui. Seriously! I know,

Lucky Tonuge 8-11pm

awesome, right? $35/$40. 7:30pm. A&B Amphitheater / Yokouchi Pavilion, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org MOONLIGHT SERIES FEAT. HAPA - Fri, Jan 20. Unless you live under a rock (not withstanding we live on a rock), you already know that Barry Flanagan and Ron Kuala‘au are one of Hawai‘i’s favorite musical duos. $30/$45.

7:30pm. A&B Amphitheater / Yokouchi Pavilion, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 2427469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org MOONLIGHT SERIES FEAT. RAUL MIDON - Thu, Mar 29. Blind since infancy, American singer-songwriter and guitarist, Raul Midon straddles the genres of Latin, folk-pop and jazz with showstopping vocals and dazzling instrumental technique. Combining his soulful tenor and syncopated, percussive guitar with improvisational mouth trumpet sounds, Midon is an exciting one-man show. $28/$33. 7:30pm. A&B Amphitheater / Yokouchi Pavilion, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org

EVENTS

NAR - RevoluSun presents a free, family-friendly solar educational seminar where attendees will learn about the A-B-C’s of solar power.

This seminar provides information on how solar works, the various panel markers, how to choose the best system for your needs, federal and state tax incentives and various solar investment opportunities. Parents are welcome to bring children. Space is limited and reservations are requested. Free. 6-7:30pm. Maui Beach Hotel Molokini Room, 170 W. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 443-6790; RevoluSun.com WIGGIN’ OUT - Wear a wig, take a swig and do a jig at Ambrosia’s second anniversary affair. See This Week’s Picks for more. No cover if wearing a wig. 6pm-2am. Ambrosia, 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 891-1011; ambrosiamaui.com

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 07 PASS THE PEACE (GIMME SOME MORE!) - The War in Afghanistan enters its 11th year today, and Maui Peace Action, UH Maui College Peace Club and Maui MoveOn Council invite the public to a peaceful (duh!) occupation of the State Building’s courtyard. See This Week’s Picks for more. Free. 1-6pm. Meet at the corner of Main St. and S. High St., mauipeace.org

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 06 DOMO ARIGATO, MR. ROBOTO - A fundraising event for the King Kekaulike Robotics team, highlighted by a live robotics demonstration and screening of the acclaimed doco “Bots High.” See This Week’s Picks for more. $5. 6pm. King Kekaulike High School, 121 Kula Hwy., Pukalani; 573-8707; mauimakers. com/blog/botshigh REVOLUSUN HOSTS FREE SOLAR SEMI-

MAJOR LASER - If a la “Austin Powers” Dr. Evil, “you [have] one simple request: and that is to have sharks with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads,” sorry, we can’t help you. But, we can tell you about this weekend’s Quantumwave lasers and Stillpoint seminar.

What’s that, you ask? Frankly, we don’t know either. Proponents say their “Low Level Lasers” using “Scalar Waves”--”which is a technically a non quantifiable state of energy”-- can help

OCTOBER 6, 2011

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THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

10/6

10/7

10/8

10/8

10/9 - 10/12

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

JAVA JAZZ

Guest Performer 7pm - close; no cover

Tracy Stiles 7pm - close; no cover

Rick Glencross 7pm - close; no cover

Farzad & Mike Madden 7pm - close; no cover

MON - The Chris & Mary Jane Xperiment / TUE - Ras Shaggai / WED - Rick Glencross

KAHALE’S

Bad Kitty, 7pm

Kenny Roberts, 7pm

Eight Track Players, 7pm

The Kihei Cowboys, 7pm

MON - Kawika / TUE - Da Hawaiians / WED - Gina Martinelli (all sets 7pm)

1810 6:30-8:30pm

Willie K 9-11pm; $5

1810 6:30-8:30pm

Sam Ahia, 6:30-8:30pm

MON through WED Sam Ahia, 6:30-8:30pm

Karaoke & Dancing w/ Auntie Toddy Lilikoi 9:30-close; no cover

Karaoke & Dancing w/ Auntie Toddy Lilikoi 9:30-close; no cover

Kawika Ortiz, 7-9:30pm / DJ Kamikaze, 10pm-close

MON - NFL / TUE Country Music & Dancing w/ Rick Scanlan, 7-11m / WED Sebrina Barron 7-9pm; Ladies’ Night w/ DJ La Rage, 10pm-close

3350 L. Honoapiilani Rd. - 667-0787

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 875-7711

KIMO’S

845 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4811

KOBE STEAKHOUSE

136 Dickenson St., Lahaina - 667-5555

Fulton Tashombe & The Maui Jazz All-Stars, 7-10pm

LONGHI’S LAHAINA 888 Front St., Lahaina - 667-2288

Salsa Night w/ Netto & Barbara Peraza, 8-11pm / DJ Nexus, 11pm-close

Requesola w/ Rob & Ron, 6:30-9:30pm / DJ Nexus, 10pm-close

Camp Savage 7:30-9:30pm / DJ AstroRaph, 10pm-close

Howard Ahia 6-8pm; no cover

Marvin Tevaga, 6-9pm; no cover / Latin Night w/ DJ Danny, 10pm-2am; $10

STATUS hosted by Philly Blunt & feat. All Access Ent.’s DJ Money Mike, 10pm; $10

Ranga Pae

Ranga Pae

Ranga Pae

Phil & Angie Benoit

Tom Conway

Live DJ 9-11pm

Dance Night w/ Alika, 10pm-12am

SLAM feat. David Choy & Clay Mortensen 7-10pm

The Celtic Tigers w/ Mad Bagpiper Roger McKinley 6:30-9:30pm / Big John, 10pm-12am

MON - Lily Meola, 6:30-8:30pm / Rockin’ the ‘80s Party, 10pm-12am / TUE - TBA / WED - Willie K, 7-9pm.

mauimusicmecca guest DJ, 10pm; no cover

DJ Stylz 10pm; no cover

Rebel Souljahz & Super Dub Tribe, 10pm $10

NFL

MON - NFL / TUE - Viva La Rumba, 8pm

Jordan 6-9pm

Dress Like a Pirate Night

SANSEI - KAPALUA

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

SANSEI - KIHEI

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

LULU’S KIHEI

1945 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-9944

LULU’S LAHAINA

Lahaina Cannery Mall - 661-0808

MERRIMAN’S

1 Bay Club Pl., Kapalua - 669-6400

MOANA BAKERY & CAFE 71 Baldwin Ave., Paia - 579-9999

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea - 874-1131

OCEANS BAR & GRILL 1819 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-2414

SHARKY’S

41 E. Lipa St., Kihei - 874-5115

115 Bay Dr., Lahaina - 669-6286

1881 S. Kihei Rd., Ste. KT116, Kihei - 879-0004

“unwind the glands and cranial system,” “open the meridians, chakras & Quantum Field,” and promote “anti-aging, teleomere and DNA activation.” If you’re still as confused (but curious) as we are, check out the intro night on Friday (Oct. 7; 7pm) and then attend Saturday’s special accreditation training seminar Saturday (Oct. 8; 10am-5pm). And if you’re dead set on the whole shark thing, just hop on the next airship to Thailand, buy a rave laser from a local black market, and start swimming. For more seminar information, visit ilovemylaser.com.

