5 minute read
What If… England Had Won the World Cup?
While there is no denying that Argentina and France staged one of the most exhilarating World Cup Finals in living memory, things could have been very different. Simon Gresswell, md at SGLP, offers some inspiration for what could have happened if England had lifted the trophy in Qatar.
What if England
had won the
World Cup?
Three days before England’s World Cup quarter final against France, I tried gazing into my crystal ball to predict the unpredictable. Not only could I not see Harry Kane missing a penalty, or Kyle Walker more or less nullifying the threat of Kylian Mbappe, but I found myself just too superstitious to even consider ‘what if?’ Now the pressure’s off, let’s dream of what might have happened if England had actually won the World Cup… Well, firstly, endless choruses of Sweet Caroline and Football’s Coming Home would ring out for days. Most likely Knighthoods and OBEs all round for the squad, a big old group statue at Wembley and Sir Gareth the Gallant and Citizen King Kane taking their turn on the fourth plinth in Trafalgar Square. Mini-roundabout paint jobs refreshed from the last two summers and post boxes painted with the cross of St George in each player’s hometown, projections of Southgate’s Superstars on The Houses of Parliament and a quickfire packaging change for the obligatory commemorative HP Brown Sauce. But slightly more seriously, what might we see from the tournament’s ‘winners’… FIFA, local licensees, The FA, the England manager, captain and squad and their commercial partners? Let’s do some (England shirt shoulder yoke graduated) blue sky thinking about the headlines and stories behind them… so here goes…
Above: A quickfire packaging change for HP Brown Sauce could have been on the cards. Top: What might have happened if England had succeeded in lifting the World Cup trophy?
Replica, miniature and key ring versions of the World Cup trophy are ordered in unprecedented quantities and remain on advance order for the next four years straight, making this the most successful merchandise programme in World Cup history.
Right: Qinwan Premium Dates would celebrate England’s triumph with a special personalised selection.
Official national licensee, Qinwan Premium Dates, celebrates England’s triumph with the release of what becomes an unlimited edition of white chocolate-covered dates with mini England flags on and a beaming squad pic on the front of the box. Via slick social media, the company generates incredible demand and the item becomes the overnight, must-have stocking filler for every household in England and ex-pats across the globe.
‘FA LAUNCHES HISTORIC CLICK & COLLECT’
The FA’s regret at not having signed an Official Supermarket as a commercial partner in the last few years turns to jingoistic joy, as fans see the reincarnation of the timeless collectable, in physical and digital form. The Official FA England Team World Cup Winners Medal Collection is made available via a whole raft of supermarkets and other retailers, simultaneously - the royalties are stratospheric!
Clips of Sir Gareth the Gallant and the entire squad, highlighting their passion and emotions during their 1-0 Final win over Argentina, appear in a re-worked commercial that harps back to a certain pizza restaurant ad after Euro 96.
Inset: The infamous pizza restaurant ad following Euro 96 could be re-worked.
Following the stir caused by Bukayo Saka’s torn socks (and his hat-trick against France), a giant holey sock doubling as a Christmas stocking, hits number one in the tabloid gifting charts, with preorders placed by millions of fans even ahead of England’s 1-0 semi-final win over a dogged and durable Morocco side.
Using a hastily shot TV ad featuring Bob Mortimer and Paul Whitehouse, stars of hit show Gone Fishing, The FA offers all fans the chance to return any Official England merch, to be pulped and remade into a specially-licensed England World Cup Winners range… and so kickstarts the first fully circular merch programme of any major sports federation worldwide.
FA commercial partner, Walkers, doesn’t disappoint or surprise with the launch of a range of new flavours - Fish n Chips, Pork Pie & Pickle, Stilton & Port, Sunday Roast and of course, the number one seller, The Full Monty… all advertised by Gary Lineker dressed as The Grinch.
Inset: New crisp flavours in celebration? Absolutely.
England winning skipper, Harry Kane, secretly seduced before the tournament by Primark, helps develop and promote a limited edition, pure white capsule range of reversible arm bands, head bands, scrunchies, scarves, gloves, socks, buckets, beanies, tees and hoodies, with a Three Lions Winners shield on one side and a Rainbow heart with the words ‘1-0 for EDI’ underneath, on the other. It sells out by 1 January 2023.
FA commercial partner, National Express, announces free travel for all passengers wearing any England merch, between 6am on 19 December 2022 and midnight on 3 January 2023.
FA commercial partner, Nationwide Building Society, reveals a secret clause in its contract, giving 1,000 new customers of its ‘Engerland Mortgage’ product during the World Cup, a pass for life on their mortgage payments.
With a film crew embedded since England’s semifinal exit in 2018, Netflix promotes its upcoming release ‘Come on England’, culminating in the win over Argentina in Qatar and also teases its future sports series, ‘Dads & Lads Army’, charting the England Rugby team’s journey to Rugby World Cup 2023, since its loss to South Africa in Tokyo in 2019. New England Rugby co-coach, Gareth Southgate, promises to beat both Argentina and our nearest neighbours again, in October and November, with a different-shaped ball.
