16.26 Holiday Local Gift Guide 2012, December 13, 2012, Volume 16, Issue 26, MauiTime by MauiTimes

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DECEMBER 13, 2012

Contents

VOLUME 16 THIS WEEK’S QUESTION: What are you getting North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un for Christmas?

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ISSUE 26

COVER: ber Decem

Publisher: Tommy Russo (808) 283-0512 / tommy@mauitime.com @tommyrusso on Twitter ShamWow

13, 2012

e 16 ✚ Volum

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Cover photos and design by Darris Hurst.

Editor: Anthony Pignataro (808) 283-1308 / anthony@mauitime.com @apignataro on Twitter Snuggie Culinary, Lifestyle & Business Editor: Jennifer Russo (808) 280-3286 / jen@mauitime.com @jenrusso on Twitter Hooker Art Director & Production Manager: Darris Hurst artdirector@mauitime.com / darrishurst.com Coal Graphic Designers: Amy Mendolia (Man of the Year coffee mug), Christina Tarleton Contributors: Caeriel Crestin, Jory John, Avery Monsen, Ron Pitts, Chuck Shepherd, Barry Wurst II Photographer: Sean Michael Hower mauiweddingmedias.com / howerphotography.com Fruitcake Advertising Executive: Brad Chambers (808) 283-3260 / brad@mauitime.com A Lifesaver book and Sarin

4 10 25 27 29 30 31 36 37 39

NEWS & VIEWS FEATURE STORY THIS WEEK’S PICKS FILM CRITIQUE FILM TIMES DA KINE CALENDAR THE GRID CLASSIFIED HOROSCOPE MIND, BODY & SPIRIT

Admin. Executive: Keo Eaton (808) 244-0777 Shake Weight Calendar Assistant: Jenna Schamber calendar@mauitime.com Pajama jeans Proofreader: Dina Wilson Shetland pony Admin Assistants: Sara Riley, Jennifer Brown (808) 244-0777 Interns: Sarah Gerlach, Lauren Hecker, Marina Satoafaiga, Oliver de Silva

MauiTime is published every Thursday by MauiTime Productions, Inc. Its contents are Copyright © 2012 by MauiTime Productions, Inc. All rights reserved. Subscriptions are available at $70 per year. Reproduction or use without permission is strictly prohibited. MauiTime may be distributed only by MauiTime’s authorized independent contractor. MauiTime is valued at $.50 per copy and permits one complimentary copy per person. No person may, without written permission of MauiTime, take more than one copy of each weekly issue. All opinions expressed throughout MauiTime are those of the authors and not necessarily the same opinions as MauiTime Productions, Inc. and MauiTime. MauiTime 33 N. Market St., Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 office (808) 244-0777 • fax (808) 244-0446 www.mauitime.com @mauitime on Twitter Deadlines: Display Advertising: Friday Noon Classified: Monday 4pm Calendar: Monday Noon Circulation: 18,000 copies of MauiTime

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DECEMBER 13, 2012

News & Views

READER FEEDBACK

QUIZunderstood

BY READERS LIKE YOU December 6, 2012 ✚ Volume 16 ✚ Issue 25 ✚ FREE

DANCING, DOLLS AND

DEMENTIA

HOW MAUI ADULT DAY CARE CENTER HELPS THOSE WHO NO LONGER REMEMBER PG.10

PLUS

PG.13

PG.19

SESSIONS

REVIEW

PG.5

? NEW TROPICA THE SAYS EDITOR ANTHONY PIGNATARO IS AN ARROGANT RACIST IS WMSA

DOOMED

I am a kupuna, as are many of my coworkers. We read your recent article (“Dancing, Dolls and Dementia,” Dec. 6, 2012) while at work, and were all surprised at your racial remarks. What are you thinking?? You never mentioned your own ethnicity, or that of your host, that day, but THREE times you pointed out that clients were “Asian.” “Asian” is as vague as saying “western” or whatever. It also is degrading to the person of whom you speak, because each has his own culture and ethnicity. Mentioning it at all was disgraceful. It has nothing to do with who each person is. You also mentioned only one of the clients by name, but made sure to point out that he, too, was “Asian.” Your article contained some meaningful information, but was overshadowed by your insensitivity, which came off as arrogant. Think about that. -Malia Mills, via email

Anthony Pignataro responds: I used the term “Asian”–which, like "western," is generally not at all considered to be denigrating–to give at least some kind of descriptive image of Maui Adult Day Care Center clients since privacy restrictions kept me from revealing their names or any specific identifying details (the family of Arthur was the only one that allowed me to use even his first name). I am sorry if that offended you.

2. According to a Dec. 8 story in The Maui News, a Singapore government investment fund has purchased the Grand Wailea Resort and Spa, which had been in bankruptcy. What was the sale price? A. $5 billion. B. $3.5 billion. C. $2.5 billion. D. $1.5 billion. E. $500 million.

SAYS PIGNATARO IGNORES FACTS I realize the Maui Times [sic] doesn’t allow such rebuttal to what you write. Do you actually read and investigate both sides of a story, or do you just “wing it?” I’m trying to educate myself on writing better, so please tell me where I seem to be rambling to you, or filibustering, as you reported (Coconut Wireless, Dec. 6, 2012)... Was I going too fast? Too slow? Is our response to the second subpoena too long for you? Sorry. Just tell me where to edit. I can use all the help I can get, especially from a professional such as yourself. I wouldn’t want to burden you though, with all the reading attached. Whew. No rush. Just keep shootin (sic) from the hip until you have time. You don’t have to deal with responding to the facts if you just say I ramble on. Much easier. Others who were there understood me perfectly, and actually thought I did okay. But I can always be better, so thank you in advance for any de-rambling advise you may have based on the attached. PleaSe ax-use my spelLink erRoars. I only born Wailuku an wen Kaunoa School, so sumtime i kno spells too goods.

Send your feedback

3. 1.

On Dec. 10, The Maui News reported that Garrett Marrero, owner of Maui Brewing Co., which operates a brew pub in Kahana and a brewing facility in Lahaina, has plans to open a second brew house and eventually a new brew pub on the island. Where will this expansion take place? A. Wailuku. B. Kihei. C. Ma‘alaea. D. Paia. E. Haiku.

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News & Views

Coconut Wireless

Talk of the Island

BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO A: We educate. We don’t lobby. [...] Q: Do you know the testimony before a legislative body is considered lobbying for purposes of the Internal Revenue Code? I’m just asking if you know that or not. Do you know that? A: No. Next up, Cannon provides sworn testimony to Jones in February. I can’t wait.

COUNTY SLAMS UKE FEST WITH $5,000 FINE So the County of Maui is busting Kenneth Martinez Burgmaier because his Paia Uke Festival last month didn't have the correct permits. “We have been fined $5000 for our FREE 1st Annual Paia Hawaiian Ukulele Festival by the Mayor Alan Arakawa’s Planning Department,” Martinez Burgmaier emailed various community members on Dec. 8. He added that a voicemail message left by County Planning Director Will Spence two days before the event saying “just keep

PHOTO COURTESY PAIA UKULELE FESTIVAL

PHOTO WIKIMEDIA COMMONS

responsibility. There are testimony, you don’t want to be responnumerous examples where sible for very much of this organization she seems to be quite literyou’ve been ahead [sic] of for 26 years. ally squirming under the A: Excuse me, this involved a relaquestioning of what she tive, and I did not want any– knew about a whole manQ: Your daughter. Let’s be honner of problems at the orest, your daughter. ganization. Here are three A: I’m not being dishonest. that leaped off the pages. Of course, Perreira didn’t always tesAt one point, Jones tify that others were at fault for whatever and Perreira go back issue Jones raised. On at least one occaand forth on the issue sion, she actually testified that she was, of investment income– indeed, the responsible party. This matter, whether the organization which concerned the legality of WMSA had it, as was disclosed staff and board members testifying beon their Form 999 tax fore Maui County Council meetings returns to the IRS, and and such (which people like Perreira and how much. It’s a critical Cannon point to as examples of great question in determinactions taken by the organization), had ing what exactly WMSA my head shaking for quite some time: did with all that county Q: Whose responsibility as [sic] grant money they’ve been Where WMSA "educates" people WMSA is it to draft testimony per County taking. But Perreira said Council and subcommittee meetings? the organization’s audiA: It depends. Sometimes it’s the board tor–who filled out the ‘I’M JUST THE chair. Sometimes it’s a committee person WMSA tax returns–had told her that there was no WMSA money invested, which Jones that’s involved. Most of the time, it’s me. EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR’ [...] found impossible to believe (in the followFor more than a quarter century, the noning exchanges, Q is Jones and A is Perreira): profit organization Wailuku Main Street Association has employed Jocelyn PerQ: The woman who says you don’t reira as its executive director. Her name need an investment policy because you and that of WMSA–which has long subsisted have no investment income is putting on a steady diet of County of Maui funds, investment income on your 990 form?” to the tune of $243,000 a year or so–have A: That’s out of my realm, sir. I’m been intertwined for just as long. As have just the executive director. That’s not an stories of her running WMSA meetings as area of my knowledge and expertise. well as bullying citizens and public officials. Get the idea? Perreira was “just” Make no mistake: all that time, Perreira the executive director. Indeed, readhas been running WMSA. For years, county ing through her testimony, it’s a officials, former WMSA board members and other officials at various nonprofits around the wonder she had any duties at all. Of course, Perreira wasn’t the only staffer island have made this perfectly clear. She may at the WMSA. For many years, Stacy Purdy– be ducking the press and court appearance Perreira’s daughter–worked in the office (like that which took place in Judge Joseph as well. In his questioning, Jones showed Cardoza’s courtroom on Dec. 5) these days, That'll cost you $5,000. that for about a month, this allegedly leaving WMSA Board Chairman Tom Canviolated the organization’s anti-nepotism non to twist in the wind as the public face policy (which the WMSA board amended of the embattled organization, but through a month after Purdy started working for Q: Do you know that providing tesit all, Perreira was the one calling the shots. them). It was in a discussion of Purdy timony on County Council measures In May, Perreira testified under oath to that Jones called Perreira on her constant and subcommittee measures of the Deputy Attorney General Hugh Jones as handing off responsibility to others: Council is considered lobbying for purpart of the state’s investigation into allegaposes of the Internal Revenue Code? tions of mismanagement and malfeasance Q: It just seems to me during your at the public charity. On Nov. 30, Jones included a verbatim transcript of her testimony as part of his latest court filing, making it a matter of public record. After reading all 111 pages of it, I’m compelled to paraphrase Jose Ferrer, who played the sarcastic attorney in The Caine Mutiny: You should have read her testimony! She never even heard of the HER: “Oh, we’ve got flying stories. Tell them Wailuku Main Street Association! One longtime observer of WMSA who what happened when we flew to Florida.” has closely watched the growing legal HIM: “Was that you?” troubles surrounding the organization and read through Perreira’s testimony told me he -Party in Kihei, Dec. 9 counted more than 30 instances of Perreira blaming board members or other WMSA staffers for matters that were rightly her

Overheard

the commercial end on the commercial side” exonerated event organizers. Except the county also sent Martinez Burgmaier a letter saying the Paia location the event was using definitely needed permits. And Spence says the Planning Department has been going over various permitting issues with the landowner for 18 months, but was also open the day after Thanksgiving and could have processed the needed event permits. Remember, our society requires a permit to do pretty much anything. These permits protect us from harmful development, but they can also shackle those who want to provide entertainment and culture. Sure, it looks like Martinez Burgmaier erred. But that doesn't mean he deserves $5,000 in fines. ■ anthony@mauitime.com + @apignataro To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1626n1

DECEMBER 13, 2012

News & Views

NEWS OF THE WEIRD BY CHUCK SHEPARD

YOUR SCION NO HAGGLE, NO HASSLE.

PANDA GRADUATION PARTY

LEADING ECONOMIC INDICATORS

The Wolong Panda Training Base in Sichuan, China, released a series of photos to China Daily in October to mark the graduation from captivity, and into the wild, of the twoyear-old Tao Tao. Sure enough, Tao Tao and his mother, Cao Cao, were shown frolicking in the woods, accompanied by trainers each dressed in full-length panda suits, including panda heads, as they appeared to demonstrate climbing trees and searching for food.

While the U.S. recently nearly elected a multimillionaire as president, Uruguay’s chief executive, Jose Mujica, declared his personal wealth in 2010 as the equivalent of about $1,800 and gives away 90 percent of his $12,000 monthly presidential salary in order to remain true to his political roots with the leftist guerrilla group Tupamaros. He has rejected the government-provided mansion and instead lives with his wife at her family’s farmhouse, where he helps work the land, according to a November BBC News profile from Montevideo. “I have to do [this],” he told a reporter, “because there are many Uruguayans who live with much less.”

THE LOST ART OF CUDDLING

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At the recently opened Soineya “cuddle cafe” in Tokyo, men buy hugging privileges (but no “sex” allowed!) with young women for from 20 minutes to 10 hours at prices (gratuity optional) ranging from the equivalents of $40 to $645, with surcharges for special services (e.g., foot massages, resting heads in each other’s laps). And the Deluxe Comfort Girlfriend Body Pillow, which began as a boutique-only niche product, recently became available at Amazon.com and Sears.com at around $25. The bolsterlike, cuddling-enabled pillow is augmented with two strategically placed mounds and a snuggle-up arm hanging to the side. (There’s also an Original Soft and Comfy Boyfriend Pillow, without the mounds.)

CUTTING-EDGE SCIENCE

DECEMBER 13, 2012

A Drug Enforcement Administration agent told the Associated Press in October that factories in Mexico have recently been supplying American markets with especially potent and inexpensive methamphetamine. “These are sophisticated, high-tech [businesses] ... that are operating with extreme precision,” said agent Jim Shroba. The 90 percent-pure product offers “a faster, more intense and longer-lasting high.” Many Americans, meanwhile, continue to make small batches of inferior meth in two-liter soda bottles.

PERSPECTIVE

Among the “Ig Nobel” prizes awarded to earnest academics in September by the Annals of Improbable Research was the one to Patrick Warren and colleagues who delved into excruciatingly detailed predictions (at the behest of a cosmetics firm) about how someone might ultimately look with a ponytail, based on hair characteristics. The team took into account the stiffness of the strands, the effects of gravity and the random curliness or waviness in the hair in a set formula to compute a “Rapunzel Number” for each head. Explaining his particularized work to reporters, Dr. Warren acknowledged (perhaps with underestimation), “I’ve been working on this for a long time.”

In 2011 only 75 worldwide shark attacks on humans were reported, with only 12 fatal, yet researchers writing recently in the journal Conservation Biology found that about 60 percent of all media reporting about sharks emphasized just the serious dangers that human swimmers face. By contrast, only about seven percent of the reports were focused on shark biology or ecology, though the sorry state of shark survival would seem more important, in that an estimated 26 million to 73 million sharks are killed annually from the harvesting of their fins.

THIS WEEK IN BEETLE BOOTS

First, as News of the Weird reported more than 20 years ago, Indonesian coffee-makers made “Kopi Luwak,” using only beans that had passed through the digestive tracts of native civet cats. More recently, Thailand’s upscale Anantara Resorts began offering coffee using beans similarly excreted by elephants. In both cases, these digestive-tract coffee beans, picked and processed by laborers earning as little as $1 day, wind up as a drink sipped by (in the words of an NPR reviewer) “cat poop fetishi[sts]” who may pay upwards of $10 for a single cup. ■

A research team at Lund University in Sweden, led by neuroethologist Jochen Smolka, concluded that one reason dung beetles dance in circles on top of dung is to cool off, according to an October report on LiveScience.com. To arrive at their conclusion, the team went to the trouble of painting tiny silicone “boots” on some beetles to protect them from the ambient heat experienced by a control group of beetles, and found that the booted beetles climbed atop the dung less frequently. Explained Smolka, “Like an air-conditioning unit, the moist [dung] is cooled by evaporati[on].”