Free. 7pm. Temple of Peace, 575 Ha’iku Rd., Ha’iku; 575-5220

tro and DJ Toben, plus special guests. Free. 8pm2am. David Paul’s Island Grill, 900 Front St., Lahaina; 662-3000; davidpaulsislandgrill.com

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 08 SEVENTH ANNUAL COONEY SURF CONTEST & INVITATIONAL AIR SHOW - Divisions include mini groms (8 and under), menehune (9-11), boys (12-14), junior men (1517), open men, teeny wahine (13 and under) and open women. Free for specators. 7am.

Ho’okipa Beach Park, Hana Hwy, Paia

WAILUKU FIRST FRIDAY - It’s a block party!

Experience an exciting street fest in the heart of Wailuku town. See This Week’s Picks for more.

Free. 6:30-9pm.Market, Main and Vineyard St., Wailuku; facebook.com/wailukufirstfriday

BOYS & GIRLS CLUB OF MAUI BENEFIT GOLF TOURNAMENT - Sat, Oct 8. Four-player teams support a good cause in a scrambleformat tourney. Participants receive a deluxe goodie bag, awards, and lunch at Cafe O’Lei. Shotgun start. 7:30am. Cafe O’Lei at The Dunes at Maui Lani, 1333 Maui Lani Pkwy., Kahului; 242-4363 ext 322; wbgcmaui.org

BAND DEBUT: THE RANDALL ROSPOND TRIO - Featuring Bob Harrison (bass), Kerry Sofaly (drums), and Randall Rospond (guitar, vocals and loops)--plus very special guests. Expect the bluegrassy vibe of the Haiku Hillbillys-with a twist of originality. Plus, cover tunes from the likes of Toots and the Maytals, The Meters, The Rolling Stones, The Greatful Dead, Bob Dylan, Merle Haggard and more. $3. 9pm-1am.

Stopwatch Sports Bar, 1127 Makawao Ave., Makawao; 572-1380

LAHAINA-HONOLUA SENIORS BAZAAR Dude. Our kupuna bake the best goods, make the cutest crafts, and give away the coolest crap to rummage sales. It’s all so awesome, the hungry hoarder in me has sent the intern to fetch me a paper bag so I can quell my hyperventilating. See you there!. Free. 8am. West Maui Senior Center, 788 Pauoa St., Lahaina; 808-442-2450

7TH ANNUAL CE*LIBRA*TION - A party hosted by Libras, for everyone. Features DJs N8 Cas-

MAUI FIL-AM HERITAGE FESTIVAL - Maui celebrates Filipino American History month. Enjoy Filipino dances, songs, and music and taste

22

OCTOBER 6, 2011

MON - All Access DJs, 10pm / TUE - “Lahaina Idol” Karaoke w/ Troy, 9pm12am / WED - Kenny Roberts, 5-8pm (all no cover) Ranga Pae

TUE - David Choy / WED - Ranga Pae TUE - Open Mic Night

MON - Eat & Place Day Dance Dance Extreme Competition, 7pm / TUE - Karaoke w/ DJ Jay / WED - Western Night & BBQ Championship

authentic Filipino food like pansit, lumpia, adobo, desserts, and more. Special events include a Filipino martial arts demonstration, a Filipino attire contest (the winners get airfare to Las Vegas courtesy of Noble Travel), a Master P-Noy Chef Cook-Off featuring Chef Isaac Bancaco of Grand Wailea, Chef Sheldon Simeon of Star Noodle, and Chef Rey A. Baysa of Tommy Bahama. Plus, historical displays, Philippine arts and crafts for sale and free drawings for air fare to the Philippines courtesy of Hawaiian Airlines and Philippine Airlines. See This Week’s Picks for more.

Free. 10am-3pm. Maui Mall, 70 E. Kaahumanu, Kahului; 242-8100; mauifilipinochamber.com WEST MAUI HEALTH AND FITNESS EXPO - Take part in free mini classes that balance your body inside and out, plus get the facts on Maui’s premier health and fitness venues. Free.

10:30am-4:30pm. Lahaina Cannery Mall, Lahaina; mauifitnessexpo.com; 283-2606

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 09 “AN EVENING OF KIRTAN” WITH GOVINDAS & RADHA - Govindas and Radha are husband-and-wife team of California-based bhakti yogis, kirtan singers, and as their spiritual names suggest, “servants of the divine”.

Come early and enjoy a vegetarian feast made available by Monsoon India ($8 dinner plate includes channa masala, vegetable korma, saag aloo, dahl, rice, raita and naan). $10 (cash-only at door). 7-9:30pm. Temple of Peace, 575 Haiku Rd., Haiku; 575-5220; govindasandradha.com

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 11 MONEY CAN’T BUY HAPPINESS - Ed Gazmen lectures on “How To Be Joyfully Jobless: Creating Work That You Love.” See This Week’s Picks for more. Free. 12-1pm. Maui County Business Resource Center, Maui Mall, 70 E. Kaahumanu Ave. #B-9, Kahului; 873-8247 OPEN DISCUSSION OF “TAO TE CHING” See This Week’s Picks for more. 6:30-8pm. Soul Space Maui Renewal Center, 16. S. Market St., Wailuku; 284-0655; soulspacemaui.com CHOOSING AND USING CRYSTALS AND MINERALS FOR BALANCING - Skye Coe leads a lecture. 7-8:30 p.m. Soul Space Maui Renewal Center, 16. S. Market St., Wailuku; 808-280-3682; http://www.soulspacemaui.com HALIIMAILE COMMUNITY GARDEN ORIENTATION AND POTLUCK - Bring a dish to share at the potluck and join the community garden. This garden is not just a place to grow food, but a place to meet other gardeners, volunteer, and help with sustainability projects.

(PS: Be sure to register online; and note that if it’s raining, the event may be cancelled.).

