14.24 7 Worst Things Ever Introduced To Hawaii, December 2, 2010, Volume 14, Issue 24, MauiTime

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DECEMBER 2, 2010

✚

VOLUME 14

✚

ISSUE 24

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FREE

.com

WORST THINGS

EVER INTRODUCED

TO HAWAII

PG.7. ACLU VS. TSGA PG.17. ERTAKIN SCROOGE UNDATE POTTER PG.18. PENULTIM

QUOTE OF THE WEEK:“When wild conspiracy theories fail, try a blatant misreading of the Constitution...” pg.5

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It must be one of the miracles of the season. When you get Hawaii’s fastest Internet service this Christmas, you will also get two months of service free! And if that doesn’t make for a great surprise gift, this will: Road Runner will be doubling its speed after the holidays! You’ll fly through the air, kinda like Santa, with speeds up to 10Mbps. That means videos that took a minute or so to download will now take seconds. But it’s not just speed that has made Road Runner Hawaii’s number one high speed Internet service. It is all the trimmings that come with the bird, like Road Runner Radio, Anti-Virus and Anti-Spam software, Pop-Up Blocker and

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Firewall Protection. It even includes Safe Storage, where you can remotely backup, store and access up to 500 MB of files and photos. Surprise someone this Christmas, or surprise yourself, with Hawaii’s fastest Internet service. Visit oceanic.com or call 643-2337 to order today.

Two months free offer only available to existing Oceanic residential Standard Cable Service customers. Offer good for one computer only. New Road Runner residential customers in serviceable areas only. Installation charges apply and Internet speeds may vary. Not to be combined with other offers and some restrictions may apply. ™ & © Warner Bros. Entertainment, Inc. ®2010 Time Warner Cable, Inc. All rights reserved. Offer expires 12/31/10.

Contents VOLUME 14

✚

THIS WEEK’S QUESTION: What’s the worst thing that’s ever been introduced into your life? Editor: Jacob Shafer (808) 283-1308 / jacob@mauitime.com @jacobshafer on Twitter Bills Associate Editor: Anu Yagi (808) 264-8039 / calendar@mauitime.com @anuheayagi on Twitter McDonald’s Dollar Menu Proofreader: Dina Wilson Contributors: Caeriel Crestin, Jory John, Nancy Kanyuk, Avery Monsen, Rob Parsons, Ron Pitts, Chuck Shepherd, Sara Tekula, Ynez Tongson, Barry Wurst II Photographer: Sean Michael Hower mauiweddingmedias.com / howerphotography.com Baldness Art Director: Chris Skiles chris@mauitime.com / lucky11studios.com Work Graphic Designers: Shane Fontanilla, Naomi D. Sheikin Advertising Executive: Brad Chambers (808) 283-3260 / brad@mauitime.com Children

ISSUE 24

5 NEWS & VIEWS Coconut Wireless checks on prayer protests and education shakeups. ACLU Hawaii says TSA’s screening procedures mean the terrorists have already won. Open Letters doesn’t want to face the music. Quizunderstood asks about whale-to-tourist ratios. Hawaii Republicans pretend to have power in Spin Cycle. Lingle’s portrait costs a year’s pay in By the Numbers. Taxpayers get double teamed in News of the Weird. Eh Brah! is smoking mad.

10 FEATURE STORY Anu Yagi and Jacob Shafer run down the seven worst things ever introduced to Hawaii. (Spoiler alert: you’re number one.)

13 FOOD & DRINK Jen Russo samples crepes on the North Shore and gets her drink on at Mama’s Fish House.

General Manager: Jennifer Russo (808) 280-3286 / jen@mauitime.com @jenrusso on Twitter Dog enemas

17 A&E Anu Yagi gets Scrooged at Maui OnStage’s production of A Christmas Carol.

Administrative Executive: Judy Toba (808) 244-0777 / judy@mauitime.com Porn

18 FILM CRITIQUE

Administrative Assistant: Jennifer Brown An iPhone 4

Barry Wurst II says the Harry Potter series is losing its magic.

Web Design: Linear Publishing Publisher: Tommy Russo (808) 283-0512 / tommy@mauitime.com @tommyrusso on Twitter Hippy crack

MauiTime is published every Thursday by MauiTime Productions, Inc. Its contents are Copyright © 2010 by MauiTime Productions, Inc. All rights reserved. Subscriptions are available at $70 per year. Reproduction or use without permission is strictly prohibited. MauiTime may be distributed only by MauiTime’s authorized independent contractor. MauiTime is valued at $.50 per copy and permits one complimentary copy per person. No person may, without written permission of MauiTime, take more than one copy of each weekly issue. All opinions expressed throughout MauiTime are those of the authors and not necessarily the same opinions as MauiTime Productions, Inc. and MauiTime. MauiTime 33 N. Market St., Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 office (808) 244-0777 • fax (808) 244-0446 www.mauitime.com @mauitime on Twitter Deadlines: Display Advertising: Friday Noon Classified: Monday 4pm Calendar: Monday Noon Circulation: 18,000 copies of the MauiTime

19 Film Capsules/Listings

Green Island Gardening

20 THIS WEEK’S PICKS

15 years in business

Willie K brings Christmas to the Tropical Plantation, traditional Okinawan music at Baldwin, Mickey Avalon on the West side and a wintry Wailuku First Friday.

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NEWS&VIEWS

jacob@mauitime.com + @jacobshafer on Twitter

Coconut Wireless Prayer Razing

A

pril 29 started like any other day at the Hawaii state Capitol, with Senate President Colleen Hanabusa inviting a member of the clergy to recite a prayer. But as the reverend began his invocation, another voice rang out: “I object! My name is Mitch Kahle and I object to this prayer on the grounds that it is a violation of the First Amendment of the Constitution of the United States. I object.� The interjection was brief and the reverend never missed a beat, finishing to an exaggerated round of “amens.� A few seconds later, Kahle, founder of Hawaii Citizens for the Separation of State and Church, was shoved out of the building by sheriff’s deputies, forced to the ground and arrested. The entire incident was captured on film by an associate of Kahle’s and news cameras. Last week, District Court Judge Leslie Hayashi found Kahle not guilty of disorderly conduct. Based on the video

O’Reilly’s FOX News show in 2003 and has fought other headline-grabbing battles, including getting the Honolulu Police Department to remove the word “Godâ€? from its oath. Now, Kahle is ďŹ ling suit, charging, among other things, assault and battery, false arrest and malicious prosecution. In a press release, Kahle’s attorneys said there should be “zero tolerance for physical violence against peaceful protestâ€? and that “the state added insult to injury by prosecuting Mr. Kahle while taking no action against his attackers.â€?

BOE Could Be DOA

T

hese days, few people truly have job security. Certainly not members of the state Board of Education (BOE), who were sworn in at a ceremony this week. The group, including Maui rep Leona RochaWilson, shouldn’t get comfortable: per a constitutional amendment approved by voters in November, the BOE will be

Mitch Kahle, founder of Hawaii Citizens for the Separation of State and Church, was shoved out of the building by sheriff’s deputies, forced to the ground and arrested. evidence, it was an easy call: Kahle, like any citizen, has a right to speak in a public forum; he wasn’t physically aggressive and never threatened anyone. At the same time, it’s doubtful Kahle minds the attention. He appeared on Bill

appointed by the Governor, rather than elected by voters, going forward. The legislature still has to work out the details, and it’s possible Governor-elect Abercrombie could keep some or all of the current group intact. But the uncertainty

NEWS BRIEFS

essentially makes these members lame ducks from day one—an inauspicious beginning to Abercrombie’s much-heralded “new day.�

A New Breed of Birther

W

hen wild conspiracy theories fail, try a blatant misreading of the Constitution. That would seem to be the motto of Charles Kerchner Jr., the latest “concerned citizenâ€? to see his legal challenge against President Obama’s eligibility thrown out (this week, by the Supreme Court, without comment). Unlike the “birthersâ€? who claim Obama wasn’t actually born in the United States, Kerchner’s challenge hinges on a unique interpretation of Article II, Section 1 of the Constitution, specifically the part that prohibits anyone other than a “natural born citizenâ€? from becoming Commander in Chief. According to Kerchner, that applies not only to the candidate but to both of his or her parents—a standard that would have disqualified many Founding Fathers, including Thomas Jefferson. Lest you think Kerchner is entirely divorced from the the birther crowd (along with reality), he does point to “evidenceâ€? on his Web site (protectourliberty.org) that Obama’s Hawaii birth certiďŹ cate may be fake. He also—after asking for money— encourages people to write letters to the editor of their “local or regional newspaper decrying the lack of coverage and the cover-up of the Obama eligibility issue.â€? We can hardly wait. â–

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The Blog Roll If John Calipari didn’t want to come to Maui before, ‘wonder how he feels now that his Kentucky Wildcats were smacked around by UCONN in the championship round of the Maui Invitational? For those who don’t remember, last month Calipari whined about...

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BY JACOB SHAFER

NEWS&VIEWS

jacob@mauitime.com + @jacobshafer on Twitter

Is privacy a necessary casualty of security? TSA says yes; ACLU Hawaii says no

P

eople were grumbling about airport security long before “don’t touch my junk� became a national catchphrase. But in recent weeks, minor annoyance has morphed into serious umbrage. Nearly a decade after 9/11, liberals and conservatives alike have finally started missing the rights they once willingly handed over along with their loafers and laptops. A “national opt out day� on Thanksgiving

uncertain. It is far from clear that the machines would have detected the “anatomically congruent� explosives used in the Christmas Day attack. Some experts have said explosives can be hidden from the machines by being molded against the human body, or in folds of skin. A study by British officials found the scanners would not be effective for stopping terrorist threats to planes. Enacting ineffective measures designed to make us feel better while taking away our rights won’t help anyone.

“Evidence-based, targeted investigations are more consistent with our values and more effective than a system of mass suspicion.� eve didn’t materialize (apparently folks’ desire to reclaim their privacy was trumped by a desire to eat Mom’s greenbean casserole), but the issue hasn’t gone away. We reached out to Laurie Temple, a staff attorney with ACLU Hawaii, to find out about the agency’s position on TSA’s controversial screenings and pat-downs, and why she thinks public outrage has suddenly reached a boiling point.

How do you respond to those who say they’re willing to give up their right to privacy in the name of security, at least in some instances? The government must keep us safe, but it must do so in an effective way that respects our right to privacy. Nobody should be forced to choose between “naked scans� and intrusive groping by strangers.

Last week, ACLU Hawaii handed out “know your rightsâ€? iers outside the Honolulu Airport. What was the impetus behind that, and what was the response, from both airport ofďŹ cials and travelers? [We want] travelers to know their rights at the airport, particularly Hawaii residents and visitors who have no choice but to fly and are the hardest hit by the invasive new TSA procedures. TSA has implemented extremely intrusive new procedures and technologies that violate our standards of decency, as well as our fundamental right to privacy and our right to be free from unreasonable searches. Travelers and airport officials alike were appreciative of the information and hopeful that TSA will institute procedures that make us safer without compromising our privacy.

It's been suggested that a certain

808.250.1788 MAUI WEDDING MEDIAS.COM

Rights and Wrongs

SEAN MICHAEL HOWER

amount of proďŹ ling—not necessarily based on race, but perhaps things like behavior or countries visited— could allow security to be more targeted and less generally invasive. Is there any level of proďŹ ling ACLU Hawaii would support if it meant fewer people having their privacy infringed upon? The first line of defense should be oldfashioned law enforcement and intelligence work that stops plotters before they get to the airport. Evidence-based, targeted and narrowly tailored investigations based on individualized suspicion would be both more consistent with our values and more effective than diverting resources to a system of mass suspicion. In the wake of 9/11, when these more invasive procedures started taking effect, there was an outcry, but it was muted and came mostly from the left. Now, people from all sides of the political spectrum are protesting. What do you think has changed? The TSA screening procedures are an affront to American values. While every American wants to be safe when flying, they also have limits; allowing the government to take naked pictures and touch our bodies just goes too far. Once we betray our own values, we stop looking like a free America, and the terrorists win. â– To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1424u

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On your Web site, you say that TSA screening procedures provide “a false sense of security.� It sounds like you think they not only violate people’s rights, but aren’t even effective. Explain. The effectiveness of body scanners is

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NEWS&VIEWS

By the NUMBERS

$16,350 $15,080

Cost to produce Gov. Linda Lingle’s official state portrait, which was unveiled last week

Annual pre-tax income of a Hawaii resident working 40 hours a week for minimum wage

$1.1 million Grant awarded to a UH Manoa professor by the Academy of Korean Studies in South Korea to trace the evolution of humans in the East Asian peninsula

$4.5 billion Cost (adjusted for inflation) of the USS George Washington, the nuclearpowered aircraft carrier currently being used to conduct war exercises in the Yellow Sea as tensions between North and South Korea escalate

QUIZunderstood 1. In 2009, what was Maui’s ratio of human to humpback whale visitors? A. 500 to 1

B. 1,000 to 1

C. 10,000 to 1

Sources: Office of Gov. Lingle, Hawaii Department of Labor & Industrial Relations, University of Hawaii, U.S. Department of Defense

SPINcycle

2. Last week, President Obama

Flexing Their Powerlessness...

received 12 stitches in his lip after being elbowed during a pickup basketball game. In the winter of 2002, President Bush also injured his face. How?

3. On November 24, a Matson cargo ship arrived in Guam carrying what invasive creature?

Recently, the Hawaii GOP released its “2011 Legislative Action Plan.” Among the items: the “No New Taxes Act,” which would require, “a supermajority vote to [increase] the cost of living on Hawaii’s people.”

See answers, page 29

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Sounds great, except for one thing: Republicans don’t have enough members to prevent a two-thirds supermajority in either the House—where their eight members represent less than half of the needed 33 percent—or the Senate— where their one member will be lucky to get a parking space. - JS

(Fans of toothless rhetoric can read the full action plan at gophawaii.com) WWW.MO MI.O RG

FO R IN F O: MAYAR @MOMI.OR G

BY CHUCK SHEPHERD

NEWS&VIEWS

chuck@mauitime.com +

EH BRAH!

NEWS OF THE WEIRD SUE UNTO OTHERS In September, the U.K.’s coalition government announced the imminent consolidation of anti-discrimination laws known as the Equality Act—despite critics’ warnings that it could stunt economic growth by tying up the workplace in a morass of lawsuits in which workers could sue for almost any perceived offense. Under the new concept of “thirdparty harassment,” for example, an employee who merely overhears another person—even a customer of his employer—say something he finds offensive could sue the employer. Critics also complained that the law adds to the traditional group of specially protected, oppressed people Gypsies, vegans, teetotalers and con artists.

TAXED OUT In October, Freddie Mac (the governmentsponsored but privately owned home mortgage financier whose massive debts have been assumed in a federal “bailout” administered by the Treasury Department) filed a claim in Tax Court against the Internal Revenue Service, denying the IRS’s claim that it owes $3 billion in back taxes from 19982005. Should taxpayers care? If Freddie Mac wins, the IRS (which is also housed in the Treasury Department) loses out on the $3 billion in alleged back taxes. If the IRS wins, it gets its $3 billion, which will undoubtedly be paid with taxpayer bailout money.

