19.14 Albert Perez - Maui Tomorrow’s New Boss, September 17, 2015, Volume 19, Issue 14, MauiTime by MauiTimes

September Sept Se ptem pt emb em ber 17 17, 7, 20 2015 015 5 ✚ Vo Volu Volume lume lu m 119 me 9 ✚ Is Issue ssue su ue 14 ✚ FR F FREE E EE

MAUI

STILL

HAS A CHANCE TALKING STORY WITH

ALBERT PEREZ MAUI TOMORROW’S

NEW BOSS

RECIPES FOR

DISASTER

PG.5

GRANDPA IS

4TH GRADERS

RULE

PG.7

SCARY

PG.19

MAUITIME.COM

PLUS

PG.10

SEPTEMBER 17, 2015

Contents VOLUME 19 ✚ ISSUE 14

THIS WEEK’S QUESTION:

ON THE COVER:

What’s your least favorite M. Night Shyamalan film?

Culinary, Lifestyle & Business Editor: Jennifer Russo (808) 280-3286 / jen@mauitime.com @jenrusso on Twitter The Sixth Sense Advertising Executive: Sarah Gerlach (808) 283-3260 / sarah@mauitime.com The Village Art Director & Production Manager: Darris Hurst artdirector@mauitime.com / darrishurst.com I See Dead People

STILL

HAS A CHANCE TALKING STORY WITH

ALBERT PEREZ MAUI TOMORROW’S

NEW BOSS PG.10

RECIPES FOR

DISASTER

4 10 13 17 19 21 22 23 28 29 31

PG.5

GRANDPA IS

4TH GRADERS

RULE

PG.7

SCARY

PG.19

Maui Still Has A Chance Talking story with Albert Perez, Maui Tomorrow’s new boss. Cover Design By: Darris Hurst Photo By: Sean M. Hower

MAUITIME.COM

Editor: Anthony Pignataro (808) 283-1308 / anthony@mauitime.com @apignataro on Twitter The Happening

MAUI

PLUS

Publisher: Tommy Russo (808) 283-0512 / tommy@mauitime.com @tommyrusso on Twitter Die Hard

September Sept Se ptem pt emb em ber 17, 177, 20 2015 015 5 ✚ Volume Volu Vo lume lu m 19 me 19 ✚ Issue Is ssue su ue 14 ✚ FREE F EE FR E

NEWS & VIEWS FEATURE STORY DINING THIS WEEK’S PICKS FILM CRITIQUE FILM TIMES DA KINE CALENDAR THE GRID CLASSIFIED HOROSCOPE MIND, BODY & SPIRIT

Platelet Rich Plasma Therapy Dr. Nathan Ehrlich, N.D. Licensed Naturopathic Physician Serving Maui since 1988

Graphic Designer: Jenn Carter Devil Photographer: Sean Michael Hower mauiweddingmedias.com / howerphotography.com Stuart Little Contributors: Jenn Brown (Stuart Little), Caeriel Crestin, Soleil De Zwart, Suzanne Kayian, Andrew Miller, Alex Mitchell, Ron Pitts, Marina Satoafaiga, Chuck Shepherd, Barry Wurst II Proofreader: Dina Wilson

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MauiTime is published every Thursday by MauiTime Productions, Inc. Its contents are Copyright © 2015 by MauiTime Productions, Inc. All rights reserved. Subscriptions are available at $70 per year. Reproduction or use without permission is strictly prohibited. MauiTime may be distributed only by MauiTime’s authorized independent contractor. MauiTime is valued at $.50 per copy and permits one complimentary copy per person. No person may, without written permission of MauiTime, take more than one copy of each weekly issue. All opinions expressed throughout MauiTime are those of the authors and not necessarily the same opinions as MauiTime Productions, Inc. and MauiTime.

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News & Views

by Anthony Pignataro

QUIZ understood

PHOTO COURTESY COUNTY OF MAUI

2. In October, the Maui County Council of the Boy Scouts of America will award Maui Mayor Alan Arakawa its Distinguished Citizen award, according to a Sept. 9 press release from the council. Arakawa himself was in the Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts while he was a boy. Where was Arakawa living at that time? A. Maui B. Oahu C. Guam D. Okinawa E. Wake Island

2015

From skimpy bathing suits to flowing dresses and everything in between, Maui is a haven for casual yet chic island fashion. It’s our annual ode to the hottest trends from local designers and the shops where you can find them.

The Maui County Council’s Land Use Committee is currently considering a fast-track affordable housing project in North Kihei known as the Kenolio Apartments, from Idahobased Pacific West Communities. How many units are in the project? A. 74 B. 120 C. 152 D. 186 E. 201

3. On Sept. 11, the Fox Network’s cooking reality show MasterChef announced that it was conducting a search for Season 7 contestants in Hawaii. According to the network’s news release sent out that day, how many previous Hawaii chefs have competed on MasterChef? A. 0 B. 1 C. 2 D. 3 E. 4 See answers, page 29

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News & Views

by Anthony Pignataro

PHOTO COURTESY HECO FACEBOOK PAGE

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Proper commemoration?

When you’re dealing with instances of shocking mass murder, like the Sept. 11, 2001 terrorist attacks that killed more than 3,000 people in New York, Washington DC and Pennsylvania, I suppose there’s no right or wrong way to commemorate the day, which was 14 years ago today. Some methods, like quiet reflection or honest introspection, are probably better than most, but when it comes right down to it, it’s up to each of us to decide how best to remember that day. That being said, Hawaiian Electric Companies–which is in the midst of a high-profile, highly controversial merger with Florida-based NextEra Energy– pulled a real boneheaded move on Sept. 11–the 14th anniversary of the attacks. On its Facebook page (which Maui Electric Co. mindlessly posted on its own Twitter page), it decided to remember the dead of 9/11 with recipes. You heard me. “Today’s #FoodieFriday is in honor of remembering 9/11–#NeverForget,” the post stated. “Bree and Liane from our Electric Kitchen have three recipes as #WeRemember this day.” Oh man, where to begin. So yeah, we get that Hawaiian Electric has a “Foodie Friday” thing where they post recipes every Friday, possible because we’re not using our electrically powered kitchen appliances enough. Sure, you can tie that into holidays like Christmas or Arbor Day pretty easily, but is treating 9/11 like someone’s birthday the best way a major utility that holds near-monopolistic control over power in Hawaii should use social media? The recipes, for those who eat when faced with geopolitical tragedy, are for ice

Washington Post, “end decades of economic sanctions against Iran in exchange for restrictions on its nuclear program.” It's quite controversial–especially with members of the Republican Party currently running for president–but also represents an historic achievement for President Barack Obama. “I have spent the past several weeks carefully studying the Iran Nuclear Agreement and searching for a better alternative, considering seriously the arguments posed by proponents and opponents of this agreement,” Gabbard said in her statement before listing all the officials she’s met with. “I decided to vote for the Iran Nuclear Agreement not because it’s a great deal, or even a good deal. I voted for it because I could not find a better alternative. There are two main alternatives—both of them bad.” Gabbard said the first alternative, get Iran to agree a better deal, is bad because, even if it were possible (which it mostly

The second alternative–war–is even worse. “Military action now would set Iran’s nuclear program back three or four years, at best,” she said. “War would inflame the situation and create more chaos, leaving in its trail a cost that is impossible to predict, not only in terms of loss of life, but also on the American economy and the long-term strength of our military and national security.” Gabbard then brilliantly summed up decades of failings of U.S. military policy. “Armchair generals don’t understand that while we have the power to decide when to start a war, we don’t have the power to decide when it ends, as we should have learned from our experience in Iraq and Libya,” she said. “Once a war starts, it takes on a life of its own–usually far more difficult and more costly than anyone imagined it would be.” Of course, all this reasoning is entirely American. Iran has its own reasons for pursuing nuclear weapons–reasons that, if I

PHOTO COURTESY WIKIMEDIA COMMONS

HAWAIIAN ELECTRIC OFFERS RECIPES FOR DISASTER

cream gelatin (pictured left), white chocolate pretzel clusters and BBQ bacon sliders with bleu cheese (the last one, presumably, because some people simply must eat pork when confronted with the actions of radical Muslim terrorists). When asked why Hawaiian Electric made the post and then deleted it, company spokesperson Sharon Higa offered this statement: “We apologize for this post. That was not our intent. Every Friday we post a recipe with the #foodiefriday. This particular post was made in error. We took it down as we agree it doesn’t reflect our heartfelt thoughts on this day.” Though Hawaiian Electric apologized for the post in a comment on MauiTime’s Facebook page, they did not post any explanation or apology for the post on their own Facebook page.

REP. GABBARD SUPPORTS IRAN NUKE DEAL Hawaii’s U.S. Congressional Representative Tulsi Gabbard (D, 2nd District) surprised me this weekend. And not in a bad way, either. Well known as one of the Democratic Party’s strongest hawks (in part, no doubt, due to her also being a captain in the Hawaii Army National Guard), Gabbard released a measured, cautious and eminently logical statement on Friday, Sept. 11 outlining her reasons for supporting the Iran Nuclear Agreement, which takes effect on Sept. 17 (25 House Democrats voted against the agreement on Sept. 11, though earlier Senate maneuvering made that vote largely symbolic). That deal will, in the words of The

No one wants this, right?

“I’m on vacation–point me to a mai tai.”

lived in Tehran, would seem pretty damned solid to me. “[T]he more prosaic reality is that ordinary Iranians crave nuclear arms because of a deep-seated sense of insecurity that they are vulnerable to attack by their enemies,” Con Coughlin wrote in a Nov. 9, 2011 Telegraph story. “Iran’s nuclear programme was, after all, conceived during the darkest days of the Iran-Iraq war in the Eighties when Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini, the Islamic Revolution’s founding father, reluctantly conceded that Iran needed to do whatever was necessary–including the development of nuclear weapons–if it was to prevent the country from being conquered by hostile Arab states.” Or the U.S., for that matter. For Iran, there’s no better protection against invasion than by holding nuclear weapons (after all, the United States has held the same view since 1945). We may not like it, but we’re not the boss of the world. ■

-Woman at Kaanapali, Sept. 11

anthony@mauitime.com + @apignataro

likely isn’t), “it would take many months, if not years, to bring everyone back together with no guarantee of producing a better deal than we have now.” During which time, Gabbard said, Iran would most likely go ahead and build nuclear weapons–something Gabbard said they could do in “2-3 months.”

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Where 4th graders rule

September. For more information, contact Dr. Kirsten Oleson at 808-956-8864 or by email at koleson@hawaii.edu. -Suzanne Kayian

HERE’S HOW 4TH GRADERS CAN VISIT HALEAKALA FOR FREE Haleakala National Park is participating in a national program that invites all fourth grade students to visit the park for free. The goal of the White House’s new Every Kid in a Park program is to connect fourth graders with the great outdoors and inspire them to become future environmental stewards, ready to preserve and protect national parks and other public lands. Details about the program, which launched on Sept. 1, 2015, can be found at Everykindinapark.gov. When a fourth grade student visits the website, they can complete an activity or play a game to obtain a free annual entry pass to more than 2,000 federal recreation areas, including national parks such as Haleakala. Fourth graders and their families can then use this pass for free entry to national parks and other federal public lands and waters from now through Aug. 31, 2016. The website also includes learn-

“Legal Aid receives nearly 20,000 calls a year and we are grateful to the Hawaii State Judiciary for its commitment to the court self-help centers and expanding the resources available for those navigating the legal system on their own,” added Legal Aid Society of Hawaii Executive Director, M. Nalani Fujimori Kaina. “I especially want to recognize our AmeriCorps members in Project Kaulike and other partners for being a part of this important initiative to ensure the values of justice, fairness, and service are upheld in our community. Each month, the Self-Help Centers and Access to Justice Rooms [the name for the centers on Oahu] statewide serve hundreds of people.” The Hawaii State Judiciary is also teaming up with Legal Aid Society of Hawaii and the state public library system to make court forms software available to anyone who might need it at the SelfHelp Centers and public libraries. “The PHOTO COURTESY J.-H. JANSSEN / WIKIMEDIA COMMONS

A University of Hawaii lab team is reaching out to snorkelers to participate in a study about perceptions, attitudes and preferences concerning coastal water quality on Maui. Water quality is an issue of concern to all Maui residents, and to all those who visit here seeking to experience Maui’s beaches and coral reef environment firsthand, according to the University group. The study, headed by Dr. Kirsten Oleson, “aims to ‘count what counts’ by working at the local level to inform community management strategies.” Oleson is seeking broad participation from residents and visitors alike for her research. Anyone who has ever snorkeled is eligible to participate in the study and can visit Olesonlab.org/survey to take part in an online survey. In addition, the team from Oleson’s lab will be on Maui the week of Sept. 14 (so hurry!) so residents and visitors may have the chance to encounter a surveyor in person; the team also will be distributing surveys to locations around Maui that cater to snorkelers, providing an opportunity for potential participants to complete a physical copy of the survey. Oleson’s study will be ongoing through

ing activities, trip planning tools, safety and packing tips and other important and helpful information for educators and parents. “We hope the free passes will introduce fourth graders, their classes, and families to the national treasures found at Haleakala, especially as we celebrate the Centennials of both this national park and the National Park Service,” said park superintendent Natalie Gates. Haleakala National Park offers a variety of activities that fourth graders and their families can enjoy, including its new Junior Ranger Activity Guide, guided hikes, cultural demonstrations and talks. Fourth grade is the focus of this initiative as it’s the year most school districts study local and state history, according to a Sept. 2 National Park press release. In addition to this new fourth grade pass, Haleakala National Park offers a variety of recently revised curriculum-based activities, lesson plans, and educational fee waivers for other grades and educational groups. For more information, please visit the park’s Education webpage at Nps.gov/hale/learn/index.htm. Every Kid in a Park, launched by President Barack Obama, is supported by eight federal agencies, including the National Park Service, the Army Corps of Engineers, Bureau of Land Management, Bureau of Reclamation, Department of Education, Fish and Wildlife Service, Forest Service and the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. -Suzanne Kayian

HAWAII LEGAL SELF-HELP CENTERS PASS BIG MILESTONE Looks like the Hawaii State Judiciary’s Self-Help Centers have helped their 10,000th person. These are centers, located statewide, that are set up to provide legal consultation to people representing themselves in court. According to the judiciary, these centers are free to litigants and cost the state “virtually” nothing. “This milestone is a testament to the hard work and dedication of the hundreds of volunteer attorneys who have donated their time and professionalism to helping those who otherwise might not be able to afford a lawyer,” said Chief Justice Mark Recktenwald in a Sept. 10 Hawaii State Judiciary news release. “I’d also like to extend a special thanks to the Hawaii Access to Justice Commission, the Hawaii State Bar Association, all county bar associations, Legal Aid Society of Hawaii and its AmeriCorps program, and our partners in the community who have helped us make significant strides in providing greater access to justice.” There are currently six of these centers located in courthouses across Hawaii. Maui’s can be found at Hoapili Hale in Wailuku.

Can she be my lawyer?

self-help interactive software guides self-represented persons through the process of creating court forms that may be completed and printed for filing at courthouses statewide,” states the Sept. 10 news release. “The creation and continuing development of self-help interactive court forms software has been funded by grants from the Legal Services Corporation and the State Justice Institute.” All this assistance does come at a price: Maui’s Self-Help Center is only open on Thursdays from 9am to noon. Residents of Hana, Lanai and Molokai can call the center for assistance during its normal operating hours (808-463-1360) but Maui residents must visit the center in person to get legal help. Hoapili Hale is located at 2145 Main St. in Wailuku. -Anthony Pignataro ■ editor@mauitime.com For more news articles, visit: mauitime.com/news

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Muslim clerics complain of the commercialization of the holy city of Mecca during the annual hajj pilgrimages, but for Pope Francis’ visits to New York, Washington, D.C., and Philadelphia in mid-September, shameless street vendors and entrepreneurs already appear to be eclipsing Mecca’s experience. Merchants said they’d be selling, among other tacky items, mozzarella cheese statuettes of the pope ($20), a “pope toaster” to burnish Francis’ image on bread, a Philly-themed bobblehead associating the pope with the movie boxer Rocky, local beers Papal Pleasure and YOPO (You Only Pope Once) and T-shirts (“Yo Pontiff!” and “The Pope Is My Homeboy”). The Wall Street Journal quoted a Philadelphia archdiocese spokesman admitting that “you kind of have to take it in stride.”