THE CONTINUING DECLINE OF AMERICAN MANUFACTURING

TAUNTING OF THIRDWORLD LABORERS

chuck@mauitime.com To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1626n2

DECEMBER 13, 2012

Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations, 200 words or less (which we reserve the right to edit), changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent, to “Eh Brah!” c/o MauiTime, 33 N. Market St, Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 or send an e-mail to

ehbrah@mauitime.com

h bartender: you flirt with danger when you flirt with obvious married men. Then you turn wicked on their wives. That’s no good. Besides, your looks are fading and will not take you far. The problem here is that you just don’t know when to stop. You came here from the Mainland like the rest of the haoles, thinking that you can bring your trashy ways to our island. How about just leaving alone what you know isn’t yours? ■

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Highly Caffeinated Maui is a coffee destination, where award-winning cups of joe runneth unneth over. Celebrate with Maui Grown Coffee from the West Maui mountains, ountains, packaged in festive holiday gift packs. At Wailuku Coffee Company, any, Mrs. offee Klaus is hand-making the most adorable ceramic mugs. Maui Coffee Roasters also has plenty of shipping options to help your holidayy post office phobia. $10 and up.

uy Buy Buy! That’s the reason for the season, right? Well, it certainly seems that way. Believe us, it’s hard to keep ideas like “good will to all” straight when you’re standing in line with a shopping cart full of junk that, more than likely, will be inside a dark closet next month. If you must give in to the blatant commercial pressures that our society hammers on us, then at least try to direct your buying power towards those on Maui. Here’s a list of products and services that are either made on island or sold by shops that only exist here. It’s quick and simple–everything that shopping in a big box retail giant is not.

10 DECEMBER 13, 2012

59; Wailuku Coffee Co. (26 N. Market Street, Wailuku), 808-495-0259; Maui Grown Coffee (277 Lahainaluna Rd, Lahaina), 808-661-2728, Mauigrowncoffee.com; Maui Coffee Roasters (444 Hana Hwy, Kahului), 808-877-2877, Mauicoffeeroasters.com

Sail Away Take advantage of our vantage point in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and give someone a sailing experience. Watch whales, snorkel or just lolligag on deck for a holiday hit. Visit the slips in Lahaina or Ma‘alaea harbor, catch a boat beachside on Ka‘anapali or call Paragon or Gemini Charters direct. Prices start around $50 to $75. Gemini Charters (2365 Ka‘anapali Parkway, Lahaina), 808-669-0508, Geminicharters.com; Paragon Sailing Charters (Ma‘alaea Harbor and Lahaina), 808-244-2087, Sailmaui.com

Brain Bucks Why give a mere thing when you can give the gift of knowledge? EdVenture at University of Hawaii Maui College has Brain Bucks–gift certificates for onsite and online classes in computer skills, photography, dancing, wine and food pairing, fitness and dozens of other subjects. Available in $25, $50, $100 values. EdVenture (UH Maui College), 808-9843231, Edventuremaui.com

Lusting After Pearls How about unique necklaces that feature hand-picked and hand-drilled pearls and gemstones? It’s for the discerning fashionista in your life. Oceania Maui (120 Hana Hwy Suite 3, Paia), 808-579-6063, Oceaniamaui.com

Night out on the Town Why not head out for a dinner show for a gift you both can enjoy? Catch a headline concert at the MACC, Willie K at Mulligan’s on the Blue or one of Stella’s Blues Cafe’s dinner shows for a multi-course meal and some of Maui’s best entertainment offerings. Maui Arts & Cultural Center (1 Cameron Way, Kahului), 808-242-7469, Mauiarts.org;

We make amazing booze on this island. Sharing that with friends couldn’t be any easier this Christmas when you stop at any local liquor store or tasting room to pick up your gifts. Ocean’s Vodka keeps growing their organic gluten-free Maui Brand, Maui Rum made on the the slopes of Haleakala and Sammy Hagar’s Beach Bar Rum made from sugar cane in Hali‘imaile are just a few of Maui’s best distilled spirits. Or you can opt for a fresh growler filled at Maui Brewing Co. That can bring unmeasured cheer, and their six-packs are easily dressed with bows for display under the tree. $15 and up.

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Bottle Service

Oceanvodka.com, Paumaui.com, Sammysbeachbarrum.com Wailea Wine (161 Wailea Ike Pl.) 808-879-0555, Waileawine.com; Rodeo General Store (3661 Baldwin Ave., Makawao), 808-572-1868; Wine Corner (149 Hana Hwy, Paia), 808-579-8904, Mauiwinecorner.com; Aloha Discount Liquor (2439 S. Kihei Rd #109A), 808-874-8882, Alohadiscountliquor.com; Valley Isle Liquor (95 E. Lipoa St., Kihei), 808-875-8753; Hawaii Liquor Store (270 Dairy Rd., Kahului), 808-877-8778, Hawaiiliquorstore.com; Liquor Shack (1143 Makawao Ave.), 808-572-7775; Maui’s Winery (Ulupalakau Ranch Hwy 37), 808-878-6058, Mauiwine.com; Haleakala Distillers (island wide), Haleakaladistillers.com; Maui Brewing Co. (910 Honoapiilani Hwy., Lahaina), 808-661-6205, Mauibrewingco.com

Mulligan’s on the Blue (100 Kaukahi St., Wailea), 808-874-1131, Mulligansontheblue.com; Stella Blues (1279 S. Kihei Rd.), 808-874-3770, Stellablues.com

Skin Art The gift that st stands the test of time is beautiful ink on your skin. Mak Make it a Christmas worth remembering with a tatt gift certificate. Paia Tattoo P Parlor, (120 Hana Highway, Paia), 808579-8515, http://paiatattooparlor.com/home.html http Mid Pacific Tattoo, T (196 Lahainaluna Rd, Lahaina), 808-661-1100, 808-661-1100 http://midpacifictattoo.com/ Sweet Trade T Tattoo, (3600 Lower Honoapiilani Rd, Lahaina), 808-283-3831, 808 8-283-3831, http://sweettradetattoo.com http Maui Tattoo Company, C (1945 S. Kihei Rd, Kihei), 808-874-0034, (194 http://mauitattoocompany.com/ http://mauitattoo ocompany.com/ Pride Ink, (2010 Main St, Wailuk Wailuku), 808-268-4056 Pacific Rootz Tattoo, Tatttoo, (1847 S.Kih S.Kihei Rd, Kihei), 808-891-1828 Exotic Eye Tattoo, (199 (1995 95 W. Main St, Wa Wailuku), 808-359-1060, exoticeyetattoo.com/ Soular Tattoo, (505 Front St.. Suite 231, Lahain Lahaina), 808-661-1213, www.soulartattoo.com/ Zen Tattoo & Art Gallery, (12 (1279 279 S. Kihei Rd S Suite 308, Kihei), 808-214-5670 ART BY JUSTIN YATES - PAIA TATTOO

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Messy pockets? Clean ‘em up by giving neatniks Box 11’s cleverly designed card case that can double as a simple wallet. They also make a crafty leather earbud organizer for cord control.

Adoboloco, Adoboloco.com

BoxEleven, Box11Designs.com

INTERNET PRICES WITH LOCAL SERVICE

Holiday Special! 88 NOTE DIGITAL PIANO STARTING AT $ 49999

CASIO

(STANDS SOLD SEPARATE)

CTK-2300 KEYBOARD WITH FULL SIZE KEYS

FENDER

SALE $9999

STARCASTER STRAT ELECTRIC GUITAR

SALE $12990 +GET A FREE GIGBAG

BAND INSTRUMENTS IN STOCK

STRUKTURE GUITAR STAND SALE $995

UKULELES ON SALE WITH WOOD UKULELE

STARTING AT $2999

TAKAMINE JASMINE FULL SIZE S35 ACOUSTIC GUITAR SALE $10900

ALL: • HEADPHONES ON SALE STARTING AT $1.99 • GUITAR & BASS STRING SETS BUY ONE GET ONE FREE • STRUCTURE GUITAR AND MICROPHONE CABLES 50% OFF

PLUS MANY MORE IN STORE SPECIALS SHOP EARLY FOR BEST SELECTION • QUANTITIES LIMITED ON SOME ITEMS GUITAR – UKULELE – KEYBOARD – DRUMS – LESSONS, REPAIRS, RENTALS Serving Maui Since 1979 Sale Ends 12-31-12 While supplies last!

111 Hana Hwy. • Kahului 871-1141 • www.ukes.com ROLAND • YAMAHA • MACKIE • SHURE • TAYLOR • JBL • FENDER• PRESONOUS • AMPEQ• CASIO

BIG ISLAND UKULELE • KOALOHA UKULELE • KELII UKULELE • KAMAKA

LANIKAI • KALA UKES • KANIELA UKULELE • AMERICAN DJ • OVATION

BOUNTY MUSIC

OUR BIGGEST SALE EVER!

50% OFF

• CRYSTALS • MINERALS • J JEWELRY

25% OFF EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE STORE!

HURRY!

SALE ENDS DEC.25th

1816 Mill Street • Wailuku • Open Mon – Sat • 10am – 5pm 244-2300 • www.greenlotusmaui.com DECEMBER 13, 2012 13

Heart Of Hawaii

Hand-signed by the designer Ron L. Limited Edition

Sterling (non-tarnishing) silver heart pendent with 16” or 18” silk or leather cord. 18 grams: 11/2” x 11/2”

Special Holiday Sale $

Reg. $350.00

149.

Okole Bling Add fete to fashion for Christmas. Dress ss up or play holiday makeover with the glitz litz and glamour at Passion4Fashion. You’llll be glad you did. Passion4Fashion (335 Keawe St. #204, 204, Lahaina), 808-667-7432, Passion4fashiononboutique.com

(plus $10 for shipping and sales tax anywhere in Hawaii)

Must order by December 15th for Christmas Delivery

Ron L Designs 326 Pukalani St. Makawao • RonL@vom.com • 808.298.0856 Swing like a Monkey .com

Everyone loves a good nap in the breeze, right? Your loved ones will just need two trees for instant success with one of Hangloose Hammock’s wonderful items. Bananas not included.

.com

BEST PRICES • BEST SELECTION BEST QUALITY

Hangloose Hammocks Hawaii (658 Front St., Lahaina), 808-224-3908, Hangloosehammockshawaii.com Hanglo

SECOND WIND SAIL AND SURF Buy from a Local Shop, not the Big Box Serving Maui for 28 years

STAND UP PADDLEBOARD PACKAGES:

Strum Along

11’ - STARTING AT $995 PACKAGE INCLUDES: BOARD, FULL DECKPAD, FINS, LEASH & CARBON PADDLE!

Fill your home this Christmas with the giftt of wonderful, magical sounds. Guitars, ‘ukuleles, keyboards and percussion accessories are all lovely gifts for the bud-ding musicians in your life.

GREAT SELECTION OF SURFBOARDS

Bounty Music (111 Hana Hwy, Kahului), 808-871-1141, 141, Ukes.com

SALE PACKAGE PRICES WHILE SUPPLIES LAST.

STARTING AT $299!

SKATEBOARDS PHOTO CREDIT: DARRYL WONG PHOTO COURTESY: NSP

ALL 40% OFF

100% CARBON PADDLES STARTING AT $199!

Mermaid Gear

NEW SUP BOARDS STARTING AT $595

14 DECEMBER 13, 2012

One-of-a-kind beach wear is always appropriate on Maui’s shoreline. Customp made bikinis for adults and kids means a m perfect fit every time. per Love the Beach Paia (2 Baldwin Ba Ave., Paia), 808-579-8044, Lovethebeachmaui.com Loveth

Treasure Chest Beautiful glass works, elaborate koa wood boxes, handmade sushi sets–the beauty of art abounds with gifts from Maui Hands. Everything at Maui Hands’ various galleries are made by Maui artists. It doesn’t get cooler than that. Prices range from $25 and up.

ARE YOU ‘BEHIND’

IN YOUR HOLIDAY SHOPPNG?

Maui Hands (island wide), Mauihands.com

Human Zipper Clip in and zip down the most exciting Christmas gift ever, on a Maui zipline. There are many to choose from, from Kapalua to Haleakala, just depends on where you wanna hang. Prices vary.

HOT NEW STYLES OF BRAZILIAN BIKINIS! NAIL SERVICES BODY SERVICES MASSAGE

PHOTO SEAN M HOWER

Piiholo Ranch Zipline (1156 Makawao Ave.), 1-800-374-7050, Piiholozipline.com; Kapalua Adventures Zip Lines (2000 Village Rd., Kapalua), 808-665-3753, Gozipmaui.com; Skyline Eco Adventures (2580 Keka‘a Dr, Lahaina), 808-662-1500, Zipline.com; Flyin Hawaiian Zipline (1670 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Wailuku), 808-4635786, Flyinhawaiianzipline.com; KID FRIENDLY Maui Zipline (1670 Honoapiilani Hwy, Wailuku), 808-633-2464, Mauizipline.com

NOW ! IN STOCK

1279 S. KIHEI RD.

((NEXT TO POWERHOUSE GYM)

AZEKA • MAUKA • KIHEI

879.8899

FORMERLY ‘THE NAIL SHOP’

Tai One On T H Here’s the perfect Mai Tai set for tiki drink crusaders. Maui Preserved has created c a gift pack that includes sweet and spicy pineapple, pineapple cane syrup and vanilla powder. Make a Mai Tai or get creative with whatever your drinking pleasure. $35. Maui Preserved, 808-214-8780, Mauipreserved.com uipreserved.com

Happy, Healthy Holiday Gifts from Alive & Well Juice your way to good health!

Omega Juicers

Champion Juicers

Plus:

Vita Mix

(variable speed)

Water Filters Air Filters Yogurt Makers Stainless Steel Rice Cookers

Give Good Head A head-scratcher may seem to be, well, a headscratcher as far as gifts are concerned, but this thing feels amazing on your skull. Did we mention that it has a cute octopus handle? $7.95. Hurricane Ltd. (3639 Baldwin Ave, Makawao), 808-572-5076

Best prices, Best selection, No shipping charges, Excellent inventory 340 Hana Highway, Kahului • 877-4950

www.aliveandwellinmaui.com like us

DECEMBER 13, 2012 15

Made With Love Steer far clear of sweatshop follies when you buy your gifts at Wing Hawaii. At their Haiku studio, they design and make their own silkscreens, garments and jewelry. Even better, they support other birds of a feather at their flagship Baldwin Avenue store, with one-of-akind designs from around the islands. Want hand-knitted baby caps and blankets, jewelry, reclaimed wood painted signs? This is the place. $20 and up. Wings Hawaii (71 Baldwin Ave, Paia) 808-579-3110, Wingshawaii.com

Girlfriends in Paradise

Case in Point Keep your electronics protected and stylish in iPhone and iPad,cases patterned after vintage Indian quilts. Starting from $27. Indigo Paia (149 Hana Hwy, Paia), 808-579-9199, Indigopaia.com

Adorn your walls with original works of art, all courtesy of Santa. Janet Davis is a Maui artist documenting island life with energy and color. $300 & up. Viewpoints Gallery (3620 Baldwin Ave., Makawao), 808-572-5979, Viewpointsgallerymaui.com

NOW F NOW FEATURING EATURING

SPECIALIZED

Hana Highway, Paia Makawao Avenue, Makawao Front Street, Lahaina Hyatt Regency, Kaanapali

Beautiful Gifts Made By Local Artisans 15% Kama’aina discount December 1 - December 31

Jewelry • Pottery Hand-Blown Glass • Woodwork Curios • Home Furnishings Ni‘ihau Shell Lei • Paintings & Prints

Visit us at westmauicycles.com

661.9005 1087 LIMAHANA PL. LAHAINA 16 DECEMBER 13, 2012

The Man Who Wore Dragon Shirts Lavish the hip boy in your life with unique shirts and accessories, all hand-picked by Jefferson at HIM. HIM... A Men’s Store (4310 L. Honapi‘ilani Rd. #12, Kahana), 808-669-2529, Himmaui.com

Small Clothes Get your suicide girl small, sexy things and Santa might get a big, sloppy kiss in return. This is one time you’ll want to stay out of Savers. Women Who Run With Wolves (4310 Honoapi‘ilani Rd., Kahana), 808-665-0786, Womenwhorunwithwolves.com Love Shack (1913 S. Kihei Rd.), 808-875-0303, Loveshackmaui.com;

PHOTO FOUR SEASONS

Perfumery

Custom design your scents with organic perfume demi-blended by Maui’s Ajne Melangeurs. They come packaged in a glass filigreed flacon. $99. Spa at Four Seasons Maui (3900 Wailea Alanui Dr.), 808-874-8000, Fourseasons.com/maui/spa

NOW WITH 2 LOCATIONS ON MAUI!

