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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

CONTENTS THIS WEEK’S QUESTION What mainstream movie are you most ashamed of liking? Editor: Anthony Pignataro Charlie’s Angels

VOLUME 11 • ISSUE 32

Associate Editor: Starr Begley Dirty Dancing Calendar Editor: Jessica Armstrong Legally Blonde Contributors: Caeriel Crestin, Lloyd Dangle, Rob Parsons, Chuck Shepherd, Cole Smithey, Ynez Tongson Illustration: Guy Junker, Ron Pitts, Glenn Watson

Photography: Sean M. Hower, Pietro Ortiz, Jason Waterhouse Art Director: Wendy S. H. Ortiz George of the Jungle Graphic Designers: Emeline Sioson, Travis K. Tiffin Advertising Executive: Brad Chambers Babe (The talking pig) Advertising Executive: Cynthia Matzke Love, Actually Classified Sales: Robin Williams Love Story Customer Service Rep: Mark Stockwell 300 General Manager: Jennifer Russo Rambo Administrative Executive: Judy Toba Auntie Mame Administrative Assistant: Jennifer Brown Alvin and the Chipmunks

4 MAUI COUNTY

30 FILM

Some California guy argues with the editor over ice cream in Letters. In Eh Brah!, some guy tells some Trustafarians to just get a job. Rob Report denounces juice boxes, criticizes Kahului Harbor plans and then gives you a rad soup recipe. Then LC Watch returns to follow the return of the Maui Dance Advocates. Possible good news for Maui Land in the Maui 10. Shocking news about a baby penguin in Coconut Wireless. And News of the Weird explores the legal ramifications of goat sex.

Cole Smithey says the new Diane Lane thriller Untraceable is actually pretty traceable and thus not very thrilling.

13 MIND BODY SPIRIT

Web Design: Linear Publishing www.linearpublishing.com Publisher: Tommy Russo Rambo

MauiTime Weekly is published every Thursday by MauiTime Productions, Inc. Its contents are Copyright © 2007 by MauiTime Productions, Inc. All rights reserved. Subscriptions are available at $70 per year. Reproduction or use without permission is strictly prohibited. Maui Time Weekly may be distributed only by MauiTime Weekly’s authorized independent contractor. MauiTime Weekly is valued at $.50 per copy and permits one complimentary copy per person. No person may, without written permission of MauiTime Weekly, take more than one copy of each weekly issue. All opinions expressed throughout MauiTime Weekly are those of the authors and not necessarily the same opinions as MauiTime Productions, Inc. and MauiTime Weekly.

Starr Begley enjoys the wonders of the Yoga Swing, then decides to confront her inner demons through a hypnotherapy session. Jessica Armstrong attempts to relax by immersing herself in a sensory deprivation tank. Ynez Tongson then writes about how her friend underwent a breast massage and lived to tell the tale.

31 Movie Listings

32 ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT Some radio newscaster/performer/Buddhist guy named Wes Nisker wants to save us, according to Starr Begley. In contrast, Mind Candy gives you lots of graphic fun.

45 BACK PAGES Sign Language wants Leos to work on their recycling. Restless Native explores her inner hypochondriac.

CLASSIFIEDS

24 ONO KINE GRINDS Jessica Armstrong eats way too much naan at the new Indian place Shangri-La by the Sea. Then Anthony Pignataro gives you wonderous uses of Ahi in Take Five.

41 Personals 42 Classified Listings 47 Mind, Body & Spirit

27 DA KINE CALENDAR

Maui Time Weekly 33 N. Market St., Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 office (808) 244-0777 • fax (808) 244-0446 www.mauitime.com

Starr Begley is thrilled that bellydancing is coming to the MACC, the artist Suzy Papanikolas is going to Lahaina and David Nelson will play Upcountry. Jessica Armstrong is partially smitten with harmonica master James Cotton and really wants to see The Foreigner.

Deadlines: Display Advertising: Friday Noon Classified: Monday 4pm Calendar: Monday Noon Circulation: 18,000 copies of the MauiTime Weekly

34 Grid & Calendar ON THE COVER: Design by Wendy S. H. Ortiz

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LETTERSTOTHEEDITOR HATES ENTERTAINMENT Come clean Ynez [Tongson]! Is the ice cream made in Maui, Hawai‘i or New York City (Take Five, Jan. 17, 2008)? And are the prices all the same or are some locations more expensive than others? Otherwise tell your “Take Five” readers that your column is an advertisement. -Milan Moravec, Walnut Creek, CA

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

The Editor responds: Take Five is a light-hearted short feature we recently started running. It’s just blurbs on five local restaurants. Yes, it was positive, talking about places we deem to be good, but that hardly makes it “advertising.” And frankly, Ynez’s topic was simply places to get good ice cream. Where the ice cream was made or how much it was wasn’t relevant to her story. I always thought that light-hearted features were written to inform readers… your audience. I never thought of these article as entertainment. Perhaps price, where it was made and whether the ingredients were organic, fresh, etc. wasn’t relevant to her, but did she think beyond her needs.

Even poets think about their audience. I’ll not be recommending your paper as a source of information. -Milan Moravec

YIKES (Note: The following letters are in reference to the Jan. 24, 2008 Restless Native column “Kihei vs. Upcountry) I think all this stuff is a bunch of crap!!! All this Eastside, Westside, Southside, Northside, Wai side crap has to STOP and all this gang-banging, street-fighting and mobbing shit has to stop! Crips and Bloods here is just something to call yourselves when you try to block everything in life out! Because you’re scared. Of what? I don’t really know, it could be anything but you know what... all these young teenagers in high school and middle school saying or repping red and/or blue… Brah, you guys gotta stop. Fighting isn’t the answer to anything but the outcome of fighting is the one that’ll lead you the wrong way! You guys try and go to the Mainland. Try telling those people that you rep red or you rep blue… You guys would probably get a cap up your ass or mobbed or something. What does everyone else know these islands as? The Island of “Aloha”—not the rock that everyone hates each other on!!! This might not

LETTERS

EH BRAH! Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations, 200 words or less (which we reserve the right to edit), changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent to “Eh Brah!” c/o Maui Time Weekly, 33 N. Market St, Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 or send an e-mail to

ehbrah@mauitime.com I only saw you two for a split second, but in that time I figured out your whole story. There you were, sitting on the grass at the Maui Marketplace, showing your pathetic sign asking for money to the cars waiting to turn onto Dairy Road. Your clothes were ragged and your hair was twisted into dreadlocks, but your faces were clean—much too clean for a homeless person. That’s probably because you’re not homeless people. You’re “trustafarians,” otherwise known as “Daddy’s Little Deadheads”—hippies who flew to Maui for some sunshine and relaxation and decided that it’s just too pretty out here for you to go out and get jobs like the rest of us. Please do us all a favor and stop sponging off us working people and just get a job. They’re really easy to find around here—and some of them will pay you more than enough to keep your iPod charged and your latte cup full.

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make everybody change their mind about it but I know (sadly) at least one person will take this into their heart and actually change and rearrange themselves. Aloha. -@NDR@L@Nii, via Mauitime.com

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Orlando Microfiber Convertible Sofa It’s not Kihei vs. Upcountry—it’s idiots vs. idiots! It’s unbelievable that you actually got to put this rubbish in Maui Time. It completely discredits this paper. The only reason you claim one region or race over another is to create the illusion that you are part of a larger group and actually have some sort of power or meaning. You don’t! You really don’t. You only have the power to annoy. It’s called “group think” or “collectivism.” The real issue is how intelligent people should deal with fools that can’t comprehend basic human concepts and think more like animals. I suggest for starters you don’t reproduce. -Chris, via Mauitime.com

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JANUARY 31, 2008

ROBREPORT

BY ROB PARSONS ROBPARSONS@EARTHLINK.NET

Plastic in the Soup

The Return of Maui Dance Advocates

Recycling, Kahului Harbor plans and a winter recipe Paddle once, paddle twice, paddle chicken soup with rice. -Maurice Sendak As Hawai‘i winter temperatures dip down to the low 60s, I find the tip of my nose serving as a thermometer of sorts. Cold hands can dive into pants pockets, and toes into warm socks. But the nose is right out there in the elements, and my three decades in Hawai‘i have surely insulated my memory from real winter cold, such as my early years living in Wisconsin. We had a vivid reminder of that when Green Bay temperatures registered minus three degrees for their NFC Championship game with the New York Giants. I believe things got even chillier when Brett Favre’s final pass in overtime was intercepted. While the cool January trade winds in Hawai‘i are nothing like frigid Lambeau Field, I’ve taken to timehonored strategies of staying warm, such as soup. Yes, I’ve been on quite a roll with homemade soups. The Mind, Body, Spirit Issue provides an ideal time to share a couple recipes, as well as some reflection about how the ingredients get here and how they’re packaged. Consider the juice box. Known in the industry as a Tetra Pak, this square aseptic packaging is used for a variety of liquids: juice, soy milks, soups and even wine. Made from complex layers of plastic, metal, and paper, they are difficult to recycle. Despite millions spent by the industry for recycling education, it’s estimated that only between seven and 13 percent are recycled in North America, compared with 25 to 30 percent of glass containers. With 45 production plants, over 20,000 employees and markets reaching into 165 countries, Tetra Paks have become nearly omnipresent. In 2006, they delivered nearly 130 trillion packages. Sales brought revenues in the range of $8 trillion. Boxed soups used to be the Ground Zero of my “homemade” soups, the foundation for all subsequent gustatory embellishments. Carrot-ginger, butternut squash and roasted red pepper tomato bisque—oh, how I’m going to miss you. Moreover, boxed unsweetened soy milk was the perfect addition for creamy soups. I could even pride myself while perusing the labels to

JANUARY 31, 2008

LC Watch Good news for anyone who wants to see the Department of Liquor Control’s rules on dancing loosened up a bit: Ramoda Anand, the MCC student whose organization Maui Dance Advocates has been trying to get the LC rules changed, is back. On Jan. 16, Anand’s attorney Lance Collins—a former LC Adjudication Board member—delivered to the LC offices a new petition requesting a dancing rule change.

Something here does not belong... find organic, non-GMO soybean products. But no more. My wife Heather has been making her own nut milk for years, soaking her almonds overnight before blending them with filtered water. My favorite is her hazelnut-almond milk. She strains the solids through a fine mesh bag (available at paint stores—our natural food stores don’t seem to stock them). The solids may then be used to make pie crusts, peanut butter protein balls or other healthy treats. What about regular milk, you ask, in its non-recyclable waxed cardboard packaging? Last week Pacific Dairy in Waianae reported they will close their operation next month, leaving only two small Big Island dairies remaining in Hawai‘i. As recently as 1980, the state had about two dozen dairies, including Haleakala Dairy on Maui, and was milk self-sufficient. Now virtually all milk will come from the Mainland, making us even more dependent on imports and vulnerable in emergencies. Further, even though I grew up in America’s Dairyland, I no longer drink cow’s milk. Based on what I’ve read, pasteurization and homogenization processes strip much of the healthful benefits out of milk. For many, lactose intolerance is a fact of life. Yet corporate food lobbyists continue to extol the virtues of milk, beef and a whole slew of processed, chemicalized, irradiated, highly salted, sugared and genetically modified foods. For them, it’s all about profit. It’s enough to make you want to buy

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

locally, to better understand what goes into the food we consume. If it’s true that “You are what you eat,” wouldn’t we all want to know that? I am fortunate to purchase locally grown bio-dynamically grown vegetables weekly from a Peahi farmer who raises his crops only a two-minute bike ride from my door. His produce is the real foundation for my winter soup recipes, now that the Tetra Pak soup mixes are on their way out in our kitchen. Hawai‘i’s $500 million farm sector remains relatively small compared to the $11 billion tourism industry, but agriculture plays an important role in diversifying the state economy, preserving greenbelt lands and reducing the Islands’ dependsee SOUP, page 11

All this started in early 2007, when Maui Dance Advocates got the Maui County Liquor Commission to hold a hearing on whether to liberalize the rule prohibiting dancing anywhere in a club except on a specially marked dance floor. But at its April 11, 2007 hearing, the commission refused to change the rule. Maui Dance Advocates subsequently appealed the decision (at the suggestion of LC Director Franklyn Silva) but got nowhere when Judge Joseph Cardoza threw the case out of court, saying Anand’s group had no standing to appeal the decision in the first place. So basically, Anand and his group are starting over with a new petition. “This petition complies with the LC rules in every technical aspect,” Collins said. “We’re very clearly asking for a ‘declaratory order’—which is appealable to the circuit court.” Collins said the Liquor Commission will take up the petition at its March 12 hearing. Depending on what happens then, the county’s corporation counsel will then prepare a written order. Because it can take months to finish written orders, Maui Dance Advocates has the option of appealing the commission’s decision as soon as the minutes of their hearing are finished. “But we’d prefer to get something in writing because I’ve worked with the Liquor Department before,” Collins said.

-Anthony Pignataro

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STATE TO BUY HONOLUA BAY? The state’s pundits and politicos are still trying to figure out Governor Linda Lingle’s State of the State Address proposal to buy the Turtle Bay resort on Oahu, which is good news for Maui Land & Pine. The clearer it gets that it’s an odd/unusual/whacked out entirely idea for the state to get into the hotel industry, the more obvious it becomes that if Lingle’s so hot to spend tax dollars on some kind of land acquisition, she should look no further than Honolua Bay. In fact, right after Lingle’s speech The Maui News even quoted a few local officials like state Representative Angus McKelvey who said it just made sense for the state to buy the bay off ML&P. And I’m sure the company would get a good price, too—you think they’d settle for condemnation or even seizure under eminent domain? Hell no.

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HT BAD NEWS As if things weren’t bad enough at the Carlyle Group-owned Hawaiian Telcom, the Honolulu Advertiser reported that on Jan. 24 the company sacked “50 to 60 managers.” The reason: “cost-cutting.” What’s worse is the company has gotten rid of 100 employees “across various segments of the business” since October. That, as they say, will leave a mark. MTW

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COCONUT WIRELESS THE WEEK IN REVIEW

WEDNESDAY, Jan. 23 Looks like Hawai`i Superferry, Inc. (HSF) is dipping yet another fin into the waters surrounding Kauai— or at least, pouring over a survey of what Kauai business executives think about the possible return of the boat Alakai to their island. Today HSF’s high-powered public relations firm McNeil-Wilson Communications emailed the results of an early December 2007 survey of 74 members of the Kauai Chamber of Commerce on a few issues, including the Superferry. No surprise here: the chamber membership is overwhelmingly for the boat. Then again, it wasn’t the chamber that jumped into Nawiliwili Harbor on the Superferry’s second visit to Kauai and formed a human chain across its path, preventing its docking and leading to the company indefinitely suspending all future voyages to Kauai. But the survey—conducted on the web by the magical-sounding Surveymonkey.com—did include a very interesting question asking chamber members to offer their own suggestions “for reaching out to the Kauai community in preparation for the resumption of services.” Their answers ranged from the eminently practical (“Communicate to the public”) to the not very practical but still positive (“buy an invisible cloak”) to the outright hostile (“arrest all protesters” and “Ignore the minority terrorists”). Then there was one curious suggestion that is pretty much open to interpretation: “I suggest that we be treated with respect as oppossed

JANUARY 31, 2008

BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO ANTHONY@MAUITIME.COM

[sic] to being incorrectly dismissed as a bunch of crazed transplant hippies.”

Black-Footed Penguin at the Hyatt Regency Maui Resort and Spa, and that changed everything. That’s right, folks—little baby Buddha, son of George and Waddles, has now joined the posh Ka‘anapali resort’s menagerie that already includes Australian Black Swans, Australian King Parrots, European Mute Swans, an East African Golden Crowned Crane and an African Grey Parrot. Hey, wait a second: the release says baby Buddha was born way back on Oct. 20, 2007. What a rip! How dare they wait more than three months before telling us about little baby Buddha! We should have been notified the instant that little penguin cracked open his shell!

THURSDAY, Jan. 24 Haven’t heard from our two U.S. Senators—Daniel Akaka and Daniel Inouye— lately, so we should check in on them and see what they’re up to. And to help us out, today’s Honolulu Advertiser website has updates on both. Lessee… the paper says Mr. Akaka is holding a big hearing into “contractor waste and fraud in Iraq.” Now there’s a cheery topic! Good thing the Republican-led congress spent all of 2003, 2004, 2005 and 2006 doing their part to ignore or otherwise hush up allegations of corruption and outright thievery in Iraq by our many loyal valiant private contractors in Iraq—otherwise, there might not be anything for Akaka to investigate. And as for Mr. Inouye, he’s apparently agitating for something even more important than trying to make our splendid little war in Iraq honest: getting federal tourism funds through the passage of something called the Travel Promotion Act of 2007. “This bill would create a non-profit corporation to promote America to international visitors,” Inouye said at the winter meeting of the U.S. Conference of Mayors in Washington, D.C., according to the paper. “It would disseminate information about U.S. travel policies, so as to resolve any misperceptions about the difficulties associated with coming to our country.”

FRIDAY, Jan. 25 So it looks like we won’t have Dennis Kucinich to kick around anymore. Today the Ohio Democratic Congressman who somehow became the Maui County Democratic Party’s favorite son officially ended his presidential campaign. With his own party excluding him from candidate debates, it’s easy to see why Kucinich is bailing out. Kucinich possessed all of the anti-war, anti-corporate fervor of a Ron Paul, but without a decade of racist, homophobic, anti-Semitic newsletters bearing his name. Kucinich will be missed, but only by the apparent minority that favors an immediate end to the war in Iraq and corporate welfare and support increased government attention to poverty, homelessness, the growing population of people who lack medical insurance and environmental degradation.

SATURDAY, Jan. 26 Don’t say we didn’t warn you: according

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

MONDAY, Jan. 28 Cuter than the Superferry?

Cutest invasive species ever.

TUESDAY, Jan. 29 to today’s Honolulu Advertiser, state Board of Land and Natural Resources brought the hammer down on Maui Snorkel Charters (MSC), which does business as Maui Dive Shop. Not only did the board fine the company $550,000 for the 2006 sinking and salvage of their dive boat Kai Anela—which caused 80 years of damage to 192 square meters of Molokini coral—but they also indefinitely revoked the company’s permit to take the Kai Anela back to the crater. This is all rather surprising—MSC is a good-sized company that brings good-sized tourist dollars to the state—but not nearly as surprising as the Advertiser’s description of the waters around Molokini as “pristine.” Yes, the ancient, submerged volcanic crater is gorgeous, with lots of clear water and colorful sea creatures, but it is not pristine—the Advertiser’s own Jan. 23 story “Molokini waters to be closed for detonation of munitions,” detailing how the U.S. Navy will close the islet on Jan. 30 so they can destroy three unexploded bombs, is proof of that.

SUNDAY, Jan. 27 Now I was going to dish on today’s batch of Superferry documents published by the Advertiser, and how they offer even more evidence of the Lingle Administration’s desire to give Hawai‘i Superferry, Inc. everything it wanted (except for good weather—voyages got cancelled today and tomorrow due to heavy seas), but then I got a press release announcing the birth of a new African

In other news, the Hawaiian Electric Company (HECO) is still charging forward with plans to build two monster biodiesel refineries—one of which will be on Maui!—that will consume insane quantities of imported palm oil. If this strikes you as, well, stupid (palm oil plantations are annihilating rain forests in Southeast Asia), then take comfort in the fact that you’re not alone. This week, to coincide with the Major Economies Meeting on Energy Security and Climate Change at the University of Hawai`i East-West Center, groups like Maui Tomorrow Foundation and Sierra Club-Maui are trying to get people thinking about how all this attention on shipping palm oil over here just so we can keep driving our SUVs. “Switching from imported petroleum to imported palm oil does nothing for Hawaii’s energy security,” Sierra Club-Maui Group Chairman Lance Holter said in a Maui Tomorrow Foundation press release sent out on Jan. 27. “We have abundant local energy resources we should be utilizing, including solar, wind, and wave technologies.” On a similar note, the groups are also doing something called Project Blue Line—a “visual demonstration of the impacts of the projected one meter sea level rise by the end of the century.” Sounds like fun—the project, not the actual sea level rise. Anthony Pignataro wants to provide you daily updates and comments. Go to http://twitter.com/apignataro to learn more. MTW

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NEWSOFTHEWEIRD WASHINGTON JUSTICE? Joshua Hoge, a schizophrenic confined to Washington’s Western State Hospital, is claiming at least part of his late mother’s estate even though he’s the one who killed her in 1999. Washington law prevents profiting from the “unlawful” and “willful” taking of another’s life, but Hoge was found “not guilty by reason of insanity” and the legal issue is still unsettled. Furthermore, according to a January report in The Seattle Times, it appears that the mother’s estate consists almost totally of the $800,000 the estate won in a lawsuit against a county health clinic because it was negligent in delaying Joshua’s medications, which probably led to his killing her.

