15.37 Airport Insecurity, March 1, 2012, Volume 15, Issue 37, MauiTime

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Contents VOLUME 15

✚

READER FEEDBACK

ISSUE 37

BY READERS LIKE YOU THIS WEEK’S QUESTION: What’s your favorite hot sauce? Editor: Anthony Pignataro (808) 283-1308 / anthony@mauitime.com @apignataro on Twitter Sriracha Associate Editor: Anu Yagi (808) 264-8039 / calendar@mauitime.com @anuheayagi on Twitter Duh! Sriracha rules! Proofreader: Dina Wilson Cholula Contributors: Caeriel Crestin, Jory John, Avery Monsen, Ron Pitts, Chuck Shepherd, Ynez Tongson, Barry Wurst II Photographer: Sean Michael Hower mauiweddingmedias.com / howerphotography.com Crystal Art Director & Production Manager: Scrappers scrapperstown.com & thedepartmentofawesome.com The urine of a tigress in heat Graphic Designers: Amy Mendolia, Christina Tarleton Advertising Executive: Brad Chambers (808) 283-3260 / brad@mauitime.com Napalm General Manager: Jennifer Russo (808) 280-3286 / jen@mauitime.com @jenrusso on Twitter Maui Brewing Co.’s Hot Blond Admin. Executive: Keo Eaton (808) 244-0777 Cholula Admin. Assistant: Jennifer Brown Web Design: Linear Publishing Publisher: Tommy Russo (808) 283-0512 / tommy@mauitime.com @tommyrusso on Twitter

FEBRUARY FE F EB 23, 2012 + VOLUME 15 + ISSUE 36 + FREE

4 NEWS & VIEWS FEATURE STORY 10 DINING 13 17 THIS WEEK’S PICKS ALBUM REVIEW 19 FILM CRITIQUE 20 FILM TIMES 21 22 DA KINE CALENDAR THE GRID 23 KULA KID 28 HOROSCOPE 29 CLASSIFIED 30 31 MIND, BODY & SPIRIT MauiTime is published every Thursday by MauiTime Productions, Inc. Its contents are Copyright Š 2011 by MauiTime Productions, Inc. All rights reserved. Subscriptions are available at $70 per year. Reproduction or use without permission is strictly prohibited. MauiTime may be distributed only by MauiTime’s authorized independent contractor. MauiTime is valued at $.50 per copy and permits one complimentary copy per person. No person may, without written permission of MauiTime, take more than one copy of each weekly issue. All opinions expressed throughout MauiTime are those of the authors and not necessarily the same opinions as MauiTime Productions, Inc. and MauiTime. MauiTime 33 N. Market St., Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 office (808) 244-0777 • fax (808) 244-0446 www.mauitime.com @mauitime on Twitter Deadlines: Display Advertising: Friday Noon Classified: Monday 4pm Calendar: Monday Noon Circulation: 18,000 copies of MauiTime

ing (Coconut Wireless, Feb. 22, 2012). After all, they are the ones who are covering the “risk� and who would also be the most interested in how safe those ziplines are... -James W. Billson, via Facebook

SHOE BETCHA! The article came out today and I have had a ton of foot traffic because of it (Mauisphere, Feb. 23, 2012)! I’ve had someone sign up for a class, order two pairs of custom shoes and two customers purchased shoe repair because they were reading the article over lunch!!!! Thank you MauiTime and Jen Russo for helping my business and taking an interest in the local businesses! -Teri Edmonds, via MauiTime.com

The Fashion Issue

When Teri dreams, she dreams big! More power to anyone who dreams big! -Tommy, via Mauifeed.com

FASHIONABLE LETTER I did appreciate this year’s [Fashion] issue much more than the past ones (Feb. 22, 2012). As much as I would like to see a more high fashion side to Maui, we do live on an island. This year’s issue was fun and very‌ Maui style. Love the feel of the pictures and different locations. -Brittneyb, via Mauifeed.com

INSPECT THIS! Instead of having the state regulate yet another thing in Hawaii, perhaps it would be better to have the insurance companies who insure these operators do the inspect-

STILL GETTING SHANTY LETTERS While I admire the author’s commitment and intensity throughout her body of reporting, I was disappointed to the number of column inches dedicated to the clearly deranged “Sir Edward� and his partner (“This Land is My Land,� Jan. 12, 2012). Instead of giving of a soapbox to this man, I wish Ms. Yagi had focused more of the stories of the residents of the shanty town and further investigated the actual legal proceedings surrounding the case. -Brad, via MauiTime.com

Send your feedback to the editor editor@mauitime.com, MauiTime 33 N. Market St., Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793, twitter.com/mauitime, or facebook.com/mauitime. We reserve the right to edit feedback. Views expressed do not necessarily reflect those of MauiTime.

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NEWS&VIEWS

Giving Notice Will the state Legislature soon rob daily papers of their lucrative legal notices? BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO

A

h, legal notices– those wordy blocks of text sent out by local government agencies and courts that fill a daily newspaper’s classifieds section and provide the best natural substitute to Lunesta yet found. There were 10 such notices in the Feb. 23 issue of The Maui News. They ran in the back of the paper, at the bottom of pages B9 and B10 of the classifieds section. They included a court summons, a request for quotes from contractors for work to be done on the solar telescope atop Haleakala, a notice (with a map!) from the county alerting residents to speed hump construction, three announcements of upcoming foreclosure sales and four notices of the completions of local construction contracts. It’s not very exciting reading, but such notices do provide the public an understanding of what government is up to on a daily basis. The notices also provide big money to The Maui News–and all the major “papers of record” in the nation. In fact, according to a Feb. 9 blog post from the Poynter Institute, legal notices provide up to five percent of a general circulation newspaper’s advertising revenue. But now, according to two bills making their way though the state Senate (SB 2219, which was deferred on Feb. 8 and SB 2233, which is still very much alive, having passed out of a Ways and Means committee hearing on Feb. 24), state officials are thinking of moving publication of legal notices online to official government websites. Doing so would save state and local governments thousands of dollars, as well as provide for the posting of far more informative and detail listings than those currently run in daily papers’ classifieds sections. But it would also, according to blogger Ian Lind (whose Feb. 23 blog post first alerted me to the bills’ existence), “end the newspapers’ monopoly on publication of legal notices.” Predictably, the publishers of Hawaii’s biggest dailies all submitted stinging written testimony to the Legislature complaining about the bills and boasting of the public need for they and they alone to publish these notices (while ignoring the ad revenue angle):

Ted Dixon, Publisher, Hawaii Tribune-Herald (also president of the Hawaii Publishers Association) “Before a state designates a newspaper to publish public notices, states generally require the

newspaper to have paid circulation, a minimum percentage of news content, a local publishing address, and a continuous publishing history. The latter requirement ensures stability in the venue for public notices, so that the public will have a reliable place to search for public notices.”

Another batch of legal notices coming through!

Joe Bradley, Publisher, The Maui News “Newspapers of general circulation have long been the medium for that wide dissemination. Certainly the residents of our state and county do not search governmental websites for news. The Maui News has the largest audience on Maui and our readers rely on us as a source of information. Public notices are an important part of that information.”

Tracey Fosso, Publisher, West Hawaii Today “It is critical at this time to reduce government costs but citizens’ rights should never be sacrificed for these reductions. Awareness of government processes and actions is of utmost importance and must be protected and the current system of independent and widespread publication of these processes and actions is essential.”

Dave Kennedy, Senior Vice President, Honolulu Star-Advertiser “Our readers rely upon receiving public notices from newspapers of general circulation for this information. It is a gold standard that is followed throughout the nation.” Kennedy even added that “Our readership and print circulation are both rising at a very healthy rate,” apparently trying to make the case that the dailies are still strong and vital and growing. It’s an interesting statement, though not very likely, especially given that last June Honolulu Civil Beat pointed out that the current Star-Advertiser weekly circ figure (listed as “more than 538,000” in Kennedy’s testimony) actually topped 700,000 back in 2006 (and that was just for the pre-merger Honolulu Advertiser). Look, there are good reasons to be skeptical of moving legal notices online. Can officials post such notices on a secure website that won’t just vanish a year after posting? Will the poor and elderly still see the notices even though they don’t exactly have a lot of Internet access? And what about the notion that legal notices went to papers in the first place because they could disseminate the

information independently of government? Right now you can count the number of states that are serious about moving legal notice publication online on one hand. But given current tech trends, there’s no reason why legal notices won’t eventually end up

online, along with everything else the daily paper currently publishes. ■ anthony@mauitime.com + @apignataro To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1537n1

“The notices also provide big money to The Maui News – and all the major ‘papers of record’ in the nation.” MARCH 1, 2012

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elvey, D-West Maui, “just can’t wait� for what to happen in the next couple of weeks, according to the Feb. 25 Maui News? A. A chance to see Sacha Baron Cohen’s new movie The Dictator. B. A long-awaited trip to Leoda’s in Olowalu for some chicken pie. C. The cutting up of the Dolphin, that steelhulled wrecked sailboat that’s been sticking out of a coral reef off Front Street in Lahaina since 2004. D. The opening of the new Liam Neeson film Battleship, which was partially filmed in Hawaii. E. A state bill that would, if passed, finally fund construction of a West Maui hospital.

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MAUI NEWS WITH MAUITIME FLAVOR

.com

NEWS&VIEWS

Coconut Wireless

Talk of the Island

BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO

Mayor Alan Arakawa

SPEECH! SPEECH! Maui County Mayor Alan Arakawa gave his annual State of the County address on Friday, Feb. 24. It was a good speech in which he talked about how his administration helped make the county more efficient but still needs state and federal money to build things like a proper film studio and bus shelters. But near the end came this exceptional plea: “But in order to succeed we must do one more thing: We must be bold. Because only by being bold can you take advantage of hope. And only by being bold can you affect change.” Arakawa is exactly right. And when he starts appointing people who believe in civil rights to the Police Commission and the Liquor Control Adjudication Board, and when we start seeing those departments behaving with greater emphasis on compassion and individual liberty, then we’ll know exactly how bold his administration can get.

NON-PROFIT CHAIRMAN DISSES MAUI NEWS REPORTER Hey, I would too if she spent the last year kicking my non-profit association’s ass all over the island with a series of stories detailing the County of Maui’s increasingly pointed and critical attempts to find out what, exactly, the 25-year-old Wailuku Main Street Association (WMSA) does with the grant monies it gets (which provide 100 percent of its funding). Anyway, Tom Cannon (who wouldn’t even talk to me years ago after I wrote a story critical of the WMSA that quoted Jocelyn Perreira, the organization’s executive director) is an architect and chairman of WMSA. I can’t fault the guy for being a bit miffed when The Maui News keeps writing hard-hitting stories about public criticism against WMSA, a pending lawsuit, county officials asking for financial specif-

ics or, on Feb. 24, about how the state At- Then, prior to implementation of the plans, torney General’s office has decided to start a merchant who would be personally affecta formal investigation into allegations that ed by the plans (say a Mr. Star Hu) comes the WMSA has violated the state law govto you saying that he doesn’t want to have erning non-profits. the change made, and you agree to delay or WMSA officials like Cannon have recancel implementation. Then, a Maui News peatedly denied any and all wrongdoing. reporter (Ilama Doe Gno) writes an article Still, I wasn’t too surprised to read in reportin support of Mr. Hu’s position that includes er Ilima Loomis’ Feb. 23 story that “Cannon [a] statement from you or your staff. Would said he would only respond to questions if you inform your funding source (the CounThe Maui News assigned ‘a fair journalist’ cil) specifically about your meetings with to the story” and that “He maintained that Watt, Whu, and I. Doe Gno? We think not. past coverage has been And, if you would not biased and untrue.” be willing to disclose Bashing the rethe details of your conporter’s credibility is versations, as a public an old and tired tactic. official, why do you But what did surprise think it appropriate me was my own infor us to disclose our dependent discovery private consultations, that Cannon made when we are not a pubfun of Loomis’ NAME This WPA poster sums it up lic agency?" in a letter he wrote Let’s leave aside the to County Planning logical discontinuities Director Will Spence and contempt for the back on Jan. 30. democratic process inBrief back story: herent in Cannon’s hythe county has lately pothetical illustration. begun asking WMSA But “Ilama Doe Gno” officials for specifics (Or more accurately, “I. on how they’re spendDoe Gno”)? ing the county’s grant Get it? Hu's on first, money. WMSA (usually in letters signed Watt's on second and I. Doe Gno is on third! by Cannon) has responded that this constiIs that just precious? Cannon is an Abtutes “micro-managing” and divulging such bott and Costello fan! information would “betray” the trust given That is kinda funny, though if you ask to WMSA, which claims to help individuals me that whole "Ilama" thing is still pretty who wish to remain anonymous with assis- messed up. tance in getting their development projects through the county planning department. ARE HAWAII PUBLIC To illustrate their reasoning, Cannon OFFICIALS JUST BOTS? outlined the following detailed hypothetical So some Investigative Journalism in the situation to Spence in his Jan. 30 letter: Digital Age students at Eugene Lang Col“For example, to illustrate, suppose an inlege in New York have started the Bot or dividual (Ramod Watt) came to the County Not Project (botornot.net). This is a simple with a request that changes to a streetscape test that allows Twitter users to see if a parbe made so that he would be able to visit ticular Twitter account is maintained by an stores that were inaccessible due [to] variactual human being or is simple a computous obstructions in the public way, and your erized spam-sender–a “bot.” department agreed and paid for plans to For fun, we decided to run the Twitter be created to address Mr. Watt’s concern.

Overheard Woman: “Angelina Jolie looked so disgusting last night.” Man: “Yeah, Angelina Jolie looked like she could use a bucket of True Blood. And Brad Pitt looked like he just finished mowing the lawn.”

Robot or Not?

accounts of some of Hawaii’s most important and powerful public officials through the Bot or Not test, just to see if the folks we were interacting with are actually the officials (or, in some cases, their staffs) they claim to be. Here are the results, which as you’ll see, are (and are not) somewhat surprising. “We think it is a human but you just never know these days”: @GilKAOGG (Democratic state Representative Gil Keith-Agaran) @Lingle2012 (Republican U.S. Senate candidate Linda Lingle) @MazieforHawaii (Democratic U.S. Senate candidate Mazie Hirono) @TulsiGabbard (Democratic U.S. Congress candidate Tulsi Gabbard) “We think it’s probably a human (but with bot tendencies)”: @Daniel_Inouye (Democratic U.S. Senator Daniel Inouye) @JKalaniEnglish (Democratic state Representative J. Kalani English) @EdCaseHawaii (Democratic U.S. Senate candidate Ed Case) @BrianSchatz (Democratic state Lt. Gov. Brian Schatz) @RozBaker (Democratic state Representative Roz Baker) “We think it’s probably a bot (but with human tendencies)”: @NeilAbercrombie (Democratic Governor Neil Abercrombie) @MufiHannemann (Democratic U.S. Congress candidate Mufi Hannemann) @DukeAiona2010 (Former Republican Lt. Gov. James “Duke” Aiona) Finding Hannemann, Aiona and Abercrombie in the bot category won’t be news to anyone who’s seen them speak, but Lingle came out as a human? Who knew? ■ anthony@mauitime.com + @apignataro

-Market Street in Wailuku, Feb. 27 To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1537n2

MARCH 1, 2012

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NEWS&VIEWS

MauiSphere

LOCAL PLUGS

BY JEN RUSSO

Al Ulman

LLOYD’S KAHULUI CHEVRON GOES GREEN WITH LEDS The future of lighting is in light emitting diodes (LEDs) but the world has been slow to adapt. LEDs have been a usable technology for around 40 years, according to Al Ulman of Pacific Green Lighting Systems, but they are just now limping into home use and barely breaking into the commercial market. In fact, LEDs are more efficient and longer lasting than Edison’s tried and true incandescent bulb. They also give off very little heat compared to bulbs. Lloyd Yamamoto, the owner of Lloyd’s Kahului Chevron (130 W. Kamehameha Ave.), is one of the first to make the jump to LEDs for their station’s overhead commercial grade lighting.