Free Tee

Photo Phot to by: y Leilanii Ze ZZer Zerkle errkle k

GLASS PIPES • VAPORIZERS • WATER PIPES • ACCESSORIES

$84.50 Techlite Dragon Skateboard

LOCATED ABOVE BLACKIES PIT STOP IN KIHEI • 874-1040 161 ALAMAHA ST. IN KAHULUI • 873-3111 DECEMBER 13, 2012 17

Give the gift of:

100% Maui Coffee this holiday season

Wick Out Sure, these would be better if they ey were made on Maui, but then do you know now how much they would have to charge? arge? Moore Interiors Maui (975 Limahana Pl., Lahaina), Mooreinteriorsmauihi.com, 808-661-0046

Sarong Skills A sarong is a must-have item on Maui. It’s a towel, garment, tablecloth, furniture throw, baby blanket and shade cloth (though not at the same time, sadly). It never stops being useful–or beautiful, in the case of these hand-painted sarongs from Indonesia.

277 Lahainaluna Road • 808.661.2728 Order online: www.mauigrowncoffee.com Open: Monday-Saturday 6:30am - 5pm • Closed Sundays

Naughty or e c i N

TOYS FOR GROWN-UP GIRLS & BOYS! VOTED MAUI’S BEST ADULT STORE!

1913 South Kihei Rd. 875-0303 18 DECEMBER 13, 2012

Oh Baby! (1160 Makawao Ave.), 808-572-6477

Mane Mend Kevin Murphy’s got hair crack. These products deeveloped Down Under are e fo for or serious hair enthusiasts. An And nd their gift sets for shampoos ooss and conditioners have bonus onus products, too! Vanity Salon (71 Baldwin Ave, Paia), 808-579-9580, Vanitysalonmaui.com

Bookworms Be careful: getting your significant other The Dead Season by (MauiTime Editor) Anthony Pignataro could result in a gripping day of reading on Christmas. On the other hand, Eric Saperston’s Live in Wonder has panties that you can buy with it, so the day could go another way. Books by other local authors include Neptune Speaks by Snorkel Bob and Couch Esthentics by Robert Shaw. Maui Friends of The Library (658 Front St. #172, Lahaina), 808-667-2696, Thewharfcinemacenter.com/maui-friends-of-the-library; Barnes and Noble (325 Keawe St., Lahaina), 808-662-1300, Barnesandnoble.com; Amazon, Amazon.com; Lulu, Lulu.com; Liveinwonder.com

Art House The Hui No‘eau gift shop really has something for ev everyone: great kids toys, art in the form of jewelry, framed images, stationery, tote b bags, clothing and ornaments. more, much of it is made by Maui What’s mo artists who teach and/or use the Hui’s Shopping here does double duty studios. Sh supporting the arts on Maui. by support No‘eau Visual Arts Center Hui No‘ea Baldwin Ave., Makawao), (2841 Bald 808-572-6560, huinoeau.com 808-572-6

FRIDAY PAU HANA 55-7PM 7PM MUSIC - FOOD - BYOB*

2nd Annual

Pumpkin Pie Bake Off SATURDAY. DECEMBER. 15TH NOON-3PM GRAND PRIZE: $50 GIFT CARD TO MAUI THING OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK • 26 N. MARKET ST.

Lavender Lust

Ali‘i Kula Lavender (1100 Waipoli Rd., Kula), 808-878-3004, Aklmaui.com

808.495.0259

*WE INVITE OUR DINNER GUESTS TO BYOB PHOTO JOHN MORGAN

Sustainably grown gifts from the gods, also known as Ali‘i Kula Lavender Farm bouquets and goods, should take care of your most persnickety tree-hugging friends.

Bend Over Backward Bestow long life, flexibility and relaxation to your yoginis with special yoga packages. Makawao Yoga does gift certificates of $20 for 10 days, while Body Alive Yoga is offering multi-class packages that include a handmade necklace. Namaste! Makawao Yoga (1170 Makawao Ave.), 808-359-2252, Makawaoyoga.com; Body Alive Yoga (1995 Main St., Wailuku), 808-359-1060, Bodyaliveyoga.com; Island Spirit Yoga (840 Waine‘e St., Lahaina), 808-667-2111, Islandspirityoga.com; Maui Yoga and Kickboxing (115 E. Lipoa St. #202, Kihei), 808-463-8811, uihotyoga.com Mauihotyoga.com

Skate or Die Trying Get the risk-taker in your life a gift she will ill never forget–a rad deck with a mountable le Go Pro to record all her adventures. Then top p it with Dusty Payne Electric sunglasses, so o her eyes don’t get burned. Now you’re #winning! ning! Hi-Tech at Kahului (425 Koloa St., #107, Kahului), 808-877-2111; Hi-Tech at Paia (58 Baldwin Ave, Paia), 808-579-9297; Shapers at Queen Ka‘ahumanu Center enter (275 West Ka‘ahumanu Ave, Kahului), 808-877-7873, Surfmaui.com

DECEMBER 13, 2012 19

Wacky Tobackky Most people enjoy their tobacco even more when they smoke it out of a ray gun or Jerome Baker water pipe. It just seems to taste better. Find all the best papers, accessories and accoutrements at Maui’s best shops for those of Santa’s elves who smoke. HiTimes 808 (42 Baldwin Ave, Paia), 808-280-4231,Hitimes808.com o Kala St, #202, Kihei), 808-874-1040 Still Smokin’ (30 Manao Westside Vibes (1087 Limahana Place, Lahaina), 808-667-1900 s Hawaiian Holy Smokes (320 Ohukai Rd., Kihei) 808-879-2826 Hawaiianholysmokes.com m Maui Mana (1794 S.Kihei Rd.), 808-875-7881 875--7881 Hemp House (16 Baldwin Ave., Paia) 808-579-8880 Hemphousemaui.com

Dance with the Stars Cure two left feet with private dance lessons. In fact, Santa’s special is a $90 private lesson if purchased by Dec. 31. Private Image Dance Studio (780 Mahealani Pl., Kihei), 808-891-8747, Privateimadancestudio.wordpress.com

Alice in Hulaland (19 Baldwin Ave., Paia) 808-579-9922, Aliceinhulaland.com land. d.com Haiku Smoke Shop (810 Haiku Rd.) 808-575-9499 Requests (10 N. Market St., Wailuku) ku) 808-244-9315 Tobacco King (283 Lalo St., Kahului) 808-871-5464 Tobaccoking.com

Team Beach This time of year, Maui offers both football season and beach weather, so why not buy your beach stud NFL logo shorts so we know just who he’s rooting for while he’s out on the water. Neil Pryde Maui (400 Hana Hwy, Kahului), 808-877-7443, Neilprydemaui.com

Green Ti Boutique & Massage

MASSAGE • ACUPUNCTURE GIFTS • FACIALS • WAXING

Affordable Gift Ideas

In our unique gif

t boutique

Gift CertiÀcates Available!

Alii Kula Lavender products available at both locations 40 N. Market St. Wailuku, HI 808.242.8788

OPEN MON-SAT IN KIHEI OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK IN WAILUKU

95 Lipoa St. #105 Kihei, HI 808.874.5333

www.greentimaui.com *Now accepting Health Insurance

20 DECEMBER 13, 2012

High as a Kite What? Santa doesn’t take a sleigh around the islands? a ands? Of course not–he flies with the wind on a kite from m Naish. Take advantage of our trade winds and touch the t sky with their kite and windsurf gear. Naish Maui Pro Center (111 Hana Hwy, Kahului), 808-871-1500, Naishmaui.com PHOTO SEAN M HOWER

Santa’s Little Helper When Santa burns the candle at both ends, it’s time for beauty, rest and relaxation, though not necessarily in that order. Even a little botox can go a long way.

PHOTO TRACY KRAFT LEBOE

Green Ti (40 N. Market St., Wailuku), 808-242-8788; (95 Lipoa St., Kihei), 808-874-5333, Greentimaui.com. Lilikoi (18 Baldwin Ave., Paia) 808-579-6055, Lilikoibeauty.com; Maui Zen Day Spa Lahaina (9181 Lahainaluna Rd.), 808-661-7200; Maui Zen Day Spa Wailea (Wailea Gateway Center, Ste A203),808-874-6000, Mauizen.com. Emily Grace Esthetics (810 Kokomo Rd., Ste 201, Haiku),808-575-2222, Emilygraceesthetics.com; Grace Beauty (62 Baldwin Ave., Paia), 808-579-9779, Dayspasmaui.com; Paragon Salon (1160 Makawao Ave.), 808-573-1300, Paragonsalonmaui.com

Vegan Nectar Making your own vegan juices, milks and cheeses just got easier with specialized juicers and mixers. Enjoy! Alive & Well, (340 Hana Hwy, Kahului), 808-877-4950, Aliveandwellinmaui.com

4X BEST OF MAUI WINNER SERVING MAUI FOR 13 YEARS

YOGA AND MOVEMENT STUDIO THIS SEASON

MOST DYNAMIC SALON ON MAUI

GIVE YOUR LOVED ONE THE GIFT OF HEALTH 5 CLASS PASS only

$50

HANDMADE NECKLACE INCLUDED

NOW OFFERING BOTOX!

10% DISCOUNT ON BOTOX NOW THROUGH JANUARY 1ST, 2013 ISSUE 05 ✚ FREE JULY 19, 2012 ✚ VOLUME 16 ✚

INDEPENDENT NEWSPAPER MAUI"S ONLY LOCALLY OWNED

THANK YOU MAUI T FOR VOTNG US: “BEST PLACE TO GET WAXED”

1995 Main St. 2nd Floor Wailuku

GOODS & SERVICES

✚

POLITICS & ENVIRONMENT

✚

FOOD & DRINK

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SPORTS & LEISURE

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ART & ENTERTAINMENT

808.359.1060 www.bodyaliveyoga.com

BOOK APPOINTMENTS ON-LINE AT PARAGONSALONMAUI.COM

DECEMBER 13, 2012 21

Holiday Gift Certificates Available!

What’s SUP

Second Wind (111 Hana Hwy., Kahului), 808-877-7467, Secondwindmaui.com

MAUI FOOD

PHOTO SEAN M HOWER

If you like to try before you buy, Second Wind will get your SUP gifts in order with their awesome program. Stand Up Paddleboarding is for everyone from sports enthusiasts to those just cruising.

Imelda Ime l Marcos Lives

+ DRINK

Shoe llovers o need look no further than W Wailuku for hand-dyed, handmade, aalways incredible shoes. Ownerr Teri Edmonds also teaches customers custom m how to make their own shoes aand leather handbags. Gift certificates certific ca go a long ways!

WITH

MAUITIME

FLAVOR

If the S Shoe Fits (21 N.. Market St., Wailuku), 808-249-9710 808-2 4

CATERING • COCKTAILS TAKE-OUTS

808.242.9630 1063 Lower Main Street Wailuku

.com

Humble Geode The healing meditative power of geodes can be yours to give. Assuming, of course, that your loved one deserves such healing... Green Lotus (1816 Mill St, Wailuku), 808-244-2300, Greenlotusmaui.com

Pawn Star

PHOTO FOTOPEDIA

You can find the perfect present at pawn shops. Fine art, jewelry, fishing poles, tools, collectables, tattoo machines, surfboards, electronics, rare coins and even silver bullion–all are treasures awaiting your discovery. You never know what’s on their shelves before you walk in, but it’s certain they’ll have something for everyone on your list. Prices range from a dolla to 10 digits.

22 DECEMBER 13, 2012

Kama‘aina Loan and Cash for Gold (42 N. Market St., 50 N. Market St., 52 N. Market St., 98 N. Market St., Wailuku), 808-242-5555, Kamaainaloan.com

Shine Bright like a Diamond Did you know glorious jewelry can be had with just a third of the balance up front? Splurge time! Passman Lahaina (728 Front St., Lahaina), 808-662-4212; Passman at Wailea (3750 Wailea Alanui Dr.), 808-874-4999, Passman.com

Trafﬁ ﬁc Graphic Let the shirt do o the talking. talking Enough h said. MauiThing Thing (7 N. Market St, S Wailuku), 808-249-0215, 49-0215 5, Mauithing.com ing.com m

Crayola Graphics Artist Jeffrey Robert (JeffreyRobert.com) uses that great, youthful medium of crayon over giclee print. And who wouldn’t prefer a crayon drawing over some dumb print? You can even get a custom labeled crayon encased in the frame. Eclectic Image Gallery (3750 Wailea Alanui, Wailea), 808-874-0701, Eclecticimage.com

Tag, You’re It Know someone going somewhere this Christmas? Keep them in style when traveling with h these John Robshaw Travel Wal-klets and Luggage Tags, all blockprinted by hand in India. The Mercantile (3673 Baldwin Ave., Makawao), ), 808-572-1407

DECEMBER 13, 2012 23

THE BEST BURGER ON MAUI.

BEST OF MAUI WINNER FOR BEST BURGER FOR THE PAST

9 YEARS IN A ROW!

>J=K@ >AK@ KL=9CK K9D9<K :9:Q:9;C JA:K ;@A;C=F Serving lunch & dinner 7 days a week Located on Front Street in Lahaina overlooking the Banyan Tree

L@= O@9J> ;AF=E9 ;=FL=J ../%(1(0

24 DECEMBER 13, 2012

Picks

BY MARINA SATOAFAIGA @sandtothecity

THURSDAY, T TH H URSDAY, DEC. C.. 1 C 13 3 ICE SKATING! – The Westin Ka’anapali adds a whimsical winter touch to Mau Maui’s tropical landscape with “Skating by the Sea, a Westin Ka’anapali Holida day.” Transforming its outdoor Ocean Lawn into a 1,000 square foot hybrid ice sskating rink with views of the Pacific Ocean, guests will be able to skate with a view. The environmentally sound synthetic polymer rink will allow for the use of ic ice skates while keeping our aina clean and skaters in their shorts. Whether you want to take the entire family or reserve the rink for a private party, it’s open daily until Jan. 1. $15 (includes skates and 20 minutes on the rink) The Westin Ka’anapali (6 Kai Ala Dr., Ka’anapali); westinkaanapali.com.

GABRIEL IGLESIAS – Gabriel Iglesias, aka Fluffy, sets the MACC’s stage on fire with his witty remarks and animated characters. From start to finish, his comedy act promises electrifying storytelling and sound effects that bring his personal issues to life. The winner of Comedy Central’s “Favorite Comic” and “Special of the Year,” Iglesias is spoken for. His PG material and high octane show appeals to fans of all ages. Join Iglesias on his Maui stop of the Aloha Fluffy Tour and clench your stomachs for hilarious comedy. $41. 7:30pm. Maui Arts and Cultural Center, Castle Theater (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org.

FRIDAY, DEC. 14 FRID SURF NIGHT – The Maui Film Festival is presenting Surf Night at FirstLight. Doubling as a benefit for Operation Smile and Restore the Shore, the evening will feature two short films and a film honoring both causes. A Different Reason To Smile documents a group of Sanuk employees, which includes Maui’s own Matt Meola, who go to Peru to partake in a Operation Smile medical mission. Cowboy and Aerials documents board-slingers who flip, fly and spin high above the lip. This one stars Meola and music by Maui’s Lukas Nelson. And the feature film is The Isle, which will reveal a “epic trick” from surfer Albee Layer that’s the buzz of the surf community. $12. 6:30pm. Maui Arts and Cultural Center (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org; mauifilmfestival.com.