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In May, suspect David Riffle, charged with trespassing (after shouting “religious proverbs” at patrons of the Hard Rock Casino in Hollywood, Florida), greeted Broward County judge John “Jay” Hurley at his bail hearing by inquiring, “How you doin’, a--hole?” Unfazed, Hurley responded, “I’m doing fine. How are you, sir?” After listening to Riffle on religion a bit longer, Hurley set bond at $100. In August, talking to Judge Hurley from jail via closed circuit TV, arrestee Susan Surrette, 54, “flashed” him as she tried to prove an alleged recent assault. The self-described “escort” and “porn star” (“Kayla Kupcakes”) had lifted her shirt to reveal bruises. (Her bond, also, was $100.)

BRIGHT IDEAS A Chinese woman identified only as Zeng was detained and stabilized at Beijing Capital International Airport in August after being found dazed on the floor at a boarding gate. She had attempted to fly with a bottle of expensive cognac (Remy Martin XO Excellence) in her carry-on–a violation of Chinese regulations barring liquids over 100 ml (the cognac was 700 ml, selling for about $200 in the United States) and was presented with the ultimatum to give up the bottle or miss the flight. She decided to drink the contents on the spot (but was subsequently declared too drunk to board).

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AND ANOTHER THING, DAD Michael May, 44, was arrested in Lincoln County, Kentucky, in August after the Pilot Baptist Cemetery near Stanford reported that he had tried to dig up the grave of his dead father “in order to argue with him,” according to Lexington’s WLEX-TV. May told officers his dad had died about 30 years ago. (Alcohol was involved in the decision to dig.)

MORE THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT Under a 1981 treaty, at least 50 countries, including the United States, have banned their militaries from employing flamethrowers (as “inhumane”), but entrepreneurs have begun to market the devices domestically for $900 to $1,600 each (based on the distance of the flame, at 25 feet or 50 feet). Federal regulators appear uninterested (as the contraptions are technically neither firearms nor explosives), and only two states prohibit them outright, though a few jurisdictions believe flamethrowers are illegal under fire codes. The Ohio startup Throwflame has sensed the need for marketing savvy and describes flamethrowers as primarily for “entertainment.” (Recent news reports indicate a slight run on sales under the suspicion that authorities will soon realize the danger and outlaw them.)

THE HYPNOLAWYER After two women accused Sheffield Village, Ohio, attorney Michael Fine of “hypnotizing” and sex-talking to them during office consultations, police and the county bar association opened an investigation in November 2014. Though Fine was being consulted on a custody matter, he was secretly audio-recorded (according to one woman’s lawsuit) touting “powerful whole body orgasms” and suggesting that he was “the world’s greatest lover”–among details the client recalls only vaguely if at all. The bar association later said as many as 25 women may have been victimized. Though no criminal charges have been filed, Fine’s lawyer said in August that his client had voluntarily given up his law license and was seeking “medical” help.

GREAT ART! Former Massachusetts Institute of Technology lecturer Joseph Gibbons was sentenced in July to a year in prison for robbing a New York City Capital One bank in December (while operating a video camera) in a heist that he had insisted all along was merely “performance art.” (He had been suspected in a similar robbery in Rhode Island in November.) His biography on the MIT website described him as “blurring the boundaries between fact and fiction, self and persona... with a contradictory impulse to confabulate and dissimulate.” The Queens Museum in New York City has offered to screen the footage of the robbery as an art piece.

MORE GREAT ART! Artist Anish Kapoor initially denied that his 400 to 500 tons of stones, called “Dirty Corner,” were “problematic,” but later conceded that they might have “multiple interpretive possibilities.” The installation, which ran through the summer at France’s Palace of Versailles with five other large sculptures, was arranged in the form of a huge vulva, and represented, he said, “the vagina of a queen who is taking power.” ■

Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations, 200 words or less (which we reserve the right to edit), changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent, to “Eh Brah!” c/o MauiTime, 16 S. Market St, Ste. 2K, Wailuku, HI 96793 or send an e-mail to

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ere’s a huge mahalo to the man on the moped who stopped to take a look at my nearly taken-off front bumper and told me to go to Long’s to get tape. Because of Moped Man’s advice, a bigger mahalo to the gentleman I met at Long’s for helping me put together my fender with his bungee cord (used for his surfboards). Bless their hearts for having my safety first to get home to Lahaina that night. And may the second man’s (PE Teacher in Wailuku) bungees always be available and plentiful for anyone else. There are still some good people in this world, especially in Wailuku. ■

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SEPTEMBER 17, 2015

MAUI STILL HAS A CHANCE TALKING STORY WITH

ALBERT PEREZ MAUI TOMORROW’S

NEW BOSS BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO

f it seems to you that the problems facing Maui today–more traffic, less affordable housing, stream flow politics, cane burning–seem overwhelming, it just means that you’re paying attention. Maintaining even our current quality of life on Maui isn’t easy, and making it better for the next generation can seem all but impossible. It’s not impossible, of course, but it’s also not easy. One person who understands this better than most is Albert Perez, who took over as executive director of the nonprofit environmental advocacy organization Maui Tomorrow in May. “The quality of our environment and our quality of life are closely related,” Perez said when he took over the executive director’s job in May. “Maui Tomorrow will continue to play a key role in advocating for the protection of both.” Perez is a fascinating successor to Irene Bowie, who previously held the job for about eight years and retired in April. He’s tall, with a gentle but deliberate way of speaking. He chooses his words carefully. He’s spent much of the last two decades in Washington, where he worked for that state’s Department of Transportation, but he was also present at the creation of Maui Tomorrow–in 1989, he helped found the organization, and stayed with it for its first three years of life. On Sept. 11, I sat down with Perez in the tiny Maui Tomorrow office in Wailuku and talked story about the nonprofit orga-

10 SEPTEMBER 17, 2015

nization’s 26-year history, his current role and the future of Maui: me start off by asking you Q: Let why you wanted this job. love this organization. I started A: Iitreally with Anthony Ranken and Rick Sands. I thought I could make a difference. I was at an energy conference here in March, and that’s when I learned that Irene was leaving. I hadn’t thought of coming back, but said I would consider it. It was a chance to come back and continue with what I started. Maui still has a chance to maintain its environment. The place where I grew up? Oahu? Well, they’re trying. People on Maui say they don’t want to be like Oahu. But if you go to Molokai, the people say they don’t want to be like Maui. People from rural places want to have economic development. But when things start to change, they don’t want them to change. People who move here want to be here to make a better life. They have a right to be here.

Q: We lived in Pearl City, Wahiawa, A: Oahu. Waikiki–in a little bungalow that’s a Where did you grow up?

parking lot now–Sunset Beach, Makaha, Mi‘ilani. My dad was a teacher for 30 years, and my mom was a teacher for 28 years.

Q: How would you describe your job? do a lot of research on the issues. A: We We pride ourselves on being factual. We provide information to the County Council, and to citizens who come to us for help. But our job always starts with research. We’re not a group that just spouts opinions–everyone has a role to play, but we’ve been at it for 26 years. If I don’t know something for sure, I’m not going to say it when giving testimony. I feel that we’ve achieved credibility, and are focused on maintaining that credibility. We’ll send out grassroots alerts on something that we feel violates the community plans, or when the plans themselves are threatened. We also come up with ways for people to help themselves, because we can’t possibly do everything.

Q: In what way? The CleanAir Maui app is a really good A: example. For years, people had trouble reporting cane smoke through the normal DOH [Department of Health] channels. They weren’t sure if their complaints were going anywhere. But now, we’re sure they’re going to the state, the county. I think it’s played a big role. We also used the data in our own comments on A&B’s recent ag burning permit. And we submitted 2,990 complaints [against cane burning]–that’s since 2013. Of course,

PHOTO BY SEAN M HOWER

that’s only a fraction–just a certain percentage of people know about the app. If you think about it, there’s been a lot of development in the last 20 years, and now cane smoke is going where people didn’t used to live.You know the Maui Research & Technology Park will expand 11 times? There are about 6,000 to 8,000 units planned for South Maui–right in the path of the cane smoke. This goes back to my point earlier: people who move here, who have rights, don’t want to put up with these impacts. Perception is so important here–your life experience is so important to your opinions. you have a personal example Q: Do of that? When I was in grad school, I did a A: noise study at Haleakala. At the time, helicopters were flying 10 feet off the trails, so I took some noise meters up there. My first experience at Haleakala was just stillness–it was still where you were, but you could hear the wind blowing across the trail. Most people, when we asked, said that the most important thing about the crater was silence. The only people who said “helicopters” were two people who’d been rescued by a helicopter. the biggest issue facing Q: What’s Maui today? in so many ways. Of exA: Enforcement, isting ordinances, zoning, conditions

Q: How have you seen Maui change? been a lot of growth. It now has alA: There’s most twice the population. And it has traffic–

PHOTO BY SEAN M HOWER

before, there was no traffic light in Paia, for instance. Back then, the road to Makena was littered with mufflers–it was pretty rough. You know where the Jawz Taco Truck is? I was out there recently, eating my taco, and I told my wife about that. She thought a moment, then walked to the side of the road–sure enough, there was a rusted out muffler. Now it’s archaeology–which, by the way, is also a problem. Do you know why archaeologists working on projects never find a lot of historical sites?

Kealia Pond

of development permits. In my opinion, it’s better not to have a law than to pass one you can’t enforce. Because if they know one law can’t be enforced, they tend to not follow other laws. I used to work in the Planning Department–an interesting research project would be to look at all the permits and see if their conditions have been followed through. My suspicion is that they have not been. A lot of entitlements deal with affordable housing. When you add them all up, there are probably 3,000 to 4,000 units that have not been built. We’re not getting housing for people who live here. And the whole definition for affordable housing is wrong: if it’s higher than the median income, then in my definition, it’s not affordable. It has to be at or below the median income. has been a problem on Maui Q: This for many years. I call a “Development EntitleA: It’smentwhatIndustry.” People who want to make money purchase land that is cheap, like ag land. They come, because the land is ag and cheap. Then they change the community plan, the zoning, and now it’s worth a lot of money. They can flip it or develop it. The County doesn’t get a lot from that process.

We’ve reported on this a number of times. Isn’t the County of Maui doing something about it?

was an impact fee study done A: There three years ago. It was forwarded to the Mayor’s office, and then nothing. If we were getting impact fees, our infrastructure would be better, and we’d have more money. We’re not currently sitting in two to 10 hours of traffic like Oahu, but if we keep going, we could be. If our County would take enforcement seriously, it would solve a lot of problems. I’d even be willing to see it privatized– how’s that for an idea?

We’d love to help everyone, but our bandwidth is limited. So we’re continuing to do presentations to empower citizens to get involved on their own. you spent a number of Q: Now years living and working in Washington State. Why’d you move there, not long after helping start Maui Tomorrow? really hard for us economiA: Itcally.wasMaui Tomorrow in the beginning was struggling. I thought I could go to the Mainland for five years and then come back. Around that time, the state contracted me to do a West Maui carrying capacity study. They wanted results in GIS [geographic information system] maps. I thought, there isn’t any GIS training here, so I’d go to the Mainland, get training and then come back. I was away for 15 years, then came back for a short time, then went back. I was there for 17 years total. I did learn GIS, and was a GIS analyst for the State of Washington Transportation Department. My kids grew up there, and didn’t really want to leave. So after they got out of school, it was time to come back. What do you hope to accomplish now that you’re back at Maui Tomorrow?

Money, I’d guess–they’re contracted by developers, who have a vested interest in there not being a lot of historical stuff on their property. Stuff that might require mitigation, preservation… Or could derail the project entirely.

But we could fix that: developers A: should pay into a fund, then the State of

Hawaii hires the archaeologists. Then they would be free to do their jobs. bad. What other changes to Q: Not Maui have you seen? We also now have a huge problem with invasive species. And I don’t think A: the state is paying enough attention to it. During the fight over runway lengthening at Kahului Airport [to accommodate international flights], it was a big issue. I actually walked around with a brown tree snake in a jar and would put it on people’s desks…

Q: Um, where did you get that? state official. I eventually gave it A: Aback. But in any case, we now have international flights–from Canada–and that’s without having lengthened the runway. There has been good preservation–Waihee Dunes, for instance. It’s wonderful, and pristine, pretty much. There are old Hawaiian villages there. People can still fish and not feel like they’re in someone’s front yard.

Q: Q: How about tourism? Increasing citizen involvement and A: preserving our rural lifestyle. amount of tourism is just astoundA: The ing. When I was living here in 1990, Q: Our rural lifestyle? are so many benefits to it: not A: There being stressed out by traffic, getting

Oahu had a resident-tourist ration of 1:9; Maui had 1:3. I can remember going to Haleakala to watch the sunrise and being the only person there. I can remember going to Wainapanapa and being the only person on the black sand beach. There were 150 people there the last time I went, which was three weeks ago. Tourism is very important, but we’re very vulnerable. In 1989, Dick Mayer said, “Tourism was a medicine. Today it is a drug.” We need to make efforts to diversify the economy. We also want to see more sustainable ag.

Q: Such as? [Alexander & Baldwin] has said A: A&B their livelihood wouldn’t be changed if they didn’t farm sugar. Now we’re vulnerable to sugar price supports and the worldwide price of sugar. We also have workers who have to apply pesticides or be exposed to cane smoke. I think A&B should be looking at all those lands [they own] and ask what they can do. One crop on all 36,000 acres? That’s a really high bar. I think Maui would really be better if instead of pulling the plug on HC&S [Hawaiian Commercial & Sugar], they diversified. It would be better for the workers. I think there’s enough land there to grow more than enough food for Maui, for export, too. Maybe fuel, too. They could farm industrial hemp, though I wouldn’t want to see it sprayed. I know HC&S was doing experiments in growing algae for jet fuel for the navy. But if they pull the plug, it will have a huge impact. I don’t think it will go to dustbowl–look at the old Maui Land & Pineapple Co. lands, which now have a lot of invasive species there. But I don’t think cane is always going to be grown there, and we would be better off if Maui had a plan. And it’s better to implement that plan proactively, instead of in crisis mode.

Q: That’s a lot to deal with. We have so many issues, we just have to A: stay focused and do triage. But remember, we are not against all development. We want to see good, conscious development.

For more information, go to Maui-tomorrow.org. ■ editor@mauitime.com + @apignataro For more news articles, visit: mauitime.com/news

home to visit with your kids, beautiful vistas. Maui is showing off every day. You know, people on Oahu hardly use Hawaiian words anymore, or speak pidgin. It could be a generational thing, but it’s very disconcerting.

ticipated in one with the Hawaii Farmers Union United in Waikapu. We gave them a presentation on planning, the Land Use Commission, community plans, Special Management Areas, the whole process. It’s just a beginning.

information. We didn’t have an executive director at the time. We had a board, an advisory board that we still have. It’s a very active board. And now, we can have very respectful conversations with our opponents. It’s a small island, and we still have to live here.

PHOTO COURTESY WIKIPEDIA

bad. Now what’s the biggest does Maui Tomorrow compare Q: Not Q: How issue facing Maui Tomorrow? to when you helped start it? need to ramp up our citizen It was virtually unknown back then. A: We A: involvement efforts. We’re addressNow we’re a respected source of ing it through workshops. We just par-

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Paninis And Pau Hana

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808 ON MAIN BRINGS GREAT SANDWICHES AND COCKTAILS TO WAILUKU TOWN

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Toasted Wasabi Beef. If you want to go the cold, fresh route, they also have Deli Turkey and Chicken Salad sandwiches. With eight salads on the menu, they have plenty of greens to placate your healthier instincts. “We haven’t had a ton of the tourist element coming through the restaurant, but the local community has been supporting us well,” says Cruthers. “We already have regulars just in the three short weeks we have been open. Lots of people coming to us thanking us for opening here so they have another option. They want to see more places open in Wailuku.” It’s also refreshing to order cocktails on Main Street in Wailuku. I simply fell in love with their Lilikoi Mojito–it cut through the humidity like a minty rum knife. They haven’t skipped a beat with the nation’s most popular drink right now–the Moscow Mule– transforming it into the Main St. Mule with mango pineapple vodka, ginger syrup and ginger ale. 808 also offers a great selection of whites and reds, local beer and ciders.