Let there be light

“We will be retrofitting our 480 watt fixtures with 80 watt Green Machine Light Engine (GMLE) LEDs,” says Lance Yamamoto, the station’s manager. “Lloyd anticipates a 83 percent savings in electrical usage. Plus we qualify for a Going Green rebate from Hawaii Energy.” It’s hard to imagine that the little light green spots that are just a few millimeters across will give off enough light for a gas station at night. But a drive by the station after the retrofitting shows incredibly bright light from these tiny circuit boards. Ulman says each of the small circuits represent 20 watts of American-made Phillips LEDs, and each light will be retrofitted with a piece of sheet metal that has four of them. The existing electric wiring is simply hooked up and the lights are a go. According to Ulman, the LED’s biggest nemesis is moisture and that can be an issue in Kahului where the salt air can corrode. But Lance Yamamoto says they will be sealing the light fixtures to pre-

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MARCH 1, 2012

Democratic state Senator Rosalyn Baker. At the top of the ACS agenda this year is the Hope Lodge, a temporary housing facility for cancer patients and their caregivers on Oahu. The ACS is spearheading the capital campaign of raising $15.5 million needed to fund the projected goal of beginning construction in 2014. “These are exciting times,” said Baker. “The Society in Hawaii currently helps almost 50 percent of all newly diagnosed cancer patients. With the planned American Cancer Society’s Clarence T. C. Ching Hope Lodge, we will be able to do more for neighbor island cancer patients. Hope Lodge will provide free lodging in Honolulu for canSimple as changing a light bulb cer patients.” Last November, the ACS received $3.5 million from Clar- Sen. Roz Baker ence T. C. Ching Foundation to cific Green Lighting Systems at 874-2591. help fund Hope Lodge. It was the largest donation ever received by trally located at 251 Vineyard Street in HoACS Hawaii Pacific. In recogniAMERICAN CANCER nolulu, within six miles of six health care tion of this generous gift , Hope Lodge HaSOCIETY ELECTS waii will be called the American Cancer facilities. The 19-room facility will offer SEN. ROZ BAKER AS guests private rooms and bath, a communiSociety’s Clarence T. C. Ching Hope Lodge. NEW CHAIR ty kitchen, laundry facility and living area. Hope Lodge is a free “home away from Every year in Hawaii, more than 6,000 “We are so fortunate to have many home” for patients who must travel away people are diagnosed with cancer and benefactors in the community who have from home for cancer treatments. The more than 2,000 will die from the disease. come forward to support a Hope Lodge American Cancer Society’s Clarence T. The volunteer-based American Cancer in Hawaii,” said Jackie Young, Ph.D., the C. Ching Hope Lodge will provide an estiSociety (ACS), established a century ago chief staff officer of the American Cancer mated 460 area cancer patients and their in New York (the Hawaii chapter opened caregivers up to 6,935 nights of free housSociety Hawaii Pacific, Inc. “The Queen’s in 1959), seeks to prevent cancer, save ing annually. The idea is to reduce the Medical Center has generously provided lives, diminish suffering and help p ffinancial and emotional burden of us with a long-term lease for this properpeople fight back against the ty, and kicked-off this $15.5 million capicance cancer and allow patients to focus disease. And now the ACS tal campaign with a gala that raised over on th their recovery. has a new board chairperson: The Hope Lodge will be cen- $546,000 for Hope Lodge. Our entire board Th of directors are behind this project, knowing that Hope Lodge will significantly help Hawai cancer patients complete their cancer treatment.” Currently, the American Cancer Society operates 31 Hope Lodges nationwide. But Hawaii has long needed one, since residents often have to fly to Oahu for treatment. Our unique island state presents significant challenges to cancer patients. “I wish there was a Hope Lodge when I was going through my treatments,” said Kauai resident and breast cancer survivor Susan Oshiro-Taogoshi. She was diagnosed with stage III, triple negative invasive ductal carcinoma.“There is no radiation on Kauai, so I had to fly to Honolulu [every day for six weeks] for treatment. The last two weeks of my treatment, I felt so exhausted, I paid to stay in a hotel so I didn’t have to fly back and forth.” For information or to make a donation, email hipac@cancer.org or call 595-7500. ■ -@JohnSafran (Australian documentary maker), Feb. 29, 2012 jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso vent any problems. “Green Machine Light Engine LEDs are manufactured in the US,” says Daniel Dull, owner of Pacific Green Lighting Systems. “We are an LED company first, not a lighting fixture company that has started to sell LEDs.” GMLE manufactures LEDs in Santa Clara, California and is partnered with Philips Lumileds and National Semiconductor, both of which are located in Silicon Valley. The LEDs they manufacture come with a seven-year warranty. For more information on LEDs call Pa-

TWEET of the WEEK “@dicko4545 @anuheayagi @mauitime I’m going to Maui. Everyone in Carlisle Street, East St Kilda, just thinks I’m a jerk.”

To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1537n3

NEWS&VIEWS

NEWS OF THE WEIRD BY CHUCK SHEPARD

RAPPING WITH JESUS! Part-time Devon, England, vicar Gavin Tyte, who serves churches in Uplyme and Axmouth, recently produced a rap video of the Nativity, in which he plays a shepherd, an angel and the narrator. Sample lyrics (about Mary placing her baby in a cattle trough and angels calming the frightened shepherds): “No hotel, motel, custom baby-changer / She wrapped the baby up and laid him in a manger” and “Chill out, my friends, there’s no need for trepidation / Got a message for the world, and it’s elation information.”

GOVERNMENT IN ACTION! Apparently, not only will there be fewer overall resources for disabled people in Greece (due to government austerity), but the resources will be spread over a larger number of recipients. The Labor Ministry in January expanded the category of eligible “disabled” (with reduced-amount payments) to include pyromaniacs, compulsive gamblers, fetishists, sadomasochists, pedophiles, exhibitionists and kleptomaniacs. The National Confederation of Disabled People said the changes would inevitably reduce funds available for the blind and the crippled and other traditional categories of need.

GOVERNMENT INACTION! In February, Kenneth Gunn, of the U.K.’s Scottish Borders Council, decried the budget cutbacks that closed down local offices that had previously posted marriage notices. By making it more difficult for the public to be aware of specific marriages, Gunn feared an inevitable increase in incest. “I am aware in my own ward of brothers sitting beside sisters they do not know in primary school.” (The problem is more serious in Iceland, whose 300,000 people are far more self-contained. However, a new website containing genealogical data back 1,200 years is expected to help reduce the risk of incest.)

BUT, WHY? Two British designers (who claim they had the idea independently and learned of the other only after they finished) recently produced elegant pieces using parts from a 2012 Ford Focus. Judy Clark made a dress and a biker jacket adorned with car keys, radio and dashboard components, seat covers, a speedometer and red taillights. Katherine Hawkins created a necklace using dials, springs, buttons, seat materials and instrument panel switches. And Swiss artist Christoph Buchel has now secured local permits to bury a Boeing 727 38 feet under a patch of California’s Mojave Desert, near Bakersfield. Visitors will take a tunnel down in order to tour the 153-foot-long plane.

GREAT ART! In February, a German court awarded artist

Stefan Bohnenberger the equivalent of about $2,600 from the Munich gallery that had previously housed his work, “Pommes d’Or,” which consisted of two ordinary french fries contrasted with two golden-leafed ones. The gallery returned the golden-leafed ones but claimed it could not find the ordinary fries, and, anyway, pointed out that they were nothing but old french fries.

POLICE BLOTTER Police officers are of course generally forbidden to engage in sex acts in order to gather evidence. Thus, a scandal erupted in the U.K. in January when The Guardian revealed that two undercover officers had fathered children (to enhance their credibility) while infiltrating protest groups beginning in the 1980s. After the two women learned in late 2011 who their kids’ fathers really were, they filed lawsuits against the responsible police agencies. (In Sydney, Australia, a state contractor operated under no such restriction when it hired a brothel inspector in January. Brothels are legal and regulated in Sydney, and if off-books facilities are providing sex illegally, the inspector can testify from first-hand knowledge.)

Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations, 200 words or less (which we reserve the right to edit), changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent, to “Eh Brah!” c/o MauiTime, 33 N. Market St, Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 or send an e-mail to

ehbrah@mauitime.com

S

eriously, brah: You and your girlfriend come out of the grocery store with a six-pack and head to your motorcycle. But before you hop on you take a beer out, then proceed to crumple up the bag and toss it on the sidewalk. What the Hell? There was a garbage can 10 feet from you?! Oh, I get it: you just have no respect for either the island or the people around you. I hope people walk by and just throw trash into your yard. You certainly deserve it. ■

THE PRICE IS RIGHT Ms. Khadijah Baseer was arrested in Los Angeles in January on suspicion of prostitution. According to several men, Baseer had opened their car doors in the drive-thru lane at a McDonald’s, offering them oral sex in exchange for Chicken McNuggets. And Misty Kullman, 25, was arrested for prostitution in Shelby, N.C., in January after police stopped a man who said Kullman performed an act for the agreed-upon price of $6. The man said he paid Kullman with a $2 bill, three $1’s and coins.

Illustration by Ron Pitts mauiartistronpitts.com

AWESOME! An elite squad of six Chinese soldiers, performing a training ritual for a public audience in Hong Kong in January, stood in a circle and passed a satchel of live grenades from man to man, counting down to the expected moment of explosion. At the last possible second, the man caught holding the satchel discards it, and all dive into a hole for protection. At the exhibition, according to Chinese Central Television, it worked out fine.

LEAST COMPETENT CRIMINALS An unidentified man fled and is still at large after attempting to break into the change machine at the Busy Bubbles laundromat in Winter Haven, Fla., in January. The surveillance video showed the man shooting at the machine four times with a handgun, but no money came out. And two men were arrested in Albuquerque in January after being caught in the act of a home burglary by a neighbor, who called the police. The men were apprehended with various burglarized goodies as they made their getaway in a grocery store shopping cart. ■ chuck@mauitime.com To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1537n4

MARCH 1, 2012

9

INVASIVE SCANS, INCOMPETENCE,

THEFT, RACIAL PROFILING IS IT TIME TO DETAIN TSA ?

By Jacob Shafer

O

n March 11, 2011, less than 24 hours after a tsunami devastated northeastern Japan, a Japanese tourist wearing a Hello Kitty backpack approached the security checkpoint at Kona International Airport. A TSA screener named Dawn Nikole Keka inspected the backpack, just as she had inspected countless others. Moments later, the tourist discovered that two $100 bills were missing from her wallet. The problem—for Keka at least—is that the “tourist” was actually an undercover agent. The $100 bills, which were later found crumpled in Keka’s pocket, were marked. Keka immediately lawyered up, according to a Department of Homeland Security affidavit, but did offer one plainly incriminating statement: “I just made a big mistake.”

W

It might not have been her first. Federal prosecutor Michael Song told the Honolulu StarAdvertiser that Keka dealt with “similar accusations” while working at a local bank. And on the day Keka was arrested, four other bills were found crammed in her pockets. How much, exactly, she swiped during her TSA tenure will likely never be known. Keka resigned and eventually pleaded guilty to misdemeanor theft, for which she received a two-month jail term. In the same Star-Advertiser piece, Song termed the entire incident a “public relations nightmare.” As it turned out, TSA was just getting started. Three months after Keka’s fateful “mistake,” TSA fired more than 30 employees at Honolulu International for failing to properly inspect checked baggage “during the last few months of 2010,” according to an official statement. It was the largest single disciplinary action in the agency’s history.

hen passenger John Tyner, armed with a cell-phone camera, admonished airport security in San Diego not to “touch his junk” in the autumn of 2010, it set off a social and media firestorm. Soon after, in time for the holidays, activists organized a loosely affiliated “national opt-out day” to protest the controversial Advanced Imaging Technology machines that saw through clothing to capture and transmit ghostly “nude” images. TSA assured the public that the scanners—which as of this writing are employed at more than 140 airports nationwide, including Honolulu and Lihue—were perfectly safe and secure. Still, some expressed concerns about privacy and health effects. (Last month, Hawaii Sen. Dan Akaka co-sponsored a bill that would require TSA to study possible radiation risks.) And many, including Tyner and his infamous junk, didn’t like the alternative—an intimate fullbody patdown. Tyner’s stand failed to spark violent revolt or shut down the nation’s tarmacs, but it did send a clear message: nearly a decade after 9/11, the American public had grown weary of checking their dignity, and perhaps even their Constitu-

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MARCH 1, 2012

The $100 bills, which were later found crumpled in [the TSA screener’s] pocket, were marked.

tional freedoms, along with their duffle bags. “TSA has implemented extremely intrusive new procedures and technologies that violate our standards of decency, as well as our fundamental right to privacy,” Hawaii ACLU attorney Laurie Temple told MauiTime shortly after “don’t touch my junk” morphed into a trending catchphrase. Continued Temple: “Every American wants to be safe when flying, [but] they also have limits; allowing the government to take naked pictures and touch our bodies just goes too far. Once we betray our values, we stop looking like a free America, and the terrorists win.”

I

nvasive airport security is so imbedded in our lives, it’s easy to forget that it’s a relatively recent phenomenon. TSA, more officially the Transportation Security Administration, has been around for less than decade in its current incarnation, under the expansive umbrella of Homeland Security. Formed in the wake of the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks, the agency was supposed to unify, streamline and tighten airport security, which was breached in a manner

both complete and devastating. By 2011, TSA’s annual budget had swelled to a robust $8.1 billion. What are we getting for our money? While TSA points to the number of contraband items confiscated and the fact that there hasn’t been another major airplane-based terror attack on the U.S. since 9/11, critics contend that the agency has strayed from its mission—offering, in the words of cryptologist and security expert Bruce Schneier, “security theater.” It’s impossible to prove whether TSA deserves credit for the lack of successful bombings or highjackings since 2001 (though it’s worth noting that both Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, aka “the underwear bomber,” and wouldbe shoe bomber Richard Reid were thwarted after breezing through security). What’s undeniable is the disturbing number of TSA employees who have been caught stealing, slacking and worse. To cite another recent Hawaii case: In December, TSA announced it was launching an investigation into alleged racial profiling of Mexican travelers at Honolulu International. According to a KITV report, officers known as “Mexicutioners” singled out Hispanics under the guise of TSA’s SPOT (Screening of Passengers By Observation Technique) program. Lawmakers were quick to pounce.

It’s impossible to prove whether TSA deserves credit for the lack of successful bombings or highjackings since 2001 (though it’s worth noting that both Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, aka “the underwear bomber,” and would-be shoe bomber Richard Reid were thwarted after breezing through security). Rep. Bennie Thompson of Mississippi, a ranking member of the Homeland Security Committee, told the AP that the case represented a “failure of both training and supervision.” TSA countered that it “in no way encourages or tolerates profiling.” Ironically, some of the agency’s staunchest detractors do exactly that. Kentucky Rep. Rand Paul—a Tea Party darling and son of presidential hopeful Ron Paul—recently tangled with TSA screeners in Nashville after refusing to submit to a patdown. Later, speaking with FOX News’ Greta Van Susteren, Paul suggested TSA should leave Congressmen alone and instead target another group. “I want to know where the Middle Eastern students are who are visiting our country,” said Paul. “Are they in class, are they going to class? If you’ve been to Yemen twice in the last six months, I want to know who you are.” Progressives and civil libertarians, naturally, find this idea

repellent. ACLU attorney Temple dismisses profiling out of hand, along with any other “system of mass suspicion.” “The first line of defense should be old-fashioned law enforcement and intelligence work,” she told us. “Evidencebased, targeted and narrowly tailored investigations…would be both more consistent with our values and more effective.”

