15.15 Things We Love About The Maui Fair, September 29, 2011, Volume 15, Issue 15, MauiTime

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SEPTEMBER 29, 2011 ♥ VOLUME 15 ♥ ISSUE 15 ♥ FREE

THINGS WE LOVE

ABOUT THE MAUI FAIR PG. 10

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Contents VOLUME 15

✚

READER FEEDBACK

ISSUE 15

BY READERS LIKE YOU GIVIN’ ANU LOVE

THIS WEEK’S QUESTION: What’s you favorite food at the fair? Editor: Anthony Pignataro (808) 283-1308 / anthony@mauitime.com @apignataro on Twitter POG Associate Editor: Anu Yagi (808) 264-8039 / calendar@mauitime.com @anuheayagi on Twitter Cascarone Proofreader: Dina Wilson Chow Fun Contributors: Jason Castle, Caeriel Crestin, Mick E. Finn, Jory John, Avery Monsen, Ron Pitts, Chuck Shepherd, Sara Tekula, Ynez Tongson, Barry Wurst II Intern: Natasha-Lyn P. Mendoza Photographer: Sean Michael Hower mauiweddingmedias.com / howerphotography.com Art Director & Production Manager: Scrappers scrapperstown.com Anything that doesn’t come in a styrofoam box. Graphic Designers: Amy Mendolia, Christina Tarleton Advertising Executive: Brad Chambers (808) 283-3260 / brad@mauitime.com Foot-long, deep fried, fudge-dipped Crystal Meth on a stick

5 NEWS & VIEWS FEATURE STORY 10 DINING 12 FILM CRITIQUE 16 FILM TIMES 17 19 THIS WEEK’S PICKS 22 DA KINE CALENDAR THE GRID 23 KULA KID 28 HOROSCOPE 29 CLASSIFIED 30 31 MIND, BODY & SPIRIT

General Manager: Jennifer Russo (808) 280-3286 / jen@mauitime.com @jenrusso on Twitter Chow Fun Admin. Executives: Keo Eaton (Obscene amounts of Pansit), Kellie R. Holliday (808) 244-0777 Admin. Assistant: Jennifer Brown Fried Dough Web Design: Linear Publishing Publisher: Tommy Russo (808) 283-0512 / tommy@mauitime.com @tommyrusso on Twitter Steamed Veggie Plate

MauiTime is published every Thursday by MauiTime Productions, Inc. Its contents are Copyright © 2011 by MauiTime Productions, Inc. All rights reserved. Subscriptions are available at $70 per year. Reproduction or use without permission is strictly prohibited. MauiTime may be distributed only by MauiTime’s authorized independent contractor. MauiTime is valued at $.50 per copy and permits one complimentary copy per person. No person may, without written permission of MauiTime, take more than one copy of each weekly issue. All opinions expressed throughout MauiTime are those of the authors and not necessarily the same opinions as MauiTime Productions, Inc. and MauiTime. MauiTime 33 N. Market St., Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 office (808) 244-0777 • fax (808) 244-0446 www.mauitime.com @mauitime on Twitter Deadlines: Display Advertising: Friday Noon Classified: Monday 4pm Calendar: Monday Noon Circulation: 18,000 copies of MauiTime

YOUR SCION NO HAGGLE, NO HASSLE.

(The following letters refer to the story “Requiem for a Stream” by Anu Yagi, which ran in our Sept. 22, 2011 issue) Wonderful report. Your fairness in giving both sides of the story is what good journalism is about. That fairness speaks most eloquently for the side of the common people,whatever there ethnic origin might be. -Waldemar Kmentt, via Facebook Even as a recent transplant from Seattle, I could feel my heart beating a little faster and harder in my chest, along with a little indignation rising on behalf of the indigenous families. There are clearly no easy solutions to this mess, and sadly money trumps tradition in our world, but it made me proud to be a new part of a community that would at least 1) stand up for pono, and 2) do it in a peaceful way. Thank you for your VERY well-written piece, in particular the last two sentences as they pertain to those like the NYC couple and myself. For outsiders who have a true desire to honor and experience Hawaiian history and culture, it’s a shame they’d have to risk arrest to do so. Even more shameful is that a native son would be running that same risk. -Brian Briggs, via Mauifeed.com Great article! So sorry to see that society continues to regulate access because they cannot come up with good solutions. -Erik Blair, via Mauifeed.com

KATIE MCMILLAN AND TEDxMAUI, TOO Katie McMillan is an example of a lady who had the Courage to Make a Dream happen (“The Power of Great Ideas,” Sept. 22, 2011). Bringing TED to Maui (getting an OK to have TEDxMaui) is a huge endeavor and she’s done it! Now it’s time to support her dream to make it a huge success. I am looking forward to a great TEDxMaui this January! Spread the word! -Liza at A Maui Blog, via Mauifeed.com This is fabulous and a huge opportunity for Maui. Not only for networking but to learn and know about

the amazing entrepreneurs that are walking around our island with the ability to influence and build our society. I’m looking forward to this event and will spread the word. -Rhonda Smith-Sanchez, via Mauifeed. com

ED CASE, NOT SO MUCH I have a vivid memory of a 2002 meeting in Pukalani with [then-]Representative Ed Case selling us all on the need to invade Iraq (“Talking with Ed Case,” Sept. 15, 2011). I left that meeting knowing that the “terrible price” Ed would pay would be to never get my vote again as a politician in any election. -Peter Kafka, via email Ed Case is progressive and civil. He is not a Republican, especially if you understand what that label means today. If confrontation is the quality you want, then he is not for you. If it’s someone who listens to all sides, then decides and defends his thoughtful position then he is the best person to represent Hawaii. He has demonstrated his balance and dedication to the nation and people of the island repeatedly. Besides that he can be effective in helping bring us together. -Waterman, via Mauitime.com

HATES PET KILLING This is a travesty (Coconut Wireless, Sept. 22, 2011). Spay and neuter, people (and when I read stats like this it’s tempting to omit the comma.) Ninth Life will do it for free if you can’t afford it. They’ll even arrange for transportation. Adoption from MHS includes it. There is absolutely no excuse. And don’t breed your fucking dog. Every purebred you bring into the world is another sweet mutt killed for lack of shelter space. If you didn’t breed, your customers would adopt. If they wouldn’t adopt, they don’t want a dog, they want a fancy piece of furniture. Thank you, MauiTime, for reporting on this. Please keep showing the harsh reality. Show the sweet faces of innocent, healthy, affectionate cats and dogs about to be put down for lack of homes and shelter space. Whatever it takes for people to wake up. -Lei, via Mauifeed.com

Send your feedback to the editor editor@mauitime.com, MauiTime 33 N. Market St., Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793, twitter.com/mauitime, or facebook.com/mauitime. We reserve the right to edit feedback. Views expressed do not necessarily reflect those of MauiTime.

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NEWS&VIEWS

BY ANU YAGI

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arly last week, as a caravan of rental cars poured past a locked gate above Mokuhau Park at the corner of Kahawai and Nenea streets in Happy Valley, early last week, one ‘Iao stream-side resident remarked, “Very unusual.� Periodic inspections occur annual, so save the occasional adventuring keiki, it is unusual to see anyone–especially official-looking, engineer types–traipsing the ‘Iao Stream Flood Control Project. This 10-square miles of concrete basinand embankment was constructed by the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers in the early 1980’s, and for 30 years has been protecting Wailuku Town from “destructive floods by channelizing high velocity floodwaters into the Pacific Ocean.� But since its construction, erosion has and continues to pose egregious threats and correction of the project’s “design deficiency� is necessary. Proposed renovations, which include a debris basin, diversion levees and channel improvements are forthcoming, following "a draft Environmental Impact Statement (EIS) expected to be released in 2012 [which] will be available for public review and comment," says Joseph Bonfiglio, the corps' Chief of Public Affairs.

Running through the most famous valley on the Valley Isle, ‘Iao Stream feeds from four West Maui streams–Nakalaloa, Poohahaoahoa, Kinihapai and Ae–which converge near the ‘Iao Valley State Monument, according to corps map. Over slick stones and under air heady with guava rot when the fruits in season, the stream meanders down from the State Park through the County’s Kepaniwai Heritage Gardens, and further through the residential length of ‘Iao Valley Road. There it crests at a final (mostly) natural waterfall at a place colloquially called Kamani Trees, before petering out into a weedy marshland cut off by a thick debris wall which marks the beginning of a concrete basin that extends until the stream’s mouth sadly kisses the sea. This 2.5 mile-long foot of ‘Iao stream is a bit like a bikini-clad beauty queen making her pageant promenade in a plaster orthopedic cast, after having broken her leg while attempting to save a baby from drowning. Tragic beauty at its finest, the area’s best viewed from the bridge on North Market Street near Takamiya Market, the bridge on Waiehu Beach Road near Sack ‘N Save or from the stunning lookout at Helekii-Pihana Hei‘au State Monument located off Hea Place.

PHOTO BY SCRAPPERS

BEFORE THE LEVEE BREAKS

As shocking as it may be to see the stark, sheer concrete walls of the industrial end of ‘Iao–dappled with rubbish, Happy Valley Boys’ graffiti and water rarely running above an algae-thickened trickle–it’s not always evident that this is all a well-meaning attempt to mitigate risks to an area historically wrought with flooding problems. “Flooding in agricultural and residential areas has resulted in loss of life and extensive damages to properties,� reports Environet, a Native Hawaiian and veteran-owned environmental engineering and consulting firm which “specializ[es] in risk avoidance, waste remediation, and regulatory compliance,� and which manages a website (iaostreameis. com) that provides a project overview. The project was “designed to provide the town of Wailuku with protection against a 222-year flood (0.5 percent chance of flooding in any given year),� according to the Department of Defense. Environet adds that “the existing project has been successful in preventing more than $50 million in damages to the community (and expected annual benefits at approximately $3 million per year).� Discussion of flood control in the area began in the 1950’s and resulted in the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers' completion of the existing project in October 1981, authorized under by the Flood Control Act of 1968. But, as Environet reports, “During initial construction in January 1980, a flood occurred that caused extensive erosion of the sacrificial berm and undermined portions of the completed levees. Repairs were made, but shortly after the project completion, high stream flows again caused extensive erosion of the stream bottom and additional corrective work was required. Since that time, numerous storm events of high velocity flows have continued to result in recurring damages to the steeply sloped stream.� To this day, “erosion and scouring of the levee and stream bottom continues,� says Environet, “and corrective action is needed to prevent further damages that could result in the levees collapsing or overtopping.� According to a 2008 corps report, “investigations were initiated because of the extensive erosion to the levee toe and the potential

for project failure... [and] to correct the existing levee system to enable the Project to function in the manner as it was originally intended.� At the time of the report, construction was slated to begin in the Fall of 2011 (i.e. now), but as it stands, neither cost nor timeline has been determined. Last week, a team which included "a geotechnical engineer, a structural engineer and a hydrology/hydraulic engineer" conducted a periodic inspection, says Bonfiglio. "The purpose [was] to verify proper operation and maintenance, evaluate operational adequacy and structural stability, " he says. "[And] review design critiera to identify changes in current design standards, identify project features to monitor over time, and communicate the overall condition of the project to the County of Maui.' While these inspections do not provide a forum for public participation, Bonfiglio notes that the forthcoming draft EIS will. Consideration has already been given to comments made by community members in 2003 and 2009 (a summary of which can be found online at iaostreameis.com), as well as recent comments sourced in April and May of this year. Some of the community’s concerns include the desire for “percolation basins [which] allow water to [recharge the] aquifer,� a push toward returning the stream to its “natural state� and adding more “shady vegetation,� in hopes that “recreational components [will] be considered� and concern for native fauna (like ‘o‘opu) which migrate upstream but are stymied by low stream flow. For those wanting to participate in the continued discussion, project manager Nani Shimabuku says that the corps is currently revising their calendar and will soon announce another opportunity for public comment; which can then be emailed to iaostreameis@usace.army.mil or mailed to the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers [Honolulu District Civil and Public Works Branch (CEPOH-PP-C) Building 230]. ■anu@mauitime.com + @anyheayagi To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1515n1

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NEWS&VIEWS

QUIZunderstood 1. According to a Sept. 20, 2011 story in Honolulu Civil Beat, Hawaii Governor Neil Abercrombie’s $117,312/year pay doesn’t even come close to the top salary in the state. Which of the following bureaucrats, all of whom earn at least $60,000 more than the governor, has the highest salary? A. Community Mental Health Centers Medical Director Barry J. Worchel B. Adjutant General Darryl D. M. Wong C. Health Care Med-QUEST Division Administrator Kenneth S. Fink D. Hawaii Tourism Authority Executive Director Michael J. McCartney E. Adult Mental Health Division ClinicalMed Director William Sheehan F. Community Mental Health Centers Psychiatric Specialist Rodger Clark Kollmorgen

2. According to the Sept. 23, 2011 Maui News, Hawaii Tourism Authority figures showed that the number of visitors coming to Hawaii dropped in August. Why did this happen? A. A recent rise in airline fares. B. A general nervousness about the global economy. C. Attracting tourists to the Caribbean is far more successful these days than similar ef-

forts here.

D. Concern that the season premiere of Hawaii Five-0 would be lame.

E. All of the above. F. None of the above. G. A, B and C only. H. A and B only. I. B and C only.

3.

A Sept. 25, 2011 Associated Press story says invasive species detection and abatement has plummeted everywhere in Hawaii except Maui County. Why? A. County officials rallied a huge number of volunteers to fill in gaps left by state budget cuts. B. A typo in an appropriations bill accidentally exempted Maui County from invasive species program cuts C. Maui County’s inspectors are funded by the federal government and haven’t been affected by state cuts. D. Coqui frogs and other invasive animals never really liked it here anyway.

See answers, page 29

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NEWS&VIEWS

Coconut Wireless

Talk of the Island

BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO ger and spend more than visitors from other markets,” Schatz said in his Sept. 22 email. “High-end Chinese consumers are attracted to the Hawai‘i ‘brand’ and want authentic, top quality agriculture and other products... Chinese officials here and in China have expressed to me a keen interest in our clean energy projects... In fact, several of our local renewable energy companies, particuWill they shoot us with guns or cameras? larly in solar, already have business partnerships with Chinese entities.” Considering how many of these love letters to Chinese Everybody loves economics & kittens visitors and officials have appeared in my in-box lately, it was with great interest that I read Richard Hallor- rent Chinese military and the Japanese eman’s Sept. 26 commentary pire of World War II. in Honolulu Civil Beat titled Here’s a typical one: “Modern Chinese “The Rising East: China’s and Japanese strategists have adopted the PLA May Be on the Road to teaching of Sun Tzu, the Chinese strategic a Pearl Harbor.” CHINA thinker who wrote 2500 years ago that ‘to “In a disturbing parallel, China in 2011 subdue the enemy without fighting is the LOVES/HATES seems to have started down the same waracme of skill.’ The Japanese in 1941 sought HAWAII path that led Japan to attack the United to overcome the U.S. without a fight. ChiFor those of us who’ve lived in Hawaii for States at Pearl Harbor on Dec. 7, 1941,” Hal- nese leaders today have indicated they hope a few years, it’s very easy to sit back, reloran wrote. “A Washington think tank, for to do the same.” lax and convince ourselves that the rest instance, has suggested that the People’s I’m no historian, but that’s a bit of a of the world doesn’t really exist. There’s Liberation Army (PLA), which comprises stretch, especially considering that Halsomething about round-the-clock pleasant all of China’s armed forces, has devised a loran’s column doesn’t acknowledge the weather and terrain that just makes a perstrategy that ‘mimics the Japanese Impe- growing economic ties between China and son forget about the so-called “matters of rial strategy of 1941-1942.’” the U.S. cited above, the near trillion dollars state” that fill newspapers and national TV Those are serious charges, and Halloran in U.S. debt currently owned by the Chinese news broadcasts. says his evidence comes from The Center government or the ridiculously lopsided adAnd yet a couple press releases and a for Strategic and Budgetary Assessments vantages the U.S. military holds over the news story recently crossed my desk that (CSBA—the “Washington think tank” menPLA in terms of all manner of conventional show Hawaii is front and center in a globtioned above), though his column quotes no weapons and hardware (to say nothing of al issue of titanic import. China, it would CSBA scholar or research study by name. nuclear warheads). seem, is either Hawaii’s best friend in the Instead, Halloran rattles off a dizzying list Then again, it’s also very easy, from our tourist world or is preparing to attack us, of historical “similarities” between the cur- Central Pacific home, to convince ourselves Pearl Harbor-style. Let’s start with the friend stuff. According to a Sept. 26 statement put out by the Hawaii Tourism Authority (HTA), China and Hawaii are quite close—so close, in fact, that this week Chinese and American travel officials met in Kailua-Kona in a kind of tourism summit. “The China-U.S. Tourism Leadership Summit is an important event to build on the growing relationship we have with China,” HTA CEO Michael McCartney said in the statement. “Since the signing of the Memorandum of Understanding in 2007, opening group and leisure travel from China to the U.S., we have seen significant growth in this market, with visitor arrivals projected to reach 91,000 in 2011, up 37 percent over last year.” Indeed, so much growth that last week Hawaii Lt. Governor Brian Schatz sent out -Woman in Wailea restaurant, Sept. 24 his own statement on the state’s “strong relationship” with Beijing. “Chinese visitation is growing by double digits every year and these visitors stay lon-

Overheard

“If they were lesbians they wouldn’t be going to the restroom together. When you’re in love with someone, you really don’t want to hear them pee.”

that the people who actually run the world know what they’re doing.

