September Se ep pttem mber be er 112 12, 2, 20 2, 2 2013 13 ✚ Volume 17 ✚ Issue 13 ✚ FREE
MMM... MERCURY There’s ‘exciting’ new research into mercury levels of local fish.
SHOULD THIS CONCERN YOU? RUSTY
CONWAY LEAVES MACC
GOT PG.7
PG.13
SLAPPY CAKES
? FILM REVIEW
RIDDICK PG.19
CENSORED MUPPETS
PLUS
PG.10
JOURNALISM
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SEPTEMBER 12, 2013
Contents VOLUME 17
THIS WEEK’S QUESTION: What movie prop would you like to own?
ISSUE 13
✚
ON THE COVER: September Se ep pttem mber be er 112 12, 2 2,, 20 2 2013 13 ✚ Volume 17 ✚ Issue 13 ✚ FREE
Culinary, Lifestyle & Business Editor: Jennifer Russo (808) 280-3286 / jen@mauitime.com @jenrusso on Twitter Angelina Jolie Art Director & Production Manager: Darris Hurst artdirector@mauitime.com / darrishurst.com A facehugger from Alien Graphic Designers: Shane Fontanilla (Hunter S. Thompson’s briefcase in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas), Amy Mendolia Contributors: Jenn Brown (the sapphire necklace from Titanic), Toni Colombo (Bilbo Baggins’ house from The Hobbit), Caeriel Crestin, Sarah Gerlach (The Swiss Family Robinson treehouse), Jory John, Avery Monsen, Ron Pitts, Marina Satoafaiga, Chuck Shepherd, Barry Wurst II
MERCURY
There’s ‘exciting’ new research into mercury levels of local fish.
Design by Darris Hurst
SHOULD THIS
CONCERN YOU? PG.10
RUSTY
CONWAY LEAVES MACC
4 10 13 17 19 21 22 23 28 29 31
GOT PG.5
PG.13
SLAPPY CAKES
? FILM REVIEW
RIDDICK PG.19
CENSORED MUPPETS
Editor: Anthony Pignataro (808) 283-1308 / anthony@mauitime.com @apignataro on Twitter Sean Connery’s toupee from Dr. No
No fish was harmed during the making of this cover.
MMM...
PLUS
Publisher: Tommy Russo (808) 283-0512 / tommy@mauitime.com @tommyrusso on Twitter
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NEWS & VIEWS FEATURE STORY FOOD & DRINK THIS WEEK’S PICKS FILM CRITIQUE FILM TIMES DA KINE CALENDAR THE GRID CLASSIFIED HOROSCOPE MIND, BODY & SPIRIT
Photographer: Sean Michael Hower mauiweddingmedias.com / howerphotography.com An Apache gunship from Firebirds Advertising Executive: Brad Chambers (808) 283-3260 / brad@mauitime.com The severed ear from Blue Velvet Admin. Executive: Keo Eaton (808) 244-0777 Olivia Newton John’s pants from Grease Proofreader: Dina Wilson
MauiTime is published every Thursday by MauiTime Productions, Inc. Its contents are Copyright © 2013 by MauiTime Productions, Inc. All rights reserved. Subscriptions are available at $70 per year. Reproduction or use without permission is strictly prohibited. MauiTime may be distributed only by MauiTime’s authorized independent contractor. MauiTime is valued at $.50 per copy and permits one complimentary copy per person. No person may, without written permission of MauiTime, take more than one copy of each weekly issue. All opinions expressed throughout MauiTime are those of the authors and not necessarily the same opinions as MauiTime Productions, Inc. and MauiTime. MauiTime 33 N. Market St., Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 office (808) 244-0777 • fax (808) 244-0446 www.mauitime.com @mauitime on Twitter Deadlines: Display Advertising: Friday Noon Classified: Monday 4pm Calendar: Monday Noon Circulation: 18,000 copies of MauiTime
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1. This week Governor Neil Abercrombie called the state Legislature back into special session. What will the special session, which is scheduled for Oct. 28, consider? A. Marijuana legalization. B. Same-sex marriage legalization. C. The banning of GMO foods. D. The labeling of GMO foods. E. All of the above 2.
On Sept. 7, The Maui News reported County Auditor Lance Taguchi’s decision on auditing the Mayor Alan Ara-
3. On the night of Sept. 11, Arakawa and other county officials held a public meeting at the Cameron Center in Kahului. What was the subject of the meeting? A. Feral cats and chickens. B. Littering. C. Illegal fishing. D. Axis deer. E. Police brutality. See answers, page 29
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Coconut Wireless PHOTO BY SAL FALKO - FLICKR.COM
FEMALE TIGER SHARKS APPARENTLY LOVE HAWAII
Nice shark...
WHEN WILL MAZIE HIRONO SPEAK OUT ON SYRIA?
PHOTO BY NEOPORCUPINE - FLICKR.COM
Wow, I seriously cannot believe we’re not already lobbing bombs and cruise missiles at Syria. I mean, that’s how the U.S. solves humanitarian disasters like chemical attacks in vicious civil wars, right? Our invasion and occupation Iraq was a decade ago–more than enough time for everyone to forget what a complete disaster it was. But then again President Barack Obama, whose aides had been saying that he had complete authority to launch whatever he wanted at whoever he wanted because he’s the President, decided to ask Congress for their take on a possible military assault on Syria while letting the diplomats see if they can get Syrian dictator Bashar al-Assad to give up his chemical weapons. Seriously–more than a 100,000 people die in that country's civil war, but the White House doesn't take notice until Assad breaks out the Sarin? Anyway, three of Hawaii’s four voices in Congress (all Democrats, mind you) have already given their views on us possibly attacking Syria. And it’s not good for Obama. Colleen Hanabusa, who represents Honolulu in the House, was the first to speak out. She gave a lot of interviews, but her Sept. 4 Tweet “I oppose U.S. military intervention in #Syria and will vote NO” pretty much says it all. U.S. Senator Brian Schatz followed her a day later. “I have weighed the expert briefings and analysis, and listened closely to the people of Hawaii,” he said in a Sept. 5 news release. “Though all of us are outraged by the Assad regime’s use of chemical weapons, I have concluded that a military strike against Syria is not the answer. Therefore, I will oppose this resolution.” On Sept. 9, Tulsi Gabbard, who represents all of Hawaii except Honolulu in the House and is currently a captain in the Hawaii National Guard who served in Iraq, voiced her opposition to hitting Syria.
“Presently, Syria does not present a direct security threat to the United States,” she said in a press release. “Military action will undermine our national defense, as even a limited strike could very easily escalate into a regional conflict, stretching thin a military that has been at war for more than 12 years... We should learn from history; we cannot afford to be the world’s policeman. The United States should not insert itself in the midst of this civil war, which is rooted in sectarian hatred and animosity between various warring religious groups.” That leaves Senator Mazie Hirono, who is apparently not ready to say what she thinks of a possible strike on Syria. “This is one of the toughest decisions a member of Congress makes,” she said in a Sept. 9 email. “I am reviewing the facts surrounding the reported chemical weapon attacks, the administration’s plan and the scope of the authorizing resolution. The use of chemical weapons is universally abhorrent and deplorable, but we should always be cautious about the use of force abroad, especially after the rush to war in Iraq. My decision will rest on whether the administration’s plan would advance our national interests.”
Shark sightings and bites (one of them tragically fatal) have been in the local news a lot lately. Given that they’ve lived in the ocean many, many millions of years longer than we’ve been dipping our little toes into the waves, bad interactions between sharks and humans have always been a reality. Now new research from the University of Hawaii says that some sharks–specifically female tiger sharks–may specifically be migrating from the Northwest Hawaiian Islands to the main Hawaiian Islands during the fall. “A quarter of the mature female tiger sharks plying the waters around the remote coral atolls of the Northwestern Hawaiian Islands decamp for the populated main Hawaiian Islands in the late summer and fall, swimming as far as 2,500 kilometers (1,500 miles), according to new research from University of Florida and the University of Hawaii at Manoa,” stated a Sept. 5 UH news release.
fiable migration as this is and isn’t surprising, the researchers say. In fact, Hawaiian lore tells of increased shark bite risk in the fall months. “Both the timing of this migration and tiger shark pupping season coincide with Hawaiian oral traditions suggesting that late summer and fall, when the wiliwili tree blooms, are a period of increased risk of shark bites,” said researcher Carl Meyer of the University of Hawaii at Manoa’s Hawaii Institute of Marine Biology in a Sept. 5 press release. The research, the scientists say, also helps demolish old legends of sharks being “territorial.” “This research and other studies like it have solidly overturned mid-twentieth century ideas that tiger sharks stick to chosen territories in specific coves and bays,” stated the news release. “The territoriality hypothesis led to culls during the 1960s and ‘70s under the belief that killing sharks in locations where people had been hurt meant killing the shark that had attacked them, eliminating a ‘problem’ shark.” As to why such a migration is taking place, the researchers aren’t exactly certain. Study
Look out!
“Their report is scheduled for publication in the November 2013 issue of Ecological Society of America’s journal Ecology.” Tiger sharks live in the waters around our islands year-round, but such a specific, quanti-
Overheard “Have you seen those new Cadillacs? They’re two-seaters and look like what would happen if a Cadillac had sex with a Corvette.” -Guy on Market Street in Wailuku, Sept. 9
author Yannis Papastamatiou put forward the hypothesis that it’s connected to pupping, “with female sharks swimming down to preferred nursery sites in the main Hawaiian Islands,” said the news release. What’s more, “The main Hawaiian Islands may offer different foods, protection from ocean waves, or some other, unknown factor.” Of course, the UH researchers caution everyone not to leap to the conclusion that the recent spate of sightings and bites is a direct result of this female tiger shark migration. “Many factors might influence shark behavior in ways that would lead to more frequent encounters with people, Papastamatiou said,” according to the news release. “Scientists have almost no data on the attributes or particular behaviors of tiger sharks that bite people because bloody conflicts with humanity, though dramatic, are rare.” ■ anthony@mauitime.com + @apignataro For more news articles, visit our news blog at: mauifeed.com
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News & Views
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Rusty Conway
RUSTY CONWAY HAS LEFT THE BUILDING
PACIFIC COMMERCIAL ADVERTISER JOINS HAWAII DIGITAL ARCHIVE Even before the so-called digital revolution, newspapers were curious things. Because they were chronicling “news”– which is, by definition, a fleeting, temporary thing–they came printed on very cheap, very temporary paper. If properly cared for, paper can last for centuries, but newspapers were always meant to get tossed after a day or so. Far from an insult, the term “yesterday’s news” is a cold reality in the journalism business. Maybe that’s why I find the University of Hawaii Library’s Digital Newspaper Project so intriguing. In the 19th century, Hawaii was rich with multitudes of newspapers, not all of which were published in English. These papers represent a unique trove of information about life in Hawaii in the days when most people looked to broadsheets for news and events. The Project recently archived the Pacific Commercial Advertiser, which published between 1856 and 1921, when it merged with the Honolulu Advertiser. It was a tragic but fascinating era, and the paper
was there through it all. “Of particular interest is the PCA’s ‘Local Brevities’ column,” states a Sept. 5 email from the University Library. “From 1884, it chronicled the comings and goings, life events, deaths and even musings of people living in Hawai‘i–a feed of information that was essentially Hawai‘i’s first Facebook!” The column was, of course, nothing like Facebook. But that trivialising of the paper’s journalism aside, the digital newspaper archive is clearly becoming a fantastic source for information about life in Hawaii. “There are notices about locals’ health and tidings, want ads and sales, as well as names and activities of guests who had arrived in town,” continued the news release. “The notices are quite detailed– dates, places, times–and occasionally contain little jokes and bon mots. People with long-established roots in Hawai’i may even discover a relative.” For more information, visit Hdnp.hawaii.edu. ■ anthony@mauitime.com + @apignataro For more news articles, visit our news blog at: mauifeed.com
PHOTO BY NJM2010 - WIKIMEDIA COMMONS
Friday, Sept. 6 was Rusty Conway’s last day as the Maui Arts and Cultural Center’s technical director. For two decades, he’s been in charge of the lighting, sound and the rest of the tech of the MACC’s shows and productions. Here are his thoughts on why he’s retiring, where he’s heading and what it was like to meet the Dalai Lama in 2007: “I gave notice back in March. I’ve been here long enough, it’s time for a change. The MACC has been a great place, and I may help out now and then with special projects. I’m leaving on great terms, leaving a happy guy. “The MACC brought me to the MACC. I started here a few months before it opened. I had been touring with Fleetwood Mac. I toured with a lot of musicians–Jackson Browne for a number of years, Bonnie Raitt for a number of years–but when I was finished with the Fleetwood Mac tour I came to Maui. The place was under construction. I found their office–back then it was located in the old Railroad Building across from Whole Foods. I met the president and expressed my interest. Fooled them! “A few months ago I started Maui Production Group (Mauiproductiongroup. com). I’ll probably pay attention to that, see if it floats. It’s for corporate entertainment– groups that come to the Grand and buy it out. I’ve done that under the umbrella of the MACC for the last 15 years, so I thought I’d do it under my own umbrella now. Other than that I’m basically unemployed. “I have a hard time saying what I’d miss most. The MACC is a lot of different things
to a lot of different people. We do an awful lot of different things. Clearly the staff, but I’m not leaving. I live in Makawao, and don’t have any intentions of going anywhere. I won’t miss my friends because I’m not really going anywhere. “I can’t really call this a career. Really, I got paid to do this? I don’t think I’m changing careers. I expect I’ll be doing much the same thing, and with the same people. Just not at the MACC. “Before I worked here I toured and got to see a lot of the world. But I got more culture here than I ever did traveling the world. Having a lot of different cultures from around the world come to the MACC–that’s been cool. “Meeting the Dalai Lama was a very unique experience, for sure. But it was just like meeting any other guy. Though the guy has an aura, no question. I put my hand up his robe to hook a microphone on him, and couldn’t help but sense his energy. But I was walking across Memorial Field, and saw half a dozen snipers [for security]. It was fascinating to watch a guy based on peace, and see all these machine guns. It seemed the opposite of what he is. “The MACC does something like 1,400 events a year. We’ve done so many things here the variety of stuff is just amazing. Maybe most are like any other day at the office. But they’re all challenging. That’s what makes them fun. I did come flying in on a crane one day like I was parachuting– I was the auctioneer for Maui Calls. “Seeing Bert and Ernie dry humping is something most people don’t get to see. “Did you ever see Slava’s Snow Show? It was a European clown show. Towards the end they dropped truckloads of paper snow on the stage, and then there was a big airplane propeller on the stage that blew it onto the audience. “I will remember sitting on the side of the stage and watching Braddah Iz. I think it was his last concert here or second to the last concert. You could tell there was some mana there. His arm was bigger than the instrument! I remember shaking his hand–it was like hitting a slab of ham–and yet he was so gentle with the ukulele. “When I first came here, Maui chewed me up, spit me out. I was from LA, and had an attitude. Maui taught me patience. People have things to say. Whatever I’ve learned in the last 20 years, I’ve learned here, because this is all I’ve done in the last 20 years.”
