16.02 Good Stewards Of The Environment, June 28, 2012, Volume 16, Issue 2, MauiTime

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June 28, 2012 ✚ Volume 16 ✚ Issue 02 ✚ FREE

NAVY SONAR

‘Good Stewards of the Environment’ The U.S. Navy insists that they can protect marine mammals from the harm caused by y warships using active sonar in the waters around Hawaii. What if they’re wrong?


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JUNE 28, 2012


Contents VOLUME 16 + ISSUE 02

THIS WEEK’S QUESTION: On what do you like to spread Nutella?

ON THE COVER: Cover illustration created by Partrick Parker. Art direction by Darris Hurst.

Publisher: Tommy Russo (808) 283-0512 / tommy@mauitime.com @tommyrusso on Twitter The backs of Jen’s knees Editor: Anthony Pignataro (808) 283-1308 / anthony@mauitime.com @apignataro on Twitter Narwhals Food, Drink, Lifestyle, & Business News Editor: Jennifer Russo (808) 280-3286 / jen@mauitime.com @jenrusso on Twitter Stilettos Art Director & Production Manager: Darris Hurst artdirector@mauitime.com / darrishurst.com Top secret undisclosed locations Graphic Designers: Amy Mendolia (Chuck Norris), Christina Tarleton Contributors: Caeriel Crestin, Jory John, Avery Monsen, Ron Pitts, Chuck Shepherd, Barry Wurst II Photographer: Sean Michael Hower mauiweddingmedias.com / howerphotography.com Crepes with bananas Advertising Executive: Brad Chambers (808) 283-3260 / brad@mauitime.com Electrical sockets

4 10 13 17 19 21 22 23 28 29 31

NEWS & VIEWS FEATURE STORY EAT & DRINK THIS WEEK’S PICKS FILM CRITIQUE FILM TIMES DA KINE CALENDAR THE GRID CLASSIFIED HOROSCOPE MIND, BODY & SPIRIT

Admin. Executive: Keo Eaton (808) 244-0777 My armadillo Calendar Assistants: Jenna Schamber (Eric Northman’s fangs), Ivy Damasco calendar@mauitime.com Proofreader: Dina Wilson Office Assistant: Sara Riley (808) 244-0777 My husband Admin. Assistant: Jennifer Brown Interns: Megan Hazen, Emily Tram

This Week’s Cover Artist

MauiTime is published every Thursday by MauiTime Productions, Inc. Its contents are Copyright © 2012 by MauiTime Productions, Inc. All rights reserved. Subscriptions are available at $70 per year. Reproduction or use without permission is strictly prohibited. MauiTime may be distributed only by MauiTime’s authorized independent contractor. MauiTime is valued at $.50 per copy and permits one complimentary copy per person. No person may, without written permission of MauiTime, take more than one copy of each weekly issue. All opinions expressed throughout MauiTime are those of the authors and not necessarily the same opinions as MauiTime Productions, Inc. and MauiTime. MauiTime 33 N. Market St., Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 office (808) 244-0777 • fax (808) 244-0446 www.mauitime.com facebook.com/mauitime, @mauitime on Twitter Deadlines: Display Advertising: Friday Noon Classified: Monday 4pm Calendar: Monday Noon Circulation: 18,000 copies of MauiTime

to continue pursuing his art dream by immersing himself within the source of his inspiration. Mainly focusing his art on Fantaseascapes, Patrick spends much of his time painting in his studio or live at a local gallery. When not painting, he’s surfing, swimming or hiking. You can find his art online at www.PatrickParkerArt. com, www.9thWaveGallery.com and at www.facebook.com/patrickparkerart on facebook.

Patrick Parker A native of Southern California, Patrick has been traveling to Hawaii for more than 10 years, never quite getting enough of its beauty. With a little bit of luck and courage, he moved to Oahu to live on the North Shore

JUNE 28, 2012

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News & Views

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1.

On June 20, Sierra Club’s Hawaii Chapter announced its legislative endorsements for the 2012 election. Which of the following incumbents did NOT receive such an endorsement? A. Gil Keith-Agaran, state House. B. J. Kalani English, state Senate. C. George Fontaine, state House. D. Roz Baker, state Senate. E. Angus McKelvey, state House.

2. Last week, state officials removed

Recently the state Board of Land and Natural Resources (BLNR) met to discuss the Ahihi-Kinau Natural Area Reserve in Makena, which has been closed since 2008 to allow the very delicate ecosystems at Mokuha (the “Fishbowl”) and Kalaeloa (the “Aquarium”) time to regenerate after years of damage by visitors to the area. What did the BLNR unaminously vote to do? A. Keep the Ahihi-Kinau reserve closed another year. B. Keep it closed another two years. C. Keep it closed indefinitely. D. Keep it closed permanently.

E. Reopen it on July 1. See answers, page 29

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Walter Ritte is the real deal. He calls himself a “prominent Hawaiian activist and long time advocate for Hawaiian Rights.” In 1976 he was one of the original nine activists who landed on Kahoolawe to protest the U.S. Navy’s use of the island as a bombing range. After six months in prison (where he was reportedly treated as something like a rock star), Ritte joined the 1978 constitutional convention that created the Office of Hawaiian Affairs. He was easily elected as one of its first trustees, but tossed off the board in 1984 following a conviction for illegal night-hunting (in 2000 he was sentenced to a year’s probation after pleading guilty to helping burn down a Molokai Ranch building). Still beloved, and very controversial, he’s spent recent years fighting La‘au Point development and cruise ship landings while trying to make a better life for the Kanaka Maoli.


News & Views

Coconut Wireless

Talk of the Island

BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO

LARRY THE INTERNET GUY It’s not every week that one guy buys 98 percent of an island, but then again, Larry Ellison isn’t merely one guy. News of the sale of Lanai (pop. 3,102, as of the 2010 census) broke on the afternoon of June 20 when the Honolulu Star-Advertiser published a story based on documents filed with the state Public Utilities Commission. The fact that David Murdock mission Murdock–the billionaire who (through Castle & Cooke Cooke) previously owned Lanai–was reportedly losing between “$20 million and $30 million” each year on the island means Ellison has a major job ahead of him. Now you tech people out there already know this, but Ellison is a fascinating person. He helped found Oracle Oracle, one of the world’s most powerful hardware and software firms–if the entire Internet were a human being, Oracle would be the spine. He’s also, to use a vulgarism, a baller: the guy flies jets, races sailboats, collected four ex-wives and earlier this year attempted (without success) to buy the Memphis Grizzlies. Grizzlies Oh, and he’s worth $36 billion (#6 on the Forbes list of billionaires). To no one’s surprise, local officials across the state wasted no time ingratiating themselves to Ellison. “It is my understanding that Mr. Ellison has had a long standing interest in Lanai,” said Governor Neil Abercrombie. Abercrombie “His passion for nature, particularly the ocean, is well known specifically in the realm of America’s Cup sailing. He is also a businessman whose record of community involvement in medical research and education causes is equally notable. We look forward to welcoming Mr. Ellison in the near future.” Maui County Mayor Alan Arakawa was a bit more reserved. He said that while it was “an honor and a privilege” to work with Murdock, “we look forward to meeting Mr. Larry Ellison and hope that by working together with him and the state that we may be able to do good things for Lanai and its people.” Well, state Senator J. Kalani English–whose English district encompasses Lanai–apparently got to speak to one of Ellison’s minions, and that seems to have been enough to convince him that the sale is the best of news for the island. “To the people of Lana‘i this transfer of ownership is much more than a business transaction,” said English. “It is the livelihood of a community and of an island. As such it remains imperative that cultural and conservational values be maintained. After speaking with Ellison’s personal representative, representative I feel that he shares this same belief. And I look forward to meeting with him in the future, so that I can develop a better understanding of his vision. It is my hope that this new ownership is one which works with the community to foster a healthy and vibrant Lanai.” That all sounds wonderful, except that right now a very vocal portion of Lanai’s community (call them Lanai’s “two percent,”

if you like) really, really hate Murdock’s big plan to build a lot of big windmills and then send the juice they generate through a big undersea cable to Oahu. Seriously, they’re pulling their hair out of their own heads in frustration over how the windmills will allegedly wreck the island’s aesthetics, and Ellison’s Lanai Island Holdings, LLC (the entity that now owns the island) have already said that the whole windmill/undersea cable thing is still very much a GO (Ellison has also said he’s not changing, at least at this time, anything over at Lanai’s two resorts). More importantly, I think I speak for everyone when I ask, What about old Club Lanai? Lanai Does Ellison have any plans to bring that back? They had snorkeling, palm trees, a lagoon, a buffet and hammocks made for two. The dilapidated huts are all still there, just waiting for a billionaire with too much money on his hands to come in and clean up the joint. Come on! If anything can end the misery and bring everyone together, it’s Club Lanai.

NO OUTLET! Every now and then, I get reminded of the cold fact that in the United States of America,

Gentlemen, DON'T start your engines!

those in positions of power (elected officials, industrialists, land developers, etc.) see us norconsumers.” mal people as nothing more than “consumers That’s all we are to them: drones who spend their lives buying ever-more sophisticated goods and services. Our economy depends on that characterization. If we stop consuming, then they stop producing and pretty soon Lenin is in charge (or something similarly apocalyptic). I can’t find any other way to explain the

Oracle founder Larry Ellison

Overheard “Just because I would have done that doesn’t mean I condone it.” -Guy on Market Street in Wailuku, June 22

contempt that lobbyist (sorry: “liaison for the projects”) Charlie Jencks seemed to exude in the June 21 Maui News story “Groups dig in against mega malls in S. Maui.” A growing coalition of people (led by groups like Maui Tomorrow Tomorrow, who are threatening a lawsuit) in South Maui hate the idea that Irvine-based Eclipse Development Group is planning on building a 300,000-square foot shopping center on 30 acres and another 450,000-square foot “retail complex” on 68 acres just mauka of Piilani Highway at Kaonoulu Street in Kihei. They look at documents like the Kihei Community Plan and don’t see anything like that kind of development anywhere in South Maui (the land is currently zoned “light industrial”), and they get scared about all the noise, traffic and pollution such a project will bring (state Senator Roz Baker has already written a semi-nasty letter to the state Land Use Commission asking them to stop the project because it violates the Kihei Community Plan). But old Charlie “Wailea Wailea 670” 670 Jencks, who is shepherding the Eclipse projects through the state and county permitting projects, just wants us to all get along and support the deal. “A lot of positive things will happen with this project that will benefit the community,” Jencks said in The Maui News article. “The community plans describe ‘desirable’ uses within light industrial districts. When you get down to the project level, then you defer to the zoning, where permitted uses are defined. The plan is a policy document that indicates generally where a community wants to go, and it changes over time.” It’s all so simple: community plans change when rich land developers want them to change. And since we’re all just consumers anyway, and the mega-malls will lead to “positive things”–many more places to buy goods and services–why all the fuss? Of course, if I’m right that people are more than mere consumers, then Jencks will really have to earn his pay on this one. ■ anthony@mauitime.com + @apignataro To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1602n1

JUNE 28, 2012

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News & Views

MauiSphere

LOCAL PLUGS BY JEN RUSSO Global Tech plans to enroll up to 100 students. Right now, they’re enrolling freshmen and sophomores for the 20122013 academic year. Global Technology High School offers individual site tours and opportunities to meet the staff. Families are encouraged to visit the school’s website www.globaltechmaui. org for more information about the school and its programs. Call 808-280-4906 or email Elaine@globaltechmaui.org for appointments and interviews.

MICK FLEETWOOD IS HIRING!

Global Technology High School

SCHOOL’S IN When Elaine Blasi retired as Head of School at Hale O Keiki Montessori School in June 2010, she wasn’t exactly sure what she was going to do next. As founder of the Kihei Montessori School and administrator there for 10 years, she felt it was time to move on. Her background in education compelled her to continue blazing trails in Maui’s world of education, and now, two years later, she’s opened the Global Technology High School. School Located at 2050 Main St. in Wailuku, it’s focused on preparing students for 21st century careers through Tony Wagner Wagner’s “Schools of the Future” philosophy and the Montessori secondary curriculum. Blasi said she consulted with Wagner and many other educators to develop the school’s curriculum. Frank Rocha is the athletic director, dean of students, and teaches health and electives. U‘i Naho‘olewa will teach art, digital media, Hawaiian Studies/ Hawaiian Language and electives. Math, science and Spanish teachers are still pending. “Before beginning the curriculum development process, we met with business leaders on Maui to ask their opinions about the Global Tech proposal,” says Blasi. “We wanted to know the answers to two specific questions. First, did the business leaders see a need for an alternative high school program? Second, would those leaders be willing to host a senior intern at their place of business: a year-long, contracted intern who would spend one full work day (or two half days) per week for 36 weeks (a full school year); an intern who would be mentored and evaluated by an employee at their company; an intern would be meaningfully engaged (not running for coffee or copying papers)? The answers were unequivocally yes and yes.” At Global Technology High School, technology education will be integrated across the curriculum. Students are

introduced to the newest technologies and use them to access and analyze information, create multimedia portfolios, problem-solve and become proficient in 21st century skills. Each student is provided with a MacBook Pro and the school is equipped with the latest computers and audio visual systems. “Teacher lecture time is limited to 20 minutes in two-hour periods for subjects,” says Blasi. “The rest of the time the teacher works directly with individuals or groups. The exception is math: that is 45 minutes daily.” Internships are a cornerstone of the schools methodology for career education. The school plans to forge alliances with the local businesses community to foster apprenticeships and internships where students can access real world experience. “The seniors will stay in the internship of their choice for a full school year guided to those choices by the ‘self-construction’ strand of courses that they will have taken in their freshman, sophomore and junior years,” says Blasi. “These include their intersession courses, their communication/digital media courses and the theories of knowledge course.”

Wanna work for rock star Mick Fleetwood Fleetwood is filling 120 Fleetwood? positions for his much anticipated Fleetwood’s on Front St. St., a 16,000 square foot epicurean restaurant and retail operation. On Monday, June 2, they will be accepting applications on site and conducting interviews from noon to 8pm at their 744 Front St., Lahaina location (the old Lahaina Store Grill and Oyster Bar Bar). But don’t expect Fleetwood himself to interview you. Managing partner Jonathan Todd and manager Jill Holley (formerly of Hard Rock Cafe Cafe) are part of the talented group running Fleetwood’s on Front St. The restaurant will feature an “English Bohemian” gourmet menu, and Mick Fleetwood’s own private label awardwinning wines. There will also be a shop selling wines and other items. Plans for event space, entertainment and outdoor dining areas are also in the works. Todd says they’re looking for candidates with experience in casual elegant dining or retail sales. The restaurant and retail establishment plans to open this summer. For more information, visit fleetwoodsonfrontst. com or call Holley at 530-545-3000.

