15.29 To Kill A MonkeyPod, January 5, 2012, Volume 15, Issue 29, MauiTime

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JANUARY 5, 2012

Contents VOLUME 15

THIS WEEK’S QUESTION: The most roommates you’ve ever had at one time?

✚

READER FEEDBACK

ISSUE 29

BY READERS LIKE YOU

COVER: Pieces of a Monkeypod tree By Scrappers scrapperstown.com

Editor: Anthony Pignataro (808) 283-1308 / anthony@mauitime.com @apignataro on Twitter Four Associate Editor: Anu Yagi (808) 264-8039 / calendar@mauitime.com @anuheayagi on Twitter Five Proofreader: Dina Wilson Two Contributors: Jason Castle, Caeriel Crestin, Mick E. Finn, Lantana Hoke, Jory John, Avery Monsen, Ron Pitts, Chuck Shepherd, Ynez Tongson, Barry Wurst II Photographer: Sean Michael Hower mauiweddingmedias.com / howerphotography.com Art Director & Production Manager: Scrappers scrapperstown.com & thedepartmentofawesome.com Does this have to do with our office getting smaller? Graphic Designers: Amy Mendolia, Christina Tarleton Advertising Executive: Brad Chambers (808) 283-3260 / brad@mauitime.com Zero: I’ve never had the tolerance to share space with other humans and their vile habits General Manager: Jennifer Russo (808) 280-3286 / jen@mauitime.com @jenrusso on Twitter Depends on how much Tequila I drank

EMILY’s List apparently didn’t do their homework on this one. There is now a petition asking EMILY’s List to withdraw their support for Tulsi: http://www.change.org/ petitions/emilys-list-withdraw-their-supportof-congressional-candidate-tulsi-gabbard -Susan, via Mauitime.com

5 NEWS & VIEWS FEATURE STORY 10 DINING 13 THIS WEEK’S PICKS 17 19 DA KINE CALENDAR THE GRID 21 FILM CRITIQUE 26 FILM TIMES 27 KULA KID 28 HOROSCOPE 29 CLASSIFIED 30 31 MIND, BODY & SPIRIT

Yes, it it definitely refreshing to see Tulsi Gabbard on the ballot. It gives a fresh start as to where politics in Hawaii should go. Where is that you may ask? It has been long held that there are certain career politicians that can’t just say NO, like Dan Akaka, Dan Inouye, Mazie Hirono, and Mufi Hannemann (I can’t call him Mufi because I don’t know that man personally) but I do know this: career politicians get old, worn out, and best of all, fat. Why, because we the people are so dumb that we pause, say WTF, and then the next breath say... ah, is ok den... Really, it’s not ok. We have to really take a look as to the available choices, one fat

MauiTime is published every Thursday by MauiTime Productions, Inc. Its contents are Copyright Š 2011 by MauiTime Productions, Inc. All rights reserved. Subscriptions are available at $70 per year. Reproduction or use without permission is strictly prohibited. MauiTime may be distributed only by MauiTime’s authorized independent contractor. MauiTime is valued at $.50 per copy and permits one complimentary copy per person. No person may, without written permission of MauiTime, take more than one copy of each weekly issue. All opinions expressed throughout MauiTime are those of the authors and not necessarily the same opinions as MauiTime Productions, Inc. and MauiTime.

Web Design: Linear Publishing Publisher: Tommy Russo (808) 283-0512 / tommy@mauitime.com @tommyrusso on Twitter Ten

By what stretch of the imagination is Tulsi NOT a “professional politician?� From her early youth, she worked as an aid to her parent’s political campaigns for higher office and on political issues like lobbying AGAINST the Department of Education adopting an anti-bullying policy, like denying equal rights to gay and lesbian couples. Even her so-called environmental “work� consisted almost entirely of letterhead false front organizations controlled by her parents and providing “photo ops� to create an image of environmental concern. But it was all geared towards creating an image to allow her to run for political office like her mother, like her father, like her uncles Rick Reed and Wayne Nishiki. She has been a political animal from her early youth. And, contrary to her cultivated image, she is being secretly supported by Dan Inouye’s political operatives, just as she was when she was parachuted into her City Council seat with their help. EMILY’s List definitely did not bother to consult local women’s groups before taking their leap of faith with Tulsi. -Kolea, via Mauitime.com

It’s refreshing to see someone like Tulsi, who is a role model for her generation stepping up. Our community needs more women leaders like Tulsi taking responsibility in public office. -Joseph Yokohama, via Mauitime.com

Admin. Executive: Keo Eaton (808) 244-0777 Fifty-two menstrual high school girls Admin. Assistant: Jennifer Brown

cat long-time politician who is predicating all his moves on his name or one as fresh as Tulsi, who obviously is the better choice, the better person for the job, and not a fat cat, and obviously knows what sacrifice is about, to her country and her consituents. Vote for Tulsi, she is definitely the better choice. Go get um Tulsi! -Curtis Crabbe, via Mauitime.com

TALKING TULSI (Editor’s Note: The following letters are in response to the Dec. 21, 2011 edition of Coconut Wireless, which dealt, in part, with 2nd District Congressional candidate Tulsi Gabbard)

MauiTime 33 N. Market St., Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 office (808) 244-0777 • fax (808) 244-0446 www.mauitime.com @mauitime on Twitter Deadlines: Display Advertising: Friday Noon Classified: Monday 4pm Calendar: Monday Noon Circulation: 18,000 copies of MauiTime

Send your feedback to the editor editor@mauitime.com, MauiTime 33 N. Market St., Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793, twitter.com/mauitime, or facebook.com/mauitime. We reserve the right to edit feedback. Views expressed do not necessarily reflect those of MauiTime.

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THE 2012

NEWS&VIEWS

MIND BODY SPIRIT ISSUE

QUIZunderstood 1. According to a Dec. 30, 2011 statement from Hawaii Tourism Authority President and CEO Mike McCartney, what did visitor spending do during the first 11 months of 2011? A. Dropped 15.1 percent. B. Rose 15.1 percent. C. Stayed more or less steady, dropping 1.1 percent. D. Stayed more or less steady, rising 1.1 percent. E. Rose high enough so that he can afford an actual aloha shirt, rather than one of those inside-out faded ones that bankers wear.

2.

Kaehu Bay, located between Waiehu and Waihee, contains a host of old Hawaiian archaeological and cultural treasures. What will happen to the land, according to the Jan. 2, 2012 Maui News? A. Gardenburger inventor Paul Wenner will build million-dollar mansions, apartment complexes and a Catholic retreat there. B. Gardenburger inventor Paul Wenner will keep the area preserved. C. Trust for Public Land, which bought the property for $861,000 at auction, will keep

the area preserved.

D. Trust for Public Land, which bought the property for $861,000 at auction, may keep the area preserved, assuming the bid is approved. E. Absolutely nothing.

3.

On Dec. 30, 2011, Governor Neil Abercrombie’s office announced the release of $63.7 million for various capital improvement projects statewide. One $7 million chunk of that money was earmarked for what project on Maui? A. Kahului Airport runway expansion. B. Kapalua Airport runway expansion. C. Repair of tsunami-related damage caused to shoreline sections of Honoapiilani Highway. D. An experimental education facility where the children of humans and dolphins will learn side-by-side. E. A secret National Guard compound for the training of switchblade-wielding ninja monkeys.

See answers, page 29

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NEWS&VIEWS

Coconut Wireless

Talk of the Island

BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO

NEW YEAR, NEW SUPERFERRY? I’ve been waiting for this one, and good ol’ state Representative Joe Souki didn’t disappoint. In the Dec. 30 Maui News, Souki says he’s sponsored a bill calling for a new inter-island ferry that would pick up where the bankrupt Hawaii Superferry left off. That’s right, folks: Souki wants to start the whole Superferry thing over again. And this time Souki says it will work, as long as those pesky kids on the Hawaii Supreme Court quit their meddling–like that one time when they ruled that the state Legislature couldn’t just pass a bill exempting a single company (in this case, Hawaii Superferry, Inc.) from the state’s environmental review laws. “That damn Supreme Court coming up with a decision that it was special legislation,” Souki said in the News. “What the hell do they think? Every piece of legislation we pass is special.” As anyone who’s watched the legislative process knows, every piece of legislation is special. It’s just like a snowflake, if the snowflake is manufactured in a process that involves back-biting, cunning, manipulation, campaign contributions, expensive lunches, disingenuous compliments and outright lies that is different and unique every time it starts. Assuming old Joe is right–that the only reason the Superferry failed is because the state Supreme Court killed it–then it should be easy to get the thing running again. All Souki needs to do is find a mainland corporation that’s backed by mainland investors to send a few guys over here to run it. Then they need to appropriate a lot of Hawaiian imagery and culture and plaster it all over expensive brochures and websites in hopes of convincing people that whole ferry concept was born and developed here in Hawaii. Then backers and organizers should hold a bunch of “town hall meetings” across the state in which hundreds, if not thousands, of residents show up with questions and comments while government and corporate officials sit on a panel quietly and then later do absolutely nothing with anything mentioned at the meetings. It’s also very important that the ferry backers believe that backroom politicking and secret deals with the governor’s office will be more than enough to offset the state’s environmental laws, to say nothing of public opinion, should it be found that the proposed ferries could harm marine life . Because none of that stuff had anything to do with the demise of the Hawaii Superferry–right, Joe?

MONK SEAL SIGHTING Did someone say marine life? Because on Friday, Dec. 30, as I was driving back from Lahaina I noticed a large, dark, blub-

Come at me , brah! bery, unmoving object sprawled across the beach at Olowalu. Thinking filmmaker Kevin Smith had decided to spend New Years on our lovely island, I hurriedly pulled over and leaped out of my car. Turned out it was a Hawaiian Monk Seal–one of just 1,100 left alive. It was a female, said the very nice young woman from the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) who was standing guard over the seal, and had been lounging on the beach since the previous night. Of course, seeing the seal up close (from a distance of 50 feet or so) made me think of the three monk seals who died on Molokai under “suspicious circumstances.” The likeliest suspects are fishermen, angered at the seals for taking their fish. “The seals are now the easy targets of blame for the many ills of our depleting fisheries,” Molokai activist Walter Ritte said last week. “These seals are not invasive; they are like the Hawaiian people who are struggling to survive in their own lands. Hawaiians need to see themselves when they see a Hawaiian Monk Seal. How we treat the seals, is how we can be expected to be treated as Hawaiians in Hawaii.” The NOAA official didn’t have much to say when I asked what she knew of the deaths.

“Not much more than what you read in the papers,” she said. “Since they’re under investigation, I really can’t say anything.” But she did ask me to publish the tollfree phone number people can call if they spot a seal or any marine life stranded on the beach, and here it is: 888-256-9840.

cided to do what legislative bodies do best: publish a mind-numbing four-page policy governing the use of social media networks by senators and Senate officials. “The recent growth of social media use to communicate with government officials and organizations underscores the importance for government agencies to incorporate social media services (i.e., Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, and Flickr) as integral components to governments’ overarching communication initiatives,” said Senate President Shan Tsutsui in a Dec. 29 Senate email. “At the same time, it is equally vital that we, as agencies and representatives, harness the potential of

SENATE LUVS SOCIAL MEDIA It seems with each passing day that we live in age of social media. As computers and smart phones get cheaper, more of us around the world choose to talk to each other through online websites and applications. The year 2011 was something of a “Twitter year” around the world, where democracy activists and anti-government forces rallied throughout Middle Eastern dictatorships, organizing their moves with the help of social media networks. This was in marked contrast to us Americans, who seem to use these magnificent communication tools to show our friends what we’re eating for lunch, what music we’re listening to or what we really think of a video some dude shot of a cat drinking out of a toilet. Regardless of our motives, social media is fun. There’s a rebellious, secret club aspect to looking at Facebook posts and Twitter feeds. In fact, it’s becoming so fun and pervasive that our state Senate has de-

Overheard “I feel like a black person at the back of the bus.” -Older woman at Wailea Beach, after being denied a front row beach chair, Dec. 30

Shan Tsutsui: Social Media Guru

these tools in the most appropriate and responsible manner. That’s what this policy guides us to do.” Appropriate and responsible–these are two of the last words that should enter any discussion of social media. Social media is popular simply because the vast majority of material found there is inappropriate and irresponsible. Look at Tsutsui’s own use of Twitter, for instance (twitter.com/ ShanTsutsui). It is entirely appropriate and responsible: his account shows zero Tweets, five followers and zero people that the senator has chosen to follow. Isn’t it a bit odd that the senator who talks about the “importance” of social media doesn’t actually use it? ■ anthony@mauitime.com + @apignataro To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1529n1

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NEWS&VIEWS

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LOCAL PLUGS

BY JEN RUSSO from the First Hawaiian Bank Foundation, and a $15,000 grant from the A&B Foundation. Sarah Bredhoff of First Hawaiian Bank and Rock Volner, A&B Properties/HC&S General Manager, were on hand at the groundbreaking to present their checks. Other lead donors included the Root Family Foundation, Goodfellow Bros., Inc., Reny Byer, Dennys Eymard, Sheila Haynes, Montessori School of Maui PTO, Deborah & Tom Peterson, and Beth King.