IT'S BEEN WEEKS SINCE THE MAUI NEWS PUT UP THEIR ONLINE PAYWALL
Now online
SEPTEMBER 12, 2013
7
By Chuck Shepard
News & Views
News Of The Weird LOCO PARENTIS First-time mother Amy Webb proudly notates dozens of data points about her child each day and obsessively tracks their detailed progression by computer on spreadsheets, according to the provocative first-person account she wrote for Slate. com in July. In categories ranging from ordinary vital signs, to the kid’s progress in sound-making, to dietary reactions, to quantity and quality of each poop, stats are kept 24/7 (even with a bedside laptop to facilitate nighttime entries). She began tracking her own health during pregnancy, but then decided, “Why stop now?” when her daughter was born. Webb’s pediatrician rated the kid’s health as “A-minus,” but the parents’ as “C,” adding: “You guys need to relax. Leave the spreadsheets [out].” Webb and her husband remain confident that their extreme tracking optimizes their chances of raising a healthy daughter.
COMPELLING EXPLANATIONS Dr. Timothy Sweo said later that he was only trying to make his diagnosis of lumbar lordosis “less technical” for patient Terry Ragland when he described her condition as “ghetto booty.” The shape of her spine makes her buttocks stick out more, he said, and he prescribed pain medication as there is no cure, per se. Nonetheless, Ragland felt insulted and filed a complaint against Sweo with the Tennessee Department of Health in July. “I couldn’t believe he said that,” she said.
STICKER SHOCK An Anglican parishioner complained in August about the “blasphemous” bumper sticker she saw on the car of Rev. Alice Goodman of Cambridge, England, but Rev. Goodman immediately defended it as not irreligious (although, she conceded, perhaps “vulgar”). The sticker read “WTFWJD?” which is a play on the popular evangelical Christian slogan “WWJD?”– ”What Would Jesus Do?” (“WTF” is a vulgar but omnipresent acronym on the Internet.) Rev. Goodman pointed out that even Dr. Rowan Williams, the former Archbishop of Canterbury, seemed not to be shocked by her sticker when he saw it.
OUCH! The wife of Valentino Ianetti was found dead in Stanhope, N.J., in 2010 with 47 stab wounds, leading police to immediately suspect her husband, who was at home with her. But after three years’ incarceration, Ianetti, 63, won release in August by finally convincing prosecutors that his wife actually committed suicide. Although the case is still officially “under investigation,” the medical examiner concluded that 46 of the wounds were superficial–”hesitation” cuts perhaps selfinflicted as the wife built up the courage
8
SEPTEMBER 12, 2013
to administer a final thrust. Also, the wife was found with a heavy dose of oxycodone in her system and likely felt little pain from any of the 47 wounds.
IRONIES Germany’s center-left Social Democrats posted about 8,000 campaign placards in July that it proudly hailed as “eco-friendly” and biodegradable to attract the support of environment-concerned voters. But 48 hours later, at the first rainfall, the posters became waterlogged and, indeed, biodegraded. Reported Hamburg’s Spiegel Online, “None of the campaign workers could have guessed... how quickly the environmentally friendly process... would begin.”
WE BET SHE IS In August, a federal judge in Seattle sentenced Alicia Cruz, 31, to four years in prison for violating court-ordered drug treatment stemming from a 2011 conviction for stealing the identities of more than 300 people. Cruz had won a second chance (drug treatment, instead of prison) by convincing the judge that she was no longer a crook–that this time, she would abandon her identity-theft life and go straight. Added Cruz, “I’m a different person now.”
THE LITIGIOUS SOCIETY A lawyer and former spokesman for the judiciary of Kenya filed a petition in July with the International Court of Justice in The Hague, Netherlands, seeking a retrial of Jesus Christ and naming as defendants the state of Israel, King Herod, various Jewish elders, the former emperor of Rome (Tiberius), and of course Pontius Pilate. Dola Indidis claims that the proceedings before Roman courts did not conform to the rule of law at the time. (Indidis’ claim had been dismissed by the High Court in Nairobi, and a spokesperson for the ICJ said the court has no jurisdiction in such a case, for it is not one between governments.)
STRANGE OLD WORLD In May, a Brazilian cancer-fighting foundation, AAPEC, published a series of photos of its new mascot that it hopes will call attention to the dread of testicular cancer, and the initial worldwide reviews demonstrate that, indeed, people may never, ever forget their first glance at “Mr. Balls.” AAPEC described its character as a “friendly snowman in the shape of testicles”–friendly in the sense of a buck-toothed humanoid with a puffy-cheeked smile and the body of a huge scrotal sac dotted with small curly hairs and rough skin. As photos of the genial “Senhor Testiculo” circulated in June, he was variously described as “disturbing,” “horrifying,” “terrifying” and “a nightmare.”■
YOUR SCION NO HAGGLE, NO HASSLE. Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations, 200 words or less (which we reserve the right to edit), changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent, to “Eh Brah!” c/o MauiTime, 33 N. Market St, Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 or send an e-mail to
ehbrah@mauitime.com
E
h Brah. You were the Westside resort security guard at the Ka’anapali Ali’i who called the DLNR and police on my friend. Just wanted to let you know he was volunteering for the Lahaina Boys and Girls Club and donating his time to give a few less fortunate children a chance to skimboard and play at the beach. But there you were, acting like he was making money illegally. Thanks for the aloha! ■
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MMM... MERCURY There’s ‘exciting’ new research into mercury levels of local fish.
SHOULD THIS CONCERN YOU? BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO
I
t’s not everyday that we get a press release that contains the words “exciting” and “mercury” in the same sentence. But that’s what happened a couple weeks ago, and we have the University of Hawaii public information office to thank for it. “Mercury–a common industrial toxin–is
10 SEPTEMBER 12, 2013
carried through the atmosphere before settling on the ocean and entering the marine food web,” stated the Aug. 26 press release. “Now, exciting new research from the University of Michigan and the University of Hawaii at Manoa School of Ocean and Earth Science and Technology (SOEST) combines biogeochemistry and direct
marine ecology observations to show how the global mercury cycle is colliding with ocean fish–and the human seafood supply– at different depths in the water.” In a state where the consumption of seafood is both big business and an old tradition, talking about the accumulation of mercury in fish–which, like climate
change, is a direct result of industrialization–is difficult. Especially when some of the finest, most delicious and expensive fish served on the island turns out to have the highest mercury concentrations. While scientists have known that certain types of fish carry a good deal more mercury in their flesh than others for some
PHOTO BY HECTONICHUS - WIKIMEDIA COMMONS
Opah
time, they haven’t really understood why. The new “exciting” research that prompted the Aug. 26 UH press release begins to unlock that why, though it also points the way to new unknowns. The study examined why fish that live deep in the ocean have higher mercury levels than those living at shallower depths.
FISH THAT CONTAIN NO MERCURY Akule Awa Moi Mullet Opelu Salmon Ika (squid) Tako Scallops Shrimp Fish small enough to fit in a frying pan whole
FISH CONTAINING LOTS OF MERCURY
FISH PREGNANT WOMEN AND YOUNG CHILDREN SHOULD EAT SPARINGLY Ahi Ono Opah Aku Cod (butterfish) Grouper Halibut Mahimahi Nairagi (striped marlin) Orange roughy Pollack
[Source: Hawaii Department of Health]
avoid heart trouble. “No one knows what the ‘safe’ level of mercury is,” states a DOH brochure titled A Local Guide to Eating Fish Safely, which kind of calls into the question the whole brochure’s reason for existence. But first and foremost, the brochure states emphatically that people should most definitely not stop eating fish. “Remember, fish is a good food and part of a healthy diet,” it states. “So don’t stop eating fish!” This is true for most people, say state health officials. But for young children, pregnant women and women who could soon become pregnant, it’s an entirely different matter. That’s because mercury “bioaccumulates”–it builds in the body over time, which is why those with developing brains are at risk of mercury poisoning. And that’s why the DOH brochure lists a bunch of fish that pregnant women and children need to watch (see accompanying sidebars). “Mercury can be very harmful to the brain and even small amounts can damage a brain that’s just starting to form or grow,” states the DOH brochure. “That’s why young children, unborn and breastfed babies are at the most risk.” As for the rest of us, scientists and health officials really can’t say. “We don’t have any recommendations for adults,” said Janice Okubo, a spokesperson for the Hawaii DOH. “There haven’t been any issues with people on normal fish diets. Our only recommendation for adults would be that, like anything else, you should eat fish in moderation. Fish is part of a healthy diet.” Hard answers require hard research. And that, says scientists like Drazen, is still taking place. ■ anthony@mauitime.com + @apignataro For more news articles, visit our news blog at: mauifeed.com
PHOTO BY DERKE SNODGRASS - NOAA - WIKIMEDIA COMMONS
Kajiki (Pacific blue marlin) Shark Shutome (swordfish)
It turns out, according to one of the UH researchers, that the sun has a great deal to do with why that happens. “In surface waters, sunlight destroys organic mercury,” said Dr. Jeffrey Drazen, an associate professor of oceanography at the University of Hawaii who was one of the researchers in the new study. “That doesn’t happen down deep.” Drazen is an ecologist. He studies the ecology of deep sea fish, and for him, this is truly an “exciting” study. “I think it’s good news in our understanding the ocean, how mercury gets into fish,” he said. “This study took about two years. But we’ve been looking at mercury in deep water around Hawaii since about 2007.” And for those who love mahi mahi, salmon and other fish that live close to the surface of the ocean, this is indeed “exciting” news. But for those who enjoy dining on swordfish, opah, monchong and walu, it’s anything but. “I love swordfish,” Drazen told me, and he’s certainly not alone. All those fish are delicious, and pop up here and there as specials (and menu items) at some of Maui’s finest restaurants. Son’z Maui at Swan Court in Ka‘anapali has served macadamia nut crusted opah. Nick’s Fish Market in Wailea offered a candied peanut crusted Hawaiian opah. Mama’s Fish House in Kuau has a lovely Opah sautéed with Hamakua mushrooms, garlic butter, white wine and capers on their lunch menu. And Pineapple Grill in Kapalua has served a Porcini dusted monchong. Now this is where people who love great seafood–who love great food–should be outraged. These fish–the opah, swordfish and monchong–through no fault of their own, now contain such high levels of mercury that health officials say pregnant women, women who are about to become pregnant and children shouldn’t touch them at all. After all, we put the mercury there in the first place. And it’s getting worse. “It turns out that the mercury that enters the ocean comes from the atmosphere,” said Drazen. “It comes from biomass plants. Mercury [levels] from Europe have been going down because there is less reliance on coal there. But in China, India, they’re using more coal plants. Overall, it
looks like mercury levels are on the rise.” Now that’s exciting! But what’s really surprising (or at least what I found surprising) about the new mercury fish study is how it really shows what we don’t know about swordfish, opah and monchong. “If organic mercury is entering the food web down deep, then we need to look down there to see how they’re getting it,” Drazen said. “We need a better understanding of the food web down there if we want to understand how mercury levels are growing.” Or put another way: we eat fish like opah, walu and monchong even though we really have no idea what those fish eat. Have we really been consuming fish without any idea as to what they themselves consume? “We don’t know anything about their feeding habits,” Drazen said. How could this be? “The swordfish diet has been studied a little bit,” Drazen said. “Often what happens is that a fishery develops. Then scientists study that species. But when a fishery changes, science takes a while to catch up. It’s a common problem when developing sustainable fisheries.” Which is what’s going on now. New fish has appeared on our menus, and science is playing catch-up. Though it is a difficult game of catch-up, to be sure. “If you want to know what something eats, you get a bunch of them and open up their stomachs,” said Drazen. “But It’s not easy studying the deep ocean. We use a very fancy net system to capture animals. We use submarines or remotely operated vehicles. It can be expensive.” As to what people should actually do with this information, that’s an entirely different question. The good people at the Hawaii Department of Health (DOH) have attempted to answer that question, but the result is far from a conclusive “Don’t eat that!” In fact, fish remains one of those must-eats on most doctors’ lists of what people should consume to help or even
Swordfish
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By Jen Russo
Food & Drink
Batter Up
PHOTO BY SEAN M HOWER
Slappy Cakes’ pour-your-own pancakes revolutionizes Maui breakfasts
Pancake Action Station
Slappy Cakes 3350 L. Honoapiilani Rd. #701, Honokowai 808-419-6600 7am-2pm Kama‘aina discount: 15 percent off
PHOTO BY SEAN M HOWER
Hungry for Breakfast?
Hollandaise and poached eggs is a savory answer to rich vegetarian breakfast fare. “Our food has a heavy Southern influence throughout, so we thought it would be fun to reinterpret classic Hawaiian breakfast dishes with a ‘Slappy’ twist,” says Fuderer. “Some of our most popular Hawaiian dishes are the Slappy Moco (not what you are expecting) and the Banana Bread French Toast, which is served with our signature macadamia nut candied bacon. From the beginning we knew that we wanted Slappy Cakes to be for everyone, not just children. With this in mind we always knew that we wanted to have a serious bar with awesome drinks. We think that having our breakfast cocktails as an option is a key part of the Slappy Cakes experience.” I got more slap happy after a thorough review of the cocktail list, where their version of the Mai Tai, called the Rum for Breakfast, incorporates mango rum, lemon, maple and egg white for a frothy adult smoothie-like cocktail. But their house Bloody Mary is by far the most popular way to quench away your breakfast and brunch thirst–it’s a solid pint of classic Bloody with a cucumber vodka and
PHOTO BY SEAN M HOWER
Slappy Cakes is the kind of place where you come to play with food but end up enjoying a serious gastro adventure. It stems from the place mixing ready-toorder menu options with pour-your-own pancakes. Though owner/founder Adam Fuderer says it might be more than that. “Our favorite restaurants to eat at have always been either brunch places or interactive dining like fondue, Korean BBQ, etc.,” says Fuderer. “We just had an Aha! moment one day and decided to merge the two ideas. We wanted to focus on fun so every decision was made with that in mind, how to minimize confusion and create an easy and fun guest experience. The first Slappy Cakes opened in October 2009 in Portland [Oregon].” Fast forward to 2013: there are now Slappy Cakes in Manila, Tokyo, Singapore and Maui as well. Tokyo averages more than an hour wait for a table, and Portland’s pancake popularity is still rising. But their newest location is right
here, in the Honokowai Marketplace at the former WM and Pacific Cafe location. The restaurant is sprawling with booths featuring a Slappy Cakes Panasonic griddle mounted in the middle of the table. It’s a special griddle that was made in Japan just for Slappy Cakes and it never seems to burn a pancake. The dining room also sports large paintings of pancake toppings and hotcakes stacks with butter and syrup, for both inspiration and enticement. It goes without saying that you must try the pancakes. It’s the only cook-your-own option on the menu, but there are oodles of different combinations, both sweet and savory. For batters, they have basic buttermilk, gluten-free and vegan, Okinawan sweet potato, chocolate and a whole grain. So far, I’ve tried the buttermilk, gluten free/vegan, sweet potato and chocolate, and all are tasty. The menu makes it easy: first you pick a batter, choose some fillings and then get your toppings like lavender honey or coconut peanut butter. They have a list of recommended combinations for the indecisive and unadventurous. If you’re opposed to making your own food, Slappy Cakes Chef Andy McCoy will serve you any pancake combination, as well as a host of other specialties. As far as toppings and mix-ins are con-
cerned, this is where you spread your pancake wings. Here’s my tip: bring some kids along to do the cooking for you. They are psyched on it, especially when the little carafes of chocolate chips start showing up.You can stick to healthier options like bananas, blueberries, mango and papaya, but there’s nothing like putting chocolate chips into your pancake batter. For more adventurous types, you can try savory stuff like scallions and bleu cheese. “When we first developed our batter we wanted something that was more neutral (less sweet) than traditional pancake batter so the fixin’s can really stand out and guests can decide exactly how they want their pancakes to taste,” says Fuderer. “Also, our batter is a little thinner than most restaurants. We wanted our batter to have a homemade taste and be reminiscent of what mom used to make. It didn’t take very long to develop our first batters but to this day we are still testing and making new batters all the time.” During a recent visit, our server Nicole was really patient while explaining the menu and listening to the kids’ requests and somehow keeping track of it all. What’s more, she
Founders - Alison (Ali) Isabelle and Adam Fuderer, sister and brother.
