15.11 Taste Of Maui 2011, September 1, 2011, Volume 15, Issue 11, MauiTime

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SEPTEMBER 1, 2011

Contents VOLUME 15

THIS WEEK’S QUESTION: What is your favorite band of all time? Editor: Anthony Pignataro (808) 283-1308 / anthony@mauitime.com @apignataro on Twitter The Angoras Associate Editor: Anu Yagi (808) 264-8039 / calendar@mauitime.com @anuheayagi on Twitter Ween

Photo by Sean Michael Hower howerphoto.com Food Prep by Scrappers at the Dept. of Awesome in Happy Valley scrapperstown.com Watch a video and see behind the scenes photos of how this cover was made at mauifeed.com

Contributors: Jason Castle, Caeriel Crestin, Mick E. Finn, Jory John, Ben Lowenthal, Avery Monsen, Ron Pitts, Chuck Shepherd, Sara Tekula, Ynez Tongson, Barry Wurst II

Art Director: Scrappers scrapperstown.com The Halo Benders Graphic Designers: Amy Mendolia, Christina Tarleton Advertising Executive: Brad Chambers (808) 283-3260 / brad@mauitime.com The Mary Tyler Whores General Manager: Jennifer Russo (808) 280-3286 / jen@mauitime.com @jenrusso on Twitter The Monkees

ISSUE 11

COVER:

Proofreader: Dina Wilson The Beatles

Photographer: Sean Michael Hower mauiweddingmedias.com / howerphotography.com

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4 10 24 25 26 30 31 36 37 38 39

NEWS & VIEWS FEATURE STORY FILM CRITIQUE FILM TIMES THIS WEEK’S PICKS DA KINE CALENDAR THE GRID KULA KID HOROSCOPE CLASSIFIED MIND, BODY & SPIRIT

Administrative Executive: Keo Eaton (808) 244-0777 Kings of Leon Administrative Assistant: Jennifer Brown Web Design: Linear Publishing Publisher: Tommy Russo (808) 283-0512 / tommy@mauitime.com @tommyrusso on Twitter NOFX

MauiTime is published every Thursday by MauiTime Productions, Inc. Its contents are Copyright © 2011 by MauiTime Productions, Inc. All rights reserved. Subscriptions are available at $70 per year. Reproduction or use without permission is strictly prohibited. MauiTime may be distributed only by MauiTime’s authorized independent contractor. MauiTime is valued at $.50 per copy and permits one complimentary copy per person. No person may, without written permission of MauiTime, take more than one copy of each weekly issue. All opinions expressed throughout MauiTime are those of the authors and not necessarily the same opinions as MauiTime Productions, Inc. and MauiTime. MauiTime 33 N. Market St., Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 office (808) 244-0777 • fax (808) 244-0446 www.mauitime.com @mauitime on Twitter Deadlines: Display Advertising: Friday Noon Classified: Monday 4pm Calendar: Monday Noon Circulation: 18,000 copies of MauiTime

READER FEEDBACK BY READERS LIKE YOU NEWT WHO? I was at the airport on Aug 19th waiting for my flight home when the inbound aircraft arrived and to my left stood a woman holding a sign with the name Newt Gingrich (“Newt Returns to Maui!” Aug. 25, 2011). Are you kidding me? I guess when your staff resigns on you, you have to rely on your hired limo driver to point you in the right direction.

-Mike Sellers, via Mauitime.com

WORD FROM LAULIMA FARM I appreciate so much that you care about our farm and were appalled that we were closing the cafe part of the farm stand (Coconut Wireless, Aug. 25, 2011). However, Josh [Stearns, the owner] said we didn’t have the certification so it is not too surprising that it would happen sooner or later. The issue here though is that our water out here is so good, so clean, why can the county not certify it as such? We use an amazing filtration system and would not want to ever use anything but clean drinking water. We aren’t upset and are open to the change that this shift brings. Thank you for your care.

-Beth Rings, Laulima Farm, via email

HOW TO FIGHT THE DIRTY DOZEN Thanks to the readers who have expressed concerns about the “Maui’s Dirty Dozen of Land Development” article (Aug. 18, 2011). For those wanting to know how to weigh in on most of these projects there are three important words: Maui Island Plan. Only Wailea 670 has completed its County Council entitlement review. It still has Environmental review before the Planning Commission. The other 11 all need to get included in the Maui Island Plan urban growth boundary. There is still time to weigh in. Your council member hears from developers regularly. They need to hear from you. If you live in south Maui attend the next Kihei Community Association meeting Sept. 20 to discuss updates on the Maui island Plan. Upcountry Sustainability will have the same discussion on Sept. 12.

Most of these projects have not “been on the books for years.” As a matter of fact, 7 of the 12 are new proposals on land that is now classified as AG. As for the water, private wells are being proposed at various locations. Will they prove viable? Time will tell. If you don’t have time to attend meetings, support Maui Tomorrow, whose volunteers cover a lot of these hearings, and sign up for alerts. Maui Tomorrow also hires “In the Can Productions” to film all the Maui Planning Commission meetings and put them on Akaku Community Television, after the county stopped funding this service around four years ago. Go to Maui-tomorrow.org for more info. Speak up. Show up!

-Lucienne de Naie, via email

HE THOUGHT MICK E. FINN WAS FUNNY! This (“Rebranded: A humorous look at how to market Maui,” Aug. 11, 2011) is very funny and even more clever. I couldn’t agree more. If advertisers and publishers want to be successful in this day and age, they will want to learn this lesson quick or get left by the wayside. In the age of Social Media, Online Advertising and Mobile Advertising; users have many sources competing for their attention. They don’t have time or desire to read 1,000 word copy droning on and on about how the publisher or advertiser is important or wonderful–they will never get to their call to action. Short emotion filled copy that enters the conversation already going on in their head and appeals to “their” desires will win. The old saying “a picture is worth a 1,000 words” definitely applies here. Grab your prospects’ attention and speak to “them,” not tell them about you, and you will succeed!

-Rick Swarts, San Francisco, via Mauitime.com

CORRECTION We forgot to credit TOURMALINE TODD for taking the Laulima Farm photo in the Aug. 25 edition of Coconut Wireless.

SEND YOUR FEEDBACK

to the editor editor@mauitime.com, MauiTime 33 N. Market St., Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793, twitter.com/mauitime, or facebook.com/mauitime. We reserve the right to edit feedback. Views expressed do not necessarily reflect those of MauiTime.

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NEWS&VIEWS

LIVING LESSONS A Daydream from the Plant a Wish Tour

BY SARA TEKULA Sara and Joe Tekula leaving Maui on a Johnny Apple Seed adventure

PHOTO BY SEAN MICHAEL HOWER

I

t’s 10:12pm on Thursday, Aug. 25, and I’m pooped. After packing and running errands for several days in preparation for nearly two months on the road, I’ve just succeeded in scooting off to the Kahului Aiport, arriving curbside mere minutes before final boarding call to Oahu. Upon arrival in Honolulu (one of our two connections on the way to Oakland, CA), we found ourselves “bumped” from our connecting flight, and my husband/filmmaking partner Joe and I are instead seated on a sold-out flight to San Francisco–taking a different path than our bags of gear, clothing and supplies, which are bound for Oakland. We’re heading out on our third and final “Plant a Wish” tour–a project we launched last year that involves planting indigenous “wish” trees in all of the 50 states, and making a documentary about the whole adventure. We’ve only got nine states left to reach our goal–including a big finale in Hawaii on Nov. 5. This departure from Maui is our last before reaching the finish line. It feels bittersweet and exciting. And then it starts to sink in. Now soaring high above the Pacific Ocean, we can finally leave some of the chaos behind and relax in our seats, reflecting on what we’re about to do. Over the next six weeks, our travels will take us by car to the only areas of the country we have left: the Dakotas, Montana, Wyoming, Idaho, Oregon, Washington and Alaska. We’ll point our lens at Mt. Rushmore, musing about how carved faces of the found-

ing fathers were more important than the habitat that once lived on that mountaintop. Filming the whole way, we’ll drive our vehicle through a giant redwood tree, explore the effects of the logging industry from a private airplane, and learn how trees and salmon co-exist beautifully in Alaska. We’ll witness the release of a river in Washington State that has been unhealthily dammed for the past 100 years. Most importantly, we’ll gather together with a diverse array of individuals in each of the nine remaining states of our tour and unite in getting our hands dirty–planting trees (with hand-written wishes planted beneath) in their neighborhoods. Since Earth Day, 2010, Joe and I have

been living and breathing Plant a Wish: hosting fundraisers, hustling for “crowdsourced” donations online, filming an insane amount of footage (so far, to the tune of about 150 hours from 41 states), and coordinating events with our partners in all 50 states. Yes, we’re pretty much doing all of it ourselves. Joe and I have learned from living in the Hawaiian Islands just how delicate Earth’s balance is. In an island ecosystem, the effects of an invasive species (take deer, or even humans, for example) easily become widespread and can quickly dominate the landscape. We learned about the vulnerability of island ecosystems, and how integral they are to the overall health of our home islands. We’ve just been “nerding

Feds Bust

out” on native biodiversity and the laws of nature ever since. We’ve been extremely lucky to take our passions (land stewardship, trees, filmmaking and travel on the open road) and combine them into a project that people believe in and want to support. We couldn’t do it without them: we’re not independently wealthy; there are no trust funds in our accounts. And the job we’ve taken on is often a very challenging one. But we’ve become rich in the resources and lessons needed to fulfill our destiny as filmmakers, and face every hurdle as an opportunity to learn and become better problem solvers. Just like a jungle with the right amount of rain water and native flora and fauna–over time, it has learned to flourish. You see, the more you look, the more you’ll find that there is no separation between us and nature, and that when nature is in balance, everyone’s happy. When we return home to plant at our statewide tree-planting finale on Nov. 5, Joe and I will be the first people in history to have planted native trees in all 50 states. That is where the film editing begins… and don’t get me started on that. But first, we have a new hurdle to overcome: finding our way to Oakland Airport to collect our bags. ■ The story continues….For more information about Plant a Wish and our travels abroad through October, visit www.plantawish.org or follow us on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/plantawish) and Twitter (http:// www.twitter.com/plantawish) To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1511n1

Schwab & friend

Boo Boo Zoo BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO

O

n Monday, Aug. 29, state and federal wildlife officials descended on the East Maui Animal Refuge — the famous “Boo Boo Zoo” — and seized 17 birds as part of a new law enforcement action against the shelter. Ken Foote, a U.S. Fish & Wildlife spokesman, said agents were enforcing the Migratory Bird Treaty Act when they seized the birds, which included owls, finches, egrets and cardinals. Foote said he did not know what prompted the investigation, and would not comment on the matter, except to say that it stemmed from the refuge’s “noncompliance with their federal permit. When they entered into the agreement, one of our chief concerns is the health and welfare of the animals.” Refuge owner Sylvan Schwab was outraged at the investigation. “For 30 years, we have been doing wildlife rehabilita-

tion,” he said. “We are a no-kill sanctuary. Our whole world has been turned upside down.” Schwab said federal inspectors first showed up last Tuesday, Aug. 23. He said they told him that they would inform him of their findings within 48 hours, but Schwab said he heard nothing until yesterday, when law enforcement agents appeared and began seizing birds (Schwab said the owls will go to the Three Ring Ranch on Hawaii Island). “I was also told that if anyone other than trained volunteers came into the refuge, then we’d need an exhibition permit from the Department of Agriculture,” Schwab said. “There can’t be any visitors here until we get that permit.” Schwab added that, right now, his biggest concern are the 13 deer also living in the refuge. “They are habituated to the refuge, and are somewhat domesticated,” he said. “The last [gubernatorial] administration said to keep them here, but now they want them released into the wild. I don’t know what’s

going to happen.” Deborah Ward, a spokesperson for the state Department of Land & Natural Resources, said her department received a request for a wildlife rehabilitation permit from Schwab. “We conducted a site visit last week,” she said, adding that their evaluation and recommendations would be released “in the near future.” ■ anthony@mauitime.com + @apignataro To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1511n2

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NEWS&VIEWS

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did county officials close it in the first place? A. Kids found a rusty, unexploded artillery shell in the sand that dated to World War II. B. Shoreline erosion partially collapsed a coconut tree, ironwood tree and the park’s public restrooms. C. Massive graffiti cleanup in the park’s public restrooms.

2. On Aug. 26, the state Land Use Commission held its last public hearing on the proposed Kula Ridge development, a $35 million project consisting of 116 homes and duplexes. One of the biggest criticisms of the project is that it could impact Hawaiian burials in the area. According to the Aug. 28 Maui News, how did project developer Clayton Nishikawa answer that criticism? A. There were burials all over Maui, and he wouldn’t be doing anything previous developers have done. B. He would move home sites if and when burials turned up during construction. C. There are no burials in the area—just terraces constructed by a Chinese farmer. 3. Which of the following quotes did U.S. Senator Daniel Inouye NOT say during

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his speech at the Aug. 27 “A Pathway To Our Future� benefit dinner at the Grand Wailea, according to The Maui News? A. “We have reached the stage where it’s becoming exceedingly difficult for terrorists and activists to either hurt or endanger the people of the United States.� B. “I’ve been involved on a per-capita basis in more earmarks than any other state.� C. “The United States of America decided that in order to bring about stability in this world we should somehow stabilize or get rid of these terrorist groups, and Afghanistan was the headquarters.� D. “One should take Governor [Linda] Lingle very seriously.� E. “One cannot rise to the level of president pro tempore of the United States Senate without having sinned.� F. “I think in the beginning people may resent his [Governor Neil Abercrombie’s] strong leadership, but once they settle down and pause and realize what he has done, he’ll have a good second term.�

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“Who hasn’t wanted to play principal’s office and schoolgirl?� Woman at Azeka Plaza Makai, Aug. 27

NEWS&VIEWS

Coconut Wireless

Talk of the Island

BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO the bird’s small size and characteristics represented an en- New "Hawaiian" resort tirely new species, according to an Aug. 26 Smithsonian National Zoological Park press release. Subsequent genetic testing confirmed his new species theory. “It’s very unusual to discover a new species of bird these days and especially gratifying when DNA can confirm our original hypothesis that the animal is unique,” said Rob Fleischer, head of the Smithsonian Conservation Biology InstiNEW DISNEY RESORT! tute’s Center for Conservation and Evolution- On Monday, Aug. 29, the omniscent, omniary Genetics, in the present galactic empire otherwise known as press release. “This the Walt Disney Co. opened a new resort on bird is unique, both Oahu’s west side. Called Aulani (“messenger genetically and in of a chief”), the resort holds 840 units, cost appearance, and a reported $800 million and is, apparently, represents a novel, more Hawaiian than Disney, according to an albeit very rare, speAug. 27 Associated Press story. cies.” This means, according to the AP, that So rare, in designers did more than simply put surffact, that it may ing Mickey Mouse lamps in every room already be ex- (though they certainly did that). No, they tinct. Apparently, also “incorporated historical and contempobiologists know rary island scenes, artwork, values, designs, virtually nothing textures, colors, language and traditions in "New" bird about this bird, nearly every aspect of the place, from taro including where it fields and native foliage in the landscaping, breeds. “If we can to the Olelo Room lounge, where everyfind where this species breeds, we may have thing is labeled in the Hawaiian language, Instead, what happened here is that ora chance to protect it and keep it from going including the chairs (noho) and the floor nithologist Peter Pyle (who may or may not extinct,” said Smithsonian predoctoral fel- (papahele).” The Olelo Room is apparently have been wearing said cargo shorts,, low Andreanna Welch, who worked quite unique, with staff speaking only HaPith helmet and carrying binocuon th the Bryan’s shearwater genetic waiian amongst themselves. lars) recently reexamined the analysis, in the press release. anal “We made a choice early on to really, bird. It was then that he realized really focus on Hawaiian culture as a defining element of Aulani,” Joe Rohde, Aulani’s head of creative development, told the AP. “Here you are in Hawaii. You will meet people who are Hawaiian. You will meet people who speak Hawaiian. I think that’s cool.” Rohde’s use of the word “cool” in his quote is telling. That visitors would find someone speaking Hawaiian novel when visiting Hawaii shows much of both the disintegration of native culture and the conversion of its remnants into tools for marketing and public relations. Of course, Disney is far from the first corporation to see Hawaiian culture as another marketable commodity (Hawaiian Punch anyone?) And since Aulani is creating 1,200 jobs in a part of Oahu especially hit by poverty, I’m guessing the state only says Mahalo to Disney. ■ anthony@mauitime.com + @apignataro -@raatz (Wailuku writer/attorney David Raatz, Aug. 26)

NEW BIRD SPECIES!

New cook in the political kitchen

NEW SENATE CANDIDATE! He’s been out of office since the first weeks of 2007, but former U.S. Congressman Ed Case has returned to fight again. During the early evening hours of Friday, Aug. 26, Democrat Case held his first official meet-and-greet for supporters and well-wishers on Maui as part of his campaign to succeed U.S. Senator Daniel Akaka, who has decided not to run for reelection next year. There, in a small parking lot on Main Street in Wailuku, Case held court (and handed out copies of his new and improved Case Family Home Cooking cookbook) with a few dozen pols and students while volunteers served up an impressive spread of local grinds (rice, noodles, spring and summer rolls, meat sticks, as well as plenty of fresh cut veggies and fruits). Representative Gil Keith-Agaran, D-9th District, stopped by, as did county mayoral aide Mike Molina and former state senator (and county Liquor Control Adjudication Board member) Joe Tanaka. Case, who represented Hawaii’s 2nd District in the U.S. House from 2002 to 2007, was an odd duck. A fiscal conservative who supported President George W. Bush’s War on Terror (as well as the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq), Case also stood among the House’s most pro-environment members. A moderate floating in a sea of partisans, Case wanted the budget balanced and climate change brought under control. His 2006 decision to challenge Akaka—who then had no intention of giving up his Senate seat—angered party loyalists and forced Case to give up what had been a safe House seat. With the partisan rancor even hotter and nastier these days, it’s not easy to say what good a moderate like Case could do in the open senate race, but it will be fascinating to watch him try.

It apparently doesn’t happen every year (or every century, for that matter), but biologists announced last week that they’ve discovered an entirely new species of bird— right here in the Northwestern Hawaiian Islands. Seriously: the last new bird discovered by science was the Po`ouli, found in our own Maui forests back in 1974. Called Bryan’s shearwater (Puffinus bryani for those with working knowledge of Latin), the “new” seabird is black and white with a black or blue-gray bill and blue legs. Now I put the word “new” in quotation marks because this is not a case where some ornithologist in cargo shorts and a Pith helmet spied the bird with binoculars while trekking across Midway on an expedition. No, biologists first cataloged the Byran’s shearwater back in 1963, only back then they thought it was another species entirely—the little shearwater (P. assimilis).

TWEET of the WEEK “Using Dodger Stadium pressbox urinal next to Vin0 Scully was arguably the pinnacle of my career in sports journalism.”