PHOTO BY SEAN M HOWER

ailuku hit the artisan sandwich lottery when 808 on Main opened a few weeks ago. While it seems odd that we didn’t have a panini shop within 10 miles of town, I’m now addicted to eating them. What’s more, 808 on Main has taken it upon themselves to also offer us cocktails and wine–and a 4-7pm pau hana; more niches in town that needed to be filled. Josh Richardson and Jonathan Cruthers, the partners behind the restaurant, are fired up. “Being located in a historic town is exciting for us,” says Cruthers. “There are great people out here. This is a thriving economy with new shops opening up and new people moving into Wailuku. It feels like it’s the hot town on Maui. Especially with our local clientele.”

The restaurant took over Tom Selman’s Main Street Bistro location, closed it down for a little over a month for renovation, then reopened as 808 on Main. They gave the historic building just enough of an update to retain that old school charm, then freshened it up with new paint, furniture and beautiful images of Wailuku from back in the day. The images themselves are for sale, harvested from the archives at the Bailey House Museum for reproduction. You may recognize Josh Richardson–and his brother Jim, who works as the chef– from 808 Deli in Kihei. They haven’t left Kihei, but have just added their good food and Best of Maui award-winning sandwiches to Wailuku. Richardson said they had a blast coming up with the creative dishes that appear in their signature items, and on the pupu menu at happy hour. “It had a lot to do with my brother, Jim,” says Josh. “We started with items that we wanted to eat, and then also tried to focus on what kinds of food wasn’t already available in Wailuku. We wanted to show-

case things that we didn’t already have on the menu in Kihei.” Their specialties at lunch are all new. You can order items like the Udon Noodle Soup with shiitake and Brussels sprouts, Char Siu Pork Plate and their housemade Salmon Spinach Burger. Then there are desserts like the Smores, which come in a tiny cast iron pan; marshmallows over chocolate, all browned up with a side of graham to dip them in. They’re clever and will magically disappear before your eyes. “My thing with food is I don’t want to serve something just to serve it,” says Josh. “I really want to make it the best. So when I put on the Salmon Burger, I don’t want just any salmon burger. Not just a filet of salmon with bread. It has to be unique and fun.” The pupu menu starts at 4pm and is perfectly paired with their cocktails. The deep-fried, panko-crusted kimchee pork balls have been a hit, and so have the Buffalo Brussels–a vegetarian take inspired by

Salmon Spinach Burger the famous chicken wings. There are also lamb lettuce wraps, veggie dip and Mediterranean Nachos, among other small bites. “The Mediterranean Nachos have Ni’ihau lamb, and so do the lettuce wraps,” says Cruthers. “It has a really nice, very approachable flavor. Jim is responsible–he really wanted to get that on the menu. We had the deli menu to start from, but we haven’t had a fryer or a sit-down restaurant. We wanted to add a few things to the menu that were new. We would have tastings with friends with a lot of dishes out, but it’s the ones that everyone kept going back to that made the cut. The kim chee pork balls just disappeared.” But it was panini that kept drawing me back. My strategy is to just work my way through all the options, from the Porkie with marble rye and pulled pork and sweet chile sauce to the Reuben Pastrami with all kinds of rifs like turkey or kim chee. 808 on Main has a great selection of hot subs like the Shitake Beef Melt and the

The guys have their plans for dinner, but right now you can get their sandwiches and signature items until 7pm. An expanded dinner menu is in the works. I tried to convince them that adding shrimp would be a good idea, and as they are working on a few other items, I have a feeling that suggestions are welcome. “We want to be the neighborhood place that everyone in Wailuku can go to whether they are living or working in Wailuku,” says Cruthers. “We want to be the go-to place, whether you want to have a quick lunch during business hours or if you want to come and relax after work with a pau hana. If you want to have a birthday party or an event, then you don’t have to go into Kihei or Wailea to do that–you can do it right here in Wailuku.” ■ jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso For more foodie news, visit: mauitime.com/food-drink

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Food & Drink

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Lasagna And Salad GREAT ITALIAN FOOD COMES TO CAFE MAMBO

PHOTO BY MAUI TIME

and chorizo, to give it a spicy, luxurious edge. I asked Daniela what the secret was to good lasagna, besides drinking it with their Josh pinot noir. “It’s not a secret,” she says. “Lasagna is very common in Italy. There is more béchamel, cheese and parmesan in this version. There is no ricotta. In Italy, typically there is the tomato sauce with meat–the ragu. And we add the chorizo because on Maui everybody loves the chorizo. In Italian cooking, lasagna is the starter. Then you have your main meat dish. We have a special vendor that brings us the lasagna noodle from Italy.” “I didn’t want to serve the lasagna with a salad,” Alfredo adds. “But everyone tells me we have to serve it with a

prepare the mussels, shrimp and clams separately and add it together.” The housemade fried croutons really add to the soup. At first, I started eating the seafood laden broth without them–they are served in a cute bowl on the side–but then I threw one in and let it soak up the soup. It was so wonderful I tossed the rest in at once. The croutons are imbued with lots of rosemary, which adds an incredible flavor to the seafood and broth. It was really perfect with the Primaterra pinot grigio. The simple mahi and tomato broth made the mussels, clams and giant bites of fish special. They also added loco moco, which while not very Italian is super popular.

Alfredo and Daniela Signoretti

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PHOTO BY MAUI TIME

eading up Baldwin Avenue recently, I noticed some new menu items on the board outside of Cafe Mambo, which piqued my curiosity. Lasagna? Tiramisu? Mambo was going Mediteranean and I had to go check it out. Turns out Cafe Mambo has new Italian owners, Alfredo and Daniela Signoretti, who are from Rome. They aren’t interested in changing the cafe, but do

want to bring some of their own influences little by little to the popular Paia cafe’s menu. I decided to drop by to taste a few of the new dishes, starting with the pasta. In Italy, lots of folks snack on pasta with happy hour, and Mambo is planning to add a pasta special for the week. “In Paia, we don’t have any pasta,” says Alfredo. “So I think this could be a great opportunity for me.” Their lasagna is rich and savory. But I noticed right away the layers of pasta meat and cheese did not include ricotta. Daniela says this is not how they do it in Rome. She–the mastermind behind their lasagna–says she makes it with beef

PHOTO BY MAUI TIME

Tiramisu

Lasagne

salad here. It’s the usual, but in Italy we just serve lasagna on its own. My idea is to have a few different kinds of lasagna, but a vegetarian version is coming.” The Mediterranean salad is also new. It’s a huge platter of organic greens embellished with black olives, chopped tomato, carrots, corn and a hard boiled egg. You can also add fish, pork or duck if you want to make it a bigger meal. The oil and vinegar dressing is simple and especially tasty, and comes served in separate bottles at the table. Another new dish is the seafood soup. “To be honest, in Italy we make our seafood soups with the cheapest fish you catch or find,” says Daniela. “Here, we do it different. We make the broth with the mahi and tomato. Then we

The two hand-patted Maui Cattle Co. burgers on top of two mountains of rice than blanketed by gravy and over easy eggs was a winner, and is served all day. To make their tiramisu, they have special marscapone cheese shipped in from Italy. This small detail gives the dish a spectacular big taste. I backed it up with their Italian coffee, the grand finale to my lunch. The Signorettis aren’t planning any drastic changes for Cafe Mambo, but the few items they are experimenting with add a lot to what they have to offer. ■ jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso For more foodie news, visit: mauitime.com/food-drink

SEPTEMBER 17, 2015 15

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This Weeks Picks FRIDAY, SEPT. 18 ONE STARRY NIGHT/ST. JOHN’S KULA FESTIVAL – Cool off under the Maui moon during One Starry Night at St. John’s Church in Kula. It’s a benefit for Hospice Maui and Imua Family Services and the evening will feature hula by Halau Wehiwehi O Leilehua. Wind down your week with a cozy bbq and a few samples from Maui Winery’s selection. The fun continues on Saturday, Sept. 19 with St. John’s Kula Festival. Complete with a kid zone, quilt show and live entertainment, there’ll be something for the entire family. One Starry Night ($40; 5:307pm.) St. John’s Kula Festival ($1; 9am-4pm) St. John’s (8992 Kula Hwy., Kula); 808-878-1485, Stjohnsmaui.org. Photo courtesy St. John’s Church

FRIDAY, SEPT. 18

MAKAWAO THIRD FRIDAY – The Makawao ao e Third Friday Town Party will light up the night with live entertainment. The quaintt ipaniolo town welcomes kama‘aina and visiators alike to shop local merchants and sake vor its unique flavors. Slow down and take try a moment to smell the great Upcountry wn, outdoors. Free. 5-8pm. Makawao Town, Mauifridays.com/makawao.

SATURDAY, SEPT. 19

FESTIVALS OF ALOHA – The Festivals of Aloha conclude this weekend. On Friday, Sept. 18, everyone’s welcome to enjoy keiki entertainment, cultural practitioners and more at the Queen Ka‘ahumanu Center (79pm). Then on Saturday, Sept. 19, head over to Banyan Tree Park in Lahaina for a day-long celebration. The live entertainment continues while artisans share their crafts (9am-5pm). Free. Queen Ka‘ahumanu Center, Lahaina Banyan Tree Park, Festivalsofaloha.com. Photo courtesy Festivals of Aloha Facebook page

MAUI COUNTY KOKUA FAIR – The Maui County Kokua Fair will highlight dozens of nonprofits in front the Kalana O Maui Building in Wailuku. Educate yourself on various services that are offered, volunteer opportunities and donor possibilities. The entertainment lineup includes performers from Old Lahaina Luau, Maui Taiko as well as Elvis impersonator Darren Lee of Burn’n Love. The event will host food trucks as well as a geocaching event that uses GPS navigation to find hidden treasure. You can also enjoy a walking tour of old Wailuku Town with Wallette Pellegrino starting at 11am. Free admission. 10am2pm. Kalana O Maui building (200 S. High St., Wailuku); 808-270-7855. Photo courtesy Maui County Kokua Fair Facebook page

SATURDAY, SEPT. 19 MALAMA WAO AKUA KIDS DAY – The Hui No‘eau Visual Arts Center and East Maui Watershed Partnership present Malama Wao Akua Kids Day. Bring the keiki for an afternoon of art projects and educational fun. A fine art exhibition that creatively merges the worlds of art and conservation, Malama Wao Akua features works of art in various mediums that honor Maui Nui’s native plant and animal species. The exhibition is on display in the gallery until Oct. 30. Free. 10am-2pm. Hui No‘eau Visual Arts Center (2841 Baldwin Ave., Makawao), Huinoeau.com. Photo courtesy Malamawaoakua.com

MAUI WALK TO END ALZHEIMER’S – Partnering with the nation’s largest event to raise awareness for Alzheimer’s care, the Alzheimer’s Association Walk to End Alzheimer’s returns to Maui. Join hundreds of communities nationwide in the fight against the nation’s sixth-leading cause of death. Everyone is invited to participate, educate and advocate, all while taking your morning stroll. 7am Check-In, 8am Walk. Boys and Girls Central Clubhouse (100 Kanaloa Ave., Kahului). Photo courtesy Maui Walk To End Alzheimer’s Facebook page

SATURDAY, SEPT. 19 ARISE FILM & MUSIC BENEFIT – Mental Health Kokua presents their ARISE+ Music Benefit at the Maui Arts and Cultural Center. The music and film benefit will feature a screening of Haleakala–A Trek for Dignity and an address from keynote speaker Jessie Close. Enjoy live music from Keola Beamer, Kumu Hula Moanalani Beamer and Uluwehi Guerrero. $30/ $15 Students (w/ID). 5pm event activities, 7pm film. Maui Arts and Cultural Center (1 Cameron Way, Kahului), Mauiarts.org. Photo courtesy Keola Beamer’s Facebook page

WOMEN’S HEALTH FAIR – Kaiser Permanente invites members for a health check-up during its Health and Wellness Fair. Specifically catered to the ladies, the morning will feature skin cancer exams, mammograms, flu shots, relaxing healing touch sessions and more. Want to kick that smoking habit? Learn how, along with other health tips. Childcare is available. Free. 8am-12pm. Kaiser Permanente Wailuku Medical Office (80 Mahalani St., Wailuku). Photo: National Cancer Institute/Wikimedia Commons

SATURDAY, SEPT. 19 HOPE FEST MAUI – Everyone’s invited to Hope Fest Maui, a music festival benefit for the American Cancer Society’s Hope Lodge Hawaii. It will feature performances from Soul Kitchen, Halau Hula o Keola Ali’I o Ke Kai, Max Baccera, Steve Craig of the Lonely Heart Shakers, Johnny Ringo and more. “Fork Cancer” invites local chefs and food trucks to vie for “Best-in-Fest” culinary delight with the audience as the judge. Plus, there will be live painting from 9th Wave Gallery. $25 ($30 door) 2-10pm. Maui Brewing Co. (605 Lipoa Pkwy., Kihei), Hopefestmaui.com. Photo: Penny Palmer

STUDIO 54 – Mulligan’s On The Blue is opening Studio 54. Featuring appearances from Shea Derrick, Deborah Vial Maui, DJ Kurt and Jimmy Mac and the Kool Kats, the dance floor will definitely heat up. 6:30pm. $20. Mulligan’s On the Blue (100 Kaukahi St., Wailea); 808-874-1131, Mulligansontheblue.com. Photo courtesy Jimmymacandthekoolkats.com

SUNDAY, SEPT. 20 BREADFRUIT VS. POTATO – As part of the Breadfruit vs. Potato initiative, Chef John Cadman will talk about breadfruit (‘ulu) as a substitute for the potato at Whole Foods Maui. We already have the largest and most extensive collection of breadfruit in the world, thanks to The Breadfruit Institute collection at Kahanu Garden and Preserve in Hana, and this event will teach the public a variety of ways to prepare ‘ulu. Free. 11am-1pm. Whole Foods Market (70 Ka`ahumanu Ave., Kahului), Ntbg.org/breadfruit. Photo: Craig Elevitch

MAUI MARATHON – The Maui Marathon returns! Runners near and far gear up for the point-to-point course that begins in Kahului and hugs the coast. The final miles will take runners through historic Lahaina, before finishing in the Ka‘anapali Beach Resort. The Maui Half Marathon’s course conveniently starts and finishes in Ka‘anapali. The race is a USATF Certified Course and a Boston Qualifier. At the finish line runners will receive a medal, t-shirt and various goodies. Mauimarathonhawaii.com. Photo courtesy Hawaii Photo Man/Maui Marathon Facebook page

SUNDAY, SEPT. 20

TUESDAY, SEPT. 22 MAUI DERBY GIRLS FAN APPRECIATION DAY – The Maui Roller Girls are number one in Hawaii and the support of their fans hasn’t gone unnoticed. Join the ladies for a special event as their honored guests. Bring the family, friends and a beach chair to relax and watch the ladies do what they do best. Free. 3pm. Boys and Girls Clubs of Maui, Central Clubhouse (100 Kanaloa Ave., Wailuku), Facebook. com/MauiRollerGirls. Photo: Sean M Hower

JAPANESE MYTHOLOGY IN FILM – This Tuesday, Sept. 22 and Wednesday, Sept. 23, enjoy a talk story session with Dr. Yoshiko Okuyama, the author of Japanese Mythology in Film: A Semiotic Approach to Reading Japanese Film and Anime, at the Kahului Public Library (Tuesday; 6pm) and Wailuku Public Library (Wednesday; 1:30pm). The discussion will include identifying and understanding the common themes of religion and folklore found in popular Japanese movies and anime. Suitable for college students and Japanese film and mythology enthusiasts. Kahului Public Library (90 School St., Kahului); 808- 873-3097/Wailuku Public Library (251 High St., Wailuku); 808-243-5766. Librarieshawaii.org. Image courtesy Hawaii State Public Library