never let my cocktail run dry, which is always critical when dining with children. We wrote our names in pancake batter, made rings to stack on a plate with toppings in the hole and even created Japanimation cartoon characters, which big in our household. We consumed every drop of batter in our squeeze bottles, and what we couldn’t finish came home with us in a box. They also have a lot of Southern brunch favorites like delectable sausage gravy poured over fluffy homemade biscuits and country fried steak, but they’ve assimilated a few popular local inspired breakfast dishes: loco moco with red pepper sauce, Ahi Benedict and the mushroom scramble with Portuguese sausage and local goat cheese. Their creativity really shines in the chicken fried bacon and the Veggie Benedict. Both feature their mouthwatering batter. The chicken fried bacon is light and extra crispy and drizzled with house-made apple caramel sauce. The deep-fried seasonal veggies with
garnishes. And the Slappy Screw is an inventive screwdriver with a cinnamon sugar rum that I couldn’t stop sipping. I never thought cinnamon and OJ would be a good mix, but it reminded me of a Harvey Wallbanger. They also have a tour of mimosas and non-alcoholic drinks like the Kiddie Kremescicle. There’s also Maui Oma Coffee and Harney and Sons tea. I can see why Japan loves Slappy Cakes. With okonomiyaki and shabu shabu, their culinary traditions are more refined in the interactive genre. My family took to it quit quickly, and I’ve been back to try different batters and other dishes. It’s one of the only times my kids weren’t done eating before me, and they had something to keep them busy while I leisurely grazed on their creations. But I think next I’ll take a group of adults the next time to see if they can do better. ■ jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso For more foodie news, visit MauiTime’s food blog at: mauidish.com
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By Jen Russo
Food & Drink
Blondes Vs. Brunettes PHOTO COURTESY FOUR SEASONS MAUI
Check out the epic battle this Saturday at the third annual BrewHaha
L to R Assistant Banquets Manager Angela Bliss, Executive Chef Roger Stettler, Maui Brewing Co. Brewmaster Garrett Marrero, and Marketing & PR Coordinator Crissa Hiranaga.
I
n August a bit of a media kerfuffle ensued after Gallup released their annual American alcohol consumption report. According to their findings, the King of drinks– that would be beer–has been on a slippery slope for the last two decades. Immediately, Slate.com pounced, proclaiming the “Stunning collapse of beer.” The Atlantic quickly followed, predicting that “Americans were turning on beer.” And The Seattle Times reported that urban Washington was losing their lust for suds. In fact, while beer has enjoyed a 20-year stint on the indisputable top of the alcohol pyramid, and today wine is giving it a run for its money, that wonderful, refreshing, life-affirming concoction of barley, malt and hops is here to stay. The craft brew segment is a big reason for that longevity. They have been hip with the Millennial Generation’s demand for all things artisan and regional, which is where corporate brews struggle. Brewers Association figures show that while the total US beer market grew just a single percentage point from 2011 to 2012, 15 percent of that growth was in craft brews. The diversity and local appeal seems endless with 2,347 craft breweries located nationwide, compared to the 56 other American breweries. As expected, Maui’s craft brew industry is booming. Garrett and Melanie Marrero of Maui Brewing Company recently broke ground on their new brewery and tasting facility in South Maui. Maui Brewing Co. changed the island’s beer landscape by offering an extensive list of microbrews only found at their pub, a take home growler program, small seasonal batch releases and by using tons of local ingredients. Maui’s fifth annual Maui Brewers Festival also saw record numbers, and there were more beer pairing culinary events this year than ever before. Establishments like Best of Maui winner Honu Seafood and Pizza and Monkeypod Kitchen offer a wide variety of seasonal craft brews. What’s more, island resorts are showing of the versatility of craft beers with Maui Brewing Co. brews and beer events like The Four Seasons’ third annual BrewHa-
ha taking place this Saturday 6-9pm. The theme this year is “Blondes versus Brunettes”–light beer takes on the dark side of suds in a challenge that can only end in merriment. Nick Martin, the resort’s Lobby Lounge Manager and Sam Faggetti, the Executive Sous Chef, will host this unique, interactive flavor battle. “I’m excited to offer our guests such a diverse line up of craft brews,” says Martin. “Each one of the beers is uniquely interesting. One current trend is using smaller production craft breweries that use locally sourced products that are fresh and seasonal. All of the beers on the list exemplify this. Hand-crafted spirits are definitely hot right now, but craft beer is still a major player in the arena–and I personally feel it’s still on the incline.” The events beer list features tastes of 14 different craft brews from around the world. Martin and Faggetti also had to endure many hours of training before they could decide what flavors would be best in the Brewhaha dishes. “That’s the fun part,” says Faggetti. “I sampled all the beers in order to inspire the different tasting items on the menu. Distinct, pungent flavors pair well with beer because you can match the distinct flavors that characterize the many varieties of brews. When people think beers, they think of mouth-watering burgers. We’re making Double Double Cheeseburgers with In-N-Out Sauce for the event. I’m expecting that station to be one of the most popular.” Think of craft brew tastings like this as a chance to explore your palate and find new flavors you might not have discovered elsewhere. Faggetti and Martin teamed with Maui Brewing Co.’s Marrero for the Brewhaha to bring you the newest innovative brews like the unusual watermelon and peppercorn Bangerang Imperial Wheat Ale, brewed by Kaiao Archer. Maui Brewco’s Honey Golden Ale and Pau Hana Pilsner will also be featured. For warm weather beer drinking, Martin says the “La Fin Du Monde is light and refreshing without compromising depth and structure.” In this oceanside lawn environment, your palate might also appreciate Fried Oyster Po’boy Sliders with caper and gherkin remoulade, Haiku tomato and Maui
onion with a Tres Pistoles. There’s also the Deschutes Chainbreaker with a vegetarian grilled flatbread topped with Surfing Goat cheese. You probably won’t find a bad match anywhere in the bunch, but you might come away with a new a favorite. “Maui Brewing Co. Bangerang and the Kiawe BBQ Tako with Chipotle Sauce with watermelon rind, cucumber and mint salad is a perfect pairing,” says Martin. “The Bangerang is actually brewed with local watermelon and pink peppercorns.” As for Faggetti, he loves beer served with “fried spicy food and pronounced flavors.” His recommendation is the tempura spicy ahi roll with unagi sauce, sriracha and wasabi aioli. “Beer tastings menus are becoming as thoughtful as wine tasting menus are known to be,” says Faggetti. “We take the complexities of beer seriously and have created menu items to really enhance our guests’ experience. We’ve taken a lot of time to dissect the various notes on each beer and have
mindfully designed a menu around them. Beer and cheese pairings are trending in the culinary world. The Tillamook Cheddar and Beer Soup with Butter Croutons is a nod to this. It will go great with a cold glass of Ballast Point IPA. We have a unique advantage being in Maui, as we have access to so many exotic ingredients. I find that island produce lends itself to beer pairings–the Ono Crudo with chili pepper water and Black Sea salt, micro cilantro and minced shallot is a great example of that.” To join the beer skirmish at the third annual Brewhaha, call the Four Season’s Concierge at 808-874-2201 or email concierge.maui@fourseasons.com to reserve your $89 ticket. Cast your vote for your favorite blonde or brunette and you can win dinner on the house. ■ jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso For more foodie news, visit MauiTime’s food blog at: mauivents.com
Brewhaha Brews • Coronado Orange Avenue Wit • Don de Dieu • Ballast Point IPA • Deschutes Chainbreaker • Maui Brewing Co. Bangerang Imperial Wheat • Maui Brewing Co. Hula Honey Golden Ale • Maui Brewing Co. Pau Hana Pilsner • Clown Shoes Sombreo Chocolate Ale • Clown Shoes Blaecorn Unidragon Ale • Rogue Chip Ale • La Fine Du Monde • Tres Pistoles • Rogue Morimoto Hazelnut Stout • Rogue Oatmeal Stout
BrewHaha Plates • Short Rib Loco Moco, Jasmine Rice Cake, Sous Vide Egg, Black Truffle Gravy • Kiawe BBQ Tako, Chipotle Sauce with Watermelon Rind, Cucumber and Mint salad • Tempura Spicy Ahi Roll, Unagi Sauce, Sriracha and Wasabi Aioli • Carne Asada Tacos, Grilled Prime Skirt Steak, Fresh Avocado, Cilantro Sour Cream, Tamimi Farm Tomato Pico De Gallo • Double-Double Cheeseburgers, American Cheese, In and Out Sauce • Vegetarian Grilled Flatbread, Cranberry and Caramelized Onion Relish, Surfing Goat Cheese • Fried Oyster Po’boy Sliders, Caper and Gherkin Remoulade, Haiku Tomato, Maui Onion • Tillamook Cheddar and Beer Soup, Buttered Croutons • Cedar Plank Salmon, Blackberry Ginger Gastrique, Herb Salad • Ono Crudo, Chili Pepper Water, Black Sea Salt, Micro Cilantro, Minced Shallot • Individual Pork Belly Rilettes, Chimichuri Sauce
SEPTEMBER 12, 2013 15
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By Marina Satoafaiga
Picks
THURSDAY, SEPT. 12
FRIDAY, SEPT. 13
DANCING BEYOND THE VEIL – This Thursday, join Kumu Hula Dr. Taupouri Tan-
garo in a unique presentation, workshop and discussion centered on Pele, Hawaii’s volcano deity, and the hula art form. Taupouri Tangaro of Halau O Kekuhi is also an associate professor at Hawaii Community College and the Humanities Chairperson. Her lecture, titled “UNUKUPUKUPU/Dancing Beyond the Veil,” discusses rites of passage, Pele’s tale and how hula embodies spiritual transformation. The following Friday, Tangaro invites master hula dancers, kumu hula, alaka‘i, advance ‘olapa and ho’opa’ to learn ‘Aiha’a dance and ho’opa’a traditions. Reservations required. Call 808-243-4227 or email moani@mauiarts.org. Thursday-$13. 7:30pm. Friday$10. 6:30pm. Maui Arts and Cultural Center (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808242-7467, Mauiarts.org. Photo: Shannon Prickett/ Wikimedia Commons
ERIC MCFADDEN – They say Friday the 13th is bad but this might ht actually be your lucky night. That’s because Eric McFadden iss playing Charley’s this Friday. The former mandolinist/guitarist for George Clinton & The P Funk All Stars is something of an underground music master. His sound blends rock with gypsyvoodoo blues. He’s also has shared the stage with an endless number of musicians while his Bluebird on Fire album received a five-star review by Crossroads Magazine. Joining McFadden will be Hutch Hutchinson and Paul Marchetti. Kanekoa will open n the show. 21+. $15-$20. Charley’s Restaurant & Saloon (142 42 Hana Hwy, Paia), Ericmcfadden.com. Photo: Wikimedia Commons ns
FRIDAY, SEPT. 13 BUILD-A-THON – In conjunction with a statewide Build-a-thon, Habi-
FARMING BEST PRACTICES – Living on a tropical island has many perks,
tat for Humanity Maui will be hosting its own two-day event in Kahului this Friday and Saturday. This year a family with two disabled occupants will benefit from bathroom renovations, ceiling repairs and new floors, among other improvements. A site manager will be on hand to guide volunteers through the various renovation tasks. Not much of builder? You can still donate to the cause at their website. Funds raised will stay on Maui to further Habitat’s local mission. Volunteers will receive a shirt, lunch and beverages. To sign up call or visit HFHM online. 808-242-
and one of the nicest is that our lush surroundings offer in terms of nutrition. That’s why the UH Maui College Agriculture Department and the C3T Job Training program are presenting “Farming Best Practices” this Friday. Ted Radovich, the associate specialist and lab trainer for UH Manoa Sustainable & Organic Farming Systems, will conduct two courses. The first deals with worm composting (9am-12pm) and the second covers building through cover cropping (1pm-4pm). Guests can get credit if applicable and will receive a certificate of completion. Registration is required. $25 (per session). UH Maui College
1140, Habitat-maui.org. Photo courtesy Habitat for Humanity
(310 Ka’ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-984-3420, brucker@hawaii.edu.
FRIDAY, FR F R I AY RID Y, SEPT. S P 13 SE LAHAINA SECOND FRIDAY TOWN PARTY – Head over to the Westside for another Friday Town Party. You L
can start by celebrating historic Waiola Church’s birthday at Campbell Park (4pm-8pm) with live music by c Uncle Richard Ho‘opi‘i. There you can look back at the history of Waiola with Ron Williams or participate in lei making and crafts with Na Kia‘i O Waine‘e. You can also bid on items at the Lahaina Town Action Committee with proceeds benefiting various non-profit organizations including the Boys and Girls Club of Maui and the Hawaiian Civic Club. On Front Street you also have Art Night, where you can talk story with artists and shop the town’s extensive art scene. Free. 6pm-9pm. Lahaina. Mauifridays.com.
RETRO ‘80S DANCE PARTY – Continue the Friday Town Party at Hard Rock Cafe with a retro ‘80s dance party! Stretch those tights and comb that fro because it’s time to get down. Your ‘80s inspired threads could win you $100 bucks so be sure to go all out. Enjoy happy hour specials all night while DJ Ron is in the mix. No cover. 9:30pm-1:30am. Hard Rock Cafe (900 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-7400, Hardrock.com.
SATURDAY, SA ATU U RDAY S SEPT. 14 WORK & LEARN DAY – Whole Foods and Grow Some Good
Maui is inviting the public for a day of service at Kihei Elementary School’s garden. Every Second Saturday of the month, the “work and learn” project gathers students, teachers and volunteers for a time of general maintenance and caretaking. Everyone is also encouraged to bring gardening questions and share with the garden community. Volunteers are also urged to wear sun-protective clothing and bring your lunch. 8:30am-11:30am.
KU MAI KA HULA – The art of hula is celebrated globally and is an integral part of Hawaii’s culture and tradition. The eighth annual Ku Mai Ka Hula celebrates this art and is Maui’s only local hula competition. Watch as soloists and groups from as far away as Japan gather on the Maui Arts and Cultural Center stage this Saturday to compete for top honors. Dancers will perform kahiko (traditional) and ‘auana (modern) styles in both male and female categories. Keiki under 12 are can get in for half price. $25. 1-7pm.