UH PARTNERS WITH MAPUA INSTITUTE The University of Hawaii has forged a new partnership with the Mapua Institute of Technology in the Philippines to provide its UHMC Hospitality and Tourism program students a chance to study abroad

and prepare them for the demands of the hospitality industry. The hospitality industry earned $856,623,000 in Maui County in 2008 (according to the 2010 Maui County Data Book), second only to real estate. The idea started a few years ago with UHMC’s internship program for Mapua’s students that flew four qualifying students from the Philippines to positions at the Westin Kaanapali Ocean Resort Villas Villas. “When we first came to Mapúa, our intuition said that we would return, but before we returned, we wanted to make sure that we would provide an opportunity that would team Mapúa with University of Hawai’i Maui College,” says Dr. Debra A. Nakama, Nakama articulation coordinator and a professor of the Business and Hospitality Department at UHMC. “This will be an enriching experience for students, and will help promote the Hawaiian and Filipino cultures on a global level.” Last March, officials with the two schools signed a memorandum of intent (MOI) to promote the advancement of international understanding, dissemination of learning, and strengthening of cultural ties, as well as to improve the educational and professional training programs of the two academic institutions. The cooperation is focused on the areas of student, faculty and academic exchanges. Before the MOI signing, UHMC representatives listened to presentations from 30 students enrolled in the Bachelor of Science in Hotel and Restaurant Management (HRM) program at Mapúa. The students applied for an internship at UHMC’s partner the Westin Kaanapali Ocean Resort Villas on Maui, conducting the second phase of their interview with the resort’s human resources director by Skype Skype. “All the students who presented were very strong candidates,” says Lorelle A.S. Peros, Peros UHMC Hospitality and Tourism program coordinator. “With the limited amount of slots and opportunities, I’m sure it was a challenging task for the Westin Kaanapali Ocean Resort Villas to only choose four.” ■ jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1602n2

(First row, L-R) Cyrlla Pascual, Department Chair, UHMC Business Department; Lorelle A.S. Peros, Program Coordinator, UHMC Hospitality Tourism Program; Dr. Debra Nakama, UHMC Articulation Coordinator; and Mapúa president and CEO Dr. Reynaldo B. Vea together with the Institute’s officials and members of the faculty.

JUNE 28, 2012

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PUBLIC NOTICE

IN THE NAME OF JEHOVAH GOD, AMEN. I, Windyceslau D. Lorenzo also know as Kamehameha VI, through grace and ordination, and Pursuant to the following to wit: A. The Great Mahele (land division) of 1848; and, B. Treaty of Friendship 1849 between the United States of America, then President Zachary Taylor, and the Kingdom and Islands of Hawai’i, then King Kamehameha III; and, &. AfÀdaYit of lineal Bloodline to Kamehameha Paiea, 1994; and, D. The Allodial Deed from Kamehameha to Kamehameha, recorded in the Hawaii State Bureau of Conveyance # 98-126382, 1998; and, E. The Determination of Heirs of Kamehameha Paiea (Ka Na’i Aupuni The Conqueror), probate # 8-1-0351; and, F. The Notice of Lien of the Hawaiian Islands recorded in the Bureau of Conveyance Doc. # A-4520086. Whereas, all as stated above, are ¿led and recorded in the Land Court of Hawai’i, case # 09-0300, as Heir/Successor owner of the Allodium, to all Land(s), Water(s), Air Space, Metallic and Mineral rights, etc., in Archipelago of the Hawaiian Islands, Gives: NOTICE TO THE PUBLIC AND TO ALL WHOM IT MAY CONCERN, THAT: All land title deeds/leases throughout the Hawaiian Archipelago, are now being perfected by Kamehameha VI, which involves and including to wit: 1) All Fort Lands; and, 4) ChieÀy (Ali’i Nui’s) Lands; and, 2) Hawaiian Government Lands; and, 5) Na Ali’i and the people, etc., as 3) Crown Lands; and, formalized according to the Great Mahele. The Private 2f¿ce of Kamehameha VI, has appointed his private staff and Chief Land Commissioners, will be accepting all land title/leases applications to be perfected and cleared to all in the Hawaiian Islands. THEREFORE, all contacts will be directed to the 2f¿cial 2f¿ces of Kamehameha VI throughout the Hawaiian Islands, and until all Private Chief Land Commissioners are appointed for the Islands of Molokai, and Lana’i, all are directed to the Island of Maui # 808-344-2279, # 808-264-3209, # 808-281-6781 and those on the Islands of Kauai and Niihau, and the Big Island of Hawai’i, will be directed to the Island of Oahu # 808-699-0179. Dated: This 12th day of June, 2012, Honolulu, Hawaii

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JUNE 28, 2012

Chinese media reported that on May 4, at the Xiaogan Middle School in Hubei province, high school students studying for the allimportant national college entrance exam worked through the evening while hooked up to intravenous drips of amino acids to fight fatigue. A director of the school’s Office of Academic Affairs reasoned that before the IVs were hung, weary students complained of losing too much time running back and forth to the school’s infirmary for energy injections. After the media reports, there was a public backlash, but less against the notion that China was placing too much importance on the exams than against reports that the government was subsidizing the cost of the injections.

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY! Desmond Hatchett, 33, was summoned to court in Knoxville, Tenn., in May so that a judge could chastise him for again failing to make child-support payments. Official records show that Hatchett has at least 30 children (ages 14 down to “toddler�) by at least 11 women. He said at a 2009 court appearance that he was “through� siring children and apparently has taken proper precautions since then. And in Milwaukee, Wis., in April, Sean Patrick was sentenced to 30 years in prison for owing more than $146,000 for 12 children by 10 mothers, and the city’s Journal Sentinel newspaper reported that, before being locked up, two convicted pimps, Derrick Avery and Todd Carter, had fathered, respectively, 15 kids by seven women and 16 children with “several� mothers.

NOT YOUR CHILD’S POPSICLE Chilean artist Sebastian Errazuriz recently created “Christian popsicles� made from wine that Errazuriz obtained by trickery after a priest consecrated it into “the blood of Christ.� The popsicle’s stick is actually a figure of Jesus on the cross, as sort of a reward for finishing the treat. Also, The Icecreamists shop in London, England, recently began offering a popsicle made with absinthe–and holy water from a spring in Lourdes, France, which many Catholics revere for its healing powers. The “Vice Lolly� sells for the equivalent of about $29.

FINE POINTS OF THE LAW In May, the U.S. Court of Appeals in San Francisco ruled, 3-0, that it is not necessarily improper under federal law for Minute Maid to name a beverage “Pomegranate Blueberry� even though those two ingredients constitute only 0.5 percent of the contents. A competing seller of pomegranate juices had sued in 2008, pointing out that 99.4 percent of the Minute Maid beverage was merely apple and grape juices. Minute Maid’s owner, Coca-Cola, called the competitor’s complaint “baseless.�

LIGHT READING Almost all companies that collect customer data publish their policies on how they keep the data “private� (even though those “privacy� policies almost always explain just precisely the ways they intend not to keep the data “private�–and are not required to by law). Researchers writing in the journal I/S: A Journal of Law and Policy for the Information Society (summarized in an April post on the blog TechDirt.com) found that if typical consumers bothered to read all of the detailed privacy policies they encountered, it would take from 181 to 304 hours per year (22-38 workdays), depending on shopping habits. If every consumer in America did it, it would take from 40 billion to 67 billion hours a year, or 5 billion to 8.3 billion workdays a year.

UNCLEAR CONCEPT In April, the Federal Communications Commission announced that it was fining Google for deliberately impeding the agency’s investigation into the company’s collection of wireless data by its roaming Street View vehicles and that the agency had decided, based on Google’s “ability to pay,� that it needed to double its staff-proposed fine in order to “deter future misconduct.� Hence, it raised Google’s fine from $12,000 to $25,000. As pointed out by ProPublica. org, during the previous quarter year, Google made profits of $2.89 billion, or $25,000 every 68 seconds.

NEAR-PERFECT CRIME In April, police in Newtown Township, Pa., searched (unsuccessfully, it turns out) for a “skinny� black male, between ages 35 and 45, wearing a black tracksuit. He had indecently exposed himself at a place of business–the offices of the Bucks County Association for the Blind (although, obviously, at least one sighted person reported his description).

MARION BERRY SPEAKS District of Columbia Councilman Marion Barry initially was scorned in May for criticizing the influx of “Asian� shopkeepers into the ward that he represents. “They got to go. I’ll say that right now.� Later, after re-thinking the issue, Barry announced that his ward should be “the model of diversity,� and issued an apology to Asian-Americans. But, he lamented, America has always been tough on immigrants. “The Irish caught hell, the Jews caught hell, the Polacks caught hell.� (The preferred terms are “Polish� or “Poles.�) ■chuck@mauitime.com To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1602n3


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‘Good Stewards of the Environment’ The U.S. Navy insists that they can protect marine mammals from the harm caused by warships using active sonar in the waters around Hawaii. What if they’re wrong?

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itnesses said they looked like a wave entering the bay. There were between 150 and 200 melonheaded whales that morning, all sweeping into Hanalei Bay on Kauai at once. It was July 3, 2004, and the whales would stay in the bay for 28 hours, leaving only after a legion of volunteers helped shepherd them back to the open sea. All the animals save one–a calf, who apparently died of malnutrition following separation from its mother–apparently survived. A two-year investigation into the mass stranding by the National Oceanic and Atmo-

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JUNE 28, 2012

spheric Administration (NOAA) never found a conclusive reason for the whale’s behavior, but they did pinpoint a possible catalyst: just before the whale stranding, six vessels of the U.S. Navy moved through the area on their way to the biannual Rim of the Pacific naval exercises. For about nine hours of that time, the vessels “intermittently transmitted active sonar,” according to the official NOAA report on the strandings. “While causation of this stranding event may never be unequivocally determined, we consider the active sonar transmissions of July 2-3, 2004, a plausible, if not likely, contributing factor in what may have been a confluence of events,” reported NOAA.

Sonar, as any sailor will tell you, helps keep America safe. Developed during World War I but first used to great effect in World War II, sonar–SOund NAvigation and Ranging–is a device that uses sound to scan for submerged objects. There’s passive sonar, which is akin to sticking a microphone in the ocean, and then there’s active sonar, in which a ship sends out a sonic energy pulse (called a “ping”) that reflects off objects, giving ship’s operators a kind of picture of what’s beneath them. “Active sonar is the best way to detect diesel submarines,” said Ray Sokolowski, a retired sonar man of 24 years who still works for the Navy Department. Diesel boats are smaller

and much quieter than their nuclear-powered cousins, making them potentially lethal threats to our U.S. Navy. Under the sea, what you can’t hear coming at you can most definitely kill you. So sonar’s great in that respect. Unfortunately, researchers also tell us pretty conclusively that active sonar messes with marine mammals, who use sonar much the way we humans use our eyes. The mass whale stranding in Hanalei is just one of many such events that occur, nearly always in close proximity to U.S. Navy ships and exercises. Which is why some environmentalists are crying foul over a new draft study released by the Navy that shows its fleet exercises and test-


To find out why the projected amount of marine disturbance was so high–much higher, in fact, than similar environmental studies put out by the Navy in past years–I went to Maui Waena Intermediate School in Kahului. From 5-8pm on Wednesday, June 14, officials and contractors with the Navy were gathered in the school’s cafeteria for an open house to explain their Draft Environmental Impact Statement (DEIS) document, which is currently being circulated for public comments. Arriving shortly after five, I was relieved to see a few dozen people milling about near all sorts of charts and images mounted throughout the room. But my relief evaporated when I heard at the sign-up table that I was the first member of the public to arrive. Looking around the room again, I realized that nearly everyone (except for two officers in white uniforms) were wearing the faded aloha shirts favored by bankers, land developers and, apparently, naval contractors. Navy officials held such meetings all that week throughout the state, Pacific Fleet Public Affairs Officer Mark Matsunaga (formerly a reporter with the Honolulu Advertiser) told me. Fifty-one residents attended the Kauai open house, 33 in Hilo, 39 in Honolulu and, for whatever reason (the Maui Film Festival opened that same night) just six people–including yours truly–showed up at some point during the three-hour Maui meeting. Open houses like this one were part of a massive public relations effort by the Navy, which does things like this every five years. See, our nation’s environmental laws require the Navy–the most powerful fleet in history– to obtain permits every half-decade from the National Marine Fisheries Service before it can conduct naval operations in U.S. waters.

“The Proposed Action would ensure the Navy accomplishes its mission to maintain, train and equip combat-ready U.S. naval forces capable of winning wars, deterring aggression and maintaining freedom of the seas,” states a Navy press release on the DEIS. The result is a document navy personnel told me was 1,800 pages long (a similar document is being prepared for fleet exercises in the Atlantic). The report details how the Navy’s proposed “use of active sonar and explosives,” “sonar maintenance,” “gunnery exercises” and “pierside sonar testing” in San Diego and Pearl Harbor will affect marine life. As I slowly and painfully learned over the hour I spent at the open house (naval personnel, whether in uniform or bankers’ garb,

“The Navy is a really good steward of the environment,” Dennis Rowley, a Pacific Fleet environmental manager, told me when I first arrived at the June 13 open house. “It truly is.” There were brochures, signs and materials throughout the open house making Rowley’s point in dozens of ways. There were photos of a sea turtle personnel on Kauai rescued. There were “Environmental Awards” on display that had been given to the Pacific Missile Range Facility (PMRF) at Barking Sands, Kauai. There were copies of Currents, “The Navy’s Energy & Environmental Magazine,” on display, as well as full-color 12-page brochures titled “United States Navy: protecting the seas through science.” The latter included a mix of shots of naval personnel and marine life like dolphins.

Photo by: MC2 Mark Logico/Department of Defense

ing missions in the waters around Hawaii and California over the next five years could potentially cause upwards of two million “takes”– changes in marine mammal behaviors that could range from an animal simply swimming away from a naval ship to “temporary hearing loss” to more permanent damage. More to the point, the navy’s report finds that the exercises could kill up to 200 mammals and cause another 1,600 injuries each year. The Navy says it may be able to mitigate all those deaths and injuries (more on that later) and portrays the rest of the “takes” as relative inconveniences for the mammals. “Now we have a lot more takes of large whales because of science,” said Conrad Erkelens, an archaeologist by training who now studies marine life for the U.S. Navy Pacific Fleet. “We look and we don’t see any indications of harm. We see mammals that leave [the area inundated with sonar waves], and they come back [after the sonar is turned off].” Others, like Zak Smith, a staff attorney with the Natural Resources Defense Council, disagree. They point to research that seems to show deepdiving beaked whales have died of “the bends” after rising too quickly to escape active sonar. “This is a big deal,” said Smith. “The amount of anticipated harm is staggering. They estimate almost three million instances of temporary hearing loss [in marine mammals]. This is significant, and can lead to death. I’m not aware of any government agency since NEPA [the National Environmental Policy Act] has been in existence saying, ‘we have a proposed action and anticipate this level of magnitude of harm.’”