2N FRIDAY TOWN PARTY – Lahaina will get festive for its 2nd Friday 2ND Tow Party. Hele Mai and join the Festival of the Arts. Come enjoy live music, Town his history, culture and Lahaina’s famous Art Night on Front Street. Get creative wit holiday arts and crafts at the Baldwin Home Museum. Local artist with Ma Ann Leigh will be demonstrating hand-built masks at Joelle C GalMary ler lery from 5-8 p.m. As part of Second Friday festivities, Kai Pua is celebrating the one-year anniversary. Come meet all of their talented artists, have a glass their of wine and support locally made art. Don’t miss out on live music, ono food spe specials and great deals this holiday season! 6pm-9pm. Front Street (Betw tween Lahainaluna Rd. and Dickenson St.); visitlahaina.com.

FRIDAY, DEC. 14 HOLIDAY CONCERT – Maui Choral Arts is presenting its annual winter Holiday Concert. It features the Maui Concert Chorus, Olinda Chorale and Baldwin High School’s Brass Band. Conducted by Gary Shin-Leavitt and guest conductor Bob Willis, the Concert Chorus boasts an impressive collection of local and national musicians. The distinctive program showcases classics including Monteverdi Magnificat and Daniel Pinkham’s “Christmas Concerto,” along with many seasonal favorites. To purchase tickets go online. $25 reserved seating. $15 general seating. $5 students w/ID and children. 7:30pm-9:30pm. Kihei Baptist Chapel (1655 S. Kihei Rd.); mauichoralarts.org.

MARTIAL ARTS EXPO AND FUNDRAISER – This weekend Cravalho Entertainment is bringing you a Mixed Martial Arts Expo & Fundraiser. Benefiting Toys for Tots, this three-day event will bring out Maui’s talented Mixed Martial Artists for a cause. Friday will see a Toy Drive and “Night of Champions” weigh ins (3:30pm-5:30pm), followed by kick boxing and a No-Gi Cage Grappling Show. On Saturday, there will be a Keiki Martial Arts Demonstration (10am-4pm) followed by another “Night of Champions” series of bouts. Then Sunday will feature the Maoli CD Release Party with performances by Inna Vision, Malino and Jah Maoli. Fight cards are subject to change and tickets are non-refundable so pick them up at YNVU Kahului, Mr. Subs in Lahaina and Just Wing It in Kihei. Friday: $15, Saty $25,, Sunday y $25. 6:30pm p main events. Maui Mall (70 E. Ka’ahumanu Ave, Kahului). urday:

SATURDAY, DEC. 15 CHRISTMAS CABARET – Naughty or nice, Mick Fleetwood and the Kit Kat Club Cabaret invites you for some holiday spice. What better than a Kit Kat Club Christmas at Fleetwood’s on Front Street with Jolly Old St. Mick. Enjoy being served fresh local ahi sliders, Filet Mignon skewers, chocolate truffles and an exquisite cocktail. But the evening also promises sultry Miss Santas and North Pole Cuties. Have your choice of the early show which takes place in Fleetwood’s intimate dining room or the second show on Fleetwood’s open-air rooftop with a chance to dance the night away. $99 general admission, $75 (Facebook friend special). 6pm early show, 8:30pm second show. Fleetwood’s on Front St. (744 Front St., Lahaina); 808-669-MICK (6425).

PUMPKI PIE BAKE-OFF – Still craving pie after Thanksgiving? Wailuku CofPUMPKIN fee Com Company is hosting its second annual Pumpkin Pie Bake Off and Ornament Art Sho Show. All are invited to bring their best in pie, a hand-crafted ornament or toy to d donate, all benefiting the Friends of the Children’s Justice Center of Maui Inc. Entrees for the pie bake off can be dropped off at WCC from 11am Maui, n to noon. From noon-3pm, the public will judge. The winner will be announced via Facebook and will be awarded a $50 gift card to Maui Thing. Local artists are welcomed to drop off donated ornaments to WCC Dec. 1214. If you’re interested in participating in the pie bake off be sure to call 808-280-5786. Free. noon-3pm Wailuku Coffee Company (26. N Market St., Wailuku); 808-495-0259; wailukucoffeeco.com.

SATURDAY, DEC. 15 THE BELLS RING OUT – Na Leo Lani O Maui invites you and your family to share the joy of the holiday season at their fourth annual holiday concert “The Bells Ring Out.” There will be two performances this year: an evening performance on Saturday, Dec. 15 at 7:30pm and an afternoon matinee on Sunday, Dec. 16 at 3pm. Under the direction of Mr. Gale Wisehart and Uluwehi Guerrero, the 80-member choir has been applauded for their authenticity and dedication to the Hawaiian culture, as well as their musical talent. A portion of the proceeds will support the St. Anthony Junior-Senior Symphonic Band in their quest to appear at Carnegie Hall in the spring. $20. Iao Theater (68 N. Market St., Wailuku); 808-281-6547.

SATURDAY, DEC. 15

RITA RUDNER – A Broadway dancer turned comedian, Rita Rudner’s laugh-out-loud routines are undeniable. Voted “Best Comedian in Las Vegas” for the past decade by the Las Vegas Review Journal, Rita’s repertoire only gets better. The star of her own HBO specials, author and producer, Rita’s long stint at the Venetian is proof she’s got what it takes. Come see what all the rave is about as you hang with Rita. $35-$65. 7:30pm. Maui Arts and Cultural Center, McCoy Studio Theater (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469; mauiarts.com.

SUNDAY, DEC. 16

SHALANDRA ABBEY BOOK SIGNING – Barnes & Noble in Lahaina hosts Maui author and Reiki Master Shalandra Abbey as she signs her book Living a Life of Reiki. With more than 20 years as a practicing Reiki, Abbey documents her experience and explains how it was first practiced in Hawaii on Kauai in the 1930s. Abbey’s students will demonstrate this ancient art of healing at her book signing. “I still get more from it each time I pick it up” says Australian Reiki Master Robyn Mckechine. 1pm. Barnes & Noble (325 Keawe St., Lahaina); 808-280-7704; ReikiHawaii.com.

SUNDAY, DEC. 16

BREAKFAST WITH SANTA – Who says Santa only eats cookies? Maui Pride presents Breakfast with Santa at Mala in Wailea. The all-you-can-eat buffet will include a made-to-order omelet station, Maui’s anahola granola and assorted cereals, pancakes or waffles with tropical syrups and more. Proceeds will go to Maui Pride’s Scholarship fund. To get tickets visit the website. $15 ages 11 & under. $35 adults. 9:30am. Mala at Wailea Beach Mariott (3700 Wailea Alanui Dr.); MauiPride.org.

WEDNESDAY, DEC. 19 L LED ZEPPLICA – Street Bikers United Hawaii, Maui Chapter is presenting th their 11th Annual Maui Toy Run Motorcycle Parade. The “Parade of Motorists” will b begin at Walmart in Kahului, make their way to Lahaina Cannery Mall in Lahaina (d (down Front Street) and end at VFW Park in Kihei around 2pm. Following the para rade will be a dinner and special performance by the Led Zeppelin tribute band L Led Zepplica. It all benefits Toys for Tots, so guests are encouraged to bring a n new unwrapped toy or monetary donation. You can also win a chance to take home a 2012 Harley Davidson Sportster Custom. Dinner will be served between 3pm aand 6pm. Guests may pre-purchase tickets at Walmart, Lahaina Cannery M Mall or online on Dec. 15 for $30. Parade 9am-2pm. Dinner and Show 3 3pm. $35. VFW (1136 Uluniu Rd., Kihei), sbumaui.org/toy-run-2012.

PAPA LOPAKA READS ‘A CHRISTMAS CAROL’ – All keiki eight-12 are invited to discover the classics with Papa Lopaka at the Kihei Public Library. Join Papa Lopaka as he presents a animated reading of his Classics Illustrated comic book of A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. As an English literature scholar, writer and a fan of classics, Papa Lopaka’s reading style is unique in it’s own right. Feel free to contact the library for a sign language interpreter or other special accommodations if needed. Free. 3pm. Kihei Public Library (35 Waimahaihai St., Kihei); 808875-6833; friendsofthelibraryofhawaii.org.

DECEMBER 13, 2012 25

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Film

Unexpected Tedium ‘The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey’ asks a lot from moviegoers BY BARRY WURST II

The Hobbit ★★★★★

Rated PG-13 / 169 Min.

s Peter Jackson’s longawaited prequel to his The Lord of the Rings trilogy begins, we return to the Shire, where Elijah Wood and Ian Holm briefly reprise their roles as Frodo and Bilbo Baggins, seen preparing for a party. Bilbo takes a moment to consider a memory from his past and the film opens up a new story and introduces us to Martin Freeman as the young Bilbo for the remainder of the running time. In this tale, Bilbo is forced by a horde of Dwarves to partake in a long journey, which will result in his obtaining a mysterious ring from a slithering monster, who call is it his “precious.” This is the first of three new films that Jackson will release annually, creating a new franchise based on J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Hobbit, a respected but slim fantasy novel. Since he reinvigorated the fantasy novel adaptation into an event movie, Jackson made the

underappreciated remake of King Kong, and the wrong-headed The Lovely Bones. His return to the world of Tolkien is best approached with seriously lowered expectations, as it’s a mixed bag from start to finish. Following the dozens of fantasy booksturned-movies made since The Return of the King won the Best Picture Oscar in 2003, this isn’t as fresh or exciting as it once was. There are some amazing sights but compared to any film in The Lord of the Rings trilogy, this feels like an afterthought. An Unexpected Journey is handicapped by two serious problems: the unlikeable new characters and the visual overkill of the viewing formats. Of the former complaint, Freeman is too low key and rather unimpressive in the lead and the cluster of unlovable Dwarves are less endearing than the seven who saved Snow White. The best scenes feature the old gang, as Ian McKellen still conveys warmth and authority as Gandalf and the lengthy Gollum sequence is simply terrific. The original cast is missed, particularly the charisma and warmth that Viggo Mortensen and Sean Astin added. Regarding the latter problem, some the-

aters will release this in 45 frames per second (up from 25), a format Jackson has touted as Wow, this script is terrible. cinema’s future. Making the movie appear like anticipation and character humor of the its being watched on a high-definition TV, original. Here, everything feels heavy its mostly a distraction. It gives The Hobbit handed, like they’re trying too hard. the same look as afternoon soap operas or Die hard fanboys who speak Elvish and a Renaissance Fair shot on home video. regularly watch the initial trilogy in 10The CGI effects are so good, they blend hour blocks may savor this and there are a well with the live action footage but seefew nail biting cliffhangers near the end. ing this nearly 3-hour film in 45 frames Yet, after years of wannabes like Eragon per second and 3D is like watching a and The Spiderwick Chronicles, not to $100 million episode of Fairytale Theater. mention Harry Potter installments, this The format stinks and is a ways off from sort of movie is no longer unique. being perfected. I recommend checking You can excuse this uneven first out the no-frills, 2D version first. installment by optimistically stating, Jackson fills the screen with stun“it will get better with the second and ning vistas, real and created, and can third film.” That may be the case, but still stage a pulse-quickening action for now, Jackson’s new trilogy is off to sequence. You’ll get chills seeing Gana wobbly start.■ dalf smack down his staff or the Elfhaven of Rivendell again but the story To share or save this article, type: lacks the gradual sense of discovery, mt.hy.pr/1625f

DECEMBER 13, 2012 27

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Film

Showtimes

WHERE AND WHEN TO WATCH WHAT BY JENNA SCHAMBER

Hitchcock opens this week. KA’AHUMANU 6

Tai Chi Zero-FRI 9:00.

Queen Ka’ahumanu Shopping Center, Kahului, 1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: Every day until 4pm)

MAUI MALL MEGAPLEX

Red Dawn-PG13-THU 11:00, 1:10, 3:20, 5:30, 7:40, 10:00. FRI-TUE 9:30. Skyfall-R-THU 11:30, 12:30, 2:45, 3:45, 6:00, 7:00, 9:15, 10:00. FRI-TUE 10:30, 1:30, 4:30, 7:30, 10:30. The Collection-R-THU 8:15, 10:15. The Hobbit-PG13-FRI 10:30, 2:00, 3:05, 5:30, 6:30, 10:00. SAT-TUE 10:30, 11:40, 2:00, 3:05, 5:30, 6:30, 10:00. The Hobbit 3D-PG13-FRI-TUE 11:00, 12:10, 2:30, 3:35, 6:00, 7:00, 9:00, 9:30, 10:30. The Sessions-R-THU 11:15, 1:30, 3:45, 6:00. Wreck-It Ralph-PG-THU 11:45, 12:45, 2:10, 3:10, 4:35, 5:35, 7:00, 8:00, 9:25, 10:25. FRITUE 11:30, 2:00, 4:30, 7:00.

MAUI FILM FESTIVAL: FIRSTLIGHT Castle Theater, MACC, Kahului, 808-579-9244

Any Day Now-FRI 4:00. Cowboys & Aerials-FRI 7:00.

Maui Mall, Kahului, 808-249-2222 (Matinees: M-Th until 6pm, F-Su until 3:30pm)

Argo-R-THU (1:35, 4:10), 6:50, 9:25. FRI (1:35, 4:10), 6:50, 9:25. SAT-SUN (1:35), 4:10, 6:50, 9:25. MON-TUE (1:35, 4:10), 6:50, 9:25. End of Watch-R-THU (1:40, 4:05), 6:40, 9:20. Flight-R-THU (3:25), 6:35, 9:35. FRI (12:20, 3:25), 6:25, 9:20. SAT-SUN (12:20, 3:25), 6:25, 9:20. MON-TUE (3:25), 6:25, 9:20. Hitchcock-R-FRI (11:50, 2:15, 4:40), 7:05, 9:30. SAT-SUN (11:50, 2:15), 4:40, 7:05, 9:30. MON-TUE (2:15, 4:40), 7:05, 9:30. Killing Them Softly-R-THU (2:35, 5:00), 7:25, 9:50. FRI (12:10, 2:35, 5:00), 7:25, 9:50. SATSUN (12:10, 2:35), 5:00, 7:25, 9:50. MON-TUE (2:35, 5:00), 7:25, 9:50. Life of Pi-PG-THU (5:30). FRI (11:30, 5:30). SAT-SUN (11:30), 5:30. MON-TUE (5:30). Life of Pi 3D-PG-THU (2:30, 3:00), 6:00, 8:35,

9:00. FRI (11:55, 2:30, 3:00), 6:00, 8:35, 9:00. SAT-SUN (11:55, 2:30, 3:00), 6:00, 8:35, 9:00. MON-TUE (2:30, 3:00), 6:00, 8:35, 9:00. Lincoln-PG13-THU (1:45, 5:05), 7:15, 8:15. FRI (1:45, 5:05), 7:15, 8:15. SAT-SUN (1:45), 5:05, 7:15, 8:15. MON-TUE (1:45, 5:05), 7:15, 8:15. Playing For Keeps-PG13-THU (2:20, 4:55), 7:30, 10:00. FRI (11:45, 2:20, 4:55), 7:30, 10:00. SAT-SUN (11:45, 2:20), 4:55, 7:30, 10:00. MON-TUE (2:20, 4:55), 7:30, 10:00. Rise Of The Guardians-PG-THU (1:55, 4:20), 6:45, 9:10. FRI (11:35, 1:55, 4:20), 6:45, 9:10. SAT-SUN (11:35, 1:55), 4:20, 6:45, 9:10. MONTUE (1:55, 4:20), 6:45, 9:10. Rise Of The Guardians 3D-PG-THU (2:25, 4:50). FRI (12:05, 2:25, 4:50). SAT-SUN (12:05, 2:25), 4:50. MON-TUE (2:25, 4:50). Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2-PG13-THU (1:30, 3:15, 4:15), 6:30, 7:00, 9:15, 9:45. FRI (12:30, 1:30, 3:15, 4:15), 6:30, 7:00, 9:15, 9:45. SAT-SUN (12:30, 1:30, 3:15), 4:15, 6:30, 7:00, 9:15, 9:45. MON-TUE (1:30, 3:15, 4:15), 6:30, 7:00, 9:15, 9:45.