PERSONAL INCOME A tiny business blurb in the Sept. 24 Maui News caught my eye. Pegged to a recent release of state personal income figures by the U.S. Bureau of Economic Analysis (BEA), the blurb reported that “Personal income in the state grew by 0.9 percent in the second quarter from the first quarter.” That is, to put it technically, really shitty growth. Though The Maui News also reported that Hawaii’s personal income “growth” rate ranked “in the bottom 10 percent nationally,” the blurb lacked any further real context. In other words, I wasn’t sufficiently depressed, so I hunted down the original BEA report on the figures and was handsomely rewarded. Turns out that no one in the country is really making any money. “State personal income growth slowed to 1.1 percent, on average, in the second quarter of 2011, down from 2.1 percent in the first quarter,” the BEA reported on Sept. 22. See, the first quarter of 2011 was a comparable boom time, with Hawaii personal incomes rising a respectable (given the nationwide average) 1.8 percent. Further, the whole west coast is now doing lousy, though the middle plains state are doing better, probably due to a recent increase in crop values. For the nation as a whole, the second quarter figures are also worse than they were a year ago at this time (Hawaii posted a 0.9 percent personal income growth rate this time last year, which means income has been anemic here for some time), with the U.S. posting a 1.6 percent personal income growth rate back then. To sum up: no one really has any money these days, though you probably already knew that. Isn’t economics wonderful? ■ anthony@mauitime.com + @apignataro To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1515n2

SEPTEMBER 29, 2011

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NEWS&VIEWS

MauiSphere

LOCAL PLUGS

BY JEN RUSSO

KAISER GETS NEW DOCS

GET FIT THE OLD FASHIONED WAY Want a beautiful body? I’m not talking going under the knife–no, you’re going to have to work for it. The West Maui Health and Fitness Expo is your ticket to figuring out the newest fitness fads to whip you into shape. The Lahaina Cannery Mall hosts this Expo on Oct. 8 starting at 10:30am, where you can see booths of fitness offerings, on stage demonstrations, products, athletic wear and more. “Health is on everyone’s mind,” said expo organizer Amanda Furgiuele. “It’s a multibillion dollar business. I think people are interested in health and fitness now more than ever. We have so many technological advances in the industry, tons of gadgets and equipment to make getting fit more fun, and it really is easy to get started. It’s all about making small changes–walking a

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SEPTEMBER 29, 2011

about getting healthy, then this was time well-spent.” For a full list of free classes and demonstrations, visit www.MauiFitnessExpo.com or contact Amanda Furgiuele at 283-2606.

XTERRA HAS NEW SPONSOR

few extra blocks, ordering one less cocktail at dinner, putting down the bag of Doritos one-handful sooner. That’s where you’re going to see steady, life-altering results, and that’s where the expo can help.” The expo will feature a full day of fitness classes and healthy-living showcases open to everyone. Exhibitors will showcase products and services, give away classes and coupons, and be on site to answer any of your questions. Prizes up for grabs include pilates, pole dancing, zumba, yoga, kickboxing classes, CrossFit memberships, Lululemon Athletica accessories, clothing, massages and more. “I’ve been working in the fitness industry for over 10 years and it never gets boring!” said Furgiuele. “I started out teaching collegiate fencing, then moved to rock climbing, caving, kayaking, and ropes courses. Then I began exploring pilates and yoga and anything outdoors. The idea that working out is limited to running on a treadmill and doing straight bicep curls is antiquated. Fitness is constantly evolving. It’s fun, if you find the program that works for you. I want everyone to love working out as much ass I do! That’s why I created this Expo. If I get one person excited

in various outdoor races and competitions throughout the year, including the 32-mile Molokai-to-Oahu Paddleboard Race, the XTERRA Kapalua Trail Run and Off-Road Triathlon, the Gerry Lopez Battle of the Paddle, the Napali Coast Challenge and the Duke’s Oceanfest surf competitions. “The unique feeling and setting of West Maui is exhibited at each of these four restaurants, and it is in keeping with what the XTERRA athletes and their families have come to expect when they get to the island of Maui,” XTERRA President Clark said. “Dining at any, or all, of these restaurants can only enhance the experience for our athletes, whether it be eating a pre-race meal or celebrating with a post-race meal.” This is the first year these trail runs will be staged in Kapalua, and the runners will be treated to picturesque and challenging courses that will take them from the beach, up to the mountains and then back to the beach. The 5K and 10K are open to all ages and skill levels. You can register on-

XTERRA atheletes are already overjoyed with the change of venue from hot, arid Makena to the cooler and greener Northwest Kapalua for their 16th annual off-road XTERRA World Championship triathlon on Oct. 23. Now XTERRA has four trail events through new sponsor TS Restaurants to be held on Oct. 22. The new events are the Hula Grill XTERRA 5K Trail Run, Duke’s Beach House XTERRA 10K Trail Run, Kimo’s XTERRA Keiki Run, the Leilani’s XTERRA Run course and Leilani’s Run Prime Awards. The TS Restaurants sponsorship makes sense because it aligns its beachfront restaurants with surfing, ocean sports and healthy living. Their employee team just finished the 9.5 mile Maui Channel Swim earlier this month, headed by reknowned female surfer and Kimo’s manager Laura Blears. In addition to the M Maui Channel Swim, Paul Brown and Amy Eck Xterra-ing it up T S employees also participate PHOTO BY MARK MOQUIN/WAVESHOTSMAUI

Kaiser Permanente Maui is expanding their team with the addition of Adam Cabalo, MD, orthopedic surgeon; Lev Grunstein, MD, ophthalmologist; and Andrew Tan, general surgeon. All will work at the Wailuku clinic. These doctors join the crew of over 450 physicians and providers in Hawaii’s largest medical group. Hawaii Permanente Medical Group takes care of over 230,000 members in our state. These three doctors will replace three others who are leaving–at press time Kaiser did not have the names of which doctors were being replaced. Cabalo earned his medical degree from the University of Hawaii John A. Burns School of Medicine and completed his residency in the orthopaedic surgery program at Oregon Health and Science University in Portland. He recently completed a surgery fellowship at Spine Care Medical Group in Daly City, CA. A graduate of Drexel University College of Medicine in Philadelphia, PA, Grunstein completed his residency at Louisiana State University Ochsner Ophthalmology Residency Program. He recently served as clinical instructor of ophthalmology at the Jules Stein Eye Institute at the UCLA Geffen School of Medicine in Los Angeles. He is board certified by the American Board of Ophthalmology. Lastly, Tan earned his medical degree from Albany Medical College in New York and completed his residency at the Hospital of St. Raphael Surgical Residency Program in New Haven, CT. He completed the University of Hawaii Surgical Critical Care Fellowship at The Queen’s Medical Center and is board certified in General Surgery. These new doctors join other recent hires Clair Coco, MD, a specialist in family medicine hired at the Maui Lani Clinic, and Amber Sakuda, MD, a specialist in psychiatry at the Wailuku clinic. Kaiser has more than 50,000 members on Maui and sees a growth in membership of about one percent a year.

Workin' it at the Cannery

TWEET of the WEEK “Saw a Kia with a ‘Christ Built’ sticker on it. Let’s be real, there was clearly NO higher power involved in the making of that car.” -@ReqB (Brendan Smith, GM of Requests Music in Wailuku), Sept. 27

line at http://www.xterraplanet.com/maui/ mauiTrailRun.html. These two trail runs will also serve as a benefit for the Big Brothers Big Sisters of Maui organization, so every entry makes a difference. In addition, a Paul Mitchell cut-a-thon will be held at the race. Runners and their families can get their hair cut by professional Paul Mitchell stylists, with donations benefiting the Challenged Athlete Foundation. “We at TS Restaurants are pleased to support such a world class organization as XTERRA on our home turf in West Maui,” said Ross Anderson, Vice President of Hawaii Operations for TS Restaurants. “We feel like our beachfront restaurants are a natural fit for the XTERRA athletes and their families.” ■ jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1515n3

NEWS&VIEWS

NEWS OF THE WEIRD BY CHUCK SHEPARD

GOOD EATIN’! The medical establishment generally regards placentas (afterbirth) as biohazardous waste, but to New York City placenta chef Jennifer Mayer, they are a nutrient-laden meat that can alleviate postpartum depression and aid in breast milk production (among other so-farunverified benefits). Mayer typically sets up in clients’ own kitchens, she told New York magazine for an August story. Some placentas are “really intense, with grief or sadness or uncertainty.” Others might be “joyful,” “big and round.” Mayer’s method: Drain the blood, blot dry, cook for a half-hour (leaving something resembling brisket), chop into slivers, dehydrate overnight (rendering it jerky-like). For a popular touch, Mayer then grinds it in a blender and pours the powder into several dozen (one-aday) capsules.

CAN’T POSSIBLY BE TRUE The Learning Channel’s “Toddlers & Tiaras” series has pushed critics’ buttons enough with its general support of the competitive world of child beauty pageants, but a recent episode provoked unusually rabid complaints, according to a September New York Post report. Mother Lindsay Jackson had costumed her 4-year-old Maddy as “Dolly Parton”– anatomically correct (chest and backside) Dolly Parton. The Post described Maddy as “embarrass[ed]” at her chest when another four-year-old pointed at her and asked, “What is that?” Ultimately, the judges liked Maddy– for “sweetest face.”

THINGS YOU DIDN’T THINK EXISTED World Record for Length of Tonsils: Justin Werner, 21, of Topeka, Kan., was certified in July by the Guinness Book, with tonsils measuring 2.1 inches and 1.9 inches, respectively. The old “champion” was Justin Dodge of Milwaukee. And Global Competition in Dominos: The breakaway Georgian region of Abkhazia will be the site, in October, of the world domino championship. (Twenty-five countries belong to the International Domino Federation.)

WHAT AN HONOR Retired U.S. Army Sgt. Maj. Rob Dickerson finally received his Purple Heart this summer, four years after he was seriously wounded in a rocket attack in Iraq and two years after he began a paperwork battle with the Army to “prove” his injury. Recently, the Army had apologized and mailed him the award, but it arrived COD, leaving Dickerson to pay the $21 fee. The Army subsequently reimbursed Dickerson the fee, but Dickerson said he hasn’t been able to cash the check, in that it was erroneously made out to “Roy Dirksen.”

INEXPLICABLE Madrid’s Getafe soccer club, struggling for customers, startled Spain this summer by commissioning a porn movie, with zombies, hoping to attract more fans. As if that were not quixotic enough, it then tied the movie to

a campaign to solicit sperm-bank donations. Explained the film’s producer, Angel Torres, “We have to move a mass of fans to seed the world with Getafe supporters.” A promo for the film follows a Getafe fan, armed with a copy of the movie for his viewing pleasure, as he disappears into a clinic’s private cubicle to fulfill his donation.

BABY DRAMA Obviously intense about potential child-trafficking, the government of Quebec, Canada, requires strict proof of a live birth, certified by a doctor or licensed midwife. However, the waiting list to hire either one is long, and Heather Mattingsly went with an unlicensed midwife, whose word the Directeur de l’etat civil declined to accept. Four months after the birth, the agency ordered Mattingsly to submit to a vaginal examination. After “calls from the media” (according to a Montreal Gazette report) persuaded the agency that such an exam was useless, it finally agreed, on Aug. 26, to grant a birth certificate if Mattingsly submitted a doctor-certified copy of her prebirth ultrasound.

Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations, 200 words or less (which we reserve the right to edit), changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent, to “Eh Brah!” c/o MauiTime, 33 N. Market St, Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 or send an e-mail to

ehbrah@mauitime.com

H

ey creepy guy with your too long, aged, “tales from the crypt” hair and your weird, long scraggly beard. You obviously enjoy looking like a homeless guy, so I guess you finally got your wish when your girlfriend kicked your pathetic, porn-addicted, freeloading, abusive ass to the curb. She told you to leave her alone, yet you still think it’s okay to hide in the bushes, spying through her windows, to say nothing of sending her harassing texts daily. It’s not only sick and disturbed, but it’s called stalking, and it’s illegal. You’ve been exposed for what you are and cannot hide your freak flag any longer. So save the cops the inconvenience of throwing your ghoulish ass in jail, and crawl back to whatever winter-wasteland you came from. ■

WRONG APPROACH Jason Dean, 24, was arrested in Ringgold, Ga., in August and charged with false imprisonment after he waited in the parking lot of a Taco Bell, approached an 18-year-old woman and handcuffed her to himself. After her screams brought others to come help her, Dean explained that he had been trying for several months to get the woman to go out with him but that she had so far refused.

Illustration by Ron Pitts mauiartistronpitts.com

LEAST COMPETENT CRIMINALS The man who approached tellers at the Eastern Bank in South Boston on Aug. 25 eventually fled empty-handed, but only after one teller had refused his order for “all your money” (she told him she was “closed”) and another had scolded him for breaking into the front of the adjacent line and for not removing his hoodie. And a man dressed as Gumby was ignored by a 7-Eleven clerk when he tried to rob the store in Rancho Penasquitos, Calif., on Sept. 5. The clerk told “Gumby” not to waste his time, and “Gumby” finally fled. The clerk had such little respect for “Gumby” that he did not even report the “robbery”; it came to light only when his boss was reviewing surveillance video.

DO YOU SEE THE BLIMP WHO ROBBED YOU? In August, 400-pound Eric Kenley, 48, won a new trial for his two New York City robbery convictions after appeals court judges realized that the police lineup that identified him was unfair, in that he was apparently much fatter than the other men in his lineup. The police had attempted to compensate by using largerthan-average men and by presenting them all seated, to minimize the weight difference. ■ chuck@mauitime.com To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1515n4

SEPTEMBER 29, 2011

9

THINGS WE LOVE BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO (WITH ASSISTANCE FROM JEN RUSSO, TOMMY RUSSO, SCRAPPERS, AND ANU YAGI)

IF THERE’S ONE THING on Maui that brings all the iisland’s disparate groups together—the farmers, ranchers, bar owners, hotel managers, housekeepers, servers, activity sellers, realtors, boat captains, park rangers, canoe paddlers, hula dancers, pawn shop guys, land developers, hippie activists and even visitors—it’s the Maui Fair (this year, after 89 years, the fair board of directors dropped the “County” from its name, presumably leaving Lanai and Molokai free to develop their own fairs). Going is basically a rite of passage, a tradition steeped in the glory of past generations and carried on with great pride. Also, it’s a really fun way to spend a day or just an evening out. When you go (there is no if), you will eat unhealthy food that tastes delicious, go on creaky rides and see plants, farm animals and even old friends you haven’t seen since, oh, last year’s fair. So get out there and enjoy yourself! AND WE’RE NOT the only ones who think this way. In a Sept. 13, 2011 Maui F Family Magazine blog post, blogger Liza wrote, “Sure, it can sometimes be hot, dusty when you come during the day. Sure, it can get quite expensive when you start adding up the expense of ticket rides, food, and craft fair purchases. But even with the dust and the expense,

10 SEPTEMBER 29, 2011

for me it’s worth it. I just look at the smiles on my kids’ faces and the delight in their eyes as we walk into the fair, I just listen to the laughter we share–not only with family but also with friends–then I know that the time and money [spent] at the Maui Fair is well worth it.”

