12.05 Troubled Waters, July 24, 2008, Volume 12, Issue 5, MauiTime by MauiTimes

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JULY 24, 2008

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

CONTENTS

• • • •

VOLUME 12 • ISSUE 05

4 MAUI COUNTY Readers sound off on Best Of, dog bites and gay marriage in Letters. Kate Bradshaw updates us on the downhill bike issue. Eh Brah! takes aim at drunk Irish girls. Rob Report dives into the murky waters of tropical fish collecting. Fake IDs get confiscated to no avail in LC Watch. Consolidated Theatres has a

good week on the wings of a bat in Maui 10. Coconut Wireless jumps from McCain to Heath Ledger to the County Council. Babies

Well-Woman Exams Birth Control Emergency Contraception Pregnancy Testing

Caring Confidential Professional Affordable

Abortion Services STD Testing/Treatment Gynecological Exams HPV Vaccine

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get gang initiated in News of the Weird.

12 FEATURE STORY Jessica Armstrong takes a look at sharks, the misunderstood denizens of the deep, and Editor: Jacob Shafer Associate Editor: Starr Begley Calendar Editor: Jessica Armstrong Contributors: Caeriel Crestin, Lloyd Dangle, Rob Parsons, Chuck Shepherd, Cole Smithey, Ynez Tongson Illustration: Guy Junker, Ron Pitts, Glenn Watson

how their survival is both essential and dependent on us. Starr Begley chimes in with a colorful retelling of

the Legend of the

Sharkman.

15 ONO KINE GRINDS Ramen-ya serves up heaping portions of noodles and Ynez is satiated.

Photography: Quinn Dombrowski, Sean Michael Hower, James Sapara, Ken-Ichi Ueda, Robert Winter Art Director: Travis Keenan Tiffin

17 DA KINE CALENDAR

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Starr is stoked for MAPA’s West Side Story. Graphic Designer: Ocean Lehua Zbiciak Advertising Executive: Brad Chambers

The Keiki Hula Festival twirls into town, the Maui

Ocean

Center

hosts

Shark

Sleepover, altruism takes center stage at General Manager: Jennifer Russo

the Volunteer Fair and the Maui Film

Administrative Executive: Judy Toba

Festival screens the mystical fable The Fall.

Administrative Assistant: Jennifer Brown

22 Mind Candy

Web Design: Linear Publishing www.linearpublishing.com Publisher: Tommy Russo

23 Grid & Calendar

20 FILM Cole Smithey gives three stars to the two lovably immature stars of Step Brothers.

21 Movie Listings MauiTime Weekly is published every Thursday by MauiTime Productions, Inc. Its contents are Copyright © 2008 by MauiTime Productions, Inc. All rights reserved. Subscriptions are available at $70 per year. Reproduction or use without permission is strictly prohibited. Maui Time Weekly may be distributed only by MauiTime Weekly’s authorized independent contractor. MauiTime Weekly is valued at $.50 per copy and permits one complimentary copy per person. No person may, without written permission of MauiTime Weekly, take more than one copy of each weekly issue. All opinions expressed throughout MauiTime Weekly are those of the authors and not necessarily the same opinions as MauiTime Productions, Inc. and MauiTime Weekly. Maui Time Weekly 33 N. Market St., Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 office (808) 244-0777 • fax (808) 244-0446 www.mauitime.com Deadlines: Display Advertising: Friday Noon Classified: Monday 4pm Calendar: Monday Noon

29 BACK PAGES Sign Language gives you celestial words to live by. Restless Native longs for a bigger butt and gets very sore in the process.

CLASSIFIEDS 27 Adult Classifieds 28 Classified Listings 31 Mind, Body & Spirit

Circulation: 18,000 copies of the MauiTime Weekly

ON THE COVER: Photo by Bryce Groark www.livingoceanproductions.com

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OUT OF TUNE Your editor’s pick [“Best of Maui,” July 17] says that someone got a great deal on a used Squire Bullet guitar for $140. Bounty Music sells the Squire Bullet Guitar for $129.99 and is proud to be the authorized dealer and authorized repair center for Fender Squire Guitars on Maui. This is a perfect example of why it pays to shop for a musical instrument at a store that specializes in selling musical instruments, with a knowledgeable staff made up of professional musicians. Bounty Music has served the people of Maui for 29 years. We have enjoyed reading your informative and entertaining paper for many years and were quite surprised that your editors did not take the time to accurately check the facts before publishing. Isn’t the idea behind Best of Maui to have the people of Maui vote on what they consider to be the best? -Avi and Paul Weinstein, owners of Bounty Music, Kahului

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Still more talk about dogs, pit bulls specifically. Ban, euthanize, etc. are actions suggested. As I’ve said before, don’t blame the dog! Put the blame where it really belongs, i.e., on the irresponsible idiots that own them. Ban or deport THEM, not the dogs. These “owners” who refuse to obey laws that were written for a purpose should be taken down. If they don’t like the laws we have here, send them somewhere else. Get rid of THEM! Leash laws were written for the specific purpose of protecting the public. If any of these idiots think they are above the law, get rid of THEM! Lets identify the idiots if you can. Write a letter to the editor, or call me and I’ll write the letter, but we have to start with the identification process. A license plate number or an address would be a good place for the enforcers to start with. Let’s stand up to these IDIOTS! -Gordon C. Cockett, Kupuna

WATER YOU THINKING? Mahalo to the Department of Water Supply for hosting the West Maui Water Advisory committee on July 16. I really appreciated the inclusive way the meeting was facilitated. The 20year water master plan for Maui is the most important plan that we can work on. It doesn’t matter what gets approved where if there is no water. None of it will matter if there is no water. I will definitely be on the lookout for the Dept. of Water Supply’s next meeting as I believe Maui’s water future will depend on input given from the local community. I encour-

JULY 24, 2008

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

age all concerned about the future of water (or lack there of) on Maui to attend committee meetings held in your district. -Tamara Paltin, Lahaina

WOULDN’T IT BE NICE… What with thousands of gay and lesbian couples flying into California to complete their nuptials it’s high time Hawaii gets on the bandwagon and legalizes gay marriage. As a top honeymoon destination, the island would surely receive an economic boost from the influx of same-sex newlyweds. Considering the sexual preferences of some in government, a bill to legalize same sex marriage is a no-brainer. -Patricia Kanemitsu, Kahului

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT An article titled “Where’s My Water, Brah?,” published in the June 12 edition of Maui Time, contained some factual similarities to an article published earlier in the Hanaside News. While we stand by our writer and longtime contributor, Rob Parsons, we wish to acknowledge Hanaside News for their good reporting on this important topic, in the interest of fairness and positive future relations. We would also like to extend an open invitation to link from our Web site to Hanaside News whenever we cover similar subject matter.

CORRECTIONS In our recent Best Of issue, we made a couple of mistakes (we mean actual mistakes, not like you didn’t agree with the winner). The correct address for Best Sushi winner Sansei’s Kapalua location is 600 Office Rd. The correct URL for Best Local Podcast edit pick The Stuart (with a “u”) Bedasso Show is www.bedasso.blogspot.com.

Maui Time welcomes letters com-

menting on our coverage, but only if they’re complimentary. If you still wish to complain about something, please have the decency to use plenty of bad punctuation and grammar—that makes it easier for us to make fun of you when we respond. We also reserve the right to edit your letters. Send your letters to the editor via e-mail (letters@mauitime.com), regular mail (Letters to the Editor, Maui Time Weekly, 33 N. Market St., Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793-1742) or fax (808-244-0446). All correspondence must include your full name, hometown and phone number.

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“You don’t need to be Lance Armstrong, but you do need to be confident on a bike.” --Maui Sun Riders owner Paolo Baricchi

In an attempt to gain public input and to get an accurate picture of the downhill bike tour industry on Maui, county contractor Kimura International held a public meeting at Makawao Elementary School Monday evening. About a dozen people showed up to offer various takes on the operation of Halealaka downhill tour companies, expressing concerns ranging from rider safety to traffic. Thousands of Valley Isle visitors book these tours each year. They involve riding down the road that leads to the Haleakala Summit, a road that descends to sea level more rapidly than any other on the planet. The ride is really more of a glide, and winds down the volcano through virtual moonscapes and cow pastures alike. And, to the chagrin of some Upcountry residents, a few sites laden with local traffic. Suggestions gathered Monday as well as at a meeting held the following evening in Kula will figure heavily into Kimura’s assessment of the industry on Maui and the recommendations it passes on to the county. “I foresee some kind of regulation,” said Maui County Councilman Michael Molina, speaking on county actions that would likely result from the study.

The county ordered the $250,000 study on the heels of the National Park Service’s decision to bar tours from operating in the park. That decision was in response to the death of a rider in the fall of 2007 within the boundaries of Haleakala National Park. The study began in May of this year, and its results will likely not be seen until April 2009. Attendees ranged from tour company owners to vocal community activists who complained that some companies aren’t as stringent about safety and obeying traffic laws as they ought to be. Despite past contention, the meeting hit few snags. Many in attendance agreed that the bulk of the problems result more from the conduct of certain companies than industry-wide practices. Phil Feliciano, owner of Cruiser Phil’s, said that regulating the industry is key. A county ordinance setting strict guidelines that standardize rider qualifications, accident reporting and other tour company practices would boost the industry as a whole. Riders on Feliciano’s group tours get an extensive, illustrated safety briefing before embarking downward, and he says he requires his guides to be certified first responders. Paolo Baricchi, who owns the self-guided tour company Maui Sun Riders, said

that physical fitness requirements for riders are vital in the fight to reduce rider injuries on Haleakala. “It’s not a place where you want to relearn riding a bike,” he said. “You don’t need to be Lance Armstrong, but you do need to be confident on a bike.” Part of the discussion revolved around physical improvements to the roadway that might ease some of the traffic strains, given the road’s at times skimpy shoulder and sporadic pullout spots. Yet some attendees, including Downhill Bike Safety Committee co-founder Mike Perry, questioned the use of taxpayer money for projects that would benefit commercial operations rather than the general public. Perry suggested a $10 per rider tax that would go toward physical improvements and county enforcement of industry-related guidelines. “If the businesses are going to use it, they should have to pay for it,” Molina said, adding that there has been talk of an industry-wide $1 per rider tax in the past. But $10, he said, “might be a little rough on the industry.” Kimura will hold a second set of public meetings in October to gain further input. The contractor expects to complete its study of the downhill bike tour industry in January 2009. MTW

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

JULY 24, 2008

ROBREPORT

BY ROB PARSONS ROBPARSONS@EARTHLINK.NET

Reef madness

Photo: Robert Winter

Unregulated aquarium fish trade is plundering Hawaii’s reefs

It is almost unfathomable that collection of “ornamental” fish from Hawaii reefs for saltwater aquariums takes place without limits—both on the number of collectors and on the numbers of fish they capture. But that is the sobering reality of an industry that continues to upset the fragile balance of coral reef ecosystems by removing as many as a million fish annually, although estimates of the actual take range from 2-10 times the reported number. A Hawaii fish collection license may be obtained from the Department of Land and Natural Resources’ (DLNR) Division of Aquatic Resources (DAR) at a cost of just $50 for one year. Beyond issuance of that permit, there is no management system in place to ensure that wild populations of fish are not harmed by collection. There are an estimated one million saltwater aquariums in the United States, according to the video Impacts Of Aquarium Trade in Hawaii, also posted on YouTube. Produced by the Pacific Fisheries Coalition in collaboration with the Hawaii Audubon Society, the video states that eighty percent of the fish stocking those aquariums are captured from the wild in Hawaii. Prices to Hawaii collectors are low, compared to what the fish will fetch in a Mainland pet store. The coveted yellow tang, by far the most exported of Hawaii’s “ornamental” species, brings $40-$80 in a Mainland pet store, but the Hawaii collector nets only $3. Thus, collecting large numbers is necessary, especially since a percentage of fish die en route. Many of the coveted species are herbivores, and serve the important function of grazing algae from Hawaii’s coral reefs. Others, such as the foursport and ornate butterfly fish, are coral feeders and thus may be poorly suited to aquarium conditions. The colorful Hawaii cleaner wrasse is one on the reef’s health practitioners, nibbling parasites off of a number of other species. In a captive aquarium setting, without the diversity of the reef ecosystem, many of these fish die far short of their life expectancies in the wild, often of starvation. A study by Hawaii marine biologists noted a sharp population decline of at least four popular species of the aquarium trade: the Moorish idol, Potter’s angelfish, longnose butterfly and yellow tang. Without rules or reg-

JULY 24, 2008

LC Watch Effective enforcement We’ll get to more sordid tales from the LC in a moment, but first we want to take this opportunity (presented by a change in authorship, not intention) to clarify what this column is about. It’s our firm belief that a public agency—especially one like the LC that’s charged with regulating something as potentially volatile as the sale and consumption of alcohol—should try above all to increase public safety. And they should do it with a high level of consistency, transparency and pragmatism. When the LC falls short in this regard, this column looks to step in and point that out. We’re not in the business of attacking people just for the sake of it, but if a newspaper doesn’t work to red flag government entities for their missteps, who will?

The yellow tang is one of many fish coveted by aquarium enthusiasts.

ulations to control what is extracted, the pillaging of the resource will continue— unless our state leaders see the wisdom of implementing a recovery period to offer protection to Hawaii’s reefs. he 2008 Hawaii legislative session saw the introduction of Senate Bill 3225, seeking to establish a series of Fish Replenishment Areas (FRA) on Oahu and Maui, to replicate a model that has been in effect on West Hawaii since 2001. The bill described the competing interests of those collecting ornamental or aquarium fish, and those in the snorkel and dive industry seeking to keep them in place for overall reef health. State elected officials often kowtow to economic interests above all else, so the annual income to a few hundred collectors—perhaps $20 million dollars—is noteworthy. But reef-related tourism from the snorkel, scuba and sport fishing industries brings in $1 billion yearly, according to the Hawaii Tourism Authority. Snorkel and dive boats alone employ more than 2,000 workers statewide. With testimony running 30-1 supporting the bill, SB 3225 passed the State Senate unanimously, by a vote of 25-0. However, after crossover to the State House Committee on Water, Land. Ocean Resources and Hawaiian Affairs, Rep. Ken Ito (D-Kaneohe) failed to schedule a hearing for the bill, even after promising he would do so.

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

The legislature did pass House Concurrent Resolution 347, asking that the DLNR expedite “the adoption of rules to regulate the ornamental reef fish industry in south Maui and Kaneohe Bay,” and to provide recommendations prior to convening the 2009 legislative session. Senate Concurrent Resolution 17 SD1 called for similar rules and regulations to be considered for statewide waters. To that end, DLNR Chairperson Laura see REEF, page 9

With that in mind, here’s a little tidbit from the most recent meeting of the LC Adjudication Board: Giovanni Cappelli of Casanova was seated before the board on charges of allowing an underage kid to slip into his establishment with an illgotten wristband. The kid claimed to have obtained the band—used at Casanova to identify the comingand-going smoker set after they’re initially ID’d—from a friend. (Though the kid also claimed to have chugged 30 beers after blowing a rather pedestrian .093 on a Breathalyzer, so take his word for what it’s worth.) But here’s where it gets interesting: Seems Cappelli offers his bouncers a $100 bounty for every fake ID they confiscate. He then photocopies those IDs and sends them to the Maui PD. He claims to have filed 12 such reports in the last year, with no arrests or prosecutions having been made. Effective enforcement works at both ends. But while the fake ID-wielding scofflaws slipped away, Mr. Cappelli’s establishment was hit with a $2,000 fine, half of it suspended.