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SEPTEMBER 1, 2011

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NEWS&VIEWS

MauiSphere

LOCAL PLUGS

BY JEN RUSSO PHOTO BY SEAN MICHAEL HOWER

Everyone loves a handstand

GYMTASTIC! Valley Isle Gymnastics will host their eighth annual Cartwheel Festival on Sept. 10 in honor of National Gymnastics Day and has named the Special Olympics Maui as their beneficiary. Owner Rusty Gage says they wish to make an immediate impact on the island. “With so many young people coming from all over the island to participate, and with so much generous support from local businesses through the accompanying Silent Auction, the Annual Cartwheel Festivals have raised over $30,000 for local special athletes,” says Gage. “If we meet our annual goal of $5,000, we’ll tip the 35,000-totaldollars-raised mark.” Gymnasts and non-gymnasts are encouraged to get into the fun. Youth aged four to 18 are invited to team up with millions of other kids across the country to participate in this year’s celebration, which begins at 10am on Saturday. Participating athletes can secure pledges from all over the world for the number of cartwheels they will perform at the festival, either as flat donations or as a specific amount per cartwheel. Athletes will then have until Sept. 24 to collect their pledge money and turn it in to the Valley Isle Gymnastics office. Athletes who have not yet mastered a cartwheel will be able to participate by jumping on the Power Trak trampoline. National Gymnastics Day is recognized by gyms and athletes across the nation as a single day designated by USA Gymnastics to celebrate the sport through various events and fund-raising. USA Gymnastics is the governing body for quality gymnastics centers across the

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SEPTEMBER 1, 2011

country. On Sept. 17 they will be working with participating gyms across the nation to break the world record for most handstands done at one time. “We are thrilled to host this special day again,” says Gage. “This is a great way for Maui’s youth to not only have a lot of fun, but also meet and participate with the beneficiaries of their efforts.” Interested athletes may contact Valley Isle Gymnastics at 871-6116 or visit their website at www.valleyislegymnastics. com to learn more about the event. Pledge forms may be downloaded from the website or be picked up at the gymnastics center, located at 250 Alamaha St., Suite N8 in Kahului. Companies interested in donating to the Annual Cartwheel Festival’s Silent Auction may phone the gym at 871-6116. The gym can accept donations from 9am to 6:30pm, Monday through Friday. Donations may also be emailed to info@valleyislegymnastics.com or faxed to the gym at 877-7006.

SHANE VICTORINO FOUNDATION SCORES The Shane Victorino Foundation raised more than $325,000 last week at their second annual all-star celebrity fashion show. The event was presented by Saks Fifth Avenue and Caesars Atlantic City at the Union League of Philadelphia and attended by about 500 people, including Victorino and his wife Melissa. The Shane Victorino Foundation was founded in 2010 to promote opportunities for underserved youth in Philadelphia and Hawaii. “Thanks to our sponsors, friends and

supporters, we were thrilled to host our second annual Celebrity Fashion Show at the historic Union League,” says Victorino, a Maui boy who currently plays for the Philadelphia Phillies. “It was a very special evening and we’re overwhelmed that we raised more than $325,000 for our Foundation. Melissa and I are thankful to my teammates and to all who made Thursday night possible, especially Saks Fifth Avenue and Caesars Atlantic City.” During the program, the Victorinos received a special plaque from children of the Nicetown Boys & Girls Club, a facility that the foundation pledged close to $1 million to renovate. It will re-open on Sept. 22 as the Shane Victorino Nicetown Boys & Girls Club. Additionally, the Victorinos presented Jamie and Karen Moyer with the inaugural “Harry Kalas Strong Voice in the Community Award” for their continued dedication to serving children in the Philadelphia area. Auction items included autographed Phillies’ All-Star jerseys, a trip for two to Maui with accommodations at the Four Seasons Resort Maui, an 18kt diamond caviar necklace and hoop earrings from the LAGOS Embrace Collection by Steven Lagos, a personal meet-and-greet with Celine Dion at Caesars Las Vegas, New York Fashion Week tickets to the Marc Jacobs show and a private dinner

cluded Saks Fifth Avenue and Caesars Atlantic City. Other major supporters included Abbie Friedman Family Foundation, Tube Methods, LAGOS, D&J Electronics, OfficeMax, Moet & Chandon, Loews Hotel of Philadelphia and Winner Ford.

TAKE THIS TO THE BANK American Savings Bank (ASB) recently celebrated the grand opening of a new Kihei branch at the Piilani Village Shopping Center, in a space formerly occupied by Nevada Bob’s Golf. “The new location will provide more space for our customers to enjoy ASB’s signature service and allow them to better access our wide range of business and consumer banking products,” said Kaulana Park, Director of the bank’s Community and Business Development. “This new branch replaces the former ASB branch at the Kihei Longs [center].” Joining the festivities were ASB President & CEO Rich Wacker, the Kihei branch management team, local dignitaries, community leaders and customers. A maile lei cutting ceremony marked the official opening of the branch and Kahu Robert Nelson was on hand to provide a traditional Hawaiian blessing. “American Savings Bank is committed to making banking in Hawaii as convenient

Shane and Melissa Victorino

PHOTO BY LOOKING GLASS PHOTOGRAPHY

for 12 with Victorino at LeBec Fin with Chef George Perrier. “The Fashion Show is one of the Foundation’s most exciting and beneficial events to present and we are thankful to Shane’s teammates, Saks Fifth Avenue, Caesars Atlantic City and everyone who helped us make year two an even greater success than our inaugural event,” says Melissa Victorino. “We are excited to continue to grow this event each year.” Presenting sponsors for the event in-

as possible for our customers,” said Rich Wacker, American Savings Bank President & Chief Executive Officer. “We our proud to be a part of this community and believe this new location will be an even better environment for our customers and allow our Kihei branch team to provide the excellent service they expect.” ■

jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1511ms

NEWS&VIEWS

NEWS OF THE WEIRD BY CHUCK SHEPARD

BACK TO THE PAST

BATS’ RIGHTS

In McGehee, a town of 4,200 in southeastern Arkansas, a black girl (Kym Wimberly) who had finished first in her senior class was named only “co-”valedictorian after officials at McGehee High changed the rules to avoid what one called a potential “big mess.” As a result, in an ironic twist on “affirmative action,” the highest-scoring white student was elevated to share top honors. Said Kym’s mother, “We [all] know if the tables were turned, there wouldn’t be a co-valedictorian.” In July, the girl filed a lawsuit against the school and the protocolchanging principal.

In January, Alison Murray purchased her firstever home, in Aberdeen, Scotland, but was informed in August that she has to relocate, temporarily, because the house has become infested with bats, which cannot be disturbed, under Scottish and European law, once they settle in. Conservation officials advised her that she could probably move back in November, when the bats leave to hibernate.

YOUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK The Omaha Public School system spent $130,000 of its stimulus grant recently just to buy 8,000 copies of the book The Cultural Proficiency Journey: Moving Beyond Ethical Barriers Toward Profound School Change—that is, one copy for every single employee, from principals to building custodians. Alarmingly, wrote an Omaha World-Herald columnist, the book is “riddled with gobbledygook,” “endless graphs,” and such tedium as the “cultural proficiency continuum” and discussion of the “disequilibrium” arising “due to the struggle to disengage with past actions associated with unhealthy perspectives.”

GOVERNMENT INACTION Of the 1,500 judges who referee disputes as to whether someone qualifies for Social Security disability benefits, David Daugherty of West Virginia is the current soft-touch champion, finding for the claimant about 99 percent of the time (compared to judges’ overall rate of 60 percent). As The Wall Street Journal reported in May, Daugherty decided many of the cases without hearings or with the briefest of questioning, including batches of cases brought by the same lawyer. He criticized his less lenient colleagues, who “act like it’s their own damn money we’re giving away.” A week after the Journal report, Daugherty was placed on leave, pending an investigation.

GOOD WORK IF YOU CAN GET IT Once hired, almost no federal employee ever leaves. Turnover is so slight that, among the typical causes for workers leaving, “death by natural causes” is more likely the reason than “fired for poor job performance.” According to a July USA Today report, the federal rate of termination for poor performance is less than one-fifth the private sector’s, and the annual retention rate for all federal employees was 99.4 percent (and for white collar and upper-income workers, more than 99.8 percent). Government defenders said the numbers reflect excellence in initial recruitment.

UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT In April, Robert Williams completed his San Diego police officers’ application, answering truthfully, he said, questions 172 (yes, he had had sexual contact with a child) and 175 (yes, he had “viewed or transacted” child pornography). Three weeks later, the police rejected his application and then arrested him. Williams’ wife, Sunem, said the police department has “integrity” problems because “telling the truth during the hiring process brings prosecution.”

Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations, 200 words or less (which we reserve the right to edit), changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent, to “Eh Brah!” c/o MauiTime, 33 N. Market St, Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 or send an e-mail to

ehbrah@mauitime.com

I

see you every weekend in your golf cart with the red cover that says “Players Assistant.” You’re usually hiding in the resort parking lot or sitting under shade trees. The golf course gives you the duties of “Players Assistant”—it’s too bad that you do everything but! You zoom past players on the course like there’s a fire only you can put out; all the while looking the other way so no golfer can make eye contact. Then, when you do see golfers coming your way you find the quickest way to get away from them. You are supposed to be out there to help golfers on the course—not to IGNORE them! It’s not good for a “Players Assistant” to be anti-social the way you are. All the other “Players Assistance” do their jobs and we can count on them. What’s your problem? ■

REDNECK CHRONICLES Roy Griffith, 60, John Sanborn, 53, and Douglas Ward, 55, were arrested in Deerfield Township, Mich., in July and charged with stealing a 14-foot-long stuffed alligator from a barn, dragging it away with their truck, and using it to surf in the mud (“mudbogging”). When the gator’s owner tracked down the three nearby, they denied the theft and insisted that theirs is an altogether-different 14-foot-long stuffed alligator. (Ward’s blood-alcohol reading was 0.40.) And in August, when deputies in Monroe County, Tenn., arrested a woman for theft, they learned that one of the items stolen was a 150-year-old Vatican-certified holy relic based on the Veil of Veronica (supposedly used to wipe Jesus’ face before the crucifixion). The painting had been stolen from the closet of a trailer home on a back road in the Tennessee mountains, where a local named “Frosty,” age 73, had kept it for 20 years with no idea of its significance.

Illustration by Ron Pitts mauiartistronpitts.com

GREAT ART In his signature performance art piece, John Jairo Villamil depicted both the excitement and danger of the city of Bogota, Colombia, by appearing on stage with a tightened garbage bag over his head and his feet in a bucket of water, holding a chain in one hand and a plant’s leaf in the other. At a May show at Bogota’s Universidad del Bosque, Villamil, 25, fussed with the tightened bag and soon collapsed to the floor, stirred a little, and then was motionless. The audience, likely having assumed that the collapse was part of the performance, did not immediately render assistance, and Villamil lost consciousness and died in a hospital five days later. ■

chuck@mauitime.com To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1511n4

SEPTEMBER 1, 2011

9

PHOTO BY SEAN MICHAEL HOWER

Local bananas Local fish Local onion

Local ham

Local tofu Local ti leaf

spam

Local pineapple

local milk

Local Coffee

Local papaya

Your

Local avocado

GUIDE to yummy

2011

DEALS

Intro by: Anthony Pignataro (@apignataro) Words by: Jen Russo (@jenrusso) Photos by: Sean Michael Hower Jen Russo (@jenrusso) 10

SEPTEMBER 1, 2011

!

IT DOESN’T TAKE

JOE’S BAR & GRILL 131 Wailea Ike Pl. 875-7767 THE DEAL: Buy one entree, get the second entree of equal or lesser value free. Every day, 5:30-6:30pm HOW TO WORK IT: In the mood for a luscious meal, great wine and terrific ambiance? I thought so. Joe’s likes to say that you save on food so you can spend it on wine, and that is a beautiful thing. Go with it.

SPAGO FOUR SEASONS 3900 Wailea Alanui Dr. 879-2999 THE DEAL: Buy one entree, get one free. Every day, all day. HOW TO WORK IT: Chef Cameron Lewark is very hands-on and the cuisine is Wolfgang Puck genius. Your server can direct you to the flavors that most interest you, but I love the ahi cones and fish entrees

(their lamb and pork are amazing, too). They aren’t afraid to give the kamaaina what they want—a great free entree (with valid Hawaii ID). The Four Seasons offers the same buy-one-get-one deal at their other restaurants, Ferraro’s and Duo’s.

I’O 505 Front St., Lahaina 661-8422 THE DEAL: Half price entrees (in the bar and dining room) on Monday through Thursday; Half price HOW TO WORK IT: I’o works the synergy with its own O’o farm. You can order veggies picked that very day with Chef James McDonald’s special touches added, and voila—there is more than one winner at work here. The menu rethinks cuisine, with cocktails crafted to match.

ROUND TABLE PIZZA 207 Piikea Ave., Kihei; 2580 Kekaa Dr., Kaanapali 874-8485; 662-0777

PHOTO BY JEN RUSSO

A

University of Chicago-trained economist to recognize that Maui’s economy is down. September is traditionally a quiet time on the island; the kids are back in school, and most mainland families won’t even think about travel for another three months. For hotels and restaurants across Maui, that means a lot more empty tables, which means the residents who work in said hotels and restaurants will take home a lot less pay. As we do every year, we’ve compiled as many special restaurant deals as we could find. These establishments need to put `okoles in the seats, and if they have to do specials for locals (and sometimes, even the visitors who are still here), then they’ll do it. Sometimes they’ll offer those of us with Hawaii identification cards a 10 or 25 percent discount off our tabs, but other times, they’ll go all out with half-off dining specials that are difficult to ignore. So here’s the deal: Check out the following guide to the island’s best restaurant deals, decide what looks good, and then get out of the house for a change. Times may be tough, but that doesn’t mean good eating has to be.

BUZZ’S WHARF THE DEAL: Any pizza half price for kamaaina (no delivery). Monday in September HOW TO WORK IT: Look at the calendar. Aww, the weekend is over and it’s Monday... This is actually a good thing: pick up the phone and call the closest Round Table and order a pie with all your favorite toppings. You’ll get it for half price with your Hawaii ID. Now that feels better, right?

MALA WAILEA & MALA OCEAN TAVERN 3700 Wailea Alanui Dr.; 1307 Front St., Lahaina 879-1922; 667-9394 THE DEAL: All food half price, every day, 8-9:30pm (Mala Wailea); 10 percent off all food, every day, open to close (Mala Ocean Tavern) HOW TO WORK IT: Mala Wailea has this incredible lounge with sofas and cushy chairs. For something different, we grabbed our excellent Mala cuisine family-style

and had a blast. But if you prefer their open air lanai with gorgeous views, I wouldn’t hold it against you. If you can’t make it to Wailea, stop in at their ocean-side Front Street location for a still-solid 10 percent off deal.

KAI SUSHI RESTAURANT 1 Ritz-Carlton Dr., Kapalua 669-6200 THE DEAL: Half price food for kamaaina with valid ID. Daily except Tuesday and Wednesday, 5:30-6:30pm HOW TO WORK IT: The valet parking is free, so just swoop in with your Maui Cruiser. No shame— these valets are the best team ever. Then head over to the halfprice menu which includes some incredible short rib potstickers, mu shu pork and ahi tataki salad. Then it’s time for magnificent sushi cradled in the Asian aesthetic of the Ritz’s lovely dining room. A sake flight completes it. continued on page 13

SEPTEMBER 1, 2011 11

Saffron

AFTER SCHOOL SPECIAL

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20% OFF YOUR ENTIRE BILL

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Indian Cafe & Grill ¦ (Across Kamaole Beach I)

Late Night Menu ‘til midnight

NEWEST T RESTAURAN ! I E IH IN K

Buy Any Entree At Regular Price

GET YOUR SECOND ENTREE (Vegetarian / Chef Choice)

FREE

Offer Valid Thru September 30th, 2011

THE BEST PHILLY CHEESESTEAK ON MAUI!

Peggy Sue’s

3 +)(%) 2$ s +)(%) s

·$5 BREAKFAST DEAL EVERYDAY 8AM-10AM ·HAPPY HOUR 3-6PM & 9-11PM ·LIVE MUSIC NIGHTLY! '30/5 45 Â… -")"*/" NEXT TO COOL CAT CAFE OPEN 8AM - MIDNIGHT - DAILY

OPEN: TUES-SUN 11AM-9PM SERVING LUNCH & DINNER

2395 S. KIHEI RD., KIHEI (Across Kamaole Beach I)

BYOB &2%% 7) &) s 4!+% /54

808.879.7000

OUR LOCAL OU OC FRIENDSS ENJOY JO

50% Off

Tahitian Bouillabaisse EYeUy 0onday Ln SepWemEeU ‡ 5-9pm DLne-In OnOy ‡ No SXEsWLWXWLons

JOIN US FOR

30% Off

Kama’aina Sundays

Open 7 Days a week: 11am-9pm Book Today! 808.244.5426 COMING FROM LAHAINA? Take the second right, past the construction blockade. *Must present a valid local ID, Kama’aina Sundays offer applies to food only, Offer is not valid on Holidays

12

SEPTEMBER 1, 2011

LIKE US HERE:

MELTING POT 325 Keawe St., Ste A202, Lahaina 661-6181 THE DEAL: Every day: 15 percent off the four-course fondue extravaganza, with valid Hawaii ID; Mondays: three-course dinner, $30 HOW TO WORK IT: Get out your fondue stick—it’s time to dip it in the pot! Fondues are best done in a group, so gather your gang and come in to let the good times roll. I love the cheese fondues and salads here, and the sangria was a perfect pairing.

658 Front St., Lahaina 661-4999 THE DEAL: Buy one entree, get second entree of equal or lesser value free. Every Monday-Tuesday HOW TO WORK IT: Monsoon now has two locations to impress you with their enticing Indian cuisine. Both are offering this great deal. The South Maui spot offers ocean views, while the Lahaina restaurant has a more casual dining experience.

SANSEI SEAFOOD RESTAURANT & SUSHI BAR

HONU

600 Office Rd., Kapalua 669-6286

1295 Front St., Lahaina 667-9390

THE DEAL: Half price food and sushi for kamaaina, Sun-Mon 5:15-6pm

THE DEAL: 40% off food at bar and chefs bar HOW TO WORK IT: The newest restaurant by Mark and Judy Ellman puts the emphasis on seafood but it doesnt stop there. Amazing flatbread, gluten free, stevia, and veggie cuisine are all accomodated. The shrimp roll rocked, the cocktails fab. This is your time to try this menu out.

HALIIMAILE GENERAL STORE 900 Haliimaile Rd., Makawao 572-0220 THE DEAL: Bring in one non perishable item for the Maui Food Bank, get one entree half off on Mondays HOW TO WORK IT: They call it Aloha Mondays, and all you have to do is show some aloha by bringing a non-perishable food item to be donated to the Maui Food Bank. I love this kamaaina deal, since you can enjoy Bev Gannon’s famous Hunan ribs and crab pizza while you pay it forward.

MONSOON INDIA 760 S. Kihei Rd. 875-4555

SANSEI SEAFOOD RESTAURANT & SUSHI BAR Kihei Town Center, 1881 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei 879-0004 THE DEAL: Half price late-night sushi and appetizers (all guests must be over 21 with proper ID), every Thursday-Sunday, 10pm1am; 25 percent off food and sushi daily except Sunday-Monday HOW TO WORK IT: Sansei makes it easy for us by having two great locations on the island. All you have to do is show up at the right place and time and take advantage of their deal. Lately, I can’t get enough of their panko crusted ahi roll, but you can decide what you can’t live without—it’s half price, after all.

STELLA BLUES 1279 S. Kihei Rd. 874-3779 THE DEAL: 20 percent off, 7:308:30am and 5-6pm, excluding liquor HOW TO WORK IT: Stella’s is so generous this deal is for everyone, not just kamaaina. The menu is family friendly and the portions

PHOTO BY SEAN MICHAEL HOWER

continued from page 11

BLACK ROCK

are huge so there are lots of happy people here. I adore their homemade hummus and spinach salad, to say nothing of their macnut crusted anythings. Meat lovers can rally round the pork chops, meatloaf and ribs.

