16.04 EH BRAH Issue 2012, July 12, 2012, Volume 16, Issue 04, MauiTime

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July 12, 2012 ✚ Volume 16 ✚ Issue 04 ✚ FREE

EH BRAH!

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PG 10

The legendary Bob Tyrrell will be tattooing along some of the world’s greatest artists and performing his seminar on black & grey realism.

Artists: Gill Montie, Mike DeVries, Bob Tyrrell, Trevelen, Billy Whitney, Mike Demasi, Mario Rosenau, Rick Walters, Ruthless, Boog, Dan Dringenberg, Roman Abrego, Q, Carlos Torres, Norm Will Rise, Teneile Napoli, Sam Clark, Big Gus, JJ Sawyer, Mick Squires, Byron Dreschler, Shay Haas, Keoni Nunes, Mike Ledger, Naoki San Ryan Smith, Allen Paulson, John Monk, Rhet Johnson, Rev Bloodpainter, Jacob Hanks, Kevin Read, Mandy Garcia, Dodge, Lisa Bennett, Chris Sawyer, Big Island Mike, Nick Nakashima, Richie Lucero Katelyn Crane, Capone, Joe Riley, Josh Crowell, Palani Pakz, 2bit Shorty, Lydia and many more!

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JULY 12, 2012

Contents VOLUME 16 + ISSUE 04

What’s your favorite horror movie?

Welcome to our annual EH BRAH edition. Cover illustration by our own Ron Pitts and cover design by Darris Hurst.

Publisher: Tommy Russo (808) 283-0512 / tommy@mauitime.com @tommyrusso on Twitter Of Unknown Origin Editor: Anthony Pignataro (808) 283-1308 / anthony@mauitime.com @apignataro on Twitter Troll 2 Food, Drink, Lifestyle, & Business News Editor: Jennifer Russo (808) 280-3286 / jen@mauitime.com @jenrusso on Twitter Titanic Art Director & Production Manager: Darris Hurst artdirector@mauitime.com / darrishurst.com The Shining Graphic Designers: Amy Mendolia (The Notebook), Christina Tarleton Contributors: Caeriel Crestin, Jory John, Avery Monsen, Ron Pitts, Chuck Shepherd, Barry Wurst II Photographer: Sean Michael Hower mauiweddingmedias.com / howerphotography.com The Wizard of Oz Advertising Executive: Brad Chambers (808) 283-3260 / brad@mauitime.com Pretty Woman

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NEWS & VIEWS FEATURE STORY EAT & DRINK THIS WEEK’S PICKS FILM CRITIQUE FILM TIMES DA KINE CALENDAR THE GRID CLASSIFIED HOROSCOPE MIND, BODY & SPIRIT

Admin. Executive: Keo Eaton (808) 244-0777 Child’s Play Calendar Assistant: Jenna Schamber calendar@mauitime.com The Sentinel Proofreader: Dina Wilson Night of the Living Dead Office Assistant: Sara Riley (808) 244-0777 Nightmare on Elm Street Admin. Assistant: Jennifer Brown Sweeney Todd Intern: Megan Hazen

MauiTime is published every Thursday by MauiTime Productions, Inc. Its contents are Copyright © 2012 by MauiTime Productions, Inc. All rights reserved. Subscriptions are available at $70 per year. Reproduction or use without permission is strictly prohibited. MauiTime may be distributed only by MauiTime’s authorized independent contractor. MauiTime is valued at $.50 per copy and permits one complimentary copy per person. No person may, without written permission of MauiTime, take more than one copy of each weekly issue. All opinions expressed throughout MauiTime are those of the authors and not necessarily the same opinions as MauiTime Productions, Inc. and MauiTime. MauiTime 33 N. Market St., Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 office (808) 244-0777 • fax (808) 244-0446 www.mauitime.com @mauitime on Twitter Deadlines: Display Advertising: Friday Noon Classified: Monday 4pm Calendar: Monday Noon Circulation: 18,000 copies of MauiTime

BY READERS LIKE YOU

MISSES KULA KID

ON THE COVER:

THIS WEEK’S QUESTION:

READER FEEDBACK Anu [Yagi], congratulations on your well-deserved award! (“Kula Kid Does Detroit,” July 5, 2012). MauiTime was represented well, black eye and all. Loved your fear and loathing in the Motor City piece. Big hole at the MT since you defected: come back and bring Holoholo Girl (Samantha Campos!) with you. Good luck to you in all your future endeavors and keep on writing, it’s what you do best (apparently, drinking is what you do worst!). Cheers. -Kula Kid fan, via MauiTime.com

ON LANAI This will ge a government dominated country if we don’t support the rights of private enterprise to make an attempt at something (Coconut Wireless, July 5, 2012). We can’t all work for the government. We should support the rights of private landowners to try something. We have elected and selected people to administer approvals. Once a private endeavor goes through the process, they have earned the right to try. The marketplace will determine success or failure. We can make our statements with our money and our votes. Use them. At this point, this project is not even a conversation. This is going to happen and all rhetoric to the contrary is just bluster. The time for participation in the decision making process was decades ago. What was the feedback then? -Chuck, via MauiTime.com

MORE ON WALTER RITTE It’s time for Maui County to pull the plug on Molokai (“Candidate!” June 28, 2012). Cut the welfare, stop coddling these jokers. the activists on Molokai think they are a law unto themselves. If the taxpayers in Maui County and State of Hawaii knew half the B*S* that happened on Molokai there would be a taxpayer revolt. How can you fight to keep jobs OUT and also ask for more welfare and unemployment? The state needs to strip the people of Molokai of their perceived selfcontrol and stop letting them squirm around like an out of control 14-yearold girl. If you’ve ever had kids, you know when enough is enough and you have to start with Tough Love. Molokai is the spoiled 14-year-old girl who has gotten her way too long and needs to be taught discipline and tough love by the rest of us. I guess deep down inside this joker [Walter] Ritte is a 14-year-old girl trying to get out. And this guy has reproduced and has children! -Anonymous, via MauiTime.com

CORRECTION Our July 5, 2012 dining story (“The Point Bar at Merriman’s Kapalua”) incorrectly noted one happy hour special: they do NOT offer 20 percent off wine bottles. We regret the error.

Send your feedback

to the editor

editor@mauitime.com, MauiTime 33 N. Market St., Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793, twitter.com/mauitime, or facebook.com/mauitime. We reserve the right to edit feedback. Views expressed do not necessarily reflect those of MauiTime.

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News & Views

QUIZunderstood H A W A I I ’ S

P A R T Y

S T A T I O N rose to 15.76 percent. For how many consecutive years has the island’s office vacancy rate been rising? A. Two. B. Three. C. Four. D. Five. E. Six.

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Maui’s retail vacancy rate has risen to 10.7 percent, reported The Maui News on July 9. According to the story, this is the highest level in how many years? A. One year. B. Three years. C. Eight years. D. Eleven years. E. Thirteen years.

2. On July 6, the Pacific Business News reported that Maui’s office vacancy rate

3. Taking into account domestic and international airline trends, what does the Hawaii Tourism Authority foresee happening to total scheduled air seat capacity to the state during the third quarter of 2012, according to a July 1 HTA press release? A. It will stay pretty much where it is. B. It will climb 5.6 percent. C. It will climb 12.6 percent. D. It will fall 5.6 percent. E. It will fall 12.6 percent. See answers, page 29

Candidate!

Election Time

BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO OPPOSES: Partisanship, earmarks, Bush upper income tax cuts, ANWR oil drilling GETS CAMPAIGN DONATIONS FROM: Retired people, law firms, securities firms, real estate industry (according to Center for Responsive Politics)

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SUPPORTS: The war in Afghanistan, environmental protection, green energy, same-sex marriage, tort reform

Ed Case is something of a curiosity in Hawaii. He was born on Hawaii Island (his great-grandparents left Kansas for Hawaii in 1896) and he’s been in politics pretty much his entire life. He’s a Democrat, but defies ideological categorization. He’s long been a solid vote for all matters environmental, and yet he supported the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. He supports recognizing samesex couples’ right to marriage, but would also love to restrict consumer lawsuits as part of our nation’s health care reform efforts. But most unusual was his 2006 decision to trade his completely safe House of Representatives seat (Hawaii’s 2nd District) for a chance to run against sitting U.S. Senator Daniel Akaka. The move infuriated the state’s Democratic establishment–U.S. Senator Daniel Inouye still bristles at Case’s run to this day–and Case has been banished to the political wilderness ever since.

News & Views

Coconut Wireless

Talk of the Island

BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO

Who's pulling your cork?

DID THE LC DO SOMETHING RIGHT? Not sure if any of you realize this, but back in March–at the same time as that absurd nonsense about shutting down all entertainment at 10pm in Kihei Kalama Village–the Maui County Liquor Commission voted to do something good: they made it legal for people to bring their own bottles of wine into restaurants to drink during dinner or whatever. According to Traci Villarosa, the Liquor Control Department’s deputy director, the rule change came at the behest of a member of the public. It’s called “corkage,” and until March it was legal everywhere in Hawaii except Maui. On Wednesday, July 11, the Liquor Commission revisited the corkage rule (MauiTime’s print deadline made it impossible to report the outcome of that hearing). The reason for the hearing? A June 1 letter signed by 14 of Maui’s biggest chefs and restaurant owners that calls on the commission to make corkage illegal again. “It is unfortunate that most of us were unaware this statute was being passed or we would have expressed our views in a more timely manner,” stated the letter. “There is a growing number of restaurants that would like to see the law repealed as soon as possible. In addition, upon hearing our concerns, the Maui Hotel & Lodging Association has offered their assistance to make the necessary changes in this law.” The letter was signed by the elite of Maui’s culinary scene: • Dickie Moon (Duke’s Beach House, Kimo’s, Hula Grill, Leilani’s) • Jurg Munch (Lahaina Grill) • Roy Dunn (Plantation House, Koho Grill & Bar) • Amy Kantorczyk (Ko Restaurant) • David Paul (David Paul’s Island Grill) • Bev Gannon (Haliimaile General Store, Joe’s Bar & Grill, Gannon’s) • James MacDonald (Pacific’O, I’o, Feast at Lele) • Jacques Perwin (Spago) • Randy Schoch (Ruth’s Chris) • Aaron Placourakis (Nick’s Fishmarket,

Sarento’s on the Beach, Son’z at Swan Court) • Chris Kaiwi (Pineapple Grill, Melting Pot, 100 Wines) • D.K. Kodama (Sansei, Maui Fish & Pasta) • Elizabeth Belbot (Capische?) • Michael Rose (Longhi’s Wailea) • Roger Morey (Hawaii Restaurant Association) The letter does not explain why the restaurant owners oppose the law. Morey, the Hawaii Restaurant Association’s executive director, said that his organization’s appearance in the letter “came at a request from some of our members” but didn’t offer anything more specific. But Placourakis, president and CEO of TS Restaurants, said his biggest reason to oppose corkage was how it hurt restaurant employees. "Instead of being able to make a nice sale, say, $80, $90 or $100 a bottle, all of a sudden customers can now bring in wine," he said. "Where does it end? Can you bring in your own fish? Bring in your own steak? There are thousands of waiters in this industry–if they think this is a good idea, I'd like to hear from them." What’s more, Villarosa said the law is “permissive”–it provides owners the option of allowing corkage, but it’s not mandatory.

Before the rule change, restaurant staffers could simply tell patrons that the LC prohibited corkage. But now the industry that, as Placourakis said, "is in the business to say 'yes,'" has to say no and to tell patrons that their own policy prohibits corkage. Now not all Maui restaurants want to roll back the clock on corkage. For at least a week, Mama’s Fish House–one of the most famous (and expensive) establishments on island–has been running big advertisements in The Maui News calling on residents to fight to keep corkage alive. “The decision by our Liquor Commission and Mayor [Alan] Arakawa was the right decision and should not be reversed,” states the ad that ran on June 29. “If you agree, they need to hear from you.” According to Karen Christenson, a manager at Mama’s, their reasoning behind supporting corkage is simple. “Our motivation for urging the LC to keep the new rule is that we want to be WINE FRIENDLY,” she wrote in a July 7 email. “[W]e welcome customers to bring in their special bottles of wine for their special occasions they choose to celebrate with us. Maui has become the premiere [sic] island resort destination in the country and we are in total support of a liquor law that is current with most of the rest of the country.” Not to be too cynical here, but Mama’s also charges a corkage fee of $35 (by comparison, Nobu Waikiki, a highclass Japanese steakhouse part owned by Robert DeNiro, charges customers bringing their own wine $25). That’s a lot of money to shell out for a process that, according to MauiTime’s resident sommelier Jason Cass, takes 15 seconds (though he added that decanting older wine does take three minutes while undoing a screw-cap takes a mere 1.3 seconds). Mama’s ad is also somewhat misleading. According to Mama’s ad, the LC also recently “modernized Maui’s laws” so that you can now “take your unfinished bottle of wine home with you” after dinner.

Overheard “OK, you guys are only going to have water to drink for the rest of the day. You’ve already had two sodas today– one here and one on the plane.” -Woman talking to two boys at Costco, July 8

Villarosa says that’s actually a new state law which came into effect a couple years ago, and that the Liquor Commission merely added it to the county’s rules. This has, Villarosa said, caused a great deal of “confusion” surrounding the new rules. As for Mama’s call for action, Villarosa said the department has received about 50 emails so far from individuals wanting to keep the corkage law in place. How the Liquor Commission dealt with them, and the calls from restaurants to re-criminalize corkage, weren’t known at press time. Villarosa said they could either vote to keep the law the way it is, in which case nothing further happens, or they can vote to initiate “rule-making,” which will start a new, months-long process that involves new public hearings on a proposed rule change.