Mr. Coll Bell, a New Zealander who invented a composting toilet supposedly superior to a septic system and who wanted permission from the Auckland Regional Council to install one at a campground, said an ARC bureaucrat had queried him on whether the worms he uses would be traumatized by the volume of work required in the annual two-week period of intensive campground use. Coll told Agence France-Presse in December that vermiculture expert Patricia Naidu had assured him that the worms would be “happy.”

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goat, Adam, had been attending to three females who were in heat at the same time. The city council has since repealed the ordinance, following a campaign Mendenhall conducted.

INEXPLICABLE Police in Mount Lebanon, Pa., said in December that no illegal acts were involved, but some parents still want to know why the nondenominational Christian Mount Lebanon Young Life club had staged a teenagers’ social event during which boys wore adult diapers, bibs and bonnets and sat in girls’ laps while being spoon-fed. Said youth minister O.J. Wandrisco, the skits were not “dirty,” but “to break down the walls and let [the kids] have fun.” According to a parent, a previous skit involved kids eating chocolate pudding out of diapers.

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Convenience-store manager Carol Mendenhall told reporters in December that among the police citations she had recently received for a disturbance at her home in Dibble, Okla. (pop. 282), was one for allowing her four goats to have sex in her front yard in public view, which was illegal in Dibble. She admitted that her billy

WHATEVER Marjorie Kelley, 50, called 911 in Sarasota, Fla., in January after feeling chest pains, but she requested that no sirens or lights be used by the ambulance. When EMTs arrived using sirens and lights, Kelley reportedly jumped up and chased them down the street, wielding a rolling pin, according to WWSB-TV.

SERIOUS SUBSTANCE ABUSE Bill Long, a former member of the county council in Daytona Beach, Fla., was charged with DUI in December after he, allegedly speeding, hit another car. “When officers arrived at the scene,” reported WKMG-TV (Orlando), Long “was found drinking... suntan lotion.” And Joseph Cardillo, reportedly a certified therapist in tantra, kundalini and other spiritual arts, was arrested by sheriff’s deputies in Boulder, Colo., in November for, among other things, drinking an 8year-old girl’s urine, which he allegedly caught in his cupped hands, according to a report in Boulder’s Daily Camera. MTW

OVERHEARD... YOUNG WOMAN #1: “How about radishes?” YOUNG WOMAN #2: “Radishes are disgusting! They’re green, right?” YOUNG WOMAN #1: “Um, I don’t think so.” YOUNG WOMAN #2: “Yeah, I’m pretty sure they’re green. I see people putting them on hot dogs.” YOUNG WOMAN #1: “That’s relish!” -Quizno’s in Kihei, Jan. 23

ROBREPORT SOUP: continued from page 6 ence on imported food. The closure of Oahu’s last dairy is indicative that state and local government is not doing enough to subsidize and support local food production. With that decline, coupled with increasing population, our ports must handle even more freight to support the goods and services throughout the islands. How to handle that was the topic of discussion at the Cameron Center Auditorium last Wednesday evening. The state Department of Transportation (DOT) hosted a discussion meeting on its Kahului Harbor 2030 Master Plan Draft EIS. The favored alternative selected by a Maui Harbors Users Group is to separate freight and passenger operations by dredging the harbor and putting cruise ships and inter-island ferry operations on the west breakwater, where the recently improved boat ramp is found. The plan is supported by $345 million in fast-tracked funds proposed by Governor Linda Lingle, as part of a statewide Harbors Modernization Plan estimated last month at an $842 million in total capital expenditures. The 2025 Kahului Harbor Master Plan was adopted in 2000, and made a strong recommendation to separate freight and cargo uses. Yet since then, the DOT has done exactly the opposite, cramming the two competing uses into the limited space at the harbor. The loss of Young Brothers dock space to make room for the Hawai‘i Superferry has meant the loss of buildings that formerly provided covered storage space. Now all small shipments of inter-island cargo sit on the open dock, exposed to the elements. Wrapped around those boxes and pallets is plastic packaging film, sort of like Saran Wrap on steroids. Americans use 4.3 million tons of plastic film each year, which also includes trash bags and grocery sacks. Of this, only three percent was recovered and recycled, with plastic lumber being the principal reused product. According to paddling coach and Hui Malama instructor Iokepa Naeole, more and more plastic is winding up in Kahului Harbor since the changes at Young Brothers on Pier 2 to accommodate the Superferry. Speaking last Wednesday night, he also stressed that paddling, fishing and surfing shouldn’t be labeled as merely recreational harbor uses, as they all have cultural roots. Naeole and dozens of others spoke against the harbor expansion plans at the three-hour meeting. Most were

aghast that the plan proposed destroying surf breaks, fishing access and impacting the canoe regatta course in favor of commercial uses. The first to speak, Foster Ampong, set the tone for the rest of the testimony. “What is all this development for?” Ampong asked. “It serves corporate interest. I am kanaka maoli. My ancestors have lived in the middle of the Pacific Ocean without any help from others and we lived sustainably. Any more expansion will not promote sustainability for the people—it will sustain corporations. We don’t need to expand the harbor—we need solutions. Remember, the Hawaiians achieved sustainability—we know how to do it. The state government is actually doing the opposite. If you want to promote corporate interests and make the wealthy wealthier and the poor poorer this is the

way to do it.” Paddler Karen Chun agreed. “I’ll speak to you as an engineer with a master’s degree from the University of California,” Chun said. “This plan is unworkable and unsafe. This plan looks like it was created by cruise ship lobbyists instead of engineers.” The Save Kahului Harbor website has posted notice for a rally and sign-waving event and potluck on Saturday, Feb. 2, from 10 a.m. until noon. They also provide the link to view the full Draft EIS, and the e-mail link to submit official comments by Feb. 28. Enough appetizers. Now it’s time to make a good, warming “Outside the Box Carrot Soup.” • Steam a half an onion, and several small potatoes and carrots in a large pot.

• (Optional: butternut squash can be used, or local pumpkin.) • Fill a blender half to three quarters full, adding water, homemade soy or nut milk, miso, tamari and spices to taste. Garlic, too. Blend all vegetables and return to the soup pot. Finely chop greens—spinach, chard, or beet greens, and chives, dill, oregano or other fresh herbs to taste. Add to blended soup and simmer on low, as creamy soups are prone to scalding. Stir frequently. • Curry and cardamom can liven up this soup, as can finely diced apple or pear, added after blending. • When ready, serve in big, colorful bowls and invite friends! The more we grow what we need and share what we have with each other, the less we’ll have to ship in. MTW

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Mind Body Spirit don’t know about you, but I get tired of hearing that I need to quit smoking, curb my alcohol consumption, exercise at least three times a week, drink goji juice, cut carbs, meditate, take my vitamins, watch less television, practice safe sex, laugh more, brush after every meal and say my prayers.

In this day and age, we’re bombarded with advice for healthy living. Sometimes I believe that we live in a society that condemns those who don’t put the time, effort and cash into keeping their mind, body and spirit in top shape. Not that treating you body like a temple is a bad thing, but sometimes the required worship can be overwhelming. So this year, I wanted our annual Mind, Body and Soul Issue to bypass all of the normal stuff people talk about when it comes to good living. You won’t find a single story here about the necessity of thinking positive, eating non-GMO foods or tapping into the power of meditation. Instead, we’ve loaded this issue with methods that aren’t completely ordinary—things that lie on the fringe of alternative health care like hypnotherapy, sensory deprivation floatation tanks, yoga while suspended in a swing and, yes, breast massage. Hopefully, you’ll find something in these stories to inspire you in your quest to become a well-rounded human being. But if I can offer some advice, it would be to take all advice—including, I suppose, this advice—with a grain of salt and remember that it’s okay to laugh at yourself and the crazy world around you. In fact, doing so is completely healthy. Cheers,

Starr Begley

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

JANUARY 31, 2008

Zen demonstrating some of the many poses possible with the Yoga Swing

can’t handstand, cartwheel, back-bend or somersault. Some days, I can barely touch my toes. I’ve bought yoga books, DVDs, props and clothing. I have a purple yoga mat and CDs filled with appropriate music. Regardless, I’m stiff as a board. In classes, I always end up intimidated by “The Gumby People”—those who contort themselves into ungodly positions and claim that it makes them feel great. Okay, I’ll admit it: I am insanely jealous of flexible people. So, when I got a call from Zen— yes, like “Oprah” or “Cher”—who created a yoga swing that helps the user to stretch, invert and maintain different yoga positions, I was intrigued. According to him, the

swing’s possibilities are endless, as it makes certain exercises possible for even the stiffest people. I drove out to his studio deep in the Haiku jungle to check it out. First of all, the swing is an attractive piece of equipment. It’s made primarily of a bright, high-quality parachute material and looks like a mini hammock with stirrups and handles. Kind of like one of those “Love Swings” that were popular for a while, but not quite so kinky. It’s also fairly unobtrusive; it hangs from the ceiling by two hooks and can be easily removed and thrown in the closet or a backpack when you’re done. And it’s portable and washable–very important if you want to attach it to a tree branch at the beach and proceed to sweat all over it. After giving me the run down of its benefits, which include but are not limited to relieving back pain, improving posture, enhancing spinal mobility, boosting brain power, promoting lymphatic drainage and blood purification as well as enhancing relaxation and sleep, Zen demonstrated some exercises. His body would be amazing even if he were 25, but at

Head over Heels Five days on the Yoga Swing

over 40 it’s plain phenomenal. As I watched him stretch, invert and soar through the air, it was obvious that he didn’t have the bulky ‘roided out look of a weightlifter, but the lean and cut look of a dancer… or Tarzan. It was also obvious (at the time) that I would never be able to do the things that he did on the swing. After my lesson, we installed one in my bedroom (it took about three minutes) and I decided to give it five full days before making any more assumptions about what I couldn’t do: DAY ONE I decide to try a basic inversion. The act of getting the pressure off your organs and more blood to your brain is supposed to be really good for you. Also it looks really cool. I support my lower back with the sling, hold on for dear life and lean back while simultaneously opening and then hooking my legs around the upper portion of the sling. Upside down, I feel the blood rush to my face, which in turn makes my eyeballs feel like they will explode. After swaying back and forth for about seven seconds, I feel nauseous and get off the swing. Then I take a shower and go to bed. DAY TWO After suffering through too many horseback riding accidents and car crashes, my lower back feels perpetually locked. This tightness has screwed with my belly dancing, bootie drop and swagger for far too long. I decide that today I will fix that problem once and for all on the swing. I place the sling against my upper back, hooking it under my armpits. With a little maneuvering, I get my toes into the stirrups and point my legs forward. I’m now suspended by my armpits and toes, which completely stretches out my back. I begin hearing things crackle and pop. I hang there until I can take no more. Before hitting the sack, I

see YOGA, page 16

By Starr Begley

JANUARY 31, 2008

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

“A Doctor’s Confession to Maui” And Why I Still Do What I Do... CONFESSIONS ARE TOUGH. Real tough! Yet, sometimes a confession helps clear the air so there’s no misunderstanding. Before I talk about my confession, though, let me say a few other things first. Let me tell you about the picture you see of a very happy and loving family. The mother, Christina Kaina, was plagued with severe debilitating back pain, 24/7. So much that she was unable to sit, stand, lay down, walk or sleep without being in excruciating pain. She wanted desperately to be pain fee and be a good mother to her children, and to push her son, Logan, in his stroller. So she did everything that her medical doctors told her to do. Yet, after many doctor’s exams, specialized tests (i.e. CT and MRI scans) and tons of prescriptions, she was told that there is nothing that could be done. Her doctors declared her to be physically disabled. Now imagine being a 35-yearold mother with two children who used to be healthy, active, happy and felt great, being declared physically disabled and being in constant pain 24/7. After Christina started coming to our office, her problems improved, and her body started to heal itself. She was able to sleep all night without pain, she was able to push her son Logan around the neighborhood in his stroller. She was having pain-free days

and regaining her previous healthy, happy active lifestyle as the best Mom she could be. She enjoyed playing with her children and participated in all family activities. Her three-year-son, Logan, the baby in the picture, suffered from severe stomach and intestinal problems for half his life. After I started to adjust him, he improved immediately and is fully recovered. The beautiful girl in the picture is Holly, who has had Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis since birth. She is also getting adjusted and

Christina says she has improvements in her immune system and no more headaches. The big guy is the Dad, Andy, and after getting adjusted, his love back pain is gone.Andy states, “Getting adjusted has given me unlimited power to do whatever I want and work as hard as I like.” People come to see me for headaches, migraines, chronic pain, neck pain, shoulder/arm pain, low back pain, whiplash from car accidents, ear infections, asthma, allergies, numbness in limbs, athletic injuries, just to name a few.

Patients come to me and thank me for “curing” them, but I’m unable to really take the credit. My confession is that I’VE NEVER cured anyone of anything. What I do is perform specific spinal adjustments to remove nerve pressure, and the body responds by healing itself. We get tremendous results with our patients. You benefit from an amazing offer. It shouldn’t cost you an arm and a leg to correct your health. When you mention this article, you’ll receive my entire exam, including xrays for $75. Even with xrays, this exam could cost you over $200 elsewhere. And further care is really affordable and you’ll be happy to know that I have affordable family plans. Great care at a great fee... Ashley, Kathleen and Patty will make you feel comfortable as soon as you meet them. Everyone enjoys coming to our office where they can relax and recharge. We have wonderful services, at an exceptional fee. Our office is called Maui Family Chiropractic, and is located at 95 Lono Avenue, Suite 203 in Kahului. Our phone number is 871-6218. Call us for an appointment. We can help you. Mahalo, - DR. JAMES

H. HATTAWAY

“I never believed in “Dr. Hattaway has magic chiropractic. I suffered with “Chiropractic adjustments saved me from back fingers. Makes me feel 10 lower back pain for over 20 surgery, Chiropractic saves years younger.” years. After receiving Dr. lives!” -Eddie “Mr. Aloha” Pu Hattaway’s chiropractic care, Hawaiian Kahuna - George Kahumoku Sr. I feel great!” - Richard Higashi, Vice Principal Kihei School

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MAUI FAMILY CHIROPRACTIC Maui’s Chiropracter for 25 Years • Dr. James H. Hattaway 877-6218 • 95 Lono Ave. • Kahului MAUI TIME WEEKLY

JANUARY 31, 2008

YOGA, continued from page 14 invert. It feels the same as yesterday, but I force myself into an extra seven seconds. Somehow I survive. DAY THREE I don’t get on the swing. Instead, I drink coffee, surf the web and watch videos of people who do all kinds of crazy stuff on similar contraptions. This may be why most of my exercise regimens fail. Not to be a sissy, but my back hurts. Not in an injured way, but more like a “Why the hell are you stretching me?” way.

Dear Maui Neighbors, Family and Friends,

n this New Year, as we take stock of our past and plan for our future, we ask ourselves, “What is the true measure of a company’s success?” Although remaining profitable is critical for any business – including ours – for us, true success lies in the daily effort we put into serving our customers, our community and each other. We may not be the biggest dealership on the island; we may not sell the most vehicles, or have the largest advertising budget or the most luxurious amenities – but what we do have is heart. Heart doesn’t always fill our pocketbooks - we have been known to discourage customers from buying when the situation called for it, even if it meant losing a sale – but it does wonders for the way we feel about ourselves.

e are passionate about what we do. Our focus is on “continuous improvement” – we preach it, we spend countless hours on it, we are committed to it, because we are committed to making our customers’ entire ownership

Anne

Bryan M.

Don

Guy G.

Mike

JANUARY 31, 2008

Cal

Dru

Junior

Ryan

Eli

Lance

Sean

e would like to say a special “MAHALO!” from the bottom of our hearts to all of our customers who have purchased, and continue to purchase, vehicles from us and who have referred your friends and family to us. Your support in the area of sales is crucial to our business. We will do everything we can to remain worthy of your trust, and we are committed to providing you with the greatest value for the money spent.

inally, we wish to do Ho‘oponopono with all whose paths we may have crossed throughout the year.

May Peace, Joy and Abundance be yours in 2008 and beyond,

Your friends and family at Island Honda

Chris

Grant F.

Lawrence

Debbie

Grant K.

Jeff K.

Leslie

Robert

Shelby

MTW

Jeff D.

Ray

For more on the yoga swing, visit www.gravotonics.com, www.omgym.com or contact Zen at 572-2524 or www.myspace.com/zengravitymaster

ment. In December, we even started construction on our parts and service expansion! And we have even more planned for this year…

Chester

Jay

Rai

Truman

n the spirit of continuous improvement, in the past year or so: We became the first (and so far, only) AskPatty female-friendly certified dealership in the state, committed to providing our female customers with a “certified safe and comfortable environment” in what has traditionally been a very male-dominated business; we launched our monthly eNewsletter to help keep ou customers “in the loop” (accessible through www.islandhonda.com); we successfully negotiated a new 5-year contract with our ILWU collective bargaining employees; we streamlined scheduling so that customers wait an average of only 3 days to get into service; we added a free multi-point vehicle inspection to our service process; we began awarding our service customers 100 frequent flyer miles for every $100 spent in our service depart-

Jansen

Nick

Russell

Bryan

Guy N.

DAY FIVE My muscles hurt. This is good, right? It means something is happening. Not just that, I can now touch my toes without pulling something critical. I work out similar to yesterday, but go even longer on my

experiences positive ones. Service doesn’t end after the sale. We’re not perfect we do make mistakes, and some things are out of our control; but when we do err, we also do whatever we can to make things right. Our customers deserve nothing less.

Drinda

Joseph

inversion. I realize that I probably need to keep at this routine for a while before seeing outstanding results, but for the record, I can definitely feel that something good is happening to my body. Plus, the more time that I spend on the swing, the more I visualize alternative creative uses for it. Some of the positions are quite compromising, if you get my drift…

DAY FOUR Time to test some cool new moves that I learned. First, I go through some stretches using the swing as support, then I do some resistance strengthening exercises. I feel the burn. I end the workout with an inversion. Surprisingly, I don’t feel as nauseated this time, possibly because I chose to workout in the early morning before breakfast rather than at bedtime after a full meal. Duh.