SEPTEMBER 17, 2015 17

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Film

by Barry Wurst II

Scary Old People Will ‘The Visit’ do to grandparents what ‘Jaws’ did to sharks? ★★★★★ Rated PG-13 / 94 Min.

arly in The Sixth Sense, writer/ director M. Night Shyamalan’s widely celebrated horror film, there’s a scene that gave me several sleepless nights. Haley Joel Osmond, starring in on the great child performances, is playing Cole, the young boy whose “gift” is that he can see ghosts. Late one night, Cole encounters a young boy who suddenly appears and tells him, “I’ll show you where my dad keeps his gun.” The boy turns around and, as he walks away, reveals that the back of his head is gone from a massive gunshot wound. Few movies have petrified me like that. In The Visit, writer/director M. Night Shyamalan’s return to the horror genre and his first “found footage” entry, a visit to Grandma and Grandpa’s house becomes a diabolical experience for two especially unlucky grandchildren. Kathryn Hahn stars as a free-spirited mother who sends her reluctant kids, Becca (Olivia De Jonge) and Tyler (Ed Oxenbould, who played the title role in last year’s Alexander and the Terrible, Hor-

rible, No Good, Very Bad Day) to visit her estranged parents. When we meet Nana and Pop Pop (played by Tony winner Deanna Dunagan and veteran character actor Peter McRobbie), they’re initially pleasant and sweet. Until Pop Pop’s insistence that they don’t leave their room after 9:30. From there, things get increasingly spookier. Let me get to the point: I haven’t forgiven Shyamalan for The Happening and After Earth but this is a big step up. In fact, it’s genuinely frightening and has a third act surprise that earns its collective shudders. In recent years, Shyamalan has floundered with movies that descended into unintentional camp. Here, he appears to have anticipated potential audience snickering towards his premise and has fashioned this as a pitch-black comedy. The one-liners come often and are surprisingly welcome, diffusing some of the most unbearably tense moments. McRobbie wisely underplays but Dunagan digs deep and is deliciously scary. Shyamalan has less luck with the kids, particularly Oxenbould, who comes across less like a real child and more of a sitcom-ready quipster. I rooted for the youngsters by default, but I never liked them.

No Grandma, I don't need to see where you keep your old Depends

This is not Shyamalan’s complete return to form, as it lacks the confidence, sustained vision, tone and narrative control of The Sixth Sense, Unbreakable, Signs and The Village. The biggest misstep in The Visit are the scenes where the boy raps. Oxenbould’s lyrical rhymes bring to mind David Faustino’s “Grandmaster B” days on Married With Children... But Shyamalan succeeds in creating an atmosphere both tranquil and nightmarish. He sticks to the found footage format intelligently, almost-never adding music and maintaining the angle that we’re watching Becca’s documentary-in-the-making. There’s a potential subtext on generational gaps but the goal is to elicit scares. In that way alone, this is an effective horror film.

As can be expected, there’s a big twist at the end and it’s a great one. While I recall a Tales From the Crypt episode with a similar reveal, the whopper Shyamalan unveils is gasp-inducing and scarier upon reflection. Once the truth is in the open, Shyamalan goes for the throat, with a climactic sequence that pushes the PG-13 rating as far as it will allow. But it goes without saying that none of this is appropriate for children of any age. I doubt there are any stats to indicate whether this could do for visiting grandparents what Jaws did to beach attendance. Still, if adults want to keep their kids excited about spending a weekend with their grandma and grandpa, I recommend they keep them away from this movie.■

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SEPTEMBER 17, 2015 19

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20 SEPTEMBER 17, 2015

Film

by Alex Mitchell

Showtimes KA‘AHUMANU 6 Queen Ka‘ahumanu Shopping Center, Kahului. 1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: every day until 4pm) The Visit-PG13- THU 10:45 1:00 3:15 5:30 7:45, FRI-SAT 10:45 1:00 3:15 5:30 7:45 10:00, SUNTHU 10:45 1:00 3:15 5:30 7:45 Arcade Fire: The Reflektor Tapes-NR- WED 7:30 Inside Out-PG- THU 10:30 11:15, FRI-THU 10:30 12:50 3:15 Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation-PG13- THU 1:45 4:30 7:25, FRI-SAT 11:00 1:45 4:30 7:25 10:10, SUN-TUE 11:00 1:45 4:30 7:25, WED 11:00 1:45 4:30, THU 11:00 1:45 4:30 7:25 Ex With Benefits-NR- THU 11:45 2:15 4:45 7:15, FRI-SAT 11:45 2:15 4:45 7:15 9:45, SUN-THU 11:45 2:15 4:45 7:15 9:45 Grandma-R- FRI-SAT 11:30 1:30 3:30 5:30 7:30 9:30, SUN-THU 11:30 1:30 3:30 5:30 7:30 No Escape-R- THU 1:00 3:20 5:40 8:00, FRI-SAT 5:40 8:00 10:15, SUN-THU 5:40 8:00 Straight Outta Compton-R- THU 12:10 3:30 7:00, FRISAT 12:10 3:30 7:00 10:15, SUN-THU 12:10 3:30 7:00 Transporter: Refueled- PG13- THU 12:00 2:30 5:00 7:30

MALL MEGAPLEX Maui Mall, Kahului, 808-249-2222 (Matinees: M-Th until 6pm, F-Su until 3:30pm) 90 Minutes In Heaven-PG13- THU (11:30 1:50 4:40) 7:30 10:20, FRI (11:40 1:50 4:40) 7:30 10:20, SAT-SUN (11:40 1:50) 4:40 7:30 10:20, MON-THU (11:40 1:50 4:40) 7:30 10:20 Black Mass-R- Fri. (12:10 1:30 4:20 4:50) 7:10 7:40 10:00 10:30, SAT-SUN (12:10 1:30) 4:20 4:50 7:10 7:40 10:00 10:30, MON-TUE (12:10 1:30 4:20) 7:10 10:00, WED (12:10 1:30 4:15) 7:15 10:00, THU (12:10 1:30 4:20) 7:10 10:00

10:20 10:50, SAT-SUN (11:20 11:50 1:50 2:20) 4:50 5:20 7:20 7:50 10:20 10:50, MON-THU (11:20 11:50 1:50 2:20 4:50 5:20) 7:20 7:50 10:20 10:50 The Perfect Guy-PG13- THU (11:30 2:20 4:50) 7:40 10:40, FRI (11:50 2:50 5:20) 8:20 10:50, SATSUN (11:50 2:50) 5:20 8:20 10:50, MON-WED (11:50 2:50 5:20) 8:20 10:50, THU (11:50 2:50 5:20) 7:00 8:20 9:30 10:50 Walk In The Woods-R- THU (11:20 1:50 5:10) 6:50 9:40, FRI (11:20 2:20 4:50) 7:50 10:30, SATSUN (11:20 2:20) 4:50 7:50 10:30, MON-THU (11:20 2:20 4:50) 7:50 10:30

Sinister 2-R- THU (11:20 4:10) Mistress America-R- THU (11:50 4:40)

TUE (12:30 3:30 7:00 10:00), WED-THU (12:30 3:30) 7:00

The Gift-R- THU (11:30 2:10 4:50)

The Intern-PG13- THU 7:00 (9/24)

Vacation-R- THU (1:40)

The Perfect Guy- PG13- FRI-SUN (1:00) 3:45 6:45 9:45, MON (1:00 3:45) 6:45, TUE (1:00 3:45 6:45 9:45), WED-THU (1:00 3:45) 6:45

Southpaw-R- THU 2:00 7:10, FRI-WED (2:00) 7:10, THU (2:00)

WHARF CINEMA CENTER 658 Front St., Lahaina, 808-249-2222 (Matinees: Tue all shows, until 6pm every other day) Maze Runner: Scorch Trials-PG13- FRI-SUN (12:30) 3:30 7:00 10:00, MON (12:30 3:30) 7:00,

Hitman:Agent47-R-THU (11:30 2:00 4:30) 7:20 9:50, FRI (11:30 3:00 5:10) 8:00 10:10, SAT (11:30 3:00) 5:10 8:00 10:10, SUN (3:00) 5:10 8:00 10:10, MON-WED (11:30 3:00 5:10) 8:00 10:10, THU (11:30 3:00 5:10) 10:10 The Man From U.N.C.L.E- PG13- THU (11:20 2:30) 6:40 9:30, FRI (11:30 2:00 4:30) 7:00 9:30, SAT (11:30 2:00) 4:30 7:00 9:30, SUN 9:30, MONTUE (11:30 2:00 4:30) 7:00 9:30, WED 9:30, THU (11:30 2:00 4:30) Pixels-PG13- 2D THU (11:20 1:40 4:10) 6:50, FRI (11:30 2:20 4:30) 7:20 10:40, SAT (11:30 2:20) 4:30 7:20 10:40, SUN (2:25) 4:30 7:20 10:40, MON-THU (11:30 2:20 4:30) 7:20 10:40 Ant-Man-PG13- 2D THU (11:20 1:50 4:20) 6:50 10:00, FRI (11:50 2:30 5:20) 7:30 10:20, SAT (11:50 2:30) 5:20 7:30 10:20, SUN (2:30) 5:20 7:30 10:20, MON-THU (11:50 2:30 5:20) 7:30 10:20

Black Mass opens this week

NEW THIS WEEK

NOW PLAYING

for yet another MI installment. This time he has to destroy an international crime syndicate. 131 min.

ARCADE FIRE- THE REFLEKTOR TAPES - NR - Music/Documentary - A look at the making of Arcade Fire’s album Reflektor. 90 min.

90 MINUTES IN HEAVEN - PG13 - Drama - A man gets into a bad car crash and is pronounced dead, but then comes back to life 90 minutes later and claims he was in heaven. Stars Kate Bosworth and that guy who played Anakin Skywalker. 121 min

THE PERFECT GUY - PG13 - Thriller - A woman breaks up with her boyfriend, then gets involved with a guy who’s perfect–too perfect, in fact (hence the title, I guess). 100 min.

THE INTERN - PG13 - Comedy - Robert De Niro plays a retired widower who decides to intern at a fashion website. Also stars Anne Hathaway and Rene Russo. 121 min. MAZE RUNNER: THE SCORCH TRIALS PG13 - Action/Thriller - The Gladers may have escaped the Maze, but now they have negotiate their way across a desolate landscape. 131 min. LINCOLN CENTER: SF BALLET’S ROMEO & JULIET - NR - The San Francisco Ballet performs Shakespeare’s classic love story. 120 min. TCM PRESENTS PSYCHO - R - Horror TCM screens Alfred Hitchcock’s classic 1960 thriller about a psychopathic killer. Stars Anthony Perkins and Janet Leigh. 109 min.

Straight Outta Compton-R-THU 12:30 3:00 6:30

American Ultra-R- THU (11:40 2:10 4:30) 6:50 9:30, FRI-SUN (11:20 2:30), MON-THU (11:20 2:30 4:50) 7:40 10:30

Lincoln Center: SF Ballet’s Romeo & Juliet- NRTHU 7:00 (9/24)

GRANDMA - R - Comedy - Elle has just broken up with her girlfriend when her (Elle’s) granddaughter arrives, saying she needs $600 by sundown. Stars Lily Tomlin. 79 min.

No Escape-R- THU 1:00 3:30 6:45

War Room-PG- THU (11:30 2:00 4:50) 7:50 9:30, FRI (11:40 1:50 4:40) 6:50 9:40, SAT (11:40 1:50) 4:40 6:50 9:40, SUN (11:45 1:50) 4:40 6:50 9:40, MON-THU (11:40 1:50 4:40) 6:50 9:40

Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials-PG13- FRI (11:20 11:50 1:50 2:20 4:50 5:20) 7:20 7:50

BLACK MASS - R - Crime/Drama - Johnny Depp plays Whitey Bulger, a violent South Boston gangster who turned FBI informant to go after the Mafia. 122 min.

The Transporter Refueled-PG13- THU 12:30 4:00 7:00, FRI-SUN (1:30) 4:00 6:30 9:15, MON (1:30 4:00) 6:30, TUE (1:30 4:00 6:30 9:15), WED (1:30 4:00) 6:30, THU (1:30 4:00)

AMERICAN ULTRA - R - Action/Comedy The government tries to kill one of its agents, who is, in fact, a stoner. Stars Jesse Eisenberg and Kristen Stewart. 95 min. ANT-MAN - PG13 - Action/Sci-Fi - Paul Rudd stars as a con-man with a supersuit that makes him really tiny because every comic book deserves to be a movie, right? 117 min. EX WITH BENEFITS - NR - Drama/Romance - A woman does everything she can to keep her ex-lover in her life. 100 min. HITMAN: AGENT 47 - R - Action/Crime - A nameless assassin helps a woman discover her mysterious ancestry. 96 min. THE MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E - PG13 - Action/ Adventure - Henry Cavill and Armie Hammer star in Guy Ritchie’s take on the iconic Cold War spy television series of the same name. 116 min. MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: ROGUE NATION - PG13 - Action/Adventure - Tom Cruise is back

WAR ROOM - PG - Drama - Even a seemingly perfect family has problems, but perhaps Miss Clara can help them out. Stars Priscilla C. Shirer, T. C. Stallings and Karen Abercrombie. 120 min.

LAST CHANCE

PIXELS - PG13 - Comedy/Sci-Fi - Adam Sandler (ugh) stars in this movie about aliens who attack the earth using the form of 1980s video game characters. 106 min.

THE GIFT - R - Thriller - A young couple has everything, then some dude from the husband’s past shows up with a gift and then really bad things start happening. Stars Jason Bateman and some other people. 108 min.

STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON - R - Music/ Biography - The story of how NWA revolutionized Hip Hop in the 1980s. 147 min.

MISTRESS AMERICA - R - Comedy - Everything changes for a lonely college girl when she gets a wild stepsister. 84 min.

THE TRANSPORTER REFUELED - PG13 Action/Thriller - Special ops merc Frank Martin (who is NOT played by Jason Statham) matches wits with a femme fatale and some Russian bad guy. 96 min.

NO ESCAPE - R - Action/Thriller - Lake Bell and Owen Wilson play an American family caught in an overseas coup that is spelling death to foreigners. 103 min.

THE VISIT - PG13 - Horror/Comedy - A single mother’s kids visit their grandparents, and then everything goes weird. Directed by M. Night Shyamalan, so there’s that. See this week’s film review. 94 min. A WALK IN THE WOODS - R - Adventure Two old friends reconnect by hiking the Appalachian Trail together. Stars Nick Nolte, Robert Redford and Emma Thompson. 104 min.

SINISTER 2 - R - Horror - A young mother and her twin sons move to a rural house that’s possessed by evil (seriously though, wouldn’t that have been disclosed during escrow?). 97 min. SOUTHPAW - R - Drama - A boxer (Jake Gyllenhaal) tries to get back on track with the help of his trainer (Forest Whitaker). 124 min. VACATION - R - Comedy - Ed Helms and Christina Applegate remake the 1983 Chevy Chase/Beverly D’Angelo classic about the Griswold family trip to Wally World. 99 min.

SEPTEMBER 17, 2015 21

by Alex Mitchell & Soleil De Zwart

Calendar

THURS | 9/17

THURSDAY NIGHTS WITH MARK JOHNSTONE & LENNY CASTELLANOS 6:30PM-8:30PM • NO COVER

FRI | 9/18

90’S NIGHT WITH DJ BLAST 10PM • $10

SAT | 9/19

RYAN ROBINSON

6:30PM-8:30PM • NO COVER

KARAOKE PARTY WITH DJ LIAM GRIST 9PM-12AM • NO COVER

SUN | 9/20

NFL SUNDAY TICKET! BREAKFAST SERVED 7AM

DON’T MISS OUR BLOODY MARY BAR!