4-6pm. Haliimaile Community Garden, 2144239; haliimailegarden.weebly.com

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 12 WOW! WAILEA ON WEDNESDAYS - Enjoy an island-style concert in the courtyard; plus gallery receptions, artist appearances and more. This week features Leokane and

Friday, October 14 Doors: 7:00 Show: 7:30pm Maui Arts & Cultural Center Castle Theater ARTIST INFO, VIDEO & TICKETS: LAZARBEAR.COM - CONCERT INFO HOTLINE 808-896-4845

Maui Tickets: MACC Box OfямБce 242-SHOW (7469) or at mauiarts.org

OCTOBER 6, 2011

23

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

10/6

10/7

10/8

10/8

10/9 - 10/12

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-6444

DJ Slackin 10pm-close; no cover

DJ Gemini & DJ Ynot 10pm-close; no cover

DJ LX 10pm-close; no cover

Live Music 9pm-12am; no cover

Live Music 9pm-12am; no cover

Ladies’ Night 7pm-close; no cover

Fun Lovin’ Infidels 8-11pm; no cover

Free Pool Day

Ah Tim

Ahumanu

Karaoke w/ Pearl Rose 9:15pm-12am; no cover

Randall Rospond Trio 9pm-1am; $3

SPORTS PAGE GRILL & BAR 2411 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-0602

STEEL HORSE SALOON 1234 L. Main St., Wailuku - 243-2206

STELLA BLUES CAFE 1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-3779

STOPWATCH SPORTS BAR 1127 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-1380

THREE’S BAR & GRILL 1945 S Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-3133

Danyel Alana Trio 9pm

TIA JUANA’S BEACH CANTINA 1424 L. Main St., Wailuku - 249-0052

TIMBA

505 Front St, Ste. 212, Lahaina - 661-9873

WATERCRESS

Waiehu Beach Center, Wailuku-243-9350

CJ “Boom” Helekahi, who bring the sounds of Hana Town to South Maui. 6:30-8pm. The Shops at Wailea, Lower Courtyard, 3750 Wailea Alanui, Wailea; 891-6770 MASTERS OF HAWAIIAN SLACK KEY See This Week’s Picks for more. $39.99. 7:309:30pm. Napili Kai Beach Resort Pavilion, 5900 L. Honoapiilani Rd., Napili; 669-3858; slackkey.com / napilikai.com RED CARPET MOVIE NIGHT: “MEMENOT” (2000) - Two words: free popcorn. Need we say more? OK. We will: October is a thrillerthemed month! Mark your calendars for “Seven” on Oct. 19 and “Silence of the Lambs” on Oct. 26. No cover. 7:30pm. Ambrosia Martini Lounge, 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 891-1011; ambrosiamaui.com

DINNER MUSIC WEST MAUI COOL CAT CAFE - Every Thu, Barefoot Minded 7:30-10pm; Every Fri & Sat, Dave Carroll 7:30-10pm; Every Sun, Erin Smith 7:30-10pm; Every Mon, Peter D 7:30-10pm; Every Tue, live jazz 7-10pm; Every Wed, Junior Lacuesta 7:30-10pm. Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina, 667-0908.

DA KITCHEN - Mon, Wed, Fri, Sat & Sun, live music 5:30-10pm. Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina, 661-4990.

DUKE’S BEACH HOUSE - Duke’s Beach House - Every Mon, Tue & Wed, Brian 3-5pm; Wed, Alika & Ron 6-8:30pm; Thu, Damien 3-5pm; Thu, Garrett & Peter 6-8:30pm; Fri, Garrett 3-5pm; Every Fri & Sat, Kulwewa 6-8:30pm; Every Sun & Sat, Tim 3-5pm; Sun, Tim & Miles 6-8:30pm; Tue, Alika & Edee 6-8:30pm; Tue, Tim & Edee 6-8:30pm; Fri, Henry Kapono 5-7pm. 130 Kai Malina Pkwy., Lahaina, 662-2900.

HULA GRILL - Hula Grill - Wed, Alika 1:303:30pm; Wed, Peter DeAquino 4-6pm; Every Tue & Wed, Ernest Pua’a & Friends 6:30-9pm; Thu, Alika 11am-1pm; Thu, Ernest Pua’a 1:30-

24

OCTOBER 6, 2011

MON - DJ Blast / TUE - DJ LX / WED Ladies’ Night w/ The ADD Twins (All sets 10pm - close; no cover)

NFL BBQ

MON - Mahalo Monday Industry Night, 10pm-close / TUE - Tennis League Night MON - Tom Cherry & Mike Finkewiecz, 4-6pm / TUE - Tom Conway, 4-6pm / WED - Randall Rospond, 4-6pm / SLAM feat.

David Choy & Clay Mortensen, 7-10pm

Karaoke w/ Pearl Rose 9pm-12am; no cover ‘60s Girlie Show

Gina Martinelli Band 7pm

WED - Blues Night w/ The Crossroads, 7:30pm

Live Music

Live Music

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

MON through WED- Karaoke

Industry Night 9pm-2am; no cover

Undone w/ Ross Q 9:30pm-2am; $10

Spun Out w/ DJ Calcul8 9pm-2am; $10

Closed

MON through WED - Closed

Next Level Entertainment 10pm

Live Music 10pm

Live Music 10pm

Free Karaoke

MON - Free Karaoke / TUE - Thirsty Tuesday & Free Karaoke / WED - Free Karaoke

2291 Kaanapali Pkwy. - 667-4080

TIFFANY’S

Kanoa 10pm-close; no cover

3:30pm; Every Mon & Thu, Armadillo 4-6pm; Thu, Kulwewa 6-9pm; Every Mon, Fri & Sat, Kawika Lum Ho 1:30-3:30pm; Every Fri & Sat, 1810 4-6pm; Fri, Kawika, Roy & Ivan 6:309pm; Sat, Wili Pohaku 6:30-9pm; Every Sun & Tue, Kawika Lum Ho 11am-1pm; Sun, Ron & Ikaika 1:30-3:30pm; Sun, Derick Sebastian Trio 6-9pm; Mon, Derick Sebastian & Josh Kahula 6:30-9pm; Tue, Jarrett Roback 1:303:30pm; Tue, Damon & Danyel Alana 4-6pm; Every Mon, Wed & Fri, Ernest Pua’a 11am1pm. Whaler’s Village, 2435 Ka’anapali Pwy., Bldg P, Lahaina, 667-6636.

JAVA JAZZ - Thu, Guest Performer; Fri, Tracy Stiles; Sat, Rick Glencross; Sun & Mon, The Chris and Mary Jane Xperiment; Tue, Ras Shaggai; Wed, Rick Glencross (all sets 7pm). 3550 L. Honoapiilani Rd., Lahaina, 667-0787.

LEILANI’S ON THE BEACH - Every Thu, Jarrett & Wilson; Every Fri, DJ & Friends, Every Sat, JD & Harry; Sun, Merv Oana (all sets 3-5pm).