The navy’s report finds that the exercises could kill up to 200 mammals and cause another 1,600 injuries each year. “Sailors have a unique relationship with the speak in a mix of jargon and acronyms that, oceans,” the brochure states. “We recognize that at best, is disorienting), there are a whole activities at sea could potentially affect marine manner of reasons why the DEIS seems to outline such harm towards marine mammals. life. In order to understand–and ultimately minA big reason is simply that the Navy is pro- imize–such effects, the U.S. Navy has developed a robust marine mammal research program.” posing to use more ships in the Pacific than Rowley said the navy spent $26 million in in the past. There’s been a reorienting of the ocean research last year. “As we learn more, Navy towards Asia in recent years, and deciwe adjust our previous findings,” he said. sions like the recent announcement to send An informational brochure on the DEIS the Navy’s new Littoral Combat Ships (small, further trumpets this research. “The Navy fast vessels capable of getting close to shore) strives to be a world leader in marine species to the Pacific reflects that mission. research and has provided more than $100 John Van Name, a senior environmental million over the past five years to universities, planner with the Pacific Fleet, also said the new DEIS now includes activities the Navy was research institutions, federal laboratories, private companies and independent researchers always conducting, but for one reason or anaround the world to increase the understandother never included in their public analyses. ing of marines species “We’ve always done physiology and besonar maintenance FOR MORE INFORMATION: havior,” states the DEIS at the pierside,” Van brochure. “The Navy Name told me. “That’s The Navy’s Hawaii-Southern California funds approximately now included in the Training and Testing DEIS is available online $5 million in research analysis.” at HSTTEIS.com. The public comment and monitoring in But a big reason period ends on July 10, 2012. Hawaii and California why the Navy’s proeach year.” You can submit a comment on the posed activities seem While undoubtedly DEIS at that website or by writing to so destructive is that welcome in the world the following: we now know a great of marine mammal scideal more about how Naval Facilities Engineering Command, ence, the Navy’s public naval exercises–and Southwest relations materials leave especially active soAttention: HSTT EIS/OEIS Project out of a few things. nar–affect marine Manager–EV21.CS Like that fact that $26 mammals. And we million (or even $100 can thank the Navy 1220 Pacific Highway, Building 1, Floor 3 million) is microscopic for that. San Diego, CA 92132-5190. in terms of the Navy’s

budget, which totaled $161.4 billion (not counting a special $15 billion contingency fund) in fiscal year 2012. To put the money spent on marine research into perspective, in 2012 the Navy also spent $13.5 million on “sonar switches and transducers” and another $27.8 million on “minesweeping replacing equipment.” What’s more, Smith with the NRDC (which has sued the Navy, saying its operations violate environmental laws) says the Navy research is actually mandatory, given the operations it wishes to conduct. “I think it’s great, but the environmental laws of the United States require this research,” he said. “I’m not interested in patting any agency on the back for doing what the law requires them to do.” But Smith does credit the Navy for the way it uses computer modeling in determining where marine mammals are in relation to ships during exercises. “The Navy is doing modeling that other agencies aren’t doing,” he said. In fact, the Navy has so much faith in its modeling (and other mitigation efforts) that Van Name told CNN a few months ago that “those injuries and mortalities [potentially caused by the naval exercises] will be none.” It’s an amazing statement, and if true, will be wonderful. But environmentalists like Smith aren’t convinced. Yes, naval warships stay away from places like the Humpback Whale National Marine Sanctuary when conducting exercises involving the use of active sonar (even so, whale sanctuary Superintendent Malia Chow said her organization is monitoring the Navy’s EIS development “very closely”). And yes, sonar technicians are trained to power down when they discover marine mammals are nearby (Sokolowski told me the sonar operators have to cut power when a thousand yards from a mammal, cut more power if the animal gets within 500 yards and shut the equipment down entirely if the mammal gets within 200 yards). But modeling can only tell you so much. The use of lookouts–a major mitigation effort trumpeted by the Navy–has limitations. “Courts have found that lookouts are ‘ineffective and inadequate,’” Smith said. “The detection rate is very low–less than 10 percent–and that’s in ideal conditions. What about fog?” Still, the Navy is making real progress in marine environmentalism. Just a few years ago, the Navy was denying that active sonar played a role in whale strandings, like the one that happened in Hanalei Bay. Now they’re admitting that sonar does affect whales and dolphins, though it’s still couched in great uncertainty. “There’s a lot we don’t know about mammals or how sound moves through water,” said Matsunaga, the Pacific Fleet’s public affairs officer. And Erkelens, the archaeologist working with the Navy, says DEIS’ increase in “takes” is a direct result of the science the Navy is carrying out to learn exactly how marine mammals behave when encountering active sonar. Ironically though, Erkelens’ example of how this research is working wasn’t all that reassuring. “Five years ago, we thought blue whales couldn’t hear mid-frequency sonar,” he told me. “But now, as the science matures, we find that they might.” ■ anthony@mauitime.com + @apignataro To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1602L

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Food & Drink

Mai Tai Mix-Off Here’s what happened when Sammy Hagar and I helped judge the Royal Lahaina’s big Mai Tai competition BY JEN RUSSO

PHOTO BY SEAN MICHAEL HOWER

(L - R) Aloha Dave, Christopher Nevins, Sammy Hagar, Michael Misaka mall pot distilled liquors, fresh fruit forward juices and dark boozy floats are a mixologist’s wet dream. Add 10 grand to that and you have a throwdown of the modern Mai Tai, all of it fueled by Sammy’s Beach Bar Rum at the Royal Lahaina Resort. Eleven Maui bartenders rumbled last Wednesday for a chance at one of the 30 spots in the annual Don the Beachcomber Mai Tai Festival to be held at the Royal Kona Resort in August. There the winning drink will be dubbed the World’s Best Mai Tai (which comes with a $10,000 purse).

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THE GAME PLAYERS • Christopher Nevins, Four Seasons Lobby Lounge • Blair Anderson, Mala Ocean Tavern Lahaina • James Shoemaker, Moana Café Paia • Aaron Cecil, David Paul’s Island Grill • Dave Fried (Aloha Dave), Hula Grill • Ricky Supnet, Royal Ocean Terrace • Deliah Asada, Fairmont Kea Lani Luana Lounge • Eric Zimmerman, Mala Ocean Tavern Lahaina • Michael Misaka , Pulehu an Italian Grill • Joel Flack, Maui Brewing Co & Royal Ocean Terrace • Rob Meyer, Roy’s Kaanapali Like it or not, every bartender on the island is well-versed in the Mai Tai, a rum drink made infamous by Don Beach in the 1940s. In the Tiki drink hey days of the 50s to 60s, playful interpretations of Polynesian culture and kitsch combined over strong tropical drinks. There’s a nod to these traditions in each of the thousands of Mai Tai sips made across the state every day. While many of us islanders scoff at the idea of ordering a Mai Tai (after all, we’re

not on vacation), a few of us die-hard tiki aficionado have no such fears. After all, it’s easy to forget that a Mai Tai is simply a great drink (Emcee and master mixologist Joey Gottesman calls Mai Tais “a punch in the face”). For the contest, the drinks have three main components: Sammy’s Rum, citrus juices and a float, but the interpretation and execution are up to the bartender. Sammy Hagar himself sat at the judging table. Fresh off of his Chicken Foot tour, Hagar was more than ready to taste some Mai Tais. Brad Hargreaves, Drummer of 3rd Eye Blind, was also on hand to judge Mai Tais. While the banter was light, the rock stars couldn’t decide who was the more seasoned expert. Gary Hogan, owner of Hawaiian Hotels and Resorts and event founder, Mark Nigbur, master distiller of Sammy’s Beach Bar Rum and little old me also sat in judgment. Judges nudged noses and tongues on masterful Mai Tai creations and maintained decorum with a pen to record results. Cocktails are judged on seven factors: presentation, nose, palate, finish, balance, creativity and whether they were true to form. Each factor had a possible 10 points, making 70 points a perfect score. Oh, and competitors had just seven minutes to create their drink fashioned with garnishes (finishing after the buzzer sounded earned a five-point deduction). It was a fierce fight with the warm Lahaina sunset threatening to melt drinks in a flash, but the bartenders performed spectacularly. Dave Fried from Hula Grill had a big fan base that went crazy over his bare-all production of his “Mai Tai Have Another.” Dave was a judge at this competition last year, but decided to try his hand at the prize, having made thousands of Mai Tai’s in Kaanapali. Fried scored big with the giant Mai Tai he made special for Hagar, and impressed the

judges with rum-soaked fruit, but never made it to the top. No, the top spot went to Christopher Nevins from the Four Seasons Resort. He said his “Kipahulu Lulu” may seem simple, but simple didn’t make it easy. The drink is built, rolled, strawed, floated, foamed and then garnished twice. It’s a play on the “Classic Mai Tai” served at the Four Seasons Lobby Lounge. While working at the bar one night, a guest came in requesting a cocktail that included mint and cherry juice and the “Kipahulu Lulu” was born. The cocktail features an interesting cherry foam across the top as well as a float of Coruba, garnished with cherry and mint. “I really wanted to incorporate the classic flavors of a Mai Tai and let the full fruit flavor of Bing cherries stand out,” says Nevins. “Yes, everyone uses foams and I really am not a foam guy at all, but this foam is the icing on the cake.” Blair Anderson of Mala Ocean Tavern, a Mai Tai competition veteran and winner of the 2010 mix off at Royal Lahaina, took second with his “Modern Mai Tai.” The cocktail, served in a Bordeaux glass, is elegant and uses some of Anderson’s own proprietary juice and spice mix. It’s served over misted ice. Appleton Rum, Coruba Coconut and Jamaican Dark all played a part in the drink. “I felt it was time to incorporate classic Mai Tai ingredients with new school mixology,” says Anderson. “The Mai Tai can be easily overdone with sweetness and alcohol. By using moderation and natural ingredients I’ve been able to create a fun and inventive version of this classic cocktail.” James Shoemaker, the defending 2011 champion of the Maui mix off, took third with his creative “Year of the Dragon” Mai Tai that had a beautiful color and aroma. “I wanted to take something old and make

it new but still be loyal to the Mai Tai, so I basically took an Old Fashioned with cherry, bitters & sugar and added Sammy’s rum with Okolehao for spice,” says Shoemaker. “Maui Preserved pineapple syrup for sweetness and fresh Maui Gold pineapple for the juice. Oh, and the Appleton dark rum for a float. When you bang-down cherries with fresh pineapple and bitters you get a kind of sundown effect on the coloring and the dark float sets it off.” All three Maui winners will be staying at the Royal Kona Resort, courtesy of Hawaiian Hotels & Resorts, and will be entered into the Fourth Annual Don the Beachcomber Mai Tai Mix-Off. The all-day Mai Tai Festival on the Big Island, to be held Aug. 18, features a pool party with entertainment by island favorite Henry Kapono, the signature “$10,000 World’s Best Mai Tai Mix-Off,” “Battle of the BBQ” cook-off with some of Hawaii’s best chefs and Big Island Mai Tai Marketplace. For Royal Kona Resort Mai Tai Festival event tickets, call 808-329-3111. Further information can be obtained online at hawaiihotels.com. SAMMY HAGAR’S PINEAPPLE SNACK Here’s an easy recipe Sammy shared with me. He swears by this pau hana chilled adult snack. In fact, he says he has some in his fridge right now! First peel and chunk one Maui Gold Pineapple. Then pour Sammy’s Beach Bar rum over it and chill. After a stressful day at the beach, pop the container open and munch! ■ jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso

For more foodie news, visit MauiTime’s food blog at: mauidish.com To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1602d1

Kipahulu Lulu Mai Tai by Christopher Nevins

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Art & Entertainment

Romp Through the 1940s This Friday, let the Sirens of Song sweep you back to the days of Swing BY JEN RUSSO

Sirens of Song; (L - R) Lia Krieg, eg, Jonna Ahn, Nara Boone, Casey y Murphy

Hollywood Swing Canteen Located at the Maui Tropical Plantation 1670 Honoapiilani Hwy. Wailuku (808) 244-7643 mauitropicalplantation.com

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o matter which way you swing, 1940s cabaret sings the sweet sexy tunes of a nostalgic decade. Now the Sirens of Song, Maui’s newest girl group, explore that time of Hollywood fashion, war, chivalry and Jazz in a show this Friday, June 29, called the Hollywood Swing Canteen. To do so, they’ve transformed the Maui Tropical Plantation into a cabaret room, complete with a new stage nicknamed the Waikapu Shell. Iconic music of the 40s, early Hollywood glamor pin-ups and USO shows will be lauded in this one-nightonly performance. “Sirens of Song is a new venture created by Casey Murphy and myself,” says Lia Krieg, one of the founders. “The idea is to breathe new life into the beautiful, yet under-appreciated Maui Tropical Plantation, while at the same time helping talented people on Maui realize their dreams of making a living doing what they love! We test piloted the new venue with ‘Coconut Island’ featuring the Kit Kat Club Cabaret. The event exceeded our expectations and we’re excited to debut our new performance group.” You may recognize some of the dames in The Sirens of Song, who have been an active part of Maui’s entertainment scene. Kreig was most recently seen in the Maui Onstage pro-

ductions of Grease as Rizzo, and played layed Velma Kelly in Chicago. Nara Boone has opened for numerous Reggae artists, including ding Steel Pulse,Yellowman, Eek-a-Mouse and d Mikey Dread on Maui and the famous Wailers ilers at the House of Blues in Los Angeles. Boone one has also recorded lead and backing vocals for artists from Hawaii, California, Canada and nd West Africa, making more than 17 records. rds. Both Krieg and Boone have also sung as lead vocalists in Maui Theatre’s Ulalena. Casey Murphy brings all kind of theatrical heatrical experience from her home state of Virginia, and spices it up with Maui flair. She’s played yed heavily comedic roles like Linda from Thee Wedding Singer and Roxie in last summer’s Chicago hicago at Maui OnStage. Most recently, she showed owed off a softer side of her voice and stage personality rsonality in the title role in Pro-Arts’ Cinderella. Jonna Ahn is a graduate of University ersity of Redlands Dance Company and Theater ater department. She has been in dozens of musicals and hundreds of live performancess throughout her career. Ahn currently performs rms with various bands throughout Hawaii. The Sirens researched the 1940’ss era to get their Canteen style tight. Krieg sayss they also threw in some modern touches. The he cocktail servers will be in costume as pin-ups, ups, Maui Onstage will do a sneak peek exhibition bition of their upcoming play The Producerss and Jason Wulf and his Swing Maui Dancers cers will perform. The Siren songbirds will rally the troops with “Orange Colored Sky,” “Sing Sing Sing,” “Jump Jive and Wail,” “Fever” and “Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy”. “We take a romp through the 40’s,” 0’s,” says Krieg. “The first set welcomes the audience as ‘soldiers’ and gives a nod to the popular opular USO shows of the time. The second set is filled with Jazz, big band and swing numbers mbers and

the third set features the Hollywood Sirens of the late 40s. The SoS are hand-picked vocalists with multiple talents, so you can expect to see and hear lots of great vocals and dancing. The Kit Kat Club is presenting their fabulous burlesquestyle dancing and vocals, while Trevor Arnholt of Phys Ed Rentals is also lending his vocal and dance talents.” After the fall of France in World War II, and the rationing of fabric, metals and rubber became a reality, Hollywood fashion coaxed sleek silhouettes from designers. Krieg says Sarah Loney, who costumes shows for Maui OnStage and ProArts, assisted with their looks and made some custom pieces for the pin-up models, including a bathing suit from a vintage 40s pattern. Kathleen Schultz, the head costumier of MAPA, graciously outfitted the girls as well. Larissa Williams of LeRu Atelier added some modern celebrity touches with baubles from a tour with Christina Aguilera. Hair and makeup is being done by Chi Calina. Doors open at 6:30pm and Bruddah Willy will serve up a 4th of July summer spread. The menu will feature his famous pork ribs, BBQ chicken, crispy mashed potatoes, roasted potato salad, green beans, corn on the cob, watermelon, a “chopped” side salad and even pulled pork sliders. Vegetarians can enjoy a meat-

less Cobb salad entree. Dessert includes patriotic shave ice from Alan at the Shave Ice Cafe and a brownie sundae. There will also be two full bars available, as well as a satellite bar that will have beer and wine. Theme-inspired cocktail specials like the “Pinup Punch,” “The Bombshell” and the “Canteen Cooler” will be featured. Premium alcohols and some fancy wines and champagne will be available. After the stage show, you can dance till the wee hours of the night (for Waikapu) with vintage visuals by Doug DeBoer and maestro Scott Provonsha’s “Electro-Swing.” “The next show we plan to do with SoS will be called ‘Motown Prom’ and will feature songs from the 50s and early 60s,” says Krieg. “Kind of a musical journey through time. We want to note also that the show is the entire evening. A guest from our last

event described it as a ‘cabaret-carnival plus a helluva party!’ We want people to feel like they’ve been swept away to a different place when they enter the event, and the Maui Tropical Plantation is a great place to do that.” Tickets are $15 at the door. A limited number of VIP tables are available for purchase at the door on a firstcome, first-served basis at $10 a pop. You can buy tickets at www.hollywoodswing.eventbrite.com through Thursday or at the door on the day of the event. ■ jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso

For more entertainment news, visit MauiTime’s A&E blog at: mauivents.com To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1602d2

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JUNE 28, 2012


Picks

BY MEGAN HAZEN

FRIDAY, JUNE 29

THURSDAY, JUNE 28 T THIRSTY THURSDAY – Start your weekend a little early. This Thursday, head over to Botero Bar at the Grand Wailea for some live entertainment, pupus and drinks. They’re featuring drink specials on TY KU Premium Sake & Spirits for tthe month of June. Twenty bucks will get you a souvenir Botero Man glass, TY KU kkeepsake, 20 percent off food and half off Happy Hour pricing all evening on well dr drinks, house wine by the glass and domestic beers. It’s always important to stay hy hydrated. $20. 5:30-7pm. Botero Bar, Grand Wailea Resort (3850 Wailea Ala Alanui Dr.); 808-875-1234 ext. 4900; wailearesortdining.com

NIGHT FOR THE BIRDS – Drink for a cause at Maui Brewing Co.’s Benefit Night for the Birds. In 2009, Maui Brewing Co. began hosting benefit nights for the Maui Forest Bird Recovery Project (MFBRP) and now they do it four times a year. The MFBRP’s mission is to recover Hawaii’s endangered bird species and restore their habitat. Their research is focused on the rare Maui Parrotbill (or Kiwikiu) that’s only found in Haleakala forests. At the benefit nights, half of Maui Brewing Co.’s pint sales go to the MFBRP. Cheers to that! 6pm-12am. Maui Brewing Co., Kahana Gateway Shopping Center (4405 Hwy., Kahana); mauiforestbirds.org, mauibrewingco.com. Honoapiilani

FRIDAY, JUNE 29 NARNIA – Lions and witches and wardrobes, oh my! No? Wrong musical? Myy bad. MAPA presents Narnia, a musical based on the classic novel by C.S. Lewis.. It’s that story with the courageous and spunky siblings who get transported to a ical fantasy land where they encounter an evil witch, a lion and various woodland/mythical en Musical creatures. A cast of 51 performers aged 12 to 20 was put to work in MAPA’s Teen

Theater Camp, and they covered more than 200 hours of training in acting, dancing and singing. $14 adult, $10 student 18 & under. June 29-July 8: Fridays & Saturdays at 7:30pm, Sundays at 2pm. Steppingstone Playhouse, Queen Kaahumanu Center (275 West Kaahumanu Ave.); 808-244-8760; www.mauiacademy.org

FRIDAY, JUNE 29 MAUI CHAMBER OF COMMERCE – The Maui Chamber of Commerce is holding its annual luncheon at which they will induct their new leaders and reflect on their accomplishments of the past year. Rick Blangiardi, General Manager of KHNL and KGMB9, will be the keynote speaker, sponsored by Central Pacific Bank and... Monsanto? I guess they took a quick break from bankrupting American farmers. Anyway, Blangiardi has about 35 years of experience as a TV executive: before he returned to Hawaii, he was president of Telemundo Holdings Inc. and helped lead Telemundo’s sale to NBC for $2.7 billion, the largest deal in NBC’s history. Before his TV career, Blangiardi was head coach for the UH football team. His talk, “Some Thoughts On Leading… Believing And Getting the Job Done,” will inspire and motivate business leaders. $45 for Chamber members, $60 for non-member guests. 11am-2pm. Westin Maui Resort (2365 Kaanapali Pkwy); 808-244-0081; mauichamber.com

BROTHER NOLAND – Na Hoku Hanohano Award winner and legend Brother Noland is playing at Duke’s this Friday at the release party for his latest CD, Greatest Hits 2. Brother Noland is well known throughout the islands and beyond for his innovative spirit and passion for music. He’s widely credited with popularizing the Jawaiian genre of music with his hit song “Coconut Girl,” but his talent also extends to traditional and contemporary Hawaiian music, slack key and Hawaiian swing. Noland has worked with at-risk youth on Oahu, where he was born and raised, teaching them how to play the guitar and ukulele and setting up arts programs in public parks. Clearly, the guy knows aloha. Free. 5-7pm. Duke’s Beach House, Kaanapali (130 Kai Malina Pkwy); 808-6622900; dukesmaui.com

SATURDAY, JUNE 30 HALFWAY TO NEW YEAR’S EVE – Make a mid-year resolution to attend the Halfway to New Year’s Eve Party at Diamonds Ice Bar! They’re pulling out all the stops with a countdown, balloon drop and champagne toast at midnight. You know, if that Mayan calendar gossip is true, we won’t even have another New Year’s Eve to celebrate! So party now to be on the safe side. DJ Illz will be spinning as you dance the night away with your friends in your sequined-out New Years attire. Of course, if the world doesn’t end, you can do this all again in six months. Free. 9pm. Diamonds Ice Bar & Grill (1279 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-874-9299

PIINAAU ROAD HIKE – Back in the day, lava flowed from Haleakala through this valley (the Koolau Gap) to the sea. Luckily for you, it’s now safe for hiking. Join the Maui Sierra Club for a six-mile hike that involves visiting and learning about archaeological sites and identifying some of the local flora. Bring a bathing suit, water, lunch and sunscreen. There’s an 18-hiker limit, so call hike leader Miranda Camp (808-2645640) to reserve your spot ASAP. You also need an EMI (East Maui Irrigation) waiver to go on this hike, and you can visit the Maui Sierra Club website for details. Meet at the Haiku Community Center at 8:30am to carpool. $5 donation requested for hikers over 14 ($3 for Sierra Club members). 8:30am. Haiku Community Center (Hana Highway at Pilialoha St); 808-264-5640; mauisierraclub.org

SATURDAY, JUNE 30 HALE MAHAOLU – This year marks Hale Mahaolu’s 45th anniversary, and the theme is “Through the years... Remember, Live, Dream.” Hale Mahaolu provides low- and moderate-income housing for seniors, families and people with disabilities in Maui County. Help them keep serving the community by stopping by their annual fundraiser this Saturday and buying a Chicken Hekka plate lunch from Rhonda’s Kitchen. A tasty good cause. $7/plate. 9:3011:30am. Hale Mahaolu Akahi Parking Lot (300 W. Wakea haolu.org o Ave.); 808-872-4170; halemahaolu.org

SATURDAY, JUNE 30 808 UNITED MC SHOWCASE – Check out Maui’s premier emier MC’s at Stella Blues this Saturday at the 808 United MC Showom case. Prepare for a night of underground rap and hip hop from Maui MC’s TNT and Supreme Beings along with others TBA. DJ pin Kurt, the winner of Ambrosia’s Best New DJ contest, will spin classic hip hop with a special tribute to the late MCA of the ) Beastie Boys. $10. 9:30pm. Stella Blues Cafe (1279 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-874-3779; stellablues.com

TUESDAY, JULY 3 VALENTINE INDEPENDENCE PARTY – What’s not to like? The party’s entertainment includes performances by the Ultraviolets, the Victory Girls, VJ & BBOYS and the Girly Show. The Ultraviolets are a dark light burlesque/ comedy/social commentary performance group. The Victory Girls are cheerleaders for Maui’s Pro baseball team, Na Koa Ikaika, and are known for their high-energy, pep and dance routines. It’s sure to start your Independence Day off right! $20 pre-sale, $25 at door. 10pm1:30am. Lulu’s Lahaina (1221 Honoapiilani Hwy); hotlist.com; 808-661-0808.

MIKE EPPS – Standup comic, actor, writer, rapper and knee-slapper Mike Epps is coming to Maui. Perhaps best known for his role as Day-Day Jones in Ice Cube’s Next Friday and Friday After Next, Epps has also had roles in Resident Evil, The Hangover, Sparkle and The Honeymooners. His TV career began in 1995 on HBO’s Def Comedy Jam series. Epps stars in his own standup special called Mike Epps Presents and in 2010 released a comedy rap album Bidness: Da Album. Now he’s on a sold-out stand-up tour. It’s sure to be a lot of laughs, but you shouldn’t bring the kids unless you want to yell “EARMUFFS” every two seconds. $25, $45, $55, $65 (plus fees). 7:30pm. Castle Theater, MACC (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org; mikeepps.com

SUNDAY, JULY 1 FEED MY SHEEP – Here’s a chance to help feed the hungry while feeding yourself. Duke’s is partnering with the non-profit Feed My Sheep this summer (July through September) to provide meals to families in need (not sheep). They distribute 100,000 meals to Maui families every month. All you have to do is order off the Duke’s tasting menu (available daily between 4:45 and 5:45pm), and part of the proceeds will go to Feed My Sheep. $25.95. July-September, 4:45-5:45pm. Duke’s Beach House, Lahaina (130 Kai Malina Pkwy); 808-662-2900; dukesmaui. com, feedmysheepmaui.com.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 4 HAPPY FOURTH! – Nothing says freedom like a fireworks show, karaoke and excessive quantities of apple pie. Head over to Front Street in Lahaina this Independence Day for all of the above and so much more. Live music will abound, as will food, shopping and fun. If you feel like you could just about burst with patriotism, let it out karaoke-style at Wharf Cinema Center. They’re hosting their fourth annual Fourth of July Karaoke contest. Registration begins at 4pm, then at 5pm contestants 18 and under will perform. At 6pm, adult songbirds will take the stage. It’s free and you might win prizes/realize your American Idol dreams. For more info call 808-6618748. After you’ve sung your heart out, check out the fireworks brought to you by the Maui Chamber of Commerce and many local businesses. They’re scheduled to start at 8pm. Free. All day. Front Street, Lahaina; visitlahaina.com

JUNE 28, 2012

17


Artists: Gill Montie, Mike DeVries, Bob Tyrrell, Trevelen, Billy Whitney, Mike Demasi, Mario Rosenau, Rick Walters, Ruthless, Boog, Dan Dringenberg, Roman Abrego, Q, Carlos Torres, Norm Will Rise, Teneile Napoli, Sam Clark, Big Gus, JJ Sawyer, Mick Squires, Byron Dreschler, Shay Haas, Keoni Nunes, Mike Ledger, Naoki San Ryan Smith, Allen Paulson, John Monk, Rhet Johnson, Rev Bloodpainter, Jacob Hanks, Kevin Read, Mandy Garcia, Dodge, Lisa Bennett, Chris Sawyer, Big Island Mike, Nick Nakashima, Richie Lucero Katelyn Crane, Capone, Joe Riley, Josh Crowell, Palani Pakz, 2bit Shorty, Lydia and many more!

18

JUNE 28, 2012


Film

Gleeful Raunch

A male stripper art movie

Magic Mike is great fun, but only for the first hour BY BARRY WURST II

Magic Mike ★★★★★ Rated R / 110 Min.

S

teven Soderbergh’s Magic Mike opens with the old 1970’s Warner Brother logo, an appropriate touch, since the movie has as much graphic, out-in-the-open nudity as a film made during that decade. Why all the naked flesh? In case you haven’t heard, this is a fictionalized depiction of actor Channing Tatum’s life as a stripper before he became the star of The Vow. It’s 2012 and we still don’t have a movie about the life of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. but hey, isn’t it great that the life of Channing Tatum is now a motion picture? God Bless America! Tatum plays Mike, a 30-year old stripper whose nightly bump and grind routine typically ends in a series of sexual encounters with drunken groupies. But Mike has a plan: he’s saving the money shoved into

his g-string to finance a furniture-making business. Like Jennifer Beals in Flashdance, he’s taking his passion and making it happen (although Beals never showed as much skin as Channing does in the first five minutes of this movie). Mike’s close bond with Dallas, the strip club owner (played with awesome gusto by Matthew McConaughey), has given him a steady career, until a newcomer nicknamed The Kid (Alex Petteyfer) turns everything upside down. The movie is a blur of gleeful raunch; strip routines, Mike’s coaching The Kid on the right chaps to wear and backstage drama take up much of the running time. Seeing the film in a theater was kind of like seeing Magic Mike in a strip club, as the audience was predominantly female and cheered through much of the first hour. What will heterosexual males think of this? I personally could have gone my whole life without seeing how a penis enlarger works, but you know what? The first half of the movie is fun and consistently hilarious. Yes, Tatum strips a lot

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but he’s actually an impressive dancer and McConaghey, whether teaching the proper way to thrust or wearing ass-less chaps and playing the bongo, is having a wild time sending up his own image. As with Showgirls, Boogie Nights, The Doors and any movie where debauchery runs amok, the film offers bummer second and third acts, reminding us of the emptiness and moral void that follows. When the characters stop having fun, so do we. The strip acts eventually lose their shock value, the humor fades and you’re stuck with gimme-a-break scenes like Magic Mike sitting on the beach, contemplating whether his next crotch thrust will be his last. Tatum’s still got the moves but he was more impressive in 21 Jump Street. Cody Horn, playing his love interest, is appealing

but blank. Between this, I Am Number Four and Beastly, I’m not impressed with Pettyfer as an actor but, like everyone else in the cast, he shakes his moneymaker with conviction. Soderbergh is a great director, but his more stylized contributions make this, of all things, a male stripper art movie. The magic is gone by the second hour, with even McConaughey’s tour de force losing its luster. The strippers are all one-dimensional, the story offers no real surprises and the whole thing eventually just left me cold. Like a bachelorette party that goes on way too long or a thong that chafes your okole, the film wears out its welcome. ■ To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1602f

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Film

Showtimes

WHERE AND WHEN TO WATCH WHAT BY IVY DAMASCO

FRONT STREET THEATER

KUKUI MALL

900 Front St., Lahaina, 249-2222 (Matinees: M-F until 6:30pm, Sa-Su until 3:30pm, Discount Tue) Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter-R-WED (1:15), 4:00, 7:00, 9:35. The Amazing Spider-Man-PG13-TUE-WED (12:45), 4:00, 7:15, 10:20. Brave-PG-THU (1:15, 3:45), 6:45, 9:15. SATSUN (1:15), 3:45, 6:45, 9:15. MON-WED (1:15, 3:45), 6:45, 9:15. Madagascar 3-PG-WED (1:00), 3:45, 6:55, 9:15. Prometheus-R-THU (1:20, 4:20), 6:55, 9:45. Snow White and the Huntsman-PG13-THU (1:00, 4:00), 7:00, 9:50. SAT-SUN (1:00), 4:00, 7:00, 9:45. MON-WED (1:00, 4:00), 7:00, 9:45. Ted-R-SAT-SUN (1:30), 4:20, 7:05, 9:30. MONWED (1:30, 4:20), 7:05, 9:30. That’s My Boy-R-THU (1:30, 4:20), 7:05, 9:50. SAT-SUN (1:20), 4:20, 6:55, 9:45. MON-WED (1:20, 4:20), 6:55, 9:45.