Koali'ai flowers

GARDEN OF MAUI It’s pretty sad that I’ve spent seven years of my life on Maui but only noticed the Maui Nui Botanical Gardens are few weeks ago when I went to a No Koa Ikaika Maui baseball game. I still didn’t think much of the gardens (which sit across the street from Iron Maehara Stadium in Kahului) until the July/August 2012 issue of Maui No Ka Oi Magazine showed up and I read Paul Wood’s great story “Planted with Purpose.” My girlfriend and I strolled around the place on Saturday, and couldn’t believe how serene it all was. Now I could attempt to describe the wonder that is looking at rare, endangered plants (including a wiliwili tree) that exist nowhere else on the planet, but I think it’s best if I just let Wood take it: “Nowhere else in this cluster of geographically related, sea-wrapped mountains can you easily park your car and stroll into a world populated entirely by native plants,” Wood wrote. “The leaves are unfamiliar, the flowers subtle, the names unheardof. But you’ll be looking into the authentic face of Hawaii, a botanical personality that evolved in perfect isolation by means of one accidental introduction every 35,000 years or so over millions of years.” ■ anthony@mauitime.com + @apignataro To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1604n1

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MauiSphere

LOCAL PLUGS BY JEN RUSSO

SCHOOL KIDS WIN TECH TREATS FROM MAUI MALL The Maui Mall in Kahului has teamed up with motivated teachers to recognize the hard work Maui County students are doing at their Family Sundays monthly event. Once a month, teachers are encouraged to nominate their outstanding students even through the summer when school is not in session, and the big winners get iPads and iPods. “This free educational event will highlight the fun aspects of learning as well as recognize our county’s wonderful students,” says Michael Johnson, the Maui Mall manager. Each month the mall has a theme to their Sunday event, like science and agriculture featured in May that had the Maui Astronomy Club, Maui Home Gardening Support Network and the Maui Gold Pineapple Company involved. In June the event theme dealt with activities surrounding home economics, culinary arts, nutrition and wood shop. In the upcoming July 29 Family Sunday, the theme will be music and performing arts. Students must demonstrate proficiency in GPA, test scores and contributions to class and community. If their nomination is chosen a letter is sent to their family and all the nominated students are invited on stage to be recognized. Every student recognized on stage gets a Maui Mall prize pack with gift certificates in it. One lucky iPad winner is drawn from the grades 6-12 division, and one iPod winner is drawn from the K-5 division. Maui Mall and sponsoring merchants Fun Factory and Whole Foods generously provide the iPads and iPods. All Maui county students are eligible and teachers can find forms online at mauimall. com. Nominations will be taken through

the other kind of suds is just what Kapalua Spa Director Cecilia Hercik recommends. She’s developed a Beer Bath based on what European spas have been doing for centuries. The new beer treatment works with Maui Brewing Company, which provides the distinctive handcrafted spent grain from their Maui-made brews. Two pounds of the grain join 50 gallons of hot water, forming a head like a super beer inside an outdoor stonecarved tub. The ingredients are rich in vitamins and benefit your skin. Unfortunately, the spa can’t serve you craft brews while you’re soaking in aromatic hops and malt like the Europeans, but Technology giveaways for the next best thing is their hard working students Kapalua Spa Brew: a fresh beverage of pineapple and Monday, July 16 for the July event. Teachers lemon and beer bread served with homeare asked to nominate one student per event. made honey mustard butter. Every student recognized at the events “The smell is very herby,” says Hercik. during the year will be entered in the grand “The beer soak is filled with freshly brew finale drawing on Jan. 6, 2013 for a chance hops, barley, wheat and all these ingredients to win a MacBook Pro. Students and their smell amazing, almost like making bread. guardians must be present to win. The brewery gives us the grains before the The winners and teachers: beer started to ferment, so there is no yeast yet, making the entire bath smell like fresh, APRIL 2012 toasty cereals. The aromas that originate • Doris Todd Memorial Christian from the malt and grain are often described School eighth-grader Devynn Kochi as nutty, sweet, grainy and malty.” won the iPad after being nominated by science teacher Dave Gable. • Lihikai Elementary School second-grader Max Ornellas won the iPod after being European style Beer Bath nominated by teacher Jill Orikasa. treatment at Kapalua Spa MAY 2012 • Doris Todd Memorial Christian School eighth-grader Karina Battacharya won the iPad after being nominated by science teacher Dave Gable. • Kahului Elementary School fourth-grader Dyani Pierner won the iPod after being nominated by teacher Joyce Kawahara.

In Austria, Germany and the Czech Republic, where beer spas offer treatments like beer baths, beer cocoons and beer facials, the healing effects of beer are believed to be widespread. Benefits like detoxifying the pores, muscle tension relief and improvements to hair and skin are touted. An article on SheKnows.com says beer baths help maintain healthy PH in skin and supports the body’s immune system. “For centuries, ancient civilizations around the world used wheat, oats, barley and hops not only for making good food and good drinks but also to make good cosmetics,” says Hercik. “Wheat and barley are full of proteins, vitamins and natural antioxidants. They’re great for dry skin. Hops have been known for their relaxing, calming and anti-bacterial qualities. Because of the fermentation process used in making beer, coupled with the preservative and antibacterial benefits of hops, beer products grant our skin the opportunity to directly benefit from these botanical ingredients.” So far the treatment has been warmly received. In fact, the website SpaFinder highlighted the treatment at Kapalua Spa as one of the top seven best spa gifts for Father’s Day. Hercik said they had drawn around seven beer baths in the first two weeks of offering the treatment, which began June 15. One happy beer bather even suggested that they offer the beer butter for sale in their retail shop. For more information on steeping in beer visit kapalua.com or call 808-665-8282. ■ jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1604n2

JUNE 2012 • Seabury Hall soon-to-be eighth-grader Jesse Doan won the iPad after being nominated by algebra teacher and Math Counts Coach Steve Vurno. • Lihikai Elementary School soon-to-be fourth-grader Krislen Fujimoto-Palakiko won the iPod after being nominated by teacher Miki-Ann Asato.

MMM... BEER BATHS AT KAPALUA SPA For most people, beer isn’t the first thing that comes to mind when thinking about a relaxing, therapeutic soak. Yet taking a bath in

JULY 12, 2012

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The U.S. Department of Justice has been widely criticized for failing to bring to fruition investigations of Wall Street traders’ alleged lies (such as accusations that the firm MFS Global made bets on European bonds by illegally using clients’ money, of which CEO Jon Corzine suspiciously professed to be unaware). However, in several notable instances, its investigators have been relentless–for instance, prosecuting baseball’s Roger Clemens for lying to Congress and, in January, indicting marine biologist Nancy Black, who faces 20 years in prison for allegedly lying to investigators about whether her crew might have illegally fed whales to attract their attention for a boatload of whale-watchers.

WORTH EVERY PENNY In April, police chief John Crane of Gadsden, Ala., learned that his department has owned, for two years, two unmanned aerial drones. He said he has no idea why they were purchased (at about $150,000), but that local taxpayers need not worry since they came with a federal law enforcement grant. And NBC Bay Area reports periodically on uses of 2009 federal stimulus money distributed in the San Francisco area, and in May revealed that the University of California, San Francisco, had received $1.2 million to interview 200 men on what effect being overweight has on their sex lives. A government budget activist decried funding a “sex study over fixing bridges and roads that are crumbling every day.�

GREAT ART! In May, performance artist Stuart Ringholt opened his show, at the Museum of Contemporary Art Australia, naked. His pieces (a hodge-podge of exhibits on current art-world commentaries) were secondary to his insistence that all visitors to the show also shuck their clothing. His subtext, he said, was to explore reactions to extreme embarrassment (and told a New York Times corre-

spondent that in an earlier self-shaming display, he had stood by a marble fountain for 20 minutes, dressed formally but with toilet paper trailing from his trousers). According to a Times dispatch from Sydney, Ringholt was joined by 48 nude-yet-nonplussed patrons–32 men and 16 women.

INVISIBLE ART London’s Hayward Gallery staged an exhibition in June of “invisible art�–pieces that depend almost completely on the imaginations of viewers. For example, “1000 Hours of Staring� by Tom Friedman is a blank piece of paper that Friedman eyeballed off and on over five years before deciding that the object was finished and display-ready. Friedman also “submitted� an empty section of floor space, which he said was once cursed by a witch. Also there: an Andy Warhol bare platform that looks like it should have something resting on it, but doesn’t, and, by Yoko Ono, a typed set of instructions urging patrons to imagine some stuff.

LEAST COMPETENT CRIMINALS In June, Logan Schwab, 20, who used to work at the police department in Carlisle, Pa., was seen on surveillance video sneaking into an office at the station, prying open a desk, and taking away $200 to $300 in parking-ticket money. And in Panama City, Fla., in May, Michael Marquez, 34 (who had been arrested with another man after being caught fighting over suspected stolen goods), was seen snatching a clock off the wall of the room in which he was being interrogated. He had stuffed it into his backpack when an officer left the room briefly, but was recorded on surveillance video.

RECURRING THEMES In the U.S., most preschoolers who parade down pageant runways with their mothers cheering them are five- and six-year-olds. Britain’s upcoming Miss Mini Princess U.K. will probably feature Eleanor June Rees-Sutherland, who has yet to reach her second birthday. Though Eleanor June’s father strongly disapproves, Mom Robyn told the London’s Daily Mail that Eleanor June is a born pageant contestant (“such a girly girl�) who loves to wear makeup and nail polish, especially bright colors, and already owns a wardrobe of 20 dresses and 15 pairs of shoes. Robyn seems assured that pedophiles pose no threat: “I don’t think there’s anything sexy about a child who’s dressed like a little princess.� ■chuck@mauitime.com To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1604n3

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9

OUR ANNUAL

EH BRAH!

SPECIAL ISSUE

Damn, our readers hate traffic! Illustrations by

M ! H A R B EH

Ron Pitts

ore than half of drivers in Hawaii believe that people on the road are not as courteous as they were just five years ago, reports a new survey commissioned by First Insurance Company. What’s more, reported the Associated Press on June 26, a mere 18 percent of drivers still use the venerable shaka to acknowledge another driver’s courtesy. These stats were probably surprising to most residents, but not to the MauiTime staff. We read your Eh Brah submissions, and ever since we started this column nearly a decade ago, the vast majority of your letters have dealt with driving: reckless drivers, poor parking attempts, guys who break traffic laws with impunity, fools who still talk on cell phones in traffic, etc., etc. So here are 18 of the best traffic-related Eh Brah submissions we’ve received in the past few months. There’s great humor in these write-ups, but also a lot of wisdom, which, apparently, fewer of us are taking to heart...

T

o the guys in the beat up old brown truck that chucked a battery at my windshield in front of the Haiku Community Center as we drove by each other: I figure you were just out for fun. And yeah, I drive a Jeep, but that doesn’t mean I’m a tourist. I guess you were trying to make a statement, though that statement ended up being that you were a coward because you ran like Hell when I turned around to follow you. If you want to stand up for some belief, then do it right: help out in your community, like at the community center for example, instead of just being an ass.

T

his goes out to the person who parked his big dark blue truck across four spaces at Costco. It was early afternoon and the lot was packed–even the back lot was full. But the place could have been empty, and it still wouldn’t have been right. Your veteran license plate doesn’t give you the right to be so selfish and ignorant. Many locals shop there as well as tourists and this is no way to show aloha, but I’m guessing that showing aloha is not that important to you. We thank you for your service to our country but I’m sure Uncle Sam and your mother would be ashamed of your action. By the way, I heard a guy say that someone should key your truck, so apparently I wasn’t the only one who thought you were a jerk.

10 JULY 12, 2012

Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations, 200 words or less (which we reserve the right to edit), changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent, to “Eh Brah!” c/o MauiTime, 33 N. Market St, Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 or send an e-mail to ehbrah@mauitime.com

I

guess you thought I should have blown right through the red light at Mokulele and Hansen. Obviously you were planning on doing that when you failed to stop and slammed your crusty green and Bondo Ford Contour into the back of my car, then driving off a second later like only a soul-less tweeker would. I’m guessing you lacked insurance, since you did more damage to my bumper than your P.O.S. hooptie is even worth. But I’m not worried: Maui is small and we’ll see each other again.

T

his goes out to Mrs. Multitask in the van with the toddlers in the back and the phone pressed to her ear: You were coming up Puunene Avenue the other day, and I found myself behind you when you reached Kamehameha Avenue. You didn’t seem to know what you wanted to do, but you sure were doing your best to do everything at once. I pulled up beside you, and saw both side doors pulled back–cheap way to give your kids ventilation, I guess– and you chattering away on your phone. If someone had hit you, what would have happened to your kids? If you’re capable of thinking, ponder that one.

O

kay, brah, the car out in front was going the speed limit when we came up on it. We were all going faster than that until we came up to him and had to slow down to the speed limit. I felt it wise to give the guy some space and let him cruise on down the road without pressure. Apparently, you disagreed because then you crawled up MY tailpipe and flashed your brights in my eyes. A double-tap brake-check backed you off a bit, but not for long. When you tried to pass on a curve but had to cut back in between me and the guy in front because of oncoming traffic, it felt really good to turn my brights on your Prius and give you a taste of your own medicine. By the way, the guy in front turned off the highway less than half a mile from your daring escapades.