THREE’S BAR AND GRILL 1945 S Kihei Rd. 879-3133 THE DEAL: Buy one entree, get one half off. After 8 pm HOW TO WORK IT: Three Chefs do it three ways, so the menu has an eclectic co-mingling of Asian, southwest and Pacific rim influences. Get your appetite going with the half-off special after 8 and enjoy the shiso smeared flat iron, honey glazed salmon or mouthwatering flatbread.

SERPICO’S 7 Aewa Pl., Pukalani 572-8498 THE DEAL: Two slices and a soda for $5 HOW TO WORK IT: Head up to Pukalani to get real East Coast style pizza that is gonna rock your tastebuds with the perfect pairing of cheese, carbs and the sweet bubbly stuff for just $5.

ROY’S 4405 Honoapiilani Hwy., Lahaina, 669-6999 THE DEAL: Selected pupus half price at the bar from 5:306:30pm and 8:30-9:30pm; selected bottles of wine half price all night Wednesdays HOW TO WORK IT: This is the continued on page 15

SEPTEMBER 1, 2011 13

EHYHUDJH

14

SEPTEMBER 1, 2011

DELICIOUS MANDARIN & JAPANESE CUISINE DAILY We use Hawaii’s freshest meats, poultry, produce and delicious seafood. We never use MSG.

KAMA’AINA ALOHA 10% EVERYTIME Daily Lunch Specials Staring at $7.99 Delivery & Catering Available Full Bar: Beer, Wine, Liquor 4474 Lwr Honoapiilani Hwy 669-5089 Reservations/Takeout chinaboatkahana.com

LAHAINA’S

FAVORITE NEW

SPORTS BAR F OOTB AL L SEASON IS H ERE!

AL L SP ORTS PACKAGES INCLUDING

DIR ECT TV & NFL TIC KET AC - WIFI

PHOTO BY JEN RUSSO

Vegetarian/ Vegan Options

CHINA BOAT continued from page 13

early sesh. So when you’re in the mood to hop, it’s time to groove the pupu hour at Roy’s.

PEGGY SUE’S 1279 S. Kihei Rd. 875-8944 THE DEAL: 20 percent off your entire bill Mon to Fri 3-6 pm in September HOW TO WORK IT: Peggy’s has excellent Maui Cattle Company burgers, fries and old fashioned Roselani shakes in their 50’s style diner. In the mood for Americana? Peggy Sue’s menu is all about it.

CAPTAIN JACK’S 672 Front St. 667-0988

SEPT. KAMA’AINA SPECIAL

7 LUNCH SPECIAL 11AM-2PM

$

HAPPY HOUR 3-7PM LATE NITE MENU TIL 3AM

lahaina cafe

A LITTLE TASTE OF EVERYTHING

t TheEatGuide.com 843 WAINEE ST. UNIT 1 & 2

SMALL PRICE :: FAST :: FRESH

THE DEAL: Twenty percent off of food everyday HOW TO WORK IT: Captain Jack’s sits across the street from the Pioneer Inn and Lahaina Harbor and overlooks Front Street. It’s great for people-watching while you eat. My dad’s had everything

on the menu and says it’s all good, but I can’t stop eating the fish tacos (the fish & chips are also really good). Their name suggests badass pirateness and that’s all dandy, but the crew is very nice there—as is their 20-percent-offfood deal for residents.

PULEHU Lahaina 6 Kai’ Ala Drive (808) 667-3254 THE DEAL: All food half price. Thursdays after 8pm HOW TO WORK IT: Executive Chef Francios Milliet has taken the time to perfect the flavors in the menu, and now it’s your job to enjoy them for half price on Thursdays after 8pm. Sit next to the koi and indulge in Cappanone Pizza, Hirabara Farms’ greens, Filet Mignon, Veal Parmigiano and the Risotto-Crusted Pesce.

RAMEN YA Queen Kaahumanu Center 275 W. Kaahumanu

Ave., Kahului 873-9688 THE DEAL: Free four-piece regular gyoza during happy hour (2pm-5pm) with the purchase of a regular meal HOW TO WORK IT: Ramen Ya has a great selection of noodle dishes, but they also offer some incredible Japanese curry, which is like a curry-gravy served with root veggies and meat. The Mochiko chicken and seafood fried noodles are also really good. And all you have to do is show up with your appetite from 2 to 5 pm and they gift you with gyoza. Sweet!

MATTEO’S 100 Wailea Ike Drive 874-1234 THE DEAL: Half off all pizza (limit three toppings), and half off house wines. 5-6pm HOW TO WORK IT: People of Maui look forward to this kamaaina special all year. Matteo’s is continued on page 17

SEPTEMBER 1, 2011 15

QUEEN KAAHUMANU CTR @V]jaj^! BVj^ ™ -%- ')-",-'.

BUY ONE, GET ONE FREE! BUY ONE BREAKFAST, LUNCH OR DINNER ENTREE GET A SECOND FOR

With purchase of 2 drinks.

FREE!

Offer expires 09/30/11. One coupon per party per visit. Valid only at Ruby’s Diner, Maui. Not valid with any other coupon, discount or offer. No cash value.

visit us at: www.rubys.com

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ACROSS FROM THE BANYAN TREE PARK

OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK 26. N. MARKET ST. 808.495.0259

MUSIC FARM Every Sunday! 3

Noon - pm

COME IN SUNDAY FOR DOUBLE STAMP DAY!

continued from page 15

famous for their authentic brick oven pizza. Offering half off their house wines really seals the deal.

KALAMA’S MAUI OCEAN GRILL KAU KAU CORNER 270 Dairy Rd. 264-4462 THE DEAL: Buy one breakfast, get one free HOW TO WORK IT: You want a free breakfast? Head to Kalama’s and order one of their wonderful plates of eggs, bacon, toast and the works, and then you get one free of equal or lesser value. Sounds like the bomb to me.

SAFFRON THE DEAL: Buy one entree, get a get a vegetarian or chefs choice entree free HOW TO WORK IT: We have a new player in the Indian cuisine category. They opened recently across from Kamaole Beach I and right off the bat they are offering some real kamaaina love. That’s reason enough to go by and try it out. Plus you can BYOB, and they have free Wi-Fi.

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea 874-1131 THE DEAL: Half off the Mulligans on the Blue Burger (limit three toppings). Anytime, all September. Also, three-course dinner and Willie K show $55 (show only is $25) HOW TO WORK IT: Sometimes you just need a burger, a big one with all the fixings. Mulligans has what you need. You can wash it down with Harp or Guinness. Just sayin’—you are eating a burger, after all. And dinner and show Willie K-style just got a bit sweeter for kamaaina at Mulligans. Is that music to your mouth?

TOKYO TEI

PHOTO BY SEAN MICHAEL HOWER

2395 S. Kihei Rd. 879-7000

SPAGO 1063 Lower Main St., Wailuku 242-9630 THE DEAL: Teishoku just $10.75, Mondays in September HOW TO WORK IT: If you’ve never enjoyed Teishoku, shame on you. Better go this coming Monday. This is Japanese pairing; translated it means something like “set meal.” But that doesn’t do it justice. You get meat, rice, sides, pickles and sometimes soup, all served in the proper Japanese way. Then the good part: devour it.

TEDDY’S BIGGER BURGER

Lahaina Gateway Shopping Center 661-9111 THE DEAL: Coupon on Page 18: Buy one combo, get the second combo half off. Fridays and Saturdays, bring coupon HOW TO WORK IT: Maui’s new burger joint has air-conditioning and fries made five ways (cheesy, garlicky, spicy, regular and tater tot-style). The burgers are big and juicy, with lots of toppings and styles available. You order at the counter, and the kids love the light-up remote that tells you your kamaaina discounted com-

bos are ready.

BUZZ’S WHARF Maalaea Harbor 244-5426 THE DEAL: Thirty percent off on Sundays and 50 percent off bouillabaise on Mondays HOW TO WORK IT: Buzz’s is offering half off its exquisite, loaded seafood bouillabaisse. The stunning ocean views are simply the best backdrop for indulging in all this seafood. ■ To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1511d1

SEPTEMBER 1, 2011 17

BANQUET ROOMS AVAILABLE FOR ALL OCCASIONS $)3*45."4 t #*35)%":4 t 4)08&34 t #64*/&44 .&&5*/(4

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@ the Maui Seaside Hotel 871-8881 Open Breakfast & Dinner Everyday!

Not valid with any other offers/promotions

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KIHEI KALAMA VILLAGE 3OUTH +IHEI 2OAD s 11am-9:30pm

875.7679

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879.7177 Open 7 days a week 11am-10pm $!),9 (!009 (/52 s !4 4(% "!2

LIVE ENTERTAINMENT FRIDAY - SUNDAY!

HAWAIIAN MIX PLATE

572-1380

TERIYAKI BEEF, FLAME BROILED MAHI, JASMINE RICE & LOCAL STYLE MAC SALAD OR MIXED GREENS

1127 Makawao Ave.

$15.95

COMPLETE DINNER

SUNSET SPECIAL

$29.95

4:30PM - 6PM

1/2 PRICE KAMA’AINA

SPECIAL MONDAYS IN SEPTEMBER

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207 Piikea Ave., Ste 61 +IHEI s

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KAMA‘AINA DEAL LISTINGS 808 BISTRO - Daily. Twenty percent off kamaaina discount (not valid with sunset menu or when combined with any other discounts or promotions). Breakfast 7amnoon; Dinner 5-9pm. September only. 2511 S. Kihei Rd.; 879-8008

CAPTAIN JACK’S - Daily. Twenty percent off food all day, every day. 672 Front St., Lahaina; 667-0988; captainjacksmaui. com

AK’S CAFE - Daily. Twenty percent off kamaaina discount. 5 pm-7 pm. 1237 Lower Main St., Wailuku; 244-8774; akscafe.com

CHINA BOAT - Daily. Early bird diners get 15 percent off bill. 5-6pm. 4474 L. Honoapiilani Rd., Kahana; 669-5089; chinaboatkahana.com

BEACH BAR AT THE WESTIN - Daily. Appetizers and Drinks starting at $4. 8-10pm. 2365 Kaanapali Pkwy; 6672525; westin.com

COOL CAT CAFE - Daily. Twenty percent off food all day, every day. Wharf Cinema Center, 658 Front St., Lahaina; 6670908; coolcatcafe.com

BISTRO MOLOKINI - Daily. Buy one dinner entree, get second of equal or lesser value for half price (with valid Hawaii ID). Grand Wailea, 3850 Wailea Alanui Dr., 800-888-6100; wailearesortdining.com

DAVID PAUL’S - Sun, Mon. Fifty percent off designated entrees with the purchase of two or more (with a valid Hawaii ID). No other discounts or coupons apply. Call for reservations. 6-10 pm. 900 Front St. Suite A101, Lahaina; 662-3000

BLACK ROCK - Daily. 25 percent off meal at both Black Rock Steak & Seafood and Black Rock Terrace (excludes alcohol). Sheraton Maui Resort & Spa, 2605 Kaanapali Pkwy; 662-8053; sheratonmaui.com

DUO - Daily. Buy one entree get one of equal or lesser value free (each person must have valid Hawaii ID). 6-11 pm. 3900 Wailea Alanui Dr., Wailea; 8798000

BUZZ’S WHARF - Sun. 30 percent off all food (with valid Hawaii ID) 11am9pm. PLUS 50 percent off Tahitian Bouillabaisse 5-9pm. (Dine in only). Maalaea Harbor; 244-5426 CAFE MAMBO - Daily. Half off cocktails and beer. Maui Cattle Company burger and beer of your choice (including Maui Beer Company on draft) for $10. 3-6 pm. 30 Baldwin Ave., Paia; 579-8021; cafemambomaui.com CAPISCHE? - Daily. Buy one entree, get the second half off. 555 Kaukahi St., Kihei; 879-2224

EAST OCEAN - Daily. Buy one entree, get second entree half off. 2-6pm. 2463 S. Kihei Rd., A-21; 879-1988 FAT DADDY’S - Daily. Buy one Fat plate, get second one of equal or lesser value for half off. Four dollar well drinks and 20oz drafts. 2-5pm. 1913 S. Kihei Rd.; 879-8711 FERRARO’S - Daily. Buy one entree, get second of equal or lesser value for free (each diner must have valid Hawaii ID). 6-11 pm. 3900 Wailea Alanui Dr.; 879-8000 FIVE PALMS BEACH GRILL- Daily. Fifteen

LAHAINA GRILL percent off food with valid Hawaii ID. Discount does not apply to Happy Hour, sunset specials or previously discounted food items. 8 am-9:30 pm. 2960 S. Kihei Rd.; 879-2607; fivepalmsrestaurant.com

GANNON’S - Mon-Sat. Fifty percent off food from Bar Menu, $2 domestic and $3 premium drafts, $4 well drinks and $5 wines by the glass. 3-7 pm. 100 Wailea Golf Club Dr.; 875-8080

FOUR SEASONS LOBBY LOUNGE Daily. Wines half off. 8-11 p.m. Four Seasons Resort, 3900 Wailea Alanui Dr.; 879-8000; fourseasons.com/maui

GERARD’S - Daily. Twenty percent off the à la carte menu with valid Hawaii ID. 174 Lahainaluna Rd., Lahaina; 661-8939 continued on page 21

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KAMA‘AINA DEAL LISTINGS GRAND DINING ROOM MAUI - Sun. Buy one Sunday Brunch, get 2nd for half off (Sunday Brunch is $48 for Adults, $24 for children 5-12, free for children 4 and under). Grand Wailea, 3850 Wailea Alanui Dr., 875-1234; wailearesortdining. com HALIIMAILE GENERAL STORE - Mon. Half off dinner entree for everyone (not just Kamaaina) who brings in a non-perishable food item for donation to the Maui Food bank. 5:30-9:30pm. 900 Hali`imaile Rd., 572-2666; bevgannonrestaurants.com HARD ROCK CAFE - Daily. Fifteen percent off for kamaaina on food and nonalcoholic beverages and non-charitable merchandise 900 Front St., Lahaina; 667-7400

kalamasnackshop.com KEA LANI RESTAURANT - Daily. Ten percent off food and drinks. 6:30am.11pm. Fairmont Kea Lani Resort, 4100 Wailea Alanui Dr.; 875-2227 Ko (at Kealani - being served out of Kea Lani Restaurant during the renovation (until December 17th) 5:30pm-9:00pm 50% off all food . Fairmont Kea Lani Resort, 4100 Wailea Alanui Dr.; 8752227 KOBE STEAK HOUSE & OKU’S SUSHI BAR - Daily. Twenty percent off kamaaina discount on all teppanyaki entrees. 5:30-10 pm. Daily. Twenty percent off kamaaina discount on all sushi. 5-10pm. 136 Dickenson St., Lahaina; 667-5555;

facebook.com/pages/maui-gelato LAHAINA GRILL- Lahaina Grill turns 21: on the 21st of every month in 2011, kamaaina enjoy 50 percent off all entrees (valid Hawaii ID required). 127 Lahainaluna Rd., Lahaina; 667-5117; lahainagrill.com LUANA LOUNGE - Daily. Ten percent off food and drinks. 11am-11pm. Fairmont Kea Lani, 4100 Wailea Alanui Dr.; 8752227 LULU’S KIHEI - Daily. Get 25 percent off your food from 11am-5pm. 1945 S. Kihei Rd.; 879-9944; lulusmaui.com MAI TAI LOUNGE - Daily. Thirty percent off your entire food bill, lunch or dinner (offer not good on Oct. 31, Nov. 23 and

MALA OCEAN TAVERN - Daily. Ten percent off all food all the time. 1307 Front St, Lahaina; 667-9394 MALA WAILEA - Daily. Fifty percent off all food. After 8pm. 3700 Wailea Alanui Dr.; 875-9307; malawailea.com THE MELTING POT - Daily. 15 percent off any four-course dinner package, any time. Also, for September only, the threecourse Fondue with cheese fondue, salad and three entree choices is only $30 (must ask for the special when making reservation). Lahaina Gateway Shopping Center, 325 Keawe St., Suite A-202, Lahaina; 661-6181

Honu - 40% off food at bar and chefs bar, 1295 Front St., Lahaina 667-9390 HUMUHUMUNUKUNUKUAPUA`A Daily. Buy one dinner entree, get second of equal or lesser value for half price (with valid Hawaii ID). Grand Wailea, 3850 Wailea Alanui Dr., 800-888-6100; wailearesortdining.com I’O - Sun-Thu. Half off entrees (with valid Hawaii ID). Fri-Sat. Half off specialty martinis. 5:30-10 pm. 505 Front St., Lahaina; 661-8422; iomaui.com JAPENGO - Daily. Twenty-five percent off happy hour starter menu items. Drink specials include $4 beers, $5 wines, and $6-$8 hand-crafted cocktails. (Offer open to all; kamaaina can take an additional 20 percent off their bill–not including alcohol, tax or gratuity–after receiving an Ohana Card at the Japengo reception desk). 5:30-6:30pm. Hyatt Regency Maui, 200 Nohea Kai Dr., Kaanapali; 661-1234; maui.hyatt.com JOE’S - Daily. Buy one entree, get second entree free (orders must be placed by 6:30pm). 5:30-6:30pm. 131 Wailea Ike Pl. (above the Wailea Tennis Club); 8757767; bevgannonrestaurants.com

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KAI SUSHI - Daily (closed Tue, Wed). Half off all food with valid Hawaii ID. 5:306:30. The Ritz-Carlton Kapalua, 1 RitzCarlton Dr., Kapalua, 669-6200

LAHAINA CAFE. - Daily. Seven dollar lunch special for those with valid Hawaii ID. 11am-2pm. 843 Wainee St., Lahaina; 667-6655

KALAMA’S MAUI OCEAN GRILL - Daily. Buy one breakfast, get one breakfast of equal or lesser value free. 270 Dairy Rd., #168, Kahului; 264-4462;

LAHAINA FISH CO. - Daily. Fish and Chips for $9.95. Open to all, no Hawaii ID needed. 11am-5pm. 831 Front St., Lahaina; 661-3472

WHOLE FOODS MAUI Nov. 30). Offer begins Sept. 6, 2011 and ends Dec. 22, 2011. 839 Front St., Lahaina; 661-5288; maitailounge.com MATTEO’S - Daily. Half off all pizzas (limit three toppings) and half off house wines 5-6pm. 100 Wailea Ike Dr.; 874-1234 MAUI GELATO - Daily. Buy any gelato and recieve one of equal or lesser value for free. Dolphin Plaza next to Pizza Hut;

MERRIMAN’S - Daily. Twenty-five percent off food at the bar. 3-9pm. Tue. Twentyfive percent off food in the dining room (all menus). 5:30-9pm. 1 Bay Club Pl., Lahaina; 669-6400

MONSOON INDIA - Mon, Tue. Buy one entree, get second entree free (at equal or lesser value) through October. 5-9 pm. 760 S. Kihei Rd; 875-4555; continued on page 22

SEPTEMBER 1, 2011 21

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KAMA‘AINA DEAL LISTINGS MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE - Daily. Half off the Mulligans on the Blue Burger (limit three toppings), any time, all September. Wed. Willie K Show with three-course dinner is $55. Just show is $25. 4-6 pm. 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea; 874-1131; mulligansontheblue.com ONO BAR AND GRILL - Daily. 20 percent off food during Happy Hour. 5-6pm. Westin Maui Resort & Spa, 2365 Kaanapali Pkwy.; 667-2525 OCEAN POOL BAR AND GRILL - Daily. Half off Mimosas, Bloody Marys and Screwdrivers. 7-11am. Westin Villas, 6 Kai Ala Dr., Kaanpali; 667-3200; westinkaanapali.com PAILOLO SPORTS BAR AND GRILL Daily. Half off Mimosas, Bloody Marys and Screwdrivers. 7-11am. Westin Villas, 6 Kai Ala Dr., Kaanpali; 667-3200; westinkaanapali.com PEGGY SUE’S - Mon-Fri. Twenty percent off your entire bill (with valid Hawaii ID). 3-6pm. 1279 S. Kihei Rd.; 875-8944 PIONEER INN GRILL & BAR - Daily. Fifteen percent off Kama’aina discount. 7am-9pm. 658 Wharf St., Lahaina; 6618881 POLO BEACH GRILLE AND BAR Daily. Ten percent off food and drinks. Bar: 10:30am-6pm; Grill: 11am-5pm. Farimont Kea Lani, 4100 Wailea Alanui Dr.; 866-540-4456 PULEHU, AN ITALIAN GRILL - Thu. Half off all food items after 8pm. All other days, 20 percent off all food items. 8-9:30pm. Westin Villas, 6 Kai Ala Dr., Kaanpali; 667-3200; westinkaanapali.com RAMEN YA - Tue. Regular gyoza are free with purchase of entree. From 2pm to 5pm. Queen Kaahumanu Center, Kahului; 873-9688 ROUND TABLE PIZZA - Mon. Any pizza, any size, half price. Dine in or take out. Limit two pizzas. Must present valid Hawaii ID. 207 Piikea Ave., Ste. 61, Kihei; 874-8485; 2580 Kekaa Dr., Lahaina; 662-0777 ROY’S KAHANA BAR & GRILL - Daily. Half off selected pupus at the bar from 5:30 to 6:30pm and 8:30 to 9:30pm.