Whaler’s Village, 2435 Ka’anapali Pkwy. Bldg. J, Ka’anapali, 661-4495.

LONGHI’S LAHAINA - Every Fri, Fulton Tashombe and The Maui Jazz All Stars 7-10pm.

888 Front St., Lahaina; 667-2288.

LULU’S LAHAINA SURF CLUB & GRILL - Every Thu, Howard Ahia 6-8pm; Fri, Marvin Tevaga 6-9pm; Every Wed, Kenny Roberts 5-8pm. Lahaina Cannery Mall, 1221 Honoapiilani Hwy. #A1, Lahaina, 661-0808.

MERRIMAN’S - Wed-Sun, Ranga Pae; Mon, Phil & Angie Benoit; Tue, David Choy. All sets 6-9pm. 1 Bay Club Pl., Lahaina, 669-6400.

PIONEER INN GRILL & BAR - Thu, Greg di Piazza feat. Alana Cini 5:30-8:30pm; Tue, Ah-Tim Elenicki 5:30-8:30pm; Wed, JD on the Rocks 5-8pm. 658 Wharf St., Lahaina; 661-3636 R.B. BLACK ANGUS STEAKHOUSE - Every Sun, Live jazz. 4465 Honoapiilani Hwy., Lahaina; 669-8889 SEA HOUSE RESTAURANT - Every Tue & Fri,

Kincaid Kupahu 7-9pm; Every Sun & Thu, Andrew Kaina 7-9pm; Sat, Coehlo Morrison 7-9pm; Every Mon & Wed, Albert Kaina 7-9pm. 5900 Lower Honoapiilani Hwy., Napili, 669-1500.

VILLAGE CAFE & SWEET SHOPPE - Fri, Glenn Kakugawa and Sarah Cravalho 5:308:30pm. 2000 Village Rd., Lahaina, 665-1122.

SOUTH MAUI AMBROSIA - Every Thu, Jamie Gallo 7pm; Every Mon, Cocktails for a Cause (this week benefits the Day of Hope Maui) 8pm + live entertainment 9pm; Every Tue, “Glee” on the big screen 7pm; Every Wed, Red Carpet Movie Night [October is thirller month! This week: “Memento” (2000)] 7:30pm. 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 891-1011.

CAPISCHE? - Every Fri & Sat, Mark Johnstone 7-10pm. 555 Kaukahi St., Kihei, 879-2224.

HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH - Every Thu, Junior Lacuesta; Every Fri, Tue & Wed, Rick Glencross; Every Sat, Ryan Robinson; Every Sun & Mon, Karaoke 8pm; Every Wed, Open Mic Night 9pm. 1913 S. Kihei Rd., #E, Kihei, 874-1250.

KAI WAILEA - Thu, Mon & Sun, Wolf; Fri, Ryan Robinson; Sat, Kanoa; Mon, Tom Conway; Wed, Francois (all sets 6-8:30pm). 3750 Wailea Alanui, Wailea, 875-1955.

LULU’S KIHEI - Every Thu, Netto & Barbara Peraza 8-11pm; Every Fri, Ron & Rob 6:309:30pm; Every Sat, Camp Savage 7:309:30pm; Every Sun, Kawika Ortiz, 7-9:30pm; Every Tue, Ric Scanlan 7-11pm; Every Wed, Sebrina Barron, 7-9pm MONSOON INDIA - Every Sat, Romantic Violin & Guitar Duets by Cambria Moss & Ricardo Dioso 6:30-8:30pm; Mon, Louise Lambert 6-9pm; Every Tue, Hula Honeys 5:30-8:30pm.

760 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 875-6666.

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE - Sun, The Celtic Tigers 6:30-9:30pm, Mon, Lily Meola 6:30-8:30pm; Tue, TBA 7-8pm; Wed, Willie K 7-9pm. 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea, 874-1131.

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE - Every Thu, Erin Smith; Every Fri, Randall Rospond; Every Sat, Tom Conway; Every Sun, Viva La Rumba; Every Mon, Kanoa; Every Tue, Sebrina Barron; Every Wed, Mark Johnstone. (all sets 4-6pm.)

Kihei Kalama Village, 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 874-6444.

STELLA BLUES CAFE - Every Thu, Ah-Tim 4-6pm; Every Mon, Tom Cherry & Mike Finkeiwicz 4-6pm; Every Tue, Tom Conway 4-6pm; Every Wed, Randall Rospond 4-6pm / SLAM feat. David Choy and Clay Mortensen 7-10pm.

1279 South Kihei Rd., # 201, Kihei, 874-3779.

THREE’S BAR & GRILL - Every Sun, Gina Martinelli Band. 1945 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 8793133 TRADEWINDS POOLSIDE CAFE - Every Thu, Island Favorites with Kawika Lum Ho; Every Fri, Girls Nite Out with Gina Martinelli; Every Sat, Classic Rock with Dominic; Every Sun, Ron Shadian & Friends; Every Mon, Bobby Ingram & Friends; Every Tue, Mike and Mark; Every Wed, Steve Sargenti. (all sets 6-9pm.)

2259 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 891-8860.

CENTRAL MAUI ALE HOUSE - Thu, Clay Mortensen 5-8pm.

Every Fri, Braddah Francis 4-8pm; Every Mon, Terri Garrison 4-7pm, Open Mic Night with Terri Garrison 9pm; Every Tue, Braddah Francis 4-7pm. Every Wed, Karaoke w/ Braddah Francis 9pm. 355 E. Kamehameha Ave., Kahului, 877-9001.

BRIGET & BERNARD’S GARDEN CAFE Every Fri & Sat in Oct (especially for Oktoberfest), oompah band Dorfmisikanten 6-11pm.

335 Hoohana St., Kahului; 877-6000.

UPCOUNTRY MAUI CAFE DES AMIS - Every Thu, Joe Conte plays The Chapman Stick; Every Sat, live Argentinian music; Every Wed, The Stone Violets 6:308:30pm. 42 Baldwin Ave., Paia, 579-6323.

HAPPY HOUR 3-6PM LIVE MUSIC EVERY WEEKEND

THURSDAY 10.6 THURSDAY 10.6

Danyal Alana Trio Band 9PM FRIDAY 10.7 FRIDAY 10.7

Cbmmfu! ¦! ! Kb{{! ¦! Dpoufnqpsbsz!