1819 S. Kihei Rd., 1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: every day until 4pm; Tues/Wed info not available at press time) Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter-R-THU 11:20, 1:45, 4:15, 7:00, 9:30. Brave-PG-THU 11:05, 1:20, 3:45, 6:00, 8:20, 10:30. Madagascar 3-PG-THU 11:00, 1:10, 3:20, 5:30, 7:40, 9:50. Rock of Ages-PG13-THU 11:10, 1:50, 4:30, 7:10, 10:00. Ted-R

KA’AHUMANU 6 Queen Ka’ahumanu Shopping Center, Kahului. 1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: every day until 4pm; Tues/Wed info not available at press time) Brave-PG-THU 11:00, 1:20, 3:40, 6:00, 8:20, 10:35. FRI-SAT 11:00, 1:20, 3:40, 6:00, 8:20, 10:35. SUN-MON 11:00, 1:20, 3:40, 6:00, 8:20. Brave 3D-PG-THU 12:20, 2:40, 5:00, 7:20, 9:35. FRI-MON 12:20, 2:40, 5:00, 7:20, 9:35. Men in Black III-PG13-THU 12:45, 3:05, 5:25, 7:50, 10:15. FRI-MON 12:15, 2:35, 4:55, 7:15, 9:35. Rock of Ages-PG13-THU 10:45. Seeking a Friend for the End of the World-R-THU 12:00, 2:30, 5:00, 7:45, 10:10. FRI-MON 12:00, 2:30, 5:00, 7:45, 10:10. Snow White and the Huntsman-PG13-THU 12:30, 12:45, 3:30, 3:45, 7:00, 7:10, 9:45, 10:00. FRI-MON 12:30, 12:45, 3:30, 3:45, 7:00, 7:10, 9:45, 10:00.

MAUI MALL MEGAPLEX Maui Mall, Kahului, 249-2222 (Matinees: M-Th until 6pm, F-Su until 3:30pm; Tues/Wed info not available at press time) Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter-R-THU (1:45, 4:15), 6:45, 9:15. FRI-MON 10:30, 1:00, 3:20, 5:50, 8:15, 10:30. FRI (1:40, 4:05), 6:45, 9:15. SAT-SUN (1:40), 4:05, 6:45, 9:15. MON (1:40, 4:05), 6:45, 9:15. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter 3D-R-THU (12:00, 2:30, 5:00), 7:30, 10:00. FRI (11:45, 2:15, 4:45), 7:15, 9:45. SAT-SUN (11:45, 2:15), 4:45, 7:15, 9:45. MON (11:45, 2:15, 4:45), 7:15, 9:45. The Avengers-PG13-THU (2:55). FRI-MON (11:40, 2:55), 6:20, 9:25. The Avengers 3D-PG13-THU (11:35), 6:20, 9:25. Battleship-PG13-THU (12:35, 3:35), 6:35, 9:35. Brave-PG-FRI-MON 10:45, 1:05, 3:30, 6:00, 8:20, 10:35. Madagascar 3-PG-THU (11:30, 1:15, 3:45, 4:10), 6:15, 8:45, 9:10. FRI-MON 10:20, 12:30, 2:40. FRI (1:15, 3:35, 5:55), 8:15. SAT-SUN (1:15), 3:35, 5:55, 8:15. MON (1:15, 3:35, 5:55), 8:15. Madagascar 3 3D-G-THU (11:45, 1:50, 2:15, 4:45), 6:50, 7:15, 9:40. FRI (11:50, 2:05, 4:15), 6:40, 8:55. SAT-SUN (11:50, 2:05), 4:15, 6:40, 8:55. MON (11:50, 2:05, 4:15), 6:40, 8:55.

NEW THIS WEEK

NOW PLAYING

THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN - PG13 - Ac-

ABRAHAM LINCOLN: VAMPIRE HUNTER - R

tion/Comic - Yes, they’re remaking a movie that came out barely 10 years ago. But who cares? If you miss this one, don’t worry, because they’ll probably just remake it again next year. 136 min.

- Action/History - The title says it all. 105 min.

MAGIC MIKE - R - Drama/Comedy - A male

stripper (Channing Tatum) mentors a younger guy on how to party, pick up chicks and such. See this week’s film critique. 110 min. MOONRISE KINGDOM - PG13 - Comedy/

Drama - Here’s Wes Anderson’s latest quirky film, on a pair of very young lovers on the run from a small New England town. 94 min.

THE AVENGERS - PG13 - Action - You’ve

seen all the back stories, and now Iron Man, Thor, the Hulk, Captain America and the rest get together with Samuel L. Jackson to save the world from Loki. Sure, why not. Joss Whedon directs. 142 min. BRAVE - PG - Animation - Some Scottish redhead uses courage and archery to undo a curse or something. 93 min. MADAGASCAR 3 - PG - Animation - Alex,

PEOPLE LIKE US - PG13 - Drama - A guy

Marty, Gloria and Melman are still trying to get back to New York. 85 min.

(Chris Pine) loses his dad, then gets to take $150,000 of the old man’s loot to a sister he never actually met. 95 min.

MEN IN BLACK 3 - PG13 - Comedy - Agent J

TED - R - Comedy - Mark Wahlberg plays a

guy who’s childhood teddy bear comes alive (and has director Seth MacFarlane’s voice) for some reason. 106 min. TYLER PERRY’S: MADEA’S WITNESS PROTECTION - PG13 - Comedy - Madea

shelters a Wall Street banker squealing on a mob-backed Ponzi scheme. Sure, happens all the time. 114 min.

(Will Smith) goes back in time to save his friend Agent K (Tommy Lee Jones) from being assassinated when he was young (Josh Brolin). 106 min. PROMETHEUS - R - Sci-Fi - This is the Alien prequel-that’s-not-a-prequel you’ve been waiting for. 124 min.

Magic Mike-R-FRI (11:30, 1:55, 4:25), 7:00, 9:35. SAT-SUN (11:30, 1:55), 4:25, 7:00, 9:35. MON (11:30, 1:55, 4:25), 7:00, 9:35. Moonrise Kingdom-PG13-FRI (11:35, 1:45, 4:00), 6:30, 8:50. SAT-SUN (11:35, 1:45), 4:00, 6:30, 8:50. MON (11:35, 1:45, 4:00), 6:30, 8:50. People Like Us-PG13-FRI (1:50, 4:30), 7:10, 9:50. SAT-SUN (1:50), 4:30, 7:10, 9:50. MON (1:50, 4:30), 7:10, 9:50. Prometheus-R-THU (12:05, 3:00), 6:00, 9:00. FRI-MON (3:00). Prometheus 3D-R-THU (12:55, 4:00), 7:00, 9:45. FRI-MON (12:05), 6:00, 9:00. Rock of Ages-PG13-FRI-SUN 5:00, 7:40, 10:15. MON 5:00, 7:40. Ted-R-FRI-MON 10:35, 1:10, 3:40, 6:10, 8:30, 10:45. FRI (12:00, 2:30, 5:00), 7:30, 10:00. SAT-SUN (12:00, 2:30), 5:00, 7:30, 10:00. MON (12:00, 2:30, 5:00), 7:30, 10:00. That’s My Boy-R-THU (1:00, 1:40, 3:50, 4:30), 6:40, 7:20, 9:20, 9:55. FRI (1:35, 4:20), 7:05, 9:40. SAT-SUN (1:35), 4:20, 7:05, 9:40. MON (1:35, 4:20), 7:05, 9:40. Tyler Perry’s: Madea’s Witness Protection-PG13FRI (1:30, 4:10), 6:50, 9:30. SAT-SUN (1:30), 4:10, 6:50, 9:30. MON (1:30, 4:10), 6:50, 9:30. What to Expect When You’re Expecting-PG13THU (11:40, 2:10, 4:55), 7:25, 9:50.

Thursday

Friday

Saturday

Tuesday

WHARF CINEMA CENTER 658 Front St., Lahaina 249-2222 (Matinees: Tue all shows, until 6pm every other day) Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter-R-THU (1:30, 4:20), 7:05, 9:40. MON-TUE (1:15, 4:00), 7:00, 9:35. Madagascar 3-PG-THU (1:00, 3:45), 6:55, 9:15. MON-TUE (1:00, 3:45), 6:55, 9:15. Magic Mike-R-MON-TUE (1:30, 4:20), 7:05, 9:40. Rock of Ages-PG13-THU (1:15, 4:00), 7:00, 9:45

other people. 123 min. SEEKING A FRIEND FOR THE END OF THE WORLD - R - Comedy - Hearing that

an asteroid is headed towards Earth, some guy (Steve Carell) goes off to find his high school sweetheart. Roadtrip! 101 min. SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN -

PG13 - Action - Don’t look for Dopey in this radical adaption of the Snow White classic, in which the Huntsman (Chris Hemsworth) turns Snow White (Kristen Stewart) into a warrior maiden to topple the Evil Queen (Charlize Theron). 127 min. THAT’S MY BOY - R - Comedy - Adam Sandler plays the father of some guy played by Andy Samberg. Crazy stuff ensues, and I think Vanilla Ice shows up. 114 min.

LAST CHANCE BATTLESHIP - PG13 - Action - A US Navy fleet (led by Liam Neeson) does battle with an alien squadron. And yes, this is based on the popular board game. 131 min.

ROCK OF AGES - PG13 - Comedy - Cliches

WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU’RE EXPECTING - PG13 - Comedy - Five couples

collide in this look at drugged-out rockers, Hollywood dreams and love in 1987. Starring Tom Cruise, Julianne Hough and some

discover that having a baby isn’t what they thought it would be like. Really? They had to make a movie about that? 110 min.

JUNE 28, 2012

21


Calendar

Da Kine Calendar BY JENNA SCHAMBER

BIG SHOWS STELLA’S SUPPER CLUB WITH HAPA - Fri, Jun 29. A 4-course dinner featuring live music by Hapa. $60. 6pm Stella Blues Cafe, (1279 S. Kihei Rd., # 201); 808-874-3779; stellablues.com THE HOLLYWOOD SWING CANTEEN - Fri, Jun 29. A 1940s themed evening featuring the styles of USO, Swing, Big Band, and Hollywood Glam. Swing into summer with the Sirens of Song, the Kit Kat Club Cabaret & Trevor Arnholt. The event features specialty cocktails, catered food and a pin-up fashion show. $15, VIP tables are available for purchase at the door for an additional $10 (per guest at table) on a first come, first serve basis. 6:30pm Maui Tropical Plantation, (1670 Honoapiilani Hwy., Wailuku); 808-244-7643; hollywoodswing.eventbrite.com MIKE EPPS - See picks on p. 17 for info. Sat, Jun 30. 7:30pm Castle Theater, MACC, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org SONADA MALAY - Fri, Jun 29. California Electronic Soul Duo, Sonada Malay, brings an amazing mix of vocals, groove and message to Maui. Keeping the righteous vibes with some sexy R&B on the side. No Cover. 8-10pm Ambrosia, (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-891-1011; facebook.com/sonadamalay 808 UNITED MC SHOWCASE - See picks on p. 17 for info. Sat, Jun 30. 9:30pm Stella Blues Cafe, (1279 S. Kihei Rd., # 201); 808874-3779; stellablues.com HAPPY HAP H APPY A Y HOU HOUR OU UR 3 3-6PM/LIVE 6PM PM/LIV LIVE M MUSIC USI US U SCE SI EVERY VE V E WEEKEND

THURSDAY Y 6.28

OPEN MIC NIGHT

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FRIDAY 6.29

FIRE & ICE W/

ICELANDIC DJ HAFFIHAFF

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SATURDAY TURDA URDAY AY 6 6.30 30

MAUI UNDERGROUND Ă‹N Âş -Ă‚ Ă‚,#)

SUNDAY SU SUNDA UNDAY AY 7 7.1 1

ACOUSTIC SESSIONS WITH

CHAD KAYA 9PM

-Ă‚ Ă‚,#) Âş & Ăˆ$ Ă‚$$ ĂˆĂ (OĂ‚)

WEDNESD WEDNESDA WEDNESDAY DA AY Y 7.2 7.

BLUES WITH THE HOUSE SHAKERS 8:30PM Âş -Ă‚ Ă‚,#)

808.879.3133

1945 S Kihei Road, Suite G 22 JUNE 28, 2012

VALENTINE INDEPENDENCE PARTY - See picks on p. 17 for info. Tue, Jul 3. 10pm1:30am Lulu’s Lahaina Surf Club & Grill, (Lahaina Cannery Mall, 1221 Honoapiilani Hwy. #A1); 808-661-0808; luluslahaina.com

STAGE ‘ULALENA - Mon-Fri. A nonpareil portal to Hawaiian history and kanaka maoli lore; what ‘Ulalena accomplishes–five night a weeks for 12 years strong–is without a doubt the most powerful cultural education available for our visitors (and ourselves). Starting at $24.50 keiki / $59.50 adults. Dinner and VIP packages available. 6:30pm Maui Theatre, (Old Lahaina Center, 878 Front St.); 1-877-688-4800; mauitheatre.com NARNIA, THE MUSICAL - See picks on p. 17 for info. Fri & Sat. show: 7:30pm / Sun. show: 2pm. Steppingstone Playhouse, (Queen Kaahumanu Center, 275 W. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-244-8760; mauiacademy.org

TICKETS ON SALE STELLA’S SUPPER CLUB WITH HAPA - Fri, Jul 6 and Fri, Jul 20. A 4-course dinner featuring live music by Hapa. $60. 6pm Stella Blues Cafe, (1279 S. Kihei Rd., # 201); 808874-3779; stellablues.com THE PRODUCERS - Fri, Jul 6 through Jul Sun, Jul 29. A Mel Gibson Musical. Winner of a record 12 Tony Awards! Max Bialystock, a once great Broadway Producer grabs Leo Bloom, his accountant, and attempts to produce the big-

gest flop possible. F & Sat. 7:30 pm/ Sun. 3:00 pm. $17-28. 7:30pm Iao Theater, (68 N. Market St., Wailuku); 808-242-6969; mauionstage.com

EVENTS THURSDAY, JUNE 28 SING ALONG WITH UNCLE WAYNE Wayne Watkins is the featured performer for “Dream Big, READ!� This year’s program theme will encourage young readers to revel in the wonders of night–dreams, lullabies, bedtime and campfire stories, as well as ghosts and nocturnal animals! Free. 10-11am Makawao Public Library, (1159 Makawao Ave.); 808-573-8785; librarieshawaii.org ARTIST IN RESIDENCE: CARMEN GARDNER - Carmen has always treasured the creative “process,� the “getting there,� more than the arrival at a final product or performance. To that end, she is now honored to be sharing the adventure with the many “Maui Masters� who make the Valley Isle their home. Free. 1-5pm Maui Hands, Kaanapali, (200 Nohea Kai Dr.); 808-667-7997; mauihands.com ‘GROW YOUR BUSINESS’ IN 90 MINUTES DINNER SEMINAR - Whether you are an aspiring entrepreneur, a new business owner, or seasoned in your expertise, you will walk away with newfound ideas to catapult your business to the next level! RSVP in advance is required. $20 + Dinner Cost. 5:30-8:30pm Maui Tropical Plantation, (1670 Honoapiilani Hwy., Wailuku); meetup.com/mauibusinessbrainstormers; organizers@mauibusinessbrainstormers.org HAWAIIAN MUSIC SERIES - Great live Hawaiian music continues on Front Street as the monthly series features Kamehameha School Maui Hawaiian Ensemble. The ensemble is comprised of interested and qualified students who share their culture through hula, mele and oli. Free. 6-7:30pm Baldwin Home Museum, (120 Dickenson St., Lahaina); 808-661-3262; lahainarestoration.org SCREENING OF ART21: CHANGE - Art21 illuminates the creative process of today’s visual artists. This episode features artists who bear witness, through their work, to transformation - cultural, material and aesthetic – and actively engage communities as their subjects. Free. 6pm McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808242-7469 (SHOW); mauiarts.org MAUI SMUG - The in-real-life forum for all social media users on Maui. Capacity is limited. Be sure to register early. Free (not catered). 4-6:30pm MEDB’s Malcom Center, (1305 N. Holopono St., Ste. 1, Kihei); mauismug.com