WATER THEY THINKING? In November, patrons using rest rooms at City Hall in Chandler, Arizona, were stunned to see wall signs warning users not to drink out of the urinals and toilets. As officials explained, the environmentally friendly facilities flush with “reused” water—from the building’s cooling system—which must normally be colorized to discourage inadvertent drinking, and if it is not colored, must, by regulation, be accompanied by warning signs.

AT LEAST THEY WON THE SUPERBOWL After Hurricane Katrina devastated New Orleans and the Gulf Coast in 2005, Congress underwrote $7.9 billion in tax-free bonds that Louisiana could sell in order to rehabilitate the area. According to an August status report in Newsweek, $5.9 billion in

Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations, 200 words or less (which we reserve the right to edit), changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent, to “Eh Brah!” c/o MauiTime, 33 N. Market St, Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 or send an e-mail to

bonds have been sold by the state, but only $55 million of that (1 percent) is for projects inside New Orleans—and none in the devastated Lower Ninth Ward. By contrast, $1.7 billion (about 29 percent) is going to projects that benefit the state’s oil industry.

ART DICK-O One of midtown Manhattan’s favorite meetup spots, according to an October report in The New York Times, is Colombian artist Fernando Botero’s 12-foot-tall “Adam” statue at Time Warner Center. However, since Adam is nude and the statue is so pedestrian-friendly, maintaining it has become a problem, according to the center’s general manager. As the Times described it, “Most of Adam is deep dark brown,” but the easily-accessible penis “is worn golden from extensive handling.”

ehbrah@mauitime.com You bummed a smoke. I only had three left, but I gave you one. Then you bummed a light. Then you asked for some change, and I told you I didn’t have any. This was the moment when you should have said, “Thanks man,” and walked away. Instead, you start chewing my ear about your sick dog and your cheating girlfriend and how you got ripped off, and how if only “jerk-offs” like me would see that you’re not a bum but just a guy who’s down on his luck, maybe you could get back on your feet. Excuse me? I work three jobs to pay the rent on a crappy one-bedroom and the alimony to my ex and, oh yeah, to have a little left over to buy smokes and enjoy them in peace. Next time you want something from me, it’d better be a sock in the jaw or you’re outta luck. ■ To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1424e

SLEEPING AROUND ON THE JOB In September, Detroit Mayor Dave Bing appointed Ralph Godbee police chief—a job he had held on an interim basis for several months. Godbee ascended to the job when Warren Evans was fired for, among other things, having an affair with a subordinate, Lt. Monique Patterson. Before turning to Evans, Patterson had had an affair with Godbee, also.

RESCUE REPTILE? In July, Wayne Short’s iguana was certified by the National Service Animal Registry (NSAR) and thus allowed to attend to him on the Boardwalk in Ocean City, Maryland, where she had previously been barred. Mayor Rick Meehan, eyeing the NSAR card, asked Short what sort of “service” Hillary provided, but Short declined to answer.

TRAPPED IN PARADISE In October, firefighters were once again called to a claw-toy vending machine to extract a boy who had crawled up the toy-release chute—this time at a Walmart in Sun Prairie, Wisconsin. As is often the case, the boy appeared to be joyously in his element among the toys and not immediately receptive to coaxing from firefighters or his parents. ■ To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1424n

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9

] MOSQUITOES

A

lmost every invasive animal has its defenders: cats, pigs, mongooses, even rats. But you’d be hardpressed to find anyone willing to make the case for mosquitoes. Ear-buzzing, bloodsucking, disease-spreading denizens of dusk, they’re also a (grudgingly) accepted part of Hawaii’s ecosystem. But it wasn’t always so. Imagine a time when the islands were free of the biting Culicidae, when you could walk shirtless near a placid pond at sunset without being pocked by itchy red welts. That’s no fantasy—prior to the 19th century, Hawaii was mosquito-free. According to the state Department of Health, the first batch arrived

WORST THINGS

EVER INTRODUCED

TO HAWAII

BY ANU YAGI & JACOB SHAFER

^ KIAWE

Y

es, kiawe is great for smoking meat. Yes, its flowers provide nectar for bees and the honey they produce. And yes, it often grows in otherwise barren areas, offering shelter from the blistering tropical sun. To those points we have one simple retort: thorns. You haven’t walked on Hawaii’s beaches until you’ve been stabbed—through a thick slipper sole—by a needle-sharp, bone-hard spine that is also, conveniently, the color of sand. Of course, puncture wounds aren’t the only strike against these ubiquitous shrubs. First introduced on Oahu in 1840 by a Peruvian Catholic missionary, Prosopis pallida spread quickly across the islands. Its large, shallow root system allows it to flourish in harsh environments—and chokes out existing plants. The same charge can be leveled against other invasive vegetation (eucalyptus, bush beardgrass, false kava) but again: thorns. And get this: just like in the horror movie, where after the monster is vanquished it’s revealed there’s another, even scarier monster on the way, kiawe has an evil, super-sized cousin. Long-thorn kiawe—one of the top items on the Hawaii Invasive Species Council’s watch list—has already taken root on Kauai and Oahu, and a sighting on Molokai means Maui may well be next. As the name suggests, its thorns are more than twice as long as those of common kiawe. Translation: you’re gonna need a bigger slipper.

10 DECEMBER 2, 2010

in 1826, likely breeding in casks stowed in ships (though a persistent myth tells a more compelling, if less plausible story of a sailor who, jilted by a Hawaiian girl, intentionally unleashed the insects out of spite). Different varieties of mosquitoes followed, bringing a Dengue epidemic in 1903—with some 30,000 confirmed cases—and an outbreak of yellow fever in 1911. Improvements in vector control have mitigated—though not eliminated—those risks, but mosquitoes remain among the state’s most irritating and embedded residents.

\ FAUX-

WAIIANA

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t’s a sad, safe bet that almost anything branded “Hawaii” wasn’t made in Hawaii. Most leis are grown and sewn in the Philippines. Cheesy tchotchkes come from China. Sure, that can be said of most things on the modern market. And yeah, we could outline every argument about the ecological atrocities and human-rights issues stemming from the methods of production and importation of all this crap. But here’s the bottom line: these touristy trinkets aren’t just sold as vacation memories manifest, they’re accepted as the embodiment of our host culture. These cheap imports not only displace sales of local artisan-produced pieces, but contribute to the acceptance of a homogenized version of Hawaiiana. Is the Hawaii we know and love a land of plastic hula skirts and wads of keychains? Of course not. So why do we still wallow in wasteful, garish, pointless junk?

Cheaply made tikis are the worst offenders of all. The mounds of flimsy imports are effigies of effigies, mottled reflections of a skill once reserved for master craftsmen who created representations of the Polynesian progenitors of life. And visitors aren’t given much opportunity to make the distinction, aside from by the vast difference in price. Which highlights the heart of the problem: cheap crap exists because we ourselves are cheap. We’ve diminished the value of making and keeping things so much so, the things that should represent us are not merely valueless, but no longer our own.

[ MEGA

RESORTS

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ourism isn’t going away any time soon—nor should it. Our splendid surroundings deserve to be shown off, and spreading the Aloha spirit (cliched as that phrase has become) is a worthwhile endeavor. But after years of shortsighted bliss, the global recession has forced a longoverdue reevaluation of how we run our state’s bread-winning industry (and it’s important to remember it is our industry), with the popularity of eco-tourism helping to shape that view. Mega resorts no longer fit—if they ever did—the sustainable model. If nothing else, huge hotels are a black hole for resources. It’s difficult to gauge exactly how much it takes to power these hospitality behemoths and impossible to isolate how much of the energy used is essential to operations and how much is being wasted. But we can assume it’s beyond a lot, and we know that our collective energy consumption is out of control. Though viable alternatives abound, a 2009 state legislative estimate puts the annual price tag of imported oil at $4-6 billion, with about 30 percent of that oil used to generate electricity. Meanwhile, tourist hotspots are concentrated on our leeward coasts where it’s drier—and therefore consistently sunny—and are then transformed into fake oases with

SHIP PHOTO BY ALVARO RAMOS

virtually limitless water, while residential areas suffer through drought conditions and cutbacks. But what else happens when we relegate our centers of tourism to specific locales, herding our guests into isolated, insulated pockets? We solidify an “us versus them” mentality. Especially for those who work in the industry, there’s the understandable desire to escape—and that’s what allows the gap to perpetuate and widen. Maybe the reason we think tourists don’t understand us is because we’ve never given them the opportunity. Like fauxwaiiana, we’ve created an impression of a fantasy land, which has therefore become what people accept—and what we accept of ourselves.

Z IMPORTED PRODUCE

H

awaii imports about 85 percent of its food, according to the Department of Agriculture, which equates to $3.1 billion leaving the state every year. “If we could replace just 10 percent of these imported foods, it would amount to $94 million at the farmgate,” reads a 2008 report from the College of Tropical Agriculture and Human Resources (CTAHR) at UH Manoa. “Taking into account the multiplier effects, this $94 million would generate an estimated economy-wide impact of $188 million in sales, $47 million in earnings, $6 million in state tax revenues, and more than 2,300 jobs.” For an island state that boasts a climate conducive to year-round cultivation of nearly any crop imaginable, these figures are, like, b-an-a-n-a-s—especially when the produce we import includes, well, bananas. Let’s run a little further with this banana thing—an icon of the tropics that even trumps the pineapple. Locally grown bananas are an $8 million business, and in 2008 were ranked ninth among the state’s top 20 agriculture commodities, with an estimated 17.4 million pounds of utilized production from 1,100 harvested acres. Still, this

accounts for a mere fraction of our state’s consumption. Until the late ’60s, Hawaii’s banana industry “supplied 100 percent of the local market,” according to a report by the Department of Tropical Plant & Soil Sciences at UH Manoa. A little more than a decade later, with the rise of cheap imports, that number had declined to 33 percent. What do the figures look like today, for bananas or any other crop? “Unfortunately, this information is not readily available due to the difficulties in reconciling the various data sources on imports, food expenditures and local production,” says CTAHR. “Furthermore, it is an enormous, if not impossible, task to convert data consistently from the various sources to a common point in the supply chain.” Yet the big numbers shout loud enough—and that’s just the bottom line. Add the evils of extreme fuel consumption, the threat (and reality) of introducing pests and disease, the use of genetic modification and chemicals to delay or accelerate ripening for transport, and worst-case scenarios related to our dependence and geographic isolation and it’s clear the system is rotten to the core. The goal of 100 percent food selfsufficiency is probably unattainable in the nearterm. But Hawaii is a great place to grow things. Take a trip to a local farm stand or farmers’ market and you’ll find produce that’s fresher, tastier and often cheaper than imported grocery store fare. It’s better for you, better for the economy and better for the planet.

Y PLANTATIONS

T

he plantation—namely sugar— is the parent of every poi dog. The hundreds of thousands of immigrant laborers who came to Hawaii beginning in the 1800s are the reason for our muddled, colorful heritage. Though plantations were but a cog in the wheel of colonization, the residual “plantation mentality”—from the monopolization of an industry by a wealthy minority, who in the interest of domination segregated camps by ethnicity and created distinct

racial hierarchies—is the crux of our lingering cultural divide. Sure, the racism of yesteryear is fading. But as we struggle to move past it, we can’t discredit the effects of what social scientists call “transgenerational transmission of group traumas.” We may not have ghettos or reservations, but people are still hurt, though many are just far-removed enough to not really remember why. There are ecological and economic pitfalls, too. Huge, mono-crop operations have begun to buckle under their own weight, and crop diversification is being trumpeted as the only viable solution. Still, sugarcane plantations take up some 20,000 acres statewide—nearly as much as all other principal crops combined. As the sugar industry has waned, it’s become easy to reflect upon this piece of our history through the foggy lens of nostalgia. And plantations have sustained many generations of Hawaii families. But if we fail to honestly acknowledge and fully comprehend our past, we can never hope to master it—and move on.

X HUMANS

T

his is where things get tricky. Tricky because “humans” is such a broad term—encompassing everyone from the first Polynesian explorers to yesterday’s crop of freshoff-the-plane transplants—which naturally sparks debate about what groups are most to blame. But beyond that—and trickier still—is the fact that it’s us. All of us. We’re the root of every problem on this list, so the only true “solution” is for us to disappear. Failing that—because, you know, we like it here—we have to find ways to mitigate our impact on this beautiful, fragile paradise. Not because of some far-fetched “ecotopian” fantasy, but for survival. And we have to do it together— setting aside race, ancestry, creed and political affiliation. A recent Associated Press report described how, in certain cases, the Forest Service in Hawaii is giving up trying to eradicate invasive plants, and instead attempting to create “hybrid ecosystems,” where native and introduced flora can co-exist. “Invasive species are so prevalent,” said an ecologist quoted in the story. “You’re hand weeding, trying to eliminate them and aren’t able to keep up. It feels like you’re fighting a losing battle.” The larger metaphor is easy to see: We can’t undo the past. But we can work to improve the present—and we can decide what we’ll introduce tomorrow. ■

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reperies—eateries that at make crepes—are popular throughout Europe. Originating in n France, crepes are thin n pancakes traditionally served for breakfast or dessert. They come in sweet and savory, and are stuffed with just about any ingredient you u can imagine. Mauians can recreate this Old World experience at Cafe Des Amis, one of many jewels in Paia’s crowded culinary crown. “When we first took over this tiny space STRAWBERRY CREPE we decided we weren’t going to put in a full kitchen,� says owner Tina Prior. “So we thought, what It feeds two, with can we do here that will be different nt from hummus, olives, feta,, everyone else?� Prior is from England, and, and s, pesto, roasted veggies, quickly thought of a creperie. raita and pita. Crepes are an amalgamation of flour, milk, They have a small egg and butter, spun thin over a hot surface bar that serves beer, and browned. To this Cafe Des Amis adds wine and lilikoi fillings like brie, apple, chicken, avocado, our margaritas. Happy hour spinach, feta, curry or lentils; the whole ily runs from 4-6pm daily concoction is folded into a square and served ke with drink specials like with a side salad. Each flavor has its own half-price beer and wine. following. “If this place only served the lentil This isn isn’tt the kind crepes I would still be here all thee time,� time, one patron tells me. I’m partial to o the spinach and feta, while my sister and dining companion loves the shrimp curry. The curries are done in the Indian tradition, and you can get them in a crepe, as a wrap or in a bowl. Another favorite is the Mediterranean platter.

three years ago they opened up a thr courtyard with live entertainment, cou though people are still discovering thou On a recent evening visit, I it. O checked out the Stone Violets chec (they play Wednesdays from 6:30(the 8:30pm). They’re a trio—featuring 8:30 Anick Violette, Mark Johnstone and Anic Marcus Johnson—and their sound Marc provided a fantastic addition to the provi outdoor atmosphere. (The courtyard outdo comes to life on Thursdays also co when Joe Conte plays the Chapman while Saturdays feature an Stick, w Argentinian A Argent t tinian band.)