Kihei Elementary School, Garden (200 E. Lipoa St., Kihei), Growsomegood.org. Photo: Sean M. Hower
Maui Arts and Cultural Center (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469, Mauiarts.org. Photo courtesy urtesy the MACC
SATURDAY, SEPT. 14 HAWAIIAN MOONLIGHT CONCERT – Grammy winner George Kahumoku
BREWHAHA – This Saturday the Four Seasons Resort Maui
Jr. and ukulele/slack key virtuoso Gabe Goebbert will be the featured performers at Maui Historical Society’s Hawaiian Moonlight Concert this Saturday. Gather your ohana and pack your cooler for a great evening on the Bailey House Museum lawn. Guests are welcome to bring blankets or lay lowing chairs. Lounge while you listen to two of Hawaii’s finest slack key performers. Water and soda will be available for purchase. Keiki 12 and under get in free with a paid adult. $20 (Maui Historical Society Members) $25 Gen-
is presenting their third annual Brewhaha. This year’s theme raises the ancient quandary–blondes or brunettes? Searching high and low, the Four Seasons team leaves it to guests to decide who has more fun (or tastes better). Will it be the artisan pale ale and summer lager or the full body fall stout? Chef Sam Fagetti will also serve up a specialty menu crafted around the featured brews. $89. 6pm-9pm. Four Seasons Maui, Ocean
eral Admission. 7pm. Bailey House Museum (2375A Main St., Wailuku); 808-244-3326, Mauimuseum.org. Photo courtesy of GKJ Slack Key Show
Front Lawn (3900 Wailea Alanui); 808-874-8000, Fourseasons.com/Maui. Photo courtesy Four Seasons Maui
TUESDAY, SEPT. 17
SATURDAY, SEPT. 14 HANA RELAY – Brace yourself for a 52-mile journey along 617 curves
ART OF JAPANESE CALLIGRAPHY – Back by popular demand, the State of
and over 56 bridges that span some of Maui’s best scenery. The (in) famous Hana Relay will take teams of six, each running three legs, from Kahului Airport to the finish line at the Hana Ball Park. Divisions include Men’s Open, Women’s Open, Mixed (two or more team members of opposite sex), Men’s Masters, Women’s Masters, Mixed Masters and Open Hotel/Restaurants (Masters are team members 40 years or older). So bring your A-game and leave any poor sportsmanship at home! Post celebration will include free refreshments, music and awards. Food will be available for purchase with proceeds benefiting local charities.
Hawaii Library brings you “The Art of Japanese Calligraphy” at the Kihei Public Library. Keiki 12 years and up will get instruction and a hands-on demonstration from Mitsuyo St. Klair, an internationally-educated artist on Japanese calligraphy. The Maui local will walk them through the history of the art form and the traditional methods and tools used to create it. She’ll also demonstrate how to write the Japanese word for “love.” Then participants will get to create their own calligraphy keepsake. All materials will be provided. Registration is required via telephone. If a sign language interpreter or other special accommodation is needed contact the library. Free. 6pm. Kihei Public Library, Children’s section. (35 Waimahaihai
Hanarelayhawaii.com. Photo courtesy Pacific Whale Foundation
St., Kihei); 808-875-6833. Photo: Sebastian Krull/Wikimedia Commons
WEDNESDAY, SEPT. 18 LEIS FAMILY CLASS ACT – Fall classes have begun at UH Maui College and
‘PURPLE RAIN’ – This month Ambrosia’s Wednesday sday movie nights
schedules are on the brink of overflowing. Let Leis Family Class Act ease some of that burden. That’s right: here you can treat yourself to a four-course prix-fixe meal crafted by Maui Culinary Academy students. The globally inspired menu varies depending on the week. This Wednesday, Class Act will serve a Moroccan influenced meal complete with Chicken Bastilla Strudel, Carrot and Cardamom soup and Braised Lamb Shank, just to name a few of the items. The lunch specials are on a reservation basis so call ahead or make a reservation online. $29-$36. 11am-12:30pm. The Class Act (310
recall films that are “So Bad it’s Good-80’s edition. tion.” For this Wednesday, that means we get to see Prince’ss Purple Rain. From his exuberant wardrobe to the e film’s two Razzie Awards for “Worst New Star” and nd “Worst Original Song,” the flick is not to be missed. sed. Munch on free popcorn and take advantage of the he Happy Hour prices until 9pm. No cover. 7:30pm-9:30pm.. Ambro-
Ka’ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-984-3280, Mauiculinary.com.
sia’s Martini Lounge (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-891-1011, 891-1011, ambrosiamaui.com. Photo: SynergyByDesign/Flickr.com kr.com
SEPTEMBER 12, 2013 17
the
B A r GUIDE DEADLINE: OCT. 11 TH PUBLISHES: OCT. 17 TH
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By Barry Wurst II
Film
Action Figure ‘Riddick’ delivers superior popcorn entertainment
Riddick
★★★★★ Rated R / 119 Min.
A
s a child, I used to play with my Star Wars action figures every chance I got. My parents sensed my enthusiasm for The Force, so Christmas morning at my house was like an annual unveiling of the latest action figure George Lucas commissioned. I’d go over to my pal John’s house and we’d stage the most epic-sized, off-the-wall Star Wars melodramas we could imagine. This is likely the reason the Star Wars prequels came up short for me and so many other children of the 1980s: there was nothing in those movies that could match the stories that already existed in my imagination, resulting from hours and hours of playtime with plastic figures (don’t you dare call them dolls). Some sci-fi film fantasies carry expectations too big to be fulfilled in two hours
of screen time. On the other hand, there’s Riddick, the third in a trilogy of space operas that are more admired than genuinely respected by fans. From first scene to last, the film delivers on being a pulpy, old-school, outer space creature feature. If John and I had a fist full of Riddick action figures, then hours of our play time would likely resemble the plot of this movie. When we meet up with the title character (an engaging, playful Vin Diesel), he’s buried in dirt and clearly having taken a beating since his last adventure. Richard P. Riddick is still the same loner survivalist we met in the terrific Pitch Black who can see in the dark and is more than capable of defending himself against any opponent. He’s also still smarting from his run-in with the Necromongers, the Borg-like race of villains we met in enjoyable but overplotted The Chronicles of Riddick. Some of the least interesting scenes in this movie are tying up loose ends from the previous installment, which only the most die-hard fans of the second installment (if there are any) will care about. Most won’t know or care why Karl Urban shows up for one scene wearing too much
Sit! Stay! Good Vin!
eye shadow or how Riddick came to find himself stranded on a desert planet flush with hungry, slithering monsters. What we care about is how our anti-hero will survive the next attack by an alien carnivore or out-think the next batch of humans who try to capture him. It is in this simple way that the movie delivers again and again. The best scenes have no dialogue and are simply Riddick living until the end of the day, having overcome obstacles that Rambo would find a challenge. The first half of the movie is nearly silent, as we watch Riddick train and befriend a creature that resembles a hyena/zebra hybrid (the effects are so good, you never doubt the presence of this beast, who is both stunning and adorable). Riddick and his pet live off the land and walk right into trouble, the same way Mad Max and his dog once made their own pilgrimage across a post-apocalyptic landscape.
Once we meet two groups of hunters out for Riddick’s head (literally), the cornball one-liners stack up and so does a running time that could have used some trimming. Still, when the film works, it has the same grungy kick and entertainment value as one of John Carpenter’s lower budget but cleverly constructed thrillers. Writer/director David Twohy, reuniting with Diesel for the third time, has once again made a B-movie with journeyman authority, archetypal characters, knowingly iconic moments and, most importantly, a rich sense of humor. That last quality is why this superior guilty pleasure towers over expensive, self important junk like Pacific Rim and Man of Steel. Riddick is the kind of big popcorn entertainment that, as soon as it ends, makes you want to rush out and buy the action figures. â–
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Leon Russell will be doing a three Island tour of The Hawaiian Islands. Just off “The Union” tour with Elton John, and the Magic/Inspiration behind Joe Cocker with Delaney and Bonnie on the famous “Mad Dogs and Englishmen Tour” in the late 1960’s introducing the Mega Hit “Delta Lady”. Leon’s hits include “Back On The Island” “Hummingbird”, “Tight Rope” “A Song For You” “Roll Away The Stone” and “This Masquerade”.
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20 SEPTEMBER 12, 2013
By Toni Colombo
Film
Showtimes KA’AHUMANU 6 Queen Ka’ahumanu Shopping Center, Kahului, 1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: every day until 4pm)
Blue Jasmine-PG13-THU 12:30, 2:40, 4:50, 7:00, 9:30. Ekstra-PG-FRI-WED 11:10, 1:40, 4:20, 7:00, 9:50. Elysium-R-THU 11:30, 2:05, 4:40, 7:15, 9:50. Insidious: Chapter 2-PG13-FRI-WED 11:25, 2:00, 4:45, 7:00, 8:00, 9:30, 10:30. Kick-Ass 2-R-THU 2:45. Monsters University-G-THU 12:20. One Direction: This Is Us-PG-THU 12:45, 5:10. One Direction: This Is Us 3D-PG-THU 3:00, 7:20, 9:30. The Family-PG13-FRI-SUN 10:00, 11:00, 12:30, 1:30, 3:00, 4:30, 5:30, 7:15, 9:45. MON-WED 11:00, 12:30, 1:30, 3:00, 4:30, 5:30, 7:15, 9:45. The Grandmaster-PG13-THU 11:15, 1:45, 4:20, 7:00, 9:45. FRI-WED 11:30, 2:00, 4:30, 7:10, 9:40.
The Wolverine-PG13-THU 5:00. We’re The Millers-R-THU 12:00, 2:30, 5:00, 7:30, 10:00. FRI-WED 12:00, 2:30, 5:00, 7:30. 10:00.
MAUI MALL MEGAPLEX Maui Mall, Kahului, 808-249-2222 (Matinees: M-Th until 6pm, F-Su until 3:30pm)
2 Guns-R-THU-WED 12:40, 3:45, 7:00, 10:00. Elysium-R-FRI-WED 1:00, 4:00, 7:20, 10:15. Getaway-PG13-THU 12:00, 5:15, 7:30, 9:50. FRI-WED 12:20, 12:50, 3:30, 4:10, 6:40, 7:15, 9:50, 10:25. Jobs-PG13-THU 6:55, 9:50. Lee Daniel’s The Butler-PG13-THU-WED 12:30, 3:35, 6:45, 9:55. Mortal Instruments: City of Bones-PG13THU-WED 12:45, 3:50, 7:10, 10:05. Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters-PG-THUWED 12:50, 3:40, 6:50, 9:40. Planes-PG-THU 12L15, 2:45, 5:15, 7:45, 10:20. FRI-WED 12:15, 2:35, 5:00, 7:20, 9:45.
Riddick-R-THU-WED 12:20, 12:50, 3:30, 4:10, 6:40, 7:15, 9:50, 10:25. The Smurfs 2-G-THU 12:00, 2:30, 5:20, 8:00, 10:40. FRI-WED 12:00, 2:40, 5:20. The Spectacular Now-R-FRI-WED 12:30, 3:00, 5:20, 7:40, 10:20. The World’s End-R-THU-WED 12:10, 2:35, 5:05, 7:30, 10:10. This Is The End-R-THU 12:05, 5:20, 7:55, 10:30. FRI-WED 8:00, 10:30. Turbo-PG-THU 1:00, 3:50. FRI-WED 12:10, 2:40, 5:20.
WHARF CINEMA CENTER 658 Front St., Lahaina, 808-249-2222 (Matinees: Tue all shows, until 6pm every other day)
Riddick-R-THU-WED 1:15, 4:00, 7:00, 10:00. The Family-PG13-THU-WED 1:30, 4:15, 7:10, 10:10. We’re The Millers-R-THU-WED 1:45, 4:30, 7:15, 10:10.
Last Chance to see The Wolverine
NEW THIS WEEK INSIDIOUS CHAPTER 2 - PG13 - Horror - The wacky Lambert family is back at it, trying to figure out why they’re connected to the scary spirit world. 105 min. EKSTRA - NR - Drama/Comedy - A woman who works as an extra on a soap opera dreams of finding her big break. 111 min. THE FAMILY - R - Action/Comedy - A mob family relocates to France as part of the witness protection program and has trouble fitting in. Stars Michelle Pfeiffer and Robert De Niro. THE SPECTACULAR NOW - R - Romance/Comedy - Some partying high school senior’s life changes when he meets a sci-fi-reading nice girl. 95 min.
GETAWAY - PG-13 - Action/Crime - Ethan Hawke plays a retired race car driver who steals Selena Gomez’s car in a race to save his kidnapped wife from some bad guy. 90 min.
WE’RE THE MILLERS - R - Comedy - A marijuana dealer creates a fake family so he bring a large supply of pot from Mexico into the U.S. Sure, why not. Stars Jennifer Aniston and Jason Sudeikis. 110 min.
LEE DANIELS’ THE BUTLER - PG-13 - Drama All of Hollywood (including Oprah!) stars in this look at the life of a White House butler. 132 min.
THE WORLD’S END - R - Action/Comedy - Five friends on a pub crawl learn they must save the world. 109 min.
THE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS: CITY OF BONES - PG-13 - Action - After her mom disappears, a New York teenage girl learns she must join a secret band of warriors and battle demons, vampires and other more or less typical New Yorkers. 130 min. PERCY JACKSON: SEA OF MONSTERS - PG Family/Adventure - The son of Poseidon and friends travel to the Sea of Monsters to find the Golden Fleece and save their home. 106 min.
NOW PLAYING
PLANES - PG - Animation - If liked Disney’s Cars (both pictures), then you’ll love this one, also from Disney. 92 min.
2 GUNS - R - Action/Comedy - An undercover DEA agent and naval intelligence officer unwittingly join forces after failing to infiltrate a drug cartel. Stars Denzel Washington and Mark Wahlberg. 109 min.
RIDDICK - R - Action/Sci-Fi - Vin Diesel is back as Riddick (originally from Pitch Black) in this tale of alien predators, vicious mercenaries and brutal revenge for one thing or another. Also stars Karl Urban and that blonde chick from Battlestar Galactica. See this week’s film critique. 119 min.
ELYSIUM - R - Action/Sci-fi - Matt Damon stars in this dystopian take on a future where rich people live in space and the poors live on Earth, and he has to bust heads in a high-tech suit for some reason. 109 min. THE GRANDMASTER - PG-13 - Action - Chinese film based on the story of Ip Man, the martial arts guy who trained Bruce Lee. 108 min.
THE SMURFS 2 - G - Animation - Gargamel (voiced by Hank Azaria) captures Smurfette (Katy Perry) so he can start turning Naughties into Smurfs. 105 min. TURBO - PG - Animation - An accident gives a garden snail his big chance to win the Indy 500. 96 min.
LAST CHANCE BLUE JASMINE - PG-13 - Drama - Cate Blanchett and Alec Baldwin star in this look at a narcissistic socialite who must deal with an unexpected crisis. Directed by Woody Allen. 98 min. JOBS - PG-13 - Drama - Ashton Kutcher plays Apple co-founder Steve Jobs in this biopic. 122 min. KICK-ASS 2 - R - Action/Comedy - Kick-Ass and Hit Girl (who is now a teenager) fight Red Mist again. 103 min.
Friday the13th September 13, 2013
A KINKY EVENT
Diamonds Icebar & Grill 9PM - 2AM No Cover Charge!
MONSTERS UNIVERSITY - G - Animation - In this prequel to Monsters Inc., we see Mike (Billy Crystal) and Sulley (John Goodman) before they became best friends. 110 min. ONE DIRECTION: THIS IS US - PG - Music/ Documentary - A commercial for the musical group One Direction, which for some reason was directed by Morgan Spurlock. 92 min. THE WOLVERINE - PG-13 - Action/Comic - Wolverine goes to Japan, where he faces a particularly dangerous foe as well as his own inner demons. 126 min.