O

n February 13, Sen. Charles Schumer of New York introduced a bill that would place “passenger advocates” at security checkpoints and clarify the process for filing complaints against TSA. In a release, Schumer’s office cited allegations by passengers claiming to have been subjected

Officers known as “Mexicutioners” singled out Hispanics under the guise of TSA’s SPOT (Screening of Passengers By Observation Technique) program.

to “inappropriate, suggestive and sexual behavior.” In one incident cited in the release, a female passenger at Dallas/ Fort Worth International said TSA agents, after viewing her nude-scan images, asked if she played tennis “because of her ‘cutie’ figure.” “While we must do everything we can to ensure the safety and security of our passengers, that is no excuse for TSA agents to act in ways [that] harass or make passengers uncomfortable,” said Schumer. “This legislation will finally force the TSA to give passengers what they deserve: someone they can turn to, on-site, when they believe they are being mistreated during the screening process.” Whether Schumer’s bill passes, let alone delivers on its promise, remains to be seen. When even TSA’s critics— who run the gamut from far-left liberals to dyed-in-the-wool libertarians—can’t agree on a solution, it’s hard to imagine sweeping reform is around the corner. Really, though, it all comes down to trust. TSA asks a lot of us: we remove our shoes, jump through hoops both literal and figurative, subject our children and grandmothers to intrusive, at times embarrassing scrutiny. In return, all we ask is that they operate with competence and integrity. That we can trust them. Unfortunately, the Dawn Nikole Kekas of the world— and the flawed if not broken system they serve—make that hard to do. ■ editor@mauitime.com

Comment on this story at mauitime.com To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1537L

TSA agents,

after viewing her nude-scan images, asked if she played tennis “because of her ‘cutie’ figure.” IMAGE COURTESY OF TSA.GOV

MARCH 1, 2012

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Maui’s Gone Adoboloco! Plus, how you can win a bottle of the spicy hot sauce! BY JEN RUSSO

I

t’s my first time standing in the Lokahi Kitchen, located behind Cafe O Lei on Market Street in Wailuku. Tim Parsons and his wife Summer, the founders of Adoboloco, are carefully bottling their jalapeno hot sauce. They start by making an exclusive amount of a test batch of an unrevealed super spicy version. “Do you know what a ghost pepper is?” Tim asks me. “Yep,” I say. Wearing rubber gloves, Tim gingerly deposits ghost pepper slivers into his original recipe Adoboloco bottles while my mouth waters. Ghost pepper, also known as the bhut jolokia, rates an unbelievable 1,050,000 units on Scoville scale, double the heat of the habanero. It’s considered the hottest pepper in the world. Now I’m a spicy aficionado, clamoring for ever hotter pangs of pepper on my palate. I desperately want to try this version but I also don’t want to seem overeager, so I hold back. I’m here for the original Adoboloco anyway. Adoboloco is a homegrown jalapeno hot pepper sauce. Of course, “homegrown” is almost an understatement. The Parsons and their three kids started a garden in Kihei as part of their homeschooling strategy and the jalapeno section really took off. In a push to

utilize the prolific growth, Tim played with a hot sauce recipe and ended up making history. “I started making larger and larger batches and couldn’t keep up with the requests,” Tim says. “At that point I knew it was time to go bigger. Now my immediate family is addicted to it, along with my extended family and friends. Seriously – one bottle will be drained by the end of a meal sometimes.” Tim originally made the home brewed hot sauce and bottled it in empty whiskey bottles that were lying

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around. But when his friends and family started requesting uesting their own bottles, he knew w he had d a hit on his hands. It’s also so not the e first time Tim has worked ed on a sauce. sa auce. “I had an idea about cre creating eating some products underr the AdoboloAd doboloco name,” he says. “The The best adobo a is pretty easy to cook ok but it takes a while to really master ster the flavor balance. So I originally nally wanted wa anted to create a true adobo (Filipino obo (Fili ipino Style) sauce that someone meone could co ould use for a quick adobo o meal. Just J cut up your choice off protein n or vegetables, throw in n the pan, pa an, pour on the sauce and have e a tasty meal in minutes. inutes. Unfortunately, I couldn’t uldn’t get the flavors right ht in the pre-mixed form m that would be shelf-stable. le. So I scrapped the product oduct idea and kept developing oping other adobo recipess and sharing them on my y blog [recipes.adoboloco.com].” om].” The jalapeno sauce ce has a nice spicy flavorr that doesn’t burn too heavy. avy. I like putting it on salads and veggies. I also substiubstitute it as part of the e vinegar in my vinaigrett rette. It’s great on proteinss and rice, adding a mouthwathwatering zing to plate lunch type dining. In fact, ct, it’s completely replaced d my love for Hawaiian chili hili pepper water, especially y given that hat those store bought versions are mostly MSG. Tim says he eats Adoboloco everyday and hasn’t gotten sick in over a year, attributing his health benefits to the chili in the sauce. You can find Adoboloco at Rodeo General Store in Kihei, Alive and Well in Kahului, Ono Gelato in Lahaina and online at recipes.adoboloco.com. In April they will start selling it at the Swap Meet in Kahului. If you order online from Maui Adoboloco, they’ll reimburse your shipping. Or you can win a bottle of Adoboloco! Just write a comment on our Mauidish blog (in three sentences or less) on why you should try a bottle of Adoboloco and you’ll be entered to win a free bottle! ■ jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso

Comment in 3 sentences or less why you should get a free bottle of adoboloco @ mauidish.com PROTIP: USE THE QR CODE SCANNER ON YOUR SMARTPHONE TO LEAVE A COMMENT NOW!

For more foodie news, visit MauiTime’s food blog at: mauidish.com Hand poured & saucey To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1537d1

MARCH 1, 2012

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FOOD&DRINK

Harbor Surprise Buzz’s Wharf in Maalaea gets new look, menu BY JEN RUSSO

Marla Braun-Miller

W

ith Maalaea Harbor in the midst of major reconstruction, iconic Buzz’s Wharf decided to do their own renovation. The result is a surprising new look. “We did the interior in a ‘Nantucket’ style rather than Hawaiian kitsch,” says marketing manager Emily Koenig. “It’s looking really great in here and we have gotten a lot of very positive feedback.” Buzz’s just celebrated 40 years on Maui. The interior now features new ash wood modern laminate flooring and new dark wood chairs. But it’s the lounge that underwent the biggest transformation. The old booths are gone, replaced with a new casual couch dining area. Still, modern updates and the East Coast inspiration aside, the restaurant still reflects considerable Polynesian influences through local art depicting island flora and fauna, Polynesians, boating and marine life.

With the remodel done, owner/manager Marla Marla Braun-Miller has had time to play with the menu. “We wanted to bring back some of our Tahitian roots,” she says. “I wanted to add more of our Hawaiian and Polynesian influences. The addition of ‘Poisson Cru’ Tahitian poke was perfect, and the steak frites can be ordered with sweet potato or breadfruit fries.” They were out of the breadfruit fries the day I visited but I will come back and try them. The poisson cru was phenomenal–a refreshing change from the usual poke dish, with a perfect coconut and lime balance and made with the attention to detail that you can expect at Buzz’s. Want

Buzz's Sliders

prawns and happy hour come this Thursday. Okolemaluna! ■ jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso

For more foodie news, visit MauiTime’s food blog at: mauidish.com To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1537d2

PHOTOS BY SEAN MICHAEL HOWER

Remodeled dining room

more than a starter portion? You can order it as a bowl with rice. The Sweet Prawns Tahitian is the house specialty, a recipe passed down through the family from the restaurant’s founder, French Tahitian Eileen MacDonald. The sweet Markea Prawns are imported from the Braun-Ortega farm in New Caledonia, where they can control “all phases of production” of this seafood. Its sweet meat is showcased in the new shrimp poke with tobiko and lemongrass aioli. The shrimp poke’s crunchy tobiko accent and seaweed salad garnish created perfect crunchy blasts of seafood, each with their own distinct flavor offering. The sweetness of the shrimp is urged out by the delicate perfumey citrus lemongrass essence in the aioli. But you will get to shrimp nirvana faster with the Markea prawns sampler, shrimp poke, coconut panko shrimp, prawn cocktail and beer batter prawns all in one dish. The sliders are another new offering on the menu with choices of pulled pork, fresh fish or tuna melt. The pulled pork is topped with killer fried onions and a mango barbecue sauce; it begs to be washed down with a Maui Brewing Company Bikini Blonde beer. The sliders are served on little French rolls, with the fish slider topped with a little coleslaw and the tuna melt smothered in cheddar. Buzz’s is also turning over a new leaf with Kanikapila Thursdays, which begin this Thursday. Special happy hour drinks and menu will be offered in the lounge from 3pm to 6:30pm starting March 1 with Tarvin Makia. On Mar. 8, Best of Maui winning entertainer Kanoa will play, with the rest of the month looking like this: Dane Fujiwara on Mar. 15, Francis Kamakaokalani on Mar. 22 and Kapali finishing out the month on Mar. 29. Kanikapila happy hour prices will be domestic bottled beer for $3, well cocktails at $4 and Margaritas on the rocks for $5. Pupu menu will feature 30 percent off on select items. These sweet additions make Maalaea look like the new destination for

Buzz's Pupu Sampler

MARCH 1, 2012

15

PICKS

DIVERSIONS, DALLIANCES & DATES BY ANU YAGI

THURSDAY, MARCH 1 MEET MAUI HANDS’ ARTISTS – Each week, each of Maui Hands’ four locations (Paia, Makawao, Lahaina and Kaanapali) host an afternoon with one of the galleries’ featured local artists. At these events, the artists spend a few hours in the gallery demonstrating technique and sharing processes with patrons. This month, meet multi-media artist Willow B. Norris (pictured: “Butterfly Dream IV - Magical Moonset”) in Makawao every Thu. from 11am-4pm; ceramicist Curt Stevens in Lahiana p ; oil-and watercolor artist Mort Luby in Pa’ia every Mon. from 1-4pm as well as everyy Fri. from 4-7pm;

in Kaanapali every Wed. from 4-7pm; and water color artist Amanda Scott in Makawao every Tue. from 2-6pm. Learn insights like that shared by Norris, who explains, “I was inspired to paint [“Butterfly Dream”] after I went to The Hyatt Regency, Kaanapali, initially to take photos of lotus flowers. There were no lotus flowers blooming that day; however, there were these gorgeous swans... Swans are symbolic on many levels... In my painting they represent the rising glory of a new day [and] the butterflies beautifully complete this symbology of transformation.” mauihands.com

FRIDAY, FR F R ID I DA AY Y, M Y, MA MARCH AR 2 MA MAUI TOWN PARTIES: WAILUKU FIR FIRST FRIDAY – Boogie woogie for you your health at this month’s Wailuku First Fri Friday (WFF), which partners with HMSA to bring you nonstop Zumba at the Banyan Tree Park. Plus, enjoy performances by Brian & Friends at the MauiThing mainstage, ass w ell as mainsta well mainstays Gene and Shea Argel outside Cafe O’L t outside t id 33 N O’Lei,i JJoell K Katz N. Market St., and The Usual Suspects at Main Street Bistro. Also, WFF is a great opportunity to check out the second of three weekends of Maui OnStage’s production of Grease, which begins at 7:30 (see our Da Kine Calendar for more details). Free. 6-9pm. Wailuku Town; mauifridays.com

RANDALL ROSPOND AND HIS (PRESUMABLY) ARMY OF CLONES – Boy howdy, I swear Randall Rospond’s secretly a mad ond scientist who’s invented a cloning machine. How else could he manage to gig nearly nightly (whether solo, with the Randall Rospond ry’s Trio or as the frontman of the Haiku Hillbillys), write and produce loads of albums, host his own radio show, and create a gallery’s and worth of kick-ass artwork? OK, the truth’s that he’s one of the hardest working, most dedicated and detail-oriented men on Maui–and his stellar work shows it. (Not to mention he’s as swell a guy as they come.) Rospond’s long-running weekly gigs include every Fri. at the South Shore Tiki Lounge (4-6pm), every Sat. at Makawao Steak House (6:30-8:30pm), every Tue. at Beach Bums (5-8pm), and every Wed. at Stella Blues Cafe (4-6pm). Plus, he’s at Flatbread Company every first Thu. (5:30-8pm), and hosts a show on Mana‘o Radio every first and third Sat. (10am-2pm). But this Fri. at the Tiki Lounge isn’t any ordinary happy hour set, as it’s also ed). the opening reception for his own solo fine art exhibition, which features his spectacularly imaginative multi-medium works (pictured). n the He’ll first rock his six string (4-6pm), then DJ his favorite grooves (6-9pm)–and all before hopping over to Three’s Bar & Grill to join e sure Haiku Hillbillys who headline with Oregon’s Conjugal Visitors (11m-1am). We’re not sure how he manages to do it all, but we’re s with glad he does! Art show: No cover. 4-9pm. South Shore Tiki Lounge (1913 S. Kihei Rd); 874-6444 / Haiku Hillbillys Conjugal Visitors: No cover. 9pm. Three’s Bar & Grill (1945 S. Kihei Rd.); 879-3133; randallrospond.com

SATURDAY, MARCH 3 “TURN IT UP N’ PUMP UP DA BASS LINE”: LiA LiVE WITH THE KRYPTONES – This Sat., LiA LiVE and The Kryptones celebrate the debut of their new single, “Day by Day a follow Day”–a follow-up to their track “On A One Way,” released last July. Lia’s musical passions were first nurtured at an early age in Panama City, Panam Panama, where she was born, and where her father was the conductor o of the Panama National Symphonic Orchestra and the Choir Musi Musica Viva. At the age of 14 she moved to Maui and atttended ten ded Kin King Kekaulike High School, whereupon graduation she be became part of the group Shuga which toured the isla lands from the on-isle hub f.k.a. Hapa’s to Oahu’s famed P Pipeline Cafe. As a solo artist, her work’s taken her to Los Angeles where she studied at Musicians Institute in Holly Hollywood and gigged on notable stages like Universal City W Walk’s Rumba Room, Sunset Strip’s House of Blues, and Long B Beach’s Vault 350. Don’t miss this sexy n’ spunky act that the Valley Is Islanders can be proud to call our own. $8. 10pm. Casanova (1188 Makawao M Ave.); 572-5220; seelialive.com

PHOTO BY JESSICA PEARL

OUR NEW FAVORITE SATIRIST, ALAN CLEMENTS, LAUNCHES HIS NEW BOOK – All you need to know about Alan Clements (former monk turned author for the spiritually affined) is contained in the first 40 seconds of his most-watched video on YouTube, titled “The Myth of Enlightenment - An interview with Alan Clements.” To save you the trouble of tiresome navigation, I’ve taken the liberty of transcribing Clements’s opening remarks: “I really feel I wrote a book to end all books on spirituality [Instinct for Freedom; 2002]. It’s a book about totally you are your Bible–live it. And if you need a reminding, I wrote a book about how I am my own Bible and that’s the only thing you need to follow–it’s the own beautiful, strange landscape of your own heart. There’s nothing wrong with being yourself. ure tour– Full stop.” Think that’s awesome? It gets better. The video then clips to bits from his “Spiritually Inclined” lecture wherein which he swears like a sailor and knocks his knees (what appears to be his hallmark groove), part of some sort of waggish new-age swagger. “I’m essentially an addict for dogma,” Clements says. “I have the dubious distinction of being the first American Buddhist monk in the country of Burma. Second most dubious distinction of sitting perhaps more meditative hours on my ass than anyone I’ve ever met... In breath, out breath. In breath, out ck, breath... In breath, out breath. In breath, out breath. And what do you think, like, the fucking insight was? Fuck, ng dude–you’re breathing!” Clements is on Maui hosting a dharma retreat (Feb. 29 through Mar. 4) and promoting his new book, A Future to Believe In–which, in the book’s video trailer, he describes as “a distillation of the [108] ars most important life lessons, encounters, conversations, quotations, thoughts and dreams and hopes and fears that I’ve encountered in my life of awakening over the last however many years.” $22 advance (online only)) / $25 door (cash only). 7:30pm. Studio Maui (810 Haiku Rd.); alanclements.com