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# # 4`]\b Ab`SSb ’ :OVOW\O 808.661.8422 do Des Amis: This h is the h way to d stretch out on benches, picnic tables and cushioned chairs, perhaps sharing a table cushio with sstrangers, add a sweet crepe—citrus sugar, Nutella and banana, strawberry and su and cchocolate—and a Lavazza Italian coffee, and enjoy a pleasing blend of coffee Europe and North Shore. ■Europ

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Passing the Bar Want to become a more discerning drinker? Belly up to a knowledgeable bartender—and take notes Mama’s Fish House 799 Poho Pl., Paia, 579-8488 Bar open daily starting at 11am

P

information. What’s the difference between brandy and cognac? What kind of cocktails can you make with it? “Cognac is distilled from grapes, and from a specific region in France,� Taylor told me. “One of the cocktails made with it is the Sidecar; it’s known as an after-dinner drink.� The Sidecar, Taylor continued, “was invented d during world War I in France. There was a guy who came to [a] bar and ordered it—of course [he] came in a motorcycle side car.� Since I’m a whiskey fan, and the Paniolo lemonade featured Jack, Taylor gave me a quick lesson in the particulars of this beautiful brown booze.

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or mixologist Ron Tayl Scotland, bourbon is whiskey made in the U.S. The barreling process is fascinating, and Taylor has traveled to nether parts of the world to witness it himself. While I came to examine (and imbibe) fine mixed cocktails, I came away with a wealth of knowledge, making me a more discerning drinker. Finding a great m bartender to help you along on your quest b iis an important part of the puzzle. I can’t wait to park myself in front of Taylor again w ffor my next lesson. â–

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Got a hot food scoop? Contact Jen Russo at G 280-3386 2 or fax to 244-0446. T share or save this article, type: To mt.hy.pr/1424d2 m HOWER AN MICHAEL PHOTOS BY SE

art of the exquisite enjoyment of the cocktail renaissance is the wealth of knowledge to be had about what you drink. And the beauty of it all is that you don’t have to depend on books. Case in point: Ron Taylor, one of the many talented bartenders at Mama’s Fish House. I dropped in on Taylor without notice on a sunny afternoon in Kuau. With no reservation, I headed straight for the bar to check out some of the signature cocktails the Mama’s mixologists dream up. These drinks—a rotation of about 45—aren’t on the regular menu, but rather are featured as specials of the day. The pupus and cocktails experience at Mama’s is unpretentious luxury, and can be spontaneous. Taylor—standing behind a bar made from one piece of shedua wood, crafted by Bill Cole—is a great tender of booze. The drink of the day was a paniolo lemonade mixed with fresh sh Meyer lemonade and Jack Daniels, one of Taylor’s own creations. “[Owner] Floyd Christenson gives us the freedom to try different things, and workk with fresh ingredients,� says Taylor. “This cocktail is a twist on the Lynchburg lemonade— not everyone comes in wanting Jack.� In fact, the tropical drinks are most popular here—blending well with the Polynesianinspired menu—and the Mai Tais are out of this world. Their Paniolo Lemonade fully stocked bar features some hardto-find selections; I “Its name is Gaelic in n noticed Koloa rum, madee on Kauai, and origin, and whiskey asked Taylor about it and he gave me a means water of life. taste, explaining that it is a very young In Scotland it’s served d rum. Next, he poured me a taste of the with a few drops of Zaya gran reserve, aged for 12 years, so I spring water to open could get a comparison. Even, or perhaps up the flavors. We do especially, if you don’t know anything that here [at Mama’s],, about rum, it’s an interesting comparison. a special treat for our Taylor is a walking Wikipedia of spirits, Scotch drinkers.� He and the rest of the staff at Mama’s will served me up the basics ics tell you as much. With his background of the bar in easy-tolore on the origins of drinks and wealth drink form: Irish whiskey iskey of facts about the spirits you order, I kept is from Ireland, Scotch ch the questions coming. Taylor never missed is whiskey made in a beat, and clearly enjoyed sharing his

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anu@mauitime.com + @anuheayagi on Twitter

God Bless Us, Everyone A promising young (local!) director brings Dickens’s iconic tale to life A Christmas Carol Runs through December 12 at the Iao Theater; 242-6969 or mauionstage.com

W

hat better Christmastime tale of charity and repentance than Charles Dickens’s A Christmas Carol? And where better to stage a classically interpreted rendition of this story than at the historic Iao Theater? Maui OnStage’s 2010 holiday play is designed and dressed so beautifully, the costumes and set pieces (thanks to Lynda Timm and Caro Walker, respectively) seem wrought from the very walls of the patinarich theater, the stage itself like a wellworn hearth aglow under crimson ceiling medallions that bloom like curled poinsettia. The actors—especially the keiki—do a thumbs-up job tackling tricky accents (with the help of dialect coach and musical director Steven Dascoulias), and really seem to put themselves in the far-away world of Dickens’s Victorian England. Though the closest we can come here at home is Haleakala spitting a shave ice or two every blue moon, like the first wind rustling a light northern snow, this show is just the thing to whisk you into the Christmas spirit—no matter how bad your humbugs might be. We all know the story: Ebenezer Scrooge (played by Mark Collmer)—whose name has become synonymous with both greed and generosity—is a stingy old rich man turned philanthropic when the spirits of Christmas Past, Present and Future show him the error of his ways. Even when embodied by Mr. Magoo and Scrooge McDuck, the essence of the character hasn’t changed since the book’s first publication in 1843, so I’ll skip the two-act analysis

and instead tell you what I’m really excited about: director Lehua Simon. In her directorial debut, Simon masterfully orchestrates this holiday classic, an adaptation by Tom Frey that includes delightful and apropos four-part a cappella interludes (madrigals Diana G. Clark Crim, Marilyn Hirashima, Cameron Keys, Gesen Nisly and R. Sebastiano Taft). Be assured, we have much more to look forward to from Simon’s artistic endeavors; A Christmas Carol is but a preview. However, Simon—a 23-year-old Pukalani girl and Kamehameha School alumnus—has had a lot to prove. She earned her Bachelor’s degree in theater direction in New Zealand, and studied for a semester in Brazil learning Augusto Boal’s school of the Theater of the Oppressed, work that included teaching theater to hospital patients and inmates. She’s candid about her own battles with depression, and how that led her to study Boal’s form of theater. But when she returned home, she says she found it impossible to land work in her field of choice. “Because I wanted to believe in my dreams and really could not see myself living properly without doing my theater work, I slaved away for various theater companies on Maui,” Simon says. “I did this for two years for little or no pay—sometimes working on two or three productions at the same time and all the while holding down a paying job during the day.” After years of schooling abroad and returning home to Maui to work her craft and commit to community theater, she has finally earned her first directing gig out of college. She’s taken that gig and done a damned fine job with it, as evidenced by the camaraderie of her cast and crew. When sitting in on a rehearsal the week before the show opened last Friday, I was impressed by Simon’s amicable command of her actors. PHOTOS BY JESSICA PEARL

And when, at the close of the night, she told the cast she loved them, she was met with a chorused echo that was even more uplifting than Scrooge’s turn from nasty to nice. Simon’s leadership brings out the best in everyone, and standouts including Chris Kepler as Scrooge’s nephew Fred, Robyn Grahn as Scrooge’s lost lover Belle, Rueben Carrion as Bob Cratchitt and Ikaika Ahina as Old Joe seem to shine all the brighter. Again, the keiki—as ever—are a delight, and Simon’s personal touch of adding a troupe of tulle tutu-ed angels to bring a little “mischief and magic” was a wonderful and unexpected addition.

You have two weekends left to see the show—running Fridays and Saturdays at 7:30pm, plus a Sunday matinee at 3pm. Be sure to bring a couple bucks for Lava Java coffee and coconut macaroons from the concession and a few more still for the collections for various non-profits taken by cast members at the close of the night. After all, A Christmas Carol is a story of charity, produced by our own community, so no better time to be merry and share the wealth. ■ To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1424ae

DECEMBER 2, 2010 17

BY BARRY WURST II

FILM

barry@mauitime.com

Harry Ordinary Potter franchise limps toward the finish line Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1

★★★★★

Rated PG13/149 min.

D

uring the trailer for the latest Harry Potter film, two noteworthy phrases splash across the screen: “The Finale of the Worldwide Phenomenon” and “The Motion Picture Event of a Generation.” Wow. No pressure or anything. Does the film live up to that kind of hype? Of course not, and even when part two comes out in July and you put the two movies together, this will still feel like one of the lesser Potter flicks. Shortly after the events of the previous film (the gripping Half-Blood Prince), Potter (Daniel Radcliffe) is on the run with his best friends Hermoine (Emma Watson) and Ron (Rupert Grint) while Voldemort (a seriously scary Ralph Fiennes) and his army of evil minions are out for blood. The story incorporates elements from the second film, The Chamber of Secrets (my favorite in the

series), with a return appearance by Dobby the Elf as well as other series regulars who mostly stand around like characters in a Disneyland float. A handful of the Potter movies are good for a simple reason: they connect with audiences on a human level. In the weaker entries, the special effects do all the work, while screenwriters drown you in exposition, shoehorning in every detail for the diehard fans. No offense to the Pot-heads or Potter-philes or whatever you call yourselves, but your cries of, “It must be a faithful adaptation!” have made every one of these movies at least 30 minutes too long. The films should stand on their own, but they’re so crammed with extraneous details they can only be viewed as what they are: bloated adaptations of phone book-sized novels. Deathly Hallows frequently starts and stops, and only takes off about an hour in. Once our three leads and their quest become the focus, the movie develops a heart. Otherwise, there are a lot of rushed scenes that will leave audiences asking, “What was that all about?” If part two is “all action,” as some have said,

Maui OnStage Presents Charles Dickens'

A Christmas Carol Adapted by Tom Frey Directed by Lehua Simon

Nov. 26 - Dec. 12 Fri & Sat 7:30 Sun 3:00 At the Historic Iao Theater - Wailuku Box Office: 242-6969, www.mauionstage.com supported by the Hawaii Tourism Authority, the County of Maui, the Hawaii State Foundation on Culture and the Arts and Art to Print Hawaii

18 DECEMBER 2, 2010

You’ll get hair on your wand, and start feeling differently about girls.

then part one is a long tease. We get beautiful widescreen photography and a few genuinely stirring moments—like a haunting bit where Potter discovers the graves of his parents—but they’re few and far between. The previous episode hooked me back into the series, but this one is For Fans Only and leaves too many

unanswered questions: Will Harry survive? Will Ron and Hermoine declare their love? Is Jacob hotter than Edward? Oh, sorry, wrong overrated franchise. ■ To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1424f

Showtimes

WHERE AND WHEN TO WATCH WHAT

FRONT STREET THEATER

MAUI MALL MEGAPLEX

900 Front Street, Lahaina, 249-2222 (Matinees)

Maui Mall, 249-2222 (Matinees)

Burlesque - PG13 - THU (4:30), 7:15, 10:00. FRI (4:15), 7:00, 9:45. SATSUN (1:30), 4:15, 7:00, 9:45. MON-WED (4:15), 7:00, 9:45. The Next Three Days - PG13 - THU (3:45), 6:45, 9:45. FRI (3:45), 6:30, 9:15. SAT-SUN (1:15), 3:45, 6:30, 9:15. MON-WED (3:45), 6:30, 9:15. Tangled (2D) - PG - THU (4:15), 7:00, 9:30. FRI (3:45), 6:30, 9:15. SATSUN (1:15), 3:45, 6:30, 9:15. MON-WED (3:45), 6:30, 9:15. Unstoppable - PG13 - THU 6:30. The Warrior’s Way - R - FRI (4:30), 7:15, 10:00. SAT-SUN (1:45), 4:30, 7:15, 10:00. MON-WED (4:30), 7:15, 10:00.

127 Hours - R - FRI (12:20, 2:40, 4:55), 7:20, 9:40. SAT-SUN (12:20, 2:40), 4:55, 7:20, 9:40. MON-WED (2:40, 4:55), 7:20, 9:40. Due Date - R - THU (2:35, 4:55), 7:15, 9:30. FRI (12:15, 2:35, 4:55), 7:15, 9:30. SAT-SUN (12:15, 2:35), 4:55, 7:15, 9:30. MON-WED (2:35, 4:55), 7:15, 9:30. Faster - R - THU (2:40, 5:05), 7:30, 9:55. FRI (12:15, 4:30), 7:00, 9:25. SATSUN (12:15, 2:40), 5:05, 7:30, 9:55. MON-WED (2:40, 5:05), 7:30, 9:55. Hereafter - PG13 - THU (1:35, 4:15), 6:55, 9:35. Love and Other Drugs - R - THU-FRI (1:45, 4:25), 7:05, 9:45. SAT-SUN (1:45), 4:25, 7:05, 9:45. MON-WED (1:45, 4:25), 7:05, 9:45. Morning Glory - PG13 - THU (2:30, 5:00), 7:30, 10:00. FRI (12:00, 2:30, 5:00), 7:30, 10:00. SAT-SUN (12:00, 2:30), 5:00, 7:30, 10:00. MON-WED (2:30, 5:00), 7:30, 10:00. The Next Three Days - PG13 - THU-FRI (1:30, 4:20), 7:10, 10:00. SATSUN (1:30), 4:20, 7:10, 10:00. MON-WED (1:30, 4:20), 7:10, 10:00. Red - PG13 - THU-FRI (1:30, 4:10), 6:45, 9:20. SAT-SUN (1:35), 4:10, 6:45, 9:20. MON-WED (1:35, 4:10), 6:45, 9:20. Secretariat (Sony Digital) - PG - THU (1:35, 4:15), 6:55, 9:35. Stone - R - THU-FRI (2:00, 4:30), 7:00, 9:25. SAT-SUN (2:00), 4:30, 7:00, 9:25. MON-WED (2:00, 4:30), 7:00, 9:25. Tangled (2D) - PG - THU-FRI (1:30, 3:55), 6:20, 8:45. SAT-SUN (1:30), 3:55, 6:20, 8:45. MON-WED (1:30, 3:55), 6:20, 8:45. Tangled (3D) - PG13 - THU (2:25, 2:55, 4:50, 5:20), 7:15, 7:45, 9:40, 10:00. FRI (12:00, 12:30, 2:25, 2:55, 4:50, 5:20),7:15, 7:45, 9:40. SAT-SUN (12:00, 12:30, 2:25, 2:55), 4:50, 5:20, 7:15, 7:45, 9:40. MON-WED (2:25, 2:55, 4:50, 5:20),7:15, 7:45, 9:40. The Warrior’s Way - R - FRI (12:10, 2:25, 5:00)m 7:25, 9:50. SAT-SUN (12:10, 2:35), 5:00, 7:25, 9:50. MON-WED (2:35, 5:00), 7:25, 9:50.

KA’AHUMANU 6 Queen Ka’ahumanu Shopping Center. 1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: everyday until 4pm) Burlesque - PG13 - THU-WED 11:05, 1:50, 4:35, 7:30, 10:35. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 1 - PG13 - THU-SAT 10:15, 11:15, 12:15, 1:20, 2:20, 3:20, 4:25, 5:25, 6:25, 7:30, 8:30, 9:30, 10:35. SUN-WED 10:15, 11:15, 12:15, 1:20, 2:20, 3:20, 4:25, 5:25, 6:25, 7:30, 8:30, 9:30. Megamind (3D) - PG - THU-WED 11:00, 1:10, 3:20, 5:30, 7:40, 9:50. UH Football - vs. UNLV - SAT 5:30. Unstoppable - PG13 - THU-FRI 12:00, 2:15, 4:30, 8:00, 10:15. SAT 12:00, 2:15, 8:40, 10:35. SUN-WED 12:00, 2:15, 4:30, 8:00, 10:15.