WHARF CINEMA CENTER 658 Front St., Lahaina, 808-249-2222 (Matinees: Tue all shows, until 6pm every other day)

Rise Of The Guardians-PG-THU (1:20, 4:00), 6:30, 9:15. Skyfall-R-THU (12:45, 3:45), 7:00, 10:10. FRI (12:45, 3:45), 7:00, 10:10. SAT-SUN (12:45), 3:45, 7:00, 10:10. MON-TUE (12:45, 3:45), 7:00, 10:10. The Hobbit-PG13-FRI (11:15, 2:50), 6:30, 10:05. SAT-SUN (11:15), 2:50, 6:30, 10:05. MON-TUE (11:15, 2:50), 6:30, 10:05. Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2-PG13THU (1:00, 4:00), 7;15, 10:00. FRI (1:00, 4:00), 7:15, 10:00. SAT-SUN (1:00), 4:00, 7:15, 10:00. MON-TUE (1:00, 4:00), 7:15, 10:00.

NEW THIS WEEK

1979 Iranian Revolution. Ben Affleck stars and directs. 120 min.

Earth. Pretty much like Red Dawn, only more believable. 97 min.

HITCHCOCK - PG-13 - Drama - Anthony Hopkins plays Alfred Hitchcock in this biopic on the master of suspense. 98 min.

FLIGHT - R - Drama - Denzel Washington plays an airline pilot who saves his plane, but all is not well with the follow-up investigation. 138 min.

SKYFALL - PG 13 - Action/Adventure -

THE HOBBIT: AN UNEXPECTED JOURNEY

KILLING THEM SOFTLY - R - Crime/ Drama - Jackie Cogan (Brad Pitt) is a mob enforcer who has to restore order after some fools rob a mob card game. 97 min.

- PG-13 - Fantasy - Some Hobbit teams up with a few dwarves to reclaim some treasure from a dragon. See this week’s film critique. 169 min.

MAUI FILM FESTIVAL: FIRSTLIGHT ANY DAY NOW - R - Drama - A homosexual couple in the 1970s fights to keep custody of a mentally ill teen who lives with them. 97 min. COWBOYS & AERIALS - NR - Surf/Ac-

tion - Matt Meola and Clay Marzo star in this look at local surfing. Running time N/A. TAI CHI ZERO - PG-13 - Action - Some guy uses Tai Chi to help villagers fight a railroad baron. 98 min.

NOW PLAYING ARGO - R - Thriller - A CIA guy concocts a

risky plan to save six Americans during the

LIFE OF PI - PG - Adventure - A young man

survives a shipwreck only to find himself trapped in a lifeboat with a Bengal tiger. 127 min. LINCOLN - PG-13 - Drama - Steven Spiel-

Daniel Craig is back as James Bond and Javier Bardem is the bad guy. Need we say more? 143 min. TWILIGHT: BREAKING DAWN PART 2

- PG-13 - Drama/Fantasy - It’s the end of the Twilight franchise, and that means no more hot teen vampires. 115 min. WRECK-IT RALPH - PG - Animation - A

video game villain wants to be a hero, but creates much havoc in the process. 108 min.

berg directs this sweeping look at Abraham Lincoln (Daniel Day-Lewis) and his decision to emancipate the slaves. 149 min.

LAST CHANCE

PLAYING FOR KEEPS – PG-13 – Ro-

THE COLLECTION - R - Horror - Guy

mance/Comedy – Gerard Butler plays a washed up sports star who now has to grow up, coach his son’s team and fend off hot soccer moms. So tragic. 106 min.

who escapes from a serial killer returns to said killer’s booby-trapped warehouse to rescue a girl. 82 min.

can teens save their town from evil North Korean invaders. 114 min.

END OF WATCH - R - Drama - Pieced together with “found footage,” this movie tells the story of two good LA cops who happen upon a heinous crime. 109 min.

RISE OF THE GUARDIANS - PG - Ani-

THE SESSIONS - R - Drama - A man in

mation - Immortal Guardians protect innocent children after an evil spirit attacks

an iron lung asks a sex surrogate to help him lose his virginity. 95 min.

RED DAWN - PG-13 - Lunacy - Ameri-

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Calendar

THURSDAY

MARK JOHNSTONE & LENNY CASTELLANOS CASSTEL TE LAN L OSS BLUES BLUES E DUO LENNY

12/13

6:3 6:30-8:30PM 6 30-8 0 8:30 30PM P • NO COVER! PM THE JUG DEALERS S 10PM • $10 COVER RAMBO RAM BO O OF JUD JUDAH UDAH AH FRIDAY FFR RIIDDAY AY SOUND SYSTEMS

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10 0 THE NEW SUPER GROUP WITH SPECIAL GUEST AFROLICIOUS SOUND SYSTEM!

SATURDAY

12/15

FEATURING THOMAS PRIDGEN (MARS VOLTA) ERIC MCFADDEN (PFUNK) MORWOOD FISHER (FISHBONE) BENEFIT FOR GMO-FREE MAUI 9:30PM • $12 ADVANCE AT LYERSUP.COM / $15 AT DOOR WWW.FLYERSUP.COM

SUNDAY

NFL SUNDAY TICKET & BLOODY MARY BAR OPEN FOR BREAKFAST AT 7AM

12/16 MONDAY

MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL PAU HANA 3PM-6PM ALL DRAFTS DR DRAFT AFTS AFT S & WELLS WELL WELL ELLS S $3 $3 CHARLEY’S LIVE BAND OPEN MIC & JAM 7PM-10pm • no COVER

12/17 TUESDAY

12/18

TACO TUESDAY W/ HOWARD AHIA & FRIENDS

6:30PM-8:30pm• NO COVER SPECIALS PECIALS ON TACOS & MEXICAN BEER WEDNESDAY CHILLTOWN PRODUCTIONS & CHARLEY’S PRESENTS

12/19

SUPERLOVE WED

W/ DJ BLAST 10PM • LADIES FREE MEN $5 BEFORE 11PM • $10 AFTER

Da Kine Calendar BY JENNA SCHAMBER

BIG SHOWS

GABRIEL IGLESIAS - ALOHA FLUFFY 2012 - Thu, Dec 13. See This Week’s Picks. $41. 7:30pm Castle Theater, MACC, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org AN EVENING OF HOOLIGAN BEATS - Thu, Dec 13. Featuring A Well Fed Tiger, Joey The Wrench and Axis Mundi. Presented by Source Maui. $5 cover. 10pm Casanova, (1188 Makawao Ave.); 808-572-0220; casanovamaui.com SURF NIGHT - Fri, Dec 14. See This Week’s Picks. Admission $12. 6:30pm Castle Theater, MACC, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org MCAA’S ANNUAL WINTER HOLIDAY CONCERT - Fri, Dec 14 & Sat, Dec 15. See This Week’s Picks. $25 for reserved seating, $15 general admission, student & child tickets available for $5 (with ID). 7:30pm Kihei Baptist Church, (1655 S. Kihei Rd.); brownpapertickets.com/event/286441 UPCOUNTRY POLO FUNDRAISER WITH THE HOUSE SHAKERS - Fri, Dec 14. A fundraiser for the Maui Polo Interscholastic Team. $10 cover charge. 8pm Stella Blues Cafe, (1279 S. Kihei Rd., #201); 808-874-3779; stellablues.com EDEN CLUB (MARASCO) AND DIVA DEVA (PAUL GOTEL) - Fri, Dec 14. The two hottest DJs on Maui’s music scene, together for one night only! $10 cover. 9:30pm Casanova, (1188 Makawao Ave.); 808-572-0220; casanovamaui.com

YDAY 3PM-7PM HAPPY HOUR EVER $ $

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NFL BREAKFAST @8AM SUN 12.16 MARK LEE’S GINA CELEBRATION MARTINELLI @6PM @1PM

MON

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30 DECEMBER 13, 2012

THE NEW SUPER-GROUP 10 - Fri, Dec 14. A new rock/funk fusion band featuring Thomas Pridgen (Mars Volta), Eric McFadden (P-Funk), and Norwood Fisher (Fishbone). A benefit for GMOFree Maui. $12 advance online; $15 door. 10pm Three’s Bar & Grill, (1945-G S. Kihei Rd.); 808879-3133; flyersup.com / ten-music.com SANTA BABY CABARET - Sat, Dec 15. See This Week’s Picks. Early show in Fleetwood’s dining room: Doors, Food & Cocktails at 6pm, show at 7pm. Second show on Fleetwood’s open-air rooftop: Doors, Food & Cocktails at 8:30pm, show at 9:30pm. $75 for Facebook friends of Kit Kat Club. $99 per person. Fleetwood’s on Front St., (744 Front Street, Lahaina); 808-669-6425; fleetwoodsonfrontst.com SUPPER CLUB WITH PAULA FUGA, MIKE LOVE AND SAM ITES - Sat, Dec 15. Don’t miss a very special evening with these three wonderful recording artists. $60 dinner & show, $30 show only. 6-9pm Stella Blues Cafe, (1279 S. Kihei Rd., # 201); 808-874-3779; stellablues.com “THE BELLS RING OUT” CONCERT - Sat, Dec 15 & Sun, Dec 16. See This Week’s Picks. Sat: 7:30pm, Sun: 3pm. Call to purchase tickets. $20 assigned seating. Iao Theater, (68 N. Market St., Wailuku); 808-281-6547; mauionstage.com; naleolaniomaui@hawaii.rr.com RITA RUDNER - Sat, Dec 15. See This Week’s Picks. $35/standard, $65/VIP. 7:30pm McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org THE NEW SUPER-GROUP 10 - Sat, Dec 15. A new rock/funk fusion band featuring Thomas Pridgen (Mars Volta), Eric McFadden (P-Funk), and Norwood Fisher (Fishbone), with special guest Afrolicious Sound System. A benefit for GMO-Free Maui. $12 advance tickets online; $15 at the door. 9:30pm Charley’s Restaurant & Saloon, (142 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-8085; flyersup.com / ten-music.com ANDY KAINA & KAINA COUNTRY - Sat, Dec 15. A post-rodeo show featuring country rock. $5

cover. 9:30pm Casanova, (1188 Makawao Ave.); 808-572-0220; casanovamaui.com 2012 “HEART OF HANA” HOLIDAY EVENT - Sun, Dec 16. East Maui musicians and hula dancers will be gathering to celebrate the release of a new CD “No Ka Pueo” by Hana’s own Na Hoku Hanohano Award Nominee CJ Helekahi and premiere falsetto recording artist Leokane Pryor. Longhi’s Restaurant will provide a selection of pupus for purchase. Free. 5-8pm Plantation Guest House at Travaasa Hotel Hana (formerly Hotel Hana-Maui), (5031 Hana Hwy.); 855-868-7282; hotelhanamaui.com/dining SLACK KEY SHOW – MASTERS OF HAWAIIAN MUSIC WITH LEDWARD KAAPANA Wed, Dec 19. George Kahumoku Jr. hosts this Grammy Award-winning concert series featuring Ledward Kaapana, slack key guitar grand master. Co-hosted by Da Ukulele Boyz, Sterling Seaton and Wainani Kealoha. $37.99-78.35; 6:45-9:30pm Napili Kai Beach Resort Aloha Pavilion, (5900 L. Honoapiilani Rd.); 808-669-3858; slackkey.com / napilikai.com

FRIDAY TOWN PARTIES LAHAINA SECOND FRIDAY: “FESTIVAL OF THE ARTS - See This Week’s Picks. Free. 6pm9pm. Front Street (Between Lahainaluna Rd. and Dickenson St.); visitlahaina.com ART NIGHT - Kai Pua Gallery 1st Anniversary Celebration: Special deals, fabulous Seconds Sale, and serving wine, Peter Lik Gallery: DJ Scotty D playing, special promotions on art, serving wine and light pupu, Maui Hands: Live demo from artist Taryn Allesandro and refreshments from 4:30-7:30pm, Lahaina Galleries: Serving wine from 5-10pm, Village Gallery: Refreshments will be served, Images Fine Art Gallery: Complimentary wine and live music, Longhi’s: Artisan Fair showcasing made on Maui artwork, jewelry, photography, clothing and more 5-10pm, The Passman Gallery: Pupu, drinks and live music from 6-9pm, Sargents Fine Art: Music by Curt Lee, Martin Lawrence Gallery: DJ Ron 7-10pm and Joelle C Gallery at 505 Front St: Local ceramic artist Mary Ann Leigh will be demonstrating her hand-built masks 5-8pm. LIVE MUSIC - Pioneer Inn: Hawaiian entertainment 6-9pm, Kimo’s: The Danyel Alana Band 9-11pm, Moose McGillycuddy’s: Entertainment 9:30-11:30pm, Longhi’s: Jazz 7-10pm, Hard Rock Cafe: Evan Shulman 6-9pm, The Wharf Cinema Center: Uncle Lui Williams on center stage 5-7pm, Captain Jack’s Island Grill: Bob Jones and the Drive 8-10:30pm, Cool Cat Cafe: Johnny Ringo 7:30-10pm and Campbell Park: Hawaiian music with Al Nip, Lance Tokushima, Geri Valdriz and Donn Mitsuyuki with the hula stylings of Kathy Tokushima and Hauanu Gushiken-Nip 5-7:30pm.