SUNDAY, MARCH 4 SUNDAY DRIVE: ULUPALAKUA REMEMBERS – To help share and honor the myriad qualities of the Ulupalakua area and its people, the Ulupalakua Ranch hosts quarterly “Sunday Drive” events. Every Spring, the “Ulupalakua Remembers” event celebrates the rich heritage of Upcountry’s historic ranch land. “With so much history in this special area,” says Sumner Erdman, president of Ulupalakua Ranch, “one of our goals is always to continue sharing that legacy with you!” Falsetto master Uncle Richard Ho‘opi‘i headlines the live entertainment from 3-4pm, while another beloved Maui son, ‘ukulele virtuoso Derick Sebastian, takes the stage from 12:30-1:30pm. Plus, students from the Seabury Hall Hawaiian Ensemble will perform at 11am, followed by slack key guitarist Benny Uyetake, from 11:30-3pm, and college music professor and steel guitarist Joel Katz, from 1:45-2:45pm. More than music, there’s free wine tasting to enjoy at the winery’s King’s Cottage Tasting Room and juicy grinds like Kiawe-smoked Maui Cattle Co. brisket and Ulupalakua elk burgers, made available at the Ulupalakua Ranch Store. Free. 11am-4pm. Toll free: 1-877-878-6058; mauiwine.com / ulupalakuaranch.com

MANA’O RADIO’S UPCOUNTRY SUNDAYS ACOUSTIC STYLE CELEBRATES THE ALL-WEATHER FRIENDS CD RELEASE – We love Mana‘o radio (who doesn’t?)–a noncommercial, entirely community-supported, low-power FM station that’s mission is “to inform, educate, and entertain the Maui community with radio broadcasts of multicultural and community-related programming.” And, we love the station’s ongoing benefit showcase, Upcountry Sundays Acoustic Style, and often feature it in This Week’s Picks. But this month’s installment’s extra special as it celebrates the release of Dorothy Betz’s and Les Adam’s delightful and diverse new album, All-Weather Friends. Betz and Adam are the producers of Upcountry Sundays and Mana’o DJs, and their long-awaited follow up to their debit Drive On draws upon not only their superb talents, but the talents of the Mana‘o ‘ohana (some of Maui’s–and the world’s–finest). The album was produced by none other than the prodigious Vince Esquire, and features guest performances by Esquire, David Choy, John Cruz and Hutch Hutchinson (Bonnie Raitt’s bass player, among other illustrious credits). The CD release party guests include Esquire, co-producer Don Lopez and Eddie Tanaka. $7 donation. 2-5pm. Casanova (1188 Makawao Ave.); 572-5220; manaoradio.com

MONDAY, MARCH 5 MULTICULTURAL DRUM & DANCE CONFERENCE – Fri., Mar. 2 through hrough Mon., g to get Mar. 12. Miami Sound Machine famously foresaw that the rhythm is going e beat you. If this prediction’s proved true for you and you’ve been bitten by the bug, sign up for the Multicultural Drum & Dance Conference which startss this ri. and continues contin rum Fri. through next Mon. Held at the Y Camp Keanae, two drum enclasses and two-to-three dance classes (in the rhythmic traditions of SenH ered egal, Guinea, Congo, Haiti, Brazil, Cuba and Hawaii) will be offered

TUESDAY, MARCH 6 TUE MIDLIFE EXPLORATIONS THROUGH MOVEMENT AND CONVERSATION – Tuesdays, Mar. 6, 13, 20 & 27. All this boo-hoo business of “mid-life” and “quarter-life” crises ha never sat right with me. Mostly, it fails to recognize the “nickel-and dime-life” crises and has al manner of perennial “penny-life” crises. Nonetheless, here at MauiTime, we’ve lately felt all the crushing weight of our compounding years. So, our editor Anthony Pignataro’s taken up skateboa skateboarding, our art director Scrappers got an impromptu tattoo and yours truly crashed my friend’s motorcyc Point is: whatever stage of life crisis you’re in, we feel your pain. If you’re looking for an outlet, motorcycle. check out the Midlife Explorations free-form, four-week dance series which starts this Tue. and invites participa to “be moved and inspired by being middle-aged.” $99 (for all four classes). 6:30-8:30pm. participants Limited class size. For information and to register, visit move-and-be-moved.com

dail daily in the camp’s spacious hardwood-floored gym. The camp also provides organized and creative chil childcare, fireside fun during evenings and healthy meals prepared by renowned Maui chefs. $100 adult day rate (24 hours; 8am-8am) / $250 keiki rate (full camp, if with accompanying parent; ages 4-11) / $ $250 adult weekend rate (3pm Fri., Mar. 2 through 9am Sun., Mar. 4 or 3pm, Fri., Mar. 9 through 9am Sun., Mar. 11) / $400 teen rate (full camp, if with accompanying parent; ages 12-17) / $600 “vacationer” rate (includes everything but class participation) / $900 adult full camp rate. Kama‘aina rates available. To register, call Andy at 248-8355 or e-mail andy@ymcacampkeanae.org.

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 7 “FLUNK ‘EM IF THEY CAN’T TAKE A JOKE”: AMBROSIA SCREENS PCU (1994) – Seeing as March n of Red Carpet Mov Madness is officially upon us, Ambrosia’s registered for a collegiate theme for their March run Movie nights (held every Wed.). PCU’s sort of the old school Old School, done in the tradition of Animal House er of and Revenge of the Nerds, and its plot is replete with the parody and outright slaughter excessive political correctness (e.g. “The Order of Balls and Shaft” is meant to mock Yale’ss Skull and Bones society). Plus, PCU stars Jon Favreau and David Spade, the soundtrackk boasts everything from Jimi Hendrix to Henry Rollins to Prince to the Mudhoneys covering Elmeo. vis Costello, meanwhile George Clinton and The Parliament Funkadelic have a concert cameo. Need we say more? No, but we will add two words: free popcorn. No cover. 7:30pm. Ambrosia Martini Lounge (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 891-1011; ambrosiamaui.com

MARCH 1, 2012

17

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18

MARCH 1, 2012

PICKS BY ANU YAGI

REQUESTS

The grass is always greener in the blue

BY KEO EATON Photo by JamieVanBuhler

3

4 5 6 7

2 1

8 9 10 11

8 out of

11

CHILDISH GAMBINO Camp (Glassnotes Records; 2011) The Bay Bridge (which connects California’s rough city of Oakland with its peaceloving city of San Francisco) is a lot like Childish Gambino’s debut album, Camp (Glassnote Records; released Nov. 15, 2011). Gambino’s rap stylings bridge ghetto and hipster in way that can only be described as quintessentially hipster-hop. Though some of the slower, saccharin tracks on Camp are skip-able, I can’t deny the fact he’s got mad skills; and the album’s otherwise loaded with turn ‘em up tunes from the bouncy beats of “Heartbeat” and “Sunrise” to heavy hits like

Greensky Bluegrass Sat., Mar. 3, 9:30pm, Charley’s Restaurant & Saloon (142 Hana Hwy., Paia; 579-8085); $20

A

fellow writer once told me that regional music is an auricular reflection of the land that birthed it; that cities breed grime and geometric edge while seaside places like Hawaii are home to sounds that sparkle and roll like waves. So when reflecting on bluegrass, we can’t help but hear in it the undulating, pullulating Mainland expanse, both its call to wilderness retreat and its push toward the horizon. By name alone, the group Greensky Bluegrass evokes nationalistic, nostalgic imagery of earth and air–and their music, with its classic combo of dobro, banjo, guitar, upright bass and mandolin, accomplishes this tenfold. When it comes to the newgrass genre, few bands can balance feisty rock progressiveness with keeping true to endearing tradition like Greensky Bluegrass.

“Bonfire” and “Backpacker.” His lyrics don’t shy away from teasing any refraction of the rap spectrum–and before I could label him a suburban version of Drake, his smart-ass, self deprecating lyrics beat me to it. The line “Why does every black actor gotta rap?” from the song “Bonfire” had me laughing outloud–mostly because Gambino (whose real name is Donald Glover) is more famous for his role as Troy Barnes on the NBC show Community. There’s nothing I love more than someone who can joke about themselves (if nothing else, so I don’t have to), and my own ghetto/hipster hybrid ass is excited to see what this kid comes out with next. All albums reviewed in this space are available at Maui’s only record store, Requests (10 N. Market St., Wailuku, 244-9315)

And for their efforts, this Michigan-based quintet has, over the last 11 years, earned some rather illustrious ink. Rolling Stone recently reviewed last fall’s famed Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Festival (an event that’s star-laden with the likes of Robert Plant, Emmy Lou Harris and Del McCoury) and selected Greensky to convey the essence of the event, saying, “The true spirit of the festival was most embodied by a group of upstarts... Much like the festival itself, Greensky are hardly strictly bluegrass and, yet, they’re representing the genre for a whole new generation.” Meanwhile, Montana/ Wyoming’s Billings Gazette says their music’s “like a breath of mountain air” and Ohio’s Columbus Dispatch raves their “recorded work reveals that the band’s obvious chemistry is bolstered by complex melodies and layered vocals whose delicately entwined sum seems almost intrinsic.” The band will gig this Sat. (Mar. 3) at Charley’s and patrons can expect at least two things: 1) a full house–their sound’s perfect for everyone from homesick haoles to local country kids–and 2) some surprises; as LA Bluegrass points out, “how many bands can transform Prince’s ‘When Doves Cry’ into a joyous, twelve minutes of string-pickin’ jam rock?” So make your way to the North Shore this weekend and prepare to be transported. ■ anu@mauitime.com To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1537p

MARCH 1, 2012

19

FILM

Laying A Green Egg Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax will delight kids, but few others BY BARRY WURST II Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax

★★★★★

Rated PG/94 Min.

I

t’s not too much to ask for a children’s film to be appealing to adults as much as their keiki and for a family movie to have a good message. The latest Dr. Seuss adaptation, The Lorax, will be a delight for children but a patience tester for many parents and an eye roller for those who don’t like CGI family films that are obnoxious and in-your face. The introductory scenes are promising, as we’re introduced to a world in which everything is literally plastic. The idea is visually more fun than you’d expect, as characters blow up fake trees the way you’d inflate a bicycle tire. All of the CGI is beautiful, saturated in color and detail, but we’re getting to the point that computer effects are so predictably immaculate and intricately detailed, most middle of the road or even bad movies have passable CGI.

The title character is a furry, orange and friendly creature who is a friend of the trees and voiced by Danny DeVito. He befriends a young boy named Ted (voiced by Zac Efron), who is trying to win over his neighborhood crush (voiced by Taylor Swift). Ted discovers that the artificial town he lives in is a facade and that the real world surrounding it is in danger of losing their environmental landscape. By taking the advice of a mysterious storyteller (voiced by Ed Helms), Ted learns the importance of caring for the land you call your home. I’m a huge fan of DeVito, both as an actor and director, but nothing about his vocal performance or his walrus-mustached role will stay with you. In fact, I never cared about any of these characters, who are all generic and predictable (starting with Ted, less interesting than even Efron’s High School Musical character). It’s no surprise that Betty White is playing a hipper-than-hip Grandma, a concept funnier and slightly fresher when Glenn Close did the same thing in Hoodwinked! There’s also a whole subplot, involving company-controlled fresh air, lifted from Spaceballs. There is a right approach and need for environmental and socially conscious messages

Nice stache!

in children’s films, with Wall-E providing a strong example. Here, the hug-a-tree scenes become so heavy handed, I wondered if the movie would ever start being fun again. A scene of cute teddy bears and magical beings making a morose, mass exit from their homes is a real bummer. The title character comes off at times like a hairier, tinier Al Gore and the third act is so slap-you-acrossthe-face message heavy, you’d think it were Happy Feet 3. There’s also a villain, voiced by the usually reliable Rob Riggle, who is so visually unpleasant that he’s not enjoyably hiss-able but a genuinely hateful target of short jokes. Then there’s the music numbers, which you’ll forget the moment the singing stops, and the stale gags, which are typical of a

moment where White’s Grandma makes an “L” sign on her forehead and yells out “loser!” How very 1999. The directors of the equally chaotic, irritatingly “hip” hit Despicable Me made this one as well. Even with Seuss’ name in the title, this is more like the Jim Carrey Grinch than the adorable CGI Horton Hears a Who. I suspect Seuss wouldn’t care for how most recent movies based on his works are crammed with aggressively glib, sitcom-level humor and acting. Kids may enjoy it and the 3-D effects impress but this is more “talk to the hand!” than “oh, the places you will go” or “I like green eggs, Sam I am.” ■ To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1537f

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Showtimes FRONT STREET THEATER 900 Front Street, Lahaina, 249-2222 (Matinees) Act of Valor - R - THU (4:15), 7:05, 9:30. FRI (1:40, 4:15), 7:05, 9:30. SAT-SUN (1:40), 4:15, 7:05, 9:30. MON-WED (4:15), 7:05, 9:30. The Artist - PG 13 - FRI (1:45, 4:15), 6:55, 9:20. SAT-SUN (1:45), 4:15, 6:55, 9:20. MON-WED (4:15), 6:55, 9:20. This Means War - PG 13 - THU (4:20), 6:45, 9:15. FRI (1:50, 4:20), 6:45, 9:15. SAT-SUN (1:50), 4:20, 6:45, 9:15. MON-WED (4:20), 6:45, 9:15. The Vow - PG 13 - THU (4:15), 6:55, 9:20. Wanderlust - R - THU (4:00), 7:00, 9:30. FRI (1:30, 4:00), 7:00, 9:30. SAT-SUN (1:30), 4:00, 7:00, 9:30. MON-WED (4:00), 7:00, 9:30.

MAUI MALL MEGAPLEX Maui Mall, 249-2222 (Matinees) The Artist - PG 13 - THU (2:00, 4:15), 6:40, 9:00. FRI (11:50, 2:00, 4:15), 6:40, 9:00. SATSUN (11:50, 2:00), 4:15, 6:40, 9:00. MON-WED (2:00, 4:15), 6:40, 9:00. Big Miracle - PG - THU (1:55, 4:20), 6:50, 9:25. FRI (11:30, 1:55, 4:20), 6:50, 9:25. SAT-SUN (11:30, 1:55), 4:20, 6:50, 9:25. MON-WED (1:55, 4:20), 6:50, 9:25. Chronicle - PG 13 - THU (2:50, 5:00), 7:20, 9:30. THU (1:55, 4:20), 6:50, 9:25. FRI (12:35, 2:50, 5:00), 7:20, 9:40. SAT-SUN (12:35, 2:50), 5:00, 7:20, 9:40. MON-WED (2:50, 5:00), 7:20, 9:40. MON-WED (2:50, 5:00), 7:20, 9:40. The Descendants - R - THU-FRI (1:35, 4:30), 7:05, 9:50. SAT-SUN (1:35), 4:30, 7:05, 9:50. MON-WED (1:35, 4:30), 7:05, 9:50. Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax (2D) - PG - FRI (11:45, 1:55, 4:05), 6:15, 8:25. SAT-SUN (11:45, 1:55), 4:05, 6:15, 8:25. MON-WED (1:55, 4:05), 6:15, 8:25. Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax (3D) - PG - FRI (12:15, 2:25, 4:35), 6:45, 8:55. SAT-SUN (12:15, 2:25), 4:35, 6:45, 8:55. MON-WED (2:25, 4:35), 6:45, 8:55. Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2D) - PG 13

WHERE AND WHEN TO WATCH WHAT BY ANU YAGI

- THU (2:05, 2:35, 4:55), 6:45, 7:10, 9:35. FRI (4:55). SAT-SUN 4:55. Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (3D) - PG 13 - THU (4:25), 9:05. FRI-SUN (12:10, 2:35), 7:10, 9:35. MON-WED (2:35), 7:10, 9:35. MON-WED (4:55). Gone - PG 13 - THU (2:20, 4:40), 7:00, 9:20. FRI (12:00, 2:20, 4:40), 7:00, 9:20. SAT-SUN (12:00, 2:20), 4:40, 7:00, 9:20. MON-WED (2:20, 4:40), 7:00, 9:20. Hugo (3D) - PG - THU-FRI (1:30, 4:10), 6:55. SAT-SUN (1:30), 4:10, 6:55. MON-WED (1:30, 4:10), 6:55. Man On A Ledge - PG 13 - THU 9:40. Star Wars: Episode 1 - The Phantom Menace (2D) - PG - THU (2:30, 5:30), 8:30. Star Wars: Episode 1 - The Phantom Menace (3D) - PG - FRI-WED 9:30. Tyler Perry’s Good Deeds - PG 13 - THU (2:10, 4:45), 7:15, 10:00. FRI (11:40, 2:10, 4:45), 7:15, 9:55. SAT-SUN (11:40, 2:10), 4:45, 7:15, 9:55. MON-WED (2:10, 4:45), 7:15, 9:55. Wanderlust - R - THU (2:40, 5:05), 7:30, 9:55. FRI (12:05, 2:40, 5:05), 7:30, 10:00. SAT-SUN (12:05, 2:40), 5:05, 7:30, 10:00. MON-WED (2:40, 5:05), 7:30, 10:00. The Woman in Black - PG 13 - THU (2:45, 5:10), 7:25, 9:45. FRI (12:20, 2:45, 5:10), 7:25, 9:45.