KUKUI MALL 1819 South Kihei Road, 1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: everyday until 4pm) Burlesque - PG13 - THU 11:15, 1:50, 4:25, 7:00. FRI-SUN 11:15, 1:50, 4:25, 7:00, 9:35. MON-WED 1:10, 3:45, 6:20, 8:55. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 1 - PG13 - THU 10:30, 1:35, 4:40, 7:45. FRI-SUN 10:30, 1:35, 4:40, 7:45, 10:50. MON-WED 1:15, 4:20, 7:25. Love and Other Drugs - R - THU 11:45, 2:15, 4:45, 7:15. FRI-SUN 11:45, 2:15, 4:45, 7:15, 9:45. MON-WED 1:00, 3:30, 6:00, 8:30. Morning Glory - PG13 - THU-SUN 10:45, 3:25, 5:50. MON-WED 1:05, 3:25. Unstoppable - PG13 - THU 1:10, 8:10. FRI-SUN 1:10, 8:10, 10:25. MONWED 5:50, 8:10.

WHARF CINEMA CENTER 658 Front Street, 249-2222 (Matinees) Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 1 - PG13 - THU-FRI (12:15, 3:30), 6:45, 10:00. SAT-SUN (12:15), 3:30, 6:45, 10:00. MONWED (12:15, 3:30), 6:45, 10:00. Love and Other Drugs - R - THU-FRI (1:30, 4:15), 7:15, 9:45. SAT-SUN (1:30), 4:15, 7:15, 9:45. MON-WED (1:30, 4:15), 7:15, 9:45. Megamind (2D) - PG - THU-FRI (1:00, 4:00), 7:00. SAT-SUN (1:00), 4:00, 7:00. MON-WED (1:00, 4:00), 7:00. Morning Glory - PG13 - THU-WED 9:30.

Schaefer International Gallery Wed - Sun 11 am-5 pm

1RZ WKURXJK 'HF

HO‘OULU:

New This Week - R - Action - According to Wikipedia, “Faster” may refer to a 1979 George Harrison song, a 2003 documentary about something called “MotoGP” or this Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson vehicle. Can we pretend it’s the George Harrison song? 98 min. FASTER

STONE - R - Thriller - A recently released con (Edward Norton) plays mind games with his parole officer (Robert De Niro) who is almost certainly too old for this shit.105 min. UH FOOTBALL - vs. UNLV - After cracking the top 25, the Warriors look to keep the ball rolling and grab a share of the WAC title.

- R - Western - An assassin from the East hides out in the Wild West—and likely doesn’t spend the whole time sipping tea. 115 min. THE WARRIOR’S WAY

NOW SHOWING 127 HOURS - R - Drama - Cutting off your own hand is neither subtle nor humorous, but this harrowing survivalist tale manages to be both. 134 min.

THE INSPIRATION OF HULA

UPCOMING SHOWS Guitarists from Little Feat

BURLESQUE - PG13 - Horror - Cher

MORNING GLORY - PG13 - Comedy - A

and Christina Aguileria headline this musical camp fest, for gay men and the people who love them. 119 min.

producer is tasked with revamping a flagging morning talk show and making peace between its totally-not-inspired-byRegis-and-Kathy Lee stars. 107 min.

PAUL BARRERE & FRED TACKETT

THE NEXT THREE DAYS - PG13 - Thriller -

REVOLVER & WINDSURFING MOVIE II

DUE DATE - R - Comedy - Zach Galifianakis and Robery Downey Jr. go on a road trip. Can we come, too? 95 min. HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS, PART 1 - PG13 - Fantasy - Harry

enters his final year at Hogwarts with bigger problems than getting financial aid for wizard college. 149 min. HEREAFTER - PG13 - Director Clint

Eastwood gives us a tsunami destroying Front Street. And here we thought that was the Mayor’s job. 123 min. LOVE AND OTHER DRUGS - R - Fantasy - We’ll

take other drugs. What will mismatched lovers Jake Gyllenhaal and Anne Hathaway take? If you care, you’ll have to watch. 113 min. MEGAMIND - PG - Animated - A cerebral

supervillain goes good after his rival retires. Sexiest Man Alive contenders Will Ferrell and Brad Pitt lend their voices. 96 min.

Some marriages fall apart for boring reasons, and some fall apart because the wife is accused of murder. Russell Crowe finds himself in the latter predicament. 148 min. RED - PG13 - Bruce Willis helms yet

another old folks shoot-’em-up vehicle, with Helen Mirren and Morgan Freeman along for the ride. 111 min. SECRETARIAT - PG - Drama - The life

and glories of the famed racehorse are dramatized, with Celine Dion in the title role. Sorry, couldn’t resist. 123 min. TANGLED - PG - Animated - Running out

of fairy tales to sprinkle with empowering modern messages and pop culture references, Hollywood turns to Rapunzel. 115 min. UNSTOPPABLE - PG13 - Denzel versus a runaway train. Our money’s on Denzel. 98 min.

)5, '(& 0F&R\ SP

2 Legendary Films

)5, '(& &DVWOH SP

Music Director James Durham

HOLIDAY POPS! w/MAUI POPS ORCHESTRA 681 '(& &DVWOH SP

American-Chicano rock band

LOS LOBOS

)5, '(& &DVWOH SP Box Office: 10 AM - 3M MO1 - SAT

242-SHOW .MauiArts. 7469

WWW

ORG

The Maui Arts & Cultural Center is a 501(c)3 nRnSrRÀt RrJani]atiRn PaGe SRssiEle E\ the JenerRsit\ RI SeRSle ZhR lRYe Maui

DECEMBER 2, 2010 19

PICKS

This Week's Picks

DIVERSIONS, DALLIANCES & DATES

Sister Act

Firsting With Cheer Friday (December 3), 5-9pm, Market & Main Streets, Wailuku, free

F

or the final 2010 installment of Wailuku First Friday, event coordinators promise a block party glittering with all the magic of the holiday season. Maui OnStage’s A Christmas Carol embarks on its second of three weekends at the historic Iao Theater (7:30pm; see page 17 for more). Further in the way of entertainment, the prodigious rockers of the one and only Vince Esquire Band headline at the Maui Thing stage. Speaking of prodigious, the winners of the Keiki Na Mele competition will be presented with wreaths by Na Hanona Kulike ‘o Pi‘ilani at Native Intelligence (the store also will debut its new makahiki line in a Christmas lu‘au-themed night), and Lily and Toby from the Arts Education for Children Group will perform at the Wailuku Coffee Company (4:306:30pm). Also, check out mainstay crooners Gene and Shea Argel outside Cafe O‘Lei (additionally, the restaurant hosts a special wine dinner; call 986-0044 for reservations), plus Robbie Ray’s Cocoland Jazz show at the Wailuku Banyan Tree Park just across the way. The town’s festivities continue to grow, so be sure to mosey around the corner to Swan Interiors on Vineyard Street for even more live entertainment (5-8pm). Last month, I touted how some hard workers had transformed a sandy lot into a sodded oasis, but that fine space—home of the Maui Recycling Group’s popular beer garden—now also boasts a stunning mural. Of similar vibrant illustration is UH Professor Emeritus Victor Pelegrino’s latest keiki book Uncle Kawaiola’s Dream—he’ll be at Native Intelligence signing copies—and Maui Thing will sell Baldwin High School’s fundraiser cookbooks for the school’s Project GRAD (“graduation really achieves dreams�). And if you want to wield a little wordsmithery of your own, vie for the $20 prize at Gallerie Ha’s monthly poetry slam, which this month features guest emcee Monte Perez. 249-9710, 878-1888, 1stfridaywailuku@gmail.com

Saturday (December 4), 3:30pm, Baldwin High School Auditorium, $20 advance/$25 door The Four Sisters—one of the world’s most respected traditional Okinawan groups—is comprised of siblings Sadako, Kumiko, Midori and Chieko Iha. More than a decade after their last Hawaii performance, they’ve returned to the islands to lend their talents for a special beneďŹ t concert titled “Tinsagu nu Hana: Our Indelible Heritage,â€? to support the perpetuation of Okinawan culture and arts on Maui. Sponsored by Ukwanshin Kabudan, the Young Okinawans of Hawaii, Maui Okinawa Kenjin Kai and the Maui Ryukyu Culture Group, the show is likely the last international performance by this shim-uta (Okinawan folk song) quartet, who made their professional debut in 1960 and first performed in Hawaii in 1967 for a goodwill tour expressing the Okinawan government’s appreciation for aid sent from Hawaii-based immigrants to their war-ravaged motherland. While issei (immigrants from Okinawa) will undoubtedly find the sisters’ sweet voices a soothing reminder of their homeland, it’s music anyone can enjoy. 242-1560, ukwanshin.org/blog

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BY ANU YAGI anu@mauitime.com + @anuheayagi on Twitter

Mickey Situation

Pop It Like It’s Hot

Saturday (December 4), 9pm, Hard Rock Cafe, Lahaina, $40

Saturday (December 4), 6pm, Maui Tropical Plantation, $20 advance/$25 door; Sunday (December 5), 3:30pm, Castle Theater, MACC, $10/$21/$26/$41

You know how in the movie The Matrix, you are “a mental projection of your digital self”? Well if that were really the case, I think I’d look a lot like the Minnie to Mickey Avalon (born Yeshe Perl)—gaunt, ashen and wrought like the crispy end of a chewed wire. So it goes without saying that I would thereby look nothing like Avalon’s touring compadre Andre Nickatina (born Andre Adams, fka PHOTO BY KRIS KRUG Dre Dog), whose build might make you wonder if he moonlights as a heavyweight champion. If you don’t know much about Avalon, this line from his succinct online bio speaks volumes: “He moved to the big city, living in cheap motels, eating dollar hamburgers, working the boulevard with ex-models, thorazine freaks, transvestites, mothers, fathers, drunks, junkies and punk rockers alike.” (Oh, BTW, his birthday is December 3—so, you know, maybe get him a lei or something.) Nickatina’s latest, Khan! The Me Generation, hit stores in April and is the 14th solo album to his credit, following up on works like 1995’s I Hate You With A Passion and 1999’s Tears of a Clown. Tickets are available at Local Motion surf shops, West Side Vibes, Hard Rock Cafe and Requests. 667-7400, hardrock.com

Of Willie Kahaialii’s rendition of “O Holy Night” off his 1999 album Willie Kalikimaka, YouTube user liquidtension808 effuses, “I’ve always said that when God created this song, he had Willie K in mind. God just let other people sing it before him.” Kahaialii’s newest Christmastime endeavor, Willie Wonderland, stands to elicit similar heartfelt response—especially at the special CD release party slated for this Saturday at the Tropical Plantation. His own operatic pipes will be accompanied by a hand-picked choir of his talented friends and ‘ohana, and additionally features opening acts CJ “Boom” Helekahi as well as Leokane, with mistress of ceremonies “Morning Goddess” Alaka‘i Paleka of KPOA fame. Tickets available at Maui Thing, Queen Kaahumanu Center, Valley Isle Community Federal Credit Union and Round Table Pizza. (myislandsoul.com, williek.com) On Sunday, it’s time again for Holiday Pops! with our island’s community symphony, Maui Pops Orchestra. “We try to perform classical music, written for the orchestra, in an entertaining way,” says conductor James Durham. “Style is everything,” he adds with emphatic staccato, and explains he carefully crafts each concert to align with the orchestra’s goal: to “entertain, educate and empower our listening audience to fully enjoy the broad spectrum of music written for the symphony orchestra.” 242-7469, mauiarts.org, mauipops.org

THE EVENING THAT EARNED CASANOVA THE AWARDS

WILD WAHINE WEDNESDAY

CASANOVA’S FAMOUS LADIES NIGHT OWN PRODUCTIONS

“BEST LATE NIGHT IN MAUI” “BEST SINGLES SCENE IN MAUI”

Back to the future with DJ BLAST & CHILLT MUSIC STARTS AT 10PM X $10 COVER

SHOW STARTS AT 9:30PM $5 COVER

ND

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 2

ETRY! MAUI SLAM PO MIC IN 2010 X DJ BOOMSHOT VOICES THAT ROCKED THE

RD

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 3

T & RIO RITMO DRY.- NA SAMBA Y - LATIN POP

MUSIC STARTS AT 10:00PM $10 COVER

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10:00PM

SHOW STARTS AT TH $5 COVER SATURDAY, DECEMBER 4 R NDE THU FALO BUF & ACK MINOR SETB PUNK ROCK - METAL

SUNDAY, DEC.5TH AT 2PM X $7 DONATION

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CALL 572-0220 X MAKE IT A MEMORABLE EVENING IN MAKAWAO TOWN. DINE AND DANCE AT CASANOVA. FOR DINNER RESERVATIONS

DECEMBER 2, 2010 21

LIVE MUSIC ON THE NORTHSHORE!

BY ANU YAGI

PICKS

anu@mauitime.com + @anuheayagi on Twitter

Da Kine Calendar THURSDAY DEC 2

WAVE TRAIN

FRIDAY DEC 3

NORTH SHORE ALLSTARS! COUNTRY ROOTS! 9PM $5

SATURDAY DEC 4 TO BE ANNOUCNED

SUNDAY DEC 5

SUNDAY FUNDAY/NFL SURF & SKATE NIGHT! DINNER MUSIC WITH DA’MON... GAVINCHI BROWN... PIZZA SPECIAL BUY 1 GET 1 HALF OFF! HOUSE SPECIAL 6PM-9PM

MONDAY DEC 6

NFL/HAPPY HOUR! 2PM-6PM

TUESDAY DEC 7

PELIGROSO TACO TUESDAYS! $3 MEX.BEERS/MARGARITAS/TACOS 9PM DANYEL ALANA TRIO WEDNESDAY DEC 8 DJ BOOMSHOT & DJ JAY P

SPINNING SWEET BEATS ON THE NORTH SHORE LUKAS NELSON AND THE PROMISE OF THE REAL W/ SPECIAL GUESTS DEC 17-18 TICKETS NOW AVAILABLE. 808.579.8085 BOOKING INFO: DYINGSONS@GMAIL.COM

142 HANA HWY, PAIA

808-573-8085

www.charleysmaui.com

BIG SHOWS NA MELE O MAUI - Fri, Dec 3. For 38 years running, this keiki competition — for students in kindergarten through 12th grade — has played a key role in the perpetuation of Hawaiian music, language and arts. Sponsored by Ka‘anapali Beach Resort Association. Free. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org PAUL BARRERE & FRED TACKETT THE GUITARISTS OF LITTLE FEAT - Fri, Dec 3. This pair is best known for their band Little Feat. As an acoustic duo, they perform from their classic catalogue with a decidedly different twist. $35 / $55. 7:30 p.m. McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org THE FOUR SISTERS - Sat, Dec 4. Benefit concert by elite Okinawan folk artists. See This Week’s Picks for more. $20 / $25. 3:30 p.m. Baldwin High School, 1650 Kaahumanu Ave., Wailuku; 808-242-1560; ukwanshin.org/blog. WILLIE WONDERLAND CD RELEASE PARTY - Sat, Dec 4. See This Week’s Picks for more. $20 advance / $25 door. 6 p.m. Maui Tropical Plantation, 1670 Honoapiilani Hwy., Wailuku; 808-244-7643; mauitropicalplantation.com DOUBLE FEATURE: “REVOLVER” AND “THE WINDSURFING MOVIE II” - Sat, Dec 4. Presented by Poor Boyz Productions. “Revolver” is a high-action retrospective starring Simon Dumont, Tim Durtschi, Dane Tudor and more. “The Windsurfing Movie II” gives a glimpse into the future of windsurfing through they eyes of Levi Siver. Don’t miss the great prize giveaways. $16. 7 p.m. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org “CHICKS (WHO) ROCK” - Sat, Dec 4. Featuring Jessica Rabbit & Kanoa, Mary Jane Xperiment, Erin Smith and Stef Lomeli. 9 p.m. Three’s Bar & Grill, 1945 S Kihei Rd., Kihei; 808-879-3133

“home of the $1 mai tai” Kihei’s BEST Sunset Cocktail Spot!