SEPTEMBER 12, 2013 21
By Toni Colombo
Calendar
Da Kine Calendar BIG SHOWS
KU MAI KA HULA - Sat, Sep 14. The eighth annual International Hula competition will be featuring halau winners from Japan, West Coast and Hawaii. The dancers compete in kahiko (traditional hula) and ‘auana (modern-day hula stylings) in both male and female categories. Experience the competitive side of cultural movement, featuring prestigious judges and award-winning hula. $25/ keiki under 12 half price. 1-7pm. Maui Arts & Cultural Center, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-2787
STAGE
BENISE - Sat-Wed. Benise, a new Musical event comes to the Maui Theater. Benise, an Emmy-winning musician, will wow audiences with Spanish guitar music, exotic drumming and Spanish Flamenco, Cuban Salsa, Argentinian Tango, Arabic and Waltz dancing. $14.99-79.99. Maui Theatre, (878 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-9913; mauitheatre.com ‘ULALENA - Mon-Fri. A nonpareil portal to Hawaiian history and kanaka maoli lore; what ‘Ulalena accomplishes–five night a weeks for 14 years strong–is without a doubt the most powerful and entertaining cultural education on Maui. Starting at $15.99 keiki / $39.99 adults. Kama’aina, dinner and VIP packages available. 6:30pm. Maui Theatre, (878 Front St., Lahaina); 808-856-7900; mauitheatre.com YOU GOT IT! - Fri-Sun & Wed. Join the Maui Theatre for the new onstage musical event, You Got It! atarring award winning artist John Stephan. You Got It! pays tribute to the life of musician Roy Orbison, famous for his many top charting hits, including the song “Pretty Woman.” $39-$125/ka’amaina prices available. Maui Theatre, (878 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-9913; mauitheatre.com
FOODIE
BREWHAHA - Sat, Sep 14. Brewhaha is back! Experience a battle of the beers, as dark and light are paired with tasty menus. Sample, mingle and enjoy the sunset from the oceanfront lawn. Reservations required. $89 + gratuity. 6pm. Four Seasons Resort, (3900 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 8088744-2201; fourseasons.com/maui WINE PAIRING DINNER - Wed, Sep 18. Owner of Wailea Wine, Ed Mikesh brings you Amuse Bonsche wine to pair with Sansei’s special fourcourse seafood and sushi dinner. The menu starts off with the Seared Hamachi Watermelon Salad and continues with unique plates including Crispy Skin Opakpaka Short Ribs, Egg Yolk Raviolis and wraps up with a Mango Panna Cotta dessert. Reservations required. $54.96 +gratuity. 6pm. Sansei Seafood Restaurant & Sushi Bar, (1881 S. Kihei Rd., #KT-116); 808-879-0004; sanseihawaii.com CAFE MAMBO MAKENA BEACH RESORT GIVEAWAY - Daily. During the months of September and October, customers can drop by Cafe Mambo for breakfast, lunch and dinner and give their email to take part in a draw for a 3 day stay at Makena Beach Resort. Check their Facebook for more offers and kama‘aina deals. Cafe Mambo, (30 Baldwin Ave., Paia); 808-579-8021; cafemambomaui.com TURKEY TUESDAYS - Tue, Sep 17. It’s time for a picnic. Purchase a pound of in-house roasted turkey from the Whole Foods Speciality Team and get a half pound of cheese to pair with it for free! Whole Foods Market, (70 Ka‘ahumanu Ave. #B, Kahului); 808-872-3310; wholefoodsmarket.com/maui HULA GRILL’S CHEF TASTING MENU TO BENEFIT HILT - Daily. Hula Grill donates a portion of the proceeds from its Chef’s Tasting Menu to the Hawaiian Islands Land Trust as part of its Legacy of Aloha Program. The three-course menu is offered daily 4:45-5:45pm and all evening at the
22 SEPTEMBER 12, 2013
Chef’s Counter. $25.95. 4:30-5:30pm. Hula Grill, (2435 Ka’anapali Pwy., Bldg P); 808-667-6636; hulagrillkaanapali.com CLASS ACT DINING - Every Wed & Fri. UH Maui Culinary Academy students are back in the kitchen, cooking up four-course menus with flavor influences from around the world. Fall session will feature menus based on cuisine from America, Morocco, Italy and France. Visit their website for a complete menu list. Reservations required. $29$36. 11am-12:30pm. University of Hawaii Maui College, (310 Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808984-3500; mauiculinary.com JAPANESE BEER PAIRING DINNER - Daily (except Tue & Wed). Enjoy a unique pairing of Japanese beers and fresh local sushi. The hops aroma, sweet and tangy flavor of Japanese beer makes it a fresh summer brew that accents the simplicity of sashimi. $65. 5:309pm. Kai Sushi Restaurant, (1 Ritz-Carlton Dr., Kapalua); 808-669-6200; opentable.com/kaisushi-bistro-ritz-carlton-kapalua THIRSTY THURSDAY - Thu, Sep 12. The Botero Bar wants to quench your thirst for something new with their weekly tastings. This month features Tito’s Handmade Vodka. Sample three mixed Tito drinks with pupus while listening to live entertainment. If you’re still hungry, get 20 percent off food from the bistro during the tasting. $20. 6-9pm. Botero Bar & Lounge, (3850 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-875-1234; grandwailea.com/resort-dining PIZZA PARTY WEEKEND - Sat & Sun. Pizza takes the spotlight every weekend at Whole Foods. Every Saturday enjoy $10 whole pizzas, Sundays buy a Take & Bake Pizza and get the second one for free! Free. Whole Foods Market, (70 Ka‘ahumanu Ave. #B, Kahului); 808-872-3310; wholefoodsmarket.com/maui JAPENGO SATURDAY SUSHI SCHOOL - Sat, Sep 14. Join sushi chef Jay Ledee in Japengo’s chic sushi lounge. Learn how to create Japengo’s signature sushi rolls from scratch, with hands-on instruction from Chef Jay and Japengo’s team of expert sushi chefs. $35 per person (includes sushi and non-alcoholic beverages). Maximum 20 people per class. 3-4:30pm. Japengo at the Hyatt Regency, (200 Nohea Kai Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808667-4796; maui.hyatt.com SUNDAY NIGHT LAULAU - Sun, Sep 15. Enjoy a healthy and modern take on a traditional Hawaiian dish, every Sunday evening at Ko. Come early, the laulau special is first come, first served and does sell out. Kama‘aina offer not applicable. Ko Restaurant at The Fairmont Kea Lani, (4100 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-8754100; fairmont.com MOUTH-WATERING MONDAYS - Mon, Sep 16. Try free samples of what’s in season, new or has the staff excited each week. Free. 5pm. Whole Foods Market, (70 Ka‘ahumanu Ave. #B, Kahului); 808-872-3310; wholefoodsmarket.com/maui
TICKETS ON SALE
SHUBHENDRA RAO AND SASKIA RAO-DE HAAS - Thu, Sep 19. A protégé of world-renowned maestro Pandit Ravi Shankar, the celebrated husband-wife duo of sitar maestro Shubhendra Rao and cello virtuoso Saskia Rao-de Haas create music that combines the rich texture of classical Indian music with Western classical music and folk traditions from different parts of the world. $22. 7:30-10pm. Maui Arts & Cultural Center, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org PAULA FUGA, SAM ITES & MIKE LOVE - Sat, Sep 21. $10 cover. 9pm. Stella Blues Cafe, (1279 S. Kihei Rd., # 201); 808-874-3779; stellablues.com TONY BENNETT - Tue, Sep 24. Performing for
more than 60 years, Grammy-winning artist Tony Bennett brings smooth vocals and classic music to Maui. “I Left My Heart In San Francisco”, “Because of You” and “The Best Is Yet To Come” are just a few of Bennett’s romantic and familiar hits. Call for ticket prices. 7:30pm. Maui Arts & Cultural Center, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-2787; mauiarts.org LEON RUSSELL - Thu, Sep 26. Just pau touring with Elton John, Grammy-nominated, Rock and Roll Hall of Famer, Leon Russell brings classic rock and roll to Maui! $40-$55. 7:30pm. Maui Arts & Cultural Center, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-2787 AUGIE T’S SUMMER OF LOL - Fri, Sep 27. Hawaiian comedian Augie T brings his popular local humor to Maui’s stage. $20/ $35 meet-and-greet. 7:30-10pm. Maui Arts & Cultural Center, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-2787 HULAVILLE FESTIVILLE - Fri, Sep 27. John Pizzarelli, son of renowned guitarist Bucky Pizzarelli, is one of today’s greatest jazz guitarists. Gifted with spot-on vocals that deliriously swing, it’s no surprise Pizzarelli is credited with reviving the Great American Songbook. This stellar quartet will feature John Pizzarelli on guitar, Martin Pizzarelli on bass, Larry Fuller on piano, and Tony Tedesco on drums. $35, $45, $55. 7:30-10pm. Maui Arts & Cultural Center, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-2787 BROADWAY’S NEXT HIT MUSICAL - Sat, Sep 28. From NYC comes the original award-winning improv musical comedy show. It’s energetic, creative, and funny! The improv is left up to the audience who decides what goes into the show by making up song titles for the off-the-cuff musical numbers in Act One. Don’t miss your chance to be a part of improv at its finest! $12-$35. 7:30pm. Maui Arts & Cultural Center, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-2787 CHARMAINE CLAMOR - Thu, Oct 10. Renowned “jazzipino” vocalist Charmaine Clamor brings a blend of traditional Filipino folk and American Jazz and blues to the stage. Her smooth vocals help tell a story with every song she sings. $12-$42. 7:30pm. Maui Arts & Cultural Center, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-2787
ART
‘AFTERMATH CONTINUES’ - Tue, Sep 17. Uptown Gallery presents “The Aftermath Continues” based on the tragic tsunami that devastated Japan. 6-10pm. Uptown Gallery, Northshore Art and Frame, (2080 Vineyard St., Wailuku); 808-298-5034 ARTISTS’ SHOWCASE - Daily. The Four Seasons’ resident artist will be on hand to discuss his or her work in the lower lobby. Free. 8am-1:30pm. Four Seasons Resort, (3900 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-874-8000; fourseasons.com/maui ARTISTS IN RESIDENCE - Every Tue, Wed & Fri. Maui artists sell their works in the lobby. Free. 9am2pm. Grand Wailea Resort and Spa, (3850 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-875-1234; grandwailea.com WEST SIDE ART NIGHT - Fri, Sep 13. Gallery shows, demonstration artists, strolling musicians, art in action, refreshments. Free. 7-10pm. Lahaina Town, (Front St., Lahaina); ; visitlahaina.com SECOND SATURDAY ART - Get crafty with your keiki at this swanky art event held every second Saturday of the month. Free. 10am-12pm. Maui Thing, (7 N. Market St., Wailuku); 808-249-0215 RUBY WONG - Tue, Sep 17. Creator of Aloha Soul Mats, Ruby Wong, drew inspiration from her battle with cancer, teaching yoga and passion for helping others find peace and happiness through inner awareness. Her creative and washable mats are a great way to say aloha at the door of your
ohana. 11am-3pm. Maui Hands, Paia, (84 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-9245; mauihands.com TAKEN BY WONDER EXHIBIT - Daily (except Mon). Wes Bruce, the MACC’s first artist-in-residence, will create a structural installation within the Schaefer International Gallery titled “Taken by Wonder.” The enduring concept is centralized around the fictional research space of a group of outsiders and the discovery of their existence on an unknown island. Visitors will be free to explore the caverns and chambers of the space, finding artifacts, maps, and remnants of world civilizations, photographs, field samples, illustrations and writings. Free. 11am-5pm. Maui Arts & Cultural Center, (One Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242SHOW (7469); mauiarts.org ETCHED WOOD PAINTINGS - Wed, Sep 18. Artist Christine Halton will be featuring her oil paintings this month. Working on a wooden etched surface reflects color depth in her paintings of Maui’s nature. Free. 11am-3pm. Maui Hands, Makawao, (1169 Makawao Ave.); 808-573-2021 ARTIST IN THE EASEL - Daily. Currently featuring Belinda Leigh (Mondays). Daryl Millard, winner of the 2011 Lahaina Action Town Committee annual art contest (Wednesdays & Saturdays). Davo, local pop artist (Thursdays & Fridays). Free. 5-9pm. Gallerie 505, (505 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-3537; gallerie505.com LIFE DRAWING SESSIONS - Wed, Sep 18. Swing by the studio for a relaxed evening of life drawing. Sketch or paint the model in an open studio setting, there is no instructor and no pressure. Bring your own supplies, charcoal pencils and a large newsprint paper sketch pad suggested. Near Star Noodle in Emerald Plaza. $20 Kama‘aina/ $25 visitor. 6:30-8pm. Magenta Blvd Art Studios, (142 Kupuohi St., F3. Lahaina); 808280-1390; magentablvd.com/art-classes RICHARD DIGIACOMO - Fri, Sep 13. Mixed media artist Richard Digiacomo is a nationally acclaimed artist, who has recently put his passion into the new art of metal fusion. Browse his colorfully etched aluminum art every Friday in September. Free. 4-6pm. Maui Hands, Paia, (84 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-9245; mauihands.com ROB DECAMP - Fri, Sep 13. Award winning photographer Rob DeCamp focuses his art on his true passion, the beauty of Hawaii. Free. 4:307:30pm. Maui Hands, Lahaina, (612 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-9898; mauihands.com GIRL POWER ART SHOWCASE - Daily. Don’t miss the opening reception for the new exhibit, “Women Make The World Go Round,” featuring women artists in all forms of expression. Check out photography, drawing, ceramics, painting and sculptures by artist including Lisa Bartleson, Heather Boose-Weiss, Tatiana Bottom and Christine Caldwell. Free. 4-8pm. Art Project: Paia, (77 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-214-6949 ART-BQ - Sun, Sep 15. Every Sunday, enjoy free food and a showcase of Guy’s latest artwork. Free. 6:30pm. Guy Junker Art Studio, (Emerald Plaza, 106 Kupuohi St. B-1, Lahaina); 808-661-0923; guyjunker.com
EVENTS THURSDAY, SEP 12 CLIFF DIVERS - Daily. Experience the thrill with your feet firmly on the ground! Watch experienced cliff divers take the plunge off Ka‘anapali’s famous Black Rock. Free. 6-8pm. Sheraton Maui Resort and Spa, (2605 Ka’anapali Pkwy.); 808-661-0031 POLYNESIAN PERFORMANCES - Come see Maui’s most talented halaus perform center stage. Free. 7pm.Lahaina Cannery Mall, (1221 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Lahaina); 808-661-5304; lahainacannerymall.com
TheGRID
THURSDAY
FRIDAY
SATURDAY
SUNDAY
MONDAY-WEDNESDAY
9/12
9/13
9/14
9/15
9/16-9/18
FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM
ALE HOUSE
Pau Hana 9pm; $10 cover
355 E. Kamehameha, Kahului - 877-9001
AMBROSIA 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 891-1011
DJ Kurt 10pm; no cover
Get Your Sexy On with DJ LaRage 10pm; no cover
BLUE LAGOON Wharf Cinema Center, 672 Front St., Lahaina - 667-0988
Adam Masterson 7:30pm; no cover
CASANOVA 1188 Makawao Ave. - 572-0220
CHARLEY’S 142 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-8085
COOL CAT CAFE Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina - 667-0908
DIAMONDS ICE BAR 1279 S. Kihei Rd. - 874-9299
DOG & DUCK IRISH PUB 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 875-9669
FLEETWOOD’S ON FRONT ST. 744 Front St. (Rooftop), Lahaina - 669-6425
HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 891-8010
HARD ROCK CAFE 900 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7400
TURTLE-RRIFIC THURSDAY - Learn about Hawaii’s honu at the Turtle Lagoon interactive program. The Maui Ocean Center team will share info about sea turtle biology, behavior, diet and daily care. Admission $20+. 2pm. Maui Ocean Center, (192 Ma‘alaea Rd.); 808-270-7000; mauioceancenter.com
FRIDAY, SEP 13 MMMC FOUNDATION FUNDRAISER - Head upcountry for a special evening of art and food, all for a cause. Maui Memorial Medical Center is raising money for MMMC Foundation and needs your help! Enjoy a four-course dinner, including vegetarian options, prepared by Chef Ralph Giles. Browse the Chun art studio and listen to special speaker Dr. Kimble Poon talk health and share insight into the MMMC Foundation. Call to purchase tickets. $150 per person, $900 per table. 6pm. The Chun Studio, (302 Holopuni Rd., Kula); 808-242-2630 ALOHA FRIDAY MUSICAL JAM - In partnership with Hawai’i on TV, each Friday a different musical style is featured by local artists. Experience Maui at its best! Free. 11:30am-1:30pm. Whole Foods Market, (70 Ka‘ahumanu Ave. #B, Kahului); 808872-3310; wholefoodsmarket.com/maui FINS & FLIPPERS TOUR - Take a closer look at sharks and sea turtles on this exclusive behind-thescenes encounter. Tours are guided by a knowledgeable Ocean Naturalist and include the chance to observe supervised feeds at Hammerhead Harbor and Turtle Lagoon. $10 plus admission per guest. Space is limited, call for reservations. 11:30am. Maui Ocean Center, (192 Ma‘alaea Rd.); 808-270-7088; mauioceancenter.com ISLAND RHYTHMS SUNSET CRUISE - Dance to local island and Reggae music by Marty Dread aboard a sunset cruise. Appetizers and drinks included. 5pm. Pacific Whale Foundation, (300 Ma’alaea Rd., Ste. 100); 808-249-8977; pacificwhale.org LAHAINA TOWN PARTY - Lahaina once again celebrates the Second Friday Town Party with food and fun. The festivities kick off with Maui Jam, featuring music by Uncle Richard Ho‘opi‘i, Heli and
DJ PlaywFire Ono & DJ Kurt 9pm; no cover
Sunrize Saturdaze with DJ Decka 10pm; no cover
Salsa Night 9pm; no cover
Wharf Cinema Center, 658 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4900
CAPTAIN JACK’S ISLAND GRILL
Free Karaoke 10pm; no cover MON - DJ Skinny Guy, 10pm; TUES- DJ TRVR, 10pm; WED - DJ J-Zen, 10pm; no cover
MON - Open Mic w/ MT, 10pm-close; no cover
Benny Uyetake 7:30-10pm; no cover
Johnny Ringo 7:30-10pm; no cover
Will Hartzag 7:30-10pm; no cover
MON - Dave Carroll, 7:30pm / TUE - NEVA, 7:30pm/ WED - Justin Phillips, 7:30pm
Marasco & Gretchen Rhodes 9:30pm; $10 cover
Dr. Nat & Rio Ritmo 9:45pm; $10 cover
The Troll Garcia Band 2pm; $7 cover.