—Jacob Shafer

MAUICOUNTY

COCONUT WIRELESS THE WEEK IN REVIEW

WEDNESDAY, JULY 16 A bit of local political intrigue, with Councilwoman Michelle Anderson announcing she won’t seek reelection to the South Maui seat. Citing “family health concerns,” Anderson threw her support behind former Councilman Wayne Nishiki. “It is with great pride that I hand the reins back to Wayne,” Anderson said in a press release. Not to nitpick—a look at Nishiki’s record seems to indicate he’d be a fine choice—but there is that little formality we call the election and challengers Don Couch, Joseph Gannon and Norman Vares to get out of the way before anyone does any handing of reins.

THURSDAY, JULY 17 Department of Land and Natural Resources Chairwoman Laura Thielen jetted over to Maui in an effort to clarify the agency’s controversial positions on beach wedding permits and fishing regulations. There’s an interesting phenomenon that happens with public officials who always try to stay on message—sometimes they inadvertently say something really truthful that cuts right to the heart of the matter. Like this, from the Maui News’ coverage of Thielen’s visit and the DNLR’s public hearing: “[Thielen] believes many permittees share the department’s resource conservation goals, or would if they knew what they were.” And that, folks, is the rub. Regulation in and of itself is not a bad thing; if you believe even a little in the idea that part of the government’s job is to maintain and bolster the collective good, you have to favor some

BY JACOB SHAFER JACOB@MAUITIME.COM

form of public oversight. The key is for the entities in charge of that oversight to execute it with clarity and a certain amount of common sense. Hopefully the DNLR can adopt a lot more of both.

FRIDAY, JULY 18 The Hawaii Tourism Authority’s annual conference is set to ramp up next month, and you can bet the main topic of discussion will be: Where the eff are all the tourists? As quoted in the Honolulu Advertiser, Matthew Crummack of online travel giant Expedia thinks it’s just a matter of promoting the “aloha spirit.” Said Crummack, “You can’t go to Mexico and say I’d like to experience some aloha spirit here.” Huh. Food for thought, Matt. Here’s another possibility: The Associated Press reports that consumer prices rose last month across the board at a rate not seen in decades, with skyrocketing fuel costs of course the primary factor. One of the biggest bumps came in the price of airline tickets, which jumped about 5 percent. Factor in lodging, dining and tiki shot glasses and that basically puts a working family of five in a position where they have to choose between spending a week on Maui and eating for a month. But if only they were better informed about the “aloha spirit”…

I now pronounce you...hey, you kids got a permit?

SATURDAY, JULY 19 Look, campaign ads are almost always hollow, manipulative and based on sketchy half-truths. And that’s just the positive ones; the attack ads are downright pathetic. So we recognize that critiquing them is kind of like shooting yellow tang in a teacup with a bazooka. But McCain’s latest entry is especially egregious. In it, the presumptive Republican nominee suggests that rising gas prices should be blamed on his opponent for refusing to expand domestic drilling. That’s right, it has nothing to do with eight years of oil men in the White House, an increasingly volatile situation in the Middle East made worse by two poorlyplanned wars, blatant price gouging and a lack of funding for alternative energy exploration. Let’s just stick our tar-coated beaks in one more time and suck out the last of our oil here at home and things’ll be dandy. Kinda reminds me of a joke campaign slogan someone (I think it was The Onion) made up for Bob Dole back in ’96 that applies equally to McCain circa ‘08: “Digging a ditch to the 19th Century.”

SUNDAY, JULY 20 Looks like the simmering transient vacation rental issue is about to reach its boiling point. The Maui News reports that the county is bringing legal action against Stephanie Rager of California for allegedly renting her four-bedroom Kihei home without a conditional use permit. Officials are planning to make an example

out of Ms. Rager, having built an intricate case against her that involves repeated contact, surveillance and the tracking down and collecting of statements from former renters. If convicted, Rager could be hit with over $200,000 in fines. I believe that’s called throwing the book at someone; if the book finds its mark (or even more so if it doesn’t) it’ll be a landmark test case for the many TVR fights that’ll surely follow.

mous Oscar good. (Not that the Oscars are necessarily a reliable indicator of greatness, but you get the idea.) Even if you don’t like movies about secret identity-owning crime fighters in tights—even if you don’t like movies in general all that much—go see this performance. Not to gawk at the dead, but to celebrate the chillingly excellent final chapter in a book that was tragically cut short.

TUESDAY, JULY 22 MONDAY, JULY 21 With ‘The Dark Knight,’ the latest installment in the Batman franchise, shattering box office records over the weekend, packing cinemas from Maui to Manhattan, it becomes sufficiently newsworthy for inclusion here. But theater receipts aren’t really the reason it warrants mention, and neither is the film itself, which has some thrilling moments but is too long, a tad overwrought and in the end just another pretty-good superhero flick. No, what truly deserves ink is the performance of the late Heath Ledger. It was an acting job destined to be put under microscope when Ledger was found dead from a supposedly accidental prescription drug overdose shortly after filming wrapped. But here’s the thing—his portrayal of the makeupsmeared madman the Joker is good. Really good. We’re talking better-thanNicholson good. Maybe even posthu-

The Maui News and other sources report that an Air Force B-52 bomber crashed off Guam yesterday while on its way to do a parade flyover. At least two of the airmen aboard were killed. While the needless loss of life is obviously the primary issue here, there’s also the cost of the military equipment—paid for by you and me—and the massive search and rescue that ensued. And one is left with an obvious question: what’s the point? Even when they go off without a hitch, these flyovers, done at dozens of baseball and football games and other events every year, are still a colossal waste of public resources. Is it really worth the risk and cost for a couple seconds of craning your neck and saying, wow, those planes sure are fast? We get it—our military has the biggest and baddest toys. Now do us all a favor and put them away until we actually need them. MTW

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Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations, 200 words or less (which we reserve the right to edit), changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent to “Eh Brah!” c/o Maui Time Weekly, 33 N. Market St, Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 or send an e-mail to

ehbrah@mauitime.com

To the ten Irish girls crammed into two small units in a once quiet west side condo for the summer, shut the hell up! If you wanted a place where you could pretend you’re on MTV Spring Break you should have spent a little money and stayed down the beach in Ka’anapali. Where you are now is not a resort. People live here. We pay rent, and therefore we have to go to work in the morning. Yes, even on weekends! It’s time for you to respect those of us who call Maui our home. You’re also apparently rude and obnoxious on the bus, throw cigarette butts into people’s plants, and are ridiculously bad tippers ($4 on $50?!). Yes lasses, word travels rather quickly on this little island of ours. I understand that you’re even disliked by most of the staff and patrons of the local Irish pub! It’s all good though. Soon enough you’ll disrespect some local girls and then you’ll be eating your next Sheppard’s pie through a straw.

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ROBREPORT State Capitol, talking to elected officials to educate them about the harm being done to Hawaii’s reefs. Undaunted by SB 3225 being blocked, he is now leading the charge to promote resource protection through the proposed 10-year recovery period, with no aquarium fish collecting and no wild “ornamental” reef fish sold. Wintner distributed information recalling that live coral and “live rock” porous substrate beneath it was once harvested to supply the aquarium industry. The State Legislature passed laws to prohibit this practice, in the 1970s and again during the 1990s. is defined as a balanced system, “Areef in which the coral/live rock habitat

Will this Moorish idol swim free or wind up in captivity?

Photo: Ken-Ichi Ueda

REEF: continued from page 6 Thielen addressed a Maui audience last week when Governor Linda Lingle’s Maui Advisory Council met at the Hannibal Tavares Center in Pukalani. Thielen addressed three agenda items: Establishment of a “no-take” zone for herbivorous fish in areas of West Maui, where algae blooms are prevalent; bag and size limits for various fish species; and aquarium collecting. Thielen related that the West Maui proposal, to prohibit taking certain herbivore species from Hanako`o Beach to South Honokawai, had already been discussed in 15 community meetings. She said she pressed the Attorney General’s office to expedite their review of draft rules, and that now the proposal could go out to formal public rule-making meetings. The tedious process is reminiscent of the decade of discussion since the original formation of the Hawaii Gillnet Task Force in September1998, to the eventual adoption of a partial ban on monofilament lay gill nets in July, 2007. Thielen said that DLNR will begin a series of meetings regarding the aquarium collecting industry, and that discussions would take place about the West Hawaii model and data of the Fish Replenishment Areas, where no collecting is permitted.

“This doesn’t have to be a one size fits all,” said Thielen, noting that rules could be determined for each island. She went on to say that she believed kiosks placed in state harbors would facilitate reporting of fish catches, and that it would help reduce the time-consuming paper reporting. “We have the ability to regulate the harvesting of aquarium fish,” she stated. ot everyone agrees. The majority of testifiers called for a 10-year recovery period, to allow protection of the resource while studying whether a sustainable extraction of “ornamental” fishes is possible. One speaker noted that during months of volunteer work at the `AhihiKina`u Natural Area Reserve in South Maui, visitors to the area often were caught with fishing equipment, spears or nets. “Enforcement is almost impossible,” he said. Governor Lingle and the legislature have increased the number of officers statewide in the Division of Conservation and Recreation Enforcement. Yet, with no rules to enforce other than the West Hawaii FRA off-limits sites, they have no legal means to safeguard the resource they are hired to protect. Maui resident and business owner Robert Wintner has devoted hundreds of hours to ocean and reef conservation measures, and established the nonprofit Snorkel Bob Foundation in 2001. He has spent countless hours at the

is dependent on the ‘ornamental’ fish living there, and vice versa,” states information on the savehawaiianreefs.org website. “We have laws to keep our coral and live rock in place,” it continues, “but no protection for the other half of the system.” The Humane Society of the United States and the Humane Society International transmitted joint testimony to the Senate Ways and Means Committee in February, 2008. They stated their opposition to keeping wild animals of any sort as pets and said that the trade in live fish, “threatens the survival of wild popu-

lations and causes unacceptable treatment of the animals.” “The wild-caught fish trade is cruel, wasteful and destructive to Hawaii’s biological diversity,” they wrote. “In this, the International Year of the Coral Reef…it is fitting that Hawaii is re-examining its control over this destructive trade.” With a double-digit dip in tourist numbers over the past couple months and a sagging real estate market, Hawaii’s economy is showing signs of fatigue. It is not out of the question that more people may take advantage of a mere fifty dollar licensing fee to make a cash grab by collecting reef fish, creating even more stress on the dwindling populations and the reefs as a whole. Let’s hope that our collective voices may help to influence our elected leaders to act swiftly to protect our ocean resources before time runs out. MTW For more information see: http://savehawaiianreefs.org/index.html http://www.snorkelbob.com/sb_foundation.htm To urge our leaders to take action: Governor.Lingle@hawaii.gov Chair Laura Thielen, dlnr@hawaii.gov

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While Iran’s leaders saber-rattle and quote the Quran, the country’s multitudes of young adults are embracing New Age self-help, as exemplified by the best-selling books and sold out seminars of motivational guru Alireza Azmandian, according to a June Wall Street Journal dispatch from Tehran. Though young adults in Turkey and Egypt have stepped up their religious fervor, that is not so in Iran. Said a 25year-old aerospace engineer: “Religion doesn’t offer me answers anymore,” but “(Azmandian’s) seminar changed my life.” The Oprah Winfrey-touted book The Secret is in its 10th printing in Farsi; yoga and meditation are big; and advertising abounds on the virtues of feng shui and financial management.

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Randall Popkes, 41, and his son Joshua Williams, 22, were arrested in West Des Moines, Iowa, in May and charged with an attempted safecracking at the Des Moines Golf and Country Club. A security officer had noted their license plate as they sped away after a frustrating session in which they had cut into the safe but could not open it. In fact, they had left behind a note for management, according to the Des Moines Register: “(Expletive) you and your safe.”

BY CHUCK SHEPHERD CHUCK@MAUITIME.COM

had seen the turtle outside and had brought it in for safety: “It was wrong that we put it in the sink.”

WHAT’S IN A NAME? At press time, a court in Athens, Greece, was considering a challenge brought by three residents of the island of Lesbos in the Aegian Sea to prevent a Greek gay and lesbian organization from referring to homosexual women as lesbians, arguing that such usage insults their heritage, since Lesbos residents have traditionally been called “Lesbians.” On the other hand, Lesbos was also the birthplace of the poet Sappho, a heroic woman among gays and lesbians for her early references to her love of other women.

ONE OF THE GANG The New York Daily News reported in June that members of gangs such as the Bloods and the Latin Kings, who become parents, are routinely having their babies “blessed” into their gangs in religious ceremonies in which the swaddling clothes are the gang’s colors. (The Bloods call such babies “Blood drops” or “Blood stains.”) The Daily News described the parents “teaching chubby little fingers to (make) gang signs” even before the toddlers learn to talk. One Episcopal priest said he has “blessed in” about 300 such kids to two gangs.

DEAD RIGHT SHELL SHOCK The Panda Chinese Restaurant in York, Pa., was already in trouble in an early June city sanitation inspection, with demerits piling up because of accumulated grease, insects in the seating area and rotting lettuce, according to a York Daily Record report. Then, in the middle of an inspector’s visit, he came upon a live snapping turtle in the restaurant’s main sink. Said the inspector, “I had to sit down and gather myself before I could speak.” The manager said he

The U.S. Supreme Court reaffirmed in June that defendants have a constitutional right to cross-examine witnesses against them and must get a new trial if denied that right. The challenger was Dwayne Giles, who had tried during his trial to keep incriminating statements by his girlfriend out of court, in that she was not available for him to cross-examine. The reason for her unavailability was that she is dead, and Giles was being tried for her murder. Hence, her statements suggesting Giles’ motive cannot be used in court. MTW

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EVER VIGILANT Not too much movement at the top but a fair amount of shuffling at the bottom. Young Brothers Ltd. slips back into the mix after rising amid news of a new collective bargaining agreement then falling back with a quiet week. Proving they’re not to be forgotten, the state’s largest interisland cargo company bulked up with the addition of a new freight barge to its fleet. As reported in the Pacific Business News, the new ship, dubbed the Makaala (meaning “vigilant,” and we certainly hope all her pilots will be), is capable of carrying up to 8,600 tons of cargo (also known as: a lot) and cost $12 million. The barge is the second added by Young Bros. in the last year; in November they christened the Hoomaka Hou. The two vessels, along with another pair set to arrive from Oregon-based U.S. Barge within the year, are part of a $186 million expansion investment announced by Young Bros. in 2006.