YOU KNOW WHAT’S REALLY WORTH IT? Orchidland. That place is like another world. Orchids are delicate, wondrous things of beauty. Read Susan Orlean’s The Orchid Thief if you want just a taste of how obsessed people can get over these always intricate, often spectacular flowers. We would love to have orchids all around our home, but we have a tendency to kill them—we think we water them too much. You can’t do that. Anyway, Orchidland (located in the War Memorial Gym) is the largest display of the flowers on Maui. A product of the Maui Orchid Society’s love and labor, Orchidland will make you want to take one home oh, about five seconds after you walk in. Just remember—go easy on the watering!

ACTUALLY, the whole War Memorial Gym is a gem. Plan on spending a long while there.

THERE’S A KIND OF CREEPY goodness that comes from visiting the gym on the fair’s last day. The fruit’s starting to go bad by then, and it’s kind of disorienting (though not necessarily in a bad way) to see a flies buzzing around a moldy papaya that’s showing off a blue ribbon.

ALSO THE FAIR BOARD’S reasons for changing the event’s name— “Organizers hope rebranding the event, ‘The Maui Fair,’ will be part of a larger change, including a new generation of leadership, a fresh flavor and different experiences at the fair,” reported The Maui News on July 22—were delightfully ironic, given that the fair’s theme this year is “A Timeless Tradition.”

7. 8.

YOU KNOW, MOST PEOPLE will keep calling it the Maui County Fair.

EIGHTY-NINE YEARS is a long time, you know. WHICH REMINDS US: there’s a lot of food at the fair. A LOT. And though all of it is bad for you, you probably should stuff as much of it down your gullet as you can. This is special, unique food—food available at the fair and at no other time. Everyone always says, “get the chow fun,” “the chow fun is so good” and

so on, and you should try the chow fun, which is sold by the Wailuku Hongwanji Mission. But we always gravitate towards the Smoke Meat plate (not “smoked”—“smoke”), sold by the Kahana Canoe Club. Who knows what animal(s) all those smokey little bits of flesh were once attached to (and don’t even bother trying to calculate the amount of salt, fat and cholesterol in even a single chunk—trust us: it’s high). But it is also incredibly tasty, and that’s what the Maui Fair is all about.

WELL, THAT AND POG, SOLD BY IAO UNITED CHURCH OF CHRIST. GOTTA HAVE POG.

DID WE MENTION TICKETS are just $7? Or that kids 5-11 are just $3? Or that kids under 5 are FREE? That’s all way cheaper than a movie ticket. WANT MORE ENTERTAINMENT than a mere movie? Walk over to the EK Fernandez Joy Zone (Thank heavens they didn’t change that name) and stand next to the Zipper or the Fireball or the Wave Swinger or the Dragon Coaster or the Super Sizzler or the Traffic Jam or any of the other scary/fun carny rides and play Vomit Watch. Even just a little bit of Smoke Meat Plate can go a long way.

DITTO FLYING SAUCERS, sold by the Maui Veterans Association. ONE YEAR we saw someone in the food area serving Pepsi in Coke containers. Or was it Coke in Pepsi containers? Whichever it was, it was surprisingly cool to see. THE MAUI FAIR RUNS from Thursday, Sept. 29 through Sunday, Oct. 2. Like previous years, it begins with a parade at 4:30pm on Thursday—pretty much the best parade (sorry, Makawao) on Maui. And like all great parades, this one has floats (as well as an insane number of pit bulls— go figure), the best float being (in our opinion) Mr. Newspaper Man, which is just a tall guy who walks around in a giant inflatable newspaper, representing The Maui News. WE CANNOT THINK OF A BETTER PLACE on the island to see art—paintings, sculptures and other stuff, too—created by school kids than at the fair.

We can’t help but be inspired when looking at the talent showcased by children (it’s mostly because we SUCKED at art in school, but even the artistically skilled around here find a lot to admire at the school art exhibit).

PLUS FREE KEIKI IDS! AND NOW, we’d like to take a moment to thank the EK Fernandez Co. They sponsor the EK Fernandez Joy Zone (love that name!) and, when the fair isn’t running, operate the arcade chain Fun Factory, one of which is located in the Maui Mall. Since 1903, the family-owned company has been providing midway entertainment and shows throughout Hawaii. All the carny and circus greatness known on the mainland— elephants, The Flying Wallendas, human pyramids, lion tamers, clowns—all came to Hawaii by way of Edwin Kane Fernandez and his succeeding generations. “From white tigers to racing pigs, from flying trapeze artists to a family puppet parade, we constantly strive to provide exciting entertainment and attractions,” states the EK Fernandez website. “It is this commitment to quality family entertainment and attractions that results in hundreds of thousands of island residents annually attending our events to experience the thrill and excitement found only on an E. K. Fernandez Shows midway.”

guest star Josh Tatofi), Nuff Sed, Kalapana, Conscious Roots and the Ukulele Pops Band of Maui. Granted, that’s spread out over the fair’s four days, but still. Damn! YOU KNOW THOSE LITTLE plastic bottles shaped like dinosaurs and filled with grape drink? They store them in a big tub of ice. Mom always said we couldn’t have one, but now we can.

LIKE CORN DOGS? Then try Pronto Pups, sold by the Boy Scouts of America. They’re hot dogs, but dipped in a tempura-like batter.

CHICKEN FRIED BACON, sold by the Maui Cheer Babes.

DITTO TACO BAGS (we’re not sure what the actual name is—we just call them taco bags because, well, they’re tacos that come in a bag). OH! OH! Those waffle cakes that come topped with ice cream and fruit that the Future Chefs of Maui sell! Mmmmmmmm! ONE OF THE CUTE (and very quaint) little perks about going to the fair on opening day is seeing Miss Maui. And she—Maya Ida, the 2011 title holder from Central Maui—will make an appearance after the 6:30pm opening ceremonies. IN FACT, the fair entertainment as a whole is pretty much always good. This list of bands, musicians and entertainers is impressive, and includes Keali‘i Reichel, Jimmy Mac and the Kool Kats, Ekolu (with special

WALKING THROUGH THE LIVESTOCK portion of the fair, we’re always amazed at the giant neon pigeons on display. They’re like fluorescent colors, as though someone tripped on acid and Magic Markered them. Anyway, they are very, very cool. ■

anthony@mauitime.com + @apignataro

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SEPTEMBER 29, 2011 11

FOOD&DRINK

Really Big Burgers Treat your all-beef patty attack at Teddy’s Bigger Burgers

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BY JEN RUSSO

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like to keep a mental list of all the island’s burger joints, just for those times when I suffer an all-beef patty attack. I just added Teddy’s Bigger Burgers in Lahaina to that queue. A burger at Teddy’s Bigger Burgers starts with 100 percent ground chuck measured out into a five, seven or a whopping nine ounce size (you can also double the patties, making a maxium 18-ounce burger). From there it’s all about the toppings: special sauce, lettuce, tomato, pickle, cheddar, American, Swiss, pepperjack, BBQ, blue cheese, mushrooms, onion, grilled onions, jalapeùo, onion ring, Teriyaki sauce, avocado and bacon. Their menu boasts seven specialty burgers, and there are another couple on the daily specials board, or you can create your own. In fact, they are currently taking suggestions for a new specialty burger, the Lahaina. The first time I went to Teddy’s I ordered the Bacado, whereby the patty is topped with half an avocado and bacon. Owner Henry Telles says his current favorite burger is the King of the Dojo, which includes Cajun seasoning, teriyaki sauce, pepperjack cheese, bacon and a crispy hash brown patty, but some of his most popular burgers are the Kailua Style, which has Teriyaki sauce, Swiss cheese, mushrooms and grilled onions, the Western burger (cheddar cheese, bacon, onion rings and BBQ sauce) and the Bacon Me Crazy burger, which we figure contains enough bacon to supply a diner for a week. The menu is simple at first glance: sandwiches, salads, fries, sides, drinks and shakes. There are six kinds of spuds here: spiced tater tots, natural cut, garlic, extra crispy, cheesy and spicy. The extra thick, extra generous shakes are made with Roselani Ice Cream and come in a I-can’t-finishit size, in seven flavors. Those not suffering a burger craving can opt for the chicken breast, fish, pastrami, veggie or turkey sandwiches. Even the salads have a bevy of additions, and you build your own. It’s like a salad bar where you don’t have to make it yourself. They are happy to build you whatever you want in their kitchen. Not even my grandmother is that gracious.

Some cool amenities in their clean and brightly-colored, mural-painted, kid-friendly dining room include free refills and wi-fi. They offer a 10 percent kamaaina discount on all combo meals. They also offer an early and midday happy hour that cuts $1 off all combos from 10am-11am & 3pm-6pm. Teddy’s Bigger Burgers first opened on Oahu in Kaimuki by Ted Tsakiris and Richard Stula. Lahaina location owners Henry and Lisa Telles are usually behind the counter where you order, frying up patties, taking orders and helping customers. The best part of running Teddy’s, according to Henry, is “seeing the change in the customer’s face and overall demeanor when they come in and when they leave. I could

Lisa & Henry Telles and Alex Morimoto

be having a really tough and challenging day but when a customer goes out of their way and makes a point of telling you that was the best burger they have ever had, it makes it all worth it.â€? Henry was originally a software developer, but that bubble burst after 9/11 and he moved to Hawaii for something different. Believing that if you work hard good things come to you, he took a humble counter position at Teddy’s in Kaimuki. In 2002 he met Teddy. Henry helped the Teddy’s team open new outlets, and eventually franchised his own store here on Maui. “I always emphasize to our staff to simply treat the customers as they would want to be treated if they were out spending their own money,â€? Henry said. “The Golden Rule, really–do unto others. We have a saying that is simple: ‘Protect The Burger!’ You are only as good as your last burger.â€? â–

Got a hot food scoop? Contact Jen Russo at 808-280-3286 or fax to 808-244-0446. To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1515d For more foodie news, visit MauiTime’s food blog at: mauidish.com

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orking as a sommeworld class wine should have a harmonious lier for one of Hawaii’s beginning (1-2 seconds), mid palate (3-4) and best restaurants, this finish (5-6 and beyond). Certain vineyards was the most popular supply better beginnings, while specific vaquestion I received on rietals provide the ideal finish. the floor. Forget the “Consistently creat500 other selections — ing the ‘count of six’ people wanted to know Heidi Barrett and Screaming Eagle experience is where about the most expenI earn my keep,� she sive wine on the list, said. “That’s where the 2005 Screaming the fun is.� Eagle Cabernet SauviListening to Heidi gnon from Napa Valley. describe her craft is I could never answer enough to make anyone that question directly, want to pop the cork but I knew how to anon a bottle of Screamswer it professionally. ing Eagle. Now let’s Listen to the finally, directly, answer sommelier shtick: our initial question: is “Screaming Eagle Screaming Eagle really is the most famous worth $3,000? ‘California cult’ wine. No. An obscenely small That’s because you case production rated can experience her a perfect 100 points brilliant winemaking multiple times and style for significantly made by a legend in less. Here’s a sampling California winemakof three wines from ing: Heidi Barrett. 2005 was the last vintage her new projects worth seeking out: produced by Barrett, so I’m sure it should be valued as a collector’s item now that Fantesca Estate & Winery Cabernet Screaming Eagle has quadrupled in size Sauvignon, Napa Valley, CA 2007 $120 and sold to an evil empire.� Blah, blah, blah. restaurant price But that was normally enough to satisfy a A prototypical California Cabernet with typical wine connoisseur. big, jammy flavors of blackberry and red When I heard that Heidi Barrett was comcherry. Subtle layers of toasty oak round out ing to Hawaii on a short business trip I had a velvety mouth feel. Although Barrett was to find a way to meet her. Maybe then I could not on board for the grape-picking during finally find a proper way to answer that inthe 2007 vintage, she did the blending, and famous inquiry. Tasting through her new we all know what that means. projects over lunch, I grilled her with questions in an attempt to understand how she Amuse Bouche, Napa Valley, CA 2007 conquered the California wine community. (any vintage works) $400 restaurant price A quick primer on Heidi’s background. I realize $400 is not cheap, but compared Robert Parker refers to her as “the first to a $3,000 price tag, Amuse Bouche is the lady of wine,� and Time Magazine dubbed best way to try Heidi’s high-end blending her, “the wine diva of Napa.� Other than mixology. Primarily Merlot, with a touch Screaming Eagle, she has made wine with of Cabernet Franc, this wine is revered by a host of top California properties and now wine critics every vintage and really showhas her own label, La Sirena. She may have cases Heidi’s genius. A huge bomb of a single-handedly started the empowered fewine intended to be the icing on the cake of male winemaker revolution. a celebratory evening. You know that movie Bottle Shock? That’s her husband, Bo Barrett. Heck, she even La Sirena Moscato Azul, Napa Valley, CA assisted in the creation of that silly “aroma 2010 $55 restaurant price wheel� while studying wine at the UniverBarrett referred to this as “Hawaii in a botsity of California at Davis. In summation, a tle,� because it possesses light tropical notes certifiable bad ass. and a soaring acidity that pairs nicely with At lunch, I quickly asked her the three our daily weather. The wine is meant for, thousand dollar question: Why are you so “Pacific Rim cuisine, full of spiced nuances damn successful? and gentle balance.� ■“Consistency, dedication and blending,� was her answer. The consistency and dediCass is a Certified Specialist of Wine, Certified cation part is something my junior varsity Specialist of Spirits and Advanced Sommelier. soccer coach taught me, but blending? Heidi Follow him @TheWineCastle explained the key to her winemaking style is delivering “a perfect count-of-six tasting To share or save this article, type: experience.� According to her philosophy, a mt.hy.pr/1515d2

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Cancer As Comedy Part sex farce, part tear-jerker, 50/50 will make you laugh BY BARRY WURST II

★★★★★ Rated R/100 min.

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hen a radio program producer (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) learns he has cancer, he finds everyone around him is changing: his girlfriend (Bryce Dallas Howard) is both over-attentive and distant, his mother (Anjelica Huston) tries to shoe horn her way back into his life and his best friend (Seth Rogen) is using him to score chicks and to help him forget that he has a “50 percent chance� of surviving. Here’s a wonderful surprise, a great comedy about a young man who is diagnosed with cancer. What most would expect is a sappy, depressing ordeal or worse, a major bummer and something in truly bad taste. What makes this work is how the script and direction always find the right tone for every scene and genuinely defy expectations. Few of the subplots go exactly as the characters or the audience could predict, with many scenes providing a twist on story conventions. Among the best example is Ro-

gen’s capturing an infidelity with his camera thankless role and making her both weak and phone, a fall down funny sequence that is well relatable, which she does beautifully. played, cleverly written and staged. There’s Anna Kendrick adds real spice to the part also the ending, which some may disagree of a very-young doctor in training who’s in with but I found reover her head freshingly different and Phillip Baker for a film like this and Hall and Matt the preconceived noFewer are terrific tions most will have as couple of old walking into it. souls who bond In short, 50/50 isn’t during chemoa dour, heavy-handed therapy sessions. Disease of the Week Finally, there’s TV Movie ordeal. Gordon-Levitt, Gordon-Levitt leads a a veteran actor fine ensemble cast in who underplays a movie funny enough his part perfectly, to leave your ribs achnever reaching ing from laughter but for audience symalso potently touching Shaver: used above and below the belt pathy and always and honest. finding the right Everyone has a note. moment to shine, starting with Rogen, who Even with lots of pot humor, penis jokes brings both his rowdy humor and genuine huand scenes of young men trying to score, this manity to the role that goes for the most laughs isn’t a subpar teen sex farce, nor a straight and gets them every time. Huston makes her forward tear-jerker like Terms of Endearment. character real and not a caricature and HowEven when the story gets tougher and Gorard has the tricky task of taking a potentially don-Levitt’s character faces some grueling

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health obstacles, richly observed moments of humor pop up. Even the introduction of “Skeletor the Dog� finds pathos and big laughs instead of cheap, cuddly animal close-ups. The raunchy jokes mixed in with the immediacy of the subject matter may cause some to dismiss this as another attempt at making the cancer-equivalent to Knocked Up or Juno, but this avoids the preciousness of both movies and has none of the clean-cut, familiar vibes of most quirky American comedies. This is a movie about a man afraid of dying and bravely follows him every step of the way but never losing sight of the life he’s living or the laughter and joy he finds from the people around him. I realize most would avoid seeing something like this, as a one-sentence summary makes it sound like a bad night at the movies. The truth is this pulls off a tricky feat of keeping the audience entertained and almost always laughing and remaining hopeful and pessimistic at the same time. It may be a tough sell but here it is, a comedy about living with cancer and it’s a terrific. ■To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1515f