WED - Casanova’s Famous Ladies’ Night: Fast Forward with DJ Kurt, 10pm; $5 before 11pm, $10 after
Mark Johnstone & Lenny Castellanos 6:30pm; no cover
Eric McFadden 10pm; $20 cover
Will Hartztag & TOLO 7:30-10pm; no cover
Jonny Ringo 7:30-10pm; no cover
OPIO 11pm; $20 cover
Justin Phillips 7:30-10pm; no cover
MON - Peter deAquino, 7:30pm / TUE - Jazz, 7:30-10pm WED - NEVA, 7:30-10pm
Next Level Entertainment 9pm; no cover
Kawika 8pm; no cover
DJ Illz 9pm; no cover
Gina Martinelli 6pm; no cover
TUE - Pool League, 6pm; no cover
Quiz Night 7pm; no cover
DJ Dance Party 10pm; no cover
Jordan 7pm; no cover
Service Industry Night
MON - Jordan, 9pm / TUE - Amy’s Mix, 9pm / WED - Big John, 10pm
Scott & Nara 6:30pm; no cover
Alapa Drive 6:30pm; no cover
Alapa Drive 6:30pm; no cover
Jah Residentz 9pm; no cover
Dat Guyz 9pm; no cover
Ka’ale 9pm; no cover
Karaoke 8pm; no cover
MON - Karaoke, 8pm / TUE - DJ Daizy, 9pm / WED - Open Mic Night, 9pm; (no covers)
Retro 80s Dance Party 9:30pm; no cover
Evan Schulman 6pm; no cover
Friends and more! During the party, check out the art, merchant specials and tons of foodie deals on Front Street. Free. 6-9pm. (Front Street, Lahaina)
SATURDAY, SEP 14 BOWL FOR KIDS - Roll a strike and make a difference at the Big Brothers Big Sisters Maui 26th annual fundraiser. The “Bowl For Kids’ Sake” fundraiser will also have catered food, entertainment, prizes and more. Dress up as your favorite superhero or villain to show support for this important mentor program on Maui. All proceeds benefit Big Brother Big Sister Maui. Maui Bowling Center, (1976 E. Vineyard St., Wailuku); 808-2429754 ext.209; char@bigsofmaui.org HABITAT FOR HUMANITY BUILD-A-THON This weekend be a part of the ohana that changes people’s live. With your help, Hawaii Habitat for Humanity will be making home renovations to accommodate the needs of two special needs individuals. You don’t have to be handy to help. Make a donation or become a sponsor to help fund this event. All participants will receive a t-shirt, lunch, and beverages. If you want to get your hands dirty, wear closed toe shoes, shorts or long pants, bring work gloves, a hat, sunscreen and H20. $100 per builder. 8:30am Kahawai, Happy Valley, (2024 Kahawai St., Wailuku); 808-242-1140 WORK AND LEARN DAY - Bring sunscreen, work clothes and lunch for a day of growing together. Join other volunteers, teachers and students as they work together to grow and care for the student garden sponsored by Whole Foods. Free. 8:3011:30am. Kihei Elementary School, (250 E. Lipoa St., Kihei); sp.mmm.marketing@wholefoods.com PLAY ALONG WITH UKULELE MELE - Ukulele players of all abilities are invited to bring your ukulele to a workshop led by “master of multiple genres and strumming styles” Mele Fong. Mele is a professional singer and entertainer, who also teaches group lessons at the Museum. $10 includes admission to the museum. 10am-12pm. Bailey House Museum, (2375-A Main St., Wailuku); 808-244-3326; UkuleleMeleOnMaui.com
MON - Open Mic & Jam, 7-10pm / TUE Howard Ahia, 6:30-8:30pm / WED Evan Dove & Friends, 6:30-8:30pm; no cover
GIRL POWER ART RECEPTION - Don’t miss the grand opening reception for the new exhibit, Women Make The World Go Round, featuring women artists in all forms of expression. Check out photography, drawing, ceramics, painting and sculptures by artist including Lisa Bartleson, Heather Boose-Weiss, Tatiana Bottom and Christine Caldwell. Talk story with the artist and listen to live music. Twenty percent of all proceed from the reception will benefit furry friends at the Maui Humane Society. Free. 4-8pm. Art Project: Paia, (77 Hana Hwy., Paia); 8082146949 GEORGE KAHUMOKU JR. & GABE GOEBBERT - Enjoy another concert under the stars, part of this month’s Hawaiian Moonlight Series. George Kahumoku Jr. and Gabe Goebbert team up to bring you live Hawaiian music. Bring seating, snacks and a friend. Soda and water will be available for purchase. $25/$20 MHS members. 7pm. Bailey House Museum, (2375-A Main St., Wailuku); 808-244-3326; mauimuseum.org; info@mauimuseum.org 321 MAUIPRIDE KARAOKE PARTY - MauiPride invites GLBT and friends to a fun-filled fundraising sing-along! Featuring DJ Ron, guest can sing karaoke for a couple bucks! For $1, you sing a song; $2 allows you to make someone sing; and for $3 you can make someone stop singing. Proceeds benefit MauiPride. Food and beverages available for purchase. $5 cover. 9pm. Moose McGillycuddy’s, (2511 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-667-7758; mauipride.org PET ADOPTIONS WITH HARF - Join the Hawaii Animal Rescue Foundation (HARF) for a very special opportunity to rescue your next best friend! Every Saturday, HARF will bring animals in need of a good home. For more info, see websites or call. 10am-4pm. Whole Foods Market, (70 Ka‘ahumanu Ave. #B, Kahului); 808-446-4126; hawaiianimalrescue.org YO-GI-OH CARD SESSION - Free. 3pm. Lahaina Cannery Mall, (1221 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Lahaina); 808-661-5304; lahainacannerymall.com
SUNDAY, SEP 15 LIVE HULA SHOW - Free. 11am. Maui Mall,
(70 E. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-8711307; mauimall.com FAMILY MAGIC - All-ages comedy and magic with Lauro Castillio. Free. 11:30am. Lahaina Cannery Mall, (1221 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Lahaina); 808-661-5304; lahainacannerymall.com CIRQUE DU SUNDAY - Emerald City aerial artists excite audiences with flying trapeze acts, acrobatics and urban gymnastics. Or take your turn on the trapeze for $10 and find out if the circus life is for you. Free. $10 to swing on trapeze. 2-5:30pm. Emerald City Trapeze Maui, (111 Ulupono St., Lahaina); 808-268-9597; emeraldcitytrapeze.com/maui GLBT MAUI PRIDE MARTINI NIGHT - GLBT and friends are invited to sip martinis and mingle every Sunday at Ambrosia. Free. No host food & drinks. 8pm-2am Ambrosia, (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-891-1011; mauipride.org
MONDAY, SEP 16 HULA PERFORMANCE - Original hipster style performance. Free. 10:30am. Queen Ka‘ahumanu Center, (275 W. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808877-3369; queenkaahumanucenter.com
TUESDAY, SEP 17 SEA TURTLE TUESDAYS - Get a behind the scenes tour featuring the Honu, Hawaii’s Green Sea Turtles. Lunch and snacks included. $15 + Admission. 11:30am. Maui Ocean Center, (192 Ma‘alaea Rd.); 808-270-7000; mauioceancenter.com
WEDNESDAY, SEP 18 GEORGE KAHUMOKU JR’S GRAMMY AWARD SLACK KEY SHOW - Every Wednesday experience the music of the masters at George Kahumoku’s Slack Key Show. This week will include a line-up of slack key artist, featuring ukulele genius, George Kamakahi. $37-$79. 7:30pm. Napili Kai Beach Resort, (5900 L. Honoapi‘ilani Rd., Napili); 808-669-6271; slackkeyshow.com
SEPTEMBER 12, 2013 23
THURSDAY
9/12 9/ /12
PRIME RIB THURSDAY NIGHT BLUES WITH
MARK JOHNSTONE & LENNY CASTELLANOS 6:30PM-8:30PM 6:30PM-8: PM 8 8:30PM 30PM 30P M • NO C COVER OVER ER
FRIDAY RID IDAY AY
9/13
T-Rx ENTERTAINMENT & OLD LAHAINA RUMS PRESENT
ERIC MCFADDEN FEATURING HUTCH HUTCHINSON & PAUL PAUL MARCHETTI MARCHET MARC HETTI TI
OPENING SET BY KANEKOA LIMITED PRESALE TICKETS AVAILABLE AT AT: www.McFadden913.eventbrite.com w .Mc www McFaddden den913 9 .eventbri rite. te com m
10PM • $15 PRESALE • $20 DOOR NO MUSIC TONIGHT SALOON SAL OON WI WILL LL BE OPE OPEN N
SATURDAY ATTUURRDDAAYY
9/14
SUNDAY
NFL FOOTBALL!!
MONDAY
CHARLEY’S LIVE BAND
9/15
BREAKFAST SERVED AT 7AM DON'T MISS OUR BLOODY MARY BAR!
9/16
TUESDAY
9/17
OPEN MIC & JAM 7PM-10PM • no COVER TACO TUESDAY W/
HOWARD AHIA & FRIENDS
SPECIALS ON TACOS & MEXICAN BEER 6:30PM-8:30PM • NO COVER WEDNESDAY DNNESSDDAAY EVAN DOVE & FRIENDS
9/18
24 SEPTEMBER 12, 2013
6:30PM-8:30PM • NO COVER
There are over 100 things you could be doing today on Maui. Go to mauitime.com for complete weekly calendar listings, and find something to do today.