T

o the big racist in the big truck, turning into the wrong lane on that small Lahaina street: Good thing I steered my bike out of your dangerous path, getting only a bruise. One of the two kids bouncing around in your back seat, without a seatbelt, is my student. No need to repeat the ignorant racial slur you shouted at me, which made the “Practice Aloha” sticker on your bumper a bit ironic. I’ve seen you on that street before, drinking beer and blowing two kinds of smoke in keiki’s faces. Your cousin tells me you haven’t had a job in years, and have four kids. One mom works and the other is on welfare. Both checks come from the government you hate, and the house you live in comes from your parents. Lucky you. I work hard for everything I have, which isn’t much. Amazing how you think being born makes you entitled.

B

raddah man, you must have been drunk, high, having a bad day, had an emergency to attend to at home or work (eg. you’re cheating on your wife and she’s about to catch your mistress in your guy’s bed) or any combination of all that stuff to have been driving your car that way. But please understand that just because your little hybrid is able to move in and out of lanes in between the other cars on the road, that doesn’t mean you can just speed all you want and never use your turn signal. Keep doing that and the police will pull over your ass, unless, of course, you trash your tiny car and kill yourself first.

T

o the guy in the white wagon that was flying through the K-mart parking lot on the way to Costco. Not only were you going so fast that you had to swerve to miss my car, but then you had the nerve to flip me the bird! To make matters worse, you had two little kids in the backseat. Is that really the example you want to set for them? As a parent, you should realize how dangerous it is to speed through a parking lot–or anywhere, actually. I hope your wife sees this so that she knows how you’ve been endangering your children and others.

T

o the road warriors who think they’re badass when they jam on the throttle with their leather jackets, cool sunglasses and tricked out bikes. Sometimes there’s a group of 30 of you cruising down South Kihei Road. Maybe you feel like Mad Max, but what you don’t realize is there’s children sound asleep there. I have two-month-old and every time you rev your throttle outside my window, which seems to happen every night, she’s startled out of a sound sleep. Have you considered not jamming it near residences? I know it’s probably hard to control yourselves, especially since South Kihei Road is such a place to be seen, but please, for my baby’s sake, please keep it quiet.

JULY 12, 2012

11

B

rah, all my mother asked you to do was move your car. Her friend needed to park in front of our house, and your car was in the way. It was no big deal, especially since there were other places you could park. Cussing her out, dropping the F-bomb and calling her a “dumb haole� was totally unnecessary. As a hapa girl, I live Hawaii from both sides: I understand the undercurrents of pain and unforgiveness that run through Hawaiian blood. I feel it. But if we continue to blame the white man for everything we will remain angry and disempowered. I also know that my ancestors respected their kupuna, and extended aloha to everyone in good faith. Our culture is one of honor, not bitterness and infantile name-calling. Man up.

T

o the young, pretty woman in the silver Lexus SUV who just about killed my family at the light in Napili: Come on! You weren’t looking and you came into my lane, almost hitting me head on because you were texting. You do not deserve to drive. My 19-month-old baby was asleep in the back til I laid on the horn. Then seeing you laugh as you drove off just pissed me off more. Let’s see who’s laughing when you kill someone and then go to jail, assuming of course that you live. Do everyone a favor and stop texting while you’re driving. If it’s so damned important to talk to someone, then pull over and do it.

T

T

o the guy and girl driving through Paia in the red Jeep with the “Recycle� and “Maui Built� stickers: Shame on you! First, you drove way too fast and passed cars dangerously (didn’t get you much farther, though, did it?). Then you oh so casually dropped your cigarette butt out the window! The island is not your ashtray! Do you know how many toxins get leeched into the soil from that butt? Did you know that your cigarette butt will be there (if a seabird or some other marine life doesn’t eat it first) for hundreds of years to come? Look, pollute your body if you want, but this is our island, too! Shame on you for not protecting the ‘aina. As the saying goes, “we do not inherit the Earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children.�

o the guy who went speeding through the red light on Hana Highway at the cane crossing: that light was red for a reason. You’re really lucky that the Hawaiian Commercial & Sugar guy was a better driver than you and stopped halfway across the road when he saw you coming. If he had kept crossing under his green light you would have hit him, and the sad thing is that he would have paid the higher price for your mistake. And then you would have the inconvenience of having to explain to his family why you felt the need to run that red light.

E

h brah! Just wanted to let you know that the truck you broke into at the Lahaina Civic Center belonged to my 83-year-old father. But I guess you at least suspected that, because in addition to grabbing his tools you also stole the new handicapped tag we just got from the DMV. So because of you, now my dad has to do a lot more walking. But I doubt you care that he’s weak from recent surgery and has a feeding tube coming out of his stomach. Unreal.

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T

o whomever left the nice note on my truck defining me as too able-bodied to use my disability sticker for parking. Are you a doctor? Can you tell what’s going on in my body that required my doctor to issue me that sticker? It took me years of physical therapy to be able to get on my stand-up paddle board and “look” so able-bodied. Will you lift me off the beach and across the street (where I have fallen more than once) when, after my workout, my legs have turned to steel and I can barely make it to my car? Maybe you might consider that even different-abled people exercise and even if they look fine, exercising could wipe them out and leave them dependent on the blue card you don’t think they need.

E

h Brah, I’m not sure why you felt the need to pass up everyone in front of you. But the moment I passed you, you looked upset. I could see in your eyes that you needed to get way ahead of me. Think again buddy: it’s called “sharing the road.” See, the reason I passed you was that you threw a plastic lunch container out the window, which flew all over the place and almost hit my car.Thank God there were no chicken bones flying around! Next time you buy lunch, make sure to throw your trash away or just keep it in your truck. Respect your aina!

W

hat genius thought it would be a good idea to have trucks make deliveries on Front Street in Lahaina? Is that what you think brings shoppers out to the historical district? “Oooh, let’s head on over to Front Street so we can breathe in some truck fumes while we shop. And look at how cool those big dirty trucks look. I think I’ll buy myself a new handbag!” They got all these gnomes out bugging retailers about signs but heavy polluting spewing trucks on Front Street is all good? Not to mention they block the ocean view. I guarantee there is not another street in the entire world where deliveries are allowed on the main street of shopping. Hey, here’s an idea: how about having customers enter stores through the rear or even the basement?

I

t only took five months for it to happen to Patch. We bought him when we first arrived on island. Patch is our blue, 2002 Saturn that was parked in the lot at Wailea Gateway Place. Sometime during the two hours we spent eating dinner, you had a bit of a tangle with our Patch. Of course, it wasn’t just a slight dent or a gentle love tap that now appeared on the driver’s side panel. You hit Patch so hard that the front bumper was completely smashed and dislodged from the body of the car. Of course, you didn’t bother leaving a note. No explanation or apology–nothing. You just left Patch alone, bruised and battered, wondering what he did to incur such wrath. We don’t know who you are, but it’s obvious to us that you’re not only clueless how to park or drive a car, but that you’re also a coward.

JULY 12, 2012 13

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Food & Drink

Diamonds Icebar & Grill Great food and drinks without the pretentious attitude BY JEN RUSSO

PHOTOS BY SEAN MICHAEL HOWER

Chef Jorge Galaviz and Randi Schnider (pictured in black)

1279 S. Kihei Rd. 808-874-9299 diamondsicebar.com

T

here are some places on Maui that you won’t find by using Yelp or a Maui dining guide. That’s because the food isn’t fancy and there aren’t any sunset views, bells and whistles or poolside beverages. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go. At Diamond’s Ice Bar in Kihei, your cold pint of beer is served with a cute smile and not much else, unless you order lunch. During the day, lots of beardy lips take sips, and the I’ve-paid-my-dues crew here might not have a lot to say to smart phones and Four Square check-ins, but I know they hang their hats where the gettin’ is good.

The Steamers

It’s an unpretentious bar with sports on the televisions and a rock and roll playlist over the speakers. Diamonds is a check-yourattitude-at-the-door kind of place, a Kihei version of Cheers where Randi Schnider, the manager and twinkle behind the bar, knows everyone’s name and has your drink ready before you sit down. It was Tuesday when I stopped by and Randi was pushing fajitas, the special of the day. Then a sizzling platter of peppers and onions with your choice of chicken, steak, shrimp or fish went whizzing out of the kitchen right by me. The air conditioning was thankfully brisk at high noon and the floor-to-ceiling windows gave just the right amount light so the daytime vamps didn’t have to wear sunglasses inside. I was wavering on choosing either spicy chicken wings or a shrimp surf wrap. Both sounded good with the cold Stella Artois draft

I was sipping. Meanwhile, my sister ordered a giant burger and fries that came on an onion bun with cheese and all the fixings. Diamonds opened about three years ago, and the restaurant has grown up a bit. Chef Jorge Galaviz commands the kitchen and has matured the American menu to include some of his homemade Mexican specialties and hybrid recipes from his old Horhitos. His burritos are of epic proportions stuffed with fillings like chile verde, chicken, grilled fish or veggies and then served with rice and beans. Every Mexican item also comes in a solid vegetarian version. The combo platter is a colossal tour de Mexico for just $11.50 for two items or $14.50 for three. Their huge menu takes a something-foreveryone kind of approach. The steamers are wonderfully brothy and briny with garlic and lemon and bread. They have great fries, and when you add enchilada sauce and cheese

on the pile of fried natural-cut potatoes, you have Texas Fries. The wrap is one of those mixed breed foods–Mexican or American? Hot or cold food? I don’t really care since the fresh shrimp, lettuce and Chipotle mayo are always crisp inside, and the portion is enough for two meals. The happy hour and nightlife gets this north end of Kihei at Azeka Makai rocking. From 3-5pm, chicken and ground beef tacos are a dollar (also 10-11pm). Happy hour for cocktails is 3-7pm. There are drink specials all day, too, including $3 margaritas and plenty of tequilas to go with all of their Mexican specialties, plus beer, bourbon shots and Jager. In fact, Jager does so well here (it’s the top selling Jager bar in the state) that Schnider will throw a Jager Fest on July 20. It should be a raucous bash DJ’d by Illz, where everyone can win lots of Jager schwag (not just the cheap stuff, mind you) and nobody goes home empty handed and, of course, you can swill lots of that dark herbal aperitif in $6 bombs. This is where my sister and I go to polish our sucky shuffleboard skills. Other bar sports involve pool sticks and balls, and tournaments are Thursdays at 6:30pm. But this Friday, July 13, the Vince Esquire Band plays at 10pm, food goes till midnight. PBR is on special for $3 while Camerena Tequila is $5. On Sundays, Gina Martinelli plays at 6 pm and Mondays Gomega at 10. For private functions and parties Diamonds has a lush upstairs lounge that overlooks the restaurant and stage. No leather jacket and bandana required to enjoy the rock and roll vibe here, but don’t be surprised if you see more than one. ■ jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso

For more foodie news, visit MauiTime’s food blog at: mauidish.com To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1604d1

Enchilada Combo Platter

JULY 12, 2012 15

16 JULY 12, 2012

Picks

BY MEGAN HAZEN

THURSDAY, JULY 12 T

FRIDAY, JULY 13

T THE END OF FACTORY FARMING – Ignorance is bliss. The opposite of ignorance, awareness, can be rough. For example, you’re not going to scarf down a Big Mac with your usual enthusiasm if you’ve just watched Food, Inc. So how about expanding your awareness this Thursday by hearing Erik Marcus, agribusiness expert, talk about the recent popularity boost in plant-based diets and the declines in th the dairy and meat industries. It’s presented by the Vegetarian Society of Haw waii. Here’s a chance to trade in that chicken wing for some chard. Free. 7pm. Ka Kaunoa Senior Center, Spreckelsville (401 Alakapa Pl.); 808-572-8371.

YOGA RETREAT ON LANAI – Calm your mind and body with yoga at one of the most beautiful hotels, uh, ever. Maui yoga instructor Kathy Williams and yoga therapist Deborah Scarborough will lead this three-day yoga retreat at The Four Seasons Resort Lanai at Manele Bay. Can’t touch your toes? No problem; this retreat is geared towards yogis of all skill levels. The price includes “a two night stay at Manele Bay; a 15 percent treatment discount at The Spa at Manele Bay; discounted golf at Challenge at Manele or Greg Norman masterpiece.” July 13-15. The Four Seasons Resort Lanai at Manele Bay (One Manele Bay Road); 800-321-4666; 808565-2000; fourseasons.com/manelebay; yoga4backpain.com/workshops.

FRIDAY, JUNE 22 FRI FRESH CATCH ATCH IN LAHAINA – This Friday, celebrate Lahaina’s fishermen at Second Friday. You can join Gemini Charters for a two-hour sunset sail featuring live music and Hawaiian storytelling by Wilmont Kamaunu Kahaialii Jr. while enjoying complimentary brews from Maui Brewing Co. as well as pupus catered by the Westin. The sail is $80/person, and you can reserve your spot online at geminicharters.com, or call 808-669-0508. Of course, there will be live music up and down Front Street: Nuff Sedd at Kimo’s, Visibly Shaken at Moose McGillycuddy’s, Evan Shulman at Hard Rock Café, The Haiku Hillbillys at Campbell Park and Bob Jones and The Drive at Captain Jack’s Island Grill, just to name a few. Free. 6-9pm. Front St., Lahaina; mauifridays.com/lahaina.