MOVIE ON UP Also cracking the top ten this week is Consolidated Theatres with the announcement that they’ve consummated a partnership with online ticket seller Fandango. The theater chain, which has two locations on Maui, also got a boost (along with every other multiplex in the nation) as The Dark Knight led a record-smashing weekend, pulling in over $155 million in North America. Overall, the top ten films grossed better than $230 million, a figure analysts attribute at least partly to rising gas prices and consumers’ concurrent desire to look closer to home for entertainment. And back to that Consolidated/Fandango thing—the Wall Street Journal’s Market Watch reported that some 13 percent of Dark Knight tickets were purchased in advance through Fandango, also a record. MTW

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JULY 24, 2008

good day for Bryce Groark involves spending six hours underwater in a hotbed of sharks. He might just be insane—most people try to put as much distance as possible between themselves and the world’s scariest carnivore—but Bryce and his wife Jen have dedicated six years to filming their shark encounters for a documentary called Requiem that they hope will help dispel the collective fear of these ancient predators. The real fear, they say, is that if shark fishing and fining continues on its current path the ocean will soon be void of sharks for the first time in millions of years. Saying sharks suffer from a bad image is an understatement. Their cold, unwavering eyes stare without blinking. Menacing jaws hang open hungrily, revealing row upon row of deadly jagged teeth. A commanding tail propels them through the ocean with movements that are both unnervingly jerky and primordially methodical. Sharks are certainly not the beauty queens of the sea. Every winter on Maui people rejoice as the great Humpback whales return from their summer abroad and fill the seascape with their impressive spouts and lighthearted breaches. Visitors flock to the shorelines for a glimpse of the majestic mammals and pour money into the local economy. We study, protect and honor our annual visitors, humbly thanking them for choosing our waters for their yearly courting and birthing. So, too, do we adore our dolphins, the playful jokers of the sea, with their cute curved noses and goodnatured chatter. We relate to their social tendencies and familial bonds as they travel in pods. To our gentle sea

JULY 24, 2008

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turtles we attribute a wisdom and solidarity, a slowmoving and peaceful nature that deserves all the protection we can give them. But despite holding a prominent place in Hawaiian mythology (see sidebars), sharks—the ocean’s apex predator and one of the most important elements in a healthy ocean ecosystem—have been vilified as sleepless, bloodthirsty monsters and condemned by a vicious reputation: man-eater. harks have hardly earned their bad rap. Worldwide there are between 50 and 70 reported shark attacks each year resulting in five to 15 fatalities, according to the International Shark Attack File at the Florida Museum of Natural History. Health department records show that sharks bite fewer people each year than do New Yorkers. Many more people will die from drowning or cardiac arrest at the beach than from a shark attack. In Hawaii there is an average of four shark attacks per year. The numbers are rising—there were six reported attacks in 2007—but the number of residents and visitors to the islands who spend time in the water has multiplied much faster than the rate of attacks. That sharks bite and occasionally kill people is an undisputable fact that gets a lot of glamorized press. Less popular in the global media are the statistics showing that humans are the greatest threat to sharks and have depleted many species to the point of near extinction. “It’s mass genocide, all day, every day,” said Bryce Groark in a recent interview. The United Nations Department of Food and Agriculture estimates that about 100 million sharks are killed each year and nearly 50 percent of those are

caught unintentionally. Sadly, most of the demand for sharks is just for their fins. Long-line commercial fisheries, like those that fish deep waters offshore between the Big Island and Oahu, often pull up sharks on lines set for big catches like tuna and swordfish. The diminishing population of the top predators in the ocean food chain spells big trouble for watery ecosystems and coral reefs in Hawaii and around the world. Groark calls sharks “lazy hunters” because they primarily eat sick and weak fish and other carnivores. Without a healthy balance of sharks cruising the ocean, fish stocks would become less healthy while thriving carnivorous species decimate populations of algae-eating fish. The ecosystem would simply topple without an apex predator. Coral reefs could be severely damaged or even collapse. Biologically vulnerable sharks have a huge disadvantage in the reproduction department, too. Sexual maturity for most species doesn’t come for as many as 20 years, and even then gestation periods are long and litters are small. “Worldwide there is an epidemic,” said Groark. “Legislation for sharks is really weak. People seem to think, ‘Who cares about killing sharks?’ But this is a serious, important problem and there aren’t that many people talking about it.” Of the over 400 species of sharks that have been identified, about 40 different species swim in costal and offshore

Jen Groark behind the camera.

(Below) Jen Groark underneath a 17+ foot Tiger shark.

Hawaiian waters. Whitetip reef, scalloped hammerhead, Galapagos, sandbar and tiger sharks are most commonly seen near shorelines, but enormous whale sharks, which have been recorded as large as 50 feet, and the occasional great white can be found in deeper waters. Tiger sharks are by far most often associated with shark attacks in Hawaii.

Humans are by far the greatest threat to sharks, pushing many species to the brink of extinction.

‘AUMAKUA Despite the fact that so many species of sharks make Hawaii their home, Groark says spotting one shark, let alone a mob of them, in Hawaiian waters is rare, so he and Jen traveled to the Bahamas to shoot footage for Requiem. Even in the hotbed climate at the famed Tiger Beach they waited hours, and sometimes days, for shy tiger sharks to make an appearance. Diligence got the couple some truly incredible footage, featuring petite Jen alongside enormous 20-foot tigers and smaller lemon sharks. Their goal is to raise awareness that something needs to be done about the rapid decline of the world’s shark population. hark meat provides inexpensive protein for poor communities in

There’s a lot of mix up over family deities, or ‘aumakua, here in Hawaii. For one thing, I remember in high school everyone repped the shark as his or her ‘aumakua. Why? Sharks are cool! They’re potentially deadly, highly intelligent, quick and powerful and the stuff that legends are made of. But, like most things in high school, highly exaggerated. For starters, ‘aumakua isn’t a blanket term. Meaning that even if your ‘aumakua is a shark, it doesn’t mean that all sharks are going to try to help or protect you. ‘Aumakua are individuals. “If it’s the shark, then it’s one shark that was part of your family,” said Clifford Naeole, Cultural Advisor at the Ritz Carlton. “It’s going to have personality characteristics or markings that will leave no doubt in your mind that it’s family.” Another thing is that, traditionally, ‘aumakua are kept sacred. It’s not something that you go blabbing about in the schoolyard. According to Naeole, personal ‘aumakua should be kept private. “People should research their genealogies,” said Naeole, “find out the who, what, when, where and why behind their ‘aumakua.” – Starr Begley

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JULY 24, 2008

Many sharks are slaughtered only for their fins, with the rest of the carcass discarded. of thousands of sharks are killed solely for their nearly tasteless fins, which make up about two percent of their body mass and fetch a high price on the global market. Tragically, the rest of the shark is often wastefully discarded back into the ocean. Regulations for shark finning have been in place in the United States since early 2002 when the Shark Finning Prohibition Act was passed. It is illegal to bring a shark that is not intact into any U.S. port; fishermen who want to catch sharks must bring the entire carcass

to shore. Several other countries, such as Australia and Puerto Rico, have similar policies, but vast amounts of unregulated international waters in the Pacific are plundered for shark fins. “There are lots of small, isolated islands in the Pacific that don’t have the regulations and you’ll have large foreign vessels there trying to supply the shark fin trade,” said Nick Whitney, a PhD student at the University of Hawaii, Manoa who does research on the behavior and movement patterns of whitetip reef shark. “They can quickly decimate the shark populations in those areas.” This is because many shark species are migratory by nature, meaning one found cruising by Kauai could have swum from as far away as California, Mexico, the Philippines or beyond. There are no international catch limits for oceanic sharks. “It’s certainly possible that over fishing in other places could have an effect on shark populations here,” he said. Hawaii’s waters may be protected from detrimental over fishing of sharks by commercial fisheries, but bycatch and recreational fishing of sharks have an impact, too. A recent study by the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration’s Oahu branch revealed that 75 percent of reef fish species, including sharks, are depleted to critical condition around Oahu, the Big Island and Maui. “You can go to the Honolulu fish market any day of the week and find sharks. You can buy shark meat at Safeway,” said Whitman. “The biggest threat to sharks in Hawaii is incidental captures from recreational fishing. There’s also habitat loss.”

Photo: Bryce Groark

undeveloped countries around the world, but the biggest market for shark is in Asian countries that consume shark fin soup. This cultural delicacy, once reserved for royals and the upper class, has become a status symbol and celebratory meal and is now consumed in great amounts by the middle class. Hundreds

As an apex predator, sharks are essential to the health and survival of coral reefs. Groark believes that people would care more about the fate of these ancient predators if they didn’t fear and misunderstand them. Experts agree that there need to be international regulations of shark finning, better management of commercial fisheries and a worldwide effort to keep shark populations healthy. “It’s a mindset, an attitude,” Groark said. “The collective fear is irrational. We are trying to let people know that we need to act now, before it’s too late. It’s just about changing people’s minds, letting them know that, hey, maybe it’s OK to cut the sharks some line.” MTW

Legend of the Sharkman Not surprisingly, sharks are a ubiq-

ed a huge shark. Curious, the shark

giving birth alone, she saw that her

After many people went missing in

uitous part of Hawaiian mythology.

watched her. Observed her. Became

otherwise beautiful baby had a defor-

the sea due to shark attack, the peo-

Here’s a retelling of one particularly

entranced by her.

colorful tale… Under the moonlight in Waipio Valley on the Big Island, a gorgeous woman named Kalei disrobed by the sea. She walked into the water and began to bathe. She was unaware that not 15 feet from where she washed her long and black hair, glid-

mity on his back. Between his shoulder

ple of Waipio eventually realized that

No, this was no ordinary shark, but

blades was a gaping hole that resem-

Nanaue was no ordinary man. They

Kamohoali‘i, shape shifter and King of

bled a fish mouth. She named him

chased him out and he swam to Maui

Sharks. Kamohoali‘i was not evil. On

Nanaue and was careful to always

and then shape shifted back into

the contrary, in shark form, he loved

keep his back covered and out of site.

human form in Hana.

awa (poured overboard to him by fish-

When Nanaue got older, his grand-

He took a wife in Hana and for a

ermen) and would help those lost on

father began to feed him meat

while it appeared that Nanaue would

the sea back to shore by flipping his

because he wanted him to grow

be able to lead a normal life, but he

tail in the water to lead them home.

strong and become a warrior. Nanaue

couldn’t deny who he was. One

Kamohoali‘i took human form and

loved meat and couldn’t get enough

night, the craving for flesh became so

sought Kalei’s hand in marriage.

of it, but after his first taste of it, his per-

overwhelming that he kidnapped a

Although they truly loved each other,

sonality and body began to change.

young girl, threw her into the sea and,

The deformity on his back became

became pregnant and before she

worse. Instead of looking like an empty

gave birth he knew that it was time

fish mouth, it grew rows of razor sharp

He swam to Molokai and tried to

for him to go back to the sea. It was

teeth. When Kalei took her son to the

start again, but by this time horror sto-

an emotional time for the lovers. He

pond to bathe, he shape shifted from

ries of the vicious and murderous Shark

told her to give birth alone, to watch

a boy to a shark, chasing and eating

Man were circulating throughout the

over his son, and to never let the child

schools of fish.

islands. It didn’t take long for Nanaue

consume animal flesh. With great

As he grew older, Kalei tried her best

sadness, they parted and never saw

to tame and protect her son from his

one another again.

otherworldly nature, but his appetite

Kalei took the advice of her husband and was grieved when, after

JULY 24, 2008

after turning into a shark, devoured

he never revealed his true nature. She

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

for meat grew so strong that nothing would satisfy it but human flesh.

her in front of many witnesses.

to be found out. It was on Molokai that he was finally captured and killed. His father, Kamohoali‘i still swims between the islands today. –Starr Begley

ONO KINEGRINDS

BY YNEZ TONGSON YNEZ@MAUITIME.COM

Oodles of noodles Ramen-ya proves there’s more than one way to fill a bowl It was only 6pm on a Saturday and there was already a large crowd standing outside the frosted glass doors. I arrived about 20 minutes before the rest of my party just to make sure we had a spot inside. The crowd outside was beginning to look restless and I was getting antsy myself. We weren’t waiting to get into the newest nightclub, but Ramen-ya, the newest Ramen house in town.

Ramen-ya 275 West Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului, (808) 873-9688 Mon.-Sat. 10:30am-9:30pm

Ramen is a Japanese dish that mainly consists of a meat-based broth and noodles. While this recipe may sound very simple, the different areas in Japan all have their own variations on the classic recipe. And now, thanks to Ramen-ya, Maui does too. Magically, when I could wait no longer, the rest of my family arrived and moments later our number was called. Seated inside, there was no denying that the little venue was brimming to the limits of its 50-person capacity. However, when we received our food, we could see why people were lining up to get inside. The portions at Ramen-ya are huge! The bowl of Miso Ramen I ordered was definitely bigger than my head (and as a writer for Maui Time Weekly, it can be argued that I have a pretty big head). Their Wonton Ramen was just as impressive. In both dishes the broth was hot and the noodles were done just right, not stringy or over-boiled. But the Miso Ramen and Wonton Ramen could not compare to the sheer immensity of the Big Bowl Ramen. This is a monster of a bowl of ramen. Not only is the bowl larger than most, but the ramen inside is heaped with garnishes. Of course there was the standard fare of sliced pork and green onions. But alongside classic ramen garnishes were chicken katsu, corn, boiled egg, cabbage and seaweed, among other ingredients. This is a dish that could easily be split between two or three people. Furthermore, Ramen-ya gives

you more bang for your buck. While they serve you mountains of noodles, the check won’t make your wallet weep. A word of warning though: Ramen-ya is not the place to start your low-carb diet. Their oodles of noodles are just full of carb-wonderfulness. Sometimes eating the same texture continuously can be a little overwhelming. Or maybe you’re just not in the mood to be eating an enormous bowl of ramen. The good people at Ramen-ya have anticipated this predicament. The remedies they offer are the combo sets.

These combos are pleasing to the palate, without overwhelming the stomach. For example, the combo set #2 has a bowl of mini ramen, the most perfect fried rice and four pieces of gyoza. The gyoza was fried to a golden

brown and bursting with flavor. Also on the menu are jumbo gyozas, to match the rest of Ramen-ya’s jumbo portions. Another good thing about Ramen-ya is the location. It’s conveniently situated at Queen Kaahumanu Shopping Center, so you can shop ‘til you drop, then eat ‘til you explode. Ramen-ya’s dishes, sumosized portions and affordability were definitely worth the wait. This restaurant is on its way to becoming a local family favorite.

MTW

The #2 combo; three is better than one.

The Big Bowl. What else is there to say? It’s big. It’s in a bowl. And it’s good.

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Onion Rings . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .4.50

Open Daily: 7:30am - 11pm

WHERE PEOPLE & FOOD OF GOOD TASTE COME TOGETHER! In Our New Location - Azeka II - 874-3779 16

Quesadilla . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .5.00 Add Chicken . . . . . . . . . . . .6.50

Beer $2

Bud, Bud Light, Coors Light, Heineken Light

Chicken Chili Cup . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .2.95 Bowl . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .3.95

Tropicals $5

Mai Tais & Margaritas

Well Drinks $4

Smirnoff, Cruzan, Gordon’s, Dewars, Margaritaville

West Side Story July 24 – August 3, 7:30 p.m. at the Maui Tropical Plantation [THEATER] Oh how I love West Side Story, a modern rendition of Romeo and Juliet that explores the universal themes of racial prejudice, gang violence and young love. Not to mention, I love greased up hair, black eyeliner and fire engine red lipstick, which I’m sure there will be a lot of. I’m particularly looking forward to this production by The Maui Academy of Performing Arts because it’s going to be outdoors, under the stars at the Maui Tropical Plantation. I love the Maui Tropical Plantation! Also, I’ve heard that over 200 rehearsal hours have gone into the show, and that young actors all the way from Hana to Lahaina will be in it. Should be amazing. Thursday, July 24; Sunday, July 27; Friday, Aug 1; Saturday, August 2; Sunday, August 3. All shows at 7:30pm Tickets: $20 adults, $16 seniors and students. 244-8760 or www.mauiacedemy.org. [STARR BEGLEY]

SEND YOUR LISTINGS & PHOTOS FOR DA KINE CALENDAR TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM OR FAX (808) 244-0446 Daily Early Bird Specials 5PM - 6:30PM

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

JULY 24, 2008

ThIS WEEK’S PICKS

Photo: James Sapara

by Starr Begley

Shark Sleepover

Volunteer Fair

Friday (July 25), Maui Ocean Center, Ma`alaea

Saturday (July 26), 10am-2pm, Center Stage at Queen Ka’ahumanu Center

[KEIKI] I vaguely remember my very first sleepover. It was when I was four with my two best childhood friends at the house right next door to mine. I’m sure we did all the usual sleepover stuff—watch movies, play dress-up, go to bed without brushing our teeth—but what I really remember about that night is that I woke up around 1am homesick and crying and my dad had to come to get me in the middle of the night. Don’t worry, I went on to have a perfectly normal childhood sleepover career, but I certainly never slept anywhere as cool as the Maui Ocean Center. Lucky keiki in grades three through eight can spend a whole exciting night sleeping in the aquarium surrounded by sharks. But the fun doesn’t stop there! They’ll also get to feed some of the beastly creatures, touch fossilized shark parts, watch a fun ocean movie and make crafts and memories that they can keep forever. Call ahead to register. $60 plus tax per person. 270-7050. [JESSICA ARMSTRONG]