AUTHENTIC MEXICAN FOOD BURGERS SALADS Live Music Daily Sunset Happy Hour 3-7 Nightly Entertainment

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SATURDAY 4 9pm MAUI’S GREAT NEW CLASSIC ROCK BAND SUNDAY 5 8pm

KARAOKE INDUSTRY NIGHT

MONDAY 6 HAPPY HOUR PRICES ALL DAY!! 8pm

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1913 S Kihei Rd 808.891.8010 ACROSS FROM FOODLAND

22 DECEMBER 2, 2010

MICKEY AVALON AND ANDRE NICKATINA - Sat, Dec 4. 21+ only. See This Week’s Picks for more. Tickets available online and at Local Motion surf shops, West Side Vibes, Hard Rock Cafe, and Requests. $40. 9 p.m. The Hard Rock Cafe, 900 Front St., Lahaina; 808-667-7400; bampproject.com / groovetickets.com BROWN CHICKEN BROWN COW STRING BAND Sat, Dec 4. The boys are back with their “Ice Cream Tour” featuring Coconut Glen. $10. 9:30 p.m. Stella Blues Cafe, 1279 South Kihei Rd., # 201, Kihei; 808874-3779; stellablues.com “HOLIDAY POPS!” WITH MAUI POPS ORCHESTRA Sun, Dec 5. This annual concert tradition is a delightful way to get into the holiday spirit. Music Director James Durham leads a talented community orchestra through seasonal favorites and Broadway selections. See This Week’s Picks for more. $10 / $21 / $26 / $41. 3:30 p.m. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org

STAGE CHRISTMAS PARTY/PERFORMING ARTS CONCERT - Fri, Dec 3. Featuring the Seabury Hall Dance Program with drama and music guests, under the direction of David Ward. Includes complimentary desserts and beverages. Continues on Dec 4. $17. 6:30 p.m. Seabury Hall Performing Arts Studio, 480 Olinda Rd., Makawao; 808-573-1257 A CHRISTMAS CAROL - Daily. Opens this Friday! Show runs Fri, Sat & Sun through December 12. Put to bed your bah humbugs with this inspiring classic. Directed by Lehua Simon. Tickets available at Kihei’s Lava Java, and Wailuku’s If the Shoe Fits. $15 / $20 / $40. Iao Theater, 68 N. Market St., Wailuku; 808-242-6969; mauionstage.com

CIRQUE POLYNESIA - Mon-Sat. It’s Circue du Soleil meets Polynesian hula with amazing high-wire acts, aerial acrobatics and illusions, and mind-boggling contortionist and balancing-acts. Call for their Kama’aina special. Starting at $62; Deals for kids. 6 p.m. Hyatt Regency Maui Resort & Spa, 200 Nohea Kai Dr., Kaanapali; 808-667-4540; maui.hyatt.com

FOODIE DUKE’S BEACH HOUSE ONE-YEAR ANNIVERSARY - Fri, Dec 3. Features live entertainment by the legendary Henry Kapono. A portion of beverage proceeds will go towards the restaurant’s Legacy of Aloha donation, which this year benefits the international Movember campaign, raising funds in the fight against cancers that affect men. 3-5 p.m. Dukes Beach House, 130 Kai Malina Pkwy., Lahaina; 808-662-2900; dukesmaui.com WINE DINNER FRIDAY! - Fri, Dec 3. Lahaina Coolers Restaurant & bar will be hosting Wine Dinner Friday! Food will be served in three coursesFood will be served in three courses with fantastic wine pairings. There is limited space, RSVP by calling. $40. 7-9:30 p.m. Lahaina Coolers, 180 Dickenson St., Lahaina; 808-661-7082; lahainacoolers.com LOCAL FUN ON ALOHA FRIDAY - Fri, Dec 3. Celebrate seasonal produce grown locally! This demonstration will feature the best, juiciest, local produce in the store! Health Starts Here recipes and samples will be available to customers. Vegetarian and vegan friendly recipes will also be available. 4 p.m. Whole Foods Market, 70 Kaahumanu Ave #B,, Kahului; (808) 872-3310; wholefoodsmarket.com/maui KEIKI IN THE KITCHEN AT WHOLE FOODS - Sat, Dec 4. The popularity of the culinary arts is not just limited to grownups. Classes are perfect for children 5 to 12 years old. Class includes demonstrations on hands-on easy meal preparations that the entire family can enjoy. Free. 11 a.m. Whole Foods Market, 70 Kaahumanu Ave #B,, Kahului; (808) 8723310; wholefoodsmarket.com/stores/maui/

TICKETS ON SALE LOS LOBOS - Fri, Dec 10. This American Chicano rock band has been performing and releasing albums since the late 1970s. Their 2002 album “The Ride” features notable guest performers Tom Waits and Elvis Costello. $45 / $50 / $55. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org / loslobos.org “THE FANTASTICKS” - Daily. For 12 performances, opening Dec 10 and running through Jan 16. A wonderful parable of love, with book and lyrics by Tom Jones and music by Harvey Schmidt. $25 adults / $20 keiki under 12. ProArts Playhouse, 1280 S. Kihei Rd, Kihei; 808-463-6520; proartspacific.com “COMFORT & JOY” WITH THE MAUI CHORAL ARTS ASSOCIATION - Sat, Dec 11. Join the Maui Concert Chorus, UH Maui College Chorus, Petite Orchestra and conductor Celia Canty for an evening of holiday music celebration. Spago to provide complimentary refreshments. Tickets available at Lahaina Music and Topaz Goldsmith & Gallery. $20 / $10 advance; $25 / $12.50 door. 7 p.m. Kihei Baptist Chapel, 1655 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 808-838-3006; mauichoralarts.org

channeling Mark Twain. With this Maui show, it’ll be as if Samuel Clemmens himself has returned to what he called “the loveliest fleet of islands that lies anchored in any ocean.” If anyone needs a date to this, I’m available. $30 / $45 / $60 / $150 (VIP). 5 p.m. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org KRISHNA DAS - Sun, Dec 12. Join Krishna Das along with his popular touring band — Nina Rao (kartels), Arjun Bruggeman (tabla) and Genevieve Walker (violin) for an “enCHANTing” evening of kirtan. Arrive early for the best seats and time enough for entrees and desserts. $25 advance / $30 door. 7 p.m. Studio Maui, Haiku Marketplace, 810 Haiku Rd., Suite 265, Haiku; 808-575-9390; thestudiomaui. com / krishnadas.com SLACK KEY MASTERS WITH DANIEL HO - Thu, Dec 16. Another Central Maui installment of George Kahumoku Jr’s popular Slack Key Show. This month features Daniel Ho, a singer-songwriter and solo performer who has recorded 18 CDs. $25 / $45 (VIP). McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org REGGAE VIBRATIONS VOL.1 - Fri, Dec 17. Featuring Pam Hall, J.C. Lodge, Ekolu, and Cityside. Tickets available at Mulligans, West Side Vibes, 808 Deli, Wow Wee Maui Kava Bar, and Wailuku’s Requests. 21+ only. 6 p.m. Mulligan’s on the Blue, 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea; 808-874-1131; mulligansontheblue.com PEPPER: VOLCANIC ROCK OUT TOUR - Fri, Dec 17. All ages welcome. Doors open at 5:30pm. Tickets available through MACC’s box office or at Green Banana Internet Cafe, Old Lahaina Book Emporium, and Wailuku’s Requests. $25 (advance). 7 p.m. Outdoors, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-2427469; mauiarts.org / bampproject.com LOL@MACC WITH RITA RUDNER - Sat, Dec 18. Another laugh-out-loud installment of this new MACC comedy series. Rudner has been voted “Best Comedian in Las Vegas” by the Las Vegas Review-Journal for the past eight years, and has had standout ratings on PBS with her one hour special “Rita Rudner: Live From Las Vegas.”. $35 / $65 (VIP). 7:30 p.m. McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org NA LEO PILIMEHANA HOLIDAY CONCERT - Sat, Dec 18. Comprised of three childhood friends — Nalani Choy, Lehua Kalima Heine and Angela Morales — Na Leo is the most award-winning and biggest record-selling female Hawaiian group in the world. Na Leo Pilimehana, in Hawaiian, means “voices blending together in warmth” — a moniker all the more appropriate this holiday season. $12 / $30 / $40. 7:30 p.m. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org “AN OLD FASHIONED CHRISTMAS” WITH ULUWEHI GUERRERO AND NA LEO LANI O MAUI - Sat, Dec 18. The second annual holiday concert for Maui’s community choir. Enjoy the rich harmony of over 80 heavenly voices, directed in partnership by kumu hula Uluwehi Guerrero and Gale Wisehart. Plus, special guests Halau Hula Kauluokala and Santa Claus himself. $20 (portion of proceeds benefits the Maui Food Bank). 7:30 p.m. Iao Theater, 68 N. Market St., Wailuku; Richard Castro: 808-280-8557; mauionstage.com

WIN TICKETS TO SEE PASSION PIT AT PIPELINE CAFE - Sun, Dec 12. Bamp Project, MauiTime and go! Mokulele airlines are sending you to see Passion Pit. To enter, e-mail your name, number and age to passionpit@mauitime.com for your chance to win a pair of concert tickets and airfare for two.

MYTHOLOGICAL HORSES & SAUCY YODA - Sat, Dec 18. Two Portland, Oregan bands each pushing 200 shows per year say they’re supported by Gene Ween (my magic word) and have their concert posters in scenes of Showtime’s Weeds. If that doesn’t peak your interest, I don’t know what will. $10. 9 p.m. Casanova, 1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao; 808572-0220; casanovamaui.com

HAL HOLBROOK IN “MARK TWAIN TONIGHT!” - Sun, Dec 12. For 56 years, Emmy award-winning actor Hal Holbrook has been doing a damn fine job

CHARLIE LUSTMAN’S MUSICAL HOPE CAMPAIGN CONCERT - Sun, Dec 19. Remember that dude we put on the cover in part because he had the

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

12/02

12/03

12/04

12/05

12/06 - 12/08

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ALE HOUSE

Ladies Night w/ DJ Jamn J, 9pm

Bottoms Up Friday w/ DJ LX & Jay J, 10pm

Live Music 9:30pm

Simma Down Sunday w/ DJ Jamn J, 10pm

MON- Karaoke, 8:30pm / TUE - Native’s Night, 8:30pm / WED - Ladies Night w/ Bad Kitty, 8:30pm

AMBROSIA

Old School Thursdays w/ DJ Del Sol

Next Top DJ Competition Final Round!

Sunrise Saturdaze w/ DJ Decka

Sunday Night Fever w/ DJ CIA

MON – Live Music / TUE – Drum & Bass Night w / DJ Astro Raph / WED – Maui’s HI-5 Night (S.I.N.) w/ DJs Del Sol & CIA

DJ Jay

DJ Jay

Live Music

Live Music

355 E. Kamehameha, Kahului - 877-9001

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-1011

BOCALINO BISTRO & BAR 1445 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-4041

CARY & EDDIE’S HIDEAWAY REST. 500 N. Puunene Ave., Kahului - 873-6555

TUE – Curtis Williams / WED - Latino, Blues & Jazz Night w/ Lydia Toccafondy & Neto Peraza

CASANOVA

Maui Slam Poetry 9:30pm; $5

Dr. Nat & Rio Ritmo 10pm; $10

Minor Setback & Buffalo Thunder, 10pm; $5

CHARLEY’S

Wave Train

North Shore Allstars, Country Roots; 9pm, $5

TBA

Barefoot Minded 7 - 10pm; No Cover

Dave Caroll 7 - 10pm; No Cover

Dave Caroll 7 - 10pm; No Cover

Erin Smith 7 - 10pm; No Cover

MON - Peter D / TUE - Live Jazz / WED - Ryan Palma (All sets 7 - 10pm; No Cover)

DIAMONDS ICE BAR

House Music 10pm; No Cover

DJ Jamn J 10pm; No Cover

Roots Judgement 10pm; No Cover

Jordan & Wolf 10pm; No Cover

MON - Gomega / TUE - Supah Dupah Reggae Band WED - Comedy Show w/ Chino LaForge

DOG & DUCK IRISH PUB

Quiz Night 8pm; No Cover

Jarod 10pm; No Cover

Big John 10pm; No Cover

Sebrina Barron 10pm; No Cover

MON – Jordan / TUE – Ka’ena Elaban / WED – Jessica & Kanoa (All Sets 10pm; No Cover)

Karaoke

Kanaka Jams 6:30-10:30pm No Cover

Karaoke

Karaoke

MON, TUE & WED - Karaoke

Rampage 9pm - Close

Dat Guyz 9pm - Close

Cody, Amanda & Patrick 9pm-1:30am

Karaoke

MON - Karaoke / TUE - Karaoke Contest / WED - Open Mic Night

Sondio Inspiracion 9pm; $7

Mickey Avalon & Andre Nickatina 9:30pm, $42

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

Ashley Welte 7pm - Close; No Cover

Guest Performer 7pm - Close; No Cover

Farzad & Mike Madden 7pm - Close; No Cover

1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-0220

142 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-8085

COOL CAT CAFE

Wharf Cinema, Lahaina - 667-0908

1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-9299

1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 875-9669

GREEN LEAF SPORTS BAR 1088 Lower Main St., Wailuku - 244-4888

HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-8010

HARD ROCK CAFE

900 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7400

ISANA

515 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-8199

JAVA JAZZ

3350 L. Honoapiilani Rd. 667-0787

top of his jaw sawed off? Yep. It’s time for his big show — where 100 percent of proceeds benefits the Pacific Cancer Foundation — featuring his music and a slew of Maui notables. $20 general / $75 VIP (includes pre-show dining). 7 p.m. Iao Theater, 68 N. Market St., Wailuku; 808-242-6969; mauionstage. com / mademenuclear.com BRUNO MARS - Tue, Dec 21. Born into a musical family from Honolulu, Bruno Mars’s career has catapulted into the upper echelons of critic-cred pop stardom. His hit single “Just The Way You Are,” went #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 chart, and just this October, he’s took to the SNL stage as the featured musical act. $35 / $45 / $55. 7:30 p.m. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org SOLO SESSIONS WITH BARRY FLANAGAN - Thu, Dec 30. This intimate series continues with Flanagan, one of Hawaii’s most respected composers and founder of the musical duo Hapa, who will share stories and inspiration behind his music. $25 / $25 VIP. 7:30 p.m. McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org MAUI CELEBRITY SERIES 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY WITH TOM ARNOLD, BRIAN EVANS, AND CHEECH MARIN - Thu, Dec 30. You read that right: “Cheech & Chong” star Cheech Marin is coming. He’ll perform alongside Maui Celebrity Series second-timer Tom Arnold, and show crooner/creator Brian Evans. Get tickets now for this December show, and be someone’s best-ever Santa. $35 / 55 / $75 (VIP). 8-10:30 p.m. Maui Theatre, 878 Front St. (Old Lahaina Center), Lahaina; 808-856-7973; themauicelebrityseries.com DAMIAN MARLEY & NAS’S “DISTANT RELATIVES” TOUR - Sun, Feb 27. An all-ages show! For the first time, these music icons perform side by side on stage in the islands. Tickets go on sale at 9am on Friday (Dec 3). $40. Events Lawn, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808-242-7469