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Showtimes FRONT STREET THEATER 900 Front Street, Lahaina, 249-2222 (Matinees) 50/50 - R - FRI (1:30, 4:15), 7:10, 9:45. SATSUN (1:30), 4:15, 7:10, 9:45. MON-WED (4:15), 7:10, 9:45. Abduction - PG13 - THU (4:05), 7:05, 9:35. FRI (1:20, 4:05), 7:05, 9:35. SAT-SUN (1:20), 4:05, 7:05, 9:35. MON-WED (4:05), 7:05, 9:35. Dolphin Tale (2D) - PG - THU (3:45), 6:45, 9:15. FRI (1:00, 3:45), 6:45, 9:15. SAT-SUN (1:00), 3:45, 6:45, 9:15. MON-WED (3:45), 6:45, 9:15. Dream House - G - FRI (1:15, 4:00), 7:00, 9:30. SAT-SUN (1:15), 4:00, 7:00, 9:30. MON-WED (4:00), 7:00, 9:30. Drive - R - THU (4:15), 7:10, 9:45 I Don’t Know How She Does It - PG13 - THU (4:00), 7:00, 9:30

MAUI MALL MEGAPLEX Maui Mall, 249-2222 (Matinees) 50/50 - R - FRI (12:05, 2:20, 4:35), 7:00, 9:30. SAT-SUN (12:05, 2:20), 4:35, 7:00, 9:30. MON-WED (12:05, 2:20, 4:35), 7:00, 9:30. Apollo 18 - PG13 - THU 9:00 Columbiana - R - THU (1:40, 4:15), 6:50, 9:25 Conan The Barbarian (2D) - R - THU (2:00, 4:40), 6:53, 9:30. FRI (11:45, 2:00, 4:25), 6:55, 9:20. SAT-SUN (11:45, 2:00), 4:25, 6:55, 9:20. MON-WED (2:00, 4:25), 6:55, 9:20. The Contagion - PG13 - THU (12:00, 2:30,

WHERE AND WHEN TO WATCH WHAT

4:55), 7:30, 10:05. FRI (12:15, 2:30, 4:50), 7:30, 10:05. SAT-SUN (12:15, 2:30), 4:50, 7:30, 10:05. MON-WED (12:15, 2:30, 4:50), 7:30, 10:05. Courageous - PG13 - FRI (1:00, 3:55), 6:50, 9:45. SAT-SUN (1:00), 3:55, 6:50, 9:45. MONWED (1:00, 3:55), 6:50, 9:45. Crazy, Stupid, Love - PG13 - THU (1:35, 4:20), 7:10, 9:50. FRI (11:05, 1:35, 4:20), 7:10, 9:40 . SAT-SUN (11:05, 1:35), 4:20, 7:10, 9:40 . MON-WED (1:35, 4:20), 7:10, 9:40 . Drive - R - THU (12:20, 2:45, 5:10, 7:35, 10:10. FRI (12:20, 2:45, 5:10), 7:35, 10:00. SAT-SUN (12:20, 2:45), 5:10, 7:35, 10:00. MON-WED (12:20, 2:45, 5:10), 7:35, 10:00. Killer Elite - R - THU (1:45, 2:15, 4:30, 5:00), 7:15, 7:45, 9:55. FRI (11:15, 1:15, 1:45, 4:00, 4:30), 6:45, 7:15, 9:25, 9:50. SAT-SUN (11:15, 1:15, 1:45), 4:00, 4:30, 6:45, 7:15, 9:25, 9:50. MON-WED (1:15, 1:45, 4:00, 4:30), 6:45, 7:15, 9:25, 9:50. Our Idiot Brother - R - THU (12:25, 2:50, 5:05), 7:20, 9:45. FRI-WED 9:00. Rise of the Planet of the Apes - PG13 THU (1:50, 4:10), 6:35, 9:05. FRI (11:35, 1:50, 4:10), 6:35, 9:05. SAT-SUN (11:35, 1:50), 4:10, 6:35, 9:05. MON-WED (12:50, 3:45), 6:40, 9:35. MON-WED (1:50, 4:10), 6:35, 9:05. Spy Kids: All The Time In The World (2D) G - THU (12:05, 2:10, 4:25), 6:45. FRI (12:10, 2:10, 4:15), 6:30. SAT-SUN (12:10, 2:10), 4:15, 6:30. MON-WED (12:10, 2:10, 4:15), 6:30. Straw Dogs - R - THU (1:55, 4:35), 7:05, 9:40

Warrior - G - THU (1:00, 4:00), 7:00, 10:00. FRI (12:50, 3:45), 6:40, 9:35. SAT-SUN (12:50), 3:45, 6:40, 9:35. What’s Your Number? - R - FRI (12:00, 2:25, 4:55), 7:25, 9:55. SAT-SUN (12:00, 2:25), 4:55, 7:25, 9:55. MON-WED (12:00, 2:25, 4:55), 7:25, 9:55.

KUKUI MALL 1819 South Kihei Road, 1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: every day until 4pm) 50/50 - R - FRI-WED 11:00, 1:15, 3:30, 5:45, 8:00 The Contagion - PG13 - THU 1:55, 4:30, 7:10 Detective Dee and the Mystery of the Phantom Flame - PG13 - FRI-WED 11:30, 2:10, 4:50, 7:45 Drive - R - THU 1:00, 3:30, 5:50, 8:10 I Don’t Know How She Does It - PG13 - THU 2:00, 4:05, 6:10, 8:20 Moneyball - PG13 - THU 4:45, 7:30. FRI-WED 11:00, 1:50, 4:40, 7:30, 10:15. What’s Your Number? - R - FRI-WED 11:15, 1:45, 4:30, 7:05, 9:30

KA’AHUMANU 6 Queen Ka’ahumanu Shopping Center, 1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: every day until 4pm) Abduction - PG13 - THU 12:10, 2:35, 4:50, 7:10, 9:30. FRI-WED 12:10, 2:35, 4:50, 7:10, 9:30. Dolphin Tale (2D) - PG - THU-WED 12:00,

50/50 - R - Comedy - See this week’s Film Critique. 99 min.

DETECTIVE DEE AND THE MYSTERY OF THE PHANTOM FLAME - PG 13 - Action / Mystery - Recruited to thwart the evil doers who threaten the inauguration Empress Wu, a once-exiled detective darkly saves the day. Starring Tony Leung Ka Fai, Chao Deng and Carina Lau. 122 min.

RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES - PG 13 - Sci Fi - Fear the James Franco, for he is (so hot, he’s surely) the Devil’s Pawn. 105 min. SPY KIDS: ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD PG - Family - This is the fourth franchise installment, and they’re calling it “4D” as it includes “aroma-scope” (ie, another layer of weird smells to add to the usual theater odors of hurricane popcorn and pee). 104 min.

DREAM HOUSE - PG 13 - Horror - Scary shit ensues in a haunted house. How original! Starring Daniel Craig, Naomi Watts and and Rachel Weisz. 94 min. WHAT’S YOUR NUMBER? - R - Romantic Comedy - If you assessed your last 20 relationships (as Anna Faris does in this flick), would you wonder if one of them was your one true love-lost? (Our answer: if you’ve got 20 relationships worth assessing, the problem probably isn’t with the one that got away.) 106 min.

WARRIOR - PG 13 - Drama - Finally, MMA gets a real movie. Two estranged brothers–one a physics teacher, the other an Iraq War veteran–are pitted against one another by their former drunk/boxer dad (Nick Nolte). 139 min.

LAST CHANCE

NOW SHOWING

APOLLO 18 - PG 13 - Mockumentary Sci-Fi - Apparently the Apollo missions were canceled was because of lunar parasites. Who knew? 90 min.

ABDUCTION - PG 13 - Thriller - Team Jacob’s captain (Taylor Lautner) finds his baby picture on a missing persons website. Nutz stuffs (presumably) ensues. 106 min.

CRAZY, STUPID, LOVE - PG13 - Comedy - Hilarious and heartbreaking, this new Steve Carrell flick is uneven, but touching. 107 min.

658 Front Street, 249-2222 (Matinees) The Contagion - PG13 - THU-FRI (1:30, 4:00), 7:00, 9:30. SAT-SUN (1:30), 4:00, 7:00, 9:30. MON-WED (1:30, 4:00), 7:00, 9:30. The Help - PG13 - THU (12:15, 3:30), 6:45, 9:50 Killer Elite - R - THU-FRI (1:45, 4:20), 7:05, 9:40. SAT-SUN (1:45), 4:20, 7:05, 9:40. MONWED (1:45, 4:20), 7:05, 9:40. What’s Your Number? - R - FRI (2:00, 4:30), 7:10, 9:45. SAT-SUN (2:00), 4:30, 7:10, 9:45. MON-WED (2:00, 4:30), 7:10, 9:45.

OUR IDIOT BROTHER - R - Comedy - Pogonomaniacs/Paul Rudd fans rejoice! A bearded Rudd plays a bumbling (albeit well-meaning) post-prison couchsurfer who’s determined to reunite with his estranged pup, Willie Nelson. 90 min.

COURAGEOUS - PG 13 - Action - Through trial and tribulation, four law enforcement officers fulfill their duty to serve and protect. 95 min.

THE CONTAGION - PG 13 - Thiller - The only thing scarier than a deadly airborne disease that threatens every human on Earth (no worries, a crackerjack CDC team is on the case!) is this film’s sky-high payroll. Starring Marion Cotillard, Matt Damon, Laurence Fishburne, Elliot Gould, Jude Law, Gwyneth Paltrow, Kate Winslet and Dr. Sanjay Gupta (as himself). 105 min.

WHARF CINEMA CENTER

lifelong fans of the sport and even for those who didn’t know the A’s stand for the Oakland Athletics,” says Barry Wurst II. 133 min.

NEW THIS WEEK

CONAN THE BARBARIAN - R - Action - Chee hoo! Conan’s a kanaka! Starring very virile Jason Namakaeha Momoa (of Baywatch Hawaii and Stargate: Atlantis fame). 112 min.

2:30, 5:00 Dolphin Tale (3D) - PG - THU-WED 11:00, 1:30, 4:00, 7:00, 9:10 Dream House - G - FRI-WED 10:50, 1:00, 3:10, 5:20, 7:35, 9:40 The Help - PG13 - THU 12:00, 3:00, 7:30, 10:25. FRI-WED 7:30, 10:25. I Don’t Know How She Does It - PG13 - THU 6:00, 8:15, 10:30 The Lion King (2D) - G - THU-WED 10:45 The Lion King (3D) - G - THU-WED 12:50, 3:00, 5:15, 7:30, 9:35 Moneyball - PG13 - THU-WED 11:05, 1:40, 4:20, 7:05, 9:40

DRIVE DOLPHIN TALE - PG - Family - Based on the true story of Winter, a maimed dolphin who gets a progressive prosthetic tail. 128 min. DRIVE - R - Action - With such an underrated profession, it makes sense that a stuntman might moonlight as a wheelman. Mad skills are mad skills, after all. But it also makes sense that being complicit in crime might upend said stunt/wheelman’s life. Ryan Gosling stars. 100 min. THE HELP - PG 13 - Drama - A mixed-race group of friends–in 1960s Mississippi–risk everything to share their stories via a secret writing project. 147 min.

THE LION KING - G - Animated - Brainworm lyrics, “Nants ingonyama bagithi Baba! (Sithi uhm ingonyama!)” echo in my head every time I see the sunrise or think of Michael Jackson dangling his baby off a Berlin balcony. This modern Disney classic’s reissuance in 3D reminds us how the circle of life moves us all–through despair and hope, through faith and... OK. I’ll stop. 89 min. KILLER ELITE - R - Action - Jason Statham, Clive Owen and Robert De Niro star in a flick that’s sure to be replete with ‘splosions. 106 min. MONEYBALL - PG 13 - Drama - “Unquestionably, this is one of the great baseball movies, a film for

COLUMBIANA - PG 13 - Action - Television and movies teach us that witnessing your parents’ murder either turns you into Dexter or a femme fatal assassin eager for revenge. Zoe Saldana stars. 124 min. I DON’T KNOW HOW SHE DOES IT - PG 13 Comedy? - We don’t know why you’d want to see this flick. Sarah Jessica Parker stars as a harried breadwinner. 89 min. STRAW DOGS - R - Thriller - A remake of the heady 1971 film that starred Dustin Hoffman and Susan George. But instead of following a relocated-to-the-UK mathematician and his wife’s plight, James Marsden and Kate Bosworth now lead as a Dirty South-bound (via Los Angeles) pair whose escalating tensions reach a breaking point. 110 min.

SEPTEMBER 29, 2011 17

Friday, October 14 Doors: 7:00 Show: 7:30pm Maui Arts & Cultural Center Castle Theater ARTIST INFO, VIDEO & TICKETS: LAZARBEAR.COM - CONCERT INFO HOTLINE 808-896-4845

Maui Tickets: MACC Box OfямБce 242-SHOW (7469) or at mauiarts.org

18 SEPTEMBER 29, 2011

PICKS

This Week's Picks

DIVERSIONS, DALLIANCES & DATES

BY ANU YAGI

Cool, Tom and Collected

Jazz Hands

Friday (Sept. 30), 7-9pm, Moana Bakery & Cafe (71 Baldwin Ave., Paia); free Every Saturday, 4-6pm, South Shore Tiki Lounge (1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei); free Every Tuesday, 4-6pm, Stella Blues Cafe (1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei); free

I

sn’t it glorious the way our lives have soundtracks? The music that moves us inflects tone to our timeline, evoking memories–and inspiring them. For me, gypsy jazz is a genre that’s cast a bright but moody light on many of my ambling adventures; and I (as loads of Mauians can assuredly relate) have no one but Tom Conway to thank for the introduction. See, Conway’s a six string sensei extraordinaire (well-connected in the challenging, oft-closed niche genre of gypsy jazz–but more on that later), and back in the day he was kind enough to indulge my early teen dream of axe wielding (a path that every pimply, extra-awkward tomboy presumably undertakes). During one lesson he

woods flung into a campfire–pacific and pyrotechnic all at once. I therein learned of Djgango Reinhardt, the virtuoso credited as the progenitor of the genre (which is also sometimes called hot jazz)–which all made me feel very cool and in-the-know when I started recognizing the style on NPR interludes and, years later, when I saw the fantastic flick Sweet and Lowdown (directed by Woody Allen and starring Sean Penn), a wittily fictional comedy about a six stringer named Emmet Ray who idolizes Reinhardt and enjoys shooting rats at the dump. “Back then, before you could download all this music on the Internet, the only way to get this gypsy jazz stuff was through [personal connections],” Conway explained in a recent interview. And Conway’s connections are as solid as his chops. He credits a dear (now sadly deceased) friend Mary Honcoop, who hails from the Netherlands and “who the gypsies really accepted into her world even though she was not a gypsy [and] who championed a group called the Rosenberg Trio, which is probably the most famous modern gypsy jazz group.” Through Honcoop, he got a lot of the genre that wasn’t then available in the America. Conway sent Honcoop Hot Gypsy Nights, too, and says, “She told me, ‘OK, I can hear you play the style really well–especially for an American (because there weren’t many Americans playing the style at all)–but now, who are you?’” Conways next album, No Fixed Address was his reply to Honcoop’s inspiring call to action—and included thirteen alloriginal, progressively avant garde gypsy jazz tunes. His latest, “El Tigre” (titled from the nickname his father long called