MON | 9/21

CHARLEY’S LIVE BAND OPEN MIC & JAM 7PM-10PM • NO COVER

TUES | 9/22

HOWARD AHIA

6:30PM-8:30PM • NO COVER

WED | 9/23

ANDREW CORRADINI

6:30PM-8:30PM • NO COVER 142 HANA HWY

PAIA

808.579.8085

Da Kine Calendar BIG SHOWS HOPE FEST MUSIC FESTIVAL - Fri. Sep 18 - Sat. Sep 19. Soul Kitchen Maui is proud to be the headline performers for the Hope Fest Maui, a two-day music festival benefiting the American Cancer Society’s Hope Lodge Hawaii. This event will include a VIP and sponsor dinner on the first day, and an all-day music festival with 10 food trucks, 10 bands, local vendors and a “Fork Cancer” food competition. All proceeds will stay in Hawaii. 2pm. Maui Brewing Company Kihei, (605 Lipoa Pkwy., Kihei); 808-213-3002; Mauibrewingco.com 90S NIGHT - Fri, Sep 18. Enjoy another celebration of this awesome decade with DJ Blast. Music starts at 10pm, 21 and over. $10 cover. Charley’s Restaurant & Saloon. (142 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-8085; Charleysmaui.com "THE BIG LEBOWSKI" - Fri. Sep 18. It's another ‘Movie Under the Stars’ with free popcorn. Don’t forget to bring a beach chair. And this time, the Red Bar is offering $5 White Russians. Ooh la la. $5. 8:00pm. Gannon’s Wailea, (100 Wailea Golf Club Dr, WaileaMakena); 808-875-8080; gannonsrestaurant.com ROOTS N CREATION- Fri, Sep 18. After the Third Friday town party festivities in Makawao, check out Roots N Creation alongside Current, Teomon, Kokomon and DJ/MC Irie Dole. 9:30pm $10 cover. 21 and over. Casanova Makawao. (1188 Makawao Ave.); Casanovamaui.com FESTIVALS OF ALOHA IN LANAI - Sat. Sep 19. The Festivals of Aloha brings its observance of Hawaiian culture to Lanai. Visitors are invited to the festival’s ho‘olaulea (celebration) at the old Dole Administration Building for live entertainment, cultural demonstrations, Hawaiian-style food and local artisan displays. The mission of Festivals of Aloha is to honor Native Hawaiian culture and traditions from generation to generation, and share these with visitors and residents from communities across Maui Nui. 9am. Lanai City, (Lanai City); 808-563-0484; Visitlanai@gmail.com SICNICKLES - Sat, Sep 19. Have you ever been to an Upcountry mamajam? Music starts at 10pm. $10 cover. 21 and over. Casanova Makawao. (1188 Makawao Ave.); Casanovamaui.com

EVENTS

M AC C ’ S S C H A E F E R G A L L E RY

O B S E R V E & P L AY FA M I LY D AY

S AT S E P 1 9 10 a m - N o o n FREE! MENTAL HEALTH KOKUA presents

A R I S E -FILM & MUSIC BENEFIT S AT S e p 1 9 7: 0 0 p m C a s t l e

Live Music & Silent Auction 5:00 pm

Film/Dance/Talk w/director Antara Bhardwaj

U PA J : I M P R O V I S E WED Sep 23 7:30 pm

McCoy

MAUI COMEDY FESTIVAL

SINBAD

THU Sep 24 7:30 pm

Castle

Hip Hop Stars

BONE

thugs-n-harmony

FRI Oct 9 7:30 pm Castle GALLERY

TWO EXHIBITS - THROUGH OCT 3 Lærke Lauta: UNCONSCIOUS NATURE Mary Babcock: BREAKING GROUND Tues - Sun 10 am - 5 pm Free

22 SEPTEMBER 17, 2015

TOLO - Sat, Sep 19. Tolo will play at a Westside pirate party at a new Lahaina venue. 10pm. Down the Hatch. (658 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-4900; Dthmaui.com RAM DASS & ALAN COHEN SUNDAY SATSANG - Sun. Sep 20. Govind Das and Radha of Bhakti Yoga Shala in Santa Monica will join for a rare gathering at the Makawao Union Church. Enjoy an afternoon of music, meditation, reflections, contemplations, insights, peace and joy. Advance tickets are $20 and on sale at Maui Kombucha in Haiku, Monsoon India in Kihei and Island Spirit Yoga in Lahaina. Tickets will be $25 cash at the door. The price includes a Monsoon Indian Buffet following the program. 4pm. Makawao Union Church, (1445 Baldwin Ave., Makawao); 808-579-9261; Simritkaurmusic.com SOUL KITCHEN - Sun. Sep 20. Soul Kitchen is proud to participate in this very worthy fundraiser benefiting the Na Opio O Kihei Canoe Club Sponsorship for the 2016 World Sprints, Australia travel fund. This event is considered to be the “Olympics” for outrigger canoe racing. It’s going to be a great evening of music, entertainment, food, drinks, silent auction, t-shirts and fun. $10 donation. 5pm. Nalu’s South Shore Grill, (1280 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-891-8650.

STAGE SHOWS KUPANAHA MAGIC SHOW - Daily (except Mon and Sun). Watch “Maui’s Magical Family” team up with the Kupanaha dancers. See scintillating hula interpretations bring spectacular illusions, charm and culture to the stage. Gold Circle VIP Seating $99, General Seating $79, Teen $65, Child $49, Infants free. 4:45pm. Kupanaha Magic, (2525 Ka‘anapali Pkwy.); 808-661-0011; Kupanaha.com

‘ULALENA - Mon, Tue, Thu, and Fri. Delight in the richness of Hawaiian history and culture through music and dance. A spectacular storytelling experience, and true portal to kanaka maoli lore, 14 years in the running.. $29.99 Keiki / $59.99 adults. Children 5 and under are free. Kama‘aina and military rates, and dinner partner offers are available. 5pm. Maui Theatre, (878 Front St., Lahaina); 808-856-7900; Mauitheatre.com WARREN AND ANNABELLE’S MAGIC SHOW Daily (except Sun). Warren Gibson, one of the country’s premier sleight-of-hand magicians, treats you to the best “close-up” magic and comedy in a beautiful 78-seat venue! Annabelle, our resident ghost, will entertain you while you dine, enjoy cocktails, appetizers, and yummy desserts.. $64 for regular, $104.50 for the royal flush package. 5:00pm. Warren and Annabelle’s, (900 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-6244; Warrenandannabelles.com WILLIE K - Thu. This Hawaiian phenomenon captivates audiences around the world with his astounding performances and remarkable array of musical styles. Dinner and a show is $60, just show $25. 6:30pm. The King Kamehameha Golf Club, (2500 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Waikapu); 808-249-0033; Kamehamehagolf.com BURN’N LOVE - Mon, Tue, Thu, and Fri. Maui Theatre’s Burn’n Love brings back the golden era of Elvis in Hawaii. Starring Darren Lee, relive the days of Blue Hawaii with the best Elvis impersonator in the world!. Tickets start at $59.99; Children 12 and under are free. Kama‘aina and military rates, and dinner partner offers are available. A portion of every ticket sold benefits the Maui Food Bank. 7:30pm. Maui Theatre, (878 Front Street, Lahaina); 808-856-7900; Mauitheatre.com SLACK KEY WITH KEN EMERSON - Wed. Sep 23. Emerson will be performing with George Kahumoku Jr.’s at this week’s Slack Key Show. $37.9983.50. 7:30pm. Napili Kai Beach Resort, (5900 L. Honoapi‘ilani Rd., Napili); 808-669-6271; Napilikai.com

FOODIE CHEF PARIS NABAVI’S BIRTHDAY PARTY Thu. Sep 17. Chef Nabavi has created a specialty margarita for the celebration–the 26+40 Margarita. Try one, then enjoy live Flamenco music with Indio and Avi. Kama‘aina get a 15 percent discount on all food in the dining room with a valid Hawaii ID. 5pm. Sangrita Grill and Cantina, (2580 Kekaa Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-662-6000; Sangritagrill.com BENEFIT DINNER FOR LEEWARD HALEAKALA WATERSHED RESTORATION PARTNERSHIP Fri. Sep 18. Here’s a delicious dining experience in support of the Leeward Haleakala Watershed Restoration Partnership (LHWRP). Staff will talk about LHWRP s conservation work and project sites. Dinner includes a four-course meal at $38/per person (tax and gratuity not included). BYOB (beer and wine only). No corkage fee. Call for reservations. 6pm. Vineyard Food Company, (1951 E. Vineyard St., Wailuku); 808-243-3663; Cateringfromsouptonuts.com PLANTATION HOUSE WINE SERIES - Daily. At Plantation House, the monthly wine series is back with specials from selected wineries. Executive Chef Jojo Vasquez will create paired menus for each monthly series. Featured wineries will include Chehalem, Pride Mountain, Heitz, Clif Lede, Truchard and Adelshem (subject to availability and change). 2pm. Plantation House, (2000 Plantation Club Dr., Kapalua); 808-669-6299; Theplantationhouse.com CHARLEY’S BLOODY SUNDAYS - Sun. The Bloody Mary bar. 7am. Charleys Restaurant and Saloon, (142 Hana Hwy., Paia); 808-579-8085; Charleysmaui.com PI ARTISAN PIZZA BACKYARD BRUNCH Sun. Enjoy delicious fritatas, paninis, breakfast pi’s and pi BBQ specials. 10am. Pi Artisan Pizzeria, (900 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-0791; Pi808.com KO SUNDAY NIGHT LAULAU - Sun. Enjoy Chef

Tylun Pang’s healthy and modern take on a traditional Hawaiian dish, every Sunday evening at Ko. Come early, the laulau special is first-come, firstserved and does sell out. 5pm. Ko, (4100 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-875-2210; Korestaurant.com UNCORKED - Sun. Wine series hosted by Sommelier Vanessa Lampson. Tastings from a variety of regions around the globe such as Sicily, the Loire Valley, the Iberian Peninsula, and America’s West Coast. Enjoy light bites from Cane and Canoe’s menu developed by Sous Chef Davis Hood created specifically to pair with each week’s wines. Price includes three glasses of wines and light appetizers. Advanced reservations required. $35. 5pm. Cane and Canoe Bar-Montage Kapalua, (1 Bay Dr., Kapalua); 808-662-6681; Montagehotels.com WINE SOCIAL - Mon and Sun. Book ahead of time for this fabulous weekly event. Sixteen people will enjoy three award-winning wines, one bite to eat and great conversation with new friends. 5pm. Pulehu An Italian Grill, (6 Kai Ala Drive, Lahaina); 808-667-3254; Pulehurestaurantmaui.com A TOAST TO TUSCANY- Wed, Sep 23. Frances Mayes, author of the bestseller Under the Tuscan Sun, will host a four-course dinner prepared by Alvin Savella, Pulehu’s new chef de cuisine, and Matt Skaletsky, the resort’s executive sous chef. Jim Hansen, restaurant and wine list manager, will pair the menu with Mayes’ wine label, Tuscan Sun Wines, which will be added to Pulehu’s wine list after the event. 6pm. Pulehu Italian Grill. (6 Kai Ala Dr., Ka‘anapali); Westinkaanapali.com

ART SCENE MALAMA WAO AKUA EXHIBITION - Daily. Hui No‘eau Visual Arts Center and East Maui Watershed Partnership present Malama Wao Akua, a fine art exhibition that merges the worlds of art and conservation with works of art that honor Maui Nui’s native plant and animal species. This will be the exhibition’s first year at Hui No‘eau after a 10-year history at Viewpoints Gallery in Makawao. This highly anticipated exhibition is generously sponsored by Aloha Recycling. Free. 9am. Hui Noeau Visual Arts Center, (2841 Baldwin Ave., Makawao); 808-572-6560; Huinoeau.com THE KASPRZYCKI AND PAPANIKOLAS SHOW Daily. The Viewpoints Gallery is presenting new works by Lisa Kasprzycki and Suzy Papanikolas. Papanikolas is steeped in technical ability and artistic vision, concentrating her efforts on recording Hawaiian and Polynesian cultures. Kasprzycki enjoys majestic mountains, the ocean and the relationships between plants and people. 8am. Viewpoints Gallery, (3620 Baldwin Ave., Makawao); 808-572-5979; Viewpointsgallerymaui.com ARTISTS IN RESIDENCE - Daily (except Mon and Sat). Browse sculptures, paintings, photography, woodturnings and ceramics from select local artists. Located in the lobby near the Botero Bar. 9am. Grand Wailea Resort Hotel and Spa, (3850 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-579-8414; Malamafamilyrecovery.org UNCONSCIOUS NATURE AND BREAKING GROUND - Daily (except Mon). Laerke Lauta is a video artist from Copenhagen, Denmark. Her work investigates fictional characters placed in natural settings to invoke emotional connection and mystery showing the intuitive stories of women in video culture. Mary Babcock is an art professor at University of Hawaii who works in fiber and will be creating a site specific installation in the gallery about the epistemologies of life relating to time spans and remembering. This exhibit closes on Oct. 3. Free. 10am. Schaefer International Gallery, (1 Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-2787; Mauiarts.org RESORT ART COLLECTION TOUR - Fri & Tue. Learn about Grand Wailea’s extensive museum quality art collection, the largest resort collection in Hawaii. Tour meets and starts at NaPua Gallery. 10am. Grand Wailea Resort Hotel and Spa, (3850 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-579-8414; Malamafamilyrecovery.org

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AMBROSIA 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 891-1011

SIN (Service Industry Night) w/ DJ Blast, 10pm

Saturday Night Diva w/ DJ Decka, 10pm

Sunday Sessions w/ DJ Kurt, 10pm

PURE: Top 40, House & EDM w/DJ Big Mike

House Party Saturdays w/ DJ Big Mike & DJ Kamikaze

Service Industry NIght House Music w/DJ Big Mike

Roots N Creation and guests, 9:30pm $10

Sicnickles, 10pm $10

WED- Wild Wahine Wednesday w/ DJ Kurt, 10pm $10 cover

Mark Johnstone & Lenny Castellanos, 6:30pm no cover

90s Night w/ DJ Blast 10pm. $10 cover

Ryan Robinson, 6:30pm, Karaoke Party w/ DJ Liam Grist 9pm, co cover

MON- Live Band Open Mic & Jam 7pm, TUE-Tex Mex w/Howard Ahia 6:30pm, WED-Andrew Corradini

Will Hartzag (time tba)

Johnny Ringo 7:30-10pm; no cover

Dave Carroll 7:30-10pm; no cover

Justin Phillips 7:30-10pm; no cover

MON - Peter deAquino, 7:30pm , TUE - Jazz 7:30-10pm WED-Kaleo Philips

NFL& SIN, 9pm

House Music

College Football, DJ Theron, 9pm

Gina Martinelli Band, 7pm

TUE- Pool League, WED- Pool Tournament

Pub Quiz 7pm, DJ L 10pm

DJ L, 10pm

Jordan Cuddy, 8pm

Steve Craig 6-9pm, SIN, 9pm

MON- Bartenders Mix, TUE- Johnny Ringo 10pm, WED- Jessica & Kanoa 10pm

The Fultones

Steven Edwards 5-9pm, Kanekoa, 7pm

Steven Edwards 5-9pm (roof closed)

Jazz w/ Fultones, Steven Edwards 5-9pm

MON-Kona Storm 7pm, TUE- Thunder N Lightnin 7pm, WED- Steven Edwards 5-9pm, Wavetrain7pm

Live Music 9pm

Karaoke Industry Night 8pm

MON-Karaoke, TUE-Rick G 4-8pm, Karaoke 9pm, WED- Rick G 4-8pm, Open Mic 9pms

BLACK ROCK LOUNGE Sheraton Maui Resort, 2605 Kaanapali Pkwy, 661-0031

CASANOVA 1188 Makawao Ave. - 572-0220

CHARLEY’S 142 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-8085

COOL CAT CAFE Wharf Cinema Center, 658 Front St #160, Lahaina - 667-0988

DIAMONDS ICE BAR 1279 S. Kihei Rd. - 874-9299

DOG & DUCK IRISH PUB 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 875-9669