JAZZ FESTS FOR KEIKI For the artists in the Maui Jazz and Blues Festival and the Lanai Jazz Festival, it’s not enough to perform at soldout performances across the islands. They’re also eager to share their knowledge and love for music with keiki. At every Jazz and Blues event that organizer Ken Martinez Burgmaier plans, he also coordinates free student workPhoto Courtesy of HawaiiOnTV.com

GREEN POOLS ARE GOOD! Breaking the Ground

Tom Scott and Josh Scott (no relation) at the Maui Prep Academy Workshop

shops. At the upcoming Lanai Jazz Festival, hosted at the Four Seasons Resort in Manele Bay and Lodge at Koele and taking place on Jan. 13 and 14, an educational and free workshop with Grammy winner Skip Martin and an ukulele workshop with Maui’s own Benny Uetaki will benefit Lanai elementary and high school students. “We always want to do music education in the schools,” says Burgmaier. “I love being able to share these amazing talents with our local keiki in the schools of Maui nui and at our free workshop we do at our all our festivals. We have ukulele, slack key, pu blowing and jazz workshops to pass on the torch and inspire our next generation of artists.” After November’s Night of Jazz event at the Ritz Carlton with three-time Grammy winner Tom Scott and the Big Island’s 23-year-old Na Hoku Hano Hano winner Brittni Paiva, more than 100 Maui Preparatory students participated in a workshop. Paiva was reminded of herself at the workshop with the Maui students. “It’s inspiring to be on the other side as an instructor rather than a student,” she says. “Seeing the kids and their love for music really brings me joy and hope that I can inspire them as well. We all go through challenges while learning new music. The worst thing we can do is tell ourselves we can’t do it, or it’s just too hard. When we get into that mindset, we’ll never be able to accomplish anything better. Always stay positive when you’re learning and you’ll be able to play absolutely anything!” For more information on the upcoming free workshops or the Lanai Jazz Festival call the Four Seasons at 565-2000 or go to LanaiJazzFestival.com.

efit not only this campus but the greater community,” said Rene Anderson-Vorfeld, Chief Academic Officer of Montessori School of Maui. The Malolos basketball team started with just eight students. Now it’s 13 players strong with four girls and nine boys, all coached by Beth King and Nancy LaJoy. The team recently won a match against Baldwin students, and they are currently 2-0 in the Interscholastic League. Right now the team practices at the Hali’imaile Gym, and although they appreciate the space, the situation is less than ideal. “Basketball is a popular sport for our Montessori students, with 25 lower elementary students participating and 15 of our middle school students participating, both in coed basketball,” said Nancy LaJoy, Montessori physical education teacher. “A basketball court on the school campus would be a great opportunity to build community, improve the program and host other teams on campus” Deborah Peterson, who retired in May from her position as School Advancement Officer, decided to see the project through to the end. She led the independent Basketball Development Committee through their capital campaign and funding. “It started with a small group frustrated with practicing at different public courts,” said Peterson. “Now we stand here at the location of our very own future courts. The PTO started the fund, giving two thousand as seed money. Then the Bendon Family Foundation gave us funding. Now we are ready to start construction. It has been an incredible journey.” The fundraising goal is $85,000 to complete the six basketball courts, with Goodfellow offering their services m m in-kind. The committee has so far raised $72,000, which is enough to move forward with the project. This terso summer Peterson wrote a $1 and obtained $15,000 grant

Bill Stiles, who owns Green Hawaii Pools, is feeling the aloha spirit of the holidays. So much so that he’s looking for a non-profit or a family in need of a pool makeover. Stiles will do the upgrade for free. The “green” in Green Hawaii Pools represents Stiles’ commitment to using alternatives to harsh chemicals as well as utilizing energy sources like solar panels to power pumps. Stiles uses small amounts of silver, copper and enzymes to kill bacteria and algae instead of chemicals. He will then install the energy-efficient, chemical-free upgraded system at no charge to the pool owner, with the added bonus that it will cost significantly less to operate. Chlorine-free options can be used to create a more comfortable pool experience through better water clarity and color as well as reduced skin irritation. These patented technologies are not only easier on the environment, but can save hundreds of dollars in monthly operational costs. Stiles comes from California with 25 years of experience in pool service. His clientele ranged from multi mil-

Bill Stiles Green Hawaiian Pools

lionaires to average homeowners, all looking for ways to incorporate a greener lifestyle into their homes. The prefilters he uses can save thousands of gallons of water per pool from being backwashed into the sewer and onto the land. “I want people to know that there is an alternative to using harsh chemicals and wasteful heating and filtration setups,” he says. “With Green Hawaiian Pools, you can have a more enjoyable pool experience knowing that your choices are helping to save water and energy while keeping harmful toxins out of our islands’ ecosystems. And with up to 65 percent of the cost of installing solar panel systems covered by a combination of state and federal tax credits, these upgrades truly are affordable for everyone.” If you are a non profit or needy family seeking a pool makeover please contact Bill Stiles at Green Hawaiian Pools at 3445068 or for more information visit greenhawaiianpools.com. ■ -@ReqB (Requests GM Brendan Smith), Jan. 3 jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso

TWEET of the WEEK

MONTESSORI BREAKS BASKETBALL GROUND Earlier this month, a group of administrators, teachers, parents and students gathered on the damp grass of the Montessori of Maui’s Baldwin Avenue campus to break ground on their new basketball court. The master campus plan had always envisioned the court, but it wasn’t until March that they started raising the funds to build the muchneeded facility. “I am thrilled for this opportunity to ben-

“Forget :/ I need new emoticons for 2012. So far I got the Hitler /:€ , the hipster dB{> and the @ CRAZEARONI shrug ¯\_(ツ)_/¯”

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NEWS&VIEWS

NEWS OF THE WEIRD BY CHUCK SHEPARD

SHAVE ICE SAVES LIVES! A regional development commission in Michigan, purchasing equipment for 13 counties in May using homeland security grants, bought 13 machines that make snow cones, at a total cost of $11,700 (after rejecting one county’s request for a popcorn machine). Pressed to justify the purchases, officials pointed out that the machines make shave ice, which might be useful for medical situations stemming from natural disasters and heat emergencies (but that they also make snow cones to draw crowds at homeland security demonstrations).

EPIC CHANGE! Once again, a genius tried to pass a piece of U.S. currency in an amount not even close to being legal tender: a $1 million bill. (The largest denomination is $100.) Michael Fuller, 53, was arrested in Lexington, N.C., in November when a Walmart cashier turned him in after he attempted to buy electronics totaling $475.78 (apparently expecting change of $999,524.22).

STALKER AWARD! Most News of the Weird epic cases of “scorned” lovers who seemingly never give up obnoxiously stalking their exes are of Japanese women, but “dumped” Americans surface occasionally. In October, Toni Jo Silvey, 49, was arrested in Houston when her ex (artist Peter Main) reported that she made 146 phone calls in one day and more than 1,000 (and 712 emails) in three months, following their 2009 breakup over his seeing a younger woman. She was also charged with attacking his home with a tire iron, eggs and a sword.

FATHER OF THE YEAR! “Take Your Daughter [or Son] to Work” days are still popular at some companies, to introduce children to their parents’ cultures. Inadvertently, even criminals mimic the phenomenon. Joseph Romano, two-year-old son in tow, was allegedly selling drugs when police picked him up in September in Tunkhannock Township, Pa. And Edward Chatman Jr., 32, who was arrested for raping a woman in Oak Ridge, Tenn., in August, had brought his 6-month-old baby with him when he climbed through the woman’s window (though, police said, he stashed the kid in another room during the assault).

BACTERIA TRANSPLANTS! A cutting-edge treatment when News of the Weird first heard of it in 2000 is now mainstream for those suffering extreme diarrhea due to a lack of “predator bacteria” in the colon (perhaps caused by antibiotics). Among the primary treatments now is a transplant–a transfusion of “fecal flora” from the gut of a bacteria-normal person, to restore the natural balance (introduced by a colonoscope after the stool is liquified in a blender). Following months of failed alternatives, Jerry Grant, 33, said in October that his transplant, at the Mayo

Clinic in Scottsdale, Ariz., worked remarkably well. (A recent study reported success in 70 of 77 patients.)

Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations, 200 words or less (which we reserve the right to edit), changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent, to “Eh Brah!” c/o MauiTime, 33 N. Market St, Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 or send an e-mail to

ehbrah@mauitime.com

PERVERSION DU JOUR! The 10-year-old law-enforcement crackdown on Internet child pornography has lately hit a technicality-based roadblock. Several times recently, perverts have beaten charges after creating “child pornography” that consisted of nude adult female bodies onto which facial photos of young girls had been pasted. This handiwork was apparently arousing to two Lakeland, Fla., men, Danny Parker, convicted in 2011, and John Stelmack, convicted in 2010, but both ultimately had their convictions overturned because no actual child was involved in sex.

T

o the heartless person that hit and killed two sweet chihuahuas on Makawao Avenue right in front of the vet’s office. I know it was an accident, but the fact that you chose to continue on your way rather than to stop and help those sweet dogs–especially knowing the vet was steps away–blows my mind. Two families are now left heartbroken. Here are two words that you need to learn: Pono and Karma. ■

STORAGE LOCKER CRIME! Forgetting to pay the monthly rental fees on a storage locker can have serious consequences if the locker was used to store embarrassing or even incriminating materials. News of the Weird reported one such hapless client in 2007: a central Florida political activist under investigation whose locker yielded a rich trove for a local reporter. Similarly, perhaps, Dr. Conrad Murray (then under suspicion in the death of Michael Jackson) reportedly missed three payments on a Las Vegas storage locker, and prosecutors recovered items that appeared to contribute to their case (although it is not clear that any of the items were ever presented in court).

CALL THE WHAMBULANCE!

Illustration by Ron Pitts mauiartistronpitts.com

Hospital protocols may be changing, but too slowly for Doreen Wallace, who fell in the lobby of the Greater Niagara General Hospital in Ontario in October and broke her hip. Though it was less than 150 feet from the lobby to the emergency room, hospital personnel, following rules, instructed her to call an ambulance to take her around to the ER, though the nearest such ambulance, in the next city, did not arrive for 30 pain-filled minutes. Hospital officials said they would handle things better in the future.

RESPECT THE ORGANS! A New York City jury awarded the family of a late teenager $1 million in November in its lawsuit against the city for mishandling the boy’s brain after his 2005 death. Following “testing,” the medical examiner kept the brain in a jar on a shelf, where it was inadvertently spotted by the victim’s sister during a school field trip to the mortuary (treatment the family considered extremely disrespectful). The case calls to mind that of Arkansas rapist Wayne Dumond, who had been castrated by vigilantes in 1984 and whose genitals the local sheriff had recovered and kept in a jar on a shelf in his office as a symbol of “justice.” Dumond subsequently (in 1988) won $110,000 in a “disrespect” lawsuit against the sheriff. ■ chuck@mauitime.com To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1529n3

JANUARY 5, 2012

9

PHOTOS BY SCRAPPERS

If we're a community of tree huggers−−not haters−−why

is saving URBAN trees so complicated? By Anu Yagi

W

hen he gave us our air-rifles Atticus wouldn’t teach us to shoot. Uncle Jack instructed us in the rudiments thereof; he said Atticus wasn’t interested in guns. Atticus said to Jem one day, “I’d rather you shot at tin cans in the back yard, but I know you’ll go after birds. Shoot all the bluejays you want, if you can hit ‘em, but remember it’s a sin to kill a mockingbird.” That was the only time I ever heard Atticus say it was a sin to do something, and I asked Miss Maudie about it. “Your father’s right,” she said. “Mockingbirds don’t do one thing but make music for us to enjoy. They don’t eat up people’s gardens, don’t nest in corncribs, they don’t do one thing but sing their hearts out for us. That’s why it’s a sin to kill a mockingbird.” -Harper Lee’s To Kill A Mockingbird (1960)

When it comes to urban forestry, there’s no adversary but logistics and safety. It’s 2012, man–and we’re all Seuss’s Lorax, speaking for the trees. But if we’re a community of tree huggers–not tree haters–why is saving urban trees so complicated? The root of the problem is foresight–particularly as our burgeoning urban jungle entwines with the real wild. Since last spring, the isle’s latest battle to save leafy leviathans of the land has been waged in bustling Kihei Town, located along the leeward skirt of Haleakala (a mountain that makes up roughly 75 percent of Maui, infamously deforested centuries ago). Bold green paint on cardboard signs begged Maui County to “STOP THE CHOP.” This was the plea of concerned Kihei residents who protested under the very lives they advocated for: four massive monkeypod trees outside the Maui Schooner Resort on South Kihei Road. These four old denizens of the South Maui desert were on the chopping block because of the threat their root systems pose to surrounding infrastructure that’s grown alongside them. Having bowed and broken the concrete sidewalk at their trunks’ base, the trees had been deemed a pedestrian “tripping hazard” (read: liability). Beloved for their broad, domed canopies, monkeypod trees (Albizia saman) boast delicate fireworks of fuchsia-and-cream color blossoms. The decomposition of their licorice-ish-flavored legumes helps put nitrogen back into the soil, aided by the trees’ nyctinastic leaf movements (meaning leaflets close at night and under cloud cover, allowing rain to pass thoroughly through trees’ crowns). A Neotropics native, the monkeypod has been naturalized in South and Southeast Asia and the Pacific

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JANUARY 5, 2012

Islands–prolifically so in Hawaii. “The [monkeypod] tree was reportedly introduced into Hawaii in 1847 [and] the entire population may be the progeny of only two seeds,” writes Roger G. Skolmen in a publication for the US Forest Service, citing an anonymous entry in a 1938 edition of the Honolulu-based Sales Builder (a mid-century illustrated monthly focused on the advancement of industry and agriculture). Over the years, patchwork attempts were made to resurface the area surrounding the four trees–efforts which were largely ineffectual. So county officials decided that the trees needed to be removed entirely. Although plans included planting new trees at a safer distance from roadside paths, aesthetic-and eco-minded Mauians attested that it’d be a tragedy to lose the mature monkeypods, regardless of whether they were replaced. So the fate of the Sout Kihei Road “monkeypod quartet” (as it became lovingly dubbed) became an issue with as high a profile as the trees themselves. Activists staged protests, wrote letters and articles and sought specialists’ second opinions. The Kihei Community Association even formed a “Street Tree Committee” to assist in community planning. The Maui County Arborist Committee voted to recommend that the four trees (plus 10 more, across the street, fronting the Luana Kai Resort) be designated “exceptional,” protected under law from being cut down or injured. But it’s just a recommendation; the officiality of which is pending an ordinance via the Maui County Council.

“does the tree really have to come down?... who is responsible for this tree?“ Other trees on the growing list of Exceptional Trees of Maui County include a 45-foot-tall ulu (breadfruit) tree planted on Lahaina’s Front Street by Reverend Dwight D. Baldwin in the early 1800’s; its famous neighbor, the nearly 140-year-old banyan tree canopying the Lahaina Courthouse Square; and 85 rainbow shower trees along a stretch of Baldwin Avenue, among others. By summer’s end, the community cheered the county for its open communication and coordination, and the battle cry “Save the Trees” became the victory dance “Saved the Trees.” Well, kind of. The trees are safe–for the time being. “One of the trees is just too close to a fire hydrant,” said Rod Antone, the county’s communications director. “So for that tree, it’s not a matter of if it’ll come down, it’s a matter of when.” What’s more, Kihei is notoriously affected by floodwaters from heavy rain, and the monkeypod quartet in question was exactly the sticking point that halted a decade-old Public Works road improvement project aimed at mitigating flood damage by addressing drainage and expanding culvert capacities. “The Kihei Drainage Master Plan is underway and recommendations would come from that multi-year effort,” said David Goode, director of the county’s Department of Public Works. So as project design is being revisited–now largely with input from a community trying to balance both their own and the trees’ livelihoods–the South Kihei Road monkeypods will grow on.