Sizuin! '! Npwfnfou! ¦! Qjmbuft Difdl!xfctjuf!gps!npsf!jogp; dance@alexanderacademy.vpweb.com

808.878.8970 Alexander Academy is a donation based studio providing quality dance instruction to the community.

Old Kula Community Center PO Box 1291, Kula, HI 96790

60’s Girlie Show 10PM SUNDAY 10.9 SUNDAY 10.9

Gina Martinelli Band 7PM WEDNESDAY 10.12 WEDNESDAY 10.12

Blues Night with The Crossroads 7:30PM

808.879.3133 1945 S Kihei Road, Suite G

OCTOBER 6, 2011

25

FILM

Rock â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Em Sock â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Em Robots!

Real Steel is mechanical, but still well-built

BY BARRY WURST II

Real Steel

â&#x2DC;&#x2026;â&#x2DC;&#x2026;â&#x2DC;&#x2026;â&#x2DC;&#x2026;â&#x2DC;&#x2026;

Rated PG 13/128 min onths of seeing trailers for Real Steel had me expecting a stupid, clunky CGI action flick, the kind of Rock â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Em Sock â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Em Robots! The Movie! youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d expect from Michael Bay. While the film is predictable, it isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t stupid and pulled me in right from the beginning. It stars Hugh Jackman as Charlie, a former boxer who now makes a shady living entering robots into amateur robot boxing matches. He reluctantly allows his estranged son, Max (Dakota Goyo) to join him on the road while he enters one losing match after another. Only once the boy discovers a buried, long discarded robot named â&#x20AC;&#x153;Atomâ&#x20AC;? does their luck change.

The story sounds ridiculous but Jackman never seems foolish and is never upstaged by the special effects. Though set in the near future, the effects arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t overloaded and neither are the fight scenes. When the metal dukes go up, the movie seriously thrills but the emphasis is on the father and son relationship and that never ceases to be the filmâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s focus. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Atomâ&#x20AC;? has

M

big, adorable, glowing blue eyes but the movie never tries to manipulate you into feeling anything for the hunk of junk.

Jackman plays a rat who has coasted on his good looks and lucky breaks but is finding debt and responsibility cornering him; Jackmanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s character grows up, of course, but gradually and, while Goyo is okay as far as child actors go, he has a good chemistry with the former Wolverine. Hope Davis is wasted as Maxâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s disapproving guardian but Evangeline Lily takes the useless girlfriend role and makes it special.

I was worried when I saw that Shawn Levy was the director, as he helmed Date Night, Cheaper by the Dozen and the mediocre Night at the Museum movies. Yet, from the opening shots, you see a confidence and filmmaking precision from Levy that demonstrates growth as a filmmaker. The film is gorgeously shot, with great use of reflective surfaces and widescreen framing that emphasize the distance between characters.

Seeing the names of producers Robert Zemeckis and Steven Spielberg in the credits also gave me reason to be optimistic. Like last summerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s mixed but likable Super 8, this is another throwback film, the kind of Boy and His Robot

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Shaver: used above and below the belt

movie that I would have loved when I was 10 but still dig today. The PG 13 rating is for some mild profanity and a few intense moments but this is a family movie and one that older boys and girls will enjoy as much as their folks.

There are a few screenplay problems: Atom is clearly special, with a human quality that makes him superior to his ringside op-

ponents, but the film never bothers to tell us why. Also, with villains who are Japanese and Russian (and will remind many of Bridgette Nielsen in Rocky IV), the movie is as xenophobic as it is plastered with product placements. Anyone who has seen Stalloneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Over the Top knows this story, which is exactly like that movie, accept with giant robots instead of arm wrestling. Yet, the movie really works. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s gritty enough to captivate older viewers but heartfelt and cool enough to capture the imagination of younger audiences.

A touch that could have killed the movie is how Max teaches the robot to dance: instead of leading to embarrassing scenes, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sporadically used to show us how Max understands the need for showmanship and makes a name for himself and his dancing, boxing robot.

In or out of the ring, the movie knows how to excite its audience. â&#x2013; To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1516f

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FILM

Showtimes FRONT STREET THEATER 900 Front Street, Lahaina, 249-2222 (Matinees) 50/50 - R - THU (4:15), 7:10, 9:45. FRI (1:30, 4:15), 7:10, 9:45. SAT-SUN (1:30), 4:15, 7:10, 9:45. MON-WED (4:15), 7;10, 9:45.

Abduction - PG13 - THU (4:05), 7:05, 9:35. FRI (1:20, 4:05), 7:05, 9:35. SAT-SUN (1:20), 4:05, 7:05, 9:35. MON-WED (4:05), 7:05, 9:35.

Dolphin Tale (2D) - PG - THU (3:45), 6:45, 9:15.

FRI (1:00, 3:45), 6:45, 9:15. SAT-SUN (1:00), 3:45, 6:45, 9:15. MON-WED (3:45), 6:45, 9:15.

Dream House - R - THU (4:00), 7:00, 9:30. FRI (1:15, 4:00), 7:00, 9;30. SAT-SUN (1:15), 4:00, 7:00, 9:30. MON-WED (4:00), 7:00, 9:30.

MAUI MALL MEGAPLEX Maui Mall, 249-2222 (Matinees) 50/50 - R - THU-FRI (12:05, 2:20, 4:35), 7:00, 9:30. SAT-SUN (12:05, 2:20), 4:35, 7:00, 9:30.

MON-WED (12:05, 2:20, 4:35), 7:00, 9:30.

MON-WED (12:05, 2:20, 4:35), 7:00, 9:30.

Conan The Barbarian (2D) - R - THU (2:00), 4:25), 6:55, 9:20. FRI-WED 9:00.

The Contagion - PG13 - THU (12:15, 2:30, 4:50), 7:30, 10:05. FRI (12:15, 2:30, 4:55), 7:30, 10:05. SAT-SUN (12:15, 2:30), 4:55, 7:30, 10:05.

MON-WED (12:15, 2:30, 4:55), 7:30, 10:05.

Courageous - PG13 - THU-FRI (1:00, 3:55), 6:50, 9:45. SAT-SUN (1:00), 3:55, 6:50, 9:45.

MON-WED (1:00, 3:55), 6:50, 9:45.

Crazy, Stupid, Love - PG13 - THU (1:35, 4:20), 7:10, 9:40. FRI (11:05, 1:35, 4:25), 7:10, 9:40.

SAT-SUN (11:05, 1:35), 4:25, 7:10, 9:40. MONWED (1:35, 4:25), 7:10, 9:40.

Drive - R - THU-FRI (12:20, 2:45, 5:10), 7:35,

NEW THIS WEEK THE IDES OF MARCH - R - Political Drama Adapted from the 2008 play Farragut North, which is loosly based on Howard Dean’s unsuccessful bid for the 2004 Democratic presidential nomination. (If you’re having diffculty remembering Dean, we’ll remind you of the ‘Dean Scream’ media gaffe.