STAGE ‘ULALENA - Mon-Fri. A nonpareil portal to Hawaiian history and kanaka maoli lore; what ‘Ulalena accomplishes–five night a weeks for 12 years strong–is without a doubt the most powerful cultural education available for our visitors (and ourselves). Starting at $24.50 keiki / $59.50 adults. Dinner and VIP packages available. 6:30pm Maui Theatre, (Old Lahaina Center, 878 Front Street, Lahaina); 1-877-688-4800; mauitheatre.com SMOKEY JOE’S CAFE - Thu, Dec 13 through Sun, Dec 23. A Broadway revue featuring the songs of Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller, presented

by ProArts Playhouse. Thu, Fri & Sat 7:30pm and Sun 3pm. $25 adults, $22.50 Kama’aina nights. ProArts Playhouse, (1280 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-4636550; proartspacific.com

FOODIE BREAKFAST WITH SANTA - Sun, Dec 16. See This Week’s Picks. $35 adult, $15 youth 11 & under. 9:30am Mala Wailea, (3700 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-879-1922 VEGETARIAN COOKING CLASSES - Tue, Dec 18. See (and sample!) how Vivian uses local, organic and wholesome ingredients to make healthy and delicious entrées, soups, breakfasts, and desserts. No registration required. Free. 5:306:30pm Down To Earth, (305 Dairy Rd., Kahului); 808-877-2661; downtoearth.org GIRLS NIGHT OUT TO BENEFIT ST. JUDE Tue, Dec 18. You know, ‘cause girls just wanna have fun. This four-course fondue extravaganza features a martini bar, trunk shows and the chance to win lots of goodies. What are you waiting for? This night is a blast. Reservations recommended. $35 per person. 5-9pm The Melting Pot, (325 Keawe St., Ste. A202, Lahaina); 808-661-6181; meltingpot.com

TICKETS ON SALE SANTA BABY CABARET - Thu, Dec 20. A Kit Kat Club Christmas Cabaret with Jolly Ole St. Mick Fleetwood. Early show in Fleetwood’s dining room: Doors, Food & Cocktails at 6pm, show at 7pm. Second show on Fleetwood’s open-air rooftop: Doors, Food & Cocktails at 8:30pm, show at 9:30pm. $75 for Facebook friends of Kit Kat Club. $99 per person. Fleetwood’s on Front St., (744 Front Street, Lahaina); 808-669-6425; fleetwoodsonfrontst.com IN THE FLESH - Thu, Dec 20 and Fri, Dec 21. A solo 2-night visual/musical experience by Murray Thorne performing the music of Pink Floyd’s The Wall. Also featuring 360 degrees of synchronized room light, an interactive large screen movie and projection and video mapping. Opening performance by special guest violin virtuoso Wenlu Duffy. $60 dinner & show, $30 show only. 6-9pm Stella Blues Cafe, (1279 S. Kihei Rd., #201); 808-874-3779; stellablues.com FUNK DA END A DA WORLD PARTY - Fri, Dec 20 & Sat, Dec 21. A 2-day music festival featuring all-star mainland and local bands and DJs such as Big Sam, DJ Logic, Monophonics, Jug Dealer, AfroMassive, Brown Chicken Brown Cow, Boogiemeister, FreeRadicals Projekt & much more live funk! $165 limited-time tickets, $185 and $200 at the door; VIP tickets $400 includes dinner for two nights and limited edition festival merchandise. Camp Keanae, (13375 Hana Hwy.); 808248-8355; mauidawg.com A COMEDY STORY - Fri, Dec 21. KMA Productions & Bud Light presents “A Comedy Story” with Andy Bumatai, Paul Ogata and Jose Dynamite. Hosted by up and coming Local Maui Stand Up Comedian and founder of Power Up Comedy, Chino LaForge. $25 presale, $30 door. 6:30pm Maui Beach Hotel, (170 W. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-877-0051 HOLIDAY BUFFET AT GRAND DINING ROOM - Tue, Dec 25. Celebrate the holidays with your loved ones with a grand buffet offering a variety of delicious food. A keiki buffet will also be available. See website for menu. $76 adults, $38 for keiki. 11:30am-3pm Grand Wailea Resort and Spa, (3850 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-875-1234 ext. 4500; wailearesortdining.com

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MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

12/13

12/14

12/15

12/16

12/17-12/19

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ALE HOUSE

Envy Nightclub 9pm; $10 cover

355 E. Kamehameha, Kahului - 877-9001

AMBROSIA 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-1011

DigiLuxe w/ DJ Kurt 10pm; no cover

Get Your Sexy On w/ DJ Salvo 10pm; no cover

BLUE LAGOON Wharf Cinema Center, 672 Front St., Lahaina - 667-0988

CASANOVA 1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-0220

CHARLEY’S 142 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-8085

COOL CAT CAFE Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina - 667-0908

DIAMONDS ICE BAR 1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-9299

DOG & DUCK IRISH PUB 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 875-9669

FLEETWOOD’S ON FRONT ST. 744 Front St. (Rooftop), Lahaina - 669-6425

HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-8010

EVENTS THURSDAY, DEC 13 STARGAZING CRUISE - Join the Pacific Whale Foundation for an evening cruise narrated by special guest Harriet Witt, an international award winning astronomy writer and speaker. Appetizers, dessert treats and drinks are included, including up to 3 alcoholic beverages (local microbrewery beer, wine and Mai Tais) with valid I.D. Please check-in 45 minutes prior to departure. For reservations, please call. $59.95 for adults and $39.95 for children. 8-10pm Pacific Whale Foundation’s Lahaina Ocean Store, (612 Front St.); 808-249-8811 ext. 1; pacficwhale.org “SWINGING ON A STAR” - Peter and Melinda Wing, a husband-and-wife duo of storytellers and musicians, will present an “out-ofthis-world” program of stories, songs, and skits about things extra-terrestrial, stellar, celestial, astral, galactic and cosmic. The Maui Friends of the Library is sponsoring this program; suitable for ages 3 and older. Free. 10am Makawao Public Library, (1159 Makawao Ave.); 808573-8785; librarieshawaii.org “UNDERSTANDING YOUR CREDIT AND SCORES” - A 60 minute crash course on how to improve your credit scores. They’ll discuss how to deal with collections, tax liens, judgments, late payments, foreclosures and short sales on

MON - DJ Skinny Guy, 10pm / TUE - Toxic Tues w/ DJ TRVR, 10pm / WED - The Usual Suspects Movie, 7:30pm / DJ Del Sol, 10pm

MON - Open Mic w/ MT, 10pm-close; no cover WED - Movember, 10pm-close; no cover

Bob Jones & The Drive 7-9:30pm; no cover

Johnny Ringo 7-9:30pm; no cover

Will Hartzag 7-9:30pm; no cover

MON - Dave Caroll / TUE - Jordan Cuddy / WED - Justin Phillips (all sets 7pm; no cover)

A Well Fed Tiger, Joey The Wrench & Axis Mundi 10pm; $5 cover

Eden Club (Marasco) and Diva Deva (Paul Gotel) 9:45pm; $10 cover

Andy Kaina & Kaina Country 9:30pm; $5 cover

Closed / Private Party

WED - Casanova’s Famous Ladies’ Night: Fast Forward with DJ Kurt, 10pm; $5 before 11pm, $10 after

The Jug Dealers 10pm; $10

Rambo of Judah Sound Systems, 10pm; $5-10

The New Super-Group 10 9:30pm; $15 door

NFL

MON - Open Mic & Jam, 7pm / TUE - Butterfly Effect World Tour Release Party, 7pm; $10 WED - SuperLove with DJ Blast, 10pm; $5-10

Barefoot Minded 7:30-10pm; no cover

Jonny Ringo 7:30-10pm; no cover

Dave Carroll 7:30-10pm; no cover

Erin Smith 7:30-10pm; no cover

MON - Peter deAquino, 7:30pm / TUE - Jazz, 7:30-10pm WED - Jordan Cuddy, 7:30-10pm

Rampage 10pm; no cover

Holiday Trunk Show with DJ, 9pm

Gomega with Bret B-Day 10pm; no cover

Gina Martinelli 6pm; no cover

MON - Gomega, 10pm / TUE - Pool League, 10pm / WED - Jukebox Party, 10pm

Quiz Night 7pm; no cover

Dance Party 10pm; no cover

Nara Boone & Scott Baird 6-9pm; no cover

Dr. Nat & Rio Ritmo, 6pm Live DJ, 9pm-12am

Kit Kat Club Cabaret 6pm & 8:30pm; $99

Doctor Nat Duo 6-9pm; no cover

MON - Lia Live, 6pm / TUE - Thunder & Lightning 6pm / WED - Eric Gilliom Band 9pm

Jah Residentz 9pm-close; no cover

Dat Guyz 9pm-close; no cover

Live Music 9pm-close; no cover

Karaoke Industry Night 8pm-close; no cover

MON - Karaoke, 8pm / TUE - DJ Daizy, 9pm / WED - Halloween Scaryoke, 9pm; no cover

Evan Shulman 6-9pm; no cover

900 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7400

KIHEI FRIDAY TOWN PARTY - Fri, Dec 28. Heads up! Kihei Town is the new spot for Fourth Friday. The inaugural event will be festive, with lots of food, art, crafts, Hawaiian activities and plenty of great shopping deals to be found. Other highlights will include a keiki/youth zone and top name entertainment including headliner Erin Smith & The Throwdowns. Free: Save the date. 6-9pm Azeka Shopping Center, mauifridays.com/kihei

Ultra w/ special guest DJ 10pm; no cover

Ladies Nite w/ DJ 10pm; no cover

HARD ROCK CAFE JOHN PRINE - Thu, Dec 27. Treat yourself to a live concert by country/folk singer-songwriter John Prine. $41.50, $51.50, $61.50. 8pm Maui Arts & Cultural Center, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469; mauiarts.org

WED - Karaoke w/ Sista Deva, 8pm-12:30am (all sets no cover)

Salsa Night 9pm; no cover

Wharf Cinema Center, 658 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4900

CAPTAIN JACK’S ISLAND GRILL

Sunrize Saturdaze w/ DJ Decka 10pm; no cover

DJ Jamn J 10pm; no cover

your credit report. Find out how this information can possibly be removed in less than 7 years to improve your scores. This workshop will be presented by Jason Hall, a Board Certified Credit Expert. He is presently a Credit Consultant and was previously a Sr. Loan Officer and Production Manager. Free. 12-1pm Maui County Business Resource Center, (70 E. Kaahumanu Avenue B-9, Kahului); 808-873-8247 JEWISH BLUES - Chabad of Maui presents a night of Jewish Blues. Celebrate the 6th night of Chanukah with a grand Menorah lighting, hot latke bar and great live entertainment with Saul Kaye, Jewish Blues artist. RSVP by email or phone. $18 / $25 at the door. 6pm The Maui Mitzvah Center, (360 Hoohana Street, Suite 209, Kahului); 808-249-8770; jewishmaui.com; info@jewishmaui.com TEA PARTY MAUI - Come meet your fellow Maui patriots, discuss current events, and listen to knowledgeable and motivational speakers. Free. 6:30pm Kalama Heights Garden Room, (101 Kanani Rd., Kihei); teapartymaui.com MAUI WAENA CHRISTMAS CONCERT Free. 7pm Queen Kaahumanu Center, (275 W. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-877-3369; queenkaahumanucenter.com

FRIDAY, DEC 14 OSKIE RICE MEMORIAL - It’s rodeo time in Makawao! Festivities kick off on Friday night with a Bull Bash at 7pm. Saturday and Sunday Grand Entry at 9am, with an awards presentation and Christmas party following Sunday’s show. Oskie Rice Arena, (Olinda Rd., Makawao) BOYS & GIRLS CLUB - LAHAINA GIFT WRAPPING TABLE - Free. 4-9pm Queen Kaahumanu Center, (275 W. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-877-3369; queenkaahumanucenter.com KARAOKE FRIENDS FOREVER - Free. 5:308pm Queen Kaahumanu Center, (275 W. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-877-3369; queenkaahumanucenter.com DOWN TO EARTH RENOVATION KICK-OFF

MON - Amy’s Mix / TUES - Jessica & Kanoa WED - Dance Party (all sets 10pm; no cover)

R.E. Metoyer’s Blues Rock & Soul Revue, 11am-3pm

EVENT - Down to Earth’s Kahului store will begin renovating and expanding on Dec. 17th. To kick off the project, the general public is invited to attend a traditional Hawaiian blessing on Dec. 14th, followed by a Christmas party with pupus, drawings for prizes, and entertainment. Free. 7pm Down To Earth, (305 Dairy Rd., Kahului); 808877-2661; downtoearth.org ALOHA FRIDAY MUSICAL JAM - In partnership with Hawai’i on TV, each Friday a different musical style is featured. Free. 11:30am-1:30pm Whole Foods Market, (70 Kaahumanu Ave #B, Kahului); 808-872-3310; wholefoodsmarket.com/maui MARTIAL ARTS EXPO AND FUNDRAISER - See This Week’s Picks. Friday: $15, Saturday: $25, Sunday $25. 6:30pm main events. Maui Mall, (70 E. Ka’ahumanu Ave., Kahului)

SATURDAY, DEC 15 BOYS & GIRLS CLUB - LAHAINA GIFT WRAPPING TABLE - Free. 10am-4pm Queen Kaahumanu Center, (275 W. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-877-3369; queenkaahumanucenter.com PET ADOPTIONS WITH HARF - Join the Hawaii Animal Rescue Foundation for a very special opportunity to rescue your next best friend! Every Saturday, HARF will bring animals in need of a good home. For more info, see websites or call. 10am-4pm Whole Foods Market, (70 Kaahumanu Ave #B, Kahului); 808-446-4126; and 10am-4pm Petco, (270 Dairy Road, #144, Kahului); 808876-0022; hawaiiananimalrescue.org “SWINGING ON A STAR” - Peter and Melinda Wing, a husband-and-wife duo of storytellers and musicians, will present an “out-of-this-world” program of stories, songs, and skits about things extra-terrestrial, stellar, celestial, astral, galactic and cosmic. The Maui Friends of the Library is sponsoring this program; suitable for ages 3 and older. Free. 10:30am Kahului Public Library, (90 School St., Kahului); 808-873-3097; librarieshawaii.org PUMPKIN PIE BAKE OFF/CHRISTMAS ORNAMENT ART SHOW - See This Week’s Pick. Free. Call Megan for entry. 12-3pm Wailuku Cof-

fee Company, (28 N. Market St.); 808-280-5786 SHALANDRA ABBEY BOOK SIGNING See This Week’s Picks. 1pm. Barnes & Noble, (325 Keawe St., Lahaina); 808-280-7704; reikihawaii.com. STUART NICHOLLS BOOK SIGNING - Thunder Road: The Journey Home is the new book by author Stuart Nicholls. It tells the story of a soldier who fought the war in the jungles of Vietnam, back in the U.S., as well as in his own mind. Light refreshments will be served. Book available for purchase at the event for $18 each. Free. 3-5pm Saigon Cafe, (1792 Main Street, Wailuku); 808-878-3185 HAWAIIAN MOONLIGHT CONCERT FUNDRAISER - Bring a blanket or low-back beach chair and enjoy live music from the UHMC Institute of Hawaiian Music and UHMC Chorus. Local artists will be present to show and sell their art. $25 admission; children 12 and under free with adult. 5pm Bailey House Museum Grounds, (2375A Main Street, Wailuku); 808244-3325; baileyhousemuseum@clearwire.net CLASSICAL & HOLIDAY MELODIES - A performance by students of Maui Music Conservatory. Free. 6-7:30pm Queen Kaahumanu Center, (275 W. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-8773369; queenkaahumanucenter.com

SUNDAY, DEC 16 SALVATION ARMY ANGEL TREE PROGRAM - The last day to help make the holidays a little brighter for a child or senior in need. Simply choose an angel from the tree and purchase a gift to fulfill that person’s wish. Then, return the unwrapped gift with the lower portion of the angel card to The Salvation Army Angel Tree. Free. 1-6pm Queen Kaahumanu Center, (275 W. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-877-3369; queenkaahumanucenter.com CLASSICAL & HOLIDAY MELODIES - A performance by students of Maui Music Conservatory. Free. 6-8pm Queen Kaahumanu Center, (275 W. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-877-3369; queenkaahumanucenter.com

DECEMBER 13, 2012 31

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LAHAINA SPORTS BAR 667-6655 • TheEatGuide.com 843 WAINEE ST. UNIT 1 & 2

32 DECEMBER 13, 2012

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ISANA 515 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-8199

JAVA JAZZ 3350 L. Honoapiilani Rd. - 667-0787

Karaoke

Rick Glencross 7pm - close; no cover

Guest Performer 7pm - close; no cover

Rick Glencross 7pm - close; no cover

JAY’S PLACE

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 875-7711

KIMO’S 845 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4811

Farzad & Mike Madden 7pm - close; no cover

Live Music 10pm-close; no cover

Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina - 661-6699

KAHALE’S

WED - Karaoke

Kawika 7pm; no cover

Kenny Roberts 7pm; no cover

Sam Ahia 6:30-8:30; no cover

KOBE STEAKHOUSE

Karaoke w/ “Auntie” Toddy Lilikoi, 9:30pm; no cover

136 Dickenson St. (Lounge Area), Lahaina - 667-5555

WED - Live Music, 10pm-close; no cover Eight Track Players 7pm; no cover

John Grover 7pm; no cover

MON - That’s What I’m Talking About TUE - Da Ha-y-ans / WED - Herb Anderson (all sets 7pm; no cover)

1810 8-10pm; no cover

Sam Ahia 6:30-8:30; no cover

MON-WED - Sam Ahia 6:30-8:30; no cover

Karaoke w/ “Auntie” Toddy Lilikoi, 9:30pm; no cover

LAHAINA SPORTS BAR

MON - Trivia Night, 7pm; no cover WED - Ladies Night, 10pm; no cover

843 Waine’e St., Lahaina - 667-6655

L‘AVA SPORTS BAR & KARAOKE 1088 Lower Main St., Wailuku - 244-4888

Blues Jam hosted by Maui Blues Co., 7:30-10pm

810 Haiku Rd., Haiku - 575-2629

888 Front St., Lahaina - 667-2288

LULU’S LAHAINA Lahaina Cannery Mall - 661-0808

MERRIMAN’S 1 Bay Club Pl., Kapalua - 669-6400

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea - 874-1131

LED ZEPPLICA - See This Week’s Picks. Parade 9am-2pm. Dinner and Show 3pm. $35. VFW, (1136 Uluniu Rd., Kihei), sbumaui.org/toy-run-2012.