THURSDAY

➤➤➤➤➤ FRIDAY ➤➤➤➤➤ SATURDAY ➤➤➤➤➤ SUN

In the heart of Olde Makawao Town

WILD WAHINE WEDNESDAY CASANOVA’S FAMOUS

Friday July 25th Back to Maui after their national tour with Willie Nelson

LADIES NIGHT Q103 and the Big Hawaiian present

Dj Styles, DJ Jammin J & DJ Shaggy THE EVENING THAT EARNED CASANOVA THE AWARDS

40 Pts. La Migra Latin Rock and more. With special guests. Music Starts at 10:00pm $10 cover

“BEST LATE NIGHT IN MAUI” and “BEST SINGLES SCENE IN MAUI” Music Starts at 10:00pm $10 cover Saturday July 26th Risk it For a Biscuit Tour 2008

Nohokai of Kamehameha Projects Revolutionary Habitat Brycon Hosted by Dallah Deezo

Music Starts at 10:00pm $10 cover

Make it a memorable evening. Dine and dance at Casanova. For dinner reservations call 572-0220 www.casanovamaui.com

JULY 24, 2008

[MEETING] There aren’t many things you could do for just a few hours a month that would really make a positive difference. I mean, if you went to work for just a few hours a month, you’d probably be broke (if not, I want your job!). If you only put a few hours a month into your relationship, you’re either dating a rock or they’re getting a little extra action without you knowing. However, volunteering is the exception to this rule. At the “Join Hands” volunteer fair you can find out about different community programs that work with youth, seniors and the environment. And if changing the world doesn’t get you all hot and bothered, there’s going to be live music, free door prizes, hula and taiko. For more information call 270-7150. [YNEZ TONGSON]

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

Keiki Hula Festival

Photo: Quinn Dombrowski

Saturday-Sunday (July 26-July 27), 11am-6pm, Lahaina Cannery Mall [FESTIVAL] When I was a kid, my school would sometimes put on pageants, especially around May Day and Christmas. This usually meant learning hula. It was always easy for my parents to pick me out among the rest of my classmates—I was the girl in the back row that was always half a beat late, since I was depending on copying the movements of the more graceful, serious girls in front of me. Now, here’s your chance to see some real hula-skill in keiki, without the tinsel, crying babies or last minute costume alterations. You’ll be able to watch the stories of ancient Hawaii, told in the graceful, albeit small, hands of these talented keiki. There will also be Hawaiian artisans demonstrating traditional skills such as lei making and wood carving. Free. For more information call 6615304 or visit www.lahainacannerymall.com. [YT]

DAY

The Fall Wednesday (July 30), 5:00 & 7:30pm, Castle Theater, MACC [FILM] Shot in some two-dozen globe-spanning countries and touted as a hybrid of The Princess Bride and Cirque du Soleil, director Tarsem Singh’s cinematic fable is a wild ride not to be missed. A young girl and an injured stuntman share a hospital room in 1920s Los Angeles, and as the man weaves an imaginative yarn about five mythic heroes—including a masked bandit, an Italian explosives expert, an Indian, a former slave and, seemingly paradoxically, Charles Darwin—the girl becomes entranced. Soon, the line between real and make believe is blurred, then crossed, with fantastical, otherworldly results. Whether you’re a kid or just a kid at heart, this is a night at the movies you won’t soon forget. And you won’t want to. Tickets are $12, sold one hour before each screening. For more information call 242SHOW or visit www.mauifilmfestival.com. [JACOB SHAFER]

➤➤➤➤➤MONDAY ➤➤➤➤➤TUESDAY ➤➤➤➤➤WEDNESDAY

Saturday

H L AUUG ! IT P COMEDY NITE!

IS BACK! AUGUST 1ST!

LIVE MUSIC SILKY RINGO!

Hosted By:

Kennno Sageicriarn &a M

142 HANA HWY, PAIA

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THURSDAY JULY 24 Music 10 PM -1AM $10 COVER FRIDAY JULY 25 Music 10 PM -1:30AM $10 COVER SATURDAY JULY 26

Music Starts at 10PM

Comedian!

$5 COVER

Seating at 8:30 Show starts at 9pm 2-3 comedians

SUNDAY JULY 27

DINNER SHOW FIRST FRIDAY OF THE MONTH!

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Saturday JULY 26TH 10pm, $5 Cover www.giovanisentertainment.com

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Kaanapali Kaanapali Golf Course

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TUESDAY JULY 29

Music 10 PM -1AM NO COVER

WEDNESDAY JULY 30

Music 10 PM -Closing $5 COVER

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ALL ACCESS ENTERTAINMENT PRESENTS

COYOTE UGLY

VERSATILE

BATTLE OF THE BANDS

HAWAIIAN NIGHTS FEATURING HENRY & ALAN KOA

KANOA OF GOMEGA

LADIES NIGHT

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

JULY 24, 2008

FILMCRITIQUE

BY COLE SMITHEY COLE@MAUITIME.COM

‘Brothers’ a keeper Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly almost grow up Goofy, bawdy and full of slapstick physicality, Step Brothers takes advantage of the natural comic chemistry between Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly to generate a coming of age comedy that’s funnier than any of Ferrell’s recent outings. Dale (Reilly) and Brennan (Ferrell) are 40-year-old boy-men still living at home with their respectively divorced parents Nancy (Mary Steenburgen) and Robert (Richard Jenkins). A love-at-firstsight meeting between Nancy and Robert justifies a quick wedding that brings the four together as a family under the same roof. Dale and Brennan go through a boyish bonding ritual that necessarily includes bouts of synchronized sleepwalking, filthy insults, showing off their childish prized possessions, and a knock down, drag out fistfight. But when Nancy and Robert announce their plans to sell the house and retire to sail around the world, Dale and Brennan are forced to grow up overnight. Director Adam McKay (Anchorman:

The Legend of Ron Burgundy and Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby) co-wrote the script for Step Brothers with Will Ferrell, and both men share executive producing credits along with Judd Apatow, whose name has come to

Step Brothers

★★★★★ Rated R/95 min.

represent a specific brand of American comic sensibility. If there’s a monopoly on reliable Hollywood comic features, it’s certain to include the Judd Apatow stamp. Step Brothers fits easily into Apatow’s genre of risqué comedies that pick up where the once promising Farrelly brothers’ flagging career left off. When Brennan runs to rub his testicles on Dale’s drum set, it generates the

How’d you like that bad boy hanging over your mantle? same howls of laughter that There’s Something About Mary induced in young audiences unprepared for its similar visual gag of naughty bits. Like Apatow’s 40 Year Old Virgin, Step Brothers carries a theme of middle-aged development that belies its characters’ immature charisma. Brennan and Dale have never worked a day in their life, and you can’t help but marvel at the image of two 40-year-old guys living a spastic lifestyle predicated on which toy to play with next. These are guys whose wardrobe consists entirely of tee shirts silk-screened with things like galloping horses or a giant Star Wars Yoda. Brennan’s younger brother Derek (hilariously played by Adam Scott) is the smarmy antagonist that the boys rally against when he worms his way into a stomach-churning friendship with their patriarch Robert during a family dinner. Derek is the kind of SUV-driving tool who spends $1,200 a week on singing lessons

for his family to sing pop songs in four part harmony when he isn’t bragging to anyone who’ll listen about the $550,000 he earns every year. Dale reaps lusty rewards from Derek’s alienated wife Alice (Kathryn Hahn) who sees in him a wellspring of sexual liberation. Their brief romantic encounters make for some of the movie’s more over-the-top moments, thanks to Reilly’s awkward reception of Alice’s not so subtle advances. John C. Reilly’s extensive work in dramatic roles during his career informs his sense of comic timing and tonal range that compresses Will Farrell’s matter-of-fact humor into a steady stream of bent logic. There’s an undertow of infectious interplay in every scene for audiences willing to go along with the idea of two middle-aged guys waking up to the adult demands around them. You don’t have to think like a 12-year-old boy to appreciate Step Brothers, but it helps. MTW

JULY 24, 2008

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

MOVIECAPSULES

BY JESSICA ARMSTRONG CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

Maui Film Festival’s Candlelight Cinema THE FALL - R - Drama escapes the humdrum of becoming enraptured in a romance and action that is exotic stranger. 119 min.

Maui Film Festival Castle Theater, 572-3456 The Fall - R - W only 5, 7:30

- A young girl hospital life by colorful tale of told to her by a

Front Street Theater 900 Front Street, Lahaina, 249-2222 (Matinees: MF until 6:30pm, Sa-Su until 3:30pm, Discount Tue), The Dark Knight - PG13 - Th 12:20, 3:40, 7:00, 10:15. F 3:40, 7, 10:15. Sa-Su 12:20, 3:40, 7, 10:15. M-W 3:40, 7, 10:15 Hancock - PG13 - F 3:45, 6:45, 9:15. Sa-Su 1:15, 3:45, 6:45, 9:15. M-W 3:45, 6:45, 9:15 Mama Mia - PG13 - F 3:30, 6:30, 9. Sa-Su 1, 3:30, 6:30, 9. M-W 3:30, 6:30, 9 Step Brothers - R - F 4, 7:15, 9:45. Sa-Su 1:30, 4, 7:15, 9:45. M-W 4, 7:15, 9:45

New This Week STEP BROTHERS - R - Comedy - Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly recapture their youth in this film about two grown (but not quite grown-up) men who find the friend they’ve been searching for when their parents get hitched. 95 min.

Ka’ahumanu 6

THE VISITOR - PG13 - Drama - A professor with a dull social life and a boring job to match gets sent to Manhattan where he finds a lovely, foreign couple shacked up in the apartment he owns. As his shock wears off he discovers that this pair might be just what he needs to spice his life up. 103 min. X-FILES:I WANT TO BELIEVE - PG13 Sci-Fi - This popular supernatural television series goes feature film, but most everything else stays the same. Scully and Mulder investigate creepy occurances to discover proof of alien life on Earth while eerie music plays in the background. 119 min.

Now Showing THE DARK KNIGHT - PG13 - Action - The lines between good and evil, right and wrong are blurred in this film as Batman struggles with his morals in the fight to defeat the Joker. As far as I’m concerned those boys can fight all they want as long as Batman shows up in that skin-tight, black leather suit. 152 min. GET SMART - PG13 - Comedy - Steve Carell plays the enthusiastic but accidentprone spy/nerd lead in this film adaptation of the TV series. American sweetheart Anne Hathaway plays his sultry assistant. 111 min HANCOCK - PG13 - Action - Hancock is happy to be a misunderstood superhero with a habit of causing more trouble than he saves, until he saves the life of a man who happens to be married to hottie Charlize Theron and a whole new batch of troubles comes his way. 91 min. HELLBOY II: THE GOLDEN ARMY PG13 - Action - A whole new posse of evil creatures have climbed up from the bowls of the underworld and only Hellboy, the misunderstood monster with a perpetually rosy complexion and bad-ass horns, has the guts to take them on and save the world. 122 min

SHOWTIMES

‘The X-Files: I Want to Believe’ it isn’t going to suck...but I don’t. JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH - PG - Comedy - 3D makes a major come back in this funny remake about a ridiculed professor that follows his heart on a journey that takes him places no man has ever gone before. 89 min KIT KITTREDGE: AN AMERICAN GIRL - G Family - Inquisitive Kit is a young, budding reporter who’s family gets hit hard during the great depression. When her home is robbed and her hobo friend is accused of being the culprit Kit goes to work investigating the crime and discovers the guilt in a surprising place.91 min KUNG FU PANDA - PG - Animation - What’s not to love about a chubby, fuzzy panda with an obsession for kung fu and kicking booty? What’s even cuter is the voice of the portly hero will be played by Jack Black, who’s not exactly fitness magazine material himself. 88 min. MAMA MIA - PG13 - Comedy - ABBA returns with a vengeance in this screen adaptation of the musical that put a skip in the step of dancing queens around the world.98 min. MEET DAVE - PG - Comedy - A crew of miniature space men come to Earth incognito inside a space ship designed in the image of it’s tiny captain, who happens to share a strange resemblance to Eddie Murphy. 90 min. SPACE CHIMPS - G - Family - Two brave astronaut chimps (and one lazy chimp with legendary grandfather) take on a dangerous mission to fly through a black hole to an inhabited, earth like

planet. Talking primates are so darn cute! 71 min. WALL-E - G - Animation - Wall-e is just your ordinary robot until he mistakenly gets left alone on a deserted planet and develops an adorable, but clumsy, personality. 97 min WANTED - R - Action - Wes is a big-time loser with a dead end job until his dad is murdered and he meets Fox, a smokin hot assassin who teaches him how to unleash his badass nature. 110 min.

Queen Ka’ahumanu Shopping Center. 8754910 (Matinees: everyday until 4pm), The Dark Knight - PG13 - Th 11:30, 11:40, 12:40, 1:40, 2:50, 3:50, 4:50, 6, 7, 8, 9:10, 10:10. F-Su 10:30, 11:40, 12:40, 1:40, 2:50, 3:50, 4:50, 6, 7, 8, 9:10, 10:10, 11:10. M-W 10:30, 11:40, 12:40, 1:40, 2:50, 3:50, 4:50, 6, 7, 8, 9:10, 10:10 Kit Kittredge: An American Girl - G - Th only 11 Mama Mia - PG13 - Th 10:40, 1:05, 3:30, 5:55, 8:20. F-Su 10:40, 1:05, 3:30, 5:55, 8:20, 10:45. M-W 10:40, 1:05, 3:30, 5:55, 8:20. Meet Dave - PG - Th only 1:25, 3:35, 5:45, 7:55, 10:05 Step Brothers - R - F-W 11, 1:15, 3:30, 5:45, 8:05, 10:20 Wall-e - G - Daily 10:45, 1, 3:15, 5:30, 8, 10:15

Kukui Mall 1819 South Kihei Road, 875-4910 ( Matinees: everyday until 4pm), The Dark Knight - PG13 - Th 12:40, 3:50, 7. FSu 12:40, 3:50, 7, 10:10. M-W 3:50, 7, 10:10 Hancock - PG13 - Th only 11:10, 1:20, 3:30, 5:40, 7:50 Hellboy II: The Golden Army - PG13 - Th only 11:30, 2:05, 4:40, 7:20 Mama Mia - PG13 - Th 12, 2:25, 4:50, 7:15. FSu 12:05, 2:30, 4:55, 7:20, 9:45. M-W 2:30, 4:55, 7:20, 9:45 The Visitor - PG13 - F-Su 12, 2:20, 4:40, 7:05, 9:25. M-W 2:20, 4:40, 7:05, 9:25 X-Files:I Want to Believe - PG13 - F-Su 12:15, 2:35, 4:55, 7:15, 9:35. M-W 2:35, 4:55, 7:15, 9:35

Maui Mall Megaplex Maui Mall, 249-2222 (Matinees: M-Th until 6pm, F-Su until 3:30pm), Get Smart - PG13 - Th 12:40, 3:20, 6, 8:40. F-Su 12:40, 3:20, 6:00, 8:40 . M-W 3:20, 6:00, 8:40 Hancock - PG13 - Th 12, 2, 2:20, 4:20, 5, 6:50, 7:20, 9:10, 9:45. F-Su 12:05, 2:00, 2:20, 4:20, 5:00, 6:50, 7:20, 9:10, 9:45 . M-W 2:00, 2:20, 4:20, 5:00, 6:50, 7:20, 9:10, 9:45 Hellboy II:The Golden Army - PG13 - Th 1, 1:45, 2:30, 3:45, 4:30, 5:15, 6:30, 7:15, 8, 9:15, 10. FSu 1:00, 3:45, 6:30, 9:15. M-W 3:45, 6:30, 9:15 Journey to the Center of the Earth - PG - Th 12, 12:30, 2:20, 2:50, 4:40, 5:10, 7, 7:30, 9:20, 9:50. F-Su 12:00, 12:30, 2:20, 2:50, 4:40, 5:10, 7:00, 7:30, 9:20, 9:50. M-W 2:20, 2:50, 4:40, 5:10, 7:00, 7:30, 9:20, 9:50 Kung Fu Panda - PG - Daily 1:50, 4:10, 6:30, 8:50 Space Chimps - G - Th 12:10, 1:40, 2:30, 3:50, 4:50, 6, 7:10, 8:10, 9:30. F-Su 12:10, 1:40, 2:30, 3:50, 4:50, 6:00, 7:10, 8:10, 9:30. M-W 1:40, 2:30, 3:50, 4:50, 6:00, 7:10, 8:10, 9:30 Wanted - R - Th 1:20, 4, 6:40, 9:20. F-Su 1:20, 4:00, 6:40, 9:20 . M-W 4:00, 6:40, 9:20 X-Files:I Want to Believe - PG13 - F-Su 12:00, 1:45, 2:25, 4:15, 4:55, 6:45, 7:25, 9:15, 9:55. MW 1:45, 2:25, 4:15, 4:55, 6:45, 7:25, 9:15, 9:55

Wharf Cinema Center

Stereo Installation, Security & Convenience Features, Mobile Video, Back-up Sensors & Cameras, iPod & MP3 Integration

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Wed.. 7/30 5 :000 & 7:30pm

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658 Front Street, 249-2222 (Matinees: Tue all shows, until 6pm every other day), Hellboy II: The Golden Army - PG13 - Daily 1:15, 4, 6:45, 9:30. Meet Dave - PG - Th only 11:30, 1:45, 4:30, 7:15, 9:35 Space Chimps - G - Th 2, 4:15, 7, 9. F 12, 2, 4:15, 6:30, 9. Sa-Su 12, 2, 4:15, 6:30, 9. M-W 2, 4:15, 6:30, 9 X-Files:I Want to Believe - PG13 - F 1:45, 4:30, 7, 9:30. Sa-Su 11:15, 1:45, 4:30, 7, 9:30. M-W 1:45, 4:30, 7, 9:30

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

JULY 24, 2008

ULTRA FABULOUS IS BACK!