Wine Lover Wednesday: Half off selected bottles of wine all night. 5:30-10pm. 4405 Honoapiilani Hwy., Kahana; 6696999; roysrestaurant.com

RUBY’S DINER - Daily. Ten Percent off breakfast lunch and dinner. Queen Kaahumanu Center, Kahului; 248-7829 RUMBOLD SAUSAGE KING - Mon. Half price on all food. 10am-2pm. 3100 Lower Kula Rd., Kula; 264-7330; rumboldsausageking.com SAFFRON INDIAN CAFE & GRILLDaily. Buy any entree at regular price, get a vegetarian or chefs choice entree free. Through Sept. 30. 2395 S. Kihei Rd.; 879-7000 SANSEI KIHEI- Tue-Sat. Twenty-five percent off all food and sushi for all guests. 5:30-6pm. Thu-Sat. Half off all food and sushi for Late Night Karaoke. After 10pm. 1881 S. Kihei Rd., #KT-116; 879-0004 SANSEI KAPALUA - Sun, Mon. Fifty percent off food and sushi (valid Hawaii ID required). 5-6pm. 600 Office Rd., Kapalua; 669-6286; sanseihawaii.com SEA HOUSE RESTAURANT - Daily. 25 percent off breakfast, lunch or dinner. 7-11am; 11am-2pm; 5:309pm. Napili Kai Beach Resort, 5900 L. Honoapiilani Rd., Napili; 669-1500; seahousemaui.com SEASCAPE MAALAEA RESTAURANT - Daily. Fifteen percent off kamaaina discount. 11am-2:30pm. Maui Ocean Center, 192 Maalaea Rd; 270-7083; mauioceancenter.com SERPICO’S - Daily. Two slices of pizza and a soda for $4.99. 11am-10pm. 7 Aewa Pl., Makawao; 572-8498; serpicos.com SPAGO RESTAURANT - Daily (except holidays). Buy one entree, get one of equal or lesser value free (both people must show valid Hawaii ID). 5:309:30pm. 3900 Wailea Alanui Dr.; 8792999; wolfgangpuck.com STELLA BLUES - Daily. Buy one entree, get one free. Tue. Half off raw bar, 20 percent off all bottles of wine. 5pm12am. 1279 S. Kihei Rd.; 874-3779; stellablues.com STOPWATCH SPORTSBAR AND GRILL

PHOTO BY SEAN MICHAEL HOWER

continued from page 21

monsoonindiamaui.com

TROPICA

- Wed, Thu. Buy one entree, get the second one of equal or lesser value for half price. Dine-in only. 5-8:45pm. 1127 Makawao Ave.; 572-1380

TROPICA - Daily. $33 early and late tasting menus. 5-6pm/8-9pm. Westin Maui Resort & Spa, 2365 Kaanapali Pkwy., Lahaina, HI, Lahaina; 667-2525

TEDDY’S BIGGER BURGER - Coupon Page 18 Fri, Sat. Buy one regular combo, get the second combo at half price. Lahaina Gateway Shopping Center; 335 Keawe St.; 661-9111

WAILUKU COFFEE CO. - Mon-Fri. Buy ten drinks, get one free Kamaaina card. Twenty percent off cards (given out at random). 7am-5pm. 28 N. Market St., Wailuku; 495-0259

THREE’S BAR & GRILL - Daily. Buy one entree, get one free. Tue. Half off raw bar, twenty percent off all bottles of wine. 5pm-12am. 1945 S. Kihei Rd.; 8793133; threesbarandgrill.com

WHOLE FOODS MAUI - Tue. Maui Cattle Co. beef tacos, served with salsa, onions and cilantro, $1/each. 12-6pm. Wed. Hot and Cold Bar $5.99/lb, all day. Thu. All wraps $1 off, all day. Sun. buy one pepperoni, cheese or Chef’s Weekly Special Take & Bake Pizza, get another of equal or lesser value free, all day. Maui Mall, 70 Kaahumanu Ave., #B, Kahului; 872-3310 ■

TIKI TERRACE RESTAURANT - Daily. Fifteen percent kamaaina dinner discount (with valid Hawaii ID, excluding holidays and special promotions). 5-9pm. 2525 Kaanapali Pkwy.; 661-0011 TOKYO TEI - Mon. All Teishokus $10.75 each (normally $13.50-$14.50). 1063 Lower Main St., Wailuku; 888-278-4050

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SEPTEMBER 1, 2011 23

FILM

Summer Movie Scorecard The Good, the Bad and the Smurfs BY BARRY WURST II

W

ow… did THAT suck!” So says Bill Murray in Scrooged, playing ill-tempered TV executive Frank Cross, after suffering through a series of bad promo spots. Most movie-goers who looked forward to this year’s crop of summer movies probably walked away feeling the same. Not since the summer of 2004 has there been such a long parade of forgettable, disappointing, over-hyped letdowns (why the

frills 3-D that forced audiences to pay more than they should. A few surprising gems stood out and sparkled on the pile of coal: who would’ve thought James Franco and a bunch of damn dirty apes would put on a better show than the folks at Pixar? Or that the new Woody Allen comedy Midnight in Paris would be a bigger hit and give us more laughs than The Change-Up? At the top of the list is Brad Pitt’s epic drama, The Tree of Life, likely the best film

“Give yourself an honorary SPAM Musubi if you even remember Judy Moody and the Not So Bummer Summer...” summer of 2004? Remember Catwoman? King Arthur? The Day After Tomorrow? Van Helsing?). The movie studios’ insistence on spending hundreds of millions of dollars on tent pole/franchise/can’t-miss/EVENT movies led to one stinker after another, many in no-

24

SEPTEMBER 1, 2011

of the year, though one of the season’s most contested and controversial art films. It had a brief run at Kaahumanu Center and divided audiences everywhere but even those who hated it will never forget it, which is more than you can say of nearly every other summer

movie. Here’s a re-cap of the last four months at the movies…. and give yourself an honorary SPAM Musubi if you even remember Judy Moody and the Not So Bummer Summer, Monte Carlo or Priest.

THE GOOD The Tree of Life will continue to thrill and baffle audiences, but what about the rest of the bunch? By far, Rise of the Planet of the Apes was the best of the summer blockbusters, as it offered heart and awe inducing thrills (and, at $90 million, was one of the least expensive of the season). Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 was easily the best, most exciting, and emotionally engaging entry in the 10-year franchise. Another big surprise was Bridesmaids, by far the funniest movie on this list. The rest of the best were pretty-good movies that were turbo charged by great performances. They were X-Men: First Class (Michael Fassbender), Crazy Stupid Love (Ryan Gosling), The Help (Viola Davis and Jessica Chastain) and Super 8 (Elle Fanning).

THE BAD Sometimes the bigger they are, the harder they fall flat and waste our two-hours and 20 bucks (30 if it’s in 3-D). The silly, clunky Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides and Thor looked dumb all along, but no one expected Cars 2 to be such a speed bump. Colin Farrells’ wonderful performance in Fright Night was wasted on an overblown horror remake that lacked the charm of the original (and wasn’t as scary as Don’t Be

Afraid of the Dark). Captain America was not only the corniest movie of the summer (if not the year) but ended with a brief trailer for The Avengers that was more exciting than what came before it. The joyless, no-nonsense Cowboys and Aliens was no fun and the only thing more desperate than Hangover wannabe The Change-Up was The Hangover Part II.

THE SMURFS Comic book fanboys had a rough summer, especially when Green Lantern turned out to be such a glowing green stink bomb. Horror fans cried enough-is-enough after Final Destination 5, and adults looking for laughs from the reliable Tom Hanks were met with the blander than bland Larry Crowne. The very worst wasn’t Jim Carry’s alwayspooping penguins but Michael Bay’s nearly three-hour Transformers: Dark of the Moon, the movie Megan Fox was lucky to be fired from. Bay’s loud, colossal cinematic fart is currently the top grossing movie of the summer and likely thrilled the same people that were bored by The Tree of Life. That’s sad. Equally depressing was watching Neil Patrick Harris in The Smurfs, the kind of movie the actor would have felt forced to make, were he only known as the former Doogie Hauser. The multi-talented Harris deserves so much better… and so do you. ■ barry@mauitime.com To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1511f

FILM

Showtimes FRONT STREET THEATER 900 Front Street, Lahaina, 249-2222 (Matinees) Apollo 18 - PG13 - FRI-MON (1:20), 4:05, 7:05, 9:35. TUE-WED (4:05), 7:05, 9:35. Conan The Barbarian (2D) - R - THU (4:05), 7:05, 9:35. Our Idiot Brother - R - THU (4:15), 7:10, 9:45. FRI-MON (1:30),4:15, 7:10, 9:45. TUE-WED (4:05), 7:05, 9:35. Rise of the Planet of the Apes - PG13 - THU (4:00), 7:00, 9:30. FRI-MON (1:15), 4:00, 7:00, 9:30. TUE-WED (4:00), 7:00, 9:30. Spy Kids: All The Time In The World (2D) - G - THU (3:45), 6:45, 9:15. FRI-MON (1:00), 3:45, 6:45, 9:15. TUE-WED (3:45), 6:45, 9:15.

WHERE AND WHEN TO WATCH WHAT

- PG13 - THU 11:20, 2:00, 4:40, 7:20, 10:00. FRI-WED 10:25, 12:00, 2:45. The Debt - R - THU-WED 11:35, 2:05, 4:35, 7:05, 9:35. Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark - R - THU-WED 10:35, 12:50, 3:05, 5:20, 7:35, 9:50. The Help - PG13 - THU-WED 10:30, 1:25, 4:20, 7:15, 10:10. One Voice - G - THU 11:00, 1:05, 3:05, 5:05, 7:05, 9:05. Shark Night (2D) - PG13 - FRI-WED 10:45, 12:45, 2:55, 5:05, 7:10, 9:25. The Smurfs (2D) - PG - THU 11:40, 2:00, 4:30: 7:00, 9:20. FRI-WED 10:40, 1:00, 3:20, 5:40, 8:00.

MAUI MALL MEGAPLEX KUKUI MALL 1819 South Kihei Road, 1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: every day until 4pm) Apollo 18 - PG13 - FRI-MON 11:00, 1:15, 3:30, 5:30, 7:30, 9:50. TUE-WED 1:30, 3:50, 6:05, 8:30. Conan The Barbarian (2D) - R - THU 11:00, 1:30, 4:15, 7:05, 9:45 The Help - PG13 - THU 1:05, 4:00, 7:00, 10:00. Our Idiot Brother - R - THU-MON 11:30, 1:45, 3:50, 5:55, 8:00, 10:05. TUE-WED 1:45, 3:55, 6:00, 8:15. Rise of the Planet of the Apes - PG13 - THUMON 11:15, 1:50, 4:30, 7:15, 9:40. TUE-WED 1:30, 3:50, 6:05, 8:30.

KA’AHUMANU 6 Queen Ka’ahumanu Shopping Center, 1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: every day until 4pm) 3D Sex and Zen: Extreme Ecstasy - R - FRIWED 5:30, 8:00, 10:30. Captain America: The First Avenger (2D)

NEW THIS WEEK APOLLO 18 - PG 13 - Mockumentary Sci-Fi - A conspiratorial premise of cover-ups whereby the reason Apollo missions were canceled was because of lunar parasites. 90 min. THE DEBT - R - Thriller - Espionage! Nazis! Twists and turns! A Focus Feature starring GILF Helen Mirren. 113 min. 3D SEX AND ZEN: EXTREME ECSTACY - R - Erotic/Foreign - You knew it was cuming, er, coming: 3D porn. A story of love-trumps-lust, tenuously based on Li Yu’s erotic novel The Carnal Prayer Mat. Replete with admonishing monks, a horse-to-human penis transplant, dismemberment, rape and suicide. 129 min. SHARK NIGHT - PG 13 - Thriller - A saltwater lake in Louisiana has been stocked with sharks-and a bunch of annoying college students die. See? Dreams really do come true! 95 min. WARRIOR - PG 13 - Drama - Finally, MMA gets a real movie. Sneak preview this Sunday. Officially opens Sept. 9. Two estranged brothers–one a physics teacher, the other an Iraq War veteran–are pitted against one another by their former drunk/boxer dad (Nick Nolte). 139 min.

NOW SHOWING CAPTAIN AMERICA- THE FIRST AVENGER PG 13 - Action - Sorry, Walt Whitman fans. This movie may look grim and daring, but it isn’t about Abe Lincoln. 124 min. CARS 2 - PG - Animated - The Pixar Cars are back, this time in Europe because some French race car challenged Lightning MCQueen on TV. 120 min.

Maui Mall, 249-2222 (Matinees) Apollo 18 - PG13 - FRI (1:00, 3:10, 5:20), 7:30, 9:40. SAT-MON (1:00, 3:10), 5:20, 7:30, 9:40. TUE-WED (1:00, 3:10, 5:20), 7:30, 9:40. Cars 2 (2D) - G - FRI (12:00, 5:00), 10:00. SATMON (12:00), 5:00, 10:00. TUE-WED (12:00), 5:00, 10:00. Cars 2 (3D) - G - FRI-WED (2:30), 7:30. Columbiana - R - THU-FRI (1:40, 4:15), 6:50, 9:25. SAT-MON (1:40), 4:15, 6:50, 9:25. TUEWED (1:40), 4:15, 6:50, 9:25. Conan The Barbarian (2D) - R - THU (12:00, 2:30, 5:00), 7:30, 9:55. FRI (2:00, 4:30), 7:00, 9:30. SAT-MON (2:00), 4:30, 7:00, 9:30. TUEWED (2:00), 4:30, 7:00, 9:30. Conan The Barbarian (3D) - R - THU (2:00, 4:30), 7:00, 9:30. Cowboys & Aliens - PG13 - THU-FRI (1:00, 3:45), 6:30, 9:05. SAT-MON (1:00), 3:45, 6:30, 9:05. TUE-WED (1:00), 3:45, 6:30, 9:05. Crazy, Stupid, Love - PG13 - THU-FRI (1:35, 4:20), 7:10, 9:50. SAT-MON (1:35), 4:20, 7:10, 9:50. TUE-WED (1:35), 4:20, 7:10, 9:50. Fright Night (2D) - R - THU (12:10, 5:10), 10:00. FRI (12:10, 2:35, 5:10), 7:35, 10:00. SAT-MON

COLUMBIANA - PG 13 - Action - Television and movies teach us that witnessing your parents’ murder either turns you into Dexter or a femme fatal assassin eager for revenge. Zoe Saldana stars. 124 min. CONAN THE BARBARIAN - R - Action - Chee hoo! Conan’s a kanaka! Virile Jason Namakaeha Momoa (of Baywatch Hawaii and Stargate: Atlantis fame) stars. 112 min. COWBOYS & ALIENS - PG13 - Spaghetti Sci Fi - About frickin’ time! Director Jon Favreau does us the favor of casting Indiana Jones and James Bond, to boot. 118 min.

SHARK NIGHT

(12:10, 2:35), 5:10, 7:35, 10:00. TUE-WED (12:10, 2:35), 5:10, 7:35, 10:00. Fright Night (3D) - R - THU (2:35), 7:35. Glee: The 3D Concert Movie - PG - THU (12:30, 2:40, 4:50), 7:00, 9:10. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (2D) - PG13 - THU-FRI (12:05, 3:00, 5:55), 8:50 . SAT-MON (12:05, 3:00), 5:55, 8:50. TUEWED (12:05, 3:00), 5:55, 8:50. One Day - PG13 - THU-FRI (1:50, 4:25), 6:55, 9:25. SAT-MON (1:50), 4:25, 6:55, 9:25. TUEWED (1:50), 4:25, 6:55, 9:25. Our Idiot Brother - R - THU-FRI (12:35, 2:50, 5:05), 7:20, 9:35. SAT-MON (12:35, 2:50), 5:05, 7:20, 9:35. TUE-WED (12:35, 2:50), 5:05, 7:20, 9:35. Rise of the Planet of the Apes - PG13 - THUFRI (1:45, 4:10), 6:40, 9:15. SAT-MON (1:45), 4:10, 6:40, 9:15. TUE-WED (1:45), 4:10, 6:40, 9:15. Spy Kids: All The Time In The World (2D) - G - THU-FRI (12:00, 4:30), 9:00. SAT-MON (12:00), 4:30, 9:00. TUE-WED (12:00), 4:30, 9:00. Spy Kids: All The Time In The World (3D) - G - THU-WED (2:15), 6:45 Warrior - PG 13 - SUN 7:00 (sneak preview).

WHARF CINEMA CENTER 658 Front Street, 249-2222 (Matinees) Columbiana - R - THU (1:30, 4:00), 7:00, 9:00. SAT-SUN (1:30), 4:00, 7:00, 9:00. MON-WED (1:30, 4:00), 7:00, 9:00. Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark - R - THU (1:45, 4:20), 7:05, 9:35. Fright Night (2D) - R - THU (2:00, 4:30), 7:15, 9:40. Shark Night (2D) - PG13 - SAT-SUN (1:45), 4:20, 7:05, 9:35. MON-WED (1:45, 4:20), 7:05, 9:35.