But if you think all that’s tricky, consider the plight of Kihei resident Katherine LeVan, who last month received a notice that a monkeypod tree on her property was in violation of Chapter 12.12 (drainage ways) of the Maui County Code. The issue with LeVan’s backyard tree may not be as public–and therefore not as publicized–but it’s still an urban tree on Death Row. The notice of violation was dated Nov. 25, and stated that if “corrective action” (i.e. the removal of the monkeypod) was not taken by Dec. 9, she’d be forced to pay the county’s Development Services Administration fines in the amount of $50 per day, in addition to an initial fine. “[LeVan] came to us when she received the notice of violation,” said Peter Hume of the Wailuku law firm

Cain & Herren. “She had never seen such a thing and neither had we. Due to its location, it would be very difficult to get machinery to the tree; and at least one removal service quoted [the cost] in excess of $5,000.” Hume added that the removal would also destroy a retaining wall on the property. “Our first questions was, does the tree really have to come down?” said Hume. “But that led us to wonder, who is responsible for this tree? It is technically on [LeVan’s] property–but then again, the tree was there before the house was built. Any number of planners, engineers, surveyors, developers, and previous homeowners would surely have dealt with this issue already. When [LeVan] bought the property 10 years ago, there was no discussion of her new role as partial caretaker of the drainage way beyond her backyard. But since the tree exists, and she does nothing to prevent its existence, she technically ‘maintains’ the tree, which is against the County Code, in this instance.” When asked how property owners–or prospective property owners–are notified of their responsibilities when their parcel is adjacent to a county drainage way, Goode said that it “depends on what type of easement is on the land, or if an easement is on the property. Outside of that, there is a law not to block drainage ways, and common sense would dictate not to alter a drainage way.” “To put it in very blunt terms,” said Hume, “the question at hand is: when there’s a lot of surface water and/or stormwaters flowing through [LeVan’s] neighborhood–and there’s enough to create a flow into this drainage way–does the tree affect the flow of water in such a way that it will negatively affect the neighborhood? We believe the answer is no.” Further, Hume added that “we’re also aware that the parcel of land uphill from this area was slated for development, which could cause significant changes in how the waters flow in and around the neighborhood below it.” For his part, Goode is skeptical about the tree not negatively affecting the neighborhood. “We are asking them to either prove to us that the tree does not affect neighboring and downstream properties or, if acceptable to our legal counsel, insure us such that we are not liable should flooding occur and it is determined the tree had a negative affect to a flooding situation,” he said. So Hume decided to take “an old-school field research approach [by] walking the ditch from the top

of [LeVan’s] neighborhood to the bottom”–where the drainage way ends abruptly at the tree root-rendered roller coaster-ride-of-a-parking lot behind the Kihei’s land-o-bars known best as “The Triangle.” Hume argues “despite its variations in depth and width, it is a consistent drainageway that manages to channel the excess flow through that area. [LeVan] has lived through several heavy flood seasons at that location, and has photographic evidence that the drainage way works very effectively, particularly behind her house.” The issue is still complicatedly ongoing; but as with the monkeypods on South Kihei Road, the fate of LeVan’s tree is hopeful. “The county has been very easy to communicate with,” said Hume. “We were pleasantly surprised that the civil engineers cared about the tree, too. More importantly, they cared about giving [LeVan] the opportunity to look more closely at the matter. A willingness to look at the big picture is so important in situations like this, and we were happy to find the county of like mind.”

Scottish poet Alexander Smith once wrote that “A man does not plant a tree for himself. He plants it for posterity.” Taken literally, that’s dandy but for the irony of how–as is oft the case of urban trees–the very heirs apparent to a tree’s beautiful bounty might one day be threatened by it. So maybe we need to plan in such a way that our Loraxian causes aren’t just reactionary. Then again, the fact that we care for the cause at all bodes well for a species that–while we know its a sin to kill a monkeypod (or any other tree)–still wipes the crap from our assess with soft wads of pulp paper (and if I may selfflaggelate, also prints newspapers and the like). Hey, problems need solutions and solutions take time. So, yeah. Saving our urban trees is–and will remain– a complicated process; and perhaps rightly so. Nothing worth fighting for comes easy. ■ anu@mauitime.com + @anuheayagi To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1529L Comment on this story at mauitime.com

JANUARY 5, 2012

11

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FOOD&DRINK

Leoda’s Kitchen and Pie Shop Go for the pie, stay for everything else BY JEN RUSSO

Leoda’s Kitchen and Pie Shop 20 Olowalu Village Road leodas.com @leodasmaui 662-3600 he Meta Given’s Modern Encyclopedia of Cooking, published in 1959 and given to me by my late maternal grandmother, says of pastry and pies, “There is every reason why modern pies should be even better than those (of tender memory) which Grandma used to make. If there is any Great American Dessert, it’s probably pie.” Pie never really goes out of fashion–in fact, our beloved American Pie is a descendant of the “pye” cooked and enjoyed hundreds of years ago in the west. Leoda’s Kitchen and Pie Shop in Olowalu has made this crusty confection of wheat and fat as their signature offering, and whether they use old or new recipes I can’t tell, but either way they romance your mouth with flaky, crisp pastry that’s engulfed by sweet, baked fruit or floaty cream filling or savory rich meat and gravies. The flavors on the menu at Leoda’s may remind us of our grandmothers’ era, and the decor offers a sweet combination of old warmth and charm with modern touches, but the presentation and interpretation is all fresh. Many will probably be surprised at the three-inch single

T Ham'n

serving pie or the five-inch regular pie. It’s really quite brilliant: who among us can’t eat an entire three-inch diameter pie? That way you can avoid messy uneaten slices that flop over and ruin the beauty of the moon shaped disc of goodness. If you are a purist and need a larger size it’s yours–you just have to order ahead of time. Leoda’s location, smack dab in the middle of the pali, could be a death sentence or stroke of genius. It’s an oasis of good food, a bakery worth popping in for, or just a place to grab lunch or dinner along your way in and out of the Westside. The food is also something unique. Leoda’s casual, handheld pies can be a coffee paired baked treat of fruit or a onehanded snack stuffed with sautéed mushrooms, zesty corn or tender pork. There are also burgers, hot dogs and sandwiches, all served on fresh baked breads. The more adventurous will try the fried mac and cheese, Reuben lumpia and scalloped potatoes. But it’s the pies that get all the attention. They sit in the

glass case when you come in the door; it’s difficult to escape without taking one to go. The fresh baked loaves of bread are less ostentatious, but just as important. Fickle yeasts have foiled my own attempts at creating fluffly clouds of bread so I hold these in high regard. Leoda’s artisan bread loaves can take me back to even more rustic days of food but their undeniable perfection of crumb and flavor only leaves me craving carbs on a whole new level. They serve all of their sandwiches on this bread. Meats, cheeses and vegetables can be found in all kinds of combinations on the fresh butter white, hapa wheat, rye and seasonal whole grain. The

Mmm... more bread.

Ham’n stood out with an intense merging of sweet apricot tomato jam with premium savory cured swine, Jarlsberg, local basil pesto and garlic aioli. I was also pleasantly satiated by my cheese steak take home leftovers in the fridge after a spell in my toaster oven. It’s easy to fall in love with Leoda’s Kitchen and Pie shop’s pies, breads and sandwiches, but here’s a secret: try the Fried Salad. Now chef Sheldon Simeon has a way with Brussels sprouts. His Brussels a la Star Noodle served with bacon and kim chee paste created a makeover for the wall flower veggie. But the fried salad at Leoda’s dominates that dish with delicate fried Brussels sprouts leaves, celery and radish, a tad of local mint and a burnt orange dressing. While I ate the diaphanous browned green curls I wondered who got the job of peeling the sprouts apart to fry their tiny leaves. I salute you, whoever you are. You have toiled to bring me this surreal salad, a modern wonder among blasts from the past. ■ jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso

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FOOD&DRINK

PAU HANA BY JEN RUSSO

Spanky’s Riptide Dives Into Lahaina days when there is football they open at 8am.

SPANKY’S RIPTIDE 505 FRONT ST., LAHAINA 667-BEER

HAPPY HOUR DRINK SPECIALS: $3.75 Schooners (18oz draft beer), well drinks, Corona, Corona Light and Pacifico in bottles; $5 double Bloody Mary’s; Taco Tuesdays will have discounted Margaritas and dollar tacos.

DESCRIPTION:

Spanky’s Riptide is an open-air bar that marks the southern-most point on Front Street where you can knock a few back. It’s located at the 505 village and you can’t miss the ginormous HAPPY HOUR FOOD: No specials, but mounted marlin that hangs over its outdoor the menu is a tight list of bar favorites, fortiseating. This end fied with fried of Front Street is food and topped quieter than the off with Spaghetti northern end; here Os straight outta you’ll often run the can. All great into locals getting for supping up a bite to eat bethe happiest of fore and after their hours. The hot shifts and sessions dogs ($3.95) are at Shark Pit or the mouthwatering harbor. The bright Hormels, amazand colorful deingly tasty with cor and sparkling fresh baked buns Adam and Kawehi Clarke aluminum seating and a deluxe conis a 180-degree diment bar that change from the features specialty Bamboo Bar and Grill that used to occupy flavored mayos, ketchup, mustard, cheese, the space a few years ago. Spanky’s owners jalapenos, tomatoes, onions, cucumber and gutted the old bar and added a bigger bar, anything else you might want slathered on your more televisions, more seating and a pool wiener. A customer next to me raved about the table. The long, blonde wood bar has plenty burgers ($4.95), saying the flavor in the beef on tap and boasts itself as a bottle shoppe patties keeps her coming back (though she with 30 different bottled beers and flat screen does live just down the street). Other bar paviews everywhere you turn. If you aren’t into trons were gnoshing breakfast burritos, which TV, there’s plenty of fun stuff to look at on are served all day. The black and blue ahi is a the brightly painted green walls–retro sigfancy chunk of seared fish, seasoned with furinage, more mounted fish, giant tikis, painted kake and wasabi lilikoi sauce and served with coconuts, Elvis surfing, much of it restored sticky rice. ■ jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso and collected by the owners Mike Kashube, Adam Clarke and Kawehi Clarke. The friendly, Got a hot food scoop? Contact Jen beachy bungalow vibe makes it a great place Russo at 808-280-3286 to booze it up in Lahaina Town. or fax to 808-244-0446.

WHAT ELSE: There is a surprise for the la-

To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1529d2

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WHO IS SPANKY? Nobody.

For more foodie news, visit MauiTime’s food blog at: mauidish.com

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PICKS

This Week's Picks

DIVERSIONS, DALLIANCES & DATES BY ANU YAGI

THURSDAY, JANUARY 5 CHRIS AND RYAN REGO - Everyone knows Ryan Rego’s got rippin’ guitar chops. He wails for local greats like Gomega and Owaila, after all. So imagine what six string sweetness is in store when Ryan rocks a gig with his dad, Chis Rego (who hails from Hawaii Island). Wait, no. Don’t just imagine–check out their show and find out for yourself! No cover. 10pm. Diamonds Ice Bar (1279 S. Kihei Rd.); 874-9299

PROARTS PRESENTS “RUTHLESS” - Returning from a holiday hiatus, this play continues its run Jan. 6 through 15. Starring Lia Krueger, Heider Turner, Kristi Scott, Dale Button, Alison Mikes and Rose Roselinsky, this campy off-Broadway hit is the final show of ProArts’s Fall/Winter season. The story wittily follows a naive 1950s housewife and her adorable–but sociopathic eight-year-old daughter. Produced by Jonathan Lehman, “Ruthless” enlists the choreography talents of Aly Cardinalli, musical direction by Anne Durham and Marti Kluth, retro costumes by Sarah Loney, scenery by Caro Walker and lighting by Bonnie Brucha. $25 adults / $20 youth (18-years-old and younger). 7:30pm Thu-Sat. / 3pm Sun. ProArts Playhouse, Azeka (Makai) Shopping Center (1280 S. Kihei Rd.); 463-6550; proartspacific.com

FRIDAY, JANUARY 6 W WAILUKU FIRST FRIDAY - On any other night, Market Street is a sleepy gem with no on one but the fleeting shadows of misguided hotties from the hostel, who–all dressed up– qu quickly find out there’s nowhere to go but Uptown Chevron. (OK, you might run also into Sc Scrappers and me when we’re working late–which is always and boring. Moving on...) BUT tha that’s because we Wailukuans are bottling-up our buoyancy for every first Friday of the mo month, when Market, Main and Vineyard Streets are transformed by a town party so succe cessful that the other on-isle towns followed suit (i.e. Lahaina Second Fridays, Makawao Th Third Fridays and Paia Fourth Fridays). This month, the Ben Seng Au, Maui lion dancers he help herald a year of good luck from outside If The Shoe Fits (7pm), and live music includes Ma Maui Rumba, Gene Argel, Visibly Shaken, Maui Taiko and The Eazy. See our Da Kine Ca y Calendar more details. facebook.com/wailukufirstfriday

RANDALL ROSPOND TRIO - Cowboy boots are good od lo for two things: cowboy-ing and dancing. So paniolo st party people will be well advised to slip on their slickest all kicks and cruise Upcountry to boogie with the Randall ny Rospond Trio, this Friday night. The trio includes Danny d Meaola on bass, Kerry Sofaly on drums and Rospond et on guitar/vocals; and Rospond says their diverse set g features “the usual hillbilly vibe,” while also “expanding 4. into more funky, jazzy and rock[y] styles.” Yee-haw! $4. o 9pm-1am. Stopwatch Sports Bar (1127 Makawao Av Ave.); 572-1380; randallrospond.com

SATURDAY, JANU SATURDAY JANUARY 7 SOUL FOOD - Omar & The Soultones host a benefit concert tour for the Maui Food Bank, kickingoff this Saturday at Three’s Bar & Grill. Because if dancing to funkalicious classics by Al Green, Earth Wind & Fire, Kool & The Gang, War and The Temptations doesn’t have you feelin’ good, dancing for a good cause certainly should. The tour continues at Casanova (Sat., Jan. 14) and Longhi’s Lahaina (Sat., Jan. 21). Advance tickets available at islandsoul4.eventbrite.com. $10 / $5 with canned goods donation. 10pm. Three’s Bar & Grill (1945 S. Kihei Rd.); 879-3133; threesbarandgrill.com / thesoultones@gmail.com

SCREENING: WARREN MILLER’S “LIKE THERE’S NO TOMORROW” - Every January when Warren Miller’s annual winter sports film debuts (this is his 62nd!), I can’t help but wonder if the prehistoric Nordic progenitors of skiing would ever have imagined that centuries into the future, their sticks-and-poles mode of transport would become the elite/extreme winter sport it is today? Or that an acclaimed filmmaker like Miller would bring images of world-class winter athletes–the likes of Chris Davenport, Julia Mancuso, Daron Rahlves, Colby West and Seth Wescott–to audiences on a tropical isle like Maui. *Like There’s No Tomorrow* is narrated by Olympic gold medalist Jonny Moseley and shot on location on five continents. Patrons of Saturday’s screening at the MACC can enjoy music both before and after the film, and opt for a pre-show dinner made available by Maui Tacos. $12 general / $10 keiki (12-years-old and younger). 7:30pm. Castle Theater, MACC (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 242-SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org / skinet.com/warrenmiller

SUNDAY, SUNDAY AY Y, JA JJANUARY ANU N AR 8 P PUSSY GALORE - “Conservative estimates say a female cat and her offspring can pr produce more than 11,000 kittens in her lifetime,” says Peter Tierney, vice president of SPCA Maui (Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals). “So, fixing our is island cats has to be a priority.” With an event that would make Bob Barker proud, S SPCA Maui hosts a “No More Litters” mass spay/neuter clinic for cats, helmed by D Dr. Celina Hatt and her experienced vet tech team. No cats will be turned away, m meaning all house cats, community cats, feral cats, cool and even fat cats are welco come. Dr. Hatt says cats should fast from midnight prior to surgery, and must be in individual carriers or traps labeled with the human caretaker’s name and contact inf information. For more information and to register a cat for surgery, call 280-0738 or e-mail info@spcamaui.org. Pay-what-you-can-afford. 8am-4pm. Maui Hum mane Society (1350 Mehameha Loop, Puunene); spcamaui.org

MANA’O RADIO’S UPCOUNTRY SUNDAYS - This benefit concert series for Mana’o Radio features eclectic acoustic music by local greats, and this month it’s Ono Grimes, Steve Sargenti and Sebrina Barron. Ono Grimes dishes a unique mix of funk, jazz, salsa and swing (read: get ready to boogie), and is cleverly named for frontman Steve Grimes, a famed guitar maker and Na Hoku Hanohano nominee. Sargenti is a noted Maui songwriter and the beautiful Barron is a vibrant up-andcomer. Even if you’ve got bad habits (hey, everyone’s got their vice), you can tune in from the parking lot during smoke breaks on 91.5 FM while texting Mainland loved ones to stream the show online at manaoradio. com. $7 donation. 2-5pm. Casanova (1188 Makawao Ave.); 572-0220; casanovamaui.com