John

Matt

Ron

Toni

Ronnie

Trevor

Bubba

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

Deprive Me A woman’s tale of a floatation tank, car trouble and the little white puppy that is her mind My usual method of relaxation involves a sunset, bottle of wine and a few good laughs. While this can be very effective, I think my liver is becoming interested in alternative ways to relieve stress. So I traveled to Kihei in search of a small, dark vestibule full of salt water to float in, perfectly still, on my back, for an undetermined length of time. It’s called a sensory deprivation chamber, and they have one at Maui Body and Soul in Kihei. Now I’ve never had any real desire to deprive myself of senses. I really enjoy the sweeping ocean views on my long commutes to work, the luxurious sensation of laying my head on a feather pillow or the brief but sweet scent of fresh baked waffle cone that wafts from Front Street ice cream parlors. But on my way south from my Wailuku office, I couldn’t help but notice the leftover road kill on the side of the highway or the group of young guys spitting in my direction from the sidewalk. My nose was bombarded with the aromatic side effects of road construction, which was causing traffic back ups and making me late. Furthermore, the guy in the big truck behind me decided two inches was a reasonable following distance. Oh, and my car kept making this persistent beeping noise that hasn’t stopped since my seatbelt broke last month. Ok, maybe I could stand a few minutes of peace, quiet and darkness. Kathleen Murphy, Maui Body and Soul’s owner, greeted me when I rushed in. Sensing my nervousness, she sat me down in the reception area (a small room cluttered with super cool stuff like healing

By Jessica Armstrong crystals, aromatherapy oils, books and eclectic paintings) and explained “The Tank” to me. A float tank is a lightproof, soundproof, chamber filled with about 10 inches of water with a very high salt content (Dead Sea salty) that usually comes from Epsom

salts and is heated just barely above body temperature. Spending time in the tank is supposed to coax the brain into a “theta wave state,” an experience that occurs naturally right before falling asleep and just prior to waking. The theta wave state induces deep relaxation, which has a huge

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but the air was steamy and thick. Floating range of physical benefits. Pain reduction was easy, but staying still was a bit of a is a major one, as is stress reduction. challenge as I tried to relax my muscles. Athletes use float tanks to relieve muscle When I finally came to a still around soreness and recover more quickly from the center of the tank I relaxed my injuries. Travelers use it to reset their mind, which was racing frantically to fill internal clocks and recover from jetlag. the space left by all the darkness and Floating appeals to artists, since having a quiet. It was really tempting to yell out recess from the physical senses also stimloud, just to see what would happen, but ulates endorphins, and enhances creativiI didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t. ty and productivity. As an added bonus, Instead I tried to meditate using a soaking in salt water draws toxins out of technique I picked the skin and stimuup years ago in a lates healthy function Maui Body and Soul yoga class. I imagof all kinds of organs. Azeka Makai Shopping Center ined that my mind I was ready to give 1279 S. Kihei Rd, Ste. 111 was a rambunctious it a go, so Murphy Mon-Sat, 10 a.m.- 6 p.m. little puppy (a white led me into the pri875-9004 one with floppy vate spa area. earsâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t ask me Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d be understating why) and I had to call to it to sit still. It it if I said the room was beautiful. Soft would stop, just for a moment or two, lighting, flute music and a charming little and then run off, racing around again, rock fountain lent a very mellow atmosuntil I patiently called it again. phere to the space. I promptly tested the Some time during my quality time massage chair in the corner and let the with my imaginary puppy I dozed off. chill vibe sink in. I stuck a toe into the Or maybe I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not really sure. I bubbling Jacuzzi, then perched on a felt awake but 45 minutes passed in the towel and dripped eucalyptus oil onto blink of an eye, ending my tank time. smoldering rocks in the aromatherapy Murphy said it was probably a theta cedar sauna that was heated to a scorchwave state. I felt as though Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d had an ing 200 degrees. eight extra hours of sleep. I had danced around the float tank long I drifted back to my car and a tranquil enough; it was time to jump in. The door drive home, this time noticing only the was heavy and ominous, and in the first beautiful sights, scents and sounds few seconds of total darkness I felt disoriaround me. MTW ented. The water wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t hot or even warm

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Practitioner Sessions Self Help Classes

Screenplay by Starr Begley Story by Ynez Tongson

[Note: This is a dramatization of a recent event involving a licensed massage therapist on Maui who openly advertises the benefits of “breast massage.” While some of the dialogue and description has been changed, everything said and done by the therapist— who we’ll call “HANS OLIVER”—as expressed below actually occurred. What’s more, he said and did these things while in the presence of reporter Ynez Tongson, who had previously made clear to him that she was there to report on the event for Maui Time. Enjoy.]

CAST BLISS: An extremely buxom, free-spirited woman seeking pleasure, breast health and a good massage on the island of Maui. She has waist length brown hair and large brown eyes that implore a tantalizing combination of innocence and sexual know-how. HANS OLIVER: A middle-aged licensed massage therapist who is of average height and build. He has a calming presence and speaks in a soothing voice. YNEZ TONGSON: A reporter with a keen eye, funky style, quick sense of humor and voyeuristic tendencies. Her phenomenal cleavage is accentuated with a tattoo that teases the viewer as her multiple piercings pull people in for a closer look. She wears black knee-high boots with everything and is a friend to BLISS. STARR BEGLEY: The Associate Editor of Maui Time Weekly. She doubles as a dominatrix on the weekends and wields the delete button on manuscripts like a flogger on naked flesh. She has short black hair and stands nearly six feet tall.

SCENE 1 It’s 10 a.m. Monday morning at the Maui Time

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Weekly office. We see STARR sitting behind a large mahogany desk. She is wearing a black corset under a white button-down men’s shirt that’s dangerously unbuttoned exposing copious amounts of creamy cleavage. Red stilettos adorn her feet, accentuating her lips, which are painted a similar glossy color. HANS is standing in front of her desk requesting that the paper write a story about the health benefits of breast massage. STARR (Gives HANS an appraising glance then responds in a husky voice): Breast massage? I don’t know about that, cowboy. It’s so scandalous!” HANS: Breast massage is very healthy for women. STARR (Trailing an ice-cube from her morning scotch on the rocks along her throat): Now, now, HANS… Are you implying that the benefits will knock my panties straight off? HANS gives STARR a stack of papers containing data in support of the benefits of breast massage and a gift certificate good for $75 toward his services before walking toward the door. HANS: Feel free to call me with any questions. You’ve got my contact information. EXIT HANS STARR taps a manicured fingernail to her lip as a suggestion of thought. Her lips curl up into a wicked smile as she flips open her cell phone and punches in

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it all right for me to touch the nipple area? BLISS: Yes! HANS: There will be some labia pulling. Are you all right with that? BLISS: God, Yes! Give me the sensual massage, please! Life is too short for a cold clinical massage. HANS: The sensual massage includes full body stroking. The clinical does not. BLISS: Hurry. I want it now! FADE TO BLACK

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SCENE 4 a number. STARR (Into phone): Ynez? How are you darling? Have I got a story for you… FADE TO BLACK

SCENE 2 We see BLISS and YNEZ sitting in a steel gray BMW Z4 convertable going through the packet of papers that HANS OLIVER had left with STARR. BLISS (giggling): Full-hand stroking. YNEZ (eyes wide): Lifting and pumping! BLISS (visibly becoming flushed): Thumbstroking. YNEZ: Jiggling... (groans auudibly) Vibrating. The girls stop reading, caught in an unexpected moment of arousal. YNEZ: It says right here that breasts that are never suckled, fondled or massaged are more at risk for stagnating lymphatic flow. BLISS (caressing her own breasts): Well, I wouldn’t want that, now would I? YNEZ (watches BLISS’ hands as though in a trance then shakes her head, breaking the spell. Clears throat.): Looky here! Fun fact... Catholic nuns have the highest rate of breast cancer. BLISS: I want my boobs massaged right now. You’re gonna come with me, right? YNEZ: Oh, I’m gonna come with you all right. FADE TO BLACK

SCENE 3 The office of HANS OLIVER. We see a massage table on one side of the room and a makeshift-office area on the other side. The far wall is papered with certificates. BLISS and YNEZ hold hands while facing HANS who is dressed in all white. HANS: Hello. Who’s here for the massage? BLISS: That would be me. Ynez just likes to watch and write about it later. (Trailing a finger down YNEZ’s cheek) Her work is always so… moving. HANS: I’ve got some paperwork for you to fill out while I explain the procedure. BLISS (Beginning to fill out paperwork): Talk to me, baby. HANS: …the body will be pumped… Navel… Armpit… Breasts… Thighs… Buttocks… (To BLISS) Is

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The office of HANS OLIVER. BLISS and YNEZ are present. The music slows and we watch as the screen splits into eight sections while BLISS disrobes. The sections allow us to watch her strip from every angle. YNEZ: Wow. This whole thing kind of feels like a cheesy porno. FADE TO BLACK

SCENE 5 BLISS is lying on the massage table. YNEZ is seated on a stool watching with feverish eyes as HANS kneads BLISS’ ample breasts like dough. HANS: I have been practicing massage on my girlfriends since 1974. BLISS: I love an experienced man. HANS: Women with implants need to make a special effort to have their breasts massaged. BLISS: I’m sure they could find a volunteer. Let’s not talk about imposter tits. Let’s focus on my voluptuous, natural rack. HANS: There’s no clinical reason that the nipple needs to be left out of breast massage, although the arousal rate makes some women uncomfortable. BLISS (panting): Hans? May I ask you something? Are my nipples inverted? HANS: Nope. They’re popping right out at me! HANS begins to massage BLISS’ stomach in a clockwise manner, working his way slowly to her groin and inner thighs. We watch as the film slows down and hear the rhythmic sound of a heartbeat pumping loudly over Silk’s “Freak Me.” FADE TO BLACK SCENE 6 BLISS is now face down on the massage table. Ynez remains on the stool while HANS massages BLISS’ legs and buttocks. HANS: You’ve got a nice round bottom. YNEZ: Baby, that’s an understatement. Her ass is absolutely wicked. HANS: Yes, I approve! (Spanks BLISS’ ass) BLISS (shouting): Spank me, big boy! Spank me! FADE TO BLACK

THE END

Fragmented Images By Starr Begley

How weird stuff can emerge, for the greater good, during hypnotherapy Until recently, the only experience I had with hypnotism came from the county fair. As a child, I loved watching members of the crowd crow like roosters or search for imaginary items onstage. But I always secretly thought that there was no way that I could ever be hypnotized because I so fear the thought of loosing control. Then a few weeks ago I met up with Maribeth Theisen at Café Marc Aurel in Wailuku. She’s a hypnotherapist and licensed counselor. Theisen knows her stuff. Not only has she practiced hypnotherapy for 30 years, she’s taught it at the Hypnotherapy Academy of America in Santa Fe, New Mexico. While we ate lunch, she drew diagrams and explained the difference between the conscious–the logical cause and effect thinker–and subconscious mind, the

tionally from a one-time trauma can sometimes be healed in single session, whereas someone dealing with ongoing trouble can usually get results in four to six sessions.

emotional doer. She explained that negative thought patterns can develop during childhood without us even realizing it, then become reinforced as we grow into adults. And she told me how hypnotherapy gets through the barrier of the subconscious, allowing the therapist to provoke positive change. It made so much sense that I couldn’t

help but begin to psychoanalyze all my weird tendencies. I have a lot of them. The good news is that, according to Theisen, there are many different types of hypnotherapy related therapies, like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), that can fix those glitches quickly. For example, Theisen estimates that a person suffering emo-

After lunch, we headed to Theisen’s Wailuku office (she also practices in Kihei). My plan was to experience basic hypnotherapy, which would send positive reinforcements to my subconscious. I decided the reinforcement should be “I make wise decisions,” because I don’t. As I lay on her big comfy couch, I was definitely nervous. What if I freaked out? Even worse, what if I was unhypnotizeable? Theisen told me to settle in and stare at a spot high on the ceiling. She told me that my eyes would be feeling heavy, and that on the count of three they would feel so

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heavy that I should just close them. Three came and while it didn’t feel as though I had lead weights on my lashes, I decided to be a good sport and close them anyway. Next she told me to relax every section of my body, beginning with my toes. I did my best, though relaxation is foreign to me. There was some twitching involved. Finally, when we got to my head, she told me that my eyelids should feel like they are glued shut and that any attempt to open them would only make them shut tighter. For some reason, even as I was thinking “bullshit,” the imagery worked. I couldn’t or wouldn’t open my peepers. And before I knew what was happening, I realized that I actually felt relaxed. She asked me to imagine I was in a beautiful outdoor setting. My mind kept flashing on an image that’s hard to explain, but the colors were very bright—almost acid-trippy. There was a lot of vibrant green grass and magenta flowers. I could tell there was water nearby, even though it seemed quiet. It was frustrating at first, because I would get this flash of the scenery coupled with a feeling of being “whole,” but then it would vanish. Eventually the

images stayed still. It was absolutely beautiful and wonderful… And then my horse showed up. I haven’t seen Maui Boy, who was extremely headstrong and overly sensitive, in a few years–long story–but I loved him a lot. All of a sudden, I felt so sad that I started to cry. Vaguely, I could feel real tears seeping out of my eyes and running down my checks. An intense feeling of homesickness overwhelmed me, like I wanted to actually be wherever it was that I was imagining. Maui Boy’s fur smelled sunny and earthy. Wrapping my arms around his thick neck, I could feel his red fur sticking to the sweat on my arms. Theisen told me to imagine myself being bathed in white light and to let it pour into my heart. In hindsight, it sounds really fruity, but as I did it, my whole body was warm and cocooned in what I imagined to be Reiki (a healing modality of which I am a practi-

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tioner) energy. Soon I felt calm and was content with just chilling out in my self-tailored fantasyland. Then Theisen told me to get on Maui Boy and ask him to “take me to the place of wisdom.” Easier said than done. Maui Boy was never good at taking orders. Also, I didn’t have a bridle or saddle. So I attempted to mount the horse without stirrups. It was a frustrating experience. After several failed tries, I scrambled onto his back. He started walking right away, but I doubted he would take me to anyplace special. In fact, I was assuming that he’d simply run me under a tree. We wandered around for a while, and then I realized he had taken me to a clearing that looked a lot like the place where I experienced my first real kiss. I recalled that it had been disastrous–I was literally disgusted by the sensation of boy tongue in my mouth—and spent months fearing that I was a lesbian. I urged Maui Boy on, not caring about the possible message that my subconscious was trying to give me. Frankly, I have no desire to rethink my sexuality. Finally we got to this cottage. The cottage looked a lot like this place where I had lived with my daughter’s dad years ago. Maui Boy stopped, and I dismounted and just stood there for a while. I remember thinking that if this was my place of wisdom, then I was pretty much screwed. Theisen asked me where I was, and I told her. Then she instructed me to ask Wisdom (as if it were some type of entity) to come out and talk to me and to let her know how Wisdom appeared to me. I was feeling pretty silly at this point, but I went along, promising myself that if Wisdom turned out to be a Caucasianlooking Jesus or the Dalai Lama, then I was going to throw in the towel. So, I asked and waited. And waited. Finally the door opened and out stepped Don Juan from the Carlos Castaneda books. (I had been introduced to Carlos Castaneda’s work about four years ago by this beautiful but slightly strange guy that lived in my neighborhood. For a few months, I devoured the books. I hadn’t thought about them in a few years. I was surprised and confused that out of all the people and objects that I could choose to represent Wisdom, I came up with a scraggly old man who did a lot of mescaline.) I relayed the latest developments to

Theisen, who then told me to ask him if I could sit and talk with him for a while. I did. He just ignored me. Then she told me to ask him if he could come back “with me in my heart” so that if I needed him, he would be there. Something deep inside of me (probably my Christian upbringing) balked at the thought. He continued to ignore me. I began to get a little nervous. Why weren’t my created characters cooperating? Theisen recommended that I ask if I could sit with him for a while. It was slightly unnerving and uncomfortable. I felt intrusive, but I climbed the stairs and sat across from him on the porch. He was whittling. My next prompt was to ask him if he had any message or gift to give me. He still ignored me. I sat there for what seemed like a very long time, eventually becoming content to just watch him shuck long strips of wood with a knife. Whatever he was whittling wasn’t intricate. In fact, it looked as if he was just carving the piece of wood into a sharp point. He whittled and whittled until there was nothing left but a small square-ish block of wood–the part that he was holding in his hand. He extended it out to me, dropped it in my palm and closed my hand into a fist over it. When I told Theisen what was happening, she told me to ask him what I should do with it and what it means. When I did, he stood up, chuckled, tapped his finger to his head and went back into the house. Then he shut the door behind him. I put the object into my pocket, struggled to get back onto Maui Boy and let him slowly take me back to where we started. When Theisen brought me out of my trancelike state, I was surprised to find that my body had gone numb and felt really heavy. I thought that was a cool physical sign that something had actually happened to me and it wasn’t all just my overactive imagination. “Your subconscious mind knows what all of that means,” Theisen told me, before letting me know that a session like mine–full of symbolism and vagueness–isn’t common. “Most people end up talking to their grandpa, who tells them very clearly what they should or should not do about a certain situation,” she said. Self-diagnosis? Completely loopy. But at least with hypnotherapy, it’ll be a blast to work out. For more on hypnotherapy, visit www.mauitransformations.com or call Maribeth Theisen, MSW, LCSW, Cht at 269-2923. MTW

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BY JESSICA ARMSTRONG JESSICA@MAUITIME.COM

(Left to right) Owner Rakesh Sethi, Chicken Tikka Masala and Garlic Naan Bread

The Spice of Life Shangri-La by the Sea serves exotic fare from Northern India I’m a total sucker for anything exotic. That’s probably why I adore Indian food so much. Actually, I’m enamored by just about everything India—the birthplace of yoga and home of the Taj Mahal. But mostly I’m into the edible stuff. So when I found out about the new Indian restaurant in Kihei, I rejoiced. And then I went to lunch. My coworker Wendy and her husband Pietro met me there and we bonded over our passion for paneer. Our eyes bulged when we saw all the menu options, so we started slow with a couple of masala iced teas—a light chai spiced with cardamom and cinnamon, blended with milk and served over ice. Rakesh Sethi, the restaurant’s owner, came over to guide us through the menu, helping us select a variety of traditional Northern Indian dishes. First came the vegetable samosas: crispy, fried pastry dough stuffed with a heavenly blend of curry-spiced potatoes and peas. They were huge. At least twice as big as the largest samosa I’d ever seen up to this point. They came with cool mint chutney and sweet tamarind sauce, which perfectly balanced out the spices in the stuffing. We ordered two lunch entrees—chicken tikka masala and lamb saag—which come accompanied with a fragrant basmati rice dotted with saffron and a fresh garden salad. The chicken was tender, boneless and drowning in a beautifully creamy tomato sauce that was just a tiny bit spicy. The lamb was delicious and came drenched in a thick curried spinach sauce that had incredible depth of flavor. And then there was the naan. This soft, puffy leavened bread comes hot out of traditional clay

Photos: Pietro Ortiz

(Top to bottom) Lamb Saag, Vegetable Samosa and the Tandoor Clay Oven

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oven (tandoor) that Sethi had imported from India. Shangri-La serves their naan plain, stuffed with cheese or topped with garlic or spiced onions. We ordered garlic naan, which was buttery, flaky and perfect for sopping up the leftover masala sauce.