VINEYARD FOOD CO. POP-UP DINNERS – Vineyard Food Company is trying out a series of Pop-Up Dinners at their Wailuku restaurant. If they’re successful, Vineyard will continue the dinners throughout the summer. Their Family Fridays feature affordable comfort food that even the pickiest of eaters will enjoy. For the more refined palette, Vineyard Food Company is also hosting Sophisticated Saturdays, where you can enjoy a gourmet four-course dinner. Fridays: $15 adults, $8 kids. July 13, 20, 27 - seatings at 5:30-7:30pm; Saturdays: $50-60. July 14, 21, 28. Vineyard Food Co. (1951 E. Vineyard St); 808-243-3663; vineyardfoodcompany.com

FRIDAY, JULY 13

SATURDAY, JULY 14 MAKE MY DAY HAWAII – On Front Street in Lahaina you can make sure to help angels build up their wings as you hop from pub to art gallery to pub. Angels from the Make My Day Hawaii Foundation, a non-profit whose mission is to save the arts and music in Hawaii, will be collecting donations and handing out feathers and special event cups at Lahaina’s Second Friday Town Party. Free. July 13. Front St., Lahaina; 808-9369358; hawaiicityguide.com

PIANO SYNERGY – Four pianos playing at once don’t usually produce an appealing sound. But when a master composer creates a piece for four pianos, it works. The North South East West Festival of New Music continues with a showcase of works for four pianos composed by Cage, Debussy, Faure, Feldman, Busby, Milhaud, Ravel and Osbourne. They will be performed by Beatrice Scorby, Peiling Lin, Lotus Dancer, Anne Ku, Ruth Marata and Robert Pollock. The festival is presented by Ebb and Flow Arts, a Maui-based non-profit. Free. 7:30pm. Maui Music Conservatory, Queen Kaahumanu Center (275 W. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-877-3369; ebbandflowarts.org

SATURDAY, JULY 14 SUMMER BEACH FASHION SHOW – Need some beach wear inspiration? Check out the latest summertime fashions by Maui designers at Stella Blues this Saturday. The fashion show will feature styles by HayHay Couture, Pakaloha Bikinis and Bikinis by Katya. Vendors of various clothing lines will be there, too, for your shopping pleasure. DJ Kurt will be playing jams all night from dubstep to Top 40. Enjoy drink specials and raffle prizes. $10 (includes raffle tickets). Doors open 9:30pm, show starts 11pm. Stella Blues (1279 S S. Kihei Rd.); 808-874-3779; stellablues.com

NA HOKU AWARDS CONCERT – Hawaii’s best and brightest musical acts are coming together in concert. Na Hoku Hanohano Award winners past and present will be playing at the MACC’s Yokouchi Pavilion this Saturday. The lineup includes Natalie Ai Kamauu (Female Vocalist of the Year), Waipuna (Group of the Year, Island Music Album of the Year & Single of the Year), Robert Cazimero (Hawaiian Language Performance), Starr Kalahiki (Most Promising Artist & Jazz Album of the Year), Makana (Ki Ho‘alu Foundation Legacy Award) and Willie K Blues Band (Rock Album of the Year). $25 GA, $45 reserved table, $75 VIP. 6-11pm. Yokouchi Pavilion, MACC (One Cameron Way); 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org

SATURDAY, JULY 14 SATUR MAUI HEALTH HEAL EXPLOSION – From psychic readings to massage, the Maui Health Explosion has a little bit of everything. With a huge variety of vendors and health practitioners, atch tendees can check out crystals, clothing, jewelry and other unique metaphysical accessories, he Reiki energy healers, beauty products, water purification systems, chiropractic, acupuncture, vitamins martial arts, facial rejuvenation, liposuction, counseling, hypnosis and more. lasers, vitamins, There will also be live demos happening on center stage all day and food samples. The event will support the Maui Food Bank, and attendees are encouraged to bring a nonperishable food item to donate (there will be a bin on site). Free. 10am-4pm. Maui Mall (70 East Kaah Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-281-7645; mauimall.com/events

MOCHIPET AT CASANOVA – David Y Wang, aka Mochipet, is bringing his unique beats to Maui for a one night only performance at Casanova. He was born in Taiwan, has toured internationally and has recently taken the West Coast by storm with his creative use of sound. He started his own record label (Daly City Records) which focuses on releasing up-andcoming talents into the music world (notable Daly City alumni include Glitch Mob member edIT and Daedelus). Mochipet’s style is a mix of techno and dubstep hip hop. His new album Rawr Means I Love You comes out this year. You can listen to and download his songs for free here. Ages 21+. $15 pre-sale, $20 at door. 10pm. Casanova (1188 Baldwin Ave.,Makawao); mochipet.com, eventbrite.com/event/2690710989/efblike

SATURDAY, JULY 14 GOT PAINT? – Want to leave your mark on Maui, take part in beautifying the community or just play around with some paint? Join Shira Walinsky, Hui No’eau Visual Arts Center’s Artist in Residence, in painting a mural and transforming a public space on Maui. Walinsky is from Philadelphia, PA, and has more than 12 years of experience leading large-scale community art projects. Pretty cool. $65 ($81 for non-members), supply fee $35. 10am-4pm. Location TBD; huinoeau.com/happenings/events.

WALK OF HEROES – Hosted by funny guy Andy Bumatai, this event will honor three of Hawaii’s heroes: Kumu Keli‘i Ta‘ua, Amy Hanaiali‘i Gilliom and Uncle Richard Ho‘opi‘i. At 5pm, the three will put their hands and feet in wet cement in front of Akaku Maui Community Television’s office. Later, you can enjoy live performances from the honorees and ono grinds from Wowee Maui, Ren’s Sushi and Amigo’s Mexican Restaurant. At 8pm, there will be a screening of Catherine Bauknight’s feature film Hawaii: A Voice For Sovereignty. Free. 5pm. Akaku Maui Community Television (333 Dairy Rd., Kahului); 808-871-5554; akaku.org

MONDAY, JULY 16

TUESDAY, JULY 17 MONDAY BLUES – Looks like someone’s got a case of the Mondays. To ease your transition back into the daily grind, head over to Paradise Grill in Kaanapali for a night of blues music, drinks and pupus. Lose your Monday blues with the help of Grammy-nominated Mark Johnstone and Lenny Castellano of the Mick Fleetwood Blues Band. This blues night is part of the Maui Jazz & Blues Festival series. Free. Mondays, 6-9pm. Paradise Grill (2291 Kaanapali Pkwy.); 808-662-3700; paradisegrillkb.com

GANNON’S PRIX FIXE DINNERS – Starting earlier this month, Chef Bev Gannon’s highly-acclaimed, award-winning restaurants (Hali’imaile General Store, Joe’s and Gannon’s) began offering $29 Prix Fixe dinners every day from 5:30-6:30pm. That’s three mouth-watering courses at any of the three restaurants: head to Hali’imaile for American cuisine with an Asian influence, Joe’s for some classic American comfort food gone gourmet or Gannon’s for Hawaiian flavors with a twist. Check the website for menus and details. $29 each. 5:30-6:30pm. Hali’imaile General Store (900 Hali’imaile Rd, Makawao); Joe’s (131 Wailea Ike Place, Wailea); Gannon’s (100 Wailea Golf Club Dr, Wailea); bevgannonrestaurants.com

JULY 12, 2012

17

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Film

Bummer Oliver Stone’s Savages is a huge let-down BY BARRY WURST II

SAVAGES ★★★★★ Rated R / 127 Min.

W

hen one of your favorite directors lets you down, it’s especially disappointing when you can’t defend them and don’t even want to. I was already skunked this summer with Tim Burton’s Dark Shadows but now Oliver Stone, a filmmaker whose work I’m normally quite excited about, has let me and himself down with his new movie, Savages. It stars Aaron Johnson and Taylor Kitsch as millionaire pot dealers who share the love of the same woman, a bubble-headed beach babe named O, played by Blake Lively. When our stoner-preneurs reject an offer from a ruthless drug czar (played by Salma Hayek) to join her group, they make a run for it, but not before O gets kidnapped and held for ransom. A rarely noted fact about Stone is that, in addition to directing films ranging from

Platoon, JFK, Any Given Sunday and The Doors, he also wrote the screenplay to the Al Pacino version of Scarface. He admitted to writing that film while heavily under the influence and many moments and images from Scarface, such as chainsaw murders, characters snorting cocaine, gleeful debauchery, power mad drug lords, resurface here. Stone also directed the enjoyable U-Turn, a small scale thriller with a real nasty streak. In trying to fuse what worked in Scarface and U-Turn, Stone crafts an excessive exploitation thriller that adds up to the cinematic equivalent of used bong water. What’s especially odd is that the film has nothing to say, as Stone’s political commentary is nowhere in sight. Is he saying that the drug war is corrupt on all sides? We knew that going in. The film makes its point 10 minutes in, that we’re all savages, and proceeds in directions we’ve seen before. Kitsch, the star of John Carter and Battleship, displays considerable intensity but he’s zero for three in picking a good script, and Johnson barely registers, beyond being the nice pot dealer with the long hair. Someone refers to our dynamic duo as Cheech and

PUBLIC NOTICE

IN THE NAME OF JEHOVAH GOD, AMEN. I, Windyceslau D. Lorenzo also know as Kamehameha VI, through grace and ordination, and Pursuant to the following to wit: A. The Great Mahele (land division) of 1848; and, B. Treaty of Friendship 1849 between the United States of America, then President Zachary Taylor, and the Kingdom and Islands of Hawai’i, then King Kamehameha III; and, &. AfÀdaYit of lineal Bloodline to Kamehameha Paiea, 1994; and, D. The Allodial Deed from Kamehameha to Kamehameha, recorded in the Hawaii State Bureau of Conveyance # 98-126382, 1998; and, E. The Determination of Heirs of Kamehameha Paiea (Ka Na’i Aupuni The Conqueror), probate # 8-1-0351; and, F. The Notice of Lien of the Hawaiian Islands recorded in the Bureau of Conveyance Doc. # A-4520086. Whereas, all as stated above, are ¿led and recorded in the Land Court of Hawai’i, case # 09-0300, as Heir/Successor owner of the Allodium, to all Land(s), Water(s), Air Space, Metallic and Mineral rights, etc., in Archipelago of the Hawaiian Islands, Gives: NOTICE TO THE PUBLIC AND TO ALL WHOM IT MAY CONCERN, THAT: All land title deeds/leases throughout the Hawaiian Archipelago, are now being perfected by Kamehameha VI, which involves and including to wit: 1) All Fort Lands; and, 4) ChieÀy (Ali’i Nui’s) Lands; and, 2) Hawaiian Government Lands; and, 5) Na Ali’i and the people, etc., as 3) Crown Lands; and, formalized according to the Great Mahele. The Private 2f¿ce of Kamehameha VI, has appointed his private staff and Chief Land Commissioners, will be accepting all land title/leases applications to be perfected and cleared to all in the Hawaiian Islands. THEREFORE, all contacts will be directed to the 2f¿cial 2f¿ces of Kamehameha VI throughout the Hawaiian Islands, and until all Private Chief Land Commissioners are appointed for the Islands of Molokai, and Lana’i, all are directed to the Island of Maui # 808-344-2279, # 808-264-3209, # 808-281-6781 and those on the Islands of Kauai and Niihau, and the Big Island of Hawai’i, will be directed to the Island of Oahu # 808-699-0179. Dated: This 12th day of June, 2012, Honolulu, Hawaii

Chong, a fitting comparison, since, if you take away their youthful good looks It plays lika a bad and itchy trigger Tony Scott film. fingers, they’re kind of dumb and dopey. Benicio Del Toro registers strongly as a vile character but he’s too good and advanced in his career to be playing henchman and Lively was far better at this sort of role in The Town. Hayek’s against-type casting is matched by her great performance but the screenplay can’t decide whether she’s supposed to be sympathetic or an all-out monster. John Travolta is exceptional playing a vulnerable, twitchy fed but the movie doesn’t utilize him enough. Stone’s stylish touches help as much as the colorful cinematography but he gives us no one to care about. You’d never expect Stone to be subtle but it’s unusual and disappointing to see him direct a film that is merely watchable instead of engaging. Three things kill the film entirely: Lively’s awful narration, the rotten dialogue (hands down the worst line in the

film: “he gave me orgasms, I gave him war-gasms”) and the double-twist ending, in which we have to endure two badly written standoffs, back-to-back, then endure another 10 minutes before the film finally ends. Stone’s films can be provocative social commentaries, illuminating reminders of our past or, at the very least, an exhilarating ride. With Savages, he’s made a such a slick, gruesome and sexually charged ransom drama with such empty, unappealing characters, it plays like a bad Tony Scott film. I don’t know if Stone was inebriated when he co-wrote and directed this. I can only vouch that it leaves you with a bad buzz when it’s over. Bummer, man. ■ To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1604f

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BEST OF 2012

MAUI Time for our annual Best of Maui edition. We’re ready to roll up our sleeves and show off our brand new ink, as we present the 2012 Best of Maui Tattoo o Edition. Thousands of our readers have sent us their choices, and our staff has been busy counting the votes to select this year’s winners in over 100 categories. The Best of Maui Tattoo Edition will feature the best that Maui has to offer - from politicss and entertainment to dining and drinks. Don’t miss out on being a part our biggest and most popular issue of the year

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Film

Showtimes

WHERE AND WHEN TO WATCH WHAT

FRONT STREET THEATER

KUKUI MALL

900 Front St., Lahaina, 249-2222 (Matinees: M-F until 6:30pm, Sa-Su until 3:30pm, Discount Tue) The Amazing Spider-Man-PG13-THU (12:45, 4:00), 7:15, 10:20. FRI (12:45 4:00) 7:15 10:20. SAT-SUN (12:45) 4:00 7:15 10:20. MON-WED (12:45 4:00) 7:15 10:20. Brave-PG-THU (1:15, 3:45), 6:45, 9:15. FRI (1:15 3:45) 6:45 9:15. SAT-SUN (1:15) 3:45 6:45. MON-WED (1:15 3:45) 6:45 9:15. Savages-R-THU (1:00, 4:00), 7:00, 10:00. FRI (1:00 4:00) 7:00 10:00. SAT-SUN (1:00) 4:00 7:00 10:00. MON-WED (1:00 4:00) 7:00 10:00. Ted-R-THU (1:30, 4:20), 6:55, 9:30. FRI (1:30 4:20) 6:55 9:30. SAT-SUN (1:30) 4:20 6:55 9:30. MON-WED (1:30 4:20) 6:55 9:30.