What a hoot!) Directed by George Clooney. Starring Clooney, Ryan Gosling, Marisa Tomei, Paul Giamatti and Philip Seymour Hoffman. 101 min.

REAL STEEL - PG 13 - Action - See this week’s Film Critique for more. 128 min.

NOW SHOWING 50/50 - R - Comedy - Part sex farce, part tear-jerker, Barry Wurst II says this cancer-as-comedy flick “isn’t a dour, heavy-handed Disease of the Week TV Movie ordeal [but] a movie funny enough to leave your ribs aching from laughter [while] also potently touching and honest.” 99 min.

WHERE AND WHEN TO WATCH WHAT

10:00. SAT-SUN (12:20, 2:45), 5:10, 7:35, 10:00.

MON-WED (12:20, 2:45, 5:10), 7:35, 10:00.

The Ides of March - R - FRI (11:10, 11:45, 1:40, 2:15, 4:15, 4:50), 6:45, 7:20, 9:15, 10:10. SATSUN (11:10, 11:45, 1:40, 2:15), 4:15, 4:50, 6:45, 7:20, 9:15, 10:10. MON-WED (1:40, 2:15, 4:15, 4:50), 6:45, 7:20, 9:15, 10:10.

Killer Elite - R - THU (1:15, 1:45, 4:00, 4:30), 6:45, 7:15, 9:25, 9:50. SAT-SUN (11:15, 1:45), 4:30, 7:15, 9:50. MON-WED (1:45, 4:30), 7:15, 9:50.

Our Idiot Brother - R - THU 9:00.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes - PG13 - THU (1:50, 4:10), 6:35, 9:05. FRI (11:35, 1:50, 4:10), 6:35, 9:05. SAT-SUN (11:35, 1:50), 4:10, 6:35, 9:05. MON-WED (1:50, 4:10), 6:35, 9:05.

Spy Kids: All The Time In The World (2D) - PG - THU (12:10, 2:10, 4:15), 6:30. FRI (12:10, 2:10, 4:20), 6:30. SAT-SUN (12:10, 2:10), 4:20, 6:30.

MON-WED (12:10, 2:10, 4:20), 6:30.

Warrior - R - THU-FRI (12:50, 3:45), 6:40, 9:35.

SAT-SUN (12:50), 3:45, 6:40, 9:35. MON-WED (12:50, 3:45), 6:40, 9:35.

What’s Your Number? - R - THU (12:00, 2:25, 4:55), 7:25, 9:55. FRI (12:00, 2:25, 5:00), 7:25, 9:55. SAT-SUN (12:00, 2:25), 5:00, 7:25, 9:55.

MON-WED (12:00, 2:25, 5:00), 7:25, 9:55.

KUKUI MALL 1819 South Kihei Road, 1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: every day until 4pm) Note: FRI-WED listings unavailable at press time.

50/50 - R - THU 11:00, 1:15, 3:30, 5:45, 8:00, 10:20.

Detective Dee and the Mystery of the Phantom Flame - PG13 - THU 11:30, 2:10, 4:50,

DETECTIVE DEE AND THE MYSTERY OF THE PHANTOM FLAME - PG 13 - Action / Mystery - Recruited to thwart the evil doers who threaten the inauguration of Empress Wu, a once-exiled detective darkly saves the day. Starring Tony Leung Ka Fai, Chao Deng and Carina Lau. 122 min.

Queen Ka’ahumanu Shopping Center, 1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: every day until 4pm) Note: FRI-WED listings unavailable at press time.

Abduction - PG13 - THU 12:10, 2:35, 4:50, 7:10, 9:30.

Dolphin Tale (2D) - PG - THU 12;00, 2:30, 5:00.

Dolphin Tale (3D) - PG - THU 11:00, 1:30, 4:00, 7:00, 9:10 Dream House - R - THU 10:50, 1:00, 3:10, 5:20, 7:35, 9:40 The Help - PG13 - THU 7:30, 10:25.

The Lion King (2D) - G - THU 10:45.

The Lion King (3D) - G - THU 12:50, 3:00, 5:15, 7:30, 9:35.

Moneyball - PG13 - THU 11:05, 1:40, 4:20, 7:05, 9:40.

WHARF CINEMA CENTER 658 Front Street, 249-2222 (Matinees) The Contagion - PG13 - THU (1:30, 4:00), 7:00, 9:30.

Real Steel - PG13 - FRI (1:00, 4:00), 7:00, 9:50.

SAT-SUN (1:00), 4:00, 7:00, 9:50. MON-WED (1:00, 4:00), 7:00, 9:50.

What’s Your Number? - R - THU-FRI (2:00, 4:30), 7:10, 9:45. SAT-SUN (2:00), 4:30, 7:10, 9:45. MON-WED (2:00, 4:30), 7:10, 9:45.

DREAM HOUSE - PG 13 - Horror - Scary shit ensues in a haunted house. How original! Starring Daniel Craig, Naomi Watts and and Rachel Weisz. 94 min.

LAST CHANCE

DRIVE - R - Action - With such an underrated profession, it makes sense that a stuntman might moonlight as a wheelman. Mad skills are mad skills, after all. But it also makes sense that being complicit in crime might upend said stunt/wheelman’s life. Ryan Gosling stars. 100 min.

KILLER ELITE - R - Action - Jason Statham, Clive Owen and Robert De Niro star in a flick that’s sure to be replete with ‘splosions. 106 min.

CONAN THE BARBARIAN - R - Action - Chee hoo! Conan’s a kanaka! Starring very virile Jason Namakaeha Momoa (of Baywatch Hawaii and Stargate: Atlantis fame). 112 min.

RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES - PG 13 Sci Fi - Fear the James Franco, for he is (so hot, he’s surely) the Devil’s Pawn. 105 min.

THE CONTAGION - PG 13 - Thiller - The only thing scarier than a deadly airborne disease that threatens every human on Earth (no worries, a crackerjack CDC team is on the case!) is this film’s sky-high payroll.

Starring Marion Cotillard, Matt Damon, Laurence Fishburne, Elliot Gould, Jude Law, Gwyneth Paltrow, Kate Winslet and Dr. Sanjay Gupta (as himself). 105 min.

SPY KIDS: ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD - PG - Family - This is the fourth franchise installment, and they’re calling it “4D” as it includes “aromascope” (ie, another layer of weird smells to add to the usual theater odors of hurricane popcorn and pee). 104 min.

WARRIOR - PG 13 - Drama Finally, MMA gets a real movie.

Two estranged brothers–one a physics teacher, the other an

MAUI ARTS + ENTERTAINMENT WITH MAUITIME FLAVOR

.com

Iraq War veteran–are pitted against one another by their former drunk/boxer dad (Nick Nolte). 139 min.