SAT-SUN (12:20, 2:45), 5:10, 7:25, 9:45. MONWED (2:45, 5:10), 7:25, 9:45.

KA’AHUMANU 6 Queen Ka’ahumanu Shopping Center, 1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: every day until 4pm) Act of Valor - R - THU 10:45, 1:00, 3:15, 5:30, 7:45. FRI-SAT 11:00, 1:45, 4:20, 7:00, 9:30. SUN-WED 11:00, 1:45, 4:20, 7:00. Journey 2: The Mysterious Island (2D) - PG THU 10:30, 5:15. FRI-SAT 10:30, 5:15, 9:45. SUN-WED 10:30, 5:15. Journey 2: The Mysterious Island (3D) - PG THU-WED 12:45, 3:00, 7:30. Project X - R - FRI-SAT 11:00, 1:10, 3:20, 5:30, 7:35, 9:50. SUN-WED 11:00, 1:10, 3:20, 5:30, 7:35. Safe House - R - THU 11:40, 2:10, 4:40, 7:10, 9:45. The Secret World of Arietty - G - THU 10:20, 12:30, 2:40, 4:50, 7:00. FRI-SAT 10:30, 12:40, 2:50, 5:00, 7:10, 9:25. SUN-WED 10:30, 12:40, 2:50, 5:00, 7:10. This Means War - PG 13 - THU 10:25, 12:40, 2:55, 5:10, 7:25. FRI-SAT 10:45, 1:00, 3:15, 5:30, 7:45, 10:00. SUN-WED 10:45, 1:00, 3:15, 5:30, 7:45. The Vow - PG 13 - THU 10:30, 12:50, 3:10,

PROJECT X - R - Fantasy - This is The Blair Witch Project of pubescent delusion. To give you an idea of its ethos, this flick’s open casting call for unknown so-called actors required applicants to share their most embarrassing stories and dance moves. 88 min.

1819 South Kihei Road, 1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: every day until 4pm) Act of Valor - R - THU 1:20, 3:40. 6:05, 8:35. FRISAT 11:00, 11:20, 3:50, 6:05, 8:35, 10:45. SUN 11:00, 1:20, 3:40, 6:05, 8:35. MON-WED 1:00, 3:40, 6:05, 8:35. The Artist - PG 13 - FRI-SAT 11:00, 1:25, 3:45, 6:10, 8:20, 10:40. SUN 11:00, 1:25, 3:45, 6:10, 8:20. MON-WED 1:25, 3:45, 6:10, 8:20. Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax (2D) - PG - FRI-SAT 11:15, 1:30, 3:50, 6:00, 8:05, 10:20. SUN 11:15, 1:30, 3:50, 6:00, 8:05. MON-WED 1:30, 3:50, 6:00, 8:05. Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2D) - PG 13 THU 1:35, 3:55, 6:10, 8:30. Safe House - R - FRI-SAT 11:10, 1:45, 4:15, 7:00, 10:00. SUN 11:10, 1:45, 4:15, 7:00. MONWED 1:00, 3:30, 6:00, 8:30. This Means War - PG 13 - THU 1:00 3:50, 6:15, 8:25. The Vow - PG 13 - THU 1:25, 3:45, 6:00, 8:20.

658 Front Street, 249-2222 (Matinees) Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax (2D) - PG - FRI (1:00, 3:45), 6:45, 9:15. SAT-SUN (1:00), 3:45, 6:45, 9:15. MON-WED (1:00, 3:45), 6:45, 9:15. Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2D) - PG 13 THU (1:30, 4:00), 7:00, 9:30. Journey 2: The Mysterious Island (2D) - PG THU (1:15, 4:15), 7:05, 9:30. FRI (1:15, 4:00), 7:00, 9:30. SAT-SUN (1:15), 4:00, 7:00, 9:30. MON-WED (1:15, 4:00), 7:00, 9:30. Project X - R - FRI (1:30, 4:15), 7:15, 9:35. SATSUN (1:30), 4:15, 7:15, 9:35. MON-WED (1:30, 4:15), 7:15, 9:35. Safe House - R - THU (1:45, 4:30), 7:10, 9:45.

Project X

THIS MEANS WAR - PG 13 - Action/Romantic Comedy - A tale of two best buddies (Chris Pine and Tom Hardy) who are both CIA agents–and both dating the same conniving blond (Reese Witherspoon). 98 min. TYLER PERRY’S GOOD DEEDS - PG 13 - Romance/Drama - If Tyler Perry really wanted to do a good deed, he’d stop torturing us with his movies. 111 min.

Inuits and the Russian millitary save a trio of whales trapped under miles of ice. 107 min.

The Invention of Hugo Cabret. Starring Ben Kingsley, Sacha Baron Cohen and Jude Law. 127 min.

CHRONICLE - PG 13 - Action/Horror - This movie is proof-positive that three egomaniacal high school boys (wait, is that redundant?) with telekinetic superpowers is the stuff of pure horror. Dane DeHaan, Alex Russell and Michael B. Jordan star. 83 min.

JOURNEY 2: THE MYSTERIOUS ISLAND - PG - Fantasy/Family - “This is a dopey adventure romp with truly terrible dialogue,” writes Barry Wurst II. Dwane “The Rock” Johnson, Josh Hutcherson, Vanessa Hudgens, Luis Gzman and Michael Caine star. 94 min.

THE DESCENDANTS - R - Drama/Comedy Whoa–Batman is a Kaua’i land baron descendent of Hawaiian royalty?! 115 min.

ACT OF VALOR - R - Action - A War on Terror film starring actors and actual active duty US Navy SEALs and Special Warfare Combatant Crewmen. 101 min.

GHOST RIDER: SPIRIT OF VENGEANCE - PG 13 - Action/Fantasy - Last April, Nicholas Cage was arrested in New Orleans and charged with domestic violence and public drunkenness–and Duane “Dog” Chapman’s company wrote Cage’s $11,000 bail bond. Sure, Cage is crazy–enough to have once owned several castles–but let’s give him the benefit of the doubt by saying he wasn’t really beating his wife, but simply researching his role as the Devil’s bounty hunter for this Marvel movie sequel. 98 min.

THE ARTIST - PG 13 - Romance - A silent film star grapples with his waning fame as newfangled “talkies” become all the rage. 100 min.

GONE - PG 13 - Thriller - Face it: if you see this movie it’s only because you wanna oggle at Amanda Seyfried. Hey, man–we ain’t judgin’. 94 min.

BIG MIRACLE - PG - Family - The guy who plays “Jim” from The Office, Drew Barrymore, Arctic Circle

HUGO - G - Family - Based on American author Brian Selznick’s gorgeous, Caldecott-winning book,

NOW SHOWING

KUKUI MALL

WHARF CINEMA CENTER

NEW THIS WEEK DR. SUESS’ THE LORAX - R - Horror - Green washing goes to Hollywood with another bastardization of Seussian genius; of what’s meant for the unadulterated page. Here’s the revised plot: Friend of the paper Zac Efron (true story) stars as Ted, a boy who lives in an all-artificial town of Thneed-Ville. The apple of his eye, played by Taylor Swift, pines to see a real tree. To win her affection, Ted sets off to find a leafy leviathan of the land. Along the way he meets the Once-ler (Ed Helms) who relays the story of the Lorax (Danny De Vito) and finally battles the greedy mayor of Thneed-Ville (Rob Riggle). See This Week’s Film Critique for more. PS: Remember, supporters of Tim & Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie must boycott The Lorax! 94 min.

5:30, 7:50. FRI-SAT 10:30, 12:50, 3:10, 5:30, 7:50, 10:10. SUN-WED 10:30, 12:50, 3:10, 5:30, 7:50.

SAFE HOUSE - R - Action/Thriller - Ryan “Wrap” Reynolds stars as a CIA agent who must blitz his way across South Africa–with a fugitive (Denzel Washington) in his charge–after the safe house he’s been guarding is attacked by rebel soldiers. 115 min. THE SECRET WORLD OF ARIETTY - G - Animated - Barry Wurst II writes, “Arrietty Clock and her father, Pod, are quietly creeping into a home that isn’t theirs, on a mission to steal a blcok of sugar and tissue paper. It sounds easy and peculiar enough, with the exception of a key detail: the Clocks are no taller than your index finger...” 94 min. STAR WARS: EPISODE 1 - THE PHANTOM MENACE - PG - Space Opera - Re-released in 3D, the Sith’s double-bladed light saber never looked so good. If only it killed Jar Jar Binks... 136 min.

THE VOW - PG 13 - Romance - Turns out, if you’re young and sexy like Rachel McAdams and Channing Tatum, even coma-induced memory loss won’t keep you from doing the horizontal tango. 104 min. WANDERLUST - R - Romantic Comedy - Paul Rudd and Jennifer Aniston star as a Manhattan couple who suddenly find themselves unemployed and living in a rurual, free-love commune. 98 min. THE WOMAN IN BLACK - PG 13 - Horror - A scary, scorned ghost lady haunts a house and blah blah blah... Look, all I care about is that this is Daniel Radcliffe’s first big film since you-know-what–which means I’m finally a small step away from being a paedophilic creep for thinking Harry Potter’s hot. 95 min.

LAST CHANCE MAN ON A LEDGE - PG 13 - Thriller - Why’s it that, in movies, whenever an innocent man’s been wrongfully framed, he’s got to run around committing a bunch of crimes just to prove he’s innocent? Starring Sam Worthington and Jamie Bell. 102 min. UNDERWORLD: AWAKENING - R - Fantasy Kate Beckinsale returns as Selene, a vampire warrioress who does a bunch of vampire warrioress stuff. 88 min. ■

MARCH 1, 2012

21

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MARCH 1, 2012

BIG SHOWS “FIRST PERSON: SEEING AMERICA” WITH ENSEMBLE GALILEI, NPR’S NEAL CONAN AND ACTRESS LILY KNIGHT – Fri., Mar. 2. Featuring photographs from the collection of The Metropolitan Museum–of rural Americans and events that have shaped our nation–this innovative project combines images, words and live music to help tell the story of our country. The voices of National Public Radio’s Neal Conan and actress Lily Knight help bring the people, places and events to life through poetry and prose, augmented by Celtic chamber music by Ensemble Galilei. $12 / $28 / $38. 7:30pm. Castle Theater, MACC (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 242 SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org JAKE SHIMABUKURO – Sat., Mar. 3. You already know that Hawaii’s own Jake Shimabukuro’s mastered lightning licks and an effervescent stage presence, revolutionizing the way the ‘ukulele’s understood worldwide. Now, all you need to do is get tickets to his show. $12 / $35 / $45. 7:30pm. Castle Theater, MACC (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org PIANIST SOYEON LEE – Sun., Mar. 4. Soyeon Lee, a native of South Korea–and first place winner at the prestigious 2010 Nuremberg Piano Competition–has been hailed by the New York Times as a pianist with “a huge, richly varied sound, a lively imagination and a firm sense of style.” While at The Juilliard School, Lee won every award granted to a pianist, and is currently pursuing her Doctorate of Musical Arts in New York. $12 / $30 / $40. 5pm. Castle Theater, MACC (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 242 SHOW (7469); mauiarts. org ALOHA IN ACTION HOSTS A FUNDRAISER FOR JAPANESE TSUNAMI SURVIVORS – Mon., Mar. 5. To help support our friends in Japan’s “ability to determine safe places to build homes, create farms and grow safe foods,” the Aloha in Action group is raising money to purchase Geiger counters, a type of particle detector that measures ionizing radiation ($799 ea.). This concert fundraiser features performances by Lei’ohu Ryder and Maydeen Iao, lively dance by the Inzai Dance Troupe of Maui and Japan, sacred Indian Odissi dance by Sarala Dandekar and Akari Ueoka, plus shakuhachi flute music by “K.” Be sure to arrive early and enjoy ono grinds, a silent auction and more. $15. 6:308:30pm. Studio Maui (810 Haiku Rd.); 5759390; thestudiomaui.com

STAGE PROARTS PRESENTS AGATHA CHRISTIE’S “THE MOUSETRAP” – Last chance! Thu., Fri., Sat. & Sun., Mar. 1-4. M. Night Shyamalan ain’t got nothin’ on Agatha Christie, as “The Mousetrap” is famous for its twist ending–of which audiences are asked not to reveal. So if you’re a spoiler-lover, you’re just going to have to bite your tongue. This no-tell tradition has been kept since the play’s 1952 debut in London’s West End (where it’s been

running continuously for upwards of 25,000 shows–the longest-running of any show, of any sort, in known history). Locally, “The Mousetrap” is directed by Kirsti Scott, produced by Jonathan Lehman and stars Dylan Bode, Dale Button, Felicia Chernicki, Mark Collmer, Chris and Jennifer Rose, Rose Roselinsky, and Frances Tau’a. Plus, the uber talented team of Sarah Loney, Caro Walker and Bonnie Prucha are responsible for the 1950s costumes, period scenery and suspenseful lighting, respectively. $20 adults / $15 students 18-years-old and younger / $15 kama’aina nights (Thu., Feb. 23 and Thu., Mar. 1). 7:30pm Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays / 3pm Sundays. ProArts Playhouse [Azeka (Makai) Shopping Center, 1280 S. Kihei Rd.); 463-6550; proartspacific.com MAUI ONSTAGE PRESENTS “GREASE” – Fri., Sat., & Sun., Feb. 24-26, Mar. 3-4 and Mar. 9-11. Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey–don’t miss Maui OnStage’s production of Grease (by Warren Casey and Jim Jacobs), directed by New York guest director/choreographer, Brian Swasey. Tickets available through the Maui OnStage box office, at If the Shoe Fits (Wailuku) or Lava Java (Kihei). Dinner packages available through Cafe O’Lei and Bistro Casanova. $15 / $22 / $40. 7:30pm Fridays and Saturdays. 3pm Sundays. Iao Theater (68 N. Market St., Wailuku); 242-6969; mauionstage.com ‘ULALENA – Mon-Fri. A nonpareil portal to Hawaiian history and kanaka maoli lore; what ‘Ulalena accomplishes–five nights a weeks for 12 years strong–is without a doubt the most powerful cultural education available for our visitors (and ourselves). Rich with tradition while sublimely contemporary, it’s a clean, consistent and critical contribution by Hawaii about Hawaii, for the world. Mahalo ke akua!. Starting at $24.50 keiki / $59.50 adults. Dinner and VIP packags available. 6:30pm. Maui Theatre, fka Maui Myth & Magic Theatre, built specifically for ‘Ulalena (Old Lahaina Center, 878 Front St., Lahaina); 1-877-688-4800; mauitheatre.com

TICKETS ON SALE STARRY NIGHT CINEMA SCREENS “CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND” (1977) – Fri., Mar. 9. This month, the MACC and Maui Film Festival presents an event showcasing Steven Spielberg’s epic science fiction adventure, projected on a giant screen in Yokouchi Pavilion. Bring a blanket or beach chair to relax on the A&B Amphitheater lawn and enjoy casual dining, drink specials, and live music. Sponsored by County of Maui with support from H. Hawai’i Media. Free 5:30pm gates / 7pm. A&B Amphitheater / Yokouchi Pavilion, MACC (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 242 SHOW (7469); mauiarts. org OVERTONE IN CONCERT– Fri., Mar. 9. This six-member a cappella group (which sings in four languages, English, Zulu, Afrikaans and a bit of Hindi) from Johannesburg, South Africa was discovered by Dina and Clint Eastwood in 2009, and became famous in America after recording the soundtrack for “Invictus.” (Note: This event will be filmed for TV broadcast.)