MONDAY, MOND DA AY Y JANUA JANUARY 9 MAUI ONSTAGE’S ONO! (ONE NIGHT ONLY) SERIES PRESENTS “OUTSPOKEN” - This teen poetry slam features the youthfully energetic insights of Levi Young, Isaac Rauch, Ashley Erickson, Dylan Thomas, Marissa Godinez, Jaya

TUESDAY, JANUARY 10 0 SUPPORTING UPCOUNTRY ROTARY PROJECTS IS AS EASY AS (EATING) PIZZA PIE - Seeing as the crowds literally spill from Flatbread Company’s doors on any given night, we know you’re eating there anyway. So why not dine there this Tuesday and support The Rotary Club of Upcountry Maui’s myriad projects? For every large and small flatbread sold, $3.50 and $1.75, respectively, will be donated to the club’s efforts to provide computers and scholarships to Maui students. No cover. 5:30-8:30pm. Flatbread Company (89 Hana Hwy., Paia); 870-1009; upcountrymauirotary.org

Bauer, Alima Wooley, Rachel Simmons, Kat Kress, Feona Wais, Robell Jacobs, Mike Minkleron, and is hosted by Shawn Naone-Burger. Free. 6:30pm. Iao Theater (68 N. Market St., Wailuku); 244-8680; mauionstage.com

WEDNESDAY, WE W E DN D N ES S DAY, JA JANUARY 11 GEORGE KAHUMOKU JR’S MASTERS OF HAWAIIAN MUSIC SLACK KEY SHOW - Truly a nonpareil Hawaiian Renaissance man, we can’t help but lalalalove Uncle George Kahumoku Jr. He’s an educator, a master musician, a bad-ass farmer, a candid community leader and a bunch of other cool stuff we can’t fit in this manini space. But the best way to learn about awesome Uncle George is to check out his Masters of Hawaiian Music Slack Key Show on Wednesday nights. Sure, the crowd’s mostly tourists–but it’s a totally local spectacle. Each week, Kahumoku features a different local legend (plus mainstay hosts Da Ukulele Boyz and Sterling Seaton), and this week’s grandmaster is none other than Ledward Kaapana. $39.99. 7:30pm. Napili Kai Beach Resort Pavilion (5900 L. Honoapiilani Rd., Lahaina); 669-3958; slackkey.com

JANUARY 5, 2012

17

PLAY LOUD. AT THE SUNDAY HAPPY HOUR THAT ROCKS.

PHOTO BY: JAY PARCO PHOTOGRAPHY

HARD ROCK CAFE MAUI - THE PLACE TO BE!

SUNDAYS WITH GRAMMY AWARD WINNING ARTIST WILLIE K SUNDAY 11-3 HAPPY HOUR DRINK SPECIALS DURING THE SHOW KAMA’AINA SPECIALS ALL DAY! $3 domestic drafts ™ $4 domestic bottles ™ $4 premium well drinks ™ $5 wines

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18

JANUARY 5, 2012

CALENDAR

Thursday

1/5

Da Kine Calendar BY ANU YAGI

BIG SHOWS

SOUL CONGRESS

DUBKONSCIOUS CD RELEASE PARTY Fri., Jan. 6. Behold the promise band! Features special guests Jah Residentz and Rambo of Judah. $20. 10pm. Oceans Bar & Grill (1819 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei); 891-2414; dubconscious.com RANDALL ROSPOND TRIO - Fri., Jan. 6. See This Week’s Picks for more. $4. 9pm-1am. Stopwatch Sports Bar (1127 Makawao Ave.); 572-1380; randallrospond.com SCREENING: WARREN MILLER’S “LIKE THERE’S NO TOMORROW� - Sat., Jan. 7. Warren Miller’s 62nd annual winter sports film, narrated by Olympic gold medalist Jonny Moseley and shot on location in five continents. See This Week’s Picks for more. $12 general / $10 keiki (12-years-old and younger). 7:30pm. Castle Theater, MACC (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 242-SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org / skinet. com/warrenmiller FULL MOON EXTRAVAGANZA - Sat., Jan. 7. Featuring Tony Pacino, Piero Resta, Danielle Delauny, DJ Ged, Mark Johnstone, Jonathan Starr, Indio & Avi and Helmet Conspiracy DJs. $10. 8pm. Casanova (11188 Makawao Ave.); 572-0220 SOUL FOOD WITH OMAR & THE SOULTONES - Sat., Jan. 7. A benefit for the Maui Food Bank. See This Week’s Picks for more. Advance tickets available at islandsoul4.eventbrite.com. $10 / $5 with canned goods donation. 10pm. Three’s Bar & Grill (1945 S. Kihei Rd.); 879-3133; threesbarandgrill.com / thesoultones@gmail.com GEORGE KAHUMOKU JR’S MASTERS OF HAWAIIAN MUSIC SLACK KEY SHOW Wed., Jan. 11. See This Week’s Picks for more. $39.99. 7:30pm. Napili Kai Beach Resort Pavilion (5900 L. Honoapiilani Rd., Lahaina); 6693958; slackkey.com

FRIDAY 1.6

STAGE

Friday

1/6

Saturday

1/7

Sunday

1/8

HAPPY HOUR 3-6PM/LIVE / MUSIC EVERY WEEKEND

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PROARTS PRESENTS “RUTHLESS!� - Returning from a holiday hiatus, this campy play continues its run Jan. 6 through 15. See This Week’s Picks for more. $25 adults / $20 youth (18-years-old and younger). 7:30pm Thu-Sat. / 3pm Sun. ProArts Playhouse, Azeka (Makai) Shopping Center (1280 S. Kihei Rd.); 4636550; proartspacific.com MAUI ONSTAGE’S ONO! (ONE NIGHT ONLY) SERIES PRESENTS “OUTSPOKEN� - Mon., Jan. 9. A teen poetry slam. See This Week’s Picks for more. Free. 6:30pm. Iao Theater (68 N. Market St., Wailuku); 244-8680; mauionstage.com CIRQUE POLYNESIA - Mon-Sat. It’s Cirque du Soleil-esque with a tropical twist. Enjoy amazing high-wire acts, aerial acrobatics, illusions and mind-boggling contortionists. Starting at $62 (ask about deals for keiki and kama’aina). 6pm. Hyatt Regency Maui Resort & Spa, (200 Nohea Kai Dr., Kaanapali); 667-4540; maui. hyatt.com / cirquepolynesia.com ‘ULALENA - Mon-Fri. A nonpareil portal to Hawaiian history and kanaka maoli lore; what ‘Ulalena accomplishes–five nights a weeks for 12 years strong–is without a doubt the most pow-

erful cultural education available for our visitors (and ourselves). Rich with tradition while sublimely contemporary, it’s a clean, consistent and critical contribution by Hawaii about Hawaii, for the world. Mahalo ke akua! Starting at $24.50 keiki / $59.50 adults. Dinner and VIP packags available. 6:30pm. Maui Theatre (Old Lahaina Center, 878 Front St., Lahaina); 1-877-6884800; mauitheatre.com

EVENTS

THURSDAY, JANUARY 5 DR. MEL BORINS PRESENTS “A HEALTHY LIFE: COMPLEMENTARY & ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE� - Dr. Mel Borins, a physician and associate professor at the University of Toronto, teaches practical approaches to using alternative medicine with an emphasis on understanding how to make informed choices based on scientific evidence and the most current research. $34. 5:30-7:30pm. University of Hawaii Maui College (310 Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului); 984-331; ocet.org FREE TWELVE-WEEK COURSE FOR FAMILY CAREGIVERS OF INDIVIDUALS WITH MENTAL ILLNESS BEGINS TODAY - This free course is offered by NAMI Hawaii–a branch of the National Alliance for Mental Illness–and led by Robert Collesano, a local counselor, Pualani Kamaunu Basbas, a consumer advocate and Shareen Seykota, a local counselor and therapist. Registration is required. 5:308pm. Community Workshop Room, Kalama Heights (101 Kanani Rd., Kihei); 879-8300 / 572-5790; mauishareen@gmail.com FREE BOLLYWOOD, BHANGRA DANCE CLASSES BEGIN TODAY - For the first time on Maui, Smita Khatri offers Bollywood (a modern dance form born out of the Bollywood film industry in India) and Bhangra (an energetic and traditional dance form originating in the state of Punjab in India) dance classes as a gift to the community. Men, women and teens are invited to attend. Thursdays, Jan. 5, 12, 19 & 26: 6:307:30pm. Ashtanga Yoga Maui Mysore Style Studio (127 Hana Hwy, upstairs, Paia). Saturdays, Jan. 7, 14 & 21 (no class Jan. 28): 10-11am. Temple of Peace (575 Haiku Rd.). Tuesdays, Jan. 10, 17, 24 & 31: 7-8pm (private residence in lower Kula; call 510-4735143 or e-mail joyfulheartdancing@gmail. com for directions). joyfulheartdancing.com CHRIS AND RYAN REGO LIVE AT DIAMONDS - See This Week’s Picks for more. No cover. 10pm. Diamonds Ice Bar (1279 S. Kihei Rd.); 874-9299

FRIDAY, JANUARY 6 WAILUKU FIRST FRIDAY - On any other night, Market Street is a sleepy place of solitude. That’s because we Wailukuans are bottling-up our buoyancy for one big night a month–and that night is here! Here’s da scoop on the isle’s biggest block party: >>> The Maui Redevelopment Agency, at the Maui Thing stage, unveils the new “Kaulana Na Pua� Market Street beautification project. 6:15pm.

>>> The Wailuku Community Association coordinates a multi-cultural blessing followed by a rousing performance by Maui Taiko. 6:30pm. >>> If you thought it was impossible to have your socks knocked off while still wearing your dancing shoes, you haven’t heard The Eazy. Their sparkling original tunes are smart and snappy–and we give ‘em bonus points for their lyrical usage of the word “succubus.� 7pm. >>> Bring your good luck lycee envelopes to feed Ben Seng Au’s Maui Lion Dancers who aim to entice an auspicious Year of the Dragon, outside If The Shoe Fits. 7pm. >>> The collective of high-energy high schoolage rockers known as Visibly Shaken return to the Main Street Promenade’s stage fronting Gianotto’s Pizzeria. 6:30pm. >>> Maui Rumba performs a lively set at the Banyan Tree Park. >>> Gene Argel & ‘Ohana play smooth jazz outside Cafe O’Lei. >>> Joel Katz plays his steel guitar at 33 N. Market St. (downstairs from MauiTime’s office!) >>> The brewtiful beer garden benefits the Hawaiian immersion program Kula Kaiapuni. >>> Native Intelligence dishes-up fresh kulolo and awa. >>> Rinko Maui hosts a lion dance costume display. >>> Wailuku Coffee Company shows off their baristas mad skills with specials like their “Moonlit Mocha.� >>> Maui Bake Shop whips up specialty crepes, both sweet and savory. >>> Keep your ‘body alive’ every first Friday with Body Alive Yoga & Movement Studio’s “Exhale!� event. This month features the “What are you doing in 2012?� group art show, plus folk songs with Lucy, a Bollywood Indian Dance performance with Smita, and electro swing with DJ Sid. Coconut Glen’s famous all-natural coconut ice cream, candy and treats will be on hand, and fine artist Melissa Bruck does live painting. And if you get there early (i.e. 5pm), your youngsters can enjoy a 15-minute yoga class. 5-9pm.

SATURDAY, JANUARY 7 PAIA YOUTH & CULTURAL CENTER’S 15TH ANNUAL BEACHFEST - This competition–a highlight of the winter season for local bodyboarders and surfers–is a tour-de-force for the isle’s young watersport enthusiasts to show of their barrel-riding style. Divisions include Menehune (9-to 14-years-old), Junior Men (15-to 17-years-old), Women (all ages), Men (all ages), Drop Knee (all ages) and Free Surfing (all ages). The event concludes with an awards ceremony at sunset and all competitors are treated to a collectors T-shirt (designed by Nalu Laanui) and plate lunch prepared by the yuth of the PYCC Pa’ia Bay Cafe program. Plus, the PYCC DJs spin positive vibes from sunup to sundown. 7am registration. 8am first heat. Held on the beach side of the PYCC facility at Pa’ia Bay. pyccmaui.org AMERICAN RED CROSS TRAINING: STANDARD FIRST AID WITH CPR/AED ADULT - Jan. 7, 21, 25 & 28. Learn recognize and care for victims of illness and sudden injuries and learn how to use an AED for life-threat-

JANUARY 5, 2012

19

WILD WAHINE WEDNESDAY

CASANOVA’S FAMOUS LADIES NIGHT BACK TO THE FUTURE W/ DJ BLAST & CHILLTOWN MUSIC STARTS @ 10PM + $10 COVER

FRIDAY JANUARY 6TH

MAUI DRIVERS W/ FELICITY ROCK + SOUL + FUNK

THE EVENING THAT EARNED CASANOVA’S THE AWARDS

“BEST LATE NIGHT IN MAUI” “BEST SINGLES SCENE IN MAUI”

SHOW STARTS AT 9:30PM $10 COVER RAUGUST $5 FOR DINERS BEFORE 9PM SHOW STARTS AT 8:30PM $10 COVER

SATURDAY JANUARY 7TH PIERO RESTA PRESENTS

FULL MOON EXTRAVAGANZA TONY PACINO, PIERO RESTA

DANIELLE DELAUNY, DJ GED, MARK JOHNSTONE, JONATHAN STAR, INDIO & AVI, HELMET CONSPIRACY DJS

SUNDAY JANUARY 8TH

MANAO RADIO’S UPCOUNTRY SUNDAYS

SHOW STARTS AT 2PM $7 DONATION AT THE DOOR

ONO GRIMES STEVE SARGENTI + SEBRINA BARRON TUESDAYS IN JANUARY

SHOW STARTS AT 9PM $10 COVER

WILLIE K WAREHOUSE BLUES BAND MAKE IT A MEMORABLE EVENING + DINE & DANCE AT CASANOVA FOR DINNER RESERVATIONS CALL 808.572.0220 LOG ON AT WWW.CASANOVAMAUI.COM

MONDAYS 8:00PM ALL AGES NO COVER

TUESDAYS 8:00PM ALL AGES NO COVER

WEDNESDAYS 8:00PM ALL AGES NO COVER

THURSDAYS 8:00PM ALL AGES NO COVER

FRIDAYS 8:00PM ALL AGES NO COVER

SATURDAYS 8:00PM ALL AGES NO COVER

BLUES SPIRIT OF MAUI

7FOVF t (PME $JSDMF

KENNY ROBERTS DAMON PARILLO & DANYEL ALANA

INDIO & AVI THE ELECTRIC SURFERS THE HOUSE SHAKERS

LATE NIGHT HAPPY HOUR EVERYDAY 8PM - CLOSE 900 FRONT ST. +1-808-667-7400 20

JANUARY 5, 2012

Friday January 27th t Doors: 7pm Show: 7:30pm *"0 5)&"53& 8"*-6,6 t /035) ."3,&5 45 8"*-6,6 )*