DOLPHIN TALE - PG - Family - Based on the true story of Winter, a maimed dolphin who gets a progressive prosthetic tail. 128 min.

MONEYBALL - PG 13 - Drama - “Unquestionably, this is one of the great baseball movies, a film for lifelong fans of the sport and even for those who didn’t know the A’s stand for the Oakland Athletics,” says Barry Wurst II. 133 min.

CRAZY, STUPID, LOVE - PG13 - Comedy - Hilarious and heartbreaking, this new Steve Carrell flick is uneven, but touching. 107 min.

KA’AHUMANU 6

WHAT’S YOUR NUMBER? - R - Romantic Comedy - If you assessed your last 20 relationships (as Anna Faris does in this flick), would you wonder if one of them was your one true love-lost? (Our answer: if you’ve got 20 relationships worth assessing, the problem probably isn’t with the one that got away.) 106 min.

ABDUCTION - PG 13 - Thriller - Team Jacob’s captain (Taylor Lautner) finds his baby picture on a missing persons website. Nutz stuffs (presumably) ensues. 106 min.

COURAGEOUS - PG 13 - Action - Through trial and tribulation, four law enforcement officers fulfill their duty to serve and protect. 95 min.

7:45, 10:25.

Moneyball - PG13 - THU 11:00, 1:50, 4:45, 7:30, 10:15.

What’s Your Number? - R - THU 11:15, 1:45, 4:30, 7:05, 9:30.

THE HELP - PG 13 - Drama - A mixed-race group of friends–in 1960s Mississippi–risk everything to share their stories via a secret writing project. 147 min.

THE LION KING - G - Animated - Brainworm lyrics, “Nants ingonyama bagithi Baba! (Sithi uhm ingonyama!)” echo in my head every time I see the sunrise or think of Michael Jackson dangling his baby off a Berlin balcony. This modern Disney classic’s reissuance in 3D reminds us how the circle of life moves us all–through despair and hope, through faith and...

OK. I’ll stop. 89 min.

OUR IDIOT BROTHER - R - Comedy - Pogonomaniacs/Paul Rudd fans rejoice! A bearded Rudd plays a bumbling (albeit well-meaning) post-prison couchsurfer who’s determined to reunite with his estranged pup, Willie Nelson. 90 min.

VOTED BEST

TATTOO SHOP

BY M AU I LO C A L S !

THE IDES OF MARCH

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120 HANA HWY s UPSTAIRS PAIATATOOPARLOR.COM OCTOBER 6, 2011

27

THE A-TRAIN FRIDAYS 3-9PM K-ROCK 97.3

KULA KID

Where’d You Go, Psycho Girl?

FRIDAY AFTERNOON IS THE MOST POSITIVE, HOPE FILLED PORTION OF THE WEEK. SO HANG OUT WITH JOHNNY A AND SOAK UP THE GREAT VIBES, THE LAUGHTER, THE FREE STUFF, AND (OF COURSE) THE GREATEST ROCK AND ROLL EVER CREATED.

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BY ANU YAGI E h mai ka ike mai luna mai (Give forth knowledge from above) / O n mea huna no eau o n mele (Every little bit of wisdom contained in song) / E h mai, e h mai, e h mai (Give forth, give forth, oh give forth) -Edith Kanakaole

P

ursuant to the first and second rules of Fight Club, I can’t really talk about what I’ve been up to lately–which is really too bad because it’s been beyond awesome. Sorry folks, sometimes you’ve gotta keep secret what’s sacred.

However, this column’s kept no secret about my quest to learn more about my kanaka maoli roots’ millennial traditions– nearly lost but for a recent resurrection, like the proverbial Phoenix’s gold and scarlet plumage (if I may borrow lexical lore from the Egyptians, et al) cresting from fire-razed plantation and Hollywood ash. Nor is it any secret that I’ve long had an affinity for studying the deadly arts of old. (So even if I can’t talk about this soto-speak Fight Club explicitly, put the two aforementioned items together and you get the gist.)

That said, in as respectfully a subtle way as I dare, I’d like to take this chance to mahalo Pa Kui A Holo for nurturing me these past few weeks. Their willingness to water a sapling like me–stunted and a little crooked, across the lines of straighter darker trees (with apologies to Robert Frost)–was generous; and it’s proven transformative in ways I’m still discovering.

It’s strange, though. Of everything I learned–every combative move, battle formation, virile chant, and guttural grunt– what I’ve found most interesting is the way in which modern people go about finding their footing when attempting to straddle our newfangled world and our primordial past. Sure everything evolves, but with templates being few if any, it’s fascinating to be involved in that process of re-discovery and re-making.

But I’m tired of talking a lot without saying anything, so I’ll digress. And anyway, the whole reason I joined up with Pa Kui A Holo is to learn something of my past so it can be passed on into the future.

Oh, the future. If I can’t talk about Fight Club, can we talk about the future instead? I’d really like to know what you imagine for it. After all, it’s awesome that we can imagine any sort of ridiculous future(s) we want. And I think it’s kind of a fun game, if you’re willing to indulge me.

As for me, I like to imagine that in the future–like, a thousand years from now or whatever–imagination itself is, in fact,

everything: practiced, examined, exalted.

Maybe humans evolve into some sort of land whale and just migrate about the earth thinking about stuff–sometimes eating, sometimes breeding, and always singing old notes made new with every concert. (PS: Did you know that male humpback whales–in so far as has been recorded–all sing the same song pattern throughout our whale season, then never repeat that song again?)

Maybe in the future we feel disgustipated over the cry of the carrots (never mind the bunnies and what not), so the future’s staple food is shave ice; which, as my MauiTime buddy Scrappers describes, is joyfully just frozen water and colorful imagination. Or maybe a la the food fight in Hook (1991), our imaginations are so awesome, we don’t even need to eat real food at all–we just think about it.

Maybe in the future we realize that all our paper books are sad and sacred because they’re made of dead trees. So all the world’s books are shipped to space to preserve eternal in its vacuum. If you want to read a paper book (which only those touched macabre panache tend to do), you’ve got to the sad space library. But because imagination’s so important, when parents return from their extraterrestrial travels, they retell their kids bedtime stories of the books they read as if they’d experienced it themselves on some alien planet.

Something like Santa Claus, some parents go so far as to send their kids presents as if from their alien host families. When the kids grow up and learn of the farce, they keep up the tradition by going to space to read the paper books their parents read (and maybe their parents’ parents’ parents’ before them), and retell the tales to their kids, augmented in their own way.

Maybe in the future we imagine that...