$25 / $45 VIP (includes meet-and-greet with artists after the show). 7:30pm. McCoy Studio Theater, MACC (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 242 SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org DJ MARQUES WYATT – Sat., Mar. 10. World-renowned DJ Marques Wyatt and “conscious dance facilitator” Amara Pagano are joining forces to present “RITUAL Maui,” a rhythmic healing journey through music and sacred dance. Open to everyone, this workshop invites you to go within and discover your own unique moving meditation. $15 advance / $20 door. 7:30-9:30pm. Studio Maui (810 Haiku Rd., Haiku); 575-9390 SIGN UP NOW: VOLUNTEER IN HALEAKALA CRATER – Sat. through Mon., Mar. 1012. Join Friends of Haleakala National Park’s efforts to care for the crater’s native vegetation and stay two nights for free in Kapalaoa Cabin. Since all work and no play makes for a dull adventure, the group provides plenty of free time to enjoy hiking and wilderness relaxation. To register or for more information, visit fhnp. org or call 264-4757. ROTARY CLUB OF WAILUKU’S LOBSTERFEST 2012 WITH PHILLIP SMITH AND THE GENTLEMEN OF JAZZ – Sun., Mar. 11. Support the Rotary Club of Wailuku’s community initiatives at their LobsterFest 2012, a casual, New Orleans-style event, headlined by the Dixieland band Phillip Smith & The Gentlemen of Jazz, featuring the vocals of Ellen Belarose. Plus, enjoy spiced lobsters, dirty rice and New Orleans etouffee, buttered corn and more. Beverages available for purchase (including French Quarter hurricane cocktails). $100. 12:30pm gates / 1pm event. A&B Amphitheater / Yokouchi Pavilion, MACC (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 242 SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org JIMMY BUFFETT & THE CORAL REEFER BAND – Fri., Mar. 16. Attention Parrotheads: You already know all about Jimmy Buffet and The Coral Reefer Band and how they’re coming to Maui for one night only, part of Buffet’s Welcome to Fin Land Tour 2012. So, here’s the nitty gritty about parking: Pre-purchase a parking stall at the MACC for just $25 or $10 for a stall at the University of Hawaii Maui College parking lot (across the street). $59 general / $89, $139 reserved seating. 4pm doors / 7pm show. A&B Amphitheater / Yokouchi Pavilion, MACC (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 242 SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org MAUI POPS ORCHESTRA’S ANNUAL SPRING CONCERT – Sun., Mar. 18. Swing into Spring with the Maui Pops Orchestra, joined by special guests from the Moonglow All-Star Swing Band. Plus, there’ll be a dance floor for folks who are moved by the orchestra’s exultant Big Band tunes. $10 / $25 / $35 / $45. Half-price for keiki 12-years-old and younger. 3:30pm. Castle Theater, MACC (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 242 SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org SWITCHFOOT IN CONCERT – Thu., Mar. 22. These successful Christian rockers went mainstream after four of their songs were featured in the flick “A Walk to Remember” (2002). They are the recipients of nine GMA Dove Awards and their major label debut, “The

TheGRID

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3/2

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ALE HOUSE

Pi’ilani Arias, 5-8pm / Kimie & Irie Love, 9pm (all sets no cover)

Braddah Francis, 4-8pm / Soul Congress w/ Clay Mortensen, 10pm (all sets no cover)

Flashback Saturdays Dance Party w/ DJ Z 9:30pm; no cover

Sunday Skool Nightclub w/ DJ JamnJ, DJ Blinky and MC Bishop 10pm; no cover

MON - Clay Mortensen, 4-7pm; Teri Garrison, 8pm / TUE - Pi’ilani Arias, 7-10pm / WED - Teri Garrison, 5-8pm; Free Karaoke Night w/ Braddah Francis, 8pm (all sets no cover)

AMBROSIA

Jamie Gallo, 7pm; no cover / Ambrosia’s Next Top DJ Contest (finals!),10pm; no cover

Whatever You Want w/ DJ AstroRaph 10pm; no cover

Surise Saturdaze w/ DJ Decka 10pm; no cover

The Conjugal Visitors 8pm; no cover / Ultra w/ DJ CIA 10pm; no cover

MON - The Jonah Trio, 8pm; Ladies’ & ‘80s Night w/ DJ Skinny Guy, 10pm / TUE - Closed / WED - Red Carpet Movie Night, 7:30pm; Maui’s HI-5 Night (S.I.N.) w/ DJs Del Sol & CIA, 10pm

Adam Masterson 7-9:30pm; no cover

Bob Jones 7-9:30pm; no cover

Live Music TBA 7-9:30pm; no cover

Lion Sound Entertainment presents Kimie and Irie Love 10pm; $10/$15

LiA LiVE & The Kryptones 10pm; $8

Wavetrain feat. Mark Johnstone & Friends 10pm; no cover

Source Decompression Party w/ DJ Paul Gotel and DJ Satdeva 9:30pm; $15

Greensky Bluegrass and The Conjugal Visitors 9:30pm; $20

Barefoot Minded 7:30-10pm; no cover

Dave Carroll 7:30-10pm; no cover

DIAMONDS ICE BAR

Live Music 8pm; no cover

DOG & DUCK IRISH PUB

355 E. Kamehameha, Kahului - 877-9001

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-1011

CAPTAIN JACK’S ISLAND GRILL Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina - 667-0988

Mana’o Radio’s Upcountry Sundays Acoustic Style / All-Weather Friends CD Release Party 2pm; $7 donation

WED - Casanova’s Famous Ladies’ Night: “Back to the Future: w/ DJ Blast & Chilltown Productions, 10pm; $10

Dave Caroll 7:30-10pm; no cover

Erin Smith 7:30-10pm; no cover

MON - Peter deAquino, 7:30-10pm / TUE - Live Jazz, 7-10pm / WED - Jordan Cuddy, 7:30-10pm

Just’Us 9pm; no cover

Homestead 10pm

Jukebox Party 10pm; no cover

MON - Gomega / TUE - Rampage / WED - Funday (all sets 10pm; no cover)

Quiz Night 8pm; no cover

Chad Kaya & Ryan Rego 10pm; no cover

Dance Party 10pm; no cover

Sebrina Barron 6pm; no cover

MON – Glen Awong / TUE - Big John / WED - Kanoa & Jessica Rabbitt (all sets 10pm; no cover)

Karaoke

Karoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

MON through WED - Karaoke

Rampage 9pm-close; no cover

Dat Guyz 9pm-close; no cover

Jah Residentz 9pm-close; no cover

Karaoke Industry Night 8pm-close; no cover

MON - Karaoke, 8pm-close / TUE - Music videos w/ DJ H, 9pm-close / WED - Open Mic Night, 9pm-close (all sets no cover)

Indio & Avi 8-11pm; no cover

The Electric Surfers 8-11pm; no cover

The House Shakers 8-11pm; no cover

MON - Blues Spirit of Maui / TUE - Kenny Roberts / WED - Evan Schulman (all sets 8-11pm; no cover)

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

WED - Karaoke

CASANOVA

1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-0220

CHARLEY’S

142 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-8085

COOL CAT CAFE

Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina - 667-0908

1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-9299

1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 875-9669

GREEN LEAF SPORTS BAR 1088 Lower Main St., Wailuku - 244-4888

HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-8010

HARD ROCK CAFE 900 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7400

ISANA

515 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-8199

Beautiful Letdown,” went on to sell 2.6 million copies. $24.50 / $20.50 / $56.50. 7:30pm. Castle Theater, MACC (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 242 SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org SOLO SESSIONS WITH JERRY SANTOS – Fri., Mar. 23. Best known for his work in the group Olomana (teaming with Robert Beaumont in 1974), singer/songwriter Jerry Santos has been a familiar presence in Hawaii’s music scene for almost four decades; and the Solo Sessions series is the perfect opportunity to hear Santos’s work in an intimate concert venue while learning the stories behind his music. $25 / $45 VIP (includes meet-and-greet with Santos after the show. 7:30pm. Castle Theater, MACC (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org ZIGGY MARLEY: WILD & FREE TOUR – Sun., Mar. 25. This five-time Grammy winner and reggae royalty (obviously) returns to Maui– promoting his fourth solo album, “Wild and Free”–with Inner Circle and Maui’s own Marty Dread as the opening acts. $35 advance / $40 day-of. 4pm gates / 5pm show. A&B Amphitheater / Yokouchi Pavilion, MACC (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 242-SHOW (7469); mauiarts. org MOONLIGHT SERIES FEATURING RAUL MIDON – Thu., Mar. 29. Blind since infancy, American singer-songwriter and guitarist, Raul Midon straddles the genres of Latin, folk-pop and jazz with show-stopping vocals and dazzling instrumental technique. Combining his soulful tenor and syncopated, percussive guitar with improvisational mouth trumpet sounds,

WED - Jordan Cuddy, 7-9:30pm; no cover

Midon is an exciting one-man show. $28/$33. 7:30pm. A&B Amphitheater / Yokouchi Pavilion, MACC (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 242SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org DAVID BROMBERG TRIO – Fri., Mar. 30. David Bromberg is a master practitioner of folk, blues and bluegrass, and his trio features Mark Cosgroe (guitar/ mandolin/vocals) and Nate Grower (fiddle/ mandolin/vocals). Known as a “hired gun” for recording artists, Rolling Stone raves “Bromberg... makes every track shine, like the A-list session man he’s always been”; meanwhile Jerry Jeff Walker says, “[Bromberg’s] the reason man created stringed instruments. David touched them with a lover’s fingers and they moaned that true love right back at him. Wood and wire and flesh spoke.” $28 / $35 / $45 Golden Circle. 7pm doors / 7:30pm show. Iao Theater (68 N. Market St., Wailuku); lazarbear.com NA ALI’I OF COMEDY – Fri., Mar. 30. For the very first time, five of Hawaii’s comedy legends–Frank De Lima, Ed Kaahea, Mel Cabang, Andy Bumatai and Augie T– unite onstage for what’s sure to be the biggest local comedy show of 2012. De Lima’s a 14-time Na Hoku

Hanohano award winner whose family friendly humor has been entertaining the islands (especially school children; as all my local peeps can assuredly recall “Going on a Buta Hunt” and “Peanut Butter and Jelly”) for almost four decades. Kaahea is the last surviving member of the iconic trio Booga Booga, meanwhile the big names of Cabang and Bumatai have been synonymous with Hawaiian comedy for more than 30 years, each appearing on numerous TV commercials and local programs. Augie T.’s an inescapably popular contemporary comedian–his voice and visage all over radio and local TV–and is at the heart of the revival of Hawaii’s comedy scene. $22.50 / $35 VIP (includes meet-and-greet with the artists after the show). 7:30pm. Castle Theater, MACC (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 242 SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org ICKE, ICKE BABY... STOP, COLLABORATE AND LIZARD: A DAY WITH DAVID ICKE – Sat., Mar. 31. David Icke’s a former “Professional Soccer [sic] player, journalist [and] network anchorman with the BBC” turned “full time investigator into who and what is really controlling the world” (davidickebooks.co.uk).

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Icke’s authored sixteen books including “The Biggest Secret,” which Richard Kahn calls the “Rosetta stone for conspiracy junkies.” At this day-long lecture event, Icke will discuss myriad topics including “The Moon Matrix,” his “most staggering revelation” of all, in which he says that the moon is a huge “spacecraft... home to the extraterrestrial group that has been manipulating humanity for aeons.” Presented by Global Media Productions. There will be three meal breaks during the event with pre-sold lunch ($10) and dinner ($15) options made available by Vasi’s Gourmet Catering. (Note: There’s no guarantee that food will be available if not pre-purchased. Visit mauiarts.org to view menu and order.) $39 / $69 / $99. 9am registration / 10am-10pm program. Castle Theater, MACC (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 242SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org SAVE THE DATE: AN EVENING WITH W.S. MERWIN – Sat., Mar. 31. W.S. Merwin has been a force in American poetry for 60 years, beginning when W.H. Auden selected his first collection, A Mask for Janus (1952) for the Yale Series of Younger Poets. Though his style has evolved much over his long career, he has remained influential, receiving nearly every major award for poetry, including two Pulitzer prizes: in 1971 for The Carrier of Ladders, and in 2009 for The Shadow of Sirius. In 2010, W.S. Merwin was appointed the Library of Congress’ 17th Poet Laureate Consultant in Poetry. This event is co-presented with University of Hawai‘i Foundation. Free (however, the event is ticketed as limited seating is available).

MARCH 1, 2012

23

OVERTONE LIVE IN CONCERT! A CAPPELLA AS YOU’VE NEVER HEARD IT!