FRIDAY, JUNE 29 MAUI CHAMBER OF COMMERCE ANNUAL INSTALLATION MEETING - See picks on p. 17 for info. 11am-2pm. Westin Maui Resort & Spa, (2365 Kaanapali Pkwy., Lahaina); mauichamber.com SING ALONG WITH UNCLE WAYNE Wayne Watkins will be a featured performer for “Dream Big, READ!� This year’s program

theme will encourage young readers to revel in the wonders of night–dreams, lullabies, bedtime and campfire stories, as well as ghosts and nocturnal animals! Free. 10:30-11:30am Kihei Public Library, (35 Waimahaihai St.); 808-875-6833; librarieshawaii.org HANGIN’ WITH HONU - Discover the fascinating story behind the green sea turtles at Maui Ocean Center with an up close turtle encounter at Turtle Lagoon. You’ll also have the chance to chat with a special guest speaker about interesting turtle facts. Included with aquarium admission. 11am-2pm Maui Ocean Center, (192 Ma’alaea Rd.); 808-270-7000; mauioceancenter.com ANTONIO ROCHA’S ‘JUNGLE TALES’ PERFORMANCE - Antonio Rocha, an awardwinning storyteller, mime, and actor from Brazil, will be a featured performer for the HSPLS Children’s Summer Reading Program. Experience Rocha’s “Jungle Tales,� a wild trip into the jungles of Africa and Brazil. Free. 2pm Hana Public & School Library, (4111 Hana Hwy.); 808-248-4848; librarieshawaii.org IPO KUDLICH ART SHOW - Local girl Ipo Kudlich is a talented multimedia artist. She is best known for her natural fiber weavings inspired by the vivid colors & natural materials of the Hawaiian Islands. Her gift for expressive ceramic mask and vessel making rivals her weavings. Free. 4:30-7:30pm Maui Hands, Lahaina, (612 Front St., Ste. D); 808-667-9898; mauihands.com BROTHER NOLAND’S “GREATEST HITS 2� CD RELEASE PARTY - See picks on p. 17 for info. 5-7pm Duke’s Beach House, (130 Kai Malina Pkwy., Lahaina); 808-6622900; dukesmaui.com ISRAELI FOLK DANCING GROUP’S POTLUCK DINNER & FOLK DANCING PARTY - The IFDG of Maui invites Ira Weisburd and his wife to a potluck dinner/folk dancing party. Ira is an award-winning, internationally recognized choreographer based in Florida, who was the first non-Israeli to be recognized as an Israeli choreographer. Call Dan at 808-280-1051 for more info and to coordinate food. 6pm Grace Church School Cafeteria, (55 Makaena Pl., Makawao) OPENING RECEPTION OF “DREAMING IN COLOR� EXHIBIT - Viewpoints Gallery is proud to present “Dreaming in Color,� an exhibit by artists Janet Davis, Debbie Brown, Rona Smith and Joan Davis. Free. 6pm Viewpoints Gallery, (3620 Baldwin Ave., Makawao); 808572-5979; viewpointsgallerymaui.com DIVAS NIGHT OUT AT SPA GRANDE Fashion and Beauty Boot Camp, two hour exclusive after-hours access to Spa Grande’s hydrotherapy circuit, chocolate baths and spa products, sinful desserts, chocolate fondue, truffles and hor d’oeuvres. $50 per diva, $25 per little diva. 8-10pm Spa Grande at Grand Wailea Resort, (3850 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808875-1234, ext. 4949; grandwailea.com KAHANA CANOE CLUB FUNDRAISER - Featuring DJ Big Mike of All Access. $10 presale, $15 at door. 9pm-2am Lulu’s Lahaina Surf Club & Grill, (Lahaina Cannery Mall, 1221 Honoapiilani Hwy. #A1); 808-661-0808


TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

6/28

6/29

6/30

7/1

7/2-7/4

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

ALE HOUSE

Pi’ilani Arias 5-9pm; no cover

Innavision Fundraiser 9pm; $10 cover

Flashback Saturdays Dance Party w/ DJ Z 9:30pm; no cover

Sunday Skool Nightclub (Hip Hop) w/ DJ Jamn J 10pm; no cover

MON - Clay Mortensen Trio, 4-7pm TUE - Bad Kitty, 8:30pm WED - Karaoke w/ Braddah Francis, 8pm (all sets no cover)

AMBROSIA

Jamie Gallo, 7pm / DigiLuxe w/ DJ Kurt,10pm (both sets no cover)

DJ CIA’s Birthday Party Music from DJs CIA & Del Sol, 10pm; no cover

Sunrize Saturdaze w/ DJ Decka 10pm; no cover

Ultra w/ DJ CIA 10pm; no cover

MON - DJ Skinny Guy / TUE - DJ LaRage WED - Red, White & Blue Party (all sets 10pm; no cover)

355 E. Kamehameha, Kahului - 877-9001

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-1011

Ladies Night 10pm-close; no cover

BLUE LAGOON

Wharf Cinema Center, 658 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4900

MON - Open Mic w/ MT, 10pm-close; no cover

Bob Jones 7-9:30pm; no cover

Jonny Ringo 7-9:30pm; no cover

Sam Ahia 7-9:30pm; no cover

MON - Dave Caroll / TUE - Jordan Cuddy / WED - Ekolu Kalama (all sets 7-9:30pm; no cover)

Conscious Roots and Pa’a Mana 10pm; $10

DJ Sweet Beets & E.L.F. Underwater Theme 10pm; $10

The Mana’o Radio Orchestra “Unplugged” 2-5pm; $7 donation

WED - Casanova’s Famous Ladies’ Night: “Back to the Future: w/ DJ Blast & Chilltown Productions, 10pm; $10

Samuel David Rucker 6:30-8:30pm; no cover

The Kryptones feat. Dani Girl 10pm; $10

The Maui Pranksters Grateful Dead Tribute Band 10pm; $10

Will Hartzog 7:30-10pm; no cover

Jonny Ringo 7:30-10pm; no cover

Dave Carroll 7:30-10pm; no cover

Erin Smith 7:30-10pm; no cover

MON - Peter D, 7:30-10pm / TUE - Jazz, 7:30-10pm WED - Jordan Cuddy, 7:30-10pm

Pool Tournament 6:30pm; no cover

Annie and the Orfinz 8:30pm; no cover

Halfway to NYE Party w/ DJ ILLZ & the Diamond Girls, 9pm; no cover

The House Shakers 6:30pm; no cover

MON - Gomega / TUE - Rampage WED - Jukebox Party (all sets 10pm; no cover)

DOG & DUCK IRISH PUB

Quiz Night 7pm; no cover

Dance Party 10pm; no cover

Live Music 10pm; no cover

HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH

Rampage 9pm-close; no cover

Dat Guyz 9pm-close; no cover

Super Dub Tribe 9pm-close; no cover

DJ Kurt & DJ TRVR 10pm-1am; no cover

The House Shakers 8-11pm; no cover

Karaoke

Karaoke

CAPTAIN JACK’S ISLAND GRILL Wharf Cinema Center, 672 Front St., Lahaina - 667-0988

Adam Masterson 7-9:30pm; no cover

CASANOVA

1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-0220

CHARLEY’S

142 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-8085

COOL CAT CAFE

Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina - 667-0908

DIAMONDS ICE BAR 1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-9299

1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 875-9669

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-8010

HARD ROCK CAFE 900 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7400

ISANA

515 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-8199

SATURDAY, JUNE 30 WAILUKU HONGWANJI MISSION’S YARD SALE - A new multi-purpose center is the goal of “Vision 2030”, a long-range fundraising project. An annual yard sale is held for this purpose. Members are still collecting and sorting out clothing, toys, books, and household items that will go on sale. Also available are spam musubi, nishime and chow fun. 7am-12pm Wailuku Hongwanji Mission, (1828 Vineyard St.); 808-877-5711; wtanak555@hotmail.com MECO ANNUAL RUMMAGE SALE - MECO employees are hosting their annual Rummage Sale to benefit United Way. Toys, books, clothing, household items & more! If you would like to donate items for the sale, please call. Clean, gently used items will be accepted from June 27-29. Cash only please. 8am-12pm MECO Auditorium, (210 W. Kamehameha Ave., Kahului); 808-872-3216 PI’INAAU ROAD HIKE - See picks on p. 17 for info. 8:30am 808-264-5640; hi.sierraclub.org LAHAINA CANNERY MALL’S 1ST ANNUAL SUMMER CARD BATTLE - See the best duelists compete! Three of the world’s most popular trading card games, Magic the Gathering, YuGiOh and the new Cardfight Vanguard will be featured. MTG at 12pm, YuGiOh at 3pm and Vanguard to follow. Magic $20 Yugioh $5 Vanguard $5. Lahaina Cannery Mall, (1221 Honoapiilani Hwy.); 808-661-4766; facebook. com/groups/mauimtg LAHAINA ARTS SOCIETY’S FINE ART FAIR - Today, Sun & Wed. Under the shade of

Karaoke

Lahaina’s famous banyan tree, over 50 select Maui artists show and sell their work. Find unique treasures including jewelry, art, hand-sewn items, candles and time travel at the Historic Old Lahaina Courthouse. Free. 9am-5pm Banyan Tree Park, (649 Wharf St., Lahaina); visitlahaina.com HALE MAHAOLU ANNUAL FUNDRAISER See picks on p. 17 for info. 9:30-11:30am Hale Mahaolu Akahi Parking Lot, (300 W. Wakea Ave., Kahului); 808-872-4170 ANTONIO ROCHA’S ‘JUNGLE TALES’ PERFORMANCE - Antonio Rocha, an awardwinning storyteller, mime, and actor from Brazil, will be a featured performer for the HSPLS Children’s Summer Reading Program. Experience Rocha’s “Jungle Tales,” a wild trip into the jungles of Africa and Brazil. Free. 10am Makawao Public Library, (1159 Makawao Ave.); 808-573-8785; librarieshawaii.org SING ALONG WITH UNCLE WAYNE - Wayne Watkins will be a featured performer for “Dream Big, READ!” This year’s program theme will encourage young readers to revel in the wonders of night–dreams, lullabies, bedtime and campfire stories, as well as ghosts and nocturnal animals! Free. 11am-12pm Lahaina Public Library, (680 Wharf St.); 808-662-3950; librarieshawaii.org MAUI ONSTAGE “TEASER” OF THE PRODUCERS - Catch a glimpse of Maui OnStage’s Summer show, The Producers! 11:30am-12pm Queen Kaahumanu Center, (275 W. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-2426969; queenkaahumanucenter.com MAUI DANCE ADVOCATES’ 6-HOUR DANCE-A-THON - Everyone is welcome to

TUE - Eric Dotterer & Jonathan Drexler, 6:30-9pm; no cover

MON - Glen Awong, 10pm; no cover Karaoke Industry Night 8pm-close; no cover

come down and dance to bring support for a new dance ordinance. It is like a walk-a-thon only you will dance for up to 6 hours. You do not have to dance all 6 hours. Six hours is the most you can dance when accepting donations. Extra parking at Makawao Union Church upper lot. Free. 12-6pm Rainbow Park, (Baldwin Ave., Paia); 808-264-7691; mauidanceadvocates.com; info@mauidanceadvocates.com SING ALONG WITH UNCLE WAYNE Wayne Watkins will be a featured performer for “Dream Big, READ!” This year’s program theme will encourage young readers to revel in the wonders of night–dreams, lullabies, bedtime and campfire stories, as well as ghosts and nocturnal animals! Free. 2:30-3:30pm Kahului Public Library, (90 School St.); 808873-3097; librarieshawaii.org FINAL SHOWING OF HULIAU ENVIRONMENTAL FILM FESTIVAL - The event, hosted by Maui Huliau Foundation, a 501(c)(3) non-profit, showcases 7 short environmental films made by Maui students ages 12-18 including documentaries, educational fiction, and claymation films. Free (donations accepted). 7pm Seabury Hall Performing Arts Studio, (480 Olinda Rd., Makawao); 808-572-0807; mauihuliaufoundation.org/festival HALFWAY TO NEW YEAR’S EVE PARTY - See picks on p. 17 for info. 9pm Diamonds Ice Bar & Grill, (1279 S. Kihei Rd. #314); 808874-9299; diamondsmaui.angelfire.com HAWAII ANIMAL RESCUE FOUNDATION DOG ADOPTIONS - HARF removes dogs from shelters filled to capacity, provides them veterinary and foster care, and then finds them

MON - Karaoke, 8pm-close / TUE - Music videos w/ DJ Daizy, 9pm-close / WED - Open Mic Night, 9pm-close (all sets no cover)

WED - Karaoke

homes. Come meet our furry friends!. 10am4pm Petco, (270 Dairy Rd., #144, Kahului); 808-876-0022; hawaiiananimalrescue.org

SUNDAY, JULY 1 ART-BQ - Every Sunday, enjoy free food, libations (it’s mostly BYOB, but there’s always a little champagne in the cooler), and a showcase of Guy’s latest artwork. Free. 6:30pm Guy Junker Art Studio, (Emerald Plaza, 106 Kupuohi St. B-1, Lahaina); 808-661-0923; guyjunker.com SUNSET JAZZ - Free. 6:30-9:30pm Center Stage, Whalers Village, (2435 Ka’anapali Pkwy.); 808-661-4567; whalersvillage.com

MONDAY, JULY 2 “GROWING UP ON MAUI” BY ANGEL MELODY - Daily starting today. Lahaina Arts Society is hosting Angel Melody and her feature show, “Growing Up On Maui”, an exhibit of new oil paintings. Born on Maui, Lahainaluna/ MCC grad Angel Melody has been exhibiting her paintings in Lahaina art galleries since she was 5 years old. Free. Banyan Tree Gallery, (648 Wharf St., Lahaina); lahaina-arts.com

TUESDAY, JULY 3 BENEFIT FOR LEILANI FARM SANCTUARY AT FLATBREAD - Animal enthusiasts and supporters of the sanctuary’s education programs can take advantage of a fun and delicious opportunity to show their support by attending. This event features a silent auction and entertainment by Soul Kitchen. A portion of all pizza sales will be donated by the restaurant to the sanctuary. 5:30-10pm Flatbread Company, (89 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-298-8544; leilanifarmsanctuary.org; info@leilanifarmsanctuary.org

JUNE 28, 2012 23


VOTED BEST HAPPY HOUR ON MAUI! 4 ,*)&* 3% t ". ". %"*-: t %*//&3 A5*- 1.

JUNE 28

TH UR S

SA LS A NI GH T W/ NIETO & BARBARA 7:3 0P M- 9:3 0

FR I

JUNE 29

BOTTOMS UP FRIDAYS

W/ NE XT LE VE L EN TE RT AIN ME NT 1 . r / 0 $ 07 &3

SAT

JUNE 30

TU E

JULY 3

JUNEBUG SLIM & ASSAULT SQUAD RIDERZ "/ % . 03 & r 1. TACO TUESDAYS

$

4-10PM 2.50 TACOS, CORONA, DOS XX & PACIFICOS

EVAN SHULMAN

FRIDAY 6PM - 9PM All Ages NO COVER “All IS ONE� INDUSTRY NIGHT

DJ KURT & DJ TRVR (HOUSE, HIP HOP, DUBSTEP)

INDUSTRY DRINK PRICING FRIDAY 10PM - 1AM 21+ NO COVER

THE HOUSE SHAKERS

SATURDAY 8PM - 11PM 21+ NO COVER Happy Hour EVERY NIGHT 8pm-close (at bar top only, dining room excluded) $3 domestic drafts - $4 premium cocktails $4 domestic bottles - $5 Wines That Rock!