1819 S. Kihei Rd., 1-800-326-3264 ( Matinees: every day until 4pm) The Amazing Spider-Man-PG13-THU 11:00, 1:50, 4:50, 7:50, 10:35. FRI-WED 11, 1:50, 4:50, 7:50, 10:35. Brave-PG-THU 11:15, 1:30, 3:55, 6:05, 8:20, 10:30. Ice Age: Continental Drift-PG-FRI-WED 11:15, 1:30, 3:50, 6, 8:05, 10:15. Ted-R-THU 11:30, 2:00, 4:30, 7:00, 9:30. FRIWED 11:30, 2, 4:30, 7, 9:30. To Rome With Love-R-THU 11:10, 1:45, 4:10, 7:05, 10:00. FRI-MON 11:10, 1:45, 4:10, 7:05, 10. TUE 1, 3:30, 6:05, 8:25, 10:40. WED 11:10, 1:45, 4:10, 7:05, 10.

MAUI MALL MEGAPLEX KA’AHUMANU 6 Queen Ka’ahumanu Shopping Center, Kahului. 1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: every day until 4pm) Brave-PG-THU 11:00, 1:20, 3:40, 6:00, 8:20. FRI-WED 12:20, 2:40, 5, 7:20, 9:35. Brave 3D-PG-12:20, 2:40, 5:00, 7:20, 9:35. Ice Age: Continental Drift 3D-PG-12:30, 2:40, 4:50, 7, 9:15. Ice Age: Continental Drift-PG-FRI-WED 11, 1:15, 3:25, 5:35, 7:45, 10. FRI-WED 11:45, 1:55, 4:05, 6:15, 8:25. Katy Perry: Part of Me-PG-THU 10:45, 12:15, 1:00, 2:35, 3:15, 4:55, 5:30, 7:15, 9:35. FRIWED 12, 2:20. Katy Perry: Part of Me 3D-PG-THU 12:00, 2:20, 4:40, 7:00, 9:20. FRI-WED 4:40, 7:15, 9:40. Savages-R-THU 11:10, 2:00, 4:45, 7:30, 10:15. FRI-WED 11:10, 2, 4:45, 7:30, 10:15. Snow White and the Huntsman-PG13-THU 7:45, 10:30.

NEW THIS WEEK ICE AGE: CONTINENTAL DRIFT

(3D)- PG - Animation - Your old friends Manny, Diego and Sid set sail on an iceberg and meet exciting sea creatures and pirates. Of course they do. 94 min. SAFETY NOT GUARANTEED - R - Comedy - Three magazine staffers interview some guy who advertised for a time travel companion. Sounds quirky, possibly interesting. 86 min.

NOW PLAYING ABRAHAM LINCOLN: VAMPIRE HUNTER - R - Action - The

title says it all. 105 min. THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN - PG13

- Action - Action/Comic – Yes, they’re remaking a movie that came out barely 10 years ago. But who cares? If you miss this one, don’t worry, because they’ll probably just remake it again next year. 136 min.

Maui Mall, Kahului, 249-2222 (Matinees: M-Th until 6pm, F-Su until 3:30pm) Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter-R-THU (1:40, 4:05), 6:35, 9:15. FRI (1:40 4:05) 6:35 9:15. SAT-SUN (1:40) 4:05 6:35 9:15. MONWED (1:40 4:05) 6:35 9:15. The Amazing Spider-Man-PG13-THU (12:15, 3:30), 6:45, 9:50. FRI (12:15 3:30) 6:45 9:45. SAT-SUN (12:15) 3:30 6:45 9:45. MON-WED (12:15 3:30) 6:45 9:45. The Avengers-PG13-THU (11:40), 6:00. Madagascar 3-PG-THU (11:50, 2:05, 4:15), 6:40, 8:55. FRI (11:50 2:05 4:15) 6:40 8:55. SAT-SUN (11:50 2:05) 4:15 6:40 8:55. MONWED (11:50 2:05 4:15) 6:40 8:55. Magic Mike-R-THU (11:30, 1:55, 4:25), 7:00, 9:35. FRI (11:30 1:55 4:25) 7:00 9:35. SATSUN (11:30 1:55) 4:25 7:00 9:35. MON-WED (11:30 1:55 4:25) 7:00 9:35. Moonrise Kingdom-PG13-THU (11:35, 1:45, 3:55), 6:30, 8:50. FRI (11:35 1:45 3:55) 6:30 8:50. SAT-SUN (11:35 1:45) 3:55 6:30 8:50.

KATY PERRY: PART OF ME - PG -

Documentary - While you’re waiting for that big documentary on the life and times of Martin Luther King, Jr., here’s the story of rock star Katy Perry. USA! USA! 117 min.

MON-WED (11:35 1:45 3:55) 6:30 8:50. People Like Us-PG13-THU (1:35, 4:20), 7:10, 9:55. FRI (1:35 4:20) 7:10 9:50. SAT-SUN (1:35) 4:20 7:10 9:50. MON-WED (1:35 4:20) 7:10 9:50. Prometheus-R-THU (3:00), 9:25. Safety Not Guaranteed-R-FRI (12:25 2:45 5:05) 7:20 9:40. SAT-SUN (12:25 2:45) 5:05 7:20 9:40. MON-WED (12:25 2:45 5:05) 7:20 9:40. Ted-R-THU (12:00, 2:35, 5:00), 7:30, 10:00. FRI (12:00 2:35 5:00) 7:30 9:55. SAT-SUN (12:00 2:35) 5:00 7:30 9:55. MON-WED (12:00 2:35 5:00) 7:30 9:55. The Amazing Spider-Man 3D-PG13-THU (12:45, 1:15, 4:00, 4:30), 7:15, 7:45, 10:20. FRI (12:45 1:15 4:00 4:30) 7:15 7:45 10:00. SAT-SUN (12:45 1:15) 4:00 4:30 7:15 7:45 10:00. MON-WED (12:45 1:15 4:00 4:30) 7:15 7:45 10:00. To Rome With Love-R-THU (11:45, 2:30, 5:30), 8:30. FRI (11:45 2:30 5:30) 8:30. SAT-SUN (11:45 2:30) 5:30 8:30. MON-WED (11:45 2:30 5:30) 8:30. Tyler Perry’s: Madea’s Witness ProtectionPG13-THU (1:30, 4:10), 6:50, 9:30. FRI (1:30 4:10) 6:50 9:30. SAT-SUN (1:30) 4:10 6:50 9:30. MON-WED (1:30 4:10) 6:50 9:30.

WHARF CINEMA CENTER 658 Front St., Lahaina, 249-2222 (Matinees: Tue all shows, until 6pm every other day of the week) Ice Age: Continental Drift-PG-FRI (1:00 3:45) 6:55 9:15 . SAT-SUN (1:00) 3:45 6:55 9:15. MON-WED (1:00 3:45) 6:55 9:15. Katy Perry: Part Of Me-PG-THU (1:30, 4:20), 7:05, 9:40. FRI (1:30 4:20) 7:05 9:40. SAT-SUN (1:30) 4:20 7:05 9:40. MON-WED (1:30 4:20) 7:05 9:40. Magic Mike-R-THU (1:15, 4:00), 7:00, 9:35. FRI (1:15 4:00) 7:00 9:35. SAT-SUN (1:15) 4:00 7:00 9:35. MON-WED (1:15 4:00) 7:00 9:35. THU (1:15 4:00) 7:00 9:35.

million pictures, this one deals with quirky people who have romances and adventures. Stars Penelope Cruz and that guy from The Social Network. 102 min. TYLER PERRY’S: MADEA’S WITNESS PROTECTION - PG13 - Comedy - Madea

stripper (Channing Tatum) mentors a younger guy on how to party, pick up chicks and such. 110 min.

shelters a Wall Street banker squealing on a mob-backed Ponzi scheme. Sure, happens all the time. 114 min.

MOONRISE KINGDOM - PG13 - Comedy - Here’s Wes Anderson’s latest quirky film, on a pair of very young lovers on the run from a small New England town. 94 min.

LAST CHANCE

- A guy (Chris Pine) loses his dad, then gets to take $150,000 of the old man’s loot to a sister he never actually met. 95 min. SAVAGES - R - Drama - A new Oliver Stone film about two pot growers who have to deal with a scary Mexican drug cartel that captures their mutual girlfriend. See this week’s film critique. 127 min. TED - R - Comedy - Mark Wahlberg plays

BRAVE - PG - Animation - Some Scottish

a guy who’s childhood teddy bear comes alive (and has director Seth MacFarlane’s voice) for some reason. 106 min.

redhead uses courage and archery to undo a curse or something. 93 min.

TO ROME WITH LOVE - R - Comedy - Like all the other of Woody Allen’s one

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JULY 12, 2012 21

Calendar

Da Kine Calendar BY JENNA SCHAMBER

BIG SHOWS ALOHA FRIDAY SUMMER CONCERT SERIES - Fri, Jul 13. The Fairmont Kea Lani partners with The Institute of Hawaiian Music at UH Maui for a summer concert series. The unique program, led by Hawaiian music icons preserves authentic Hawaiian music while mentoring the next generation of musicians. Free. 5-6pm Lobby at Fairmont Kea Lani, (4100 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-840-8402; fairmont.com/kealani SLACK KEY SHOW – MASTERS OF HAWAIIAN MUSIC WITH JOHN KEAWE - Wed, Jul 18. George Kahumoku Jr., Da Ukulele Boyz, Sterling Seaton and Wainani Kealoha hosts this Grammy Award-winning concert series. Dinner/show packages available with Sea House Restaurant (adjacent to the concert hall; 5:30pm seating). $37.99$78.35 7:30-9:30pm Napili Kai Beach Resort Pavilion, (5900 L. Honoapiilani Rd.); 808669-3858; slackkey.com

FRIDAY TOWN PARTIES LAHAINA SECOND FRIDAY - See picks on p. 17 for info. Fri, Jul 13. Free. 6-9pm (Front St.) ART NIGHT EVENTS - Fri, Jul 13. Peter Lik Gallery: Drawing for a Lik signed Big Book, DJ Scotty D, special promotions on art, serving wine and light pupu, 6-9pm. Maui Hands: Refreshments from 430-730pm. Lahaina Galleries: Hosting guest artist Dario Campanile; wine served from 5-10pm. Village Gallery: Group exhibition and refreshments. Images Fine Art Gallery: Complimentary wine and live music. Bernard Passman Gallery: Pupu, drinks and live music, 6-9pm. Sargents Fine Art: Hosting acclaimed artist Vjekoslav Nemesh and music of Curt Lee, 7-10pm. Free. CULTURE & HISTORY - Fri, Jul 13. Explore Lahaina’s unique history with Lahaina Restoration Foundation’s Ha`ina Hou! (Let the Story be Told!), held at the Baldwin Home and Wo Hing Museums on Front Street. Free-$5. 6-8:30pm ARTISAN FAIR - Fri, Jul 13. Come to shop, stay to dine. Local made on Maui Artists showcasing and selling artwork, photography, jewelry, accessories, clothing, massage & wellness and much more! Cash bar and complimentary valet. Free entry. 5-10pm Longhi’s Lahaina, (888 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-2288; longhis.com

STAGE THE PRODUCERS - Every Fri, Sat & Sun. A Mel Brooks Musical. Winner of a record 12 Tony Awards! Max Bialystock, a once great Broadway Producer grabs Leo Bloom, his accountant, and attempts to produce the biggest flop possible. Fri & Sat. 7:30 pm / Sun. 3:00 pm. $17-28. 7:30pm Iao Theater, (68 N. Market St., Wailuku); 808-242-6969; mauionstage.com

22 JULY 12, 2012

PREVIEWS OF “THE WIZARD OF OZ” - Sat, Jul 14. Theatre Maui’s summer cast members will present a brief preview of the upcoming production of The Wizard of Oz. Free. 2:30pm Lahaina Cannery Mall, (1221 Honoapiilani Hwy.); 808-661-5304; lahainacannerymall.com and 4pm Barnes & Noble Bookstore, Lahaina Gateway Center, (325 Keawe #101); 808-662-1300.