ANNOUNCEMENTS “IMAGINE THERE’S NO HUNGER” CAMPAIGN Daily. Support the Hard Rock’s “Hungerthon 2010” program to alleviate hunger this holiday by bidding on great items in their silent auction — ongoing through

the first two weeks of Dec. The Hard Rock Cafe, 900 Front St., Lahaina; 808-667-7400; hardrock.com CALL FOR ENTRIES: ANNUAL JURIED EXHIBITION 2011 / SOLO EXHIBITION 2011 - Daily. Dec 30 is the receiving date for the multimedia juried exhibition (juror Vince Hazen), with the show running Jan 8 - Feb 18. Proposals for the solo exhibition are due Jan 10, with the show running June 18 through July 23. Hui No’eau Visual Arts Center, 2841 Baldwin Ave., Makawao; 808-572-6560; huinoeau.com

EVENTS THURSDAY, DEC 02 FOUR SEASONS RESORT WELLNESS SERIES - This new series features a different practitioner for each four-day wellness weekend, through Dec 19. Today through Dec 2, reiki grand master Phyllis Lei Furumoto. Call for more information. Four Seasons Resort, 3900 Wailea Alanui Dr., Wailea; 808-874-2939; fourseasons.com/maui/ wellness_series/

Mana’o Radio Presents Upcountry Sundays

TUE - Danyel Alana Trio, 10pm; $5 WED - DJ Boomshot & DJ Jay P

WED - Karaoke

Brian Cuomo 7pm - Close; No Cover

la’s Dream: A Hawaiian Story.” Purchase a signed copy of this book and receive a holiday gift of Pellegrino’s “A Slip of Bamboo: A Collection of Haiku from Maui.”. 6-9 p.m. Native Intelligence, 45 N. Market St., Wailuku; 808-249-2421; native-intel.com MAUI HIGH SCHOOL CHOIR - We’re likely preaching to the choir when we say this group deserves your attention. Free. 6:30 p.m. Maui Mall, 70 E. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 808-871-1307; mauimall.com VALLEY ISLE FELLOWSHIP CHURCH PRESENTS “REMNANT” - A student performance. Free. 7 p.m. Queen Kaahumanu Shopping Center, 275 W. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 808-877-3369; queenkaahumanucenter.com

SOME HERE. ALL ONLINE.

WAILUKU TOWN FIRST FRIDAYS - It’s a block party! See This Week’s Picks for more. Free. 5:30-8 p.m. Wailuku Town, North Market St., Wailuku.

SATURDAY, DEC 04

10TH ANNUAL LIGHTING OF THE BANYAN TREE Festivities continue through Dec 5. Entertainment begins at 9am, and keiki activities — including face painting, cookie decorating, and Christmas crafts — begin at 2pm. The Lahainaluna High School Band performs at 7pm. Santa Claus and “Frosty” the Hawaiian Snowman will make appearances. Free. 9 a.m.-7 p.m. Banyan Tree, Front St., Lahaina; 808-667-9175; scott@visitlahaina.com

CALENDAR LISTINGS

ON MAUITIME.COM

IAO SCHOOL BAND - Their finest tunes they bring to this pa-rum-pa-pum-performance. Free. 6:30 p.m. Maui Mall, 70 E. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 808871-1307; mauimall.com

MAUI SLAM POETRY: “REWIND” - Open poet sign up where you can compete for 100 smackeroos. Plus, special guest performances by peeps who rocked in 2010 (and new stuff, too). Turntable sorcery by DJ Boomshot and visual alchemy by Douglas Deboer. $5. 9:30 p.m. Casanova, 1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao; 808-572-0220; casanovamaui.com

FRIDAY, DEC 03 BOOK SIGNING WITH AUTHOR VICTOR C. PELLEGRINO - Part of First Friday festivities, Pellegrino will be autographing his newest title, “Uncle Kawaio-

WED - Wild Wahine Wednesdays w/ DJ Stylz & DJ Kamikaze, 10pm; $10

MON - Ashley Welte / TUE & WED - Rene Alonzo (All 7pm - Close; No Cover) Free. 10 a.m.-12 p.m. Queen Kaahumanu Shopping Center, 275 W. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 808-8773369; queenkaahumanucenter.com LOKAHI HOLIDAY DRIVE - Featuring Channel 2’s Manolo Morales as emcee. Free. 10 a.m.-4 p.m. Queen Kaahumanu Shopping Center, 275 W. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 808-877-3369; queenkaahumanucenter.com SOURCE 4 FUNDRAISER - The first of a series of fundraisers in support of the annual SOURCE festival. Over a dozen practitioners will offer their services — including hypnosis, massage, sound healing and even psychodrama — at a private pool and jacuzzi in a forested glade. Plus, heavy pupus and drinks. $20 suggested donation. 1-8 p.m. Private residence, Maui Meadows, RSVP required: 808-5727999; wombroom@sourcemaui.com SPECIAL MOMENTS - Searching for something special? Find it at center stage. Free. 1 p.m. Maui Mall, 70 E. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 808-8711307; mauimall.com MAUI ONSTAGE PRESENTS “A CHRISTMAS CAROL” TEASER - Fortunately, the Iao Theater is but a hop skip and a jump away from the QKC. So enjoy the mall, but be sure to head to Wailuku to enjoy the play in its full glory. Free. 4:30 p.m. Queen Kaahumanu Shopping Center, 275 W. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 808-877-3369; queenkaahumanucenter.com MAUI HIGH SCHOOL BAND - According to the their website, the symphonic band — the primary performing group at MHS — is comprised of approximately seventy five 9th-12th graders and usually performs works in the grade III-V range. Free. 6:30 p.m. Maui Mall, 70 E. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 808-871-1307; mauimall.com / mauihighband.org

CALLING ALL PANIOLO PARTY PEOPLE - Makawao town presents its third annual “A Hawaiian Holiday” celebration, complete with Santa Claus (at Sotheby’s Courtyard), carolers and pony rides. Strolling entertainers begin at 3pm and each festive shop has expanded hours and specials. 10 a.m.-6 p.m.Makawao & Baldwin Ave., Makawao; 808-344-0247

HOLOKAI CLUB WITH MAUI MUSIC CONSERVATORY - Sponsored by KISS 99.9 FM, this monthly keiki event features arts & crafts, performances, educational materials, activities and other fun stuff. Free. 10 a.m.-12 p.m. Queen Kaahumanu Shopping Center, 275 W. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 808-8774325; queenkaahumanucenter.com

GINGERBREAD COOKIE DECORATING WITH SANTA - Yes. It is every bit as exciting as it sounds.

HALIIMAILE COMMUNITY GARDEN MEMBER ORIENTATION - A place not just to garden and grow food, but also to meet other gardeners, volunteer,

DECEMBER 2, 2010 23

24 DECEMBER 2, 2010

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

12/02

12/03

12/04

12/05

12/06 - 12/08

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

KAHALE’S

Vince Esquire

Kenny Roberts

Eight Track Players

Kahala

MON, TUE & WED - Da-Ha-Y-Ns

1810

DeAquino Braddahs

Ben & Glenn

Willie K / Sam Ahia

MON - Sam Ahia / TUE - Sam Ahia

Dominick / Bad Kitty 8-11pm

Mango Pickers / Billy & The Bad Dogs 8-11pm

Dan Saunders Rock Band 7-11pm

Gina Martinelli Band 9-11pm

MON - Kiwi Cowboys 6-9:30pm / WED - Bobby Ingram & The Maui Blues Band 7-10pm

KOBE STEAKHOUSE

Karaoke & Dancing w/ Aunty Toddy Lilikoi

Karaoke & Dancing w/ Aunty Toddy Lilikoi

LONGHI’S LAHAINA

Crazy Fingers 9pm - 1am; No Cover

LULU’S KIHEI

Louise Lambert Band w/ Gene & Shea Argel

Karaoke 7:30 - 11pm; No Cover

WED - Karaoke 7:30 - 11 pm; No Cover

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei 875-7711

KIMO’S

845 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4811

KIWI ROADHOUSE

95 E. Lipoa St., Ste A101, Kihei - 874-1250

136 Dickenson St., Lahaina - 667-5555

888 Front St., Lahaina - 667-2288

1945 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-9944

LULU’S LAHAINA

Lahaina Cannery Mall - 661-0808

Classic Rock Thursdays feat. Howard Ahia

Alternative Night w/ DJ Raph, 10pm - 2am X-clusive Saturday Nights w/ All Access’s DJ Money Mike

MON - Service Industry Night w/ All Access DJ & Junior TUE - Karaoke w/ Troy / WED - Sizzling Salsa Nights

MAUI BREWING CO.

WED - Open Mic Night, 10pm; No Cover

Kahana Gateway Center - 669-3474

MOANA CAFE

71 Baldwin Ave., Paia - 579-9999

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE 100 Kaukahi St. Kihei - 874-1131

OCEANS BAR & GRILL 1819 S. Kihei Rd. - 891-2414

and contribute to sustainability projects. Orientations for new members are usually held the first Saturday of each month, or as frequently as possible. Free. 10:30 a.m.-12 p.m. Haliimaile Community Garden, n/a; haliimailegarden.com

SUNDAY, DEC 05 KEIKI BOOK READING & SIGNING WITH THE MCBARNET FAMILY OF AUTHORS - Gill McBarnet has been writing and illustrating keiki lit with Hawaiian themes for 26 years (“The Goodnight Gecko,” “Gecko Hide and Seek”). Her husband Terry and daughter Tara join in on the fun, debuting their new book, “How the Geckos Learned to Chirp.”. Free. 11 a.m.-3 p.m. Maui Ocean Center, 192 Ma’alaea Rd., Ma`alaea; 808-270-7000; mauioceancenter.com “FOREVER GLORIA!” BY THE LAHAINA BAPTIST CHOIR - A rousing vocal homage to the Christmas story. Free. 1:30 p.m. Maui Mall, 70 E. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 808-871-1307; mauimall.com DR. WAYNE DYER, DINNER AND A MOVIE UNDER THE STARS - A benefit for the Temple of Peace. Join Dr. Dyer as he premiers his latest movie, “The Shift.” Features live music, a gourmet vegan dinner, and DJ music. Space is limited. 808-575-5220. 3-10 p.m. Call for tickets and location., $20 - $70; TempleofPeaceMaui.com/dr-wayne-dyer.html ZUMBA WITH CHERRY SHAW - Shimmy away the pounds in public. Or, be privately inspired and find a class near you. Free. 4 p.m. Maui Mall, 70 E. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 808-871-1307; mauimall.com CHANUKAH PARTY - Join the Israeli folk dancing group of Maui, along with the Jewish Congregation of Maui for festive musical games, dancing and other special programs. 5:30-8:30 p.m. Eddie Tam Memorial Center, 931 Makawao Ave., Makawao; Dan: 808-280-1051 SENIOR SUNDAY IN IAO - Maui residents ages 60 and better can enjoy the beautiful Hawai`i Nature Center for free once a month. Regular fare is $6 for adults, $4 for keiki. Free for Seniors. Hawai’i Nature Center, 808-244-6500; hawaiinaturecenter.org

MONDAY, DEC 06 DORRIS TODD CHRISTIAN SCHOOL BAND - These 7th and 8th graders in the performance band are burgeoning talents. Cheer ‘em on. Free. 6:30 p.m. Maui Mall, 70 E. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 808871-1307; mauimall.com / dtschool.org/band.htm KING KEKAULIKE HIGH SCHOOL BAND - This teal and black Na Ali’i crew has holiday tunes for you. Free. 7 p.m. Queen Kaahumanu Shopping Center, 275 W. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 808-877-3369;

Phil & Angie Benoit

DJ Dave Spruce & Ray Masters, 9pm-1:30am

DJ Music

Pub Quiz Night w/ Trish “The Dish” Smith, 9pm

Gail Swanson / Ka’ena Elaban

Head High Maui 8-11pm

Kava Night

Friday Night at the Green Room w/ DJ Stylz & DJ Kamikaze

Pac Vibes

queenkaahumanucenter.com

TUESDAY, DEC 07 LOKELANI INTERMEDIATE SCHOOL BAND Strike up the band, y’all!. Free. 6:30 p.m. Queen Kaahumanu Shopping Center, 275 W. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 808-877-3369; queenkaahumanucenter.com MAUI WAENA INTERMEDIATE SCHOOL BAND Their school colors are red, white and black — so Santa’s (who, you know, also likes those colors) has got ‘em all on the “Nice” list. Free. 6:30 p.m. Maui Mall, 70 E. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 808-8711307; mauimall.com / mauiwaena.com

WEDNESDAY, DEC 08 ANNUAL DELAWARE DAY CELEBRATION - Be sure to wear your Delaware T-shirt or hat and bring any First State memorabilia... including Tastykakes! 6 p.m. Stella Blues Cafe, 1279 South Kihei Rd., # 201, Kihei; Adele Rugg: 808-8799964; stellablues.com KALAMA INTERMEDIATE SCHOOL CHOIR - I wasn’t in choir myself (big ups Poly!!!), but I did have Mr. Queja for homeroom. Therefore, I know that choir class also encompasses bell playing — and that’s perfect for the holidays. Semper SEKIS!. Free. 6:30 p.m. Maui Mall, 70 E. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 808871-1307; mauimall.com / kalama.hidoe.us

TUE - Open Mic Night The Celtic Tigers / Live Band

DUKE’S BEACH HOUSE - Thu, Ernie 3 – 5pm, Garrett & Peter 6 – 8:30pm; Fri, Henry Kapono 3 – 5pm, Kulewa 6 - 8:30pm; Sat, Mondo 3 – 5pm, Kulwea 6 - 8:30pm; Sun, Mondo 3 – 5pm, Ernie & Miles 6 – 8:30pm; Mon, Tue & Wed, Brian 3 – 5pm, Damien & Edee 6 –8:30pm 130 Kai Malina Pkwy., Lahaina, 808-662-2900. HULA GRILL - Thu, Bruddah Larry 11:30am – 1pm, Ernest Pua’a 2 - 4pm, Armadillo 4:15 – 6:15pm, Kulewa 6:30 - 9pm; Fri, Ernest Pua’a 11:30am – 1pm, Kawika Lum Ho 2 - 4pm, 1810 4:15 – 6:15pm, Kawika, Roy & Tarvin 6:30 - 9pm; Sat, Jack Stone 11:30am – 1pm, Kawika Lum Ho 2 – 4pm, 1810 4:15 – 6:15pm, Wili Pa 6:30 - 9pm; Sun, Ron Hetteen 11:30am-1pm; Kawika Lum Ho 2-4pm; 1810 4:15-6:15; Derrick Sebastian Trio 6:30-9pm. Mon, Ernest Pua’a 11:30am – 1pm, Kawika Lum Ho 2 – 4pm, Armadillo 4:15 – 6:15pm, Derrick Sebastian & Josh Kahula 6:30 - 9pm; Tue, Kawika Lum Ho 11:30 a.m – 1pm, Jarrett Roback 2 – 4pm, Ernest Pua’a 4:15 – 6:15pm, Ernest Pua’a & Friends 6:30 - 9pm; Wed, Mika Villaren 11:30am – 1pm, Ernest Pua’a 2 4pm, Peter DeAquino 4:15 – 6:15pm, Ernest, Roy & Tarvin 6:30 - 9pm Whaler’s Village, 2435 Ka’anapali Pkwy., Bldg P, Lahaina, 808-667-6636.