Shangri-La by the Sea 760 S. Kihei Rd., 875-4555. Lunch: 11 a.m.-2:30 p.m.; Dinner: Sun-Thur, 5-9 p.m., Fri-Sat, 5-10 p.m. $

Dinner entrees are served up family style; they’re large enough to split several ways. The full menu includes a selection of biryanis, which are dishes made with Indian basmati rice cooked in thick curry sauce with fruit, nuts and a choice of chicken, lamb, shrimp or veggies. There’s also a healthy assortment of seafood and vegetarian entrees, many of which star the restaurant’s homemade paneer cheese, fresh sautéed vegetables and masala or curry sauces. The menu boasts a medley of tandoori grill dishes, including salmon kebabs marinated in freshly ground Indian herbs, tender chicken tikka marinated in yogurt and tandoori rack of lamb, subtly flavored with garlic, ginger and spices. The delicious flavors run all the way to dessert, which includes a variety of kulfi—homemade Indian ice cream flavored with mango, pistachio or cardamom—and a spiced rice pudding called kheer badam. Most exotic-sounding of all, there’s the gulab jamun: deep fried cheese, dipped in sugar and honey and served with rosewater syrup. I can’t wait to try it all. MTW

TAKEFIVE

BY ANTHONY PIGNATARO ANTHONY@MAUITIME.COM

Places that do Wonderous Things with Ahi COLLEEN’S This wonderful little Haiku café tosses ahi with their fettuccine, pesto sauce and a little black pepper. On the side you get a small spinach salad with mango vinaigrette. It’s $18, but it’s also sublime and delicious. Haiku Cannery, 810 Haiku Rd., 575-9211. Open 6:30 a.m.-9:30 p.m. $

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CAFÉ O’LEI The café’s Togarashi seared Ahi begins with locally caught fish, to which it adds Japanese pepper, wasabi aioli and crisp wontons. The result is beautiful to behold and is marvelously easy to consume. Just don’t eat it too quickly. 62 N. Market St., Wailuku, 986-0044. Open Mon.-Fri., 7:30 a.m.-10:30 a.m.; 11 a.m-3 p.m. $

MILAGRO’S The blackened blue ahi taquitos hold sashimi-grade ahi, which is glazed with a blackening spices and chopped cilantro, Then they roll it all in a blue corn tortilla and deepfry it. Be sure to top it with the fresh fruit salsa, made with pineapple, Asian gooseberry, cantaloupe, sesame seeds and chipotle pepper. 3 Baldwin Ave., Paia, 579-8755. Open 8 a.m.-10 p.m. $

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Up, Down, Shimmy, Shimmy… Saturday (Feb.2) 7:30 p.m. at The Studio Maui, Haiku; Sunday (Feb. 3) 7:30 p.m. at the McCoy Studio Theater, MACC [PERFORMANCE] I am most likely to become bi-sexual when in the presence of bellydancers. I love everything about bellydancers—the ornate costumes, heavy makeup, long transparent skirts, bra tops, cute jiggly stomachs, undulating body movements, mysterious gaze and last, but not least, music that they groove to. In fact, I love bellydance so much that I took a few classes with my best friend. During the (as we refer to it) “Earth Mother” era of our lives, we lined our eyes with jet black pencils, dished out major cash for noisy, shiny hip-belts, sewed our own costumes and practiced sultry glares on each other. Sadly, she picked up the movements with ease, while I moved like a non-bendable doll having a seizure. But just because I’m a total dork doesn’t mean that I can’t enjoy bellydance… from the outside. This is why I’m thrilled that renowned dancer Delilah, her uber-hot Goth/burlesque bellydancing daughter Laura Rose and the House of Tarab (a really awesome Arabic music group from Seattle) will be performing with Maui’s Mirayah Delamar and her Sacred Earth Bellydance troupe for two nights on Maui. Oh, and Dreaming Bear–a gorgeous mystical poetry guy–will be there to balance out the hot chick factor with a little testosterone. Oh, the fantasies are almost too much to bear. Tickets: $25. 242-7469 or www.bellydance-maui.com for more details. [STARR BEGLEY]

SEND YOUR LISTINGS & PHOTOS FOR DA KINE CALENDAR TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM OR FAX (808) 244-0446 MAUI TIME WEEKLY

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ThIS WEEK’S PICKS by Starr Begley

Cotton’s Still Got It Friday, (Feb 1) 7:30 p.m., at the Castle Theater, MACC

Celebration in Glimpses

THURSDAY

Christopher Jacobs

[MUSIC] There’s something about the harmonica that’s inherently sexy. It has to do with the harp’s proximity to the lips, the hands that cup gently around it and the big, bluesy vibrations it emits when played by a soulful and talented performer. Before I go too far with this, I should point out that harmonica master James Cotton is old enough to be my grandfather. The man’s got 64 years of show business under his belt. Back in the day, Cotton ruled the Mississippi blues circuit and jammed with blues legends like Sonny Boy Williams and Muddy Waters. Then he formed his own band. He had the Grammy nominations rolling in throughout his career, but it wasn’t until 1996 that he captured the award for his Friday, (Feb 1) 6-9 p.m. at Village Contemporary, song “Deep in the Lahaina Blues.” If I were just a few decades older I’d be [ART RECEPTION] There are very few artists that truly capture people. Suzy totally smitten. Willie K Papanikolas is one of them. In fact, she’s one of my favorite artists. I was first and the Maui Tribe Blues exposed to her emotion-provoking pieces while staying at the Banyan Tree House Band will open the show on Baldwin Ave. There are so many people out there who capture Hawai`i’s gorwith their own brand of geous landscape, sunsets and shore breaks, but there aren’t that many who can island blues. Tickets: capture its people. Papanikolas has a knack for finding the precise moment in which $50, $45, $38. 242-7469 to bring her subjects to life. Her ability to portray human expression is phenomenal [JESSICA ARMSTRONG] and inspiring. For more information call 661-5559 or visit www.papanik.com.

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Friday February 1st FROM THE BAY AREA

DAVID NELSON & FRIENDS Bill Kreutzmann (Grateful Dead), Pete Sears, Mookie Siegel, Barry Sless Music Starts at 10pm $25 Tickets

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INNAVISION Maui’s Heaviest Roots Reggae Music Starts 10pm $15 Cover

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Fridays & Saturdays at 7:30 p.m.; Sundays at 5 p.m., (Feb 8-24) at the Iao Theater, Wailuku

Friday (Feb. 1), 9:30 p.m. at Casanova, Makawao and Saturday (Feb. 2) 10 p.m., at Pauwela Cannery, Haiku

[STAGE] One of my guilty pleasures around here is playing tourist. You know, hitting all the popular tourist spots, getting sun-burned hanging out by the pool while sipping pina coladas with colorful umbrellas and asking locals all kinds of obvious questions? It’s probably why I want to see the new play The Foreigner. It’s about a shady group of characters that unload their dirty laundry and deepest secrets on this one poor guy because they think he doesn’t understand English, when in fact he’s really just shy and never talks. So he ends up getting all this dirt on a crooked minister, who’s cooking up a scandalous plan with his redneck sidekick. So he ends up going along with the scheme and pretending to be all “foreign.” Just like me. Now I don’t feel so bad. Tickets: $18. 242-6969. [JA]

DAY

[MUSIC] What is up with musicians with the last name Nelson? There’s Willie Nelson, the Nelson brothers and last but not least David Nelson. David Nelson is the dude who played with Jerry Garcia and was a major part of the New Riders of the Purple Sage. The David Nelson Band is famous for its “psychedelic country rock” sound and for being one of those all around classic rock bands that has helped define rock and roll over the decades. Tickets: $25. For more information check out www.nelsonband.com.

➤➤➤➤➤MONDAY ➤➤➤➤➤TUESDAY ➤➤➤➤➤WEDNESDAY

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

JANUARY 31, 2008

FILMCRITIQUE

BY COLE SMITHEY COLE@MAUITIME.COM

Death is the New Sex Gregory Hoblit’s new thriller is anything but Untraceable is 2008’s first installment of torture porn. It’s a predictable thriller that blames a bloodthirsty public and big media for fostering an atmosphere of retribution violence. Diane Lane gives a solid performance as FBI cyber crimes Special Agent Jennifer Marsh who discovers an untraceable website (“killwithme.com”) where a murderer tortures victims at a rate constant with its number of visitors.

Untraceable

★★★★★ Rated R/100 min.

The unwritten subtext of the gory torture scenes is that the horrific murders pale in comparison to the punishments doled out daily by American military at Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo prison camps. So long as the American government continues to brutalize people, it seems we will continue to see horror thrillers like Untraceable arrive in cinemas. Written by a committee of Robert Fyvolent, Mark R. Brinker and Allison Burnett, Untraceable starts with a darkly humorous jab. Our anonymous killer (Joseph Cross—Running with Scissors) sits a kitten in front of

a sticky rat-trap that will ensnare the feline for web viewers to witness its gradual demise. It’s a back-handedly-benevolent comic narrative gesture that eases the audience into the gruesome torture and violent visual images yet to come. Jennifer Marsh is a widowed single mother living in a modest house in Portland, Oregon with her mother (Mary Beth Hurt). At work, Jennifer nails identity thieves and pedophiles that she can call in surgical police strikes against quicker than she can go out for a coffee. As such, her prescient leap of logic about a kitten killer’s inevitable aptitude for torturing people to death comes too quickly to allow much suspense to build before the first human victim makes his appearance. A taser becomes cinema’s modern-day chloroform when a man is abducted in a sports arena parking lot before being stripped, cut and shackled in front of a webcam with an intravenous needle that speeds bleeding with every new visitor that logs on. Some clever satire attends a discussion among FBI agents over whether to publicize the situation, fearing it will accelerate the man’s death. But their concerns are quickly cancelled when a huge number of web hits prompt the inescapable fate. Director Gregory Hoblit (Primal Fear) ramps up the tension with the second webcam killing that involves the use of sunlamps. The picture takes on the tone of a Saw franchise slasher pic where the mechanical method of insuring a grisly death takes on as much importance as the incident itself.

Who are they going after? Dillinger? And yet, the keystone of the plot rests on the visually shocking suicide of a college professor who combines a wellplaced gunshot with a bridge fall to insure his desired result. A helicopter films the graphic sequence before disseminating it to the public on local television. Here the filmmakers outdo themselves with a disturbingly real vision of expiration by suicide that is shown repeatedly to underscore the responsibility of the media to the motives of our resident psycho. Untraceable provokes discussion over the way snuff films were thought to be the stuff of myths even just a few years ago,

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but are now widely available to any adventurous web surfer wanting to watch someone being killed. It ultimately fails as a thriller because the script is so anxious to make some oblique point about the power of the web and exploitation media that it forgets about Jennifer’s underdeveloped psychological journey. There aren’t enough layers of visual meanings for the plot to add up emotionally. What you see is what you get, and as the famous quote about pornography goes, “you know it when you see it.” Death has become the new sex in American cinema. MTW

MOVIECAPSULES

BY JESSICA ARMSTRONG CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

Maui Film Festival’s Candlelight Cinema

Front Street Theater 900 Front Street, 249-2222 27 Dresses - PG - Th-F, M-W 3:45, 6:30, 9; SaSu 1:15, 3:45, 6:30, 9

No Candlelight Cinema this week, shows will resume next week.

The Eye - PG13 - F, M-W 4, 6:45, 9:15; Sa-Su 1:30, 4, 6:45, 9:15

New This Week

Mad Money - PG13 - Th only 4, 6:45, 9:15

THE EYE - PG13 - Horror - Jessica Alba plays a blind violinist who, after a double corneal transplant, regains her sight only to start seeing freaky, shadowy figures that may or may not be real. As if having creepy surgery wasn’t horrific enough. I’m rooting for her to go totally freaking insane. 105 min.

Meet the Spartans - PG13 - Th-F, M-W 3:30, 6:30, 9:10; Sa-Su 1, 3:30, 6:30, 9:10 Rambo - R - Th-F, M-W 4:15, 7, 9:15; Sa-Su 1:45, 4:15, 7, 9:15

Ka’ahumanu 6 Queen Ka’ahumanu Shopping Center, 875-4910

OVER HER DEAD BODY - PG13 Comedy - After the tragic death of his fiance, a guy goes to a hottie psychic for help dealing with his emotions. But he ends up falling for her (a little to soon, for my tastes) and now she’s being haunted by the dead girl’s ghost, who’s bent on keeping the earthly couple apart. 105 min

27 Dresses - PG - Daily 11:50, 2:15, 4:45, 7:10, 9:45. Alvin and the Chipmunks - PG - Th 12:25, 2:45, 5:10, 7:20, 9:30; F-W 12:25, 2:45, 5:10, 7:20. The Bucket List - PG13 - Daily 12:05, 2:35, 5, 7:25, 9:40 Cloverfield - PG13 - Th 12:35, 3, 5:20, 7:40, 9:50. F-W 9:30.

Now Showing 27 DRESSES - PG - Comedy - Jane has walked down the isle more than two dozen times. No, she’s not a hussy, just a perpetual bridesmaid. When she and her sister fall for the same guy she discovers that she’s not satisfied with sitting on the sidelines anymore. 107 min ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS - PG Family - Say it ain’t so! After twenty-something years I have finally, FINALLY gotten the Alvin and the Chpmunks theme song out of my head and now you’re saying they’re back? Nooooooo! (Plot: Chipmunk brothers Alvin, Simon and Theodore are adopted by a

SHOWTIMES

The Eye - PG13 - F-W 12:35, 3, 5:20, 7:45, 10 How She Move - PG13 - Daily 12:10, 2:40, 5:05, 7:35, 9:55

Looks like somebody forgot to clean the oven...

Untraceable - R - Daily 12, 2:25, 4:55, 7:30, 9:50 human named Dave.) 88 min (Starr Begley) ATONEMENT - R - Drama - In this adaptation of the novel by Ian McEwan, two upper-class British sisters form the base of a love triangle with the housekeepers son. Dramatic misconceptions lead to false accusations and betrayal, jealousy and, years later, the possibility of atonement. 123 min. THE BUCKET LIST - PG13 - Comedy - An aging auto mechanic (Morgan Freeman) and a billionaire corporate executive (Jack Nicholson) go on a skydiving, tatoo-getting, race car-driving mission to do all the things they wanted to do before kicking the bucket after a pair of heart attacks land them in a shared hospital room. 97 min. CLOVERFIELD - PG13 - Sci-Fi - Earthquakes, black-outs and massive fireballs cause chaos on the streets of New York City. Could it be another terrorist attack? No no, don’t panic. It’s just a team of evil monsters from the beyond. Whew! That was a close one! 90 min. FIRST SUNDAY - PG13 - Comedy - Two bumbling thieves get up close and personal with the Almighty when an attempt to rip of their neighborhood church for thousands of dollars goes horribly wrong. 138 min. HOW SHE MOVE - PG13 - Drama - Raya’s dream of becoming a doctor is dashed when she’s torn out of prep school and tossed back into her ghetto neighborhood high school after her sister dies of an overdose. But wait! There’s an upcoming hip-hop step dance competition with a grand prize big enough to put her back on track to med school! This doesn’t sound familiar at all... 98 min I AM LEGEND - PG13 - Sci-Fi - Will Smith plays the last guy on Earth, which makes me think twice about the, “I wouldn’t screw you if you were the last guy on earth” line. Anyway, he’s (along with his trusty side-kick German Shepherd) looking for a cure to the cancer-killing virus that wiped out the planet. Oh yeah, and there’s hairless flesh eating vampires. Can’t forget about them. 100 min (SB)

MAD MONEY - PG13 - Comedy - An unlikely trio of ladies (Diane Keaton, Katie Holmes and Queen Latifah) get bored with their desk jobs at the Federal Reserve and decide to make off with a huge load of cash that’s about to be destroyed. 104 min MEET THE SPARTANS - PG13 - Comedy - The 300 warriors of Spartan are no match for the 300 idiotic guys in skirts and shields and the mindnumbing but funny pop culture references that pepper this satirical comedy. 84 min. MICHAEL CLAYTON - R - Drama - Michael Clayton is a slimy, burned-out lawyer and former criminal prosecutor who faces the challenge of a lifetime when a multi-million dollar lawsuit led by his firm is threatened by a guilt-ridden attorney. 120 min.

Kukui Mall 1819 South Kihei Road, 875-4910 27 Dresses - PG - Th, Su-W 1, 4:05, 7 F-Sa 1, 4:05, 7, 9:45 The Bucket List - PG13 - Th, S-W 1:15, 4:15, 7:15; F-Sa 1:15, 4:15, 7:15, 9:30 Cloverfield - PG13 - Th only 1:45, 4:45, 7:45 Over Her Dead Body - PG13 - F-Sa 1:30, 4:30, 7:30, 10. Su-W 1:30, 4:30, 7:30. Rambo - R - Th 1:30, 4:30, 7:30; F-Sa 1:45, 4:45, 7:45, 10; Su-W 1:45, 4:45, 7:45.

Maui Mall Megaplex Maui Mall, 249-2222 Atonement - R - Th, M-W 3:30, 6:45, 9:35; F-Su 12:40, 3:30, 6:45, 9:35

ONE MISSED CALL - R - Horror - Hot college girls receive blood-curdling voice mails from their near-future selves at the moment of their death, then die three days later. These calls are punctuated by an ominous ring tone, and one unlucky young lady is racing against time to discover what the f*%! is going on. 87 min

First Sunday - PG13 - Th, M-W 2:25, 4:50, 7:20, 9:55; F-Su 12, 2:25, 4:50, 7:20, 9:55

RAMBO - R - Action - For twenty years Rambo’s been hiding out, river fishing and generally living peacefully in back country Thailand until a sorry group of aid workers interrupt his simple life on their way to a refugee camp at the war torn border with Burma. In all that time Rambo has not aged a bit or become any easier to understand. 133 min.

Juno - PG13 - Th, M-W 2:25, 4:45, 7:10, 9:30; F-Su 12:05, 2:25, 4:45, 7:10, 9:30

SWEENEY TODD: THE DEMON BARBER OF FLEET STREET - R - Musical - Tim Burton and Johnny Depp pair up again in this gory and gothic tale about a serial-killing barber who slits the throat of his patrons before passing on the bodies to his devious side-kick girlfriend who grinds up the bodies and puts them in meat pies, which are then sold back to an unsuspecting public. Sounds like musical material to me! 117 min

IN THE NAME OF THE KING: A DUNGEON SIEGE TALE - PG13 - Sci-Fi - Bloodthirsty beasts go postal on a small village and a peace-loving family man is forced to take up arms against an evil sorcerer who’s bent on overthrowing the king. 150 min

THERE WILL BE BLOOD - R - Drama - The dark, haunting story of a greedy Texas oil man and his exploitation of a egotistic minister who’s sitting on an enormous oil deposit. All is well as the rich man gets richer, except for that little nuisance called a conscience that wont seem to let him sleep at night. 158 min.

JUNO - PG13 - Comedy - Juno is a teen who, though really smart, ends up pregnant, then decides to find the perfect wealthy, suburban couple to raise her baby. Iím sure this kind of thing happens all the time. 91 min. (Anthony Pignataro)

UNTRACEABLE - R - Horror - Diane Lane plays an unlikely FBI agent in this unremarkable but still gory thriller about an underhanded serial killer who kills uninteresting people on the web. 100 min. (AP)

I am Legend - PG13 - Th 2:05, 4:35, 7:05, 9:35. F-W 2:05, 4:35, 7:05, 9:25. In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale - PG13 - Th, M-W 3:20, 6:40, 9:35; F-Su 12:25, 3:20, 6:40, 9:35

Mad Money - PG13 - Th, M-W 2:30, 5, 7:30, 10; F-Su 12, 2:30, 5, 7:30, 10 Meet the Spartans - PG13 - Th, M-W 2:30, 4:40, 7:15, 9:45; F-Su 12:15, 2:30, 4:40, 7:15, 9:45 Michael Clayton - R - Th, M-W 3:30, 6:30, 9:15; F-Su 12:45, 3:45, 6:30, 9:15 One Missed Call - R - Th, M-W 2:45, 4:55, 7:25, 9:50; F-Su 12:20, 2:45, 4:55, 7:25, 9:50 Over Her Dead Body - PG13 - F-W 1:45, 4:15, 6:55, 9:40 Rambo - R - Th 2, 4:30, 7, 9:20. F-W 1:40, 4, 7, 9:20. Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street - R - Th only 1:30, 4:15, 7, 9:40 There Will Be Blood - R - Daily 1:30, 5, 8:30

Wharf Cinema Center 658 Front Street, 249-2222 The Bucket List - PG13 - Th-F, M-W 1:45, 4:15, 6:45, 9:15; Sa-Su 11:15, 1:45, 4:15, 6:45, 9:15 Cloverfield - PG13 - Th 1:30, 3:45, 6:30, 9. F, MW 3:45, 9. Sa-Su 11:30, 3:45, 9 How She Move - PG13 - Th 1:15, 3:30, 6:30, 9; F 1:30, 6:30; Sa-W 1:30, 6:30 Over Her Dead Body - PG13 - F, M-W 1:15, 3:30, 6:30, 9; Sa-Su 11, 1:15, 3:30, 6:30, 9

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

JANUARY 31, 2008

ART&ENTERTAINMENT

BY STARR BEGLEY STARR@MAUITIME.COM

Jukebox Karma Wes Nisker demystifies deep thought while provoking wonder If you don’t like the news, go out and make some yourself. -Wes “Scoop” Nisker Wes Nisker is a radio newscaster, performer, Buddhist meditation teacher and author of two national bestsellers (Essential Crazy Wisdom and The Big Bang, the Buddha, the Baby Boom). He’s coming to Maui to inspire, stump, explain and ultimately, hopefully, gratify the audience in a benefit for Mana‘o Radio. I’ve always liked that Nisker, who is 65, doesn’t act self-righteous. He’s a human being, and doesn’t just admit it, but actually seems to relish in it. Nisker, explaining how people share DNA with rodents and earthworms, turns the notion of a divine humanity on its head. “We proclaim ourselves divine,” Nisker says, “[but] isn’t the slime divine?” In fact, Nisker jokes that it’s highly likely universe exists preeminently for bacteria. “They’re the most successful life form,” Nisker says. “They’re everywhere!” During his performances, Nisker often recalls how he was brought up Jewish. He laments that as a child, his teacher’s name was Rabbi Falik. We can only imagine how difficult it was

JANUARY 31, 2008

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

to say the word “rabbi” right before a word that’s pronounced “phallic.”