CRAZY, STUPID, LOVE - PG13 - Comedy - Hilarious and heartbreaking, this new Steve Carrell flick is uneven, but touching. 107 min. DON’T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK - R - Horror - “(N)othing like a cluster of teeth-eating, child terrorizing monsters that have a fiendish sense of humor,” says critic Barry Wurst II. Starring Katie Holmes, Bailee Madison and Guy Pearce. 100 min. FINAL DESTINATION 5 - R - Horror - Here’s the secret: If you stay a virgin to this franchise, you’ll live forever. 102 min. FRIGHT NIGHT - R - Fantasy - In this remake, Collin Farrell’s the latest Hollywood hunk to don fake fangs in efforts to cash-in on moviegoers’ blood lust. 121 min. HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS: PART 2 - PG 13 - Fantasy - Spoiler: this is the one where Harry dies. 140 min. THE HELP - PG 13 - Drama - Based on a 2009 novel of the same name, by Kathryn Stockett. A mixed-race group of friends–in 1960s Mississippi–risk everything to share their stories via a secret writing project. Barry Wurst II says it’s “uneven but has real fire in its belly.” 147 min. ONE DAY - PG 13 - Romance - It’s largely predictable melodrama, with Anne Hathaway and Jim Sturgess playing lifelong friends who nearly but didn’t hook up in college but then never quite did anything after. 108 min. ONE VOICE - PG - Documentary - Each year in Hawaii, 2,000 high school students compete alongside their classmates in the Kamehameha Schools Song Contest. This documentary follows these students’ passionate journey through their music-immersed education, as

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seen through the eyes of ten student song directors and their fellows. 84 min. OUR IDIOT BROTHER - R - Comedy Pogonomaniacs/Paul Rudd fans rejoice! A bearded Rudd plays a bumbling (albeit wellmeaning) post-prison couchsurfer who’s determined to reunite with his estranged pup, Willie Nelson. 90 min. RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES - PG 13 - Sci Fi - Fear the James Franco, for he is (so hot, he’s surely) the Devil’s Pawn. 105 min. THE SMURFS - PG - Animation - Because anything sweetened with nostalgia must be dredged up and destroyed. 103 min. SPY KIDS: ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD PG - Family - This is the fourth franchise installment, and they’re calling it “4D” as it includes something called “aroma-scope” (ie, another layer of weird smells to add to the usual theater odors of hurricane popcorn and pee). 104 min.

LAST CHANCE 30 MINUTES OR LESS - R - Comedy - Directed by Ruben Fleischer. Stars Aziz Ansari, Jesse Eisenberg, Danny McBride and Nick Swardson. After all, who else could make murder and bank robbery so hilarious? 98 min. GLEE: THE 3D CONCERT MOVIE - While you’re getting gussied up to go out and catch this flick, consider Brittany Pierce’s (Heather Morris) advice: “Hairoraphy. It works best when you pretend like you’re being Tasered. (Just) move your head around like you’re spazzing and stuff.... It’s like cool epilepsy.” 90 min.

SEPTEMBER 1, 2011 25

The Yardbirds are more than a Rock band... they are an institution... which, in the brief period from 1963 to 1968, made an indelible mark on the “Shapes of Things” to come. To the casual music fan, the Yardbirds are best known as the band that honed the skills of future “guitar gods” Eric Clapton, Jeff Beck and Jimmy Page; and for their slew of chart hits, including “For Your Love,” “Heart Full of Soul”, “I’m A Man”, and “Over Under Sideways Down”. This event is a fundraiser for the Hawaiian Lifeguard Association.

&RIDAY 3EPTEMBER s PM Maui Arts & Cultural Center - Castle Theater ARTIST INFO, VIDEO & TICKETS: LAZARBEAR.COM - CONCERT INFO HOTLINE 808-896-4845

Maui Tickets: MACC Box Office 242-SHOW (7469) or at mauiarts.org

26

SEPTEMBER 1, 2011

PICKS

This Week's Picks

DIVERSIONS, DALLIANCES & DATES

BY ANU YAGI

Hawaiian Artisans & Keiki Hula Show

Festivals of Aloha

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loha. It’s everywhere from hellos to goodbyes, spirit to shave ice! But like double rainbows, what does it all mean? Sure it can be simply defined as love and affection, mercy and kindness, charity and veneration, but aloha is best expressed—and shared—intangibly, heart to heart. So, no better way to embrace the loving breath of life behind this Hawaiian word heard around the world than at the annual Festivals of Aloha, a series of events across Maui Nui that focuses on community, culture and camaraderie. This year’s theme is “E Hi’ipoi i Ka Lei Aloha,” meaning “cherished is the beloved child.” Kaponoai Molitau, cultural practitioner and purveyor of Market Street’s Native Intelligence, describes the ideal behind the theme, saying, “It beckons all of us that are kupuna (elders) and makua (adults) to continue to set fundamental values which our children can look upon and learn. We have been given the task to malama or care for in every sense of the word,” Molitau continues. “Our responsibilities are great, but are taken one day at a time, and in time our continued commitment to our cherished beloved children will showcase themselves for the generations to come. Let all of us that live within Maui Nui do our part to set the course of our young minds, bodies, and hearts for all of Maui to be proud of.” Indeed, there’s a lot to be proud of—and a lot to do with regards to the Festivals of Aloha. So, here’s a rundown of events that abound from here to Hana, and on Molokai and Lanai. Plus, be sure to purchase an official festival button ($5; cash-only) to get discounted admission to events (never mind that it’s a sweet memento for your scrapbook). For more information, visit festivalsofaloha.com or call 878-1888.

Fri, Sep. 2 - The venerable Makaha Sons—featuring Louis “Moon” Kauakahi (6-string guitar), John Koko (upright acoustic bass), and Jerome Koko (12-string guitar)—perform a special concert at the Native Intelligence stage. Honorary event chair Danny Mateo and cultural practitioner Kaponoai Molitau host, and Akaku Public Television peeps will be onsite to film the event for broadcast. 7:30pm. Market St., Wailuku; facebook. com/wailukufirstfriday

Fri, Sep. 9 - Keiki share their performance talents and educational demos. 5:30-7:30pm. Maui Mall, 70 E. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; mauimall.com

10th Annual Richard Hoopii Falsetto Contest Sat, Sep. 10 - This beloved annual event highlights the strongest vocal talents to hail from our isles—and gives them the chance to vie for great prizes. Plus, a performance by Na Palapali. 6-10pm. Ritz-Carlton Kapalua, One Ritz-Carlton Dr., Kapalua

Festivals of Aloha Ho‘olaulea Sun, Sep. 11 - The winners of the 10th annual Richard Hoopii Falsetto Contest will be presented, plus a stunning array of local arts and crafts. 9am-5pm. Lahaina Banyan Tree Park, Front St., Lahaina; 264-8779

Sat, Sep. 24 - Hawaiian food and traditional games delight the whole ‘ohana at this ho’olaule’a, created in partnership with the Lanai Culture and Heritage Center. 9am-2pm. Old Dole Administration Building, Lanai City, Lanai

The Makaha Sons in Concert Sun, Sep. 25 - The illustrious Makaha Sons perform a special showcase of their cherished compositions. Plus, yet another cute keiki hula show. Best of all, admission is as simple as your official festival button. 7pm. The Four Seasons at Manele Bay Resort, One Manele Bay Rd., Lanai City, Lanai; fourseasons.com/manelebay

MOLOKAI

Investiture, Kupuna Show and Aloha Attire Contest Makaha Sons

MORE ON MAUI

Home Grown Series

Lanai Culture and Heritage Ho‘olaule‘a

Molokai’s rural Hawaiian-style charm is nonpareil, so when they host the cultural spectacles of the Festivals of Aloha, it’s sure to be as authentic as it gets. From a solemn investiture of this year’s royal court to an ulu-cooking contest and artisan displays, events abound—and are worth the ferry (or turbo prop) trip to our Friendly Isle. For more information on Festivals of Aloha events on Molokai, please call Moana Dudoit or Raquel Dudoit (553-3356), unless otherwise noted.

Festivals of Aloha Kicks off at Wailuku First Friday

Following-up on the Wailuku First Friday, there are three special ways Mauians can revel in the Festivals’ offerings (before festivities take flight to Lanai and Molokai and then return to crescendo back in Hana Town). For more information about Festivals of Aloha events on Maui, please call Nani Watanabe (870-7546 ; noelaniw@gmail.com) or Tina Thompson (2689285), unless otherwise noted.

Fri, Sep. 23 - Enjoy a keiki hula show as you peruse some of Hawaii’s finest artisan wares. 10:30am-5:30pm. The Four Seasons, Lodge at Koele, One Keomoku Hwy., Lanai City, Lanai; fourseasons.com/koele

LANAI Little Lanai is full of mystique. Sure it’s f.k.a. the Pineapple Isle—and is now known as, “Hawaii’s most enticing isle”—but it was once known for it’s ghostly apparitions and spooky legends. Festival happenings are full of cultural—and of course, aloha. For more information on Festivals of Aloha events on Lanai, please call Nani Watanabe (870-7546 ; noelaniw@gmail. com), unless otherwise noted.

Thu, Oct. 13 - A solemn ceremony presents this year’s Royal Court with a display of insignia and cultural offerings. Be sure to wear your best aloha attire (there’s a contest, after all), and come hungry—ono grinds abound. Plus, sample inamono-augmented flavors in the poke contest and purchase gifts for loved ones made by local artisans. 7pm. Mitchell Pauole Community Center, 90 Aiona St., Molokai

Youth Night: Talent and Ulu Contest Fri, Oct. 14 - The prince and princess of the Royal Court are celebrated, along with keiki at large. Young Hawaiians will vie for prizes in the talent contest, and you can sample onolicious Continued on page 28

Other Hip Happenings at Wailuku First Friday Fri, Sep. 2 - First thing’s first: where to park? Remember, Market Street shuts down to through traffic starting at 5:30pm, but there’s parking available just off Main Street, in the municpal parking lot, as well as at Maui Medical Group. (Oh, and if you jus’ like go to da bank, there’s designated banking-only stalls in the rear of the municipal lot and off of Vineyard Street). In addition to the Makaha Sons big show, entertainment includes Joel Katz playing sweet-as-seaglass tunes on his steel guitar, plus mainstays Gene Argel and his ‘ohana, Oahu’s own HiRiZ, as well as Dejavu. Oh, and here’s an insiders’ tip: while the streets are saturated with eye candy, don’t forget to keep an eye to the skies. Who knows? Rock gods could descend from the heavens... Also, help support Wailuku First Friday (WFF) events by filling out a Hawaii Tourism Authority survey (part of their funding requires that 1,000 of these buggahs are completed and submitted). Further, fallen hero and Maui boy Kraig Vickers will be honored at this month’s events with a memorial fund collection for his wife and children. And, Body Alive Yoga & Movement Studio hosts their monthly Exhale! event in conjunction with WFF, and highlights include art by Jennifer Valenzuela, music by DJ Sid, swing and salsa dancing lessons by Jason wolf, yummies made with Ayurvedic spice blends by Jessica Quinn, plus Krissta Caldwell, and feather hair extensions by Deborah. Ooh, ooh! One more thing! Did you know you can purchase a piece of Wailuku history at this month’s WFF? True story. Maui OnStage is selling props and costumes from their shows, including their recent, wildly popular staging of Chicago, a well as The Wedding Singer, Little Shop of Horrors, A Christmas Carol and Cats.

SEPTEMBER 1, 2011 27

PICKS BY ANU YAGI VOTED BEST HAPPY HOUR ON MAUI! “home of the $1 mai tai� Kihei’s BEST Sunset Cocktail Spot!

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Richard Hoopii eats from the ulu-cooking contest, plus pick-up some cool crafts from various vendors. 7pm. Mitchell Pauole Community Center, 90 Aiona St., Molokai

Kaunakakai Town Parade and Ho‘olaule‘a Sat, Oct. 15 - The investiture may have happened on Oct. 13, but the crowning jewel of Molokai’s events is the parade through the town of Kaunakakai, beginning at 9am. Gorgeous pa’u riders display the colors of the isles as they trot on horseback, harkening to the days of old Hawaii.

HANA Fittingly, the Festivals of Aloha culminates in Hana Town, a culture-steeped emerald gem on our isle’s East end. Events run Oct. 15 though 22, and feature fun stuff like a poke contest, shoreline fishing tourney, talent show and movie screenings under the stars. So gas up da cruiser for the Hana Highway journey along more than 600 twists and turns and over 54 bridges. For more information on Festivals of Aloha events in Hana, please call Neil Hasegawa (264-3563) or Meiling Hoopai (248-8622), unless otherwise noted.

Hana Town Ho‘olaule‘a Sat, Oct. 15 - Hana town’s Festivals of Aloha events commences with a parade procession through town, featuring a presentation of the Hana Royal Court. Begins at the Hana Ball Park - 5101 Uakea Rd., Hana

‘Ohana Beach Day and Fishing Tournament Sun, Oct. 16 - The Hana Bay Shoreline Fishing Tournament kicks off this special event (7-8am; weigh-in at 12pm), followed by fun festivities for the whole family (12-5pm). Plus, live local entertainment (10am-12pm). Kapueokahi Bay (a.k.a. Hana Bay).

Sports Night

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Mon, Oct. 17 - Sweat it out (or happily spectate) at a tennis doubles tournament and coed volleyball games. 4-10pm. Hana Ball Park - 5101 Uakea Rd., Hana

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SEPTEMBER 1, 2011

Aloha Shirt Contest Tue, Oct. 18 - Just when you thought keiki couldn’t get any cuter, there’s an all-aloha attire contest just for the little guys. (PS: Monday night’s Sports Night continues this evening, too!) 5-8pm. Helen Hall - 150 Keawa Pl., Hana Helen Hall - 150 Keawa Pl., Hana

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Continued from page 27

Wed, Oct. 19 - Screening “Hale Hulu Mam`o� and “Ohana Makamae.� 5:30-10pm. Hana Ball Park - 5101 Uakea Rd., Hana

Kupuna Luncheon Thu, Oct. 20 - Celebrate our elders with some ono Hotel Hana-Maui grinds. 11:30am-2pm. Hotel Hana-Maui - 5031 Hana Hwy., Hana

Talent Show Thu, Oct. 20 - Hana’s got talent—and so do you. So why not try out; or at least, check it out. Either way, this event is the perfect occasion for a moonlit picnic augmented by ‘ukulele pickin’. Sponsored by Hana Arts. 6-9pm. Hana Ball Park - 5101 Uakea Rd., Hana

Dance Under the Stars Fri, Oct. 21 - Strap on your swingin’ shoes, this night under the stars features a dance contest to live music. 6-10pm. Hana Ball Park - 5101 Uakea Rd., Hana

Kahanu Gardens Tour Sat, Oct. 22 - Your official festival button is your ticket to a free tour of Kahanhu Gardens, a National Tropical Botanical Garden located in one of the state’s largest untamed native hala (Pandanus) forests. Explore their living collection and learn about the cultural relationships between Polynesians and their preferred plants, and view a massive stone heiau believed to be the largest place of aboriginal worship in all of Polynesia. Space limited to 23 guests. Kahanu Gardens - GPS: +20° 47’ 56.65â€?, -156° 2’ 18.32â€?; ntbg.org/gardens/kahanu.php

Cross Country Golf: Holani Hale, Pap‘au‘hau Sat, Oct. 22 - A fun twist on a (sometimes) stuffy game. Bring your golf shoes and just three clubs—the caveat being one must be homemade—plus nine “junk� balls. Best of all, entry fee is but your official festival button. Shot gun start. Tee time TBA. Call or e-mail for more information. 248-2730; fpsinenci@hotmail.com

Ho‘iki Night Sat, Oct. 22 - A special evening of Hawaiianstyle cultural performances. Plus, a poke contest, pohole contest, a floral and lei show/ contestand the Kahanu Garden Ulu Cook-off. 6-10pm. Hana Ball Park - 5101 Uakea Rd., Hana ■anu@mauitime.com + @anuheayagi To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1510p1

PICKS BY ANU YAGI ebrating the eclectic contralto that hallmarked this fallen star. Oh, and did you know that John Waters once praised Winehouse by saying “it’s hard to look cheap and pull it off”? Or, did you know that if you come in costume, the show’s $5 cover ain’t just cheap--it’s free? Well, ‘now you know.’ Oh, and here’s another tip for dressing up: Winehouse once told Harper’s Bazaar that “I just dress like ... I’m an old black man. Sorry! Like I’m an old Jewish black man. I just dress like it’s still the ‘50s.” So, there you go!

Kerr & Co. in Concert Four concerts island-wide

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oly canoli! Have you heard? Jenny Kerr, a critically acclaimed Americana multi-instrumentalist (she rocks guitar, clawhammer banjo, dobro and harmonica) made her Maui debut last weekend at Three’s Bar & Grill. This week, she’s got four big shows--Friday (Sept.2) at Stella Blues Cafe, 9:30pm; Saturday (Sept. 3) at Charley’s Restaurant & Saloon, 10pm; Sunday (Sept. 4) at Casanova’s Upcountry Sundays, a benefit for Mana’o Radio, 2pm; and Friday (Sept. 9) also at Casanova, 10pm--where she’ll be joined by six-string samurai Eric McFadden, who’s famed for his collaborations with George Clinton and the Parliament Funkadelic (seriously!). Also, Phil “Philbillie” Milner joins the crew--a man who spent his formative years cutting his teeth at Valley Isle clubs; but who hasn’t been back to Maui in more than 25 years. Why the homecoming delay? Well, he’s toured Europe eight times with the Jenny Kerr band, and has been working with the likes Bob Weir, Bonnie Raitt and Tracy Chapman. And as if it couldn’t get any better, Maui’s own Josh Greenbaum will be manning the kit. He’s a Zeptember hero of mine (PS: Zeptember commeth!), with obvious chops and countenance that examples his soulful commitment to his craft.

What Kind of F*ckery Is This? Friday (Sept. 2), 10pm, Casanova, Makawao, $5/free with costume

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ut on your ‘F**k Me Pumps’ for a Tribute to Amy Winehouse Dance & Costume Party. Unless you’ve been living under a rock (like I oft do, and explain in this week’s Kula Kid), you’ll know that Winehouse passed away on July 23, sparking about as much controversy in death as she did in life. Whether you’re in ‘Moody’s mood for love’--or if you think ‘love is a losing game’ and are into ‘just friends’ instead-head to Casanova’s where DJ Boomshot will be mixin’ and mashin’ Winehouse hits, cel-

Solid as a Rakaa Saturday (Sept. 3), 9:30pm, Casanova, Makawao; $18 advance / $20 door.

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nderground hip hop fans rejoice! Hosted by Miahmine, JudahOne Promotions presents emcee Rakaa Iriscience of Dilated Peoples, a Los Angeles-based trio formed in 1992 (likened to Jurassic 5 et al), which earned some mainstream notoriety after a 2004 collaboration with Kanye West. In addition to emcee Rakaa, Tassho Pearce (a.k.a. EMIRC) with DJ Taco, as well as Revolutionary Habitat and Mo Illa Pillaz will perform. (Oh, and if you’re a Twitter addict like we are, you can follow Rakaa @TheRealRakaa.) Tickets are available at judahonepromotions.eventbrite.com.

Wide Awakened Saturday (Sept. 3), 10pm, Stella Blues Cafe, Kihei; $7

M

aui’s own Entity Awakened is back in black. Where have they been? Vegas, baby. But Lady Luck’s on Mauians side because they band’s taking to the Stella’s stage to tear into time and space with their searing black metal scores. Opening for Enity is Order of the White Rose, a proper punk ensemble who’s reputations precede them. So be sure to limber up for the pit, because the pith of my gist is that these bands’ voracity will have you screaming their praises (and if you’re really lucky, you’ll earn a few bruises to boot--likely from boots). A true headbangers’ ball, this late night show is sure to be a furious feat of heavy-hitting musicianship-and one that metalheads won’t want to miss. ■ anu@mauitime.com + @anuheayagi

SEPTEMBER 1, 2011 29

LIVE MUSIC ON THE NORTHSHORE!