1945 S K

Friday

3/2

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WEDNESDAY LOCAL BAND

SABRINA 7-9PM

THURSDAY

BARBARA & NETTO

HOT & SPICY SALSA 8-11PM

$3 coronas, $5 1800 shots $5 patron shots 8PM-Close

dj Nexus

LATIN / MEXICAN MUSIC 11PM-CLOSe

FRIDAY MARCH 9TH 7:30PM

MCCOY STUDIO THEATER // MAUI ARTS & CULTURAL CENTER COME SEE THE VOCAL BAND CLINT EASTWOOD BROUGHT TO THE USA. TICKETS: $25 AND $45 / INCLUDES VIP-POST- SHOW TALK STORY

AVAILABLE AT THE MACC BOX OFFICE OR

808.242.SHOW (7469)

or www.MAUIARTS.org

*THIS EVENT WILL BE TAPED FOR A TELEVSION SHOW FEATURING OVERTONE

24

MARCH 1, 2012

Saturday

3/3

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kAWIKA ORTIZ ISLAND DJ’S

7:30-9:30 pm 10PM-CLOSe

SATURDAY

KAWIKA ORTIZ 8-11pm ASTRO RAPH 10PM-CLOSe

SUNDAY

HAppy hour 2:30-5:00pm $3 STEINLAGER, $2.50 BUD LIGHT

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SATURDAY

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MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

3/1

3/2

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3/5-3/7

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

JAVA JAZZ

3350 L. Honoapiilani Rd. - 667-0787

Rick Glencross & Melanie Reid 7pm - close; no cover

Jamie Gallo 7pm - close; no cover

Rick Glencross & Melanie Reid 7pm - close; no cover

Open Mic Night w/ Johnny Ringo 9pm-1:30am; no cover

Salsa Night w/ DJ Royes Dynasty 9pm-2am; no coverin

Bad Kitty, 7pm

Kenny Roberts, 7pm

1810 6:30-8:30pm; no cover

JAY’S PLACE

Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina - 661-6699

KAHALE’S

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 875-7711

KIMO’S

845 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4811

KOBE STEAKHOUSE

136 Dickenson St., Lahaina - 667-5555

LAHAINA CAFE

843 Waine’e St., Lahaina - 667-6655

LILIKOI RESTAURANT & WINE BAR 810 Haiku Rd., Haiku - 575-2629

LULU’S LAHAINA

Lahaina Cannery Mall - 661-0808

Eight Track Players, 7pm

The Kihei Cowboys, 7pm

MON - Kawika / TUE - Da Hawaiians / WED - Gina Martinelli (all sets 7pm)

Live Music 9-11pm

1810 8-10pm; no cover

Benny Uyetake & Glenn Kakagawa 8-10pm; no cover

MON - Glenn Kakagawa, 6-8pm / TUE-WED Sam Ahia, 6:30-8:30pm (all sets no cover)

Karaoke & Dancing w/ Auntie Toddy Lilikoi 9:30-close; no cover

Karaoke & Dancing w/ Auntie Toddy Lilikoi 9:30-close; no cover MON - Trivia Night w/ John, 7-9pm / TUE - Open Mic w/ Kenny, 10pm-12am / WED Megatouch Game Day w/ Katie, 7-9pm

Pool Tournament 7-9pm

Live Music 5-8pm; no cover

Live Music 5-8pm; no cover

Live Music 5-8pm; no cover

Fulton Tashombe & The Maui Jazz All-Stars, 7-10pm

888 Front St., Lahaina - 667-2288

1945 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-9944

MON - Guest Performer / TUE - Guest Performer / WED - Renee Alonzo (all sets 7pm-close; no cover)

Free Karaoke w/ Danny DJ 10pm-12am; no cover

LONGHI’S LAHAINA LULU’S KIHEI

Guest Performer 7pm - close; no cover

Salsa Night w/ Neto & Barbara Peraza, 8-11pm / DJ Nexus 11pm-close

Requesola w/ Rob & Ron = R2, 6:30-9:30pm / DJ Nexus 10pm-close

Camp Savage 7:30-9:30pm / DJ AstroRaph, 10pm-close

Howard Ahia 6-8pm; no cover / Pool Tournament 7-10:30pm

Marvin Tevaga 6-9pm; no cover / Latin Night w/ DJ Danny 10pm-2am; $10

STATUS w/ DJs Big Mike & Money Mike 9:30pm-2am

Kawika Ortiz, 7-9:30pm / DJ Kamikaze, 10pm-close

TUE - Country Music & Dancing w/ Rick Scanlan, 7-11m / WED - Sebrina Barron 7-9pm; Ladies’ Night w/ DJ La Rage, 10pm-close MON - All Access DJs, 10pm / TUE - “Lahaina Idol” Karaoke w/ Troy, 9pm12am / WED - Pa’a Mana 9:30-11pm

MOANA BAKERY & CAFE 71 Baldwin Ave., Paia - 579-9999

Phil & Angie Benoit 6:30-8:30pm

MERRIMAN’S

Ranga Pae, 6-9pm

Ranga Pae, 6-9pm

Ranga Pae, 6-9pm

Ranga Pae, 6-9pm

MON - The Benoits / TUE - David Choy / WED - Ranga Pae (all sets 6-9pm)

Willie K Dinner Show, 7-9pm; $65 / Pub Quiz Superfreakout w/ Trish “The Dish” Smith, 9:30pm-12am; no cover

Live Music 6:30-8:30pm; no cover

Live Music

The Celtic Tigers 6:30-9:30pm

MON - Joyce & Gord, 6-8:30pm / TUE Brenton Keith & His Bag O’ Tricks, 7-8pm / WED - Willie K Dinner Show, 7-9pm; $65

Next Level Entertainment presents Bottoms Up Fridays, 10pm; $10

Live Music

1 Bay Club Pl., Kapalua - 669-6400

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea - 874-1131

OCEANS BAR & GRILL 1819 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-2414

7:30pm. McCoy Studio Theater, MACC (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 242-SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org

ANNOUNCEMENTS JOIN THE I LOVE MARKETING MAUI GROUP – Join “I Love Marketing Maui,” a free group for business owners and entrepreneurs who want the best ways to get new customers, create raving fans, and make more money. Visit meetup.com/i-love-marketing-maui/ for more details.

EVENTS

THURSDAY, MARCH 1 ECONOMIC DEVELOPMENT, AGRICULTURE, AND RECREATION COMMITTEE MEETING – Agenda includes consideration of a proposed resolution to provide the Friends of Moku’ula, Inc. the continued authority to use the County-controlled premises located in Lahaina as a parking lot concession. Free. 9am. Eighth Floor, Maui County Building (250 S. High St., Wailuku); 270-7838; co.maui.hi.us/ CULTURAL RESOURCES COMMITTEE MEETING – Agenda includes an update on the status and initiating Section 106 Consultation for the Mokuhina/Moku’ula Ecosystem Restoration Project. Free. 10am. First Floor, Maui County Building (250 S. High St., Wailuku); 270-7735; co.maui.hi.us/ GENERAL PLAN COMMITTEE MEETING

TUE - Open Mic Night 6:30pm-close

– Agenda includes a Maui Island Plan update regarding introductory narrative and WaiukuKahului region only. Free. 1:30pm. Council Chamber, Maui County Building (250 S. High St., Wailuku); 270-7838; co.maui.hi.us/ AMBROSIA’S NEXT TOP DJ CONTEST WITH FINALISTS DJ KURT AND DJ IGGZ – This is final installment of three Thu. night events where the isle hottest no-name (yet) DJs compete for the coveted Thu. night residency gig at Ambrosia–and all under the serious scrutiny of judges including DJ CIA, DJ AstroRaph and MauiTime’s own Jen Russo. Emceed by DJ Del Sol. No cover. 10pm. Ambrosia (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 891-1001; ambrosiamaui.com

FRIDAY, MARCH 2 MAUI COUNTY COUNCIL MEETING – Agenda includes a ceremonial resolution “Recognizing March 2012 as Red Cross Month” and committee reports. 9am Maui County Building (250 S. High St., Wailuku); co.maui. hi.us/ MULTICULTURAL DRUM & DANCE CONFERENCE – Fri., Mar. 2 through Mon., Mar. 12. Begins today. See This Week’s Picks for more. $100-$900. Kama’aina rates available. To register, call Andy at 248-8355 or e-mail andy@ymcacampkeanae.org. MAUI TOWN PARTIES: WAILUKU FIRST FRIDAY – This is the nopareil block party that started it all! Experience an exciting street fest in the heart of Wailuku town, with perform-

ers and colorful vendors filling sidewalks with unique wares, ono grinds and hip entertainment. North Market St.’s shut down to vehicular traffic 5:30-8pm, and parking can be found in the municipal lot or at Maui Medical Center. See This Week’s Picks for details. Free. 6-9pm. Market, Main and Vineyard Streets, Wailuku; mauifridays.com / facebook.com/wailukufirstfriday

SATURDAY, MARCH 3 MEET THE ARTIST: MICHAEL KESSLER – Enjoy an artist reception honoring featured painters Michael Kessler (Santa Fe, NM) and McKay Otto (Wemberly, TX). Free. 6-8pm. Paia Contemporary Gallery (83 Hana Hwy., Paia); 579-8444; paiacontemporarygallery.com OUR NEW FAVORITE SATIRIST, ALAN CLEMENTS, LAUNCHES HIS NEW BOOK “A FUTURE TO BELIEVE IN” – See This Week’s Picks for more. $22 advance (online only) / $25 door (cash only). 7:30pm. Studio Maui (810 Haiku Rd.); alanclements.com LIA LIVE WITH THE KRYPTONES DEBUT THEIR NEW SINGLE “DAY BY DAY” – See This Week’s Picks for more. $8. 10pm. Casanova (1188 Makawao Ave.); 572-5220; seelialive.com

SUNDAY, MARCH 4 SUNDAY DRIVE: ULUPALAKUA REMEMBERS – See This Week’s Picks for more. Free. 11am-4pm. Ulupalakua Ranch; toll free: 1-877878-6058; mauiwine.com / ulupalakuaranch.

com MANA’O RADIO’S UPCOUNTRY SUNDAYS ACOUSTIC STYLE CELEBRATES THE ALL-WEATHER FRIENDS CD RELEASE – See This Week’s Picks for more. $7 donation. 2-5pm. Casanova (1188 Makawao Ave.); 572-5220; manaoradio.com

MONDAY, MARCH 5 CHARTER COMMISSION REGULAR MEETING – Agenda includes an open discussion of 13 proposed charter amendments. 10am. Maui County Building (250 S. High St., Wailuku); co.maui.hi.us/ MIDLIFE EXPLORATIONS THROUGH MOVEMENT AND CONVERSATION: A FOUR-WEEK FREE-FORM DANCE SERIES – Mondays, Mar. 6, 13, 20 & 27. See This Week’s Picks for more. $99 (for all four classes). 6:30-8:30pm. Limited class size. For information and to register, visit move-and-bemoved.com

TUESDAY, MARCH 6 URBAN DESIGN REVIEW BOARD MEETING – Agenda includes a review of the Sign Variance Procedures in the director’s report. 10am. Maui County Building (250 S. High St., Wailuku); co.maui.hi.us/

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 7 WAILEA ON WEDNESDAYS! – Every Wed., The Shops at Wailea hosts their weekly WOW! (Wailea on Wednesdays!) series, featuring fa-

MARCH 1, 2012

25

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MARCH 1, 2012

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

3/1

3/2

3/3

3/4

3/5-3/7

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

SANSEI - KAPALUA

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

SANSEI - KIHEI

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE

DJ Slackin 10pm-close; no cover

Randall Rospond’s Liquid Rose Toons Art Show 4-9pm; no cover

DJ LX 10pm-close; no cover

SPORTS PAGE GRILL & BAR

Dan & Anne 7-10pm; no cover

Jacob Abeytia 7-10pm

Kenny Roberts 9am-12pm; no cover

MON - Still Pono Band, 7-10pm; no cover WED - Clay Mortensen, 7-10pm; no cover

Ladies’ Night 7pm-close; no cover

Harley Dale Brown & Friends 8pm; no cover

Free Pool Day

MON - Mahalo Monday Industry Night

Ah-Tim 4-6pm

Ahumanu 4-6pm

115 Bay Dr., Lahaina - 669-6286

1881 S. Kihei Rd., Ste. KT116, Kihei - 879-0004

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-6444

2411 S. Kihei Rd. #B4 - 879-0602

STEEL HORSE SALOON 1234 L. Main St., Wailuku - 243-2206

STELLA BLUES CAFE 1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-3779

Live Music 9pm-1am; $4

STOPWATCH SPORTS BAR 1127 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-1380

41 E. Lipoa St., Kihei - 874-6115

THREE’S BAR & GRILL 1945 S Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-3133

TIFFANY’S

1424 L. Main St., Wailuku - 249-0052

TIMBA

505 Front St, Ste. 212, Lahaina - 661-9873

WATERCRESS

Waiehu Beach Center, Wailuku-243-9351

mous local performers in the lower courtyard and a slew of shop-to-shop specials. This week, check out Lanakila & Co. who’ll share songs, dance and stories of old Hawaii. Free. 6-:30-8pm. The Shops at Wailea (Wailea Alanui Dr.); 891-6770; theshopsatwailea.com; @ ShopsAtWailea on Twitter “FLUNK ‘EM IF THEY CAN’T TAKE A JOKE”: AMBROSIA SCRENS “PCU” (1994) – See This Week’s Picks for more. No cover. 7:30pm. Ambrosia Martini Lounge (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 891-1011; ambrosiamaui.com

DINNER MUSIC WEST MAUI

DUKE’S BEACH HOUSE – Every Thu., Damien Awai., 3-5pm / Garret & Peter, 6-8:30pm. Every Fri., Garrett, 3-5pm / Kulewa, 6-8:30pm / Hula performance, 6:30pm. Every Sat., Tim, 3-5pm / Kulewa, 6-8:30pm / Hula performance, 6:30pm. Every Sun., Fausto, 3-5pm / Damon & Tim, 6-8:30pm. Every Mon., Brian, 3-5pm / Eddie & Alika, 6-8:30pm. Every Tue., Bob Deleon, 3-5pm / Eddie & Alika 6-8:30pm. Every Wed., Brian, 3-5pm / Kahala & Daniel, 6-8:30pm. (130 Kai Malina Pkwy., Lahaina; 662-2900) HULA GRILL – Every Thu., Ernest Pua’a, 11am-1pm / Alika Nako’oka, 1:30-3:30pm / Kaniala Masoe, 4-6pm / Kulewa 6:30-9pm. Every Fri., Kawika Lum Ho, 11am-1pm / Kaniala Masoe, 1:30-3:30pm / 1810, 4-6pm / Kawika, Roy and Albert, 6:30-9pm. Every Sat., Kawika Lum Ho, 11am-1pm / Ron, Ikaika & DaMon., 1:30-3:30pm / 1810 4-6pm / Ben & Glenn, 6-9:30pm. Every Sun., Kawika Lum Ho, 11am1pm / Glenn, 1:30-3:30pm / 1810, 4-6pm / Derick Sebastian Trio, 6:30-9pm. Every Mon., Ernest Pua’a, 11am-1pm / Kawika Lum Ho, 1:30-3:30pm / Armadillo, 4-6pm / Derick Sebastian Trio & Josh Kahula, 6:30-9pm. Every Tue., Kawika Lum Ho, 11am-1pm / Jarrett

MON - DJ Slackin’ / TUE - DJ LX / WED Ladies’ Night w/ The ADD Twins (all sets 10pm - close; no cover)

MON - Tom Cherry & Mike Finkewiecz, 4-6pm; Willie K 10pm-12am, $10 / TUE - Tom Conway, 4-6pm / WED - Randall Rospond, 4-6pm / Slam feat. David Choy & Clay Mortensen, 7-10pm Karaoke w/ Pearl Rose 9pm-12am; no cover

The House Shakers 9pm-12am

R.S. SHARKY’S

Kanoa 10pm-close

WED - Karaoke w/ Pearl Rose 9pm-12am; no cover Live Music 5-8pm

MON - Eat & Play Night / TUE - Karaoke Contest

Soul Congress w/ Clay Mortensen 9pm; no cover

Haiku Hillbillys and The Conjugal Visitors 9pm; no cover

Kimie and Irie Love 10pm; $10

Gina Martinelli Band 8pm; no cover

WED - The House Shakers 7:30pm; no cover

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

MON through WED- Karaoke

House of Reggae 9:45pm-2am; $10

We Love Timba Fridays 9:45pm-2am; $10

Spun Out w/ DJ Calcul8 9:45pm-2am; $10

closed

MON through WED - closed

Next Level Entertainment 10pm

Live Music 10pm

Karaoke

Karaoke

TUE - Thirsty Tuesdays / WED - Free Karaoke

Roback & Junior Lacuesta, 1:30-3:30pm / Damon Parillo & Danyel Alana, 5-6pm / Ernest Pua’a & Friends, 6:30-9pm. Every Wed., Ernest Pua’a, 11am-1pm / Kaniala Masoe, 1:303:30pm / Peter DeAquino, 4-6pm / Ernest Pua’a & Friends, 6:30-9pm. (Whalers Village, Ka’anapali; 667-6636) LEILANI’S ON THE BEACH – Every Thu., Jarret & Wilson. Every Fri., JD & Friends. Every Sat., JD & Harry. Every Sun., Merv Oana. All sets 3-5pm. (Whaler’s Village, Ka’anapali; 661-4495) LULU’S LAHAINA SURF CLUB & GRILL – Every Thu., Howard Ahia, 6-8pm. Every Fri., Marvin Tevaga, 6-9pm. Every Tue., “Lahaina Idol” karaoke with Troy, 9pm; Every Wed., Kenny Roberts, 5-8pm. (Lahaina Cannery Mall; 661-0808) PIONEER INN GRILL & BAR – Every Thu., Greg di Piazza featuring Alana Cini, 5:308:30pm. Every Tue., Ah-Tim Elenicki, 5:308:30pm. Every Wed., JD on the Rocks, 5-8pm. (658 Wharf St., Lahaina; 661-3636) R.B. BLACK ANGUS STEAKHOUSE – Every Sun., Live Jazz. (4465 Honoapi’ilani Hwy., Lahaina; 669-8889) SEA HOUSE RESTAURANT – Every Tue. & Fri., Kincaid Kupahu, 7-9pm. Every Sun. & Thu., Andrew Kaina, 7-9pm. Every Sat., Coehlo Morrison, 7-9pm. Every Mon. & Wed., Albert Kaina, 7-9pm. (5900 L. Honoapi’ilani Hwy., Napili; 669-1500)