*OGP 5JDLFUT MB[BSCFBS DPN t $PODFSU *OGP )PUMJOF 5JDLFUT BWBJMBCMF BU 8BJMVLV *BP 5IFBUFS #PY 0GGJDF t i*G 5IF 4IPF 'JUTw 8BJMVLV -BWB +BWB ,JIFJ t 8FTUTJEF 7JCFT -BIBJOB

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

1/5

1/6

1/7

1/8

1/9-1/11

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

ALE HOUSE

Clay Mortensen 5-9pm

DJ Kollision + k.s.k. 10pm; no cover

‘80s & ‘90s Flashback Dance Party w/ DJ Z 10pm; no cover

NFL / Simma Down Nightclub w/ DJ JamnJ 10pm; no cover

MON - NFL / Open Mic Jam Sesh w/ hostess Teri Garrison, 8pm / TUE - Clay Mortensen, 5-9pm / WED - Teri Garrison 5-8pm; free karaoke w/ host Braddah Francis, 8pm (all sets no cover)

AMBROSIA

Jamie Gallo, 7pm / Old School Thursdays w/ DJ Del Sol, 10pm; no cover

Whatever You Want w/ DJ AstroRaph 10pm; no cover

Sunrise Saturdaze w/ DJ Decka 10pm; no cover

ULTRA w/ DJ CIA 10pm; no cover

MON - The Jonah Trio, 8pm / Ladies’ & ‘80s Night w/ DJ Skinny Guy / TUE - Dirty House Tuesdays w/ DJ La Rage / WED - Red Carpet Movie Night, 7:30pm; Maui’s HI-5 Night (S.I.N.) w/ DJs Del Sol & CIA, 10pm (all sets no cover)

Maui Drivers w/ Felicity Raugust 9:30pm; $5/$10

Full Moon Extravaganza 8:30pm; $10

Wavetrain feat. Mark Johnstone & Friends 10pm; no cover

The Kryptones w/ Dani Girl 10pm; $5

NFL Playoffs

NFL Playoffs

Barefoot Minded 7:30-10pm; no cover

Dave Caroll 7:30-10pm; no cover

Dave Caroll 7:30-10pm; no cover

Erin Smith 7:30-10pm; no cover

MON - Peter deAquino, 7:30-10pm / TUE - Live Jazz, 7-10pm / WED - Jordan Cuddy, 7:30-10pm

Chris & Ryan Rego 10pm; no cover

DJ Kamikaze 10pm; no cover

Bad Kitty 10pm; no cover

NFL

MON - Gomega / TUE - Rampage / WED - Juke Box Party (all sets 10pm; no cover)

Quiz Night 10pm; no cover

Dance Night 10pm; no cover

Big John & Daniel (of Off Tomorrow) 10pm; no cover

Sebrina Barron 10pm; no cover

MON – Live Music / TUE - Chad Kaya & Ryan Rego / WED - Jessica Rabbitt & Kanoa (all sets 10pm; no cover)

Karaoke

Karoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

MON through WED - Karaoke

Rampage 9pm-close; no cover

Dat Guyz 9pm-close; no cover

Rising Strong ‘Ohana 9pm-close; no cover

Karaoke Industry Night 8pm-close; no cover

MON - NFL / Karaoke, 8pm-close / TUE - Music videos w/ DJ H, 9pm-close / WED - Open Mic Night, 9pm-close

Indio & Avi 8:30pm; no cover (all ages!)

The Electric Surfers 8:30pm; no cover

The House Shakers 8:30pm; no cover (all ages!)

MON - Blues Spirit of Maui, 8:30pm / TUE - Kenny Roberts, 8:30pm (all ages!) / WED - Damon Parillo & Danyel Alana, 8:30pm (all ages)

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

WED - Karaoke

355 E. Kamehameha, Kahului - 877-9001

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-1011

CASANOVA

1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-0220

CHARLEY’S

142 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-8085

COOL CAT CAFE

Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina - 667-0908

DIAMONDS ICE BAR 1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-9299

DOG & DUCK IRISH PUB 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 875-9669

GREEN LEAF SPORTS BAR 1088 Lower Main St., Wailuku - 244-4888

HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-8010

HARD ROCK CAFE 900 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7400

ISANA

515 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-8199

ening respiratory or cardiac emergencies on adults. Receive American Red Cross certification upon course completion. Call or go online to register. $90. 1-6pm. American Red Cross; 45 N. Market Street, Suite A; $90; 1-800-7332767; redcross.org

SUNDAY, JANUARY 8 MASS SPAY/NEUTER CLINIC FOR CATS - See This Week’s Picks for more. To register a cat for surgery, call 280-0738 or e-mail info@ spcamaui.org. Pay-what-you-can-afford. 8am4pm. Maui Humane Society (1350 Mehameha Loop, Puunene); spcamaui.org MANA’O RADIO’S UPCOUNTRY SUNDAYS - Part of an ongoing benefit concert series for Mana’o Radio. See This Week’s Picks for more. $7 donation. 2-5pm. Casanova (1188 Makawao Ave.); 572-0220; casanovamaui.com / manaoradio.com

MONDAY, JANUARY 9 AMERICAN RED CROSS TRAINING: ADULT & PEDIATRIC CPR/AED - Jan. 9 & 11. Learn to care for victims of life-threatening respiratory or cardiac emergencies in adults, children, and infants and learn how to use an AED. Receive American Red Cross certification upon course completion. Mon., 4-9pm. Wed., 1-6pm. Call or go online to register. $90. 1-6pm. American Red Cross; 45 N. Market Street, Suite A; $90; 1-800-733-2767; redcross.org

TUESDAY, JANUARY 10 FREE COOKING CLASS: “VEGETARIAN SOLUTIONS FOR BETTER HEALTH” - Each Tue., vegetarian Chef Jessica Oshier leads a special cooking class that provides educational materials, practical tips, recipes, cooking demonstrations, and–of course–free samples. This

week’s lesson: maple pecan granola, fruit and nut granola and granola muffins. Free. 5:306:30pm. Down to Earth (305 Dairy Rd., Kahului); 877-2661; downtoearth.org BENEFIT NIGHT AT FLATBREAD SUPPORTS UPCOUNTRY ROTARY PROJECTS See This Week’s Picks for more. No cover. 5:308:30pm. Flatbread Company (89 Hana Hwy., Paia); 870-1009; upcountrymauirotary.org

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 11 HALEAKALA KIPAHULU COMMUNITY MEETING - The public is invited to meet NP staff and learn more about the park by attending a community informational meeting at the Kipahulu Visitor Center. Free. 5:30-6:30pm. Haleakala National Park’s Kipahulu district on East Maui. 572-4400; nps.gov/hale WOW! WAILEA ON WEDNESDAYS - Every week, enjoy live entertainment and shop specials. This week’s feature: Polynesian entertainment from Chief Fia Fia and the Polynesian Village Luau Performers. Free. 6:30-8pm. The Shops at Wailea (3750 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 891-6770; theshopsatwailea.com / @shopsatwailea on Twitter

ANNOUNCEMENTS VOLUNTEER IN HALEAKALA CRATER Help Haleakala National Park care for native vegetation Sat. through Mon., Jan. 14-16, and stay free at Paliku Cabin. To register, send an e-mail to Friends of Haleakala National Park (sageblank@agol.com) or visit fhnp.org. CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS TO “MY MAMA MONOLOGUES” - This annual staged reading–where stories are shared, songs are sung and digital stories are shown–is held at multiple locations in Hawaii and around the world around Mother’s Day weekend. If you have a story about

WED - Wild Wahine Wednesday w/ DJ Blast & Chilltown Productions, 10pm; $10

your mama that you’d like to share, you may submit it for consideration. Contributing authors who are selected can expect to have their stories edited to suit the show’s format, and may choose to be credited or remain anonymous. The deadline for entry has been extended to Feb. 1. For more information, visit mymamamonologues.com HAWAII HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS INVITED TO COMPETE IN NATIONAL POETRY RECITATION CONTEST - Honolulu Theatre for Youth (HTY) and the Hawaii State Foundation on Culture and the Arts invite high school students to compete in Poetry Out Loud: National Recitation Contest, presented in partnership with the National Endowment for the Arts and the Poetry Foundation. Schools are invited to participate in classroom and schoolwide contests, advancing to a Hawaii state competition on March 18 in Honolulu. The Hawaii state champion will receive $200 and an all-expenses-paid trip to Washington, DC, to compete for a $20,000 prize in the National Finals on May 14-15. To get involved, high school teachers should contact HTY at 839-9885 ext. 704 or e-mail edadmin@htyweb.org ART MAUI 2012 PROSPECTUS NOW ONLINE - Since its inception in 1979, Art Maui has grown to become one of the most prestigious juried art exhibitions in the state. The 34th Art Maui Exhibition is scheduled to open Sun., Mar. 25 at the MACC’s Schaefer International Gallery, with jurying (Mar. 16 & 17) by Thomas Kolobe, one of Art Maui’s founders. Interested in submitting your work? Check out the 2012 prospectus by visiting artmaui.com. Revised items include the return of installation work (written proposals due Mar. 1) and the reinstated annual High School Senior Art Scholarship Awards Program (portfolios due Mar. 15). (PS: Further,

the annual Art Maui Symposium–this year’s topic being “Art of the Juror”–is slated for Jan. 14. See Tickets on Sale for more information.)

TICKETS ON SALE SOLO SESSIONS FEAT. KUANA TORRES KAHELE - Thu., Jan. 12. Born on the slopes of Mauna Kea, Kuana Torres Kahele began composing at a young age. In 1995, he formed the award-winning duo Na Palapalai, critically acclaimed for resurrecting Hawaiian classics. This Solo Session series installment celebrates his anticipated solo release, “Kaunaloa.” $25 standard / $45 VIP. 7:30pm. McCoy Studio Theater, MACC (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 242SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org MAUI ONSTAGE PRESENTS “ONE HOT WINTER’S NIGHT” - Fri., Jan. 13. A nostalgic burlesque show (appropriate for adults 17-years-old and older) featuring performances by Lia Krieg, Casey Murphy, Jonna Ahn, Natalie Raynes, Patty Silva, Mark Bolden and the Kit Kat Club Cabaret. Plus, comedy by Chino LaForge and live music by the Iao Orchestra. $15. 7:30pm. Iao Theater (68 N. Market St., Wailuku); 244-8680; mauionstage.com THE FREERADICALS PROJEKT’S CD RELEASE PARTY - Fri., Jan. 13. Celebrate the release of “SoulFire Radio” with the funkalicious Freeradicals Projekt plus special guest DJ Paul Gotel. Tickets available at Requests (Wailuku), The Wine Corner (Paia) and Choice Health Bar (Lahaina). $15 advance / $20 door. 9pm. Stella Blues Cafe (1279 S. Kihei Rd.); 874-3779; reverbnation.com/freeradicalsprojekt MOONLIGHT SERIES FEAT. MACEO PARKER - Sat., Jan. 14. Pass the peas, gimme some more! The one and only Maceo Parker– the funk saxophonist famed for his work with

JANUARY 5, 2012

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Wake up with Shaggy & Big C

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JANUARY 5, 2012

TheGRID

THURSDAY

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SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

1/5

1/6

1/7

1/8

1/9-1/11

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

JAVA JAZZ

Renee Alonzo 7pm - close; no cover

Guest Performer 7pm - close; no cover

Rick Glencross 7pm - close; no cover

Farzad & Mike Madden 7pm - close; no cover

MON - Farzad & Mike Madden / TUE - Jamie Gallo / WED - Guest Performer (all sets 7pm-close; no cover)

KAHALE’S

Bad Kitty, 7pm

Kenny Roberts, 7pm

Eight Track Players, 7pm

The Kihei Cowboys, 7pm

MON - Kawika / TUE - Da Hawaiians / WED - Gina Martinelli (all sets 7pm)

1810 6:30-8:30pm; no cover

Barefoot Minded 8-10pm; no cover

1810 8-10pm; no cover

Benny Uyetake 6-8pm; no cover

MON - Benny Uyetake, 6-8pm / TUE-WED Sam Ahia, 6:30-8:30pm (all sets no cover)

Karaoke & Dancing w/ Auntie Toddy Lilikoi 9:30-close; no cover

Karaoke & Dancing w/ Auntie Toddy Lilikoi 9:30-close; no cover

Kawika Ortiz, 7-9:30pm / DJ Kamikaze, 10pm-close

MON - NFL / TUE Country Music & Dancing w/ Rick Scanlan, 7-11m / WED Sebrina Barron 7-9pm; Ladies’ Night w/ DJ La Rage, 10pm-close

3350 L. Honoapiilani Rd. - 667-0787

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 875-7711

KIMO’S

845 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4811

KOBE STEAKHOUSE

136 Dickenson St., Lahaina - 667-5555

Fulton Tashombe & The Maui Jazz All-Stars, 7-10pm

LONGHI’S LAHAINA 888 Front St., Lahaina - 667-2288

Salsa Night w/ Netto & Barbara Peraza, 8-11pm / DJ Nexus 11pm-close

Requesola w/ Rob & Ron = R2, 6:30-9:30pm / DJ Nexus 10pm-close

Camp Savage 7:30-9:30pm / DJ AstroRaph, 10pm-close

Howard Ahia 6-8pm; no cover / Pool Tournament 7-10:30pm

Marvin Tevaga 6-9pm; no cover / Latin Night w/ DJ Danny 10pm-2am; $10

STATUS w/ DJs Big Mike & Money Mike 9:30pm-2am

MOANA BAKERY & CAFE 71 Baldwin Ave., Paia - 579-9999

Phil & Angie Benoit 6:30-8:30pm

DJ Mantis 9pm-close

MERRIMAN’S

Ranga Pae, 6-9pm

Ranga Pae, 6-9pm

Ranga Pae, 6-9pm

Ranga Pae, 6-9pm

MON - The Benoits / TUE - David Choy / WED - Ranga Pae (all sets 6-9pm)

Murray Thorne, 7-9pm / Pub Quiz Superfreakout w/ Trish “The Dish” Smith, 9:30pm-12am

DJ Alika Nako’oka 9-11pm

TBA

The Celtic Tigers w/ Mad Bagpiper Roger McKinley, 6:30-9:30pm / Big John, 10pm-12am

MON - Joyce & Gord, 6-8:30pm / TUE Brenton Keith & His Bag O’ Tricks, 7-8pm / WED - Willie K, 7-9pm

mauimusicmecca presents guest DJ 10pm; no cover

Dubkonscious CD Release Party w/ Jah Residentz & Rambo of Judah 10pm; $20

Latin Night w/ DJ JamnJ, DJ Nexus and DJ Moy, 10pm; $10

LULU’S KIHEI

1945 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-9944

LULU’S LAHAINA

Lahaina Cannery Mall - 661-0808

1 Bay Club Pl., Kapalua - 669-6400

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea - 874-1131

OCEANS BAR & GRILL 1819 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-2414