MINDCANDY

BY STARR BEGLEY STARR@MAUITIME.COM

Got Pole?

Showcasing Girly Divas and South Maui Divas

wii

wednesdays

ULTRA

FABULOUS SATURDAYS

Fabulous Drink Specials All Night Long a Take Three production • ultrafab.com sponsored by: Heineken • Heineken Light • Amstel Light • Maui Time Weekly

Pole Katz Puss’n Bootz Productions [DVD] This is the best instructional DVD available to beginning pole dancers. I bought this DVD after taking a class here on Maui and loved that it broke the moves down step by step. You’d be amazed at what you can do on the pole with a little bit of direction. The instructors, Carine and Kelly, are both fit and have two totally different styles on the pole. Carine is super strong, while Kelly is definitely more graceful. The bottom line is that no matter what your style, this DVD has moves for you. You’ll learn basic inverts, spins and climbs. Not to mention, at the end of the DVD the girls put together two dance routines incorporating all the moves on the DVD. What more could you ask for?

I TA L I A N B I S T R O

Poletricks 101 Pantera [DVD] Okay. So this instructional DVD is so not for the beginner. In fact, it’s not for anyone who’s not a contortionist. Poletricks 101 features the dancer Pantera who is a champion on the pole. No, literally…a pole champion. She breaks down everything from beginner to advanced moves in a hardcore, sometimes topless fashion. The thing I like about Pantera and this DVD the most is that she’s not built like your fantasy pole kitten. She’s not super busty, has some serious muscle definition and is totally tattooed. Girl crush? Maybe a little.

1445 SOUTH KIHEI RD. • KIHEI • 874-4041

The Art of Exotic Dancing Philadelphia Films [DVD] I am not a dancer. My husband will back that statement up any day of the week. What the good Lord may have given me in freakish upper body strength, he debited from any type of internal rhythm. The great thing about The Art of Exotic Dancing is that it made me realize you don’t need much grace or flexibility to roll your hips. Sure it helps, but after watching about 15 middle-aged women learn how to captivate their man via eye contact and body language, I realized that my situation could be worse. So, for those of you who suck at the Pop, Lock and Drop, The Art of Exotic Dancing may be for you. Just try not to trip over your stilettos. It hurts. MTW

JULY 24, 2008

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

DA KINECALENDAR BIG SHOWS Classical Guitar Concert - Thursday, July 24. Benjamin Verdery, guitarist, will play a concert commemorating 11 years of his guitar class on Maui. The Professor of Guitar at Yale University School of Music will perform original music and pieces by Bach.. Donations requested at the door to benefit Nature Conservancy of Hawaii. 7 p.m. St. John’s Church, Kula. 878-1485. Melveen Leed - Friday, Jul 25. A complimentary concert by Hawaii’s country girl, Melveen Leed, who was born and raised on Molokai and went on to have a long and successful career in the music industry. 6 p.m. Ka`anapali Beach Hotel, Tiki Courtyard. 661-0011. Brian Evans - Saturday, Jul 26. Big-band crooner Evans is coming with original material from his new album that includes an (unlikely) duet with Kelly Osbourne. Tickets: $57, $47, $37. 7:30 p.m. Castle Theater, MACC. 242-7469. Ka`anapali Nights - Saturday, Jul 26. A summer concert series featuring Barry Flanagan of Hapa and Eric Gilliom of Barefoot Natives. $40, $20. 6 p.m. Royal Lahaina Resort. 661-3611. Pharaoh Papi - Sunday, Jul 27. Groundbreaking performance by Maui-born hip-hop and rap artist Pharaoh Papi, with special guests. $20. 5:30 p.m. Maui Theater, Lahaina. 661-9913.

STAGE Calling All Readers - Mon-Fri. Want to read for Maui On Stageís Bare Essential Theater? Roles are announced at monthly readings and scripts are given out in advance. Call Kristi. 244-8680 x23. Once on This Island - Friday,Saturday & Sunday Jul 25-27. What do you get when you mix the fantasy storyline of The Little Mermaid with the starcrossed lovers situation from Romeo and Juliet and set the whole thing on a lush, tropical island in the Caribbean? You get this original and creative theatrical performance that’s directed and choreographed by Brian Swasey. $20. Fri & Sat, 7:30 p.m.; Sun, 5 p.m. Iao Theater, Wailuku. 242-6969. West Side Story - Thursday & Sunday. There’s nothing quite like a good gang fight. The professional cast at MAPA will perform the musical West Side Story about racial prejudice and young love, set in the streets of New York City. Tickets $20, $16 students and seniors. July 24 & 27, Aug 1,2 & 3. 7:30 p.m. Maui Tropical Plantation, Waikapu. 244-8760.

TICKETS ON SALE Inspiracion Del Tango - Sat, Aug 9. The Maui tango tradition continues for the fifth year with a variety of professional dance masters in a hot and steamy night of Argentine Tango. See the incredible moves of Natalia Hills, Jorge Torres, Facundo Posada and other great dancers. Tickets: $20, $10 adults and seniors. 7:30 p.m. Castle Theater, MACC. 242-7469. 311 - Fri, Aug 15. The five rasta punk rockers of 311 are coming for an end of the summer show that’s bound to draw Maui crowds off the beach and out of the water to hear some of the incredible, unforgettable tunes that they’re known for. Tickets: $42. kingmichelconcerts.com. Lahaina Civic Center. Lisa Loeb - Sat, Aug 16. I’ve always admired Loeb for rocking her signature glasses without ever for a second seeming nerdy. The New York songstress that took the world by storm with hit songs in the 90s is apparently also a cool, beautiful, talented, down-to-earth type of girl, which would usually make me bitterly jealous. OK, I’m a little jealous, but not enough to stop me from seeing her take the

BY JESSICA ARMSTRONG CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

stage with her guitar and her thoughtfully poetic lyrics. Special Guest:Gail Swanson. Tickets: $28. 7:30 p.m. Castle Theater, MACC. 242-7469. Ho’omana’o 2008 - Sun, Aug 17. The creme of the Maui crop will play this annual benefit concert to support Mana’o 91.5, Maui’s commercial free, independent, eclectic radio station. Willie K, George Kahumoku Jr., Eric Gilliom, Eddie Tanaka, Vince Esquire and a bunch of other super-talented people are going to be doing there thing and you don’t want to miss it. Tickets: $35, $25, $10. 4 p.m. Castle Theater, MACC. 242-7469.

EVENTS THURSDAY, JUL 24 Grand Old Day - A fun day for grandparents and grandchildren to bond over painting plaster craft. $1. 11 a.m. Kaunoa Senior Center, Sprecklesville. 270-7313. Come Out and Play - Elizabeth Ann Brandon, MA wants to make friends with your inner child using cognitive therapy, hypnosis and transactional analysis. Free. 12-3 p.m. Dragon’s Den, Makawao. 573-2424. Open House, Open Books - Maui Book Publisher’s Association is having an open house. The public is invited to meet the members, many of which will have their books on display. Entertainment provided by George Kahumoku, Jr. 5 p.m. Maui County Store, Maui Mall. 875-2402. Kahului Lions Club - Anyone interested in being involved is encouraged to attend this dinner meeting. 6 p.m. Maui Beach Hotel. 243-7402. Cinema Night - Cafe Mambo will be hosting an evening of classic and cult classic films for the 21 and older crowd. This week’s flick is Big Wednesday. 9:30 p.m. Cafe Mambo, Paia. 579-8021. Free Beading Classes - Have fun and make something beautiful. Sugar cube, 11 a.m.; Dazzling daisies, 3 p.m.; Hawaiian quilt, 6 p.m. Maui Bead Shack, Queen Ka`ahumanu Center. 873-8080.

FRIDAY, JUL 25 Biofeedback - Mary Higgins, QXC/SCIO practitioner, helps you energetically rebalance after living yet another day in a toxin-filled world. Walk-ins only. Sliding scale pricing. 2-5 p.m. Dragon’s Den. 573-2424. Job Club - Get help preparing resumes, contacting prospective employers and interviewing. Free. 3-5 p.m. Job Connections of Maui. 871-4143. Shakin’ Keiki - Come see little hula dancers in adorable outfits doing the cultural dance of their ancestors. Free. 3:30 p.m. Lahaina Center, 900 Front St. 667-9216. Kamaàina Nights - Spend an evening with local musician Jason Ho and take advantage of great dining and shopping specials, too. 7 p.m. Queen Ka’ahumanu Shopping Center. Sleep with the Sharks - A night of shark fun that your keiki won’t soon forget. They’ll get the opportunity to feed sharks, touch shark fossils, watch fun and educational films and make shark crafts. $60. Maui Ocean Center, Maàlaea. 270-7075. Free Beading Classes - Have fun and make something beautiful. Charm bracelet, 11 a.m.; Bouquet ring, 3 p.m.; Wire wrapping, 6 p.m. Maui Bead Shack, Queen Kaàhumanu Center. 873-8080.

SATURDAY, JUL 26 Join Hands Fair - Meet representatives from 25 non profit organizations and find out how your passions and skills can help the community. Free. 10 a.m.-2 p.m. Queen Ka’ahumanu Shopping Center. 893-0334.

Keiki Hula Festival - Seven halau from across the island have been preparing their ancient and modern dances and will stun the audience with their graceful dance traditions. There will also be Hawaiian artisans and crafters displaying and demonstrating their creations. Free. 11 a.m.- 6 p.m. Lahaina Cannery Mall. 661-5304. Keiki Hula Festival - Check out Maui’s graceful keiki as eight halau perform richly choreographed ancient and moder hula. There will also be Hawaiian artists and crafters demonstrating lei making, wood carving, weaving and other cultural skills. Free. 11 a.m.-6 p.m. Lahaina Cannery Mall. 661-5304. Swap Meet - I’ve always wanted to unearth some totally awesome treasure at a random flea market. This might be a good place to start. Admission: 50 cents. 7 a.m.-12 p.m. Pu`unene Ave., Kahului. 877-3100. Habitat for Humanity - Spend a few hours helping a family in need get secure shelter. 9 a.m. Call for details. 893-0334. Hula Classes - Hula Classes - Every Sat. Halau Kawaianuhealehua holds open hula classes for children, teen and adult wahines and kanes. 9 a.m. Maui Waena School. Hula Show - Get a taste of Hawaiian history and culture. Free. 1 p.m. Maui Mall, Kahului. 877-8952. Chess Tournament - Maui Chess Club invites players of all ages and skill levels to compete. $6 in advance, $8 at the door. 5 p.m. Pizza in Paradise, Kahului. 579-9673. Free Beading Classes - Have fun and make something beautiful. Basic earring, 11 a.m.; Quick cluster, 3 p.m.; Silk knotting, 6 p.m. Maui Bead Shack, Queen Ka`ahumanu Center. 873-8080.

SUNDAY, JUL 27 Maui Young Business Event - A roundtable social for members and the public with food, games and drinks. $5 for non members. 10 a.m. Polo Beach, Wailea. 276-5444. Tantra Temple Services - Embrace the spiritual essence of all faiths with tantra, an ancient highspiritual practice. Free. 10 a.m. 2138 Vineyard St., Wailuku. 244-4103. Gomega - Maui’s most versatile band is rocking out for the family crowd. There will also be giveaways, free gas drawings, good food and fun. Free. 11 a.m. Maui Mall, Kahului. 871-6230. Keiki Hula Festival - Seven halau from across the island have been preparing their ancient and modern dances and will stun the audience with their graceful dance traditions. There will also be Hawaiian artisans and crafters displaying and demonstrating their creations. Free. 11 a.m.- 6 p.m. Lahaina Cannery Mall. 661-5304. Keiki Hula Festival - Check out Maui’s graceful keiki as eight halau perform richly choreographed ancient and moder hula. There will also be Hawaiian artists and crafters demonstrating lei making, wood carving, weaving and other cultural skills. Free. 11 a.m.-6 p.m. Lahaina Cannery Mall. 661-5304. Hula Show - Get a taste of Hawaiian history and culture. Free. 1 p.m. Maui Mall, Kahului. 877-8952. Couples Investment Club - How safe are your CD’s? Find out at this couples event. Free. 12 p.m. Cary & Eddie’s Hideaway, Kahului. 579-9249. Israeli Dance - Learn traditional and modern International and Israeli dances. Free. 4:30-6 p.m. Grace Church, Kulu. 264-5214. Line Dancing - Practice your tush push ya’ll and come on down for some line dancing by the Maui Paniolo Posse. Lessons: 6:30 p.m.; Dancing: 7 p.m. Lahaina Cannery Mall.

HAPPY HOUR! 4-7

$3 You call it!

New! Monday Nights 10pm

HAZMATT

Punk, Reggae, Country Lahaina Only • NO COVER 844 FRONT ST.,

LAHAINA • 667-7758 • 2511 S. KIHEI RD., KIHEI • 891-8600

Free Beading Classes - Have fun and make something beautiful. Learn basic crimping methods, 11 a.m.; Wire wrapping: 2 p.m. Maui Bead Shack, Queen Ka`ahumanu Center. 873-8080.

MONDAY, JUL 28 Senior Line Dancing - Line dance lessons for people 55 or better. 8:30-10 a.m. Kaunoa Senior Center, Sprecklesville. 270-7313. Pipe Up - No experience is needed for drummers and bagpipers at these open, free lesson and practices for the Isle of Maui Pipe Band. 6 p.m. Call for Direction. 876-0154. Women Helping Women - A support group for women affected by domestic violence. 6 p.m. Kihei, call for details. 242-0775. High Hopes Square Dance Club - A place for beginners to pick up some steps and seasoned square dancers to show off their moves. Free. 7 p.m. Hannibal Tavares Community Center, Pukalani. 572-0671. Free Beading Classes - Learn new skills and be creative. Hawaiian quilt, 11 a.m.; Charm bracelet; 3 p.m.; Basic earrings, 6 p.m. Maui Bead Shack, Queen Ka`ahumanu Center. 873-8080.