SUBMIT YOUR

LISTINGS ONLINE

LAHAINA PIZZA COMPANY - Every Wed, Thu & Fri, John Kane 7:309:30pm; Sat, Harry Troupe 7:30-9:30pm; Sun, Greg Di Piazza 7:30-9:30pm; Every Mon & Tue, Martin Tevaga 7:30-9:30pm 730 Front St., Lahaina, 808-661-0700.

CALENDAR LISTINGS MAUITIME.COM/LISTING

BALDWIN HIGH SCHOOL BAND - The Bears bring the beats. Free. 7 p.m. Queen Kaahumanu Shopping Center, 275 W. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 808-8773369; queenkaahumanucenter.com RED CARPET MOVIE NIGHT: “CLERKS” (1994) - Cult classic. Free popcorn. Enough said. OK, just one more thing: “I love your sexy talk. It’s so kindergarten.” - Dante Hicks. No Cover. 7:30 p.m. Ambrosia, 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 808-891-1011; ambrosiamaui.com

DINNER MUSIC WEST MAUI CANOES - Fri, Howard Ahia 5:30-8:30pm; Sun, Live Jazz 3-6pm 1450 Front St., Lahaina, 808-661-0937.

LEILANI’S ON THE BEACH - Every Fri, The J.D on the Rocks Band 2:30-5pm; Every Sat, JD & Harry 2:30-5pm; Every Sun, Kilohana 2:30-5pm Whaler’s Village, 2435 Ka’anapali Pkwy. Bldg. J, Ka’anapali, 808-661-4495. LULU’S LAHAINA SURF CLUB & GRILL - Every Thu, Classic Rock Thursdays feat. Howard Ahia 6-8pm; Every Mon, Junior 8-9:30pm; Every Tue, Karaoke w/ Troy 8pm; Every Wed, Kenny Roberts 6-9pm; Every Wed, Sizzling Salsa Nights with DJ music 9pm. Lahaina Cannery Mall, 1221 Honoapiilani Hwy. #A1, Lahaina, 808-661-0808. MERRIMAN’S - Tue, David Choy; Wed-Sun, Ranga Pae; Mon, Benoit Jazzworks. All sets 6-9pm. 1 Bay Club Pl., Lahaina, 808-669-6400.

TUE - Murray Thorne; Tin Can Comedy w/ Shaggy Jenkins / WED - Willie K; Erin Smith’s Super Fantastic Ladies Night

PIONEER INN GRILL & BAR - Wed, Greg DiPiazza 6-8pm; Tue, Ah Tim 5:30-8:30pm 658 Wharf St., Lahaina, 808-661-8881. SEA HOUSE RESTAURANT - Every Tue & Fri, Kincaid Kupahu 7-9pm; Every Sun & Thu, Andrew Kaina 7-9pm; Sat, Coehlo Morrison 7-9pm; Every Mon & Wed, Albert Kaina 7-9pm 5900 Lower Honoapiilani Hwy., Napili, 808-669-1500. TIA JUANA’S CANTINA - Wed, Tableside Magic with Brenton Keith 6-9pm 2291 Kaanapali Pkwy., Lahaina, 808-667-4080. TROPICA - Every Fri, Soul Lounge 8 -10pm; Every Sat, Island Essence feat. DJ Zinn 8-10pm. Westin Maui Resort & Spa, 2365 Ka’anapali Pkwy., Ka’anapali, 808-662-2762.

SOUTH MAUI AMBROSIA - Every Thu, Jamie Gallow 7pm; Every Tue, “Glee” Screening 7pm. Every Wed, Red Carpet Movie Night (this week: “Clerks”) 7:30pm. 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 808-891-1011 BEACH BUMS BAR & GRILL - Every Fri, Tom Cherry & Mike F. 5-9pm; Every Tue, Randall Rospond 5-8pm 300 Maalaea Rd. #1M, Maalaea, 808-243-2286. BOCALINO - Thu, Gina Martinelli; Fri & Sat, DJ Jay; Tue, Curtis Williams (all sets 7:30pm). 1445 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 808-874-4041. CAPISCHE? - Sat, Mark Johnstone 7-10pm 555 Kaukahi St., Kihei, 808-879-2224. HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH - Every Thu, Junior Lacuesta; Every Fri & Tue, Rick Glencross; Every Sat, Ryan Robinson & Wolf; Every Wed, Jordan Cudworth. (All Sets 4-8pm.) Sun, Mon & Tue, Karaoke 8pm; Wed, Open Mic 9pm. 1913 S. Kihei Rd. #E, Kihei, 808-874-1250. MONSOON INDIA - Every Sat, Romantic Violin & Guitar Duets by Cambria Moss & Ricardo Dioso 6:308:30pm; Every Tue, Hula Honeys 5:30-8:30pm 760 S. Kihei Rd, Kihei, 808-875-4555. MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE - Every Fri, Gail Swanson 6:30-8:30pm; Sat, Head High Maui 8-11pm; Every Sun, The Celtic Tigers 6-9:30pm; Every Mon, Jordan & Wolf 7-9pm; Every Tue, Murray Thorne 6:30-8:30pm; Every Wed, Willie K 7-9pm. 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea, 808-874-1131. PITA PARADISE WAILEA - Sun, Benoit Jazzworks 5:30-7:30 p.m. 34 Wailea Gateway Plaza, Wailea, 808-879-7177. SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE - Every Thu, Erin Smith; Every Fri, Randall Rospond; Every Sat, Tom Conway; Every Sun, Viva La Rumba; Every Mon, Kanoa; Every Tue, Sebrina Barron; Every Wed, Wolf. (All Sets 4-6pm) Kihei Kalama Village, 1913 S. Kihei

DECEMBER 2, 2010 25

RY A R O P CONTENM HITS Y R T COU

IGNAL S G N O R T S /7 24 NO BULL!

Ledward Kaapana GRAMMY WINNING CONCERT SERIES

DECEMBER 8 -

TUESDAY DECEMBER 14 - Daniel Ho $39.99 plus tax Dinner/Show Package Available

EVERY WEDNESDAY 7:30 PM NAPILI KAI BEACH RESORT

TICKETS ONLINE WWW.SLACKKEY.COM or call (808) 669-3858

26 DECEMBER 2, 2010

A DIVISION OF

&217$&7 86 72 $'9(57,6( ‡

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

12/02

12/03

12/04

12/05

12/06 - 12/08

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

PINEAPPLE GRILLE

200 Kapalua Drv. Lahaina - 669-9600

Jawaiian Music w/ DJ Bruddah Damien

RB BLACK ANGUS STEAKHOUSE

Smooth Jazz Sounds w/ Brian Cuomo & Friends, 7pm -10m Evan Almighty

4465 Honoapiilani Hwy, Lahaina - 669-8889

TUE - TBA / WED - Evan Almighty

SANSEI - KAPALUA

Free Karaoke 10pm - 1am; No Cover

Free Karaoke 10pm - 1am; No Cover

Open Mic Night 10pm - 1am; No Cover

SANSEI - KIHEI

Free Karaoke 10pm - 1am; No Cover

Free Karaoke 10pm - 1am; No Cover

Free Karaoke 10pm - 1am; No Cover

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE

DJ Slackin 10pm - Close; No Cover

DJ Sonny 10pm - Close; No Cover

DJ LX 10pm - Close; No Cover

Eddie & The Promises 9pm - 12am; No Cover

Vince Esquire 9pm - 12am; No Cover

Ahumanu

Brown Chicken Brown Cow String Band’s Ice Cream Tour

Jerry Caires Jr. Band 9pm-1am; $3

Karaoke w/ Pearl Rose 9pm-12am; No Cover

Arise 10pm; No Cover

Ladies Night with C.I.A. 10pm; No Cover

Chicks Who Rock feat. Jessica, MJ and Stef Lomeli

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

MON through WED- Karaoke

Ooh La la Burlseque X-mas 9pm - 2am; $10

Undone Party w/ Q Ross 9pm - 2am; $10

Spun Out w/ DJ Calcul8 9pm - 2am; $10

Closed

MON - WED - Closed

Soul Lounge 8-10pm

Island Essence w/ DJ Zinn 8-10pm

‘Ohana Groove 10pm

Ladies Night w/ Next Level Entertainment

Free Karaoke

TUE - Thirsty Tuesday & Free Karaoke / WED - Free Karaoke

115 Bay Dr., Lahaina - 669-6286

1881 S. Kihei Rd., Ste. KT116 -879-0004

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-6444

SPORTS PAGE GRILL & BAR 2411 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-0602

STELLA BLUE’S

1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-3779

Ah Tim

STOPWATCH SPORTS BAR 1127 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-1380

THREE’S BAR & GRILL 1945 S Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-3133

TIFFANY’S

1424 L. Main St., Wailuku - 249-0052

TIMBA

505 Front St, Ste. 212, Lahaina - 661-9873

TROPICA

2365 Ka’anapali Pkwy., Ka’anapali - 662-2762

WATERCRESS

Waiehu Beach Center, Wailuku-243-9350

WOW-WEE MAUI’S

333 Dairy Rd. #101, Kahului - 871-1414

Rd., Kihei, 808-874-6444. STELLA BLUES CAFE - Every Thu, Ah Tim 4-6pm; Every Fri, Ahumanu 4-6pm; Every Sat, Erin Smith 4-6pm; Sat, Brown Chicken Brown Cow String Band; Every Sun, Slam feat. David Choy 6-9pm; Every Mon, Tom Cherry and Mike Finkiewicz 4-6pm ; Every Tue, Tom Conway 4-6pm; Every Wed, Randall Rospond 4-6pm, Slam feat. David Choy 6pm-11pm; 1279 South Kihei Rd., # 201, Kihei, 808-874-3779. TAQUERIA CRUZ - Every Tue & Sat, Live Music Reggae, Jazz, Blues 5:30-8:30pm 2395 S. Kihei Rd. #112, Kihei, 808-875-2910. THREE’S BAR & GRILL - Thu, Live Jazz; Fri, Jeff; Sat, Steff Lomeli; Mon, Cyrus Clark; Tue, Sammy Rouisse. (All sets 7pm) 1945-G S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 808-879-3133. THE RED BAR AT GANNON’S, A PACIFIC VIEW RESTAURANT - Thu, Fulton Tashombe & Special Guests 6-8pm; Tue, Braddah Larry Golis 6-8pm Wailea Golf Club House, 100 Wailea Golf Club Dr., Wailea, 808-875-8080. TRADEWINDS POOLSIDE CAFE - Every Thu, Island Favorites w/ Kawika Lum Ho; Every Fri, Girls Nite Out with Gina Martinelli; Every Sat, Classic Rock with Dominic; Every Sun, Crunch Pups “Uncrunhed”; Every Mon, Jam Session with Bobby Ingram & Friends; Every Tue, Mike and Mark; Every Wed, Steve Sargenti. All no cover. 2259 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 808-891-8860.

CENTRAL MAUI CAFE O’LEI AT THE DUNES AT MAUI LANI - Thu, Reiko Fukina 5:30-8pm; Every Fri & Sat, Phil and Angela Benoit 5:30-8pm.1333 Maui Lani Pkwy., Kahului, 808-877-0073. CARY & EDDIE’S HIDEAWAY RESTAURANT Every night, Francois on piano; Every Fri & Sat, “Early Late Night” live music until 11pm; Every Sun, Fausto on acoustic guitar during brunch. 500 N. Puunene Ave., Kahului, 808-873-6555.

UPCOUNTRY MAUI

Kanoa of Gomega 10pm - Close; No Cover

MON - Kanoa / TUE - DJ LX / WED- The ADD Twins (All sets 10pm - Close; No Cover)

Slam feat. David Choy

MON-Tom Cherry & Mike Finkiewicz / TUE - Tom Conway; WED - Randall Rospond / Slam w/ David Choy WED - Karaoke w/ Pearl Rose 8-11pm; No Cover

Karaoke No Cover; 8pm

MON, TUE & WED - Dat Guyz; No Cover

spond 6:30-9:30pm. 89 Hana Hwy., Paia, 808579-8989. GREEN BANANA CAFE - Every Tue, Thu & Sat, Polynesian Dance Coffee Luau 6pm.137 Hana Hwy., Paia, 808-579-9130. LOCAL MOCHA CAFE - Every Fri & Sat, Live music 6-9pm. 81 Makawao Ave., Pukalani, 808-573-2859.

Champagne Brunch 9 a.m.-1 p.m. Marriot Maui Ocean Club - 100 Nohea Kai Dr., 808-667-1200. LONGBOARDS KA’ANAPALI - Daily, Solo guitarists and sunset hula dancers 5:30-8:30 p.m.; Every Sun, Miles Ahead Duo 8-11 a.m.; Every Wed, Desmond Yap 5:30-9:30 p.m.

LOBBY LOUNGE - Daily, Torch Lighting Ceremony 5:306:30 p.m.; Tue, Jazz Music 8-10:30 p.m.; Every Mon, Wed, Thu & Sat, Fri, Jazz Music 8-11:30 p.m.; Sun, Hawaiian Music 8:30-10:30 p.m.; Daily, Hula Dancers 5:30-6:30 p.m. Grand Wailea Resort & Spa- 3850 Wailea Alanui Dr., 808-875-1234.

MOANA BAKERY & CAFE - Every Thu, Phil & Angela Benoit 6:30-8:30pm; Every Tue, Open-Mic 6pm. 71 Baldwin Ave., Paia, 808-579-9999.

Ritz-Carlton Kapalua - One Ritz-Carlton Dr., 808-669-6200.

BOTERO BAR & LOUNGE - Every Wed, Live Hawaiian Music 5:30-9:30 p.m.

ALALOA LOUNGE - Every Fri & Sat, Live entertainment 8-12 p.m.

GRAND DINING ROOM - Every Sun, Live Hawaiian Music and Hula Performances 10:30 a.m.-1 p.m.

THE HAIKU FOOD EMPORIUM FEATURING OISHI SUSHI Every Fri, Makana from Upcountry 7-9pm; Every Tue, Ryan - Keyboards from Brooklyn 7-9pm. 824 Kokomo Rd., Ha’iku, 808-575-2770.

Royal Lahaina Resort - 2780 Kekaa Dr., 808-661-3611.

Makena Beach & Golf Resort - 5400 Makena Alanui, 808-875-5888.