FLEETWOOD’S ON FRONT ST. 744 Front St. (Rooftop), Lahaina - 669-6425

GANNON'S

'The Big Lebowski' 8pm

100 Wailea Club Dr. - 875-8080

HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 891-8010

ARTISTS AT THE TEA BOX - Sat and Sun. What goes better together than art and tea? Enjoy sipping your favorite cup of tea while watching Maui’s premiere artists do their thing. 12pm. Maui Mall, (70 E. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-871-1307; Mauimall.com

TICKETS ON SALE SINBAD - Thu. Sep 24. Ranked by Comedy Central as one of the top 100 standup comedians of all time, Sinbad continues to pack clubs and auditoriums. Riding the wave created by the successful 2014 Maui Comedy Festival, the producers will keep the laughs coming with a string of one-night-only performances each month to September. $42.50-72.50. 7:30pm. Maui Arts and Cultural Center, (1 Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-7469; Mauiarts.org ‘NOISES OFF’ - Fri. Sep 25-Oct 11. Each of the three acts of Noises Off contains a performance of the first act of a play within a play, a poor farce called Nothing On–the type of play in which young girls run around in their underwear while old men drop their trousers and doors continually open and shut. $20-40. 7:30pm. Iao Theater, (68 N. Market St., Wailuku); 808-242-6969; Mauionstage.com BOB SAGET & BRIAN EVANS - Sun, Sep 27. It’s been a few years since The Maui Celebrity Series brought superstar comedy and music to the Lahaina side, but it’s back and you won’t want to miss it. Bob Saget is an American stand-up comedian, actor and television host. 6-9pm. Tickets $75-150. Sheraton Maui. (2605 Kaanapali Pkwy.); Honoluluboxoffice.tix.com SAVE THE DATE - Psychic Migrations- Thu, Oct 1. Featuring a cast of surfing’s most capable and compelling characters, Psychic Migrations is yet another inspired Veeco Production that builds on more than 20 years and 30 influential films from the world of Volcom. Directed by veteran surf filmmaker, Ryan Thomas, and shot on location in the West Indies, East Indies, Australia, Polynesia, and the Americas, the film weaves the physical expression of riding a rousing score of waves with a cerebral odyssey through the scapes and textures travelled to find them. The international cast of surfers is way too many to mention. Check it out! 7:30pm. FREE. Castle Theater, Maui Arts & Cultural Center (1 Cameron Way, Kahului); mauiarts.com ‘MARK TWAIN’S BACK!’ - Fri. Oct 9. Maui actor Rick Scheideman is the very image of Mark

MON-Movies & Games w/ DJ Firefly10pm, TUE- Tequila Tuesdays w/ DJ Firefly 10pm, WED-Wine Down w/ DJ Firefly,10pm

Frisky Friday w/ DJ Skinny Guy, 10pm

Kanoa, 9pm

Dat Guyz, 9pm

Twain himself. He will share his skills with us as he breathes life into Twain with the first puff of his cigar. $20. 6:30pm. The Pioneer Inn, (658 Wharf St., Lahaina); 808-276-4201; Pioneerinn-maui.com PLAY FOR P.I.N.K. KAPALUA - Fri. Oct 9 - Mon. Oct 12. Play for P.I.N.K. Kapalua is a golf and tennisthemed weekend tournament to benefit the Breast Cancer Research Foundation (BCRF). Held at Kapalua Resort, Play for P.I.N.K. will include opportunities to participate in golf and tennis tournaments, fundraising celebrations at local restaurants and hotels, a fashion show, wellness and spa activities, unique Maui based adventures and more. 9am. Kapalua Resort, (2099 Village Rd., Kapalua); Playforpink.org/kapalua WILLIE K LAS VEGAS BIRTHDAY BASH - Fri. Oct 9. This fantastic celebration in Las Vegas will feature performances from Uncle Willie K and The Warehouse Blues Band along with special guests Amy Hanaiali‘i and Alika Nako‘oka. Rodney Villanueva will serve as emcee for the evening. There’s a limited number of tickets available, so get yours soon. General Admission $40, Premium $65, and VIP Ticket $125. 6pm. California Hotel and Casino, (12 E. Ogden Ave., Las Vegas); 702-385-1222; Thecal.com CHEF BLOC SERIES - Sat. Oct 10. Executive Chef Isaac Bancaco of Ka‘ana Kitchen will take guests on a culinary journey through themed dinners held monthly in an intimate and interactive environment. Ka’ana Kitchen Chef de Cuisine Richard Cariaga will collaborate alongside Bancaco to cook for a small number of guests in an environment where diners can watch the process from up close, ask questions and even help plate the dishes. $95 with an additional $35 to include wine pairings. 6pm. Andaz Resort, (3550 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-879-1234. MAUI UKULELE FESTIVAL - Sun. Oct 11. Enjoy a relaxed afternoon on the lawn with acclaimed ukulele musicians. Renowned teacher Roy Sakuma will help us celebrate Hawaii’s beloved instrument. Fine ukulele will also be featured as door prizes. The festival also features displays of made-in-Hawaii arts and crafts and ono-licious island foods available for purchase. A beautiful day for the whole family–visitors and residents alike. Free. 1pm. Maui Arts & Cultural Center, (1 Cameron Way, Kahului); 808-242-2787; Mauiarts.org GROWING DREAMS: HOLIDAYS IN PARADISE - Sat. Oct 17. Stunning holiday-themed floral design show with arrangements by floral designer

Gerard Toh, who will conduct demonstrations with his creations inspired by Halloween, Thanksgiving Christmas and New Year’s. There will also be prize giveaways, an auction and lunch. Proceeds benefit local nonprofit Malama Family Recovery Center. $150 regular, $175 for VIP. 9am. Grand Wailea Resort Hotel and Spa, (3850 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-579-8414; Malamafamilyrecovery.org NOBLE CHEF - Sat. Oct 17. For 18 years, the Noble Chef has attracted thousands of food lovers who lend support to Maui Culinary Academy’s (MCA) student scholarships, endowments, and programs. Raising funds is only one aspect of this highly anticipated food and wine event. It also serves as a training opportunity for Maui’s burgeoning chefs and is a showcase for the culinary talents of MCA’s industry partners, faculty and students. $195. 5pm. Fairmont Kea Lani, (4100 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-875-4100; Fairmont.com/KeaLani ‘HUMPTY-DUMPTY IS MISSING’ - Saturday, Oct 31 - Sun, Nov 8. Sammy Scoop is a private investigator in the tradition of his grandfather, Samuel Shovel and his father, Sam Spade. Sammy faces the biggest challenge of his illustrious career with the sudden fall and disappearance of Humpty-Dumpty, who apparently had no enemies. Presented by Maui Onstage Youth Theatre. 11am. Iao Theater, (68 N. Market St., Wailuku); 808-242-6969; Mauionstage.com MHOK BOCCE BALL TOURNAMENT - Sat. Nov 14. Montessori Hale O Keiki will present the third annual MHOK Bocce Ball Tournament. This “Bocce Bash” will feature five games of round-robin play with a Championship Game and special prizes. Delicious, heavy pupus and dessert will be served under the stars. Team costumes are encouraged. $110. 4:30pm. Maui Nui Golf Club, (1345 Pi‘ilani Hwy., Kihei) TRILANAI TRIATHLON - Sun. Nov 22. TriLanai concludes the fall 2015 season with its 7th annual triathlon. This community-sponsored event includes a 0.5-mile swim in the beautiful marine preserve of Hulopoe Bay, followed by an exhilarating 10-mile mountain bike-ride passing the La Ola Solar Farm, and a scenic 3-mile run along the Manele Golf Course. The triathlon may be tackled individually or as a relay team, and is suitable for both casual and experienced triathletes. Event organizers are offering Lanai residents a discounted registration rate of $75 for individuals and $120 for relay teams. Hawaii residents can register individually for $85, or with a relay team for $130. For all others, rates are $110 for

individuals and $150 per relay team. 8am. Lanai City, (Lanai City); 808-563-0484; Visitlanai@gmail.com

CALENDAR OF EVENTS THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 17 PICNIC FOR POKI HAWAIIAN - Thu. Sep 17. Enjoy live Hawaiian Music with musical guest Ahumanu featuring Liz “Kopa‘a Tita” Morales and friends. Take a mid-day break and enjoy the beautiful sounds of Hawaii. There will be fresh baked cookies and coffee from the Roselani Place kitchen. Bring a lunch, lawn chair and a friend. Free. 11am. Ka‘ahumanu Church, (103 S. High St., Wailuku); 808-871-7720. THE BENOITS - Thu. The Benoits play their sweet island jazz at Whalers Village. 7pm. Whalers Village Ka‘anapali, (2435 Ka‘anapali Pkwy.); 808-661-4567; Whalersvillage.com POLYNESIAN HULA SHOW - Thu & Tue. Get in touch with Polynesia and join us for an inspiring Polynesian Hula Show performance. 7pm. Lahaina Cannery Mall, (1221 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Lahaina); 808-661-5304; Lahainacannerymall.com

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 18 ALOHA FRIDAY ON MAUI - Fri. Sep 18. Enjoy keiki entertainment, Hawaiian cultural practitioners sharing art with music and hula, the Kalama School Ukulele Band under the direction of Benny Uyetake and Kaulike Pescaia and Halau Kamaluokaleihulu under the direction of Kumu Hula Kahulu Maluo. 7pm. Queen Ka‘ahumanu Center, (275 W. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-877-3369; Queenkaahumanucenter.com ALOHA FRIDAY MUSIC - Weekly. Best free live music jam with Maui artists. 11:30am. Whole Foods Market, (70 Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-872-3310; Wholefoodsmarket.com KEIKI HULA PERFORMANCE - Fri. Come by to witness a true array of talents by our island’s keiki in their Hawaiian hula performance. 5pm. The Outlets of Maui, (900 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-8277; Theoutletsofmaui.com KIRTAN & MANTRA MEDITATION - Fri. Kirtan and Mantra meditation with Krishna Japa Das and friends. Dancing, chanting and refreshments. Free, but donations appreciated. 7pm. Maui Yoga Shala, (381 Baldwin Ave., Paia);

SEPTEMBER 17, 2015 23

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MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

9/17

9/18

9/19

9/20

9/21-9/23

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

JAVA JAZZ 3350 L. Honoapiilani Rd. - 667-0787

KAHALE’S 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 875-7711

KIMO’S 845 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4811

Stef Mariani

Farzad & Mark

Rick Glencross

Guest Local Talent

MON- Mel & Soundlab, TUE & WED-Fulton Tashombe

Crunch Pups

Ladies Night w/ DJ Blast

8 Track Players

Annie & The Orphans

MON - John Ness, TUE - Kihei Cowboys, WED- Natalie Nicole

Ma’a, 6:30pm

Willie K, 9pm

Ma’a, 6:30pm

JD & Harry 3-5pm Benny & Glenn, 6-8pm

MON-Benny & Glenn 6-8pm, TUE & WED- Sam Ahia 6:30pm

Karaoke w/ “Auntie” Toddy Lilikoi, 9:30pm; no cover

KOBE STEAKHOUSE 136 Dickenson St. (Lounge Area), Lahaina - 667-5555

LAHAINA SPORTS BAR

MON-Trivia w/ Niki Guy, 7pm

843 Waine’e St., Lahaina - 667-6655

LONGHI’S LAHAINA 888 Front St., Lahaina - 667-2288

SummerSet w/ Summer Machado & ShawnEboy 6:30pm

LULU’S LAHAINA 1 Bay Club Pl., Kapalua - 669-6400

MILL HOUSE (MAUI TROPICAL PLANTATION) 1670 Honoapi’ilani Hwy., Waikapu - 244-7643

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea - 874-1131

808-283-4123; Maui-yoga.com COCONUT WEAVING - Fri. Join Bolly Helekahi for the 2015 Hana No‘eau cultural demonstration series. Bring your family and friends and learn the ancient art of Hawaiian coconut weaving. This demonstration and learning session is open to the public. Free. For location info, call 808-572-4400. 1pm. Kipahulu District, (Haleakala National Park); Nps.gov/hale

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 19 HO‘OULU 2015 - Sat. Sep 19. A Benefit for Kula Kaiapuni o Nahienaena & Kula Waena o Lahaina. $5. 10am. Princess Nahienaena Elementary School, (Lahaina); 808-385-2782; Naleokalele.org GET THE DRIFT AND BAG IT! MAUI KICKOFF Sat. Sep 19. Malama Maui Nui welcomes anyone wishing to turn the tide on ocean trash to join this effort and make a global impact in support of litter-free oceans. Join a cleanup or organize your own at your favorite surf break, snorkeling bay, or beach park. Contact Malama Maui Nui to add your cleanup to the Participant list and request a Coordinator’s Packet. 9-12pm. Kahului Harbor Boat Ramp, (Kahului); 808-877-2524; Volunteer@cwdhawaii.org; MalamaMauiNui.org MAUI OKINAWAN FESTIVAL - Sat. Sep 19. Mensore! Enjoy continuous Okinawan music and dance performed by homegrown talent from Maui, as well as performers from Oahu. Taiko and sanshin players as well as martial arts demonstration will take the stage. Special guest performers Urizun Minyo Group, a popular sanshin group from Oahu. There’ll be something for everyone at the Maui Okinawan Festival, even a craft fair featuring the arts, crafts and jewelry of vendors from Maui and Oahu. Professional photo sessions in traditional Okinawan wear will also be available for children and adults with all proceeds to benefit MOKK. Of course, no Okinawan festival is complete without lots of Okinawan food. Free. 10-3pm. Maui Mall, (70 E. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-871-1307; Mauimall.com WALKING TOUR OF HISTORIC WAILUKU Sat. Sep 19. This historic walking tour will be led by Wallette Pellegrino. Sign-ups will be at the Maui County Kokua Fair and highlights of the tour will include the Wailuku Union Church, Wailuku Public Library, Territorial Building, Ka‘ahumanu Church, Alexander House, Bailey House, Hawaiian Cemetery, Good Shepherd Church and the old Wailuku Courthouse. 11am. Maui County Department of Planning Building, (200 S. High St., Wailuku). YU-GI-OH CARD SESSION - Sat. Maui Toy Works is proud to announce a weekly Yu-Gi-Oh Card Ses-

TUE- Tori Dxon Duet , 6:30pm MON-Service Industry Night 5pm-close, WED- Open Mic,10pm-close

LIVE LATIN BAND- VALLE VERDE, 10pm-close, $25

Lahaina Cannery Mall - 661-0808

MERRIMAN’S

Two Cats Acoustic Jazz, 7-10pm, no cover

Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; no cover

MON - David Wolfberg / TUE - The Benoits WED - Ranga Pae (all 5:30-8:30pm)

info

press

time

Makai Jazz Group 6:30pm, Trish D Dish Pub Quiz, 10pm

1/2 way to St. Paddy’s Day Extravaganza, 6:30pm

TBA

Celtic Tigers, 7-9:30pm

MON-Stay Eazy 6:30pm, TUE- Magic Show, WED- Makai Jazz Group, 6:30pm

sion for all Yu-Gi-Oh Card enthusiasts. 3pm. Lahaina Cannery Mall, (1221 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Lahaina); 808-661-5304; Lahainacannerymall.com

the whole family. 10:30am. Queen Ka‘ahumanu Center, (275 W. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808877-3369; Queenkaahumanucenter.com

SALSA NIGHT- Sat. Enjoy the Smokehouse’s three favorite drinks specials, well drinks, tequila and fireballs all for $4 and a long night of dancing. 10pm. Smokehouse BBQ Bar and Grill, (930 Waine‘e St., Lahaina); 808-667-7005; Smokehousebbqbarandgrillmaui.com

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 22

KEIKI HULA SHOW - Sat & Sun. Bring the keiki along to enjoy a fun afternoon Keiki Hula Show, great fun for the whole family. 1pm. Lahaina Cannery Mall, (1221 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Lahaina); 808-661-5304; Lahainacannerymall.com