24 JUNE 28, 2012


TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

6/28

6/29

6/30

7/1

7/2-7/4

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

JAVA JAZZ

3350 L. Honoapiilani Rd. - 667-0787

JAY’S PLACE

Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina - 661-6699

KAHALE’S

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 875-7711

KIMO’S

845 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4811

Guest Performer 7pm - close; no cover

Mallori Danielle 9pm-close; no cover

Open Mic Night w/ Johnny Ringo 10pm-close; no cover

Kawika, 7pm

Kenny Roberts, 7pm

Eight Track Players, 7pm

John Grover, 7pm

MON - That’s What I’m Talking About TUE - Da Ha-y-ans WED - Herb Anderson (all sets 7pm)

1810 6:30-8:30pm; no cover

Barefoot Minded 8-10pm; no cover

1810 / Sam’s Jazz All Stars, 8-10pm; no cover

Benny Uyetake & Glenn Kakagawa 6-8pm; no cover

MON - Benny Uyetake & Glenn Kakagawa, 6-8pm / TUE-WED Sam Ahia, 6:30-8:30pm (all sets no cover)

Karaoke & Dancing w/ Auntie Toddy Lilikoi 9:30-close; no cover

Karaoke & Dancing w/ Auntie Toddy Lilikoi 9:30-close; no cover

KOBE STEAKHOUSE

136 Dickenson St., Lahaina - 667-5555

LAHAINA CAFE

843 Waine’e St., Lahaina - 667-6655

Free Karaoke w/ Danny DJ 10pm-12am; no cover

Rick Glencross 7pm - close; no cover

MON - Farzad & Mike Madden / TUE - Farzad & Mike Madden / WED - Tracy Stiles (all sets 7pmclose; no cover)

Rick Glencross 7pm - close; no cover

Farzad & Mike Madden 7pm - close; no cover

WED - Jordan Tolentino, 9pm; no cover

Pool Tournament 7-9pm

MON - Trivia Night w/ John, 7-9pm / TUE - Open Mic w/ Kenny, 10pm-12am / WED Megatouch Game Day w/ Katie, 7-9pm

L‘AVA SPORTS BAR & KARAOKE

Free Karaoke

Live Music

DJs & Go-Go Dancers

TUE - Free Karaoke

LILIKOI RESTAURANT & WINE BAR

Eric Dotterer 7-9:30pm; no cover

Elaine Ryan 7-9:30pm; no cover

Kahala 7-9:30pm; no cover

MON - Open Mic Night, 6-10pm; no cover

TUE - Valentine Independence Party, WED - Open Mic w/ Red & Catfish (both sets 9:30pm; no cover)

1088 Lower Main St., Wailuku - 244-4888

810 Haiku Rd., Haiku - 575-2629

FREAQuency Fridays w/ DJ Benjamin Jay, 10pm; $5

LONGHI’S LAHAINA 888 Front St., Lahaina - 667-2288

LULU’S LAHAINA

Lahaina Cannery Mall - 661-0808

Karaoke Night 10:30pm; no cover

Kahana Canoe Club Fundraiser w/ DJ Big Mike of All Access, 9pm; $15

Tropix Saturday’s feat. DJs Big Mike and Money Mike 10pm-close; $10

MERRIMAN’S

Ranga Pae, 6-9pm

Ranga Pae, 6-9pm

Ranga Pae, 6-9pm

Ranga Pae, 6-9pm

MON - The Benoits / TUE - David Choy / WED - Ranga Pae (all sets 6-9pm)

Victoria Holman, 6:30-8:30pm / Pub Quiz Night w/ Trish da Dish, 9:30pm (both sets no cover)

Sebrina Barron 6:30-8:30pm; no cover

The Sirens 6:30-9pm; no cover

The Celtic Tigers w/ Bagpiper Roger McKinely 6:30-9:30pm; no cover

MON - Joel Katz, 6:30-8:30pm; no cover TUE - Brenton Keith, 7-8pm; no cover WED - Willie K, 7-9pm; dinner & show $65

Live Salsa Music w/ Nieto & Barbara 7:30-9:30pm; no cover

Next Level Entertainment presents Bottoms Up Fridays, 10pm; no cover

Junebug Slim & Assault Squad Riderz 10pm; no cover

1 Bay Club Pl., Kapalua - 669-6400

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea - 874-1131

OCEANS BAR & GRILL 1819 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-2414

WEDNESDAY, JULY 4 12TH ANNUAL 4TH OF JULY FIREWORKS CELEBRATION AND FOOD FAIR - See picks on p. 17. 8pm. (Front Street); visitlahaina.com FOURTH OF JULY AT WHALERS VILLAGE - Cultural hula lessons, from 12-1pm. Face painting, from 2-3pm. Magic and comedy by Brenton Keith & His Bag O’Tricks, from 3:304:30pm. It’s wild performance art at its finest, with sleight-of-hand and impeccable timing, guaranteed to evoke many laughs. Free. In and around Center Stage, (2435 Ka’anapali Pkwy.); 808-661-4567; whalersvillage.com THE WHARF’S 4TH OF JULY KARAOKE CONTEST - See picks on p. 17. 5pm. The Wharf Cinema Centers Shops and Restaurants, (658 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-8748 2012 MAUI INVITATIONAL MUSIC FESTIVAL PRESENTS JULY 4TH CONCERT IN THE PARK - Bring your lawn chair and enjoy this outdoor musical extravaganza featuring the Maui Community Band performing patriotic favorites and popular Hawaiian music. Spectacular fireworks display is the finale of a great show. Free. 5:30-10pm Lahaina Library, (680 Wharf St.); 808-283-3576; aecg.org; info@aecg.org

DINNER MUSIC WEST MAUI CANOES - Sun, Live Jazz 3-6pm; Fri, Howard Ahia 5:30-8:30pm. (1450 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-0937. CAPTAIN JACK’S ISLAND GRILL - Wed, Ekolu Kalama 7-9:30pm; Thu, Adam Masterson 7-9:30pm; Fri, Bob Jones 7-9:30pm;

Sat, Jonny Ringo 7-9:30pm; Sun, Sam Ahia 7-9:30pm; Mon, Dave Carroll 7-9:30pm; Tue, Jordan Cuddy 7-9:30pm. (672 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-0988. COOL CAT CAFE - Wed, Jordan Cuddy 7:30-10pm; Thu, Barefoot Minded 7:3010pm; Fri, Jonny Ringo 7:30-10pm; Sat, Dave Carroll 7:30-10pm; Sun, Erin Smith 7:3010pm; Mon, Peter deAquino 7:30-10pm; Tue, Jazz 7:30-10pm. (Wharf Cinema Center, 658 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-0908. DAVID PAUL’S ISLAND GRILL - Every Sun & Mon, David Wolfberg 6pm. (900 Front St., Suite A101, Lahaina); 808-662-3000. DUKE’S BEACH HOUSE - Every Mon & Tue, Eddie & Alika 6-8:30pm; Daily, Hula Performance 6:30pm; Every Mon & Wed, Brian 3-5pm; Wed, Daniel & Kahala 6-8:30pm; Thu, Garrett & Peter 6-8:30pm; Fri, Garrett 3-5pm; Every Fri & Sat, Damon & Ron Oversize Productions 6-8:30pm; Sat, Tim 3-5pm; Sun, Fausto 3-5pm; Sun, Damon & Tim 6-8:30pm; Every Tue & Thu, Ben 3-5pm. (130 Kai Malina Pkwy., Lahaina); 808-662-2900. HARD ROCK CAFE - Sat, Blues Spirit of Maui 11am-2pm; Sun, R.E. Metoyer’s Blues Rock and Soul Review 11am-3pm; Fri, Evan Shulman 6-9pm. (900 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-7400. HULA GRILL - Tue, Jarrett Roback & Junior Lacuesta 1:30pm; Daily, Hula Grill Happy Hour 3-5pm; Tue, Damon & Danyel Alana 4pm; Tue, Wili Pohaku & Peter DeAquino 6:30pm; Every Mon, Wed & Thu, Ernest Pua’a 11am; Wed, Kaniala Masoe 1:30pm; Wed, Peter DeAquino 4pm; Wed, Ernest Pua’a & Friends 6:30pm; Thu, Alika Nakaoka 1:30pm; Thu, Kaniala Ma-

soe 4pm; Thu, Kulewa 6:30pm; Fri, Kaniala Masoe 1:30pm; Every Sun, Fri & Sat, 1810 4pm; Fri, Kawika, Roy & Albert 6:30pm; Sat, Ron, Ikaika & Damon 1:30pm; Sat, Derick & Damon 6:30pm; Sun, Danyel Alana 1:30pm; Sun, Derick Sebastian Trio 6:30pm; Mon, Kawika Lum Ho 1:30pm; Mon, Armadillo & Derek 4pm; Mon, Derick Sebastian & Josh Kahula 6:30pm; Every Sun, Tue, Fri & Sat, Kawika Lum Ho 11am. (Whaler’s Village, 2435 Ka’anapali Pwy., Bldg P, Lahaina); 808-667-6636. JAVA JAZZ/SOUP NUTZ - Every Thu & Sat, Rick Glencross 7pm; Fri, Guest Performer 7pm; Fri, Tracy Stiles 7pm; Every Sun, Mon & Tue, Farzad & Mike Madden 7pm. (3350 L. Honoapiilani Hwy. #203 & 204, Honokowai); 808-667-0787. KIMO’S - Wed, Willie K. 9-11pm; Thu, 1810 6:30-8:30pm; Fri, Barefoot Minded 8-10pm; Sat, 1810 8-10pm; Every Sun & Mon, Benny Uyetake and Glenn Kakagawa 6-8pm; Every Tue & Wed, Sam Ahia 6:30-8:30pm. (845 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-4811. LAHAINA CAFE - Fri, Alex L Calma 7-9pm. (843 Wainee St Unit 1 & 2, Lahaina); 808-667-6655. LAHAINA PIZZA COMPANY - Every Wed, Thu & Fri, John Kane 7:30-9:30pm; Sat, Harry Troupe 7:30-9:30pm; Sun, Greg Di Piazza 7:30-9:30pm; Every Mon & Tue, Martin Tevaga 7:30-9:30pm. (730 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-0700. LEILANI’S ON THE BEACH - Fri, JD & Friends 3-5pm; Sat, JD & Harry 3-5pm; Sun, Merv Oana 3-5pm; Thu, Jarret & Wilson 3-5pm. (Whaler’s Village, 2435 Ka’anapali Pkwy. Bldg. J); (808) 661-4495. LONGBOARDS KA’ANAPALI - Every Tue,

Wed, Thu & Fri, Solo guitarist 5:30-8:30pm. (100 Nohea Kai Dr., Lahaina); 808-667-1200. LULU’S LAHAINA SURF CLUB & GRILL - Tue, Fierce, Alternative Night w/ DJ Blast 9:30pm-2am; Wed, Kenny Roberts 6-9pm; Thu, Howard Ahia 6-8pm; Fri, Marvin Tevaga 6-9pm; Tue, “Lahaina Idol” karaoke with Troy 9pm. (Lahaina Cannery Mall, 1221 Honoapiilani Hwy. #A1); 808-661-0808. MERRIMAN’S - Daily (except Mon & Tue), Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; Mon, The Benoits 5:30-8:30pm; Tue, David Choy 5:30-8:30pm. (1 Bay Club Pl., Lahaina); 808-669-6400. PARADISE GRILL - Sun, Gerit Williams 6-8pm. (2291 Ka’anapali Pkwy., Lahaina); 808-662-3700. PINEAPPLE GRILL - Sat, Jazz on the Green 7-10pm; Fri, Jawaiian Music 7-10pm. (200 Kapalua Dr.); 808-669-9600. PIONEER INN GRILL & BAR - Wed, JD on the Rocks 5-8pm; Thu, Greg di Piazza feat. Alana Cini 5:30-8:30pm; Tue, Ah-Tim Elenicki 5:30-8:30pm. (658 Wharf St., Lahaina); 808-661-8881. RB BLACK ANGUS STEAKHOUSE - Sun, Live Jazz 3-6pm. (4465 Honoapiilani Hwy., Lahaina); 808-669-8889. SEA HOUSE RESTAURANT, NAPILI KAI BEACH RESORT - Every Mon & Wed, Albert Kaina 7-9pm; Sat, Coelho Morrison 7-9pm; Sun, Andrew Kaina 7-9pm; Every Tue, Thu & Fri, Kincaid Kupahu 7-9pm. (5900 Lower Honoapiilani Hwy., Napili); 808-669-1500.

SOUTH MAUI AMBROSIA - Thu, Jamie Gallo 7pm; Fri, Sonada Malay 8-10pm.; Wed, Red Carpet

JUNE 28, 2012 25


WILD WAHINE WEDNESDAY

CASANOVA’S FAMOUS LADIES NIGHT

ter. t i w T n so u g to w o n l i h o l t t s F e l coo her. e We're th nce Ashton Kutc t follow si if you're into tha Er, well, rrogant d-bag. sort o.cfoam/mauiti me twitte r.c

BACK TO THE FUTURE W/ DJ BLAST & CHILLTOWN MUSIC STARTS @ 10PM + $10 COVER

FRIDAY JUNE 29TH

CONSCIOUS ROOTS (OAHU) PA’A MANA (PAIA / MAUI)

THE EVENING THAT EARNED CASANOVA’S THE AWARDS

“BEST LATE NIGHT IN MAUI” “BEST SINGLES SCENE IN MAUI”

MUSIC STARTS AT 10PM $10 COVER

REGGAE ROOTS

SATURDAY JUNE 30TH

MUSIC STARTS AT 10PM $10 COVER TASTY PIE PRODUCTIONS PRESENTS: UNDER THE SEA

DJ SWEET BEATS & E.L.F. UNDERWATER THEME PARTY

SUNDAY JULY 1ST

MANA’O RADIO PRESENTS

SHOW STARTS AT 2-5PM $7 DONATION @ DOOR

UPCOUNTRY SUNDAYS ACOUSTIC STYLE BIG 8TH BIRTHDAY BASH!!