TheGRID
THURSDAY
FRIDAY
SATURDAY
SUNDAY
MONDAY-WEDNESDAY
9/12
9/13
9/14
9/15
9/16-9/18
FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM
ISANA 515 S. Kihei Rd. - 874-8199
JAVA JAZZ 3350 L. Honoapiilani Rd., Honokowai - 667-0787
Karaoke
Karaoke
Karaoke
Rick Glencross 7pm - close; no cover
Mel Arausa 7pm - close; no cover
Rick Glencross 7pm - close; no cover
WED - Karaoke Rick Glencross 7pm - close; no cover
MON - Mark Smeltzer/ TUE- Cole Sulenta WED - Tracy Stiles, all 7pm; no cover
JAY’S PLACE
MON- Open Mic WED - Live Music, 10pm-close; no cover
Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina - 661-6699
KAHALE’S 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 875-7711
KIMO’S 845 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4811
Kawika’s Krew 7pm; no cover
Kenny Roberts 7pm; no cover
Eight Track Players 7pm; no cover
Maui Blues & Co. or Jarod 7pm; no cover
MON - Red Fish / TUE - Kihei Cowboys WED - Country Herb & Side Effects, 7pm
1810’ 8:15-10:15; no cover
Willie K. 9pm; $5 cover
1810’ 8-10pm; no cover
Benny Uyetake & Glenn Kakagawa, 6-8pm
MON - Benny & Glenn, 6-8pm / TUE-WED Sam Ahia, 6:30-8:30pm (no covers)
Karaoke w/ “Auntie” Toddy Lilikoi, 9:30pm; no cover
Karaoke w/ “Auntie” Toddy Lilikoi, 9:30pm; no cover
KOBE STEAKHOUSE 136 Dickenson St. (Lounge Area), Lahaina - 667-5555
LAHAINA SPORTS BAR 843 Waine‘e St., Lahaina - 667-6655
Live Music Kaliko’s Way 10:30pm; no cover
Pool Tournament 7pm; no cover
L‘AVA SPORTS BAR & KARAOKE
Danny Estocado 8pm; no cover
1088 L. Main St., Wailuku - 244-4888
LONGHI’S LAHAINA 888 Front St., Lahaina - 667-2288
LULU’S LAHAINA Lahaina Cannery Mall - 661-0808
MERRIMAN’S
MON - Trivia Night, 7pm
Whiskey Pimps 10:30pm; $5 cover
DJ Ben 10pm; no cover
Salsa Dance w/ Bilongo 9pm; $10 cover
Free Karaoke 2pm-2am; no cover
WED - Free Karaoke, 2pm-2am; no cover
Two Cats Jazz 7pm; no cover
TUE - Johnny Ringo, 8-10pm; no cover
DJ Big Mike & DJ Kamikaze 10pm; no cover
TUE - Trivia Night w/ Bryan, 8pm; no cover/ WED - Karaoke w/ Dave, 10pm; no cover
Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; no cover
Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; no cover
Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; no cover
Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; no cover
MON - David Wolfberg / TUE - The Benoits WED - Ranga Pae (all 5:30-8:30pm)
MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE
Trish da Dish Pub Quiz 9pm; no cover
Stay Eazy 7pm; no cover
Soul Kitchen 6:30pm; no cover
The Celtic Tigers 6:30-8:30pm; no cover
MON - The Makai Jazz Group, 6:30pm / TUE - Mulligan’s Magic Show. 7-9pm/ WED - Willie K Dinner Show 7pm; $65
PARADISE GRILL (MELLOS)
70s, 80s 10pm-1am; no cover
Club Night w/ DJ 10pm-1:30am; no cover
Club Night w/ DJ 10pm-1:30am; no cover
Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover
MON - Big John / TUE - Industry Night / WED - Paradise w/ DJ Irie Dole, 10pm; (no covers)
1 Bay Club Pl., Kapalua - 669-6400
100 Kaukahi St., Wailea - 874-1131
Mellos Bar, 2291 Ka‘anapali Pkwy. - 662-3700
RED CARPET MOVIE NIGHT: “PURPLE RAIN” - It’s the 80’s Edition of “So Bad It’s Good” Movie Month. Before the movie you will receive a list of keywords. Everytime you hear one, the whole audience has to take a drink! Free popcorn. 21+. No cover. 7:30pm. Ambrosia, (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-891-1011; ambrosiamaui.com SOUTH SIDE BIKE RIDE - You’ll need more than a beach cruiser for this bike ride. Riders pedal an average 15mph from Kihei to Iao Valley and back. Meet at South Maui Bicycles shop. Road bikes recommended. Free. 7am. South Maui Bicycles, (1993 S. Kihei Rd. #5); 808-874-0068; southmauibicycles.com WOW! WAILEA ON WEDNESDAYS - The Shops at Wailea hosts their weekly arts and entertainment series, featuring a performance in the lower courtyard and a slew of shop-to-shop specials. Free / @ShopsAtWailea on Twitter. 6:30-8pm. The Shops at Wailea, Lower Courtyard, (3750 Wailea Alanui); 808-897-6770 ext. 2; theshopsatwailea.com
DINNER MUSIC WEST MAUI CAPTAIN JACK’S ISLAND GRILL - Thu, Adam Masterson 7:30-10pm.; Fri, Benny Uyetake 7:30-10pm.; Sat, Jonny Ringo 7:30-10pm.; Sun, Will Hartzag 7:30-10pm.; Mon, Dave Carroll 7-9:30pm.; Tue, Jordan Cuddy 7:30-10pm.; Wed, Justin Phillips 7:30-10pm. (672 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-0988. CHEESEBURGER IN PARADISE - Every Wed & Fri, Rock & Roll 4-10pm.; Thu, Classic Rock 4-10pm.; Sun, Classic Rock 4-10pm.; Mon, Jazz Rock 4-10pm.; Every Tue & Sat, Easy Listening 4-10pm. (811 Front St., Lahaina ); 808-661-4855. COOL CAT CAFE - Tue, Jazz at the Cat 7:3010pm.; Thu, Will Hartzag & TOLO 7:30-10pm.; Fri, Jonny Ringo 7:30-10pm.; Sat, Dave Carroll 7:30-10pm.; Sun, Justin Phillips 7:30-10pm.; Mon, Peter D 7:30-10pm.; Wed, Jordan Cuddy 7:30-
10pm.; Tue, Jazz 7:30-10pm. (Wharf Cinema Center, 658 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-0908.
Kawika Lum Ho 11am. (2435 Ka‘anapali Pwy., Bldg P,); 808-667-6636.
DUKE’S BEACH HOUSE - Every Mon & Tue, Eddie & Alika 6-8:30pm.; Daily, Hula Performance 6:30pm.; Wed, Kalapana 3-5pm.; Wed, Michael & Greig 6-8:30pm.; Thu, Garrett & Peter 6-8:30pm.; Fri, Garrett 3-5pm.; Fri, Damon and Tim 6-8:30pm.; Sat, Tim 3-5pm.; Every Sun & Sat, Damon & Ron Oversize Productions 6-8:30pm.; Every Sun & Mon, Kealii Lum 3-5pm.; Every Tue & Thu, Ben 3-5pm. (130 Kai Malina Pkwy., Ka‘anapali); 808-662-2900.
JAPENGO AT THE HYATT REGENCY - Fri, Elaine Ryan 6:30-8:30pm.; Sat, Kawika Ortiz 6:308:30pm.; Thu, Kanoa Kukaua Duo 6:30-8:30pm. (200 Nohea Kai Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-661-1234.
FIVE PALMS LAHAINA - Daily, Live Entertainment Nightly 5:30-8:30pm. (1450 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-0937. FLEETWOOD’S ON FRONT STREET - Daily, Fleetwood’s on Front St. Oyster Hour 5-6pm.; Thu, Scott & Nara of Crazy FIngers 6:30pm.; Every Fri & Sat, Alapa Drive 6:30pm.; Daily, Fleetwood’s on Front St. Happy Hour 3-6pm. (744 Front St, Lahaina); 808-669-6425. HARD ROCK CAFE - Sat, Evan Shulman 6-9pm.; Fri, Evan Shulman 6-9pm. (900 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-7400. HULA GRILL - Tue, Jarrett Roback 1:30pm.; Daily, Hula Grill Happy Hour 3-5pm.; Tue, Damon Parillo & Roy Kato 4pm.; Tue, Wili Pohaku 6:30pm.; Every Mon, Wed & Thu, Ernest Pua’a 11am; Wed, Kaniala Masoe 1:30pm.; Wed, Peter DeAquino 4pm.; Wed, Ernest Pua’a, Kamuela & Roy Kato 6:30pm.; Thu, Alika Nakaoka 1:30pm.; Thu, Kaniala Masoe 4pm.; Thu, Damon Parillo, Ron Heeton and Keali’i Parillo 6:30pm.; Fri, Kaniala Masoe 1:30pm.; Every Sun, Fri & Sat, 1810 4pm.; Fri, Kawika Lum Ho, Roy Kato & Mark D’Antonio 6:30pm.; Sat, Damon Parillo 1:30pm.; Sat, Danyel Alana, Derick Sebastian and Roy Kato 6:30pm.; Sun, Danyel Alana 1:30pm.; Sun, Derick Sebastian, Ryan Tanaka and John Kahaiali’i 6:30pm.; Mon, Kawika Lum Ho 1:30pm.; Mon, Armadillo & Derek 4pm.; Mon, Derick Sebastian & Josh Kahula 6:30pm.; Every Sun, Tue, Fri & Sat,
JAVA JAZZ/SOUP NUTZ - Wed, Tracy Stiles 7pm.; Every Sun, Thu & Sat, Rick Glencross 7pm.; Fri, Mel Arausa 7pm.; Mon, Mark Smeltzer 7pm.; Tue, Cole Suletna 7pm. (3350 L. Honoapi‘ilani Hwy. #203 & 204, Honokowai ); 808-667-0787. KIMO’S - Thu, 1810 6:30-8:30pm.; Sat, 1810 8-10pm.; Every Sun & Mon, Benny Uyetake & Glenn Kakagawa 6-8pm.; Every Tue & Wed, Sam Ahia 6:308:30pm. (845 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-4811. LAHAINA PIZZA COMPANY - Every Wed, Thu & Fri, John Kane 7:30-9:30pm.; Sun, Greg Di Piazza 7:30-9:30pm.; Every Mon & Tue, Martin Tevaga 7:309:30pm. (730 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-0700. LEILANI’S ON THE BEACH - Thu, Jarret & Wilson 3-5pm.; Fri, JD & Friends 3-5pm.; Sat, JD & Harry 3-5pm.; Sun, Merv Oana 3-5pm.; Wed, Jarret & Josh 3-5pm. (2435 Ka‘anapali Pkwy. Bldg. J); 808-661-4495. LONGBOARDS KA‘ANAPALI - Every Tue, Wed, Thu & Fri, Solo guitarist 5:30-8:30pm. (100 Nohea Kai Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-667-1200. LONGHI’S LAHAINA - Sun, TWO CATS Jazz Music 7-10pm. (888 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-2288. LULU’S LAHAINA SURF CLUB & GRILL - Thu, Far West Rock Trio 6-9pm.; Wed, Island Jams with Kenny Roberts 6-9pm. (1221 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy. #A1, Lahaina); 808-661-0808. MERRIMAN’S - Daily (except Mon & Tue), Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm.; Mon, David Wolfberg 5:308:30pm.; Tue, The Benoits 5:30-8:30pm. (1 Bay Club Pl., Lahaina); 808-669-6400. OCEAN POOL BAR & GRILL - Mon, Ukulele/ Lounge 4-7pm.; Fri, Ukulele/Lounge 4-7pm. (6 Kai Ala Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-667-3200.
PAILOLO BAR & GRILL - Every Tue, Wed & Thu, Ukulele/Pop 5-8pm. (6 Kai Ala Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-667-3200.
LIST YOUR EVENT! Post your free online listing (up to 15 months early), and our editors will consider your submission for the printed calendar as well. Print listings are also free, but subject to space limitations. Online, you can include a full description of your event, a photo and a link to your Web site. Go to mauitime.com/ listing and start posting events. Deadline for print listings is 10 days prior to the issue in which you wish the listing to appear.
WAIT, THERE’S MORE! Looking for something to do? Use MauiTime’s free calendar to browse hundreds of events online. Art galleries, family events, education classes, film and literary events, church groups, music, sports, volunteer opportunities—all this and more on our free events calendar at mauitime.com/calendar. Start planning your week!
SEPTEMBER 12, 2013 25
SEPT 13
JOHN CRUZ FREE FR EE S SHOW HOW HO OW ST S STAR STARTS TARTS S 77:3 7:30PM :30P :3 0PM 0P M SEPT 14 SATERDAY SAINTS WITH CHINO C O AND SU SUNNY D
THINK YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO ILLUSTRATE A MAUITIME COVER? Issue 06 ✚ FREE July 26, 2012 ✚ Volume 16 ✚
9PM • FREE
SEPT 20
DOLLZ FOR DAYS 2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY PHOTO SHOOT,, FASHION SHOW,, DJ,, DRIN DR DRINK INK IN K SP SPECIALS, SPEC ECIA EC IALS IA LS,, GI LS GIVE GIVEAWAYS VEAW VE AWAY AW AYS AY S
SEPT 21
PAULA FUGA, MIKE LOVE AND SAM ITES
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THE DARK KNIGHT
9PM 9P M • $$10 10
SEPT 27 4TH FRIDAY KIHEI TOWN PARTY
FREE FR REE ENT ENTERTAINMENT ENT NTER ERTA ER TAIN TA INME IN MENT ME NT A ALL LL N NIG NIGHT IGHT IG H HT
SEPT 28
WILLIE K K’S S BLUES BAND 9PM • $10
Inside this weekend’s free second
annual Lanai Slack Key Festival
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26 SEPTEMBER 12, 2013
TheGRID
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PARADISE GRILL 2291 Ka’anapali Pkwy. - 662-3700
Harry Troupe 6-9pm; no cover
Salsa Dance Party w/ Rafael, 10pm, $5 cover
Justin 6-9pm; no cover
Hawaiian Music w/ Deeson, 6-9pm; no cover
RB STEAKHOUSE
WED - Open Mic Night, 9:30pm; no cover
4465 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Kahana - 669-8889
SANSEI - KAPALUA 115 Bay Dr., Kapalua - 669-6286
SANSEI - KIHEI 1881 S. Kihei Rd., Ste. KT116 - 879-0004
Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover
Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover
Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover
Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover
1280 S. Kihei Rd. - 446-6180
1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 874-6444
Island Thursday w/ DJ Blast, 10pm; no cover
DJ Gemini & DJ Ynot 10pm; no cover
DJ LX 10pm; no cover
Rob+Ron=R2 9pm-midnight; no cover
Natalie 9pm-midnight; no cover
Bike Night with Gina 7pm; no cover
Danny Estacado & Friends 8pm; no cover
Zack Kakona 8:30pm; no cover
Ah-Tim 4pm; no cover
John Cruz 9pm; no cover
Satterday Saints 7:30pm; no cover
Karaoke w/ Dudley 9pm-12am; no cover
Annie & The Orfinz 9pm-1am; $4 cover
Karaoke w/ Dudley 9pm-12am; no cover
SPORTS PAGE GRILL & BAR 2411 S. Kihei Rd. #B4 - 879-0602
STEEL HORSE SALOON 1234 L. Main St., Wailuku - 243-2206
STELLA BLUES CAFE 1279 S. Kihei Rd. - 874-3779
STOPWATCH SPORTS BAR 1127 Makawao Ave. - 572-1380
THREE’S BAR & GRILL 1945 S Kihei Rd. - 879-3133
TIFFANY’S 1424 L. Main St., Wailuku - 249-0052
WATERCRESS Waiehu Beach Center, Wailuku-243-9351
PARADISE GRILL - Wed, Gretchen 6-9pm.; Thu, Harry Troupe 6-9pm.; Fri, Gretchen 6-9pm.; Sat, Justin 6-9pm.; Sun, Deeson (Hawaiian Music) 6-9pm.; Mon, Marvin Taraga 6-9pm.; Tue, Johnny Ringo 6-9pm. (2291 Ka’anapali Pkwy.); 808-662-3700. PINEAPPLE GRILL - Thu, Island Rhythm Sounds of Josh Kahula of Nuff Sedd 7-10pm.; Fri, Brother Damien’s Ocean Beach Party 7:30-10pm.; Sat, Island Sounds with Alika & Eddie 7-10pm.; Wed, Jazz Sounds of Fulton Tashombe 6-9pm. (200 Kapalua Dr.); 808-669-9600.
SOUTH MAUI AMBROSIA - Thu, Jamie Gallo 7pm. (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-891-1011. BEACH BUMS BAR & GRILL - Every Sun & Wed, Mark Burnett 5-8pm.; Every Thu & Sat, Kenny Roberts 5-8pm.; Fri, Tom Cherry & Mike Finkiewicz 5-8pm.; Tue, Randall Rospond 5-8pm. (300 Ma‘alaea Rd. #1M); 808-243-2286. CAPISCHE? - Sat, Mark Johnstone with Marcus Johnson 7-10pm.; Fri, Mark Johnstone 7-10pm.
TUES- Kimo, 4pm-6pm; no cover WED - Randall Rospond, 4pm-6pm; no cover, Le Gruv, 8:30pm; no cover
Karaoke
Karaoke
Karaoke
MON through WED- Karaoke
Party Rock Krew 10pm; no cover
Party Rock Krew 10pm; no cover
Free Karaoke 9pm; no cover
Free Karaoke 9pm; no cover
MON-TUE - Free Karaoke, 9pm / WED - Singles Night, 10pm (All sets no cover)
(555 Kaukahi St., Kihei); 808-879-2224. DIAMONDS ICE BAR & GRILL - Sun, Gina Martinelli Band 6pm. (1279 S. Kihei Rd. # 314); 808-874-9299. DOG & DUCK IRISH PUB - Sat, Jordan T. 6pm. (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-875-9669. GANNON’S A PACIFIC VIEW RESTAURANT Thu, Fulton Tashombe & Special Guests 6-8pm.; Tue, Braddah Larry Golis 6-8pm. (100 Wailea Golf Club Dr.); 808-875-8080.
JUST WING IT! - Every Fri & Sat, Chicken Boxing 5-7pm. (225 Pi‘ikea Ave., Kihei); 808-875-9464.