“Back then, before you could download all this music on the Internet, the only way to get this gypsy jazz stuff was through [personal connections].” excitedly gave me a burnt CD of some cover tunes he’d recorded, and carefully penned in blue ballpoint, it was simply titled Hot Gypsy Nights. Later at home, I popped the unassuming CD in my bulky player; and never having heard anything like it, I was suddenly swept away. “Hot” though it may be, every rapid note dripped like a quick drizzle in a thick indigo eve, flavored like aromatic

him), includes 16 more original songs–plus a track recorded in Texas with and at the behest of Willie Nelson–that are more palatable to the pedestrian gypsy jazz-dabbler, though no less enthralling. When pressed to describe El Tigre as a flavor, his swiftas-his-licks smarts show when he replies, “Tiramisu: with a heavy bottom and a light top. I use a lot of open tuning on this album, and the way I structure some of the chords–playing the same chord, but on a different track–there’s a really nasty, sledgehammer sound while layered on top it’s very airy and ethereal.” The effect is indeed deep and mercurial, and I find tracks like “Five Corners” and “Sign of the Mermaid” (the album’s only ballad) are rich and overwhelmingly cinematic–the kind of songs that any film or HBO series producer would be wise to license. “I’ve never played guitar better than I do on [El Tigre],” says Conway (which says a lot). “And I think when I look back on this album in the future, I might say it was the best I’ve ever played in my life.” Satisfied though he may be, there’s no rest for wicked guitarists, and Conway’s already deep into writing and recording his next project. While gypsy jazz is a passion, versatility’s always been the name of his game, and he describes his forthcoming album as a total divergence, for him, into powerful pop rock. And speaking of CDs, Conway’s work, El Tigre included, is available via all the usual avenues: on his website tomcowayguitar.com, plus iTunes, CD Baby and the like. But the best way to get hip to his nonpareil style is to catch him at his live gigs (regularly at South Shore Tiki Lounge on Saturdays and Tuesdays at Stella Blues Cafe; plus debuting at Moana Bakery & Cafe this Friday), or more immersive still, sign up for lessons–all sure to inspire you as he has inspired me. ■

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SEPTEMBER 29, 2011 19

PICKS BY ANU YAGI

WILD WAHINE WEDNESDAY

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MAUI TRIBE PRODUCTIONS PRESENTS

WILLIE K + WAREHOUSE BLUES BAND COMING ATTRACTIONS // FRIDAY OCTOBER 7TH

+ UK DUB LEGEND MAD PROFESSOR WITH JOE ARIWA + MARTY DREAD + DJ BOOMSHOT DJ BOOGIEMEISTER + VJ DOUGLAS + DE BOER SATURDAY OCTOBER 8TH + RUSH HOUSE ALL STARS CD RELEASE PARTY SATURDAY OCTOBER 15TH + ELIGH + DJ FRESH + ENZYME DYNAMITE

The Age of Aquarium

Free Willy (and these little buggas too)

Thursday (Sept. 29), 6-7:30pm, Pacific Whale Foundation’s Discovery Center (Ma‘alaea Harbor Shops); free Next time you feed Mr. Fishy, feel guilty: “Many people are surprised to learn that 98 percent of all saltwater aquarium animals are wild-caught–and that over 30 million fish are plucked from coral reefs worldwide each year for the aquarium trade,” says Drew Sulock, coordinator for the Pacific Whale Foundation’s “Making Waves” lecture series. Tonight (Sept. 29), the series continues with a free talk on “Hawaii’s Aquarium Trade,” with guest speaker Rene Umberger, a local activist and reef advocate who will present an informative slide show. Since 1983, Umberger has logged over 10,000 dives in Maui waters as a dive instructor and enthusiast, and on the rare occasion she plays landlubber, she’s focused on creating educational material and environmental standards for marine tourism, as well as developing a system for cleaning local reefs that have been smothered by thousands of pounds of abandoned fishing gear. “Collection of wildlife from Hawaii’s reefs to fill the demand created by hobby aquar-

ists causes significant environmental harm [also causing the animals] stress, injury and death.” To learn more about this and other lectures (the series continues every third Thursday of the month), call 249-8811 ext. 1 or visit pacificwhale.org + forthefishes.org ■ To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1515p2

MAKE IT A MEMORABLE EVENING + DINE & DANCE AT CASANOVA FOR DINNER RESERVATIONS CALL 808.572.0220 LOG ON AT WWW.CASANOVAMAUI.COM

Popular Demand! 0DXL 7ULEH 3URGXFWLRQV

Tuesdays in October \ää« ÊUÊf£äÊ ÛiÀ

Thursday (Sept. 29), 9:30pm, Casanova (1188 Makawao Ave.); $10/$5 before 9:30pm Remember when at summer’s end–though you loathed books and teachers’ dirty looks–you couldn’t wait to get back to school just to reunite with all your friends? That’s the sensation Maui Slam’s evoking with the return of their Back to School poetry slam, as they come again with a call to all “art freaks, band geeks, computer nerds, jocks, preps, thesbos, plastics, stoners and loners.” So do your homework and prepare

your verse–while taking note that dark classroom sarcasm is, in fact, welcome; as are group projects and visual aides (i.e. costumes and props). The contest is open to all spoken word artists, poets and MCs–whether you consider your skills worthy of the short bus or AP assignment–and the kid who earns top marks will win a $100 cash prize. But keep in mind there are no hall passes if you’re tardy, and participants must sign up by 9:30pm. Oh, and extra credit includes the fact that the invitations (as ever) come via naughty librarian Ellen Peterson, and that the cute boys in class–DJ Boomshot and VJ Douglas Deboer–will augment your evening with turntable sorcery and eye candy alchemy. For more information, visit facebook.com/mauislam ■ To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1515p3

PHOTO BY JESSICA PEARL

Back by

Educational Enjambment

Dance, Dance, Dance to Rock, Blues & Jazz!

572-0220

Calling all: “art freaks, band geeks, thesbos, plastics, stoners and loners.”

For dinner reservations and information

20 SEPTEMBER 29, 2011

PICKS BY ANU YAGI

Psychics and Stones Saturday (Oct. 1), 11am-4pm, Lotus Heart Gifts at Temple of Peace (575 Haiku Rd.); free Every time I’ve tried to attend a Psychic Fair (held every first Saturday), unforeseen circumstances get in my way. A catch-22 in eternal return, I can’t manage to get to the fair to buy the crystal ball that will alert me to what’s preventing me from getting there in the first place! At least, if I manage to make it to the Psychic Fair this go-around, I need no prophetic word to tell me that I’ll save 20 percent on said crystal ball (or whatever else) at Lotus Heart Gifts’ one day-only pre-holiday sale. And if all I spy (with or without my third eye) is my ugly mug fish-eyed in the reflection, the fair’s main attraction is its “Angel, Astrology, and Tarot readings by Maui’s premier Intuitives� who provide “valuable insights and inspiration.� Not to mention that other offerings include refreshments, live entertainment, chair massage and Reiki... OK, look. I gotta be frank: no matter my earnest efforts, my regular spiritual resolve is a robust disbelief in almost everything but hard science–but I still love stuff like the Psychic Fair. Why? Even a

skeptic like me (though I prefer the description “rationalâ€?) can readily enjoy how psychic readings speak to universal human conditions, and I find that the associations that naturally come to mind when suggestions are proffered oft speak to what’s bubbling within. How fun! Never mind it all takes place in Haiku, a delightful direction which merits a leisurely drive whether or not you have a destination. For more information on the Psychic Fair, call 575-5220. â–

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You already knew, right?

This Dame’s got pipes!

SUNDAY SERIES

SUN. OCT. 9TH

BLUES AND BREWS FEATURING MAUI JAZZ SOCIETY

HOSTED BY THE R.E. METOYER BLUES ROCK & SOUL REVUE

NO COVER 2PM-5PM

15% OFF

ALL FOOD

$

Auntie Dame Saturday (Oct. 1), 7:30pm, Castle Theater, MACC (One Cameron Way, Kahului); $75/$100/$125 Only fascinating lives earn the after-name acronyms ONZ, DBE, AC (which stand for Order of New Zealand, the country’s highest honor, “to recognise outstanding service to the Crown and people of New Zealand in a civil or military capacity�; Most Excellent Order of the British Empire; and Order of Australia)–and star sporano Dame Kiri Te Kanawa has lead a fascinating life. Born Claire Mary Teresa Rawstron in Gisborne on New Zealand’s North Island in 1944, she was adopted as an infant by Maoris Thomas and Nell Te Kanawa (later, she adopted two children of her own, Antonia and

Thomas). Educated at Saint Mary’s College in Auckland, Te Kanawa continued her studies at London Opera Centre where word of her talents and captivating stage presence spread fast and far. Her recording of “Nuns’ Chorusâ€? from Strauss’s operetta Casanova, became New Zealand’s very first gold record, and was awarded a Grammy for her performance of Mozart’s “Le nozze di Figaro,â€? produced by Christopher Raeburn and the London Philharmonic Orchestra and conducted by Georg Solti. Oh, and she’s got honorary degrees from the likes of the UK’s Cambridge, Dundee, Durham, Nottingham, Oxford, Sunderland, Warwick unis, among others internationally. Obviously we could go on and on as long as her pipes’ sustain, but you get the idea, right? Point is: this lyric soprano is not to be missed. â–

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4 STELLA ARTOIS

)URQW 6W ‡ ‡ +DUGURFN FRP SEPTEMBER 29, 2011 21

CALENDAR

RESTAURANT

LIVE MUSIC ON THE NORTHSHORE!

Da Kine Calendar BY ANU YAGI

THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 29th

WAVETRAIN

FEATURING GRAMMY AWARD NOMINEE MARK JOHNSTONE 10PM

FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 30th

LUKAS NELSON & THE PROMISE OF THE REAL 10PM OWAILA 9PM $//23 /0%. !4 0- s TICKET TICKETS AVAIL. AT Charleyslive.com or at the world famous bar!

BIG SHOWS LUKAS NELSON & PROMISE OF THE REAL - Fri, Sep 30 & Sat, Oct 1. You’ve heard the buzz—now get out there and shake your booty. Friday’s show features opening act Owaila, and Saturday’s show is highlighted by The Freeradicals Projekt. Tickets available at Charley’s or online at charleyslive.com $25. 8pm doors / 9pm show. Charley’s Restaurant & Saloon, 142 Hana Hwy., Paia; 579-8085

SATURDAY OCTOBER 1st

LUKAS NELSON & THE PROMISE OF THE REAL 10PM THE FREERADICALS PROJEKT 9PM $//23 /0%. !4 0- s 4)#+%4 TICKETS AVAIL. AT Charleyslive.com or at the world famous bar!

SUNDAY OCTOBER 2nd CHARLEY’S GAMEDAY

NFL SUNDAY TICKET

BREAKFAST & GAMES START AT 7AM BAR OPENS AT 8AM ENJOY OUR NEW BLOODY MARY BAR $5 MIMOSAS & BLOODYS BOOKING INFO: BOOKINGS@CHARLEYSMAUI.COM

142 HANA HWY, PAIA

808-573-8085

www.charleysmaui.com

“home of the $1 mai tai” Kihei’s BEST Sunset Cocktail Spot!

AUTHENTIC MEXICAN FOOD BURGERS SALADS Live Music Daily Sunset Happy Hour 3-7 Nightly Entertainment

THURSDAY 29 9pm KIHEI’S LEGENDARY WEEKLY

RAMPAGE

REGGAE DANCE PARTY FRIDAY 30 9pm

DAT GUYZ KEOLA AND BAND PLAYING ALL THE ISLAND FAVORITES

RISING STRONG

SATURDAY 1 9pm

MAUI ISLAND REGGAE

SUNDAY 2 KARAOKE INDUSTRY NIGHT 8pm

NFL FOOTBALL DAY

MONDAY 3 8pm

KARAOKE

HAPPY HOUR PRICES ALL DAY!!

TUESDAY 4

JUNIOR LACUESTA

SMOOTH ISLAND MUSIC 9pm $1 TACOS: 5pm - midnight $3 CORONAS, $3 CUERVO SHOTS: All day

OPEN MIC

WEDNESDAY 5 9pm

GET UP & JAM OR WATCH THE RISING STARS

1913 S Kihei Rd 808.891.8010 ACROSS FROM FOODLAND

22 SEPTEMBER 29, 2011

DAME KIRI TE KANAWA - Sat, Oct 1. Born in New Zealand and adopted by Maori aristocracy, Dame Kiri Te Kanawa moved to London in her early twenties and found fame after her sensaional 1971 debut at the Royal Opera House Covent Garden. During this special Maui performance, this star soprano is joined by pianist Terence Dennis. See This Week’s Picks for more. $75/$100/$125. 7:30pm. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului, 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org ONE-TIME ONLY PREMIER SCREENING: “GEORGE HARRISON LIVING IN THE MATERIAL WORLD” - An expansive documentary by Martin Scorsese about the Beatles’ lead guitarist. Details all aspects of George Harrison’s personal and professional life—including his embrace of Indian mysticism and music which forever change the sound of the Fab Four. Featuring Olivia Harrison, Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, Eric Clapton, Ravi Shankar and George Martin. Screened in stunning high-definition video and Dolby 5.1 surround sound. $20. 6pm. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-77469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org

STAGE MAUI ONSTAGE PRESENTS “THE GARDEN OF BE” - Last chance! Opened Fri, Sep 23. Runs Fri-Sun through Oct 2. Written by hip local playwright Tess Cartwright, with original music by Joe DeRose and original choreography by Aly Cardinalli. Directed by Steven Dascoulias. A sweet, inspiring and symbolism-steeped exploration into a realm of color, language and love. Perfect for keiki and kupuna alike. 7:30pm Fri & Sat. 3pm Sun. $40/$22/$15/$10. Iao Theater, 68 N. Market St., Wailuku; 242-6969; mauionstage.com PROARTS INC. AUDITIONS - Sat, Oct. 1 - ProArts. Inc. announces open auditions for the final two shows their current season. The musical shows are “Jack & the Beanstalk,” a ProArts original fractured fairy tale opening in November; and Ruthless! The Musical by Joal Paley and Marvin Laird, which opens in December. Auditions are by appointment only. 9:30am-1:30pm. ProArts Playhouse, Azeka Shopping Center (Makai), 1280 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 463-6550; proartspacific.com

TICKETS ON SALE

MOONLIGHT SERIES FEAT. JOAN SORIANO - Thu, Oct 6. Known as “The Duke of Bachata” (with “bachata” being a brand of guitar-based music birthed from impoverished Dominican Republic communities), Joan Soriano is the genre’s biggest star. His work even augments the critically acclaimed doco, “Santo Domingo Blues.” Of the style of Caribbean music Soriano is helping make famous, NPR’s Banning Eyre explains that “Dominicans call it “amargue,” literally bitterness, but there’s an element of cathartic sweetness there, too.”. $28/$33. 7:30pm. A&B Amphitheater / Yokouchi Pavilion, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org KING KEKAULIKE ROBOTICS TEAM FUNDRAISER - Thu, Oct 6. The King K Robotics Team hosts a fundraiser, with a screening of the doco “Bots High Documentary” on their school campus. The film delves inside the world of high school robot builders and offers solutions to the decline in science and math education. Shown outside, moviegoers are encouraged to bring lawn chairs, blankets, etc. to make viewing experience more comfortable. Tickets are available for purchase online at mauimakers.com/blog/botshigh or at the door. $5. 6pm. King Kekaulike High School, 121 Kula Hwy., Pukalani; 5738710; mauimakers.com/blog/botshigh MOONLIGHT SERIES FEAT. TERENCE BLANCHARD - Fri, Oct 7. Wiki may say it best when it describes Terence Blanchard as being “known as a straight-ahead artist in the hard bop tradition [who] has recently utilized an African-fusion style of playing that makes him unique from other trumpeters on the performance circuit.”. $35/$40. 7:30pm. A&B Amphitheater / Yokouchi Pavilion, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org PROARTS PRESENTS “SYLVIA” - ThuSun, Oct 7-23. Greg and Kate (Scott Newman and Marilynn Hirashima) move to Manhattan after 22 years of child-raising in the suburbs. Greg brings home a dog he found in the park bearing only the name “Sylvia” (Jackie Shea) on her name tag. A street-smart mixture of lab and poodle, Sylvia becomes a major bone of contention between husband and wife. Kalani Whitford playing three roles as Tom, Phyllis and Leslie. 7:30pm Thu-Sat. 3pm Sun. $20 adults / $15 students (18-years-old and younger) / $15 kama’aina (Oct 20 only). ProArts Playhouse, 1280 S. Kihei Rd, Kihei; 463-6550; proartspacific.com REGISTER NOW: THE SEVENTH ANNUAL COONEY SURF CONTEST - Sat, Oct 8. Show off your surfing skills at this year’s 7th annual Cooney Surf Contest that honors the late Steve Cooney, who was a talented surfer. Divisions include mini groms (8 and under), menehune (9-11), boys (12-14), junior men (15-17), open men, teeny wahine (13 and under) and open women. Also, come down to see the Invitational Air Show. Entry