THE MANA’O RADIO ORCHESTRA “UNPLUGGED” W/ VINCE ESQUIRE, STEVE GRIMES, DOROTHY BETZ, LES ADAM, DON LOPEZ, PAUL MARCHETTI & SPECIAL GUEST THE TRIO / DA KINE ACOUSTIC MUSIC

MAKE IT A MEMORABLE EVENING + DINE & DANCE AT CASANOVA FOR DINNER RESERVATIONS CALL 808.572.0220 LOG ON AT WWW.CASANOVAMAUI.COM

26 JUNE 28, 2012


TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

6/28

6/29

6/30

7/1

7/2-7/4

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM Jazz Club Maui w/ host band SLAM! 8:30pm; $15

ROYAL LAHAINA

2780 Kekaa Dr., Lahaina - 669-6286

SANSEI - KAPALUA

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Un-corked & Unplugged 10pm-1am; no cover

SANSEI - KIHEI

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE

DJ Blast 10pm-close; no cover

DJ Gemini & DJ Ynot 10pm; no cover

DJ LX 10pm-close; no cover

115 Bay Dr., Lahaina - 669-6286

1881 S. Kihei Rd., Ste. KT116, Kihei - 879-0004

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-6444

2411 S. Kihei Rd. #B4 - 879-0602

1234 L. Main St., Wailuku - 243-2206

STELLA BLUES CAFE 1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-3779

Bike Night Music by Kawika Ortiz 5:30-10pm, no cover

I Want Candy 8:30pm; no cover

Andy Kaina and The Kaina Kountry Band 8:30pm; no cover

Free Karaoke 4pm; no cover

MON - Free Pool, 6pm; no cover

Ah-Tim 4-6pm; no cover

Supper Club w/ Hapa 6pm; $60 dinner & show

808 United MC Showcase w/ DJ Kurt 9:30pm; $10 cover

Jamie Lawrence 4-6pm; no cover

MON - Mike Finkewiecz, 4-6pm TUE - Tom Conway, 4-6pm / WED - Randall Rospond, 4-6pm (all sets no cover)

The Randall Rospond Trio 9pm-1am; $4

Karaoke w/ Pearl Rose 9pm-12am; no cover

STOPWATCH SPORTS BAR 1127 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-1380

R.S. SHARKY’S

41 E. Lipoa St., Kihei - 874-6115

THREE’S BAR & GRILL 1945 S Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-3133

TIFFANY’S

1424 L. Main St., Wailuku - 249-0052

TIMBA

505 Front St, Ste. 212, Lahaina - 661-9873

WATERCRESS

Waiehu Beach Center, Wailuku-243-9351

Movie Night: Dumb & Dumber 7:30pm. (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-891-1011. BEACH BUMS BAR & GRILL - Every Sun & Wed, Mark Burnett 5-8pm; Every Thu & Sat, Kenny Roberts 5-8pm; Fri, Tom Cherry & Mike Finkiewicz 5-8pm; Tue, Randall Rospond 5-8pm. (300 Maalaea Rd. #1M); 808-243-2286. CAPISCHE? - Sat, Mark Johnstone 7-10pm; Sun, Mark Johnstone 6-9pm; Fri, Mark Johnstone 7-10pm. (555 Kaukahi St., Kihei); 808-879-2224. DIAMONDS ICE BAR & GRILL - Sun, House Shakers 6:30pm. (1279 S. Kihei Rd. # 314); 808-874-9299. DOG & DUCK IRISH PUB - Sun, Sebrina Barron 6pm. (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-875-9669. HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH - Thu, Junior Lacuesta 4-8pm; Sat, Ryan Robinson 4-8pm; Mon, Jacob (of the Alliez) 4-8pm; Every Tue, Wed & Fri, Rick Glencross 4-8pm. (1913 S. Kihei Rd. #E); 808-891-8010. KAMAOLE POOLSIDE CAFE - Wed, Steve Sargenti 6-9pm; Thu, Island favorites with Kawika Lum Ho 6-9pm; Fri, Girls Night Out with Gina Martinelli 6-9pm; Sat, Ron Shadian and Friends 6-9pm; Sun, Kenny Roberts 6-9pm; Mon, Music by Rama 6-9pm; Tue, Mike & Mark 6-9pm. (2259 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-891-8860. MONKEYPOD KITCHEN - Wed, Jarret & Wilson 6:30-8:30pm; Fri, Wolf 3-5pm; Fri, Alika Naka’oka 6:30-8:30pm; Sat, Barefoot Minded 3-5pm; Sat, Erin Smith 6:30-8:30pm; Sun, Alika Naka’oka 3-5pm; Sun, Kilohana 6:308:30pm; Mon, Ron & Tarvin 6:30-8:30pm; Tue, Kilohana 6:30-8:30pm. (10 Wailea Gateway Pl., Unit B-201); 808-891-2322. MONSOON INDIA - Sat, Cambria Moss &

MON - Kanoa, 4pm / TUE - DJ LX, 10pm WED - Ladies’ Night w/ The ADD Twins, 10pm (all sets no cover)

Jordan & Gordon 9pm-midnight; no cover

SPORTS PAGE GRILL & BAR STEEL HORSE SALOON

Kanoa 10pm-close

Karaoke/Family Night 6pm; no cover

Live Music & Dancing 8pm; no cover

Open Mic Night 9pm; no cover

Fire and Ice w/ Icelandic DJ HaffiHaff 10pm; no cover

Karaoke

WED - Karaoke w/ Pearl Rose 9pm-12am; no cover Live Music 5:30-7:30pm; no cover

WED - Brenton Keith & His Bag O’Tricks; 7pm; no cover

Maui Underground 10pm; no cover

Acoustic Sessions w/ Chad Kaya 9pm; no cover

WED - The House Shakers 8:30pm; no cover

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

MON through WED- Karaoke

closed

We Love Timba Fridays 9:45pm-2am; $10

Spun Out w/ DJ LX 9:45pm-2am; $10

Twisted Thursdays w/ Party Rock Krew 10pm; no cover

Forbidden Fridays w/ Party Rock Krew 10pm; no cover

Free Karaoke 9pm; no cover

Ricardo Dioso 6:30-8:30pm; Tue, The Hula Honeys 5:30-8:30pm. (760 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-875-4555. MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE - Fri, Sebrina Barron 6:30-8:30pm; Mon, Joel Katz 6:308:30pm; Wed, Joel Katz 5:30-6:30pm; Wed, Willie K 7-9pm; Tue, Brenton Keith and his Bag O’ Tricks 7-8pm; Sat, The Sirens 6:309pm; Sun, The Celtic Tigers w/ Mad Bagpiper Roger McKinley 6:30-9:30pm; Thu, Victoria Holman 6:30-8:30pm. (100 Kaukahi St., Wailea); 808-874-1131. PITA PARADISE WAILEA - Sun, Benoit Jazzworks 5:30-7:30pm. (34 Wailea Gateway Plaza); 808-879-7177. SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE - Wed, Mark Johnstone 4-6pm; Thu, Jaime Gallo 4-6pm; Fri, Randall Rospond 4-6pm; Sat, Tom Conway 4-6pm; Sun, Viva La Rumba 4-6pm; Tue, Sebrina Barron 4-6pm. (Kihei Kalama Village, 1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-874-6444. STELLA BLUES CAFE - Wed, Randall Rospond 4-6pm; Thu, Ah Tim 4-6pm; Fri, Ahumanu 4-6pm; Sun, Jamie Lawrence 4-6pm; Mon, Mike Finkiewicz 4-6pm; Tue, Tom Conway 4-6pm. (1279 S. Kihei Rd., #201); 808-874-3779. TAQUERIA CRUZ - Every Tue & Sat, Live Music - Reggae, Jazz, Blues 5:30-8:30pm. (2395 S. Kihei Rd. #112); 808-875-2910. THE RED BAR AT GANNON’S, A PACIFIC VIEW RESTAURANT - Thu, Fulton Tashombe & Special Guests 6-8pm; Tue, Braddah Larry Golis 6-8pm. (Wailea Golf Club House, 100 Wailea Golf Club Dr.); 808-875-8080. TOMMY BAHAMA’S TROPICAL CAFE Every Thu & Fri, Margie Heart 5:30-9:30pm;

MON through WED - closed

Free Karaoke 9pm; no cover

Every Sun & Sat, Howard Ahia 5:30-9:30pm; Mon, Greg Di Piazza 5:30-9:30pm; Wed, Merv Oana 5:30-9:30pm. (3750 Wailea Alanui Dr., Kihei); 808-875-9983.

MON - Free Karaoke, 9pm / TUE - Free Karaoke, 9pm / WED - Singles’ Night w/ X-Klusive Sounds Productions, 10pm (All sets no cover)

Rospond 6:30-8:30pm. (3612 Baldwin Ave.,); 808-572-8711.

CENTRAL MAUI

NORTHSHORE CAFE - Fri, Makana 7-9pm; Tue, Ryan - Keyboards from Brooklyn 7-9pm. (824 Kokomo Rd., Haiku); 808-575-2770.

CAFE O’LEI AT THE DUNES AT MAUI LANI - Every Fri & Sat, Phil and Angela Benoit 5:308pm; Thu, Reiko Fukina 5:30-8pm. (1333 Maui Lani Pkwy., Kahului); 808-877-0073.

PAIA BAY CAFE - Sun, Hawaiian Steel Guitar w/ Joel Katz 9-11am. (43 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-3111.

KAHULUI ALE HOUSE - Wed, Teri Garrison 4-8pm; Wed, Free Karaoke Night with Braddah Francis 8pm; Fri, Bradda Francis 4-8pm; Mon, Clay Mortensen Trio 4-7pm; Mon, Clay Mortensen Trio 4-7pm; Every Tue & Thu, Pi’ilani Arias 5-9pm. (355 E. Kamehameha Ave., Kahului); 808-877-9001. MAIN STREET BISTRO - Sun, Rhythm & Blues with Freedom 6:30-9:30pm. (2051 Main St., Wailuku); 808-244-6816.

UPCOUNTRY MAUI CAFE DES AMIS - Thu, Joe Conte 6:308:30pm; Sat, Live Argentinian music 6:308:30pm; Wed, Mark Johnstone 6:30-8:30pm. (42 Baldwin Ave., Paia); 808-579-6323. CASANOVA - Sun, Upcountry Sundays Acoustic Style 2-5pm. (1188 Makawao Ave.); 808-572-0220. CHARLEY’S RESTAURANT & SALOON - Tue, Eric Dotterer & Jonathan Drexler 6:30-8:30pm; Thu, Samuel David Rucker 6:30-8:30pm. (142 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-8085. HANA HOU CAFE - Tue, Hipnautical 6-9pm; Mon-Fri, Hana Hou Cafe 6-9pm. (810 Haiku Rd.); 808-575-2661. MAKAWAO STEAK HOUSE - Sat, Randall

JUNE 28, 2012 27


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Horiscope

Sign Language BY CAERIEL CRESTIN CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22) Western society tends to view the heart as the seat of the emotions, but many other cultures say the root of intense feelings is actually the liver. It outweighs the heart and is made of softer stuff—heart tissue is actually pretty tough. I’ve noticed you’ve been pretty tough lately, too. Do you really need to be so rugged? Might I suggest taking a break from feeling everything with your sturdy, efficient heart, and switch to experiencing your emotions from a sloppier, softer organ? Try repeating after me: I love you with all my liver. LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22) The phone pouts silently in the corner. The sullen mailbox spits only junk and bills in your direction. Your computer stews wordlessly on your desk. So you’re feeling neglected by the world? Maybe you’re neglecting the world. Here’s your assignment: For the next week, contact at least one person per day that deserves your attention. Your incentive: If you get in touch with seven forgotten friends this week, I promise: Your apartment won’t be frozen in time, surrounded by an impassable barrier of thorny roses, and you may get your prince(ss) without all the hassle. VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22) Your ability to pierce or sidestep people’s emotions with ease is at its peak right now, through mid-July. If only you could turn this talent on and off at will. Unfortunately, you’re stuck seeing through people’s illusions, crashing through emotional walls, and plunging into the depths of your companions’ internal worlds, whether you or they like it or not. The best thing you can do right now, and your primary challenge, is find your way out of the labyrinthine emotions of your friends and connecting that deep feeling to the real world the rest of us are living in. LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22) When was the last time you saw in color? I mean really noticed the blue of the sky, the green of a leaf, or the pink of a neon sign? Sometimes it takes someone or something to wake you up, make you realize that up until that moment, you’d been seeing the world in black and white. Suddenly, scarlet spills into the skin of the apple, cerulean floods the eyes of the person who awakened you, saffron unfolds in the center of the daisy. Whether it’s been minutes or months since you’ve truly felt alive, your shades of gray are about to go technicolor again. SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21) You’re the Queen of complication these days. You may even be mistaken for a Leo this week, the way you’ve been smoothly seducing everyone you meet, sometimes snubbing your best friends to do so. Your regal pursuit of your own desires is fine. But if you’re going to act like royalty, you must learn the lesson every Leo learns, eventually: Even a King is merely servant to the people he rules. It’s hard for people to get or stay mad at you, but your friends may find it a whole lot easier soon. A few dignified apologies, belated invitations, and a heartfelt phone call or two will go a long way towards averting a revolt. SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21) You’re not a salmon, nor a kite. It’s not a good week to play devil’s advocate, nor the rebel you excel at. Avoid swimming upstream, and definitely do not attempt to paddle up a waterfall. Keep the wind at your back instead of flying full face into it. Go with the flow whenever you can. Imagine your life as an inflatable orange raft bobbing down a river. This week is a stretch of rapids. Trying to slow down or reach the shore in whitewater is crazy. Kneel right up front and make it your main goal to keep from falling out. CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19) According to popular legend, some Tibetan monks, through spiritual practice, would become so light they needed to carry rocks in order to keep from float-

ing right off the Earth. It’s a lovely thought, isn’t it, being that free of all the heaviness that surrounds you? I can’t picture you flying to work instead of using the subway, or wearing velcro shoes in your apartment to prevent bumping your head on the ceiling. You’re still too weighty for that. But I can imagine you shedding many unsightly mental pounds simply by taking yourself less seriously. Get silly, you goof.

QUIZunderstood ANSWERS ...to questions from page 4

1: C–

George Fontaine, state House.

2: D–

Avian botulism.

3: B–

Keep it closed another two years.

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18) One eminently practical Aquarius I knew years ago had a wisecrack solution to every problem: “Duct-tape it.” He actually employed this miracle of modern technology repeatedly, often with great success. I applaud your perpetual quest for long-ranging solutions, permanent fixes to your most pressing problems. But sometimes a temporary patch-up job is necessary to hold off disaster while you’re waiting for the “real” solution to arrive. Spare a little time and energy from your “big picture” pursuits to make sure all the small pictures stay in their frames. It won’t be too hard, sort of the equivalent of holding it together with thick, silvery tape. PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20) It’s a bitch being so damn powerful, isn’t it, Pisces? I know you often feel battered, tugged and swamped by the maelstrom of powerful emotions within you— that they’re out of your control. I picture you clinging to frail tethers of reason, rotting wooden piers of logic and shifty dunes of rationality in an effort to resist being swept away by this tsunami of remorse, that tidal wave of anxiety or euphoria. But despite the feeling that all of this is larger than you, out of your control, the fact is: it is you. Don’t restrain it. Au contraire: can you ride it more often? See where it takes you. ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19) My high school history teacher focused heavily on the cyclic nature of the past. He’d point out every turn of the wheel, each swing of the pendulum. It wasn’t a very inspiring perspective on the past (or the future), implying as it did that our actions have only minute effects. That may be true. I prefer considering stuff like philosophy or science, which continually builds and expands upon the work others have done, with less backward motion. Don’t get stuck on perspectives that thwart or stall you. So what if it seems hard for an individual to powerfully influence history? If anyone can, it’s you.

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TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20) My favorite architect Friedensreich Hundertwasser believed that perfectly flat floors are spiritually deadening and unnatural. In that spirit, he designed fanciful buildings with wonderfully uneven floors. He built colorful patterns and unique shapes right into his structures, wedding beauty with utility in a harmonious marriage that’s hard not to like. The internal schism of purpose you’ve been complaining about is curable. Your gorgeousness is begging to shine through your every activity. Let it. Sing while you work, dance while you walk, beautify while you clean. By embodying this attitude as best you can, I guarantee–-not only will you and everything around you be prettier, you’ll be happier, too. GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20) What shape is the monster under your bed? Is he hairy? Tusked? Does she have cloven hooves? A tail? Most monsters today are massive. Some fear an out-of-control, oppressive government backed by an ultra-rich military and a corporatized fast-growing prison industry. Others dread the behemoth of international corporate powers already more powerful than some nations. I cling to the hope that those with an awareness of these seemingly unstoppable forces can use our Lilliputian influences to create a future that’s actually livable for your average human being. And if anyone can figure out how to make these giant, scary beasts check each other, it’s your tribe.

sign.language.astrology@gmail.com

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