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 23

LAHAINA ARTS SOCIETY’S FINE ART FAIR - Sat & Sun. Under the shade of Lahaina’s famous Banyan Tree, check out over 50 select Maui artists. Listen to live music and find unique treasures including paintings, ceramics, jewelry, photography, glass art, wood carvings, baskets and more. Free. 9am. Banyan Tree Fine Art Gallery, (648 Wharf St., Lahaina); 808-661-0111; Lahainaarts.com

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 20 GYPSY MAUI’S GRAND OPENING - Sun. Sep 20. What better way to celebrate a business on wheels than with some free roller derby? Join Gypsy as she cheers on her extended family–the Maui Rollergirls. Enjoy face painting, treats and a special discounted menu for one night only. This event is a thank you to MRG fans (and Gypsy fans, too). Free. 3pm. Central Maui Boys and Girls Clubhouse, (100 Kanaloa Ave., Kahului); 808-242-4363; Bgcmaui.org TE TIARE PATITIFA - Sun. Te Tiare Patitifa will be performing an authentic hula show for the public. 1pm. Lahaina Cannery Mall, (1221 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Lahaina); 808-661-5304; Lahainacannerymall.com FREE SUNDAY ZUMBA - Sun. Stop by the Maui Mall for free Zumba with Keoni’s Hot Lava DanceFit Studio, leading up to the annual Lawn and Garden Fair on June 20. Free. 9am. Maui Mall, (70 E. Ka‘ahumanu Ave., Kahului); 808-871-1307; Mauimall.com

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 21 VOLUNTEER: HO‘ALOHAAINA - Mon-Tue. Join South Maui volunteers and group leaders Bob and Lis Richardson to help maintain an ocean-side trail, restore sand dunes, pick-up litter and remove invasive species. 7:30am. Unnamed Venue; 808-264-1798; Southmauivolunteers.com FREE HULA PERFORMANCE - Mon. While shopping away at the mall, why not stop for a little hula performance at the center stage, great fun for

FREE UKULELE LESSONS - Tue. Free ukulele lessons, it’s never too late to learn how to play the Hawaiian guitar. free. 5:45pm. Lahaina Cannery Mall, (1221 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Lahaina); 808-661-5304; Lahainacannerymall.com SOUTH SIDE BIKE RIDE - Wed. You’ll need more than a beach cruiser for this bike ride. Riders pedal an average 15mph from Kihei to Iao Valley and back. Road bikes recommended. Free. 6:55am. South Maui Bicycles, (1993 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-874-0068; Southmauibicycles.com YOGA FOR EVERY BODY - Wed. Enjoy a free, open to the public yoga class in Kihei with certified yoga instructor Gylian Solay. Free. 8am. Gylian Solay, (Waipuilani Park, Kihei); 808-344-8068; Gyliansolay.com VOLUNTEERING ON VACATION: O‘O FARM Wed. Work on an exquisite organic farm in the misting forest of Waipoli in Kula. Wear sturdy shoes and bring a light jacket that you do not mind getting a little dirty, plus water and sunscreen. Gloves and gardening tools provided. Please call 24 hours in advance to sign up. free. 8:45am. O‘o Farms, (651 Waipoli Rd., Kula); 808-249-8811; Oofarm.com UKULELE MIX PLATE - Wed. Mele Ukulele and The Shops at Wailea invite everyone to Ukulele Mix Plate this week! With over 20-plus years in the business, Mele Ukulele has developed great relationships with Maui’s best ukulele teachers. Mele Ukulele will provide a number of “loaner” ukulele for the evening for the free introductory ukulele lesson. 6pm. The Shops at Wailea, (3750 Wailea Alanui Dr.); 808-891-6770; Theshopsatwailea.com INDIAN MUSIC AND DANCE - Wed. Manju Chattopadhyay is from Calcutta, India. Gifted with a honeysweet voice, she has studied and performed Tagore songs, devotional music, folk and North Indian classical music. For Manju, music is her meditation, therapy and joy. 6:30pm. Maui Yoga Shala, (381 Baldwin Ave., Paia); 808-283-4123; Maui-yoga.com

LIVE MUSIC WEST MAUI CANE AND CANOE BAR - Fri, Kapali Keahi 7-9pm; Sat, Daniel Querubin 7-9pm; (1 Bay Dr., Kapalua); 808-662-6681; Montagehotels.com CAPTAIN JACK’S ISLAND GRILL - Thu, Adam Mas-

terson 7:30-10pm; Fri, Benny Uyetake 7:30-10pm; Sat, Jonny Ringo 7:30-10pm; Sun, Will Hartzag 7:30-10pm; Mon, Dave Carrol 7:30-10pm; Tue, Jordon Cuddy 7:3010pm; Wed, Justin Phillips 7:30-10pm; (672 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-0988; Captainjacksmaui.com CHEESEBURGER IN PARADISE - Thu, Brooks Maguire 4:30-10:30pm; Fri, Harry Troupe 4:3010:30pm; Fri, Joe Benedett 4:30-10:30pm; Sat, Scott Freeman 4:30-10:30pm; Sun, Brooks Maguire 4:30-10:30pm; Mon, Mark Burnett 4:3010:30pm; Tue, Scott Freeman 4:30-10:30pm; Wed, Harry Troupe 4:30-10:30pm; Wed, Joe Benedett 4:30-10:30pm; (811 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-4855; Cheeseburgerland.com COOL CAT CAFE - Thu, Will Hartzog 7:3010pm; Fri, Jonny Ringo 7:30-10pm; Sat, Dave Carroll 7:30-10pm; Sun, Justin Phillips 7-9pm; Mon, Peter D 7-9:30pm; Tue, Jazz 7:30-10pm; Wed, Benny Uytake 7:30-10pm; (658 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-0908; Coolcatcafe.com DUKE’S BEACH HOUSE - Thu, Ben DeLeon 3-5pm; Thu, Peter D and Garrett Probst (Ukulele Boys) 6-8:30pm; Fri, Garrett Probst 3-5pm; Fri, Damon Parrillo and Tim Osbourne 6-8:30pm; Sat, Danyel Alana 3-5pm; Sat, Damon Parrillo and Ron Hetten 6-8:30pm; Sun, Keali’i Lum 3-5pm; Sun, Damon Parrillo and Ron Hetten 6-8:30pm; Mon, Keali’i Lum 3-5pm; Mon, Danyel Alana and Guest 6-8:30pm; Tue, Ben DeLeon 3-5pm; Tue, Roy Kato and Guest 6-8:30pm; Wed, Garrett Probst 3-5pm; Wed, Puhi Ko 6-8:30pm; (130 Kai Malina Pkwy., Ka‘anapali); 808-662-2900; Dukesmaui.com FLEETWOOD’S ON FRONT ST. - Thu, The Houseshakers 7-9:30pm; Fri, Kanekoa 7-9:30pm; Fri, IDrive 7-9:30pm; Sun, Sunday Jazz Brunch 8am-12pm; Sun, The Fultones 6-8pm; Sun, Rick G 7-9:30pm; Mon, Kona Storm 7-9:30pm; Mon, Rick G 7-9:30pm; Tue, Lightning N Thunder 7-9:30pm; Wed, Wave Train 6-8pm; (744 Front St., Lahaina); 808-669-6425; Fleetwoodsonfrontst.com HULA GRILL - Thu, Derick Sebastian 11am-1pm; Thu, Kealii Lum and Naiwi Teruya 2:30-4:30pm; Thu, Damon Parillo and Friends 6-8pm; Fri, Derick Sebastian 11am-1pm; Fri, Maa 2:30-4:30pm; Fri, Kawika Lum Ho and Friends 6-7pm; Sat, Kawika Lum Ho 11am-1pm; Sat, Maa 2:30-4:30pm; Sat, Danyel Alana 6-8pm; Sun, Maa 2:30-4:30pm; Sun, Kawika Lum Ho and Friends 6-7pm; Mon, Kawika Lum Ho 11am-1pm; Mon, Kapali Keahi 2:304:30pm; Wed, Ernest Puaa 11am-12pm; Wed, Peter DeAquino 2:30-3:30pm; (2435 Ka‘anapali Pkwy.); 808-667-6636; Hulagrillkaanapali.com

SEPTEMBER 17, 2015 25

WILD WAHINE WEDNESDAY

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MUSIC STARTS @ 10PM + $10 COVER

FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 18TH

THRID FRIDAY TOWN PARTY

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MUSIC STARTS AT 9:30 PM $10 COVER

CURRENT, TEOMAN, KOKOMON, DJ IRIE DOLE SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 19TH

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This Hawaiian phenomenon cap vates audiences around the world with his astounding performances & remarkable array of musical styles. He is now playing Thursday Nights at Maui’s most epic venue! 6:30pm Prime Rib & Seafood Buīet / 8:00 pm Show DINNER & SHOW $60 / SHOW ONLY $25

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PARADISE GRILL

2291 Kaanapali Pkwy, Lahaina - 662-3700

Ladies Night w/ drink specials

PI ARTISAN PIZZERIA 900 Front St, Lahaina, 667-0791

RITA’S 1945 S.Kihei Rd. - 214-5788

SANSEI - KAPALUA 115 Bay Dr., Lahaina - 669-6286

SANSEI - KIHEI 1881 S. Kihei Rd., Ste. KT116 - 879-0004

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 874-6444

STEEL HORSE SALOON 1234 L. Main St., Wailuku - 243-2206

STOPWATCH SPORTS BAR 1127 Makawao Ave. - 572-1380

THREE’S BAR & GRILL 1945 S Kihei Rd. - 879-3133

TIFFANY’S 1424 L. Main St., Wailuku - 249-0052

WATERCRESS Waiehu Beach Center, Wailuku - 243-9351

JAPENGO - Thu, Kanoa Kukaua Duo 6:30-8:30pm; Fri, Elaine Ryan 5:30-7:30pm; Sat, Kawika Ortiz 6:308:30pm; Sun, Kelly Covington Duo 6:30-8:30pm; Mon, Margie Hart 6:30-8:30pm; Tue, Kanoa Kukaua 6:308:30pm; Wed, Josh Sumibcay 5:30-7:30pm; (200 Nohea Kai Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-667-4796; Japengomaui.com JAVA JAZZ AND SOUP NUTZ - Sat, Rick Glencross 7-10pm; Mon, The Soundlab 7-10pm; Tue, Fulton Tashombe and Paul Bunuam 7-10pm; Wed, Fulton Tashombe and Paul Bunuam 7-10pm; (3350 Lower Honoapi‘ilani Rd., Honokowai); 808-667-0787; Javajazz.net KIMO’S RESTAURANT - Sat, Maa 6:30-8:30pm; Sun, Benny Uyetake and Glenn Kakugawa 6-8pm; Mon, Benny Uyetake and Glenn Kakugawa 6-8pm; Tue, Sam Ahia 6:30-8:30pm; Wed, Sam Ahia 6:30-8:30pm; (845 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-4811; Kimosmaui.com LAHAINA PIZZA COMPANY - Thu, John Kane 7:309:30pm; Fri, John Kane 7:30-9:30pm; Sat, Joseph Chee 7:30-9:30pm; Wed, Scotty Rotten 7:30-9:30pm; (730 Front St., Lahaina); 808-661-0700; Lahainapizzacompany.com LAHAINA SPORTS BAR - Mon, Trivia 7-9pm; (843 Wainee St., Lahaina); 808-667-6655; Lahainasportsbar.com LEILANI’S ON THE BEACH - Thu, Jarret and Wilson 3-5pm; Fri, JD and Friends 3-5pm; Sat, JD and Harry 3-5pm; Sun, Merv Oana 3-5pm; Wed, Jarret and Josh 3-5pm; (2435 Ka‘anapali Pkwy.); 808-661-4495; Leilanis.com LONGHI’S - Sun, The Cool Cats 7-10pm; (888 Front St., Lahaina); 808-667-2288; Longhis.com LULU’S LAHAINA SURF CLUB AND GRILL - Fri, Friday Fundraiser Live Music 7pm-12am; Fri, Live Music with Daesha and Cody 6-9pm; Sat, Biga Den Life 6-9pm; Mon, Howard Ahia 6-9pm; (1221 Honoapi‘ilani Hwy., Lahaina); 808-661-0808; Luluslahaina.com MERRIMAN’S KAPALUA - Thu, Ranga Pae 5:308:30pm; Fri, Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; Sat, Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; Sun, Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; Mon, David Wolfberg 5:30-8:30pm; Wed, Ranga Pae 5:30-8:30pm; (1 Bay Club Pl., Kapalua); 808669-6400; Merrimanshawaii.com/kapalua NAPILI KAI BEACH RESORT ALOHA PAVILION Wed, Slack Key with Ken Emerson 7:30-9:30pm; (5900 L. Honoapi‘ilani Rd., Napili); 808-669-6271; Napilikai.com

MON-Open Mic 10pm, TUE- SIN, WED-Reggae w/ DJ Irie Dole, 10pm

Wiggle w/ DJ Prince Valium EDM, HipHop & Trap

Bounce w/ DJ Illz, EDM, Top 40 & Hip Hop

Garrett Probst 10pm

DJ Lobstah 10pm

Welo & Kekai 10:30am-1:30pm

John Bowzer 6:30-9:30pm

Kimo Nevius 4:30-6:30pm

John Bowzer 6:30-9:30pm

TUE-Rick Scanlon 6:30pm, WED- AhTim & John Bowzer

Free Karaoke 10pm-1am; no cover

Jamie Gallo 4-6pm, DJ Big Mike 10pm

Randall Rospond 4-6pm, DJ Gemini 10pm

Tom Conway 4-6pm, DJ LX 10pm

Viva La Rumba 4-6pm, Kanoa 10pm

MON - Kanoa 4pm & DJ Big Mike SIN 10pm, TUE - Jon Bowser 4-6pm, WED- Wildcard Wednesdays

Karaoke, 9pm no cover

Just Us, 9pm

Zack Kekona, 9pm

Karaoke, 8pm no cover

MON-Industry Night 6pm-close, TUE& WED- Free Pool

FREE Karaoke w/ Dudley 9pm-12am; no cover

Annie & The Orfinz, 8pm, $4 cover

FREE Karaoke w/ Dudley 9pm-12am; $4 cover

Salsa Night w/ Barbara & Ernesto, 8pm-no cover

Louise Lambert Trio, 7:30-10:30pm

Skip, 6:30-8:30pm

Skip, 7-9pm

MON- Elaine Ryan 5:30pm, TUE- Power Up Comedy Tour 9pm, WED- Steve 9-11pm,

Karaoke, 8pm-close

MON-WED-Karaoke, 8pm-close

TBA, 10pm

Free Karaoke, 8pm

TBA, 10pm

Free Karaoke

TUE- Free Karaoke, WED- Dinner Music 6-8pm

4-8pm; Sat, Contemporary Island Music 4-8pm; Sun, Contemporary Island Music 4-8pm; Mon, Contemporary Island Music 4-8pm; Tue, Contemporary Island Music 4-8pm; Wed, Contemporary Island Music 4-8pm; (104 Ka‘anapali Shores Pl.); 808-667-1337. PAILOLO BAR AND GRILL - Thu, Ukulele/Pop 5-8pm; Mon, Ukulele/Pop 5-8pm; Tue, Ukulele/ Pop 5-8pm; (6 Kai Ala Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-6673200; Westinkaanapali.com/dining/pailolo

WED- Sheron, 7-9pm no cover

KONO’S ON THE GREEN - Thu, Bossa Nova with Katya Williams 5:30-8:30pm; Fri, Music by Sierra and Sal 5:30-7:30pm; Sat, Easy Listening with Neto 5:307:30pm; Sun, Omar and the Rare Vibrations 5-8pm; Tue, Easy Listening with Neto 5:30-7:30pm; Wed, Acoustic Classical Guitar with Jim Spektor 5:30-7:30pm; (470 Lipoa Pkwy.); 808-633-4220; Konosonmaui.com