RESTAURANT

CALENDAR

Da Kine Calendar BY ANU YAGI

THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 1st

WAVETRAIN

FEATURING GRAMMY AWARD NOMINEE

MARK JOHNSTONE 9PM

FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 2nd

THE KRYPTONES WITH

LIA LIVE AND TEOMON 10PM SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 3rd

THE JENNY KERR BAND s 10PM

BOOKING INFO: JCHERMANMAUI@YAHOO.COM

142 HANA HWY, PAIA

808-573-8085

www.charleysmaui.com

30

SEPTEMBER 1, 2011

BIG SHOWS JENNY KERR AND ERIC MCFADDEN - Fri, Sep 2. Opening act: Kihei Cowboys. See This Week’s Picks for more. $5. 9:30pm. Stella Blues Cafe, 1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 874-3779 PUT ON YOUR ‘F**K ME PUMPS’ FOR A TRIBUTE TO AMY WINEHOUSE DANCE & COSTUME PARTY - Fri, Sep 2. See This Week’s Picks for more. $5/free with costume. 10pm. Casanova, 1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao; 572-0220; casanovamaui.com RAKAA IRISCIENCE OF DILATED PEOPLES - Sat, Sep 3. See This Week’s Picks for more. $18 advance / $20 door. Tickets available at judahonepromotions.eventbrite. com. 9pm. Casanova, 1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao; 572-0220 JENNY KERR AND ERIC MCFADDEN Sat, Sep 3. See This Week’s Picks for more. 10pm. Charley’s Restaurant & Saloon. 142 Hana Hwy., Paia; 579-8085 KIMIE - Sat, Sep 3. Check out this hot Hawaii Island songstress, along with Super Dub Tribe and Kaipo Kapua. $15. 10pm. Oceans Bar & Grill, 1819 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 891-2414 ENTITY AWAKENED WITH ORDER OF THE WHITE ROSE - Sat, Sep 3. See This Week’s Picks for more. Stella Blues Cafe, Stella Blues Cafe, 1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 874-3779 IGNITE PRESENTED BY DJS WITHOUT BORDERS - Sat, Sep 3. This is the last DJs without Borders event until December--feat DJs Trip, Sid and Nadi--so don’t miss another solid slice of sound system seduction. Get creative with Burning Man-inspired costumes, and add a splash of color on your flesh with on-hand body artist, Tessa (happy birthday, BTW!). Moana Bakery & Cafe, 71 Baldwin Ave., Paia; 579-9999 SUMMER SHAKEDOWN GRAND FINALE - Sat, Sep 3. All Access’s girl Cassie helps get the party rockin’--and contestants vie for a grand prize of an all-expenses paid trip. 10pm. LuLu’s Lahaina Surf Club & Grill, Lahaina Cannery Mall, Lahaina; 879-9944 “ULUPALAKUA CARES” - Sun, Sep 4. Enjoy mean kine wine and grinds (from the Ranch Store’s Chef Eric Sakai) and peruse environmental groups’ booths to the music of Uncle Benny Uyetake (11:30am), CJ Helekahi (12pm), David Kamakahi and Herb Ohta Jr. (2-4pm). Other happy highlights of this free community event include a “Magnificent Tree Tour” led by arborist and professor Ernest H. Rezents (11am), and a presentation by Mitch Dmohowski, director of commercial development for Sempra Generation, about the 21-megawatt Auwahi Wind Farm taking shape on Ulupalakua Ranch. Free. 11am-4pm. Ulupalakua Ranch, Hwy. 37, Kula; 878-6058 ALMOND BROWN - Sun, Sep 4. ULTRA at Ambrosia presents Seattle-based DJ/producer, Almond Brown--who’s sets “are an exercise in cross-genre flexibility... of funky vocal and progressive house.” And it wouldn’t be ULTRA without sultry spinner DJ CIA. Ambrosia Martini Lounge, 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 877-9001

STAGE IAO THEATER STREET SALE - Fri, Sep 2. Purchase a piece of Wailuku history at this month’s WFF. Maui OnStage is selling props and costumes from their shows, including their recent, wildly popular staging of “Chicago,” a well as “The Wedding Singer,” “Little Shop of Horrors,” “A Christmas Carol,” “Cats.” Part of Wailuku First Friday events. 6pm. Iao Theater, 68 N. Market St., Wailuku; 242-6969; mauionstage.com PROARTS PRESENTS “SOCIAL SECURITY” - Every Sun, Thu, Fri & Sat. Thu-Sun, Sept 2-18. In bustling downtown Manhattan, trendy art gallery owners Barbara and David (Chaney Cramer and Kevin Hazelton) have their life upended when Barbara’s uptight sister and brother-in-law, Trudy and Martin (Angela Thompson and Jonathan Yudis), deposit their eccentric mother Sophie (Joyce Romero) on their doorstep — then shuttle off to Buffalo to rescue their sexually precocious daughter from college life gone wild. Sophie moves in and is introduced to Maurice (Norman Halip), a suave, aging artist who brightens her life in ways she never expected in her golden years. (Note: No performance on Sept 4.) 7:30pm Thu-Sat. 3pm Sun. $20 adults / $15 students (18-years-old and younger)/$15 kama’aina (Sept 3, 8 & 15). ProArts Playhouse, 1280 S. Kihei Rd, Kihei; 463-6550; proartspacific.com CIRQUE POLYNESIA - Mon-Sat. It’s Cirque du Soleil-esque with a uniquely Polynesian twist. Enjoy amazing high-wire acts, aerial acrobatics, illusions, and mind-boggling contortionists. Starting at $62 (ask about deals for keiki and kama’aina). 6pm. Hyatt Regency Maui Resort & Spa, 200 Nohea Kai Dr., Kaanapali; 6674540; maui.hyatt.com / cirquepolynesia.com

TICKETS ON SALE COMEDIENNE WANDA SYKES - Fri, Sep 9. Personally, I love Wanda Sykes best in her role as Biggie Shortie in “Pootie Tang” (2001)... See you there! $56/$66/$76. 8pm. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org SAVE THE DATE: FIFTH HAWAIIAN HERITAGE AND ENVIRONMENTAL SUSTAINABILITY HO’IKE’IKE - Sat, Sep 10. The Kapuka’ulua ‘Ohana hosts their fifth festival; this time honoring Hui O Wa’a Kaulua and their Mo’ohika O Piilani and Mo’olele, 62-and 42-foot double hulled voyaging canoes. Enjoy live music by The Eazy, plus speakers like Auntie Atete (1pm), Auntie Mahealani (1:30pm), Michael J. Murphy (1:45pm), Elle Cochran (3pm), and the Palo Royal Hawaiian Guard (4pm). Also, there’ll be an aquaponics roundtable (2pm). For more information, contact Anthony Simmons by calling 264-7691 or e-mail kapukaulua@gmail. com. 12-6pm.525 Front St., Lahaina THE YARDBIRDS - Fri, Sep 16. If The Yardbirds were a factory, they’d manufacture guitar gods (former members include Eric Clapton, Jeff Beck and Jimmy Page). The group reformed in 1992, and are playing a benefit concert for the Hawaiian Lifeguard Association’s Junior

Lifeguard Program. $35/$35/$55. 7:30pm. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org SIGN-UP NOW: THE MAUI GO RED FOR WOMEN AMBASSADOR 5K WALK - Sat, Sep 17. Help raise awareness about the high rate and severity of heart disease in women. Sponsored by Maui Tacos. $25. 7am. Whalers Village, 2435 Ka’anapali Pkwy., Ka’anapali; 661-4567; mauimarathon.com MAUI ONSTAGE PRESENTS “THE GARDEN OF BE” - Opens Fri, Sep 23. Runs FriSun through Oct 2. Written by hip local playwright Tess Cartwright, with original music by Joe DeRose and original choreography by Aly Cardinalli. Directed by Steven Dascoulias. A sweet, inspiring and symbolism-steeped exploration into a realm of color, language and love. Perfect for keiki and kupuna alike. 7:30pm Fri & Sat. 3pm Sun. $40/$22/$15/$10. Iao Theater, 68 N. Market St., Wailuku; 242-6969; mauionstage.com MAUI JAZZ & BLUES FESTIVAL - Thu through Sun, Sept 29-25. Featuring fine folks like Les McCann, Jevon Jackson, Tom Scott, Brian Stolz, Skip Martin, Brittni Paiva, Henry Allen and more. This special weekend of events kicks off Thursday (Sept 22) at Stella Blues with SLAM and special guests; continues on Friday (Sept 23) with a VIP jazz dinner at the Grand Wailea’s Grand Dining Room; gets hot and heavy on Saturday (Sept 24) at the Grand’s oceanfront Molokini Garden; and wraps up on Sunday (Sept 25) with a delightful jazz brunch. Special room rates available. Call for reservations.875-1234; mauijazzandbluesfestival.com DINNER WITH DOUGHERTY - Thu, Sep 22. Get an exclusive preview of a newly completed sculpture, guided by the Hui’s acclaimed 2011 Artist in Residence, Patrick Dougherty. Plus, cocktails and a catered meal by Chefs Ralph Giles and Daniel Southmayd. Only 50 seats available. $150. 6-9pm. Hui No’eau Visual Arts Center, 2841 Baldwin Ave., Makawao; 572-6560; huinoeau.com BOYS & GIRLS CLUB OF MAUI BENEFIT GOLF TOURNAMENT - Sat, Oct 8. Register your four-player team for this scramble format tourney. Includes a deluxe goodie bag, awards, and lunch at Cafe O’Lei. Shotgun start. 7:30am. Cafe O’Lei at The Dunes at Maui Lani, 1333 Maui Lani Pkwy., Kahului; 242-4363 ext 322; wbgcmaui.org CAKE - Sun, Oct 23. When Weird Al Yankovic parodied Cake’s style, his song title “Close, But No Cigar” was apropos. Why? Because no one rocks a vibraslap quite like Cake... Hurry up and get your tickets, lest you’ll be left as high and dry as the rattling-teeth jawbones that inspired the vibraslap itself. $39/$49/$89. 7:30pm. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org MAUI MOVIE PREMIERES: “WHEN THE MOUNTAIN CALLS” & “IN LOVE WITH THE MYSTERY” - Sat, Nov 5. Check out the debut of these new movies directed by Maui filmmaker Tom Vendetti. For more information, visit whenthemontaincalls.com and annmorfitee. comin-love-with-the-mystery. $25. 7-9pm. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului;

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

9/1

9/2

9/3

9/4

9/5 - 9/6

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

ALE HOUSE

NFL / Thirsty Thursday Ladies’ Night w/ Q103’s Shaggy & DJ Jamn J 9pm; no cover

NFL / Bottoms Up Nightclub w/ DJ C, DJ LX & Emcee Jay-J 10pm; $10

UFC Silva vs. Okami, $10 / NFL / Rock & Roll Night w/ DJ Diesel Dave 9pm; no cover

NFL / Simma Down Nightclub w/ DJ JamnJ 10pm; no cover

MON - NFL / Open Mic Jam Sesh w/ host Terri Garrison, 9pm / TUE - Braddah Francis, 4-7pm / WED - Free Karaoke Night w/ Braddah Francis, 9pm

AMBROSIA

Jamie Gallo, 7pm / Old School Thursdays w/ DJ Del Sol, 10pm

Whatever You Want w/ DJ AstroRaph, 10pm

Sunrise Saturdaze w/ DJ Decka, 10pm

ULTRA w/ DJ CIA feat. Seattle’s Almond Brown, 10pm

MON – Cocktails For A Cause / TUE – Dirty House Tuesdays w/ DJ La Rage / WED – Red Carpet Movie Night , 7:30pm; Maui’s HI-5 Night (S.I.N.) w/ DJs Del Sol & CIA, 10pm

Live Music

Live Music

Amy Winehouse Dance Party feat. DJ Boomshot 10pm; $5

Rakaa Iriscience (of Dialated Peoples) 9pm; $18/$20

Mana’o Radio’s Upcountry Sundays feat. Jenny Kerr w/ Eric McFadden and Phil “Philbillie” Milner, 2pm

WED - Wild Wahine Wednesday w/ DJ Blast & Chilltown, 10pm; $10

Wavetrain feat. Grammy Award nominee Mark Johnstone 9pm; $5

Aloha Friday Fashion Preview w/ The Kryptones feat. Teomon & Lia Live 9:30pm-1am

Jenny Kerr w/ Eric McFadden and Phil “Philbillie” Milner 10pm

COOL CAT CAFE

Junior & Oren 7:30-10pm; no cover

Dave Caroll 7:30-10pm; no cover

Dave Caroll 7:30-10pm; no cover

Erin Smith 7:30-10pm; no cover

MON - Peter D, 7:30-10pm / TUE - Live Jazz, 7-10pm / WED - Ryan Palma, 7:30-10pm (no cover)

DA KITCHEN, LAHAINA

Ladies’ Night 10pm-close; no cover

Live Music 7-10pm; no cover

Live Music 5:30-8:30pm; no cover

Live Music 5:30-10pm

MON - Live Music, 7-10pm; no cover / WED - Live Music 5:30-8:30pm; no cover

Kama’aina Nights feat. Wolf 6-8pm

Kama’aina Nights feat. Wolf, 6-8pm

355 E. Kamehameha, Kahului - 877-9001

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-1011

CARY & EDDIE’S HIDEAWAY 500 N. Puunene Ave., Kahului - 873-6555

CASANOVA

1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-0220

CHARLEY’S

142 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-8085

Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina - 667-0908

Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina - 661-4900

Friday’s in the Sky Lounge w/ DJ CIA 8pm-12am

DAVID PAUL’S ISLAND GRILL 900 Front St., Lahaina - 662-3000

DIAMONDS ICE BAR

Kihei Cowboys 10pm; no cover

HiRiZ 10pm; no cover

Live Music 10pm; no cover

Jordan & Wolf 10pm; no cover

MON - Gomega / TUE - Rampage / WED Jukebox Party (all sets 10pm; no cover)

DOG & DUCK IRISH PUB

Quiz Night 8pm; no cover

Jordan & Wolf 10pm; no cover

Big John 10pm; no cover

Sebrina Barron 10pm; no cover

MON – Daniel of Off Tomorrow / TUE - Live Music / WED - Sebrina Barron (all sets 10pm; no cover)

NFL / College Football / Karoke / Free Pool Night

NFL / Karaoke / Darts

NFL / College Football / Karaoke & Darts

NFL / Karaoke / Darts

WED - Go Go Dancers & DJ Music 10pm-close; no cover

Rampage 9pm-close; no cover

Dat Guyz 9pm-close; no cover

HiRiZ 9pm-close; no cover

Karaoke Industry Night 8pm-close; no cover

MON - Karaoke, 8pm-close / TUE - Junior Lacuesta WED - Jordan Cudworth & Open Mic Night

Open Mic Night, 7:3010pm; no cover (all ages)

Live Music

Live Music

Live Music

MON through WED - Live Music

1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-9299

1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 875-9669

GREEN LEAF SPORTS BAR 1088 Lower Main St., Wailuku - 244-4888

HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-8010

HARD ROCK CAFE 900 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7400

242-7469 (SHOW); whenthemountaincalls.com POINT PANIC MUSIC FESTIVAL: FEATURING SUBLIME WITH ROME, PEPPER, IRATION, AND DUB TRIO - Sun, Nov 20. An all-ages show! Hawaii’s BAMP Project partners with California’s Guerilla Union to present the Point Panic Music Festival. Featuring the return of Sublime with Rome to the Valley Isle, plus Hawaii’s own Pepper (currently on the Vans Warped Tour) and Iration, as well as--for the first time in Hawaii– the Brooklyn-based band, Dub Trio (which doubles as Matisyahu’s backup). Tickets available through the MACC box office. 3pm doors / 4pm show. $45. 3pm. A&B Amphitheater / Yokouchi Pavilion, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org REO SPEEDWAGON - Sun, Nov 27. This temples-tautened band of highly peroxided Midwesterners have been rockin’ since 1967. Beyond their multi-platinum albums, one interesting fact includes their 2009 release of “Find Your Own Way Home,” the “first ‘downloadable casual game’ produced by a rock band.” 7pm doors/8pm show. $65-$85. 7pm. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 2427469 (SHOW); wmauiarts.org BALDWING HIGH SCHOOL CLASS OF 1981 30-YEAR CLASS REUNION - Sat, Nov 5. Time flies, eh? Reconnect with classmates and enjoy an evening of camaraderie and reminiscing. RSVP due by Oct 15. Make checks payable to Glennis Ooka or Delfey Fernandez (mail to Glennis Ooka, c/o Ooka Supermarket, P.O. Box 1166, Wailuku). For more informatoin, call Sandra at 242-1373 or e-mail bhs81maui@ gmail.com. $50 ($40 PWF members) five-week session/$12 single class/50 percent-off additional siblings. 5:30pm. Cary & Eddie’s Hideaway Restaurant, 500 N. Puunene Ave., Kahului

FOODIE CELEBRATE THE RELEASE OF PRO-AM TSUNAMI IPA - Fri, Sep 2. Calling all hopheads! Celebrate the release of Pro-Am Tsunami IPA, a collaboration of fermentation between Thor McCammon, award-winning Brew Maui homebrew club home-brewer, and Maui Brewing Co. This Pro/Amateur India Pale Ale will soon compete in the 2011 Greate American Beer Festival Pro-Am Beer Competition. 6pm. Maui Brewing Co. Brewpub, Kahana Gateway Center, 4405 Honoapiilani Hwy., Kahana; 6693474; mauibrewingco.com FREE VEGETARIAN COOKING CLASSES WITH CHEF DEVIN KINTOP - Tue, Sep 6. This week, learn how to make BBQ tempeh, corn with roasted peanuts, Okinawan sweet potato salad, and fresh fruit popsicles. Free. 5:306:30pm. Down To Earth, 305 Dairy Rd., Kahului; 877-2661; downtoearth.org GROWN ON MAUI COOKING DEMONSTRATIONS - Tue, Sep 6. Every week in September, the Maui County Farm Bureau sponsors a special chef demonstration, part of their “Grown on Maui, Agriculture Matters” campaign. This week, executive chef Tylun Pang of the Fairmont Kea Lani will demonstrate how to prepare beef poke using Maui Cattle Company beef and fresh produce from Whole Foods Market. Stay tunes for more information about upcoming demos. Featured chefs include Garret Fujieda of the Westin Maui Resort & Spa, Caroline Schaub of O’o Farm, and Ryan Luckey of Pineapple Grill a the Kapalua Resort. Free. 5:30-6:30pm. Whole Foods Market, 70 Kaahumanu Ave #B, Kahului; 872-3310; wholefoodsmarket.com/maui

HALIIMAILE GENERAL STORE DEBUTS TAPAS NIGHTS - Wed, Sep 7. Launching September 7, this new ongoing event will take place every Wed and Thu. The all-new menu offers a variety of tapas--like their Hawaiian lobster slider, nicoise-style stuffed Haiku tomato salad, and Hawaiian-style oysters Rockafeller--and nothing is priced over nine bucks! Plus, the evening features great live music; this week featuring the Hula Honeys. 6-8pm. Haliimaile General Store, 900 Haliimaile Rd., Makawao; 572-2666; bevgannonrestaurants.com

ANNOUNCEMENTS SEE THE INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION! - If you’re on the South side, you’ll have a great view of the International Space Station (ISS) on three evening occasions this week. On Saturday (Sep 3), look to the skies at 8:19pm; on Sunday (Sep 4) at 7:23am; and on Monday, (Sept 5), at 8:03pm. Visit spaceflight.nasa.gov for more information. 23RD ANNUAL LAHAINA POSTER CONTEST - Deadline: (Friday) September 2, 2011. Winning art becomes the official, limited edition Lahaina poster for 2012 (hmm... Front St. apocalypse a la Clint Eastwood, anyone?) and the artist receives a $2,500 cash prize. For more information, click around the Lahaina Town Action Committee website (visitlahaina.com) or call Lynn Donavan at 667-9175. CALL FOR ENTRIES: THE GARDEN OF BE RECYCLED PLASTIC ART SHOW - The Community Work Day Program partners with local playwright Tess Cartwright for a community art show coordinating with Maui OnStage’s upcoming production, “The Garden of BE.” Artists of all ages are encouraged to sub-

mit theirr works to this contest, with a receiving day slated for Sept 10 (10am-3pm). Artists are asked to use only discarded plastics. For entry forms and ore information, visit any public library on Maui or call the Community Work Day Program at 877-2524. Iao Theater, 68 N. Market St., Wailuku REGISTER NOW: 15TH ANNUAL MAUI YOUTH ‘UKULELE PLAYERS CONTEST - Calling all amateur ‘ukulele players and Hawaiian music enthusiasts! Kindergarten keiki through high school seniors are invited to strum, pick and sing their way down to Hula Grill for the restaurant’s 15th Annual Youth Ukulele Players Contest (Saturday, September 17). Compete for prizes (everyone gets something) and bragging rights in solo and group divisions. Judges include Grammy-and Na Hoku Hanohano Award-winners Peter DeAquino, Derick Sebastian, and Garrett Probst (all of whom are prodigies/proteges of this very contest)! Advance registration is required (deadline September 10; $15 fee includes breakfast and Hula Grill souvenir), with entry forms available at Bounty Music, Mele Ukulele and online at hulagrillkaanapali. com. Check-in runs from 8-8:30am followed by a keiki uke workshop. The competition begins at 10am. Plus, the contest will be video-recorded and broadcast by the event’s media sponsor, Hawaii On TV (hawaiiontv.com)! Hula Grill, Whaler’s Village, 2435 Ka’anapali Pwy., Bldg P, Lahaina; 667-6636; hulagrill.com VENDORS WANTED FOR THE ST. JOHN’S KULA FESTIVAL - Daily. Want to participate in the making of this delightful annual tradition? The event features all-day entertainment, ono food, produce, plants, kids’ games and more. Fore more information on how you can participate as a vendor, call 8080-878-6531. St.