FOODIE GIRLS NIGHT OUT - Sun, Jul 15. You know, ‘cause girls just wanna have fun. This fourcourse fondue extravaganza features a martini bar, trunk show featuring clothing by Passion 4 Fashion Boutique and local handmade jewelry, and the chance to win lots of goodies. What are you waiting for? This night is a blast. $35 per person. 5-9pm The Melting Pot, (325 Keawe St., Ste. A202, Lahaina); 808-6616181; meltingpot.com

TICKETS ON SALE SLACK KEY MASTERS WITH JOHN KEAWE - Thu, Jul 19. Grammy Award Winner George Kahumoku Jr. hosts and opens the show. John Keawe, a songwriter and slack key guitarist, infuses his music with the spirit of aloha and elements of his life. Hula dancer Hope Keawe, who is John’s wife, performs with him. $25-$45. 7:30pm McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org STELLA’S SUPPER CLUB WITH HAPA Fri, Jul 20 and Fri, Jul 27. A four-course dinner featuring live music by HAPA. $60. 6pm Stella Blues Cafe, (1279 S. Kihei Rd., #201); 808874-3779; stellablues.com REGGAE IN THE VALLEY - Sat, Jul 21. The 7th annual Reggae in the Valley is jam-packed with old school and new school island music, featuring Ekolu, Kalama, Positive Motions, Mana‘o Company, Common Kings, Maoli, Siaosi/Kiwini, Vaitai/Laga Savea and FIJI with special guest J-BOOG. $25/advance, $35/ event day. 4:30pm Pavilion/Amphitheater, MACC, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org MELISSA ETHERIDGE - Tue, Jul 24. Grammy Award-winning songwriter and performer Melissa Etheridge returns to Maui for one night only. Melissa’s popularity is solidly built around such memorable songs as “Bring Me Some Water,” “No Souvenirs” and “Ain’t It Heavy.” $35-$100. 7:30pm Castle Theater, MACC, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org DISNEY’S SLEEPING BEAUTY - Thu, Jul 26 through Sun, Jul 29. MAPA’s Youth Musical Theatre Camp students sing and dance their hearts out as they perform this classic fairy tale. T & F show: 7pm, Sat. & Sun. shows: 2pm & 4pm. Tickets available at the customer service kiosk in QKC. $12 adult, $8 student.

Steppingstone Playhouse, (Queen Kaahumanu Center, 275 W. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-244-8760; mauiacademy.org “POLY GIRLS ROCK” WITH IRIE LOVE Thu, Jul 26. Hosted by Chisa Dizon of NATIVE 92.5 FM, this event will deliver smooth vocals and high energy performances by female artists with Polynesian ties, DJ mixes and live entertainment by Hawaii’s own Irie Love along with Reece Purcell, Leylani and more! $10 presale, $15 at door. Parts of proceeds benefit Enari Tuala. 10pm-2am Timba Maui, (505 Front St., Lahaina); 808-264-5591; timbamaui.com KALAMA BROTHERS & FRIENDS WITH WILLIE K - Fri, Jul 27. Kalama Brothers are touring Hawai‘i to promote their new CD, Keau produced by Maui Tribe Records with “Uncle” Willie K. Their hit single is “Come Back to Hawaii.”. $20. 7:30pm McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org CUT CHEMIST - Sat, Jul 28. Cut Chemist has earned a reputation as one of the most accomplished and talented electronic artists on the planet. He brings his passion and artistry to Maui taking the stage at Charley’s. $25/ presale, $30/door. 9pm Charley’s Restaurant & Saloon, (142 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-5798085; cutmaui.eventbrite.com

EVENTS THURSDAY, JULY 12 SCREENING OF ART21: HISTORY Art21 illuminates the creative process of today’s visual artists. In this episode, artists play with historical events, explore and expose commonly held assumptions about historical truth, and create narratives based on personal experiences. Free. 6pm McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org TEA PARTY MAUI MEETING - TEA Party Maui’s core principles are constitutionally limited government, fiscal responsibility and the free market system. Come meet your fellow Maui patriots, discuss current events, and listen to knowledgeable and motivational speakers. Free. 6:30pm Kalama Heights Garden Room, (101 Kanani Rd., Kihei); teapartymaui.com

FRIDAY, JULY 13 O-BON DANCE FESTIVAL - Fri and Sat. Fri: O-Bon service at 6 pm. Taiko performances 7:15pm. Bon dance at 8pm. Sat: Gravesite Bon service at 4pm. O-Bon service at 6pm. Taiko performances at 7:15pm and Bon dance at 8pm. Free. Paia Mantokuji Mission, (253 Hana Hwy.); 808-579-8051; mantokujimauitemple.org NAUTICAL DESIGN JEWELRY BY VARSHA TITUS - Come meet Varsha Titus and watch the interesting process of weaving precious metals. Varsha’s involvement with metal

jewelry and the art of nautical weaving began in 1991 under the tutelage of Phil Ginolfi. Free. 1:30-5pm Maui Hands, (84 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-9245; mauihands.com PRIDE INK ART SHOWING - 15 percent of sales go to cancer research. Organic fresh pressed juices available for purchase or BYOB. Free. 6-9pm Wailuku Coffee Company, (28 N. Market St., Wailuku) SCREENING OF GO FOR BROKE! - This 90-minute movie shares memories of Hawai’i Japanese Niseis. Director Hiroyuki Matsumoto will be present for the screening. Part of the monies raised through this movie will be donated to Kanasha Preschool, which honors the Nisei Veterans. $10 donation at door. 7pm Maui Beach Hotel, (170 W. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-877-0051 MAUI MALL’S SUMMER SIDEWALK SALE -Fri through Sat. Great savings, both in stores and throughout the mall! Free. (70 E. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-871-1307; mauimall.com QUEEN KAAHUMANU CENTER’S SUMMER SIDEWALK SALE - Fri through Sun. Shop Summer savings at participating stores. (275 W. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-8773369; queenkaahumanucenter.com ISLAND SOUNDS: THE CHAPMAN STICK - Fri and Sun. Be sure to check out at Center Stage the gentle island sounds of The Chapman Stick, a little-known American stringed instrument, masterfully played by Michael Kollwitz in a relaxing blend of jazz and blues with Hawaiian flair. Free. 6-8pm Whalers Village, (2435 Ka’anapali Pkwy.); 808-661-4567; whalersvillage.com

SATURDAY, JULY 14 YOUTH ART EXHIBITION - Starting today through Aug 3. Featuring art by nearly 200 Maui youth completed during summer Camp Kaluanui, including photography, ceramics, painting, drawing, jewelry design, animation, comic illustrations, and more. Free. 10am-4pm Hui No’eau Visual Arts Center, (2841 Baldwin Ave., Makawao); 808-572-6560; huinoeau.com KE’ANAE KEIKI JAM FEST - A fun filled day packed with live entertainment, ‘ono grindz, art & crafts, auctions, cultural/educational demonstrations and activities, and a huge keiki zone with bouncy castles, horse rides, carnival games, and more! 9am-5pm Ke’anae Ball Park on the Ka’anae Peninsula, 808-281-7201; keanaecharterschool.org LAMA LENA TEACHINGS - Lama Lena (Yeshe Kaytum) is visiting from India and offering teachings from “Three Words That Strike To The Heart Of The Essential Point” by Garab Dorje. Donation appreciated. 10:30am-4:30pm Temple of Peace, (575 Haiku Rd.); 808-633-4810; customjuju. com/wangdorrimpoche/lamalena.htm

TheGRID

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ALE HOUSE

Pi’ilani Arias, 5-9pm Soul Congress Band, 9pm12am (both sets no cover)

Live Pau Hana Music w/ Braddah Francis 4-8pm; no cover

Flashback Saturdays Dance Party w/ DJ Z 9:30pm; no cover

Sunday Skool Nightclub (Hip Hop) w/ DJ Jamn J 10pm; no cover

MON - Clay Mortensen Trio, 4-7pm TUE - Bad Kitty, 8:30pm WED - Karaoke w/ Braddah Francis, 8pm (all sets no cover)

AMBROSIA

DigiLuxe w/ DJ Kurt 10pm; no cover

House Music & You w/ DJ AstroRaph 10pm; no cover

Sunrize Saturdaze w/ DJ Decka 10pm; no cover

Ultra w/ DJ CIA 10pm; no cover

MON - DJ Skinny Guy / TUE - DJ LaRage WED - DJ Del Sol and DJ CIA (all sets 10pm; no cover)

355 E. Kamehameha, Kahului - 877-9001

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-1011

Ladies Night 10pm-close; no cover

BLUE LAGOON

Wharf Cinema Center, 658 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4900

Sam Ahia 7-9:30pm; no cover

MON - Dave Caroll / TUE - Jordan Cuddy / WED - Ekolu Kalama (all sets 7-9:30pm; no cover)

Bob Jones 7-9:30pm; no cover

Jonny Ringo 7-9:30pm; no cover

Dr. Nat & Rio Ritmo Samba Y Salsa Y Latin Pop, 10pm; $10

DJ Mochipet (S.F.) w/ DJ Sweet Beets & DJ Chronick, 9:30pm; $20

WED - Casanova’s Famous Ladies’ Night: “Back to the Future: w/ DJ Blast & Chilltown Productions, 10pm; $10

The House Shakers 9pm; $7

The Kryptones feat. Lia Live 10pm; $10

The Vince Esquire Band 10pm; $10

TUE - Eric Dotterer & Jonathan Drezler, 6:309:30pm; no cover

Will Hartzog 7:30-10pm; no cover

Jonny Ringo 7:30-10pm; no cover

Dave Carroll 7:30-10pm; no cover

Erin Smith 7:30-10pm; no cover

MON - Peter D, 7:30-10pm / TUE - Jazz, 7:30-10pm WED - Jordan Cuddy, 7:30-10pm

Pool Tournament 6:30pm; no cover

Vince Esquire 10pm; no cover

Live Music 10pm; no cover

Gina Martenilli 6pm; no cover

MON - Gomega w/ S.I.N. / TUE - Rampage w/ S.I.N. / WED - Jukebox Party (all sets 10pm; no cover)

DOG & DUCK IRISH PUB

Quiz Night 7pm; no cover

Big John 10pm; no cover

Dance Party 10pm; no cover

S.I.N. 10pm; no cover

MON-TUES - Dance Party / WED - Jessica and Kanoa (all sets 10pm; no cover)

HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH

Rampage 9pm-close; no cover

Dat Guyz 9pm-close; no cover

Jah Residentz 9pm-close; no cover

Karaoke Industry Night 8pm-close; no cover

MON - Karaoke, 8pm-close / TUE - Music videos w/ DJ Daizy, 9pm-close / WED - Open Mic Night, 9pm-close (all sets no cover)

Evan Shulman 6-9pm; no cover

The House Shakers 8-11pm; no cover

Brunch with Willie K 11-2pm; no cover

Karaoke

Karaoke

CAPTAIN JACK’S ISLAND GRILL Wharf Cinema Center, 672 Front St., Lahaina - 667-0988

Adam Masterson 7-9:30pm; no cover

MON - Open Mic w/ MT, 10pm-close; no cover

CASANOVA

1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-0220

CHARLEY’S

142 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-8085

COOL CAT CAFE

Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina - 667-0908

DIAMONDS ICE BAR 1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-9299

1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 875-9669

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-8010

HARD ROCK CAFE 900 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7400

ISANA

515 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-8199

GO FOR BROKE! SCREENING - To honor the Nisei Veterans who courageously fought to protect our freedom, the public is invited to a Dedication of a “Rock Feature” at Kepaniwai Park at 10am followed by a film screening of Go For Broke!, produced by Hiroyuki Matsumoto who will be in attendance. $20 admission (includes lunch). 11am Kahului Hongwanji Temple, (291 S. Puunene Ave.); 808-385-7670 VOLCOM STORE SPECIAL EVENT Volcom store jumps to Center Stage to sponsor Maui’s own Barefoot Minded, with Junior Siqueira (acoustic guitar), and Oren Masserman (ukulele and conga). The store will treat customers with exciting giveaways, great markdowns and promos during the event. Free. 4-6pm Whalers Village, (2435 Ka’anapali Pkwy.); 808-661-4567; whalersvillage.com PET ADOPTIONS WITH HARF - Join the Hawaii Animal Rescue Foundation for a very special opportunity to rescue your next best friend! Every Saturday, HARF will bring animals in need of a good home. 10am-4pm Petco, (270 Dairy Road, #144, Kahului); 808-876-0022 an Whole Foods Market, (70 Kaahumanu Ave #B, Kahului); 808-446-4126; hawaiiananimalrescue.org SECOND SATURDAY ART - Free. 10am12pm Maui Thing, (7 N. Market St., Wailuku); 808-249-0215

SUNDAY, JULY 15 AHMED GOING HOME FUNDRAISER

Karaoke

- Ahmed was exiled from Libya as a student who was in opposition to Gadhafi’s demands. For 25 years, he lived among us in the Hawaiian Islands, donating monthly to those in need and volunteering at the local food bank. He is ill and wants to go home. Tickets: $40 for one or $60 for two (includes roasted lamb, Mediterranean fried rice, greek salad, cucumber yogurt, Libyan dessert; vegetarian choice avail.) 12pm Hawaiian Canoe Club, Ho’aloha Park, (1 E. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-633-0250 BIG BROTHERS BIG SISTERS OF MAUI CLOTHING DRIVE - Near the automotive center at Walmart. 10am-2pm, (101 Pakaula St., Kahului)

MONDAY, JULY 16 PET FIRST AID FOR CATS & DOGS This course will empower pet owners with the confidence and skills necessary to respond to emergencies involving cats and dogs by learning how to provide basic first aid skills, how to care for choking pets, rescue breathing and CPR. $70. 2-5pm American Red Cross, (45 N. Market St., Ste. A, Wailuku); 800-733-2767; redcross.com PRESENTATION ON CHANGING RAINFALL PATTERNS FOR MAUI - How Will Changing Weather Patterns Affect Maui’s Water Future? UH at Manoa professor Tom Giambelluca will speak on this topic. Presented by the Sustainable Living Institute of Maui, Maui Tomorrow Foundation, and the COM’s Department of Water Sup-

WED - Karaoke

ply. Free (light refreshments provided). 5:30-7:30pm Pilina Building multipurpose room at UH Maui College, (310 Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-244-7570; rainfall. geography.hawaii.edu

son 7-9:30pm; Fri, Bob Jones 7-9:30pm; Sat, Jonny Ringo 7-9:30pm; Sun, Sam Ahia 7-9:30pm; Mon, Dave Carroll 7-9:30pm; Tue, Jordan Cuddy 7-9:30pm. (672 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-0988.