Wes Nisker’s “Crazy Wisdom Saves the World… Again.” Friday, Feb. 1 at 7 p.m. at the McCoy Studio Theater, MACC Tickets: $20 For information 242-7469 or www.wesnisker.com

“All joking aside” is a phrase that seems foreign to Nisker’s insights into life and the universe–even as he examines seemingly serious subjects. For example, in 1969, soon after Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin first walked onto the moon, Nisker interviewed a man who had ingested LSD and jumped over the Golden Gate Bridge but somehow lived to tell the tale. When Nisker questioned the man, who was in the hospital at the time, as to why he attempted such a feat, the man

replied that he jumped “for spiritual progression.” Nisker then combined the tape of his interview with a recording of Armstrong saying, “One giant leap for mankind…” Nisker defines the 1960’s as a time of dropping acid and saving the planet–most definitely in that order–and even reported on an event where young activists protesting against paving a park tried to do exactly that. Wearing football helmets and gloves to protect against tear gas, Nisker reported how they “all got in a circle, popped a tab of acid, passed water around to wash it down… and then had a group hug.” While Nisker can deliver an old drug story with meaning, he also ponders deeper subjects like creation, evolution, philosophy, the environment and our past and future with considerable insight. In a Nov. 30, 2007 interview with Some Assembly Required (www.some-assemblyrequired.net/blog), Nisker explained his motivations as, “women, peace in the world and money.” I don’t think he was joking. Then again, the thought of a Buddhist meditation instructor being enlightened enough to offer that kind of list is hilarious in itself. MTW

MINDCANDY

BY STARR BEGLEY STARR@MAUITIME.COM

Graphic Fun Black Hole By Charles Burns [GRAPHIC NOVEL] I should tell you that although I’ve browsed a few adult-comic books, I’ve never read a full-on graphic novel before tackling Black Hole. My idea of a large comic has always been the Betty and Veronica Double Digest. (I’ve always sided with Veronica. Die Betty, die!) Anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed Black Hole. Basically, the plot revolves around a few high school kids in the 1970’s while a sexually transmitted mutating sickness spreads through their school faster than the legs of a cheerleader on prom night. It’s interesting to note that the story doesn’t veer off and take a plot turn where the kids try to fight off the disease. Instead, they just deal with it. I won’t spoil the story, but know that it’s pretty much a classic and most people will think you’re a lot cooler than you really are if you’ve read it or at least looked at the crisp black and white pictures—lots of boobs, flesh peeling from bodies and a few penises. I finished it in a night and loved every slightly pervy, totally artsy page. [Starr Begley]

Arm of Kannon By Masakazu Yamaguchi [MANGA] The problem with living on Maui is that we live on Maui. That means that we have to work, and working does not lend itself to massive acts of debauchery. Lucky for everyone, the characters of Arm of Kannon hit the seven deadly sins on a regular basis. When a manga opens with a scene of incest, you know it’s a family affair. Mao is infected by a sought-after relic, the Arm of Kannon (which first manifests itself in a scene that would dehydrate even the most virile of men). Of course there are other people gunning for the Arm of Kannon: his sister, a mysterious swordsman, elite government baddies and a group of mutants. Arm of Kannon is for the discerning viewer; someone who prefers her philosophy not in a cup of tea, but rather in the fine blood splatters of a good gore fest. Arm of Kannon is filled with blood and boobs—most often, together. [Ynez Tongson]

Battle Royale By Koushun Takami & Masayuki Taguchi [MANGA] Who needs the Writer’s Guild when you’ve got reality shows like this? A group of ninth graders are kidnapped, then placed on an island and kill each other for your viewing pleasures. As the students drop, the ratings rise. Get the gist of it? Try not to get too attached to any of the characters; their development just seems to be the prelude to fantastically violent deaths or at least traumatizing horrors. This manga was spawned by a cult classic novel of the same name, which was also adapted to film. Gore, perverted government officials and panty shots abound. Get ready to rock and let the good times roll. [YT]

• Individuals • S Corporation • C Corporation • Partnerships

• Business Acquisitions • Estate & Trust • International

www.LevinHu.com 244.7770 • 270.1072 FAX • 77 Hookele St., Ste. 302, Kahului MAUI TIME WEEKLY

JANUARY 31, 2008

DA KINECALENDAR

BY JESSICA ARMSTRONG CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM $18. Fr & Sa: 7:30 p.m.; Su 5 p.m. Iao Theater,

BIG SHOWS

Delilah and the House of Tarab - Saturday

Funny Talk - Friday, Feb 1. Comedian radio com-

first time when I was five years old and ever since

Music Man - Fri, Sat,Sun Feb 8-10. Slide back

Valentine Ball - Sat, Feb 9. Bring your lover

mentator and author Wes “Scoop” Nisker has

I’ve been mesmerized by their mysteriously exotic

into old-timey turn-of-the-century America with

down for some slow dancing and champange and

more crazy wisdom in his little finger than I’ve prob-

moves, ornate costumes and powerful sexual

Meredith Willson’s play about a small in town

support the Kihei Charter School. If you’re single

ably got in my whole body. Maybe that’s because

auras. These two performances feature dances by

Iowa. These performances are a celebration of the

come and bid on a date with one of six eligibles

he’s spent over 30 years meditating and teaching

star dancer Delilah accompanied by the traditional

play’s 50 year stage anniversary. That’s a lot of

from Century 21. Entertainment includes live

Buddhist meditation practices. When he’s not om-

Arabic sounds of the House of Tarab, fusion artists

show tunes! $42, $36, $24, $10. F, Sa & Su 7:30

music, Valentine games, a silent and a live auction.

Mirayah Delamar and Laura Rose, Sacred Earth

p.m.; Sa & Su Matinee, 2 p.m. Castle Theater,

Tickets: $75. 6-9 p.m., The Grand Wailea Resort,

and Sunday, Feb 2 & 3. I saw bellydancers for the

ing all day, he writes books like The Big Bang, the

TICKETS ON SALE

Wailuku. 242-6969.

Buddha, the Baby Boom and The Essential Crazy

Bellydance troupe, and mystical poetry by

MACC. 242-7469.

856-7742 or redandwhiteballmaui.com.

Wisdom, and makes people think and laugh from

Dreaming-Bear. Tickets: $25. Both shows 7:30 p.m.

Tango Amor 4 - Fri, Feb 8. Step into the steamy

Feeling French? - Mon, Feb 11. Love is in the air

the stage. The Mana’o Radio All Star Orchestra will

Feb 2 at the Studio Maui, 575-9390; Feb 3 at

world of Argentine dance with “Love of Tango,”

for Maui Onstage’s Bare Essential Theater. They will

accompany his comedic monologue, with benefits

McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, 242-7469.

Tangofest Maui’s highlight dance. Master dancers

perform a reading of Cyrano de Bergerac, by Edmond Rostard. This script, quite possibly the

proceeding Mana’o Radio 91.5 FM. Tickets: $20. 7

Jerry Santos - Saturday, Feb 2. Familiar face

Miaiam Larici, Alex Krebs, Brigitta Winkler,

p.m. McCoy Studio Theater, MACC. 242-7469.

Jerry Santos of the popular local band Olomana is

Michelle Lamb and Murat Erdemsel will heat up

James Cotton & Willie K - Friday, Feb 1. The

joining his beautiful voice with the falsetto and gui-

the stage with a passionate performance. Don’t

“ultimate showman” and master of blues harmon-

tar stylings of Hoku Zuttermeister and master gui-

forget the super sexy costumes and fiery music!

ica music James Cotton has entered his 64th year

tarist Barry Kimokeo for an evening of Olomana

Tickets: $22, $17. 7:30 p.m. McCoy Studio Theater,

as a performer and has been touring and keeping

classics and daring, spontaneous new sounds.

MACC. 242-7469.

audiences on their feet from the tiny juke joints of

Tickets: $30. 7:30 p.m. McCoy Studio Theater,

The Foreigner - Fri, Sat & Sun, Feb 8-24. An

the Mississippi countryside to the hippest New

MACC. 242-7469.

extremely shy guy named Charlie convinces a cast

York City nightclubs. He played harp on a Grammy

Judy’s Gang - Saturday, Feb 2. The gang’s all here

of shady characters in a backwoods Georgia fishing

dance? Ballet brothers? I can’t decide what to call

winning Muddy Waters record and collaborated

for Judy Ridolfino’s annual tap and jazz dance revue.

lodge that he doesn’t speak or understand English.

this one. It’s Les Ballets Trockadero de Monte Carlo,

with a wide variety of artists, such as Janis Joplin

Over 100 dancers, from adorable three-year-old tap-

Thinking he’s harmless, they spill their guts about all

or an all male professional dance troupe that per-

and The Grateful Dead. This soulful show also fea-

pers to mature and well seasoned shakers, will be

types of small-town gossip, closeted skeletons and

forms classical modern dance and ballet. Albeit,

tures local fav Willie K and his Maui Tribe Blues

performing at this family affair to songs with a color

sinister plans. This hilarious stage production will

these shows are meant to be funny, but the all guy

Band. Tickets: $50, $45, $38. 7:30. Castle Theater,

in the title. Tickets: $12, $7. 7 p.m. Castle Theater,

get you thinking about who might be hearing a little

cast actually performs the female roles “en pointe”

MACC. 242-7469.

too much about your own private business. Tickets:

and “en tutu.” The troupe began as an off, off

most romantic French play ever written, pits looks against personality as a woman falls in love with a hansom but charmless man who enlists the help of a big-nosed poet to romance her. Will she realize the hottie’s a dud and go for the soulful man with the less-than-perfect looks? Free. 6:30 p.m. Iao

Theater, Wailuku. 244-8680 x23. Men With Grace - Tue, Feb 12. Dudes who

“We handle the details, you take the credit.”

Random Acts of Romance Valentine’s Week Special $59

Sunset Package

Includes sparkling cider w/ flutes, decadent chocolates & a long stemmed rose, all wrapped in a picnic sarong, to go anywhere.

$99

Sterling Ensemble

We come to your suite or room and set up a rose petal trail leading to bed with 1 dzn roses, chocolates & sparkling cider w/ champagne flutes, and Valentine’s keepsake candle.

Royal Golden Suite

$299

Surprise your lover with an unforgettable evening. We decorate it for you. Rose petal trail, lavish bedding, dzn long stem roses, Veuve champagne with flutes, truffles & tropical fruits, candlelit bathtub, & personalized keepsake candle. The works! Free Delivery in Kihei & Wailea

276-1853 Call to reserve now!

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JANUARY 31, 2008

EH BRAH! TALK IS CHEAP SEND YOUR EH BRAH TO ehbrah@mauitime.com

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

THURSDAY

Monday Nights 10PM JANUARY 31st

LIVE MUSIC

10pm

The Grid lists nightly entertainment at bars, clubs, cafes, other non-dinner serving establishments, as well as restaurants with entertainment after 9pm.

Thursday 01/31

Friday 02/01

Saturday 02/02

Sunday 02/03

Monday 02/04– Wednesday 02/06

Estee Graham No cover, 9pm

A.D.D. Twins No cover, 10pm

Angie Carr No cover, 10pm

Sisters Grimm No cover, 9pm

MON-DJ Del Sol, 9pm; TUE-Kahala & Indio of LAWA, 10pm; WED- DJ Louis Mole, 9pm

AMBROSIA 1913 S. Kihei Road, Kihei - 891-1011

CAFE MARC AUREL

Pau Hana Party

28 N. Market St. Wailuku - 244-0852

CASANOVA 1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-0220

MON - Jazz Cafe

MauiSLAM, DJ Boomshot $5, 9pm

David Nelson & Friends $25, 10pm

Inna Vision $15, 10pm

Temporarily

closed

due

CHARLEY’S 142 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-9668

Lahaina Cannery Mall - 661-7189

fire Damian Awai, No cover

Unknown No cover, 9pm

Dave Carroll No cover, 9pm

The Whale Shark No cover, 9pm

MON - Michael Moore; TUE - Jazz Night; WED - The Whale Shark, No cover, 9pm

Ryan Robinson Band No Cover, 10pm

Irish Sing Alongs w/Murray 10pm

Off Tomorrow, No cover, 10pm

Crunch Pups Unplugged No cover, 10pm

MON - Silky Ringo, TUE - Scott Baird; WED - Off Tomorrow, All no cover, 9pm

COOL CAT CAFE Wharf Cinema, Lahaina - 667-0908

1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 875-9669

Salsa $5, 10pm

COMPADRES

DOG & DUCK IRISH PUB

WED - Wild Wahine Wednesday w/DJ Styles, DJ Jammin J & DJ Shaggy $10, 10pm

HARD ROCK CAFÉ 900 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7400

Silky Ringo No cover, 9pm

Marty Dread, $10, $5 Kama aina, 10 p.m.,

Broadway show and now tours the country and the

Come Out and Play - Elizabeth Ann Brandon,

materials will be provided. 9 a.m.-12 p.m. RSVP

world, spreading laughter, horror and the love of

MA wants to make friends with your inner child

270-7089.

dance. Tickets: $40, $25, $10. 7:30 p.m. Castle

using cognitive therapy, hypnosis and transactional

Chinese New Year Festival - There may not be

Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului, HI,

analysis. Free. 12-3 p.m. Dragon’s Den, Makawao.

any big countdown or fireworks, but I’ve always

96732. 242-7469.

573-2424.

thought that Chinese New Year’s celebrations were

Coconut Caberet - Sat, Feb 16. Yoga Bitch is a

MauiSLAM - At Maui’s biggest performance

way cooler than dull old January 31 where every-

hilarious one-woman show about the dark side of

MONDAY, FEB 04 Flamenco for Beginners - Rosalind Modica teaches the passionate and powerful movements of exotic dance from Spain, Morocco, India Persia and other far-away lands. $18 per class. The Studio

poetry competition 20 poets will spin their stuff for

one gets drunk and waits around for one quick

Maui, Haiku Marketplace, Suite 265, Haiku, HI,

the “OM.” Comedian Suzanne Morrison has been

a chance at the $100 grand prize. Come with your

moment to pass by. At this festival there’ll be a cool

96708. 575-9390.

cracking up audiences across the nation with her

original spoken word works of 3 minutes or less or

traditional lion dance and firecracker ceremony, lots

Rap on Maui - The Honolulu Theater for Youth is

story of a two month yoga retreat gone wrong and

just come to dance to the beats of DJ JP and The

of uber-colorful costumes, Oahu’s “Sing Sing”

paying tribute to local comedic genius Rap

her unfulfilled expectations of peace and serenity.

Unsung Mighty Few. $5. 9 p.m. Casanova’s,

dancers, food and craft booths, cooking and eating

Reiplinger with a free performance of Rap’s Hawaii.

Tickets: $20. 7:30 p.m. McCoy Studio Theater,

Makawao. www.mauislam.com.

contests and a whole bunch more. Happy New

3 p.m. Wailuku Public Library. 243-5766.

MACC. 242-7469.

FRIDAY, FEB 01

War - Fri, Feb 29. This California funk, jazz and Latin

Year!. 10 a.m.-2 p.m. Market Street, Wailuku. Green Drinks - Rub elbows, talk story and relax Talk Story with Viewpoints Gallery - Get

with like minded green business people and eco-

music band emerged from the ethnic melting pot

Biofeedback - Mary Higgins, QXC/SCIO practi-

fed and take a look into Hawaiian culture, values

of Los Angeles and rocked the nation during the

tioner, helps you energetically rebalance after living

and outlooks with Hawaiian stories by Hokulani

1970s, with a socio-political message of peace and

yet another day in a toxin-filled world. Walk-ins only.

Holt Patilla and Kumu Hula Pali Ahue at this all-inclu-

brotherhood and hit songs like “Low Rider,” “Why

Sliding scale pricing. 2-5 p.m. Dragon’s Den. 573-

sive luncheon. $20. 11 a.m. Casanova’s, Makawao.

Can’t We Be Friends” and “The Cisco Kid.” After

2424.

572-5979.

four decades and over 50 million records sold.

Contact Improvisation - Sounds dirty, doesn’t

Jam Session - Musicians are invited to head on

they’re still pretty funky and still touring the country.

it? Actually, it’s exercise meets dance, meditation

down to Waikapu and jam away with other players.

I like their website because it’s covered in hippie

and stretching. By donation. 4-5 p.m. Maui Lotus

I used to live next door to the community center

dance craze that started it all! $5. 7 p.m. Open

flowers and peace signs. It makes me think of

Yoga, Kihei. 874-9642.

down there and I swear, it was like a free concert

Room, Kenolio Park. 344-8180.

First Friday in Wailuku - Stroll Market, Main

every weekend. Hooray! Bring a chair and your

and Vineyard Streets for live music on two outdoor

instrument. 3 p.m. Waikapu Community Center.

stages, food and drink specials, fresh art, vendor

269-2704.

booths and retail discounts at this monthly celebra-

Cinema Night - Cafe Mambo will be hosting an

tion. 5:00pm - 7:30pm. Downtown Wailuku.

evening of classic and cult classic films for the 21

Volkswagen buses. Tickets: $55, $45, $35. 7:30 p.m. Castle Theater, MACC. 242-7469. Mana’o Radio’s 2nd Annual Barry Fest Sun, Mar 2. Mark your calendar for this celebration of eclectic music. The non-stop sounds of local favorite artists like Tita, The Rowan Brothers, The Mana’o Radio Orchestra, Gypsy Pacific, Voodoo Suns, Lawa, Haiku Hillbillies, Vince Esquire Band, The Hula Honeys, Randall Rospond will keep you shaking and grooving all day long, plus there will be wonderful food, a silent auction and lots more fun.

SATURDAY, FEB 02

Learn to Swing Dance - Lindy Hop Swing Dance lessons. Come learn the original swing

TUESDAY, FEB 05 style with the Maui International and Israeli Folk

and older crowd. This week’s flick: “Rocky”. 9:30 p.m. Cafe Mambo, 30 Baldwin Ave., Paia, HI,

Swap Meet - I’ve always wanted to unearth

96779. 579-8021.

some totally awesome treasure at a random flea market. This might be a good place to start.

SUNDAY, FEB 03 Tantra Temple Services - Embrace the spiritual essence of all faiths with tantra, an ancient high-

Hula Classes - Hula Classes - Every Sat. Halau

spiritual practice. Free. 10 a.m. 2138 Vineyard St.,

Kawaianuhealehua holds open hula classes for chil-

Wailuku. 244-4103.

dren, teen and adult wahines and kanes. 9 a.m.

Drum Cirlcle - Bring your drum and beat away

Maui Waena School.

with others in the community. Free. 4 p.m.-sunset.