TUESDAY, JUL 29 Non-Profit Polynesian Dance - Support the kids of the Napili Kai Foundation by watching their Polynesian dance show. $10 adults, $5 kids. 5:30 p.m. 669-6271. Singles Investment Club - Learn about money issues with other like minded singles. Free. 5:30 p.m. Cary & Eddie’s Hideaway, Kahului. 579-9249. Ukulele Lessons - Learn some strumming techniques to impress you friends with. Free. 5:45 p.m. Lahaina Cannery Mall. 661-5304. Folk Dancing - Shake it folk style with the Maui Israeli Fold Dancing group. Free. . 8 p.m. Jewish Congregation of Maui, Kihei. 280-1051. Speed Dating - Sit down for a round of threeminute dates. Who knows, you could find true love... or at least someone you might want to spend a whole second date with. Registration: $5. 8 p.m. Wow-Wee Maui Kava Bar & Grill, Kahului. 871-1414. Free Beading Classes - Have fun and make something beautiful. Bouquet ring, 11 a.m.; Sugar cube, 3 p.m.; Basic crimping, 6 p.m. Maui Bead Shack, Queen Ka`ahumanu Center. 873-8080. Toastmasters - Perfect your public speaking skills in this community club. 9 a.m., Kapalua Land Co. training center, 665-5485; 6 p.m., St. Theresa Church, Kihei, 298-3966.

WEDNESDAY, JUL 30 Ayurvedic Consultations - Margo P. Uma Gal, CAP., offers up wisdom on diet and lifestyle from over 20 years of experience as an Ayurvedic Practitioner. Walk-ins only. Free. 10:30 a.m.-1 p.m. Makawao. 572-2424. Shakin’ Keiki - Come see little hula dancers in adorable outfits doing the cultural dance of their ancestors. Free. 2:30 p.m. Lahaina Center, 900 Front St. 667-9216. Political Fundraiser - Campaign kick-off and fund raiser for Councilmember Gladys Baisa, with great food, a country store, dessert contests, dancing and door prizes. $25. 5:30 p.m. Hannibal Tavares Community Center, Pukalani. 280-1990. WOW! - Every Wed. Wailea on Wednesdays presents live island music, gallery receptions, artist appearances and more. . 6:30-8 p.m. 897-6770 x2. Free Beading Classes - Have fun and make something beautiful. Quick cluster, 11 a.m.; Silk

KISS MY Taco Tuesday! $2.95 &$3.95

TACOS $3.75 20OZ BUD LIGHT DRAFT $4.95 20OZ MARGARITA’S 2511 S. KIHEI RD., KIHEI MAUI TIME WEEKLY

891-8600 JULY 24, 2008

The Grid lists nightly entertainment at bars, clubs, cafes, other non-dinner serving establishments, as well as restaurants with entertainment after 9pm.

AMBROSIA 1913 S. Kihei Road, Kihei - 891-1011

CAFE MARC AUREL 28 N. Market St. Wailuku - 244-0852

Thursday 07/24

Friday 07/25

Saturday 07/26

Sunday 07/27

Monday 07/28– Wednesday 07/30

Jeff New No cover, 10pm

Estee Graham No cover, 10pm

Erin Smith Band No cover, 10pm

Jeff New No cover, 9pm

MON - DJ Blu Sol, 9:30pm; TUE - Kahala & Indo of LAWA, 9pm ; WED - Bamboo Blues 9pm

Mojomana No cover

Swing Maui Dancers No cover

MON - Jazz Cafe

Ryan Vice No cover

CASANOVA 1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-0220

CHARLEY’S 142 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-9668

Coyote Ugly $7, 10pm

40 Pts., La Migra $10, 10pm

Nohokai of Kamehameha Projects; $10, 10pm

Versatile $10, 10pm

Battle of the Bands 10pm

Lahaina Cannery Mall - 661-7189

Wharf Cinema, Lahaina - 667-0908

Orin & Junior No cover

DOG & DUCK IRISH PUB 1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 875-9669

Peter D No cover

MON - Erin Smith; TUE -Jazz Night; WED -Howard Ahia, No cover

Trevor Jones No cover, 9pm

Off Tomorrow, No cover, 9pm

Crunch Pups No cover, 9pm

MON - Silky Ringo, TUE - Scott Baird; WED - Irish Music No cover, 9pm;

Silky Ringo $5, 9pm Silky Ringo 9pm

knotting, 3 p.m.; Basic earring, 6 p.m. Maui Bead Shack, Queen Ka`ahumanu Center. 873-8080.

MON - Marty Dread, $10, $5 Kama aina, 10pm

Maui Community College. 5:30 p.m. MCC Ka`a`ika Room 109. 984-3297.

KEIKI

ENVIRONMENT

Keiki Issues? - Thu. The Parent Project, a program for parents of strong willed children. Wrestle the phone away from the child and make that call. Free. 6:30-8:30 p.m. Hui Malama Learning Center. 289-5050. Story Time - Thu. Keiki story time and crafts. Free. 10 a.m. Hawaiian Village Coffee, Kahana. 665-1114. Toddler Story Time - Thu. Brush up on the latest in children’s books with your little one. Free. 10 a.m. Makawao Public Library. 573-8785. Saturday Stories - Sat. Bring the kids down to Lahaina’s biggest bookstore for stories and special events. Free. 11 a.m. Barnes and Noble, Lahaina. 662-1307. Yu-Gi-Oh - Sat. Little gamester get out your cards and get ready for a Yu-Gi-Oh tournament! Free. 3 p.m. Lahaina Cannery Mall. 661-4766. Yo Yo Workshop & Demo - Sun. Yo Yo’s are silent, so encourage your kids to learn how to use them and finally get some peace and quiet! Free. 45 p.m. Maui Toy Works. 661-5304. After-School Help - Mon-Fri. Hui Malama Learning Center offers after-school homework help and classes. Call for directions and hours. 244-5911. Free Keiki Art Classes - Every Mon, Tue, Wed & Fri. Lahaina Arts Society offers free children’s art classes island wide. MON - Lahaina Surf Hawaiian Housing, 3-5 p.m. & Baha’i Faith Maui Center, Makawao, 9 a.m.-12. TUE - Kehekili Park Terrace, Wailuku, 3-5 p.m. WED - Baha’i Faith Maui Center, 9 a.m.-12 p.m.; Honokowai Kau Hale, 2:30-4:30 p.m.; Ka Hale A Ke Ola, Wailuku, 4-6 p.m. FRI - Haiku Boy’s and Girl’s Club, 3-5 p.m. For more info call 661-0111. Summer Youth Center - Mon-Fri. A place where the kids (ages 9-18) can stay busy learning, playing and socializing while you’re at work. Free. 9 a.m.-5 p.m. Hui Malama Youth Center, Wailuku. 242-9730. Keiki Chess Club - Mon. For little masterminds age 7-12. Free. 2:30-4 p.m. Makawao Public Library. 573-5313. Athletic Club Outreach - Every Tue & Thu. Got tough kids? Get them instruction on Olympic weightlifting, power lifting, body building and sports-specific weight training by an experienced team of coaches. Ages 11-19. Free. 4:45-6 p.m. St. Mark Weightlifting Hall, Good Shepherd Episcopal Church, Wailuku. 244-4656. Kids Love Stories - Tue. So bring them down to listen at Lahaina’s biggest bookstore. Free. 10-10:30 a.m. Barnes and Noble, Lahaina. 662-1300. West Side Storytime - Every Tue & Sat. Lahaina’s newest bookseller is hosting keiki story time, so get them hooked on reading early. Tue., 10 a.m.; Sat., 11 a.m. Barnes and Noble, Lahaina. Hekili Multimedia Program - Every Wed, Fri & Sat. Kids get access to high-end multimedia equipment and instruction on recording music, mixing beats and loops, producing movies and Web pages. Free. Various times. Paia Youth & Cultural Center. 579-8354.

Fish Count - Sat. Help is needed to count the fishes in Kapalua Bay for an annual survey of the reef. 8:30 a.m. 944-6081. Volunteer Day - Sat. Help remove invasive species in Olowalu. Meet at the Olowalu Store and bring gloves and lunch. 7 a.m. 214-8778. Wetlands Clean-Up - Sun. Partner with SaveMakena.org and other organizations to remove abandoned car parts and litter from Makena Puù Olai State Park. Meet at first entrance picnic tables. 9 a.m. 357-3134. Save Honolua - Tue. Meeting to inform, educate and involve the community on the proposed development of Honolua Bay. 6:45 p.m. Lahaina Civic Center. 870-0052. Smarter than a Sand Crab? - Mon-Fri. Get free info about marine life and answers to all those pesky questions that keep you up all night. The Pacific Whale Foundation Marine Naturalists are definitely smarter than a fifth grader. The question is, are you?. 8 a.m.-1 p.m. Ulua Beach, Wailea. 249-8811. Building supplies - Every Wed, Thu, Fri & Sat. Spring cleaning! Donate new and nearly new building materials or purchase them at reduced prices. Volunteers needed to stock, display and price merchandise. Reduce the amount of usable building materials going into the landfill. 9 a.m.-4 p.m. Habitat for Humanity, Market St., Wailuiku. 986-8050. Weed and Pot Club - Wed. Did that get your attention? Push up your sleeves and rake, hoe and pull weeds in a beautiful garden setting. Tools, gloves and drinking water provided. Bring sunscreen and tennis shoes. 8:30 a.m. Maui Nui Botanical Gardens, Kahului. 249-2798. Got Waste? - Daily. Public hearing for comments on the county’s solid waste management plan. 7/24: Lanai Community Center; 7/25: Mitchell Pauole Community Center. 5 p.m. iswmp Coastal Restoration - Fri. Habitat restoration at Waiheè coastal dunes with Maui Coastal Land Trust. 8 a.m.-12 p.m. Waiheè. 244-5263. Save the Forest - Sun. The Pacific Whale Foundation is hosting a group of ten volunteers to pull invasive pine trees near Hosmers Grove. Transportation is provided. Bring warm clothes, long pants and closed boots. Pick ups: 7:30 a.m., Harbor Shop, 300 Maàlaea Rd; 8:15 a.m., Upcountry Tavares Community Center. RSVP 856-8341.

LECTURE Signing for Seniors - Tue. Learn the basics of communicating through sign language. $7. 10 a.m. Kaunoa Senior Center, Paia. 270-7313. AED Class - Wed. Learn when and when not to use an Automated External Defibrilator and be prepared in an emergency. $2. 9 a.m. Kaunoa Senior Center, Paia. 270-7313. Home Talk - Wed. Find out what a reverse mortgage is and why you want one. Free. 9:30 a.m. Maui Beach Hotel, Kahului. 877-0051. Joy of Writing - Wed. Get those creative juices flowing while you put pen to paper. For people 55 and better. $20. 1:30 p.m. Kaunoa Senior Center, Paia. 270-7313. Weekend College Info - Thu. Get information on this education program for working adults from

JULY 24, 2008

TUE - HWY 30

Dave Carroll No cover

2291 Honoapiilani Hwy., 661-3160

900 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7400

TUE - Kanoa of Gomega, No cover; WED - Wet n’ Wild Wahine Wednesday, $10, 9pm

Dave Carroll No cover

GIOVANI’S HARD ROCK CAFÉ

Hawaiian Nights No cover

Salsa $7, 10pm

COMPADRES COOL CAT CAFE

WED - Wild Wahine Wednesday w/DJ Styles, DJ Jammin J & DJ Shaggy $10, 10pm

SPORTS Strolling Seniors - Thu. Walk with a group from Mana Kai Resort to Polo Beach Park. Must be able to walk on sand unaided. $12. 8 a.m. Golf Tournament - Sat. Bring your clubbs and support the Arthur T. Ueoka Memorial Scholarship Fund Golf Tournament. $120. Call to register. Dunes at Maui Lani. 873-0422. Golfing for Kids - Sat. 100 percent of the proceeds from this tournament go to the Kapiolani Children’s Miracle Network. Call to register. Wailea Golf Club. 817-846-2654. Paddleboard Race - Sun. Quicksilver sponsors this 32 mile race, considered to be the world championship of paddleboard racing. Begins at Kaloakao Beach on Molokai and ends at Maunaloa Bay on Oahu. 7 a.m. 638-8208. Pool Hours - Daily. Pool Hours - Besides the fear of contracting super-strain ukuís, I really enjoy a good swim in a public pool. Sometimes the thought of dealing with sand is just too much to bear. Kahului, Kihei, Lahaina, War Memorial, Pukalani, anthe Old and New Wailuku Pools: M-W, F, S 9 a.m4 p.m.; Th 10 a.m.-4:30 p.m.; Sun 12-4:30 p.m. These hours can change due to events. To double check you can call, 270-6135.

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

Walk, Run, Train - Every Tue & Thu. Whether you’re a walker or a runner, you’ve got a group to train with. 5:30 p.m. Runner’s Paradise, Maui Mall. 877-5300. Paddling for Breast Cancer Survivors Every Mon & Wed. Get together with other survivors for canoe paddling. Free. 6:45 a.m. Kihei Canoe Club. 243-2999. Tai Chi - Every Mon & Fri. Get your Tai Chi in during your lunchbreak with Dr. Lorrin Pang. Free. noon-12:45 p.m. State Building Plaza, Wailuku. 984-8200.

Aloha Craft Fair - Fri. 10 a.m.-4 p.m. Maui Mall. 872-4320. KBH Craft Fair - Fri. Cultural crafts and live demos. 9 a.m.-1 p.m. Ka`anapali Beach Hotel lobby. 667-5978. Organic Farmers Market - Sat. Fresh produce that’s cheaper than the grocery store. 6:30 a.m.noon. Eddie Tam Memorial Center.

ART

Team MauiSLAM! Fundraising Showcase - Fri. Enjoy a mini-slam every week as Maui’s best spoken word poets showcase their talents to raise money to send Team Maui SLAM! to the National Poetry Slam in Madison, Wisconsin this August. Audience participation is encouraged and feedback is appreciated. Write your input on coaching cards and give comments on what needs work to help make the team stronger! By donation. 6-8 p.m. Gallerie Ha, Wailuku. 268-4487.

Bronze Beauty - Daily. William Neil exhibits his amazing organic castings in bronze. M-Sa 11 a.m.-7 p.m.; Su 11 a.m.-5 p.m. Paia Contemporary Gallery. 579-8444. Evolved Art - Daily. Check out this bad ass tattoo art show, where local, gifted tattoo artists will show their work on paper instead of skin. Daily 7 a.m.-10 p.m. & 4 p.m.-close. Cafe Marc Aurel, Wailuku. 244-0852. Kite Collection - Mon-Fri. An exhibit of kites created by Maui artists along with artist Susan Robb and master kite makers Scott Skinner and Nobuhiko Yoshizumi. 10 a.m.-4 p.m. Hui Noèau Visual Arts Center, Makawao. 572-6560. Maui Rhythms Photo Exhibit - Daily. Featured artist Jacqueline Livingston will be displaying photographs of Maui sunsets, sea turtles, flowers and fantasies.. 9 a.m.-5 p.m. Banyan Tree Gallery, Lahaina. 661-0111. Photography Competition - Daily. Hi Art Magazine is seeking entries featuring portraits of the faces of Hawaiì. Competition open to all Hawaiì residents. Entries due by Sept 1. www.hiartmagazine.com for more info. . Viewpoints Exhibit - Daily. A dual exhibit showcasing the works of Suzy Papanikolas capturing her favorite halau and their practice of ancient Hawaiian culture, and Arabella Ark’s ceramic works representing early native Hawaiian artifacts. M-Sa 9 a.m.5 p.m.; Su 11 a.m.-5 p.m. Viewpoints Gallery, Makawao. 572-5979. Art Night - Fri. Stroll through dozens of art galleries in Lahaina Town. Special gallery shows, featured artists-in-action and refreshments. Free. 6:30 p.m. Lahaina. 661-6284. Children’s Camp Art Show - Every Fri & Sat. Works on display were created by the kids during the Hui Summer Camps. 10 a.m.-4 p.m. Hui Noèau Visual Arts Center, Makawao. 572-6560. Art Bistro - Mon. Local artists display their wares, from photography and painting to jewelry and sculptures. Live music, too. 5-10pm. Jacques Northshore Bistro, 120 Hana Hwy. Paia. 808-269-0961.