MONDAY, DEC 17 LIVE HOLIDAY TUNES ON GRAND PIANO - Free. 6-8pm Queen Kaahumanu Center, (275 W. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-877-3369; queenkaahumanucenter.com LIVE DEMONSTRATION BY ARTIST AMANDA SCOTT - Come meet this charming young artist while she paints. Her muse is usually the female figure, which she renders beautifully in a variety of ethnic contexts, primarily Polynesian. Free. 11:30am-3pm Maui Hands, (1169 Makawao Ave.); 808-572-2008

TUESDAY, DEC 18 “DISCOVER THE SKILL TO ACHIEVE SUCCESS IN YOUR BUSINESS” - A workshop by Mike Kern on how to grow your business. He provides assistance to businesses on Maui through his volunteer speaking engagements and workshops. Through the years, he has owned many businesses in multiple industries, usually selling to larger corporations or completing an IPO. His specialty is business finance, marketing and sales, and operations. Free. 12-1pm Maui County Business Resource Center, (70 E. Kaahumanu Avenue B-9, Kahului); 808-873-8247 LIVE HOLIDAY TUNES ON GRAND PIANO - Free. 6-8pm Queen Kaahumanu Center, (275 W. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-877-3369; queenkaahumanucenter.com LIVE DEMONSTRATION BY ARTIST ELIZABETH KELLER - A live demo of scenic painting by watercolor artist Elizabeth Keller, who loves the big panoramic view as well as the unusual vantages she gets from riding her bike up sections of Haleakala, around the back side of Maui towards Kaupo, and around W. Maui. Free. 11am-4pm Maui Hands, (1169 Makawao

Live Band 8pm; no cover

Free Karaoke

LILIKOI RESTAURANT & WINE BAR

LONGHI’S LAHAINA

MON - Farzad & Mike Madden / TUE Farzad & Mike Madden / WED - Tracy Stiles (all sets 7pm-close; no cover)

TUE - Free Karaoke

Open Mic Night 7:30-10pm; no cover

AC/DCember 8-11pm; $10

TUE - Johnny Ringo, 8-10pm; no cover

Howard Ahia 6-9pm; no cover

Allure - DJ LX, DJC & Jay.P 10pm; $10

MON - S.I.N. w/ DJ Blast, 10pm; no cover WED - Krazy Karaoke, 10:30pm; no cover

Ranga Pae, 6-9pm

MON - Wolf - Solo Acoustic Guitar / TUE David Choy / WED - Ranga Pae (all 6-9pm)

Murray Thorne, 6:30-8:30pm / Pub Quiz Night w/ Trish da Dish 10:30pm-12am; no cover

The House Shakers 6:30-8:30pm; no cover

The Celtic Tigers 6:30-9:30pm; no cover

MON - Joyce and Gord, 7-9pm; no cover TUE - Brenton Keith, 7-8pm; no cover WED - Private Event

Ave.); 808-572-2008

WEDNESDAY, DEC 19 “CREATING HARMONY IN THE WORKPLACE” - Learn mental control skills, together with a method to change limiting and painful beliefs at this workshop presented by Stan Dokmanus. Stan has worked for a non-profit on Maui for six years as a substance abuse counselor. He is aware of the problems that drugs create for families and businesses. Attendees will also learn about techniques that can be solutions for the drug situation on Maui. Free. 12-1pm Maui County Business Resource Center, (70 E. Kaahumanu Avenue B-9, Kahului); 808-873-8247 PAPA LOPAKA READS ‘A CHRISTMAS CAROL’ - See This Week’s Picks. Free. 3pm. Kihei Public Library, (35 Waimahaihai St., Kihei); 808875-6833; friendsofthelibraryofhawaii.org. OCCUPY MAUI MEETING - The group’s focus is on foreclosure laws and environmental problems. They want to hear about your issues. Simply attend one of their weekly Wed. meetings to get involved. Free. 5-7pm At Freedom Lawn or Pavilion at UH Maui College, (310 Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului); occupymaui.com WOW! WAILEA ON WEDNESDAYS - The Shops at Wailea hosts their weekly arts and entertainment series, featuring a performance in the lower courtyard by contemporary Hawaiian and slack key king Bobby Moderow Jr. of the award-winning band Maunalua, and a slew of shop-to-shop specials. Free. 6:30-8pm The Shops at Wailea, Lower Courtyard, (3750 Wailea Alanui); 808-897-6770 ext. 2; theshopsatwailea.com / @ShopsAtWailea

DINNER MUSIC WEST MAUI

CANOES - Sun, Live Jazz 3-6pm; Fri, Howard Ahia 5:30-8:30pm. (1450 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-0937.

CAPTAIN JACK’S ISLAND GRILL - Wed, Justin Phillips 7-9:30pm; Thu, Adam & Tori 7-9:30pm; Fri, Bob Jones 7-9:30pm; Sat, Jonny Ringo 7-9:30pm; Sun, Will Hartzag 7-9:30pm; Mon, Dave Carroll 7-9:30pm; Tue, Jordan Cuddy 7-9:30pm. (672 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-0988. COOL CAT CAFE - Wed, Jordan Cuddy 7:3010pm; Fri, Jonny Ringo 7:30-10pm; Sat, Dave Carroll 7:30-10pm; Mon, Cousin Jason 7:3010pm; Tue, Jazz 7:30-10pm. (Wharf Cinema Center, 658 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-0908. DUKE’S BEACH HOUSE - Every Mon & Tue, Eddie & Alika 6-8:30pm; Daily, Hula Performance 6:30pm; Every Mon & Wed, Brian 3-5pm; Wed, Daniel & Kahala 6-8:30pm; Thu, Garrett & Peter 6-8:30pm; Fri, Garrett 3-5pm; Every Fri & Sat, Damon & Ron Oversize Productions 6-8:30pm; Sat, Tim 3-5pm; Sun, Fausto 3-5pm; Sun, Damon & Tim 6-8:30pm; Every Tue & Thu, Ben 3-5pm. (130 Kai Malina Pkwy., Lahaina); 808-662-2900. FLEETWOOD’S ON FRONT ST. - Fri, Dr. Nat & Rio Ritmo 6-9pm; Sat, Bob Jones & Nils Rosenblad 6-9pm; Sun, Doctor Nat Duo 6-9pm; Mon, Lia Live & Friends 6-9pm; Tue, Thunder & Lightning 6-9pm; Wed, Tom Conway 6-9pm; Thu, Nara Boone & Scott Baird 6-9pm. (744 Front Street, Lahaina); 808-669-6425. HARD ROCK CAFE - Sun, R.E. Metoyer’s Blues Rock & Soul Revue 11am-3pm; Fri, Evan Shulman 6-9pm. (900 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-7400. HULA GRILL - Tue, Jarrett Roback 1:30pm; Daily, Hula Grill Happy Hour 3-5pm; Tue, Damon & Ron 4pm; Tue, Wili Pohaku & Peter DeAquino 6:30pm; Every Mon, Wed & Thu, Ernest Pua’a 11am; Wed, Kaniala Masoe 1:30pm; Wed, Peter DeAquino 4pm; Wed, Ernest Pua’a & Friends 6:30pm; Thu, Alika Nakaoka 1:30pm; Thu, Kaniala Masoe 4pm; Thu, Kulewa 6:30pm; Fri, Kaniala Masoe 1:30pm; Every Sun, Fri & Sat, 1810 4pm; Fri, Kawika, Roy & Albert 6:30pm; Sat, Ron, Ikaika & Damon 1:30pm;

Sat, Damon/Ron/Keali’i 6:30pm; Sun, Danyel Alana 1:30pm; Sun, Derick Sebastian Trio 6:30pm; Mon, Kawika Lum Ho 1:30pm; Mon, Armadillo & Derek 4pm; Mon, Derick Sebastian & Josh Kahula 6:30pm; Every Sun, Tue, Fri & Sat, Kawika Lum Ho 11am. (Whaler’s Village, 2435 Ka’anapali Pwy., Bldg P); 808-667-6636. JAVA JAZZ/SOUP NUTZ - Every Thu & Sat, Rick Glencross 7pm; Fri, Guest Performer 7pm; Fri, Tracy Stiles 7pm; Every Sun, Mon & Tue, Farzad & Mike Madden 7pm. (3350 L. Honoapiilani Hwy. #203 & 204, Honokowai); 808-667-0787. KIMO’S - Fri, TBD; Sat, 1810 8-10pm; Daily (except Fri & Sat), Sam Ahia 6:30-8:30pm. (845 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-4811. LAHAINA PIZZA COMPANY - Every Wed, Thu & Fri, John Kane 7:30-9:30pm; Sat, Harry Troupe 7:30-9:30pm; Sun, Greg Di Piazza 7:30-9:30pm; Every Mon & Tue, Martin Tevaga 7:30-9:30pm. (730 Front St.); 808-661-0700. LAHAINA SPORTS BAR - Mon, Trivia 7-9pm. (843 Wainee St Unit 1 & 2); 808-667-6655.

LOOKING FOR SOMETHING? CALENDAR LISTINGS

ON MAUITIME.COM DECEMBER 13, 2012 33

WILD WAHINE WEDNESDAY

CASANOVA’S FAMOUS LADIES NIGHT FAST FORWARD WITH DJ KURT & DJ TRVR MUSIC STARTS @ 10PM + $5 BEFORE 11PM - $10 AFTER

THURSDAY DECEMBER 13TH SOURCE MAUI PRESENTS

THE EVENING THAT EARNED CASANOVA’S THE AWARDS

R.E. Metoyer’s Blues Rock & Soul Revue

“BEST LATE NIGHT IN MAUI” “BEST SINGLES SCENE IN MAUI”

SHOW STARTS AT 10PM $5 COVER

AN EVENING OF HOOLIGAN BEATS WITH A WELL FED TIGER + JOEY THE WRENCH + AXIS MUNDI

FRIDAY DECEMBER 14TH

THE TWO HOTTEST DJS ON MAUI’S MUSIC SCENE

SHOW STARTS AT 9:45PM $10 COVER

EDEN CLUB (MARASCO) DIVA DEVA (PAUL GOTEL) TOGETHER, ONE NIGHT ONLY!

SATURDAY DECEMBER 15TH IT’S RODEO TIME IN MAKAWAO

DEC. 16 | 11AM-3PM | $5 SUGGESTED DONATION | ALL AGES SHOW STARTS AT 9:30PM $5 COVER

ANDY KAINA & KAINA COUNTRY

100% of door cover go to beneÀt WhyHunger.org COME JOIN US THIS SUNDAY FOR GREAT FOOD & DRINKS, SUPPORT A GREAT CAUSE & ENJOY AN AWESOME BAND!

ROCK AND COUNTRY ROCK

SUNDAY DECEMBER 16TH EMPLOYEE CHRISTMAS PARTY, CLOSED TO THE PUBLIC PREVIOUS EMPLOYEES ARE WELCOME TO JOIN US FOR DANCING AFTER DINNER + DJ KURT WILL SPIN MUSIC STARTING AT 9PM

MAKE IT A MEMORABLE EVENING + DINE & DANCE AT CASANOVA FOR DINNER RESERVATIONS CALL 808.572.0220 LOG ON AT WWW.CASANOVAMAUI.COM

34 DECEMBER 13, 2012

900 FRONT STREET | LAHAINA | 808.667.7400 | HARDROCK.COM

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OCEANS BAR & GRILL 1819 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-2414

PARADISE GRILL 2291 Ka’anapali Pkwy., Lahaina - 662-3700

Live Salsa Music w/ Neito & Barbara, 7:30-10pm

Pulse Fridays w/ DJ Big Mike, 10pm; no cover

NFL

Harry Troupe 6-9pm; no cover

Salsa Night with DJ Rafael 10pm, $5 cover

Ladies Night w/ DJ Calcul8, 10pm; $10 men

Hawaiian Music w/ Deeson Kaohelo, 6-9pm

RB STEAKHOUSE

WED - Open Mic Night, 9:30pm; no cover

4465 Honoapiilani Hwy., Lahaina - 669-8889

SANSEI - KAPALUA 115 Bay Dr., Lahaina - 669-6286

SANSEI - KIHEI 1881 S. Kihei Rd., Ste. KT116, Kihei - 879-0004

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-6444

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

DJ Blast 10pm; no cover

DJ Gemini & DJ Ynot 10pm; no cover

DJ LX 10pm-close; no cover

SPORTS PAGE GRILL & BAR 1234 L. Main St., Wailuku - 243-2206

STELLA BLUES CAFE 1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-3779

STOPWATCH SPORTS BAR 1127 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-1380

R.S. SHARKY’S 41 E. Lipoa St., Kihei - 874-6115

Just Us 8pm; no cover

Kekona Ohana 8pm; no cover

Karaoke 4pm; no cover

TUE - Pool Leagues, 6pm; no cover WED - 80’s Night, 8pm; no cover

Ah-Tim 4-6pm; no cover

Upcountry Polo Fundraiser w/ The House Shakers 8pm; $10

Paula Fuga, Mike Love, Sam Ites Dinner Show 6-9pm; $60 / $30 show

Jamie Lawrence 4-6pm; no cover

MON - Mike Finkewiecz, 4-6pm; no cover TUE - Power Up Comedy Open Mic, 8:30pm WED - Randall Rospond, 4-6pm; no cover

Karaoke w/ Dudley 9pm-12am; no cover

Maui Underground 9pm; $4

Karaoke w/ Pearl Rose 9pm-12am; no cover

Karaoke/Family Night 6pm; no cover

Live Music & Dancing 8pm; no cover

Live Music 5:30-7:30pm; no cover

WED - Brenton Keith & His Bag O’Tricks; 7pm; no cover

The New Super-Group 10 10pm; $15 door

Visibly Shaken and Naau 10pm; no cover

Louise Lambert 6:30pm; no cover

WED - Blues with The House Shakers 8:30pm, no cover

Karaoke

MON through WED- Karaoke

Twisted Thursdays w/ Party Rock Krew 10pm; no cover

Forbidden Fridays w/ Party Rock Krew 10pm; no cover

Free Karaoke 9pm; no cover

MON - Free Karaoke, 9pm / TUE - Free Karaoke, 9pm / WED - Singles’ Night w/ X-Klusive Sounds Productions, 10pm (All sets no cover)

1945 S Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-3133

1424 L. Main St., Wailuku - 249-0052

WATERCRESS Waiehu Beach Center, Wailuku-243-9351

LEILANI’S ON THE BEACH - Fri, JD & Friends 3-5pm; Sat, JD & Harry 3-5pm; Sun, Merv Oana 3-5pm; Thu, Jarret & Wilson 3-5pm. (Whaler’s Village, 2435 Ka’anapali Pkwy. Bldg. J); 808-661-4495. LONGBOARDS KA’ANAPALI - Every Tue, Wed, Thu & Fri, Solo guitarist 5:30-8:30pm. (100 Nohea Kai Dr.); 808-667-1200. LULU’S LAHAINA SURF CLUB & GRILL Thu, Howard Ahia 6-8pm; Wed, Kenny Roberts 6-9pm. (Lahaina Cannery Mall, 1221 Honoapiilani Hwy. #A1); 808-661-0808. MERRIMAN’S - Daily (except Mon & Tue), Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; Mon, The Benoits 5:308:30pm; Tue, David Choy 5:30-8:30pm. (1 Bay Club Pl., Lahaina); 808-669-6400. PARADISE GRILL - Wed, Scotty Rotten 6-9pm; Thu, Harry Troupe 6-9pm; Fri, Scotty Rotten 6-9pm; Fri, Teri Garrison 6-8pm; Sat, JD & Harry 6-8pm; Sat, Special guest Michael 6-9pm; Sun, Hawaiian Music Night 6-8pm; Sun, Hawaiian Music with Deeson Kaohelo 6-9pm; Tue, JD & Harry 6-8pm. (2291 Ka’anapali Pkwy.); 808-662-3700. PINEAPPLE GRILL - Thu, Island Rhythm Sounds of Josh Kahula of Nuff Sedd 7-10pm; Fri, Brother Damien’s Ocean Beach Party 7:30-10pm; Sat, Island Sounds with Alika & Eddie 7-10pm; Wed, Jazz Sounds of Fulton Tashombe 6-9pm. (200 Kapalua Dr.); 808-669-9600. PIONEER INN GRILL & BAR - Wed, JD on the Rocks 5-8pm; Thu, Greg di Piazza feat. Alana Cini 5:30-8:30pm; Tue, Ah-Tim Elenicki 5:30-8:30pm. (658 Wharf St., Lahaina); 808-661-8881. RB BLACK ANGUS STEAKHOUSE - Sun, Live Jazz 3-6pm. (4465 Honoapiilani Hwy., Lahaina); 808-669-8889. RUTH’S CHRIS STEAK HOUSE - Every Sun & Sat, Live Jazz 6-9pm. (900 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-8815.