UMALU - Fri, Craig Soderberg 6-8pm.; Sat, Kawika LumHo 6-8pm.; Thu, Josh Sumbicay 6-8pm. (200 Nohea Kai Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-661-1234.
Karaoke 4pm; no cover
Karaoke
RB BLACK ANGUS STEAKHOUSE - Sun, Live Jazz 3-6pm. (4465 Honoapiilani Hwy., Kahana); 808-669-8889.
THE CLIFF DIVE BAR - Thu, Tim Osborne 6:30-8pm.; Sat, Larry Golis & Hollis Lee 6:30-8pm.; Mon, Larry Golis 6:30-8pm.; Every Tue, Wed & Fri, Scott Baird 6:308pm. (2605 Ka‘anapali Pkwy.); 808-662-8025.
MON - DJ Big Mike / TUE - DJ Salvo / WED Ladies Night w/ DJ Decka (all sets 10pm)
WED - Blues with The House Shakers, 8:30pm; no cover
HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH - Thu, Dominic 4-8pm.; Sat, Ryan Robinson 4-8pm.; Every Tue, Wed & Fri, Rick Glencross 4-8pm. (1913 S. Kihei Rd. #E); 808-891-8010.
SHERATON MAUI RESORT AND SPA - Daily, Live Dinner Music at The Cliff Dive Bar 6:308:30pm. (2605 Ka‘anapali Pkwy.); 808-661-0031.
Kanoa 10pm; no cover
Salsa Night w/ Ernesto and Barbara, 8pm
PIONEER INN GRILL & BAR - Thu, Greg di Piazza feat. Alana Cini 6-9pm.; Fri, Kalani 6-9pm.; Tue, Ah-Tim Elenicki 6-9pm. (658 Wharf St., Lahaina); 808-661-8881.
RUTH’S CHRIS STEAK HOUSE - Every Sun & Sat, Live Jazz 6-9pm. (900 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-8815.
Live Music 10pm; no cover
DJ Money Mike, DJ Danny & DJ Slim. 10pm; no cover
SERINO’S KIHEI SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE
MON - Marvin Taraga, 6-9pm / TUE - Johnny Ringo, 6-9pm / WED - Gretchen, 6-9pm
KAMAOLE POOLSIDE CAFE - Wed, Steve Sargenti 6-9pm.; Thu, Kawika Lum Ho 6-9pm.; Fri, Gina Martinelli 6-9pm.; Sat, Ron Shadian 6-9pm.; Sun, Kenny Roberts 6-9pm.; Mon, Rama Camarillo 6-9pm.; Tue, Mike & Mark 6-9pm. (2259 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-891-8860. MAKENA BEACH & GOLF RESORT - Fri, Glen Kakugawa 6-9:30pm.; Sat, Deason Baybayan 6-9:30pm.; Sun, Craig Soderberg 6-9:30pm.; Mon, Reiko Fukino 6-9:30pm.; Every Tue & Thu, Clay Mortensen 6-9:30pm. (5400 Makena Alanui); 808-875-5888. MAUI COAST HOTEL - Wed, Steve Sargenti 6-9pm.; Thu, Kawika Lum Ho 6-9pm.; Fri, Gina Martinelli 6-9pm.; Sat, Ron Shadian 6-9pm.; Sun, Kenny Roberts 6-9pm.; Mon, Rama Camarillo 6-9pm.; Tue, Mike and Mark 6-9pm. (2259 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-874-6284. MONKEYPOD KITCHEN - Tue, Kilohana 7-9pm.; Wed, Mike Finkiewicz 4-6pm.; Wed, Jarret & Wilson 7-9pm.; Thu, Tom Cherry 4-6pm.; Thu, Tom & Mark 7-9pm.; Fri, Wolf 4-6pm.; Fri, Alika Naka’oka 6:30-8:30pm.; Fri, Alika 7-9pm.; Sat, Randall Rospond 7-9pm.; Sun, Alika Naka’oka 4-6pm.; Sun, Kilohana 7-9pm.; Mon, Tom Conway 4-6pm.; Mon, Tarvin Makia 7-9pm.; Tue, Tom Conway 4-6pm. (10 Wailea Gateway Pl., Unit B-201); 808-891-2322. MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE - Tue, Mulligan’s
Magic Show 7-9pm.; Wed, Willie K. 7-9pm.; Fri, Stay Eazy 7-9pm.; Sat, Soul Kitchen 6-8:30pm.; Sun, The Celtic Tigers 6:30-9:30pm.; Mon, The Makai Jazz Group 6:30-8:30pm.; Thu, Willie K. 7-9pm. (100 Kaukahi St., Wailea); 808-874-1131. PITA PARADISE WAILEA - Sun, Benoit Jazzworks 5:30-7:30pm.; Fri, Twisted Hips Belly Dancing 6-8pm. (34 Wailea Gateway Plaza,); 808-879-7177. SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE - Wed, Mark Johnstone 4-6pm.; Thu, Jaime Gallo 4-6pm.; Fri, Randall Rospond 4-6pm.; Tue, Sebrina Barron 4-6pm. (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-874-6444. STELLA BLUES CAFE - Wed, Randall Rospond 4-6pm.; Thu, Ah Tim 4-6pm.; Fri, Ahumanu 4-6pm.; Sat, Vince Esquire & Kaulana 4-6pm.; Sun, Jamie Lawrence 4-6pm.; Mon, Mike Finkiewicz 4-6pm.; Tue, Kimo 4-6pm. (1279 S. Kihei Rd., # 201i); 808-874-3779. TAQUERIA CRUZ - Wed, Sebrina Barron 6:30-8:30pm.; Thu, Open Mic Night w/ Artie Parti 6:30-8:30pm.; Fri, Ellis Ayres 6:308:30pm.; Sat, Joshua on Maui 6:30-8:30pm.; Mon, Reggae w/ Ras Shaggai 6:30-8:30pm.; Tue, Kawika Ortiz 6:30-8:30pm. (2395 S. Kihei Rd. #112); 808-875-2910. THREE’S BAR & GRILL - Fri, Louise Lambert Jazz Trio 7:30-10:30pm.; Wed, Blues with the House Shakers 8:30-10:30pm. (1945 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-879-3133. TOMMY BAHAMA’S TROPICAL CAFE - Every Thu & Fri, Margie Heart 5:30-9:30pm.; Every Sun & Sat, Howard Ahia 5:30-9:30pm.; Mon, Greg Di Piazza 5:30-9:30pm.; Wed, Merv Oana 5:309:30pm. (3750 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-875-9983.
8:30pm. (42 Baldwin Ave., Paia); 808-579-6323. CHARLEY’S RESTAURANT & SALOON - Wed, Evan Dove & Friends 6:30-8:30pm.; Thu, Mark Johnstone & Lenny Castellanos 6:30-8:30pm.; Mon, Live Band Open Mic & Jam 7-10pm.; Tue, Howard Ahia 6:30-8:30pm. (142 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-8085. FLATBREAD COMPANY - Mon, Wes Furumoto 6-9pm. (89 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-8989. HANA HOU CAFE - Thu, Benny Uyetake 6-9pm.; Fri, Steve Sargenti and Swiss 6-9pm.; Sat, Tradwinds 6-9pm.; Mon, Hula Honeys 6-9pm.; Wed, Betz and Adam with Vince Esquire 6:30-9pm. (810 Haiku Rd.); 808-575-2661. MOANA BAKERY & CAFE - Thu, Miss Meaghan Owens 6:30-8:30pm.; Tue, Richard Dancil Hawaiian Music 6-8pm. (71 Baldwin Ave., Paia); 808-579-9999. NORTHSHORE CAFE - Fri, Makana 7-9pm.; Sun, Troublemakers Trio 7-10:30pm.; Tue, Ryan - Keyboards from Brooklyn 7-9pm. (824 Kokomo Rd., Haiku); 808-575-2770. PAIA BAY CAFE - Sun, Hawaiian Steel Guitar w/ Joel Katz 9-11am. (43 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-3111.
LOOKING FOR SOMETHING?
CENTRAL MAUI WAILUKU COFFEE COMPANY - Fri, Live Music 4-6pm. (28 N. Market St., Wailuku); 808-495-0259.
UPCOUNTRY MAUI BULLY’S BURGERS - Fri, Live Music 2-6pm. (15900 Pi‘ilani Hwy, Kanaio); 808-878-3272.
CALENDAR LISTINGS
ON MAUITIME.COM
CAFE DES AMIS - Mon, Mark Johnstone 6:30-
SEPTEMBER 12, 2013 27
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FREE / Not Catered / Seating Limited to 30 Wednesday, September 25th, 2013 : 4PM-6:30PM MEDB’S Malcolm Center : Kihei, HI 96753 REGISTRATION INFORMATION: #MauiSMUG mauismug.com
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115 E Lipoa Street Kihei • 808-875-7070
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By Caeriel Crestin
Horoscope
Sign Language VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22) You’re sweet, always there for people, constantly cheerful, good company. There’s little I can offer you in the way of advice, but if I had to come up with one thing: you’re too independent. You’re so self-sufficient that you don’t give those who long to get closer to you any openings to be there for you. I’m not saying you should go all soft and weak and needy. But you could move a half-step in that direction. Receptivity and vulnerability are this week’s keywords. Sometimes getting is more important than giving, and since many folks you know are all too eager to give to you, why not offer them the chance? LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22) What you’re trying to do now is the equivalent of wearing vertical stripes to hide the ten pounds you’ve gained. It might work for a little while, in dim lighting, but it’s no long-term solution. You have a couple healthy ways to deal with this: Accept the new weight you’ve put on. It’s only ten pounds. Or work out like crazy and take it back off. It shouldn’t take more than a month or three, if you’re determined. It’s only ten pounds. But you have to acknowledge the difficulty, not ignore it or hide it. While your problem probably has nothing to do with your actual weight, you get the parallel I’m alluding to. Figure out what you’re going to do with this spiritual spare tire—now. SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21) You may have to sing for your supper this week, or your sex, or your promotion, or your role as center of attention, or all of these things. Luckily, you love being put on the spot, even while you profess to hating it, because it gives you a chance to shine. I’m warning you because you shouldn’t pass up any opportunity to prove yourself—you may not get a second. A moment of false modesty (“No, no, I simply couldn’t!”) will send the spotlight on to the next person who simply can and will, and you’ll have to do without getting dinner, laid, a raise, or popularity. SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21) You’re grilled cheese, you’re chocolate, you’re the goddamn Beatles. Whether they particularly like you or not, the people you encounter have to acknowledge your basic—and nearly universal—appeal. Those who don’t are fooling themselves, and aggravating me and your other fans. Still, those caffeine-free, lactose intolerant, rock and roll haters don’t matter much in the grand scheme of your life. There’s a time and a place to convert those straddling the fence to the Cult of You, but this isn’t it. For now, graciously please your loyal followers and politely ignore your detractors, no matter which group is more vocal. CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19) It’s a good week to meet new people, but not to get to know them. That’s a tricky distinction, especially because the first impression you’re generating right now is magnetically irresistible. Unfortunately, behind the surface of a friendly face-to-face, all your magnetic poles are misaligned—things are bound to get prickly and uncomfortable, because you’ll rub your new acquaintances the wrong way, and vice versa. It’s better to be glib, charming, and only hint at the depths you possess, instead of inviting your enchanted potential friends to plunge in. Save that for next week, when their rough edges won’t catch against yours. AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18) I have a friend whose family watches faith-healing televangelist shows as hilarious comedy. When the preacher jams his fingers into a terrified deaf child’s ears and screams: “Laud, take the devil aht! Make this chah-uld heah!” they roll on the floor and laugh. Can you blame them? It’s good shit and way better than most sitcoms. But it’s important to remember that one person’s comedy is another’s serious religion. Enjoy the hilarity that you see this week—but do so discreetly. You don’t need them siccing their god on your ass. No smitings this week, okay? PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20) You’re a thick, epic novel. A glance at your cover, even a swift perusal of your first few chapters—these
will reveal nothing of your true nature. The only way to know you is to read you, cover-to-cover, twice. Unfortunately, some of the people you’re dealing with have picture-book mentalities. They lack the fortitude or patience to plumb your depths. Don’t fill in the great wellspring of your soul just so they don’t have to do more than wade. Drop a bucket into your darkest, wettest waters, draw up some of that wisdom and experience, and just dump it over their sorry heads. At the very least, it’ll wake them up—and probably make them respect you, too. ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19) Rams love jumping the gun. It’s so Aries to skip the four-year courtship your Cancer paramour might prefer and just pop the big question on your third date instead. It’s one of your best traits: you know what you want, and you rarely vacillate long before making a decision. It’s charming—but also selfish; it forces all involved to conform to your will. You might say, “Well, if they can’t deal with my style, they’re not the right person for me,” and perhaps that’s true. But you could also see it a different way: Maybe, just maybe, you might actually enjoy doing things their way more, if only you’d consider it an option. Then it’s a win-win. TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20) When someone tells you, “You’re such a loser,” you laugh. You know it’s a joke. That’s a healthy level of self-confidence, something I wish everyone possessed. But many other signs couldn’t hear that as the teasing humor it’s meant to be; they might take it to heart, and worry that it’s true. Your goal this week isn’t to censor yourself to be sure you don’t accidentally hurt anyone’s feelings with a barbed joke; it’s to uplift everyone you know—especially that someone who’s been feeling low lately—so they can take whatever you dish out, and then some. When the gibes start flying back with smiles, you’ll know you did your job. GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20) We both know you’re not as superficial as the stereotypes of your sign suggest. But your recent behavior makes you look like the hollow (wo)man, all surface and no substance. It’s not shallowness that made you say the things you did; it’s carelessness and inattention. Fortunately, these things are easily remedied, with a little frank realness and sincere consideration. But don’t wait long, because the legend of your social misstep is growing by the second, and spreading faster than a viral video. Don’t drag the rest of your tribe back down into the cliché from which you’ve so spectacularly emerged this past year. Fix your faux pas.
QUIZunderstood ANSWERS ...to questions from page 4
1: B–Same-sex marriage legalization. 2: D–“At this point in time, I can’t really commit to do that particular audit until my office is more established.”
3: A–Feral cats and chickens.
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CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22) I’m feeling particularly melancholic today. I thought I’d commiserate with the one sign who can most empathize with my experience, since you’re likely to share it this week. Admit it, though: there’s part of you that gets off on channeling this deep, abiding sadness. That’s fine; it’s rich, real, and better than feeling numb. But push through it, because melancholy begets itself. By being manifestly miserable you generate more reasons to be gloomy. Don’t suppress it—just accept it. Acknowledge that life is often sad, lonely, and constantly heart-breaking, and move on. There’s joy to be had, too, and lucky you—you’re alive enough to feel it. LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22) People may use unfamiliar words to describe you this week, like comforting, gentle, and safe. You’re not used to feeling like a homemade quilt, a puppy, or a cup of hot cocoa. These edge-less sources of warmth are generally quite different than the blaze you usually provide—which is fierce enough to burn as well as heat things up. But your scorch-factor is dialed quite low this week. Your barely-repressed desire to scald and scare has been subverted into a more passive wish to just be there for those who need you. This won’t last long—but ending it won’t be your doing. For now, let those who want it bask in your comfy warmth, because they’ll be demanding you crank things to more dangerous temperatures soon enough.
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To contact Caeriel send mail to sign.language.astrology@gmail.com.
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