SEPTEMBER 1, 2011 31

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

9/1

9/2

9/3

9/4

9/5 - 9/6

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

JAVA JAZZ

Guest Performer 7pm - close; no cover

Tracy Stiles 7pm - close; no cover

Rick Glencross 7pm - close; no cover

Farzad & Mike Madden 7pm - close; no cover

MON - The Chris & Mary Jane Xperiment / TUE - Ras Shaggai / WED - Rick Glencross

KAHALE’S

Bad Kitty, 7pm

Kenny Roberts, 7pm

Eight Track Players, 7pm

The Kihei Cowboys, 7pm

MON - Kawika / TUE - Da Hawaiians / WED - Gina Martinelli (all sets 7pm)

Scotty & Howard 8-10pm

1810 8:30-10:30pm

Barefoot Minded 8-10pm

Sam Ahia, 6:30-8:30pm

MON through WED - Sam Ahia 6:30-8:30pm

Karaoke & Dancing w/ Auntie Toddy Lilikoi 9:30-close; no cover

Karaoke & Dancing w/ Auntie Toddy Lilikoi 9:30-close; no cover

Karaoke w/ Manino 7:30-11pm; no cover

MON - Service Industry Night WED - Karaoke w/ Manino, 7:30-11 pm

3350 L. Honoapiilani Rd. - 667-0787

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 875-7711

KIMO’S

845 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4811

KOBE STEAKHOUSE

136 Dickenson St., Lahaina - 667-5555

Fulton Tashombe & The Maui Jazz All-Stars, 7-10pm

LONGHI’S LAHAINA 888 Front St., Lahaina - 667-2288

LULU’S KIHEI

1945 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-9944

LULU’S LAHAINA

Lahaina Cannery Mall - 661-0808

MERRIMAN’S

1 Bay Club Pl., Kapalua - 669-6400

MOANA BAKERY & CAFE 71 Baldwin Ave., Paia - 579-9999

Live Music & Dancing 8-10pm

Live Music & Dancing, 8-10pm / DJ Canespider, 11pm-close

Easy Listening w/ Neto 8-10pm / DJ AstroRaph, 10pm-close

Howard Ahia 6-8pm

Cyrus Clark 5-7pm

Status Party feat. DJ Twizy, DJ Jem and DJ Treb, plus Philly Blunt & Money Mike, 10pm; $10

Ranga Pae

Ranga Pae

Ranga Pae

Murray Thorne, 7-9pm / Pub Quiz Night w/ Trish “The Dish” Smith, 9:30pm-12am

Lily Meola, 6:30-8:30pm / Dance Night w/ Alika, 10pm-12am

Alika Nako’oka 7-10pm

OCEANS BAR & GRILL

Mauimusicmecca Guest DJ 10pm; no cover

DJ Stylz 10pm; no cover

Kimie, Duper Dub Tribe and Kaipo Kapua 10pm; $15

Jordan 6-9pm

Dress Like a Pirate Night

SANSEI - KAPALUA

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

SANSEI - KIHEI

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

1819 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-2414

SHARKY’S

41 E. Lipa St., Kihei - 874-5115

115 Bay Dr., Lahaina - 669-6286

1881 S. Kihei Rd., Ste. KT116, Kihei - 879-0004

John’s Episcopal Church, 8992 Kula Hwy., Kula PARTICIPANTS WANTED FOR THE ANNUAL MAUI COUNTY SENIOR CITIZEN HEALTH FAIR - On Saturday, Oct 22, Maui Economic Opportunity Inc. (MEO) will hold its annual Maui County Senior Citizen Health Fair. Booths are available, and senior citizen clubs, non-profit organizations, government agencies, for-profit businesses, politicians and political candidates are invited to participate. For more information and to apply for a booth (deadline Sep 30), contact Kecia Sakugawa or Gerry Lum at MEO by calling 249-2970 or e-mailing kecia.sakugawa@meoinc.org. War Memorial Stadium, 211 Kanaloa Ave., Kahului; 270-7389

ANNOUNCEMENTS FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 02

WAILUKU FIRST FRIDAY - It’s a block party! Experience an exciting street fest in the heart of Wailuku town. This month, the Festivals of Aloha kicks-off with a special concert by the Makaha Sons, and honors fallen hero See This Week’s Picks for more. Free. 6:30-9pm.Market, Main and Vineyard St., Wailuku; facebook.com/wailukufirstfriday ALOHA FRIDAY FASHION PREVIEW - Got a sweet tooth for fashion? The Bakery Boutique Hawaii presents pieces from their latest TheBBHI Collection--all handmade in Hawaii. Followed by a crazy-cool concert by The Kryptones feat. Teomon and Lia Live. 9:30pm. Charley’s Restaurant & Saloon, 142 Hana Hwy., Paia; 579-8085 HIRIZ - Oahu’s own HiRiZ is back on the Valley Isle (also, check ‘em out earlier in the evening at Wailuku First Friday, plus at Haui’s LAB on

32

SEPTEMBER 1, 2011

Ranga Pae

TUE - David Choy / WED - Ranga Pae

DJs Without Borders feat. DJs Trip, Sid & Nadi 10pm

Phil & Angie Benoit

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea - 874-1131

MON - All Access DJs, 10pm / TUE - “Lahaina Idol” Karaoke w/ Troy, 9pm-12am / WED Kenny Roberts, 5-8pm (all no cover)

Saturday night). Free. 10pm. Diamonds Ice Bar & Grill, 1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 874-9299

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 03 IPOP! TALENT SEARCH - iPOP is holding a talent search for actors, models, singers and dancers 4-to 25-years old. 9am. Maui Arts and Cultural Center, One Cameron Way, Kahului; HOLOKAI CLUB WITH MAUI MUSIC CONSERVATORY - This special keiki event is sure to inspire aspiring young minds. Free. 10am.12pm. Queen Kaahumanu Shopping Center, 275 W. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 877-3369; queenkaahumanucenter.com JAPANESE CULTURAL SOCIETY OF MAUI’S BBQ & SOCIAL - A complimentary BBQ, plus bingo and activities enjoyed during old plantation times. Those interested in joining the organization are welcome to join in on the fun, as are honored guests of the Aloha Initiative program. To RSVP, contact Pricscilla Yamamura at 283-4253. 10am. Kahului Community Center; 275 Uhu St., Kahului ART SHOW: MR. P “MONGREL ARCHITECT” - Join AMBC for a night of art, music and BYOB libations as they explore the “experiments in optics and perspectives in the hobbled step of a mongrel architect.”. A Makebelieve Company, 810 Haiku Rd., Haiku; ambchawaii.com HIRIZ - Direct from Oahu, HiRiZ performs another sure-to-be-packed show at the LAB. Best of all, it’s free! 9pm. Haui’s Life’s A Beach, 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 891-8010 POSITIVE MOTION WITH ONE INITY - Another great Ozzie Concerts production! One Inity has one of the most in-demand local albums in stores now, and they’ll be joined by FJ Kaneao

TUE - Open Mic Night The Celtic Tigers w/ Roger McKinley / 6:30-9:30pm / Big John, 10pm-12am

MON - TBA / TUE - Brenton Keith & His Bag O’Tricks, 7-8pm; no cover / WED Willie K, 7-9pm

MON - Eat & Place Day Dance Dance Extreme Competition, 7pm / TUE - Karaoke w/ DJ Jay / WED - Western Night & BBQ Championship

and Lia Live. Come dressed to impress, a TV pilot will be filmed that evening! 9pm. Three’s Bar & Grill, 1945 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 879-3133

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 04 MANA’O RADIO’S UPCOUNTRY SUNDAYS WITH JENNY KERR AND ERIC MCFADDEN - Sun, Sep 4. A benefit for Mana’o Radio. See This Week’s Picks for more. 2pm. Casanova, 1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao; 572-0220 BOARDSWAP - Gather with other surfers to buy, sell or trade boards. 4-6pm. Local Motion, Lahaina Gateway, 305 Keawe St., Lahaina; 661-7873; lahainagateway.com

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 06 MEET THE AUTHOR OF “LIVING A LIFE OF REIKI” - Reiki master Shalandra Abbey presents and introduction to Reiki natural healing and discusses Reiki’s importance too energy medicine and literature. Concludes with a Q&A session. Free. 6-7:30pm. Kahului Public Library, 90 School St., Kahului; 873-3097; librarieshawaii.org BRENTON KEITH & HIS BAG O’TRICKS - Magic and humor with Brenton Keith. A riproaring good time for the whole ‘ohana. 7-8pm. Free. Mulligan’s on the Blue, 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea; 874-1131

WEDNESDAY, AUG 31 WOW! WAILEA ON WEDNESDAYS - Enjoy an island-style concert in the courtyard; plus gallery receptions, artist appearances and more. Free. 6:30-8pm. The Shops at Wailea, Lower Courtyard, 3750 Wailea Alanui, Wailea; 8976770 ext. 2; shopsatwailea.com RED CARPET MOVIE NIGHT: “WAYNE’S

WORLD” (1992) - September is Mike Myers month! Two words: free popcorn. Need we say more? No Cover. 7:30pm. Ambrosia, 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 891-1011; wambrosiamaui.com SLACK KEY SHOW: MASTERS OF HAWAIIAN SLACK KEY MUSIC - Every Wed, coolerthan-cool Uncle George Kahumoku Jr hosts this Grammy Award-winning concert series. Dinner/ show packages available through the Sea House Restaurant (adjacent to the concert hall; 5:30pm seating). $39.99. 7:30-9:30pm. Napili Kai Beach Resort Pavilion, 5900 L. Honoapiilani Rd., Napili; 669-3858; slackkey.com / napilikai.com

DINNER MUSIC WEST MAUI

CANOES - Fri & Sat, Ras Shaggai 5:308:30pm; Sun, Indapkt 3-6pm. 1450 Front St., Lahaina, 661-0937. COOL CAT CAFE - Every Thu, Junior & Oren 7:30-10pm; Every Fri & Sat, Dave Carroll 7:3010pm; Every Sun, Erin Smith 7:30-10pm; Every Mon, Peter D 7:30-10pm; Every Tue, live Jazz 7-10pm; Every Wed, Ryan Palma 7:3010pm. Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina, 667-0908. DA KITCHEN - Live music every Fri, 7-10pm; Sat, 5:30-8:30pm; Sun, 5:30-10pm, Mon, 7-10pm. Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina, 661-4990. DAVID PAUL’S ISLAND GRILL - Every Fri, Friday Nights in the Sky Lounge withDJ CIA 8pm12am; Every Sun & Mon, Kama’aina Nights w/ Wolf 6-8pm. 900 Front St., Lahaina, 662-3000 DUKE’S BEACH HOUSE - Duke’s Beach

Presents a tribute to

Amy Winehouse FRIDAY, SEPT. 2nd 10pm- Close A dance & Costume Party featuring

DJ boomshot $5 Cover - FREE IN COSTUME New Visual Alchemy By

AArtwork by Fanpop

VJ Doug De Boer

11 MaNawao Avenue ‡ 0 .5 2.0220 ‡ www.casanovamaui.com

Back by

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Every Tuesday in September ™\ääÂ“ĂŠUĂŠf£äĂŠ ÂœĂ›iĂ€ Dance, Dance, Dance to Rock, Blues & Jazz!

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For dinner reservations and information SEPTEMBER 1, 2011 33

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THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

9/1

9/2

9/3

9/4

9/5 - 9/6

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM MON - DJ Blast / TUE - DJ LX / WED Ladies’ Night w/ The ADD Twins (All sets 10pm - close; no cover)

Industry Night 10pm-close

MON - Mahalo Monday Industry Night, 10pm-close / TUE - Tennis League Night

DJ LX 10pm-close; no cover

Live Music 9pm-12am; no cover

Live Music 9pm-12am; no cover

Ladies’ Night 7pm-close; no cover

Fun Lovin’ Infidels 8-11pm; no cover

Karaoke & Free Pool Night 8pm/12am; no cover

Ah Tim

Jenny Kerr w/ Eric McFadden and Phil “Philbillie” Milner plus The Kihei Cowboys 9:30pm; $5

Entity Awakened w/ Order of the White Rose 10pm; $7

MON - Tom Cherry & Mike Finkewiecz, 4-6pm / TUE - Tom Conway, 4-6pm / WED - Randall Rospond, 4-6pm / SLAM feat. David Choy & Clay Mortensen, 7-10pm

STOPWATCH SPORTS BAR

Karaoke w/ Pearl Rose 9:15pm-12am; no cover

Deep Cover 9pm-1am; $3

Karaoke w/ Pearl Rose 9pm-12am; no cover

WED - Eddie & The Promises 8:30-11:30pm; $3

THREE’S BAR & GRILL

The Vince Esquire Band 9pm

Billie & The Bad Dogs / San Francisco’s Jenny Kerr, Eric McFadden & Phil Milner, 9pm

Positive Motion, One-Inity, RJ Kaneao and Lia Live 9pm

Live Music

Live Music

Karaoke

Karaoke

Industry Night 9pm-2am; no cover Next Level Entertainment 10pm

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-6444

DJ Slackin 10pm-close; no cover

Kanoa 10pm-close; no cover

DJ Gemini & DJ Ynot 10pm-close; no cover

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE SPORTS PAGE GRILL & BAR 2411 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-0602

STEEL HORSE SALOON 1234 L. Main St., Wailuku - 243-2206

STELLA BLUES CAFE 1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-3779

1127 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-1380

1945 S Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-3133

TIA JUANA’S BEACH CANTINA 2291 Kaanapali Pkwy. - 667-4080

TIFFANY’S

1424 L. Main St., Wailuku - 249-0052

TIMBA

505 Front St, Ste. 212, Lahaina - 661-9873

WATERCRESS

Waiehu Beach Center, Wailuku-243-9350

House - Every Mon, Tue & Wed, Brian 3-5pm; Wed, Alika & Ron 6-8:30pm; Thu, Damien 3-5pm; Thu, Garrett & Peter 6-8:30pm; Fri, Garrett 3-5pm; Every Fri & Sat, Kulwewa 6-8:30pm; Every Sun & Sat, Tim 3-5pm; Sun, Tim & Miles 6-8:30pm; Tue, Alika & Edee 6-8:30pm; Tue, Tim & Edee 6-8:30pm; Fri, Henry Kapono 5-7pm. 130 Kai Malina Pkwy., Lahaina, 662-2900. HULA GRILL - Hula Grill - Wed, Alika 1:303:30pm; Wed, Peter DeAquino 4-6pm; Every Tue & Wed, Ernest Pua’a & Friends 6:30-9pm; Thu, Alika 11am-1pm; Thu, Ernest Pua’a 1:303:30pm; Every Mon & Thu, Armadillo 4-6pm; Thu, Kulwewa 6-9pm; Every Mon, Fri & Sat, Kawika Lum Ho 1:30-3:30pm; Every Fri & Sat, 1810 4-6pm; Fri, Kawika, Roy & Ivan 6:30-9pm; Sat, Wili Pohaku 6:30-9pm; Every Sun & Tue, Kawika Lum Ho 11am-1pm; Sun, Ron & Ikaika 1:303:30pm; Sun, Derick Sebastian Trio 6-9pm; Mon, Derick Sebastian & Josh Kahula 6:30-9pm; Tue, Jarrett Roback 1:30-3:30pm; Tue, Damon & Danyel Alana 4-6pm; Every Mon, Wed & Fri, Ernest Pua’a 11am-1pm. Whaler’s Village, 2435 Ka’anapali Pwy., Bldg P, Lahaina, 667-6636. JAVA JAZZ - Thu, Guest Performer; Fri, Tracy Stiles; Sat, Rick Glencross; Sun & Mon, The Chris and Mary Jane Xperiment; Tue, Ras Shaggai; Wed, Rick Glencross (all sets 7pm). 3550 L. Honoapiilani Rd., Lahaina, 667-0787. KIMO’S - Every Sun, Mon, Tue & Wed, Sam Ahia 6:30-Fri, 1810 8-10:30pm; Sat, Barefoot Minded 8-10pm; Every Sun, Mon, Tue & Wed, Sam Ahia 6:30-8:30pm; Thu, Scotty & Howard 8-10pm. 845 Front St., Lahaina, 661-4811. LEILANI’S ON THE BEACH - Every Thu, Jarrett & Wilson 3-5pm; Every Sun, Kilohana 3-5pm. Whaler’s Village, 2435 Ka’anapali Pkwy. Bldg. J, Ka’anapali, 661-4495. LONGHI’S LAHAINA - Every Fri, Fulton Tashombe and The Maui Jazz All Stars 7-10pm. 888 Front St., Lahaina; 667-2288. LULU’S LAHAINA SURF CLUB & GRILL - Every Thu, Howard Ahia 6-8pm; Every Fri, Cyrus Clark 5-7pm; Every Wed, Kenny Roberts 5-8pm. Lahaina Cannery Mall, 1221 Honoapiilani Hwy. #A1, Lahaina, 661-0808.