Parliament Funkadelic and James Brown–is coming to Maui. Seriously. $35 / $40. 7:30pm. A&B Amphitheater / Yokouchi Pavilion, MACC (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 242-SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org SAVE THE DATE: ART MAUI PRESENTS “ART OF THE JUROR” SYMPOSIUM - Sat., Jan. 14. This annual symposium kicks off the Art Maui exhibition (Mar. 25–see Announcements for more information), and this year’s forum includes experts like Lauren Harris, 2012 juror Thomas Klobe, Dick Nelson and Allison Wong. 2-4:30pm. Alexa Higashi Meeting Room, MACC (One Cameron Way, Kahului); artmaui. com; pictureitsolved@gmail.com MAUI BLACKIE GADARIAN AND SARA GADARIAN PRESENT STRAIGHT-AHEAD JAZZ EVENT #1 - Sun., Jan. 15. Featuring Gene Argel on Hammond B3 organ with a sixpiece band that includes saxophonist Eric Schneider from Chicago. $15 advance / $20 door (if available). 6:45pm doors for advance ticket holders. Timba (505 Front St., Lahaina); 6677979; mauiblackie.com NEW SHANGHAI CIRCUS - Mon. and Tue., Jan. 16 & 17. Chinese acrobatic skills have been passed on for generations and artists of New Shanghai Circus add layers of modern complexity with daring new techniques. Three shows: Jan. 16, 4:30pm & 7:30pm / Jan. 17, 7pm. Castle Theater, MACC (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 242-SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org AMERICAN RED CROSS TRAINING: CPR/ AED ADULT - Wed., Jan. 18. Learn to recognize and care for victims of life-threatening respiratory or cardiac emergencies and learn how to use an AED for life-threatening respiratory or cardiac emergencies on adults. Receive American Red Cross certification upon course completion. Call or go online to register. $70. 4-8pm. American Red Cross; 45 N. Market Street, Suite A; $90;

1-800-733-2767; redcross.org AN INTIMATE EVENING OF JAZZ - Thu., Jan. 19. Jazz great Bill Mays (whose extensive resume includes Sarah Vaughn and Frank Zappa) joins local favorites Phil and Angie Benoit. Followed by an artist meet-and-greet. $30. 7:30pm. McCoy Studio Theater, MACC (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 242-SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org AMERICAN RED CROSS TRAINING: STANDARD FIRST AID - Fri., Jan. 20. Learn emergency action steps and first aid procedures for injuries and sudden illnesses. Receive American Red Cross certification upon course completion. Call or go online to register. $70. 4-8pm. American Red Cross; 45 N. Market Street, Suite A; $90; 1-800-733-2767; redcross.org KUMU KAHUA THEATRE PRESENTS “A JIVEBOMBER’S CHRISTMAS” - Fri. & Sat, Jan. 20 & 21. This play, written by Saachiko and Dom Bagwili, was first produced by Los Angeles’s Japanese American National Museum. Though set in a WWII relocation camp for Japanese Americans, this story is filled with lighthearted nostalgia. $22. 7:30pm. McCoy Studio Theater, MACC (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 242-SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org MOONLIGHT SERIES FEAT. HAPA - Fri., Jan. 20. Unless you live under a rock (not withstanding the fact that we live on a rock), you already know that Barry Flanagan and Ron Kuala‘au are one of Hawaii’s favorite musical duos. $30 / $45. 7:30pm. A&B Amphitheater / Yokouchi Pavilion, MACC (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 242-SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org THE AIRBORNE TOXIC EVENT - Fri. Jan. 20. Expect busy thrift stores as local indies prepare their concert-going threads for this hip show. $23.50 / $28.50 / $55.50. 8pm. Castle Theater, MACC (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 242-

MON - All Access DJs, 10pm / TUE - “Lahaina Idol” Karaoke w/ Troy, 9pm12am / WED - Kenny Roberts, 5-8pm; AC/ DCember: Highway to Heal benefit, 9-11pm TUE - Open Mic Night 6:30pm-close

SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org KANAKA HEKILI M/C 6TH ANNUAL GOLF TOURNAMENT - Sat., Jan. 21. A three-person team, best ball scramble with a portion of proceeds benefitting Maui Veterans of Foreign Wars. Closest-to-the-pin and longest drive each win $100. First, second and third place teams win $600, $300 and $150, respectively. Plus, hole-in-one prizes include $10,000 (which was accomplished at their fourth annual tourney) and a Harley Davidson motorcycle. (PS: The M/C also seeks hole sponsorships and prize donations. To ensure signage, deadline for hole sponsorship ($100) is Jan. 14.) Tourney entry deadline is Jan. 16. $100 per golfer. Cost includes green and cart fees, a catered lunch at the Kihei VFW grounds, two raffle tickets, two mulligans and three chances at closest-tothe-pin. 6am check-in / 7am shotgun start. Elleair Maui Golf Club; Jim Lapham: 264-0168; kanakahekili.com Q103 FM PRESENTS STEVE-O (OF “JACKASS” FAME) - Sat., Jan. 21. Yep, the McCartney to Johnny Knoxville’s Lennon is coming to the Valley Isle (fo’ real this time), with opening comics Chino LaForge and Ed Ka’ahea. Hosted by Michael C. Hall. Tickets available at Oceans (Kihei) and Bounty Music (Kahului), online at hightidecncerts.net and fla.vor.us/groovetickets, or by calling 1-855-2-FLAVOR. $35 advance. 7pm doors / 8pm show. Ocean’s Beach Bar & Grill (1819 S. Kihei Rd. TEDXMAUI 2012 - Sun., Jan. 22. Because good ideas are worth spreading, Mauians host their own TEDx event. Hosted by Kainoa Horjaco and Leslie Wilcox. Guest speakers include Elizabeth Lindsey, Art Medeiros, Pualani Kanaka‘ole Kanahele, W.S. Merwin, Byron Washom and Susan Casey. 9am-6pm. $99 general / $75 students & seniors. Castle Theater, MACC (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 242-

WED - Ibiza on Maui w/ DJ Peak 10pm; no cover

SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org STORYTELLING FESTIVAL: MAUI, HINA & KA HANA KAPA - Sun., Jan. 22. The legend of the demi-god Maui lassoing the sun will be performed in chant, dance and the art of storytelling. Free. 3pm. The Pa, MACC (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 242-SHOW (7469); mauiarts. org FIFTH ANNUAL MYSTIC ISLAND FESTIVAL - Thu. through Mon., Jan. 26 through 30. An over four-day happening featuring DJs, ecstatic dance, yoga, workshops, satsang with Ram Dass and live entertainment by the likes of Chris Berry and Michael Kang (of String Cheese Incident and Panjea fame), Jah Levi and David Starfire. Weekend passes include three nights of camping at Camp Oluwalu. $200 if purchased by Jan. 25 / $225 at door (if available). Kama’aina discount offered. Visit mysticislandfestival.com for more information. JORMA KAUKONEN AND CHRIS SMITHER - Fri., Jan. 27 - Jorma Kaukonen of Hot Tuna and Jefferson Airplane fame is joined by acoustic blues master Chris Smither. Tickets available online, by phone, and at If The Shoe Fits (Wailuku) and Lava Java (Kihei) $28 / $35 / $45 Gold Circle. 6pm doors / 7pm show. Iao Theater (68 N. Market St., Wailuku); 896-4845; lazarbear.com GEORGE KAHUMOKU JR.’S SLACK KEY MASTERS FEAT. DENNIS KAMAKAHI AND STEPHEN INGLIS - Thu., Jan 26. Each month, cooler-than-cool Uncle George Kahumoku hosts this winning series by opening with his candid storytelling and musical prowess. This month’s show features Dennis Kamakahi–who’s heralded as Hawaii’s greatest living songwriter–alongside Stephen Inglis. The featured pair celebrate the release of their new CD, “Waimaka Helelei.” $25 standard / $45 VIP (includes post-show talk story session with

JANUARY 5, 2012

23

1945 S K

E LLAG I V A IHEI RD, KALAM i.com u

879-9944 lulusma

WEDNESDAY LOCAL BAND

SABRINA 7-9PM

MAUI ARTS + ENTERTAINMENT WITH MAUITIME FLAVOR

THURSDAY

BARBARA & NETTO

HOT & SPICY SALSA 8-11PM

$3 coronas, $5 1800 shots $5 patron shots 8PM-Close

dj Nexus

LATIN / MEXICAN MUSIC 11PM-CLOSe .com

FRIDAY

ROB & RON ISLAND DJ’S

7:30-9:30 pm 10PM-CLOSe

SATURDAY

LOCAL BAND 8-11pm ASTRO RAPH 10PM-CLOSe

SUNDAY

NFL FOOTBALL SPECIAL

$3 STEINLAGER, $2 BUD LIGHT DURING GAME

24

JANUARY 5, 2012

TheGRID

THURSDAY

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SANSEI - KAPALUA

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

SANSEI - KIHEI

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE

DJ Slackin 10pm-close; no cover

DJ Gemini & DJ Ynot 10pm-close; no cover

DJ LX 10pm-close; no cover

TBA 9pm-12am; no cover

Kenny Roberts 9pm-12am; no cover

WED - Clay Mortensen, 6-9pm; no cover

Ladies’ Night 7pm-close; no cover

Live Music 8-11pm; no cover

Free Pool Day

MON - Mahalo Monday Industry Night

Ah-Tim 4-6pm

Ahumanu 4-6pm

Comdedy Show

MON - Tom Cherry & Mike Finkewiecz, 4-6pm / Willie K 10pm-12am, $10 / TUE - Tom Conway, 4-6pm / WED - Randall Rospond, 4-6pm / SLAM feat. David Choy & Clay Mortensen, 7-10pm

Karaoke w/ Pearl Rose 9:15pm-12am; no cover

Randall Rospond Trio 9pm-1am; $4

Karaoke w/ Pearl Rose 9pm-12am; no cover

Jordan 6-9pm

Dress Like A Pirate Night

Soul Congress 9pm; no cover

The Girlie Show 10pm

Soul Food w/ Omar & The Soultones, a benefit for The Maui Food Bank 10pm; $5/$10

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

MON through WED- Karaoke

House of Reggae 9:45pm-2am; $10

We Love Timba Fridays 9:45pm-2am; $10

Spun Out w/ DJ Calcul8 9:45pm-2am; $10

Guest DJ 9:45-2am; $10

MON through WED Guest DJ, 9:45pm-2am; $10

NFL / Next Level Entertainment, 10pm

Live Music 10pm

Karaoke

Karaoke

MON - NFL / TUE - Thirsty Tuesdays / WED - Free Karaoke

115 Bay Dr., Lahaina - 669-6286

1881 S. Kihei Rd., Ste. KT116, Kihei - 879-0004

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-6444

SPORTS PAGE GRILL & BAR 2411 S. Kihei Rd. #B4 - 879-0602

STEEL HORSE SALOON 1234 L. Main St., Wailuku - 243-2206

STELLA BLUES CAFE 1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-3779

STOPWATCH SPORTS BAR 1127 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-1380

R.S. SHARKY’S

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-6115

THREE’S BAR & GRILL 1945 S Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-3133

TIFFANY’S

1424 L. Main St., Wailuku - 249-0052

TIMBA

505 Front St, Ste. 212, Lahaina - 661-9873

WATERCRESS

Waiehu Beach Center, Wailuku-243-9351

performers). 7:30pm. McCoy Studio Theater, MACC (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 242SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org DEREK WARFIELD & THE YOUNG WOLFE TONES - Fri., Jan. 27. Derek Warfield’s 40-year career boasts 13 bestselling albums, and The Young Wolfe Tones were nominated as Ireland’s Best Traditional Irish Folk Group in 2009. $20 advance / $25 day-of. 7pm. McCoy Studio Theater, MACC (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 242SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org BEN VEREEN - Fri., Jan. 27. Broadway staractor-singer-dancer and Tony Award winner, Ben Vereen is internationally renowned for his performance in Bob Fosse’s Pippin. $12 / $37 / $47. 7:30pm. Castle Theater, MACC (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 242-SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org SOJA IN CONCERT WITH ANUHEA AND THE GREEN - Sat., Jan. 28. Kicking off their 2012 North American tour promoting their latest effort “Strength to Survive,” Washington D.C.’s SOJA return to the isles. Joining them are Hawaii’s own Anuhea and The Green. 4:30pm gates / 5:30pm show. $40 advance / $50 dayof. A&B Amphitheater, MACC (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 242-SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org SCREENING: HERITAGE FILM FESTIVAL PRESENTS “LYCHEE THIEVES” - Sun., Jan. 29. A cautionary tale about covetousness, “Lychee Thieves” reveals the humorous contentions which arise when locals fight over the bounty of a sweet lychee tree. $10. 3pm. McCoy Studio Theater, MACC (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 242-SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org

DINNER MUSIC WEST MAUI

DUKE’S BEACH HOUSE - Every Mon., Tue. & Wed., Brian 3-5pm; Wed., Alika & Ron 6-8:30pm; Thu., Damien 3-5pm; Thu., Garrett

& Peter 6-8:30pm; Fri., Garrett 3-5pm; Every Fri. & Sat., Kulwewa 6-8:30pm; Every Sun. & Sat., Tim 3-5pm; Sun., Tim & Miles 6-8:30pm; Tue., Alika & Edee 6-8:30pm; Tue., Tim & Edee 6-8:30pm; Fri., Henry Kapono 5-7pm. 130 Kai Malina Pkwy., Lahaina, 662-2900 HULA GRILL - Wed., Alika 1:30-3:30pm; Wed., Peter DeAquino 4-6pm; Every Tue. & Wed., Ernest Pua’a & Fri.ends 6:30-9pm; Thu., Alika 11am-1pm; Thu., Ernest Pua’a 1:303:30pm; Every Mon. & Thu., Armadillo 4-6pm; Thu., Kulwewa 6-9pm; Every Mon., Fri. & Sat., Kawika Lum Ho 1:30-3:30pm; Every Fri. & Sat., 1810 4-6pm; Fri., Kawika, Roy & Ivan 6:309pm; Sat., Wili Pohaku 6:30-9pm; Every Sun. & Tue., Kawika Lum Ho 11am-1pm; Sun., Ron & Ikaika 1:30-3:30pm; Sun., Derick Sebastian Trio 6-9pm; Mon., Derick Sebastian & Josh Kahula 6:30-9pm; Tue., Jarrett Roback 1:30-3:30pm; Tue., Damon & Danyel Alana 4-6pm; Every Mon., Wed. & Fri., Ernest Pua’a 11am-1pm. Whaler’s Village, 2435 Kaanapali Pwy., Bldg P, Lahaina, 667-6636 LEILANI’S ON THE BEACH - Every Thu., Jarrett & Wilson; Every Fri., DJ & Fri.ends, Every Sat., JD & Harry; Sun., Merv Oana (all sets 3-5pm). Whaler’s Village, 2435 Kaanapali Pkwy. Bldg. J, Ka’anapali, 661-4495 LULU’S LAHAINA SURF CLUB & GRILL - Every Thu., Howard Ahia 6-8pm; Fri., Marvin Tevaga 6-9pm; Every Tue., “Lahaina Idol” Karaoke w/ Troy 9pm; Every Wed., Kenny Roberts 5-8pm. Lahaina Cannery Mall, 1221 Honoapi’ilani Hwy. #A1, Lahaina, 661-0808 PIONEER INN GRILL & BAR - Thu., Greg di Piazza feat. Alana Cini 5:30-8:30pm; Tue., Ah-Tim Elenicki 5:30-8:30pm; Wed., JD on the Rocks 5-8pm. 658 Wharf St., Lahaina; 661-3636 R.B. BLACK ANGUS STEAKHOUSE - Every Sun., Live jazz. 4465 Honoapi’ilani Hwy., Lahaina; 669-8889 SEA HOUSE RESTAURANT - Every Tue. & Fri., Kincaid Kupahu 7-9pm; Every Sun. & Thu.,

