Is it just me who gets disappointed when people think women should just step up when men cannot do the job? Well, girls, we can lead even with the presence of a man, in case you forget. "Sometimes, you need to step outside, get some air, and remind yourself of who you are and where you want to be.“ - Gossip Girl
I hate myself for bringing this up ~again~ but for the sake of my first ever zine (yeeeeeey!), I’ll have to share this again. Hashtag empower yourself! It’s honestly both my most proud and embarrassing moment when I posted my personal (love)life challenges on my socials in a scandalous tone. I did not just humiliate him but I humiliated Myself by lowering my standards of a good fight. But I don’t regret it though. Again, it’s one of my proudest moment because it was the day I decided to get it on and be a great mom and stop being a whining mom. Kaya ko naman. IKR.
Yes. Being honest, I thought I couldn’t do it. Not with him, Not even alone. Don’t get me wrong, I have my fam. But you know what I mean when I say I feel alone. Messages from friends (which I think they have forgotten already) inspired me more. Sino nga ba sila at why do I care if I know some of them didn’t really mean to encourage? Sad, but it is true that sometimes, we need validation from people at bonus yon, bes, if it comes from a person you trust. But the most important validation and encouragement should always come from yourself. ♡
My story isn’t the best, nor the most tragic when it comes to anxiety and depression. I don’t even have that document or a doctor to prove what I am saying I’m feeling is clinically “legit”. As silly as it sounds, I’d rather put that 1000 php (or even more) into savings than spend for monthly visits. I know such would help me big(ger) time, but – and I hate to say this – but I am not ready to talk about my feelings to just get a “you can do this” or “you’ll get through it” because I already know and it’s just that there are times (and I mean most of the time) there’s nothing I can do about it and that even writing a zine or drawing a faceless person or getting mad at my kid can help. No wonder people are taking their own lives. It may be the most selfish thing to do, but it’s the easiest and when you’re in this situation you’ll just end up taking the easy path just to make the awful feeling stop.
Do better this new year! Oh, right. We all want to do better this year or on the next. We want to eat “healthy”, we want to be “productive”, we want to share our “blessings”, if there’s even one, we want to get more physically active. We want to live a perfect life. And even when we say life isn’t perfect or nothing’s perfect, we still do anything to make ourselves look perfect and for what? For people to say “ah okay, yan si May” , “oh buti pa sya,” because that’s what we think about other people, too, right? Gusto natin sila naman yung magsasabi ng sinasabi natin tungkol sa mga ideal life natin. #wafakels
The name’s May. Everybody thinks I am a happy person. Most of the people around me think I am almost perfect, that they are lucky to have me. People think I love my life, that I am in a happy home, a super easy job, a wonderful everyday with my mini me on my side. Hmm. I’m not saying my life is the saddest and most unfortunate, but having a “good” life doesn’t exempt you from feeling empty and tired. And yes that feeling of emptiness while being overwhelmed – I know. It’s ironic, but it totally real.
I usually dump my feelings into some art – visual or in writing. I am a fan of end-of-day reflections. Though sometimes I get tired of the loop of feeling a minute of okay, a second of sad, an hour of anxious, a day of stressed, an hour of happy, than sad, anxious, stress, blessed. I think life is tiring sometimes. So instead of planning my own end, I draw. I color. I write. I take pictures, I film. My work is not entirely perfect, but every piece I make I try to reflect my feelings to at least help me let off some stream. This zine is my first zine. Hope you find either inspos or something to remind you it’s okay not to be okay. Except from that K-drama I haven’t seen yet but maybe soon. XO