forms available at hanahwysurf.com. Entry fee is $25 for regular divisions and includes a T-shirt and lunch. Spectators are free. 7am. Ho’okipa Beach Park, Hana Hwy., Paia BAILEY HOUSE PRESENTS THE MAPPING OF HAWAII - Wanna see some cool old maps of the wonderful state we live in? Sure you do! The Bailey House Museum/ Maui Historic Society, in conjunction with Gallery Oceanica, will showcase a special traveling exhibit, The Mapping of Hawaii, which features historic maps of the Hawaiian Islands. And be sure to catch a special illustrated talk by Riley Moffat, noted BYU author and map historian (Sat, Oct 8; 4pm; $10). Further, as part of Wailuku First Friday festivities, exhibit admission is free on Oct. 7 (5:30pm-8:30pm). The exhibit’s only showing for two weeks (10am-4pm) so don’t miss out! Bailey House Museum, 2375-A Main St., Wailuku; 244-3326; mauimuseum.org TAJ MAHAL - Fri, Oct 14. This legendary composer, multi-instrumentalist and vocalist has been a driving and defining force in late 20th century blues and roots music. But you knew that! He’ll be joied by The Hula Blues Band, which forrmed after Taj Mahal moved to Kauai in 1981—and has been together ever since. $40/$50$/60. 7:30pm. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului, 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org FOURTH ANNUAL HALLOWBALOO MUSIC + ARTS FESTIVAL - Thu-Sun, Oct 2730. Not sure what you’re doing Halloween weekend? Plan on going to the best costume party in the Pacific and Hawaii’s largest live music showcase! Bands include Warpaint, Paper Diamond, Baths, Man Man, The New Mastersounds, and Gaudi with an additional 35+ bands, DJ’s and theatrical groups and 15,000+ costumed crazies—including Maui’s own Freeradicals Projekt, DJ Boomshot and MOTHxp, and local favorites Hell Caminos, Mike Love, Kings of Spade (check ‘em out this Friday at Mulligan’s), and the Cherry Blossom Cabaret.For tickets and wristbands visit hallowbaloo2011.eventbrite.com. Honolulu, HI MOVIE PREMIERE: “WHEN THE MOUNTAIN CALLS” - Sat, Nov 5. Check out the debut of a fantastic new film directed by Maui filmmaker Tom Vendetti. For more information, visit whenthemontaincalls.com and annmorfitee.com/in-love-with-the-mystery. $25. 7-9pm. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469 (SHOW); whenthemountaincalls.com ONE WORLD FESTIVAL - Sun, Nov 6. It’s Q103 FM’s third annual Maui Massive One World Festival, featuring two reggae legends: Third World and Inner Circle. Tickets available via the MACC box office or luckymanhawaii. com. 3pm gates / 4pm show. A&B Amphitheater / Yokouchi Pavilion, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

9/29

9/30

10/1

10/2

10/3 - 9/5

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

ALE HOUSE

Thirsty Thursday Ladies’ Night w/ DJ Jamn J 9pm; no cover

Bottoms Up Nightclub w/ DJ Iggy, DJ LX & Emcee Jay-J, 10pm; $10

Jones vs. Rampage / Rock & Roll Night w/ D/VJ Diesel Dave 9pm; no cover

NFL / Simma Down Nightclub w/ DJ JamnJ & DJ Iggy, 10pm; no cover

MON - NFL / Open Mic Jam Sesh w/ host Terri Garrison, 9pm / TUE - Braddah Francis, 4-7pm / WED - Free Karaoke Night w/ Braddah Francis, 8pm

AMBROSIA

Jamie Gallo, 7pm / Old School Thursdays w/ DJ Del Sol, 10pm

Whatever You Want w/ DJ AstroRaph, 10pm

Sunrise Saturdaze w/ DJ Decka, 10pm

ULTRA w/ DJ CIA feat. Seattle’s Almond Brown, 10pm

MON – Cocktails For A Cause / Super Nova feat. Indio & Gibran / TUE – Dirty House Tuesdays w/ DJ La Rage / WED – Red Carpet Movie Night , 7:30pm; Maui’s HI-5 Night (S.I.N.) w/ DJs Del Sol & CIA, 10pm

Live Music

Live Music Mana’o Radio Upcountry Sundays Acoustic Style, 2pm; $7

TUE - Maui Tribe presents Willie K and The Warehouse Blues Band, 9pm; $10 / WED Wild Wahine Wednesday w/ DJ Blast & Chilltown, 10pm; $10

355 E. Kamehameha, Kahului - 877-9001

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-1011

CARY & EDDIE’S HIDEAWAY 500 N. Puunene Ave., Kahului - 873-6555

CASANOVA

Maui SLAM: Back to School 9:30pm; $5/$10

Rootz N Creation w/ Haley & Teomon, 10pm; $7

CHARLEY’S

Wavetrain feat. Grammy Award nominee Mark Johnstone 9pm

Lukas Nelson & Promise of the Real, plus Owaila 8pm doors/9pm show; $25

Lukas Nelson & Promise of the Real, plus The Free Radicals Projekt 8pm doors/9pm show; $25

NFL Sunday Ticket

Barefoot Minded 7:30-10pm; no cover

Dave Caroll 7:30-10pm; no cover

Dave Caroll 7:30-10pm; no cover

Erin Smith 7:30-10pm; no cover

MON - Peter D, 7:30-10pm / TUE - Live Jazz, 7-10pm / WED - Junior Lacuesta, 7:30-10pm

The Kihei Cowboys 10pm; no cover

DJ Kamikaze 10pm; no cover

Mango Pickers 10pm; no cover

Live Music 10pm; no cover

MON - Gomega / TUE - Rampage / WED Juke Box Party (all sets 10pm; no cover)

DOG & DUCK IRISH PUB

Quiz Night 8pm; no cover

Big John & Daniel from Off Tomorrow 10pm; no cover

Junior Lacuesta 10pm; no cover

Sebrina Barron 10pm; no cover

MON – Daniel / TUE - Live Music / WED - Jessica & Kanoa (all sets 10pm; no cover)

GREEN LEAF SPORTS BAR

Karoke / Free Pool Night

Karaoke / Darts

Karaoke & Darts

NFL / Karaoke / Darts

MON - NFL / WED - Go Go Dancers & DJ Music, 10pm-close; no cover

8Rampage 9pm-close; no cover

Dat Guyz 9pm-close; no cover

Rising Strong 9pm-close; no cover

NFL / Karaoke Industry Night 8pm-close; no cover

MON - NFL / Karaoke, 8pm-close / TUE - Junior Lacuesta WED - Jordan Cudworth & Open Mic Night

1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-0220

142 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-8085

COOL CAT CAFE

Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina - 667-0908

DIAMONDS ICE BAR 1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-9299

1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 875-9669

1088 Lower Main St., Wailuku - 244-4888

HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-8010

HARD ROCK CAFE 900 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7400

ISANA

515 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-8199

RALPHIE MAY - Sat, Nov 19. Male comedienne Ralphie May is one of the biggest comics in the country—literally. Of NBC’s “Last Comic Standing” fame, he also recently finished shooting a new movie titled “The Best and Brightest” which also stars Neil Patrick Harris and Amy Sedaris. 8pm. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 2427469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org POINT PANIC MUSIC FESTIVAL: FEATURING SUBLIME WITH ROME, PEPPER, IRATION, AND DUB TRIO - Sun, Nov 20. An allages show! Hawaii’s BAMP Project partners with California’s Guerilla Union to present the Point Panic Music Festival. Featuring the return of Sublime with Rome to the Valley Isle, plus Hawaii’s own Pepper (currently on the Vans Warped Tour) and Iration, as well as—for the first time in Hawaii—the Brooklyn-based band, Dub Trio (which doubles as Matisyahu’s backup). Tickets available through the MACC box office. 3pm doors / 4pm show. $45. 3pm. A&B Amphitheater / Yokouchi Pavilion, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org REO SPEEDWAGON - Sun, Nov 27. This temples-tautened band of highly peroxided Midwesterners have been rockin’ since 1967. Beyond their multi-platinum albums, one interesting fact includes their 2009 release of “Find Your Own Way Home,” the “first ‘downloadable casual game’ produced by a rock band.” 7pm doors/8pm show. $65-$85. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 808242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org MOONLIGHT SERIES FEAT. MACEO PARKER - Sat, Jan 14. Pass the peas, gimme

Open Mic Night, 7:3010pm; no cover (all ages) Karaoke

Lucky Tonuge 8-11pm Karaoke

some more! The one and only Maceo Parker— the funk saxophonist famed for his work with Parliament Funkadelic and James Brown—is coming to Maui. Seriously. $35/$40. 7:30pm. A&B Amphitheater / Yokouchi Pavilion, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org

FOODIE ORGANIC SPROUTING - Sat, Oct 1. An introduction to organic hydroponic sprouting. Learn the different kinds of seeds that can be sprouted and the qualities of each. Taught by Neela Robinson. $15. 11am-1pm. Hale Akua Garden Farm, 110 Door of Faith Rd., Haiku; 572-9300; haleakuagardenfarm.com MONKEYPOD’S OKTOBERFEST - Wed, Oct 5. A special five course meal with unique beer pairings, hosted by beverage director Jason Vendrell. Limited to 40 guests. $45. Monkeypod Kitchen, 10 Wailea Gateway Pl. Unit B 201, Wailea; 891-2322

EVENTS THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 29 CELEBRATE ROSH HASHANA - To celebrate the Jewish New Year, the Israeli folk dancing group of Maui invites the public to a festive pot luck and dance party. (Remember: you can learn fun, traditional Israeli folk dances by joining the group every Thursday from 6-8pm and Sunday from 4-6pm.) Free. 6pm. Grace Church, 1000 Kula Hwy., Kula; Dan Zofi: 280-1051; gracechurchmaui.com

Karaoke

MAKING WAVES LECTURE SERIES: HAWAII’S AQUARIUM TRADE - Check out this interesting slide show presentation by Rene Umberger, a dive instructor and reef advocate. See This Week’s Picks for more. Free. 6-7:30pm. Pacific Whale Foundation’s Discovery Center, Ma‘alaea Harbor Shops (next to the Maui Ocean Center); 249-8811 ext. 1; pacificwhale.org, forthefishes.org MAUI SLAM GOES BACK TO SCHOOL Slam, bam, thank you, ma’am! Perform your poems for a chance to win $100. See This Week’s Picks for more. $5 before 9:30pm / $10. Casanova, 1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao; 572-0220

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 30 KAMA’AINA NIGHTS - Featuring Aukahi with Kaniala Masoe. Free. 6-8pm. Queen Kaahumanu Center, 275 W. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; queenkaahumanucenter.com

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 1 MAUI OCEAN CENTER’S BEACH CLEANUP - Part of the “Get the Drift and Bag It” campaign. Meet at the back gate by the aquarium’s employee entrance and help malama da ‘aina! Maui Ocean Center, Ma’alaea; 344-2533; sharktastics.org 12TH ANNUAL MEADOW GOLD DARIES HEALTHY BABY CONTEST - Part of 89th annual Maui Fair festivities and in conjunction with National Children’s Health Month. Highlights up to 90 babies 12-to 14-monthsold, awarding prizes which include U.S. Savings Bonds, gas coupons from Minit Stop and prizes from Takamiya Market, Maui Thing and more. Hosted by KPOA’s “Morning God-

WED - Karaoke

dess,” Alaka’i Paleka. Free with Fair admission. 10:30pm. Maui Fair Grounds, Kahului HOLOKAI CLUB - A day full of cool stuff for kids, featuring balloon artistry by Riki. 10am12pm. Free. Queen Kaahumanu Center, 275 W. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; queenkaahumanucenter.com PSYCHIC FAIR - Do you believe the future can be foretold? See This Week’s Picks for more. 11am-4pm. Lotus Heart Gifts at Temple of Peace, 575 Haiku Rd., Haiku, 575-5220 DOORWAY INTO LIGHT PRESENTS “SHARING THE CARE: BUILDING NETWORKS OF COMMUNITY CARE-GIVERS TO THE DYING” - Featuring Sheila Warnock, co-author of “Sharing the Care, Deborah Duda, author of “Coming Home” and Bodhi Be, and ordained interfaith minister. $35 advance / $50 door. 11am-5pm. Temple of Peace, 575 Haiku Rd., Haiku; 573-8334; bodhi@doorwayintolight.org

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 2 MANA’O RADIO UPCOUNTRY SUNDAYS - This acoustic style jam features Sol Y Luna with Nuno and Bit, plus Lily Meola with Toby Couture and Dick Tilton, the piano man. A benefit for mana’o radio. $7 donation. 2pm. Casanova, 1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao; 572-0220

MONDAY, OCTOBER 3 MAUI OCEAN CENTER’S FALL CAMP: “MOLLUSKS ON MAUI” - Beginning today through Friday, Oct. 7, keiki have the chance to take part in a cool Fall-break camp, focused on kids Kindergarten through 5th grade. This

SEPTEMBER 29, 2011 23

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

9/29

9/30

10/1

10/2

10/3 - 9/5

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

JAVA JAZZ

Guest Performer 7pm - close; no cover

Tracy Stiles 7pm - close; no cover

Rick Glencross 7pm - close; no cover

Farzad & Mike Madden 7pm - close; no cover

MON - The Chris & Mary Jane Xperiment / TUE - Ras Shaggai / WED - Rick Glencross

KAHALE’S

Bad Kitty, 7pm

Kenny Roberts, 7pm

Eight Track Players, 7pm

The Kihei Cowboys, 7pm

MON - Kawika / TUE - Da Hawaiians / WED - Gina Martinelli (all sets 7pm)

1810 6:30-8:30pm

Willie K 9-11pm; $5

Glenn Kakagawa & Benny Uyetake, 8-10pm

Sam Ahia, 3-5pm

MON through WED Sam Ahia, 6:30-8:30pm

Karaoke & Dancing w/ Auntie Toddy Lilikoi 9:30-close; no cover

Karaoke & Dancing w/ Auntie Toddy Lilikoi 9:30-close; no cover

Kawika Ortiz, 7-9:30pm / DJ Kamikaze, 10pm-close

MON - NFL / TUE Country Music & Dancing w/ Rick Scanlan, 7-11m / WED Sebrina Barron 7-9pm; Ladies’ Night w/ DJ La Rage, 10pm-close

3350 L. Honoapiilani Rd. - 667-0787

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 875-7711

KIMO’S

845 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4811

KOBE STEAKHOUSE

136 Dickenson St., Lahaina - 667-5555

Fulton Tashombe & The Maui Jazz All-Stars, 7-10pm

LONGHI’S LAHAINA 888 Front St., Lahaina - 667-2288

Salsa Night w/ Netto & Barbara Peraza, 8-11pm / DJ Nexus, 11pm-close

Requesola w/ Rob & Ron, 6:30-9:30pm / DJ Nexus, 10pm-close

Camp Savage 7:30-9:30pm / DJ AstroRaph, 10pm-close

Howard Ahia 6-8pm; no cover

Marvin Tevaga, 6-9pm; no cover / Latin Night w/ DJ Danny, 10pm-2am; $10

STATUS hosted by Philly Blunt & feat. All Access Ent.’s DJ Money Mike, 10pm; $10

Ranga Pae

Ranga Pae

Ranga Pae

Phil & Angie Benoit

Tom Conway

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE

Murray Thorne, 7-9pm / Pub Quiz Night w/ Trish “The Dish” Smith, 9:30pm-12am

Alika Nako’oka, 7-10pm / Dance Night w/ Alika, 10pm-12am

Oktoberfest fundraiser for The Rotary Club of KiheiWailea, 4-9pm; $45/$50

The Celtic Tigers w/ Mad Bagpiper Roger McKinley 6:30-9:30pm / Big John, 10pm-12am

MON - Lily Meola, 6:30-8:30pm / Rockin’ the ‘80s Party, 10pm-12am / TUE - TBA / WED - Willie K, 7-9pm.