RESORT SHOWS WEST MAUI Hyatt Regency Maui Resort & Spa- 200 Nohea Kai Dr., 808-661-1234. UMALU - Live Music 7-9 p.m.; Daily, Torch Lighting Ceremony 5:30-6 p.m.; Daily (except Wed), Live Music 4-6 p.m.

ROYAL OCEAN TERRACE - Every Thu, Fri & Sat, Live Hawaiian Music 6-8 p.m. Sheraton Maui - 2605 Kaanapali Pkwy., 808-661-0031.

LOOKING FOR SOMETHING? CALENDAR LISTINGS

ON MAUITIME.COM

Kaanapali Beach Club - 104 Kaanapali Shores, 808-661-2000. OHANA BAR & GRILL - Every Wed & Thu, Live Music 5:30-9:30 p.m.; Every Sun, Thu & Sat, Torch Lighting Ceremony 5:30-9:30 p.m. Kaanapali Beach Hotel - 2525 Kaanapali Pkwy., 808-661-0011. KANAEHELE ROOM - Daily (except Sun & Mon), “Kupanaha: Maui Magic for All Ages” 4:30-7:30 p.m.

CAFE DES AMIS - Every Thu, Joe Conte plays The Chapman Stick; Every Sat, Live Argentinian Music; Every Wed, The Stone Violets 6:30-8:30pm. 42 Baldwin Ave., Paia, 808-579-6323.

TIKI BAR & GRILL - Daily, Hula Show 6:30-7 p.m.; Every Tue & Wed, Leo Kane 6-9 p.m.; Every Sun & Mon, Kealaoka’ (Jason Fundang) 6-9 p.m.; Daily, Music by Lanui 6-9 p.m.

FLATBREAD CO. - Every First Thu, Randall Ro-

TIKI TERRACE RESTAURANT - Sun, Ka’anapali

LAGOON BAR - Daily, Cliff Diving 6-8 p.m.; Daily, Torch Lighting Ceremony 6-8 p.m.; Daily, Live Music 6-9 p.m. Sugar Cane Train - 975 Limahana Pl., 808-661-0088. SUGAR CANE TRAIN - Thu, Sugar Cane Train Dinner 5 p.m.; Daily, Ride the Sugar Cane Train 10 a.m.-4 p.m. Warren & Annabelle’s - 900 Front St., 808-667-6244.

WARREN & ANNABELLE’S - Daily (except Sun.), Warren & Annabelle’s Magic Show 5 p.m. Westin Maui Resort & Spa - 2365 Kaanapali Pkwy., 808-667-2525. ONO BAR & GRILL - Sun, Raz Shaggai 6-9 p.m.; Fri, Brian Haia 6-9 p.m.; Sat, Keali’i Lum 6-9 p.m.; Wed, Scott Baird Duo with James DeBose 6-9 p.m.

SOUTH MAUI Fairmont Kea Lani - 4100 Wailea Alanui, 808-840-8402. FAIRMONT KEA LANI - Daily, Live Music 5:30-9:30 p.m. POLO BEACH GRILLE & BAR - Daily, Live Music 4-5:30 p.m. Four Seasons Resort - 3900 Wailea Alanui, 808874-8000.

MAKENA BEACH & GOLF RESORT - Every Sun, Live Music 9 a.m.-1 p.m. The Shops at Wailea - 3750 Wailea Alanui, 808-891-6770. THE SHOPS AT WAILEA - Wed, Jamie Lawerence and friends 6:30-8:30 p.m. Wailea Beach Marriot Resort & Spa - 3700 Wailea Alanui, 808-879-1922. KUMU BAR & GRILL - Daily, Hula Dancing 6:30-9 p.m. MELE MELE LOUNGE - Daily, Live Music 9-11 p.m.

EAST MAUI Hotel Hana-Maui - 5031 Hana Hwy., 808-248-8211. HOTEL HANA-MAUI - Every Fri, Hula dancing 7-8 p.m. PANIOLO LOUNGE - Every Sun, Wed, Thu & Sat, Live music 6:30-9:30 p.m.; Every Fri, Live music 6-9 p.m.

LIST YOUR EVENT! Post your free online listing (up to 15 months early), and our editors will consider your submission for the printed calendar as well. Print listings are also free, but subject to space limitations. Online, you can include a full description of your event, a photo and a link to your Web site. Go to mauitime.com/listing and start posting events. Deadline for print listings is 10 days prior to the issue in which you wish the listing to appear.

Start planning your week!

DECEMBER 2, 2010 27

F R EE QUICKBOOKS

TRAINING CALL FOR DATES

For questions or to RSVP call 270-1089 or email qbtraining@levinhu.com

77 Ho’okele St. Ste. 302, Kahului (Directly behind Home Depot)

LOVE YOUR PET... WE DO.

Premium Nutrition Quality Brands Personalized Service G S DO SS E ILY CLA ! (808) 667-2662 M FA ING RED wmpetsupply@gmail.com IN FFE A 910 Honoapiilani Hwy, Lahaina 96761 O TR 28 DECEMBER 2, 2010

KULA KID

BY ANU YAGI anu@mauitime.com + @anuheayagi on Twitter

Wasted Wonderland SUNDAY (NOVEMBER 28), 5:05PM I’ve spent the entire day plodding through the archives of peopleofwalmart.com to ensure I’m not one of the homelesslooking troglodytes being made fun of by the Internet masses. One can never be too cautious. After nine hours of this, I’m approximately 2 percent finished with my mission. For a Sunday, this is a great success. But now, I have little more than half an hour to rush to Nana’s apartment, take a shower and scrounge up an outfit. I opt for a thrift store Volcom skirt patterned with faint silhouettes of winged does. To offset my otherwise all black and white ensemble (how passe!), I don a colorful, tasseled knit cap knowing full well this pairing is absurd even to the colorblind. But it’s an awesome hat—my mom made it for me, inspired by the calico color scheme of hospital place mats— and I’m feeling sentimental. Also, on a recent episode of Project Runway, Heidi Klum said “matchy matchy is not what’s happening right now.” Just to safe, I make a mental note to avoid Walmart. 6:01PM - The big premier of Get a Job is already underway. I am engaged in a highintensity power walk through the Castle Theater’s entrance, my good buddy Marc graciously keeping pace. The cans of salmon and mandarin oranges I commandeered for the Maui Food Bank drive are clanging in my purse like a cheap gong as I search the crowd for my friend Ikaika. He’s saving Marc and me seats. Bad ass seats, in the center of the ninth row. The only thing that is not entirely awesome about this is that I am, again, late—so we must squeeze past a dozen people who are trying to listen to director Brian Kohne’s opening speech. First in the row is Marty Dread. Marty and Marc are always being mistaken for one another, and as we edge by, Marty whispers to Marc, “Hey? Are you Marty Dread?” This eases my nerves slightly. Still, I am acutely aware that my unmistakable hat is now being burned angrily into the minds of every premiergoer. I pray no one trips me on the way out. 8PMISH - Get a Job is received to raucous applause, and the concert afterparty on the MACC’s events lawn is steadily filling with hundreds of mingling Mauians. The line for booze is long, so I decide to double fist it. 9PMISH - I’ve only danced in public a handful of times, but these Ocean vodka tonics have got me footloose. Has it been three? Four? Whatever, I’ll count the stir sticks I’ve hoarded in my purse later. 10:15PMISH - Marc and I make it to

Wow Wee Maui’s Kava Bar & Grill for the semi-private after-after party. I move in a way that might resemble a very sad imitation of dancing, but am inebriated enough to be remain unaware of the many people I’m impaling in the process. 11PMISH - After a couple straight Scotches and the contemplation of ‘awa, I head outside for a cigarette and have a vague notion of conversations—possibly with other human beings and not merely the outdoor furniture. MONDAY (NOVEMBER 29), 8:43AM - I peel open my eyes. I’m in my underwear. Covered in couch pillows. In a room that is not mine. 8:44AM - I vow never, ever, ever to drink ever again. There is a note stuck the door: “Anu, I went to the grocery store. Go back to sleep. You are not getting your keys back until I think you’re sober. Love, Kathy Bates.” Marc had the presence of mind to leave my cell phone on the nightstand, so I grimly, painfully dial my editor to inform him, “I am not so much hungover as still wasted from the night before” and will be in late. 9:02AM - Marc returns and delicately explains how he had to “hose me down like an animal.” He can’t be too upset because he gives me his last cup of Jell-O. 1:32PM - Waking me from incoherence, my editor sends me a text message asking if I’m still alive. After literally minutes of concerted effort, I manage to reply “barely alice” and something about needing to find pants. 2:24PM - Collecting the strewn trinkets from my purse—down the hallway, the outside staircase, along the driveway—I marvel at how someone else shares the unusual penchant for hoarding drink stirs, because these can’t possibly be all mine. I catch a glimpse of my reflection, wearing a shirt borrowed from Marc (who is, remember, oft mistaken for Marty Dread). If I didn’t look homeless yesterday, I certainly do today. As I limp home, I realize I forgot to ask Marc if during the course of the night we might have made a stop at Walmart. ■ To read more Kula Kid with links and photos and silly asides, visit mauifeed. com/kulakid To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1424k

BY CAERIEL CRESTIN

HOROSCOPE

sign.language.astrology@gmail.com +

Sign Language SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC.21) Certain male lizards claim piles of rock as their territories—the most dominant lizards have the biggest best mounds of precious, heat-soaking stone. They also have the most females—but these aren’t drawn to their dominant behavior, striking physiques, or winning personalities so much as their primo real estate. Give another lizard a bigger pile of rocks and soon he’s rolling in lady lizards. Obviously, most humans aren’t quite so simple, but try to remember the lizards the next time(s) you get rejected. It often has nothing to do with your smile, your jokes, or your body. Sometimes the other guy (or gal) just has a bigger pile of rocks.

put an end to their mooching and freeloading, right now.

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19) I dreamt I traveled to another planet. Despite a totally different landscape, the humans living there spoke English and were culturally very similar to the ones I knew on Earth. However, even using dream logic I was pretty sure it wouldn’t take long to expose the subtle but profound differences between us. Same goes for you this week. You may find yourself among people with whom you have a surprising amount in common; however, don’t be surprised when fundamental disparities appear. Just employ the same strategy I’d have used on my new planet: stay cool when dissimilarities crop up, and do your best to emphasize the common ground you nevertheless share.

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22) Normally stable people can get loopy around the holidays (you may have already experienced this at Thanksgiving). While it would certainly be kind of you to cut everyone some slack for wacky behavior, there are limits, and your tolerance should only extend so far. Gently set some firm boundaries. Of course, if it turns out you’re the holiday kook, it may not be fun to find out that’s your role, nor to have people call you out on your shenanigans. Try to take it with good grace, just as you’d hope someone else would, though, and not go even further off the deep end.

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18) As every parent knows, little children relish repetition. They’ll watch a favorite movie literally dozens (or even hundreds) of times, with tremendous satisfaction. Fortunately, as we grow older, most of us develop more of a taste for variety. Although it’s pleasant to occasionally revisit an old favorite, most people are happier with stuff that’s mostly new, fresh, and interesting. Try to remember that this week; while nostalgia will allow you to keep to the tried and true for a while, if you don’t mix it up with a refreshing surprise or two here or there, the discerning adults in your life aren’t likely to stick around much longer. PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20) Although you’re arguably the most malleable and in some ways easygoing sign in the zodiac, you do have a sizable stubborn streak. Sometimes, when people pressure you to pursue a certain direction, you’ll resentfully resist, just to prove (perhaps unconsciously) that you can. This is especially disastrous, of course, when it actually is just the right direction for you. Try not to let your slightly childish obstinacy keep you from taking excellent advice this week, even and especially if you don’t like the source or how it’s presented. If it’s a good idea, it’s a good idea—so please be conscious and humble enough to notice that and ignore the rest. ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19) Holiday shopping is occasionally fun, but often a total drag, especially when motivated by guilt, or when you must find a gift for someone who’s difficult to shop for. Make this easier on yourself this week—and no, I don’t mean buying a lame gift card or showering them with cash. Start by straight-up asking them, and not taking modest demurrals for an answer. If that doesn’t work, you’ll need to bribe, guilt, extort, or trick it out of them. Stop flying blind. The answers are out there—do what you’ve got to do to get them. TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20) The bloodsuckers in your life have gotten out of hand. These aren’t the glamorously hot and sparkly kind, either—just plain old parasites that are only likely to drag you down, not grant you immortality and superpowers. Unfortunately you can’t feasibly get rid of them with a garlic necklace, a splash of holy water, or a sharpened stake. You’ll have to use subtler (and sadly somewhat less effective) means to keep them from draining you of vitality. Don’t let them have another drop. Put on your best vampire-slaying outfit and

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20) It shouldn’t work this way, but sometimes the only way to get the treatment you deserve is to insist on it—and by that I don’t mean being worshipped as a diva, but simply being given the normal respect and consideration due every human being. I wish you didn’t have to go out of your way, but it is what it is, and enduring unfair treatment out of principle (“I shouldn’t have to say anything!”) just won’t get you very far. Yeah, it sucks, but the alternative sucks worse. Stick up for yourself, already. No one else is likely to.

QUIZunderstood ANSWERS: Answers to questions on page 8

1. B. (roughly 2 million humans and 2,000 whales) 2. Falling after choking on a pretzel 3. A black widow spider (with babies)

LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22) Wild creatures use many different tactics to keep themselves from harm, including venom to deter predators, camouflage to hide from them, or deception (posing as something more threatening). These are not leonine tactics, though. It’s especially hard for you to hide, or pretend to be anything other than you are. You can go ahead and try these kinds of strategies, if you insist, but they’re not likely to work well. Bold, direct confrontation (and a little tactical, well-timed roaring here and there) has mostly worked for you in the past; it should be similarly effective here. VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22) It’s more satisfying to clean a filthy room than to scrub an almost perfectly spotless one. Being able to easily see a tangible difference from your efforts is its own reward; sweeping an entire room to produce a thin line of dust that disappears as you try to get it into the dustbin is hardly worthwhile. Try to remember that as you contemplate the (possibly human) mess before you. Yes, fixing it up will be a lot of work, but the alternative is busy-work tidying something that’s not going to look much different once you’re done. Wouldn’t you, if you’re honest with yourself, prefer a project you can make a tangible impact on? LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22) Generally, I try to speak the truth or say nothing at all, especially if I’m doing something that’s unpleasant, like rejecting someone. “I don’t want to hurt their feelings,” is usually a rationalization used to protect the person doing the rejecting, ironically, not the rejected. They’re going to be hurt no matter what, and if you don’t tell them why, they’ll invent the “reasons” why in their head (and these will generally be worse than the truth). It’s kinder, if more difficult, to be brutally frank in those moments, so they can learn from what’s happened. Keep that in mind this week, and be kind. SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21) There’s only so much you can do to protect someone else from themselves. At some point, once you’ve made a reasonable effort to steer them in the right direction, stick up for them, and so on, you must simply let them make their own mistakes and learn from the shit that happens. Although you wish the world would be kinder and more patient with them, reality is what it is, and either they learn to navigate it on their own, or they don’t. In fact, continued interference from you might, in some ways, be counter-productive. This week may very well be the best time to let the little bird you’ve taken under your wing fly solo from the nest, at least for a while.

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