Gem Sale - Get your hands on all sorts of things

Beach Clean Up - Pitch in for the reef and help

Kihei. 298-9022.

that glitter and gleam at discounted prices up to 50

clean up Kapoli Beach Park and the surrounding

Line Dancing - Practice your ìtush pushî yaíll and

percent. This fabulous gem shop sells healing

Ma`alaea harbor area. For a minimum two hours of

come on down for some line dancing by the Maui

stones, crystals, unique jewelry and much more.

volunteering you’ll receive a free pass to visit the

Paniolo Posse. Lessons: 6:30 p.m.; Dancing: 7 p.m.

Supernatural, Makawao. 573-2385.

Maui Ocean Center. Gloves, trash bags and other

Lahaina Cannery Mall.

Maui Nui Botanical Gardens, Kahului. 876-1553.

THURSDAY, JAN 31

Maui people who are making a difference. 6-9 p.m.

Learn Folk Dancing - Every Tue. Shake it folk

Ave., Kahului. 877-3100.

EVENTS

this group and discuss current projects and meet

Flatbread Pizza. 298-3783.

Admission: 50 cents. 7 a.m.-12 p.m. Pu`unene

Tickets: $20, $10 for keiki & kapuna. 11 a.m.-5 p.m.

entrepreneurs. No membership is required to join

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

JANUARY 31, 2008

The Grid lists nightly entertainment at bars, clubs, cafes, other non-dinner serving establishments, as well as restaurants with entertainment after 9pm.

Thursday 01/31

Friday 02/01

Saturday 02/02

HECOCKS

Monday 02/04– Wednesday 02/06

Sonny B No cover, 10pm

505 Front St, Lahaina - 661-8810

HENRY’S BAR & GRILL

Tom Cherry No cover, 9pm

41 E. Lipoa St., Kihei - 879-2849

Jerry Caires No cover, 9pm

Crunch Pups No cover, 9pm

DJ El Gato $10, 10pm

DJ JP No cover, 9pm

Vince Esquire

Kenny Roberts No cover

El Vato Loco No cover

Kenny Roberts

Yo Mama $5, 10pm

Danny Murray No cover, 9pm

JACQUES 120 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-8844

KAHALE’S BEACH CLUB 36 Keala Pl., Kihei - 875-7711

KAHULUI ALE HOUSE 355 E. Kamehameha, Kahului - 877-9001

WED - Local Boys, Jacob, Tony & Matteo; No cover, 10pm

Gina Martinelli No cover

TUE - Da Hawaiians; No cover WED - Chico & Da Kine; No cover

Jared No cover

MON - Crunch Pups, $5, 10pm, WED -Tom Cherry Band, $5, 10pm

Maui Underground 10pm

KIMOS 845 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4811

LAHAINA COOLERS

Two Dimes and a Nickel, Beck Weathers, 10pm

Dickenson St., Lahaina - 661–7082

LIFE’S A BEACH

The Easy 9pm

Rampage 9pm

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891–8010

Dance Group. Learn folk dances from around the globe. 5 p.m. 634 Alulike St., Kihei. 874-5397. Non-Profit Polynesian Dance - Every Tue.

Sea Monster 9pm

watching their Polynesian dance show. $10 adults, $5 kids. 5:30 p.m. 669-6271.

WEDNESDAY, FEB 06 Ayurvedic Consultations - Margo P. Uma Gal,

Dance Lessons - Open Registration to learn the

West Side Storytime - Every Tue & Sat.

Makawao. 572-2424.

cha-cha and foxtrot. $50 for three months. 6:30-

Lahaina’s newest bookseller is hosting keiki story

9:30 p.m. Kihei Community Center. 879-0555.

time, so get them hooked on reading early. Tue., 10

Vegan Potluck & Farmers Trade - Bring your

WOW! - Every Wed. Wailea on Wednesdays pres-

a.m.; Sat., 11 a.m. Barnes and Noble, Lahaina.

favorite raw dish or some washed organic fruits and

ents live island music, gallery receptions, artist

Keiki Shots - Tue. (West Maui) Bring children up

veggies for a yummy vegan potluck. Bring surplus

appearances and more. . 6:30-8 p.m. 897-6770 x2.

to the age of 18 without medical insurance in for

home grown fruits and veggies to sell or trade.

KEIKI

And, while your at it, bring your own dishes and

CAP., offers up wisdom on diet and lifestyle from

utensils to this no-trash event!. 4:30 p.m. Behind

over 20 years of experience as an Ayurvedic

the Haiku Community Center.

The Coolest Place on Maui to Watch the Superbowl $

2.50

2.50 Bud & t Bud Ligh Drafts $$

Well Drin ks

shot specia ls every quarter!

Drink Specials During the Game!

Lahaina Town Across from Banyan Tree

The Wharf Cinema Center

667-0908 JANUARY 31, 2008

MON - Kanoa; TUE - The ADD Twins

Practitioner. Walk-ins only. Free. 10:30 a.m.-1 p.m.

Support the kids of the Napili Kai Foundation by

Sunday 02/03

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

vaccinations. Bring all immunization records. Walkin basis. Free. 9-11 a.m. Lahaina Comprehensive

Story Time - Thu. Keiki story time and crafts. Free.

Health Center. 984-8260.

10 a.m. Hawaiian Village Coffee, Kahana. 665-1114.

Keiki Shots - Wed. (Central Maui) Bring children

Keiki Issues? - Thu. The Parent Project, a pro-

up to the age of 18 without medical insurance in for

gram for parents of strong willed children. Wrestle

vaccinations. Bring all immunization records. Walk-

the phone away from the child and make that call.

in basis. Free. 12-3 p.m. Wailuku Health Center.

Free. 6:30-8:30 p.m. Hui Malama Learning Center.

984-8260.

289-5050. Yu-Gi-Oh - Sat. Every Sat. Little gamester get out

ENVIRONMENT

your cards and get ready for a Yu-Gi-Oh tournament!

Coastal Restoration - Fri. Habitat restoration at

Free. 3 p.m. Lahaina Cannery Mall. 661-4766.

Waihe`e coastal dunes with Maui Coastal Land

After-School Help - Mon-Fri. Hui Malama

Trust. 8 a.m.-12 p.m. Waihe`e. 244-5263.

Learning Center offers after-school homework help

Save the Forest - Sun. The Pacific Whale

and classes. Call for directions and hours. 244-5911.

Foundation is hosting a group of ten volunteers to

Little Music Makers - Every Mon, Wed & Thu.

pull invasive pine trees near Hosmers Grove.

Music Together Maui offers early childhood music

Transportation is provided. Bring warm clothes,

programs for infants, toddlers, preschoolers and

long pants and closed boots. Pick ups: 7:30 a.m.,

kindergarteners and the adults who love them.

Harbor Shop, 300 Ma`alaea Rd; 8:15 a.m.,

Come play with instruments, sing, chant and

Upcountry Tavares Community Center. RSVP

dance. Maui Tropical Plantation, Wailuku; Island

856-8341.

Spirit Yoga; Lahaina. 572-5603.

Smarter than a Sand Crab? - Mon-Fri. Get

Bisque it Baby - Mon. Sometimes, as a mom, all

free info about marine life and answers to all those

you might need is a little time to do something cre-

pesky questions that keep you up all night. The

ative. Get together with other Moms and babies

Pacific Whale Foundation Marine Naturalists are

and paint something! Maybe a mug or a teapot,

definitely smarter than a fifth grader. The question

and de-stress. Studio fee only. 9-11 a.m. Kids and

is, are you?. 8 a.m.-1 p.m. Ulua Beach, Wailea.

Company, Maui Mall. 877-7819.

249-8811.

Music Menagerie - Tue. A music inspired hour

Volunteer on Vacation - Mon-Sat. Get to know

of dance, story time, puppetry and interactive play

Maui better by volunteering time to one of many

for little ones and their parents. $15. 9:15 a.m. The

important environmental projects. Meet local

Studio Maui, Haiku. 575-9390.

experts and learn about the history and environ-

Toddler Tuesdays - Tue. Toddlers are insane.

ment of the land and get a free t-shirt from the

Seriously, I can vouch that they are without rational

Pacific Whale Foundation! Various dates and times.

thought. Let them do their thing and cruise with the

808-856-8341 for more info.

other crazies for story time, juice, cookies and

Save Honolua - Tue. Meeting to inform, educate

painting. $15. 10-11 a.m. Maui Mall. 877-7819.

and involve the community on the proposed devel-

DA KINECALENDAR

BY JESSICA ARMSTRONG CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

opment of Honolua Bay. 6:45 p.m. Lahaina Civic

tured artists-in-action and refreshments. Free. 6:30

Poetry Reading - Every second Thu Maui Live

Conversations with Friends - Every Thu.

Center. 870-0052.

p.m. Lahaina. 661-6284.

Poets Society hosts an open poetry reading on the

Mary Omwake and James Jacobson interview

STAGE

Art Bistro - Sun. Local artists display their wares,

West side. Free. 6:30- 9 p.m. Lahaina, 661-0517

New Thought leaders. 11 a.m., KAOI 1110 AM

Calling All Readers - Want to read for Maui On

sculptures. 5-10pm. Jacques Northshore Bistro,

Stage’s Bare Essential Theater? Roles are

120 Hana Hwy. Paia. 808-269-0961.

TV/RADIO

Smallville - Every Fri. Small Town Maui, a one-

The Restless Native Speaks - Every Mon.

ries and values of the small towns we love and

Maui Time Weekly’s own Starr Begley talks story

explores how we can learn from Maui's past to cre-

on the Ed and Greg show. 10 a.m., WILD 105.5

ate a better future. 7 a.m. KAOI, 1110 AM.

Open Mic - Every night is open mic night at

FM.

Call In - Every Fri. Political and public affairs, call-in

Hawaiian Village Coffee. Kahana Gateway location,

Filipino Language - Mon-Fri. Fred Duldulao, Leo

talk show with Teri Lawrence. 12-1 p.m. KAOI 1110

call 665-1114.

Agcolicol, Rey Patao and Maggie Evangelista host a

AM Call in 242-7800.

Express Yourself - Every Mon. Open Mic Night

Filipino language talk show. 4-6 a.m.; 7-10 p.m.,

Uncle Charlie’s Corner - Sat. Kahu Charles

with music, song, poetry! Free. 7 p.m., Cafe Marc

KNUI 900 AM.

Kauluwehi Maxwell, Sr. talks story. 6-10 a.m., KNUI

will be trophies, goodie bags and drawings, and

Aurel, Wailuku, 244-0852.

Talk Story - Every Mon-Thu. Political figures take

900 AM.

entry forms are available at most surf shops and at

Poetry Reading - Every second Tue, read your

calls and answer questions on the air. 7-8 a.m.,

Free Zone/ Zona Libre - Every other Sat. A

www.sturns.com. . 662-0159.

original work, your favorite poem, or just come to

KAOI 1110 AM. Tune in and call 244-9145.

multi-lingual, multi-cultural radio program featuring

Pool Hours - Pool Hours - Besides the fear of

be inspired. Free. 6:30 p.m., Lahaina Public

Mind Body Spirit - Every Mon from 6:30-9:30

world music, fresh thought, live interviews with

contracting super-strain ukuís, I really enjoy a good

Library, 662-3950.

p.m., Tue from 11 a.m.-2 p.m., and Thu at noon. Liah

local and international artists and NO commercial

swim in a public pool. Sometimes the thought of

Open Mind Open Mic - Every Mon. Open Mind

Howard, psychic and guests. KAOI 1110 AM.

breaks. 6-10 a.m. Mana’o Radio 91.5 FM.

dealing with sand is just too much to bear. Kahului,

Open Mic with spoken word, poetry, comedy—

Maui Talks - Every Tue. A live, public affairs, call-

Maui Matters - Sat-Sun. Pacific Radio Group

whatever you have to say here’s your chance. 7:30

in talk show, hosted by Nick Nikhilananda. 7 p.m.

News Director Wendy Osher discusses local

p.m., Moana Bakery, Paia, 244-9091.

Channel 53. Call in at 873-3430 or for info call 572-

issues. 1-2 p.m., KNUI 900 AM.

Open Mic - Every Saturday the Maui Media Lab

8787.

Spanish Language - Sat-Sun. Carlos David

hosts an open mic night for poets, muscicians and

Words of Peace - Every Wed-Thu. Prem Rawat

Hernandez discusses news and plays music in

others who want to be heard. Sessions are record-

broadcasts messages of world and inner peace.

Spanish. 2-4 p.m., KNUI 900 AM.

ed and fed to the internet. All ages are welcome.

Not associated with a specific religion. Wed, 9

Japanese Language - Sun. Yumi’s long-running

Free. 6-9 p.m., Maui Media Lab, Baldwin Ave,

p.m.; Thu, 8:30 a.m. Akaku Channel 52, www.con-

Japanese language show. 7-8:30 p.m., KNUI 900

zumatribe@yahoo.com.

tactinfo.org, 573-3084.

AM.

from photography and painting to jewelry and

announced at monthly readings and scripts are

POETRY

given out in advance. Call Kristi. 244-8680 x23.

SPORTS Keiki Surf Contest - The Keiki O Ke Kai surf classic contest is scheduled for Sun., Feb 17 at “STurns” in Kahana. Open to gromets age 8-17, and registration is free and limited to 100 entries. There

Kihei, Lahaina, War Memorial, Pukalani, anthe Old and New Wailuku Pools: M-W, F, S 9 a.m-4 p.m.; Th 10 a.m.-4:30 p.m.; Sun 12-4:30 p.m. These hours can change due to events. To double check you can call, 270-6135. Tai Chi - Tue. Practice the 36 movements of the “short yang” style of tai chi chuan. $10 per class. 5:30-6:30 a.m. Unity Church, Wailuku. 242-9327.

hour, weekly radio program that shares the memo-

Walk, Run, Train - Every Tue & Thu. Whether you’re a walker or a runner, you’ve got a group to train with. 5:30 p.m. Runner’s Paradise, Maui Mall.

877-5300. Yoga for Surfers & Paddlers - Tue. An intermediate Yoga class, great for beginners, that targets the shoulders, and focuses on balance, strength & creating flexibility. $12 per class. 5:30-7 p.m. Maui Lotus Yoga, 115 Lipoa Street, Suite 201,

Kihei. 874-9642.

ART A Celebration of Hawaii - Now through Feb 12, 60 exceptional local artists, many of them native

ays Thursd

y e a t d u I l o R Abs ge F ction Crazyood G Chanwith DJ FRI with DJ Nutmeg DJ LOUIS MOLE ys Saturda

with

Joe El Gato

$7 Martinis $2 Domestic Drafts

from NYC

$7 Martinis $2 Domestic Drafts

Hawaiians, will celebrate the culture, history and landscapes of Hawaii in this annual art exhibit of paintings, photography, wood, ceramics, glass and fibers. Viewpoints Gallery, Makawao. 572-5979.

$7 Martinis & $2 Domestic Drafts

Vintage: A Group Exhibit - Now through Feb 17. View a retrospective collection of works by several influential and established Maui artists. Each will contribute three pieces; one from the early years of their career, one from the middle and a recent piece that represents their current interests. 11 a.m.- 5 p.m. Schaefer International Gallery,

MACC. 242-7469. Celebration in Glimpses - Fri. Meet Suzy Papanikolas and view the work in her new collection that captures human emotion and expression in Hawai`i. 6-9 p.m., Village Contemporary,

Lahaina, 661-5559. Art Night - Fri. Stroll through dozens of art galleries in Lahaina Town. Special gallery shows, fea-

744 Front St. • Lahaina, HI 96761 808.661.9090 www.LahainaStoreGrille.net • $5 Cover • Visual Enhancements • Large Dance Floor 10-Closing

744 Front St. • Lahaina, HI 96761 808.661.9090 www.LahainaStoreGrille.net • $5 Cover • Visual Enhancements • Large Dance Floor

10-Closing

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

JANUARY 31, 2008

The Grid lists nightly entertainment at bars, clubs, cafes, other non-dinner serving establishments, as well as restaurants with entertainment after 9pm.

Thursday 01/31 LOBBY LOUNGE Four Seasons Resort, Wailea - 874-8000

Anastasia & Nils, No cover, 9-11:30pm

888 Front St., Lahaina - 667-2288

1945 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-9944

Saturday 02/02

Sunday 02/03

Monday 02/04– Wednesday 02/06

Jazz w/Sal Godinez & Marcus Johnson, No cover, 9-11:30pm

Anastasia & Eddie Aviles No cover, 9-11:30pm

Dr Nat No cover, 9-11:30pm

MON- Anastasia & Gene Argel, TUE-Sal Godinez & Marcus Johnson, WED- Reiko Fukino & Guest 9 pm

Crazy Fingers 9:30pm

LONGHI’S LULU’S

Friday 02/01

Neto Latin Salsa No cover, 9pm

The Willy’s & DJ Shaggy No cover, 9pm

All Access & DJ Shaggy No cover, 10pm

WED - Karaoke, 9pm

MAUI BREWING CO.

WED - Open Mic Night, 10:30pm

4405 Honoapi`ilani Hwy., Kahana - 669-3474

DJ Jo Jo No cover, 9pm

DJ J-Woo No cover, 9pm

Guitar Hero No cover, 9pm

DJ Mackie Mac No cover, 9pm

DJ Mello Yello No cover, 9pm

Live Music No cover, 9pm

MON - DJ Mello Yello, 9pm; TUE DJ Mackie Mac, 9pm, WED - DJ Mellow Yellow, 9pm

Cyrus C

Haiku Hillbillies No cover, 9pm

The Sisters Grimm No cover, 10pm

Celtic Tigers

MON - Gypsy Pacific; TUE - Randall Rospond; WED - Steve Sargenti

Wee D’ono No cover, 10pm

Silky Ringo No cover, 10pm

Hazmatt No cover, 10pm

Silky Ringo No cover, 10pm

MON - Junior Guys, No cover 10pm; TUE - Two Dimes & a Nickel; No cover, 10pm; WED - Open Mic

DJ El Gato $5, 10pm

DJ Louis Mole $5, 10pm

DJ Nutmeg $5, 10pm

Lounge & Beats No cover, 10pm

MON & TUE - Lounge & Beats, No cover, 10pm; WED - Live Music, $5, 10pm

Kanoa of Gomega No cover, 10pm

MON - DJ JP, 10pm; TUE - DJ Boomshot, No cover, 10pm; WED - ADD Twins, No cover, 10pm

DJ Shark in da Water, No cover, 9:30pm

TUE - The New Project, $5, 10pm; WED - DJ Del Sol, No cover, 9:30pm

MOOSE MCGILLYCUDDY’S 2511 S. Kihei Rd., 891-8600

MOOSE MCGILLYCUDDY’S 844 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7758

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea - 874-1131

MULLIGAN’S AT THE WHARF Cinema Center, Lahaina - 661-8881

OYSTER BAR 744 Front St., Lahaina - 661-9090

Live Jazz No cover, 9pm

PACIFIC’O 505 Front St., Lahaina - 667-4341

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-6444

DJ Durty No cover, 10pm

Freaky Friday w/DJ Sonny No cover, 10pm

DJ Blast, $15, 9:30pm

SPATS TRATTORIA Hyatt Regency, Ka`anapali - 667-4727

SPORTS PAGE GRILL & BAR 2411 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-0602

Crunch Pups No cover, 9:30pm

STOPWATCH SPORTS BAR

Crunch Pups $3, 9pm

1127 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-1380

TIP-UPS TAVERN 1279 S. Kihei Road, Kihei - 874-9299

DJ Magnetic, DJ JP No cover, 10pm

Kilohana No cover, 10pm

Tom Cherry & Positive Energy; No cover, 10pm

Ohana Groove No cover, 10pm

NOW IN CONVENIENT PODCAST FORM! Every Thursday Publisher Tommy Russo, Editor Anthony Pignataro and Associate Editor Starr Begley discuss the thinking and decisions that went into the week's issue. It's called

‘Beyond the Ink’ and it's another way we're bringing you Maui's most interesting and informative coverage.