OCEANS BAR & GRILL

mauimusicmecca guest DJ, 10pm; no cover

DJ Stylz 10pm; no cover

Shatter Bomb, Move Minor Standard and Gerit Williams, 10pm; $5

NFL

MON - NFL / TUE - Viva La Rumba, 8pm / WED - E.D.E. presents Raveolution, 10pm

Jordan 6-9pm

Dress Like a Pirate Night

SANSEI - KAPALUA

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

SANSEI - KIHEI

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

LULU’S KIHEI

1945 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-9944

LULU’S LAHAINA

Lahaina Cannery Mall - 661-0808

MERRIMAN’S

1 Bay Club Pl., Kapalua - 669-6400

MOANA BAKERY & CAFE 71 Baldwin Ave., Paia - 579-9999

100 Kaukahi St., Wailea - 874-1131

1819 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-2414

SHARKY’S

41 E. Lipa St., Kihei - 874-5115

115 Bay Dr., Lahaina - 669-6286

1881 S. Kihei Rd., Ste. KT116, Kihei - 879-0004

camp’s theme centers on Maui’s mollusks: softbodied animals like sea snails, opihi, cowries, pipipi, and muscles. $50-$72. pacificwhale.org

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 4 SUPPORT SOMOS OHANA NICARAGUA It’s easy to do good deeds when all it entails is eating good pizza. Yep. Just eat pizza at Flatbread Co. tonight (5-10pm), and a portion of the proceeds will benefit the non-profit Somos Ohana Nicaragua, an organization which aims to build a pre-school in rural Niacaragua. Plus, enjoy live music by Damian Paiva and Roots Hawaii, plus bid your heart out in a stellar silent auction. Flatbread Company, 89 Hana Hwy., Paia; 579-8989; flatbreadcompany.com

ery Wed, cooler-than-cool Uncle George Kahumoku Jr hosts this Grammy Award-winning concert series. Dinner packages available through the Sea House Restaurant (adjacent to the concert hall; 5:30pm seating). $39.99. 7:30-9:30pm. Napili Kai Beach Resort Pavilion, 5900 L. Honoapiilani Rd., Napili; 6693858; slackkey.com / napilikai.com RED CARPET MOVIE NIGHT: “SCREAM” (1996) - Two words: free popcorn. Need we say more? OK. We will: October is thrillers month. Mark your calendars for “Memento” on Oct. 12, “Seven” on Oct. 19 and “Silence of the Lambs” on Oct. 26. No cover. 7:30pm. Ambrosia Martini Lounge, 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 891-1011; ambrosiamaui.com

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 5 MDA LOCKUP - Help support the Muscular Dystrophy Association by helping a fellow Mauian break out of ‘lockup.’ (And stick around to listen to Teri Garrison’s happy hour set from 5-8pm). 11am-2pm. Kahului Ale House, 355 Kamehameha Ave., Kahului; 877-9001 WOW! WAILEA ON WEDNESDAYS - Enjoy an island-style concert in the courtyard; plus gallery receptions, artist appearances and more. This week features Leokane and CJ “Boom” Helekahi, who bring the sounds of Hana Town to South Maui. 6:30-8pm. The Shops at Wailea, Lower Courtyard, 3750 Wailea Alanui, Wailea; 891-6770 MASTERS OF HAWAIIAN SLACK KEY - Ev-

24 SEPTEMBER 29, 2011

DINNER MUSIC WEST MAUI COOL CAT CAFE - Every Thu, Barefoot Minded 7:30-10pm; Every Fri & Sat, Dave Carroll 7:30-10pm; Every Sun, Erin Smith 7:30-10pm; Every Mon, Peter D 7:30-10pm; Every Tue, live jazz 7-10pm; Every Wed, Junior Lacuesta 7:30-10pm. Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina, 667-0908. DA KITCHEN - Mon, Wed, Fri, Sat & Sun, live music 5:30-10pm. Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina, 661-4990. DUKE’S BEACH HOUSE - Duke’s Beach

MON - All Access DJs, 10pm / TUE - “Lahaina Idol” Karaoke w/ Troy, 9pm12am / WED - Kenny Roberts, 5-8pm (all no cover) Ranga Pae

TUE - David Choy / WED - Ranga Pae TUE - Open Mic Night

MON - Eat & Place Day Dance Dance Extreme Competition, 7pm / TUE - Karaoke w/ DJ Jay / WED - Western Night & BBQ Championship

House - Every Mon, Tue & Wed, Brian 3-5pm; Wed, Alika & Ron 6-8:30pm; Thu, Damien 3-5pm; Thu, Garrett & Peter 6-8:30pm; Fri, Garrett 3-5pm; Every Fri & Sat, Kulwewa 6-8:30pm; Every Sun & Sat, Tim 3-5pm; Sun, Tim & Miles 6-8:30pm; Tue, Alika & Edee 6-8:30pm; Tue, Tim & Edee 6-8:30pm; Fri, Henry Kapono 5-7pm. 130 Kai Malina Pkwy., Lahaina, 662-2900. HULA GRILL - Hula Grill - Wed, Alika 1:303:30pm; Wed, Peter DeAquino 4-6pm; Every Tue & Wed, Ernest Pua’a & Friends 6:30-9pm; Thu, Alika 11am-1pm; Thu, Ernest Pua’a 1:303:30pm; Every Mon & Thu, Armadillo 4-6pm; Thu, Kulwewa 6-9pm; Every Mon, Fri & Sat, Kawika Lum Ho 1:30-3:30pm; Every Fri & Sat, 1810 4-6pm; Fri, Kawika, Roy & Ivan 6:309pm; Sat, Wili Pohaku 6:30-9pm; Every Sun & Tue, Kawika Lum Ho 11am-1pm; Sun, Ron & Ikaika 1:30-3:30pm; Sun, Derick Sebastian Trio 6-9pm; Mon, Derick Sebastian & Josh Kahula 6:30-9pm; Tue, Jarrett Roback 1:303:30pm; Tue, Damon & Danyel Alana 4-6pm; Every Mon, Wed & Fri, Ernest Pua’a 11am1pm. Whaler’s Village, 2435 Ka’anapali Pwy., Bldg P, Lahaina, 667-6636.

JD & Harry; Sun, Merv Oana (all sets 3-5pm). Whaler’s Village, 2435 Ka’anapali Pkwy. Bldg. J, Ka’anapali, 661-4495.

JAVA JAZZ - Thu, Guest Performer; Fri, Tracy Stiles; Sat, Rick Glencross; Sun & Mon, The Chris and Mary Jane Xperiment; Tue, Ras Shaggai; Wed, Rick Glencross (all sets 7pm). 3550 L. Honoapiilani Rd., Lahaina, 667-0787.

SEA HOUSE RESTAURANT - Every Tue & Fri, Kincaid Kupahu 7-9pm; Every Sun & Thu, Andrew Kaina 7-9pm; Sat, Coehlo Morrison 7-9pm; Every Mon & Wed, Albert Kaina 7-9pm. 5900 Lower Honoapiilani Hwy., Napili, 669-1500.

LEILANI’S ON THE BEACH - Every Thu, Jarrett & Wilson; Every Fri, DJ & Friends, Every Sat,

VILLAGE CAFE & SWEET SHOPPE - Fri, Glenn Kakugawa and Sarah Cravalho 5:30-

LONGHI’S LAHAINA - Every Fri, Fulton Tashombe and The Maui Jazz All Stars 7-10pm. 888 Front St., Lahaina; 667-2288. LULU’S LAHAINA SURF CLUB & GRILL - Every Thu, Howard Ahia 6-8pm; Fri, Marvin Tevaga 6-9pm; Every Wed, Kenny Roberts 5-8pm. Lahaina Cannery Mall, 1221 Honoapiilani Hwy. #A1, Lahaina, 661-0808. MERRIMAN’S - Wed-Sun, Ranga Pae; Mon, Phil & Angie Benoit; Tue, David Choy. All sets 6-9pm. 1 Bay Club Pl., Lahaina, 669-6400. PIONEER INN GRILL & BAR - Thu, Greg di Piazza feat. Alana Cini 5:30-8:30pm; Tue, Ah-Tim Elenicki 5:30-8:30pm; Wed, JD on the Rocks 5-8pm. 658 Wharf St., Lahaina; 661-3636 R.B. BLACK ANGUS STEAKHOUSE - Every Sun, Live jazz. 4465 Honoapiilani Hwy., Lahaina; 669-8889

VOTED BEST HAPPY HOUR ON MAUI! 3 +)(%) 2$ s !- !- $!),9 s $)..%2 @4), 0-

THURS

A MAUIMUSICMECC GUEST DJ

3*/,4 "'5&3 1.

1. t /0 $07&3 t "-- %

FRIDAY

DJ STYLZ

*/,4 "'5&3 10PM 1. t /0 $07&3 t "-- %3

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t ". ". /08 4&37*/( #3&",'"45 6''&5 5 # '"4 &", "-- :06 $"/ &"5 #3

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TUESDAY

TACO TUES.

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-*7& .64*$ 8*5) 7*7

WEDNESDAY

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HAPPY HOUR 3-6PM LIVE MUSIC EVERY WEEKEND

THURSDAY 9 THURSDAY 9.29 .29

Vince Esquire Band 9PM FRIDAY 9.30 FRIDAY 9.30

Innavision + Jah Residentz 10PM SATURDAY 10.1 SATURDAY 10.1

Wild West with Next Level 10PM SUNDAY 10.2 SUNDAY 10.2

Gina Martinelli Band 7PM 808.879.3133

1945 S Kihei Road, Suite G

E LLAG.com I V A i IHEI RD, KALAM ulusmau l 879-9944 „

We’re Back! Lulu’s in kihei WEDNESDAY

ALL ACCESS ENTERTAINMENT PRESSENTS

LADIES NIGHT

MAUI

SALSA NIGHT

ENTERTAINMENT

$1.25 SCREW DRIVERS THURSDAY

$3 CORONA FRIDAY NIGHT $1.25 MAI TAIS, $2.50 WELLS SATURDAY (8PM-CLOSE) $2 BOTTLES, WELLS & DRAFTS

ARTS + WITH

MAUITIME FLAVOR

.com

SEPTEMBER 29, 2011 25

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

9/29

9/30

10/1

10/2

10/3 - 9/5

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM MON - DJ Blast / TUE - DJ LX / WED Ladies’ Night w/ The ADD Twins (All sets 10pm - close; no cover)

NFL / Arlie & Jay, 3-7pm

MON - Mahalo Monday Industry Night, 10pm-close / TUE - Tennis League Night

DJ LX 10pm-close; no cover

Live Music 9pm-12am; no cover

Live Music 9pm-12am; no cover

Ladies’ Night 7pm-close; no cover

Bad Kitty 8-11pm; no cover

Free Pool Day

Ah Tim

Ahumanu

STOPWATCH SPORTS BAR

Karaoke w/ Pearl Rose 9:15pm-12am; no cover

Maui Underground 9pm-1am; $3

Karaoke w/ Pearl Rose 9pm-12am; no cover

THREE’S BAR & GRILL

Visibily Shaken / The Vince Esquire Band 9pm

Innavision / Jah Residentz 10pm

Wild West w/ Next Level Entertainment 10pm

Live Music

Live Music

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

MON through WED- Karaoke

Industry Night 9pm-2am; no cover

Undone w/ Ross Q 9:30pm-2am; $10

Spun Out w/ DJ Calcul8 9pm-2am; $10

Closed

MON through WED - Closed

Next Level Entertainment 10pm

Live Music 10pm

Live Music 10pm

Free Karaoke

MON - Free Karaoke / TUE - Thirsty Tuesday & Free Karaoke / WED - Free Karaoke

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-6444

DJ Slackin 10pm-close; no cover

Kanoa 10pm-close; no cover

DJ Gemini & DJ Ynot 10pm-close; no cover

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE SPORTS PAGE GRILL & BAR 2411 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-0602

STEEL HORSE SALOON 1234 L. Main St., Wailuku - 243-2206

STELLA BLUES CAFE 1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-3779

1127 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-1380

1945 S Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-3133

TIA JUANA’S BEACH CANTINA 2291 Kaanapali Pkwy. - 667-4080

TIFFANY’S

1424 L. Main St., Wailuku - 249-0052

TIMBA

505 Front St, Ste. 212, Lahaina - 661-9873

WATERCRESS

Waiehu Beach Center, Wailuku-243-9350

8:30pm. 2000 Village Rd., Lahaina, 665-1122.

SOUTH MAUI AMBROSIA - Every Thu, Jamie Gallo 7pm; Every Mon, Cocktails for a Cause (this week benefits the Wailea Canoe Club) 8pm + live entertainment 9pm; Every Tue, “Glee” on the big screen 7pm; Every Wed, Red Carpet Movie Night [October is thirllers month! This week: “Scream” (1996)] 7:30pm. 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 891-1011. CAPISCHE? - Every Fri & Sat, Mark Johnstone 7-10pm. 555 Kaukahi St., Kihei, 879-2224. HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH - Every Thu, Jeff New; Every Fri, Mon & Tue, Rick Glencross; Every Sat, Ryan Robinson; Mon & Tue, Karaoke 8pm; Wed, Open Mic 9pm. 1913 S. Kihei Rd., #E, Kihei, 874-1250. KAI WAILEA - Thu, Mon & Sun, Wolf; Fri, Ryan Robinson; Sat, Kanoa; Mon, Tom Conway; Wed, Francois (all sets 6-8:30pm). 3750 Wailea Alanui, Wailea, 875-1955. LULU’S KIHEI - Every Thu, Netto & Barbara Peraza 8-11pm; Every Fri, Ron & Rob 6:309:30pm; Every Sat, Camp Savage 7:309:30pm; Every Sun, Kawika Ortiz, 7-9:30pm; Every Tue, Ric Scanlan 7-11pm; Every Wed, Sebrina Barron, 7-9pm MONSOON INDIA - Every Sat, Romantic Violin & Guitar Duets by Cambria Moss & Ricardo Dioso 6:30-8:30pm; Mon, Louise Lambert 6-9pm; Every Tue, Hula Honeys 5:30-8:30pm. 760 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 875-6666. MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE - Thu, Murray Thorne 7-9pm; Fri, Alika Nako’oka 7-10pm; Sun, The Celtic Tigers 6:30-9:30pm, Tue, TBA 7-8pm; Wed, Willie K 7-9pm. 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea, 874-1131. SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE - Every Thu, Erin Smith; Every Fri, Randall Rospond; Every Sat, Tom Conway; Every Sun, Viva La Rumba;

26 SEPTEMBER 29, 2011

Every Mon, Kanoa; Every Tue, Sebrina Barron; Every Wed, Mark Johnstone. (all sets 4-6pm.) Kihei Kalama Village, 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 874-6444. STELLA BLUES CAFE - Every Thu, Ah-Tim 4-6pm; Every Mon, Tom Cherry & Mike Finkeiwicz 4-6pm; Every Tue, Tom Conway 4-6pm; Every Wed, Randall Rospond 4-6pm / SLAM feat. David Choy and Clay Mortensen 7-10pm. 1279 South Kihei Rd., # 201, Kihei, 874-3779. THREE’S BAR & GRILL - Every Thu, Vince Esquire Band 9pm; Sat, Louise Lambert Band with Phil Smith and James Somera 6-9pm; Every Sun, Gina Martinelli Band. 1945 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 879-3133 TRADEWINDS POOLSIDE CAFE - Every Thu, Island Favorites with Kawika Lum Ho; Every Fri, Girls Nite Out with Gina Martinelli; Every Sat, Classic Rock with Dominic; Every Sun, Ron Shadian & Friends; Every Mon, Bobby Ingram & Friends; Every Tue, Mike and Mark; Every Wed, Steve Sargenti. (all sets 6-9pm.) 2259 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 891-8860.

CENTRAL MAUI ALE HOUSE - Every Fri, Braddah Francis 4-8pm; Every Mon, Terri Garrison 4-7pm, Open Mic Night with Terri Garrison 9pm; Every Tue, Braddah Francis 4-7pm. Every Wed, Karaoke w/ Braddah Francis 9pm. 355 E. Kamehameha Ave., Kahului, 877-9001.

UPCOUNTRY MAUI CAFE DES AMIS - Every Thu, Joe Conte plays The Chapman Stick; Every Sat, live Argentinian music; Every Wed, The Stone Violets 6:308:30pm. 42 Baldwin Ave., Paia, 579-6323.

RESORT SHOWS WEST MAUI

HYATT REGENCY MAUI RESORT & SPA200 Nohea Kai Dr., 661-1234. Umalu - Daily, live music 6:30-8:30pm and torch lighting ceremony 5:30-6pm.