TUESDAY, JULY 17

COOL CAT CAFE - Wed, Jordan Cuddy 7:30-10pm; Thu, Barefoot Minded 7:3010pm; Fri, Jonny Ringo 7:30-10pm; Sat, Dave Carroll 7:30-10pm; Sun, Erin Smith 7:30-10pm; Mon, Peter deAquino 7:30-10pm; Tue, Jazz 7:30-10pm. (Wharf Cinema Center, 658 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-0908.

ARTIST IN RESIDENCE: CHAD DURGAN, JEWELER - Tue, Jul 17. Sculptor Chad Durgan (CD) and floral designer Steve Olivieri (SO) are New York natives who escaped the city for upcountry Maui. Inspired by the beauty of island nature, Durgan was soon turning the couple’s visions into unusual but elegant wearable art. Free. 1-3pm Maui Hands, Paia, (84 Hana Hwy.); 808-579-9245; mauihands.com

WEDNESDAY, JULY 18 WOW! WAILEA ON WEDNESDAYS This week’s WOW! arts and entertainment series features a solo performance by Erin Smith, lead singer of The Throwdowns, appearances by local artists and one-nightonly shopping and dining specials. Free. 6:30-8pm The Shops at Wailea, Lower Courtyard, (3750 Wailea Alanui); 808-8976770 ext. 2; theshopsatwailea.com

DINNER MUSIC

DAVID PAUL’S ISLAND GRILL - Every Sun & Mon, David Wolfberg 6pm. (900 Front St. Suite A101, Lahaina); 808-662-3000. DUKE’S BEACH HOUSE - Every Mon & Tue, Eddie & Alika 6-8:30pm; Daily, Hula Performance 6:30pm; Every Mon & Wed, Brian

LOOKING FOR SOMETHING?

WEST MAUI CANOES - Sun, Live Jazz 3-6pm; Fri, Howard Ahia 5:30-8:30pm. (1450 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-0937. CAPTAIN JACK’S ISLAND GRILL - Wed, Ekolu Kalama 7-9:30pm; Thu, Adam Master-

CALENDAR LISTINGS

ON MAUITIME.COM JULY 12, 2012 23

VOTED BEST HAPPY HOUR ON MAUI! 4 ,*)&* 3% t ". ". %"*-: t %*//&3 A5*- 1.

JULY 12

TH UR S

SA LS A NI GH T W/ NIETO & BARBARA 7:3 0P M- 9:3 0

FR I

JULY 13

BOTTOMS UP FRIDAYS

W/ NE XT LE VE L EN TE RT AIN ME NT 1 . r / 0 $ 07 &3

JULY 14

SAT

-*7 & . 64 *$ W/

INNAVISION 10 1. r $ 07 &3

JULY 17

TU E

TACO TUESDAYS

$

4-10PM 2.50 TACOS, CORONA, DOS XX & PACIFICOS

WILD WAHINE WEDNESDAY

CASANOVA’S FAMOUS LADIES NIGHT BACK TO THE FUTURE W/ DJ BLAST & CHILLTOWN MUSIC STARTS @ 10PM + $10 COVER

THE EVENING THAT EARNED CASANOVA’S THE AWARDS

“BEST LATE NIGHT IN MAUI” “BEST SINGLES SCENE IN MAUI”

FRIDAY JULY 13TH

DR. NAT & RIO RITMO

SHOW STARTS AT 10PM $10 COVER

SAMBA Y SALSA Y LATIN POP

MAUI’S BEST LATIN BAND + SHOW US THE LOVE!

SATURDAY JULY 14TH

REVENGE OF THE SPARKLE BOTS

DJ MOCHIPET (S.F.) DJ SWEET BEETS (MAUI) DJ CHRONICK (MAUI)

SHOW STARTS AT 9:30PM $15 PRESALE $20 COVER

MAKE IT A MEMORABLE EVENING + DINE & DANCE AT CASANOVA FOR DINNER RESERVATIONS CALL 808.572.0220 LOG ON AT WWW.CASANOVAMAUI.COM

24 JULY 12, 2012

SUNDAY BRUNCH 11:00AM - 2PM NO COVER KAMA'AINA SPECIALS ALL DAY BREAKFAST SERVED AT 10AM

WITH

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

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SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

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7/16-7/18

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JAVA JAZZ

3350 L. Honoapiilani Rd. - 667-0787

JAY’S PLACE

Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina - 661-6699

KAHALE’S

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 875-7711

KIMO’S

845 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4811

Guest Performer 7pm - close; no cover

Mallori Danielle 9pm-close; no cover

Open Mic Night w/ Johnny Ringo 10pm-close; no cover

Kawika, 7pm

Kenny Roberts, 7pm

Eight Track Players, 7pm

John Grover, 7pm

MON - That’s What I’m Talking About TUE - Da Ha-y-ans WED - Herb Anderson (all sets 7pm)

1810 6:30-8:30pm; no cover

Nuff Sedd 9-11pm; no cover

1810 8-10pm; no cover

Benny Uyetake & Glenn Kakagawa, 6:30-8:30pm; no cover

MON - Benny Uyetake & Glenn Kakagawa, 6-8pm / TUE-WED Sam Ahia, 6:30-8:30pm (all sets no cover)

Karaoke & Dancing w/ Auntie Toddy Lilikoi 9:30-close; no cover

Karaoke & Dancing w/ Auntie Toddy Lilikoi 9:30-close; no cover

KOBE STEAKHOUSE

136 Dickenson St., Lahaina - 667-5555

LAHAINA CAFE

843 Waine’e St., Lahaina - 667-6655

Free Karaoke w/ Danny DJ 10pm-12am; no cover

Rick Glencross 7pm - close; no cover

MON - Farzad & Mike Madden / TUE - Farzad & Mike Madden / WED - Tracy Stiles (all sets 7pmclose; no cover)

Rick Glencross 7pm - close; no cover

Farzad & Mike Madden 7pm - close; no cover

WED - Jordan Tolentino, 9pm; no cover

MON - Trivia Night w/ John, 7-9pm / TUE - Open Mic w/ Kenny, 10pm-12am / WED Megatouch Game Day w/ Katie, 7-9pm

Pool Tournament 7-9pm

L‘AVA SPORTS BAR & KARAOKE

Free Karaoke

Free Karaoke

Free Karaoke

LILIKOI RESTAURANT & WINE BAR

Eric Dotterer 7-9:30pm; no cover

Live Music 7-9:30pm; no cover

Estee Graham & Steve Sargenti, 7-9:30; no cover

MON - Open Mic Night, 6-10pm; no cover (sign up starts at 5pm)

All Access DJ’s Big Mike and Money Mike in the Mix 10pm-close; $10

WED - Open Mic w/ Red & Catfish, 9:30pm; no cover

1088 Lower Main St., Wailuku - 244-4888

810 Haiku Rd., Haiku - 575-2629

888 Front St., Lahaina - 667-2288

LULU’S LAHAINA

Lahaina Cannery Mall - 661-0808

Karaoke Night 10:30pm; no cover

MERRIMAN’S

Ranga Pae, 6-9pm

MOANA BAKERY & CAFE

Benoit Jazz Works 7-9pm; no cover

71 Baldwin Ave., Paia - 579-9999

Ranga Pae, 6-9pm

Ranga Pae, 6-9pm

Murray Thorne 7-9pm / Pub Quiz Night w/ Trish da Dish!, 9:30pm (both sets no cover)

Sebrina Barron 6:30-8:30pm; no cover

The Sirens 6:30-9pm; no cover

OCEANS BAR & GRILL

Salsa Night w/ Nieto & Barbara 7:30-9:30pm; no cover

Next Level Entertainment presents Bottoms Up Fridays, 10pm; no cover

Innavision 10pm; $10

1819 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-2414

3-5pm; Wed, Daniel & Kahala 6-8:30pm; Thu, Garrett & Peter 6-8:30pm; Fri, Garrett 3-5pm; Every Fri & Sat, Damon & Ron Oversize Productions 6-8:30pm; Sat, Tim 3-5pm; Sun, Fausto 3-5pm; Sun, Damon & Tim 6-8:30pm; Every Tue & Thu, Ben 3-5pm. (130 Kai Malina Pkwy., Lahaina); 808-662-2900. HARD ROCK CAFE - Sat, Blues Spirit of Maui 11am-2pm; Sun, Willie K 11am-2pm; Fri, Evan Shulman 6-9pm. (900 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-7400. HULA GRILL - Tue, Jarrett Roback & Junior Lacuesta 1:30pm; Daily, Hula Grill Happy Hour 3-5pm; Tue, Damon & Danyel Alana 4pm; Tue, Wili Pohaku & Peter DeAquino 6:30pm; Every Mon, Wed & Thu, Ernest Pua’a 11am; Wed, Kaniala Masoe 1:30pm; Wed, Peter DeAquino 4pm; Wed, Ernest Pua’a & Friends 6:30pm; Thu, Alika Nakaoka 1:30pm; Thu, Kaniala Masoe 4pm; Thu, Kulewa 6:30pm; Fri, Kaniala Masoe 1:30pm; Every Sun, Fri & Sat, 1810 4pm; Fri, Kawika, Roy & Albert 6:30pm; Sat, Ron, Ikaika & Damon 1:30pm; Sat, Derick & Damon 6:30pm; Sun, Danyel Alana 1:30pm; Sun, Derick Sebastian Trio 6:30pm; Mon, Kawika Lum Ho 1:30pm; Mon, Armadillo & Derek 4pm; Mon, Derick Sebastian & Josh Kahula 6:30pm; Every Sun, Tue, Fri & Sat, Kawika Lum Ho 11am. (Whaler’s Village, 2435 Ka’anapali Pwy., Bldg P); 808-667-6636. JAVA JAZZ/SOUP NUTZ - Every Thu &

MON - The Benoits / TUE - David Choy / WED - Ranga Pae (all sets 6-9pm)

Ranga Pae, 6-9pm

TUE - Industry Night w/ DASNFX, 8-11pm WED - Eric Dotterer, 7-9pm (no cover)

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea - 874-1131

MON-WED - Free Karaoke

FREAQuency Fridays w/ DJ Benjamin Jay, 10pm; $5

LONGHI’S LAHAINA

1 Bay Club Pl., Kapalua - 669-6400

Free Karaoke

Sat, Rick Glencross 7pm; Fri, Guest Performer 7pm; Fri, Tracy Stiles 7pm; Every Sun, Mon & Tue, Farzad & Mike Madden 7pm. (3350 L. Honoapiilani Hwy. #203 & 204, Honokowai); 808-667-0787. KIMO’S - Thu, 1810 6:30-8:30pm; Fri, Barefoot Minded 8-10pm; Fri, Willie K. 9-11pm; Sat, 1810 8-10pm; Every Sun & Mon, Benny Uyetake and Glenn Kakagawa 6-8pm; Every Tue & Wed, Sam Ahia 6:30-8:30pm. (845 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-4811. LAHAINA CAFE - Fri, Alex L Calma 7-9pm. (843 Wainee St. Unit 1 & 2); 808-667-6655. LAHAINA PIZZA COMPANY - Every Wed, Thu & Fri, John Kane 7:30-9:30pm; Sat, Harry Troupe 7:30-9:30pm; Sun, Greg Di Piazza 7:30-9:30pm; Every Mon & Tue, Martin Tevaga 7:30-9:30pm. (730 Front St.); 808-661-0700. LEILANI’S ON THE BEACH - Fri, JD & Friends 3-5pm; Sat, JD & Harry 3-5pm; Sun, Merv Oana 3-5pm; Thu, Jarret & Wilson 3-5pm. (Whaler’s Village, 2435 Ka’anapali Pkwy. Bldg. J); 808-661-4495. LONGBOARDS KA’ANAPALI - Every Tue, Wed, Thu & Fri, Solo guitarist 5:30-8:30pm. (100 Nohea Kai Dr.); 808-667-1200.

The Celtic Tigers w/ Bagpiper Roger McKinely 6:30-9:30pm; no cover

ga 6-9pm; Tue, “Lahaina Idol” karaoke with Troy 9pm. (Lahaina Cannery Mall, 1221 Honoapiilani Hwy. #A1); 808-661-0808. MERRIMAN’S - Daily (except Mon & Tue), Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; Mon, The Benoits 5:30-8:30pm; Tue, David Choy 5:30-8:30pm. (1 Bay Club Pl., Lahaina); 808-669-6400.