Check it out at www.mauitime.com

JANUARY 31, 2008

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

Maui’s Online TV Station

DA KINECALENDAR

BY JESSICA ARMSTRONG CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

Save Honolua - Every Wed at 8 p.m and Thu at

Compadres - Tue, 4 p.m., Live music. Lahaina

Pioneer Inn - Thu, Ah-Tim Eleniki; Tue, Captain

Tradewinds Poolside Cafe - Thu, Kawika Lum

7:30 a.m., AKAKU Channel 53.

Cannery Mall, 661-7189.

Billy Bones; Wed, Greg Di Piazza. All sets 6-8 p.m.

Ho; Fri, Kaleo Cullen; Sat, Louise Lambert; Sun,

KARAOKE

Cool Cat Cafe - Thu, Erin Smith; Fri, Sat, Dave

658 Wharf St., Lahaina, 661-3636.

Mon, Kenny Roberts; Tue, Ramen & Cora; Wed,

Carroll; Sun, Wed, Whale Sharks; Mon, Mickie

Sea House Restaurant - Thu, Albert Kaina and

Keoki Ruiz. All sets 6-9 p.m. The Maui Coast Hotel,

Isana Restaurant - Daily, 9 p.m. 515 S. Kihei

Moore; Tue, Jazz; . all sets 7:30-10 p.m. Wharf

Kincade Basques; Fri, Sat, Mon, Tue, Kincade

2259 S. Kihei Rd., 874-6284.

Rd., Kihei, 874-1811.

Cinema Center, Lahaina, 667-0908.

Basques; Sun, Andrew; Wed, Albert Kaina. All sets

Kobe Japanese Steakhouse - Fri-Sat, 9:30

Hula Grill - (Early sets) Wed, Thu, Fri, Ernest

p.m., 136 Dickenson St., Lahaina, 667-5555.

Pua’a; Sat, Sun, Mon, Kawika Lum Ho; Tue, Jarret

Lulu’s - Wed, 7 p.m., 1941 S. Kihei Rd., 879-9944.

Roback. Early sets 3-5 p.m. (Followed by) Thu,

Sansei - Thu-Fri, 10 p.m., 600 Office Road,

Braddah Brian & Roy; Fri, Brian, Roy & Kawika;. Sat,

Kapalua, 669-6286; Thu-Sat, 10 p.m. Kihei Town

“TBA”; Sun, Ryan Tanaka & Friends; Mon,“TBA”;

Center, 879-0004.

Tue, Albert & Roy; Wed, An Den. Late sets 7-9:30

Tiffany’s - Daily, 9:30 p.m., 1424 L. Main St.,

p.m. 2435 Ka`anapali Parkway, Building P, 667-6636. Java Jazz/Soup Nutz - Mon-Sat, Acoustic

Unisan - Thu-Sat, 9:30 p.m., 2102 Vineyard St.,

music. All sets 7 p.m. 3350 Lower Honoapi`ilani

Wailuku, 244-4500.

Rd., Honokowai, 667-0787.

DINNER MUSIC WEST MAUI

Kimo’s - Mon- Wed, Sat, Sun, Sam Ahia. Fri, deAquino Bradaz. All sets 6:30-8:30 p.m. 845 Front

St., Lahaina, 661-4811.

Sat, Harry Troupe; Sun, Greg DiPiazza; Mon, Tue, Marvin Tevaga. All sets 7:30-9:30 p.m. 730 Front

St., Lahaina, 661-0700. Cheeseburger In Paradise - Mon, Tue, Scotty Rotten; Wed, Fri, Harry Troupe; Thu, Sat, Sun,

AK’s Cafe - Fri, Ron Kuala’au. 6:15 p.m. , Sat Tarvin Makai 6:15 p.m.1237 L. Main St, Wailuku,

SOUTH MAUI

244-8774. Longhi’s - Sat, acustic music. 10:30-11 p.m. 3750 Café Marc Aurel - Tue, Live Music; Mon, Open

Wailea Alanui Dr., 891-8883

Mic Night. 7:30 p.m. 28 N. Market St., Wailuku, Ma`alaea Grill - Thu, Fri, Sat, Benoit Jazz Works.

Moose McGillycuddy’s, Kihei - Fri, Erin Smith; Sat, Anuhea; All sets 5:30-7:30 p.m. 2511 S.

JD and Harry; Sun, Kilohana. All sets 2:30-5 p.m.

2435 Ka`anapali Pkwy, Building J, 661-4495. Moose McGillycuddy’s, Lahaina - Fri, Llayne & Pro Ed; Sat, Mark & Mike. All sets 6-9 p.m. 844

Front St., 667-7758.

244-0852. Main Street Bistro - Th-Fri, Rhythm & Blues with Freedom. 5-7:30 p.m.. 2051 Main St.,

Wailuku, 244-6816.

Kihei Rd., 891-8600.

UPCOUNTRY MAUI

Mulligan’s on the Blue - Fri, Joyce & Gord, 5:30-8 p.m.; Sat, Sun, Celtic Tigers; Mon, Gypsy Pacific; 7 p.m. 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea, 874-1131.

Leilani’s On The Beach - Fri, Scott Baird;. Sat, BJ’s Chicago Pizzeria - Wed-Fri, John Kane;

Honoapi`ilani Rd., Napili, 669-1500.

All sets 6:30-9 p.m. Maalaea Harbor, 243-2206.

Wailuku, 249-0052.

CENTRAL MAUI

6:30 or 7-9 p.m. Napili Kai Beach Resort, 5900

Hana Hou Cafe - Thu, Haiku Hillbillys; Wed, Tom Conway and Randall Rospond. Sat, Live music. All

South Shore Tiki Lounge - Thu, Sun, Tue, Tony; Fri, Eclipse; Sat, Erin Smith; Mon, Kanoa; Wed,

sets 6-9 p.m. 810 Haiku Rd, Haiku Cannery, 575-

2661.

Kenny Roberts. All sets 4-6 p.m. 1913 Kihei Rd., Jacque’s - Mon, Live Jazz. 5 p.m. 120 Hana Hwy,

Kihei Kalama Village, 874-6444. Tommy Bahama’s Tropical Café - Sun, Mon,

Paia, 579-8844.

Brittany; Wed, Sat, Merv Oana Thu; Fri Margie; Tue

Livewire Cafe - Tue, Green Room Blue; Wed,

Brooks McGuire. All sets 4:30-10:30 p.m. 811 Front

Mulligan’s on the Wharf - Fri, AnRil. All sets 7

Jamie Lawrence. All sets 6-10 p.m. The Shops at

Eddie Float; Sat, Joshua. All sets 7:30-9:30 p.m.

St., Lahaina, 661-4855.

p.m. Wharf Cinema Center, Lahaina, 661-8881.

Wailea, 875-9983.

137 Hana Hwy, Paia, 579-6009.

844 FRONT ST., LAHAINA • 667-7758

2511 S. KIHEI RD., KIHEI • 891-8600

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

JANUARY 31, 2008

DA KINECALENDAR

BY JESSICA ARMSTRONG CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

Moana Cafe & Bakery - Sat, Live jazz music

Mon, Anastasia Gilliom with Gene Argel; 2nd and

with Mark Johnstone & Friends, 11 a.m.-3 p.m. 71

4th Mon and every Sat Anastasia with Eddie Aviles;

Baldwin Ave., Paia, 579-9999.

Sun, Pam Peterson and Rudy Baria; Wed, Clay Mortensen and Gilbert Emata. Late sets 8:30-11:30

RESORT SHOWS , Maui s ONLY Rock Station! X92.5 features, On Air & Online @

www.x925.fm

WEST MAUI ■ HYATT REGENCY MAUI RESORT & SPA

p.m. Torchlighting ceremony nightly. ■ GRAND WAILEA RESORT HOTEL & SPA

3850 Wailea Alanui, 875-1234 Botero Bar - Wed, 5:30-9:30 p.m., Live music.

200 Nohea Kai Dr, Lahaina, 661-1234 Humuhumunukunukuapua`a - Nightly, 5:30 Weeping Banyan Lounge - Nightly, Live music. All sets 6:30-9:30 p.m. Torch lighting ceremony nightly.

Your 3 song choice s played back-to-back weekni ghts at 5

p.m., Strolling Hawaiian Duo. ■ THE FAIRMONT KEA LANI MAUI

4100 Wailea Alanui, 875-4100

■ KAANAPALI BEACH CLUB

104 Ka`anapali Shores, Lahaina, 661-2000 Ohana Bar & Grill - Wed, Thu, Live music; Fri,

Lobby Bar - Nightly, 5:30-9:30 p.m., Live music. ■ THE SHOPS AT WAILEA

3750 Wailea Alanui

Patrick Major; Sun, Wayne and Friends; Mon, Tue,

X92.5 Music es Contests & Priz & Artist In fo from X92.5 Exclusive X92.5 Listener Blog

Hottie-of-the-Day

Ernest Pua`a. All sets 5:30-9:30 p.m. Torch lighting ceremony nightly.

Lower Courtyard - Wed, 6:30-8 p.m., Jamie

■ KA`ANAPALI BEACH HOTEL

Lawerence and Friends.

2525 Ka`anapali Pkwy, 661-0011

■ WAILEA MARRIOTT

Kupanaha - Nightly, Hula show, 6:30-7:30 p.m.

Pictures

, g on Maui What s happenin

Tiki Courtyard - Nightly, Alanui with Uncle Rudi;

893-8625

3700 Wailea Alanui, 879-1922 Kumu Bar & Grill - Nightly, Hula dancing. 6-9 p.m.

Sun, Hula show. All sets 6:30 p.m.

Mele Mele Lounge - Nighly, Live music. 9-11 p.m.

■ NAPILI KAI BEACH RESORT

■ RENAISSANCE WAILEA BEACH

5900 Honoapi`ilani Hwy, Napili, 669-1500

RESORT

Thu, Kincaid and Albert; Fri, Sat, Mon, Tue, Kincaid

X92.5 Listener Club

East Wing - Wed, 6:30-8 p.m., Marti Kluth.

3550 Wailea Alanui, 879-4900

Basques; Sun, Kapule Paoa; Wed, Albert Kaina. All

Sunset Terrace - Wed, Thu, Bobby Krueger; Fri,

sets 7-9 p.m.

Mahalo Greg; Sat, Rama Camarillo; Sun, Mondo

■ ROYAL LAHAINA RESORT

2780 Keka`a Dr., Ka`anapali, 661-3611

Kane; Mon, Tue, Lono. All sets 6-9 p.m. ■ MAUI PRINCE HOTEL

5400 Makena Alanui, 874-1111 Royal Ocean Terrace - Thu, Fri, Sat, Live Hawaiian. 6-8 p.m. ■ SHERATON MAUI HOTEL

2605 Ka`anapali Pkwy, 661-0031

Molokini Lounge - (Very early sets) Fri, Mon, Wed, Mele `Ohana Duo. Very early sets 9 a.m-1 p.m. (Followed by) Thu, Sat, Sun, Tue, Ron Kuala’au; Fri, Mon, Wed, Mele `Ohana Duo. Early sets 6 p.m.

Lagoon Bar - Nightly, Hula dancing during sets.

(Followed by) Thu, Fri, Sat, Mon, Tue, Wed, Mele

Thu, Mon, Tue, Bobby and Ralph; Fri, Ralph and

`Ohana Duo. Late sets 8:30-10:30 p.m.

Allan; Sat, Sun, Fausto and Kawaika; Wed, Nathan

EAST MAUI

and Ralph. All sets 6-8 p.m. Torchlighting and cliff diving ceremony at sunset nightly.

■ HOTEL HANA-MAUI

■ THE WESTIN MAUI HOTEL

Hana, 248-8211

2365 Kaanapali Parkway, 667-2525

Paniolo Lounge - Thu-Sun, Live music. 6:30-

Ono Bar & Grille - Thu, Sat, Steve Sargenti; Fri,

9:30 p.m.

Larry Golis; Sun, Margie Heart; Mon, Ernest Puaa;

Main Dining Room - Thu, Sun, Hula dancing.

Tue, Brian Haia; Wed, Pam Peterson. Tue-Sun

7:30-8:15 p.m.

shows, 6-9 p.m. Mon, 5:30-9 p.m. Tropica - (Early sets) Thu, Wed, Brian Haia; Fri, Sat, Mon, Marvin Tevaga; Sun, Josh Kahula; Tue, Ernest Pua`a. Early sets 3-6 p.m. (Followed by) Thu, Fri, Wed, Benny Uyetake; Sat, Tue, Mitch Kepa;

ROB REPORT

Sun, Steve Sargenti; Mon, Josh Kahula. Late sets 6-9 p.m.

SOUTH MAUI

PROVOCATIVE ENVIRONMENTAL COVERAGE AND COMMENTARY EACH WEEK. Check it out on page 6

■ FOUR SEASONS RESORT WAILEA

3900 Wailea Alanui, 874-8000

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

to Jessica Armstrong at

and Alan Villeran; Sat, Mon, Island Style Trio with

calendar@mauitime.com

hula dancing. Early sets 5:30-7:30 p.m. (Followed

or fax (808) 244-0446

Clay Mortensen and George Tavoularis; 1st and 3rd

JANUARY 31, 2008

photos for the Da Kine Calendar

Lobby Lounge - (Early sets) Thu, Steve Repollo

by) Thu, Anastasia Gilliom with Nils Rosenblad; Fri,

Send your listings and

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To pay for our services using a check, call 1-800-252-0920

WOMEN Seeking Men EARTH ANGEL.... Seeks a good man who has got it together, N/S, SWM, 40-60, young at heart, healthy, loves to laugh and have fun, share wine, sunsets, cozzy candle-light dinners, stimulating conversations. 616262

MEN Seeking Women WHAT HAVE U GOT 2 LOSE? SM, 40, educated, outgoing, affectionate and hard-working, loves surfing, dirt bikes, time w/friends, hard rock and oldies music. Seeking nice. open-minded lady to share the good times in life. 242293

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FAX NUMBER 808-244-0446 EMAIL brad@mauitime.com

WEBSITE www.mauitime.com

1.800.710.8735

866.399.5979

MAILING 33 N. Market St. Ste. 201 Wailuku, HI 96793

DROP OFF 33 N. Market St. Ste. 201, W ailuku

18+

For customer service call 1-617-450-8773 or email MauiTime@placepersonal.com

LINGO: A-Asian; B-Black; C-Christian; D-Divorced; F-Female; G-Gay; H-Hispanic; J-Jewish; M-Male; N/S-Non-Smoker; P-Professional; S-Single; W-White GUIDELINES: Personals are for adults 18 or over seeking monogamous relationships. To ensure your safety, carefully screen all responses and have first meetings occur in a public place. This publication reserves the right to edit, revise, or reject any advertisement at any time at its sole discretion and assumes no responsibility for the content of or replies to any ad. Not all ads have corresponding voice messages. To review our complete guidelines, call (617) 425-2636 0129

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

JANUARY 31, 2008

Assists with the Behavioral Health/Medical Management administrative functions. Responsibilities include telephone communication with medical & behavioral health care providers & members; processing of request for service in a timely manner; and maintaining accurate records & documentation. Must have excellent computer & customer service skills, be detail-oriented, flexible, have a positive attitude & be adaptable to changing priorities. Medical office exp. or previous managed care and demonstrated knowledge of medical terminology, ICD-9 and CPT coding is required. Medical Assistant exp. preferred. Fax or e-mail your resume w/salary history and current requirement to:

Fax: (808) 973-6345 Email: resumes@alohacarehawaii.org www.alohacarehawaii.org Equal Opportunity Employer

BUG MAN TERMITE & PEST CONTROL, INC.

Willing to learn & be part of a Great Team?

Please Come in and Apply Today! 296 Alamaha St. C-3 Kahului

PHOTOGRAPHERS Maui's premier visual services provider needs photographers to work 2 to 3 nights at the most popular luaus on Maui. Starting salary @$9.50/hr. plus sales commission. An outgoing enthusiastic personality and reliable transportation is a must. Apply in person at:

Capturing the Spirit of Aloha Media Systems, Inc. 727 Waine'e St. Suite 201 Lahaina, Maui, HI 96761 808-667-2271 www.msimaui.com

$ MODELS WANTED $ For magazine print work. $250$900. Ages 18 to 35. 573-3712 HAIKU GROCERY STORE looking for PT MEAT CUTTER. Apply at 810 Haiku Road BARTENDERS NEEDED Looking for part/full time bartenders. Several positions available.No experience required.With hourly wages and tips make up to $300 per shift. Call(800)806-0082 ext.200.(AAN CAN) GOVERNMENT JOBS Earn Up to $12 to $48/Hour. Benefits, Paid Training, Homeland Security, Law Enforcement, Administrative, Clerical, Office, Accounting, Finance, Wildlife, More! 1-800-320-9353 x.2001. (AAN CAN) NIGHT MANAGER NEEDED Java Jazz is expanding it’s hours to 10pm/restaurant and 11pm/bar. Salary, commission and benefits. Apply in person and bring resume to 3350 Lower Honoapiilani Rd. in Honokawai. Also seeking pm bartenders. Call 276-3177 for details

(HONOKOWAI)

DELI CLERKS (KIHEI)

F/T DELI LEAD CLERK (KIHEI)

FT & PT positions. Customer service oriented individuals needed for our Honokowai Store in Maui. Excellent benefits. Flexible shifts available. An Equal Opportunity Employer

JANUARY 31, 2008

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

Apply in person 1279 S. Kihei Rd., Azeka II Mauka

EXTENDED HORIZONS now hiring

SCUBA INSTRUCTORS & CAPTAIN For Full Time or Part Time work, please call Call 573-3210

• Line Cook (F/T) • Hosts • Reservationist

808-669-6286

SANSEI Kihei • Hosts (F/T & P/T)

808-879-0004

RESTAURANT POSITIONS AVAILABLE TO START MID FEBRUARY AT HAIKU TOWN CENTER FOR OUR MEDITERRANEAN BISTRO:

Hostess-Manager; Line Cooks; Prep and Pantry; Waiter/Waitresses; Busboy and Dishwasher - AM/PM Shifts Production Workers for Wholesale Division Apply at 810 Kokomo Rd. Vasi's Deli or call 573-8056

TASTY CRUST

AM WAIT STAFF Apply in person 1770 Mill St., Wailuku No phone calls please!

Call 244-0161 or 242-1350

TRUCKS, MOTORCYCLES, RVS

SCOOTERS 05 Honda Metro AUTO $1,595 92 Yamaha Jog FAST $1,000 06 VESPA GTS $4,295

MOTORCYCLES 06 Honda Big Ruckus 250 $4,495 04 Honda Goldwing $10,999 05 Honda VTX $7,595

DIRT BIKE

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HAIR STYLIST

AD DEADLINE MONDAY 4PM

05 Gas Gas Trails 50CC $895

TO ADVERTISE IN THE EMPLOYMENT SECTION Call 264-8039

06/07 NEW MODELS

with clientele. Rent negotiable.