Kanoa 10pm-close; no cover

MON - DJ Slackin’ / TUE - DJ LX / WED Ladies’ Night w/ The ADD Twins (all sets 10pm - close; no cover)

MON - Dance Dance Extreme Competition, 7pm / TUE - Karaoke w/ DJ Jay / WED - Western Night & BBQ Championship

WED - The House Shakers 7:30pm; no cover

Andrew Kaina 7-9pm; Sat., Coehlo Morrison 7-9pm; Every Mon. & Wed., Albert Kaina 7-9pm. 5900 Lower Honoapi’ilani Hwy., Napili, 6691500 VILLAGE CAFE & SWEET SHOPPE - Fri., Glenn Kakagawa and Sarah Cravalho 5:308:30pm. 2000 Village Rd., Lahaina, 665-1122

SOUTH MAUI AMBROSIA - Every Thu., Jamie Gallo 7pm; Every Tue., “Glee” on the big screen 7pm; Every Wed., Red Carpet Movie Night 7:30pm [January is “Chicks Who Kick Ass Month.” This week: “Tomb Raider” (2001)]. 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 891-1011 HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH - Thu., Junior Lacuesta 4-8pm; Fri., Tue. & Wed., Rick Glencross, 4-8pm; Sat., Ryan Robinson, 4-8pm. 1913 S. Kihei Rd., #E, Kihei, 874-1250 KAI WAIEA - Thu., Mon. & Sun., Wolf; Fri., Ryan Robinson; Sat., Kanoa; Mon., Tom Conway; Wed., Francois (all sets 6-8:30pm). 3750 Wailea Alanui, Wailea, 875-1955 LULU’S KIHEI - Every Thu., Netto & Barbara Peraza 8-11pm; Every Fri., Ron & Rob = R2 6:30-9:30pm; Every Sun., Kawika Ortiz, 7-9:30pm; Every Tue., Ric Scanlan 7-11pm; Every Wed., Sebrina Barron, 7-9pm. 1945 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 879-9944 MONSOON INDIA - Every Sat., Romantic Violin & Guitar Duets by Cambria Moss & Ricardo Dioso 6:30-8:30pm; Every Tue., Hula Honeys 5:30-8:30pm. 760 S. Kihei Rd., 875-6666 MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE - Thu., Murray Thorne 7-9pm; Sun., The Celtic Tigers with Mad Bagpiper Roger McKinley 6:30-9:30pm; Mon., Joyce & Gord 6-8:30pm; Tue., Brenton Keith & His Bag O’Tricks (magic show), 7-8pm; Wed., Willie K 7-9pm. 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea, 874-1131 SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE - Every Thu., Erin Smith; Every Fri., Randall Rospond; Every Sat., Tom Conway; Every Sun., Viva La Rumba; Every Mon., Kanoa; Every Tue., Sebrina Barron;

Every Wed., Mark Johnstone. (all sets 4-6pm.) Kihei Kalama Village, 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 874-6444 STELLA BLUES CAFE - Every Thu., Ah-Tim 4-6pm; Every Fri., Ahumanu 4-6pm; Every Mon., Tom Cherry & Mike Finkeiwicz 4-6pm; Every Tue., Tom Conway 4-6pm; Every Wed., Randall Rospond 4-6pm / SLAM feat. David Choy and Clay Mortensen 7-10pm. 1279 South Kihei Rd., # 201, Kihei, 874-3779 TRADEWINDS POOLSIDE CAFE - Every Thu., Island Favorites with Kawika Lum Ho; Every Fri., Girls Night Out with Gina Martinelli; Every Sat., Classic Rock with Dominic; Every Sun., The Crunch Pups; Every Mon., Bobby Ingram & Friends; Every Tue., Mike and Mark; Every Wed., Steve Sargenti. (All sets 6-9pm.) 2259 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 891-8860

CENTRAL MAUI ALE HOUSE - Every Fri., Braddah Francis 4-8pm; Every Mon., Open Mic Jam Sesh w/ host Teri Garrison 8pm; Every Tue., Clay Mortensen 5-9pm; Every Wed., Teri Garrison 5-8pm / free karaoke w/ host Braddah Francis 8pm. (All sets no cover.) 355 E. Kamehameha Ave., Kahului, 877-9001 CARY & EDDIE’S HIDEAWAY - Every Thu.Sun. & Tue., piano w/ Francois 6pm-close. Every Sun., guitar with Fausto 9am-1pm. 500 N. Puunene Ave., Kahului; 873-6555

UPCOUNTRY CAFE DES AMIS - Every Thu., Joe Conte plays The Chapman Stick; Every Sat., live Argentinian music; Every Wed., Mark Johnstone. (All sets 6:30-8:30pm.) 42 Baldwin Ave., Paia; 579-6323 CHARLEY’S RESTAURANT & SALOON Thu., Danyel Alana & Damon Parillo 6-8pm. 142 Hana Hwy., Paia; 579-8085

JANUARY 5, 2012

25

FILM

Spielberg’s Pal Joey War Horse is implausible but occasionally thrilling BY BARRY WURST II War Horse

★★★★★

Rated PG13/146 min

A

family on the edge of poverty and losing their farm invests everything they have in Joey, a spirited horse they’ve purchased to assist in farming. On the eve of World War I, Joey is sold to a soldier and we experience the war through the eyes of this long suffering and supernaturally strong horse. This is director Steven Spielberg’s first film in four years and he hasn’t lost his touch as a force of nature behind the camera. Full of visual and story nods to The Grapes of Wrath, Gone With the Wind and All Quiet on the Western Front, the filmmaking is frequently awesome, with World War I battle scenes staged as fiercely as anything in Saving Private Ryan. John Williams’ dependably powerful score is as gorgeous as the crisp, picture-perfect cinematography. It’s a good thing Spielberg is still a wizard at shaping huge, difficult set pieces, since he’s dealing with a story that is episodic and hokey. Based on a novel that has become the

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most popular non-musical drama currently playing on Broadway, War Horse is likely an unforgettable experience on stage or the written page. As a movie, it entertains, even as it never convinces. The tale is meant to symbolically convey how war separates us from our families, with Joey the horse the film’s real star, as the focus shifts from one owner of the horse to another. Even with actors like David Thewlis and Emily Watson in the cast, Joey’s close-ups are the ones that will win audiences over the most. The first act is a tall stack of clichÊs, with every grand moment from The Black Stallion

and Black Beauty polished off and reworked. Not a family film, as it has a scene where a horse thrashes about in a tangled sea of barbed wire that will disturb many. Yet, it is indeed rare to see a film portraying World War I and the PG-13 is more for the emotional intensity of the film rather than explicit violence. The best scene is a wonderfully written sequence where two soldiers, from opposing sides of the battle, share an unlikely collaboration when they encounter Joey. A few key scenes are supposed to work our tear ducts but don’t because the non-horses are such thinly shaped, barely defined stock characters.

It’s all very well done but, when it’s over, I had no lingering emotional response, found the whole thing predictable and admired some choice moments rather than the whole. Like Spielberg’s occasionally thrilling but uneven Empire of the Sun, it’s so impressively produced that it deserves to be seen, especially on the big screen, where you can bask in some truly jaw dropping imagery. It may not be one of Spielberg’s best, but maybe we should rejoice that the 65-year old filmmaker, one of the most powerful and influential in Hollywood, is still making films this ambitious, epicsized and sometimes truly stirring. The big final scene, which I won’t reveal, sums up the experience of watching the film overall: the humans in the scene should have us drowning in tears but it’s the astounding sunset that bathes a horse in the closing moments that truly mesmerizes and wows us. Spielberg puts on a solid equestrian drama but we’re asked to believe so many contrived coincidences, he’s given us a story that always feels like a movie and never something remotely plausible. Metaphor or not, the tale might win you over because of the horse, not the talking, two-legged animals fighting the war effort. ■To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1529f

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FILM

Showtimes

WHERE AND WHEN TO WATCH WHAT

BY ANU YAGI

FRONT STREET THEATER 900 Front Street, Lahaina, 249-2222 (Matinees) The Adventures of Tintin (2D) - PG - THU-FRI (1:30, 4:15), 7:05, 9:40. SAT-SUN (1:30), 4:15, 7:05, 9:40. MON-WED (4:15), 7:05, 9:40. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo - R - THU (11:45, 3:15), 6:45, 10:15. FRI (11:45, 3:15), 6:30, 10:00. SAT-SUN (1:45), 3:15, 6:30, 10:00. MON-WED (3:15), 6:30, 10:00. Mission: Impossible-Ghost Protocol - PG 13 - THU-FRI (12:45, 3:45), 6:45, 9:45. SAT-SUN (12:45), 3:45, 6:45, 9:45. MON-WED (3:45), 6:45, 9:45. We Bought A Zoo - PG - THU-FRI (1:15, 4:00), 7:00, 9:50. SAT-SUN (1:15), 4:00, 7:00, 9:50. MON-WED (4:00), 7:00, 9:50.

MAUI MALL MEGAPLEX Maui Mall, 249-2222 (Matinees) The Adventures of Tintin (2D) - PG - THU (1:05, 5:00). FRI (4:30). SAT-SUN 4:30. MONWED (4:30). The Adventures of Tintin (3D) - PG - THU (2:00, 4:30), 7:00, 9:20. FRI-SUN (11:40, 2:00), 6:55, 9:20. MON-WED (2:00), 6:55, 9:20. Arthur Christmas (2D) - PG - THU (2:20). The Darkest Hour (2D) - PG 13 - THU-FRI (5:05). SAT-SUN 5:05. MON-WED (5:05). The Darkest Hour (3D) - PG 13 - THU (2:50), 7:25, 9:30. FRI-SUN (12:35, 2:50), 7:25, 9:50. MON-WED (2:50), 7:25, 9:50. The Descendants - R - THU (1:20, 4:05), 6:45, 9:15. FRI (1:45, 4:35), 7:15, 9:55. SAT-SUN (1:45), 4:35, 7:15, 9:55. MON-WED (1:45, 4:35),

NEW THIS WEEK THE DEVIL INSIDE - R - Horror - A possessed mother and daughter ride their exorcise bikes through Vatican City! 83 min.

NOW SHOWING THE ADVENTURES OF TINTIN - PG - Animation - Directed by Steven Spielberg (his firstever animated film), this flick follows a young journalist, Tintin, and his dog Snowy. Based on Les Aventures de Tintin, a comic series by Belgian artist Georges Remi (a.k.a. Herge), which have sold over 200 million copies in 50 languages. 107 min. ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS: CHIPWRECKED - PG - Animated - Squirrelkabobs! The Chipmunks and Chimpettes get stranded on a deserted topical island–and soon find it isn’t deserted at all (big surprise). I wonder if the natives will Cook them? 87 min. THE DARKEST HOUR - PG 13 - Thriller - Who cares about Vladimir Putin? Aliens are attacking Russia! 89 min. THE DESCENDANTS - R - Drama/Comedy Whoa, whoa, whoa. An alrady award-winning movie filmed in Hawaii (and though we’ve already qualified it’s award-winning–no, Adam Sandler’s not in it), about Hawaii (seriously), written by a Hawaiian (it’s based on the critically acclimed debut novel by Kaui Hart Hemmings)? And it’s not Get A Job? And it stars George Clooney? What the hell more do you need to know before you go? (And how many more question marks will it take before our point is made???) 115 min. THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO R - Thriller - Based on the hit novel by Swedish

7:15, 9:55. The Devil Inside - R - FRI (11:50, 2:05, 4:40), 7:30, 9:40. SAT-SUN (11:50, 2:05), 4:40, 7:30, 9:40. MON-WED (2:05, 4:40), 7:30, 9:40. Hugo (2D) - PG - THU (1:10). J. Edgar - R - FRI (12:45, 3:40), 6:35, 9:30. SAT-SUN (12:45), 3:40, 6:35, 9:30. MON-WED (3:40), 6:35, 9:30. My Week with Marilyn - R - THU (2:25, 4:55), 7:20, 9:45. FRI (12:05, 2:25, 4:55), 7:20, 9:35. SAT-SUN (12:05, 2:25), 4:55, 7:20, 9:35. MONWED (2:25, 4:55), 7:20, 9:35. New Year’s Eve - PG 13 - THU (3:55), 6:40, 9:10. FRI (1:40, 4:15), 6:45, 9:15. SAT-SUN (1:40), 4:15, 6:45, 9:15. MON-WED (1:40, 4:15), 6:45, 9:15. Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows - PG 13 - THU (1:00, 4:00), 6:55, 7:30, 9:35. FRI (1:30, 4:20), 7:10, 10:00. SAT-SUN (1:30), 4:20, 7:10, 10:00. MON-WED (1:30, 4:20), 7:10, 10:00. The Sitter - R - THU (3:45), 9:00. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 1 PG 13 - THU 6:25. War Horse - PG - THU (2:30, 3:20, 5:30), 8:30, 9:05. FRI (11:30, 2:30, 3:20, 5:30), 8:30, 9:05. SAT-SUN (11:30, 2:30, 3:20), 5:30, 8:30, 9:05. MON-WED (2:30, 3:20, 5:30), 8:30, 9:05. We Bought A Zoo - PG - THU (1:25, 4:15), 6:30, 7:05, 9:40. FRI (12:30, 1:35, 4:25), 6:30, 7:05, 9:45. SAT-SUN (12:30, 1:35), 4:25, 6:30, 7:05, 9:45.

journalist Stieg Larsson, who died just before his books became famous. Trivia: the book’s original title in Swedish is “Män som hatar kvinnor,” which translates to “Men Who Hate Women.” 95 min.

MON-WED (1:35, 4:25), 6:30, 7:05, 9:45. Young Adult - R - THU (2:35, 4:50), 7:10, 9:25. FRI (12:15, 2:35, 4:50), 7:00, 9:25. SAT-SUN (12:15, 2:35), 4:50, 7:00, 9:25. MON-WED (2:35, 4:50), 7:00, 9:25.

KUKUI MALL 1819 South Kihei Road, 1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: every day until 4pm) The Descendants - R - THU 11:15, 1:50, 4:20, 7:00, 9:30. FRI-SUN 11:20, 1:50, 4:20, 7:00, 9:45. MON-WED 1:30, 4:05, 7:15. Mission: Impossible-Ghost Protocol - PG 13 - THU 11:00, 1:45, 4:30, 7:30, 10:30. FRI-SUN 11:00, 1:45, 4:30, 7:30, 10:15. MON-WED 1:15, 4:15, 7:05. Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows - PG 13 - THU 11:10, 2:00, 5:00, 7:45, 10:25. FRISUN 11:10, 2:00, 4:50, 7:20, 10:00. MON-WED 1:10, 4:10, 7:20. War Horse - PG - THU-SUN 12:00, 3:00, 6:00, 9:00. MON-WED 1:00, 4:05, 7:00.

KA’AHUMANU 6 Queen Ka’ahumanu Shopping Center, 1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: every day until 4pm) Alvin and the Chipmunks: ChipWrecked - PG - THU 10:30, 11:40, 12:35, 1:45, 2:40, 3:50,

a famous filmmaker, his journal was later published as a book, and his accounts of his week with Marilyn were made into this movie. Rough life, huh? 96 min.