PI ARTISAN PIZZERIA - Fri, Nestor Ugale 6-8pm; Sun, Pi Sunday Brunch 10am-2pm; (900 Front St, Lahaina); 808-667-0791; Pi808.com

MAKENA BEACH AND GOLF RESORT - Thu, Clay Mortensen 6-9:30pm; Sun, Craig Soderberg 6-9:30pm; Mon, Reiko Fukino 6-9:30pm; Tue, Clay Mortensen 6-9:30pm; (5400 Makena Alanui); 808-874-1111; Makenaresortmaui.com

PIONEER INN GRILL AND BAR - Thu, Greg di Piazza and Alana Cini 6-9pm; Mon, Kalani 6-9pm; Tue, Ah-Tim Elenicki 6-9pm; (658 Wharf St., Lahaina); 808-661-3636; Pioneerinnmaui.com

MAUI BREWING COMPANY KIHEI - Thu, Live Music @ The Brewery 5-8pm; Mon, Live Music @ The Brewery 5-8pm; Tue, Levi Poasa 5-8pm; (605 Lipoa Pkwy., Kihei); 808-213-3002; Mauibrewingco.com

SANGRITA GRILL AND CANTINA - Thu, Live Flamenco Music by Indio and Avi 6:30-8:30pm; (2580 Kekaa Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-662-6000; Sangritagrill.com

MOLOKINI BAR AND GRILL MAKENA RESORT - Thu, Mondo Mederios 6-10pm; Fri, Mondo Mederios 6-10pm; Sat, Alan Stevens 6-10pm; Sun, Kaena Elaban 9:30am-12pm; Sun, Larry Golis 6-9pm; Mon, Eddee Sebala 6-10pm; Tue, Deason Baybayan 6-10pm; Wed, Mondo Mederios 6-10pm; (5400 Makena Alanui); 808-875-5888; Makenaresortmaui.com

SEA HOUSE RESTAURANT - Thu, Albert Kaina 7-9pm; Fri, Albert Kaina 7-9pm; Sun, Fausto Allosada 7-9pm; Sun, Albert Kaina 7-9pm; Mon, Albert Kaina 7-9pm; Tue, Fausto Allosada 7-9pm; Wed, Fausto Allosada 7-9pm; (5900 L. Honoapiilani Rd., Napili); 808-669-1500; Seahousemaui.com THE CLIFF DIVE GRILL - Thu, Tim Osborne 6:30-8pm; Fri, Scott Baird 6:30-8pm; Sat, Larry Golis and Hollis Lee 6:30am-8:30pm; Mon, Larry Golis 6:30-8pm; Tue, Scott Baird 6:30-8pm; Wed, Scott Baird 6:30-8pm; (2605 Ka‘anapali Pkwy.); 808-661-0031; Cliffdivegrillmaui.com

SOUTH MAUI CAPISCHE - Fri, Mark Johnstone 7-9pm; Sat, Mark Johnstone 7-9pm; (555 Kaukahi Road, Wailea); 808-879-2224; Capische.com DIAMOND’S ICE BAR AND GRILL - Thu, S.I.N. 6-8pm; Fri, House Music 6-8pm; Sun, Gina Martinelli 6-9pm; (1279 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-874-9299; Diamondsicebar.com DOG AND DUCK IRISH PUB - Wed, Jessica and Kanoa 10pm-1am; Thu, Pub Quiz 7-9pm; Sat, Jordan Cuddy 8-10pm; Sun, Steve Craig 6-9pm; Sun, Sin 9-11pm; Mon, Bartenders Mix 7-9pm; Wed, Jessica and Kanoa 10pm-1am; (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-875-9669; Theworldfamousdogandduck.com

OCEAN POOL BAR AND GRILL - Fri, Ukulele/ Lounge 4-7pm; Mon, Ukulele/Lounge 4-7pm; (6 Kai Ala Dr., Ka‘anapali); 808-667-3200; Westinkaanapali.com/dining/oceanpool

GANNON’S - Thu, Classic Rock Live 5-7pm; Fri, Jazz Fridays 5-7pm; (100 Wailea Golf Club Dr.); 808-875-8080; Gannonsrestaurant.com

OHANA BAR AND GRILLE - Thu, Contemporary Island Music 4-8pm; Fri, Contemporary Island Music

HAUI’S LIFE IS A BEACH - Fri, Rick Glencross 4-8pm; Tue, Rick Glencross 4-8pm; Wed, Rick Glencross 4-8pm; (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-891-8010; Mauibars.com

MONKEYPOD KITCHEN - Thu, Keola and Datguyz 1-3pm; Thu, Levi Poasa 4-6pm; Thu, Mike Finkiewicz and Craig Soderberg 7-9pm; Fri, Stay EZ 1-3pm; Fri, Tom Conway 4-6pm; Fri, Alika Naka’oka 7-9pm; Sat, TFlatz and The Highlights 1-3pm; Sat, Brian Haia 4-6pm; Sat, Randall Rospond 7-9pm; Sat, Randall Rospond 7-9pm; Sun, T-Flatz and The Highlights 1-3pm; Sun, Levi Poasa 4-6pm; Sun, Ohana Groove 7-9pm; Mon, Tom Conway 4-6pm; Mon, Kanoa Louis 7-9pm; Mon, Joshua Kahula 7-9pm; Tue, Kanoa and Jessica 1-3pm; Tue, Stay Eazy 4-6pm; Tue, Duane Feig 7-9pm; Wed, Andrew Corradini 1-3pm; Wed, Alika Naka’oka 4-6pm; Wed, Jarret Roback 7-9pm; (10 Wailea Gateway Pl.); 808-891-2322; Monkeypodkitchen.com MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE - Thu, Makai Jazz Group 6:30-8:30pm; Fri, Soul Kitchen 7-9pm; Sun, Celtic Tigers 7-9:30pm; Mon, Stay Eazy 6:30-8:30pm; Wed, Joel Katz Hawaiian Steel Guitar 6:30-8:30pm; (100 Kaukahi St., Wailea); 808-874-113; Mulligansontheblue.com PITA PARADISE - Sun, Benoit Jazzworks 6:309pm; (34 Wailea Gateway Center); 808-879-7177; Pitaparadisehawaii.com RITA’S STEAK AND FISH HOUSE - Thu, Steve Craig 6:30-9:30pm; Fri, Jon Z Bowser 6:30-9:30pm; Sat, Kimo 6:30-9:30pm; Sun, Jon Z Bowser 6:30-9:30pm; Mon, Steve Craig 6:30-9:30pm; Tue, Rick Scanlan 6:309:30pm; Wed, AhTim and Jon Z Bowser 6:30-9:30pm;

(1945 S Kihei Rd.); 808-214-5788; Ritasmaui.com SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE - Thu, Jaime Gallo 4-6pm; Fri, Randall Rospond 4-6pm; Sat, Tom Conway 4-6pm; Sun, Viva La Rumba 4-6pm; Mon, Kanoa 4-6pm; Tue, Steve Mantelli 4-6pm; Wed, Natalie Nicole 4-6pm; (1913 S. Kihei Rd.); 808-874-6444; Southshoretikilounge.com THREE’S BAR AND GRILL - Thu, Salsa Dancing with Barb and Ernesto 8-11pm; Fri, Jazz Night with Louise Lambert 7:30-10:30pm; Sat, Mark Harvey 9-11am; Sat, Mark Harvey 12-2pm; Sat, Live Solo Guitar from Cpt. Dan Saunders 5:30-9pm; Sun, Mark Harvey 9-11am; Sun, Mark Harvey 12-2pm; Tue, Mark Harvey 9-11am; Tue, Mark Harvey 12-2pm; Wed, Live Piano with Katya Williams 5:30-8:30pm; (1945 South Kihei Road Suite G, Kihei); 808-879-3133; Threesbarandgrill.com

CENTRAL MAUI BEACH BUMS BBQ AND GRILL - Thu, Kenny Roberts 5-8pm; Fri, Mike Finkiewicz 5-8pm; Sat, Kenny Roberts 5-8pm; Sun, Mark Burnett 5-8pm; Tue, Randall Rospond 5-8pm; Wed, Mark Burnett 5-8pm; (300 Ma‘alaea Rd.); 808-243-2286; Beachbumshawaii.com KAHULUI ALE HOUSE - Fri, Local Live Music 5-8:30pm; Sun, Local Live Music 5-8:30pm; (355 E. Kamehameha Ave., Kahului); 808-877-9001; Alehouse.net MAUI YOGA SHALA - Fri, Kirtan and Mantra Meditation 7-9pm; Wed, Indian Music and Dance 6:30-8:30pm; (381 Baldwin Ave., Paia); 808-283-4123; Maui-yoga.com STEEL HORSE SALOON - Sun, Free Karaoke 9pm12am; (1234 L. Main St., Wailuku); 808-245-2206. WATERCRESS - Sun, Karaoke 8pm-2am; Mon, Karaoke 8pm-2am; Tue, Karaoke 8pm-2am; (270 Waiehu Beach Rd., Wailuku); 808-243-9351.

UPCOUNTRY MAUI CHARLEY’S RESTAURANT AND SALOON - Thu, Mark Johnstone and Lenny Castellanos 6:30-8:30pm; Sat, Ryan Robinson 6:30-8:30pm; Mon, Charley’s Live Band Open Mic 7-10pm; Tue, Howard Ahia 6:308:30pm; Wed, Andrew Corradini 6:30-8:30pm; (142 Hana Hwy, Paia); 808-579-8085; Charleysmaui.com HANA HOU CAFE - Fri, Steve Sargenti 6-9pm; Sat, Meaghan Owens with John Pollack 6-9pm; Mon, Hula Honeys 6-9pm; Wed, Maui Blues and Company 6-9pm; (810 Haiku Rd.); 808-575-2661; Hanahoucafe.com STOPWATCH SPORTSBAR AND GRILL - Thu, Karaoke with Dudley 9pm-12am; Sat, Karaoke with Dudley 9pm-12am; (1127 Makawao Ave.); 808-572-1380; Stopwatchsportsbargrill.com

SEPTEMBER 17, 2015 27

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Email Inquiries to interns@mauitime.com 16 S. Market Street, Suite 2k, Wailuku, HI 96793

28 SEPTEMBER 17, 2015

by Caeriel Crestin

Horoscope

Sign Language VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22)

Everyone notices different kinds of details and lets others slip by completely. If you ask me what someone was wearing the other day, I could only guess–I never retain that kind of information unless it’s extremely surprising or notable in some way. But I could give you intimate descriptions regarding their eyes, the shapes of their faces, mouth, hair, and so on. You are more observant than most, but you have your blind spots too; there’s some important–in retrospect you might even consider it vital–information lurking in one right now. Get someone to help you find and notice it.

PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20)

Even whales can suffer the bends–incapacitation following a too-rapid ascent from the pressure of deep ocean. I’m going for some kind of metaphor here; you dive just as deep as those beautiful beasts. Although sudden transitions back to the real world from those dark depths probably won’t kill you, it’s still brutal. Your life has to have room for the unavoidable surface stuff as well as all the profound explorations your soul craves. But you’ll be a lot happier–especially this week–if you can factor in something else you haven’t considered: transition times from one extreme to the other.

QUIZ understood

ANSWERS

...to questions from page 4

1: D–186 2: E–Wake Island 3: A–0

LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22)

What’s the secret of your success? Always living a balanced, moderate lifestyle and being nice to people? No effing way. Virtually everything admirable, fascinating, or inspiring you’ve done has been during the journeys back to the center from various extremes. Your life may be about creating balance, but don’t get too good at it; you’ll bore even yourself. The process matters more than the result. Loosen the reins a little. Let your life slide off the rails; it’s when you’re working to get it back–to generate order from chaos–that you’ll learn (and do) the most.

ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19)

Admit it: you like to be in charge. It galls you to let someone else call the shots, and if you’re in a position where you absolutely have to submit to someone else’s will, you rebel in countless little ways. It sure doesn’t come naturally to you to roll over and bare your neck, but it’s a good exercise in trust–especially if someone deserves and desires it. There are pleasures in submission you haven’t yet explored. Won’t you check that aspect of life out, even if only as a short-term game? I think you’d get off on it–and I mean that literally as well as figuratively.

SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21)

Siberia’s Lake Baikal is the deepest freshwater lake in the world; its volume equals all five Great Lakes combined, holding 20 percent of the planet’s surface freshwater. Of course, there’s no way of knowing that just by looking at it. You know what people see when they don’t really know you? Some freak who’s mildly obsessed with sex and death. They have no idea about the vast repositories of hard-won wisdom you possess, or that you’re only interested in sex and death because they’re undeniably real. The world desperately needs a reality check, and you’re the only one with enough perspective to go around. You’ve got your work cut out for you; better get started. SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21)

For someone who’s generally radically open and honest, you can be remarkably close-mouthed about some things, particularly your plans if you think divulging them might yield some interference. You won’t tolerate anything that even potentially curbs your independence and freedom. However, having close ties with people means you need to clue them into what you’re up to. Yes, these strings tie you down a little–but the benefits those connections yield (emotional and otherwise) outweigh the slight hampering they inflict, don’t they? CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19)

Sometimes it sucks to be a Capricorn; your drive for stability and success often makes you sacrifice opportunities for immediate happiness. You want fun, love, and loads of sex as much as the next person, but you just don’t let yourself go there much of the time. Sure, you’re setting yourself up for a nice future, but what if disaster strikes before your plans ripen? And even if it doesn’t, how fun will abundant sex be when you’re that much older and fatter? I’m not saying throw it all away in the name of instant gratification. But letting some of it slide for that reason would be less of a mistake than you think. AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18)

When the increasingly conservative Danish government tried to close down Christiana to build condos, radicals mounted resistance. The most visible opposition was the Danish Clown Army. They made humorous non-violent combat while garbed in red noses and clown suits. They understood that when your oppressors are unequivocally stronger than you, unconventional means of countering their efforts must be employed. Their methods ultimately worked; Christiania remains intact; your own outthere ideas are likely to be just as successful. In other words, don’t play the game you’re guaranteed to lose; instead, if you can, change the game.

TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20)

I’m no anti-capitalist. By all means, you should go out and make some dough. But don’t let it conflict too much with your own short- and long-term happiness, which is something I lately suspect you of doing. I think there should be a maximum ceiling on how long you let yourself be miserable, especially when it comes to just making money. There are ways and there are ways. If you really think sacrificing your well-being and capacity for joy just to receive a pitifully small paycheck is your only option, you’re not being creative or resourceful enough. You’re probably underestimating yourself, too. Let this week be the end to that bullshit, and the beginning of a chapter where profit and happiness can coexist.

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GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20)

As a writer, I always have to figure out how to edit my words, boil and distill them to their most concise and potent substance. It’s not just a matter of fitting into a certain space, although that’s a consideration. It’s also about holding people’s interest, speaking with an authentic voice, and not wasting people’s time with too much unnecessary information or bullshit. You’ve got a lot of fluff floating around right now. You’re losing credibility by sharing every minute and mundane detail of your existence. That’s not intimacy, that’s overfamiliarity. Figure out what’s important and fascinating about your life; share that, and mostly edit out the rest.

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CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22)

It’s hard to describe weeks like this one, which will be infested with little things that will either mildly annoy or amuse you, but not really piss you off, or make you scream with laughter. I think of these middling periods as good practice time. Turn up the gain on your sense of humor. Try to find ways to smile at the petty shit that would normally irritate you. You’ll find the stuff that’d make you smile before could now potentially make you laugh out loud. Sure, people will think you’re crazier than they did, but so what? You’ve never cared about that shit. Crazier? So be it, as long as you’re happier, too. LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22)

Leos are generous. But they’re not exceptionally practiced at sacrifice. It’s all well and good to take care of yourself first, then extravagantly share the rest with others. But every once in a while, it’s a valuable exercise to go without so that someone else can benefit–especially if you can do so without making a big ego deal out of it. While I’m talking about making a sacrifice I’ll mention this, too: a one-off is fine, if that’s all you can manage. But a regular habit would be far, far better. To contact Caeriel send mail to sign.language.astrology@gmail.com

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