SOUTH MAUI AMBROSIA – Every Thu., Jamie Gallo, 7pm. Every Tue., “Glee” on the big screen, 7pm. Every Wed., Red Carpet Movie Night, 7:30pm [February is Judd Apatow month. This week: “PCU” (1994). See This Week’s Picks for more.] (1913 S. Kihei Rd.; 891-1011) BEACH BUMS – Every Tue., Randall Rospond, 5-8pm. (Ma’alaea Harbor Shops; 2432286)

BUZZ’S WHARF – Thu., Marvin Tevaga, 3-6:30pm. (Ma’alaea Harbor; 244-5426) HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH – Every Thu., Junior Lacuesta, 4-8pm. Every Fri., Tue. & Wed., Rick Glencross, 4-8pm. Every Sat., Ryan Robinson, 4-8pm. Mon., Jacob (of the Alliez), 4-8pm. (1913 S. Kihei Rd.; 874-1250) KAI WAILEA – Every Thu., Mon. & Sun., Wolf, 6-8:30pm. Every Fri., Ryan Robinson, 6-8:30pm. Every Sat., Kanoa Kukaua, 6-8:30pm. Every Mon., Tom Conway, 6-8:30pm. Every Wed., Francois, 6-8:30pm. (3750 Wailea Alanui; 875-1955) LULU’S KIHEI – Every Thu., Neto & Barbara, 8-11pm. Every Fri., Ron & Rob = R2, 6:309:30pm. Every Sun., Kawika Ortiz, 7-9:30m. Every Tue., Rick Scanlan, 7-11pm. Every Wed., Sebrina Barron, 7-9pm. (1945 S. Kihei Rd.; 879-9944) MONKEYPOD KITCHEN – Every Thu., Tom & Mike, 6:30-8:30pm. Every Fri., Wolf, 3-5pm and Alika Nako’oka, 6:30-8:30pm. Every Sat., Barefoot Minded 3-5pm and Erin Smith 6:308:30pm. Every Sun., Alika Nako’oka, 3-5pm and Kilohana, 6:30-8:30pm. Every Mon., Ron & Tarvin, 6:30-8:30pm. Every Tue., Kilohana, 6:30-8:30pm. Every Wed., Jarret & Wilson, 6:30-8:30pm. MONSOON INDIA – Every Sat., Cambria Moss & Ricardo Dioso, 6:30-8:30pm. Every Tue., The Hula Honeys, 5:30-8:30pm. (760 S. Kihei Rd.; 875-6666) MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE – Thu., Willie K, 7-9pm., Sun., The Celtic Tigers w/ Mad Bagpiper Roger McKinley, 6:30-9:30pm. Mon., Joyce & Gord w/ Jimmy C, 6-8:30pm. Tue., Brenton Keith & His Bag O’Tricks, 7-8pm. Wed., Willie K, 7-9pm. (100 Kaukahi St., Wailea; 874-1131) PITA PARADISE – Tue., Gordon Samuelson with Curt Lee, 6-9pm. (Wailea Gateway Center, 34 Wailea Gateway Pl.; 879-7177) SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE – Every Thu.,

Erin Smith, 4-6pm. Every Fri., Randall Rospond, 4-6pm. Every Sat., Tom Conway, 4-6pm. Every Sun., Viva La Rumba, 4-6pm. Every Mon., Kanoa Kukaua, 4-6pm. Every Tue., Sebrina Barron, 4-6pm. Every Wed., Mark Johnstone, 4-6pm. (1913 S. Kihei Rd.; 874-6444) STELLA BLUES CAFE – Every Thu., Ah-Tim, 4-6pm. Every Fri., Ahumanu 4-6pm. Every Mon., Tom Cherry & Mike Finkeiwicz, 4-6pm. Every Tue., Tom Conway, 4-6pm. Every Wed., Randall Rospond, 4-6pm / Slam feat. David Choy & Clay Mortensen, 7-10pm. (1279 S. Kihei Rd.; 874-3779) TRADEWINDS POOLSIDE CAFE – Every Thu., Kawika Lum Ho, 6-9pm. Every Fri., Gina Martinelli, 6-9pm. Every Sat. Dominic or Mike, 6-9pm. Every Sun., Rob & Ron = R2, 6-9pm. Every Mon., Bobby Ingram & Friends, 6-9pm. Every Tue., Mike & Mark, 6-9pm. Every Wed., Steve Sargenti, 6-9pm. (2259 S. Kihei Rd.; 891-8860)

CENTRAL/UPCOUNTRY CAFE DES AMIS – Every Thu., Joe Conte, 6:30-8:30pm. Every Sat., Live Argentinian music, 6:30-8:30pm. Every Wed., Mark Johnstone, 6:30-8:30pm. (42 Baldwin Ave., Paia; 579-6323) FLATBREAD COMPANY – Every first Thu., Randall Rospond, 5:30-8pm. (89 Hana Hwy., Paia; 579-8989) KAHULUI ALE HOUSE – Thu., Pi’ilani Arias, 5-8pm. Every Fri., Braddah Francis 4-8pm. Every Mon., Aloha Jam Session Night with hostess Teri Garrison, 8pm. Every Wed., Teri Garrison, 5-8pm / Free Karaoke Night with host Braddah Francis, 8pm. (355 E. Kamehameha Ave., Kahului; 877-9001) MAKAWAO STEAK HOUSE – Every Sat., Randall Rospond, 6:30-8:30pm. (3612 Baldwin Ave., Makawao; 572-8711)

MARCH 1, 2012

27

KULA KID

Getting To The Source BY ANU YAGI

Build your ship, let’s go out / In the wilderness we’ll run wild / It’s so cold but you know we belong here / Shout to the sky and a fire to keep us warm here // Build your ship, move down south / In the wilderness we’ll run wild / It’s so cold but you know we belong here // When we escape to that place we’ll be home, dear / It’s so cold but you know we belong here / Shout to the sky, and a fire to keep us warm here -�Wilderness� by Active Child

L

ook, I don’t want to come across as some sort of Awestruck Native or whatever (see Magical Negro and Noble Savage; but let’s leave that conversation for another week), but I’m very impressed by the party scene that Source brings. It’s been nearly two weeks since Source (i.e. the annual, fourday-long freaky tiki rager–part of Burning Man’s regional network, if that means anything to you–held at the Y Camp Keanae, Feb. 17-20), and my head’s still happily consumed by the wild technicolor reveries of that weekend. But while I don’t mind figurative intergalactic glitter stuck in every nook

and cranny of my brain, I’m not sure if I’ll ever get the very real gunk out from under my toenails. Because for all the hundreds of creative types who congregated that weekend–to camp, dance, dress in their idiosyncratic best, feast communally, perform unabashedly and toast their (contestably illegal) libations to the gods of goodness and good times–none could match the awesome, raw power of The Rain’s performance art. She occupied Keanae, making love to the peninsula and cloaking the hyper-chromatic “Circus of Dreams� (the event’s theme) with the earthy afterbirth of her spawn, The Mud. So, with my Source memories caked in Keanae grime (and as I wait for my blackened cuticles to grow out), I’ve been tempted to exalt The Mud instead of The Rain which made it. I’ve wondered, “What does The Mud think of all this Source business?�–then imagined that The Mud must like to party (case in point: Woodstock). Meanwhile, it was really The Rain who came to play–the great equalizer that brought a tangible reminder to us all that we’re all the subject to the same earthly woes and woo hoos. Then again, all this ascribing intent to the indiscriminate weather is inanely hyperbolic, even for the likes of me n’ this column. And especially when what I like best about

Source is its humanity. The ability–neigh the ache–to consciously create makes me proud of our species. I rather like being a thing that can sing and dance and paint and build. Even more, I like watching fellow things do those things (because their talent inclines them; whereas mine–eh, not so much). But since time and space are short, I’ll wrap up this installment by giving major props to Source organizers and supporters. It would seem a damned-near impossible task to host a no holds barred event like that, where the only thing that’s taboo is a bad attitude. But they did it, and with admirable flair. So, mahalo for a weekend spent in the coastal jungle watching stuffed animals flung across fields from a giant catapult (made by a man who later won The Gong Show for his costumed prancing as “Sparklesâ€? the unicorn). Mahalo for giant carved demon heads that jetted propane-fuled fire into the night sky. Mahalo for fire dancers, silk aerialists, glass blowers, visual artists and musicians. Mahalo for elaborate entertainment tents; the geodesic dome–mud-streaked white tarp stretched over aluminum poles–its lime green laser light show that painted the arc above like an all-too orderly universe thrown into kaleidoscopic chaos. Mahalo for open hearts, minds and hands. Mahalo for muddy camaraderie. â–

To read more Kula Kid with links and photos and stuff, and to leave comments, visit mauifeed.com/kulakid To share or save: mt.hy.pr/1537k anu@mauitime.com

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HOROSCOPE

Sign Language BY CAERIEL CRESTIN PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20)

I’m always fascinated by how you perceive the world; while I’m trying to look at the big picture, you’re likely to be captivated by a fascinating detail I completely missed. This intensity of focus and magnetic attraction to unusual facets of the situation has occasionally been a serious handicap. However, it should prove a strength this week, when someone hopes to capitalize on your ability to passionately focus on one thing while more or less ignoring everything else. Embrace your peculiar wonderful intensity this week, and the job(s) that come with it, and take pride in the fact that there’s few people who could do what you do, and even fewer who could do it nearly so well.

VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22)

You may think you know where a conversation’s going, and you may even be right. But acting on those assumptions, and using them to justify some pre-emptive offense is a very bad idea right now. That strategy leads to uncomfortable social disaster. While you might feel justified if your suspicions were correct, you ought to feel ashamed if that’s not where things were actually headed at all. Give everyone the benefit of the doubt this week, even if most of them don’t deserve it (and it consequently leads to discomfort for you). Sparing one or two totally innocent people your sharp tongue is worth it.

QUIZunderstood ANSWERS

...to questions from page 6

1: D–One (Best Adapted Screenplay) 2: E–“We don’t ever quote the exact amount.” 3: C–The cutting up of the Dolphin, that steel-hulled wrecked sailboat that’s been sticking out of a coral reef off Front Street in Lahaina since 2004.

LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22) ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19)

Your choices are ultimately yours alone. Whether you make them subject to the opinions or judgments of others is entirely up to you. If you already know that you won’t get the validation and approval you want, that makes things simple. You’re at peace with your choice, so now you get to determine if you want to go to battle to get the acceptance you want, or whether you’d rather just keep this whole thing to yourself. Naturally, the former path is more difficult, but comes with great rewards if you succeed. The latter option, of course, has its own elegant simplicity: just tell people to mind their own damn business.

If you can’t meet someone’s exacting standards, it’s not because you’re so incredibly flawed—it’s because they’re so ridiculously unreasonable. Sure, it’s a nice gesture to try to meet someone halfway, but if the level you’re trying to achieve is still way up in the stratosphere, it’s safe to assume they’re just being too unrealistic. It’s time for a wake-up call. Try delivering one. If they don’t respond, it might be time for you have one, too: that means you need to get out before your attempts to live up to the impossible make you neurotic and crazy—assuming it’s not already too late. SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21)

TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20)

Common courtesy flies out the window when people see the opportunity to appear witty, or simply don’t care what you think. That’s reason enough to be pissed off, but unfortunately, retaliating in kind would be one of the worst things you could do; it’d simply fan the flames of the situation. Instead, you must strive to rise above it. That’s not to say you should ignore their ridiculous rudeness; you can and should respond to it—but do so in a way that’s subtle, graceful, and polite. They probably won’t get it—but in a way, that should make you feel even better.

Pointing fingers rarely leads to anything good. Even if you’re right, it’s unlikely to lead to a happy outcome. Therefore, resist doing so. Here’s another possibility: assume you’re correct—and then just get over it. In the big picture, this isn’t a huge deal. Go ahead and quietly take steps to prevent it happening again, but forgiving and forgetting without ever bringing it up is, weirdly enough, the best way to get to a place you’ll be happy with. That’s probably a totally foreign strategy to you. However, I predict that you’ll really get a lot out of giving it a go. SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21)

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20)

Every human being, if you dig deep enough, is ridiculously irrational about something. Since you’re likely to come face-to-face with someone’s illogical absurdity this week, try to remember that you, too, have your moments when thoughtfulness vanishes, in favor of raw emotion, sentimentality, or pure lust. Try to enjoy it. It’s stuff like this that makes life compelling—even (and sometimes especially) if it also makes things complicated or difficult. Since it’s unavoidable and virtually immune to logic and reason, have fun with it. What else are you going to do? Get annoyed? What, pray tell, would be the point of that?

When you discover that someone’s principles or standards aren’t the same as yours, you don’t need to make them agree with you, necessarily. That’s usually a lot of hard work with terrible, inconclusive results. Instead, simply ask yourself what place this person ought to have in your life, given this new information. Distancing yourself might quite simply be the best (and least painful) strategy moving forward. The alternative, of course, is abandoning your beliefs and ideas—something worth considering, of course, but also something I dearly hope you won’t do. You are, after all, right.

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CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19) CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22)

What you do and how you do it are ultimately no one’s business but your own. That is, others may have a right to know what you’re up to, depending on how close to you they are, but they don’t really have the right to dictate what you can or can’t do. Stand strong here, Cancer, because even though you and I know that this is your call, and yours alone, other people might not be so clued in. They very well may think they get to tell you what to do and how you ought to do it. There’s no need to get into a head-to-head confrontation—but find a way through this one without backing down. LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22)

While the things that are bothering you are legit, the only reason you’re actually letting them get to you is because you don’t have anything worse to worry about—a nice problem to have! In the grand scheme of things, this stuff’s miniscule. While your concerns are justified, they also lean towards the petty side of things. Getting over them may not be as easy as you wish, but it’s possible—and advisable. This week, do what you must to either garner yourself increasingly more worthy problems, or better distractions, until this one ceases to be either.

Diamonds may be forever, but relationships rarely are. Requiring some kind of guarantee of infinite longevity is quite unrealistic, and ultimately kind of like shooting yourself in the foot. Who can honestly make such guarantees, after all? It’s reasonable to want some assurance that investing care and energy will be worth it in the long run, but try to think in smaller chunks of time. Wouldn’t five wonderful years be worth wholeheartedly embracing, even if you had no guarantee there’d be another five, ten, or twenty after that? I think so—hopefully you do, too. AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18)

Give some people an inch and they take an acre. Because you’re generally so relaxed about noticing and enforcing your own boundaries, you might not even notice that someone’s encroached until they’ve actually moved in and started hanging decorations. It might feel like it’s too late to start protecting your turf—and it would’ve been better if you’d thought to do so before things got this far—but really you don’t have much choice. This week step up and reclaim your lost territory. Be as gentle and forgiving as possible (after all some of this is on you), but be steely-firm as well. You’ll need to, if you want to take back your space—and you do, don’t you?

sign.language.astrology@gmail.com

MARCH 1, 2012

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