MON - Tom Cherry & Mike Finkewiecz, 4-6pm / TUE - Tom Conway, 4-6pm / WED - Randall Rospond, 4-6pm / SLAM feat. David Choy & Clay Mortensen, 7-10pm

Gina Martinelli Band 7pm

Kaanapali Beach Club - 104 Kaanapali Shores, 661-2000. OHANA BAR & GRILL - Every Wed & Thu, live music 5:30-9:30pm; Every Sun, Thu & Sat, torch lighting ceremony 5:30-9:30pm. KAANAPALI BEACH HOTEL - 2525 Kaanapali Pkwy., 661-0011. KANAEHELE ROOM - Daily (except Sun & Mon), “Kupanaha: Maui Magic for All Ages” 4:30-7:30pm. TIKI BAR & GRILL - Daily, hula show 6:307pm and live music 7-9pm. TIKI TERRACE RESTAURANT - Every Sun, Ka’anapali Champagne Brunch 9am-1pm. MARRIOT MAUI OCEAN CLUB - 100 Nohea Kai Dr., 667-1200. LONGBOARDS KA’ANAPALI - Daily, solo guitarists and sunset hula dancers 5:30-8:30pm; Every Sun & Wed, live music 5:30-9:30pm. RITZ-CARLTON KAPALUA - One Ritz-Carlton Dr., 669-6200. ALALOA LOUNGE - Every Fri & Sat, live music 8pm-12am. ROYAL LAHAINA RESORT - 2780 Kekaa Dr., 661-3611. ROYAL OCEAN TERRACE - Every Thu, Fri & Sat, live Hawaiian music 6-8pm. SHERATON MAUI - 2605 Kaanapali Pkwy., 661-0031. LAGOON BAR - Daily, cliff diving 6-8pm, torch lighting ceremony 6-8pm, and live music 6-9pm. SUGAR CANE TRAIN - 975 Limahana Pl., 661-0088. SUGAR CANE TRAIN - Daily, Sugar Cane Train rides 10am-4pm; Thu, Sugar Cane Train Dinner 5pm. WARREN & ANNABELLE’S - 900 Front St., 667-6244. WARREN & ANNABELLE’S - Daily (except Sun.), Warren & Annabelle’s Magic Show 5pm.

SOUTH MAUI FAIRMONT KEA LANI - 4100 Wailea Alanui Dr., 840-8402. FAIRMONT KEA LANI - Daily, live music 5:30-9:30pm. POLO BEACH GRILL & BAR - Daily, live music 4-5:30pm. FOUR SEASONS RESORT - 3900 Wailea Alanui Dr., 874-8000. LOBBY LOUNGE - Daily, torch lighting ceremony and hula 5:30-6:30pm; Every Thu-Wed, Jazz music 8-11:30pm; Every Tue, Jazz music 8-10:30pm; Every Sun, Hawaiian music 8:3010:30pm. GRAND WAILEA RESORT & SPA- 3850 Wailea Alanui Dr., 875-1234. BOTERO BAR & LOUNGE - Every Wed, live Hawaiian music 5:30-9:30pm. GRAND DINING ROOM - Every Sun, live Hawaiian music and hula 10:30am-1pm. MAKENA BEACH & GOLF RESORT - 5400 Makena Alanui Dr., 875-5888. MAKENA BEACH & GOLF RESORT - Every Sun, live music 9am-1pm. THE SHOPS AT WAILEA - 3750 Wailea Alanui, 891-6770. THE SHOPS AT WAILEA - Every Wed, WOW! Wailea on Wednesdays live music 6:30-8:30pm. WAILEA BEACH MARRIOT RESORT & SPA - 3700 Wailea Alanui Dr., 879-1922. KUMU BAR & GRILL - Daily, hula performance 6:30-9pm. MELE MELE LOUNGE - Daily, live music 9-11pm.

EAST MAUI HOTEL HANA-MAUI - 5031 Hana Hwy., 2488211. HOTEL HANA-MAUI - Every Fri, hula performance 7-8pm. PANIOLO LOUNGE - Every Thu-Sun & Wed, live music 6:30-9:30pm.

THE A-TRAIN FRIDAYS 3-9PM K-ROCK 97.3

H A W A I I ’ S

P A R T Y

S T A T I O N

FRIDAY AFTERNOON IS THE MOST POSITIVE, HOPE FILLED PORTION OF THE WEEK. SO HANG OUT WITH JOHNNY A AND SOAK UP THE GREAT VIBES, THE LAUGHTER, THE FREE STUFF, AND (OF COURSE) THE GREATEST ROCK AND ROLL EVER CREATED.

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MEDIA ME M ED E DIIIA D A PANELISTS

Thursday, September 29, 2011 4:00PM-6:30PM JEFF BENNET @DIGITALSPLASH

Malcom Center

LIZA PIERCE @AMAUIBLOG

Kihei, HI 96753

FREE (Not Catered)

*Seating Limited to 30 JEN RUSSO @JENRUSSO @MAUITIME ME

PETER LIU @PETERLIU47

TOMMY RUSSO @TOMMYRUSSO

REGISTER ONLINE AT: hightechmaui.com/programs/workshops.cfm

SEPTEMBER 29, 2011 27

KULA KID

Love is in the Fair (and Imposes Impossible Tasks) BY ANU YAGI

IN THE COOL OF THE EVENING, when shadows darkened the Fair Grounds, Templeton crept from the crate and looked around... [His] keen nose detected many fine smells in the air. The rat was hungry and thirsty. He decided to go exploring. Without saying anything to anybody, he started off. “Bring me back a word,” Charlotte called after him. - E. B. White, Charlotte’s Web

S

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facebook.com/mauitime 28 SEPTEMBER 29, 2011

cientific fact: whispers whiz fastest between those 11 to 17 years old. On any given day in any school hallway, the sole identifiable phrase that floats above the din is, “Oh my god. Did you hear?” Yes, everyone’s heard–but everyone wants to hear it again anyway. And like the playground mondegreen game “telephone” (aka “whisper down the lane,” or the less-PC “Chinese whispers”), what everyone’s heard isn’t likely the truth worth hearing. Case in point: Rumor mill Monday morning after the Maui County Fair weekend, early in my sixth grade year: “Oh my god. Did you hear what happened? Richard and Puanani fingered on the Ferris wheel!” “I heard they did a blow job behind the game tent!” “I heard they did it on The Zipper!” All of it implausible–but we didn’t know that. Mostly because we didn’t really know (but I guess found out) what “fingering” or “blow jobs” were, let alone how to go about “doing it.” Nor did we know how to feel about all of this, and our embarrassed opinions vacillated like the Music Express: shock and disgust, jealousy and admiration–and we stumbled off the grapevine ride bemused and catechizing. I certainly wasn’t ready for all this fuckery–seeing as I still spent my after-homework hours brushing my American Girl dolls’ hair and ad lib-embroidering images of studious apples and piles of books onto homemade pencil bags. Though that’s not to say I wasn’t under the sway of all the county fair romance in the air, and I indeed pined a la E. B. White’s Fern Arable, gazing at the Ferris wheel, “wish[ing] she were in the topmost car with Henry Fussy at her side”; the riskiest business hoped for to simply “swing [the car and] see everything for miles and miles and miles.” So for dorky me, the rumors of Richard and Puanani were like candied apples on the Tree of Life. Suddenly I felt I needed a fig

leaf or five, and my humble daydream of my crush winning me a panda bear prize after a cotton candy stroll through Orchidland, flew apart like The Swings’ chains snapping in a to-Oz tornado. Turns out, I never did go to the fair with a boy until just before Bill Murray and I divorced. (As “Scarborough” sadly serenades, “he was once a true love of mine” and so on.) Like knowingly playing rigged ring toss, it was one of those last-ditch efforts that couples sometimes make when the end is imminent. Even the Pharaoh’s Fury flipping us heels over head couldn’t revive our long-dead lovers’ belly butterflies. Flying saucer crash landing. Not exactly what I’d long wished for, but then again, what ever is? I’ll rewind further to attempt another example: From, like, first to fifth grade at Kula Elementary School, I had a two big crushes: Cavan and Sterling, the two tallest boys in our class. I’ve never been good at masking my emotions–an affliction ever worse in my giggling, pre-double digit-age days–and being a silly little crush-struck girl, I’m sure I unwittingly made my affections pretty damned obvious. Cavan’s hair looked like it was cut with a bowl and parted down the middle by Moses himself. (Oh, and I shudder to remind you this was the achey-breaky early ‘90s, wherein which the rattail was acceptable, if not applauded.) Paired with a Bugle Boy shirt, I thought this was becoming. Sterling rocked what looked like the seedlings of a ruddy fro and after lunch was always conscientious to pointer finger-brush Oreo sludge from his teeth, which I thought classy. Sterling was buoyant and cool–but maybe too cool; so I focused my daydreams on Cavan, who was dark and tortured beyond his years, and lived 18-Mississippis-byschool-bus down the road. Anyway, when The Lion King first came out in 1994, our class took a field trip to Kihei’s Kukui Mall to watch it. From the moment mom signed the blue field trip release form, I began concocting some ridiculous fantasy that I might get anu@mauitime.com

to sit next to Cavan during the movie. This, of course, did not happen. The most ridiculous thing about this little fantasy was that, nearly 18 years later, it was the first thing I thought of when I saw that The Lion King had been reissued in 3D (as I clickety clacked film capsules for MauiTime’s showtimes listings; which you can read every week on page 17ish). Not just embarrassing, this memory’s rather pointless; and if I was smart I would have expunged it from my psyche entirely. Did I do that? Of course not! I told one of my good girlfriends, Rose Potter, all about my crush and The Lion King daydream. After Rose (who’s full of flirty ideas) finished howling at my silliness, she gushed with you-go-girl flair, “You gotta find him on Facebook! And ask him to see The Lion King with you!” I’m no flirt, but I’m devilish with dares. The easy part was finding both Cavan and Sterling on Facebook. The impossible part was working up the nerve to ask some boy I knew in elementary school–who’s now grown up and likely has a family, and perhaps isn’t even on Maui at all–to go watch an animated movie re-released from our youth for no other reason than (hopefully) humor. So after a few failed drafts, I gave up and didn’t send any check-here love notes. Even if I had convinced Cavan to see The Lion King with me, it would have been horrifically, needlessly awkward–even for the likes of this column. And anyway, to what end? It didn’t matter then, and it really doesn’t matter now. The Lion King’s limited rerun has run out; and in the real world of love and loss’s school of hard knocks, the lesson I learned is that Fern gets fingered on the Ferris wheel, no one notices Charlotte’s web and Wilbur becomes breakfast flavored with parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme. ■

To read more Kula Kid with links and photos and stuff, and to leave comments, visit mauifeed.com/kulakid To share or save: mt.hy.pr/1515k

HOROSCOPE

Sign Language BY CAERIEL CRESTIN LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22)

ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19)

Acting out of anger rarely leads to anything good. While you certainly can’t help experiencing that emotion (nor should you try), allowing it to consume you or direct your choices will almost always make your life worse, not better. Choices made in anger or out of a desire for retaliation usually indirectly fan the flames of that rage, and exacerbate matters. Feel your fury, but when it comes time to act, allow reason and rationality to guide your decisions. If you can’t do that right now, simply don’t act. Wait until you’ve got a handle on what you’re feeling and can consciously choose what you’re going to do next. Sure, you may still regret that decision—but if you act before you’ve cooled off, you definitely will. SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21)

Some secrets are kept because people are selfish or cowardly, and don’t want to confess something awful they’ve done. However, sometimes keeping a secret is the more generous thing to do, since telling it would be a purely selfish and self-serving act (someone just looking for relief from guilt, for example). When trying to determine which is which, you must ask yourself if whoever you tell it to would be happier in the long-term (they’ll almost never be happier in the short-term, so forget that) if they knew, and also who stands to gain the most from the revelation—you or them.

Witch hunts are pointless. The accused parties deny the accusations, the accusers can’t produce proof, and the whole thing either becomes a senseless debacle or a reasonable stand-off, with hard feelings on both sides. This is one of those things you’re better off simply letting go. Whether the crime is filching your yogurt out of the office fridge or sleeping with your lover, keep your suspicions to yourself, since revealing them will only make things difficult, unpleasant, and awkward for all concerned, and resolve exactly nothing. Even if it happened as you suspect, there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it now, so it’s better to just forget about it as best you can, and move on.

QUIZunderstood ANSWERS ...to questions on page 7

1. E - William Sheehan ($295,000/year) 2. H - A and B only 3. C - Maui County’s inspectors are funded by the federal government.

TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20)

Don’t close the door to possibilities. You may be pretty sure you don’t want this to happen anymore. But if you really think about it, does that mean you don’t want anything to happen? Closing the door completely on this situation is so final, and probably unnecessary. It’s definitely time to change things up until they take on a new, more positive configuration. But ending them? That’s far too extreme. Can’t you invent the possibility of this turning into something great—perhaps, even, exactly what you wish it could become? The potential may or may not be there, but the only way you’ll know for sure is by giving it a chance. GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20)

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21)

Sagittarians know better than almost anyone that the future isn’t written in stone. Anything can happen! However, that’s only as true as you make it. If someone decides that nothing’s going to change, the only changes they’ll see will be inevitable (and mostly negative) ones. To improve, we must try to make things better—and believe that they can get better. Since others’ optimism isn’t as advanced as yours, they could benefit powerfully from a strong dose of the kind of medicine you have on offer. Find those pessimists and show them how wrong they are.

I’ve certainly met some people who are completely oblivious to their effect on others. They somehow don’t seem to notice that when they show up, conversation dies, and people escape whenever they can—probably because they’re too busy talking to pay attention to inconsequential details like that. Don’t become one of these people. While being a meekly observant wallflower is pointlessly boring, erring on the side of listening more than you speak will earn you more friends and respect than running your mouth, no matter how funny, fascinating, or otherwise entertaining you think you are.

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Deal-breakers are deal-breakers. Ignoring explicit boundaries set out by others just because they don’t make sense to you may be understandable—but it’s still not acceptable. Sure, you’re free to make your own judgments about what’s okay and what’s not, but you can’t force those views on anyone else, or lie to preserve their illusions. That will catch up with you. This week, concentrate on accepting what people say (and the limits they set) at face value, whether or not you think they’re reasonable, logical, or smart. They may be none of those things—and yet they’re still valid. Choosing to disregard them will not end well.

Having such huge emotions makes Cancers, by default, a little more high-maintenance than most of your astrological peers. Thus you must constantly find ways to shoulder the burden of handling your own feelings and minimizing their impact on others. This doesn’t mean you need to be an isolated emotional island—just that when a tidal wave hits it shouldn’t wreak havoc on others’ shores as well as your own. You’ve been letting a little too much of your emotional weather rain on others’ internal landscapes. If the dark cloud of your mood is casting too big a shadow, fix that this week. LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22)

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18)

Other people’s baggage is not your problem. You don’t need to carry it for them, or even make space for it. You have problems of your own, after all, which you’re handling mostly on your own. However, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have compassion for them, or make some allowances. You have your perfectly respectable and understandable boundaries and limits, but beyond those there’s no need to be a cold-hearted hard-ass. That’s not who you are, or ought to be. Offer up a little kindness, accommodation, or encouragement when you can, especially this week. It’ll go a long way. PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20)

Maybe you’re more understanding than I am, but I don’t give flaky people that many chances. After a few disappointments, it’s all too easy to walk away—so I do. What’s to understand, after all? When they’re chronically late or absent to your plans together, they’re clearly saying, “I’m either unable, or uninterested, in taking your time and company seriously.” Why would anyone put up with that? Obviously, people deserve the benefit of the doubt at first, but eventually, you must conclude, “enough is enough,” and cut them loose. Has that time come? I think maybe so.

While I certainly admire physical beauty, I tend to value cultivated beauty—things like being honest, funny, honorable, kind, and insightful—much more highly. After all, having a gorgeous face or full head of hair takes zero ability—it’s pure dumb genetic luck. On the other hand, when people take the time to cultivate integrity, creativity, and compassion, that requires skill, intention, and effort, which I find much more admirable and attractive. This week, do your best to ignore physicality (easier said than done, I know) and focus instead on the kinds of loveliness that come from within. VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22)

Any long-lasting relationship requires intense cooperation between head and heart. Emotions are a funny thing—they don’t stay consistently strong long-term. That’s why you need conscious thought and choice to keep things together during the times when those feelings may be at more of an ebb. Finding ways to feel connected to other people even when you’re not feeling it especially intensely is this week’s challenge. However, I’m confident you’re up for it. Above all else, don’t sabotage things just because of whatever mood you may be experiencing right at the moment. That mood will pass, and I’m pretty sure you’ll be happier if your relationship’s still there when it does.

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Issuu converts static files into: digital portfolios, online yearbooks, online catalogs, digital photo albums and more. Sign up and create your flipbook.