FARMERS MARKET ART/CRAFT FAIRS Ho`olokahi Arts & Crafts Fair - Every Tue & Fri. Fresh flower lei-making classes from 9-11 a.m. on Fridays. 9 a.m.-2 p.m. Wailea Beach Marriott Resort south lobby. 879-1922. Ohana Farmers & Crafters Market - Every Tue, Wed & Fri. 8 a.m.-4 p.m. Queen Ka’ahumanu Shopping Center. 877-3369. Farmers Market of Maui - Every Mon, Wed & Fri. Sample the goods at this local market for fresh produce. 10 a.m.-4 p.m. 61 S. Kihei Rd. Honokowai Farmers Market - Every Mon, Wed & Fri. Lots of fresh local produce plus baked and canned goods. 7-11 a.m. Lower Honopiilani Hwy. Resort Craft Fair - Every Wed & Fri. Hawaiian arts and crafts. 8 a.m.-2 p.m. Renaissance Wailea Beach Resort.

POETRY

The Grid lists nightly entertainment at bars, clubs, cafes, other non-dinner serving establishments, as well as restaurants with entertainment after 9pm.

HENRY’S BAR & GRILL 41 E. Lipoa St., Kihei - 879-2849

Thursday 07/24

Friday 07/25

Saturday 07/26

Live Music No cover, 9pm

I’O JACQUES

KAHULUI ALE HOUSE 355 E. Kamehameha, Kahului - 877-9001

Vince Esquire No cover

Kenny Roberts No cover

El Vato Loco No cover

Jared & Dale No cover

MON - Jared, No cover; TUE - Da Hawaiians; No cover WED - Chico & Da Kine; No cover

Cheryl Rae $5, 10pm

TUE - Kilohana, No cover; WED - Celtic Music, No cover

deAquino Bradaz

845 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4811

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891–8010

MON - Da Hawaiians, 9pm

MON - Live Music, No cover

John Feary No cover

KIMOS LIFE’S A BEACH

Gina Martinelli No cover

DJ El Gato & DJ JP 10pm

120 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-8844

36 Keala Pl., Kihei - 875-7711

Monday 07/28– Wednesday 07/30

Karen B No cover, 9pm

505 Front St., Lahaina - 661-8422

KAHALE’S BEACH CLUB

Sunday 07/27

Rampage 10pm

Adam Bowen Benefit 10pm

LONGHI’S

Univibe feat Charles Feelgood, 10pm

888 Front St., Lahaina - 667-2288

Open Mic - Every night is open mic night at Hawaiian Village Coffee. Kahana Gateway location, call 665-1114. Express Yourself - Every Mon. Open Mic Night with music, song, poetry! Free. 7 p.m., Cafe Marc Aurel, Wailuku, 244-0852. Poetry Reading - Every second Tue, read your original work, your favorite poem, or just come to be inspired. Free. 6:30 p.m., Lahaina Public Library, 662-3950. Open Mind Open Mic - Every Mon. Open Mind Open Mic with spoken word, poetry, comedy— whatever you have to say here’s your chance. Free. 6 p.m., Moana Bakery, Paia, 244-9091. Open Mic - Every Saturday the Maui Media Lab hosts an open mic night for poets, muscicians and others who want to be heard. Sessions are recorded and fed to the internet. All ages are welcome. Free. 6-9 p.m., Maui Media Lab, Baldwin Ave, zumatribe@yahoo.com.

MON - Kanoa of Gomega, 10pm; TUE - DJ JP; 10pm; WED - Crunch Pups; 10pm

Yo Mamma 10pm

Poetry Reading - Every second Thu Maui Live Poets Society hosts an open poetry reading on the West side. Free. 6:30- 9 p.m. Lahaina, 661-0517

KARAOKE Isana Restaurant - Daily, 9 p.m. 515 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 874-1811. Kobe Japanese Steakhouse - Fri-Sat, 9:30 p.m., 136 Dickenson St., Lahaina, 667-5555. Lulu’s - Wed, 7 p.m., 1941 S. Kihei Rd., 879-9944. Sansei - Thu-Fri, 10 p.m., 600 Office Road, Kapalua, 669-6286; Thu-Sat, 10 p.m. Kihei Town Center, 879-0004. Tiffany’s - Daily, 9:30 p.m., 1424 L. Main St., Wailuku, 249-0052. Tip Up’s Tavern - Mon, 9:30 p.m., 1279 S. Kihei Rd., 874-9299.

Unisan - Thu-Sat, 9:30 p.m., 2102 Vineyard St., Wailuku, 244-4500.

DINNER MUSIC WEST MAUI BJ’s Chicago Pizzeria - Wed-Fri, John Kane; Sat, Harry Troupe; Sun, Greg DiPiazza; Mon, Tue, Marvin Tevaga. All sets 7:30-9:30 p.m. 730 Front St., Lahaina, 661-0700. Cheeseburger In Paradise - Mon, Tue, Scotty Rotten; Wed, Fri, Harry Troupe; Thu, Sat, Sun, Brooks McGuire. All sets 4:30-10:30 p.m. 811 Front St., Lahaina, 661-4855. Compadres - Tue, 4 p.m., Live music. Lahaina Cannery Mall, 661-7189. Cool Cat Cafe - Thu, Erin Smith; Fri, Sat, Dave Carroll; Sun, Wed, Whale Sharks; Mon, Mickie

Moore; Tue, Jazz; . all sets 7:30-10 p.m. Wharf Cinema Center, Lahaina, 667-0908. Hula Grill - (Early sets) Wed, Thu, Fri, Sat Ernest Pua’a; Sun,Mon, Kawika Lum Ho; Tue, Jarret Roback. Early sets 3-5 p.m. (Followed by) Thu, Braddah Brian & Roy; Fri, Brian, Roy & Kawika;. Sat, “TBA”; Sun, Ryan Tanaka & Derrick Sebastian; Mon,“Derrick & Josh”; Tue, Roy & Friends; Wed, An Den. Late sets 7-9:30 p.m. 2435 Kaànapali Parkway, Building P, 667-6636. Java Jazz/Soup Nutz - Mon-Sat, Acoustic music. All sets 7 p.m. 3350 Lower Honoapiìlani Rd., Honokowai, 667-0787. Kimo’s - Mon- Wed, Sat, Sun, Sam Ahia. Fri, deAquino Bradaz. All sets 6:30-8:30 p.m. 845 Front St., Lahaina, 661-4811. Leilani’s On The Beach - Fri, Scott Baird;. Sat, JD and Harry; Sun, Kilohana. All sets 2:30-5 p.m. 2435 Kaànapali Pkwy, Building J, 661-4495.

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

JULY 24, 2008

The Grid lists nightly entertainment at bars, clubs, cafes, other non-dinner serving establishments, as well as restaurants with entertainment after 9pm.

Thursday 07/24

Friday 07/25

Saturday 07/26

Neto Latin Salsa No cover, 9pm

The Willy’s & DJ Shaggy No cover, 9pm

All Access & DJ Shaggy $10, 10pm

DJ Mike 9pm

ADD Twins No cover, 9pm

A.D.D. Twins No cover, 9pm

Cyrus C

Blue Gecko; 9pm

Celtic Tigers

The Daylights No cover, 9:30pm

MON - Gypsy Pacific; TUE - Randall Rospond & Tom Conway; WED - Willie K, $25

Wee D’ono No cover, 10pm

Silky Ringo No cover, 10pm

Hazmatt No cover, 10pm

Silky Ringo No cover, 10pm

MON - Junior Guys;TUE - I-Chalice; WED - Open Mic; No cover, 10pm

Trike Races 10pm

DJ Nutmeg $5, 10pm

DJ Freeflow $8, 10pm

DJ Astro Raph 10pm

MON - Karaoke; WED - DJ Nutmeg, No cover, 9pm

DJ Jay P $5, 10pm

DJ Blast $10, 10pm

DJ Nutmeg $10, 9:30pm

Kanoa of Gomega No cover, 10pm

MON - DJ Blast; TUE - DJ Boomshot; WED - ADD Twins; All no cover, 10pm

DJ Shark in da Water, No cover, 9:30pm

MON - Karaoke, 9:30pm; TUE - The New Project, No cover, 10pm; WED - DJ Del Sol, No cover, 10pm

LULU’S 1945 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-9944

MAI TAI LOUNGE 839 Front St., Lahaina - 661-5288

MOOSE MCGILLYCUDDY’S 844 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7758

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea - 874-1131

MULLIGAN’S AT THE WHARF Cinema Center, Lahaina - 661-8881

OCEANS BEACH & GRILL 1819 S. Kihei Rd. - 891-2414

OYSTER BAR 744 Front St., Lahaina - 661-9090

PACIFIC’O

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-6444

SPORTS PAGE GRILL & BAR 2411 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-0602

DJ Durty No cover, 10pm

Kilohana No cover, 10pm

UNISAN 2102 Vineyard St., Wailuku - 244-4500

Moose McGillycuddy’s, Lahaina - Fri, Llayne & Pro Ed; Sat, Mark & Mike. All sets 6-9 p.m. 844

Front St., 667-7758.

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JULY 24, 2008

DJ Magnetic No cover, 10pm

MON - Hazmatt; WED - DJ T-Money, No cover, 9pm

Vince Esquire No cover, 10pm

Maui Underground No cover, 10pm

Ohana Groove No cover, 10pm

Club Night Disco $5, 10pm

R-U-Gay & Happy Club Night; $10, 10pm

Mulligan’s on the Wharf - Fri, AnRil. All sets 7 p.m. Wharf Cinema Center, Lahaina, 661-8881. Pioneer Inn - Thu, Ah-Tim Eleniki; Tue, Captain Billy Bones; Wed, Greg Di Piazza. All sets 6-8 p.m. 658 Wharf St., Lahaina, 661-3636. Sea House Restaurant - Early sets in the Sea Breeze Terrace: Thu & Fri, Brian Haia; Sa-Su, Lui Williams; Mon-Wen, Coelho Morrison. All sets 3:30-5 p.m. Thu, Albert Kaina and Kincade Basques; Fri, Kincade Basques; Sat, Coelho Morrison; Sun, Andrew Jauba; Mon & Tue Kincade Basques; Wed, Albert Kaina. All sets 7-9 p.m. Napili Kai Beach Resort, 5900 Honoapi`ilani Rd., Napili, 669-1500.

Morning Glories Organic Internet Cafe Fri, Elaine Ryan, 3-4 p.m.; Mon, Karen B, 1-2 p.m.137 Hana Hwy, Paia, 579-6009. Moana Cafe & Bakery - Wed, Benoit Jazzworks; Thu Mark Johnstone, Fri, Classic Hawaiian with Jocelyn, all sets 6:30-8:30. Sat, Live jazz music with Mark Johnstone & Friends, 12:30 2:30 p.m. 71 Baldwin Ave., Paia, 579-9999.

SOUTH MAUI

■ HYATT REGENCY MAUI RESORT & SPA 200 Nohea Kai Dr, Lahaina, 661-1234 Weeping Banyan Lounge - Nightly, Live music. All sets 6:30-9:30 p.m. Torch lighting ceremony nightly. ■ KAANAPALI BEACH CLUB 104 Kaànapali Shores, Lahaina, 661-2000 Ohana Bar & Grill - Wed, Thu, Live music; Fri, Patrick Major; Sun, Wayne and Friends; Mon, Tue, Ernest Puaà. All sets 5:30-9:30 p.m. Torch lighting ceremony nightly. ■ KAÀNAPALI BEACH HOTEL 2525 Kaànapali Pkwy, 661-0011 Kupanaha - Nightly, Hula show, 6:30-7:30 p.m. Tiki Courtyard - Nightly, Alanui with Uncle Rudi; Sun, Hula show. All sets 6:30 p.m. ■ NAPILI KAI BEACH RESORT 5900 Honoapiìlani Hwy, Napili, 669-1500 Thu, Kincaid and Albert; Fri, Sat, Mon, Tue, Kincaid Basques; Sun, Kapule Paoa; Wed, Albert Kaina. All sets 7-9 p.m. ■ RITZ CARLTON 1 Ritz Carlton Drive, Kapalua, 669-6200 Banyan Tree Restaraunt - Wed & Thu, Ranga Pae 6:15-9:45 p.m. ■ ROYAL LAHAINA RESORT 2780 Kekaà Dr., Kaànapali, 661-3611 Royal Ocean Terrace - Thu, Fri, Sat, Live Hawaiian. 6-8 p.m. ■ SHERATON MAUI HOTEL 2605 Kaànapali Pkwy, 661-0031 Lagoon Bar - Nightly, Hula dancing during sets. Thu, Mon, Tue, Bobby and Ralph; Fri, Ralph and Allan; Sat, Sun, Fausto and Kawaika; Wed, Nathan and Ralph. All sets 6-8 p.m. Torchlighting and cliff diving ceremony at sunset nightly. ■ THE WESTIN MAUI HOTEL 2365 Kaanapali Parkway, 667-2525 Ono Bar & Grille - Thu, Sat, Steve Sargenti; Fri, Larry Golis; Sun, Margie Heart; Mon, Ernest Puaa; Tue, Brian Haia; Wed, Pam Peterson. Tue-Sun shows, 6-9 p.m. Mon, 5:30-9 p.m. Tropica - (Early sets) Thu, Wed, Brian Haia; Fri, Sat, Mon, Marvin Tevaga; Sun, Josh Kahula; Tue, Ernest

Backstreet Cafe - Fri, Liz & Joanie; Sat, Steve Monroe, all sets 5:30-8:30 p.m. Sun, Nicky Campos, 10 a.m.-1 p.m. 1280 S. Kihei Rd, 8912595. Longhi’s - Sat, acustic music. 10:30-11 p.m. 3750 Wailea Alanui Dr., 891-8883 Ma`alaea Grill - Thu, Fri, Sat, Benoit Jazz Works. All sets 6:30-9 p.m. Maalaea Harbor, 243-2206. Moose McGillycuddy’s, Kihei - Fri, Erin Smith; Sat, Anuhea; All sets 5:30-7:30 p.m. 2511 S. Kihei Rd., 891-8600. Mulligan’s on the Blue - Fri, Joyce & Gord, 5:30-8 p.m.; Sat, Sun, Celtic Tigers; Mon, Gypsy Pacific; 7 p.m. 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea, 874-1131. South Shore Tiki Lounge - Thu, Sun, Tue, Tony; Fri, Eclipse; Sat, Erin Smith; Mon, Kanoa; Wed, Kenny Roberts. All sets 4-6 p.m. 1913 Kihei Rd., Kihei Kalama Village, 874-6444. Tommy Bahama’s Tropical Café - Sun, Mon, Brittany; Wed, Sat, Merv Oana Thu; Fri Margie; Tue Jamie Lawrence. All sets 6-10 p.m. The Shops at Wailea, 875-9983. Tradewinds Poolside Cafe - Thu, Kawika Lum Ho; Fri, Kaleo Cullen; Sat, Louise Lambert; Sun, Mon, Kenny Roberts; Tue, Ramen & Cora; Wed, Keoki Ruiz. All sets 6-9 p.m. The Maui Coast Hotel, 2259 S. Kihei Rd., 874-6284.