MON - DJ Salvo, 10pm / TUE - DJ LX, 10pm WED - DJ Decka, 10pm (all sets no cover)

Ladies Night 8pm; no cover

THREE’S BAR & GRILL TIFFANY’S

Viva La Rumba 4-6pm; no cover

Jordan & Gordon 9pm-midnight; no cover

2411 S. Kihei Rd. #B4 - 879-0602

STEEL HORSE SALOON

MON - Whiskey Pimps (Mellos Bar), 10:30pm WED - Johnny Ringo (Mellos Bar), 10pm

SEA HOUSE RESTAURANT, NAPILI KAI BEACH RESORT - Every Mon & Wed, Albert Kaina 7-9pm; Sat, Coelho Morrison 7-9pm; Sun, Andrew Kaina 7-9pm; Every Tue, Thu & Fri, Kincaid Kupahu 7-9pm. (5900 Lower Honoapiilani Hwy.); 808-669-1500.

SOUTH MAUI AMBROSIA - Thu, Jamie Gallo 7pm; Mon, The Jonah Trio 8pm; Wed, Red Carpet Movie Night: The Usual Suspects 7:30pm. (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-891-1011. BEACH BUMS BAR & GRILL - Every Sun & Wed, Mark Burnett 5-8pm; Every Thu & Sat, Kenny Roberts 5-8pm; Fri, Tom Cherry & Mike Finkiewicz 5-8pm; Tue, Randall Rospond 5-8pm. (300 Maalaea Rd. #1M); 808-243-2286. CAPISCHE? - Sat, Mark Johnstone with Marcus Johnson 7-10pm; Fri, Mark Johnstone 7-10pm. (555 Kaukahi St., Kihei); 808-879-2224. DIAMONDS ICE BAR & GRILL - Sat, Annie and the Orfinz 6:30pm; Sun, Gina Martenilli 6pm. (1279 S. Kihei Rd. #314); 808-874-9299. HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH - Thu, Junior Lacuesta 4-8pm; Sat, Ryan Robinson 4-8pm; Every Tue, Wed & Fri, Rick Glencross 4-8pm. (1913 S. Kihei Rd. #E); 808-891-8010. JUST WING IT! - Every Fri & Sat, Chicken Boxing 5-7pm. (225 Piikea Ave., Kihei); 808-875-9464. KAMAOLE POOLSIDE CAFE - Wed, Steve Sargenti 6-9pm; Thu, Island favorites with Kawika Lum Ho 6-9pm; Fri, Girls Night Out with Gina Martinelli 6-9pm; Sat, Ron Shadian and Friends 6-9pm; Sun, Kenny Roberts 6-9pm; Mon, Music by Rama 6-9pm; Tue, Mike & Mark 6-9pm. (2259 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-891-8860. MONKEYPOD KITCHEN - Wed, Jarret & Wilson 6:30-8:30pm; Fri, Wolf 3-5pm; Fri, Alika Naka’oka 6:30-8:30pm; Sat, Randall Rospond 3-5pm; Sat, Erin Smith 6:30-8:30pm; Sun, Alika Naka’oka 3-5pm; Sun, Kilohana 6:30-8:30pm;

Mon, Ron & Tarvin 6:30-8:30pm; Tue, Kilohana 6:30-8:30pm. (10 Wailea Gateway Pl., Unit B-201); 808-891-2322. MONSOON INDIA - Sat, Cambria Moss & Ricardo Dioso 6:30-8:30pm; Tue, The Hula Honeys 5:30-8:30pm. (760 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-875-4555. MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE - Thu, Murray Thorne 6:30-8:30pm; Fri, The House Shakers 6:308:30pm; Sat, The House Shakers 6:30-8:30pm; Sun, The Celtic Tigers w/ Mad Bagpiper Roger McKinley 6:30-9:30pm; Mon, Joyce and Gord 7-9pm; Tue, Brenton Keith and his Bag O’ Tricks 7-8pm. (100 Kaukahi St., Wailea); 808-874-1131. PITA PARADISE WAILEA - Sun, Benoit Jazzworks 5:30-7:30pm; Fri, Twisted Hips Belly Dancing 6-8pm. (34 Wailea Gateway Plaza); 808-879-7177. SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE - Wed, Mark Johnstone 4-6pm; Thu, Jaime Gallo 4-6pm; Fri, Randall Rospond 4-6pm; Sat, Tom Conway 4-6pm; Sun, Viva La Rumba 4-6pm; Mon, Kanoa 4-6pm; Tue, Sebrina Barron 4-6pm. (Kihei Kalama Village, 1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-874-6444. STELLA BLUES CAFE - Wed, Randall Rospond 4-6pm; Thu, Ah Tim 4-6pm; Fri, Ahumanu 4-6pm; Sun, Jamie Lawrence 4-6pm; Mon, Mike Finkiewicz 4-6pm; Tue, Tom Conway 4-6pm. (1279 S. Kihei Rd., # 201, Kihei); 808-874-3779. TAQUERIA CRUZ - Every Tue & Sat, Live Music Reggae, Jazz, Blues 5:30-8:30pm. (2395 S. Kihei Rd. #112); 808-875-2910. THE RED BAR AT GANNON’S, A PACIFIC VIEW RESTAURANT - Thu, Fulton Tashombe & Special Guests 6-8pm; Tue, Braddah Larry Golis 6-8pm. (Wailea Golf Club House, 100 Wailea Golf Club Drive); 808-875-8080. THREE’S BAR & GRILL - Every Sun, Mon & Wed, Hawaiian Music 5-8pm; Sun, Louise Lambert 6:309pm; Every Tue, Thu, Fri & Sat, Acoustic with Chad Kaya 5-8pm. (1945 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-879-3133.

TOMMY BAHAMA’S TROPICAL CAFE - Every Thu & Fri, Margie Heart 5:30-9:30pm; Every Sun & Sat, Howard Ahia 5:30-9:30pm; Mon, Greg Di Piazza 5:30-9:30pm; Wed, Merv Oana 5:309:30pm. (3750 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-875-9983.

CENTRAL MAUI CAFE O’LEI AT THE DUNES AT MAUI LANI - Every Fri & Sat, Phil and Angela Benoit 5:308pm; Thu, Reiko Fukina 5:30-8pm. (1333 Maui Lani Pkwy., Kahului); 808-877-0073. WAILUKU COFFEE COMPANY - Fri, Dr. Nat 4-7pm. (28 N. Market St., Wailuku); 808-495-0259

UPCOUNTRY MAUI CAFE DES AMIS - Mon, Mark Johnstone 6:308:30pm. (42 Baldwin Ave., Paia); 808-579-6323. CHARLEY’S RESTAURANT & SALOON Mon, Live Band Open Mic & Jam 7-10pm; Thu, Mark Johnstone & Lenny Castellanos Blues Duo 6:30-8:30pm. (142 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-8085. FLATBREAD COMPANY - Mon, Wes Furumoto 6-9pm; Mon, Randall Rospond 5:30-8pm. (89 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-8989. HANA HOU CAFE - Tue, Hipnautical 6-9pm. (810 Haiku Rd.); 808-575-2661. LILIKOI GRILL RESTAURANT & WINE BAR - Sat, Open Mic Night 7:30-10pm; Fri, Blues Jam hosted by Maui Blues & Co. 7:30-10pm. (810 Kokomo Rd., Suite 186, Haiku); 808-575-2629. MOANA BAKERY & CAFE - Thu, Eric Dotterer 6:308:30pm. (71 Baldwin Ave., Paia); 808-579-9999. NORTHSHORE CAFE - Fri, Makana 7-9pm; Sat, Troublemakers Trio 7-10:30pm; Tue, Ryan - Keyboards from Brooklyn 7-9pm. (824 Kokomo Rd., Haiku); 808-575-2770. PAIA BAY CAFE - Sun, Hawaiian Steel Guitar w/ Joel Katz 9-11am. (43 Hana Hwy.); 808-579-3111.

DECEMBER 13, 2012 35

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Horoscope

Sign Language BY CAERIEL CRESTIN SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21) I know you hate metaphysical mumbo-jumbo and mystical bullshit. For that reason, I attempt to simply tell it like it is. When you need a sincere pat on the back, I do my best to compliment you in a way you can hear. On the same token, I have no qualms about kicking your ass when necessary. But my favorite task (combining the two aforementioned duties) is my responsibility this week: delivering a playful spank. When you examine the rosy glow of your asscheeks later, I want you to think about what you’ve done. If you haven’t a clue, here’s one: your crime relates not to being naughty, but to not being naughty enough. CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19) Stage an intervention for your chocolate-addicted friend. Driven to the brink by a slavish devotion to the dark stuff, hounded by horrible acne and an expanding waistline, she’ll eventually be grateful to you for stepping in. Be firmly compassionate, without resorting to lame, reductionist strategies like: “Try carob. It’s almost the same.” Might as well give a heroin junkie Tylenol. Simply own that she’s giving something up that’s irreplaceably great, but ultimately not as great as the things it’s keeping her from. Then use the same hard-nosed, tough-love attitude on yourself to conquer your own less-than-healthy habit. AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18) First imagine the lamest little girl fantasies you can: princesses, rainbows, unicorns. Now think of the sad, twisted corporate executives whose job it is to take those sickly-sweet visions and shape them into products those poor, naïve little women find irresistibly delicious— and their parents find palatable enough to purchase for them. This marketing strategy has resulted in some nauseatingly lame merchandise, and one of the illusions you’ve been swallowing. Carefully constructed to appear to your particular sensibilities as a scrumptious and nutritious meal, it’s really as vacuous and simple as cotton candy. Throw it away, now that you know—before you take another delectably empty bite. PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20) Things you don’t need: a box to fit inside, a square peg for your round hole, and a category to fall neatly into. Why do you insist on associating with people who offer only these options? There are others who recognize that cramming you in a toybox would only cramp your style. They possess a variety of multi-use pegs for every shape hole. And, since they’re completely uncategorizable, they’ll be thrilled to know someone else who transcends definition. Why settle for two dimensions, where only one facet of you is allowed to shine at a time? ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19) While you may not have the protruding brow and powerful jaw of humanity’s “missing link” between our primate ancestors and the modern Homo sapiens, your Neanderthal attitude pretty much qualifies you anyway. Chill out on your bash-first, ask questions later approach. Lower your club, and back slowly away. If you don’t, you’re likely to get clobbered yourself. You can protest “Me have big stick!” all you want, but it’s useless; These days, people use smarter weapons, like email viruses, media smear campaigns, and lawsuits. Better develop a more sophisticated offense, or else get used to not having it your way all of the time. TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20) Don’t waste time with useless stunts like stuffing your face with habanero peppers or lighting your farts. Take the brave, foolish streak you’ve been wearing this week and harness it to serve some constructive end. Don’t risk your life jumping between rooftops to impress someone, not when there are more daring and impressive leaps to be made in your attitude. A tricky and dangerous emotional turnaround would go further towards getting you laid or loved than its physical equivalent. Save the bungeejumping. Bounce back with a new idea and you’ll never have to jump off the bridge in the first place.

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20) Reincarnation gurus don’t ridicule the many people who claim to be Cleopatra or King Arthur. They accommodate them instead, by inventing the possibility that those souls split and were reborn into many new incarnations. I know you share my cynicism. Why didn’t Homeless Joe’s soul fracture and find itself born again in 80 different people? You wouldn’t give money to a pasty-faced medium with an infomercial so he could tell you about your life as Queen Elizabeth I. So why are you giving something much more important (part of your soul) to someone as conniving and pathetic? Next time he asks for a piece of you, laugh in his face. It’s less than he deserves—in another life you’d have him beheaded. CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22) Cancers brag. Not as often as an Aries, perhaps, but when you do, it’s more ostentatious and obnoxious; it’s tales of being hand-fed peeled grapes by scantily-clad attendants in a bathtub filled with real pearls and rose petals. It’s epic descriptions of the grand adventure where you risked life and limb crossing shaky, fragile, crumbling rope bridges over hot spitting lava to return a dying culture’s most precious talisman. That your gloating isn’t quite this extreme is irrelevant; it sounds exactly that lush and extravagant to your exhausted listeners. Stop telling us how amazing you are. If you are that cool, those who need to know will figure it out all on their own. LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22) Hachiko was a faithful dog. His friend, Eisenburo Uyeno, was a professor in a different part of Tokyo from where they lived. Still, Hachiko would accompany him daily to Shibaya Train Station, and invariably be waiting for him when he returned. Unfortunately, he died. Hachiko kept his vigil at the station for a decade. Regardless of obstacles, he always returned daily to the station to hopefully await his master. When the dog finally died, touched commuters had a statue erected in his honor, a testament to his devotion. It’s a dog story for you, since you’ve been in the dog house lately. To get out, ironically, follow Hachiko’s example—for nothing more than a bowl of kibble, show off just how patient and loyal you can be. VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22) You are what you do, like it or not. Anyone can resist, for a time, the influence of a job or activity; you don’t become a corporate pawn overnight. But it’s insidious, the way daily tasks creep in and take over your personality. You become what you despise despite all your resistance. The only solution, ultimately, is to do what you love more than you do what you hate. How’s your balance of duty to passion? This week, do what it takes to tip it at least slightly towards the love of life—then set yourself up so it’ll stay that way. LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22) Prescription for reviving a slight “slowdown” in your sexual economy: 1.Take exciting risks, like racing around on a powerful motorcycle, clinging to a sexy stranger you barely know. Almost a guaranteed turnon. 2.Lower the bar slightly. Your interest rates are too high. Don’t sleep with anyone below your standards, but do consider everyone who approaches you. They may know something about you that you don’t, yet. 3.Jack (or Jill) off. Get the juices flowing. Put it this way: If nothing’s coming out of your libidinal bank account nothing’s going to come in.

QUIZunderstood ANSWERS

...to questions from page 4

1: B–Kihei. 2: D–$1.5 billion. 3: C–The state Supreme Court convened on the island.

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SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21) The best prank caller I know got his dream: His new cellphone uses the old number for an obscure local museum. People calling are subjected to the museum’s complicated hours (“We open at 4 A.M., close at 5:45 AM for 5 minutes, reopen at 5:50, then close again at 11:15 for a 15-minute cigarette break…”), detailed, realistic descriptions of the whale carcasses the museum is forced to sell to support itself (“Do you know how hard it is to keep a museum afloat?”), and bizarre exhibits (“The History of Lesbian Self-Absorption in California”). You, too, may get a chance to show off one of your more obscure talents this week. Milk it; it’s only a matter of time before they change the number and the calls cease rolling in.

sign.language.astrology@gmail.com

DECEMBER 13, 2012 37

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