In the world I see: you are stalking elk through the damp canyon forests around the ruins of Rockefeller Center. You’ll wear leather clothes that will last you the rest of your life.

You’ll climb the wrist-thick kudzu vines that wrap the Sears Tower. And when you look down, you’ll see tiny figures pounding corn, laying strips of venison on the empty car pool lane of some abandoned superhighway.

-Tyler Durden ■

To read more Kula Kid with links and photos and stuff, and to leave comments, visit mauifeed.com/kulakid

anu@mauitime.com

28

OCTOBER 6, 2011

To share or save: mt.hy.pr/1516k

HOROSCOPE

Sign Language

BY CAERIEL CRESTIN LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22)

you recognize while picking through all that rubble.

It’s amazing how some people’s stories change when they’re backed into a corner. Why would you trust someone so slippery, when they’ve already proven that they’ll reveal some portion of an inconvenient, embarrassing, or shameful truth only when they feel they have no other choice? While it’s important to generally give people the benefit of the doubt, and mostly be trusting instead of suspicious, in this case a little cynical wariness is warranted.

“Innocent until proven guilty” is a fine bottom line, but once proven a little guilty, it’s okay to assume there’s a high likelihood of greater guilt, at least until you get evidence to the contrary.

ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19)

You’re in a prime position to be a scapegoat, taking the blame for something that’s not actually your responsibility. Naturally, I can understand your desire to vociferously protest such an unfair burden, but unfortunately your arguments are only likely to make you look guiltier, instead of more innocent. That’s right, you’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Therefore, spare yourself the effort. Simply bite your tongue and take whatever happens with a grain of salt, remembering and taking comfort in the truth, even if you’re the only one who knows or believes it.

QUIZunderstood ANSWERS ...to questions on page 7

1. C. Musician Willie Nelson.

2. B. No one drinks out of that aquifer anyway.

3. A. Attempted sexual assault.

SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21)

When people put on blinders and engage in the kind of tunnel vision you’re somewhat famous for, they can inadvertently be so insensitive or clueless that they’re actually downright cruel. Since you know how it is to engage in single-minded, even obsessive, behavior, a cautionary word from you might be better received than from someone with more reason to be self-righteous. I’m a big fan of intensity—but I think there’s room even in that to hold onto bare minimum human decency. Since someone you know may be having a hard time hanging on to theirs, give them a hand.

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21)

It sucks when the rules get changed after the game’s begun.

You’re willing to jump into any challenging situation and work it until things work out in your favor; however, that’s difficult to do when the parameters of your circumstances mutate constantly and unpredictably. However, instead of harping (justifiably) on the unfairness of it all, you need to accept what’s happening and work with it nevertheless. You can still win this game—as long as you’re not determined to play it how you thought it ought to be played before you began. As mentioned, the rules have changed and may continue to do so. Adapt.

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19)

Yes, much of the little shit you have to deal with right now is annoying. No one contests that. However, it’s all little shit. In the grand scheme of things, your frustration’s actually a luxury.

The only reason you’re getting worked up about this crap is because you’re lucky enough to not have more serious stuff to worry about. That’s a blessing. Remember that, and see if you can let more, if not all, of this trivial crap slide. These tiny, nagging issues are, weirdly signs of just how great your life is.

Isn’t it about time you noticed?

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18)

Trying to get through some situations without pissing anyone off is, quite simply, impossible. In fact, attempting to avoid anger may have negative repercussions: Fear of rage or conflict may end up leading you down exactly the worst possible path through these circumstances, or simply make matters worse (and people more angry). You must resign yourself to bearing the brunt of others’ fury no matter what, and concentrate instead on trying to find the smartest and/or most honorable route here. Then, when people get pissed, at least you’ll know you’ve done the right thing (or as close to it as possible).

TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20)

Let the punishment, if there is to be one, fit the crime. Resist the temptation to climb up on a righteous pedestal when you’re wronged, and spew forth your justified wrath. It’s not like you’ve never screwed up. Therefore, don’t get carried away trying to make someone pay for their mistakes. In fact, your best bet might be to surprise everyone by simply being gracious, forgiving, and just letting it go. The nice thing about that is, it takes a whole lot less effort and energy than seeking justice, and despite depriving you of revenge or validation, will ultimately yield better (in terms of enjoyment and satisfaction) results than getting up on your soapbox ever could.

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20)

While breaking up with someone on Facebook may be bitchily satisfying and incredibly entertaining for the spectators involved, it’s also much crueler than a private face-to-face chat would have been. Your job as a human being is to first own and be aware of your feelings, and then clearly share them with those they concern in the least hurtful way possible. While my Facebook example is rather more extreme than what you were considering, my point remains: you still haven’t hit on the kindest way to communicate what’s on your mind. Don’t use that as an excuse to procrastinate, but do try to find a sweeter way.

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22)

While it’s certainly nice, noble, and even occasionally brave to explain your reasons for doing or feeling something, it’s not always necessary. Sometimes all anyone needs to know is what your decision is, not the logic or emotions behind it. In this case it’s simpler to stick to the facts, avoiding details. Nothing good or useful will come of a lengthier explanation. Just tell those who need to know what you’ve decided, and then politely but firmly change the subject. If they can’t let it go, leave. They can go on demanding clarification and answers from the walls if they want.

LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22)

Things take as long as they take, and they simply can’t be rushed.

Even though we rationally know this, it’s not as easy to accept and move past the emotions that come along with. However, that’s this week’s challenge: being patient despite your impatience. Indulging your desire to hurry will not only not move you faster down the path you wish to go, it may ironically cause greater delays, and undo some of the good work you’ve already done. So take a deep breath, do the stuff you need to be doing, and wait it out.

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PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20)

Don’t shit where you sleep…or where you work, eat, love, or live. It’s all too easy to mess up what you’ve got with a moment of hormone-induced stupidity (perhaps losing your temper, or hooking up with someone you shouldn’t), especially right now.

Draw strong, clear lines between the different parts of your life and forbid yourself to cross them. I know you love bending and breaking rules, especially ones like these—and you can, later.

Right now, though, keep everything behind its own wall, no matter the temptation to tear those walls down. What’s one wall? Not much. But these are all connected. Rip one down, and they’ll all tumble to the ground; good luck finding something

VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22)

There are many cool things I wish I had time to pursue. But I know I wouldn’t enjoy them unless I could devote enough time and energy to do them justice. It’s frustrating and annoying to do stuff when you can’t give it your all—something that happens when you spread yourself too thin, as you have lately. Taking more on may seem like a terrible idea, but that all depends on what it is you take on—and what you let go of. If you feel called to add something new to your life, go for it—but make sure you let go of at least three of the balls you’re already juggling, so you can give this one the attention it deserves.

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