Domestic Beer Monday

MON - Na Hoku, Crazy Fingers, All Access, WED Karaoke, 9pm

Jerry Caires Jr. Band $3, 9pm

1127 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-1380

1279 S. Kihei Road, Kihei - 874-9299

DJ Sonny No cover, 10pm

Crunch Pups No cover, 10pm

STOPWATCH SPORTS BAR TIP-UPS TAVERN

Monday 07/28– Wednesday 07/30

Orin & Junior No cover, 9pm

505 Front St., Lahaina - 667-4341

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE

Sunday 07/27

CENTRAL MAUI AK’s Cafe - Fri, Ron Kuala’au. 6:15 p.m. , Sat Tarvin Makai 6:15 p.m.1237 L. Main St, Wailuku, 244-8774. Café Marc Aurel - Tue, Live Music; Mon, Open Mic Night. 7:30 p.m. 28 N. Market St., Wailuku, 244-0852. Main Street Bistro - Th-Fri, Rhythm & Blues with Freedom. 5-7:30 p.m.. 2051 Main St., Wailuku, 244-6816. Sushi Go - Wed, Live music. 4-8 p.m. Queen Ka`ahumanu Center, Kahului, 877-8744.

UPCOUNTRY MAUI Hana Hou Cafe - Thu, Haiku Hillbillys; Wed, Dorothy Betz and Les Adam with Vince Esquire. Sat, Live music. All sets 6:30-9:30 p.m. 810 Haiku Rd, Haiku Cannery, 575-2661. Jacque’s - Mon, Live Jazz. 5 p.m. 120 Hana Hwy, Paia, 579-8844.

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

RESORT SHOWS WEST MAUI

Pua`a. Early sets 3-6 p.m. (Followed by) Thu, Fri, Wed, Benny Uyetake; Sat, Tue, Mitch Kepa; Sun, Steve Sargenti; Mon, Josh Kahula. Late sets 6-9 p.m.

SOUTH MAUI ■ FOUR SEASONS RESORT WAILEA 3900 Wailea Alanui, 874-8000 Lobby Lounge - (Early sets) Thu, Steve Repollo and Alan Villeran; Sat, Mon, Island Style Trio with hula dancing. Early sets 5:30-7:30 p.m. (Followed by) Thu, Sal Godinez and Marcus Johnson; Fri, Clay Mortensen and George Tavoularis; Sat, Mon, Nils and Anastasia; Sun, Pam Peterson and Rudy Baria; Wed, Clay Mortensen and Gilbert Emata. Late sets 8:30-11:30 p.m. Torchlighting ceremony nightly. ■ GRAND WAILEA RESORT HOTEL & SPA 3850 Wailea Alanui, 875-1234 Botero Bar - Wed, 5:30-9:30 p.m., Live music. Humuhumunukunukuapuaà - Nightly, 5:30 p.m., Strolling Hawaiian Duo. ■ THE FAIRMONT KEA LANI MAUI 4100 Wailea Alanui, 875-4100 Lobby Bar - Nightly, 5:30-9:30 p.m., Live music. ■ THE SHOPS AT WAILEA 3750 Wailea Alanui East Wing - Wed, 6:30-8 p.m., Marti Kluth. Lower Courtyard - Wed, 6:30-8 p.m., Jamie Lawerence and Friends. ■ WAILEA MARRIOTT 3700 Wailea Alanui, 879-1922 Kumu Bar & Grill - Nightly, Hula dancing. 6-9 p.m. Mele Mele Lounge - Nighly, Live music. 9-11 p.m. ■ MAUI PRINCE HOTEL 5400 Makena Alanui, 874-1111 Molokini Lounge - Mon, Wed, Fri, Sat, Mele Òhana Duo. Tue, Thu Ron Kuala’au; Sun-Thu sets 6-9 p.m.; Fri, Sat sets 6-10 p.m. Sun, Mele Òhana Duo, 9 a.m.-1 p.m. Mon, Wed, Fri, Hula performance, 6-6:45 p.m.

EAST MAUI ■ HOTEL HANA-MAUI Hana, 248-8211 Paniolo Lounge - Thu-Sun, Live music. 6:30-9:30 p.m. Main Dining Room - Thu, Sun, Hula dancing. 7:308:15 p.m.

Send your listings and photos for the Da Kine Calendar to Jessica Armstrong at calendar@mauitime.com or fax (808) 244-0446

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FAX NUMBER 808-244-0446 EMAIL classifieds@mauitime.com

WEBSITE www.mauitime.com

MAILING 33 N. Market St. Ste. 201 Wailuku, HI 96793

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

JULY 24, 2008

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FULL TIME BARISTAS 2pm-10pm, must have experience, $12/hr + benefits. Call 276-3177 or apply in person at Java Jazz TEACH ENGLISH ABROAD!!! Become TEFL certified. 4-week TEFL course in Prague, Czech Republic. Job assistance worldwide. Courses offered monthly. Course tuition 1300 Euros. i n fo @ t e f l wo r l d w i d e p r a g u e . c o m http://www.teflworldwideprague.com (AAN CAN) MYSTERY SHOPPER We are hiring responsible, motivated and computer literate individuals to evaluate customer service and store standards. Home computer and internet access a must. Enjoy this unique and interesting position as a mystery shopper for a Fortune 100 company. Part time working hours based on your availability and location. Training wage $8.00/hr, regular wage $11.30/hr. plus mileage. For additional information and to submit an inquiry please visit qualityshopper.org No fees required. Personal Assistant Needed for CEO of non profit foundation. International travel, liberal expense account, 25K base pay, 401 K, full benefits. Calls only-808-298-4566.

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HEALTH Kihei-Mondays at Keolahou Church 11am-2pm. Wailuku-Monday thru Tursday at Wailuku Health Center 8:30 am-12pm. Paia-Wednesdays at Paia Community Center 12:30pm-3:00pm. LahainaThursdays at Lahaina Comprehensive Health Center 9am-12pm. Results returned in 2 wks. Sponsored by State Dept. of Health, for more info call 984-2129

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

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MUSIC & ART MUSICAL INSTRUCTION PRIVATE LESSONS AVAILABLE By Shiro Mori, Jazz Theory & Improv. piano, guitar, other. All levels & ages. Afternoons, $50/hr. Wailuku area, call 283-5535 MUSIC Lessons & Fun Music for your life or event. Sing / Play Piano. Drums, Guitar, Uke w/Pro Vocalist / Pianist / Songwriter / Entertainer / MAPA / MHOK / MMC Instuctor. ‘Beginners to Grammy Winners’ www.louiselambert.com 2053971

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LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22) What good is royalty without royalties? It’s one thing to be noble, and another thing entirely to live like nobility. It’s not that you’re poor; let’s just say that your income doesn’t necessarily match the lifestyle to which you’d like to become accustomed. Luckily there’s a way you can bank in on the investments you’ve already made, specifically those improving your own character. If you take proper advantage of these, you may be able to nearly painlessly expand your worth. Chances are it will probably never quite hit the level of royalty, but this week you should have an opportunity to get a little closer to that dream.

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Remove Your Frown Lines!

As I sat down to write your horoscope, I very clumsily doused myself with my morning chai. As I sit here, sticky, I want you to remember that sometimes shit just happens. At some point, fault and consequences have to cease to matter. Even if it was preventable, it’s over now, and it’s better to just move on from it, rather than dwelling on it forever. You’ve given this mistake—if that’s what it was—enough time, and done your best to make amends if they were necessary. Now go hop in the shower, wash off the mess, and move on.

before

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SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21) You’ve never made a point of seeking out comfort, at least not in the traditional sense. You’d rather force yourself to become comfortable in uncomfortable circumstances than compromise. Even if it doesn’t have to be all or nothing, you occasionally make it so, and end up putting up with a lot you wouldn’t have to, were you willing to settle for something less than ideal. Sometimes I wish you’d just make up your mind to make the best of things, rather than holding out for something that will probably never happen. I doubt you’ll change your mind just because I suggest it, but if you were going to implement a compromise, this would be a good week to do it.

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SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21) The problem in front of you has a simple solution, but those trying to solve it just aren’t seeing it. You see it, but so far they haven’t listened to you. This week you’re faced with a dilemma you don’t often face— getting people to hear and heed you. Because you’re not especially soft-spoken, you’re at a loss, when your words go unheard, about what you can do to get the attention of those who need to hear what you have to say. On the other rare occasions when this has happened, you’ve thrown up your hands, said, “I tried,” and left them to court disaster on their own. Don’t do that this time. Make them hear you, whatever it takes.

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CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19) When you end up in a leadership role, you usually do things very much by the book—frequently quite strictly. However, that kind of rigidity won’t serve you well this week. You’ll encounter so much backlash and resistance that the project might get stalled entirely. You need to exercise trust in people and be as laissez-faire as you can right now. Let them succeed or fail on their own. If it does all fall apart, yes, you’ll get stuck picking up the pieces. However, as keeping faith and trust is the only chance to get the job done at all, I suggest you try it.

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AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18) This week’s influences have made you very easy to overlook or forget about. Don’t take it personally, but you will find that you’ll need to speak up louder and make a special effort to be noticed and heard. Of course this could work to your advantage as well; if there were anything you ever wanted to get away with on the down-low, this might be the perfect time to do it. However keep in mind that just because no one notices you getting into trouble now doesn’t mean that they won’t figure it out (and call you on it) later.

PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20) Since you’re always at odds with yourself, you frequently make bad choices. Which of your internal voices, after all, should you listen to? Choose poorly, and you may end up a long way down a path that’s no good for you. However, this can also be regarded as a source of strength. Because of your mixed internal signals, it means many different options are open to you. Choices are a good thing, even if some of them are necessarily bad ones. Don’t ignore your gut, but let your head get some say here. When choosing someone or something to bring into your life—if your gut is torn between two, allow your head to decide. Which one will ultimately keep you happiest, most cared-for, and most entertained, over the long-term?

– – “Na– ‘Oiwi ‘Olino – People Seeking Wisdom” 6:30a.m. – 9a.m. weekday mornings on

ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19) I don’t think it’s much of a secret. Although I have an appreciation for every sign of the zodiac, you Rams are by far my faves. I’ve simply never met an Aries who didn’t keep me entertained and make me smile more often than not. Best of all, you seem to thrive off the positive attention of fans like me. This week you’ll have a good chance of finding it. If you’re feeling starved for that kind of adoration, go out looking for it. Luckily, no one is depending on you to be subtle or slick. Just go be your brash, bold, outrageous self. It’s good advertising.

TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20) Reward compromise. There’s at least one person in your life who is so opinionated that they won’t allow compromise. He makes unreasonable demands and because everyone else involved is willing to bend, and he’s not, he gets his way most of the time. Don’t let that stand this week. You’re in the position of power here, and those who are most able to be flexible should be the ones who benefit from that flexibility, not the diva who can’t or won’t. Don’t feel bad because someone stubborn backed you up against a wall. Let him figure it out when the rest of you climb over and leave him alone on the other side.

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20) Be wary of some of the attention you’re getting right now. What these people are enchanted with is perceived potential, not necessarily who and what you are right now. Whether or not you choose to go down the paths they’ve secretly selected for you will determine whether you continue to have their interest three months from now. While you certainly shouldn’t reject these people or this type of attention out of hand, I wouldn’t let it go to your head or change your course. You need to do what you want, not what they want. If that turns out to be the same thing, great. If not, I wouldn’t worry. There are plenty of amazing people who love you just the way you are; as cheesy as that sounds, it’s also true.

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22) Chances are you are much the same person you were ten years ago. However, I do hope that your strong sense of self—both a blessing and a curse, in this case—hasn’t kept you from moving forward in your life. Things look less hopeful and shiny now than they did a decade ago, but hopefully your dreams are more realistic and achievable now than they were then. Personally, I think it’s better to have a handful of realistically achievable dreams than a thousand pies in the sky. Even if you’re not feeling as hopeful as you ought to, please remember: it’s never too late to start over.

– – “Na– ‘Oiwi ‘Olino – People Seeking Wisdom” is a morning drive-time radio program presented by the Office of Hawaiian Affairs, with hosts Brickwood Galuteria and Kimo Kaho‘a–no.

• • • •

The Best of – – Na– ‘Oiwi ‘Olino 9:00a.m. – 10a.m. Sunday mornings on

Community guests Classic Hawaiian music Hawaiian news and issues OHA programs and updates Empowering Hawaiians, Strengthening Hawai‘i

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

JULY 24, 2008

RESTLESSNATIVE

BY STARR BEGLEY STARR@MAUITIME.COM

Gym Rat Ouch. Remember how a few weeks back I wrote about going for a run and how I hoped to run 30 miles by the time I was 30? Well, I failed miserably. To be honest, I never hit the track again. I could give a million excuses, but most come back to the fact that I just don’t like feeling like I’m going to die and could think of a ton of better ways to pleasurably torture myself. Plus, I’m okay with my cardio being shot. I’ve accepted it. If I ever have to run from an angry mob or my neighbor’s mentally retarded pit bull I will simply lie down and accept death. This is not to say I’ve given up on my body though. Nope, I have a new plan. It involves a gym membership and possible breast implants. About a week ago, I joined Muscle Factory over in Wailuku (love it!) and have actually gone more than once. Tragically, I feel like I’ve been beaten repetitively over my entire body with a small, pointy hammer. But I think that means it’s working. I decided to be honest with the folks at the gym. On day one, I walked up to the counter and said, “I don’t give a flying monkey bum about cardio. I want a big butt. How do I get a big butt?!” After the woman behind the counter practically shot her energy drink out of her nostrils, I was shown a few simple, highly effective butt shaping exercises that make you want to die. Considering the way my rear feels today though, they work. One summer as a preteen, I was really into weight lifting. I got the book Hard Bodies by Gladys Portuguese (Jean Claude Van Damme’s hot ex wife) and worked out religiously. This was way before I ever had enough pennies saved up for a gym membership, so I just used free weights and a bench. I got pretty buff, if I do say so myself. I want to get there again. The whole thing is that if I’m going to put the effort into going to the gym and working out, I want to see results. I don’t want no measly toning action going on. I want guns! This concerns my husband. “I’m all about heavier weights and fewer reps,” I said to the hubby on the way home from work the other day. “I think that’s how you build mass.” “Mass?” he asked. “Yeah, you know. So I can get big.” “Big?” he asked while his voice went up an octave. We went back and forth on building muscle versus toning. He’s a fan of women who tone. The discussion finally came to an end when I yelled, “Toning is for pussies!” Okay, maybe I shouldn’t have said that. And I don’t necessarily think it’s true. But then again, I kind of do. The sad thing is that even though my body feels a lot stronger, it fricking looks the same. I know, I’ve only been to the gym twice. But I want results. I want them now! Realistically, I know that it takes time and that I need to be dedicated to the process of a body transformation. But I like immediate, visible results. That’s where the crazy idea of the boob job comes in. I go to sleep with Kate Hudson boobs and wake up looking like Halle Berry. Magical! Don’t get me wrong, there’s a 99 percent chance that I’ll never go under the knife and I’ll continue to rock the A cup and rock it well, but I’m just saying. I don’t know what I’m saying. Forgive me. The lactic acid buildup is getting to my brain. And it hurts. Starr Begley would like to request a moment of silence for all the dead wrestlers like (to name a few) Davey Boy Smith, Andre the Giant, Don Morocco, Mr. Perfect, Owen Hart, Rick Rude and the Lovely Miss Elizabeth. MTW

JULY 24, 2008

MAUI TIME WEEKLY

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MAUI TIME WEEKLY

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“ONCE ON THIS ISLAND”

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WEST SIDE STORY

Presented by Maui Academy of Performing Arts. At the Maui Tropical Plantation, Thursday July 24th, Sunday July 27th, Friday August 1st, Saturday August 2nd a,d Sunday August 3rd. For tickets call 244-8760 or visit www.mauiacademy.org

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