NEW YEAR’S EVE - PG 13 - RomanJ. EDGAR - R - Dratic Comedy - Look, I ma - Barry Wurst II redon’t mean to be so ports that this “extenbah-humbug, but ensive” biopic directed semble casts make THE GIRL WITH THE by Clint Eastwood it really hard to susDRAGON TATTOO and starring Leo pend disbelief. Add “Never Let Me Go” to that this flick’s a DiCaprio, “has lots feel-good holiday to admire but never hurl-fest, and it’s fully connects... [and doubly doomed in DiCaprio’s] heavyour book. Directed handed narration with by Garry Marshall a just-shy of Dr. Evil (who’s really exercisvoice, is a hindrance.” ing originality, given 140 min. his other major credit is Valentine’s Day). MISSION: IMPOSStarring Halle Berry, SIBLE - GHOST Jessica Biel, Jon PROTOCOL - PG Bon Jovi, Robert De 13 - Action - The real Niro, friend of the paper Zac Effron, Katherine impossible mission lies in whether this movie Heigl, Ashton Kutcher, Seth Meyers, Alyssa can resurrect Tom Cruise from the Hollywood Milano, Sienna Miller, Sarah Jessica Parker, whack list. (No, Tom. You are not a “thetan” Michelle Pfeiffer, Ryan Seacrest–can I please trapped in a “meat body.” You’re a goddamned just stop here? 118 min. movie star and we miss you. Well, kind of.) If SHERLOCK HOLMES: A GAME OF SHADyou miss Maverick, too, blame L. Ron Hubbard. OWS - PG 13 - Action - Sherlock (Robert 132 min. Downey Jr.) and Watson (Jude Law) are back MY WEEK WITH MARILYN - R - Drama for more ‘splosions. 129 min. Colin Clark (Eddie Redmayne) kept a journal WAR HORSE - PG 13 - Drama - See this while gophering on the set of The Prince and week’s film critique. 146 min. the Showgirl (a film which famously paired Sir Laurence Oliver and Marilyn Monroe), and durWE BOUGHT A ZOO - PG - Family - Because ing that time, he spent an idyllic week with Monthe world isn’t ready for We Bought A Poo. roe (hence the title). Clark went on to become

4:45, 6:00, 7:10, 8:00, 9:20, 10:10. FRI-SAT 10:40, 11:40, 1:45, 12:50, 2:50, 35:50, 5:00, 6:00, 7:10, 8:05, 9:20, 10:15. SUN-WED 10:40, 11:40, 12:45, 1:45, 2:50, 3:50, 5:00, 6:00, 7:10, 8:05. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo - R - THUSAT 11:30, 12:30, 2:45, 3:45, 6:00, 7:00, 9:15, 10:15. SUN-WED 11:30, 12:30, 2:45, 3:45, 6:00, 7:00. Mission: Impossible-Ghost Protocol - PG 13 - THU 10:20, 11:00, 1:15, 2:00, 4:10, 4:50, 7:00, 7:45, 10:00, 10:40. FRI-SAT 10:20, 11:00, 1:15, 2:00, 4:10, 4:50, 7:00, 8:00, 9:45, 10:45. SUN-WED 10:20, 11:00, 1:15, 2:00, 4:10, 4:50, 7:00, 8:00.

WHARF CINEMA CENTER 658 Front Street, 249-2222 (Matinees) Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chip-Wrecked - PG - THU 9:20, 4:10), 7:05, 9:30. FRI (1:20, 4:10), 7:00, 9:30. SAT-SUN (1:20), 4:10, 7:00, 9:30. MON-WED (1:20, 4:10), 7:00, 9:30. The Darkest Hour (2D) - PG 13 - THU (2:00, 4:30), 7:15, 9:40. FRI (2:00, 4:30), 7:05, 9:40. SAT-SUN (2:00), 4:30, 7:05, 9:40. MON-WED (2:00, 4:30), 7:05, 9:40. Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows - PG 13 - THU (1:00, 4:00), 7:00, 10:00. FRI (1:00, 4:00), 6:45, 9:45. SAT-SUN (1:00), 4:00, 6:45, 9:45. MON-WED (1:00, 4:00), 6:45, 9:45.

Starring Matt Damon and Scarlet Johansson. 123 min. YOUNG ADULT - R - Comedy (of sorts)/Drama - Spoiler alert: the moral of this Diablo Cody story is that no matter what poignant lessons life may proffer, that bitchy prom queen will never, ever change. In fact, she gets worse. Much worse. Also, writers are solipsistic drunks. Agreed! 94 min.

LAST CHANCE ARTHUR CHRISTMAS - PG - Animation Turns out, Santa’s round-the-world-in-a-night secret is that he’s a tech junkie. But old school Grandsanta (you know, Santa’s dad) says he’s just a glorified mailman with technological luxury. Meanwhile, Santa’s oldest son Steve is eager to be the next Santa, urging current Santa’s burgeoning identity crisis. Amidst all this hubbub, Santa’s youngest (and most annoying) son, Arthur, saves the day–because somebody’s got to. And you thought your family got tense ‘round Christmastime. 97 min. HUGO - PG - Fantasy - Directed by some guy named Martin Scorsese, this already critically acclaimed film’s based on American author Brian Selznick’s gorgeous, Caldecott-winning book, The Invention of Hugo Cabret. Starring Ben Kingsley, Sacha Baron Cohen and Jude Law. 127 min. THE SITTER - R - Comedy - Jonah Hill takes up baby sitting after he’s canned from college. Hilarity presumably ensues. 81 min. THE TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN: PART 1 - PG 13 - Fantasy - Vampires suck. 132 min. ■

JANUARY 5, 2012

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George Costanza: It became very clear to me sitting out there today, that every decision I’ve ever made, in my entire life, has been wrong. My life is the opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every of life, be it something to wear, something to eat–itt’s all been wrong. Jerry Seinfeld: Well here’s your chance to try the opposite... If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right. George Costanza: Yes, I will do the opposite. I used to sit here and do nothing, and regret it for the rest of the day, so now I will do the opposite, and I will do something! -Seinfeld, “The Opposite” (1994)

C

aroling from the grave, Ol’ Uncle Franklin–with Einstein and Twain piping misappropriated harmonies–sing to me of insanity’s defining quality: repetition of the same, expecting different results. See, though the spare key is supposed to be under the doormat, it’s not. Still, I look under the doormat at least a dozen times, as if the key (during the seconds which have lapsed since the last time I looked) might’ve been magically spit-back from the concrete void. With chagrin I concede that the dryer’s sock-sized space/time vortex has not relocated. And as I scrape my ass on the lowest windowsill, I can’t help but think about how all this feels a lot like making and breaking New Year resolutions. The doormat is the windswept per annum calendar; the missing key is my will change. Because indeed, ‘twas the season to have been jollily guilt-free as another indulgent December’s justified by a deluded January to come. And with advance apologies for clanging crass bells, my morning constitutionals have been proof of what a good job I’ve done. (C’mon, the book Everybody Poops is at this point a hackneyed holiday gag gift. I’m sure your delicate sensibilities will survive any offense.) Sure, I could embark on another New Year resolving to weigh less, bullshit less, floss more and be more responsible, but I’ll only get the lesses and mores mixed up–again. So, since the only thing resolutions have done is prove my proclivity for failure, it’s become my first order of 2012 business to take the fool’s errand of rewording what past years’ left unresolved and archive it alongside alchemy and posting to MySpace. Hey, if you can’t quit while you’re ahead, at least quit before you lose your head. (Thanks again, Uncle Franklin.) Though I’m giving the New Year resolutions the boot, I don’t mean to discredit the value of contemplating the passage of time

past and endeavoring for better in the time that’s yet to come. I mean, it’s pretty damned cool that we collectively mark another of the Earth’s ellipses around our sun (“the Earth’s birthday” as my friend Rose comically describes), and the New Year holiday is both a pleasant reminder and convenient parameter for meditation. Alright, that brings me to the second order of 2012 business: reflect on the business of 2011. Um... Yikes. This is going to be harder than I thought. See, I don’t know about you, dear friends, but my concept of time is fucked. Maybe it’s just the way the shape of time seems to change as we age, but I think it has more to do with keeping the hours of the wicked. It used to be that I’d visualize time with each day trapped in a dry white box. A perfect game of Tetris, seven sugar cube days would ticker along as if on a receipt strip before tearing-off to stack by week–weeks that then chunked-off into square months which ticked along into twelve-month years and, finally, five-year bundles ever since 1985. Maybe that sounds weird, maybe that sounds normal. Whatever. It worked. This was my image whenever looking forward or backward or to the tip of my nose. But in these last few restless years, any dry concretization of time has been obliterated, for better or worse. Now, everything is just a mash of fast and slow moments, indiscernible from dream and delusion. It seems like I can’t remember anything anymore unless I wrote it down (and managed not to lose it). So, um, yeah. You know all that mushy gushy stuff I just said about reflecting on the year past and whatever? I take it all back. It’s impossible. And even if it were possible, it’s boring. You don’t want to hear me yak on about a year I’ve already yaked on about any more than I want to be reminded of all foibles. In fact, I think the lesson I learned today is it’s OK to just move on. No tedious reflection. No grand resolutions to make grand changes. Just forward progress while keeping it high in mind that there’s no use looking under the doormat when the key isn’t there. ■

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HOROSCOPE

Sign Language

QUIZunderstood ANSWERS

...to questions on page 4

1: B–Rose 15.1 percent.

BY CAERIEL CRESTIN CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19)

Although in practical matters, you’re rarely surprised, the emotional world can still shock and astound you (as you may have recently discovered). Unfortunately, even though in some aspects of life you can prepare and plan for many probable outcomes, when it comes to feelings it’s virtually impossible to predict what will happen next. Stop trying. It’s an annoying (to everyone else), pointless waste of energy. When it comes to matters of the heart, your best bet is to stay in the moment, spontaneously run with the hilarious, passionate, and fun things as they happen—and roll with the punches when they happen, too. AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18)

The skeptic in you doesn’t believe in the power of good luck charms, but please resist going around popping others’ delusionballoons. Think back to your less cynical childhood, when you probably held on to a special talisman or two, for luck, security, or comfort. These objects can have whatever power we endow them with. If someone truly believes that they’ll be more successful with their lucky rabbit’s foot in hand, they probably will be—if only because they’ll go into the situation with more optimism and confidence. Don’t rob them of that, and they might spare you the shattering of your own helpful illusions—yes, you have some, too. PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20)

You frequently play fast and loose when it comes to your own boundaries, and everyone knows you’re generally more interested in bending the rules than abiding by them. However, when it’s your job to enforce someone else’s boundaries—particularly someone who can’t necessarily stick up for themselves—you must be much more vigilant and strict than you’d be for yourself. This is an opportunity for you—real practice sticking to your guns and holding your own. Bonus: once you’ve learned to do it on someone else’s behalf, you’ll be much better at doing it for yourself, too. ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19)

The silver lining of tragic events is that often when people have nothing to lose—someone’s about to die, a relationship is on the verge of breaking up, etc.—they put all their cards on the table, and things get better than ever. If only people could be motivated to do this before things get so close to disaster! Then how cool would your life be? Fortunately, this week you and yours might be more willing to put more cards on the table than ever before, leading to deeper connections, more exciting adventures, and surprising fun had by all. Make sure you give as good as you get.

it would go off whenever we put on the toaster, or cooked anything. It was simply too sensitive. There’s someone in your life who’s an awful lot like that annoying smoke detector—with excellent intentions, but way too thin-skinned to function in real life. Of course, you can’t just take out their batteries. However, this week you should be able to find a good workaround that’s a lot less extreme than the obvious alternative (walking away). And who knows, in time they’ll figure out how to compromise— something that smoke alarm will never be able to do.

2: D–Trust for Public Land, which bought the property for $861,000 at auction, may keep the area preserved, assuming the bid is approved. 3: C–Repair of tsunami-related damage caused to shoreline sections of Honoapiilani Highway.

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22)

We tend to model our real life relationships on those we’ve observed—in relatives and friends, on TV, or in the movies, etc. While these have hopefully given you a wide range of possible relationship styles to choose from, I hope you now have the confidence to design your own relationships (romantic or platonic), from the ground up, perfectly customized to the two of you, and independent of others’ examples or expectations. The more fully you can free yourselves from preprogrammed rules and just be exactly who you are, the happier you’ll be. That may be a distant goal—but this is at least a good week to get started. VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22)

Being arguably one of the most stubborn signs (rivaled only by those bullheaded Taureans and billygoat Capricorns), you truly have a hard time backing down, even when all reason and logic dictates you probably should. What will it take, my dear, to get you to give up and/or admit you were wrong? Half the time, we end up having to lie and say we made the mistake, just to end stalemates like these. This time, though, the stakes are too high for such peacemaking lies—now you’ll need to truly and completely let things go, or face an ongoing cold war with no end in sight. LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22)

Single Libras*, there’s no right or wrong way to do love. People meet partners from slutty one-night stands, from online personal ads, from blind dates, and a million other ways. Stop making rules for yourself about how things should happen or play out, and your chances of encountering someone who’ll become special to you, one way or another, increase tremendously. That doesn’t mean the second you stop limiting yourself that you’ll meet someone amazing—these things can’t be guaranteed. But your life will doubtless become more interesting—and isn’t that, by itself, totally worth it? (*If you’re a non-single Libra, this week pat yourself on the back and set up one of your single friends on a blind date, won’t you?)

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TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20)

Fairness is an important concept for you Bulls. You’ve occasionally dug in your heels or even gone to battle for it. That’s all commendable, of course, and we all admire you for it, but “fairness” isn’t always a cut-and-dry, black-and-white affair. People have their own customized notions and arrangements, and it’s not your job to make sure they get what you consider their fair share, only that they’re happy with the situation—even if you wouldn’t be, in their shoes. That means sometimes you just need to bite your tongue, avert your rolled eyes, and leave well enough alone. LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22)

It’s so easy to get caught up in the drama of whatever’s currently causing suffering or hardship for you. The truth is, if you take about five steps back and look at your life, you’re pretty damn lucky, even if things are very far from perfect. Be grateful, already, and proactive instead of complaining about the stuff that isn’t so great. It’s fixable, especially if you’re busy feeling optimistic and glad about all the cool shit you’ve already got going on. Get caught in a whirlwind of whining, though, and things are much more likely to go from “less than great,” to much, much worse. GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20)

We used to have a smoke alarm we disconnected because

SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21)

Even if someone deserves a piece of your mind for what they’ve said or done, that doesn’t mean you should necessarily give it to them. What good, after all, would a conflict do at this stage? That doesn’t mean you need to simply forgive and forget, but butting heads now wouldn’t be good for you and yours (which is all that matters; screw whoever screwed you). Keep your distance and keep your cool while you focus on fixing up the messes in your life, without focusing on their sources. Forget shit like “closure” or revenge—living your life well is a better substitute for either of those. SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21)

You’re rarely a prude, but sometimes you probably should be. Being free-spirited, non-judgmental, and inclusive is a very good general philosophy; however, that doesn’t mean every crazy thing necessarily has a proper place in your life. It’s alright to say “no thanks” to many things without feeling like you’re missing out on anything you’d actually want. By this point, you should be pretty sure when a refusal won’t deprive you of anything special. Although I still think you should say, “yes,” almost all the time, feel free to say, “no,” when necessary, without feeling bad.

sign.language.astrology@gmail.com

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