34

SEPTEMBER 1, 2011

Gina Martinelli Band 7pm

WED - Laugh Lounge with Shaggy Jenkins of Q103

Karaoke

Karaoke

MON through WED- Karaoke

Undone w/ Ross Q 9:30pm-2am; $10

Spun Out w/ DJ Calcul8 9pm-2am; $10

Closed

MON through WED - Closed

Live Music 10pm

Live Music 10pm

Free Karaoke

MON - Free Karaoke / TUE - Thirsty Tuesday & Free Karaoke / WED - Free Karaoke

MERRIMAN’S - Wed-Sun, Ranga Pae; Mon, Phil & Angie Benoit; Tue, David Choy. All sets 6-9pm. 1 Bay Club Pl., Lahaina, 669-6400. ONO BAR & GRILL - Thu & Tue, Benny Uyetake; Sat, Kealii Lum; Sun, Mitch Keppa; Wed, Scott Baird (all sets 6-9pm). Westin Maui Resort & Spa, 2365 Kaanapali Pkwy., 667-2525. PIONEER INN GRILL & BAR - Thu, Greg di Piazza feat. Alana Cini 5:30-8:30pm; Tue, Ah-Tim Elenicki 5:30-8:30pm; Wed, JD on the Rocks 5-8pm. 658 Wharf St., Lahaina; 661-3636 R.B. BLACK ANGUS STEAKHOUSE - Every Sun, Live jazz. 4465 Honoapiilani Hwy., Lahaina; 669-8889 SEA HOUSE RESTAURANT - Every Tue & Fri, Kincaid Kupahu 7-9pm; Every Sun & Thu, Andrew Kaina 7-9pm; Sat, Coehlo Morrison 7-9pm; Every Mon & Wed, Albert Kaina 7-9pm. 5900 Lower Honoapiilani Hwy., Napili, 669-1500.

HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH - Every Thu, Jeff New; Every Fri, Mon & Tue, Rick Glencross; Every Sat, Ryan Robinson; Mon & Tue, Karaoke 8pm; Wed, Open Mic 9pm. 1913 S. Kihei Rd., #E, Kihei, 874-1250.

feat. David Choy and Clay Mortensen 7-10pm. 1279 South Kihei Rd., # 201, Kihei, 874-3779.

KAI WAILEA - Thu, Mon & Sun, Wolf; Fri, Ryan Robinson; Sat, Kanoa; Mon, Tom Conway; Wed, Francois (all sets 6-8:30pm). 3750 Wailea Alanui, Wailea, 875-1955.

THE RED BAR AT GANNON’S, A PACIFIC VIEW RESTAURANT - Thu, Fulton Tashombe & Special Guests 6-8pm; Tue, Braddah Larry Golis 6-8pm. Wailea Golf Club House, 100 Wailea Golf Club Dr., Wailea, 875-8080.

MONSOON INDIA - Every Sat, Romantic Violin & Guitar Duets by Cambria Moss & Ricardo Dioso 6:30-8:30pm; Mon, Louise Lambert 6-9pm; Every Tue, Hula Honeys 5:30-8:30pm. 760 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 875-6666.

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ON MAUITIME.COM

VILLAGE CAFE & SWEET SHOPPE Fri, Glenn Kakugawa and Sarah Cravalho 5:30-8:30pm. Sun, Joel Katz 9am-2pm; Tue, Glenn Kakugawa 5:308:30pm. 2000 Village Rd., Lahaina, 665-1122.

SOUTH MAUI AMBROSIA - Every Thu, Jamie Gallo 7pm; Every Mon, Cocktails for a Cause 8pm + live entertainment 9pm; Every Wed, Red Carpet Movie Night (August is vampire month! This week: “Waynes World”) 7:30pm. 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 891-1011. BEACH BUMS BAR & GRILL - Every Fri, Tom Cherry & Mike F. 5-9pm; Every Tue, Randall Rospond 5-8pm. 300 Maalaea Rd. #1M, Maalaea, 243-2286. CAPISCHE? - Every Fri & Sat, Mark Johnstone 7-10pm. 555 Kaukahi St., Kihei, 879-2224.

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE - Thu, Murray Thorne 7-8:30 pm; Fri, Lily Meola 6:308:30 pm; Sun, The Celtic Tigers 6:309:30pm; Mon, SLAM feat. David Choy & Clay Mortensen 6:309:30; Wed, Willie K 7-9pm. 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea, 874-1131.

PITA PARADISE WAILEA - Sun, Phil & Angie Benoit 5:30-7:30pm. 34 Wailea Gateway Plaza, Wailea, 879-7177. SHARKY’S - Thu, Jordan Fun 5:30-9pm; Every Fri, Dress Like A Pirate Night 5:30-9pm; Tue, Karaoke Contest with DJ Jay 5:30-9pm. Lipoa Center, 41 E. Lipoa St. Ste. 15, Kihei, 874-5115 SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE - Every Thu, Erin Smith; Every Fri, Randall Rospond; Every Sat, Tom Conway; Every Sun, Viva La Rumba; Every Mon, Kanoa; Every Tue, Sebrina Barron; Every Wed, Wolf. (all sets 4-6pm.) Kihei Kalama Village, 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 874-6444. STELLA BLUES CAFE - Every Thu, Ah-Tim 4-6pm; Every Mon, Tom Cherry & Mike Finkeiwicz 4-6pm; Every Tue, Tom Conway 4-6pm; Every Wed, Randall Rospond 4-6pm / SLAM

TAQUERIA CRUZ - Every Tue & Sat, live music - Reggae, Jazz, Blues 5:30-8:30pm. 2395 S. Kihei Rd. #112, Kihei, 875-2910.

THREE’S BAR & GRILL - Every Thu, Vince Esquire Band 8pm; Every Sun, Gina Martinelli Band; Every Wed, Laugh Lounge with Shaggy Jenkins of Q103. 1945 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 879-3133 TRADEWINDS POOLSIDE CAFE - Every Thu, Island Favorites with Kawika Lum Ho; Every Fri, Girls Nite Out with Gina Martinelli; Every Sat, Classic Rock with Dominic; Every Sun, Ron Shadian & Friends; Every Mon, Bobby Ingram & Friends; Every Tue, Mike and Mark; Every Wed, Steve Sargenti. (all sets 6-9pm.) 2259 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 891-8860.

CENTRAL MAUI ALE HOUSE - Every Fri, Braddah Francis 4-8pm; Every Mon, Terri Garrison 4-7pm, Open Mic Night with Terri Garrison 9pm; Every Tue, Braddah Francis 4-7pm. Every Wed, Karaoke w/ Braddah Francis 9pm. 355 E. Kamehameha Ave., Kahului, 877-9001. CAFE O’LEI AT THE DUNES AT MAUI LANI Every Fri & Sat, Phil & Angela Benoit 5:30-8:30pm. 1333 Maui Lani Pkwy., Kahului; 877-0773.

UPCOUNTRY MAUI CAFE DES AMIS - Every Thu, Joe Conte plays The Chapman Stick; Every Sat, live Argentinian music; Every Wed, The Stone Violets 6:308:30pm. 42 Baldwin Ave., Paia, 579-6323. FLATBREAD COMPANY - Every first Thu, Randall Rospond 6:30-9:30pm. 89 Hana Hwy., Paia, 579-8989. KULA LODGE - Sat & Sun, Jazz music. 15200 Haleakala Hwy., Kula, 878-1535. LOCAL MOCHA CAFE - Every Sat in Sep, Kimo Nevius 6:30-8:30pm. 81 Makawao Ave., Pukalani, 573-2859.

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FRIDAY AFTERNOON IS THE MOST POSITIVE, HOPE FILLED PORTION OF THE WEEK. SO HANG OUT WITH JOHNNY A AND SOAK UP THE GREAT VIBES, THE LAUGHTER, THE FREE STUFF, AND (OF COURSE) THE GREATEST ROCK AND ROLL EVER CREATED.

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SEPTEMBER 1, 2011 35

KULA KID

My apologies, Pop BY ANU YAGI

I

like to say that “I love living in the future.” So what if it’s not yet a Jetsons world1? Our time’s got great things like The Internets, cures for cancer, and frickin’ lasers sold in Thai street markets for baht that equals but a few US bucks. Hell, even scabby panhandlers have computers in their pockets (Trustafarians aside)! Sweet though they can be, contrivances of this “future” have made the world no less quixotic or full of quandary than the past, and lately I’ve been pondering what implications this has in the audio/televisual realm. See, ever since video killed the radio star–only to be usurped by the wave that’s the Web–our media has been on-demand, damned-near free and robot-and crowd-curated exactly to our taste. This is awesome for a person like me who’s impatient, broke and picky. Plus, this allows me to exercise one of my few talents: mentally constructing blinders. You know, blinders–like the distraction/spook-preventing horse tack also known as winkers, blinkers or nods. (OK. I lied. The first two are actual synonyms for “blinders,” but the latter-most is a hopefully humorous Eugene Field homage. There is in fact a third analogue, and Aussie term called “pacifiers,” but I digress...) In fact, I’m so good at putting up blinders that I’d even masked from myself how I’d unwittingly mastered said blinding to the point of being pop culturally bankrupt. TMZ what? Perez Hilton who? When wanting to convey, a la Alanis2, that “you ought to know,” the cheap albeit equipped idiom to use is, “unless you’ve been living under a rock...” (blah, blah, blah ensues). Though a tad tawdry, it can still be a good go-to; and lord knows I’m not above anything, least of all enjoying grazing on the oft-stinking onion that is figurative language. (Anyone have a mint?) So the problem’s become–for Me v. Pop Culture–that I’ve tech-curated a life lived under a rock. (And considering my aforementioned fastidiousness, until recently I’ve preferred an extremophile analogy; likening my ignorance-is-bliss idea to a barophilic organism living in geochemical extremes who’s passed up giving sunshine a chance like Plato’s peeps in The Cave.) Couple that with the ramifications of (literally) living on a rock–as the island fever-forlorn might say–and that puts me between a rock and a hard place when it comes to pop influences. There are 98-year-olds in Kansas more tuned-in to the top 40’s than I am (or, as it stands, stand to be). But god, have I done myself a disservice! I’ve been blocking out a lot of mainstream stuff that’s actually pretty damned good. With a shred of self defense I’ll ask, can you blame me? I mean, I came of age of during MTV’s demise; a time when Total Request Live was heralding The Backstreet Boys as the biggest thing since The Beatles. Dark days indeed. So, I shut down like a mom and pop shop (well, minus the Pop, so to speak). When it comes to my playlists I like to fancy that I revel in what’s relatively obscure–having emerged from a time when that seemed the only thing worth exalting. That kind of snobbery might be alright when your a teen desperately seeking identity–but it’s got an expiration date and I’ve been swimming in soured milk. While I suppose it’s nothing to cry over, I’m still annoyed with

Footnotes 1

......................................(get it)

myself when I discover all I’ve been missing. Cases in point: 1) Arcade Fire; 2) Beyonce (specifically her “Single Ladies” music video; and 3) Lady Gaga. (Bear with me if those celebrities are unappealing to you, too.) 1) Not long ago I caught Arcade Fire on Austin City Limits (on DVR, of course), and my rocky abode began to crumble. Until then, I assumed they were just another fart in the wind to add to the list of bands no one remembers despite their 15-minute windfall–and I didn’t bother listening to a note. How misguided! Arcade Fire might look as though the cast of Harry Potter started a band (a herd of hipsters helmed by a brooding brunette frontman and a frizzy-haired know-it-all multi-instrumentalist chick; plus a redhead and all the rest)–but The Suburbs is hauntingly poignant even to this country kid. 2) I was indulging in a PBR and fried mandoo dinner at Lower Main Street’s Green Leaf Sports Bar & Grill, and the bartender put on Promo Only music videos. It had been years since I watched anything like that, and couldn’t look away from the car wreck. I was sure I’d entered The Twilight Zone because, I was shocked to find, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera are not only still recording–but they seemed to be the only ones recording. Just as I was on the precipice of swearing-off my reverse-spelunking entirely to live under my rock happily ever after, Beyonce’s “Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)” came on, and my hope was restored. Oh, that’s why fish stick-loving Kanye West was railing against Taylor Swift! (PS: Oh my god, I’m taking Kanye West’s corner?!) Beyonce’s video is a feat of human movement, a triumph of cinematography; and I don’t think you should bother making a music video at all unless it’s of that caliber. 3) My good buddy Marcus from Requests is arbiter of taste and regularly informs my audible aesthetic. He’s got a knack for knowing what I like and oft his suggestions make a monster of me (e.g. Marc’s culpable for my John Safran and Reggie Watts obsessions). He’s a huge Howard Stern fan, and we were watching a recent Lady Gaga interview and live performance. WTF? I had no idea! She’s the real deal! And here the closest I’d gotten to Gaga was Cartman’s rendition of “Poker Face” from South Park’s “Whale Whores” episode, and an episode of Glee that I saw by mistake. If I was from the Madonna generation, I’d be feeling really ripped off right now. All that said, my apologies, Pop. A decade ago you’d had me fooled into thinking you’d died; but I was wrong. So at the risk of an occasional spook, I’ll forgo my blinders. Even the penumbra cast by celebrities in your limelight is inspiring–or, at the very least, interesting–and I’d be doing myself a favor to have a looksee. Oh, and thanks, too, for helping me from out under my rock and into the future I like to say I love. ■

➚

To read more Kula Kid with links and photos and stuff, and to leave comments, visit mauifeed.com/kulakid To share or save: mt.hy.pr/1511k

And anyway, in the unlikely case that cartoons are vaticinators in any minute degree, we can get geeky by saying that Hanna-Barbera’s Jetsons et alia [won’t] enjoy Orbit City’s sprocketed conveniences [until] circa 2062, one hundred years from the time the TV show originally aired. 2 Yep. An Alanis Morissette reference to further prove my point: I’ve got some catching-up to do. anu@mauitime.com

36

SEPTEMBER 1, 2011

HOROSCOPE

Sign Language BY CAERIEL CRESTIN VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22)

PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20)

Virgos have an incredible knack for feeling guilty over shit that no one else would bother feeling guilty about. For someone so practical, you can sometimes tie your emotions into knots thinking about stuff that the other people involved probably haven’t thought about since it happened. Why torture yourself over something no one remembers? This week, you must consider whether you really ought to be flagellating yourself over this stuff. My guess is, “probably not.” At the very least, even if you decide you shouldn’t be completely let off the hook, please try to lighten up, at least a little.

Although some signs do naturally get along better with each other, I’m loathe to share that information, because people take it way too seriously (even when they claim not to). There are a million other factors that can completely negate even the worst potential sun sign combination. It’s more important to trust your gut over something some kook told you, or that you read in a book, especially if their advice conflicts with your actual experience. Get advice when you hit bumpy stretches. If it’s smooth sailing right now, ignore all that stuff, and just run with (and enjoy) it. ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19)

LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22)

Imagine you were asked to create a painting representing something joyful, but limited to only using shades of blue. While it might arguably be more difficult to complete such an assignment, it’s hardly impossible. Throwing up your hands in frustration, helplessness, or submission seems somewhat premature and unnecessary at this point. Could your task be simpler or easier? Yes, of course it could. Is it as “impossible” as you’ve convinced yourself it is? Not even close. Stop whining and decide you’ll ace this. Only then will you begin to have the great ideas that’ll help you do exactly that. SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21)

Dive in. A fully committed Scorpio is a beautiful thing to behold. If you’re into something (or someone), make the conscious decision to truly see where this could go. Make the time and space for things to really unfold. Sure, this might turn out to be a flop, a waste of time, a heartbreak, or a total failure. No one can say what will truly come of this, and that’s part of what makes it so exciting. What I do know is that no matter what happens, even if it’s painful, you’ll come out the other side of it feeling like you really lived. SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21)

Imagine this experiment: for a month, you eat out every night, but allow someone else to order for you—then force yourself to eat whatever got put in front of you. You’d probably consume a lot of crap you disliked, plenty of stuff you were neutral about—and a few things that surprised and delighted you, at least partially because it would never have occurred to you to order them for yourself. Since you need to turn up the volume on your adventurous nature, may I suggest a similar experiment? Employ someone else’s imagination—then go along with wherever it takes you. To me that sounds like such fun. What’s it sound like to you?

Our conscious minds allow us to surmount, in some meaningful way, every crappy thing that’s ever happened to us. Of course, some people have more work to do in this department than others—but no one still alive is completely beyond redemption, provided they’re aware of and believe in their ability to choose a different path for themselves, and, of course, have that intention. It may feel like your baggage (particularly what you inherited rather than picked up on your own) is a burden you’ll never be free of, but you will—as soon as you believe you can be (and begin the necessary work). TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20)

When someone’s behavior towards others verges on the absurd, please try to remember—they don’t necessarily have the benefit of your perspective. Being socially adept comes naturally to some people, but for most it requires practice and a good (usually human) mirror who can help them correct their faux pas. Can you play that mirror for someone, gently and kindly nudging them towards more graceful ways to get to where they want to go? Actually, I know you can. The question is: will you? Before you answer, know this: if you don’t step up, no one will.

QUIZunderstood ANSWERS ...to questions on page 7

1. B. Shoreline erosion partially collapsed a coconut tree, ironwood tree and the park’s public restrooms. 2. C. There are no burials in the area—just terraces constructed by a Chinese farmer. 3. E. “One cannot rise to the level of president pro tempore of the United States Senate without having sinned.”

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Guilt is useless, especially when it pertains to something you have no control over, like being born into a wealthy family, or being astonishingly good-looking, or simply being a certain race. If you feel compelled to react to your good fortune by goodheartedly sharing it, then by all means (since mostly good is likely to come of that) have at it. But do it from a place of feeling blessed and grateful, not guilty. Generosity born from a sense of obligation rather than joy isn’t going to feel good for either you or its recipient—so unless you can share from a feeling of fortunate abundance, don’t bother. CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22)

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19)

Let’s face it; you’re not that spontaneous. While an Aries, if challenged to do so, would gleefully head off into the woods to survive a month armed with only slingshot, pocketknife and nary a clue, you would only attempt such a venture after significantly more research, training, and preparation. Needless to say, your experience would differ dramatically from that Aries (who may have even had to give up before the month was up). However, who’s to say which is ultimately better? You know what your way feels like. This is a good week to take a page out of Aries’ book. Dive into something on a whim. I predict you’ll not only learn something awesome—you’ll have a blast, too. AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18)

You’ve never been a particularly fearful person. Why start now? If something seems pretty cool, run with it. You can be sure it won’t be “perfect,” or live up to the ideal it appeared to be at first, but there’s no real reason to slam on the brakes or err on the side of caution. In fact, if at all possible, you should err on the side of wild abandon. Worst-case scenario: you end up with a cool story to tell. Sorry, I can’t really describe the best-case scenario—it’s just too good to put into words.

You’ve so frequently been accused of allowing your emotions to cloud your judgment that nowadays you occasionally overcompensate by not letting your feelings influence a situation at all. That’s a mistake. While it’s true that you’ve occasionally let your powerful sentiments get the best of you, they are a source of your strength, and shutting them down completely is cutting yourself off from one of your best qualities. Perhaps they shouldn’t be allowed to run rampant—rationality ought to ultimately call the shots in the decision before you—but admitting their influence into the whole process will only improve it. LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22)

I took an improv class where they encouraged us to take “failure bows.” Whenever you screwed up, you could cheerfully announce, “I failed!” dramatically bow, and everyone would manically cheer and applaud you. I wish you Leos, at least, could incorporate something like this into your lives, because all too often you’re reluctant to try things you’re not pretty sure you’ll be good at, and outright refuse to attempt stuff you think you’ll fail at. The next time you’re daunted by something like this, please imagine everyone you know wholeheartedly cheering you on, simply for giving it a go, and loving you even if you fall flat on your face. We are. Go try.

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