LIFE SKILLS SPECIALIST LAHAINA, MAUI

Non-profit, seeking compassionate individual to provide life skills training to adults with disabilities in a group home setting. Salary ($22K/yr.) and private room provided. Required: H.S. diploma or equivalent, D.L. w/clean traffic abstract. Desired: Social/Human Service exp. Send resume w/ cover letter & position title to:

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Call 357-2428

MERCHANDISERS

High volume, high energy restaurants now hiring professionals with experience, aloha & team spirit. SANSEI Kapalua

Call 572-1636

04 Honda CR250R $2,795

Call 244-7052

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leave message

FREEMAN

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WEBSITE www.mauitime.com

MAILING 33 N. Market St. Ste. 201 Wailuku, HI 96793

DROP OFF 33 N. Market St. Ste. 201, Wailuku

Maui Motorcycle 1161 Lower Main St., Wailuku

242-4000 AUTOMOTIVE SERVICES $500 POLICE IMPOUNDS Cars from $500! Tax Repos, US Marshall and IRS Sales! Cars, Trucks, SUV’s, Toyota’s, Honda’s, Chevy’s and more! For Listings Call 1-800-298-4150 xC107. (AAN CAN)

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E M P L OY M E N T

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WRITERS WANTED MASSAGE THERAPY Sports & Injury Bodyworker, Part- The Academy for Alternative time opportunity for insured, Journalism, established by papers like this one to promote diversity in female LMT. 808-250-9537 the alternative press, seeks talented journalists and students (college Kihei Restaurant $65K seniors and up) for a paid summer Wailuku Restaurant $65K writing program at Northwestern Lahaina Restaurant $20K University’s Medill School of Kahului Restaurant $250K Journalism. The eight-week proPaia Restaurant $145K gram (June 22 - August 17, 2008) Michael Capuano aims to recruit talented candidates 280-0394 from diverse backgrounds and train them in alt-weekly style feature writing. Ten participants will be chosen and paid $3,000 plus housing and travel allowances. For informa$8 PRESCRIPTION tion and an application visit EYEGLASSES. http://aaj.aan.org. You may also Custom made to your prescription, email us at altacademy@northstylish plastic or metal frame, western.edu. Applications must be Highindex, UV protection, antis- postmarked by February 8, 2008. cratch lens, case, lenscloth for only Northwestern University is an $8. Also available: Rimless, equal opportunity educator and Titanium, Children’s, Bifocals, employer. (AAN CAN) Progressives, Suntints, ARcoating, etc. http://ZENNIOPTICAL.COM (AAN CAN)

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Valentine & Birthday Surprises on Maui!

FREE AND ANONYMOUS HIV TESTING OFFERED THROUGH YOUR HAWAII DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH Kihei-Mondays at Keolahou Church 11am-2pm. Wailuku-Monday thru Thursday at Wailuku Health Center 8:30 am-12pm. Paia-Wednesdays at Paia Community Center 12:30pm-3:00pm. LahainaThursdays at Lahaina Comprehensive Health Center 9am-12pm. Results returned in 2 wks. Sponsored by State Dept. of Health, for more info call 984-2129

CLEAN, AFFORDABLE Accommodations in our vacation rental from $69 per day. Call Toll Free Wailuku Guesthouse 877-9868270 or www.wailukuhouse.com

Kaimana’s Beach Hale

at Baby Beach www.kaimanasbeachhale.com Special this month. $125-$195 a day. Your own private Ohana. Continental breakfast served. Full kitchen with espresso machine & D/W. Call 667-6968 for info.

PREGNANT? CONSIDERING ADOPTION? Talk with caring agency specializing in matching Birthmothers with Families nationwide. LIVING EXPENSES PAID. Call 24/7 Abby’s One True Gift Adoptions 1-866-413MAUI RECYCLING SERVICE 6293 (AAN CAN) Picks up all your glass, plastic, aluminum, tin, newspaper, & cardboard. Home Pickup; a convenience for $17.50/mo! Bi-monthly pick up. Commercial accounts FOR SALE avail. Call Now! 244-0443 WAILUKU Lowest priced 3bd/2ba home in $CASH$ Kehalani subdivision. Single level Immediate cash for structured sethome on a large, corner lot with a tlements, annuities, law suits, fenced back yard and West Maui inheritance, mortgage notes & Mountain ocean views. $549,000 cash flows. J.G. WENTWORTH #1 Josh Jerman, Broker (808) 283- 1-800-794-7310 (AAN CAN)

SERVICES

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Ad Deadline Monday 4pm To Advertise Call 244-0777

BOOK YOUR AD TODAY! Call 244-0777 by 4 pm on Monday

Fax Number 244-0446 Email classifieds@mauitime.com Website www.mauitime.com Mail 33 Market Street, Suite 201 Wailuku, HI 96793

to get your ad in Maui Time Weekly!

REAL ESTATE

HOME FROM $30,000 ADULT ISSUES AND EMOTIONS Buy foreclosures! Must sell now! Exposed by Branch Isole The 1-4 bedrooms. For listings, call ‘Voyeuristic Poet’ Old Lahaina 1-800-903-7136. (AAN CAN) Book Emporium www.manaopublishing.com BANK FORECLOSURES Homes from $10,000! 1-3 bedroom available! HUD, Repos, REO, etc. These homes must sell! For Listings Call 1-800-425-1620 ext. ALOHA VALUED READERS We would like to let our readers H107. (AAN CAN) know that we try to screen most of our ads. We read back the ad copy SHARED HOUSING, to ensure that it is the correct inforROOMMATES mation that advertisers want. If ALL AREAS - ROOMMATE.COM you see the acronym (AAN CAN) that ad is a national ad and was not Browse hundreds of online listings submitted directly to us. If you with photos and maps. Find your have a question directly concern- roommate with a click of the ing AAN CAN, please check out mouse! Visit: www.Roommates.com (AAN CAN) aancan.org

NOTICES

VACATION RENTALS

CLASSIFIEDS

CLASSIFIED LINE AD RATES CHARGE 5 lines included – approx. IT! 140 characters Maui Time Weekly

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accepts credit cards for classified and display ads

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ANYTHING COMPUTERS

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PLACING AN AD IS EASY! CALL 244-0777

*Does not apply to Backside or Adult Services. Please call for pricing details.

808-351-6383 www.websitesonmaui.com

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

JANUARY 31, 2008

Now Hiring Full-Time Split Shift & Part-Time: Transportation Security Officers Officers provide security and protection for air travelers, airports and aircraft.

Full-Time Split Shift (Kahului): Starting at $36,648 per year Plus Benefits Part-Time (Kahului): Starting at $17.56 per hour Plus Benefits (Includes 25% Cost of Living Allowance and 25% Retention Pay)

Full-Time Split Shift (Lanai): Starting at $30,235 per year Plus Benefits (Includes 23.75% Cost of Living Allowance) TSA will pay the maximum government contribution for health benefits under the TSA Health Benefit Incentive for part-time TSOs. All part-time TSOs will pay the same lower cost for federal health benefits as full-time employees. Minimum Requirements: U.S. Citizenship or U.S. National • High school diploma, GED or equivalent, or one year of security or aviation screening experience • English proficiency • Pre-employment medical evaluation • Pass a background/credit check

Please apply online at: www.tsajobs.com 1-800-887-1895 • TTY: 1-800-887-5506

TSA is an Equal Opportunity Employer.

JANUARY 31, 2008

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

I SOLD A $365,000 CONDO with a $9 classified ad in MauiTime!

Josh Jerman, Broker

SIGNLANGUAGE

CAERIEL CRESTIN SIGN.LANGUAGE.ASTROLOGY@GMAIL.COM

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18) Because you’re gifted with a keen sense of fairness, it especially hurts when you get shafted, particularly if it’s because of stupidity or shortsightedness. It’s likely to be very hard for you to forgive or forget this shit, even if there’s some effort made to make things right, but nevertheless that’s what you’ve got to do. Some people are petty, and unless you act grateful for the effort they made to correct their own screw-ups, they’re not likely to bother next time. It goes without saying that this would be a bad thing, since these people are likely to mess up again (and again).

PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20) This week you’re likely to wake up with sore muscles in unusual places. Whether that’s because you helped someone move, or experimented with a few new positions in bed, it’s tangible evidence that you’re willing to go beyond the routine. Use it as a reminder to push yourself even further. There’s a lot of room for expansion right now on all fronts, but it requires a bit of stretching and pushing on your part. Imagine if you could add a new room to your apartment just by shoving the walls back. Right now— metaphorically, at least—you can.

ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19)

Call and place your classified ad today!

264-8039 283-3260

When you discover someone’s been spraying bullshit at your face, you’re likely to react in one of two ways: explosive anger or a lust for cold, calculated revenge. Either response would be a mistake right now. What you need to do is defuse the situation, not escalate it. Being pissy or vengeful would only seal the situation in cement. I don’t know how you can get the liar to start telling you the truth, but I do know that that—rather than getting back at him or her—needs to be the top of this week’s agenda.

TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20) There’s a golden opportunity here that you’re missing, and it’s not because you’re not looking for it. It’s probably because you’re virtually incapable of seeing it. You’re essentially colorblind in this situation, and this message is written in red letters on a field of green. You need to have someone else point it out to you, which—because of the less than gracious way you’ve occasionally received unsolicited advice before—you’ll need to specifically ask for. Asking for help has never been your forte. However, I hope you get over your resistance to it. Doing so could be very lucrative.

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20) You could walk around the car you’re thinking of buying, kicking the tires and pretending you know what the hell you’re looking at. But that, my dear, would be quite stupid. People who do know what they’re doing can see through pretenders without trying. You need to recognize your own shortcomings and find some way to compensate for them—bring along your auto-obsessed buddy, for example. Don’t bumble around blindly this week, feigning expertise (which is more likely to get you ripped off than an outright admission of ignorance). Figure out who can compensate for the holes in your knowledge, and ask for their aid.

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22) You just couldn’t stay away could you? Even after you decided that you were done with so-and-so or such-and-such once and for all, you found yourself called back. It’s even more embarrassing because of your dramatic declaration that you were through with the situation forever—anyone who spots you now will judge you not only weak-willed, but a drama queen, besides. What, though, are you going to do? This time, you may have to simply slink back into the situation you declared you were finished with and eat the sardonic comments about the stink you made when you left. Next time, though, you might remember that how you feel today isn’t always the way you’ll feel tomorrow, and wait before you tell everyone about the new status quo, at least until you’re sure it will stick.

LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22) You have trouble with recycling, not because you hate the environment, but because dealing with petty details like sorting your trash is so not your style. This goes for emotional garbage as well as the real life stuff. Unfortunately, there’s a lot you need to get rid of that could conceivably be put to brilliant constructive use, instead of piling up in some mental landfill of things you’ll try to never think about again. You could hire someone, I suppose, to sort through your physical trash for you, but that doesn’t quite work inside your head. In this case, I’m afraid, you’ll simply have to roll up your sleeves and get down to this distasteful task on your own.

VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22)

We are seeking a

Freelance Graphic Designer The ideal candidate would possess a minimum of two years of experience in the publishing industry, agency or related field and wish to work in an exciting, fast-paced, deadline-driven environment.

Bedbugs are back. They’re infesting America, living in couch cushions, between sheets, and hitching rides to new homes on people’s pants cuffs. This is the kind of thing likely to fill some Virgos with panic, but I hope you can stay calm. Bedbugs are as hard to keep out of your life as unwanted ideas. You can certainly practice caution—not picking up discarded futons from the street, for example. But worrying won’t do you a whit of good when faced with invasion by physical or mental pests. May I suggest a wellexercised sense of humor instead? It’ll serve you better in either scenario.

LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22) Stop punishing yourself. You may claim you haven’t been, but that’s only because you’re not obvious about it. Hair shirts and self-flagellation are not your style. You’re more likely to torture yourself in subtle, only semi-conscious ways, ways you might not even notice until you’ve been practicing them so long they’ve become hard-to-break habits. How insidious! Whether or not you ever deserved the chastisement you’re giving yourself, you’ve certainly “done your time” by now. You deserve a clean slate and a fresh start. Do what you have to do to give that to yourself—even if that means you have to call in outside help to identify and quell your devious means of self-torture.

SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21)

You MUST have good design skills and an excellent working knowledge of QuarkXPress, Photoshop and Illustrator. You will be tested during interview. We are a digital environment, knowledge of PDF and postscript is necessary. We are very deadline driven with tight turnaround times. You MUST be able to work quickly, calmly and under pressure. Reliable transportation necessary. If you believe that you possess the qualifications listed above, please email your resume and a minimum of 3 design samples in PDF format to: wendy@mauitime.com No phone calls please.

A house constructed of fieldstone and rough-hewn beams might not look as sturdy as one made of concrete and finished lumber, but it’s quite likely to be more than solid enough for your purposes, and have character, besides. Don’t be overly captivated by the new, the flashy, and the perfect. The rough edges are more interesting and have likely already withstood quite a bit of abuse. Where do you want to live, after all? In the standard prefab bullshit everyone else is occupying? Is that really your style? I can’t imagine you’d find it more comfortable, ultimately, than the unconventional, unique, imperfect, scrappy place off the beaten path. When it comes to choosing between the two this week, keep that in mind.

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21) Don’t be lazy. Filleting that fish might be tedious, messy work, but it’s better to be slow and careful than to let someone choke on a fish bone because you couldn’t be bothered to do the job properly. You’re in a position to benefit many people (who won’t bother to thank you, I’m afraid) by doing your job correctly and well, or to screw over many more, by slacking off. The people whose lives you inconvenience or derail, by the way, won’t have any problem calling you out on your sloppiness, even if they wouldn’t have bothered expressing their gratitude for a job well done. In other words, stay sharp. Being great may not net you appreciation, but it will certainly spare you grief.

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19) You’re the zodiac’s most reasonable, cool-headed and rational people—except when you’re not. Very occasionally (usually in regards to love), you go off the deep end and become what can only be called obsessive. Surely you realize that your maniacal, stalker-like behavior will only terrify people, but sometimes it seems impossible to stop yourself, or you rationalize that it’s not as bad as it seems. I hope you recognize that there are times when your usual clearheaded perspective becomes way too skewed to be trusted, and you get someone you have faith in (and who has some sway over what you actually do) to give you the reality check you desperately need.

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

JANUARY 31, 2008

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Hypochondriac Speaks! Unfortunately, Starr, people like you never die. -My ex I am a hypochondriac. I spend most of my life worrying about obscure yet potentially life threatening ailments and/or accidents while patiently waiting for the moment when all this impending doom that I feel finally materializes and kills me. Surely, it will be untimely and the most tragic aspect of my demise will be that I will be too dead to say, “told you so.” Being a hypochondriac can be trying for my family and friends. In fact, for Christmas, one of my best friends actually got me this cardboard wheel that displays a list of symptoms that match up with the worst-case scenario, more likely explanations and who to call for medical advice as well as tips on what to stress out about next. For example, a headache could potentially mean a brain tumor, but is more likely caused by simple allergies or stress. I should call a neurologist, and why not worry about losing my sense of smell while I wait for the doctor to call back? I think she meant it as a gag gift, but I can’t tell you how many times it’s come in handy. Believe it or not, I have mellowed out. And while I still refuse to drink diet soda (God only knows what all that robot-sugar will do to you) or stand too close to a castor bean plant (which contains poison more deadly than cyanide), I’m not nearly as crazy as I used to be. In fact, at one point I was freaking out so bad that my doctor recommended that I start taking an anti-anxiety drug. And I would have, too, if I hadn’t been certain that I would have a fatal reaction to the medicine. This whole media frenzy about the death of Heath Ledger isn’t helping my condition. No matter how he died, it’s scary. If it was a bad combination of prescription drugs, then I feel like I need to head to Kaiser and interrogate my doctor. Is this prescription okay to take with acetaminophen? But not with alcohol? Well, what about the trace amounts left behind after gargling mouthwash? When I told a friend that I read Ledger’s death could have been from “natural causes,” he grimaced. “No 28-year-old dies from natural causes,” he said. “Hell, no 38-year-old dies from natural causes.” Oh contraire! Although rare, it happens. And if it happens, it’s something to worry about. My hypochondria has transferred to my kids. Most noticeably in my six-yearold daughter. My husband and I lovingly refer to her as our little “Danger Ranger” because she’s always reminding us to buckle up, drink less soda, wash our hands and construct a fire safety plan for our household. I think she’s so careful because I’ve raised her with the “Don’t (INSERT FROWNED-UPON ACTIVITY) unless you want to die” approach. Admittedly, it’s caused some psychological problems, but I’d rather her be a little strange and safe then very normal and dead. My latest fear is that I will be kidnapped/murdered/crushed by a trolley when I go to San Francisco this week. I’m also concerned about the possibility that I will be drugged by a stranger, have an allergic reaction and/or simply drop dead of a random heart attack in the hotel–so very far away from my family–which would be very sad. I could also suffer a head injury and get amnesia, eventually becoming forever lost in the continental U.S., which now that I think about it, might actually be a fate worse than death. Starr Begley feels that Disney’s Wicked Step-Mothers are simply misunderstood.

MTW

JANUARY 31, 2008

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

BY STARR BEGLEY STARR@MAUITIME.COM

Mind Body

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CLUB TANTRA Maui - Saturdays, 7PM. Couples learn the art of sacred sexuality. Tantra demos, coached practice, intimate parties, dating groups. First timers attend orientation class. Tantra School 1/21-1/25, Daka & Dakini Training 2/4-2/8, Celebrate Sacred Sexuality 2/162/17, Tantra pujas 2/15. Tantra Connection 1/11 & 2/8, private MEDICAL INTUITIVE HEALINGS tantra counseling. www.schooloftantra.com, 808-244-4103, 808- AND CLAIRVOYANT READINGS With Robin Sage, LMT since 1999. 244-4921. www.SageSchoolOfLight.com 808-268-8501 Aloha Healing Women Retreats Abuse, grief,eating INTUITIVE, NURTURING TOUCH disorders,weight loss & spiritualiBy Vinceanna. 808-264-1830 ty. Stop suffering, come heal on

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

249.8280

JANUARY 31, 2008

TERMS & CONDITIONS: By texting “WHALE” to 21321 you are entering a contest.You will receive a one time message & correspondence from Pacific Whale Foundation via phone should you win. Standard text messaging rates apply.

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On The UPside with TERI

BRIAN SLAGLE !!!

MAUI’S HOTTEST “CALL-IN” RADIO PROGRAM

Trying to get in touch with BRIAN SLAGLE. Brian Where are you ? Are you still on Maui ? Send me an email jbfint@yahoo.com Do you know BRIAN SLAGLE ? If you know BRIAN SLAGLE please drop me a line. Mahalo.

Tune in every FRIDAY at our NEW TIME *NOON* on KAOI 1110 AM. Call in 808-242-7800.

ON THE FLY BOOKKEEPING Bookkeeping when you need it. Call Terez @ 808-276-1650

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MAUI TATTOO COMPANY

MOBILE MECHANIC Clint’s Car & Truck Repair, ASE Certified Master Mechanic, Free Estimates, Call 250-4491 seven days a week

Presented by the Maui Academy of Performing Arts. Fri. Feb. 8th, Sat. Feb. 9th and Sun. Feb. 10th at the MACC Castle Theatre. Call 242SHOW or visit the MACC box office for tickets.

START THE NEW YEAR RIGHT! CONSOLIDATE YOUR HOLIDAY DEBT WITH A LOW FIXED RATE

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Radio Sales for Local Show.

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amanda.mori@homestreet.com

The Fastest Growing Privacy Hedge Available!

Get your FedEx & UPS delivered to your mailbox! United States Approved Mailboxes

Traditional, Custom, Polynesian, Cover-Ups, Portraits & Permanent Makeup. 1945 S. Kihei Rd., under Lu Lu’s. 874-0034

THE MUSIC MAN

West Maui/Molokai Special. Only Air Maui offers this incredible flight! Call now for your 2 for 1 Kama‘aina special or special visitor rate! Expires Dec. 31, 2007. For reservations call 877-7005

AT LAHAINA COOLERS!

Savings of to to 70%! Treat yourself or someone special, with a gift from Josephine's Lingerie & Boutique, 99 Hana Hwy. in Paia. 579-6229

#RD 3881

Yellow Seed Bamboo Haiku • Maui • Hawaii

NOW OPEN LATE – MON-SAT 10AM-9PM

PRE-FORECLOSURE CONDOS! PRICED BELOW MARKET

Kihei Condo 1Bd/1Ba - Pool + Tennis

Wailuku Condo

$249,000 $315,000

3Bd/2Ba - New Carpet and Paint Josh Jerman, Broker

878-2698

ISLAND WIDE SERVICE AMERICAN • ASIAN • CARS • SUV’S • TRUCKS 3135 Lower Kula Road • Behind Kula Hardware

283-2222 Century 21 All Islands www.joshjerman.com