BEACH BUMS BAR & GRILL - Every Sun & Wed, Mark Burnett 5-8pm; Every Thu & Sat, Kenny Roberts 5-8pm; Fri, Tom Cherry & Mike Finkiewicz 5-8pm; Tue, Randall Rospond 5-8pm. (300 Maalaea Rd. #1M); 808-243-2286. CAPISCHE? - Sat, Mark Johnstone 7-10pm;

PARADISE GRILL - Mon, Monday Blues featuring Mark Johnstone & Lenny Castellanos 6-9pm; Sun, Gerit Williams 6-8pm. (2291 Ka’anapali Pkwy.); 808-662-3700. PINEAPPLE GRILL - Sat, Jazz on the Green 7-10pm; Fri, Jawaiian Music 7-10pm. (200 Kapalua Dr.); 808-669-9600. PIONEER INN GRILL & BAR - Wed, JD on the Rocks 5-8pm; Thu, Greg di Piazza feat. Alana Cini 5:30-8:30pm; Tue, Ah-Tim Elenicki 5:30-8:30pm. (658 Wharf St., Lahaina); 808-661-8881. SEA HOUSE RESTAURANT, NAPILI KAI BEACH RESORT - Every Mon & Wed, Albert Kaina 7-9pm; Sat, Coelho Morrison 7-9pm; Sun, Andrew Kaina 7-9pm; Every Tue, Thu & Fri, Kincaid Kupahu 7-9pm. (5900 Lower Honoapiilani Hwy.); 808-669-1500.

SOUTH MAUI LULU’S LAHAINA SURF CLUB & GRILL - Tue, Fierce, Alternative Night w/ DJ Blast 9:30pm-2am; Wed, Kenny Roberts 6-9pm; Thu, Howard Ahia 6-8pm; Fri, Marvin Teva-

MON - Joel Katz, 6:30-8:30pm; no cover TUE - Brenton Keith, 7-8pm; no cover WED - Willie K, 7-9pm; dinner & show $65

AMBROSIA - Thu, Jamie Gallo 7pm; Wed, Red Carpet Movie Night: There’s Something About Mary 7:30-9pm. (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-891-1011.

WE LIKE YOU TOO!

OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK 26. N. MARKET ST.

808.495.0259

JULY 12, 2012 25

YOUR SCION NO HAGGLE, NO HASSLE. HAPPY HAP H APPY A Y HOU HOUR OU UR 3 3-6PM/LIVE 6PM PM/LIV LIVE M MUSIC USI US U SCE SI EVERY VE V E WEEKEND

THURSDAY Y 7.12 7.1

OPEN MIC NIGHT HOSTED BY

SHAWN MICHEAL & ELAINE RYAN ร ร N ยบ -ร ร ,#)

THE 2013 SCION FRS

FRIDAY FR RID DAY D AY Y 7.13

FRIDAY THE 13TH BLACK LIGHT PARTY W/ DJ KAMIKAZE &

STARTING AT

$25,225

DJ STYLZ

THE ALL-NEW SCION FRS

ร N ยบ -ร ร ,#)

SATURDAY SA S A ATURDAY ATTURDAY TURDA AY 7.14

XSCAPE W/

-#P+ ร #,#ร #-+#)+ ร -N#-+

ยฉ2012 Scion, a marque of Toyota Motor Sales U.S.A., Inc. All rights reserved. Scion, the Scion logo are trademarks of Toyota Motor Corporation.

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SUNDAY SUNDA AY 7 7.15 1 15

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Sign Language BY CAERIEL CRESTIN CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22) I have a powerful internal skeptic who maintains that astrology’s all bullshit. I keep that unimaginative bore at bay with recurring evidence I uncover in real life, little tidbits that hold true much more often than not. For example, those who respond to my question with something like “I don’t believe in astrology,” are usually Aquarians—no one else bothers taking a stand on this issue. Likewise, I can usually guess the Cancers in a crowd (the girls are loud and pleasingly obnoxious, and the boys more quiet and shy). Thanks for demonstrating my astrological prowess, but I’d rather you prove me wrong. You’re supposed to be the most changeable members of the zodiac. Trick me. This week, be whatever you want to be but never are. LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22) Alright, Princess. Apparently your ivory tower, luxurious as it once seemed, is getting a little too constrictive for your tastes. The view’s started to bore you, and no one’s climbed your hair for ages, either. I bet you feel a little like a hermit crab who’s outgrown his shell, and all the dubious pleasures it may have once provided. I doubt you’re ready for the big, bad, world on your own just yet. Luckily, you don’t need to be, as there’s a much larger, lovelier, and more fulfilling palace to move into, just waiting to make you feel at home. VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22) At times this week you may feel like you’re up the creek without a paddle. Trying to heave a clunky dinghy upstream without oars sucks ass. Hopefully, you won’t mind, though; the scenery promises to be lovely, the weather balmy, and the water cool and refreshing. It could be fun to find a secluded cove somewhere, throw down anchor and just chill out for a while–instead of killing yourself making dubious progress. Crack some coconuts, spear some fish and play out your deserted island fantasies. Next week you’ll discover your skiff’s hidden motor and roar up to the source in no time at all. LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22) Whenever you get that dreamy look on your face, you’re lost to all practical considerations like keeping your job, pleasing your lover or taking out the trash. If you feel like rolling in the sunlit grass, that’s exactly what you’ll do. Is it the glorious summer heat? If not the gorgeous greenery and golden sunlight, what is it that’s made your dreams suddenly so much more compelling than “real life”? Don’t sweat trying to figure it out, though. Fortunately for you, it doesn’t matter too much: if you live your dreams convincingly enough, they become real life. SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21) As a Scorpio, ruled by water, you’re subject to great tides, cataclysmic changes, and responsible for great power to support life or wreak destruction. Ironically, the key to your stability and overall contentedness (no one alive is ever totally free from ups and downs) is flow. When water freezes into rigid ice, it can crack, splinter, and break. Ouch. When it’s superheated (as you feel when consumed with jealousy or anger), it vaporizes and disperses. Only in liquid state is it at once completely flexible and vastly powerful. Isn’t that how you’d like to be? So be that way: flow. SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21) A friend of mine gave me the best advice I’ve heard in a while: Don’t want something so bad you can’t say no to it. It’s too late for me. I’ve already deliciously surrendered to my desires. But I suspect I caught you just in time. Spare yourself. Go ahead and want what you want. Build elaborate fantasies involving it. But at the same time, practice saying no to it in your head. That way, should the need arise (you’ll know if it has), you’ll be able to do the same thing in real life. CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19) If your true capabilities were physically manifest, you’d probably have eight arms, four legs, two heads and three different sets of genitalia. More like a Hindu god

than a human being, it’s no surprise you seem to occupy a different reality from the rest of us. I’ve ceased wondering why you sometimes seem a little nervous or high-strung. It’s just the stress of trying to do everything you know you can, with only normal human attributes. Still, this week you’re likely to accomplish more with a pair each of arms and legs, one head and one sex organ than even you thought possible. AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18) You live in a bubble, completely absorbed by the jobs, duties, responsibilities, relationships, projects, tasks, and neuroses that comprise your life. Meanwhile, new people, opportunities, and obsessions are batting feebly at the plastic barrier, like moths fluttering against a lighted window. You probably haven’t noticed them. Maybe you’re happy in your unchanging, safe balloon. Fine: stop reading. As for the rest of you: it’s time to slice open the side. Let those risky new elements in. Some of your long-term pet projects will escape, but I’m gambling you’ll be so amused and excited by your new Fidos and Rovers you won’t even notice. PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20) You’re just finishing a long, soothing bath, surrounded by candlelight and the exotic aromas of scented oils. You feel open, relaxed, and too vulnerable to emerge into the world outside, with its ringing phones, pressing engagements, and social obligations. I wish I could sew you a dress of flower petals and steel. Its smooth, velvety interior would help you carry some of this serenity into the chaos outside, while the sparkling hardness of its exterior would preserve your tenderness . The bad news is, in the physical world, such a garment would be completely impractical. The good news is, in the emotional one, it’s completely possible. Imagine it, then put it on.

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ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19) I don’t like to compete with you. You’re formidable. I’m not exactly scared of you, but you are a force to be reckoned with. I’d much rather go up against an Aquarius, or a Cancer—they can at least always be counted on to overthink things and screw up. You, on the other hand, have a reputation for succeeding against outrageous odds. This week, try messing up, at least once. Otherwise, you risk scaring off any kind of decent competition, and what fun would that be? You’ve got to have someone to defeat, after all, and it’s better if it’s not yourself. TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20) When it comes to cooks, you’ve got those gourmet artists, who construct magnificent food sculptures and unveil plates as dramatically as heretofore-undiscovered Rodins. Their work is always gorgeous, usually delicious and rarely filling. Ma’s home cooking occupies the second category. Sure, it doesn’t look like much, but it tastes amazing and there’s always more of it. Finally, there’s my favorite type of cook: that mastermind who serves up a plate of fabulously beautiful, delectable food that you can’t possibly finish. A week designed by either of the first two would be wonderful, but you’re in for the kind of week created by Cook #3: one that tastes so good that you’ll simultaneously beg for the bounty to stop and pray that it never ends. GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20) I spotted a black widow spider in her lair. Swaddled by thousands of nearly invisible threads of web and the dangling husks of her many victims, she seemed the epitome of gothic elegance. I pointed out the beauty of her shiny black abdomen with its scarlet hourglass to the friends in whose home she resided. They freaked. I understand. You might flip out, too, when you discover the danger that’s nearby. But just like the venomous arachnid, it’s not as great a danger as it appears, especially now that you’re aware of it. And by allowing it to stay close, you’ll not only be privy to great beauty, but you might learn something about yourself, too.

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NOTICES ALOHA VALUED READERS We would like to let our readers know that we try to screen most of our ads. We read back the ad copy to ensure that it is the correct information that advertisers want. If you see the acronym (AAN CAN) that ad is a national ad and was not submitted directly to us. If you have a question directly concerning AAN CAN, please check out aancan.org DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH IS OFFERING FREE HIV TESTING & COUNSELING (STD/HEP C as well). Mon: Kihei Community Centerโ 11-2 pm Tues: Wailuku Health Centerโ all day Wed: *Paia Community Centerโ 12-3 pm ( 1st, 3rd, (5th) week): *Haiku Community Centerโ 12-3pm (2nd, 4th week) Thur: *Lahaina Comprehensive Health Centerโ 9-12pm Fri: (nonfurlough Fridays) Wailuku Health Centerโ appt. *=starting 4/1/10 Results in 2 weeks. For more info CALL 984-2129.

HEALTH PREGNANT? CONSIDERING ADOPTION? Talk with caring agency specializing in matching Birthmothers with Families nationwide. LIVING EXPENSES PAID. Call 24/7 Abbyโ s One True Gift Adoptions 866-413-6293 (AAN CAN)

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SEX LIFE ON HOLD? Sex therapist with 25+ yrs. exp. solves communication problems and all sex & relationship concerns. Private & Confidential Phone Sessions Worldwide FREE PHONE CONSULTATION Call Dr. Bouchard 891-0952 www.sexhappiness.com *HEALING HANDS M4M* Treat yourself to a full-body M4M combination nurturing & therapeutic bodywork session. In-calls & out-calls available. Call 242-1122. FIND MAUI’S HOLISTIC EVENTS! Visit www.mauivision.net today and explore our extensive mind, body & spirit listings. New June/ July Maui Vision Magazine out now! Call 669-9091 for info.

MAUI HEALTH EXPLOSION Explore ways to generate vibrant health, beauty and to extend your life from 10-4, Saturday, July 14 at the Maui Mall, Kahului. Admission is free! Enjoy dynamic dance, fitness, yoga, music and psychic demonstrations on center stage. Exhibitors offer massages, psychic readings, crystals, alternative healing, Reiki, beauty products, lasers, hypnosis, chiropractic, acupuncture, healthy water systems, and lots more! Call 2817645/669-9091, or search for us on Facebook.

PAN’S

THAI BODY WORK With Thai Herbs & Balms Located Upcountry

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I'ao Acupuncture & Spa

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OPEN MON-SAT IN KIHEI OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK IN WAILUKU

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Traditional Usui Reiki / Luminous Breathwork Private Sessions/ Healing Readings Exclusive Retreats

SESSION

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XIAO

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ALL NEW PATIENTS

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Hanna Somatic Body Work Gentle Somatic techniques create fast, direct, long lasting results for: or:

MASSAGE

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LICENSED MASSAGE THERAPY Enjoy a Relaxing Professional Massage. Private, Comfortable West Maui location by a Certified LMT. For Pregnancy Massage, Deep Tissue, Lomi or Swedish, call Susan 276-2114. Same day appts. available. MAT#8984 Please no late night calls.

75

$

Kula Studio. Evaluation, 1 hr Treatment, + Home Program gram

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romatouch

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Jan Harmon

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Medical Massage Maui No-Fault Provider

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Arunee, Upcountry Haiku (808)344-4674 JULY 12, 2012 31

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Summer Course Offerings- Sandals, Handbags, Moccasin. Call 249-9710 for details or visit teriedmonds.com

GIRLS NIGHT OUT!

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At the Melting Pot/100 Wines in the Lahaina Gateway Center Tuesday, July 17th 5-9 p.m. $35 for a fabulous 4 course dinner. Call 661-6181 for reservations

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